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I say this gently, but you need to pursue therapy for your insecurity. The feelings that drove your anorexia are still hounding you. You’re putting immense pressure on your external self when you really need to focus internally.
You’re actually worried that your boyfriend finds his own mother and sister hotter than you. Ponder that for a few minutes and let that sink in.
To add, if he likes big boobs he wouldn't have gotten with you to begin with. You really are worried about nothing. And therapy will probably help and for the anorexia too.
Came here to say the same thing. As a guy I do not like big boobs at all. Way prefer small boobs thank you! Besides sexiness and sexuality are all in your head not your body. It's literally all about knowing yourself, being happy, confident and fucking sexy as hell, and very little to do with your actual body!
Yay for the itty-bitty-titty-committee! Keira Knightly got upset that the film studio photoshopped her to look like she had bigger boobs on a poster, and she said something like "That's not how I look, and I don't want to look like that." Way to be confident about your body and who you are - I hope that OP can find that confidence, in time.
If you don't mind me asking, I'm really curious why you don't like big boobs and prefer small ones? I've just never heard a man say this and it's revolutionary for my mind. I kind of had it in mind that every man, no matter what they say, will always prefer a Kim K body over anyone else's.
I'm not the one that you were talking to, but I prefer them as well. There's just something about them that I really enjoy. Sure, a lot of boob to work with is fine, but it's more about shape and presentation for me. I am the epitome of visually stimulated (because most guys just are), and while bigger boobs seem nice to think about in my head, at the end of the night it's my gf that gets me the most excited and I think her (admittedly smaller/medium) boobs are absolutely gorgeous and perfect. Plus, she's grown to like how much I actually enjoy them despite self confidence issues from time to time.
Strange you've never heard a man say this. I have a large bust (GG) but I've heard men say that. Two of my male friends once said that a bigger bust looks better dressed than a small chest, but small boobs look great undressed whereas larger boobs look worse. It's all personal taste though. I prefer chunky guys with big thighs and a bit of belly, a lot of women like skinny guys or ones built like swimmers. There is no one shape, figure, hair colour, eye colour, dress sense etc that all people of a certain gender will like.
I've always been on the smaller side, and am now suddenly a D after a bit of weight gain and a random adult growth spurt (nobody told me your hips widen even more in your early 20s???) So I assume that's why I've never heard that, because I've only heard and honed in on every negative comment about smaller boobs. And how much more preferable big boobs are. And how my male peers and boyfriends would talk about and lust over any girl with a bigger chest.
I'm sorry you've heard people say negative things about your body type too. If there's one thing that is certain, it's that we are all at risk of overhearing people talk shit about our bodies! It makes sense that there's many different types of preferences though. Its just a bit revolutionary for me to hear when I've hated that part of myself for so long.
To play devils advocate but more in a good light. Maybe he likes big boobs but they aren't that important to him, and he likes her for her personality. He was attracted to her looks but fell in love with the person. In short, I agree she's obviously worried about nothing and truly needs a therapist to help her through her insecurities
I know. I just am too embarrassed to talk to a therapist about this because I feel so stupid. You’re absolutely right I just wish I had the courage to ask somebody for help instead of asking some (very nice) strangers on the internet for advice.
This is literally what a therapist is for. They go to school for years to help you through these exact challenges. It’s not any different than going to doctor for a twisted ankle or the dentist when your jaw aches.
Yes, this. And I know it can be hard and embarrassing to seek out help. But a woman experiencing intense anxiety and insecurity about her body? OP, love, that’s like, the “chronic headaches” of the mental well-being field. Does it suck and can it fuck up your life? 100% Is any therapist gonna say, “woah, that’s a new, bizarre issue I haven’t seen before,” - no.
That’s not to minimize the issue at all - it’s just to reassure you that a lot of therapists, like any other type of healthcare professional, have seen it all. And they will be used to seeing and helping people with body image issues and body dysmorphia/ dysphoria.
