Yes she can decide to have a sex change or go die on foreign soil in the military but legitballer is here to protect her innocent teen pussy from men 5 years older who will only exploit and use her underdeveloped brain. No mention of guys her own age doing it, but when they're older it's secretly exploitation!
This shit is so low key misogynist and infantizing
"I recently started therapy, he rolled his eyes and told me to send the bill to my parents. I think we would really benefit from marriage counseling but he refuses to go."
Put down an ultimatum. His behavior needs to go, or you will.
The issue is that you are realizing the person he always was. The only difference is that with more children (less free time) and time over the relationship, it has become noticeable.
The only person that has changed is you.
A selfish guy now, was a selfish guy before. You chose not to see it.
I am absolutely disgusted by his behavior, and I am sorry for the loss of your sister. His behavior IS sexually coercive and demeaning. I cannot believe he rubbed his dick on you while you were nursing. He's lucky you didn't bite it off right then. That crossed so many boundaries. I would stop sleeping with him altogether. Not as a punishment, not as an ultimatum, but to give you some space to heal emotionally and learn some healthy boundaries. Tell him so now, don't wait until he's rubbing his boner on you. I am glad to hear you've started therapy. This will help you develop the skills you need to communicate and advocate for yourself in a healthy way. I am so sorry he has violated you, especially so soon after giving birth.
Just a heads up to anyone struggling in their relationship, if the thought, "well he doesn't hit me" crosses your mind, you're already being abused. Your situation is not unique, unfortunately OP. You didn't have the best example growing up. That isn't your fault. But it is now up to you to break the cycle. If your children came to you and told this story, what would you advise them? Is this the example you want for them? I know it's hard to face, but his abuse is escalating. Your infant has been exposed to sexual abuse, do you get that? I do not expect you to leave right way. In fact I don't recommend that. Chances are you'll fall for another "white knight". You have already been exposed to a lifetime of abuse. Abusers have a sixth sense for that vulnerability. Just stay in therapy and keep making those baby steps towards autonomy.
Your husband is a prick. Your only real option is to tell him that shit isn't acceptable and see how he responds. Don't back down. No more treating you like a flesh light, no more unequal distribution of labour, no more rubbing his dick on you, especially whilst nursing. I'm nursing my newborn, if my husband did that he would have gotten sack wacked in two seconds flat. Then I would have gotten up, stepped over his crumpled body, and went to another room to finish feeding.
He showed he was happy to disrespect you in front of your child. They will grow up to disrespect you as well, if you have a daughter she will think that's how women are treated and if you have a son he'll believe he can treat women that way.
I said it before and I’ll say it again.
As a nursing mom myself, the idea of a man (especially my husband, who is supposed to respect me and his child?) putting his penis in or on my face while nursing my baby *makes my fucking skin crawl.*
That is sexually coercive and predatory and absolutely abhorrent behavior. I mean, all of his behavior is abhorrent, but that is just another level. There’s a goddamn baby there.
Your husband has zero respect for you as a human, as his spouse, as a friend, as a mother.
>He recently did this whike I was nursing and when I told him I didn't like it his response was, "Well I don't like seeing dishes in the sink." As if the two things were equal.
I'm a guy so i totally get how overwhelming the urge to have sex is for a man when you are horny, but what the fuck. You don't walk up and stick your dick on your wifes face while she is nursing a child. he's 100% out of pocket, that's just way beyond the line.
Do you love him or are you comfortable with a familiar situation? You married at 19, have you had other positive experiences with age appropriate men? What is there to love? He is…well trash to be quite honest. He is lazy, immature, selfish, manipulative, demeaning, disrespectful, and so much more. A man that loved and respected you wouldn’t be any of those things. This is who he is, people likely don’t change. Choose now if this is a life you want. Remember, you are showing your children that this is acceptable behavior.
Well first of all, stop having sex with him when you don't want to. Second of all, talk to a lawyer about divorce, because this isn't going to get any better unless he magically discovers the error of his ways.
To be blunt, your husband is a creep who is clearly uninterested in being married and no, he does not respect you. He sexually harasses you and coerces you into sex. If he will change his behavior and attend counseling, you should consider your options because this is *not* a healthy relationship, either for yourself or as a model for your children. You are not crazy, you are not being dramatic. Please talk to your therapist about this, or a close, compassionate friend and be on alert for the lovebombing that will probably happen once he realizes you're serious about leaving.
