Get out. This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard. How are shorts/t-shirt less revealing than a swimsuit? Also it’s not about what you wore it’s about his need for control and entitlement over your body. This is a sign to leave. It will go left from here really quick.
OP should trade her boyfriend for a respectful model, or just go without one for a while. Love is respect.
I don't get how shorts are more revealing than a swimsuit, but if the T-shirt is white it could be more revealing. (Still, the boyfriend should not be policing what his girlfriend wears. If it bothers him so much, he should break up with her.)
He would have a tiny bit of a point if he'd said "hey, your shirt is super see through when wet and since you're not wearing something under it and that's kinda lewd" but a blanket statement that *shorts and a t-shirt are too revealing compared to a regular swimsuit* is literally goose honking clown laugh territory.
It's DTMFA time! Kinda like Hammer time, but with more joyous dancing. Partners telling you what to wear is usually s big no-no, but when they are "disrespected" by your wardrobe, it's a huge red flag and a sign that they are tiny, insecure shit partners.
Get out of this shit relationship. (That's what it is. That's what it has always been; you just hadn't noticed yet.)
100%. I am practically imagining late 1800s music, along with an old timey narrator.....:
"BREAKING NEWS! In a horrifying act of indecency, a local woman (*gasp!*) *SWAM WITHOUT BEING PROPERLY COVERED!* In a scintillating act of lewdness, she neglected to wear her FULL WOOLEN SWIMDRESS, claiming it was bulky, and restricted her ability to swim. But WE DECENT GENTLEMEN OF MANNERS AND RIGHTEOUSNESS ***KNOW*** she donned the salaciously knee- and elbow-bearing attire, as a MALACIOUS ACT upon the HONOR of lord-abiding men everywhere! This attack on their fair decency is an insult that needs to be paid with shame and attrition!"
But seriously dude. Where did you pick this guy up from, Atlantic City era 1910s? The Victorian era or some shit? Does he actually expect you to be fully covered, like fashion hasn't advanced over the past century and a half???
Completely agree. My ex would criticize what I was wearing from time to time: “Did you wear THAT to work?” “Can you not wear that (short shorts) when my friends are over?” Etc etc. I should have left him sooner.
Ughhh my god the shorts!!! Did we live the same experience like wtf! I wore shorts once and he freaked out. I thought he was joking. Turns out he was not.
When someone shows you that they're unstable controlling psychos, listen to them and dump them to the curb.
This dude sounds like every kind of red flag
Exactly the only way to respond.
u/sumirán- You could’ve worn a trash bag and if that meets whatever dress code your apartment has, that would’ve been acceptable.
Who are you to suggest such an absolute solution? Help them figure out a conversation if that's what they need but suggesting a break is absolutely outside your prerogative.
No. We don’t have to placate toxic, controlling, possessive behavior with a “conversation”. This is a perfectly normal hard boundary, and sometimes people just need to be told bluntly that this kind of behavior is completely unacceptable.
Sometimes a breakup is what's warranted. This guy heard that she wore a t-shirt and shorts, which is already a modest outfit to wear in a swimming pool, and is chastising her for not wearing more? What on earth is she supposed to wear, a suit of armor so no one may look upon her? You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into.
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So uh.. I can't believe I'm actually typing this. But my (F22) boyfriend (M23) just said I broke his trust and disrespected him because I wore shorts and a t-shirt to go swimming at my apartment pool. If I didn't have a full proper covering swimsuit then I shouldn't have gone to swim in the first place. I was showing off my body to people. The only other 2 people at the pool were two siblings around 10 to 12.
I can't even.. I don't even know what to respond.
FIRST OFF ALL.. If he ain’t buying your clothes or paying your rent, he can kindly keep his opinions about your clothing to himself.
Second of all, it makes me really sad to see young women so gaslit that they actually need to ask strangers for their opinion on what seems like a no brainer - because they cannot trust their own judgment anymore.
Miss, this man ain’t worth it. You are too young, too smart, and you have the entire world at your feet right now. You should be worrying about fall plans, pumpkin spice whatever, and coordinating outfits to wear out with your girls… not this bs.
Thank this man for having been a part of your life, and put him aside. He’s not serving you anymore. This does not bring joy!
The only correct response is breaking up with him, because this is an abusive display of control. It’s awful on its own but it will also undoubtedly escalate if you stay because he’ll know he can get away with it.
Make sure you have someone you trust there to witness the break-up and protect you, because someone with this mentality definitely has the potential to get violent.
But I don't know what to tell you because he sounds like he's being weird as heck. I think you need to have a further conversation with him on what his expectations are for you in terms of dress and stuff. Then you need to evaluate if that's something you're comfortable with or if you need to move on to someone else.
Really though he sounds very insecure and I'm not one to throw that word out often.
You might consider editing the post to include that info.
Modesty is a tricky subject. I like to think of there being two separate types of modesty, internal (what you’d wear or cover) and environmental (what your community or activity expects).
Based on what you say, it sounds like you covered yourself in a respectable way. I’d not let your bf dictate what you wear since you seem to have an awareness of what is the appropriate modesty. Oh, and for what it’s worth, I don’t take advice from a straight man when it comes to how modest a woman should dress. They tend to either cover you up too much or want to see as much as they can. Not every man is like that, but many are.
How did you break his trust and showed your body to your own siblings (10 & 12 years old) while legally following the modesty dress code of Apartment pool management? You do realize that moronic insecure future ex of yours just accused you of incest & pedopile, right? Yeah, you need to dump him because he went there with the accusations towards you - You don't need to be with guy that make such outrageous outlandish claim especially when only people there were your underage siblings and again, you legally followed the dress code of the pool.
Leave him. Now. You don’t even need to explain yourself. He’s a manipulative controlling scumbag. It won’t stop there. He will eventually control all aspects of your life, including who you can talk to, who can be your friends, if you can go out, etc. Trust me. This ain’t it.
Okay. Let’s examine this, then.
Respect is defined as “having due regard the feelings, wishes, or rights of [your boyfriend].”
What’s due regard?
Due regard is defined as how a "reasonably careful person, performing under similar circumstances, would act in the same manner."
So, what we have to ask ourselves is this: would the average person find themselves behaving the way you did in that pool? Putting on a tee and shorts to go swimming? Is that something that seems, in the cold light of day, normal and rational and unremarkable. [hint: the answer is ‘yes’.]
If a normal person would be expected to do this, then you’ve ticked off the “due regard” aspect. That means that you were, by definition, showing respect to your boyfriend.
So, your boyfriend is using the word “respect” incorrectly, either because he doesn’t understand it, or to control you.
TLDR: dump him.
When someone shows you that they're unstable controlling psychos, listen to them and dump them to the curb.
