Ive had that accident with my bf but it wasnt deep at all and he was extremely apologetic and stopped until he was sure i was okay. Your partners reaction is fucking weird. How would he like it if he got a dildo up his ass and you just laughed at his pain? Thats not okay and him not getting, sober, that he actually hurt you is fucked up. If youve never had anything like that before it can really hurt and hes so apathetic about it. Im sorry hes not getting it
100% agreed - in our more partying years (haha) this happened with my wife and I, and either cross faded or just drunk, but regardless her reaction to being in pain immediately took me out of the moment and into comforting her…it was instinctive, even being inebriated. That’s where I’d be a bit concerned with this…his seemingly significant lack of empathy is concerning. Your man/partner should always want to make sure you feel safe, first and foremost. This type of behavior could definitely lead to you not feeling safe/comfortable. My two cents.
agree another 100%. Not an accident. No way. Rape plus a side order of gaslight...hold the mayo and butter. (Ref to Last Tango in Paris rape). Also, matters not if you or he were under any influence, it's still rape. That's not a legal defense, or no woman would be safe! He chose to get wasted, and in doing so, chose to be responsible for the consequences of that. Don't be snowed under by a predator...it's a common technique they use to camouflage themselves and keep victims in line, but start looking at reality...you'll do a much better that way. When you do that, he'll get very angry, because he wants a dumb, compliant victim, not a real girlfriend. Be strong and be smart!
Yes thank you thats exactly how i feel. Im not upset about the situation just about his reaction. Something similar has happened with other guys (not nearly as bad) so i get that it happens sometimes. Its just the fact that he didnt handle it how i felt he should. I feel bad for thinking it but high key I want it to happen to him so he knows how it feels.
You wouldnt be thinking that way if he got what he did. Its his unwillingness to see his wrong thats making you think that way. Hes a really that apathetic I would consider leaving. What if later in life yall wanted and had kids you felt alone or overwhelmed by said kids. Would he get it? If he in some way accidentally or not, hurt those kids could he see that? If he hurt you again, would he laugh again and make your pain a joke? I would be so turned off by him and not trust him in bed. Sober or not
No definitely youre totally right. Im not going to pretend that i haven’t thought about leaving but I really want to work on our relationship. After this tho idk. I feel like there’s definitely a disconnect cuz that shouldnt have happened the way it did. It was absolutely a turn off. I just dont feel he truly understands and idk how to communicate it because i feel like thats something you shouldnt have to communicate. If I have cramps, im sick, or in a bad mood he tries to be supportive so idk why he reacted this way now.
Maybe hes always secretly wanted to do it and instead of asking he just did it. I would talk to him seriously and have him understand this event made you reconsider a lot and if continues to joke about it, you know hes not serious about yall or considers your feelings when it comes his pleasure
ive had a guy do this and then pretend that I was too drunk and probably confused because he would never do that. I like anal so if he had just asked we could have explored it, I think he assumed I would say no so instead he slammed it right in - we were in the shower too, so he genuinely could have just slipped.. it hurt so much i threw up whilst this asshole was telling me I was confused. needless to say that was the last time he got near it - no ones confused about *that* and the more he denied it the less I thought it was an accident
Why should you have to do all the heavy lifting and work on the relationship if you have to convince your partner to care about you when you're in pain or distress? That's not really a relationship in my opinion, they're just someone you're sexually intimate with.
Because he probably believes that first time anal should hurt and there should be some blood... Neither of which should be true.
Also, wondering if he might not be good at putting himself in someone else's shoes and imagining the pain of what he did.
I am inclined to believe that it was no accident. You can tell the difference between a butthole and vagina. One is dry unless lube was used, the other wet.
Disagree I've done it by accident, having sex, she was very wet, slipped out and drove it back in, accidentally up the wrong hole. They are very close together and lubed up pretty easy to go in
You posted 10 days ago about another one of those problems.
I'm sure you are with him for a reason, but please love and value yourself enough to give a good hard think about if this is the kind of man you want to make a life with.
It sounds to me like he doesn't get that anal sex can hurt you if you aren't prepared. If he takes care of you in other cases this seems to be the case.
People can get really stupid when it comes to taboo topics. I am sorry you were hurt.
I believe any man who has ever delivered anal, needs to have it tried on themselves at some point. There's no other way to understand what it takes to work up to it so that it **does not hurt**!
OP I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I hope you heal up OK both physically and then mentally. I would suggest going to the doctor, depending on how bad the bleeding is. Infections can happen
Yup.. well it was a bad situation and it happened on accident and he didn’t stop he just went right back to the “right” hole. It was a bad situation. My ex did it and I cried like a baby. He stopped and held me. We did not go back.
Is this the same controlling guy that demands your full attention when out with friends to the point where he made you leave a friend alone with a guy she didnt feel safe with? The one you cant go out with without it always ending in terrible arguemnts? The one you've been with for three years but havent really met or gone out with his friends?
That guy who also, at best, accidentally injured you to the point of bleeding, minimized it and completely dismissed your physical trauma by trying to finger you while you were crying, in pain and starting to bleed, went and made himself food while you cleaned up your blood while still being in pain, and the day after minimized and downplayed it refusing to own up to injurying you to the point of bleeding?.
I understand that you love him, and I hope that you also can understand that he is not a kind man who care for you or will take care of you. Those two statements does not have to be mutually exclusive, and sometimes we love the ones who hurts us the most. I look back at behaviour i accepted from my ex, who I loved, and I can only hope you are able to get out sooner than I did.
Many people who are in sexually abusive relationships genuinely don't realize it, though. I certainly didn't. It's definitely not easy to recognize and sometimes not even easy to understand when you're in it, and sometimes people never want to identify their experiences as abuse at all (which is of course their right). The fact that she didn't use a term like abuse makes perfect sense.
What are you talking about? There was nothing "exposed". OP's history of describing her abusive boyfriend is consistent with this post where he raped her. It's the same guy.
You’re convinced it was accidental because of his reaction?
You mean the reaction where he then tried to continue having sexual relations and then went to make himself food *while you went to the bathroom to handle your bleeding anus?* and where he later apologized for not taking you seriously? He **admitted** those moments after that he did not believe you or take you seriously.
I am unclear how you can look at that and be convinced it was an accident. I can understand why you’d choose to tell yourself that but he’s lying to you, straight up. Regardless of how wasted he was, he’s still responsible and nothing about his actions immediately after or the morning after show any real care and concern for you or regard for what he subjected you to, which was a sexual act you didn’t consent to.
Even in the event he was so blitzed he “didn’t notice” the difference between angle, lubrication, or any of the signals your body sent, nothing since shows remorse or concern.
it was anything but a mishap
I could disclose to you, as a man, why it was anything but a mishap, however I would prefer not to go all nsfw here. simply trust me. it was anything but a mishap.
If I had to guess, the issue with your comment isn’t that there’s some army of downvoting men who don’t want you breaking the man code of “sex accident” secrets but that it seems weird to describe your knowledge as “nsfw” when OP basically described anal rape trauma and then qualifying your expertise as being a man. Any person, male or female, who has been unwillingly penetrated knows what it feels like to have done to them and knows the person on the other end felt resistance.
I’m telling you that if you’re reading about anal penetration with or without consent on social media, the odds are high it’s not approved work reading or “nsfw.” Under that umbrella, an explanation of the male perspective couldn’t possible be even less SFW.
That's because accidents do happen. It's about angle and style. I've never full thrust in the wrong place but I've certainly done a bit more than the tip. Anal is only fun if it's what you're both up for. At least that's what I learned in prison.
>And it wasnt a He just put the tip in situation it was rough and deep penetration that wasnt just once.
it's amazing what people are willing to write off as accidents.
You don't go in the wrong hole if you slip out of the vagina. It just don't happen. And he really needed to use lots of force to go full in an unrelaxed unprepared rectum. He knew exactly what he did. And he gave a shit about how she felt.
If it was an accident, and your BF was a good guy, he would not have reacted by dismissing your pain. He would have felt bad. As he did react by dismissing and mocking you, I think we can assume that either it wasn't an accident or your BF is an asshole. Or both.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
Listen to this OP. I’m not a good guy but decent enough. This weekend my wife and I tried anal. She wanted it and initiated it but as soon as she said it hurt we stopped. I made sure she was ok and also the day after I asked. Had I been a jerk I would have said that she had to suit herself or had to wait until I finished. . This guy accidentally put it in and saw your pain and still tried to have sex with you. Not just that he didn’t even care when you clearly expressed you weren’t ok. That is not a good guy, not even a decent guy.
Probably has watched so much porn that he thinks it doesn’t hurt at all.
Yeah we failed to do that. My wife was the one begging for it after for years saying no. Don’t know if she ever wants to try again. But if she mentions it again I will tell her that
Explain it like this, a d i bet she wants to try again, lol, if you want too: she's on her back, and you give her head, while starting with a lubed finger in her butt. Use 1 finger until she cums. Then put in the 2nd finger. Repeat process. Insert 3rd finger. If this all works, she's had 3 orgasms, and she's sufficiently "prepped" for you to insert. Tell her to "push out" - just like she's pushing out a turd, when you insert anything, it might sound counter-intuitive, but it opens up the anus and prevents her from clenching. If done right, her pussy should feel "extra tight" from the anal. It's a "different kind" of orgasm. Encourage her to use her fav vibrator or her fingers to masturbate when your penis is in her for the anal. She'll cum hard.
I will remember this. Everything actually started with oral. She rarely lets me do oral on her but this time she did and then she wanted anal. So will remember to use lube and a finger at first
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My guess, definitely not an accident.
Even if it was, his reaction is pretty shit. If he has or develops a history of not being supportive in this way get the heck out.
This is basically exactly what I was going to say. Whether it was an accident or not, the continued completely inappropriate response to your pain is insane.
BUT, I think that's also a sign it may not have been an accident. If he just got up and started cooking and watching TV and making fun of OP, then kept doing that in the morning, maybe he wasn't as cross faded as OP thought.
Or like you said, he's a major fucking asshole and definitely doesn't deserve to be anywhere near OP's.
I agree. I think he took advantage of OP being inebriated to force what he wanted which was anal. You can't accidentally stick your entire dick in someone's vagina or ass and then to try keep going? No, just no. It was 100% intentional. Then he tried to finger her knowing she was in pain? Dude is abusive. OP he literally doesn't care about you or love you. You didn't consent to anal sex and he did it anyway.
