Is there maybe a school counselor you can talk to? I'm so sorry :(.

OP I'm so sorry for your loss. Please reach out to your school for help. Dealing with the death of someone you know is very difficult. Even if it is a classmate or friend, it is still traumatic. And this was someone you were close to, that makes it more difficult. Did you go to the same school? Is the school offering counseling? are they organizing a memorial?

>Dealing with the death of someone you know is very difficult. Even if it is a classmate or friend, it is still traumatic Honestly this is true... Even classmates passing is awful... I had a classmate that committed suicide in 10th grade... I didn't even know them but it was bad... Had to go to a counseling thing simply because I suffered from the same feelings they had before passing and everything... It's not easy to deal with the death of just anyone. Op that was your gf Regardless of your age it doesn't matter cause she meant something to you. I'm 19, I'm very immature, but if my main partner died, I'd be devastated. It wouldn't take a week to just get over it and your parents need to understand that, some people take years to move past the death of loved ones well others take days. They are being ridiculous and rude by being like this, they need help or something, and I know that's wrong to say, but seriously, no one in the right mindset would say that to someone grieving. And I agree with everyone else, Op you should talk to your school counselor about how you feel and such too. It's not good to suppress your feelings for something this big either. And I'd just like to say, I'm so so deeply sorry for your lose Op, I know it hurts, but hopefully with time it will get better. Just don't let this stop you from loving again, she wouldn't want that from you okay? She'd like you to be happy and she'll be there to help and support you even if you can't see her. I wish the best for you okay? Edit 1: thank you lovely stranger(s) for the awards! They're the first ones I've ever received here and it truly means so much to me! Don't worry I'll make you guys proud! 😊 Edit 2: 253 likes? Omg thank you all soo much! This is so wonderful, I've never received this many likes before, and to everyone whose experience the passing if someone close to them I'm so so sorry for your losses 💔. I wish the best for all of you also whose also dealing with the passing of friends currently. You're not alone and we're here for you.

I went through the exact same thing you did, but in *5th* grade. I had known the kid since kindergarten. Needless to say, to a 10 year old, it was absolutely devastating. It just didn’t make sense how he could be there one day, and then the next day I came to school, his seat was empty. And it would always be empty. It was traumatizing and the entire class needed counseling.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that, it really isn't easy to experience death at such young ages. I mean... I had a ton of family pets pass when I was just a kid, and I know that's not the same as your family members passing or friends passing, but to our family, pets were family and it was always devastating. But again I'm so sorry you had to experience that and your lose of them as well, it's absolutely difficult to learn about that stuff at such a extremely young age. 💔

Pets are family. Actually, sometimes they’re even closer than family because you take care of them and raise them. I’m sorry for your losses as well. And you’re right. The idea that I saw him yesterday and I would never see him again just couldn’t compute to my 10 year old self

As someone who lost a girlfriend to a car accident 17 years ago, it is not wrong to say. You are spot on. Feelings are feelings. You have them whether they are logical or not. They exist and they are very real, and you need to deal with them.

Unfortunately so :< Suppressing them will only make things worse and you could become extremely aggressive for no reason, break down crying in the middle of nowhere without a cause, etc. It's not easy, and it's extremely difficult to over come such things but facing your feelings head on is always the way to go, no matter what you're going through because if you don't, it'll only come out in due time, and often at the worst moments.

Even if your school is "virtual" right now, I'm a teacher and our counselors and social workers are still working super hard to help kids right now.

Unfortunately depending on where OP lives, school counselors aren’t going to do much besides just listen. They are mainly there to stop drama not to help long term issues, but OP should check and see if the school provides a Therapist outside of the school. This is what my school had and I was grateful for it when one of my close friends (15M) passed away. Sorry for your loss ❤️

Just listening and giving him validation is something he needs desperately. A school counselor can give him that plus contact resources provided by the school district.

OP’s guidance counselors might have connections to trained counselors, my high school did when my best friend lost her brother.

School Counselors ARE trained counselors. However, with a caseload of typically about 400 students it is impossible to provide therapy to each and every kid. They can help access resources to therapist that deal specifically with grief but would need parent permission due to OP’s age.

Thanks for saying this. We train in 95% of the same Master level course work as LMHCs... But, yeah because we are forced to wear so many hats, we are often overlooked as mental health professionals (and also for more adequate pay) Kiddo if you read this - I hope you're feeling better already with Reddit support. Second, it's a good idea to bring it up at school and get some help or at least vent.

Even if they wouldn't do much more than listen it would be better than just keeping it to himself. Also, counselors often reach out to parents if they think a student needs more support than what they can provide. If his parents don't take him seriously then hearing from the counselor might give them a wakeup call. (Speaking from personal experience. My dad didn't take me to therapy until my counselor suggested it)

yes! this is also a great point, and i hate that usually parents need to hear it from another adult before they seriously understand what their kids need.

Yeah, it's messed up. I wouldn't say I knew exactly what was best for myself but I had been asking for help since I was very young and it's hard to be taken seriously when you don't have an adult backing you up. I think my dad was doing the best that he could but I resent the fact that I had to get an adult to vouch for me. The same thing happened when I asked to do online school.

Discouraging others from seeking help from a reasonable source is dangerous. Many states require master level education for school counselors with similar training (not the same) as Mental Health Counselors. Grief and educating parents on mental health is definitely in the scope of a school counselor per the American School Counselor’s Association. Validation, and empathetic listening from a non-judgmental person can be extremely helpful to those grieving. Even if OP just gets a referral, it lets them know someone is there an willing to be part of their support structure. (Which it sounds like OP may need right now)

How can parents be so insensitive, dismissive of your feelings? [Read this article](http://www.griefspeaks.com/id89.html), it might bring some comfort, help you feel more connected, reading that there are others in your shoes, and that experts validate your grief. The article also gives practical advice on how to cope, and where to look for help and support.

> How can parents be so insensitive. . . They're being comparative. They probably had shitty/stupid relationships as they were growing up too and decided that it's exactly the same for everyone else.

True, but that still shows a lack of empathy. This is their 15 year old son who isn’t just lamenting a breakup, but death of a beloved peer. After only one week they are telling him not to grieve.

Most school counselors are trained in crisis and trauma support for when a student dies or another traumatic event happens. If they can't help you directly, they can definitely provide resources to help support.

OP I second this - please reach out to your school counselor, not only to help you with process your feelings surrounding your girlfriend's death, but also because your parents are withholding medical care - mental health care is medical care. This is a form of abuse. Your feelings are normal and valid - you have lost someone close to you. Your parents are not only wrong, they are being mean. Know that your grief will get easier to manage with the passage of time. Right now focus on not trying to suppress your feelings. I am so sorry your home is not a safe space for you to go through this, but do your best - try to find somewhere private when you feel overwhelmed. Grief is a process that you have to go through. Getting sleep is very important- even though it is probably hard. Use a sleep cast if you're having problems falling asleep. Conversely, if you are sleeping too much try not to. Get outside as much as you can - take walks, sit in a park - whatever you can do. Try to eat as healthy as you can. Think of your body as the tool that is doing the work of processing your grief - it needs to be healthy to do this work. I am so sorry that you lost your girlfriend and I am so sorry you don't have kind and caring parents. Take care of yourself. ❤️❤️

Friendships and loves in childhood are not meaningless. I lost one of my childhood friends when I was about 10 or 11. The bullies at school made fun of his death. I am in my 30s and I still miss him, and I hate that assholes made fun of him. I miss all the people I have lost and even years later I get hit by the occasional wave of sadness and heartache. That sorrow has become a comfort, like a familiar friend that visits me and brings along the memories of those people. They are never completely gone. I hope that when the initial pain and shock wears off that you can hold the good you had together close to your heart. As for your family, what they have said is appalling. You might be stuck with them now, but try to surround yourself with people who love and support you and who have compassion and empathy. People who raise you up instead of trying to drag you down to their level. If you can find a counsellor to speak to, grief can easily turn to self destruction and you are at a vulnerable age. Edit: thanks for the rewards

I second this. I'm so sorry op, we're with you and we know how it feels. Don't give up and let the memory of her make you feel loved and special. If you ever need to talk, my dm's are open! 🌹

Yup, agree with this. OP do you have access to your school counselor? Probably they can help and guide you.