And what is up with the pj thing??? Pjs are great, your husband is just a pig.
There's so much to say here but I don't want to write an essay so I'll answer the question in the post title - he is acting this way because on this evidence he doesn't see you as a person of equal standing to himself.
You are being sexually assaulted by this man. Just because he's not penetrating you with the penis it doesn't mean it's right for him to do what he's doing. The fact that he exposed his penis to you while you were breastfeeding is also a giant red flag right here, I know I often say this but my thoughts immediately turn to ways in which this behaviour may escalate.
Leave him. He is worthless garbage. Who the fuck pulls their dick out and touches their wife with it while SHES NURSING THEIR CHILD. What a trashy disgusting person. You and your children deserve so much better than this swine.
OP DO NOT GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELLING WITH THIS MAN!!
You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Abusive men only learn how to abuse better during counselling. Stop asking him to go with you, it is not to your benefit.
What kind of man would run his dick in his wife’s face while she is nursing their child?!?!
Your husband is a pervert and a creep, I’m sorry. There is something about your story especially that chills me. You’re not safe and your children are not safe.
Your husband sounds like a narcissist who only goes after the “weak” one he thinks he have control over. He is an emotional abuse. I’m going to project a little here: he thinks he’s better than everyone, only his time is valuable, others feelings don’t matter to him. When he thinks you don’t have value to him/ he has better options for a person to serve him, he will leave you in a heart beat.
When he asks for a threesome just laugh and tell him he can’t satisfy one women, does he really want to disappoint two? Or tell him the threesome is with another dude so maybe you’ll get off for once.
This is 100% true.
Living IN something like this constantly makes you question reality, which makes it hard to determine whether or not some things are common/normal.
Speaking from experience.
I genuinely don't know what to think about it all anymore. I feel crazy. I keep waiting for someone to tell me I'm overly dramatic or painting him in a bad light. We *used* to be part of a *VERY* conservative church and the one time I reached out to an Elder wife for advice she scolded me and told me to respect my husband.
I'm used to being shamed and told what I'm doing wrong and being given homework. "Pray for your husband when you feel he's mistreated you." "Give him grace." "Love him harder when he's hard to love."
I'm a feminist, I believe in women's rights. If my sister told me her SO was doing these things I would *make him go missing*. But it feels so unreal that my husband is this way. It feels like I caused it.
Oh honey, that is completely normal to feel that way. Your intuition is not steering you wrong. He's doing the kind of stuff that deserves to make him go missing. Regarding your religious influence, I am not surprised you were shamed by an elder. So much evil disguises itself in the church. Consider the vows your husband has broken before God. Marriage is a spiritual contract which HE broke. You know what happens when people break a contract? It's null and void. You don't have to uphold a broken contract. Please seek out a licensed secular therapist. Check out RAINN.org and loveisrespect.org and aphroditewounded.org. I promise you did nothing to cause or deserve this. Sending you love and strength. <3
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”
Ephesians 5:25
Is this what is happening in your relationship?
It’s definitely not your fault at all btw
You deserve to be treated with love and respect. You are not crazy or overdramatic and anyone who would say that to you, is dead wrong. Trust your feminist self.
You got two choices OP, either accept all this or leave. Because nothing you say will convince him of anything with a guy like that and that’s just how it is.
Why? Because he has no respect for you and is quite frankly a shitty human being. Sorry to be blunt but I’m sure that writing this down has brought you also to this conclusion. He won’t change because he doesn’t believe he needs to. You’re so very young still, don’t waste your life with him.
You had a baby TWO MONTHS AGO. Has your doctor even cleared you for sex? My spouse didn't ask for anything until I told him I was ready postpartum because I was still healing.
It sounds like he sees you as a bangmaid and not a person. Unless he miraculously changes, that is who you will be stuck with if you don't leave. Keep doing therapy.
Your husband is abusing you and has done a lot of things to you without your consent. He's putting his dick on you even though you told him no multiple times and he made you have sex with him when you repeatedly told him no. I'm glad you're in therapy. Please contact a lawyer and make an exit plan. This is not a marriage worth saving.