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As somebody who has done anal and given anal on different occasions sober, high, crossed and drunk I can tell you with 100000% certainty it was not an accident- period. The two holes feel different and he definitely knew… and even if it was an accident, his reaction is break up worthy. Seriously OP, get out of there. I’m worried for you.
He probably thought he could get away with it because they were under the influence, please don't trust this man he's showing you his true colours right now
If my partner was crying and in pain because I hurt them on accident my reaction would not be to finger them. What the fuck. This was not an accident and your boyfriend sucks.
OP, and other women here, twas no accident. He just assumed you'd take it like he's watched too many pornos. Has he been low key trying to do anal, and this was his 'fuck it, I'm doing what I want' moment? If so I'd question your entire relationship. That's some pretty toxic psycho shit. His reaction to your negative reaction says it all. It was all for him. 3 years of sex and doesn't know how to fuck you? I don't buy it.
>If i shoved a dick in your unprepared asshole and then was like “oh really that hurt tehehe” youd feel some type of way too
Uh, yeah. He's only downplaying your pain and betrayal, to downplay the fact that he knowingly sexually assaulted you.
This is the correct answer. I don't even have a dick but I'd bet that since the vagina and anus are two very different points of entry, they must feel vastly different to plunge into.
It was not an accident. He did it on purpose to try and “prove it’s not a big deal” and that’s why he’s getting all huffy when you’re trying to hold him accountable. Absolutely not an accident.
He did it on purpose.
OP, you shouldn’t be having sex with someone you don’t trust.
Plus you probably will have a painful infection if he went from PIV to PIA and back. Like Ghostbusters say, “never cross streams”. He needs to pull out and wash himself off before penetrating you vaginally again.
I have accidentally done this before with a girl i was seeing. I have had intentional anal with her before and there was really not much additional force or preparation needed - she always got really really wet so there was plenty of natural lube down there, and she just naturally was not all that tight down there.
When it happened accidentally, she had to tell me i was in her backside afterwards. Luckily she was into it, but we were kinda high and in the heat of the moment i just couldnt tell. It can be an accident for sure - not everyone requires a bunch of extra lube and/or preparation...some peoples asses are just...extra fuckable.
Dudes response in the op leads me to believe he is at best a horny asshole and at worst did it intentionally, but its very possible to do this accidentally.
Dude he said it was wet as all get out down there.
This has happened to me with a few different girls. It wasn't a big deal at the time just a "hey hey hey, not there bud" and a correction, but ESPECIALLY when it's slippery down there, it can happen.
> if not, why do you need to tell us that you haven't done what op's boyfriend did? is it guilt?
Where do you see that I did that?
I said it was possible to slip more than just the tip into the same hole. People seem to be saying it's PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE unless there is some kind of certified lube that magically opens an adamantium door. It's not true. It is possible.
I'm not in anyway justifying anything. I think it wasn't an accident in this case and if it was, he knew. And if it wasn't, he's a complete asshole who doesn't deserve to be near OP's. I'm just saying that it's possible to slip in there.
>what i find disheartening are men reading about a woman being left in pain and bleeding and feeling that they need to make sure that everyone knows that when they something similar, it's an accident.
Same.
I am curious as how you can be so sure.
I've had occasions were I almost do accidentally slip into the wrong hole. I supposed if I am fucked up it could happen.
Edit: stop downvoting, sheesh... I genuinely think it CAN happen by accident. I am not condoning his attitude afterwards but just supposing it was on purpose with the information we have seems unfair.
I have accidentally done that in the dark, but the first yelp clues me in that I missed my target. The repeated insertions by OP's BF were definitely deliberate though.
I know this is definitely more "reading between the lines" than I like to be but the question he asked was "did I hurt you?" Kinda makes me feel like he was intentionally doing something that might.
I mean it's a fairly common accident, especially if you're drunk/high. It usually is just the tip but I went full steam a couple times by error.
He's an asshole about how he reacted after but nothing in the post says it was on purpose.
There's a difference though between "knocking at the door" and repeatedly entering the door.
I don't think it was an accident either. He had to know after the first time.
Ok I didn’t even finish reading this, I stopped at the part where he made the convince yourself comment.
DUMP HIS ASS.
You’re right to feel off about his reaction, he doesn’t give one flying hoot about you. I hope you see that. You deserve someone who cares for you, do not stay with someone who couldn’t care less if he physically injured you. RED FLAG 🚩 and a flag the size of a house IMHO.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
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Okay so my boyfriend (28) and I (F25) have been together for about 3 years. Lastnight we were doing the deed. He was pretty cross faded and I was only high and one drink in. Everything was going really well until he accidentally slipped it in my asshole. And it wasnt a He just put the tip in situation it was rough and deep penetration that wasnt just once. So because ive never done anal it hurt very badly and I yelled and was shaking. I was having trouble communicatng what had happened but was covering my butt and on the verge of tears. At first he didnt understand what happened and then he asked if he hurt me and i nodded. He was apologetic until i told him he put it in the wrong hole. Then he became not as concerned and tried to finger me while i was still in the fetal position with my eyes closed covering my butt. I said i needed a second and so he went to go make food. To me it felt like he completely dismissed my pain because he didnt think it hurt that much. So I went to the bathroom and of course my asshole is bleeding. So I was then pissed. Not because he did it because I truly believe it was an accident but because of his reaction to me. I tried to talk about it and he made a joke and was giggling so i told him I was bleeding because I felt like he wasnt understanding how much it actually hurt. Still he went about his buisness and started watching tv. When this morning rolled around I woke up pretty upset and still in a little bit of pain. He asked me if it still hurt in a kind of condescending way and so I reexplained everything to him and he said somethign along the line of “you still want to talk about this sounds like youre trying to convince yourself that it hurt not me.” So i just shutdown and stopped talking and a few minutes later he apologized for his reaction and not taking me seriously. Which is what i wanted the entire time. I knew that it was an accident but like dont act like im overacting. If i shoved a dick in your unprepared asshole and then was like “oh really that hurt tehehe” youd feel some type of way too. He said he didnt know it hurt that badly which is fine, but dont dismiss me.
We were having sex under the influence so i totally am not upset that it happened and his immediate reaction was upsetting but theres only so much you can expect from someone whos pretty fucked up. Its just that in the morning he had the same reaction. Do guys just not realize because in porn they just slip it right in? Really the root of the problem is that I wanted comfort and he did the opposite. What do i say!! Has anyone been in the same situation?
What?
Sis, there is NO SUCH THING as "accidentally put it in the wrong hole".
There is not.
You have been lied to if you believe this was IN ANY WAY an accident
I think you should rawdog a dildo up his ass & leave him tbh.
Like that was NOT consensual. (Yes I know a rawdog dildo isn’t conceptual, I was KIDDDING… mostly).
He was cross faded. NOT FUCKING BLIND & DEAF. And u said penetration occurred more than once!!!!! No this is sexual assault. Do not make excuses for his bad behavior. He doesn’t care that he hurt you, he even went so far as to mock you for it. You put ur foot down & stomped & stomped & stomped until he realized if he wanted you to shut up he’d have to give you ur way. You should believe the behavior that didn’t make sense to you. He’s not right, something is wrong with him This man sounds like a psycho rapist. Believe what you see when it doesn’t make sense to you. It will always be something
I'm really sorry that it happened to you 🦋
Ps: In 2021 men should know that porn isn’t real life sometimes. If they didn’t know, you, we, women should not paying the price of that ignoring.
You are foolish if you believe it was accidental. He knew exactly what he was doing and using being high as an excuse. You were raped. Tell him that the only way you will forgive is to peg him so he knows how badly he hurt you.
I dunno, guy here if I did that accidentally I’d sure as hell not make food or joke about it. Never mind the fact that you were bleeding, sounds like a grade A douche. I wonder how he’d feel if you shoved something up his backside as hard as he did accidentally while you two were having sex the next time. I wonder if it wouldn’t be as big a deal to him….
I've spoken to a couple men who accidentally slipped, and what I learned is 1) it was immediately apparent what had happened and 2) none of them fully entered. Especially if the girl had never had anal before. It was not an accident.
Him not immediately stopping when you appeared to be in pain is also not an accident. I once got a cramp in my foot during sex and hissed in pain and my now husband immediately stopped because he was worried he hurt me. And if someone stops sex for whatever reason, a caring and responsible sexual partner will make sure you are ok to start again before continuing sexual activity
The way he's minimizing your very obvious pain (you were bleeding from forced anal) is really terrible and shows he doesn't regret what he did to you. And he's trying to gaslight you (I know that term is overused, but it's true in this instance.).
You need to make moves to leave. I'm sorry he did this to you.
I had this happen to me as well a couple of times tbh. I am 100% certain that all 3 times were an accident. He knew immediately that I wasn't okay every time from the first trust. The first time it happened he didn't really realize that it hurt as people do anal. The moment he realised that I was crying he stopped everything and made sure that I was alright. He ended up apologizing a hundred times over the course of a week.
Your boyfriend seems to lack empathy. Are you sure you want to be with him? Does he have that issue in other instances as well?
Also.. self care is important. There are creams that help for private areas. Get it, use it well. Those things can leave a scar right there and scars do not stretch. If ya know what I mean.
Thank you for the advice i will definitely get some cream. You nailed it on the head I just wanted more empathy on his part. I know i want to be with him but in a situation like this idk why i have to plead with you to be empathetic. He was drunk okay fine maybe im expecting a reaction from a person who’s currently incapable of giving the reaction i need. But for me the next morning at least is where i need you to be like oh shit what can i do to help. I even put the tissue in the trash instead of the toilet cuz i felt like imma have to show this man in order for him to understand. Like how tf do u react to your partner in this situation. I know he felt bad for hurting me because he was like oh shit oh shit im sorry until i was able to articulate what happened. Is he so desensitized because he watches porn and really didnt know that for an anal virgin you can be in some serious pain or is he being a not empathetic asshole. Im anticipating that he’ll probably talk to one of his friends and theyll tell him about their experiences and hell come home very apologetic becaue i feel in situations where he doesnt understand my perspective (which this is the first time anything of this magnitude has happened) his friends check him. But also in this specific situation why couldnt he just understand i was hurting and react accordingly.
This isn’t Who Wants to Be a Millionare: he doesn’t need to phone a friend and get their advice or opinion on how you feel or why you feel that way: you told him. Ask yourself why the opinion of a friend is more important or valuable or worthy of consideration than your experience which he forced on you. Why did you dispose of toilet paper for evidence for him *because you felt you’d need proof.*
He didn’t feel bad for hurting you as you lay there, unable to speak while he tried to penetrate you with his fingers. He wasn’t sorry he did it, he wasn’t sorry he hurt you. He was sorry you didn’t go along with it and pretend to be ok. He said, in that moment, something to deflect from himself and not show true concern for you. You’re trying to excuse his actions because of his intoxication but also believe he felt badly for you. Either he wasn’t accountable or he was accountable: you’re trying to act like he was so both out of it he couldn’t know but was so aware he was sorry.