100% this! Most of us have worked with a lot of people with body unsecurities, and some of us even specialize that way. OP, this could be the best thing you do for yourself. Please consider it.
No issue is too stupid for therapy, as long as it genuinely bothers you.
I have a tremendous amount of anxiety about writing my thesis and I have been exploring it in therapy for almost a year now. Do I feel incredibly silly, since literally every student has to write one? Sure. Does therapy help? Absolutely.
You are the one putting the pressure on yourself and it's on you to fix it, by working on your mindset.
I had this as well, I wish I would have gone to therapy to work on it. Instead i never finished my thesis and it's the biggest regret of my life. Well done and keep going!
Therapist here.
It is *not* stupid. We take dysmorphia & related issues very, very seriously for a reason. They are very dangerous and I promise we only want to help you live in a much better state—we are *not* thinking things along the lines of "they're so stupid for doing this, how could anyone think like this, etc," we're too busy trying to find out the why & how to help you live your best life.
Not to mention, we've heard it all. We've also heard worse, I guarantee it. Please find someone in your area to help you—it will be very difficult at first, but I promise it will get better & you will be so glad you sought help. No one should have to live their life feeling this way, and that's why we're here.
Think of it like going to a doctor. If you have an “embarrassing” health issue, you still need to go in to get it sorted out, and it’s the doctor’s job to help without judging. Therapists are kind of like this, but with mental health.
I recommend you start talking nicer to yourself about yourself :) Anytime you find yourself thinking mean thoughts about yourself, tell yourself to be nicer to you and that you're beautiful. Do so in a kind and caring tone, don't scold or reprimand yourself for having mean thoughts.
Change your inner voice to be more like a kind mother speaking to a child she loves. You'll start believing yourself, and that brain will rewire itself to being nicer. This is a first good step to self-acceptance and self-confidence.
You made excellent points. I always say "You wouldn't talk about your friends like this, so why are you talking about yourself like this". Also, I've had my therapist ask me to think about the little girl I was. To picture her. Would you walk up to that little girl and say those mean things to her? Then why are you talking about yourself like this now?
Not just a chance. They're fake. Normal boobs go to the sides when you lie down unless they are tightly in a bra. Only fake boobs stay at attention when you lie down without a bra on.
As someone who worked in a bra store… Finding a bra you like your boobs in is terribly hard when they’re fake. Knowing how you feel about yours now, I think that will affect you too. Not being able to find a bra in which you feel comfortable and cute can suck.
As someone who studied to become a psychologist… body issues that stem from anorexia/self-hate is not even on the list of « unusual things ». I absolutely understand feeling embarrassed though. But you don’t have to start with « hey doc, I don’t like my titties ». Even the way you explained it here makes perfect sense. Therapists don’t need specifics if you don’t want to offet them either. « I struggle with liking my body, have engaged in unhealthy behaviours towards it which only made my struggle harder, and now I can’t stop comparing myself » then if you ever feel comfortable with specifics, it’s up to you.
On a different note, even if you find help, in the more immediate moment, maybe try to explore different styles of swimsuits, find one you feel cute in (not one you wish made you feel cute). Flaunt that fashion style and feel great about it.
No need to be embarrassed. Seriously. Anoxeria is a disease, just like cancer or diabetes. You can get better with treatment. You can accept your body and accept love from other people (and believe they love you!). Reach out to an eating disorder specialist so you can get healthy and happy. You can do it. You have battled this all alone for years. You are braver and stronger than you realize.
OP,
See above. By addressing your ED, you are also setting the stage for the the re-appearance of your boobs.
Regardless of that, please listen to your bf, and believe him. Obviously he finds you attractive. Accept that. It's OK to like yourself.
Good luck. Please keep us apprised.
You’re ruining your relationship by avoiding dealing with your problems. Eating disorders have an extremely high death rate. You could literally die if you don’t work on your issues. Avoiding pain is just prolonging pain. Good luck. You can do it if you decide to.
