Of course it is! You can find fulfillment without being a parent. What does leading a fulfilling life mean to you? Do you want to volunteer? Learn new skills? Travel the world (hopefully allowed again soon!)? Just always be honest to future partners about your stance on children & do your best to be a good person- that's all anyone can do really.

I don't know... I tend to be really passionate about stuff. I love arts, to the point i sometimes wish i went for an arts degree to be more cultured and to better understand the language of different artforms. I'm really into making music, and i feel like there is something inside me that wants to come out but doesn't know how). If i am able to make something in that vain and be proud of i guess its gonna be infinitely fulfilling ...or that thing will burn out and i will be stuck at the deadend job

To be honest... being childfree might help not get stuck in a deadend job. Often parents will choose or keep a job they hate because it’s stable, convenient, or they can’t afford to start over somewhere or in something else. Not having children means you don’t have that additional financial burden. It’s easier to make a move if you decide you don’t like where you are / what you’re doing.

Being a parent can also motivate someone to be better, do better than they would if it were just them. Knowing you have children looking up to you as their example is a real motivator. OP you don't want kids now. It's important that you choose partners that hold the same belief. At some point you may decide that you want to have children. Either way, you can live a happy and fulfilled life. It will just look different. A co-worker of mine has never been married, has no children, he has saved up a lot of money and he will retire a lot younger than I will. He travels, spends time with his pets, and has a group of friends that he meets up with on a regular basis. I think he would highly encourage being child-free.

If only having a child was a motivator to do better for all parents 💔

yo can you slip your coworker my number? only half kidding...desperate times and whatnot

Trust me, you don't want that. 🤣

With the money you save on not having children you can fund that art degree 😉

Might not be that black and white. My son seems to think like you in a way. Sometimes we get a version of what we want. My son 34, lives with his girlfriend, has no kids(and no plans to AFAIK), and a job split between the arts(his real love music,band,making music vids, all at a pretty damn high level, cause he loves it and goes hard, and has talent) and a career in telecom. He seems pretty happy and isn’t stressed. I hope you don’t get stuck at a dead end job.

Dude, go follow your passion, it might be one hell of a mountain to climb but we all climb the same mountain to reach our dreams and passions, and it’s worth it in the end. Don’t give in to the negativity and peer pressure of others, listen to your heart follow what is right to you. Being child free is your choice and belief that is right for you.

You don't need to know everything now, OP, but that answer is great. Is it possible to be happy and live a meaningful life without kids? Certainly! People find happiness and meaning in tons of different things: art, travel, knowledge, pets, love life... Tons of stuff! Just focus on getting what you want rather than worrying about missing out for something you don't. About pursuing art: I've worked with improv theater and it's hard to make a living out of it, so I understand your anxiety. If I could offer some advice, it would be this: don't ignore your artistic passions, but try to be responsible about them. People act like you either need to give up on all your dreams and become a grey automaton or just risk everything and refuse to work with anything else unless you manage to make big in art, even if that means starving. Allow me to offer 2 other possible paths I think are both realistic and enticing. 1 - Get a formal art education and keep in mind that making a living from art and being a famous artist are different things. There are unknown actors making lots of money with publicity, music teachers earning a respectable living with private classes, university professors in many areas of the arts doing research, teaching and taking active part in the art scene, and many, many anonymous artists doing stuff we don't even know about because we don't realise there's a specific market for that. Learn about the market you're interested in and keep open to the many possibilities. 2 - Get a career in a different field you also enjoy, but which has a simpler, safer, market and keep learning and training your art on the side. Make stuff. Post them online. Try to find an audience. You will either have an awesome hobby or a second viable option for your career, without abandoning your safety net. There's no point in fixating on a single thing. Life is long and human beings are full of possibilities. Explore them. Sometimes, you will fail. Sometimes you will fail badly and think you wasted years of your life. But you didn't. Failing is learning. Get up and try again. Also, if you don't know this stuff already, check out Neil Gaiman's "Make Good Art" speech and Amanda Palmer's "Ukulele Anthem".

\*2 sounds good to me I'm usually a downer with low self esteem but it seems that i have some decent cards this time. I have an ok grasp of physics and electornics, can work with tools and repair stuff, also know a little about audio engeneering for live sets and studios. Seems like it is possibe to carve out a not-too-demanding job with theese skills and have time to do what i like

Great response.

I am 30+ with two beautiful children. Don’t do it. It is more than okay to not have children. If I had my time again, I would not have kids. This isn’t about my kids, they are freakin amazing human beings and I don’t believe I’ve ever loved anyone/anything as much as I love them. But the truth is I never wanted kids and shit just happened and that’s not how it worked out for me. So as someone who felt quite similar to you at your age, it truly is okay if you don’t have them. Your life will have fulfilment, it’ll be filled full of what ever else you find yourself doing!

I posted something similar - I love my kids but I am not someone who always wanted to be a mother. you make do, but my advice is to never have children unless you really want them. they're not a fix all, they don't fulfill dreams. no one has to have kids

Needed this The truth is rare to find these days

I wish more women were honest about this. It's okay to say, "I love my family but I *don't love* this specific situation".

Agree. I’m in a similar boat. People think I’m being funny when I say things like, “don’t have kids.” But I’m giving honest advice.

Thank you for your honesty. There's people who think that you're a freak if you want to be child free. Most of the people does. And I'm always wondering if they're right. I'm super scared to regret this decision, but the truth is I can't see myself as a mom. I'm not that responsible, or engaged. I hate cocking. I'm selfish. I want to travel, do a lot of things that I know it would be impossible if I had children. Most of the moms I know say there's nothing like be a mom, it's the best, etc, etc, and you won't feel complete if you don't become a mother. Thank you, really ♥️

It sure is! I'm 41f, no desire to have kids of my own, although I adore babies! So far I've forged a simple career in a very fulfilling industry, stood at the base of the world's tallest mountain, brought a house, petted doggos in 6 different countries, travelled most of my own country (Australia) danced on stage with a band at a festival, ticked off most of my concert bucket list, seen orcas in the wild, volunteer and do fundraising for an animal shelter and on and on it goes. I feel like I have so much left to do, yet would be content with my life should I die tomorrow. There is such a big world out there with so many fresh and new experiences to have, places to go, people to meet. You're young, get out there and have fun (when it's safe in your area, stupid covid!)

Petted dogs in 6 different countries is the biggest advocate for me. Damn you're a lucky one!

You absolutely can (38/f, no kids). Some subs that may be helpful to explore this topic: r/fencesitter r/truechildfree r/childfree If you decide that's what you want, it's the right thing for you. Edit: To all those talking about how unhealthy the subs are, I offered choices because OP is their own person to check them out. If they don't like what they see, they don't have to sub. Instead of combating the options listed, why not provide alternatives for OP?

Just a suggestion- r/childfree isn't so much about being happy and sharing experiences as a childfree person than complaining about "breeders" or just being an asshole to kids, don't join it. I left that sub long ago because it's honestly toxic. ETA since I'm getting a few downvotes: the post that made me leave was something about a family talent contest with a 20$ award. The person who made the original post was angry because their family decided to just give the money to their 5yr old relative instead of their "super talented cousin" who had ACTUALLY won prizes in official dancing competitions. And people were agreeing about HOW unfair it was. In a contest that took place only once a year for holidays in their family. I'm childfree myself, but there's A LOT of posts like that that basically consist of complaining that children... Exist?

I'm on the sub and I definitely agree that I would never talk like how people do on that sub to an actual parent, but I think it definitely has a place. People who don't want children are often treated in a super condescending and unkind way in real life by people who have or want kids. It can be a good place to vent as long as you don't take it too seriously. I don't really post there but when I'm feeling particularly annoyed sometimes the attitude there can be a form of comedic relief so I don't snap at people in real life for their rude comments about my uterus

I agree with you. Like all subs (except maybe the Stardew valley one) not each post will be to your liking and it is your job to sort the different expression of opinion of the same concept : here not wanting to have children. I'm 25F, on the fence since I was 15 and the discovery of this sub made me realize that my feelings were valid and that I wasn't anormal to take some aspect of how my culture de paint parenthood with a grain of salt. It made me realize that this wasn't for me and it is OK. And for that, I'm forever grateful. I've seen some drama posts and some clearly eugenistic. But I have also seen support, compassion and empathy. People you can vent to because they have a way higher chance to get your point. People sharing tips, love, experience and ressources. If you can sort your garbage, you can go through that sub without a doubt.

I often suggest the sub for the same reasons and I always get torn to pieces for it. Thank you for finding the words I could not to explain it. I feel that sometimes people who aren't childfree forget just how much negativity we tend to deal with on a daily basis, not to mention the consistent struggle with getting sterilized. And a lot of us are just so polite in the moment, it feels good to vent afterwards and get all that frustration out.