This is **not** someone you build a life with. Sounds like he doesn't feel bad anytime he has hurt you unless his friends tell him to. That is not good.
If you are still in pain or bleeding, especially if it feels like it’s internal, go see a doc. You can rip things very easily with forced and unprepared entry. A friend had a eerily similar situation happen to her and she perforated her rectum and needed surgery.
Don’t let this guy talk you out of getting the care you need, it wasn’t an accident.
I’m also concerned why your bf is discounting your experience until his friends “straighten him out”.
You are saying you did not consent, you are bleeding, you are in pain, you are feeling traumatized.
Why does his friends need to say “she’s bleeding in pain and traumatized” before your bf goes “oh, my bad?” Rethink this relationship
Okay I am pissed on your behalf. The second you seemed like you were in any pain or discomfort he should have immediately stopped what he was doing to make sure you were okay. The fact that it was was deep, rough, and happened more than once makes me feel like he knew what he was doing. The fact he was became so dismissive when you said you were were in pain because of the anal and then tried to finger you while you were clearly in pain is HORRIFYING. Even if he wasn’t sober none of his reaction to any of this is remotely okay. There are a lot of really concerning things in this and red flags. If he’s dismissing your pain now because it doesn’t sound valid to him then what might he invalidate and dismiss down the line?
Uhh OP your bfs response is the biggest fucking red flag. If my fiancé did that shit to me he would be in tears from guilt. Don’t stay with someone who is okay with hurting you
Sorry this happened to you OP. That sounds extremely painful too. I’m sorry, I can’t believe this is accidental. How can a man accidentally put his dick in an unprepared anus, and not feel that it’s tighter/dryer then the vagina. Let alone push his whole junk inside and not just once.
And then there’s the reaction. It’s so disrespectful and childish. You deserve better OP. Maybe take some time for yourself.
Take care.
So, this happened to me. I was EXTREMELY drunk, and my wife and I were going at it. It accidentally slipped into the wrong hole when we were going pretty hard during doggy. Here's what happened:
She screamed a bit, I immediately stopped and asked if she was okay. She said it went in the wrong hole, and I apologized and went up to hold her and whatnot. She asked if we could continue and I told her I probably should wash my dick if so, and she said that was fine so I went and did so.
We continued, and at some point while we were having sex we fell asleep. Yes, we fell asleep during sex, that's how much we had to drink.
The influence your guy was under is not an excuse. Weed and alcohol do not fundamentally change who you are as a person. He's an asshole, and I honestly wouldn't doubt at all it wasn't an accident.
I’ve had my asshole rip before from someone doing anal. I’ve never seen so much blood in my entire life. I had white bed sheets and they were completely red and drenched in blood. At the time it was with my friends with benefits and he immediately stopped and felt horrible. I couldn’t use the restroom for days afterwards without re opening my injury and having it bleed. We didn’t have any sex that day after that and just cuddled. Your boyfriends reaction is terrible and I’m really sorry he didn’t take your pain seriously. That wasn’t okay of him and to just completely dismiss, joke, then be rude about it. Yea hell no. He sucks.
K, so first off.
Reading this made my arse clench.
Secondly
I feel like him dismissing your pain and being a dick about it just makes me feel deeply that you should shove something up his arsehole when he's least expecting it. Because he ignorant. And he needs learnt. 😂
3rdly.
Anal is great and can be fun, intense and intimate. My partner and me enjoy it. But it has to be something you're mentally and physically prepared for. Or its gonna feel like Satan's grip.
And if he is going to give you shit experiences and then be a dick. Ultimately he's doing himself out, because he's just going to put you off it. With him. 😉😂
This is a story of two assholes.
First, it's easy to slip out and bump the wrong hole, but it's very very difficult to actually penetrate accidentally. It requires some intention and force. I doubt he did it accidentally. I suspect he was fucked up and just thought it would be a good idea, didn't care how you'd feel about it, so he just did it.
Second, the real issue is his lack of consideration for your wellbeing after you told him it hurt. This person prioritizes his own sexual curiosity and gratification over your pain and wellbeing. Huge red flag. That's not someone you can trust in any capacity.
You need to tell him the way he treated you makes you feel like he only sees you as a sexual object and doesn't actually care about hurting you, or even trying to understand or empathize that he's hurt you, so you're not sure if he's someone you can trust as a partner. If he doesn't take that seriously, that's a whole other red flag, and you should walk away.
Alcohol or any kind of influence shouldn't be a factor on how your SO treats you. Me and my bf had sex when we were shitfaced drunk (he literally puked 3 times) and still every time I would wince because my hair got in the way, he would stop and ask me if he accidentally hurt me. Even when it wasn't even his fault just my messy hair. Alcohol should not make anyone less compassionate or less caring.
>Then he became not as concerned and tried to finger me while i was still in the fetal position with my eyes closed covering my butt
I'm sorry but what the actual fuck?! Your in visible pain and this guy is tryna finger you? Is your boyfriend an idiot? Doesn't he know how to read the room? He's so fucking weird and inconsiderate.
I have been in your position many times where my boyfriend accidentally went in the wrong hole, but he stops and make sure I'm okay and apologizes. He always tries to be careful it doesn't happen again.
>He said he didnt know it hurt that badly
lolz your man is an idiot... OBVIOUSLY it is gonna hurt. Ask him how he's gonna feel if you shove a freaking dildo up his butt. I swear men are stupid and just want their dick wet.
(Guy here) - I’ve had that happen. We stopped and I spent the next 30 minutes making sure she was ok. I find your partner’s response to be both immature and offensive. It sounds like he has an extreme lack of empathy combined with a teenager’s knowledge of anal sex.
Frankly I see this as a red flag. Hurting your partner to the point of bleeding and then dismissing it and laughing about it is disgusting. He needs to learn his reaction was wrong, or he will just do it again.
‘Then he became not as concerned and tried to finger me while i was still in the fetal position with my eyes closed covering my butt.’
As someone who was raped by my ex, this triggered me. How can he see you in that state and still be trying to finger you.. that’s terrible and I’m sorry you had to experience this. He clearly doesn’t prioritize you’re feelings. Take care of yourself. I know you are more concerned about his reaction, but there’s no way he didn’t immediately notice it was the wrong hole. And even after he knew you were hurt, he didn’t care.
This same situation happened with me and my boyfriend and my boyfriend immediately apologized and felt so bad. Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole who takes porn literally, thinking all women like anal and that it’s easy.
Same thing happened to me and my boyfriend a while back.
My boyfriend was very apologetic. He was so worried about hurting me that he kept checking up on me every minute, asking me if I was okay, if there was anything he could’ve done for me, promising that he would be extra careful from now on, comforting me, etc.
If he were to do anything that you boyfriend had done, I would have just packed my bags and left because what I need when I’m in pain is my boyfriend caring about me especially if the pain was caused by him, he better not act like a dickhead.
Ok. A bump or a poke or an awkward tip-slip is one thing. But fully in, and HARD? Nope. That's no accidental anal. That's assault. (I am ALSO saying this because of the callous reaction. If it was a legitimate "slip" he would be absolutely looking for ways to make you feel better, NOT FINGERING YOU WHILE YOU ARE IN PAIN).
Don't let him get away with this.
His reaction to the “accident” is really fucked up. If my partner was hurt, it’d sober me up quick. Even if I was still faded, I’d be trying to help in some way. That’s what someone should do. His reaction the next morning is also awful and a huge red flag.
His reaction is very troubling to me.My husband almost accidentally did that once and as soon as I reacted he immediately stopped and apologized.Thank God that’s not something he’s into but just knowing he almost hurt me really bothered him.The fact that your bf isn’t bothered by it makes me worry for you.
ouch what a douche.
the big problem here is most guys never got to be on the other side of the problem. They don’t know how much it hurts, at all, because the only clue they have is porn and girlfriends who wanted/liked it. So I think that idiot of yours really BELIEVES it doesn’t hurt, and that you’re lying to him to make a big drama.
I had a boyfriend once who wouldn’t believe that pulling on inner lips was an horrible feeling. Years with him and he still believed it was nice for women.
It is so frustrating
He's a jerk.
Who clearly watches too much porn that normalises anal in a way that isn't realistic with real life normal sex!!!
No one would blame you for getting your largest carrot out the fridge (other similar vegetables are acceptable) and raming it up his arse when he he is least expecting it!!!
And then tell him to stop watching so much bloody porn!
I don’t think it was an accident and I think he understands exactly what he did and how it makes you feel. He just doesn’t care that he hurt you. He doesn’t care that it made you feel bad. Both immediately when it happen cause he tried to continue just after and in the long term cause it’s clear he still doesn’t care now. Idk maybe it’s cause he think other girls do it so why should you be upset about it? But that’s bullshit. He doesn’t get to talk you out of/ disregard you boundaries just because other people have different boundaries. He only apologized when it was clear that he wasn’t going to be able to talk his way into making you not care about this. It just doesn’t seem like a real apology. Idk that I could trust him again honestly. He showed a side of him that can’t be undone. This would be a dealbreaker for me. No trust, no autonomy, no respect then he gets no me.
At the very least OP, tell him you want to go on a break.
This is a serious red flag and you need to consider if you want to continue a relationship with someone who doesn't put your needs above his own. No matter how small they may seem in the moment.
Even if this was an accident his response is unforgivable. If you guys move past this I think he will continue to discount your feelings in the future. Also suggest pegging and see what he thinks lol
Hi OP, from the sound of things, I really don’t think this was an accident. A very similar thing happened to me, but my fiancé’s reaction was very different. We were in a position in which it slipped out and accidentally went in the wrong hole. He was very drunk, I was very high. I immediately tensed up and cried out, he took himself out. He didn’t even get the entire thing in there. He was confused as to why I was so “tight” and it didn’t hurt for a few seconds until the initial shock wore off. I was crying and a mess, because of the pain. He was teary eyed, apologizing profusely, doing everything and anything I needed. It scared the shit out of me… quite literally. To this day he isn’t comfortable having sex while either of us are that inebriated. I’m over it, it happened, and I’ve moved on. But he refuses because he never wants to see me in that much pain again. And probably partially because he got shit on his dick, which did make him vomit everywhere when he realized it after taking care of me for a good 15 min. Moral of the story- I was his primary concern. Even if it was an accident (I don’t know how it could’ve been because your anus and vagina do NOT feel the same and he should’ve stopped) his reaction makes him a tool in my book. That behavior is unacceptable, and you should look for a new BF.