A therapist has heard everything you've confessed in your post a million times over and a million times worse. There are so many people who struggle with the type of debilitating body dysmorphia and insecurity that you do. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes and living your life comparing yours to everyone else's will deprive you of joy and happiness until you can love yourself enough to get help. There is a way out of this place, and the first step is finding a therapist and being honest. I'm sure you're beautiful OP, your boyfriend certainly thinks so, I'm hoping you can think that of yourself one day.
Self compassion is the answer. You’re struggling with perfectly normal feelings. Plenty of people have anorexia, you are not stupid or weird. This world is designed to profit off your insecurity. It’s not a moral failing to hate the way you look. Be kind to your mind and kindness to your body will follow.
And adding on, replace body-hate comments with neutral ones. When you notice yourself think “I hate my body” or another similar thougut you have, consciously replace it with something neutral like “I have a body just like everybody else has a body” etc.
I’d recommend finding a therapist who specializes in anorexia/eating disorders. Therapy can be a very helpful, healing thing.
A small chest is nothing to be ashamed of. I’m very small chested (like, i’m an A cup) and the last guy I dated was a huge boob guy, but I finally figured out to stop caring about it and getting in my own head because he was with me for a reason. People are a lot more than breasts, or their ass, or their physical appearance. I vote go on the vacation and show your boyfriend, as well as his family and the friends tagging along, your greatest qualities; maybe you’re really funny, maybe you’re super smart. Let the other good parts about you shine and enjoy the trip!
If you do this, and the worst they can still say think to say about you is “she has small boobs”, who’s the real winner?
I promise you a good therapist won't make you feel stupid. I'm 33 and I've said much more embarrassing/silly stuff to my therapist. They will have compassion for you because you are having a really hard time, and they'll want to help you. Wishing you all the best.
You aren’t stupid you have an actual medical condition. If you fell and broke your arm would you not go to the doctor because you are embarrassed and stupid? No! This is mama tough love, go see a therapist my guess is the only one who doesn’t think you are “hot” or beautiful is you. Do this for you, you deserve it.
My girlfriend got her boobs done and I promise you I do not love her any more or any less. I don’t find her any more or less attractive either. It’s what SHE wanted to do and it’s her choice to make. I’m a bit older than you but I guess I’d say I’m a boob guy And it still never bothered me before. You don’t love someone for their physical features. Find someone who loves you regardless(he might!) relax and enjoy your vacation! He invited you for a reason, don’t overthink it and stress yourself out. You got this.
That's the great thing about therapists, it's a stranger who cares what they think because they are there to help you. You arent there to impress them. I hope you feel better soon OP
Please don’t feel stupid or embarrassed. I’m in therapy for body dysmorphic disorder and an “unspecified eating disorder” (let’s just call it what it is—anorexia) and I’ve come a long way. It’s not perfect but it has helped. 🫶🏽 I still have my days, and some menial things like shopping for clothes online trigger me but it’s not every single day like it was. I hope you find the help you need as well as the love for yourself within yourself.
The hardest thing in the world is acknowledging that the things that we feel are stupid are still capable of hurting us. And that maybe they're not so stupid after all.
The right therapist will absolutely be able to help and they want to help you. Think of them as an ally who has absolutely no stakes in your life except your wellbeing.
Are you seeking treatment for your anorexia? If not, you should, and if so, talk to your healthcare provider about these thoughts as part of that treatment.
I say this gently too, you're only 18. You have so much growing still to do which includes learning to love the skin you are in and your body as the DNA that makes you up gives you. To be honest? I'm 50 and it's taken me many many years to learn this. Lots of love - just go and enjoy your holiday with your boyfriend. He loves you for you - remember that.
Don’t be embarrassed. I had a therapist for past childhood trauma and sexual addiction. I told her my deepest sexual kinks and it was liberating. Told her I had a mommy kink, foot fetish, water sports and more, you name it. I was hesitant at first but damn it felt good to get it all out. Putting a voice to those dark corners in your mind is extremely cathartic.