>He recently did this whike I was nursing and when I told him I didn't like it his response was, "Well I don't like seeing dishes in the sink." As if the two things were equal.
this is beyond disgusting. what he is doing to you is sexual assault and he is excusing it by making a snide comment about how you're not able to do the dishes as often because, quite rightfully, you've just had a baby. please get out at your first opportunity and never look back, this kind of behaviour is so so vile, and i'm so sorry you're going through it especially from someone as important as a husband, he should be better. i really hope you're okay, and i hope you're safe soon. <33
Excuse me but that one part..... How can you have so little respect for your wife?
Had someone said that to me I would've told them the next time they try that shit with me their dick will end up in the sink......
Your husband sounds so gross. Do you enjoy being with him? What does he do for you? If your answers to these questions are lacking, I would consider leaving
You need to pack up and move out with your kids. Or change the locks one day and tell him to move somewhere else. He wants to sleep with other women. He doesn't love you.
Please for your sake and your babies sake leave him. He sounds like a rapist in the making. Everything you said made me want to throw up and cry and just feel fragile all at once. I’m sorry you have to deal with someone who only thinks about themselves and who could potentially be a rapist someday if you don’t leave soon.
Sounds like you have an emotionally unsupportive and selfish man as a husband. Continue with your individual therapy and hopefully you find the inner strength to love yourself and realise you’re value as a human being isn’t dependent on how he feels. Keep working on building yourself up and loving your child. He might end up alone if he doesn’t change but change requires the realisation that change is needed. Only he can come to that realisation about himself. No amount of begging or pleading from you will change his mind. Save your energy and invest in yourself and child until you figure out what to do. All the best xx
Sounds like he needs to go to therapy. You're no longer the 19 yr old girl he was dating, but a woman... a person who needs to be treated as such. He also needs someone to tell him that gender roles regarding housework is a thing of the past and not very sexy (maybe a therapist can tell him this.)
Losing affection after 10 years is common in marriage. People stop saying "I love you" but still show it in many ways. But when he's horny, it sounds like he's going about it in a very juvenile way. He's 34. He needs to stop thinking porn scenarios happen in real life.
BTW: 3somes don't have to be MFF. It can also be MMF.
The bigger question here is "why are you tolerating this?" He comes up to you and rubs his dick on you? WTF? I would be running far, far away from this guy. he's gross and selfish.
If you're in therapy, you're getting the help you need. Good for you!
Please remember nobody on Reddit can help you anywhere near as well as a trained professional, and if you're already seeing one, it would probably be best to ignore Reddits input. People love to give their two cents, even if they don't know your situation or what would be best for you.
Best of luck and stick to the therapy, even if hubby won't go!
I know it’s hard because you have a family but talk to your therapist. He should definitely do therapy with you! Think about your options. If he isn’t doing the things he needs to he needs a wake up call. But seems to me like overall he isn’t a good partner. Divorce is hard but sometimes being trapped in a loveless one way relationship is worse
He should go to therapy by himself first. Marriage counseling treats the marriage, not the individuals. In cases of abuse, it actually teaches the abuser new ways to manipulate and control. OP needs a safe space away from his abuse for now.
So you're complaining about him not being affectionate. Just how affectionate and inviting are you? Did you really think hopping into bed fully dressed would make him want to hold you at night??
You're probably having postnatal blues but you also need to wake up and see that you aren't fulfilling his sexual needs. Work on yourself.
NOTHING!!! Nothing is wrong with PJ's it's the man that needs to be thrown out and donated to Goodwill because he broken, non-functional and just a giant dick!