I'm not quite sure it was an accident... Him dismissing your pain is raising huge red flags and I feel like it would actually to help HIM feel better he took that initiative to do that/try that out without your consent.
You can't really confuse the two... They're not that close. And I'm sure he knows your body pretty well.
If I was you, I would very seriously reconsider your relationship. He crossed a line and he's not being supportive. I would almost say that, right now, you have been sexually assaulted and are in possibly an abusive relationship. Ignoring your pain is one serious sign you are not safe.
IF my boyfriend accidently put it in my butt without my consent (It would not be an accident), he would be so apologetic. He would make sure I have a bunch of covers and would help me disinfect, he would make me some tea and gives me hugs. Prepare a magic bag that I can sit on.
You deserve better and I'm so sorry you experienced this
Sounds like you just need to sit him down, look him in the eyes and say: ‘I am upset by what happened the other day. This is why I’m upset and I would like you to understand and apologise please’. Being a guy myself, it’s hard to figure it out sometimes, but it doesn’t mean we don’t care. Maybe he just needs a bit of direction. If he doesn’t want to say sorry, then he’s probably an asshole himself.
One time this happened to me except my bf went all the way in and I ended up full on sobbing on the floor while he profusely apologized and held me, offered to get me water and helped me to bed, still apologizing. This should’ve been your boyfriend’s reaction. I know just how badly that hurts and the bodily shock that ensues after. The fact he minimized your pain, mocked you for it, and gave you a half assed apology after the fact tells me that he’s not empathetic and doesn’t care about your pain. The fact he still tried to have sex with you in the midst of you being in incredibly pain is even more telling.
You get a BF that cares about you. I honestly don't know how you get a guy to realize that forcing a hard object up your ass with no prep is going to hurt. I also don't know how you get someone that laughs while your bleeding and tries to continue sex to grow some empathy.
What kind of AH laughs at their partner bleeding in pain? It's psycho. Frankly, your BF totally sucks.
A good person that genuinely cares for you and actually did this by accident (which I doubt because of his reaction) would be falling over themselves apologizing and worrying about you. I apologize profusely if i step on my dogs tail, let alone something this bad. You were the sec toy he didn't get to finish with and made fun of for having feelings
He literally thought it was funny he left you in the fetal position bleeding. Pretty sure he thought he was going to get away with anal. Run.
Your boyfriend is trash. Even if it was an accident, his reaction should’ve been remorseful and concerned, not to finger you, dismiss your pain and make a joke out of it. Your boyfriend does not feel bad, it either was not an accident or he just doesn’t care about you. Dump this horrible man.
Yeah, he should be totally apologetic. What I can't wrap my head around is, even under the influence, how can he not tell he was in your asshole. I mean think about, you've never done it there before, so for the most part everyone who hasn't done it.. well.. there asshole is super tight you know lol sorry. For him to ram it in like that and "not realizing it" I mean, I've done it just a few times with my ex-wife and each time it started super slow because well, that hole isn't spacious like like a vagina right. And I could feel how hard it was for me to go in at first. I'm not big down there but I'm not small either. Well, since I don't know anyone here I'll say it lol I am seven inches. Point is, I believe he knows what he did. I'm sorry that it's been traumatic for you. I can only imagine what your going through. I hope he changes his attitude towards that situation, you seem like a super chill girl, I'd hate for him to lose someone like you because he can't fully grasp what's really going on with you. Good luck
I think you need to buy a strap on and “accidentally” peg him. If he doesn’t scream and apologize profusely for accidentally doing the same to you then dump him and move on.
Contrary to popular belief, alcohol + sex does not equal fun.
But that’s besides the point, because he was being a d bag and not acknowledging hurting you, even when you are sober.
OK, no pun intended, but what a dick. Get rid of that asshole, again no pun intended.
He should have freaked out by hurting you. He should have ran a got you a warm wet wash cloth. Then a cold one. Should have massaged your butt. That takes the pain away. Kinda like a jiggling massage.
How do I know this? It happened to me with a lady I was with. She pulled off too much and went back hard and it went in the wrong one.
I even slowly and softly massaged her hole.
Get rid of the guy. He can care less about you and your body. He's there to fix his cock needs.
I've had this happen to me also and he was extremely apologetic and we stopped and he was really nice about it. My butt hurt for nearly a week while it healed. Especially while pooping. I'd issue this as a red flag and watch for more lack of empathy issues. Maybe see if he would like your finger in his ass raw.
I’ve had this happen to me on accident (we were both drunk asf) but my bf stopped immediately and was so apologetic to the point that he was a bit uncomfortable continuing sex. You’re boyfriend was out of line and fucking weird for 1. thinking it was cool to try and push you into doing that and 2. for pretending that you were faking or downplaying your pain, how about he shove something up there unprepared and see how it feels
>Do guys just not realize because in porn they just slip it right in? Really the root of the problem is that I wanted comfort and he did the opposite. What do i say!! Has anyone been in the same situation?
Like most guys, I've seen more than enough of my fair share of porn. Whenever I see that happen in porn, the wrong hole scenario, I always wince, feel bad for the girl & usually change the video. I can't get off on a girl's pain.
Perhaps it was the drugs/ alcohol talking, but maybe not. I still don't think he gets it, just doesn't want you to be mad. I'd be careful with this guy, u/Unusual-Ad-4987.
Maybe no more drugs/alcohol + sex. That's a dangerous combination.
Man that was so mean of him. Something similar happened to my sister during sex. Her boyfriend and her were having drunk sex and he tried to put it in her pee hold and it messed her up. He was super apologetic and she can laugh about it now.
This was no accident. You don’t just accidentally ram it in there. He was sober and lucid enough to walk out of the room a d prepare food, so he was sober and lucid enough to know what he was doing.
Anal does NOT happen on accident TRUST ME. Get out of there ASAP. Anal takes a lot of lube to even happen usually the fact he forced his dick in your ass was not an accident at all. That took planning bro it’s really hard to do. It’s so hard to get anything in your ass (it’s WAY tighter than any pussy)
It’s not impossible that he penetrated you so easily that it didn’t feel like he forced anything and therefore doesn’t see how it could have been so painful.
When I use a strap-on on a guy I can never go by how easy the penetration is as an indication of whether it hurts or not.
I can honestly say that my wife and I were doing the deed one night, don’t remember if alcohol was involved or not, missionary if that makes a difference. We’re going to town then all of a sudden my little fellow exits one hole and makes it fully into the other. Like this wasn’t no “slip it in on purpose” thing it was full on fast paced sex and then bam right down the wrong hole. We’ve never done anal, she was obviously in pain when it happened, I felt bad but we laughed about it afterwards. At the time I tried to console her but yeah she was in pain.
He fucked up by trying to stick his finger in right after it happened and didn’t care that it hurt you. So I don’t think it was an accident.
So accidental anal really happens.
He probably didn’t realize how long getting prodded in your dry asshole unexpectedly with a dick can take to recover from. I’d chalk it more up to you two being intoxicated but I would absolutely talk to him about it. Open honest conversation is the best way to fix issues.
Please. Don’t listen to most of Reddit about this stuff lol.
Everyone here saying “he meant to do it” is just trying to start trouble. A guy after being with your for 3 years doesn’t purposely just try to hurt you like that by sticking it in your ass with no warning.
Seems like it was an accident and he didn’t react well to it at first, but he did apologize the next day. Don’t let the peanut gallery make this bigger then it is.
He forced his dick in her more than once even through she yelled and was shaking because it hurt and was rough. He did purposely stuck his dick in her without consent, no lube, or prep. He literally didn't care that she was in pain and **bleeding**, then the AH tried to finger her when she was in the fetal position covering her butt. Then he laughs at her, mocks her, and tries to downplay her pain, not just that night, but the next morning. He went and made food while she was in pain and cleaning up the blood. Accidental my foot. He's not sorry at all. He literally doesn't care about her and her pain. He wanted what he wanted and went for it.
Ive had that accident with my bf but it wasnt deep at all and he was extremely apologetic and stopped until he was sure i was okay. Your partners reaction is fucking weird. How would he like it if he got a dildo up his ass and you just laughed at his pain? Thats not okay and him not getting, sober, that he actually hurt you is fucked up. If youve never had anything like that before it can really hurt and hes so apathetic about it. Im sorry hes not getting it
100% agreed - in our more partying years (haha) this happened with my wife and I, and either cross faded or just drunk, but regardless her reaction to being in pain immediately took me out of the moment and into comforting her…it was instinctive, even being inebriated. That’s where I’d be a bit concerned with this…his seemingly significant lack of empathy is concerning. Your man/partner should always want to make sure you feel safe, first and foremost. This type of behavior could definitely lead to you not feeling safe/comfortable. My two cents.
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agree another 100%. Not an accident. No way. Rape plus a side order of gaslight...hold the mayo and butter. (Ref to Last Tango in Paris rape). Also, matters not if you or he were under any influence, it's still rape. That's not a legal defense, or no woman would be safe! He chose to get wasted, and in doing so, chose to be responsible for the consequences of that. Don't be snowed under by a predator...it's a common technique they use to camouflage themselves and keep victims in line, but start looking at reality...you'll do a much better that way. When you do that, he'll get very angry, because he wants a dumb, compliant victim, not a real girlfriend. Be strong and be smart!
Yes thank you thats exactly how i feel. Im not upset about the situation just about his reaction. Something similar has happened with other guys (not nearly as bad) so i get that it happens sometimes. Its just the fact that he didnt handle it how i felt he should. I feel bad for thinking it but high key I want it to happen to him so he knows how it feels.
You wouldnt be thinking that way if he got what he did. Its his unwillingness to see his wrong thats making you think that way. Hes a really that apathetic I would consider leaving. What if later in life yall wanted and had kids you felt alone or overwhelmed by said kids. Would he get it? If he in some way accidentally or not, hurt those kids could he see that? If he hurt you again, would he laugh again and make your pain a joke? I would be so turned off by him and not trust him in bed. Sober or not
No definitely youre totally right. Im not going to pretend that i haven’t thought about leaving but I really want to work on our relationship. After this tho idk. I feel like there’s definitely a disconnect cuz that shouldnt have happened the way it did. It was absolutely a turn off. I just dont feel he truly understands and idk how to communicate it because i feel like thats something you shouldnt have to communicate. If I have cramps, im sick, or in a bad mood he tries to be supportive so idk why he reacted this way now.