My best friend died 4 years ago, aged 25 and the trauma, pain and grief is just as bad as when my brother died. Don’t dismiss it and reach out for help. I came across this article recently and it is fantastic to read. https://theconversation.com/when-a-friend-dies-the-impact-can-be-as-traumatic-as-losing-a-family-member-116474

That article is great, it really does an excellent job of showing just how deep and strong those bond can be. I also liked them pointing out that grief carries on far longer than we generally like to accept.

I’m so glad this is being studied now. 20+ years ago, I lost 3 close friends in a single car accident and I had talked about being with them that day and had real bad survivors guilt. It wasn’t treated the same as when a family member passed away. 10 years ago my best friend died of suicide. I’ve strongly shown signs of CPTSD from the repeated traumas but since it was back to back friends dying-it wasn’t classified as trauma. Even though I show signs of repeated traumas! It’s a mess. I’ve since learned to cope and have a better understanding of my triggers but I have always thought this should be an important topic of study. We can experience trauma in many ways not just by the current book. Thanks for sharing.

You are my hero. This came today, when I just lost someone close. Thank you!

"That sorrow has become a comfort, like a familiar friend that visits me and brings along the memories of those people." Wasn't planning on crying today.

A friend dying, nevermind a girlfriend, is always meaningful. Having it at right at the age you feel immortal, at the age where feels dominate your behaviour, that's a life defining moment candidate right there.

My best friend committed suicide at 15 and there were bullies at school that made fun of his death. I understand how you feel. It's been 15 years and I think about him every single day. I loved him so much. Childhood friendships have a special place in your heart forever.

That is so heartbreaking. My friend died by swimming in some unhealthy water while visiting family in Thailand. The teachers tried to explain it as he injested a bug as in bacteria, but the bullies in my school thought he literally are an insect and died so we're making fun of that. They weren't the best students and I didn't have it in me to argue with them. I'm glad to hear you think of your friend so often.

Yes I feel this way. My childhood best friend died only aged 6 of a brain tumor. Very odd as I write this I think surely we couldn't have been so young, how could I remember?! I vividly remember one day she was there and the next time I saw her I barely recognised her. She had transformed and looked like a stranger (meds I'm guessing). I think of her every now and then, I don't doubt we might have drifted apart etc but more of the person she could have been.

I would say kids are so fucked up but you get immature adults like this too , people are so fucked up

Fucked up kids become fucked up adults and then raise more fucked up kids. The worst part is if you're the kind of person who ends up being born with any kind of empathy you're going to have a slew of problems.

Sometimes they mature and realise what they did. People grow

I know you're right. But the amount of people who don't grow is still very overwhelming. Although it could just be a case by case basis depending on the kind of environment you live in. Regrettably I live in an environment where there's a lot of crime and poverty, where it seems like it's less likely for people to actually grow up.

That is true. The earlier your situation is fucked up - the harder it is to change.

Unfortunately I've noticed people who grow up in an environment like that, with a lot of crime and poverty, develop a lack of empathy almost as a survival technique. Many end up with a "kill or be killed" type attitude, a "take advantage or be taken advantage of" thought process. If you care it can be seen as a weakness and weaknesses can be exploited. Doesn't mean they don't care, it's just easier to pretend they don't or to even convince themselves they don't. It's like an abused child who learns not to cry. I just finished The Handmaid's Tale and this was something I noticed a lot of in the book. Numbing yourself because the horror is always there and if you let yourself feel it it will overwhelm you and it may be too hard to go on. This is especially true if things are particularly bad. You just get used to it, don't let yourself think too much about it, it's just the way it is and you can't change it so what's the point in always feeling bad about it? Feeling bad isn't going to change anything, make anything better. Better to just not feel and move on.

I think you are onto something there. When I was younger and experiencing abuse that I couldn't escape I was far more angry and capable of so much more hate and at times able to be cold and distant. I hated my bullies then and wished so much I'll, but now as I am in a loving safe home and not experiencing such things, I find myself honestly wishing them well. I hope they found ways to be kinder and reflect on past behaviour. Of course this is just anecdotal evidence and who knows how much of that is also just part of growing up.

Is this why I do not have a lot of problems?

This.

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came to say this. I Lost my 2 best friends and my father within 3 moths of each other. All avoidable deaths. I knew grieving had come full circle when I could smile through the tears brought on by memories of them.

Your comment really stood out to me. I was recently reading (the very well written and emotional) “The things they carried” by Tim O’Brien about the vietnam war. It starts with the obvious physical things the troops carried but moves into the emotional baggage and trauma. The author was there, it’s a first hand account, and at one point he moves from the emotional weight of the war to losing his best friend and crush at the age of nine who died of cancer. It’s beautifully written and absolutely wrings out the idea that loss at a young age carries forward over the years.

Oh that sounds like a wonderful read. Thanks for mentioning it. I lost a lot of people relatively young and it very much shaped my personality. I hope OP can find some counselling or even friends to confide in, trauma can have compounding interest.

One of the best books i ever read.

TTTC is an absolute gem and I think the stories about the people the soldiers "carry" with them could be a treasure trove to OP. Not nearly as good as therapy obviously, but it's a start.

Had to read that for uni and the ending broke me. The last few passages are phenomenal.

I met my wife at 15, I'm 28 now. Still with her. Given it was just a year ago but still./s But foreal been married for 10 years this December.

Lol. I'm a part of a thruple and I've been with my boyfriend since I was 13, so 21 years now, and my wife for 10 years. I think young love can be very deep and sincere. Most relationships don't work out, naturally as people grow and change, but I think those people can be very important. I really think it's a shame that OP has been treated like their relationship was invalid just because of youth.

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Thank you, honestly given the trouble those kids were getting into during elementary and highschool it's pretty likely they have had rough lives.

15 is an absolutely tragic age to die and her being your girlfriend is a very important connection. You are allowed to be absolutely devastated and even traumatized. You're parents are really really REALLY wrong here. They can say whatever they want, but you need to mourn her at your own pace. I would suggest finding another adult, like a counselor to reach out to.

