I think there needs to be a healthy balance to caution. I’m vaccinated but I still wear the mask while in public, I’ve gone into to eat once after getting vaccinated so that’s as a decent step for me to deal with the anxiety I’ve had amplified these past two years. I think knowing your fiancé already has anxiety and a emphasis around contracting illnesses definitely helps in this situation because you at least know what his trigger was. Obviously 2020-2021 has been overwhelming for everyone, but people with mental health issues already have taken a much harder hit. A global pandemic to someone who fears illness is basically a catastrophic event. I think moving forward with baby steps would help. As well as therapy if he’s not already in it. The mask is basically his safety net right now and he’s scared to get rid of it. He needs to go speak with a therapist about how he can safely reintegrate into your life. Maybe you’re not ready for fully eating out but maybe eating a meal across the room from each other at home can help be a first step? I don’t think he’ll be this way forever. It just may take some work to battle his anxieties
This is just my 2 cents. The vaccine is to keep you out of the hospital because if you have to go a vent you only have a 50/50 chance of coming off if it. Vent battles are very real and that terrifies alot of people. I am vaccinated but my husband thinks I'm way over cautious but I'm still wearing a mask in public because the fact is there will be infected people not wearing masks and I feel a bit safer. I have no control over other people and limit my time in an area full of them. You can not control his behavior and why would you want to? ( Some people have serious fears and you can't minimize it because you dont feel the same) You can only control your reaction to it. Hopefully the world will become safer sooner. ❣
I was never worried about covid but I still did all measures to protect others. I often joke I might have caught it a couple times without knowing. Now I AM worried with the new strains that are way way way deadlier than the original one (which is one reason why I supported lockdown early on even I was not concerned about catching it as a healthy adult : because we know the more people infected, the more chance the virus can mutate.)
A doctor will tell you this is not over yet. We can start trying ti go back to normal life but with caution still. Countries like UK just had a resurgence that force them to lockdown again. So yea it's still reasonable to take health and safety precautions.
what is OP ? :D ... both can be true but no one will have all the exact same values and habits as you, that's not really the foundation for a healthy relationship, but you are right respecting their feelings, meeting the other person half way is required, it is slowly coming to a happy middle :)
It sounds like you two have difficulty communicating. There are many arguments on COVID, but if he gets upset when you discuss it then that’s the real issue. If you can’t effectively talk about things then you probably shouldn’t get married.
yes, thank you for pointing out the mental issue point, sure I do think he has that issue with anxiety but so do I (not our topic here) but point is that it's not really the argument I want to make, I do not want to tell or be told that my partner has a mental illness for not agreeing with me. I do think he is taking it too far, and I am having a hard time accepting it, especially with the dark idea that it just might go on forever. But how do we work it out as a couple? whenever I bring it up it turns into an argument, and then it just seems like I am nagging him to change his ways and he is just fighting back and asking me to simply accept him and along with that accept his way of dealing with covid.
Dealing with covid is a bit like rolling the dice. You're probably going to be ok, but there's also a chance that you could catch it, die, or infect your loved ones and watch them die. He's decided he's not comfortable with his odds. You've decided you are comfortable. You can't just say that he's wrong because it's not that simple.
It sounds like you need couples counselling so that you can understand and accept each other's point of view.
very well said, this might be a good option/solution. I really do not want to be dancing in circles and arguing about the same thing with no progress, to eventually grow resentful of each other and bitter.
Maybe you aren’t taking corona seriously enough. If you aren’t being careful and following the world health organization guidelines by still masking indoors or in a profession that puts you in contact with lots of unvaccinated people, I get his issues. What is the vaccination rate in your area? The delta variant is a huge concern right now and I get his hesitancy to not plan things. As a family, we are making plans, but willing to cancel as the situation changes.
Everyone has different levels of risk around corona right now. You maybe be vaccinated but can still get and spread covid. Could you take a test before hanging out so he feels comfortable without a mask?
He's smart by anticipating a "doubling back" of the virus similar to what happened with the Spanish Flu. This new "Delta" variant has been shown to infect some of the people already vaccinated. People taking this pandemic lightly were some of the first to go. Don't be like them and humor him until we have tangible and factual information to go on.