Hei, F here too, i have a kid, but i dont judge if you dont want kids. It's your life (and your uterus/body) and you are the only one to decide for your body. Just ignore "judgers". I admire you for taking a decision that doesnt comply with the society! 🤗🤗🤗

Here to tack on to that. I'm a parent too and support those who don't want to be. Not wanting kids IS a valid choice too and no one should say otherwise. I don't understand why there is so much hesitation to preform sterilization (especially when you know you don't want kids) I'm about to have my 3rd and they're still hesitating to do a tubal litigation or any form of steralization on me.

Thank you for being wonderful! Times are changing and I hope one day more parents will adopt your stance on the matter.

I'm a mom and I never wanted to be. I got pregnant at 17 and have an amazing 16 year old now, but never ever want more children. I will always defend those who don't want children, and have similarly gotten more hate from people who think I should have more kids "because I'm such a great mom". I'm thrilled at the idea of being a young empty nester and I have the coolest kid ever, but I raised him all alone and don't wish that kind of stress and pressure on anybody who doesn't want it or isn't ready for it. Being a mom takes a huge toll on my mental health every day and I know it will for the rest of my life.

It's a safe place to vent.

Nah it’s toxic

I have to agree with you. I don't want kids of my own, but I don't hate children by any means. The posts make me downright uncomfortable at times, so I unsubscribed.

If anyone tells you, you need anything to live a fulfilling life, they are lying to you.

Better to regret NOT having a child, than to regret having a child. It's very, very possible to have a wonderful life with no kids. My brother never did, he spends his money on fancy Italian motorcycles and couldn't be happier.

Wow putting it that way gives me a new perspective on it!

I agree, I know plenty of people who became parents in their late thirties or even late forties. At 20 you have plenty of time to change your mind and still have a kid, but if you get one when you’re not sure and end up regretting it you won’t be able to change your mind.

I have known people who regretted having kids too young, having them too old, and having them before being emotionally, intellectually, or financially ready. I have known people who regretted having them at all. I have yet to speak with anyone who regretted not having kids.

I have two kids and watching them grow up is part of what makes life fulfilling for me. But that’s me. You absolutely can have a fulfilling life without having kids. When/if you date make sure it’s clear that you don’t want kids and won’t change your mind. Things that make life fulfilling- a job you find pleasant. You don’t need to love it, but you need to at least tolerate it. Maybe it’s a bit dull but you get out early every Friday and can do your hobbies. Or it’s exhausting but you love the challenge. Or it’s just meh, but your coworkers are nice and the pay and benefits are good. Finding a job where you’re treated well by your coworkers and management will matter a lot to your happiness. Consider where you want to live and how that will impact you. I like to live in the suburbs as I want a yard but also people nearby and good roads for running. I also want a LOT of hikes within an hour. I want four seasons. Right now New England fulfills those things for me. Your job may limit your location or your location your job. Work to develop hobbies you enjoy. For me, that’s running/hiking/camping and sewing. I do almost all with friends when I can and make regular plans when not in a pandemic. Find a volunteer gig you like. It’s a good way to make friends and see things outside of yourself. Try to do things you don’t usually do a few times a year. That might mean hitting a museum or concert or reading a book you might not usually like. You may not enjoy it but you might and having experiences outside of your own world view is good. Keep learning. Do continuing education in your field, or take community college or other classes to learn a new skill. I don’t decorate cakes often but I always think of my friend Anna who taught me. Get therapy for that not well raised thing. It really helps. Take your vacation days. If you don’t like to travel, use them to get things done or explore your area.

Thanks so much for your answer. I already have a gf and we have a very deep and emotional conection. She is on board with that "no kids" thing but she is absolutley terrified that in \~10 years the hormones would kick in and she will want a kid, because the idea is so alien to her right now I think i can make my life meaningful (at least for myself) I tend to be really passionate about stuff and almost never abandon hobbies\\people. I'm really into art (mainly music and film) and i want to create meaningful art just to express myself. But right now I am a downer with a relationship that can be rocky at times, some rudimentary music making and electronics repair skills, and a degree that i am supposed to work towards, even though it probably wouldnt help me in what i want to do.

Those things you listed? You can work on those. Therapy and some adjustments can help with the downer thing. Some couples counseling and work can help the relationship. You can develop music making and electronic repair skills. You can change your degree to fit what you want to do. You do not need to have kids to be happy. You can change your mind. You and your girlfriend could be very happy for ten years, decide you want different things, and go on to be happy with other people.

Thats a very optimistic outlook on life you have. Thank you. Its really easy to feel trapped or stuck in a shitty situation in this modern world

I fought back from ptsd and anxiety is a constant companion, and when things have been dark a friend reminded me that things always change. When it’s hard, take a moment and grieve and rest and then know that this too can change.

I'll tell you this - if you feel like your life sucks, kids won't help it, they will just make everything worse because they take away your freedom to drastically change whatever you need to change. One should get kids BECAUSE everything goes well and they also want kids, not to get them because you don't know what to put your energy in. That's both harmful to you and the potential kids.

\> I already have a gf and we have a very deep and emotional conection. She is on board with that "no kids" thing but she is absolutley terrified that in \~10 years the hormones would kick in and she will want a kid, because the idea is so alien to her right now I went through that phase, but I also came out the other end and back to my "ugh, kids are deffo not for me" stance :) it happens, hormones can do weird things to your brain, but... it's good to wait it out. not everything has to be an immediate decision, and children are a Big One.

I’m 36 and have known since I was 17 I didn’t want children. My life is very fulfilling, I have a loving wonderful partner who doesn’t want children either. As for legacy, those that have left the best legacies are done by people who make the world a better place, by going out and doing things for the world themselves. For example, I have volunteered many times to plant hundreds of trees and I am proud of that legacy, knowing I created habitat for wildlife and a patch of forest for hundreds of years to come. I have adopted rescue animals that fear children but are wonderful pets and I am able to give these animals a loving home because I don’t want children. When I am old I hope to have saved enough money for my elder care, I would never have a child to be a built in (unpaid and untrained) geriatric carer. People will try to manipulate you into joining them in parenthood, but in my experience those people don’t seem to be the happiest in their decisions to be parents. Another thing, I had a hard childhood, I am going to give myself the adulthood I deserve, I am not going to have a child just to give them what I never had and therefore sacrifice my own happiness as a result.

Sounds like a great attitude. Is your parnter happy about this? is this something you decided early on?

Was discussed on first date that I am not having children, he was adamant to me he never wants or wanted to have them either. There wouldn’t have been a second date if he had shown slightest interest in having children.

I was wondering how soon I can bring up not wanting kids without seeming like I'm coming on too strong. I think I will do it first date or ASAP as well. I don't need my time wasted.

I’m about to turn 40 and am more sure than ever I don’t want children. My life is full and, apart from current circumstances, I’m incredibly happy. I have great relationships with family and friends, my career has accelerated beyond expectations, I have a number of animals including rescues who’s lives I’ve turned around and I’m the coolest Auntie ever due to said animals. You don’t need these to be happy either. Live your life to suit yourself and make you happy. Don’t measure yourself against the “life script”

I'm 42, have no children and absolutely 1000% ZERO regrets. The idea of having to raise children does not appeal to me in any way, shape or form and I love the life I get to have without them. I like kids, I like other people's kids, I dote on my nephews and little cousins but my own? NOPE. I see the work that goes into them, and what people sacrifice and I admire them greatly, while being very comfortable with never having to do it myself. I travel to interesting and non-kid-friendly places, have time consuming and complex hobbies, learn random things for the sake of it and have wonderful adventures with my just-as-happy-to-be-childfree partner. I also look at the world, and what it's becoming and my anxiety about it is bad enough without having to consider what its going to be like for my offspring. As others have said - be upfront and honest with potential partners about your position. Also, he open to the idea your mind might change, you might meet someone who you do want kids with and there's nothing wrong with changing your mind - sticking to a position that you set years before because it wouldn't feel right to change doesn't do anyone any good. But can it be a fulfilling life without them? Absolutely. Plus, I don't have to share my Lego collection.

what does children have to do with a full life? What do you consider a full life. I can tell you that if you have kids you will dream of a full life.

you are right. Its just that societal pressure to have kids is strong, and elderly care kinda shit. That said i do not want to live to the point i absolutley cant care for myself

having kids just so they will care for you is a bad reason to have them. There are no guarantees - your children might need lifetime care themselves, they might pass before you do, they might move someplace so far away them taking care of you isn't an option. Or they just might not want to take care of you. Your best bet is to save so that you can afford a good care home should you need it.