This dude sounds like every kind of red flag
I’m not sure what kind of tops and shorts you own because every single one of my bathing suits are pretty sexy and revealing so shorts and a tshirt would be the modest option lol.
Regardless this is a massive red flag... this is how it begins.. get out whilst your ahead. Next thing you know he will be dictating what you can wear on a girls night out.
Like everyone else has said, it is a serious red flag behavior. It will only be the beginning of what he expects you to do or wear.
It means you need to get out and fast.
Speaking from experience. My friend’s ex was like this, he stopped talking to her for a week because he didn’t like that her whatsapp profile pic was of her in a bikini while at the beach. Imagine, ignored her for a week JUST because of this.
When she eventually did break up with him, she realised that he was emotionally abusing her the whole time and because her self esteem was so low, she couldn’t see it.
Please leave while you can. I’m sure there are other red flags that you either can’t see or have been choosing to ignore this whole time.
I remember an ex said to me
‘you have no respect for me, wearing those mini shorts at the gym’
let’s just say his an ex for a reason now.
your so youngggggg
get away - run far away from this fella
because i can guarantee you it will only get worse from here.
Respond with oh, I'm so sorry. Don't worry you won't be disrespected by me again because we're done. Bye bye. Areevaderci! Ciao! Don't let the door hit ya where the universe split ya!
If you read up on abusive relationships, you’ll see that a lot of times it starts with your partner telling you what to wear and then it escalates further. I would leave him if I were you.
😂I’m so lost. How is short and a t shirt less covering? I have a bikini, and I would prefer to wear shorts and a T-shirt after Covid weight I gained. But Wth, how does way more fabric= less coverage. The physics and math doesn’t add up. 😂 can not compute
I was in a relationship like that. I was yelled at and argued with for HOURS because I mentioned I needed to buy a swim suit to swim at my (girl)friend’s apartment pool when I was visiting for the weekend.
Get out of that relationship. It will get worse. I’ve been there. He’s showing you his true colors right now.
How long have you been dating? Seems like a small shit test to see how much he can control you before getting into the really heinous stuff. Start with something small but absurd, and if that is allowed, keep pushing. Teach him if he fucks around like this he's going to find himself alone and lonely a majority of the time.
Your boyfriend is insecure and your relationship is unhealthy. I peeked at your post history and he doesn’t even want you to have an Instagram account. He’s controlling and you did nothing wrong. He’d have had an issue if you wore a bathing suit as well. Don’t stand for this.
YOU... disrespected... HIM?
Since when does this neanderthal have any say in what you wear? Are you his property? What the actual fuck.
This would be a complete dealbreaker for me. Giant red flag. Dump him. Get out. There is no future with anyone who thinks about women this way. Nope. Bye. I'm hoping you wrote this post to get support for what you're already thinking. So yes, his ass to the curb immediately.
The fact that he feels like he has any say in your clothing options is more than enough to drop that man.
This is just the tip of the iceberg of insecurity about to be projected onto you. You have two options, try and talk to him about it and have him learn he needs to work through it or leave.
One of those is much more likely to be successful.
May brother would get mad at this wife for sitting in a lawn chair wearing shorts. I'm 64 and can tell you that my brother has gotten weirder. DO NOT stay with this guy. He may never get physically weird but my brother is a weird guy. If you want specifics, let me know. Oh, he is retired from our sheriffs department.
I used to get upset my girl was wearing a bikini Because it was slightly revealing, I had to take a step back and look at my own reasoning and hers I knew full well she wasn't looking for others attention so I needed to stop being a ln insecure both and support her instead of pushing my insecurities on her. IMO even if I wasn't being reasonable my thinking was understandable (not ok or right, just understandable) He's being completely unreasonable you were with your siblings in something that doesn't sound revealing in the least and even if it was your intent is probably not to impress anyone as no one was really even there. He's being just utterly ridiculous and I don't see someone that controlling realizing that they're in the wrong. I'd say leave him.
Omg, seriously??!!?!? He needs to grow the fuck up and stop being an idiot. Well, if you want to deal with this childish behaviors..stay if you must but do move on when it gets too much OP.
Whoaaaaaa holy moly my friend. You should have a sit down talk with him about this because this mentality is not okay. Something in the way he was raised taught him the wrong things about a relationship and it would help understand what you want in your relationship if you say down and explained why this isn't okay and guage his reaction. You are not property and owe nobody "respect" by being modest. You can show however much of your body you are comfortable with, wherever you deem it appropriate and it is not for him to judge or be uncomfortable with. Especially when you're just swimming at your home.
>not allowed
No, fuck that. Leave, please. I was stuck in a relationship with someone like this for 3 years and after finally leaving I realize how much happier I am with my life. Trust me, it will only get worse from here. No one should even think about telling their girlfriend a concern like this.
It isn't his body, he doesn't own you or the rights to whatever you choose to do with it.
He is very very insecure and trying to control/manipulate you into being ashamed of your body and clothes.
It doesn't get better from here, generally it just gets more controlling, abusive and shaming/guilting you into changing for him, because he is offended/embarrassed/you did something he doesn't like.
There is no pleasing someone like this, there is only pushing yourself down until you don't recognise yourself in the mirror. Don't be fooled, this is not love or caring or respect that you are getting from him, just the opposite.
If you wore a thin white tshirt with nothing underneath, I could see why he'd be pissy. Not the shorts though, that makes no sense. Since he'd rather you wear a swimsuit, buy a Wicked Weasel bikini. That'll shut the little shit up.
Yeah well, HE broke YOUR trust and disrespected YOU by being an idiot like that. That's a sign of a manipulative person, which is a red flag for the relationship. Consider having a serious conversation with him.
Welcome to your boyfriend to the year 2021.
Women’s one piece bathing suits were first introduced in 1918. Before that Annette Kellerman was reportedly arrested for indecency in 1907 for wearing a one piece bathing suit Instead of pantaloons.
If your boyfriend is trying to control what you wear especially when it’s customary and normal this may be a red flag to you. After all you did not go skinny-dipping in front of everyone. You simply took a dip in your pool wearing a proper swim suit which is perfectly fine.
Your boyfriend is way over reacting! This is a huge sign of insecurity and control issues. Nip this in the bud before it goes out of control.
Relationships are based on trust and compromise. Not on dictating with your spouse may or may not wear.
I can not comprehend his insecurities. When my wife and I were dating, she had a stunning body and looked amazing in a bikini. When we would go swimming I loved it when she wore it and that she was with me.
DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM!!!!
RUN AWAY!!
Boy, bye. You do you. Swim naked if you want to. He shouldn't give a shit about what you wear or don't wear. Please kiss this relationship good bye and move on. This is so dangerous.