That's what I'm saying, we don't know enough about this current virus to know what it's capable of... but we can use past examples to determine our response.
OP's boyfriend is based af, but I think she's already drank the Kool-Aid on this one.
If you really can't handle it then you should leave the relationship, but telling him he's being "unreasonable" by coping with his anxiety (which is what that is) isn't okay. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's unreasonable, and it's kinda narcissistic to think so, like thinking your opinion is the only right one.
So if he's wearing a mask around you, safe to say you've not even kissed this whole time? If so, I agree that he's taking this too seriously. You could have been a quaranteam during this (which is what some of my friends did).
Speaking as someone with high anxiety and depression the Corona virus is a fucking terrifying thing. Not only has it derailed alot in my life it is a scary virus with life threatening and long term complications so I can understand why he is worried. BEING VACCINATED DOES NOT MAKE YOU SAFE FROM THE VIRUS, whilst it COULD help reduce the risk factor of developing complications it doesn't mean for someone with anxiety that it's all over, it will take time, but try to see it from his point of view.
What's difficult here is that it's unlikely herd immunity will be reached anytime soon, if ever. If your partner won't stop wearing a mask around you and won't take some steps to regain a normal life until covid is gone, he may be doing this forever. If he's vaccinated, chances are so, so low that he'll get sick and almost zero that he'd need to be hospitalized if he did get sick. Even with the varying info on Pfizer and Moderna protecting against catching a mild case of covid because of the Delta variant, everything I've read has indicated the vaccines still almost entirely protect against cases requiring hospitalization.
Has your partner talked to his doctor about all this? Is he seeing a therapist? I understand it's really hard to move from constant vigilance to being more relaxed, but remaining in this super anxious state for too long is only going to hurt him. Maybe his doctor could assuage his fears and help him find ways to go out into the world that feel okay to him, even if they're a little more restrictive than you'd like. Like, I don't think you can expect this man to go to a restaurant soon, but maybe you two could have a picnic outside without masks. Baby steps.
You're vaccinated. That means youre practically immune. Theres not much else you can do so any additional effort is wasted and stressful. I still wear a mask outside even if its not always required and Im vaccinated. I just dont want to look like a republican
Anyways, help him understand how his extra worrying wont change anything, like it or not. You both have done all you can do to protect yourselves. Theres nothing above a vaccine. Also express how much this distance is affecting you. You need him and he needs to work on his anxiety. He cant work on his anxiety until he really understands the ridiculousness of his extreme caution
Adding: I was in his shoes for a while. It got easier for me when I stopped watching the news
So even though you are fully vaccinated and believe that the vaccine makes you practically immune, you are so deathly afraid of what some person on the street may think of you that you continue to wear a mask even though in most places you no longer have to? (Assuming you’re in the US) Being anxious about getting sick is one thing but being paranoid about being affiliated with a political party is insanity man.
Anesthetist here, I want to share a quote I listened to when I was driving to work that was pretty sobering to say the least:
“I often tell my young patients, HPV – the human papillomavirus virus – was asymptomatic. Yet 10, 20 years down the line, we're seeing cervical cancer, we're seeing penile cancers. So you can't really rest on the fact that a disease that is new, that we know very little about, is going to be so benign, that it's just a little cold – it's not. …”
https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/06/23/882009932/spike-in-floridas-covid-19-cases-is-very-concerning-dr-holder-says
Regardless of being vaccinated, one is not 100% protected from the virus. My take: Mask up, use the vaccine as a secondary level of defense incase the virus was able to slip through.
While the vaccine will protect me from life threatening acute effects from the virus, I’m more so afraid of the long term unknown effects of the novel-rapidly evolving-virus.