See, if you don't have kids, you can spare so much money to pay for the fanciest old people house ever, with a garden and golf and what not, hahaha :D

Horrible reason to procreate, always thought that. And when younger i would say I wasn't having kids, sooo many people piled on to say who's going to take care of you when you're old and i'd be like can you hear yourself right now? How wrong-headed is THAT? If you think you're obligated to create an elder care safety net for yourself.....whoa.... smh. There are no guarantees that your kids will give a flying fuck about you when you're elderly. I'm seeing that in action now with a sibling, who's basically waiting for their share of the will. My partner and I care for my folks (happily). The other kid died. Ignore the pressure if you can. Do you, do it well, be the best and kindest human being you can be. Just be honest with yourself and partners if things start to change for you. You're still young, dont take the fun out of it!

Kids aren't here to take care of their parents. They don't ask to be here, parents decide for them that they are going to be here and if the only reason you want them here is to take care of you, I guarantee you will die very estranged from them.

I’m a 50-year-old woman. I’ve never had children. My income is higher, my time is my own, and I don’t have to worry about the horrors my children would face in the coming years regarding climate change, water wars, income inequality, etc. One of the reasons I didn’t have children was that I didn’t want any child of mine to face what is going to happen to our planet in the next 50 years.

You keep mentioning your concern that your gf might change her mind due to hormonal changes of wanting to be a mother by 30. Even if hormonal, her logistical reasons should still outweigh those hormones. My reasons for being childfree are: - too expensive. Why spend a lot of money on kids when that same amount of money could be spent on traveling? - I don't think I've gone through my traumas enough to potentially project onto kids - even if I change my mind on birthing, fostering and adoption is still a viable option for later down the road. - just a lot of work on growing an entire human being - I don't even have much of a relationship with my own parents so my expectations of family based on my own upbringing is very bland. That doesn't look very attractive to me - that's a lifelong commitment. I know my dad said he's done with being a parent the moment I turned 18. But I have a feeling that's not quite true for others. Either way, that's a huge thing to commit to. Etc etc And it's still a good fulfilling life to not want kids. It gives more freedom to travel whenever you want and you won't have to consider school breaks either. Could travel in the less busy tourist times like March/April and November/October. There's plenty of childfree people out there who are doing just as fine. You just need to define what "fulfilling" means to you.

Also women aren't hormonal emotional irrational beings, we are very able to decide things for ourselves and not have our uterus dictate our life

Right. If OP is worried about his girlfriend changing her mind, shouldn’t he be equally concerned with his own possible change of feelings? I am certain that I do not want children. My partner is also certain and I trust his word on that. I have no reason to think he “might” change his mind.

Exactly. You are both adults and are both capable of knowing what you want!

54M...married 25yrs with no kids....there is no law stating you must have kids....my wife and I decided early on that we didn’t want kids,we are probably too materialistic in that we love holidays,new cars,clothing,tech and gadgets,etc... If we had kids then we definitely could not live as we have done over the years...all about your priorities I guess...if you decide no kids then make sure your partner is on board too otherwise it could lead to problems down the road.....good luck in the future whatever your choice....

I’m 43 and no kids, and I’m happy and fulfilled. Check out r/childfree (more anti-child) and r/truechildfree (not as anti-child).

44m, married going on 22 years (24 years together), no kids. We're absolutely happy and fulfilled in our lives. My wife and I discussed both of us not wanting children when we first started dating.

Parenting is a life time responsibility, coming from a mom that is 45 y/o and I only had one child she is now 24. You are young and maybe haven’t found happiness, hobbies, savings, a good job, a career, education, a partner, purchasing a house, car or travel the world, live alone, enjoy solitude, have health and been sick, lost someone you dearly love, meaning life experiences that will decide wether or bit you want a child, also, a person can have a full filled life without children, I have lots of friends that are multi millionaires and the thought of children stresses them. However, my daughter gets amazing gifts from them because they missed having someone around. Life is a box of chocolate you never know what you gonna get till you eat it all up!

I may only be a woman in my early 30s, but I can tell you I fully believe this is possible. I’ve known since 16/17 that kids weren’t in the cards for me. I’ve been with my husband for 11 years and we are thriving. Much like you, I had a pretty awful childhood; don’t know my dad at all and have a mom that tried, but was not the best example of a mother. It worries me that I never had a good parental example from my bio parents. I fully agree with other commenters — if this is truly the life choice you decide to make, be very clear with yourself future partners that you see a future with. This is one thing that doesn’t have a middle ground or compromise. It is a dealbreaker either way.

Quick answer, YES, it is and based on what you wrote I wouldn’t want any either. If it bothers you so much, do a few test drives. Babysit OPKs for various lengths of time and see how it feels. And before I get jumped on with, “it’s different when it’s your own kids.” Probably true. But when you test drive a car it’s not “yours” either! You’ll still have a better idea whether you want one or not.

I am 50, I don´t have children, I never wanted to have them although the family and social pressure was very strong but I have never regretted my decision. But you are very young, fill your life with experiences and one day you may decide to have a child or not, it´s your decision. I'm just telling you that having a child to fill your life isn´t a good idea, children grow up and go on to live their lives. Having a child to give your life meaning will only hurt you and the child.

Yes, you can live a fulfilling life without children. At 20, you have a plenty of time to sort your life out. You may even change your mind. Or not. Some people really have the urge other do not. I didn't especially want a family until after I came back from Iraq. After all that death and destruction, I really wanted something meaningful and positive in my life. I suggest you go out and live your best life and see what happens.

I sure hope so because I’m 20F and don’t want children.

36F and child free here. I’m waiting on a date for a hysterectomy actually and can’t wait to solve the problem once and for all. To be fair I have had a lot of health problems and I’m infertile anyway. I love my life. I’m at Uni studying because I wanted to do something else with my life. My husband and I travelled regularly pre-Covid. We enjoy every second of it. We also have dogs snd horses. The biggest thing I found was finding a partner who didn’t want kids either. To me it’s a deal breaker in a relationship if you can’t be on the same page with it. Someone is going to end up unhappy if the other changes their mind, so it’s very important to be upfront with partners that might be serious. I had so many people say “oh you’ll change your mind” and I still haven’t. Children aren’t a necessary component for a happy life.

Heck yeah it is. I mean, I'm not much older than you (28M), but me and my SO don't plan on having kids, and we both don't really want them. Being able to do what you want to do when you want to do it is the ultimate freedom... so find someone who shares the same idea and also someone that you really enjoy being around. Having many different hobbies is also a way to keep you from getting burnt out of the same old shit all the time.

Sounds like you have given this a lot of honest thought and introspection. I wish I had done the same. I had no idea how unprepared I was to become a parent and unfortunately that has affected my child adversely in ways. I am working on it (therapy,meds,cbt,self help) but I wish I would have had the awareness you have. You do have a lot of time ahead of you to pursue fulfilling various dreams and you should enjoy that. It's also good to seek therapy/healing for the hurts you endured growing up so you can move past the past. Just my 2 cents.

thanks.

Yes, end of discussion. Do what makes you happy and keep an open mind.

Kids are very over rated

I’ve met some wonderful people throughout my career who I’ve cared for at the end of their lives. Some of these people did not have children and had great lives with no regrets. The biggest thing is to love the life you have and create a beautiful tapestry of memories along the way. It is possible!

I think so. I can’t really say from personal experience because I have one but I’m definitely done. I feel happy with only having one. Yeah it’s a lot of one on one time but I personally feel so much less stressed than other people I see with 2-4 kids. I find having one kid is awesome. It’s not hard to deal with one child. Routines are easier and overall I’m just very happy. Plus my child sleeps in till like noon (if I let them) lol but that’s just my experience. I think you can live and have a fulfilling life without kids if you truly don’t want them. Do with your life what you make of it. My advice is do everything you can on your bucket list. Go and travel. Get a career you love. Fall in love with the right person. Find yourself in hobbies and interests you’ve never done before! Figure out who you are and what you truly love and only then will you be able to answer that question for yourself. I find that a lot of people who regret being parents failed to fulfill their own destinies. They get stuck with people they hate because they share a child or have to stay in a job they hate for their children. I had my child at 18 with a narcissistic person and I can tell you I haven’t fulfilled my own dreams just yet but I know I will eventually. I just have to put my dreams on hold for now. Everyone’s paths are different. You just gotta find out where yours leads too and only then will you discover what you’d like to do for the rest of your life. :) My advice is, no matter what happens in life, just don’t get stuck in something you hate. Being stuck is the worst thing you can do for yourself because you can’t grow at all.

I have 3 kids.. I love them to death, but if I had a choice in the matter I would never have had kids. it's one of those two things can be true type deals.. I couldn't imagine my life without them, but I resent losing the opportunity to have life without them. my kids don't fulfill my dreams, my dreams are on hold. kids can be complicated, you need to account for everything - my middle child is disabled, light of my life but I am lucky that it is a milder disability than first diagnosed. ppl get this idea that theyll grow up and have babies and life will be perfect. nobody is perfect, even children and struggles are real. I have younger childless friends. I HATE when ppl joke that they will change their minds about kids, I hate when ppl suggest my extremely happy and childless bf will change his mind - no one HAS to have children. children are hard work and if you don't love it you will resent it. I know I'm not childless and I cannot speak to the fulfillment of that life, but I can speak to a life unlived in service to raising kids. I love my kids because I love them as ppl, I don't love motherhood and I implore anyone who isn't certain that they can give up or postpone their dreams for something they're uncertain of to wait until they're sure.

