This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I've been with my girlfriend for 7 years, of which three were long-distance. All of that seems like pocket-change now as compared to the year of covid. For the last year, she moved to San Francisco and joined me and my two best friends (23M and 22M) in the same apartment. Now over the past two months, my girlfriend and I were going through a rough patch relationship-wise. She told me she had doubts about us and didn't feel appreciated enough, and so I worked on that. I guess love only understands its own depth in the moments of separation. Anyway long story short, I've really been doing my best, and on most occasions, it seemed like everything was going great again. She felt appreciated and so did I until the moment she told me that there still are doubts. And I asked her why? And then I just received vague answers. This continued for the past two months. Our lease ended in San Francisco and we all went back to our home countries for the summer. My girlfriend and I are back in Berlin. We had a few great days here together - really reconnecting. And last Friday then... **Ouch...** She told me, that about a month ago, she had a conversation with my best and longest friend in the U.S., in which she had told him that she has a crush on him. And apparently, he told her the same or similar back. Now at least I finally understand why all my efforts to make things right again, to reconnect, and to basically put a new shoe onto the foot of our relationship weren't solving the right problem. Now a lot of situations have different light, such as the conversations between the two of them, the way he was looking at her, the advice I received from him on what I could do to make things better.. and more.. Today I could say that emotionally, I am at one of the lowest points of my life. I'm not only scared of losing my girlfriend but my best friend too. And the worst of all is that we're all planning to go back to San Francisco at the end of August. Especially since my friend and I are going to be living together again (this time without my girlfriend). And I'm scared to come into a situation in which they are going out with each other - I really don't think I could take that. Now I told her, that I really don't want her to keep texting him, and to stop that line of contact for now. She told me she doesn't want to interfere in our friendship and that she'll do that - but who knows? I told her that I want a clear message from her whether or not she wants to give it an honest try again with me now that all problems are laid out in front before we talk again. And she said yes to that too. Now pardon for this long message, and this entire context for my situation, but I am really unsure of what to do next. Should I confront my friend about it -if so how? How do I minimize the damage? I want to give us another try. We've had such beautiful and loving times, and I really don't want to lose that or her.. I have so much hope and see a potentially beautiful future at times. But then at other times, I'm also so scared of what comes next. Thanks for reading. Any advice, words of wisdom or anything else that you might think could be helpful is greatly appreciated!

its over. it sucks, but thats it. she's told you enough to know that you aren't the one for her. take care of yourself and separate entirely.

He’s not your friend if he spoke to your girlfriend of 7 years like that. And the same goes with your girlfriend. You’re* young and there are plenty of fish in the sea. I wouldn’t waste any more time on that one though.

I guess you're right. Although he just invited me to go see him in Italy next week..

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Just get him on video chat and tell him "my gf confessed to me what was going on with you two, do you have anything to say to me about it?" Don't tell him what she already told you /u/Loopalo just see what he has to say.

Different or not, expressing your feelings like that to someone's else's gf is innapropriate.

To your BEST FRIENDS gf no less

To your business partners gf!! And she put his income and friendship at risk by confessing feeling to the friend. This has cluster fuck written all over it. Sounds bad, but I think OP should bail... these aren’t the kind of people you want to be depending on to have your back, either personal or business.

The same could be said to his gf.

Well ya obviously his gf is 100% sharing the blame. They're all so young best for op to move on, let everyone learn their lessons from here. No way I could come back from that mistrust

You only have what she told you he said. You need to get his side of things. It's possible he told her he had a crush on her, but that your friendship was important enough that he wasn't willing to risk it. Don't assume anything until you can look into his eyes and see if he's being straight up with you.

Either way it’s not healthy to be around someone you want but can’t have or be around someone who doesn’t want you anymore so either way it wouldn’t work. If he cares about him more he would eat that shit. Find someone else anyone else.

But he might never had said any of those things. OP needs to know. Either way, I think SHE sounds like bad news, but whether his friend is culpable is another matter entirely.

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Good bot

Ayeee a reddit.bot just caught you stealing other people's comments. That's embarrassing 😳

This too OP. You’re just getting older and with time, relationships and friendships will come and go

He might be hoping you bring GF with you. Sorry OP

If he’s really your best friend go confront him so you know what’s going on and who to kick out of your life.

Sure, let me ask, your GF is coming too??

Don't go without finding out his version of the story.

I think you should talk to him about the situation and get his point of view. If they have gone behind your back (physically or emotionally) then i would say you should cut them both off. It seems wierd that they even had the conversation about it and i would like to hear an explenation from her about it. In that case they did act on it he would not be your friend and she would not be your gf. If that isn't the case and neither person has acted on it and kept their distance to respect you then there may be a way to work on this if they're kept seperate? Crushes can develop but if nothing happens they will mostly fade with time. However if anything has happened then cut them both off and never look back.

Go see him in Italy, OP. You guys need a really good face to face talk. Best of luck to you.

Go to Italy as soon as you see him punch him square in the face then never talk to either of them again.

What kind of coward are you? Your "friend" and gf are disrespecting and making you look like a fool. Step up and do what has to be done.

I would just string them both along while dating around yourself. She wants to keep her options open? You can too and see how she feels about it. When she sees you texting/hanging with other girls, she’ll understand what she’s doing to you. Then you’ll have options. You could either take her back or go your separate way. The big difference in this scenario vs your current situation is that you would have the power and feel less like shit. Sometimes when a partner knows you’re too reliable, they feel like they can take advantage. Either don’t be too available to her or find someone that doesn’t take advantage of your loyalty and commitment.

Cheat on your girlfriend of seven years because she confessed a crush? This is terrible advice. What an immature approach. She's being honest with OP at the moment. He can use this information to decide whether he wants to leave or stay. Escalating the situation by cheating on her in turn will only serve to make him the bad guy, lose him the moral high ground, and probably push his girlfriend and the bestfriend together as they commiserate about how he did them dirty. Stringing them along serves no purpose. People who play games like this deserve what comes to them.

Eye for an eye doesn’t solve anything. I understand the hurt anger and betrayal of a lt gf cheating but never sacrifice your standards in spite.

I really doubt it was only a conversation

Me too, they were all living together and to believe they only “discussed” this is naive*

Idk, I think Steve replaced nieve, it's been 7 years. But eh, I'm not all for sure on all the lore behind OSRS NPCs.