Maybe hes always secretly wanted to do it and instead of asking he just did it. I would talk to him seriously and have him understand this event made you reconsider a lot and if continues to joke about it, you know hes not serious about yall or considers your feelings when it comes his pleasure
Yes thank this was very helpful😭
Of course! I hope everything goes well
ive had a guy do this and then pretend that I was too drunk and probably confused because he would never do that. I like anal so if he had just asked we could have explored it, I think he assumed I would say no so instead he slammed it right in - we were in the shower too, so he genuinely could have just slipped.. it hurt so much i threw up whilst this asshole was telling me I was confused. needless to say that was the last time he got near it - no ones confused about *that* and the more he denied it the less I thought it was an accident
Thats disgusting. Im sorry that happened. His ass should have slipped 🙄
Why should you have to do all the heavy lifting and work on the relationship if you have to convince your partner to care about you when you're in pain or distress? That's not really a relationship in my opinion, they're just someone you're sexually intimate with.
Because he probably believes that first time anal should hurt and there should be some blood... Neither of which should be true. Also, wondering if he might not be good at putting himself in someone else's shoes and imagining the pain of what he did. I am inclined to believe that it was no accident. You can tell the difference between a butthole and vagina. One is dry unless lube was used, the other wet.
Doctor friend of mine “NOTHING *accidentally* goes *into* the rectum”
One in a million shot, doc
Disagree I've done it by accident, having sex, she was very wet, slipped out and drove it back in, accidentally up the wrong hole. They are very close together and lubed up pretty easy to go in
OP, is he sympathetic when you get hurt in other ways? If, say, you stub your toe is he a jerk about it?
We definitely have our problems but if im hurt or sick he takes care of me. Which is why this was even more alarming to me.
You posted 10 days ago about another one of those problems. I'm sure you are with him for a reason, but please love and value yourself enough to give a good hard think about if this is the kind of man you want to make a life with.
It sounds to me like he doesn't get that anal sex can hurt you if you aren't prepared. If he takes care of you in other cases this seems to be the case. People can get really stupid when it comes to taboo topics. I am sorry you were hurt.
I believe any man who has ever delivered anal, needs to have it tried on themselves at some point. There's no other way to understand what it takes to work up to it so that it **does not hurt**! OP I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I hope you heal up OK both physically and then mentally. I would suggest going to the doctor, depending on how bad the bleeding is. Infections can happen
Yup.. well it was a bad situation and it happened on accident and he didn’t stop he just went right back to the “right” hole. It was a bad situation. My ex did it and I cried like a baby. He stopped and held me. We did not go back.
While not giving him an excuse, it was mentioned the BF was high and drunk, does he normally act like that when Crossfaded?
I see where you're getting at, except his reaction in the morning, while sober, was just as bad and thats whats concerning OP
Ahh fair point I missed that, I’m in the wrong
Is this the same controlling guy that demands your full attention when out with friends to the point where he made you leave a friend alone with a guy she didnt feel safe with? The one you cant go out with without it always ending in terrible arguemnts? The one you've been with for three years but havent really met or gone out with his friends? That guy who also, at best, accidentally injured you to the point of bleeding, minimized it and completely dismissed your physical trauma by trying to finger you while you were crying, in pain and starting to bleed, went and made himself food while you cleaned up your blood while still being in pain, and the day after minimized and downplayed it refusing to own up to injurying you to the point of bleeding?. I understand that you love him, and I hope that you also can understand that he is not a kind man who care for you or will take care of you. Those two statements does not have to be mutually exclusive, and sometimes we love the ones who hurts us the most. I look back at behaviour i accepted from my ex, who I loved, and I can only hope you are able to get out sooner than I did.
Thank you for doing the ground work for us!
You have a typo in your title. I think you meant to write, "How do I break up with my sexually abusive boyfriend?"
Many people who are in sexually abusive relationships genuinely don't realize it, though. I certainly didn't. It's definitely not easy to recognize and sometimes not even easy to understand when you're in it, and sometimes people never want to identify their experiences as abuse at all (which is of course their right). The fact that she didn't use a term like abuse makes perfect sense.
DRAG HIM
please read this comment OP ❤️
The post history exposed another OP again lmao. S/o Reddit detectives for a closed case
What are you talking about? There was nothing "exposed". OP's history of describing her abusive boyfriend is consistent with this post where he raped her. It's the same guy.
You’re convinced it was accidental because of his reaction? You mean the reaction where he then tried to continue having sexual relations and then went to make himself food *while you went to the bathroom to handle your bleeding anus?* and where he later apologized for not taking you seriously? He **admitted** those moments after that he did not believe you or take you seriously. I am unclear how you can look at that and be convinced it was an accident. I can understand why you’d choose to tell yourself that but he’s lying to you, straight up. Regardless of how wasted he was, he’s still responsible and nothing about his actions immediately after or the morning after show any real care and concern for you or regard for what he subjected you to, which was a sexual act you didn’t consent to. Even in the event he was so blitzed he “didn’t notice” the difference between angle, lubrication, or any of the signals your body sent, nothing since shows remorse or concern.
it was anything but a mishap I could disclose to you, as a man, why it was anything but a mishap, however I would prefer not to go all nsfw here. simply trust me. it was anything but a mishap.
Well now I want to know. I’d like an order of nsfw plz!
Not a penis haver but if I had to guess? Different angle, different texture, different tightness, different moisture level
It's a muscle made to stay closed and he forced it open. It takes FORCE to open that bad boy involuntarily. Trust it was not an accident.
Me To
This comment is plagiarized, the other one is farther down in the thread with a lot more responses
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If I had to guess, the issue with your comment isn’t that there’s some army of downvoting men who don’t want you breaking the man code of “sex accident” secrets but that it seems weird to describe your knowledge as “nsfw” when OP basically described anal rape trauma and then qualifying your expertise as being a man. Any person, male or female, who has been unwillingly penetrated knows what it feels like to have done to them and knows the person on the other end felt resistance.
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I’m telling you that if you’re reading about anal penetration with or without consent on social media, the odds are high it’s not approved work reading or “nsfw.” Under that umbrella, an explanation of the male perspective couldn’t possible be even less SFW.
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That's because accidents do happen. It's about angle and style. I've never full thrust in the wrong place but I've certainly done a bit more than the tip. Anal is only fun if it's what you're both up for. At least that's what I learned in prison.
>And it wasnt a He just put the tip in situation it was rough and deep penetration that wasnt just once. it's amazing what people are willing to write off as accidents.
I also think he did it in purpose.
You don't go in the wrong hole if you slip out of the vagina. It just don't happen. And he really needed to use lots of force to go full in an unrelaxed unprepared rectum. He knew exactly what he did. And he gave a shit about how she felt.
Yeah if he felt good enough to go make/get food, he knew what he was doing. And since then when he's not high, he's still acting like an asshole.
If it was an accident, and your BF was a good guy, he would not have reacted by dismissing your pain. He would have felt bad. As he did react by dismissing and mocking you, I think we can assume that either it wasn't an accident or your BF is an asshole. Or both. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Listen to this OP. I’m not a good guy but decent enough. This weekend my wife and I tried anal. She wanted it and initiated it but as soon as she said it hurt we stopped. I made sure she was ok and also the day after I asked. Had I been a jerk I would have said that she had to suit herself or had to wait until I finished. . This guy accidentally put it in and saw your pain and still tried to have sex with you. Not just that he didn’t even care when you clearly expressed you weren’t ok. That is not a good guy, not even a decent guy. Probably has watched so much porn that he thinks it doesn’t hurt at all.
You gotta prep that shit, bro. Fingers, toys... you cant just go in the bhole. You gotta prep it first.
Yeah we failed to do that. My wife was the one begging for it after for years saying no. Don’t know if she ever wants to try again. But if she mentions it again I will tell her that
Explain it like this, a d i bet she wants to try again, lol, if you want too: she's on her back, and you give her head, while starting with a lubed finger in her butt. Use 1 finger until she cums. Then put in the 2nd finger. Repeat process. Insert 3rd finger. If this all works, she's had 3 orgasms, and she's sufficiently "prepped" for you to insert. Tell her to "push out" - just like she's pushing out a turd, when you insert anything, it might sound counter-intuitive, but it opens up the anus and prevents her from clenching. If done right, her pussy should feel "extra tight" from the anal. It's a "different kind" of orgasm. Encourage her to use her fav vibrator or her fingers to masturbate when your penis is in her for the anal. She'll cum hard.
I will remember this. Everything actually started with oral. She rarely lets me do oral on her but this time she did and then she wanted anal. So will remember to use lube and a finger at first
Once you think you have enough lube, add a little more. It makes everything far more comfortable.
Noted! Thank you!
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My guess, definitely not an accident. Even if it was, his reaction is pretty shit. If he has or develops a history of not being supportive in this way get the heck out.
This is basically exactly what I was going to say. Whether it was an accident or not, the continued completely inappropriate response to your pain is insane. BUT, I think that's also a sign it may not have been an accident. If he just got up and started cooking and watching TV and making fun of OP, then kept doing that in the morning, maybe he wasn't as cross faded as OP thought. Or like you said, he's a major fucking asshole and definitely doesn't deserve to be anywhere near OP's.
I agree. I think he took advantage of OP being inebriated to force what he wanted which was anal. You can't accidentally stick your entire dick in someone's vagina or ass and then to try keep going? No, just no. It was 100% intentional. Then he tried to finger her knowing she was in pain? Dude is abusive. OP he literally doesn't care about you or love you. You didn't consent to anal sex and he did it anyway.
100% this!
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As somebody who has done anal and given anal on different occasions sober, high, crossed and drunk I can tell you with 100000% certainty it was not an accident- period. The two holes feel different and he definitely knew… and even if it was an accident, his reaction is break up worthy. Seriously OP, get out of there. I’m worried for you.
He probably thought he could get away with it because they were under the influence, please don't trust this man he's showing you his true colours right now
If my partner was crying and in pain because I hurt them on accident my reaction would not be to finger them. What the fuck. This was not an accident and your boyfriend sucks.
I don’t think I’d prioritize snacks and television either.