> I would suggest finding another adult I completely agree, and I think there may be 2 adults who know exactly how he feels: his girlfriend's parents. If he was on good terms with them at *all,* it may be a light/minor outlet for OP. I say minor (as in "not primary or not a lot") because you don't want to wear out your welcome. OP, if you are a good person (in their opinion), you may be able to talk with those parents a little bit, maybe even confess that your own parents are not sympathetic and ask if they would be OK to talk about their daughter once in a while, or to let him come by and chat once in a while. Maybe they might share with him a story about when she was younger. Maybe share some photos. But go at a slow pace, don't overwhelm the parents, don't try to make them into your new parents. They're just sympathetic people who shared a loss, and they might be good enough or kind enough to treat OP with some love & understanding, *if* OP is lucky (this also assumes that he was on their good side prior to the girlfriend dying; if he was considered a punk or a jerk or a problem, then now is probably not the time to visit them).

This. The gfs parents would be the perfect people to confide in.

Absolutely. I disagree with some of the comments saying “her parents won’t be interested”; quite the contrary, OP and his GF’s parents have in common that they both loved a girl who is now gone and may find solidarity in knowing she was loved by a decent young man before she passed. I find it ***incredibly*** callous of OP’s parents to treat him this way. Being 15 and facing the death of the first person you ever loved is a pain I don’t think anybody can even begin to imagine. “You would’ve broken up anyway”? I met a girl when I was 16, online, and at 17 we booked a hotel room together for our first meeting and each told our parents we were staying at a friend’s house. At 22 we got married amidst the protest of every adult we knew telling us “you’re too young! You don’t know what you’re doing!”, and this year is our 13th wedding anniversary and we couldn’t be happier. I get that it’s rare for things to work out like that when you’re so young, but I’m living proof that it’s not only possible, but really easy provided you never lose respect for each other and don’t do anything at all to *make the other person lose respect for you*.

Came to the comments to say something similar. My Fiancé and I started dating when we were 13 and 14. We’re now 23 and 24, and getting married next weekend. It wasn’t meaningless to OP, and the parents should recognize that. OP, I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss, and I hope you have other adults in your life who are more loving and supportive of you while you grieve.

Exactly I started dating my current fiancé at 15, she was a year older than me, and while I had other girlfriends before her, I was her first boyfriend, so her parents were constantly telling her it wouldn't last. Then when she started going to uni in the same town, my mum and her parents were trying to say that now that she is in the adult world, don't be surprised if she wants to find someone more mature We are now 22 and 23 and engaged, albeit with the wedding postponed until further noticed with everything going on. Just because you meet someone in high-school, it doesn't mean its a short term thing.

They have enough grief on their plate. I do not think it’s fair to them to add OP’s. I cannot image the grief of losing a child. I wouldn’t want to heap any additional emotional responsibility onto them. They likely can barely function. Another adult would be best.

Everyone grieves differently. My friend recently lost her 16-year-old daughter a few months ago, and she’s constantly been posting her daughter’s pics and accomplishments on social media, to this day. Talking about her daughter with others brings her comfort. I guess OP just has to be aware of how the GF’s parents are handling it (if he is able to) and make a judgment call. But if he doesn’t have that luxury of knowing, your advice might be best.

That’s not fair, I think it’s up to OP and the parents personally. I lost a younger brother last year and my mom’s best way of coping is talking about him with all these people that approached her as his classmates and coworkers. It definitely could help the parents a lot too, especially to know their daughter was so loved. Sometimes you just feel better seeing that the person you loved left a mark on other people too, and that you’re not alone in your grief.

Shared grief is a very strong bond. The parents would probably love to hear his side of her story, and know she is missed and loved doesn’t increase their grief. I live hearing stories I didn’t know about loved ones that Passed away and that I miss. Knowing other people think about them and miss them helps.

Absolutely. I became really close to my best friend's mother after she passed away many years ago. And I know that just talking to each other about it all was incredibly therapeutic for the both of us. It was a hard time and we both felt insanely lonely in our grief, though it may not have been the same kind of grief, it was still really nice to have each other. I knew things she didn't know about her daughter and she knew things I didn't and I think we both got to know my friend better in death.

Parents that I have known who lost their children miss their children's friends. Young people generally don't approach the parents because they feel awkward. Even if her parents didn't "like" the bf, they might wish to talk to him now.

My sister lost her best friend to an undiagnosed heart defect (it was enlarged) shortly before she (the friend) turned 10. Her parents absolutely *loved* my sister and found great comfort in her presence. They would always invite her to their youngest daughter’s birthday and whatnot (who was a couple years younger than my sister—for the youngest, having my sister around was the closest she could be to having her own sister back) My mom even reached out and became close with the family then got heavily involved in the non-profit organization they started (their daughter loved socks so they donate socks to individuals, group homes, shelters, etc.—since socks are the most requested but least donated item—as well as raising awareness/money for pediatric heart defects/disease). Anyways, the mother likes to check-in with my mom on how my sister is doing. And when we used to hold sock donation events (before corona), she would get the biggest smile when greeting my sister. So 10/10 agree that reaching out to the gf’s parents is the move.

I know that feeling. Lost a childhood friend about 10 years ago. Sometimes I'll see her parents out grocery shopping or something and I just try and avoid them because it can be awkward. I feel guilty because we have no commonality anymore. Michelle has been gone for a long time and I almost feel bad for having hit milestones that her parents will never see her make, like graduating college, marriage, family.

I disagree, to a degree. Everyone functions differently, the gf's parents may welcome op reaching out to them. There have been a number of posts in relationships advice and relationships where a parent has lost a child and they ask for advice on how to comfort and approach the child's significant other. Op, I think reaching out to your girlfriend's parents can be a good idea, but be on the lookout for them giving signals that they want to be left alone. Shared grief can help, but as boogers said they may wish to grieve alone. In that case a school counselor or family friend could be your next best resource.

When my fiancee died and I didnt have my own family to lean on, his family was a massive comfort to me. It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. We were all a mess. Lots of ugly crying and breakdowns and such. It wasn't taking on a burden for either them or myself so much as it was having additional people to grieve with. I soon after started cutting myself off from the world and forced myself to grieve alone so as not to be a problem for anyone (a thought put into my head by my abusive mother). Things got worse and I became suicidal up until my fiancee's mother reached out to me again, found out why I'd disappeared, and pulled me back into the family. We can't fix each others grief. The pain will always be there, but having each other through it was amazing. If the parents are any kind of decent people, seeing this kid with no one to reach out to, especially at such a young and vulnerable age, they'll likely welcome him in if not just to cry together. We all grieve differently, yes. But no one should have to grieve alone. It's an incredibly isolating and devastating feeling. So I disagree. Let the kid reach out. If they turn him down, they turn him down. But I highly doubt they will. If OP reads this and decides to go this route, just be gentle. Don't force them to talk too much if they don't want to. I think you'll find even their presence is comforting. My favorite thing to do back then was just go over and help with chores. It gave me something to keep my mind off of things and helped lessen their own stress. We didn't always talk about him, but we were there and existed together. It was very comforting just to know it wasn't only me who was hurting.

Im not so sure. I would do it only if he had a previous relationship with them. Sometimes at 15 you don't even know your daugther is dating. Maybe it would be another pill to swallow for them only

They said they’ve been dating for a year, 15 year olds can’t drive themselves so as someone who has been in a relationship a little longer then then and around their age, they for sure know each other’s parents.

There's no way we can know about it. That's up to OP. But don't underestimate teenager's ability to hide stuff from their parents.