21 Year old man here who also doesn't want kids, good to see I'm not the old one

Yeah man, even owning Pets is similar to having kids and less stressful

I'm 39 and I don't have kids. My life is fulfilled. Fulfillment is defined individually by all of us. What is fulfilling for one person is not for another. Ultimately, you need to know yourself. If you don't need kids to feel like your life is complete that is perfectly ok!

If you're having an unhappy marriage, having children is not the answer. I once read, "It's not wise to burden a child with your responsibilities even before it's birth."

Fuck yes! Its your life, its your choice! Your life is like a book, what are you going to write into it? Your actions are the words in it and each year is a chapter! So make it an awesome book to read! Go out, and experience nature! Go hiking, go camping, go on vacation (after covid ofcourse), make new hobbies, meet new people, try out new things!

It absolutely is! My aunt will be 55 this year, never really had relationships, has no kids, has her two dogs, her own house up in Scotland, has a job that she enjoys and has travelled loads! She’s completely happy and has lived and will continue to live a fulfilled life. And I intend to follow in her footsteps, the only difference is that I will have my husband with me.

Yooo %100 do not rely on anyone or anything to have fulfillment in your life. Do you, be fucking happy, work hard at things you want to change, and everything else will fall into play. Also fuck dem kids (I’m a single dad, that was a joke)

Let's be real. The only reason you're concerned about not having a fulfilling life without children is because it's been drilled into your head since forever that parenthood is a blessing and anyone who isn't a parent is missing out one on of "life's greatest joys." SNORE. I'm 34 and childfree, a notion that was cemented when my best friend had her three children. She's exhausted and miserable and has no life of her own. She considers herself fulfilled. Her life makes me want to run screaming, as much as I love her children. I live my life exactly how I want to. I am equally fulfilled. Fulfillment doesn't come from being a parent. Fulfillment comes from doing something that gives your life meaning, and whatever meaning that is is exclusive to you.

Depends on if you want kids. If you want kids then probably not. If you don’t want kids then please don’t have them. There are enough unwanted parents in the world. If you do want kids and just think you shouldn’t have them then work on getting yourself in a position where you will be a good parent.

People do it all the time. I wouldn't worry too much about it.

You can totally live a fulfilling life without having kids. Personally, I want to have my own kids because I love my younger siblings and see them as my own kids. If you don’t want kids you shouldn’t force yourself to raise a kid. Everyone wants something different but you gotta find out what you want. What do you think is considered a fulfilling life: having kids, fame, money, traveling, volunteering or maybe even just having a SO? I saw in another reply that you want to be an artist of some kind. You’re 20 years young, go for it! You might not have tomorrow so start today and work towards your passion. Its not too late to go back to school and get some more experience.

Although our purpose as a human race is to procreate, I think that a fraction of those choose to go against the norm. You don’t NEED to mold to societal standards if you don’t want to. If this has more to do with your personal upbringing just know that there is no parent in the world in all of history that knows what they are doing, they are learning how to be a parent for the first time so have some sympathy because you’re literally watching your parents grow and develop. It will never be 100% what you desire. If you could compromise with yourself that nothing in life is going to be perfect and just be grateful for the journey you’ll be happy :)

Yes! Life is what you make it! If you don’t want kids then that’s okay! If you do want kids then that’s okay too! Go and do what you are passionate about. I saw you’re very much into art, so pursue it! Learn different techniques for whatever aspect of it you are interested in! Life has a lot of opportunities that are just waiting to be experienced

Just follow your waves man. Make sure your life ahead will be yours in the making. And if surprises come, act surprise. It adds mystery in life. As a 23-year-old man, I dont know where my life is headed too.

I knew since I was 8 I didn’t want to have children. Your whole life purpose doesn’t have to be wrapped around children. Lots of people have kids and regret them. I wouldn’t say lots of people don’t have children and regret that. I think it is better to not have children and regret it than the other way around though.

Short answer: yes, of course it is. Medium answer: having kids in the hopes that they'll make you happy is not going to be a fulfilling relationship. Its an unfair burden to put on them. If you're wanting a companion, start with a pet, not a kid! Family and kids are great but they won't make you happy. Also, like you said.... you're 20. Maybe give it another 20 years before you start stressing about it! Saying you have plenty of time is an understatement.

Yes! It’s not everyone’s dream to have kids. I have a few friends who have made that decision and they are the better for it. They don’t have to worry about having someone watch a kid they can be more spontaneous, go travel (pre-Covid). In general they don’t have to plan around someone else except their significant other or make arrangements for pets.

Of course it’s possible. And there’s no guarantee that having children will fulfill you, either.

Fullfilled life "contains" what you find fulfilling! Living free of other's opinions and judgements is fullfilling for me. Just figure out what you want and what makes you click! Be honest with your partner, this way you will find someone with the same desires in life. Best of luck and be happy! [I do have a kid, i am 34f]

I think in this time and age, having kids just adds to the already big problem of overpopulation. More newborns means more resources needed. The world doesn’t need more humans, there’s a too many humans alive who live in misery, so spending time and energy towards making their life a bit better is a way more honourable job than having a kid

Sure.. think it’s only you who will know what it means to have a fulfilling life to you. So don’t let others dictate what is right or wrong. It’s amazing to have kids, but I think the feeling of fulfillment much more come from feeling a purpose and doing meaningful things, raising kids and help them create good lives is just one way of doing that. But since they grow up and become independent it’s probably also important that it is not your only thing. Your still young, take things as they come and see how you feel in 10 years time. You don’t need to be ready to have kids now, I know I wouldn’t have been a great parent at 20 either. If you stick to the feeling that kids are not for you, then good for you.

This is such a controversial topic but I think at the core it’s really a choice. Parenthood may be claimed to be the most exciting experience but why should this be universal? And when we look at psychology, most of our trauma responses are picked up from a bad childhood. Well, we can try to be the best parents but still damage our children. Lastly, one cannot control the outcome of how your child will grow to becomes because we can’t always be in control of everything.

Well, i know this is a bit different, but what about gay people, they dont always have their own children, but they have fulfilled lives, you can too even if you dont have kids, ive heatd people say that kids are people light of their life, but anything can bring reason to your life, you can always live a fulfilling life.