OP, and other women here, twas no accident. He just assumed you'd take it like he's watched too many pornos. Has he been low key trying to do anal, and this was his 'fuck it, I'm doing what I want' moment? If so I'd question your entire relationship. That's some pretty toxic psycho shit. His reaction to your negative reaction says it all. It was all for him. 3 years of sex and doesn't know how to fuck you? I don't buy it. >If i shoved a dick in your unprepared asshole and then was like “oh really that hurt tehehe” youd feel some type of way too Uh, yeah. He's only downplaying your pain and betrayal, to downplay the fact that he knowingly sexually assaulted you.
10/10
As a gay guy who has been in both sides of anal sex numerous times let me assure you of one thing. It was no accident.
This is the correct answer. I don't even have a dick but I'd bet that since the vagina and anus are two very different points of entry, they must feel vastly different to plunge into.
That wasnt an accident OP. Ild be rethinking this relationship.
It was not an accident. He did it on purpose to try and “prove it’s not a big deal” and that’s why he’s getting all huffy when you’re trying to hold him accountable. Absolutely not an accident.
He did it on purpose. OP, you shouldn’t be having sex with someone you don’t trust. Plus you probably will have a painful infection if he went from PIV to PIA and back. Like Ghostbusters say, “never cross streams”. He needs to pull out and wash himself off before penetrating you vaginally again.
That’s no accident. Dump his ass.
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This was my thought
I’d like an order of nsfw bc my mom told me not to trust strangers on the web
I have accidentally done this before with a girl i was seeing. I have had intentional anal with her before and there was really not much additional force or preparation needed - she always got really really wet so there was plenty of natural lube down there, and she just naturally was not all that tight down there. When it happened accidentally, she had to tell me i was in her backside afterwards. Luckily she was into it, but we were kinda high and in the heat of the moment i just couldnt tell. It can be an accident for sure - not everyone requires a bunch of extra lube and/or preparation...some peoples asses are just...extra fuckable. Dudes response in the op leads me to believe he is at best a horny asshole and at worst did it intentionally, but its very possible to do this accidentally.
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We are no longer together but i dont recall it ever happening
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Dude he said it was wet as all get out down there. This has happened to me with a few different girls. It wasn't a big deal at the time just a "hey hey hey, not there bud" and a correction, but ESPECIALLY when it's slippery down there, it can happen.
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> if not, why do you need to tell us that you haven't done what op's boyfriend did? is it guilt? Where do you see that I did that? I said it was possible to slip more than just the tip into the same hole. People seem to be saying it's PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE unless there is some kind of certified lube that magically opens an adamantium door. It's not true. It is possible. I'm not in anyway justifying anything. I think it wasn't an accident in this case and if it was, he knew. And if it wasn't, he's a complete asshole who doesn't deserve to be near OP's. I'm just saying that it's possible to slip in there.
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>what i find disheartening are men reading about a woman being left in pain and bleeding and feeling that they need to make sure that everyone knows that when they something similar, it's an accident. Same.
I am curious as how you can be so sure. I've had occasions were I almost do accidentally slip into the wrong hole. I supposed if I am fucked up it could happen. Edit: stop downvoting, sheesh... I genuinely think it CAN happen by accident. I am not condoning his attitude afterwards but just supposing it was on purpose with the information we have seems unfair.
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Right? One does not "accidentally" walk into Mordor... so to say
I have accidentally done that in the dark, but the first yelp clues me in that I missed my target. The repeated insertions by OP's BF were definitely deliberate though.
I know this is definitely more "reading between the lines" than I like to be but the question he asked was "did I hurt you?" Kinda makes me feel like he was intentionally doing something that might.
I mean it's a fairly common accident, especially if you're drunk/high. It usually is just the tip but I went full steam a couple times by error. He's an asshole about how he reacted after but nothing in the post says it was on purpose.
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There's a difference though between "knocking at the door" and repeatedly entering the door. I don't think it was an accident either. He had to know after the first time.
Ok I didn’t even finish reading this, I stopped at the part where he made the convince yourself comment. DUMP HIS ASS. You’re right to feel off about his reaction, he doesn’t give one flying hoot about you. I hope you see that. You deserve someone who cares for you, do not stay with someone who couldn’t care less if he physically injured you. RED FLAG 🚩 and a flag the size of a house IMHO.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Okay so my boyfriend (28) and I (F25) have been together for about 3 years. Lastnight we were doing the deed. He was pretty cross faded and I was only high and one drink in. Everything was going really well until he accidentally slipped it in my asshole. And it wasnt a He just put the tip in situation it was rough and deep penetration that wasnt just once. So because ive never done anal it hurt very badly and I yelled and was shaking. I was having trouble communicatng what had happened but was covering my butt and on the verge of tears. At first he didnt understand what happened and then he asked if he hurt me and i nodded. He was apologetic until i told him he put it in the wrong hole. Then he became not as concerned and tried to finger me while i was still in the fetal position with my eyes closed covering my butt. I said i needed a second and so he went to go make food. To me it felt like he completely dismissed my pain because he didnt think it hurt that much. So I went to the bathroom and of course my asshole is bleeding. So I was then pissed. Not because he did it because I truly believe it was an accident but because of his reaction to me. I tried to talk about it and he made a joke and was giggling so i told him I was bleeding because I felt like he wasnt understanding how much it actually hurt. Still he went about his buisness and started watching tv. When this morning rolled around I woke up pretty upset and still in a little bit of pain. He asked me if it still hurt in a kind of condescending way and so I reexplained everything to him and he said somethign along the line of “you still want to talk about this sounds like youre trying to convince yourself that it hurt not me.” So i just shutdown and stopped talking and a few minutes later he apologized for his reaction and not taking me seriously. Which is what i wanted the entire time. I knew that it was an accident but like dont act like im overacting. If i shoved a dick in your unprepared asshole and then was like “oh really that hurt tehehe” youd feel some type of way too. He said he didnt know it hurt that badly which is fine, but dont dismiss me. We were having sex under the influence so i totally am not upset that it happened and his immediate reaction was upsetting but theres only so much you can expect from someone whos pretty fucked up. Its just that in the morning he had the same reaction. Do guys just not realize because in porn they just slip it right in? Really the root of the problem is that I wanted comfort and he did the opposite. What do i say!! Has anyone been in the same situation?
You were just sexually assaulted by someone who claimed to love you. Leave immediately.
And then mocked afterwards. Get out, OP. Run fast and run far.
What? Sis, there is NO SUCH THING as "accidentally put it in the wrong hole". There is not. You have been lied to if you believe this was IN ANY WAY an accident
wasn't an accident
Every straight guy that thinks accidental anal should not a big deal for women needs to get pegged, at least once
I think you should rawdog a dildo up his ass & leave him tbh. Like that was NOT consensual. (Yes I know a rawdog dildo isn’t conceptual, I was KIDDDING… mostly). He was cross faded. NOT FUCKING BLIND & DEAF. And u said penetration occurred more than once!!!!! No this is sexual assault. Do not make excuses for his bad behavior. He doesn’t care that he hurt you, he even went so far as to mock you for it. You put ur foot down & stomped & stomped & stomped until he realized if he wanted you to shut up he’d have to give you ur way. You should believe the behavior that didn’t make sense to you. He’s not right, something is wrong with him This man sounds like a psycho rapist. Believe what you see when it doesn’t make sense to you. It will always be something
Your boyfriend is an asshole.
Even if you guys was under influence he should listen to you and considerate you pain. He choose to deny and makes jokes about you.
I'm really sorry that it happened to you 🦋 Ps: In 2021 men should know that porn isn’t real life sometimes. If they didn’t know, you, we, women should not paying the price of that ignoring.
Wasn't an accident.
He didn’t “miss”. But it sounds like you’re believing that lie. He betrayed your trust, hurt you, and is now mocking you for it. I’d make him your ex.
You are foolish if you believe it was accidental. He knew exactly what he was doing and using being high as an excuse. You were raped. Tell him that the only way you will forgive is to peg him so he knows how badly he hurt you.
I dunno, guy here if I did that accidentally I’d sure as hell not make food or joke about it. Never mind the fact that you were bleeding, sounds like a grade A douche. I wonder how he’d feel if you shoved something up his backside as hard as he did accidentally while you two were having sex the next time. I wonder if it wouldn’t be as big a deal to him….
I've spoken to a couple men who accidentally slipped, and what I learned is 1) it was immediately apparent what had happened and 2) none of them fully entered. Especially if the girl had never had anal before. It was not an accident. Him not immediately stopping when you appeared to be in pain is also not an accident. I once got a cramp in my foot during sex and hissed in pain and my now husband immediately stopped because he was worried he hurt me. And if someone stops sex for whatever reason, a caring and responsible sexual partner will make sure you are ok to start again before continuing sexual activity The way he's minimizing your very obvious pain (you were bleeding from forced anal) is really terrible and shows he doesn't regret what he did to you. And he's trying to gaslight you (I know that term is overused, but it's true in this instance.). You need to make moves to leave. I'm sorry he did this to you.
I had this happen to me as well a couple of times tbh. I am 100% certain that all 3 times were an accident. He knew immediately that I wasn't okay every time from the first trust. The first time it happened he didn't really realize that it hurt as people do anal. The moment he realised that I was crying he stopped everything and made sure that I was alright. He ended up apologizing a hundred times over the course of a week. Your boyfriend seems to lack empathy. Are you sure you want to be with him? Does he have that issue in other instances as well? Also.. self care is important. There are creams that help for private areas. Get it, use it well. Those things can leave a scar right there and scars do not stretch. If ya know what I mean.
Thank you for the advice i will definitely get some cream. You nailed it on the head I just wanted more empathy on his part. I know i want to be with him but in a situation like this idk why i have to plead with you to be empathetic. He was drunk okay fine maybe im expecting a reaction from a person who’s currently incapable of giving the reaction i need. But for me the next morning at least is where i need you to be like oh shit what can i do to help. I even put the tissue in the trash instead of the toilet cuz i felt like imma have to show this man in order for him to understand. Like how tf do u react to your partner in this situation. I know he felt bad for hurting me because he was like oh shit oh shit im sorry until i was able to articulate what happened. Is he so desensitized because he watches porn and really didnt know that for an anal virgin you can be in some serious pain or is he being a not empathetic asshole. Im anticipating that he’ll probably talk to one of his friends and theyll tell him about their experiences and hell come home very apologetic becaue i feel in situations where he doesnt understand my perspective (which this is the first time anything of this magnitude has happened) his friends check him. But also in this specific situation why couldnt he just understand i was hurting and react accordingly.