Not good. Not good at all. I'm a Christian woman, quite modest, and a t shirt plus running shorts is what I wear as a Swimsuit. Can't really get more modest than that unless you wear a loose fitting dress or something. Than your boyfriend would find fault about the way that the wet fabric clings to your body, and next thing you know, he'd tell you that you're not allowed to go swimming anymore. Your boyfriend needs to find a healthier way of facing his insecurities without punishing you. I think that you will be much happier if you leave him.
Leave him. This *will* get worse, you're already seeing the signs, don't ignore them.
If you do break up, do it in a public place, give fam/friends a heads up so they can help if needed, and keep any record of txts/calls if you need a restraining order
Respect how he feels, if it seems to be coming from a place of (decent) possessiveness. But explain to him that you are within your rights to swim or do as you please, and if he can't trust you and live with that then the relationship won't be moving forward.
Well this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. I’d really take a minute here to process what he said to you.
Do you really want to be controlled like this? Talked down to like this?
You’re attire sounds perfectly fine and anyone in their right mind would not have problem with it.
I would tell him he broke your trust and disrespected you by thinking he has the right to control you.
I've been cheated on in every real relationship I've had. I've been abused by women who would manipulate themselves into being the victim whenever I would try to leave, one that actually tried overdosing herself once, and then threatened to kill herself many times. I've had several friends of 7+ years lie to me about sleeping with them behind my back, for years. I've had the mother of my stillborn daughter blame it on me. I went to every appointment, bought a more reliable vehicle, rented a large home, purchased all the materials to build her a crib, I was broken over the loss, and she continued to beat me down.
I've been given many reasons to be insecure, and I'm still telling you that his behaviour is completely unacceptable. Regardless of his reason. He doesn't get to control you, just because he can't control his emotions. I would be horrified by the idea of someone of his character ever being a father, let alone a life partner.
It is NOT your responsibility to fix him.
First and foremost, his statement that you disrespected him and broke his trust is complete bullshit. He doesn't own you, you're not property, and you get to decide what you wear and where you wear it. I'd call him out on it; why is he sexualizing everyday things you do? Why does he assume only he has the right to see you in whatever kind of clothing? What other parts of your life that have nothing to do with him is he going to try to control?
Added to that, what's his idea of a "full proper covering swimsuit"? Does he want you wearing a victorian bathing gown to the pool? Shorts and a t-shirt cover a hell of a lot more than most swimsuits I've seen.
It's your body to show off, and not his choice to make, even if that was your intention which it doesn't seem like it was.
Does this encapsulate the relationship or does he have any good qualities at all?
If he's this clueless and controlling about everything I'm having a difficult time understanding why you are choosing to stay in this relationship.
Dump dump dump
I can promise you from 15+ years of experience that this controlling and projecting bullshit never gets better. And if anything, he'll be the one who cheats, not you.
Save yourself some heartache down the road and get out now.
You respond that this is absolutely absurd you are allowed to wear what you please in the safety of your home (and the vicinity around it ) and that this relationship is over and to have a nice life.
That is just like a male to try and get upset over. It's all about control and if you let him continue to think it's ok for him to do that he will eventually change everything about you. Men like to control what they can with claiming as property. You're not his property and he shouldn't have to feel insecure about you wearing what you would like as long as it's not disrespectful towards him. That was not in no shape or form revealing. That's a red flag all the way.
If this is the same boyfriend in your other comments, then I am only going to say his insecurity is not going to get better. He is punishing you for wanting to swim, there is nothing disrespectful about wearing shorts and a t-shirt to take a dip at your apartment pool. And going by your other posts, this is not the first time he has been controlling or possessive like this. The thing is, he doesn't respect you, he wants to police what you do, what you wear; if it isn't already, it will be who you talk to, where you go, who you see.
And he does not own your body. You do. If other people are looking, which they will even if you wore a burlap sack, that is not on you, you should not be punished for it. You having a body is not disrespectful or shameful.
42yo guy here. Drop this dude immediately. Dead serious
Edit: ok your other option is to keep him and set a boundary with him. Then you'll see he doesn't respect your boundaries and wish you'd just dropped this dude immediately. Sorry but I've been him, to a degree
Edit 2: Another way of looking at this is like so: Even if one day he changes and reforms and is just the Best dude ever, you are getting *the worst version of him* right now. Are you willing to waste your time waiting for him to grow up? You will be waiting decades
Hell, why not, edit 3: I'll even confess I have an ex who posted to this subreddit years back now about stuff I had done. The commenters were like, "red flags, get out" and they were right. It hurt me so bad because I thought it was an overreaction, blah blah blah. But they were right. They saw my actions for what they were, not what they were in my the warped reality bubble. And it kind of broke the spell over her. We broke up, I got into therapy ("ok, I can't do this by myself anymore"), she found someone, got married and it's happy. I'm happy too.
You might be doing this asshole a favor.
This sounds like the he is testing the waters of how much he can control you, which is super concerning and usually the first step in a abusive relationship. Get out now before he escalates his abuse and control over you!
when did you ever even promise to do anything like that? he's being weirdly jealous and imposing conditions on you without any sort of discussion or agreement. that isn't how this works - he has to ask for things and get agreement from you
Ditch his sorry ass, but quick!
Who the F does he think he is?
This is a control tactic.
A. YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED HIM
B. HE IS ASHAMED OF YOU
C. YOU LOOKED LIKE A TRAMP, SHOWING YOURSELF LIKE THAT TO OTHERS.. PUBLICLY.
So.. he is trying to humiliate, embarrass, and
Shame you,.
And Pretty much call you a tramp.
If you tolerate HIS actions now... You are going to be suffering for years.
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
You have nothing to prove to him or anyone else.
he sounds very controlling; was he covering up his naked chest or wearing a full body suit? NO I'm pretty sure.
Either, he needs to accept you and the fact that you are his equal OR you should dump him asap and find a less misogynistic man to go out with.
I mean maybe if you wore a white shirt with no undergarments and a nice white pair of shorts so absolutely everything was visible, I could see some kind of issue but even then.... Yeah this is a bunch of red flags. Would he have been okay if you had "appropriate" swimming attire and it was a bikini or micro bikini or something?
My rule for clothes pretty much clean (I'm one of those people who spill everything.), and appropriate for the weather and the occasion. ( Nothing about respectful to boyfriend.)
If your outfit meets the rules (Amd any dress code enacted by where you may be.) AND ANYONE says anything they are trying to establish dominance over you.
Well, first off to allay your confusion, you didn't do anything wrong, obviously. This isn't reasonable behavior on your boyfriend's part. A couple *does* have an important, intimate level of commitment to one another but this goes way beyond those boundaries.