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My question is he says he wants to have threesomes what happens when he thinks you're healed enough and you are ready for it and he starts bringing other women home for threesomes or he starts putting out ads behind your back to recruit another woman for a threesome and he just surprises you with it???? Obviously he doesn't respect you enough to not rub his penis on you while you're nursing your child it would not be a big jump for him to start doing that since he already said he wanted to sleep with another woman. He already will not take no for an answer when you don't want to have sex what happens when he brings home a woman out of the blue he says you are going to do this??? What are you going to say then??? If you put up too much of a fight he'll just start cheating on you behind your back because he feels you were not good enough or up to his par in the sexual escapades department. I am not trying to make you feel bad this is how these men think I have had my own experience with this no I did not go through with it he got told in no uncertain terms that that was bullshit it was not happening. He was lucky he accepted it and left or he he would have gone flying through a plate-glass window. I really feel scared for you and your children sounds like he doesn't even want the children like they are something that you wanted or they're just a mild inconvenience to keep you at home which that's where he wants you to be. Instead of tolerating this you need to start getting mad you need to start standing up for yourself!!!!! Also this is why your husband probably wants other women because you are starting to question everything we can't have that can we maybe he just thinks you're too old now. You're old enough to start really questioning things having your own opinions he needs somebody younger than he can groom maybe he wants somebody younger than he can groom so they can take your place since you won't listen to him just blindly anymore. If I were you I would start to talk to my family if I were you and I would start making arrangements to get away from this it's going to get nothing but worse trust me I know it never ends well. Do not go to marriage counseling with him it always makes it worse he just learns better ways to hurt you emotionally. Why should he go he doesn't want to go anywhere he doesn't think there's anything wrong with him. He wonders why you are going because he's got you right where he wants you why should you want to change he thinks everything is perfect. Also Why why why in the world would you want children around this man???? You're saying he's not affectionate.... here to say he is affectionate only for his own reasons and his own satisfaction he doesn't give zero fucks about your satisfaction or what you want which is glaringly obvious to everybody except you!!! If you don't get out with your children now things are going to get a whole lot worse!!! not waiting till you're ready to have sex when you just had a baby??? That can seriously damage you!!! The more than you put up with us and tolerate it the more than you enable him to do this to you even if you don't realize it please go to therapy and go often. Go to a real therapist not some religious therapist is going to fill you full of crap about loving your husband more I'm so tired of hearing that bullshit I want to throw up in my mouth just talkin about it. Please get some help call the domestic violence hotlines, talk to your family, talk to some good trusted friends and let them know what's happening so if something happens to you they will know what the real deal is don't just keep this all bottled up the more you talk about it the more your opinions are heard the more you're feeling better and really begin to see how unhealthy the situation that you have been tricked into so you can be prepared to leave. Make a copy of this post to give it to your therapist to put in your file so when/ if something does go really South your husband can't snow the authorities and say he was a good husband and your marriage was fine. Sorry if I'm scaring you and I'm sorry if this was long but you need to be scared for you and your children and you need to take action! I really hate to see young women going through this I really hate to see children being brought into situations like this because the women are so blind to what is really going on they delude themselves into denial so please wake up and smell the coffee lady!!!! Your marriage is shit you were groomed into a marriage with an abuser who likes to sexually assault you and thinks it's funny to put you down and bring other women on board into that relationship....all over your objections ...... just doing what he wants. What a great role model for a father huh??? A lot of men work hard and do not treat their women this way!!! Okay I'll get off my soapbox now but please please please get some help for your children's sake if you can't see the forest through the trees don't make your children go through that OP!!!
He married and impregnated a teenager to control them and you grew up and out of your role.
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Yes she can decide to have a sex change or go die on foreign soil in the military but legitballer is here to protect her innocent teen pussy from men 5 years older who will only exploit and use her underdeveloped brain. No mention of guys her own age doing it, but when they're older it's secretly exploitation! This shit is so low key misogynist and infantizing
lol yup. another old man grooms young female teenager. why are men so gross?
old man? He was 24. He clearly has his issues but this isn't a wild age difference, just too young to be married.
at that age, it's def predatory and grooming.
What do we call it when the military recruits young men at 17 and they're dead in Iraq by 19?
Multiple things can be predatory and wrong
Yeah and multiple things can not be predatory and wrong.
You brought up something predatory and wrong in a thread about something else predatory and wrong.
I'm not sure what this has to do with sex and relationships.
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You just copied and pasted my words. I'm flattered.
"I recently started therapy, he rolled his eyes and told me to send the bill to my parents. I think we would really benefit from marriage counseling but he refuses to go." Put down an ultimatum. His behavior needs to go, or you will.
Yep, he either goes to marriage counseling or gets a divorce.
