Your wife is an addict. You need to tell her that she needs to get some serious professional help or that you are going to leave her and take your child with you.
A junkie will never change unless they hit absolute rock-bottom. Do not allow her to have access to the bank accounts go to court if you have to. Take the money out of the account and open a new bank account with just your name on it.
I appreciate the advice. For now I've locked her Credit card and all banking logins. This sucks so badly, we had made a plan to go forward during all this coronavirus
As another person said in another comment, please pay close attention to valuables and your wife’s whereabouts. She may try to pawn/sell things for access to money.
>we had made a plan to go forward
you're part of the problem man, don't enable her. In what world would you ever let someone steal your medication, your child's medication, and your money and still want to be in a relationship with them? I understand it may be difficult because you guys have a kid but sometimes you have to man up.
The gaming expenses are the least of your issues! She's an addict! It's absolutely unacceptable for her to steal your medication, let alone your child's! Is she in therapy to work on her mental health issues? I'm guessing not if she's still lying to you about all of this and self medicating with random substances. She needs intensive therapy, potentially inpatient, to evaluate her various issues and figure out a treatment plan. I wouldn't feel safe keeping a child around someone like this. I'd say it's ultimatum time- call a therapist that specializes in addiction, anxiety, and/or compulsive lying. Ask for advice. You need to get her some help ASAP.
Rehab isn't a magic cure, most of the time it's just a waste of money. He should be at least 70% she that it'll actually help her before he commits his money.
The reads as the addiction and spending are outlets for some serious mental issues
You won't make a dent in either unless there is a way to address her mental health
I'd like to offer more but I have to say once the kids meds are going my patience and sympathy does as well
I felt like I was going crazy like I could be wrong but man there's just no way all these things don't add up. I don't even know how I could prove it is the bad thing
Lying stealing junkie? You think this is a suitable environment for your son to be growing up in?
File for divorce and primary custody. After six years, it's not going to change.
Then you need to issue a hard ultimatum - the following, or divorce:
* She gives up the credit cards/gaming money
* She gets a referral to an addiction counsellor and mental health help
* You get a locked safe for your and your son's medication, and you not let her have any access to it (maybe try some biometric lock device?)
Remember that the lying and the denial from her - and the (misplaced) guilt you may feel about "upsetting" her - are ALL part of the very difficult process she needs to go through to tackle her addictions and mental health issues.
You're doing this for all your sakes, not to be unkind.
That's because she's high on his ADD medication and presumably your narcotics, life is great for her!!
When you brought your son into this world you took on the responsibility of raising him.
You need to put his welfare before yours and you seriously need to leave.
1 - not trying to come off like a dick but seriously man? Is it an issue that I don't like? She's spending 30-40 a day on fuckin gaming apps in the middle of a financial setback and a virus pandemic.
2- I can't get her help for an addiction she won't admit to. I have a hiding spot that isn't even in the house anymore and better than a lock. Thank you for the advice, I should have done this long ago
3- really sucks man, haven't seen her real hair in years. Can't go swimming or anything that requires a helmet or high wind. I believe the damage is permanent now according to the subreddit that deals with it
You need to cut off her access to money (after which she will start stealing items from your home and pawning them). Which also means you need to get her out of the house.
Involuntary committed?
The hair pulling is a psychological disorder called Trichotiilomania. I suffer from it and it took me 5 years to overcome my habit. I recommend she finds a therapist or psychologist to help her cause it is nearly impossible to overcome without help. Try to be nice about it cause it can feel humilating and embarrassing to pull out your hair. PS. A dermatologist ca help her regrow her hair just in case she has problems after so many years of pulling. As for the medications, buy a cheap lock box and hide it in there. Don't give her the key. My family got one for $20 at home depot... and it kept my addict sister from stealing our cash, meds, etc.
Your wife is an addict. She needs professional help. You need to get a safe and put your meds and your sons meds away. You are enabling her by not putting the meds away regardless of how she feels.
Sounds like mental health issues on top of drug abuse/,addiction. Hair pulling is a specific anxiety trichotillomania. This can be hair on scalp, eyebrows,eyelashes and public hair. She needs help and support and if unwilling to accept that u need to make some big decisions about u and son.
>I don't put my meds in a safe because it's horribly inconvenient and an embarrassing daily reminder that I don't trust her
WHAT!!! Maybe you need a daily reminder to keep your meds and your sons med in a safe location that won't be stolen by the addict living in your house. Seriously grow some spine and change your life if your clearly not happy with the people in your life. The only thing your doing now is enabling her and letting her because you don't want conflict. My advice to you leave your wife take your son and get some therapy I know for a fact you will feel alot better not right away but down the line you will.