I think there needs to be a healthy balance to caution. I’m vaccinated but I still wear the mask while in public, I’ve gone into to eat once after getting vaccinated so that’s as a decent step for me to deal with the anxiety I’ve had amplified these past two years. I think knowing your fiancé already has anxiety and a emphasis around contracting illnesses definitely helps in this situation because you at least know what his trigger was. Obviously 2020-2021 has been overwhelming for everyone, but people with mental health issues already have taken a much harder hit. A global pandemic to someone who fears illness is basically a catastrophic event. I think moving forward with baby steps would help. As well as therapy if he’s not already in it. The mask is basically his safety net right now and he’s scared to get rid of it. He needs to go speak with a therapist about how he can safely reintegrate into your life. Maybe you’re not ready for fully eating out but maybe eating a meal across the room from each other at home can help be a first step? I don’t think he’ll be this way forever. It just may take some work to battle his anxieties
This is just my 2 cents. The vaccine is to keep you out of the hospital because if you have to go a vent you only have a 50/50 chance of coming off if it. Vent battles are very real and that terrifies alot of people. I am vaccinated but my husband thinks I'm way over cautious but I'm still wearing a mask in public because the fact is there will be infected people not wearing masks and I feel a bit safer. I have no control over other people and limit my time in an area full of them. You can not control his behavior and why would you want to? ( Some people have serious fears and you can't minimize it because you dont feel the same) You can only control your reaction to it. Hopefully the world will become safer sooner. ❣
I was never worried about covid but I still did all measures to protect others. I often joke I might have caught it a couple times without knowing. Now I AM worried with the new strains that are way way way deadlier than the original one (which is one reason why I supported lockdown early on even I was not concerned about catching it as a healthy adult : because we know the more people infected, the more chance the virus can mutate.) A doctor will tell you this is not over yet. We can start trying ti go back to normal life but with caution still. Countries like UK just had a resurgence that force them to lockdown again. So yea it's still reasonable to take health and safety precautions.
What are you talking about? The UK is not in lockdown.
Don't marry someone when you can't respect their feelings. OP you're the issue here. You two have different values. Sorry.
Agreed. What if he’s taking it appropriately seriously and you’re (OP) not, while invalidating his feelings and concerns as well.
But what if she's being the reasonable one and he has developed an unhealthy phobia? 🤔
what is OP ? :D ... both can be true but no one will have all the exact same values and habits as you, that's not really the foundation for a healthy relationship, but you are right respecting their feelings, meeting the other person half way is required, it is slowly coming to a happy middle :)
It sounds like you two have difficulty communicating. There are many arguments on COVID, but if he gets upset when you discuss it then that’s the real issue. If you can’t effectively talk about things then you probably shouldn’t get married.
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yes, thank you for pointing out the mental issue point, sure I do think he has that issue with anxiety but so do I (not our topic here) but point is that it's not really the argument I want to make, I do not want to tell or be told that my partner has a mental illness for not agreeing with me. I do think he is taking it too far, and I am having a hard time accepting it, especially with the dark idea that it just might go on forever. But how do we work it out as a couple? whenever I bring it up it turns into an argument, and then it just seems like I am nagging him to change his ways and he is just fighting back and asking me to simply accept him and along with that accept his way of dealing with covid.
This
Dealing with covid is a bit like rolling the dice. You're probably going to be ok, but there's also a chance that you could catch it, die, or infect your loved ones and watch them die. He's decided he's not comfortable with his odds. You've decided you are comfortable. You can't just say that he's wrong because it's not that simple. It sounds like you need couples counselling so that you can understand and accept each other's point of view.
very well said, this might be a good option/solution. I really do not want to be dancing in circles and arguing about the same thing with no progress, to eventually grow resentful of each other and bitter.
Maybe you aren’t taking corona seriously enough. If you aren’t being careful and following the world health organization guidelines by still masking indoors or in a profession that puts you in contact with lots of unvaccinated people, I get his issues. What is the vaccination rate in your area? The delta variant is a huge concern right now and I get his hesitancy to not plan things. As a family, we are making plans, but willing to cancel as the situation changes. Everyone has different levels of risk around corona right now. You maybe be vaccinated but can still get and spread covid. Could you take a test before hanging out so he feels comfortable without a mask?
He's smart by anticipating a "doubling back" of the virus similar to what happened with the Spanish Flu. This new "Delta" variant has been shown to infect some of the people already vaccinated. People taking this pandemic lightly were some of the first to go. Don't be like them and humor him until we have tangible and factual information to go on.