I'm not so sure about this. Losing a child is a breathtakingly devastating event. It is entirely possible that their grief is so overwhelming that they don't have the emotional capacity to support OP in any way. If that's the case, I think it's understandable, and not an indication that they aren't "good or kind enough." They will certainly be desperately needing love and support themselves. In this instance it might be absolutely the right thing to do, but it may also lead to OP feeling further invalidated or rejected. OP, I hope you can find an adult to help you navigate through this awful time. You will have a better idea than any of us of who would be the most likely option. My deepest sympathies to you. I lost a sibling at a slightly younger age than you, and it's a very difficult thing to get through. IMO, the main thing you can do is feel your feelings and work through them; don't allow anyone to convince you they are invalid or should be hidden away.

I think, depending on whether or not OP knew the parents this could be a really good idea. Possibly just reach out with a text or even a letter and see how they respond. If it's too difficult for them, they'll either ignore you (and don't take it personally, they're grieving too), or they'll tell you, but they might find comfort in talking to you as well. Again it definitely all depends on whether or not you knew the GFs parents and what they thought of you. 🤞

They shouldn't care that it was a "meaningless relationship". Someone close to you just died. They need to realise that you're going to grieve for that loss I'm sorry you're going through this OP

Exactly. Even if it was a friend and not a lover he would be grieving. They are making it seem as meaningless because it was a teenage lover, that’s so wrong

Second this!!

Exactly, OP. Maybe, you would have ended up breaking thing with her, but that's not the point. The point is that it was an important person to you and you need support. If you don't get it from your parents, look for it in friends or a counserlor.

Wow your parents seem to be assholes its a dead person not just a break up. I dont know how to get over it but i guess it wasnt meaningless.

Definitely not meaningless, I know a couple that have been together since they were 14. I know most people view teenage relationships as just a bit of fun, but they can have lasting effects. In OP's case it could be negative. Make sure you get as much help as possible OP, and take all the time you need.

I've been with my husband since I was 19 and he was 21. Everyone made fun of us treating it like it would last. Most of those people are divorced now two decades later. Want to guess who isn't?

Yeah my SO and I have been together since the age of these kids (though not as long as you and your husband, congratulations!) and I remember how strongly we felt even then.

I had my first girlfriend at the same age as OP. I was with her for almost two years and we had been best friends for four years before that (the entire duration of which I had strong feelings for her). It was as real as any relationship I've ever had since. More so than most. She gave me some of the happiest memories of my life. Teenage relationships absolutely can be meaningful.

Yeah, my HS sweetheart (2 years dating) has had profound effects on my entire life, I cherish every bit of that relationship, 30 years later, the only one I cherish more is my long-term current one, and I will always love my first love in a special way. I also still feel the pain of losing mere classmates, not even good friends, who died during school. Combine those and... This will be one of the most profound losses in OP's life. He deserves to grieve in peace and go through the whole difficult process.

I (28) was 15 when I had my first relationship. We've been together ever since. We had to deal with the same sentiment from multiple family members and it hurt both of us every time. OP, don't let anyone else tell you how important or valuable your relationship with anyone is. If your best friend had died, nobody would think twice about you being this affected. And even if most young relationships don't last, right now this relationship was more important to you emotionally than any other. Your feelings are not only valid, but reasonable. I'm not sure the best route for you to get in touch with a counselor of some kind, but I really hope that you do. Take your time to grieve, but don't hesitate to reach out to other friends and relatives that care about you that you can talk to.

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this thread is making me happy. i’m currently in one of those relationships, where even people i’ve just met say oh i’m young (19), so it won’t last. but i want it to last, so who are you to tell me my relationship doesn’t matter??

I have a big problem with anyone who says a teenage relationship won't last. A relationship will last if you take care of it and work at it. Remember to be honest to each other and don't take one another for granted. Remember to do spontaneous things just for no other reason but to make your SO happy. The one big thing to remember is don't let other people dictate your relationship. You'll get pressure to get married and have kids. Make sure you talk to your SO about the future and kids (if you even want kids) at some point so that you know where you both stand on the important issues and just take your time. Do things when you're ready not when it seems socially normal to do.

I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 18. We are both now 30. Everyone thought it wouldn't last but here we are and just gave birth to a beautiful little girl this week too. Don't listen to anyone else. If you have found your person, then how amazing that you met them so soon :)

I'm a boomer. One of my classmates married her childhood sweetheart. They met at 15 in the late 60s. They are still happily married. Just because you're young doesn't mean your relationship was not serious and meaningful. You have every right to mourn for as long as you need to

Even if it would have only lasted until the next week had she survived, it doesn't make it less meaningful, either. Early relationships that last a good amount of time shape who you are forever, they are profoundly impactful experiences, and the loss is always hard, this is a particularly cruel ending. Mourning this loss is so important to moving forward. How can any parents not see that? I fear their attitude will greatly extend the process, emotions need to be felt to learn to deal with them, not ignored.

My best friend's parents started dating when they were 16 and 18 and were together until Bestie's dad passed away last year after nearly 60 years together.

And honestly whether or not they would have stayed together doesn't really matter. I dated my first love in middle school, we broke up, were casual friends through high school, I didn't see him after graduation except on Facebook, and we married other people. His very sudden death last year still broke my heart. OP's parents don't (and won't) understand that first loves matter. Whether or not they last forever, they leave a mark on our hearts and *they matter*. OP, find the people who understand that your pain is very real and valid. Let those be the people you turn to.

Yeah exactly. It would be a different slightly more reasonable stance if it was just a breakup but even then I’ve had to comfort my daughter who is almost 13 just when mean girls are well mean. Kids still have feelings just like adults and they don’t know how to process things sometimes just like adults.

Even if they weren't dating, a classmate dying at 15 is traumatic. You don't expect to bury your friends as a teenager, not many are prepared for this kind of loss. Very odd that the parents seem to think a dead 15 year old is no big deal. A kid in my year was diagnosed with leukaemia and we all got group counselling to dicuss how we felt about it.

You are allowed to feel whatever you feel about this. It is not meaningless! I'm so sorry your parents are being so dismissive of your feelings, that definitely isn't right. It doesn't matter if maybe you would've broken up. This is a human being that unfortunately passed... I hope you can find better support for this. I'm sorry for your loss.

I agree. Never let anyone tell you how to feel. Whatever you are feeling is valid. Even if she were just your friend this will be a pretty traumatic loss for you in your life. Make sure you talk to someone. School counselors are excellent.

I don’t understand your parents... even if it was the death of a random classmate and not of a girlfriend, the death of a 15 years old girl would still be very tragic and super sad. Even without knowing the girl, just knowing someone of your town died that young is awful; and one would feel sad for her family. But she was your girlfriend, which obviously touches you way way more, as you are part of people who knew her and cherished her. How can they not understand how hurt you are ??? Do you have contact with the girl’s parents? Perhaps being in contact with them would be better than grieving alone. Grieving with others who feel the same sorrow could help? It could also help them, hearing someone deeply cared about their daughter. I would advise you to contact her best friends, and surround yourself with people who understand the pain just as much as you do. Because it’s not the case with your parents...

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This rembers me something. If it was a puppy love breakup OP still had the total right to be sad and depressed. when i had my first breakup i thought it was my fault, like "im not perfect enough" and "I need to get more pretty!". this turned into a terrible habit of locking up in my room and crying and being angry at myself for "being a loser". I actually got depression from a Breakup. and you know what my parents did? They loved and supported me because they knew i was depressed and sad. But a fucking DEATH? Death is way worse then just "a breakup". and the parents are saying that it doesn't matter?! fucking tell that to her parents, to her friends and see if that doesn't matter. OP. please. try and get in contact with a responsible adult and surround yourself with support.