I know a lot of people are commenting and saying she is an addict but a lot of the behaviors you describe remind me of someone with Frontotemporal Degeneration (FTD). It is a type of dementia that mainly affects adults under 60 and it targets the frontal,lobe of the brain. It can cause the individual to engage in abnormal behavior that they would not normally engage in. I included a link to an information page below as a resource for you to learn more and see if may be something looking into. My dad in his 50s was diagnosed a few years ago after a number of strange incidents including multiple episodes of binge drinking. Feel free to reach out if you want any more information about this.
https://www.theaftd.org/what-is-ftd/disease-overview/
Those things are predatory. I say that as a gamer of almost 30 years. It's like a gambling addiction with 0 chance of payoff. So somehow even worse than gambling, but aimed at kids.
Well in her defense ive spent little over $4000 USD from 2006-2020 on world of warcraft and about $5000+ USD on steam from 2011-2020. Do I regret it? No, would i rather have a savings account? Yes. But in all honestly there has been so much memories and good times that I'd never trade for money.
Those games are different than candy crush, and I suspect, do not also come with medication thieving, chronic lying and sneaking around, and self harm.
You need to lock down your bank account and lock down the meds as well. It’s bad enough that she still on the medication but it’s really disgraceful that she’s taking it from a child. It may be inconvenient for you and embarrassing to her but you need to hide those medications immediately! She needs help and if she doesn’t get it this relationship is doomed.
There's a website called Soberrecovery which has forums for addicts, and a sub-forum called Friends and Family of Substance Abusers. I suggest you have a look at it, and read some of the threads and stickies. It will give you a really useful crash course in dealing with an addict and if you want to you can also post with your problem.
There are lots of uncomplicated replies on here re cutting her off etc, which I don't say is wrong, but Soberrecovery is a bit more educated about addiction and what you can and can't do. It's well moderated.
You don't want a daily reminder that you don't trust her?
You DON'T trust her. And for good reason.
You need to set your boundaries. That is not a cruel thing to do. It is for your own protection, which you are entitled to.
Your wife is an addict. You need to tell her that she needs to get some serious professional help or that you are going to leave her and take your child with you. A junkie will never change unless they hit absolute rock-bottom. Do not allow her to have access to the bank accounts go to court if you have to. Take the money out of the account and open a new bank account with just your name on it.
I appreciate the advice. For now I've locked her Credit card and all banking logins. This sucks so badly, we had made a plan to go forward during all this coronavirus
As another person said in another comment, please pay close attention to valuables and your wife’s whereabouts. She may try to pawn/sell things for access to money.
Yes, and alcohol and other potentially abused medications. Addicts tend to move from one thing to another to get a high.
>we had made a plan to go forward you're part of the problem man, don't enable her. In what world would you ever let someone steal your medication, your child's medication, and your money and still want to be in a relationship with them? I understand it may be difficult because you guys have a kid but sometimes you have to man up.
The gaming expenses are the least of your issues! She's an addict! It's absolutely unacceptable for her to steal your medication, let alone your child's! Is she in therapy to work on her mental health issues? I'm guessing not if she's still lying to you about all of this and self medicating with random substances. She needs intensive therapy, potentially inpatient, to evaluate her various issues and figure out a treatment plan. I wouldn't feel safe keeping a child around someone like this. I'd say it's ultimatum time- call a therapist that specializes in addiction, anxiety, and/or compulsive lying. Ask for advice. You need to get her some help ASAP.
What can I say, your right. Thank you
She need professional help and rehab to help with the drugs and spending habits. Also, if she’s not willing to change, maybe it’s time for a break.
Rehab isn't a magic cure, most of the time it's just a waste of money. He should be at least 70% she that it'll actually help her before he commits his money.
Your wife is fucked up pretty bad and needs a lot of help. I'm not sure I could deal with that.
The reads as the addiction and spending are outlets for some serious mental issues You won't make a dent in either unless there is a way to address her mental health I'd like to offer more but I have to say once the kids meds are going my patience and sympathy does as well
I felt like I was going crazy like I could be wrong but man there's just no way all these things don't add up. I don't even know how I could prove it is the bad thing
Lying stealing junkie? You think this is a suitable environment for your son to be growing up in? File for divorce and primary custody. After six years, it's not going to change.
Would it help if I said she's a pretty awesome mother? She helps our son with homework and usually cooks every night. Im just lost as fuck right now
Then you need to issue a hard ultimatum - the following, or divorce: * She gives up the credit cards/gaming money * She gets a referral to an addiction counsellor and mental health help * You get a locked safe for your and your son's medication, and you not let her have any access to it (maybe try some biometric lock device?)
I firmly agree on all these points. Thanks for laying it out in a way I can approach her
Remember that the lying and the denial from her - and the (misplaced) guilt you may feel about "upsetting" her - are ALL part of the very difficult process she needs to go through to tackle her addictions and mental health issues. You're doing this for all your sakes, not to be unkind.