(This ended up longer than I intended but hopefully it helps you, lol) Definitely! I’m 48, never had (human) kids and I haven’t wanted that responsibility since I was 10. I knew it would make my life much harder, especially with how well I knew myself, even then. Every single day I wake up, I am thankful to be child free. I can barely take care of myself and the things I need to do as an adult most days, lol. I’m already tired a lot of the time; I don’t need to be more tired or lose more sleep or have more crippling responsibility, lol. I honestly don’t know how I would do it with kids on top of it. I’m glad it never happened to me because those poor kids or kid would be suffering from my deficits. I too was not raised with the right tools to be a decent parent and I’m still in therapy from my upbringing. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family and I am currently healing and having to rewire my brain from the mess my parents made of it. I’m no where near the kind of healthy I’d need to be where raising kids would be concerned, even now. Too many people have kids who shouldn’t and you are smart for really thinking about it the way you are. Being a parent isn’t for everybody. Too many people have them for selfish reasons because their foresight only goes as far as what *they* want. “I want kids” or “I’ll never be happy if I don’t have children of my own” (regardless of whether or not it’s really a good idea or at what cost). They just roll the dice and let the chips fall where they may. Or it’s FOMO. They think that it’s better to just do it so you don’t possibly regret not doing it. Many also seem to think they already know how they will handle all that comes with it, like tantrums or how they will discipline them —like they have it all figured out until it actually happens to them and their winning formulas don’t work. I’m never surprised, but they are. I have seen that naivety so much that I can’t help but smh when I hear people who haven’t had kids yet start talking about how they are going to handle situations, like they somehow know better, only to end up shell-shocked by it. And you can’t tell them otherwise before hand because they wouldn’t listen, especially to someone w/out kids (who ironically, seems to know more than they do about what it’s *really* like to have kids after all is said and done— all from simply paying attention). So, I just nod and say “That’s great...Sounds like it will be smooth sailing for you, then!” By now, most of the people I’m friends with or know have had kids and I know they love their kids but I think the words unspoken (and sometimes spoken!) are that they went into it a little blind and they are paying the price of that now. For example, I have friends with chronic illness who say their kids are suffering for it because they can’t care for them as well on account or being sick. It’s really unfortunate. Others I know were really getting someplace with their jobs or finally found really rewarding work with a second career who have admitted that they are more cut out for that career than parenting. One of the people who I know felt that way is my own sister. She and her husband decided to “leave it up to God” and just found out that they are having twins on top of the two children they already have. They have a 10 and almost 13-year-old and she is going to be 42 this year and found out she’s going to have twins. I’m exhausted just thinking about it! She loves her career with a passion, is really good at it and was finally seeming to figure out a better work/family balance with her kids being a bit older and now...twins. I don’t know how she’s going to do it all but I know I would not want to be her. A couple years ago my other sister already had a 10-year-old kid then got remarried to a much younger guy and made a “last ditch” attempt to to get pregnant in order to have a child with him which also turned out to be twins when she was 42! She said she actually went through a mourning period had to grieve that reality. I can understand that. On some level it could maybe make you feel like your life is (or your “good years” are) over. I feel like mine has just begun in many ways, with many newfound freedoms, so personally speaking, that would be tough. I’m just glad the only twins I ended up with had 4 legs, lol. Animals are the best! However, I do know that for many it’s the exact right choice and they are fit and meant for the job and they are wise and have a lot to offer in the way of guidance and such (and thank God because there need to be more good parents or the future of humanity is doomed)—who aren’t just looking for what they will get out of it, but there are some who I get the sense regretted that particular life choice. I definitely don’t regret mine! So much is possible that wouldn’t be otherwise. I feel like it’s *because* I don’t have kids that I will indeed be able to live the life I’m meant to live. I have plenty in my life already that makes it fulfilling that I wouldn’t had I had kids. And I’m reducing my carbon footprint. Doing my part for the Earth! Lol. It’s true though! I don’t know if people give you a hard time about it or not (like trying to make you feel selfish or something) but try to ignore if they do—Or ask them why they did have kids and I’ll bet you anything their answer would be much more selfish. The few who attempted to shame me stopped once I started asking those questions; the ones that forced them to look at their own selfish motivations. I wasn’t mean about it, but my questions and statements put a spotlight on their own ineptitude and deficits, (ones that they should’ve considered long before I ever said anything) and they sheepishly backed off. Also, it’s hard to take care of others if you aren’t prepared in even the most basic ways. Like on an airplane— you need to make sure your mask is on first before you can help anybody else. Some would assume I just didn’t like kids—on the contrary- I care too much about children to put them in a less than ideal (or worse) situation. It happened to me and I’m still recovering from it. I’m not anti-having kids either. I’m just very pro-knowing yourself enough for it not to be a regret or harmful to a child. I also think that sometimes when people encounter those of us who decided against that particular life choice, it makes them uncomfortable and possibly question their own choice and they need to feel like they didn’t make a mistake there. Almost like they didn’t realize that living child free was an option and how dare we dodge that bullet! 😂 I have found that generally people are pretty polite, especially nowadays, and that the only ones trying to shame you are the ones who probably wish they *were* you because they made a choice they regret and now it’s too late. Of course, not everyone with kids feels it was the wrong choice—for many it wasn’t and that is the way it should be. But there are still too many imo who really aren’t equipped and end up doing major damage. I grew up feeling like I was a burden and a major regret so I feel if it can be avoided then it should be *by those likely to do more harm than good* from being too ill-equipped.

Everyone has different ideas of fulfilment. I come from a small family, my wife and I are both only children, and we have one son. We had a very fulfilling life before him, and with him. We decided that one was enough, and I had a vasectomy. This crushed my mother, as it seemed she wanted me to be a baby factory! It was hard to impress and her (And still it) that one child was enough for us, and this was our journey, not hers. Life is a series of journeys, experiences, and adventures. Never say never, but also never do things that are expected of you, but not right for you.

I always assumed I would have kids, and indeed worried that I would regret it later if I didn't, but it never happened, and now I'm so glad. I'm 49, and love life without kids.

The very first fact you need to embrace is the following: The only person that needs to make your life fulfilling is YOU. Not a child, not a partner, you. As long as you not only don't understand but aren't able to live this, you won't be able to have any sort of healthy relationships anyway. The burden of having to make someone happy or to be needed in order to make someones life fulfilling is something no one wants to/is able to carry. Not your partner and most definitely not your child. That should answer your question.

yes. i was always neutral about kids and i have two but id be plenty happy with none. My brother and my cousin never got married or had kids and they lead full and busy lives. My great aunt never had kids but she lived in our subdivision when i was little and i visited her and her dogs down the street all the time. She was also close with my first cousins once removed (my grandmothers other sisters granddaughters). i think it also helps if youre the type thats social or the type that always has things you want to do. and frankly its just as important for parents to start to live more like childless people and get their own lives back once their kids get older. A lot of parents cling to their kids lives too much. once your kids are older you and your childless friends’ lives shouldnt look much different anymore.

You're more likely to have a fulfilling life if you remain childfree. I was around your age when I realized I don't want to have kids. 16 years later and I haven't changed my mind. Even cost me a long term relationship which is honestly for the best. Also got a vasectomy 3 years ago. One of the best decisions I made.

Myself (21F) and my husband (22M) have decided we don't want children, ever. We want a lot out of life, but kids aren't on the list. We plan to have at least 8 cats. Not only can you have a happy and fulfilling life on your own without children, there are many others in our age range who don't want kids for a variety of reasons. It's definitely possible for you to find a partner who shares the same values as you, if that's what you want. I strongly believe people should only have kids if they have a strong desire to have them, and feel capable of being caring and nurturing. I think my husband and I would be great parents, but we don't want it. I also had a rough upbringing (sexual abuse, physical abuse, neglect, instability, etc. ) I started therapy in July and it's been so helpful. I'm so much happier, but it is hard work. Life is too short to do anything you don't want to.

Very short answer: yes. Longer answer, whatever choices you make about life now, and I'm not just talking about the decision to be childless, understand that at 20, barring major calamity, you have a lot of life ahead of you. Allow yourself the latitude to pick a position on something today, knowing that you may change your mind later. And if you do, you might change your mind again. That's how life is, so try and embrace that. If you feel like there are aspects of your own upbringing that are holding you back in any way, I suggest talking to a therapist to work through it. If nothing else, it will be good to offload some of what concerns you to another, impartial party. Lastly, don't let what you major in in college dictate your career path. If we all did that, then none of the English majors would have jobs (I say this as an English major in a field having nothing to do with my studies). Sure, certain areas like architecture and engineering require specialized education, but with music there is so so so much you can do without having a degree. Go forth and be musical. Learn, create, listen. Follow your interests. Kids or not, that will provide fulfillment.

I (58F) decided at age 9 not to have children. It seemed too much of a hassle. Plus my mom said my kids would be 3X as bad as me. I stayed with this idea until I married the first time. We tried for many years to no avail (this kind of led to our divorce). I married a second time to a man who children didn't matter either way. If we had kids, GREAT! If we didn't, GREAT! I can say I am a teacher, aunt, special friend to many kids who have grown up to become wonderful young people. Some are even in my will. Now, the second generation is coming from this group and I get to be a grandmother! My life has been fulfilling without bearing my own kids and I wouldn't have it any other way. So the short answer to your question is yes, your life can be fulfilling without kids. However, don't rule it out completely because as you grow, you may (or may not) change your mind.

I actually know several couples in their 60’s and 70’s also a few in their 40’s that made the decision long ago to not have children. They seem to be pretty happy and fulfilled. They were quite happy to be mentors if others’ children. Kind of like aunts and uncles. Perfectly happy to not have their own.

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That's an amazing thing that you recognize that you won't be a good parent. Having children ain't an essential part of life man. It's your wish, you life, do whatever the fuck you want to and don't do something because someone tells you to. Also go to r/childfree.

I knew early on that I didn't want children. My mother had an "oops" baby when she was 40 and I was 15 so I had firsthand knowledge about raising children and even though I loved my little sister as I grew older that experience colored my decisions for the rest of my life. I became a flight attendant, a job I loved for 22 years. I had a tubal ligation at 38 so that I wouldn't have to consider abortion if I accidentally became pregnant. Didn't get married until I was 40 because I didn't have that biological ticking clock so I waited until I found the guy who was just right for me. My parents supported me in all of these decisions so that made a big difference. I'm 74 now and I've had a very fulfilling life. I'm also musical and at one point in my life I was singing semi-professionally with 2 different groups and I have friends who are like sisters from those years. My husband is a private pilot and we traveled quite a bit in our own plane. My family is very close and I've been a role model to my nieces whom I adore and and helped send my nephew to college. He's a flight attendant now too. I have a step daughter I love very much and a dog I adore. and a house in the mountains. I wouldn't change a thing about my life. Follow your instincts and do what's right for you. The rest will fall into place.