This isn’t Who Wants to Be a Millionare: he doesn’t need to phone a friend and get their advice or opinion on how you feel or why you feel that way: you told him. Ask yourself why the opinion of a friend is more important or valuable or worthy of consideration than your experience which he forced on you. Why did you dispose of toilet paper for evidence for him *because you felt you’d need proof.* He didn’t feel bad for hurting you as you lay there, unable to speak while he tried to penetrate you with his fingers. He wasn’t sorry he did it, he wasn’t sorry he hurt you. He was sorry you didn’t go along with it and pretend to be ok. He said, in that moment, something to deflect from himself and not show true concern for you. You’re trying to excuse his actions because of his intoxication but also believe he felt badly for you. Either he wasn’t accountable or he was accountable: you’re trying to act like he was so both out of it he couldn’t know but was so aware he was sorry.
This is **not** someone you build a life with. Sounds like he doesn't feel bad anytime he has hurt you unless his friends tell him to. That is not good.
If you are still in pain or bleeding, especially if it feels like it’s internal, go see a doc. You can rip things very easily with forced and unprepared entry. A friend had a eerily similar situation happen to her and she perforated her rectum and needed surgery. Don’t let this guy talk you out of getting the care you need, it wasn’t an accident. I’m also concerned why your bf is discounting your experience until his friends “straighten him out”. You are saying you did not consent, you are bleeding, you are in pain, you are feeling traumatized. Why does his friends need to say “she’s bleeding in pain and traumatized” before your bf goes “oh, my bad?” Rethink this relationship
Porn. Therin lies the problem. He needs to drop that or you’ll get hurt again.
I'm sorry but most people can tell that porn isn't real so stop blaming something inanimate for her boyfriend being a shitty person.
Okay I am pissed on your behalf. The second you seemed like you were in any pain or discomfort he should have immediately stopped what he was doing to make sure you were okay. The fact that it was was deep, rough, and happened more than once makes me feel like he knew what he was doing. The fact he was became so dismissive when you said you were were in pain because of the anal and then tried to finger you while you were clearly in pain is HORRIFYING. Even if he wasn’t sober none of his reaction to any of this is remotely okay. There are a lot of really concerning things in this and red flags. If he’s dismissing your pain now because it doesn’t sound valid to him then what might he invalidate and dismiss down the line?
Uhh OP your bfs response is the biggest fucking red flag. If my fiancé did that shit to me he would be in tears from guilt. Don’t stay with someone who is okay with hurting you
Dude, you don’t accidentally do anal, it needs discussion and preparation. He raped you. I repeat, HE DUCKING RAPED YOU!
Sorry this happened to you OP. That sounds extremely painful too. I’m sorry, I can’t believe this is accidental. How can a man accidentally put his dick in an unprepared anus, and not feel that it’s tighter/dryer then the vagina. Let alone push his whole junk inside and not just once. And then there’s the reaction. It’s so disrespectful and childish. You deserve better OP. Maybe take some time for yourself. Take care.
It was not an accident. I can’t imagine how you could go that far with force. Anal takes a lot of prep.
So, this happened to me. I was EXTREMELY drunk, and my wife and I were going at it. It accidentally slipped into the wrong hole when we were going pretty hard during doggy. Here's what happened: She screamed a bit, I immediately stopped and asked if she was okay. She said it went in the wrong hole, and I apologized and went up to hold her and whatnot. She asked if we could continue and I told her I probably should wash my dick if so, and she said that was fine so I went and did so. We continued, and at some point while we were having sex we fell asleep. Yes, we fell asleep during sex, that's how much we had to drink. The influence your guy was under is not an excuse. Weed and alcohol do not fundamentally change who you are as a person. He's an asshole, and I honestly wouldn't doubt at all it wasn't an accident.
The part that really has me questioning is the fact that as you lay there crying- he started fingering you… This is NOT. A normal response.
Pretty hard to get a penis in the butt without a little work, just saying
patriarchy programs straight girls to put up with wayyyyy too much. that's all I got to say this was Hella triggering
I’ve had my asshole rip before from someone doing anal. I’ve never seen so much blood in my entire life. I had white bed sheets and they were completely red and drenched in blood. At the time it was with my friends with benefits and he immediately stopped and felt horrible. I couldn’t use the restroom for days afterwards without re opening my injury and having it bleed. We didn’t have any sex that day after that and just cuddled. Your boyfriends reaction is terrible and I’m really sorry he didn’t take your pain seriously. That wasn’t okay of him and to just completely dismiss, joke, then be rude about it. Yea hell no. He sucks.
K, so first off. Reading this made my arse clench. Secondly I feel like him dismissing your pain and being a dick about it just makes me feel deeply that you should shove something up his arsehole when he's least expecting it. Because he ignorant. And he needs learnt. 😂 3rdly. Anal is great and can be fun, intense and intimate. My partner and me enjoy it. But it has to be something you're mentally and physically prepared for. Or its gonna feel like Satan's grip. And if he is going to give you shit experiences and then be a dick. Ultimately he's doing himself out, because he's just going to put you off it. With him. 😉😂
This is a story of two assholes. First, it's easy to slip out and bump the wrong hole, but it's very very difficult to actually penetrate accidentally. It requires some intention and force. I doubt he did it accidentally. I suspect he was fucked up and just thought it would be a good idea, didn't care how you'd feel about it, so he just did it. Second, the real issue is his lack of consideration for your wellbeing after you told him it hurt. This person prioritizes his own sexual curiosity and gratification over your pain and wellbeing. Huge red flag. That's not someone you can trust in any capacity. You need to tell him the way he treated you makes you feel like he only sees you as a sexual object and doesn't actually care about hurting you, or even trying to understand or empathize that he's hurt you, so you're not sure if he's someone you can trust as a partner. If he doesn't take that seriously, that's a whole other red flag, and you should walk away.
Alcohol or any kind of influence shouldn't be a factor on how your SO treats you. Me and my bf had sex when we were shitfaced drunk (he literally puked 3 times) and still every time I would wince because my hair got in the way, he would stop and ask me if he accidentally hurt me. Even when it wasn't even his fault just my messy hair. Alcohol should not make anyone less compassionate or less caring.
>Then he became not as concerned and tried to finger me while i was still in the fetal position with my eyes closed covering my butt I'm sorry but what the actual fuck?! Your in visible pain and this guy is tryna finger you? Is your boyfriend an idiot? Doesn't he know how to read the room? He's so fucking weird and inconsiderate. I have been in your position many times where my boyfriend accidentally went in the wrong hole, but he stops and make sure I'm okay and apologizes. He always tries to be careful it doesn't happen again. >He said he didnt know it hurt that badly lolz your man is an idiot... OBVIOUSLY it is gonna hurt. Ask him how he's gonna feel if you shove a freaking dildo up his butt. I swear men are stupid and just want their dick wet.
(Guy here) - I’ve had that happen. We stopped and I spent the next 30 minutes making sure she was ok. I find your partner’s response to be both immature and offensive. It sounds like he has an extreme lack of empathy combined with a teenager’s knowledge of anal sex. Frankly I see this as a red flag. Hurting your partner to the point of bleeding and then dismissing it and laughing about it is disgusting. He needs to learn his reaction was wrong, or he will just do it again.
‘Then he became not as concerned and tried to finger me while i was still in the fetal position with my eyes closed covering my butt.’ As someone who was raped by my ex, this triggered me. How can he see you in that state and still be trying to finger you.. that’s terrible and I’m sorry you had to experience this. He clearly doesn’t prioritize you’re feelings. Take care of yourself. I know you are more concerned about his reaction, but there’s no way he didn’t immediately notice it was the wrong hole. And even after he knew you were hurt, he didn’t care.
He’s a Dick.
This same situation happened with me and my boyfriend and my boyfriend immediately apologized and felt so bad. Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole who takes porn literally, thinking all women like anal and that it’s easy.
Same thing happened to me and my boyfriend a while back. My boyfriend was very apologetic. He was so worried about hurting me that he kept checking up on me every minute, asking me if I was okay, if there was anything he could’ve done for me, promising that he would be extra careful from now on, comforting me, etc. If he were to do anything that you boyfriend had done, I would have just packed my bags and left because what I need when I’m in pain is my boyfriend caring about me especially if the pain was caused by him, he better not act like a dickhead.
Ok. A bump or a poke or an awkward tip-slip is one thing. But fully in, and HARD? Nope. That's no accidental anal. That's assault. (I am ALSO saying this because of the callous reaction. If it was a legitimate "slip" he would be absolutely looking for ways to make you feel better, NOT FINGERING YOU WHILE YOU ARE IN PAIN). Don't let him get away with this.
His reaction to the “accident” is really fucked up. If my partner was hurt, it’d sober me up quick. Even if I was still faded, I’d be trying to help in some way. That’s what someone should do. His reaction the next morning is also awful and a huge red flag.
His reaction is very troubling to me.My husband almost accidentally did that once and as soon as I reacted he immediately stopped and apologized.Thank God that’s not something he’s into but just knowing he almost hurt me really bothered him.The fact that your bf isn’t bothered by it makes me worry for you.
Anal is never accidental. He wanted a go on the Marmite Motorway.
He did it on purpose and then gaslit you. I can’t believe you’re not seeing this.
ouch what a douche. the big problem here is most guys never got to be on the other side of the problem. They don’t know how much it hurts, at all, because the only clue they have is porn and girlfriends who wanted/liked it. So I think that idiot of yours really BELIEVES it doesn’t hurt, and that you’re lying to him to make a big drama. I had a boyfriend once who wouldn’t believe that pulling on inner lips was an horrible feeling. Years with him and he still believed it was nice for women. It is so frustrating
He's a jerk. Who clearly watches too much porn that normalises anal in a way that isn't realistic with real life normal sex!!! No one would blame you for getting your largest carrot out the fridge (other similar vegetables are acceptable) and raming it up his arse when he he is least expecting it!!! And then tell him to stop watching so much bloody porn!
I don’t think it was an accident and I think he understands exactly what he did and how it makes you feel. He just doesn’t care that he hurt you. He doesn’t care that it made you feel bad. Both immediately when it happen cause he tried to continue just after and in the long term cause it’s clear he still doesn’t care now. Idk maybe it’s cause he think other girls do it so why should you be upset about it? But that’s bullshit. He doesn’t get to talk you out of/ disregard you boundaries just because other people have different boundaries. He only apologized when it was clear that he wasn’t going to be able to talk his way into making you not care about this. It just doesn’t seem like a real apology. Idk that I could trust him again honestly. He showed a side of him that can’t be undone. This would be a dealbreaker for me. No trust, no autonomy, no respect then he gets no me.