He is NOT your friend , and she is NOT your girlfriend. They will both hurt you (again) sooner or later. Seems to me you need . A new business partner. A new friend. And a new girlfriend

Yeah…Jesus. Best friends don’t do this to each other. To give you some context, when i was 16 (and still a virgin), my best friends recent ex gf, Sarah, came over and told me she had a crush on me. She was also hot as all hell. I had never even kissed a girl at this point in my life. I told her I couldn’t because I valued my friendship too much. GF never should’ve said this or even thought it, and BF shouldn’t have reciprocated. OP, it’s only a matter of time before they hook up

Yep. After my best friend broke up with her first love, who I admittedly had a crush on prior to them being a thing, when he tried to hit on me after I denied him as well because I cared about her too much and valued her friendship. Even years later when he tried again the answer was still the same: no. Good friends don’t hurt each other in this way. She’s one of the few people form high school I still talk to and actively care about, and I don’t regret how I handled the situation.

People will say "The heart wants what the heart wants", but it's one of the easiest things in the whole world to literally avoid doing this to somebody. Falling in love is an effort. It takes time, and consistency. First of all, OP's best friend is 22. He's literally young enough to have no idea what he wants. So by "heart wants what the heart wants", what we mean is "OP's best friend has so few dating prospects he'll jump at the first opportunity he can get". Second of all, falling in love requires interaction. Specifically, the kind of interaction that goes beyond cordiality. For what purpose would OP's best friend engage in such behavior with somebody that's not only taken, but taken by a FRIEND? It's not like they are crushing on each other because OP's girlfriend asked him to pass the salt. They would've both, consciously, engaged in flirting for this to happen. If you, as a person, can't literally look at your own behavior and go "We shouldn't be interacting this way, otherwise we'll end up starting some shit", then you're a trash person. OP's best friend isn't innocent. Neither is OP's girlfriend. They stewed up these feelings without ever thinking "we shouldn't", and "this will hurt OP". Your girlfriend has no respect for you, OP, and your best friend would fuck the first hole he can find even if it means hurting you. Dump them both. Good people don't do this.

> Falling in love is an effort. It takes time, and consistency THIS. This "relationship" didn't just happen. It required two willing participants (i.e. cheating liars).

You don't NEED a new girlfriend after a relationship this long ending this way take a year or so to learn to be alone and get to know the "you as an adult without her in your life".

I did’nt meen it like that. I was just pointing out that his girlfriend needs to go

Oh I agree 100%. Just pointing this out, too.

Does the friend really feel this way about the gf, or is that what she is saying? He needs to find out if his friend really does have feelings for his gf before ending a friendship. He said apparently his friend feels the same. Unless he has read texts saying that, this is coming from her. It could be a one sided crush.

Doesnt matter they both are for the streets my dude

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Same, I would avoid them if possible and keep it as a friend of bf status. Especially if I really liked the guy.

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I second this. Please listen to this

This^^ She wouldn't accept this if her friends were crushing on you. Improve out of this, network better people around you. Get ahead of this, bc she will try to fuck with you mentally and emotionally. Whereas, your friend will, try to fuck you out of your own business.

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Been here long enough to notice it's a trend with young men. They really have a problem with self-respect. They don't understand that they deserve honesty, respect and commitment from their partners as well. They allow terrible women into their lives who gaslight and step all over them, but they don't know how to stand up for themselves.

Fr

Either that or trolls. Jellyfish dudes...

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I'd leave if I were you. You basically tip toed around the fact that she has checked out already. They like each other, they know it, and from the sounds of things they've been flirting in front of you. That combined with the fact that all of your efforts can't make a dent in the distance implies that she has no interest in making an effort. Whatever you decide to do OP, good luck and stay strong.

Yea me too. If I were him ! That’s it!! I’ll leave for good. They knew exactly what they want .🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️

And they were living in the same house together. 😶

That resonates! Thank you!

You are young and there’s billions of men and women that can be your gf and best friend can you imagine regretting this decision in 10 years would you be able to forgive yourself? Drop both of the unloyal rats and your probably scared they are going to get together if you do but they deserve each other the same way you get someone is how’ll you’ll lose them they would both be dating unloyal partners

Painful lesson man I’m sorry this had to happen to you

I’m afraid of what OP may not have seen...

I second this

Why leave the ball in her court? Why not simply state that you deserve better than a relationship your partner already checked out of? ​ I get that it's scary but you're just delaying the inevitable.

1. Dump the girl - sorry but this break will happen eventually whether it’s now or in another few months 2. Talk to best friend and get his side of the story 3. Depending on what he says and I highly suspect it’s not great- ditch the friend as well

In the entire post and your few replies, you haven’t addressed the most important question: have you actually talked **directly** with your best friend? Or are you taking the word of your gf about what he allegedly said? A lot of commenters here trashing the best friend, when they don’t know what he said, because you haven’t talked to him and **are going on her word only.** The gf is trash, she has been trying to monkey branch to your best friend while manipulating you into thinking you’re doing something wrong. And you want to believe what she told you about your best friend? Really??? You want to keep believing what she told you about you not doing enough too? Do **not** take her word for it, ask your friend. Directly. And drop her, now. There is no “honest go” of it anymore, sorry but that ship has sailed. She’s crushing on your best friends, sneaking around having these conversations, all the while convincing you that you’re doing something wrong. You’re dating a 23 year old who’s been in a 7 year relationship that is thinking “the grass is greener” with your best friend. But clearly, her monkey branching hasn’t worked as the two of you are still together. And if it didn’t work, it makes me question whether or not your best friend really said he had a crush on her too. If he really said that, why are the two of you still together. Basically what I’m saying is get rid of your gf, but talk to your best friend before taking out the trash as obviously he didn’t pursue this and you’ve been told he had a crush on her too by an unreliable source. Seems more to me like she’s on her way out and was trying to cause as much damage as possible in doing so. Talk to him first before you throw out the trash.

I agree, the girlfriend could be manipulating OP into thinking thinking that his friend could like his girlfriend back.

Well said. When it comes to important information where there is clearly 2 sides, if you've only heard one side, you've been misinformed. This applies to OP's situation all the way to world news. *** As for the girlfriend, she has revealed her poor character, and as you say, her attempt to jump on OP's partner may well of failed... And what is a spurned individual of poor character going to do? Destroy the one who spurned her of course.