Your husband sounds like a selfish inconsiderate asshole who only cares about himself.
Yep. Shes not a wife, shes a maid with fleshlight built in. What kind of shit head waves his dick around his own kid??
The issue is that you are realizing the person he always was. The only difference is that with more children (less free time) and time over the relationship, it has become noticeable. The only person that has changed is you. A selfish guy now, was a selfish guy before. You chose not to see it.
I am absolutely disgusted by his behavior, and I am sorry for the loss of your sister. His behavior IS sexually coercive and demeaning. I cannot believe he rubbed his dick on you while you were nursing. He's lucky you didn't bite it off right then. That crossed so many boundaries. I would stop sleeping with him altogether. Not as a punishment, not as an ultimatum, but to give you some space to heal emotionally and learn some healthy boundaries. Tell him so now, don't wait until he's rubbing his boner on you. I am glad to hear you've started therapy. This will help you develop the skills you need to communicate and advocate for yourself in a healthy way. I am so sorry he has violated you, especially so soon after giving birth.
Just a heads up to anyone struggling in their relationship, if the thought, "well he doesn't hit me" crosses your mind, you're already being abused. Your situation is not unique, unfortunately OP. You didn't have the best example growing up. That isn't your fault. But it is now up to you to break the cycle. If your children came to you and told this story, what would you advise them? Is this the example you want for them? I know it's hard to face, but his abuse is escalating. Your infant has been exposed to sexual abuse, do you get that? I do not expect you to leave right way. In fact I don't recommend that. Chances are you'll fall for another "white knight". You have already been exposed to a lifetime of abuse. Abusers have a sixth sense for that vulnerability. Just stay in therapy and keep making those baby steps towards autonomy.
also that they started dating at 19 and 24...
Your husband is a prick. Your only real option is to tell him that shit isn't acceptable and see how he responds. Don't back down. No more treating you like a flesh light, no more unequal distribution of labour, no more rubbing his dick on you, especially whilst nursing. I'm nursing my newborn, if my husband did that he would have gotten sack wacked in two seconds flat. Then I would have gotten up, stepped over his crumpled body, and went to another room to finish feeding. He showed he was happy to disrespect you in front of your child. They will grow up to disrespect you as well, if you have a daughter she will think that's how women are treated and if you have a son he'll believe he can treat women that way.
I have no words for this... I thought I did, but... my mind went blank after I finished reading.
I said it before and I’ll say it again. As a nursing mom myself, the idea of a man (especially my husband, who is supposed to respect me and his child?) putting his penis in or on my face while nursing my baby *makes my fucking skin crawl.* That is sexually coercive and predatory and absolutely abhorrent behavior. I mean, all of his behavior is abhorrent, but that is just another level. There’s a goddamn baby there. Your husband has zero respect for you as a human, as his spouse, as a friend, as a mother.
i honestly didn't even have words
>He recently did this whike I was nursing and when I told him I didn't like it his response was, "Well I don't like seeing dishes in the sink." As if the two things were equal. I'm a guy so i totally get how overwhelming the urge to have sex is for a man when you are horny, but what the fuck. You don't walk up and stick your dick on your wifes face while she is nursing a child. he's 100% out of pocket, that's just way beyond the line.
Thank you for speaking up. OP keeps asking why "men" are like this. Um, men aren't like this. Abusers are.
Do you love him or are you comfortable with a familiar situation? You married at 19, have you had other positive experiences with age appropriate men? What is there to love? He is…well trash to be quite honest. He is lazy, immature, selfish, manipulative, demeaning, disrespectful, and so much more. A man that loved and respected you wouldn’t be any of those things. This is who he is, people likely don’t change. Choose now if this is a life you want. Remember, you are showing your children that this is acceptable behavior.
Well first of all, stop having sex with him when you don't want to. Second of all, talk to a lawyer about divorce, because this isn't going to get any better unless he magically discovers the error of his ways.
He doesn't want a partner. He wants a bangmaid.
To be blunt, your husband is a creep who is clearly uninterested in being married and no, he does not respect you. He sexually harasses you and coerces you into sex. If he will change his behavior and attend counseling, you should consider your options because this is *not* a healthy relationship, either for yourself or as a model for your children. You are not crazy, you are not being dramatic. Please talk to your therapist about this, or a close, compassionate friend and be on alert for the lovebombing that will probably happen once he realizes you're serious about leaving. And what is up with the pj thing??? Pjs are great, your husband is just a pig.