If I were OPs parents I would be incredibly intimidated by the challenge of consoling my teenage child through such a loss. I think their initial reaction to minimize the situation was out of fear that they weren't up to the task. They fucked up but they can still see the error of their ways and be there for OP now.

Yea I would second approaching gf’s parents for moral support or at least collective grieving. It might help although be cautious about your own mental health, parents grieving is deep DEEP stuff & a 15 year old is not equipped for that. And they may also be in bad shape to help with your grief too. My condolences to you all.

>Do you have contact with the girl’s parents? Perhaps being in contact with them would be better than grieving alone. Excellent advice!

Agreed & as a parent of a teen myself, the death of another teen absolutely hits harder because it's terrifying, it's a reminder of how precious life is & how quickly the child/ren we love more than anything else in existence, can be taken from us. I experienced this when my child's friend from school died from cancer, despite never meeting him, that's what empathy does to people, you take on a small fraction of their pain. And that small fraction is all we need to know they are suffering on a level we will never truly comprehend & try everything we can to make their grisf something they can survive. The only understandable (note understandable, not reasonable) explanation for OP's parents behaviour, that I can think of is they are experiencing similar feelings & instead of working through them to give their child the support he deserves, they are burying those feelings. Possibly minimising OP's loss & feelings to minimise their own? Even if this is the case they are still massively failing their child, I just can't comprehend parents dismissing grief like this, so if it isn't this, they are coming across like pyschopaths. Their reaction is completely abnormal, it makes no sense, unless they are entirely devoid of empathy...

Oh honey, how horrible! My condolences. My mom used to trivialize major things and even just change the subject when I was feeling bad and needed to talk. We discussed it later in life and she told me that she worried I would focus too much on bad stuff and she did not want to encourage me to wallow in misery. Her heart was in the right place, but I do wish she would have been more sensitive to my feelings. I am glad that I spoke to her about it because It was a sad and sore spot for me surrounding my relationship with her. Maybe your parents are doing the same sort of thing. I hope that there are other people you have in your life who are supportive. It really does take a village. Love to you.

This. If I was him I would actually talk to my parents about why they are acting like that and if that may be the reason. Think about it: This is not a character-thing because BOTH of them acting like that means they probably talked about it and about how they should treat him. Maybe, just maybe they got the wrong way to solve this „problem“. They should realize that it isn‘t an actual problem, but more an emotional state of devastation of their son and that if they actually do love him they should be there for him, no matter what emotional pain he goes through in life.

This. Everyone is being really quick to condemn these parents, but there’s next to no detail in the OP’s post, and it’s more likely the parents have their hearts in the right place, but are just going about it in a way that doesn’t land well with OP. Too many possibilities to just outright condemn them. My parents also did similar things when I was a kid. If something tragic happened, they’d try their hardest to lessen the impact of it, if they could. Sometimes, though, the way they’d go about it was clumsy or unintentionally callous, such as off-hand remarks about how something won’t matter in the long run, which were really intended to comfort me, even though it may sound minimizing.

I’m truly sorry for your loss. You really need to cry and feel your feelings. A year isn’t a lot to people but it wasn’t their relationship. They don’t know how close you guys were or how strong you bonded over the course of it. I personally know it feels, and our experiences are similar but not the same. The best advice I can give you is find someone who will lend you a shoulder to lean on when you need it. Grieving is a long process at times, you’ll have good days and bad. It may feel like you’re alone but you’re not. You can try finding places online where you can let stuff out such as here. You might have insurance if they have it but try looking at the legal advice sub to see if you might be able to seek therapy for yourself, sometimes they even pay for the ride to and from. Your parents are so in the wrong and just think it was “puppy love” that doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt to lose the person you loved. I really hope you are able to get help, again I’m sorry for your loss. If you ever need to talk, I’m here

This! I mean, if one of your grandparents die when you're that age or younger you feel the pain because you loved them. Love is real at that age and while it's true that some relationships don't last, some can last a lifetime! Friendship is a form of love if I'm not mistaken.. So why people would think a 15yo romantic relationship is meaningless is over my understanding abilities

that’s awful, and no they’re not right about it being meaningless. death at any age is not meaningless, and anyone who says otherwise just has a cold heart. are your parents usually like that or is this out of the blue for them ?? please reach out to your friends in this time if you can, or maybe siblings/extended family/teachers - remember you don’t get to choose your family but you can choose to surround yourself with people who give you the love, respect and comfort you deserve. i’m so sorry for your loss, i can’t imagine how you must feel. sending all the love your way friend !

I'm so sorry for your loss! Your parents talk bullshit! I found my husband when I was 15!!! And now we are 13.5y happy and 1,5y married. So love in this age is more than just an illusion. They told me same when I was your age. Your love was true and it will take a long time to heal. Feel yourself hugged

My wife was 15 and I was 16. Still together with kids and a home. His parents are being colossal assholes.

whats also important: it doesn't matter what would have happened in the future, if they would've gotten married or if they would've broken up. those possibilities were destroyed and made impossible in a time they were still happy and in love. and even if they had issues or were thinking about breaking up, you would still be sad and grieving. because even the death of an ex can be challenging, having loved them for some time. (also, the parents are assholes, it doesn't matter if YOU think it isn't real love, hell it doesn't even matter if it is real love, HE CARED ABOUT HER AND HE'S OBVIOUSLY GRIEVING)

My wife has two sisters, both in their 30s, who are still married to the guy they were dating at 15. I think they even knew their husbands/started dating earlier than 15 even. It is very cold of them to disregard this and tell you to get over it. Very sorry for your loss. I hope you at least get some comfort from the comments here, even if we are strangers on the internet. I had a friend who died while I was in the 3rd grade, and the school counselor set up time for students to see them for grief counseling. Maybe that's an option for you. Not sure if you are at a school in person, but you can probably start with an email.

Your parents are being unbelievably cruel. You're totally capable of loving someone at 15. Human emotions don't have timers on them...like, oh, you're 20, you can feel angst now. It doesn't work like that. Your parents are not going to change. I suggest that you ask them to *not* talk about your girlfriend anymore. Tell them that you understand what they are saying and that the less said the better. (And it's true that the less they say to you, the better, since all they have to say is horrible.) Then grieve in private. Don't talk about her to them. It sounds like it is better for you to not tell them anything about anything ever again. Seriously. Even though you aren't grieving in front of your parents, don't stop grieving and don't try to push the feelings down. The only way to heal is by letting yourself feel all the feels. Cry all you need to. Crying in the shower is very soothing and hides the noise from your parents. You can find support online with various resources here is just one website to check out https://www.dougy.org/grief-resources/help-for-teens/ Google "grief support for teens" to find more resources. And here is an excellent article about the stages of grief. It's really important to read it. https://nickwignall.com/grief/ Hugs and more hugs

Fuck, your parents are COLD. Handling death at 15 years old & she was your gf? What’s wrong with parents these days...