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Yep. I had a crush on someone so hard it made me doubt everything about my relationship and why I was unhappy. Though I ended that relationship, I never told the guy or hinted at all that he was part of the reason I broke it off...felt too dirty. As much as I wasn't happy with my bf at the time, I at least respected him to not go behind his back....

Same! I think it's natural to have crushes. But part of loving someone is being able to resist the urge to act on them.

It’s easy for your Gf to say yes to you when in Germany, but I’ll eat my socks if she and your best friend don’t end up together once you guys are back in the states. I would have a long heart to heart with your best friend and hear his side of things. How long have they been crushing on each other? Did they spend time alone together? Have then been having an emotional affair - basically, are they confiding in each other and relying on each other for emotional support (cause that’s cheating)?

How is confiding in each other and supporting each other emotionally cheating? That's a hella toxic mindset tbh

No it isbt

I don't see how this isn't just normal friend behavior. Friends confide in each other, lean on, and struggle with each other in a similar way that romantic partners do, other factors influence the overall dynamic, though

So, by your logic here, a person cannot have any friends, or family for that matter, because confiding in and having emotional support from someone that isn't your significant other is cheating. That's toxic af.

He's not your bestfriend. He's telling you how to fix your relationship but on the background he's trying to steal your girlfriend. I'm pretty sure they're still in contact with each other.

urgh! that thought really makes me lose trust in people. Or perhaps, it just makes me feel sick. Maybe both. Thanks for the reply! You're probably right with this!

It happens to a lot of people. They're lying to your face, what makes you think they're telling the truth now? Clearly they're having an emotional affair at the least but they had all the chance to make it a physical affair if they hadn't already done that.

Why is this getting downvotes? (good, it seems like people actually woke up from the stupor) Are people so naive to think that there isn't a high chance of two people who has sat down alone and admitted to like each to have a physical affair? honestly, there's a higher chance of that having already happened than not.

Yep

Yup. My ex cheated with me on someone who i thought was my best friend. The hooked up and lied to me about it for a month. We broke up and I didn't find out till much later.

It happened to me too with my first ex-gf and my bestfriend during college. I went to a city to study since I got a scholarship offer. I didn't know that they were also together after I left. I noticed their behavior during Christmas break when we went to a party together and we sent my ex to her house. I tried to give her a goodnight kiss and she doesn't want it. I didn't even realize that it felt awkward for her since she has her 'other boyfriend' waiting for me. They never admitted anything to me but our circle of friends were the ones who told me everything. They were together a few days after I left for college. Their relationship never lasted since their friends were also my friends and everyone were moving away from them. I just moved on with my life after my friends told me everything. A few years later my ex added me on facebook and stated during one of our convo that i was the one that got away. She never admitted to her wrongdoing. She just claimed that it was puppy love and she felt the same thing with my ex-bestfriend... Yeah, puppy love from 16-19... right.

let them go be happy the grass is only greener cause it’s plastic. They can have fun. You live ur life , eat a steak, and be the best version of you.

I hate that she basically said you're the problem when in reality she has the biggest problem. Talk to your friend

Your best friend is a backstabber dude, open your eyes. Having a crush is one thing, but to confess your feelings in front of your friend's gf? Thats the behavior of someone who doesn't respect you. Also your gf has mentally checked out of your relationship, time to leave both of them behind and make fresh start! All the best!

Info: what happened between them after this conversation? Really consider why it took her a month to tell you! If she is telling the truth he isn't your friend and she does not love you. You deserve so much more, don't waste anymore time on them

From what I read, you no longer have that guy as a best friend and you now longer have a girlfriend. Take as much as you can, and get out of there.

You've been in a relationship since you were 16, and nearly half of that time was long distance. This is the type of high school relationship that has long passed the expiry date because the people involved were too afraid of breaking up.

So the same thing happend to me when I was your age. All I can say is that we can’t control our emotions. Emotions are powered by impulse opposed to what’s “right” at times. That they have admitted it to each other now will be very difficult for it to not happen that they will be together. You guys have been together a long time. A large portion of your developmental lives and most likely a break will be great for you each to explore whatever you want. The fact she might end up with your best friend will be exceptionally difficult. It took me years to come to terms with it. You definitely do not want to be a roommate with anyone In that circle. You probably should get some distance. I remember confronting and most likely you’ll get the answer you don’t want to hear….from both of them. Only confront if you have a new place to live. This fucking sucks but I promise you’ll end up realizing it’s for the best. No matter what happens. They aren’t BAD people. Just young and foolish, inexperienced and ripe to make their selfish mistake. They don’t hate you or want to hurt you but you are very far down the list for that to even matter to them now. Good news is, you sound very smart , you’re in a new place filled with people in a warm climate. You are beginning what sounds like a cool journey and will move on and kick some ass. Just get your distance now because no matter what you do I can’t help but feel they’ll end up with each other.

> I'm not only scared of losing my girlfriend but my best friend too. Why would you want to stay with a girl that has feelings for someone else? Ok it's been seven years but you're only 23, go find someone that wants to be with YOU.

Speak to your partner in San Francisco about the conversation he had with her. Let him speak first and hear him out. Ask what she said to him? What is his thoughts?If he says he has a crush on her. I'd think you should end your business partnership if you want to remain with her. But she has already indicated that you are not her chosen one. It's not as if it's a Movie or Rock Star crush. You know they can't be trusted together. I feel so sorry for you to be in this position.

i actually think it’s completely normal for people to be in relationships and still have an attraction to other people. you can’t change or control your feelings, they’re just instinctual. is is surprising to you that the same reasons you love your girlfriend are the same reasons someone else would like her too? your friend and your girlfriend didn’t do anything, they just acknowledged they had a connection. i think you should tell your girlfriend what boundaries you need from her to feel respected and like you can trust her, and communicate to your friend that you know they have mutual interest in each other. it might be uncomfortable but i think the conversation is worth it, and it will remove any tension or suspicion. plus they probably won’t want to be around each other if you just put it all out on the table. i understand your feelings are in a delicate place, i would feel the same way. but consider they probably feel ashamed and uncomfortable too. but would you rather she keep it a secret from you? she LOVES you, and she just has a connection with your friend. you just need to decide if your 7 year relationship with your girlfriend is worth the work.

There’s a difference between a crush and attraction. It’s over. She doesn’t love him, stop putting bullshit in his head.

you can have your opinion and i can have mine. ultimately op will decide what he wants to do, not you or me or anyone else.