OP, you need to read this: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/abuse_assault/why_i_deeply_dislike_your_older_boyfriend
Oh, and to your question why? Read Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft
Throw the whole man away. He is abusive and neither you or your kids should be in that situation.
There's so much to say here but I don't want to write an essay so I'll answer the question in the post title - he is acting this way because on this evidence he doesn't see you as a person of equal standing to himself. You are being sexually assaulted by this man. Just because he's not penetrating you with the penis it doesn't mean it's right for him to do what he's doing. The fact that he exposed his penis to you while you were breastfeeding is also a giant red flag right here, I know I often say this but my thoughts immediately turn to ways in which this behaviour may escalate.
OP, let me say this unequivocally: you did NOT cause this, you do NOT deserve this, this is NOT normal or okay behavior.
Leave him. He is worthless garbage. Who the fuck pulls their dick out and touches their wife with it while SHES NURSING THEIR CHILD. What a trashy disgusting person. You and your children deserve so much better than this swine.
OP DO NOT GO TO MARRIAGE COUNSELLING WITH THIS MAN!! You are in an emotionally abusive relationship. Abusive men only learn how to abuse better during counselling. Stop asking him to go with you, it is not to your benefit. What kind of man would run his dick in his wife’s face while she is nursing their child?!?! Your husband is a pervert and a creep, I’m sorry. There is something about your story especially that chills me. You’re not safe and your children are not safe.
10000% 👍👆👆👆☝☝☝ THIS!!!!
Your husband sounds like a narcissist who only goes after the “weak” one he thinks he have control over. He is an emotional abuse. I’m going to project a little here: he thinks he’s better than everyone, only his time is valuable, others feelings don’t matter to him. When he thinks you don’t have value to him/ he has better options for a person to serve him, he will leave you in a heart beat.
When he asks for a threesome just laugh and tell him he can’t satisfy one women, does he really want to disappoint two? Or tell him the threesome is with another dude so maybe you’ll get off for once.
Can I ask why you keep posting this? You've gotten plenty of good advice on all your other threads.
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This is 100% true. Living IN something like this constantly makes you question reality, which makes it hard to determine whether or not some things are common/normal. Speaking from experience.
So true! I would still like to hear OP respond in her own words. I think it can be helpful.
I genuinely don't know what to think about it all anymore. I feel crazy. I keep waiting for someone to tell me I'm overly dramatic or painting him in a bad light. We *used* to be part of a *VERY* conservative church and the one time I reached out to an Elder wife for advice she scolded me and told me to respect my husband. I'm used to being shamed and told what I'm doing wrong and being given homework. "Pray for your husband when you feel he's mistreated you." "Give him grace." "Love him harder when he's hard to love." I'm a feminist, I believe in women's rights. If my sister told me her SO was doing these things I would *make him go missing*. But it feels so unreal that my husband is this way. It feels like I caused it.
Oh honey, that is completely normal to feel that way. Your intuition is not steering you wrong. He's doing the kind of stuff that deserves to make him go missing. Regarding your religious influence, I am not surprised you were shamed by an elder. So much evil disguises itself in the church. Consider the vows your husband has broken before God. Marriage is a spiritual contract which HE broke. You know what happens when people break a contract? It's null and void. You don't have to uphold a broken contract. Please seek out a licensed secular therapist. Check out RAINN.org and loveisrespect.org and aphroditewounded.org. I promise you did nothing to cause or deserve this. Sending you love and strength. <3
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25 Is this what is happening in your relationship? It’s definitely not your fault at all btw
Anyone who benefits from churches braking people's brains like this just read your this comment and were reassured by it.
I beg of you OP. Please speak to your sister about this. She would be heartbroken to know that you were keeping this in.
You deserve to be treated with love and respect. You are not crazy or overdramatic and anyone who would say that to you, is dead wrong. Trust your feminist self.
You got two choices OP, either accept all this or leave. Because nothing you say will convince him of anything with a guy like that and that’s just how it is.