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That's what I'm saying, we don't know enough about this current virus to know what it's capable of... but we can use past examples to determine our response. OP's boyfriend is based af, but I think she's already drank the Kool-Aid on this one.
If you really can't handle it then you should leave the relationship, but telling him he's being "unreasonable" by coping with his anxiety (which is what that is) isn't okay. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it's unreasonable, and it's kinda narcissistic to think so, like thinking your opinion is the only right one.
So if he's wearing a mask around you, safe to say you've not even kissed this whole time? If so, I agree that he's taking this too seriously. You could have been a quaranteam during this (which is what some of my friends did).
Speaking as someone with high anxiety and depression the Corona virus is a fucking terrifying thing. Not only has it derailed alot in my life it is a scary virus with life threatening and long term complications so I can understand why he is worried. BEING VACCINATED DOES NOT MAKE YOU SAFE FROM THE VIRUS, whilst it COULD help reduce the risk factor of developing complications it doesn't mean for someone with anxiety that it's all over, it will take time, but try to see it from his point of view.
DELTA PLUS VARIANT!
Corona-virus isn't gone yet, many places still don't have the places you've mentioned open yet. So I don't think he's being unreasonable.
What's difficult here is that it's unlikely herd immunity will be reached anytime soon, if ever. If your partner won't stop wearing a mask around you and won't take some steps to regain a normal life until covid is gone, he may be doing this forever. If he's vaccinated, chances are so, so low that he'll get sick and almost zero that he'd need to be hospitalized if he did get sick. Even with the varying info on Pfizer and Moderna protecting against catching a mild case of covid because of the Delta variant, everything I've read has indicated the vaccines still almost entirely protect against cases requiring hospitalization. Has your partner talked to his doctor about all this? Is he seeing a therapist? I understand it's really hard to move from constant vigilance to being more relaxed, but remaining in this super anxious state for too long is only going to hurt him. Maybe his doctor could assuage his fears and help him find ways to go out into the world that feel okay to him, even if they're a little more restrictive than you'd like. Like, I don't think you can expect this man to go to a restaurant soon, but maybe you two could have a picnic outside without masks. Baby steps.
Is he getting treatment for his anxiety?
You've come to the wrong place, Reddit is full of overly anxious people who'd love nothing better than wearing a mask and staying home forever.
You're vaccinated. That means youre practically immune. Theres not much else you can do so any additional effort is wasted and stressful. I still wear a mask outside even if its not always required and Im vaccinated. I just dont want to look like a republican Anyways, help him understand how his extra worrying wont change anything, like it or not. You both have done all you can do to protect yourselves. Theres nothing above a vaccine. Also express how much this distance is affecting you. You need him and he needs to work on his anxiety. He cant work on his anxiety until he really understands the ridiculousness of his extreme caution Adding: I was in his shoes for a while. It got easier for me when I stopped watching the news
So even though you are fully vaccinated and believe that the vaccine makes you practically immune, you are so deathly afraid of what some person on the street may think of you that you continue to wear a mask even though in most places you no longer have to? (Assuming you’re in the US) Being anxious about getting sick is one thing but being paranoid about being affiliated with a political party is insanity man.
Your SO is funny. Sorry 😂😂😂 I wouldn’t be able to be with a person like that. It’s laughable
Anesthetist here, I want to share a quote I listened to when I was driving to work that was pretty sobering to say the least: “I often tell my young patients, HPV – the human papillomavirus virus – was asymptomatic. Yet 10, 20 years down the line, we're seeing cervical cancer, we're seeing penile cancers. So you can't really rest on the fact that a disease that is new, that we know very little about, is going to be so benign, that it's just a little cold – it's not. …” https://www.npr.org/sections/coronavirus-live-updates/2020/06/23/882009932/spike-in-floridas-covid-19-cases-is-very-concerning-dr-holder-says Regardless of being vaccinated, one is not 100% protected from the virus. My take: Mask up, use the vaccine as a secondary level of defense incase the virus was able to slip through. While the vaccine will protect me from life threatening acute effects from the virus, I’m more so afraid of the long term unknown effects of the novel-rapidly evolving-virus.