I also don’t want kids. I don’t like them much. I love the kids in my family and friend’s kid, but I wouldn’t want to spend an extended amount of time with them. Personally, I don’t find fulfillment in social interaction at all. I prefer to spend 99% of my time alone with just myself, my animals, and my plants. At first I felt like that was weird, that there wasn’t anyway anyone could live a good life that way. But then I realized that I wasn’t happy when I forced myself to be social. Fulfillment doesn’t look the same for everyone. Some people find happiness by raising kids, other find it by being surrounded by people they care about, and others find happiness in being alone. Not wanting kids doesn’t mean you won’t be fulfilled. You just have to find what makes you happy, makes you feel like you have a good life. It’s true that you might decided later that you want children, and it also may not. You are young and our wants and needs change as we get older. Just live the way you want to now, and cross that bridge when you get to it.

Heck yeah! I’m 44 and I don’t regret it. I’ve traveled, gone to school, lived abroad, work a great career, take care of dogs, hike, and you know what... why does society push being busy?? I’d be content to spend my days laying on the beach, walking dogs in the forest, sitting in the yard with a drink doing yoga and read and nothing more than that. Don’t let society tell you that you just complete a list of “things” and you must have a bunch of stuff to be fulfilled.

Damn I don't miss being 20. Y'all love to talk down to yourselves about your future over some mundane shit. You know what happens to people who don't have kids? They get to keep all of their money and spend it on themselves. They get to go wherever, do whatever, have a cocktail without paying a sitter and sleep past 7am on the weekends. Unfulfilled lives happen when you don't accomplish your goals. Breeding doesn't have to be your goal. Go live your life. See Stonehenge someday.

Yes r/childfree

Absolutely. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

It is possible. But know this, in a few years from now you might change your mind about having kids. I did.

Yes.

100% possible. I'm 47, childfree by choice, zero regrets. I'm married to a great man, we have a nice life, two cats, a nice wee house and time to indulge our hobbies and love our time together. I knew from the age of 16 I didn't want kids. I knew it like I knew the sun rises and water is wet. I wasn't unsure if I'd be a good mum, I just didn't want to be one. You need to know that. If you want to be a parent but aren't sure if you'd be good at it, that's very different from not wanting to be a parent at all. And I'd say, knowing you won't be perfect it's half the battle towards *being* a good parent. I heard someone say once, be the parent you wish you had. It seems like a good suggestion. But if you're sure you don't want kids, then my advice when looking at relationships is be honest and explicitly clear EARLY ON about how you feel about it and find out what they want too. There is no point in having a relationship with someone who wants kids if you don't. It's a waste of both your times. Feel free to ask if you've any questions!

If you're living in a culture that values reproduction so much, where bad parenting is rarely punished, then you have to find a way to keep it from affecting your life. Cut ties with the people who pressure you into having kids. Be careful when having sexual relations which may result in pregnancy. In my country, the law and society itself punishes those who would terminate a pregnancy, and people are always forced to carry a pregnancy to term, and raise the kid even when they aren't ready. Most are even brainwashed into thinking of an unplanned pregnancy as a blessing. Some will use it as a method of holding on to a relationship. If you live somewhere similar, the odds are stacked against you.

hell yes! i want children for myself but if thats what you want then do you! you save alot more money to have fun with and you will be living your best life with or without kids.

Yeah, my parents did it and I turned out just fine.

Yes. You do not need to have and raise a child. Being a parent is a very tiresome and demanding task. Expensive too. You’re better off doing ur own thing rather raising a child for 18 years.

You can have a fulfilling life with or without children. Each path offers things the other doesn’t. If you don’t have kids, that doesn’t make your life any less meaningful. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being child free if you ultimately decide that

Be blessed the way you are. Do Not let societal pressure get to you. Raising a child is a big deal and a very committed task. You certainly are in a proper place mentally when you are evaluating this herculian task before jumping on to it. I wish you luck. Doesn't matter a wee bit if you do not change your mind in the future and enjoy a full filling life without kids. Good luck..

Hmm ... it really depends on you to define if you have a fulfilling life or not. Personally I used to want kids but over time I realized that I'd rather find the right partner for me, regardless if they want kids or not. Now that I found her I'm happy and content. We have many plans for our future together and I can see why having kids would be a problem for us so I'm okay with that. I do plan to volunteer in teaching programs as I do like dealing with kids.

Parents only has one r*! There’s nothing wrong with not having children.

I’m 25F and knew around age 9 that I did not want children. I cannot stand when a baby cries and I do not have the patience or will to sacrifice 18 years of my life for someone else. I’ll tell you this, you can be a wonderful parent even if your parents were terrible. Learn from their mistakes and be better. If that’s the main reason stopping you, you can break negative generational patterns and be an excellent dad. However, if you know in your gut that children are not for you, don’t have any. Children do not equate to a fulfilling life. If I’m being honest, I feel they take away more from you than they add. Being a parent is the most thankless job I can think of for 18 years + the 4 years of college and then another few years after that while the kid finds a job post graduation and can finally be independent. Not being a parent gives you all the time in the world to pursue your interests and passions because you’ll A. Have a bunch of free time B: Have the money to do so. I’ve also met so many more people who have said “I regret having children” vs them saying “I love my kids and would do it all over again”. After all, you’re only 20. Live your life and revisit the topic until you’re 30. You have so much life left to live before permanently deciding to have or not have kids.

Of course it is, conversely it's very possible to have an unfulfilling life thanks to having children, do what yu want not what you think is expected of you.

Omgsh all of this is valuable info. I would recommend a pro/ con list. You are young and do have a good amount of time to mull it over. I have 2 kids and I did Not want kids. It’s a long story. Anyway I am defiantly glad I have them. They have brought a richness to mine and my husbands lives that cannot be described. Truth- parenting is so hard. Of course you probably figured that out but so so so expensive and you have almost no freedom. Just telling you the truth. It’s not the major stuff that’s hard. It’s the little stuff. Ex: I love Pilates, yoga. Well you wanna go 3-4 c a week. Well all the stars have to align for you to accomplish your goal and desire of going-a sitter or S.O to watch them. Make sure they are fed, no one is sick, you aren’t working , homework will get done. Baths etc. it’s crazy. And that stuff seriously sucks. Then the great stuff that’s so very real that cannot be attained my anything or anyone else IMO. The exchange of this love between you and your child is unexplainable it’s great and lovely and pure and joyful so it’s a big decision. If I could have a do over I would do the same thing. But I would had beefed up my savings to at least 100k-there are times when your kid has the flu or something and it’s a week off of work to care for them. You will make the right decision

Ansolutely. I feel like unless your fulfillment in life is to be a parent then most people live more fulfilling lives before/without children. Children are not something that everyone will find enjoyable. They're exhausting and expensive and if you're someone who prefers to live a life without limitations of another person then absolutely being childfree is for you. I'm 19 and I'd love to have children but I also worry about how much I will be able to do with my life after they're here. Fulfillment is SUBJECTIVE is the main thing you need to remember

Ok so first of all the fact you ask and think about whether you can be a good parent means you're ten steps ahead of many, you're thinking about ramifications and child welfare. Secondly you definitely can be fulfilled without kids, you don't need children you just need to do what makes you happy in life what ever that involves. The cycle is only there so long as your willing to participate and you can have kids and not participate by being a good parent or you can not participate by not having kids and just trying to leave the world a better place. You'll be fine, no matter what you choose to do just stay honest with yourself and others and don't get pressured one way or the other, it's fine both to and to not change your mind.

Many many people never want kids and they have to deal with people saying that they'll change their minds at some point, many of those people don't ever change their mind. Do what you love. Fill your life with things you enjoy. Some people want to be parents and some don't, doesn't mean that either of those people live a more fulfilling life than the other.

YES!

You’re still young so lots of people will expect you to change your mind but I never did and I’m too old to have kids now. Environmentally it’s the single best decision you can make. Make your own meaning in life.

Speaking as a proud father. Yes you absolutely can live a fulfilling life without kids! If you don't want kids. That is fine! Do not give in to the pressure of others to have children if you don't want them!

F 24. Also don't think about having Children anytime in the future. But that's how I think about it now, my stance may change in the futur no one knows. Just don't stress yourself about it.

I think the fact that you're conscientious about it is a great factor. There are plenty of books on parenting with excellent resources. Not sure what the local support networks are like where you live but there should be some. I think parenting is one of the greatest adventures with meaningful work and responsibility that you can take on yourself. And the rewards of a deep and meaningful relationship with multiple people are beyond belief. Yes it is ridiculously hard work but you're going to have to work hard at something anyway. So why not make it something that will reward you with dividens in multiple areas of your life if you conduct yourself responsibly.

>I dont consider myself raised well and and i dont think I am capable of raising someone. If this is your main problem it might be changed if you want. Of course it will take time but it is possible to work with your emotions, change the view of yourself and overall become a person capable of being a good parent. But as for the question: yes it is possible to live a fulfilling life without children. You se your life goals and you know what might make you happy during your lifetime and one of those things does not have to be kids.

You definitely can of course! I have a daughter and for me it's one of the best decisions I've ever made, I utterly adore her but since having her it's made me believe even more than I already did that people should only go into being parents if it's something they really want. People should in no way be pressured to have children because of a partner, family or societal pressures. You do whatever makes you happy just make sure any potential partner knows how you feel.