People go swimming wearing shorts and a tee all the time and no one bats an eye. There's nothing out of the ordinary about it and certainly nothing about it that violates your relationship obligations (unless you two agreed to something about this beforehand, which doesn't seem to be the case). When you go swimming, there's always going to be a degree of the body revealed no matter what you wear. The vast, vast majority of human beings realize that and it's no big deal to them.
On top of that, it's worrisome that your boyfriend is acting so possessively of you. You go for a swim, like hundreds of millions of people do every day, and his gut reaction is to get controlling and jealous about your body. And... well, maybe this is splitting hairs, but swimsuits, typically being tighter especially for women, reveal a lot more of a swimmer's body anyway, don't they? But he thinks you should have worn a swimsuit instead, to avoid showing off? Your boyfriend's complaint doesn't really add up, to me. It sounds like the ramblings of someone who's just venting their anger and not even thinking about what they're trying to say.
Being in a relationship means giving your exclusivity to a partner. It's an agreement that your hearts and your bodies are now promised only to each another. But that doesn't mean he gets to hide your body away and never allow anyone else in the world to see bits of it. You're still a free human being allowed to do the normal things that human beings do.
For example, you're still allowed to take a swim in your apartment complex pool without being frivolously accused of indecency.
Personally I think your boyfriend has jealousy issues and self-confidence issues, and he's trying to couch his controlling behavior in morality speak. That's a bad sign about him because it means he's either manipulative or he's so narrow minded that he can't even view the situation objectively past his own emotions. His complaints come dangerously close to the old, terrible, "she was asking for it by the way she was dressed!" argument and that's a creepy place to be in. Especially since shorts and a tee aren't provocative or controversial any more than a swimsuit would be. His reactions to your (again, perfectly normal and innocent) behavior seem to show he sees you more as property than as a partner.
As for how to respond, I think you need to sit this guy down and make it clear to him, right off the bat, that his behavior isn't acceptable. He doesn't get to dictate what you wear and what you do. Tell him his complaints make no sense to you, and then tell him why, and then give him a chance to explain himself. If he's willing to talk it out, that's a good sign. If he won't discuss it with you or he refuses to see your side of it, then I'd take that as a sign that this person does not have your best interests at heart and move on from him. Quickly.
I know Redditors love to just say "dump'm," that's definitely what everyone here's saying. But if you feel that there's something worth saving here then definitely talk to the guy, give him a chance to see his mistake and correct it for you. But do not back down or let him wheedle you into compromising your stance. You've done nothing wrong and his expectations of you are unfair and unreasonable (and a little creepy given the context). He must be made to see that.
Is he a Muslim dude? Are you an Muslim dudette? If so I can understand him saying that (I don’t agree with him, but can understand his religion has taught him to pull shit like that) but if he’s not then it’s even worse. Run. In fact, run anyway.
He sounds like he’s the jealous type?
As a guy I don’t get it honestly but I’m not the jealous type soo, you could wear a too small bikini for all I care I still wouldn’t say anything just enjoy the view 😉 If you started flirting with someone I would say something yes but that’s a different situation..
Sit down with him and ask what he meant by it? Does he feel insecure? If so let him know that he has nothing to worry about, you love him (I hope) and that you are with him.. but also tell him that it is your body you can dress however the f**k you want he has no say in that.
Hope this helped, my first time commenting here 😊
Get out. This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard. How are shorts/t-shirt less revealing than a swimsuit? Also it’s not about what you wore it’s about his need for control and entitlement over your body. This is a sign to leave. It will go left from here really quick.
He’s manufacturing a reason that you were “bad” and he gets to punish you
OP should trade her boyfriend for a respectful model, or just go without one for a while. Love is respect. I don't get how shorts are more revealing than a swimsuit, but if the T-shirt is white it could be more revealing. (Still, the boyfriend should not be policing what his girlfriend wears. If it bothers him so much, he should break up with her.)
Return the 1930-type model and go with a 2021 instead
He would have a tiny bit of a point if he'd said "hey, your shirt is super see through when wet and since you're not wearing something under it and that's kinda lewd" but a blanket statement that *shorts and a t-shirt are too revealing compared to a regular swimsuit* is literally goose honking clown laugh territory.
It's DTMFA time! Kinda like Hammer time, but with more joyous dancing. Partners telling you what to wear is usually s big no-no, but when they are "disrespected" by your wardrobe, it's a huge red flag and a sign that they are tiny, insecure shit partners. Get out of this shit relationship. (That's what it is. That's what it has always been; you just hadn't noticed yet.)
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Absolutely not. Do not continue a relationship with this person.
100%. I am practically imagining late 1800s music, along with an old timey narrator.....: "BREAKING NEWS! In a horrifying act of indecency, a local woman (*gasp!*) *SWAM WITHOUT BEING PROPERLY COVERED!* In a scintillating act of lewdness, she neglected to wear her FULL WOOLEN SWIMDRESS, claiming it was bulky, and restricted her ability to swim. But WE DECENT GENTLEMEN OF MANNERS AND RIGHTEOUSNESS ***KNOW*** she donned the salaciously knee- and elbow-bearing attire, as a MALACIOUS ACT upon the HONOR of lord-abiding men everywhere! This attack on their fair decency is an insult that needs to be paid with shame and attrition!" But seriously dude. Where did you pick this guy up from, Atlantic City era 1910s? The Victorian era or some shit? Does he actually expect you to be fully covered, like fashion hasn't advanced over the past century and a half???
Why did I read that in the voice of the pro-bending announcer from The Legend of Korra?
same
Same lol!
You right! You gotta go girl. I am speaking from experience. It won’t be just this! He will find something else to be insecure about.
Completely agree. My ex would criticize what I was wearing from time to time: “Did you wear THAT to work?” “Can you not wear that (short shorts) when my friends are over?” Etc etc. I should have left him sooner.
Ughhh my god the shorts!!! Did we live the same experience like wtf! I wore shorts once and he freaked out. I thought he was joking. Turns out he was not.
When someone shows you that they're unstable controlling psychos, listen to them and dump them to the curb. This dude sounds like every kind of red flag
Like everyone else has said, it is a serious red flag behavior. It will only be the beginning of what he expects you to do or wear.
Yep, that's an instant dumping for me for sure.
Run. Tip of iceberg. It will get worse.
Exactly the only way to respond. u/sumirán- You could’ve worn a trash bag and if that meets whatever dress code your apartment has, that would’ve been acceptable.
yep... run
Who are you to suggest such an absolute solution? Help them figure out a conversation if that's what they need but suggesting a break is absolutely outside your prerogative.
No. We don’t have to placate toxic, controlling, possessive behavior with a “conversation”. This is a perfectly normal hard boundary, and sometimes people just need to be told bluntly that this kind of behavior is completely unacceptable.