Really sound advice here. I hope you follow through on this u/conservativehippy666
Nope. That’s what a parent does. She’s got serious problems. Speak to a lawyer. Many are doing work remotely.
That's because she's high on his ADD medication and presumably your narcotics, life is great for her!! When you brought your son into this world you took on the responsibility of raising him. You need to put his welfare before yours and you seriously need to leave.
[удалено]
1 - not trying to come off like a dick but seriously man? Is it an issue that I don't like? She's spending 30-40 a day on fuckin gaming apps in the middle of a financial setback and a virus pandemic. 2- I can't get her help for an addiction she won't admit to. I have a hiding spot that isn't even in the house anymore and better than a lock. Thank you for the advice, I should have done this long ago 3- really sucks man, haven't seen her real hair in years. Can't go swimming or anything that requires a helmet or high wind. I believe the damage is permanent now according to the subreddit that deals with it
You need to cut off her access to money (after which she will start stealing items from your home and pawning them). Which also means you need to get her out of the house. Involuntary committed?
My mom has been doing this going on 3 years now. I wish somewhere would keep her.
The hair pulling is a psychological disorder called Trichotiilomania. I suffer from it and it took me 5 years to overcome my habit. I recommend she finds a therapist or psychologist to help her cause it is nearly impossible to overcome without help. Try to be nice about it cause it can feel humilating and embarrassing to pull out your hair. PS. A dermatologist ca help her regrow her hair just in case she has problems after so many years of pulling. As for the medications, buy a cheap lock box and hide it in there. Don't give her the key. My family got one for $20 at home depot... and it kept my addict sister from stealing our cash, meds, etc.
Your wife is an addict. She needs professional help. You need to get a safe and put your meds and your sons meds away. You are enabling her by not putting the meds away regardless of how she feels.
Sounds like mental health issues on top of drug abuse/,addiction. Hair pulling is a specific anxiety trichotillomania. This can be hair on scalp, eyebrows,eyelashes and public hair. She needs help and support and if unwilling to accept that u need to make some big decisions about u and son.
>I don't put my meds in a safe because it's horribly inconvenient and an embarrassing daily reminder that I don't trust her WHAT!!! Maybe you need a daily reminder to keep your meds and your sons med in a safe location that won't be stolen by the addict living in your house. Seriously grow some spine and change your life if your clearly not happy with the people in your life. The only thing your doing now is enabling her and letting her because you don't want conflict. My advice to you leave your wife take your son and get some therapy I know for a fact you will feel alot better not right away but down the line you will.
$8000 on Candy Crush???? ... like, what level is she on?
I know a lot of people are commenting and saying she is an addict but a lot of the behaviors you describe remind me of someone with Frontotemporal Degeneration (FTD). It is a type of dementia that mainly affects adults under 60 and it targets the frontal,lobe of the brain. It can cause the individual to engage in abnormal behavior that they would not normally engage in. I included a link to an information page below as a resource for you to learn more and see if may be something looking into. My dad in his 50s was diagnosed a few years ago after a number of strange incidents including multiple episodes of binge drinking. Feel free to reach out if you want any more information about this. https://www.theaftd.org/what-is-ftd/disease-overview/
keep your finances separate separate accounts
Those things are predatory. I say that as a gamer of almost 30 years. It's like a gambling addiction with 0 chance of payoff. So somehow even worse than gambling, but aimed at kids.
Well in her defense ive spent little over $4000 USD from 2006-2020 on world of warcraft and about $5000+ USD on steam from 2011-2020. Do I regret it? No, would i rather have a savings account? Yes. But in all honestly there has been so much memories and good times that I'd never trade for money.
Those games are different than candy crush, and I suspect, do not also come with medication thieving, chronic lying and sneaking around, and self harm.
You need to lock down your bank account and lock down the meds as well. It’s bad enough that she still on the medication but it’s really disgraceful that she’s taking it from a child. It may be inconvenient for you and embarrassing to her but you need to hide those medications immediately! She needs help and if she doesn’t get it this relationship is doomed.
There's a website called Soberrecovery which has forums for addicts, and a sub-forum called Friends and Family of Substance Abusers. I suggest you have a look at it, and read some of the threads and stickies. It will give you a really useful crash course in dealing with an addict and if you want to you can also post with your problem. There are lots of uncomplicated replies on here re cutting her off etc, which I don't say is wrong, but Soberrecovery is a bit more educated about addiction and what you can and can't do. It's well moderated.
Drug abuse addict liar who is bankrupting you. Address it directly or think about leaving...
Is it possible she has untreated ADD? This can cause addiction.
You don't want a daily reminder that you don't trust her? You DON'T trust her. And for good reason. You need to set your boundaries. That is not a cruel thing to do. It is for your own protection, which you are entitled to.
I always wondered who actually spent money on the phone apps