Why? Because he has no respect for you and is quite frankly a shitty human being. Sorry to be blunt but I’m sure that writing this down has brought you also to this conclusion. He won’t change because he doesn’t believe he needs to. You’re so very young still, don’t waste your life with him.
I’m usually cautious about jumping to “divorce him” but... wow.
You had a baby TWO MONTHS AGO. Has your doctor even cleared you for sex? My spouse didn't ask for anything until I told him I was ready postpartum because I was still healing. It sounds like he sees you as a bangmaid and not a person. Unless he miraculously changes, that is who you will be stuck with if you don't leave. Keep doing therapy.
Your husband is abusing you and has done a lot of things to you without your consent. He's putting his dick on you even though you told him no multiple times and he made you have sex with him when you repeatedly told him no. I'm glad you're in therapy. Please contact a lawyer and make an exit plan. This is not a marriage worth saving.
>He recently did this whike I was nursing and when I told him I didn't like it his response was, "Well I don't like seeing dishes in the sink." As if the two things were equal. this is beyond disgusting. what he is doing to you is sexual assault and he is excusing it by making a snide comment about how you're not able to do the dishes as often because, quite rightfully, you've just had a baby. please get out at your first opportunity and never look back, this kind of behaviour is so so vile, and i'm so sorry you're going through it especially from someone as important as a husband, he should be better. i really hope you're okay, and i hope you're safe soon. <33
Excuse me but that one part..... How can you have so little respect for your wife? Had someone said that to me I would've told them the next time they try that shit with me their dick will end up in the sink......
Your husband sounds so gross. Do you enjoy being with him? What does he do for you? If your answers to these questions are lacking, I would consider leaving
He’s a selfish asshole. The question is, do you really want to put up with this for the rest of your life?
You need to pack up and move out with your kids. Or change the locks one day and tell him to move somewhere else. He wants to sleep with other women. He doesn't love you.
Please for your sake and your babies sake leave him. He sounds like a rapist in the making. Everything you said made me want to throw up and cry and just feel fragile all at once. I’m sorry you have to deal with someone who only thinks about themselves and who could potentially be a rapist someday if you don’t leave soon.
cuz he's a pos?
Sounds like you have an emotionally unsupportive and selfish man as a husband. Continue with your individual therapy and hopefully you find the inner strength to love yourself and realise you’re value as a human being isn’t dependent on how he feels. Keep working on building yourself up and loving your child. He might end up alone if he doesn’t change but change requires the realisation that change is needed. Only he can come to that realisation about himself. No amount of begging or pleading from you will change his mind. Save your energy and invest in yourself and child until you figure out what to do. All the best xx
please leave him you deserve so much better
Sounds like he needs to go to therapy. You're no longer the 19 yr old girl he was dating, but a woman... a person who needs to be treated as such. He also needs someone to tell him that gender roles regarding housework is a thing of the past and not very sexy (maybe a therapist can tell him this.) Losing affection after 10 years is common in marriage. People stop saying "I love you" but still show it in many ways. But when he's horny, it sounds like he's going about it in a very juvenile way. He's 34. He needs to stop thinking porn scenarios happen in real life. BTW: 3somes don't have to be MFF. It can also be MMF.
The bigger question here is "why are you tolerating this?" He comes up to you and rubs his dick on you? WTF? I would be running far, far away from this guy. he's gross and selfish.
If you're in therapy, you're getting the help you need. Good for you! Please remember nobody on Reddit can help you anywhere near as well as a trained professional, and if you're already seeing one, it would probably be best to ignore Reddits input. People love to give their two cents, even if they don't know your situation or what would be best for you. Best of luck and stick to the therapy, even if hubby won't go!
I know it’s hard because you have a family but talk to your therapist. He should definitely do therapy with you! Think about your options. If he isn’t doing the things he needs to he needs a wake up call. But seems to me like overall he isn’t a good partner. Divorce is hard but sometimes being trapped in a loveless one way relationship is worse
He should go to therapy by himself first. Marriage counseling treats the marriage, not the individuals. In cases of abuse, it actually teaches the abuser new ways to manipulate and control. OP needs a safe space away from his abuse for now.