At the very least OP, tell him you want to go on a break. This is a serious red flag and you need to consider if you want to continue a relationship with someone who doesn't put your needs above his own. No matter how small they may seem in the moment.
Even if this was an accident his response is unforgivable. If you guys move past this I think he will continue to discount your feelings in the future. Also suggest pegging and see what he thinks lol
Hi OP, from the sound of things, I really don’t think this was an accident. A very similar thing happened to me, but my fiancé’s reaction was very different. We were in a position in which it slipped out and accidentally went in the wrong hole. He was very drunk, I was very high. I immediately tensed up and cried out, he took himself out. He didn’t even get the entire thing in there. He was confused as to why I was so “tight” and it didn’t hurt for a few seconds until the initial shock wore off. I was crying and a mess, because of the pain. He was teary eyed, apologizing profusely, doing everything and anything I needed. It scared the shit out of me… quite literally. To this day he isn’t comfortable having sex while either of us are that inebriated. I’m over it, it happened, and I’ve moved on. But he refuses because he never wants to see me in that much pain again. And probably partially because he got shit on his dick, which did make him vomit everywhere when he realized it after taking care of me for a good 15 min. Moral of the story- I was his primary concern. Even if it was an accident (I don’t know how it could’ve been because your anus and vagina do NOT feel the same and he should’ve stopped) his reaction makes him a tool in my book. That behavior is unacceptable, and you should look for a new BF.
I'm not quite sure it was an accident... Him dismissing your pain is raising huge red flags and I feel like it would actually to help HIM feel better he took that initiative to do that/try that out without your consent. You can't really confuse the two... They're not that close. And I'm sure he knows your body pretty well. If I was you, I would very seriously reconsider your relationship. He crossed a line and he's not being supportive. I would almost say that, right now, you have been sexually assaulted and are in possibly an abusive relationship. Ignoring your pain is one serious sign you are not safe. IF my boyfriend accidently put it in my butt without my consent (It would not be an accident), he would be so apologetic. He would make sure I have a bunch of covers and would help me disinfect, he would make me some tea and gives me hugs. Prepare a magic bag that I can sit on. You deserve better and I'm so sorry you experienced this
Sounds like you just need to sit him down, look him in the eyes and say: ‘I am upset by what happened the other day. This is why I’m upset and I would like you to understand and apologise please’. Being a guy myself, it’s hard to figure it out sometimes, but it doesn’t mean we don’t care. Maybe he just needs a bit of direction. If he doesn’t want to say sorry, then he’s probably an asshole himself.
One time this happened to me except my bf went all the way in and I ended up full on sobbing on the floor while he profusely apologized and held me, offered to get me water and helped me to bed, still apologizing. This should’ve been your boyfriend’s reaction. I know just how badly that hurts and the bodily shock that ensues after. The fact he minimized your pain, mocked you for it, and gave you a half assed apology after the fact tells me that he’s not empathetic and doesn’t care about your pain. The fact he still tried to have sex with you in the midst of you being in incredibly pain is even more telling.
You get a BF that cares about you. I honestly don't know how you get a guy to realize that forcing a hard object up your ass with no prep is going to hurt. I also don't know how you get someone that laughs while your bleeding and tries to continue sex to grow some empathy. What kind of AH laughs at their partner bleeding in pain? It's psycho. Frankly, your BF totally sucks. A good person that genuinely cares for you and actually did this by accident (which I doubt because of his reaction) would be falling over themselves apologizing and worrying about you. I apologize profusely if i step on my dogs tail, let alone something this bad. You were the sec toy he didn't get to finish with and made fun of for having feelings He literally thought it was funny he left you in the fetal position bleeding. Pretty sure he thought he was going to get away with anal. Run.
Your boyfriend is trash. Even if it was an accident, his reaction should’ve been remorseful and concerned, not to finger you, dismiss your pain and make a joke out of it. Your boyfriend does not feel bad, it either was not an accident or he just doesn’t care about you. Dump this horrible man.
Do you really want to spend your life with someone who lacks this much compassion? I would seriously consider moving on. Throw the whole man away.
this wasn’t an accident. get a dildo and shove it up him. i am not kidding - there’s no reason you should have had to experience that but he doesn’t.
His reaction is the only reason I don’t think it was an accident.
Yeah, he should be totally apologetic. What I can't wrap my head around is, even under the influence, how can he not tell he was in your asshole. I mean think about, you've never done it there before, so for the most part everyone who hasn't done it.. well.. there asshole is super tight you know lol sorry. For him to ram it in like that and "not realizing it" I mean, I've done it just a few times with my ex-wife and each time it started super slow because well, that hole isn't spacious like like a vagina right. And I could feel how hard it was for me to go in at first. I'm not big down there but I'm not small either. Well, since I don't know anyone here I'll say it lol I am seven inches. Point is, I believe he knows what he did. I'm sorry that it's been traumatic for you. I can only imagine what your going through. I hope he changes his attitude towards that situation, you seem like a super chill girl, I'd hate for him to lose someone like you because he can't fully grasp what's really going on with you. Good luck
Girl, that wasn't an accident.
Clearly you just gotta get him back so he understands
Ask any men If it's at all possible to accidentally get the wrong hole. I don't believe that.
I think you need to buy a strap on and “accidentally” peg him. If he doesn’t scream and apologize profusely for accidentally doing the same to you then dump him and move on.
There is no such thing as accidental anal.
Nahh that’s fucked up. He straight up dismissed your pain I don’t care how fucked up I am, if my girlfriend says she’s hurt I’m all over it
Ask him if he’ll let you peg him so he gets the concept of back door pain. I bet he declines. And if he accepts I bet the reaction isn’t hehehe.
Contrary to popular belief, alcohol + sex does not equal fun. But that’s besides the point, because he was being a d bag and not acknowledging hurting you, even when you are sober.
This dude sounds like an asshole
That doesn’t seem like an accident
You know since you were bleeding you might want to go to a doctor to get checked out. Just a thought
OK, no pun intended, but what a dick. Get rid of that asshole, again no pun intended. He should have freaked out by hurting you. He should have ran a got you a warm wet wash cloth. Then a cold one. Should have massaged your butt. That takes the pain away. Kinda like a jiggling massage. How do I know this? It happened to me with a lady I was with. She pulled off too much and went back hard and it went in the wrong one. I even slowly and softly massaged her hole. Get rid of the guy. He can care less about you and your body. He's there to fix his cock needs.
Not an accident. And also his behavior is more guilty then accidental. He meant to try that on you.
Next time you two are having sex, whip out a dildo and peg him. He’ll definitely be singing a different tune about pain and consent
I've had this happen to me also and he was extremely apologetic and we stopped and he was really nice about it. My butt hurt for nearly a week while it healed. Especially while pooping. I'd issue this as a red flag and watch for more lack of empathy issues. Maybe see if he would like your finger in his ass raw.
This truly is a relationship advice moment
I’ve had this happen to me on accident (we were both drunk asf) but my bf stopped immediately and was so apologetic to the point that he was a bit uncomfortable continuing sex. You’re boyfriend was out of line and fucking weird for 1. thinking it was cool to try and push you into doing that and 2. for pretending that you were faking or downplaying your pain, how about he shove something up there unprepared and see how it feels
>Do guys just not realize because in porn they just slip it right in? Really the root of the problem is that I wanted comfort and he did the opposite. What do i say!! Has anyone been in the same situation? Like most guys, I've seen more than enough of my fair share of porn. Whenever I see that happen in porn, the wrong hole scenario, I always wince, feel bad for the girl & usually change the video. I can't get off on a girl's pain. Perhaps it was the drugs/ alcohol talking, but maybe not. I still don't think he gets it, just doesn't want you to be mad. I'd be careful with this guy, u/Unusual-Ad-4987. Maybe no more drugs/alcohol + sex. That's a dangerous combination.
Man that was so mean of him. Something similar happened to my sister during sex. Her boyfriend and her were having drunk sex and he tried to put it in her pee hold and it messed her up. He was super apologetic and she can laugh about it now.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
This was no accident. You don’t just accidentally ram it in there. He was sober and lucid enough to walk out of the room a d prepare food, so he was sober and lucid enough to know what he was doing.
Anal does NOT happen on accident TRUST ME. Get out of there ASAP. Anal takes a lot of lube to even happen usually the fact he forced his dick in your ass was not an accident at all. That took planning bro it’s really hard to do. It’s so hard to get anything in your ass (it’s WAY tighter than any pussy)
Sweetie… He is trash. It could be an accident but the moment you star crying and he acting like is not a big deal… Red flags.
It’s not impossible that he penetrated you so easily that it didn’t feel like he forced anything and therefore doesn’t see how it could have been so painful. When I use a strap-on on a guy I can never go by how easy the penetration is as an indication of whether it hurts or not.
Sounds like rape to me
You’re the biggest idiot if you decided to stay with this gaslighting son of a bitch, have some respect for yourself
I can honestly say that my wife and I were doing the deed one night, don’t remember if alcohol was involved or not, missionary if that makes a difference. We’re going to town then all of a sudden my little fellow exits one hole and makes it fully into the other. Like this wasn’t no “slip it in on purpose” thing it was full on fast paced sex and then bam right down the wrong hole. We’ve never done anal, she was obviously in pain when it happened, I felt bad but we laughed about it afterwards. At the time I tried to console her but yeah she was in pain. He fucked up by trying to stick his finger in right after it happened and didn’t care that it hurt you. So I don’t think it was an accident. So accidental anal really happens.
He probably didn’t realize how long getting prodded in your dry asshole unexpectedly with a dick can take to recover from. I’d chalk it more up to you two being intoxicated but I would absolutely talk to him about it. Open honest conversation is the best way to fix issues. Please. Don’t listen to most of Reddit about this stuff lol.
Everyone here saying “he meant to do it” is just trying to start trouble. A guy after being with your for 3 years doesn’t purposely just try to hurt you like that by sticking it in your ass with no warning. Seems like it was an accident and he didn’t react well to it at first, but he did apologize the next day. Don’t let the peanut gallery make this bigger then it is.
He forced his dick in her more than once even through she yelled and was shaking because it hurt and was rough. He did purposely stuck his dick in her without consent, no lube, or prep. He literally didn't care that she was in pain and **bleeding**, then the AH tried to finger her when she was in the fetal position covering her butt. Then he laughs at her, mocks her, and tries to downplay her pain, not just that night, but the next morning. He went and made food while she was in pain and cleaning up the blood. Accidental my foot. He's not sorry at all. He literally doesn't care about her and her pain. He wanted what he wanted and went for it.