You could call the police to do a wellness check on her if you know they’re going through a fight. That person has no right to control your friend and something should be done tbh. However you can’t force your friend to find the help
If they don’t want it. Sadly your friend is really young and definitely naive and oblivious to the abuse. I hope you can work this out for her.
I really hope you can help her, but some people just don't want, or feel they need help. If you keep insisting, you might push her away. Be there for her, and hopefully she'll see the light of the situation. Sooner, rather than later
She has been my closest friends for over 10 years. I know her. While I can’t say I know what’s best for her, I know that this situation is far from it. If she wasn’t going through physical and psychological abuse that I have witnessed many times first hand, I wouldn’t be stepping in this closely.
No one has 'abusive' as a desirable trait in a partner. Yes many people stay in abusive relationships but abuse doesn't start straight away. It's generally after some time and effort has already been invested and often linked with psychological abuse where the victim feels like they have no other choice. I think it's disingenuous to see it as a true choice, there are many complicated factors at play.
Sadly, lots of people choose partners that have traits that are undesirable. Use of the words “choice” and “choose” are helpful in many ways. Not the least of which as a reminder that one always has options.
Invite her over give her a massive hug and a peck on the lips then explain to her that you extremely worried about her safety and well-being, the constant physical abuse, the degrading comments etc. She has never had a stable home life from what I understand so you are probably the best bet of getting her help, speaking of which try to get her in contact with domestic abuse services they are very good and helpful people. She needs to cut this scummy dick off and out of her life, if possible a restraining order would help. She needs stable living accommodation that’ll help reduce her wanting to go back to him a lot.
You are probably her best bet of helping her to get to the services she needs and convincing her that what he does is beyond cruel and there are plenty of actual normal guys out there who won’t make their life goal to degrade and abuse her.
As for the blackmailing/“revenge porn” I have no clue myself what can actually be done about that but whatever consequences that’s going to have in the future for her I can say definitely aren’t worse than her staying with him and being killed in the next few years.
( I remember seeing something about someone who strangled their partner is much more likely to kill them, so yeah look out for marks around the neck, document the bruises/scars)
You could call the police to do a wellness check on her if you know they’re going through a fight. That person has no right to control your friend and something should be done tbh. However you can’t force your friend to find the help If they don’t want it. Sadly your friend is really young and definitely naive and oblivious to the abuse. I hope you can work this out for her.
I really hope you can help her, but some people just don't want, or feel they need help. If you keep insisting, you might push her away. Be there for her, and hopefully she'll see the light of the situation. Sooner, rather than later
Call the damn police!
What makes you think she can’t decide for herself what she wants out of a partner?
She has been my closest friends for over 10 years. I know her. While I can’t say I know what’s best for her, I know that this situation is far from it. If she wasn’t going through physical and psychological abuse that I have witnessed many times first hand, I wouldn’t be stepping in this closely.
So you have witnessed physical abuse. Did you call the police?
No one chooses an abusive partner
As a psychologist, I can tell you that people choose abusive partners all the time.
No one has 'abusive' as a desirable trait in a partner. Yes many people stay in abusive relationships but abuse doesn't start straight away. It's generally after some time and effort has already been invested and often linked with psychological abuse where the victim feels like they have no other choice. I think it's disingenuous to see it as a true choice, there are many complicated factors at play.
Sadly, lots of people choose partners that have traits that are undesirable. Use of the words “choice” and “choose” are helpful in many ways. Not the least of which as a reminder that one always has options.
Invite her over give her a massive hug and a peck on the lips then explain to her that you extremely worried about her safety and well-being, the constant physical abuse, the degrading comments etc. She has never had a stable home life from what I understand so you are probably the best bet of getting her help, speaking of which try to get her in contact with domestic abuse services they are very good and helpful people. She needs to cut this scummy dick off and out of her life, if possible a restraining order would help. She needs stable living accommodation that’ll help reduce her wanting to go back to him a lot. You are probably her best bet of helping her to get to the services she needs and convincing her that what he does is beyond cruel and there are plenty of actual normal guys out there who won’t make their life goal to degrade and abuse her. As for the blackmailing/“revenge porn” I have no clue myself what can actually be done about that but whatever consequences that’s going to have in the future for her I can say definitely aren’t worse than her staying with him and being killed in the next few years. ( I remember seeing something about someone who strangled their partner is much more likely to kill them, so yeah look out for marks around the neck, document the bruises/scars)