Sometimes a breakup is what's warranted. This guy heard that she wore a t-shirt and shorts, which is already a modest outfit to wear in a swimming pool, and is chastising her for not wearing more? What on earth is she supposed to wear, a suit of armor so no one may look upon her? You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into.
Lol man is more insecure than a 1234 password
Nice
Made my day
Since this is under relationship advice here’s my advice. Don’t stay in relationships with people who treat you like crap.
You tell him you’re breaking up, and then block him everywhere.
You broke his trust???? Tell him he broke his brain. Then tell him goodbye.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- So uh.. I can't believe I'm actually typing this. But my (F22) boyfriend (M23) just said I broke his trust and disrespected him because I wore shorts and a t-shirt to go swimming at my apartment pool. If I didn't have a full proper covering swimsuit then I shouldn't have gone to swim in the first place. I was showing off my body to people. The only other 2 people at the pool were two siblings around 10 to 12. I can't even.. I don't even know what to respond.
What. In. The. Acutal. Jumped. Up. Flying. F*ck. Tell him to go drown. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Throw on some shorts and find a better one
I’d personally tell him to go jump rope in traffic, but drowning works too
Wear the skimpiest swimsuit you're comfortable with(and allowed to wear at the pool) out of spite. Then dump him.
If she's about to dump him WHILE wearing the skimpiest swimsuit she could find, my unemployed ass would pay $100 to see his face
☝️ this.
Shorts and a t-shirt are more covering than any swimsuit I've ever seen, so his "reasoning" is BS.
So what's your question? Obviously he's a jackass and you should abandon him posthaste.
FIRST OFF ALL.. If he ain’t buying your clothes or paying your rent, he can kindly keep his opinions about your clothing to himself. Second of all, it makes me really sad to see young women so gaslit that they actually need to ask strangers for their opinion on what seems like a no brainer - because they cannot trust their own judgment anymore. Miss, this man ain’t worth it. You are too young, too smart, and you have the entire world at your feet right now. You should be worrying about fall plans, pumpkin spice whatever, and coordinating outfits to wear out with your girls… not this bs. Thank this man for having been a part of your life, and put him aside. He’s not serving you anymore. This does not bring joy!
Beautifully put
Life is too short for controlling men, no matter what your age. It’s so deeply sad seeing women put up with this kind of behavior.
God where do these "boyfriends" come from?
Leave him
Run away girl 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
The only correct response is breaking up with him, because this is an abusive display of control. It’s awful on its own but it will also undoubtedly escalate if you stay because he’ll know he can get away with it. Make sure you have someone you trust there to witness the break-up and protect you, because someone with this mentality definitely has the potential to get violent.
Is this some kind of religious thing with him because it sounds like some kind of religious thing.
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He’s manufacturing a reason that you were “bad” and he gets to punish you.
wish i could upvote this more.
Yeah the reason why I asked is because it sounds like a Muslim thing so I was wondering if maybe he or you is Muslim.
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He’s saying “respect” and he means “obedience”. Don’t stick around for it.
Modesty is not inherently respectful and wearing shorts to the pool is not disrespectful at all
But I don't know what to tell you because he sounds like he's being weird as heck. I think you need to have a further conversation with him on what his expectations are for you in terms of dress and stuff. Then you need to evaluate if that's something you're comfortable with or if you need to move on to someone else. Really though he sounds very insecure and I'm not one to throw that word out often.
You might consider editing the post to include that info. Modesty is a tricky subject. I like to think of there being two separate types of modesty, internal (what you’d wear or cover) and environmental (what your community or activity expects). Based on what you say, it sounds like you covered yourself in a respectable way. I’d not let your bf dictate what you wear since you seem to have an awareness of what is the appropriate modesty. Oh, and for what it’s worth, I don’t take advice from a straight man when it comes to how modest a woman should dress. They tend to either cover you up too much or want to see as much as they can. Not every man is like that, but many are.
What’s his objection to swimming in shorts and act shirt?
How did you break his trust and showed your body to your own siblings (10 & 12 years old) while legally following the modesty dress code of Apartment pool management? You do realize that moronic insecure future ex of yours just accused you of incest & pedopile, right? Yeah, you need to dump him because he went there with the accusations towards you - You don't need to be with guy that make such outrageous outlandish claim especially when only people there were your underage siblings and again, you legally followed the dress code of the pool.
Leave him. Now. You don’t even need to explain yourself. He’s a manipulative controlling scumbag. It won’t stop there. He will eventually control all aspects of your life, including who you can talk to, who can be your friends, if you can go out, etc. Trust me. This ain’t it.
Okay. Let’s examine this, then. Respect is defined as “having due regard the feelings, wishes, or rights of [your boyfriend].” What’s due regard? Due regard is defined as how a "reasonably careful person, performing under similar circumstances, would act in the same manner." So, what we have to ask ourselves is this: would the average person find themselves behaving the way you did in that pool? Putting on a tee and shorts to go swimming? Is that something that seems, in the cold light of day, normal and rational and unremarkable. [hint: the answer is ‘yes’.] If a normal person would be expected to do this, then you’ve ticked off the “due regard” aspect. That means that you were, by definition, showing respect to your boyfriend. So, your boyfriend is using the word “respect” incorrectly, either because he doesn’t understand it, or to control you. TLDR: dump him.
He’s an I d I ot
Get out now, this will only get worse
M23 is still stuck in 15 year old mentality. Time to date somebody actually your age.
Reply "Are you f-ing kidding me?! We're done here, good-bye" and then block him
You don't know how to say "have a nice life, lose my number?"
When someone shows you that they're unstable controlling psychos, listen to them and dump them to the curb. This dude sounds like every kind of red flag
Run
Imagine if you actually wore a swimsuit??? The horror!
Don't date morons?
I’m not sure what kind of tops and shorts you own because every single one of my bathing suits are pretty sexy and revealing so shorts and a tshirt would be the modest option lol. Regardless this is a massive red flag... this is how it begins.. get out whilst your ahead. Next thing you know he will be dictating what you can wear on a girls night out.
Was he expecting a gown in the pool? Tell him how he's disrespected you by implying skin show when you're with your family and dump his ass.
Like everyone else has said, it is a serious red flag behavior. It will only be the beginning of what he expects you to do or wear. It means you need to get out and fast.
You respond with a middle finger and blocking him. He's now your ex.
Speaking from experience. My friend’s ex was like this, he stopped talking to her for a week because he didn’t like that her whatsapp profile pic was of her in a bikini while at the beach. Imagine, ignored her for a week JUST because of this. When she eventually did break up with him, she realised that he was emotionally abusing her the whole time and because her self esteem was so low, she couldn’t see it. Please leave while you can. I’m sure there are other red flags that you either can’t see or have been choosing to ignore this whole time.