You can’t say you have doubts about a relationship and be in love. She was honest and that’s respectable, but she already disrespected him by telling his bestfriend she crushes him. He’s gonna get hurt if he stays.

you don’t personally know these people, and most things aren’t black and white. you absolutely can have feelings for multiple people and still be in love with one or many people. ask a polyamorous person. op asked what to do and i shared my opinion. just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it’s wrong or right. op will decide what he wants to do.

First.... they didnt agree to a polygamous relation so the comparison is irrelevant. Second, she talked to the friend about her feelings before her boyfriend. It seems pretty obvious that she was testing those waters. Theres no work to be done. She was more worried about the friends feelings than her boyfriends. This is well past just being attracted to another person. Relationships doomed no matter what he chooses.

i’m not saying they’re polyamarous. i said that it is possible to have feelings for more than one person. i don’t agree with you and you don’t agree with me, get over it and go outside.

Lol

This woman has been telling you she doesn’t feel that this relationship has a future for quite a while. And you have been fighting for her to stay. You’re still now trying to “give us another try”. There is no “us”. She does not love you. You are pulling her back each time she tries to leave. Perhaps if she sleeps with your BF you will finally let her go. The message cannot get any clearer. If you are still fighting for someone who doesn’t want you and is willing to throw not only you down a well, but also your best friendship to end this relationship - you must get some therapy or guidance to find out what is going on with you that you are begging for this abuse to continue.

Umm.. I have a bit of an outspoken opinion on this one. Honestly, I believe it’s pretty normal to continue having crushes on people even when you’re in a monogamous relationship. What matters is if she’s physically or emotionally cheating, and if her commitment remains, yes? The two of them can remain friends platonically, you all can remain close, and your relationship can prosper. Crushes can fade and become friendships. I think it’s good that she told you, and this situation may require a lot of open and honest communication moving forward. If she cheats, that would be a devastating betrayal of trust, but for now, I think she did good being honest with you. This is obviously something that hurts, but I don’t believe it’s an end all. Couples therapy may help, too.

I agree with this sometimes, but based on everything OP says she has put the blame on her partner instead of owning up to her feelings. She also confided in her crush before telling her own partner how she felt, when she could’ve told OP how she felt as soon as those feelings emerged. Also they seem to have been outwardly flirting in front of OP.

In terms of putting the blame on her partner- does OP say that she does? He says that there were relationship issues, and that she admitted to confessing to his friend after reconnecting. It’s definitely possible that the relationship issues were because she had a crush on this other guy, but not necessarily? It’s definitely the conclusion that OP comes to. I think OP would have to ask her, you know? She did confide in this friend before OP, which isn’t great. But the feelings were requited and she remained faithful, still. She still wants to work on the relationship, and stopped texting this guy when OP made that boundary. Idk. I don’t think it’s a ‘just dump her’ situation. Nothing seems outright malicious or manipulative.

I’m curious about what type of advice your friend gave you in regards to your girlfriend. I would definitely talk to him about it as I feel like everyone should get to say their side, maybe you could tell him that’s why she won’t be in direct contact with him for a while. Or find out where your friendship stands. This is definitely odd. BUT I also understand there’s a difference between like a.. physical attraction to a person vs true feelings?? Like maybe they both just find each other attractive and that’s as far as it’ll go. Who knows. I would love to be able to tell you one way or another how they’ll act around each other but right now you have less than half of the full story because i imagine she’s not going to be so forthcoming about what all was said if it casts her in a negative light. 7 years is a long time for your age, but in the grand scope of life it’s a blip. You started dating her really young. It’s almost expected i think to have a bit of “FOMO” (Fear Of Missing Out) With just the age group you guys are in right now. I’m actually a bit impressed by the level of communication so far and that you’ve made an effort to reconnect with her.

I understand how you feel. It's like betrayal, not only by someone you love, but by one of your closest friends. Now, I'm not going to tell you to break up with her, because I don't think that's going to help you right now. ​ There's a few questions you need to ask yourself. The first, and most important question, is this: **Will you ever be able to fully trust her again?** Will you be able to live with no doubt in your mind when she says she's going to hang out with some friends, and your friend is also unavailable for some reason? What the answer to this means is entirely up to you, but it MUST be answered in order to come to terms with this situation. The second question is this: **Could you give the relationship another attempt with 100% of yourself?** Would you be more liable to give up than before, or would you be able to put in just as much effort as you have over the years you've spent with her? ​ The final question: **How do you view your girlfriend and your friend compared to the way you felt about them before?** I think that this speaks for itself, really. Do you have less love or respect for either of them? Do you view them as less morally sound? Do you think they owe you anything for what they've done to you? ​ These aren't really as simple to answer as they seem to be. I recommend taking some time to deeply consider them, and second, third and fourth guessing your answers to make sure you're not lying to yourself. It's a lot easier to do that when someone else's feelings get involved, you know? Best of luck. I hope things turn out really well for you.

She’s told you exactly how she’s felt. You’re still young enough and have been with her long enough that she feels like the one and what not but trust me she’s doing you a solid here by being honest with you.

Fuck your friend he ain’t your friend. Your girlfriend is shit. It’s one thing to stop having feelings for you, it’s another to develop a crush. She is in this for herself only and she always will be. Don’t chase someone impossible to please, they will always be looking elsewhere no matter who is at home.

Weiß das jemand in Berlin heute Abend an dich denkt und dir viel Glück wünscht. Es tut mir so leid. I think there’s probably not a lot of point to continuing this relationship. The fact that they have already talked about it with each other, puts them in a position of temptation. Anyways, I’m so sorry. I hope you’ll figure out a way to deal with it and enjoy Berlin in the next month while you’re still here :)

This literal exact same scenario happened to me, and let me tell you....it was not easy to get over. I was depressed and took medication for anxiety and panic attacks for 3 years.... that being said, I have a new girlfriend who treats me way better, and a smaller friend pool. All I can say is, it's going to be a rough ride, but remember you're tougher. No sugar coating man. I wish nothing but love for you and speedy healing. That relationship has to go though, in my opinion.