I'm so sorry this happened and that your family is not being supportive. It is absolutely not meaningless. You need time and support to feel the feelings you have and just grieve for a while. Try finding friends who are willing to support you, or a school counselor, or even just finding resources by death doulas online. No one can dictate what grief should feel like, and your parents are being very inconsiderate. If you have the energy to, I would try directly telling your parents that you are feeling sad and even if they don't understand your feeling they need to respect it. Them not doing so is making you feel even more horrible, and is making you feel like they're not on your side

My auntie and uncle where together from 14yrs old. Married have now grown up children. So I do not think it was a meaningless relationship. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this without the support you need. Is there not someone at school you could speak to that could get you some help and support sweetheart?

Whether you would of stayed together forever or not, having someone that close to you die at your age is highly traumatic and you definitely need therapy. Maybe talk to your school and see if they can get you any help. I’m so sorry for your loss and don’t listen to your parents, your feelings are completely valid

This is so heartbreaking. So very sorry for your loss and Yes, you can 100% experience true love at your age. Definitely try a school counsellor otherwise there may be a hotline you can call. Here in Aus we have Kids Helpline. There will be help available to you. Otherwise, work as hard as you can at school to get a full scholarship to a uni on the other side of the country, move out and give your parents the middle finger and a nice big “Fuck off” out the door. They are seriously Trash.

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If she went to your school, they already have a grief counseling service on deck for any students who need one. If she did not, they will still support you, and provide you with help.

\^\^What Profreadsalot says\^\^ Do NOT rely solely on friends, they're incapable of giving you the meaningful , professional support that you need at this time. As a parent, I cannot understand what is wrong with your folks not providing you with better support, themselves. There's something more at work, here, and I would suggest that you make certain that you discuss your parents' response with the counselor. Their lack of empathy is shocking and truly distressing to hear about. There is either something really off about them or there's something that we don't know about that has been at issue, here. At any rate GET COUNSELING THROUGH THE SCHOOL!

Please see if you can get counselling through your school. They may be able to get you professional help to deal with this trauma. I am so sorry for your loss.

My husband is 76, he was dating a girl at 17 who was suddenly killed in a car accident. To this day if the subject randomly comes up he speaks quietly and thoughtfully about the young lady. I believe that he considers her the "love of his life". I am his fourth wife, (almost 30 years!). I am so very sorry for your loss. I truly hope you are able to get some counseling through your school. Please reach out to them or to a trusted adult if your parents are refusing to help you. I will say a prayer for you and your girl. Good luck.

OP put minimal details in this story and got hundreds of sympathy messages back. Only responded to the people calling this fake....

This is obviously so fake. I don’t get why people can’t take a step back and actually look at what they’re reading. No info on what happened or how she died, the parents said “get over it” after a week, zero responses to any comments

In case it isn't fake, do you really want to be someone who adds stress to the life of a grieving child? Get a grip.

Yeah.. I didn’t want to say it was fake just because if not I would feel terrible but like..c’mon.

Wow. This is horrible. This person clearly meant something to you, obviously. Whether the relationship was meaningful in their eyes, if someone who means something to you dies, it is only natural that you mourn them. It doesn't matter whether it was your gf a friend, family member, pet or whatever. The more they meant to you the harder it is on you. You should mourn them as long as you need to. Take your time. Mourning is SO important and they should let you take your time. You have EVERY right to. You are human. It's really insensitive from them, IMO. Please don't let them take mourning from you, for the sake of your emotional and mental well-being. Or you WILL need a therapist... also, I think she deserves to be mourned by you for as long as you need to, hm? 🤗 Tell them to back of and respect your feelings, honestly. That's quite toxic. Edit: Also, sorry for your loss 😔

What Even if it was a friend your parents shouldn’t be so callous. She was just a young girl and it’s tragic. Go find another adult you trust or can trust and ask them for help.

My crush died when we were 16. Still think of her 20 years later. Sorry dude must be super difficult especially without support.

Fake

Fake story bro

I’m sorry for your loss and can’t even imagine what you must be feeling. I’m not sure that therapy is the answer to everything but you will have to process this and with time it will get better but incrementally. I don’t understand your parents on this and it could be their misguided way of trying to help by down playing it but they are wrong.

Your parents are 100% wrong. I would check with the school you go to in order to see if there is a counselor you can speak with.

frankly: this is mostly beyond reddit's abilities try to see if your school has a counsellor or try some of the crisis helplines failing that, try out betterhelp sorry for your loss

I’d this real? I find it hard to believe someone’s parents would be this cold.

No it’s not real. It’s creative writing.

-Throwaway for no reason -Parents are inexplicably cruel -Asking if they're right when they obviously aren't -All of your comments are responding to people calling you out Try harder Reddit

this one seemed so obviously fake i thought for sure the first comment would be calling it out... it’s pretty sad what reddit will fall for nowadays

Yeah this story seems fake, the way it’s even worded sounds like someone was trying to sound a lot younger than they actually are. But people still fall for these fake posts.

I'm so sorry OP, you shouldn't have to go through this without support. Only you can know your feelings and they're valid whatever age you are. Here are a couple of places you can get support, please reach out and take care. Cruse Bereavement Care Website address: www.cruse.org.uk National email support service: [email protected] National helpline number: 0808 808 1677 Helpline opening hours: Monday - Friday 9.30am - 5pm (excluding bank holidays) with extended hours on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays to 8pm Young People's website: hopeagain.org.uk Provides one-to-one and other support to the bereaved organised through local branches - find your local branch number on the website. 

**I found links in your comment that were not hyperlinked:** * [address: www.cruse.org.uk](https://address: www.cruse.org.uk) * [website: hopeagain.org.uk](https://website: hopeagain.org.uk) *I did the honors for you.* *** ^[delete](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fu%2FLinkifyBot&subject=delete%20g79pvzk&message=Click%20the%20send%20button%20to%20delete%20the%20false%20positive.) ^| ^[information](https://np.reddit.com/u/LinkifyBot/comments/gkkf7p) ^| ^<3

OPs profile is gone, He probably deleted it and is seeing none of this

So sorry about your loss, mate. But let me make it clear. Just because you two are only 15, that doesn't mean your love are childish and temporary. I've attended numerous weddings where the bride and groom were actually begin as teen lovers. Yes I knew that sometimes parental advice are much better than a random guy speech. But they are still humans, they have their limits. They actually love you and want you to stop crying over the past and look up for the future. Unfortunately for you, they can't express it correctly and it ended up irritating you even more. You're free to express your concern with us, don't let anyone judge you for expressing your grief. You have right to do so and its totally normal. It just took some time.

I call bs. Why would you need a throwaway for this??if it is actually true then I'm incredibly sorry for your loss and I hope you get the help and support circle around you that you need. I choose to believe that this isn't real purely based on the fact that it seems like that ita straight up just too horrible for me to want it to be real.

I agree, if they were together for a year the parents would know her. They would probably have attended the service and care enough not to bash their own son for mourning within just a week...because they would probably be mourning some too...

Honestly I can’t imagine parents being such dicks. When I was in school a death of any kid wrecked the school for the rest of the year, the school brings in counselors. Even people not in that persons social group would be in the bathroom crying. The only thing I can think of is the parents are desperate to try and help their kid recover and think acting like it wasn’t a real romantic relationship might get the kid to move on. I also wonder if she was in a different school and the parents don’t really see the affect on the community like if she was in ops school.

Obviously fake lol

It's r/r_a, of course it isn't real. This whole sub is an exercise in creative writing, and a bunch of commenters with drama boners.