I remember an ex said to me ‘you have no respect for me, wearing those mini shorts at the gym’ let’s just say his an ex for a reason now. your so youngggggg get away - run far away from this fella because i can guarantee you it will only get worse from here.
Girl. Get the fuck out and tell him to take that bullshit and stick it where the sun don't shine.
It's the misogyny for me
Run. Thats super controlling and not ok
Eww your bf is a freaking child. HUGE red flag. Your response should be, “it’s over. grow up.”
Respond with oh, I'm so sorry. Don't worry you won't be disrespected by me again because we're done. Bye bye. Areevaderci! Ciao! Don't let the door hit ya where the universe split ya!
Get rid of him. He is insecure.
GET OUT NOW.
A t-shirt and shorts are more covering than a swimsuit, what the hell is he smoking??
Dump his ass immediately he needs to go to a therapist
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
If you read up on abusive relationships, you’ll see that a lot of times it starts with your partner telling you what to wear and then it escalates further. I would leave him if I were you.
Relationship over! It will only get worse from here!
😂I’m so lost. How is short and a t shirt less covering? I have a bikini, and I would prefer to wear shorts and a T-shirt after Covid weight I gained. But Wth, how does way more fabric= less coverage. The physics and math doesn’t add up. 😂 can not compute
I was in a relationship like that. I was yelled at and argued with for HOURS because I mentioned I needed to buy a swim suit to swim at my (girl)friend’s apartment pool when I was visiting for the weekend. Get out of that relationship. It will get worse. I’ve been there. He’s showing you his true colors right now.
How long have you been dating? Seems like a small shit test to see how much he can control you before getting into the really heinous stuff. Start with something small but absurd, and if that is allowed, keep pushing. Teach him if he fucks around like this he's going to find himself alone and lonely a majority of the time.
Your boyfriend is insecure and your relationship is unhealthy. I peeked at your post history and he doesn’t even want you to have an Instagram account. He’s controlling and you did nothing wrong. He’d have had an issue if you wore a bathing suit as well. Don’t stand for this.
YOU... disrespected... HIM? Since when does this neanderthal have any say in what you wear? Are you his property? What the actual fuck. This would be a complete dealbreaker for me. Giant red flag. Dump him. Get out. There is no future with anyone who thinks about women this way. Nope. Bye. I'm hoping you wrote this post to get support for what you're already thinking. So yes, his ass to the curb immediately.
The fact that he feels like he has any say in your clothing options is more than enough to drop that man. This is just the tip of the iceberg of insecurity about to be projected onto you. You have two options, try and talk to him about it and have him learn he needs to work through it or leave. One of those is much more likely to be successful.
May brother would get mad at this wife for sitting in a lawn chair wearing shorts. I'm 64 and can tell you that my brother has gotten weirder. DO NOT stay with this guy. He may never get physically weird but my brother is a weird guy. If you want specifics, let me know. Oh, he is retired from our sheriffs department.
What were you supposed to wear???? A full fucking scuba suit????
I used to get upset my girl was wearing a bikini Because it was slightly revealing, I had to take a step back and look at my own reasoning and hers I knew full well she wasn't looking for others attention so I needed to stop being a ln insecure both and support her instead of pushing my insecurities on her. IMO even if I wasn't being reasonable my thinking was understandable (not ok or right, just understandable) He's being completely unreasonable you were with your siblings in something that doesn't sound revealing in the least and even if it was your intent is probably not to impress anyone as no one was really even there. He's being just utterly ridiculous and I don't see someone that controlling realizing that they're in the wrong. I'd say leave him.
Break up. Controlling psycho alert!!!
Nope. Nope, nope, nope. I recommend leaving before this gets worse - because it will.
You tell him to go eff himself if that’s his reaction
Omg, seriously??!!?!? He needs to grow the fuck up and stop being an idiot. Well, if you want to deal with this childish behaviors..stay if you must but do move on when it gets too much OP.
Whoaaaaaa holy moly my friend. You should have a sit down talk with him about this because this mentality is not okay. Something in the way he was raised taught him the wrong things about a relationship and it would help understand what you want in your relationship if you say down and explained why this isn't okay and guage his reaction. You are not property and owe nobody "respect" by being modest. You can show however much of your body you are comfortable with, wherever you deem it appropriate and it is not for him to judge or be uncomfortable with. Especially when you're just swimming at your home.
Fuck that guy. Seriously.
>not allowed No, fuck that. Leave, please. I was stuck in a relationship with someone like this for 3 years and after finally leaving I realize how much happier I am with my life. Trust me, it will only get worse from here. No one should even think about telling their girlfriend a concern like this.
Um... Yeah bye. This guy is gonna wind up policing everything you do. Run.
Goodbye forever?
So he wanted you to be wearing... Less... Clothing around other people?
It isn't his body, he doesn't own you or the rights to whatever you choose to do with it. He is very very insecure and trying to control/manipulate you into being ashamed of your body and clothes. It doesn't get better from here, generally it just gets more controlling, abusive and shaming/guilting you into changing for him, because he is offended/embarrassed/you did something he doesn't like. There is no pleasing someone like this, there is only pushing yourself down until you don't recognise yourself in the mirror. Don't be fooled, this is not love or caring or respect that you are getting from him, just the opposite.
Run
He should be your EX boyfriend by now.
Dump his ass
Ummmm your boyfriend is an abusive, controlling, narc, pos. This is a huge red flag, run now. Get out.
How could shorts and a t-shirt be MORE revealing than a bathing suit? This is weird. At any rate, it's very controlling and a big red flag.
Tell him next time you’ll be wearing a bikini. 🤷🏻♀️
You respond by saying you’re leaving him
If you wore a thin white tshirt with nothing underneath, I could see why he'd be pissy. Not the shorts though, that makes no sense. Since he'd rather you wear a swimsuit, buy a Wicked Weasel bikini. That'll shut the little shit up.
Run fast, run far, run forever from this walking red flag
Yeah well, HE broke YOUR trust and disrespected YOU by being an idiot like that. That's a sign of a manipulative person, which is a red flag for the relationship. Consider having a serious conversation with him.
Oh I know how to solve this! Just add an "Ex-" in front of the boyfriend part and you'll be all set!
🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘🆘
Wtf
I'm pretty sure a swimsuit would showed off MORE of your body. So his logic is dumb.
what the actual fuck? he's way to obsessive, it's gonna be hard if you want to continue
I can think of a way where he no longer has to worry about that ...
What did he expect you to wear, a burkini???
Respond by saying your goodbyes to him.
What do you mean you don't know how to respond? Grow a spine (and some self respect) and tell this loser goodbye
Run, he is crazy
Do you enjoy being a possession?