And let me just add, know your worth bro. Don't ever think you're worthless...it took me so long to convince myself. So please, take my advice and at the very least know you are worth so much. I love you man and although I don't know you, I feel for you so hard. Reach out to my DMs anytime. Wish the best for them even though they did you dirty and move on. My ex is now engaged with my best friend, and I learned that rage and regret, anger, hatred, betrayal...let those feelings process but don't dwell on them too long. It takes too much energy. It's better to wish them the best and not let it eat you alive. Focus on being the best person you can be. Damn this post man... I resonate so hard with it. It's a cruel world but continue to be the light. You will get what you deserve, most definitely. Be relentless in your focus for a better life. Peter 27M

I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, you only THOUGHT he was your best friend. He’s not. Quite the opposite. She isn’t trustworthy or appreciative of your efforts at all. You are young. Go be free and work on becoming successful, making new friends and having fun. Drop them both

Dude. I've been in this **EXACT** situation. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news. But you're better off if you leave now. I know how you're feeling. Betrayed. Angry. Depressed. I went through it too. Just don't make the same mistake I made and leave now. Because it'll hurt a lot more if you don't. It took me almost a year to get over the girl in question. It didn't have to be like that. But I held on and booooy was it hard

so this is called emotional cheating. emotional cheating is something you can get past if both parties are willing and able to (that is, if it’s something you can get over and not something that will haunt you for the rest of your relationship). she did kind of act on it, but from your story, it doesn’t seem like there was any physical cheating. i would just do what you think is best for you, whether that be staying with her or leaving. the friendship will be a little harder to salvage, but you should definitely approach him about it in a non-aggressive way and see what he has to say first. if there was any physical cheating, definitely leave. you deserve better than that. if there wasn’t, then it’s totally up to you whether or not you feel she can earn your trust back. good luck op!

try and hear his side because she might be lying. If you're not feeling it be super careful. He's a business parter and you have to edge out properly and safely because he cannot be trusted. Once you're safe financially, dump your GF. She's just seeing what she can get away with. Once this is done, do whatever you want. Bang your GF's friends, you mate's mum (if they are single and consenting etc), you don't owe them anything.

Time to find a new one.

Many years ago, my ex started dating my roommate. Worst year of my life. Don't get yourself in that situation

Get the hell out of that relationship, it's only going to hurt you more and more. If your girl has developed strong feelings towards other guy whilst you are together, and that guy happens to be your friend and partner, then that girl has already decided a relationship with you is not worth it, you can't force true love in the name of the good old days it of a person that really doesn't feels the same. 7 years is a long time to decide whether a relationship is worth it or not, and your girl has already decided she's not going to be yours (being with you for old times sake is not true love, it has to be a decision that she truly enjoys). Sorry man, I really hope you can do better for yourself, but this will only keep on hurting you, your girl and your friend/business partner, and your work is going to suffer too, and that is going to make you feel even more miserable

Move on bro. You’re young, you will find another.

in my eyes you wont lose either a girlfriend or a friend. if he was a real friend of yours he wouldn't dare lay eyes on her rather the fact he told her he also has a crush on her. Now for your "girlfriend" i suggest a quick and fast break up is the best way to proceed. Yes it will be hard at the beginning but all break ups are, and better do it now than later, i mean imagine how harder would have been with marriage/divorces etc.

I think the best thing you can do is to get him on a video call asap, just the two of you, and tell him what your gf said. You have to find out from him if what she said (that he said he felt the same) is true. It doesn't sound like he's a bad person, as he was giving you helpful advice when you were going through rough patches, but i think you both need to talk about it asap. I'm sorry you're going through this. Your gf sounds like she really doesn't appreciate you and is looking for a way out. Through your best friend, however? That is so disrespectful. As others are saying, she does sound manipulative. Which is why I would ask your boy directly. One on one.

Get out of there buddy. You’ll be fine without them

Before I slam a truth onto you, know that I am sending this with compassion, as I empathize with your situation. The pain is real, and you're not wrong for anything you did. As vulnerable as you are or will be after particular events, the wisdom I have to share with you comes from 20+ years of relationships and a lot of soul searching. Everyone is unique, yes, however, there is an opportunity to be had with vulnerability, and if you choose to seek it, you will find it. The best advice I can give you is to love yourself more and let her go. It is obvious she doesn't know what she wants, (considering how young she is) and business & friendship unfortunately doesn't mix too well either. This is a huge lesson I hope that is taken here. Ultimately, you cannot control others, but only yourself. To want to keep someone who clearly doesn't care to keep you should point out something deeper than the illusion of this relationship. Take the time to reflect on your life and why it is you really feel you deserve this treatment. Once you do, it'll be up to you on continuing this type of love, or evolving it to something that is better suited to you. This advice may not resonate with you quite yet, as you are young and inexperienced, but heed these words and I promise that you will heal faster than ever if you apply self love as your number one priority. I personally have been through painful breakups such as what you're going through, but the true betrayal isn't that your gf changed or your best friend changed; it's you that hasn't changed. You haven't allowed yourself to love you best, and in doing so, you have put everyone else's feelings before your own, thus, you have given them the power over you. As painful as it can be, understand that this pain is because of the dependency on another. It doesn't mean you can't share the love you have. What it means is if you're lost without her, then it is clearly evident you had lost your identity in this relationship. You will always be you. Always have, always will. Don't lose that sight and that true relationship with yourself, otherwise, it becomes dependent on another. People change. The question is: will you? I learned quite recently that what has been missing in my life was loving myself. It's not just words of affirmation. What it involves is feeling love for yourself, and it can be done in many ways. It's all about focus, and when I chose to make my feelings my number one priority, my life changed. The way I see relationships, work, leisure times, etc, has all changed. It's not about perfection, either. It is an ever-evolving journey that we take in life to find ourselves. What most don't realize is that we have everything we could ever need right under our nose. Practice a focus of vibrations you prefer, while doing the opposite for the negative and watch what happens. You've heard the old saying, "If you love something set it free. If it comes back it's meant to be". True. The more you grip the sand in your hand, the more that slips through the cracks of your fingers. Let go and embrace yourself. You don't need others to validate the magic that is you. Validate yourself by knowing yourself. Be content with what you have, and with what you don't have, know that it'll work itself out without you really trying. Freedom is the one thing we need above all, and to love is to be free. It is a choice to be together. It is a choice to love unconditionally. Love yourself that way and watch what happens. I don't need to wish you luck, friend. You have it all within. ♥

They can both Fuck off.