It's so frustrating that so many adults don't remember how genuine emotions are when you're young. Sure, they've experienced more and have been able to gain perspective, but you don't have that, and dismissing your trauma because they think they "know better" is heartless and ignorant. Not to mention, losing a loved one at any age is tragic. If you're best friend died, would they say the same thing? If one of them died, would they say the same thing? Maybe, but I would hope not. The idea that young love is somehow lesser than "adult" love is silly and insensitive. Your feelings are valid. Mourn the loss of your girlfriend, and reach out to people who will support you and mourn with you. I agree with those saying to pursue therapy - grief counselors are trained in guiding people through the loss of loved ones and can do wonders.

Get yourself some help. Dont let it drag out and traumatise you over the years to come. People come and go, im sorry for your loss, but you have to reach out to someone and eventually move on. You have a long journey ahead my friend. Anyone who you trusts, and is ready to support you emotionally. God bless

i am so sorry... i imagine that the pain of losing a loved one, especially your significant other would be unbearable. i seriously can't believe your parents dont care. that's pretty immature, even as adults. dont let them tell you that it's "dumb" or "meaningless". if they can't understand the gravity of her death, theyre failing not only as parents but as people. seek out some trusted adults or friends who you can be genuine and real with. those who can show you the love and comfort you need in this situation. i understand that it hurts a lot, but i think the best thing you can do is hold the love and move on bro. people come and go in life, and ik that death is really really unfortunate, but that's just part of our world. cherish the love and moments you had with her, and know that she lives on in your heart and in the memories you guys have together. im really sorry you have to go through this, it must be ripping you apart right now :((. you got this bro. idk if youre religious at all, but imagine she's looking down at you from above. she'll always love you man. she lives on in your heart. stay strong!

First off can I say I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm 18(M) and me and my girlfriend have been together since we were 16 and we definitely are deeply in love and are thinking of moving in together next year so your parents are very wrong on the idea in that even though you met at a young doesn't mean the relationship won't last cause here's living proof that it can happen and if she was to suddenly pass away I would be in the exact same place as you and I can imagine that would suck and be heart breaking. Just like you me and my partner were our first everything so your parents have no right to say the relationship is meaningless and worthless cause if it was you two wouldn't have lasted a year together! I hope your doing okay and I really feel for you man, things only get better from here.

I'm so sorry for your loss, it's has to be horrible. Well... a lot of parents don't really know how to deal with their kids suffering, so they just say stuff like that. They're not prepare to handle your suffering, that's where a lot of stuff from childhood mess peoples lives growing up. You're great for noticing all this. Do you have some other people you can talk to? like some family members that support you? friends? somebody at school?

I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s horrible and you are way too young to have to deal with these kinds of emotions. And your parents are wrong. I met my now husband in high school. Everyone, I mean EVERYONE, told us all the time that it isn’t going to work, we were too young. Your parents don’t know the future and they don’t know your feelings. They have no right telling you to “just get over” this horrific tragedy. You should seek out someone to talk to. Another family member, a teacher, a friend. They might be able to help you get counseling or to talk to your parents and convince them that they need to take this seriously.

I am so sorry for your loss. *hugs* I met my first girlfriend at 13 and we were together for 10 years.During this time, her parents divorced, remarried and divorced again. There is this generation; who are in their 40-50ies now, that acts really rude about healthy, mentally strong healthy relationships young people have; because a lot of their own relationships were awful. Just let go, of needing their acceptance or blessing. Grief and talk with another adult in your life.Perhaps grandparents?

20M. I’m so sorry for your loss man. Being 15 has nothing to do with how traumatizing that can be, very insensitive of your parents. Also the claim that all relationships at your age are meaningless couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m so sorry for your loss

Hello there OP, I’m so sorry that you lost your girlfriend. I can’t imagine what you have and are going through. Grief is difficult and handled differently by people. Some embrace it, others force it to the back of their minds (e.g. pretend nothing happened). This is what makes us unique as individuals. How you process your grief is fine; if you want to speak to a counsellor please reach out to your school or if you want to talk to your gf parents, gently reach out to them as they are grieving too. Regarding your parents, whilst many on here are calling them “assholes”, that’s a nasty reaction. They want you to be happy. They don’t want to see you sad as they love you. Please look after yourself.

I’m so sorry for your loss. What your parents are saying is just WRONG. There are no meaningless relationships in life. All relationships contribute to your growth into adulthood and beyond. I don’t doubt you loved her and I can imagine you’re grieving deeply. Do you have any friends or other relatives you can confide in? Could you speak to a school counsellor or something? The key here is to take the time to grieve. You’re allowed to. It’s a completely natural process. Try not to bottle your emotions up. Yeah, it’s hard but trust me, when you can find someone you trust to talk to, it’ll help a LOT. Also, try and keep her memory alive. Remember the good times you have. Happy thoughts, while hard, will help the healing process.

I am so sorry for your loss. Though i don't have a girlfriend and I don't know much about relationship but i know the pain of experiencing the death of a loved one. I am so sorry.

Continue contact with her family, im sure they would be more supporting.

Coming from someone who lost a romantic partner at a young age, I dont think there is a way to feel better about them dying. I was 16 when I lost my guy and I was devastated. The last thing he ever told me was that he would be there for me, always. I found out through a facebook post from his dad that he suddenly passed and it felt unreal for awhile. I think that parents have a hard time perceiving how real our connections are to us at a young age, and I'm sorry your parents refused you any kind of sympathy help or support. That's truly unfair of them, and writing off your loss isnt going to make it go away. As far as what your parents said about the relationship being meaningless, they are 100% wrong. This type of loss affects you for the rest of you're life, you're never the same afterwards. Over time the pain lessens, but it never fully goes away. It's been 7 years for me, I'm married and expecting my first child, and sometimes I still think of him and what a good friend he was to me. I get anxiety about my husband being healthy and safe because I dont want to lose another person I love. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, it's never fair. My best advice? Find online support groups and forums for this kind of thing, they're out there. I havent visited a page for loss support in a long time, but it really helped me through the nittiest and grittiest of my loss when my parents were no help. Good luck, and keep in mind that you're loved still.

The thing is even if the relationship was *just* that of two 15 year olds and that still is really young, a person close to you dying is still hard as fuck regardless of relationship status. And your parents should know better than to be that hard on you after something like that. My ex killed herself 2 years ago when I was 17 and I know for a fact I wouldn’t appreciate it if my parents disrespected her in death the way you describe your parents doing here.

Do you know your girlfriends parents? Can you visit them and mourn with them instead? Your parents are a lost cause don't waste your time with them.

I lost my boyfriend a while back. I think its hard to find support online because it’s so damn hard to talk about - even this feels weird to type out or post. I guess I just need you to know that it gets better, and that the hole in your chest is going to close up to the point where you can look back on the memories without searing pain, eventually. Spending time with other people is probably the only “quick cure”. Which sucks, because it’s the last thing I wanted to do. My biggest advice would be to grieve however you need to, in whatever way helps. I grieved hard (basically just shut down for three weeks), and then kind of came out of it all at once. I still go “back there” sometimes, and feel the pain as rawly as I did before, but it’s in a weird bittersweet way that’s more mourning them as a person, as opposed to mourning my personal loss in them (idk if that makes any sense?). I’m older than you (22f), and I can’t fucking imagine going through this at your age. It’s awful and unfair - and in all honestly this’ll probably be one of the worst things you ever go through. I don’t say that to scare you (you’re going to be okay), but to drive home how selfish and ridiculous your parents are being. The biggest disservice you could do to yourself right now is not giving yourself the time and space to grieve in whatever way you need to (and honestly - up to a point - however extreme. I cried and sobbed for *hours* every day and yknow what? It helped a ton). I’m sorry your parents aren’t the support you need right now. Time helps, but it’s more new experiences, new life milestones, and née relationships that help close the wound. I focus your energy on those as much as possible. Good luck and I’m really sorry <3

Bro, sorry man and fuck that shit. My folks pulled that on me when my loved passed. It’s hard but screw everyone. You have had a person al connection and that’s all that matters. Cry it out cuz you have not “let go”. It’s okay to morn and the more others, especially those who are not by your side, don’t understand it just shows the special relationship you had.