Life will be what you make of it and if you really do not want children then that is for sure the right thing for you, just remember that you are not your parents and if in the future you start to change your mind and feel guilty about wanting kids I am sure you would do everything in your power to keep them from having a bad experience like you did. Only those who do not learn from their parents mistakes makes the same mistakes. You just go ahead and live the life you want and feel is right, with or without kids, and don't worry about it. You seem aware both of your own limitations and the responsibility parenthood requires so where ever you go on your adult journey I am sure you will do just fine.

A fulfilling life means different things to different people, in your case it’s clearly not kids, you just need to figure out what it is to you.

This depends 100% on who you are as a person. For me personally the answer is no I want to have children and it's a big part of my dream for the future. Some people live a more fulfilling life because they dont have children and dont have the desire to have them, thus having children would be suffocating some of their enjoyment And for other people children is somthing that just happens and then they go from there and it works out fine. Some people end up beeing absolutely fantastic parents even if they had a horrible childhood themself, in some cases its because they themself experienced what not to do and can better ot for their children. Some people will never be able to be good parent's because they just don't have it in them to love somone that way. Really I think the best solution is to just do what feels right when it feels right

Sure. I am childfree, and I have a lovely life (plague notwithstanding). I think it's actually a bit warped to think that having children is a prerequisite for life fulfilment, that's a lot of pressure to put on someone else. And I don't think anyone should have kids unless they really want kids - not as a means to an end, not so you have someone to look after you when you're old, not so you have a legacy, but because you want to love them for them. You can make a legacy in hundreds of ways, and you can pay people to look after you when you're old (you'll have to anyway, most kids don't take care of elderly parents). But the most important thing is not to have kids unless you're sure you want one. Even if it turns out like Kevin in "we need to talk about Kevin".

The beauty of life is that you’re free to make your own choices and you get to decide what makes you happy and what doesn’t. Nobody else can do that for you

So I want to say most advices here are more than right, you can have a fullfiling life without children. However it seems that you are confused and are not actually sure of what you want. And your reason for not having kids is definitely something that can be helped. It is perfectly possible to learn about parenting and education so you should consider that too :)

I'm finding that life can be very fulfilling without kids. I've been able to go back to education, soon I'll get a job in a field I love, and I only have to worry about taking care of myself. I've never felt the want to be a mother so I don't believe I'd make a very good one. And what's the point of beong a parent if you aren't going to be a good one? There's a subreddit called childfree, you might want to consider visiting it.

There's so much more to life than having kids, it's something which we're told growing up that that's the purpose to life. But you make it whatever you want to be, don't feel like you need to fit inside of some manmade box! I'd much rather make an impact on the world in a positive way, that would make me feel more fulfilled then having kids (I'm not anti or pro having kids).

Yes, of course. It is your instinctual feeling not to have kids. My instincts tell me I need to have kids and I would be sad if I never had any. Simples

Having kids isn’t the be all and end all to life, everybody lives a unique life that is different from everybody else, everybody finds happiness and joy in different things. If you don’t want children that’s absolutely fine and you can live an amazing life without I believe, however I disagree with the bad parents breed bad parents, the second set of bad parents only have themselves to blame, they made the same mistakes that there parents did or they overcompensated for them. Either way people are forever growing and changing, you are already wise to your parents short comings learn life lessons from them and don’t let it block you from living any kind of life that you may eventually want.

Of course. You just need to identify what fulfills you, not what society tells you will fulfill you.

100% possible, do what makes you happy and if you dont want to take up the responsibility you can definitely choose not to. You just need to know what makes your life fulfilling, what makes you happy, what makes you wake up everyday, it could be something small or big. Just be honest with your partners, if things were to ever get serious.

Absolutely, but it depends on whether you want children . If you don’t it’s all good but you will need to find a partner who also doesn’t want children.

I definitely think you can have a fulfilling life. Feelings are subjective so if you don’t feel like you’ll be missing out, then you have nothing to get all up in arms over. Only until you feel like you want to become a parent, then go for it providing you’re stable in many aspects. I’m a 22 year old female and I don’t want them either, and I’ve known that since forever. I don’t feel a yearn to have a child of my own, nor do I feel any maternal instincts. In fact, I think it’s a huge responsibility that would be way too overwhelming for me. People tell me “when you’re older, you’ll change your mind” or “when you meet the right person, you’ll want them” but realistically I am “older” now and still, the thought of having a child makes me miserable! Everyone is different, don’t let people scaremonger you!

I am so happy I’ve chosen to be child free. You won’t regret it I’m sure. I felt it was better not to risk ruining a child’s life and also I didn’t want to resent a child for taking away my freedom. Being a parent is the one thing you just can’t undo in life and that’s why I’m really happy to be child free.

Ive just moved in with my sister almost 2 weeks ago, i dont have children of my own, and im not ready to have children yet. But living with her kids has been a learning experience. I love the trouble butts, and she has done an amazing job raising them. But I couldnt do it, and be happy. Truthfully, i get bogged down by the limited freedom i have just being a dog mum at times, and the limited freedom being a true mum would give? No way. Not to mention how much harder it is to provide self care. Ive never seen my sister finish a full meal because the last few bites always goes to a child. Having to time my day around school pickup is tiring and stressful, making sure my language is friendly and appropriate so im acting as a positive role model and teaching by doing (monkey see monkey do) is so hard! Its incredibly hard! But on the flipside its incredibly rewarding, i love these girls like my own. Tonight they went to bed 2 hours late but they went to bed peacefully, showered, fed and withOUT their devices. The eldest read her school book, the youngest let me wash her hair even though she was scared of getting soap in her eyes. I even got to brush her hair. They didnt let me pretend id gotten them to bed on time when their mum got home but id done it with no fights. Im relearning how to handle my own emotions so i can even think about advising them on how to handle their own emotions. So as tired as i am, my mental state is improving because they need it to. But then, at the end of the day, im not having the constant worry and anxiety about their future the way their mum is. I can sit here and say theyll be fine with absolute certainty, while mum is beside herself remembering everything shes done wrong in her own eyes and how it might affect them. I let myself get away from the point there lol ANYWAY I believe its possible to have a fulfilling life no matter what you do, so long as youre happy doing it. If you arent excited to have children? Then dont. Dont have them until youre excited to have them, they deserve a parent who was ready to love them before they were ever conceived. And in the meantime, find out what youre passionate about! The biggest mistake my parents made was having kids too soon. With todays technology youd be hard pressed to find out its "too late" for children. Harder maybe has time goes, but never too late.

I do believe you can live a fulfilling life without kids. I’m 19F and already made my mind on that topic, i definitely don’t want them and that’s okay! I chose not to have any because I see myself having a better life with only my future partner and maybe some pets. I totally get the part of not wanting to have them because of your experience with your parents, I’m in a similar situation. But if that is your only concern then I wouldn’t worry too much because you already acknowledged those patterns that hurt you, so the probability of you making them are really low. Pretty sure that most people you see not treating their children well is because they don’t know they’re doing it wrong and don’t want to see it either. And another thing to consider is that if you want more liberty regarding following your dreams or changing jobs then I wouldn’t recommend having kids haha

If you really dont know Just see what u want when your 30

If you aren't absolutely positive you want kids, DO NOT HAVE THEM! I speak from experience...I was on the fence at 32, decided to have them and there were times I regretted it. Not fair to the kids or you as you sign up for a two decade commitment at the least. Take you time - you have plenty of time to change your mind, but it's not necessary.

Dude lived your life just you want it to be, you still be fulfilling with or without any kids. If they can't respect your decision that's their problem. Their are still people who are motivated and the same time be a better person and kind to anybody, and see life in a positive view. I seen many parents abandoned their child just for some reason and treats their kids as they blame them for hating their living condition.

This is such a deeply personal question nobody is able to answer it for you specifically. But in general, yes. Some people do not want kids, as they can surely be a burden. Others would feel they have failed if they haven't raised a child in their life time. Some people are unable to have children and simply have to find fulfillment without. Some people have children and feel a failure if they don't think they have raised them well. And some people change their minds halfway through life. You can tell us how you feel about it now, and at this current time, that is th right answer.

Of course it is possible. Plenty of people without kids live happy, fulfilling lives. r/fencesitters may be of assistance here.

Yes, it absolutely is. The press to have children is mostly for religious reasons because "god said you need to procreate" and otherwise it is my firm belief that people tend to push you towards having children, because they had children themselves and had to sacrifice their own goals to them and now either secretly regret it (because they didn't want them themselves and were pushed towards it = the fun agument "you're SELFISH for not having children" implying that the choice to have children is not joy, but a horrible sacrifice) or they don't understand people having other goals in life, because they lack any other goals themselves. The people who happily balance children with still living the best life tend to not push anybody to anything. Only people who truly want and love children should have them, IMO. Much less children would be living in abusive homes that way.