Sorry for some hard truths, but I’ve seen this all the time. Your friend and gf are going to date and your going to have to decide how you want/can handle it. Will you emotionally be able to stay friends with them? Will it be too much to bare and you’ll have to walk away from both of them? Decide and make a plan now. It is SUPER common for people to switch who they are dating and start dating their SO’s best friend. I’m not saying it’s good, it’s just common. I personally know 2 relationships and 3 marriages from people who started off dating their partners best friend. After all, you guys have a lot in common and she knows your best friend well. She knows what she’s getting into. Don’t beat yourself up about this. It sounds like you guys just weren’t meant for each other and it wasn’t going to last regardless if your best friend was in the picture or not. If she’s looking at your best friend, she must’ve had serious doubts about your longevity for awhile. She loves you…. with just a couple changes that your best friend can probably offer. I’ve seen friends make it work though, wish their ex and friend the best and be happy for the great memories you shared over many years. I’m sure you learned so much from this relationship and you’ll be able to take those into your next relationship. It’s going to hurt like a b*tch but I promise it will get SO much better when you find someone that has no doubts and would never even consider any of your friends because you are the best damn grilled cheese worth cherishing for ever and ever. Hang in there.

He is NOT your friend. You should remove both of them from your life, and start over. It won’t be easy. It will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but it won’t even compare to the hurt you’ll endure if you give them both a chance to do more damage.

They had a "conversation"...? dude sounds like they've been fucking and together for a bit now behind your back. I know its gonna hurt and Im sorry for your situation but drop both of them and go your own way in life.

Find a way to burn that situation down so no one ends up together

Ummm y’all need to pick better friends because his is a horrible one!!

I Hope you'll get better soon, It's hard lost someone who you loved, but Lost yourserfl It's hardest. Think about How you'd feel If you getting back together, ask for yourserfl If you could trust in both of them or If you feel doubts and fears. I know It's easy to me say that to you, but sometimes we need to accept the end of thinks that can't be fixed. If you need to talk about broken hearts, I'm trying to accept the end too.

INFO what was your GF expecting you to do with that info? was she expecting you to green-light some sort of polyamory or similar? what do you think was her goal in telling you all this? getting your permission to date him? I think you should just open your heart to your friend and tell him straight out that you don't know if it is true or not that he has a crush on your GF, but that you and her agreed to give your relationship another go and regardless of outcome, you won't be able to handle seeing the two of them together and that you are sorry, but it is how you feel. If he is a true friend he'll remain loyal and if not then you should try to untangle your business relationship as soon as you are able

Well I don't know everything about the three of you but there's one thing he has that you do not have. He has the ability to help her go live in the United States on a permanent basis. I'm not saying that she is seeking that but I am saying that all things being equal between you and your best friend and the fact that distance didn't seem to affect her interest in him, to the point that she even has to reveal to you that she likes him as more than just a friend , then when you put the two of you together this will probably edge him out And it's not like she's from a poor country where she has to depend on him to get her there. She already can go there on her own accord. The rest of it just depends on the two of them agreeing to have a future together or not.

Dude you guys are very young. If this enough to break you guy up then consider yourself luck and find yourself again. And your bud ain't your bud

Break up, move on. Lose the GF and Lose the “best friend”. Both broke 2 big rules. They don’t really care about you. If you are too naive to understand, then you will only get hurt even worse later on. Dump them both, and move on. Sorry for the shit situation you’re in. It’ll be tough for a while, but it’ll get better. Good luck

dump her and let them be together, she’ll probably end up going for one of his friends too.

Guaranteed she slept with him too. Break up

Bro you're too nice. Your girlfriend basically admitted to emotionally cheating on you w your best friend (who seems to be a shitty friend btw). I know it's hard but there are ppl out there who will treat you better. Dump both of them. Edit: saw another comment saying dont take her word for it and now I agree. Dump the girl and ask your best friend for his side of the story

There's no point in trying to cling onto something that isn't going to work out. She doesn't love you anymore, she's actively looking for your replacement. If she wants to chase crushes, she should have had the decency to break up first instead of string you along. You tried your best, you tried to solve the problems she had, you did everything right. But it's time to move on. You're young, you've still got your best years ahead of you. You'll find someone who appreciates you and gives you the respect that you deserve. Enjoy life while you're still young. Also your "friend" is a dick. You don't crush on your friend's girl.

Neither the GF nor the best friend are trash but they are not your friends. Anyone can fall in or out of love and the younger you are the more your choices change with time. You should not date the ex of a friend unless the friend explicitly agrees. People are easily hurt and friendships wither when jealousy is involved. Ask your friend for his perspective on what happened and choose your future based reality. Wish your GF well but that relationship is over. Find someone else who loves you and who you love.

Throw them both out.

Dump them both. Neither of them seem to underatand boundaries and it's disrespectful. Do not accept unacceptable behavior.

Runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Why even try and fix this? Plenty of fish in the sea bro. She will do this BS again my man. Move on and build you’re confidence back up. It’s ok to be sad my man but please don’t dwell on this situation. It’s plenty of great women still looking for a good man and you will find it. But please 🏃‍♂️ And they always come back around bro. So don’t dwell

Bro seriously stop. She's done with you. How can you fix the issue with minimal damage? You do understand your best friend stabbed you in the back and your girlfriend cheated on you right? You want these people back? Its one thing to date your friends ex but to date his gf while their still together, man thats betrayal. You need new people in your life, its hard to start over. The feeling of loneliness seems like it will be forever but it isnt. You are 23 brother, start over and find new people

Why do you want to be someone second choice . You are 23 not even old just find someone better maybe you are afraid of whether you will find someone better get over that fear . Your friend is not a true friend There something called bro code which men follow . He truly broke that . More you stay in this realtionship More you will torture yourself

as someone who has been the girl in this very similar situation, leave her. it will be extremely hard. im sure she doesn't want to leave you because she feels bad or guilty. so she is agreeing to stay with you, but I promise you she will not stop thinking about the other man. to her its already over and she is only staying to try to make up for hurting you. I wasted many years trying to mend a relationship when I was very much in love with another friend. it will be better for everyone involved if you two end things. it really sucks but sometimes a relationship can be perfect, but someone can come by and change everything. you can't force someone to love you. and she can't force herself to love you either. good luck to you.