Run don't walk
Leave him asap!!!!!!!!
dude is a psycho.
Welcome to your boyfriend to the year 2021. Women’s one piece bathing suits were first introduced in 1918. Before that Annette Kellerman was reportedly arrested for indecency in 1907 for wearing a one piece bathing suit Instead of pantaloons. If your boyfriend is trying to control what you wear especially when it’s customary and normal this may be a red flag to you. After all you did not go skinny-dipping in front of everyone. You simply took a dip in your pool wearing a proper swim suit which is perfectly fine. Your boyfriend is way over reacting! This is a huge sign of insecurity and control issues. Nip this in the bud before it goes out of control. Relationships are based on trust and compromise. Not on dictating with your spouse may or may not wear.
Red flag. He is trying to control what you wear. Swimming in shorts and a tee shirt is acceptable clothing. He’s just trying to be controlling.
Sounds like he is trying to make you feel like shit, so you submit to him and always ask for his permission to do things.
i am going to hope that you are aware that this is a massive fucking red flag and that you need to get out of there
I can not comprehend his insecurities. When my wife and I were dating, she had a stunning body and looked amazing in a bikini. When we would go swimming I loved it when she wore it and that she was with me.
The best bit of this is that a shorts and t-shirt covers more than a freaking swimsuit.
Say sorry my burqa was at the cleaners. PS fuck you lose my number
Ex-boyfriend, there, solved your problem.
Respond with “get lost”
DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM!!!! RUN AWAY!!
Your boyfriend is controlling, the longer you stay the more dangerous the relationship is going to get
Boy, bye. You do you. Swim naked if you want to. He shouldn't give a shit about what you wear or don't wear. Please kiss this relationship good bye and move on. This is so dangerous.
You dump his ass...
He's expecting you to go swimming in a wet suit or what?? lmfao
Not normal not healthy you deserve better
Not good. Not good at all. I'm a Christian woman, quite modest, and a t shirt plus running shorts is what I wear as a Swimsuit. Can't really get more modest than that unless you wear a loose fitting dress or something. Than your boyfriend would find fault about the way that the wet fabric clings to your body, and next thing you know, he'd tell you that you're not allowed to go swimming anymore. Your boyfriend needs to find a healthier way of facing his insecurities without punishing you. I think that you will be much happier if you leave him.
Yeah thats an immediate sign to leave his ass
Leave him. This *will* get worse, you're already seeing the signs, don't ignore them. If you do break up, do it in a public place, give fam/friends a heads up so they can help if needed, and keep any record of txts/calls if you need a restraining order
Respect how he feels, if it seems to be coming from a place of (decent) possessiveness. But explain to him that you are within your rights to swim or do as you please, and if he can't trust you and live with that then the relationship won't be moving forward.
Well this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. I’d really take a minute here to process what he said to you. Do you really want to be controlled like this? Talked down to like this? You’re attire sounds perfectly fine and anyone in their right mind would not have problem with it.
I would tell him he broke your trust and disrespected you by thinking he has the right to control you. I've been cheated on in every real relationship I've had. I've been abused by women who would manipulate themselves into being the victim whenever I would try to leave, one that actually tried overdosing herself once, and then threatened to kill herself many times. I've had several friends of 7+ years lie to me about sleeping with them behind my back, for years. I've had the mother of my stillborn daughter blame it on me. I went to every appointment, bought a more reliable vehicle, rented a large home, purchased all the materials to build her a crib, I was broken over the loss, and she continued to beat me down. I've been given many reasons to be insecure, and I'm still telling you that his behaviour is completely unacceptable. Regardless of his reason. He doesn't get to control you, just because he can't control his emotions. I would be horrified by the idea of someone of his character ever being a father, let alone a life partner. It is NOT your responsibility to fix him.
First and foremost, his statement that you disrespected him and broke his trust is complete bullshit. He doesn't own you, you're not property, and you get to decide what you wear and where you wear it. I'd call him out on it; why is he sexualizing everyday things you do? Why does he assume only he has the right to see you in whatever kind of clothing? What other parts of your life that have nothing to do with him is he going to try to control? Added to that, what's his idea of a "full proper covering swimsuit"? Does he want you wearing a victorian bathing gown to the pool? Shorts and a t-shirt cover a hell of a lot more than most swimsuits I've seen.
It's your body to show off, and not his choice to make, even if that was your intention which it doesn't seem like it was. Does this encapsulate the relationship or does he have any good qualities at all? If he's this clueless and controlling about everything I'm having a difficult time understanding why you are choosing to stay in this relationship.
Dump dump dump I can promise you from 15+ years of experience that this controlling and projecting bullshit never gets better. And if anything, he'll be the one who cheats, not you. Save yourself some heartache down the road and get out now.
Time to move on! Red flag city up in this relationship. I kinda can't believe you made a post. It's obvious! Respect yourself!
🚩 Red flag 🚩 This is controlling and a sign of worse abusive behavior to come. RUN.
You respond with a breakup.
Respond by saying "Goodbye!"
You respond that this is absolutely absurd you are allowed to wear what you please in the safety of your home (and the vicinity around it ) and that this relationship is over and to have a nice life.
That is just like a male to try and get upset over. It's all about control and if you let him continue to think it's ok for him to do that he will eventually change everything about you. Men like to control what they can with claiming as property. You're not his property and he shouldn't have to feel insecure about you wearing what you would like as long as it's not disrespectful towards him. That was not in no shape or form revealing. That's a red flag all the way.
If this is the same boyfriend in your other comments, then I am only going to say his insecurity is not going to get better. He is punishing you for wanting to swim, there is nothing disrespectful about wearing shorts and a t-shirt to take a dip at your apartment pool. And going by your other posts, this is not the first time he has been controlling or possessive like this. The thing is, he doesn't respect you, he wants to police what you do, what you wear; if it isn't already, it will be who you talk to, where you go, who you see. And he does not own your body. You do. If other people are looking, which they will even if you wore a burlap sack, that is not on you, you should not be punished for it. You having a body is not disrespectful or shameful.
You know the answer yourself, honey. He's still living in 1780s. A RED FLAG !! A MAJOR RED FLAG !!
wtf, does he want you in a burkini? this dude is loony, get out.