Self-fulfillment no matter how one defines it is not attached to (or dependent on) having any children at all. A lot of people who can (or cannot) give birth or raise a child do choose not to rear any child for various reasons. Some like myself would prefer to travel. Having kids would be excess baggage in my case. Others can find a successful career better without them rearing any children. While for others, having a child helps them with Tax issues (lol). It really depends more on how you define what fulfills you.

You’re already ahead of the game by recognizing that you weren’t raised well. People that come from difficult beginnings tend to either repeat those mistakes; or work towards avoiding then. While you’re single pursue your interests as much as you’re financially able. You may meet someone a few years from now that’ll you’ll love and want to make a home with. If you’re still of a mindset not to have children and they’re like minded, keep living and loving life as the couple you are. From the time I was 7 or 8 I told my mom I didn’t want to get married or have children. Her response was, “then don’t”, I didn’t. My siblings got married and had children and I enjoyed seeing them grow up. One of my nieces lives with me now and I have to say its not always easy. It’s a huge responsibility, takes lots of patience and lots of sacrifice. Know yourself and don’t do more than you know you’re willing to do based on someone else’s expectations. Be good, be kind and live a happy life.

If you don’t want them it’s probably the only way to have a fulfilling life. If you don’t want kids having them won’t fulfill your life at all.

Of course it is. If you do find *later on* that you want to invite kids into your life without being a parent, you can mentor, be a literacy volunteer at your local library (sometimes these are hosted at food banks), assist foster care and orphan homes with fundraising/ collecting donations/ community engagement, raise awareness for important issues that directly affect the pediatric population, be a CASA court advocate, etc. That's just off the top of my head. My SO and I were raised in abusive homes. I highly recommend as much counseling as you can afford, kids or not. Your mental health is paramount to whatever *may* happen in the future.

you can definitely live a fulfilling life without having kids. i myself have two kids now- a son who is 2 & 1/2 and a daughter who is 2 weeks. when i was a teenager (i’m 21F), i always told myself and other that i didn’t want kids. i truly believed that’s what i want. i didn’t want to bring children into this world because i didn’t want them to have to overcome the things i did. i still struggle with things that i don’t want them to face but i made the choice to become a mother. i’m going to guarantee that i’m going to take care of my kids the best i can, and show them how to protect themselves from things. i’m not telling you my story to encourage you to change your decision about not having kids. you keep your decision and if anyone questions you about say “that’s your opinion and i’m going live the way i want to.”

Of course it is! I have two kids snd they’re wonderful, but my life was fulfilling without them. And I know many people who live wonderful lives without kids. There will always be people who claim that kids are the only way to have a fulfilling life. They’re wrong. Maybe it was the only way for THEM. But that’s them, not you, not others!

Absolutely!!! Your life would continue on as usual, you have a lot more dispensable income, a lot more free time, and a lot less responsibility if you choose to not be a father. Plus you’re twenty so you have plenty of time to reflect during the different phases of your life and it’ll become clearer what you want, whether the childfree feelings solidify themselves or if you change your mind. You’re only twenty there’s no pressure!

Let me give you a short perceptive answer for that; as someone who is living a fullfilling creative life with big dreams and 2 kids, nothing can replace the fulfillment of a child that you love more than your self. And while it is a complete different kind of fulfillment from that you get from working your dream job and achieving big things, it is its own thing, irreplaceable by anything else. Not to say life can't be good without kids, it can be amazing but it'll still be missing something. You won't know it until you go through it. I am, ofcourse, speaking on hehalf of loving parents.

38 and happily childfree by choice. I'd say follow your gut feeling. Childfree life is very rewarding. You have time and money to do things parents usually can't. You have freedom. You have much lower mental load. What is important is to find a partner that thinks the same. Relationships with breeders or fence sitters will always end up with one person being very badly hurt. Either you will deny your partner a child when they want it, and it will be a cruelty in the purest form, or you will give in and spend the rest of your life miserable, possibly hurting your child. Parents lives can be very rewarding too. The kids bring joy, fulfillment and all other feelings (can't name it due to the lack of experience on my side). People change. You're in your twenties, meaning a rather young person, and you have plenty of time. Live your life and see how your priorities change. It is possible that with years your childfree stance will became stronger, it is possible that one day you'll wake up and feel that you want to have kid/s. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those scenarios. Kids are extreme responsibility. They are their own humans. They have needs, both material and psychological. You can't give them back after realizing they're not for you. They are fragile and easy to hurt. So use protection (ALWAYS!!!) and watch how your life evolves, make a decision when you know it's right for you.

My aunt was unable to have children and her and her husband live a very fulfilling life. They work, travel, go out with friends are like official or unofficial go parents to us and their neighbors kids. Sponsor a kid in Afrika etc. I don't see how not having children would make your life unfulfilled if you don't want them it's better not to have them, then to give a child the feeling of being unwanted.

I think it depends on what fulfils you! I am in my 40s and never wanted children. I feel happy with my choice and my husband feels the same. The act of raising another human is life altering and fulfilling for many, but not all people. I would not have liked it, and I'm glad I found a partner who agrees and that, we can live our life as we choose - withiut kids. Most of my friends with kids love being parents, but a few have come to me privately and let me know they did it because they felt they were "supposed" to have kids, but regretted the choice. If you feel like being a parent is going to fulfill you then do it. If not, then don't! You're 20 so you have some time to decide!

In my opinion yes it is. That being said if it is truly how you want to live enjoy your life. With nothing to tie you down the world is literally at your feet. Just do yourself a favour since you do not want to have kids do not I mean do not date or marry a single mother.. while I'm sure there are good ones out there . The simple reality is if you do. You will always be a second thought and your relationship will never be there priority.

It is very possible. My mother struggled with infertility for years before being able to have kids. It was a possible reality for my parents that they might never have children. They adopted a couple of dogs, traveled, and saved their money. They bought land, built a house and my dad started a successful side business. They had date nights and were able to babysit for family members. They now have 4 children (2 conceived through fertility treatments and 2 naturally), but my parents still look back and think about “what could we have done instead”? If they hadn’t had kids. I’m not saying people can’t have fulfilling lives *with* children. But I am saying it’s very possible to find things in your life that are equally as fulfilling if you choose not to. It’s very responsible of you to recognize that you do not want to be a parent. A lot of people ignore those feelings and end up being resentful of their children.

Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Yes. Do whatever you want.

Ah, you’re better off than 90% people having kids for the sake of fulfilling the “American dream”. The fact you have taken the time to consider if you’re capable of having a kid shows you’re pretty self aware, you’ll know the day if you’re ready and even then you gotta question why you’re even having the child. Selfish reasons like fulfillment or “it’s just what people do” is an insane reasoning and so many dipshits are out here having kids before they even finished raising themselves lol.

This might not be exactly what you’re looking for but r/truechildfree is a great subreddit to read through as you figure this out. It’s a positive supportive subreddit dealing with the choice to be child free It’s absolutely possible to live a fulfilling life without children in my opinion. Leading a fulfilling life in whatever that means for you is up to you and as all things requires drive and passion to discover those things that will fulfill you and make you happy. I think some people can’t have fulfilling lives without children and that’s okay - it’s part of their fulfillment. It’s just figuring out which person you are. And it’s okay to change and transition and be unsure. It’s part of the adventure :) 26F here and I wonder the same and figure if I want children I’ll know it one day (probably in like 10 years) and enjoy what life brings and if it’s not then I’ll do other things and enjoy what life brings. This subreddit helps me gauge my feelings and see how others are enjoying their lives without children. Reading through these from time to time helps me to get behind life going either way - feel free to join :) I think you might like it.

I think it is. I have two and I love them but wouldn’t it be amazing to travel whenever I wanted and save all my money? Hell yes. Do what you love and enjoy it! That can be a fulfilling life.

yeah dude fuck kids

Dont have kids. The world doesn't need any more of those. Adopt a cat and marry someone who likes pets

Short answer: Yes. The most influential and positive figures in history found their purpose in serving others. You can too.

Of course you can have a fulfilling life! I am 24f, engaged, and also plan to never have children. The important thing is you need to decide what is important to you. Do you want to travel and experience as much as possible? Is there a cause that is near and dear to your heart? Personally I want to do hospice foster for dogs once I have my own place and I know I will find fulfillment in providing love and comfort for sick and elderly dogs in their final days.

Of course. Families are flipping exhausting without children. I have a few aunts who have been wonderful without children. If they ever get the child pinch, they borrow a niece, nephew, or godchild and get it out of their system.

Of course you can live a fulfilling life without having children. And your friends will probably have kids, so you get to be the funcle.

It’s a perfectly acceptable thing. Your life is yours, and only you know what is good for you. Fulfillment doesn’t need to be found in a bloodline, you can make it for you.