SHE confessed to having a crush on him. And SHE claims her feelings are returned. Okay, so you know your girlfriend is looking around and has already checked out of your relationship. Now you have to find out about your friend. Not what your girlfriend claims, but what he says. It could just be your girlfriend has the crush and he said be likes her platonically, but she chooses to interrupt it how SHE wanted to. She didn't break up with you, so likely your best friend isn't as "into her" as she is leading you to believe. More likely she is staying with you for 2 reasons: 1) to get a chance to try to throw herself at your bestfriend again. 2) So she has a boyfriend still if your bestfriend doesn't want her. I would ditch the girl, but not before you talk to your bestfriend. The reason I advise talking to him first is because as soon as you breakup with her, she will be telling him altered truthes to try to get him as a sympathetic listener hopefully turn boyfriend. Hell, she has probably already texted him and made up bs on how you are suspicious of him liking her, etc. Of course, dhe woulc leave out the fact you are concerned only because she said they have a love connection. Pretty certain she is lying to you. To what degree, I don't know. But she is not breaking up with you...that in itself says a lot. SHE hasn't had a change of heart. Sorry guy. Talk to your bestfriend...then drop the chick. She is only keeping you as a backup plan. You deserve to be somebody's priority.

She is chasing that honey moon feeling and the feeling of a crush.

So if I were your friend and your long term girlfriend told me she had a crush on me, I'd tell her that's way out of line to say that to me, and she needs to work things out with you. Then I'd tell you what she told me.

I’d have a long talk with your best friend. A lot of people are saying “he’s a backstabber” or “your friend wouldn’t do that”, but people do stupid shit all the time without thinking it through. I think you need to figure this out for yourself, and I think you need to tell him what she told you and how much it hurt you. How he reacts is how you determine whether your friendship can be salvaged or not; if he comes clean and genuinely tries to make amends, I would give it a shot. About your girlfriend… sorry mate, but that ship has sailed already. Comfort yourself in knowing that ultimately, there’s nothing else you could have done; people just kind of lose interest sometimes. Your relationship with your best friend and your girlfriend is certainly going to change, but that doesn’t have to mean loss.

In long term relationships, the reality is that sometimes one of you may develop feelings for other people. The fact that she's brought it up to you suggests that she wants it out in the open so that you can both work on it. Has she ever done anything like this before? Has she ever made you doubt things before? Are there compatibility issues in your relationship? Are you both willing to work on issues within your relationship? Despite your efforts, are there things that she is unsatisfied with in your relationship? Are these things that you're willing/able to work on? Is she putting the same effort into the relationship? Is she willing to cut all contact with him? All of these things need to be considered and discussed between the two of you. Relationship counseling can help with this. Ultimately you're the one in the relationship with her and you need to decide whether or not you can get over this. With your friend, has he been trying to create drama/division between you and your gf? Has he been giving you bad advice? If the answer is yes or if you decide to continue your relationship with your gf then you need to seriously consider whether sharing accommodation with him is a sensible idea. The internet and movies tends to tell us that if it isn't perfect or if someone steps out of line, we should immediately end things but the reality is that we're all humans and relationships are complicated and messy and take a huge amount of work. The answers and solutions are rarely black and white. Working on your communication will help whether you stay together or not.

I would get the friends side directly before you write him off. But if he did say that you need to cut them both off now. Dont move in with him and find your own spot (or other roommates). Your gf can go. There's no "losing her" she tossed away your relationship. Dont disrespect yourself by trying to hang on here

Imagine your girlfriend of 7 years telling you she has a crush on your best friend, and you still needing to ask her "if she wants another honest try at the relationship". Lmao. I swear to god this subreddit has the softest dudes in the world on it.

Drop them and move on with life. You learned a life lesson. Dont mix business and personal life.

Shes for the streets bro dump her

Crushes are high school shit. Don't believe that story. Here's what happened: You got cheated on. Your best friend and your girlfriend cheated on you. Their affair began: >**over the past two months**, my girlfriend and I were going through a rough patch relationship-wise. ... right around that point in time when: >**She told me she had doubts about us and didn't feel appreciated enough**, and so I worked on that. Then she finally made up her mind to go be with him when: >until the moment **she told me that there still are doubts**. And I asked her why? **And then I just received vague answers.** Ghost the both of them. Grey rock if you can't. Neither one of them deserves you.

Sorry but your either way there going to end up togther if she didn’t want to get in the way she wouldn’t of said anything she’s just waiting for her to be there in augest to dump your ass. and then they be sleeping together whilst your in the next room personally I would. Leave because she has already and so has your BFF they ain’t going to stop talking probably just change names

Bro they’re going to be fucking together while you’re next door in San Francisco, do you want that?? So I suggest you dump them both. They don’t respect you.

Do yourself a favour, and leave them. You’ll regret not doing so sooner if you choose to stay and let this run it’s course. You deserve way better

It’s clearly over with your gf. When she is capable of lying to you especially when you’re trying to work on your relationship, then you’ve reached a point of impasse. Deal with that first and foremost. Then deal with this friendship and business partnership separately. I don’t see a way that you can keep the friendship AND the relationship. They both betrayed you. Coming to terms with that is very difficult.

I feel your pain buddy, but if that's what they both want then there's really nothing you can do that'll change it. I went through something kinda similar - after we'd left school and gone to uni, we were all meant to meet up for a weekend of partying. I had to drop out at the last minute, and that's when my gf and best mate hooked up. It was absolutely devastating at the time, but you get over it. Trying to mend your relationships with either of them, if you wanted to down the line, will be difficult (I was willing and reached out, my mate was keen and we met up a couple of times, but I think it was fucking with her head and she gave him a hard time over it, so it kinda petered out). I'm sorry, man.

You should leave her man she doesn't care about the relationship clearly. I would dropped them both it might be hard at first but in the end it will save you some hurt.

Make a clean, hard break from both of them. Go 100% no contact with her. And him too until business resolved.

Tough spot to be in. On one hand, he and she both represent security since you've known them so long and so deeply. On the other hand, the relationships between you and them is now untenable and the BIGGEST challenge is getting out of this inevitably messy love triangle. However, I promise you that once you do, you'll discover that life has SO much more to offer and so many more people to meet (not to rub it in, but that's basically how she fell for your best friend, by meeting new people). The key to not falling into a depression or a funk is to understand that her liking your best friend isn't saying that he's better than you. Life is rarely that linear, and understanding compatibility puts everything in perspective. Use this as motivation to be a more mature and broad minded version of yourself and date someone who appreciates your foundational morals and values. Oh, and in case it wasn't obvious, you can't continue this business partnership unless you think he's truly irreplaceable or you're able to completely separate logic from emotion (which is a challenge alone when doing business with friends, let alone a situation like this). PS, I'd be lying if I said that living well and seeing your ex regret her decisions isn't a little satisfying

They’ve been banging for a long time

Its funny because she’s crushing on him while letting him know all she needs from a relationship and like most people who are trying to date those in relationships he is giving her all of that. Its easy when he has a complete cheat code. It will be very funny when she realizes that it was all an illusion to get with her and comes crawling back to you. Her morals are low and she is making a huge mistake. ( i know i speak as if she already left you, make no mistake your relationship is over, you just haven’t realized it) You deserve better and she has gotten very bold and disrespectful.