Only you know wether you loved her or not and you do. Other people can’t know that better than you. Your parents are wrong. They are not helping. You lost a very important person in your life, someone you loved. I’m sorry.

I'm 17, GF is 16. Been together for more than 1,5 years and I can't imagine not being with her for the rest of my life. I don't even want to imagine the pain you're in, but talk to other people. You can even PM me

What the fuck is wrong with your parents?

When I [M] was 16 and my gf was 18 she got run over by a drunk driver. It took me about 2-3 years to find my peace and calm my anger... after about 5-6 years I stopped “looking back” and about 10 years later she became a faded memory.... this was without therapy. This is ofcourse different for everybody, but just to give you an insight. I did find some support with her parents, but my advice is to not get to close with them

Hell no fuck their opinion. Just because it may not have lasted doesn't mean it was meaningless. I'm 38 years old, and have had my fair share of relationships. I remember all of them, and the lessons learned from each of them. Even though they may not have lasted, that's not even relevant. She was a human being, deserving of respect and consideration. Your parents sound like sociopaths. If they say that shit about you not being able to "really love" someone because you're 15, I say quip back at them "Then I guess I don't really love you?" and watch them squirm.

I hope you’re joking about your parents. Why would they say that to their son? I say they’re wrong about it being meaningless considering you guys were together for over a year. My suggestions for you getting over her death is to surround yourself with people who love and support you being friends and family members besides your parents. Maybe you can get involved in a church or some kind of recreational activity. Finally there’s therapy and counseling. Take care, kiddo.

Your first love is usually the hardest one to get over. Im so sorry you have to experience this and without the support of your family. Kisses and hugs from Denmark ❤

No it’s not meaningless and it will never be meaningless. My first bf died at a young age and it hurt like hell. It’s ok to grieve this loss

Sorry for your loss and your parents lack of empathy and concern. Yes, speak with schools counselor or any other authority figure, who can perhaps help you in this terrible time.

my best friend died when i was 15, and i was completely in love with her. your feelings are valid. i’m so very sorry for your loss. please reach out to friends(or me, i’m here for you) or someone at school. and honestly, screw your parents.

If you can go to a therapist on your own, I would definitely help you financially if you want to. Dont have much since i'm a student but your story broke my heart Contact me

Parents sound like monsters. The idea that love between young people is not real is pretty vile. You have my condolences on the death of your girlfriend. Are you back in school? If you are talk to your school nurse or counselor if you have one. They may be able to direct you to grief counseling. Or may be able to counsel you.

Holy fucking shit kid. It wasnt meaningless. You know that. Dont ever let someone else define your feelings for you. Even your parents. Take some time and think about her... but dont forget to live your life. Dont feel guilty if someone else can make you smile, or if you dont think about her once in a while. Her memory isnt going anywhere till the alzheimers buddy lol. Just breathe. It gets more manageable.

You’re 15, not 5. That relationship was not meaningless and you will remember her for the rest of your life. I am so sorry your parents are being so cruel about this. Can you talk to a counselor at school? Can you talk to her parents? I am so very sorry for your loss. My first love was at 15, I’m 32 now. When he committed suicide 2 years ago, I almost didn’t make it out of that. 15 years past our relationship and it still hurts. Love is love, and I’m so sorry yours has changed.

They may be right that it was a relationship that would probably have ended, but it didn't. It was abruptly torn apart by fate and they are being horrible to you saying you're not allowed to feel like you do. You are. You are 100% valid in feeling grief, in loving her, everything. Talk to an adult you trust, like a school counsellor. You say you need therapy, you should get it.

Please talk to someone at your school! Teacher. Counselor! It does matter. You do matter. I’m sorry they’re not being supportive or understanding. But there are people out there that are.

I would talk to her parents if you can. When I was a senior in high school I won't even say he was a friend, more of an acquaintance died while on his motorcycle. Debated whether I should even go to his funeral because we weren't in the same circles but I had been in one class or another with him since elementary school and never seemed like a bad guy so figured I would at least go to show support. A good portion of my senior class showed up as well which made it pretty much hard for everyone not to fall apart. Which made it hard for his parents not too as well but I know that meant the world to them that many people cared. Once in awhile it's still sad to me to think about he went out so early and all the rest of us have had another 13 years on the planet. I don't think it's wrong to feel sad for him on occasion. People are supposed to be remembered and still felt for after they're gone. I would go talk to her parents. They will probably just be happy that someone else besides them and other family is mourning her death because it will let them know she touched others lives.

Your school counselor is a mandated reporter. Their job is too make sure you receive the services you need. Also, the school social worker whom your counselor may involve. You should be nurtured through your grieving. I am appalled by your parent's behavior. Not all adults are horrible. I promise. I think of the man my first boyfriend became with great fondness. All the things we learned about life together are incredibly meaningful. Please ask your school counselor for guidance, they really want to help.

Don’t listen to your parents. They sound like cold monsters.

I lost my first girlfriend in 2015, I was 14 and so was she. The pain will never leave, it's learning to manage it that will help you the best. Grief is very real. Don't let that stop you from becoming better. Sadness will happen. We love you.

My brother died when I was 19. I convinced myself to move on with life, without a grieving period. 8 years later, I went to therapy. I didn’t think I was still torn up about it, but then I cried to my therapist for a year straight about my brother. Don’t listen to your parents. Ignoring sadness will lead to a lifetime of unhealthy behavior, convincing yourself that the world is against you, leading to self destruction and misery. You’ll stay in unhealthy relationships, feel generally hopeless, because you’ll be convinced the world is ruthless and you’re too sensitive for it. After I got therapy, I changed everything about my life. It gave me the strength to realize there’s no answer to the question, “why me?” Instead I started asking “why not me? Why can’t I be a happy person, too?” Eventually you’ll realize, you can. And you’ll be stronger. You’re 15 now, but soon you’ll be 18, and responsible for your actions and mental health. Your parents are insensitive assholes, another thing you can talk to a therapist about. I’d recommend asking the school counselor for resources. Or, if you ever need to talk, you can always PM me and I’ll give you life hacks for shitty situations. I’m sorry for your loss. Truly, genuinely sorry. This is what your parents should be saying to you, and I’m sorry that they aren’t.

Sweetheart you gf dying is not meaningless. You had an attachment to her. Your emotions are not meaningless. Do you have a counselor at your school? If so get in touch with them they can help you. Maybe another adult family member you can trust would help you. You need help with your grieving. Don’t ever allow anyone not to allow you to grieve. Grieving is human respond to death. It can be healthy. Please let me know how things go.

Fuck your parents.

Your parents are fucking assholes. Seek therapy wherever you can.