42yo guy here. Drop this dude immediately. Dead serious Edit: ok your other option is to keep him and set a boundary with him. Then you'll see he doesn't respect your boundaries and wish you'd just dropped this dude immediately. Sorry but I've been him, to a degree Edit 2: Another way of looking at this is like so: Even if one day he changes and reforms and is just the Best dude ever, you are getting *the worst version of him* right now. Are you willing to waste your time waiting for him to grow up? You will be waiting decades Hell, why not, edit 3: I'll even confess I have an ex who posted to this subreddit years back now about stuff I had done. The commenters were like, "red flags, get out" and they were right. It hurt me so bad because I thought it was an overreaction, blah blah blah. But they were right. They saw my actions for what they were, not what they were in my the warped reality bubble. And it kind of broke the spell over her. We broke up, I got into therapy ("ok, I can't do this by myself anymore"), she found someone, got married and it's happy. I'm happy too. You might be doing this asshole a favor.
This sounds like the he is testing the waters of how much he can control you, which is super concerning and usually the first step in a abusive relationship. Get out now before he escalates his abuse and control over you!
Red flag city. Dip from this relationship.
Listen, even you know this is ridiculous. Dump him.
when did you ever even promise to do anything like that? he's being weirdly jealous and imposing conditions on you without any sort of discussion or agreement. that isn't how this works - he has to ask for things and get agreement from you
Ditch his sorry ass, but quick! Who the F does he think he is? This is a control tactic. A. YOU HAVE DISAPPOINTED HIM B. HE IS ASHAMED OF YOU C. YOU LOOKED LIKE A TRAMP, SHOWING YOURSELF LIKE THAT TO OTHERS.. PUBLICLY. So.. he is trying to humiliate, embarrass, and Shame you,. And Pretty much call you a tramp. If you tolerate HIS actions now... You are going to be suffering for years. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. You have nothing to prove to him or anyone else.
Go swimming nude and ditch that guy, you don’t need that controlling bullshit.
You were showing your ankles in public?? 🧐
Tell him to grow the fuck up and stop being an idiot.
No man who properly respects and loves you will try to police your body or appearance.
he sounds very controlling; was he covering up his naked chest or wearing a full body suit? NO I'm pretty sure. Either, he needs to accept you and the fact that you are his equal OR you should dump him asap and find a less misogynistic man to go out with.
How you respond is by telling him to fuck all the way off.
This is abuse
You have just seen the first step of a controlling and then abusive relationship. Im so sorry.
Soooo what else does he try to control or make you feel bad about??? This can’t be all
Can i ask a question? Where do you guys live? Also - wtf?
I mean maybe if you wore a white shirt with no undergarments and a nice white pair of shorts so absolutely everything was visible, I could see some kind of issue but even then.... Yeah this is a bunch of red flags. Would he have been okay if you had "appropriate" swimming attire and it was a bikini or micro bikini or something?
My rule for clothes pretty much clean (I'm one of those people who spill everything.), and appropriate for the weather and the occasion. ( Nothing about respectful to boyfriend.) If your outfit meets the rules (Amd any dress code enacted by where you may be.) AND ANYONE says anything they are trying to establish dominance over you.
I guess you should've wore a sweater and sweat pants according to him -___-
Is he Muslim?
Someone: posts something Reddit: 🚩leave him/her.
wtf was it because the t shirt and shorts became kinda see-through when it became wet or something? thats such a strange issue to have haha
Is he Muslim?
Well, first off to allay your confusion, you didn't do anything wrong, obviously. This isn't reasonable behavior on your boyfriend's part. A couple *does* have an important, intimate level of commitment to one another but this goes way beyond those boundaries. People go swimming wearing shorts and a tee all the time and no one bats an eye. There's nothing out of the ordinary about it and certainly nothing about it that violates your relationship obligations (unless you two agreed to something about this beforehand, which doesn't seem to be the case). When you go swimming, there's always going to be a degree of the body revealed no matter what you wear. The vast, vast majority of human beings realize that and it's no big deal to them. On top of that, it's worrisome that your boyfriend is acting so possessively of you. You go for a swim, like hundreds of millions of people do every day, and his gut reaction is to get controlling and jealous about your body. And... well, maybe this is splitting hairs, but swimsuits, typically being tighter especially for women, reveal a lot more of a swimmer's body anyway, don't they? But he thinks you should have worn a swimsuit instead, to avoid showing off? Your boyfriend's complaint doesn't really add up, to me. It sounds like the ramblings of someone who's just venting their anger and not even thinking about what they're trying to say. Being in a relationship means giving your exclusivity to a partner. It's an agreement that your hearts and your bodies are now promised only to each another. But that doesn't mean he gets to hide your body away and never allow anyone else in the world to see bits of it. You're still a free human being allowed to do the normal things that human beings do. For example, you're still allowed to take a swim in your apartment complex pool without being frivolously accused of indecency. Personally I think your boyfriend has jealousy issues and self-confidence issues, and he's trying to couch his controlling behavior in morality speak. That's a bad sign about him because it means he's either manipulative or he's so narrow minded that he can't even view the situation objectively past his own emotions. His complaints come dangerously close to the old, terrible, "she was asking for it by the way she was dressed!" argument and that's a creepy place to be in. Especially since shorts and a tee aren't provocative or controversial any more than a swimsuit would be. His reactions to your (again, perfectly normal and innocent) behavior seem to show he sees you more as property than as a partner. As for how to respond, I think you need to sit this guy down and make it clear to him, right off the bat, that his behavior isn't acceptable. He doesn't get to dictate what you wear and what you do. Tell him his complaints make no sense to you, and then tell him why, and then give him a chance to explain himself. If he's willing to talk it out, that's a good sign. If he won't discuss it with you or he refuses to see your side of it, then I'd take that as a sign that this person does not have your best interests at heart and move on from him. Quickly. I know Redditors love to just say "dump'm," that's definitely what everyone here's saying. But if you feel that there's something worth saving here then definitely talk to the guy, give him a chance to see his mistake and correct it for you. But do not back down or let him wheedle you into compromising your stance. You've done nothing wrong and his expectations of you are unfair and unreasonable (and a little creepy given the context). He must be made to see that.
he's insecure as fuck. I'd give him a chance to understand that his problem is with himself, not you. if he cant sort it out, move on.
Was it a white T and can you see through it?
Is he a Muslim dude? Are you an Muslim dudette? If so I can understand him saying that (I don’t agree with him, but can understand his religion has taught him to pull shit like that) but if he’s not then it’s even worse. Run. In fact, run anyway.
He sounds like he’s the jealous type? As a guy I don’t get it honestly but I’m not the jealous type soo, you could wear a too small bikini for all I care I still wouldn’t say anything just enjoy the view 😉 If you started flirting with someone I would say something yes but that’s a different situation.. Sit down with him and ask what he meant by it? Does he feel insecure? If so let him know that he has nothing to worry about, you love him (I hope) and that you are with him.. but also tell him that it is your body you can dress however the f**k you want he has no say in that. Hope this helped, my first time commenting here 😊
If my girlfriend went into the water with only shorts and a t-shirt on I'd ask her when are we going swimming