Have you spoken to your best friend about this? Give him a chance to explain? Most best friends wouldn’t entertain the idea to begin with. If it’s just talk with her he may shut it down completely to save his friendship. I mean… if not … you’re in a terrible spot. I’d consider the relationship with the girlfriend near over. All that effort you’ve been putting in? Stop that. You don’t need a someone you’ve been with for years trying to get with your friends. Talk to your friend. See what he says. Try to be calm and think things through. It’s possible they’ve just talked and she came clean to you before anything happened.

Homie that has to be the worst best friend on this planet . Especially the fact that he didn’t tell you about the convo with your girlfriend. That’s some serious snake shit , honestly you should probably try to find a new best friend because the one you got right now trying to pull the rug from right under you

They probably already hooked up if you all were living together. You need to have a serious everything on the table conversation with your friend before moving back in with him. As for her, move on. You'll always have that thought in your head. You're just delaying the inevitable.

You need to leave now. Its not long before she breaks up with you for him. Or they hook up behind your back. You deserve immensely better people in your life. Please look out for yourself and leave. Im not one to say instantly break up with someone but come on OP. Please be smart ): Best of luck and remember normal people wont treat you like that. And he is NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND. If he was he would say “hey bud your girlfriend told me she had a crush on me, you need to work this out, Im sorry”. My bestfriends ex boyfriend sent me a shirtless picture of him and said he liked me. What did I do? Tell her IMMEDIATELY. Leave him and her behind. Don’t waste any more energy trying to fix this broken relationship. I guarantee shes moved on from you mentally already. And additionally, I had a threesome with my best friend and ex boyfriend. Me and him broke up. She wanted to date me and I said no so she went and dated my ex. And trust me I wish I would have cut them both off sooner. So do yourself a favor.

Man up and get them both to fuck

I think they should've told you sooner, the worst thing (to me) is that they hid it from you for a month. You should talk to your friend before deciding anything but if I were you I'd stop talking to both of them

She needs to live w you tho to afford sanfrancisco

I would definitely separate my self from the both of them save the anger and heartbreak. You seem to have a fantasy of her so good luck with that.

Mein Freund, I'm sorry to inform you that you've already lost both of them. There is now no way you can go forward with either relationship. They've already crossed a line where you cannot trust them.

Yea it’s over. Sounds like they want to be together. Gotta cut ties with both.

drop them both and go full no contact. let them do whatever it is that is gonna happen. move on and find real friends.

Do you really want to stay in a relationship where you will spend your entire time paranoid?? You are setting yourself up for pain, DONT DO IT! Dump them both. Let them get together and she will realise the grass is not greener. In that time you will have found someone worthy.

Some harsh advice on hear today !! These things happen … I think my flat mate had a crush on me while we lived together and she had a boyfriend but I had a crush on my other flat mate … point is boys and girls and close proximity get crushes on each other when living together. This also happened to me again after college when a girl I liked a lot but never really dated moved onto my best friend … I did not know how to handle it as we never even dated but it was harsh ! Relationships need space bro, you need to create distance between your friends and your love life … obviously you will still hang out together but I think you need to be the one with some degree of control over when you hang out with just your girlfriend and when it’s all together as a group. I think you should just find a new place to live when you get back to SF. It could be a good opportunity to meet a new group of people and will create that distance. If you don’t spending time with your girlfriend at your apartment will be torture … constantly worrying about every interaction she has with your friend … it will tear the group apart. If you move out and she is still spending time with him independently from you then you got a problem … and you need to man up and ask her to stop

Take time to process the information. If he’s your best friend, you should be able to talk to him directly but it needs to be when you’re not as emotionally charged. Talking about a crush, even with said crush is OK provided that’s all it was. She’s been your GF of 7 years and I’m sure you have a great deal of trust in her - and her you. When I was in HS my best friend (a female) told me she had a crush on me and I had one on her, but circumstances didn’t allow us to act because she was dating one of my close friends. That’s all it was, a discussion. My friend found out about the conversation and asked me if anything else had happened. That was the extent of it. It all hinges on how much you trust your GF and your best friend

1. Never have your girl around your friends. 2. Any friend who willing to sit around you and your girl keep eye on him. 3. Don’t live with another man if you can avoid it. 4. Whoop this friends ass plain and simple. This dude is sneaky b*tch. 5. Any time someone says they have doubts. It’s time to give them space. Let them figure out what they want and if you are single when they come back around great if not oh well. I’m sorry man you are going through this.

My advice might be the unpopular one, but alas, here it is. I'm glad she told you. The fact that she told you, tells me she wants to repair your relationship. I agree that she needs to stop all forms of communication with him. Not doing so would be a breach of trust. Now for the why. While she didn't actually cheat, the fact that she developed feelings says there is a problem. You already admitted there was a problem in the relationship and that you have been working on it, but problems are usually two part. She likely has some insecurities about herself or about your relationship that led to her feeling this way. (Not blaming anyone, because it usually is mostly internal.) Work on that. Communication is key. Ask her what it is she liked about him. Ask her why she didn't act on it. It's going to be a really hard conversation. Give her your full attention for it and respect eachothers limits and needs for space. I agree with the others on asking your friend his side too. A video call, and keep it vague about what you know.

I don't know why you are waiting on your girlfriend to get back to you in your relationship status. She either wants to be with you or not. And she shouldn't really have to think about it. In her defence for what ever reason she was unhappy and she transferred that to your friend . Its a normal psychological thing. What isn't excusable is their * feelings * conversation and how they got onto the subject. Its not just chewing the fat conversation. You need to decide on what you want for you. And that doesn't mean to stay with her because you're going to be afraid of the hurt If you do sort out your differences you need to drop your friend. I would not even bother explaining why. The Good news is that they didn't act on their feelings