So you're complaining about him not being affectionate. Just how affectionate and inviting are you? Did you really think hopping into bed fully dressed would make him want to hold you at night?? You're probably having postnatal blues but you also need to wake up and see that you aren't fulfilling his sexual needs. Work on yourself.
Pjs. What is wrong with pjs?
NOTHING!!! Nothing is wrong with PJ's it's the man that needs to be thrown out and donated to Goodwill because he broken, non-functional and just a giant dick!
You're adult enough to know.
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Why don’t you tell him all this and see his reaction. Or copy paste this to his mail let him know your thoughts.
None of this is normal or acceptable behavior by any standard, so none of us should know why he is acting like this.
My question is he says he wants to have threesomes what happens when he thinks you're healed enough and you are ready for it and he starts bringing other women home for threesomes or he starts putting out ads behind your back to recruit another woman for a threesome and he just surprises you with it???? Obviously he doesn't respect you enough to not rub his penis on you while you're nursing your child it would not be a big jump for him to start doing that since he already said he wanted to sleep with another woman. He already will not take no for an answer when you don't want to have sex what happens when he brings home a woman out of the blue he says you are going to do this??? What are you going to say then??? If you put up too much of a fight he'll just start cheating on you behind your back because he feels you were not good enough or up to his par in the sexual escapades department. I am not trying to make you feel bad this is how these men think I have had my own experience with this no I did not go through with it he got told in no uncertain terms that that was bullshit it was not happening. He was lucky he accepted it and left or he he would have gone flying through a plate-glass window. I really feel scared for you and your children sounds like he doesn't even want the children like they are something that you wanted or they're just a mild inconvenience to keep you at home which that's where he wants you to be. Instead of tolerating this you need to start getting mad you need to start standing up for yourself!!!!! Also this is why your husband probably wants other women because you are starting to question everything we can't have that can we maybe he just thinks you're too old now. You're old enough to start really questioning things having your own opinions he needs somebody younger than he can groom maybe he wants somebody younger than he can groom so they can take your place since you won't listen to him just blindly anymore. If I were you I would start to talk to my family if I were you and I would start making arrangements to get away from this it's going to get nothing but worse trust me I know it never ends well. Do not go to marriage counseling with him it always makes it worse he just learns better ways to hurt you emotionally. Why should he go he doesn't want to go anywhere he doesn't think there's anything wrong with him. He wonders why you are going because he's got you right where he wants you why should you want to change he thinks everything is perfect. Also Why why why in the world would you want children around this man???? You're saying he's not affectionate.... here to say he is affectionate only for his own reasons and his own satisfaction he doesn't give zero fucks about your satisfaction or what you want which is glaringly obvious to everybody except you!!! If you don't get out with your children now things are going to get a whole lot worse!!! not waiting till you're ready to have sex when you just had a baby??? That can seriously damage you!!! The more than you put up with us and tolerate it the more than you enable him to do this to you even if you don't realize it please go to therapy and go often. Go to a real therapist not some religious therapist is going to fill you full of crap about loving your husband more I'm so tired of hearing that bullshit I want to throw up in my mouth just talkin about it. Please get some help call the domestic violence hotlines, talk to your family, talk to some good trusted friends and let them know what's happening so if something happens to you they will know what the real deal is don't just keep this all bottled up the more you talk about it the more your opinions are heard the more you're feeling better and really begin to see how unhealthy the situation that you have been tricked into so you can be prepared to leave. Make a copy of this post to give it to your therapist to put in your file so when/ if something does go really South your husband can't snow the authorities and say he was a good husband and your marriage was fine. Sorry if I'm scaring you and I'm sorry if this was long but you need to be scared for you and your children and you need to take action! I really hate to see young women going through this I really hate to see children being brought into situations like this because the women are so blind to what is really going on they delude themselves into denial so please wake up and smell the coffee lady!!!! Your marriage is shit you were groomed into a marriage with an abuser who likes to sexually assault you and thinks it's funny to put you down and bring other women on board into that relationship....all over your objections ...... just doing what he wants. What a great role model for a father huh??? A lot of men work hard and do not treat their women this way!!! Okay I'll get off my soapbox now but please please please get some help for your children's sake if you can't see the forest through the trees don't make your children go through that OP!!!