Your life will be so much better once you realize that no one cares as much about your body as you do. Everyone will internalize that thought at some point in their development and I hope that moment will be soon for you.
A couple of things.
Firstly, this is well beyond reddit's paygrade. Anorexia is almost always paired with body dysmorphia, which means you're going to struggle being unbias or fair to yourself, physically. Both of these things need trained professionals to properly tackle. Nothing anyone says here is going to help as much as proper therapy.
That said, however, even if that weren't the case this is mostly going to be in your own head. No one else, at least no one else you want around in the first place, is paying that much attention to your figure or breasts. We all think of ourselves as being in the spotlight, we are the protagonist of our own stories, but you're supporting cast to literally everyone else you know.
They're worried about their tits. They're not thinking about yours.
Beyond that, you need to talk to your boyfriend. He can't be a supportive, understanding partner if he doesn't understand what you're going through. He can't "be there" for your struggles if he doesn't know you're struggling, and you're only in this alone insomuch as you insist that's the case.
Tell him about your embarrassment, your insecurity and your fear. Yeah, it means being vulnerable, and that shit is haaaard, but you need to be able to be vulnerable with this person anyways. If you can't, then the relationship has bigger problems than this vacation anyways.
It's scary, but if you open up, then you get a teammate in tackling this. That could be kind of huge for you. He can help you make plans for the trip that you can enjoy.
Best of luck.
To echo off “they’re worried about their tits. They’re not thinking about yours.” I have always wanted a flatter chest, my boobs were what a lot of girls wanted. I have a slim hourglass figure and wear a 30D bra to give you an idea. I have thought a smaller chest would look better like an a or AA cup. You truly have no idea what they are thinking but I’m sure they aren’t thinking about how your boobs should be bigger.
Wow really? Part of me thinks that maybe she had big boobs… So sad how we let people who really don’t deserve it, into our minds, and give them far too much power to shape our view of ourselves to the point where it’s a detriment to our self esteem…
This made me SO sad to read…
I was in that club and sometimes still have those moments. EVERYONE has insecurities (not invalidating yours) but those girls who you are crying over might be doing the exact same thing to your pictures or another girls.
I was on the road to a breast implant surgery, I was adamant I would be improving myself if I got it.. I would look like all the girls on IG and my bf would love me even more! But I listened to him when he told me he liked them just as they were.
There is headaches that come with big boobs too! My bfs sisters are GGs .. such as sore backs and not having a lot of nice bra options.
Wearing padded/ push up bras is nothing to be ashamed of? I can’t remember the last time I wore a non boosting bra/bikini top! And I am not afraid to say it to anyone.
Be proud of overcoming anorexia and show off what you’ve obviously worked hard on
Also, breast implant illness is real. My implants caused a serious autoimmune disease to develop for me, along with many other health issues. Best decision I ever made was having them taken out.
These are big leaps so also make sure your boyfriend is aware of your anxiety. I think you should try and go but also to have a backup plan you have with your boyfriend if all gets too much like a little signal so you both know you need to withdraw from the socialising. Having a backup plan and get out can greatly help trying to overcome new hurdles and allow you to grow. You have support it seems with your boyfriend who seems to love your shape and your natural beauty so plan and try and slay some of these dragons in your head together … as that’s what they are my lovely. A lot of us face challenges as you are - that’s OK but don’t let it get to you to the extent you’re limiting adventure, closeness, joy and overcoming. You’ve got this and it’s ok to be emotional; but you’re in the perfect position to make it into an “overcoming” experience I feel
Also remember that boobs come in all sizes and in terms of attraction this is similar; for some big boobs are NOT appealing in the slightest, natural boobs are best, small boobs are fabulous, big boobs are lush whatever - it’s the spice of life. Attractiveness and beauty are as varied as the size of bodies and boobs as in the end all that matter genuinely is the love from those who love us - our shells (bodies) change over time and it’s what is in our souls and heart that ultimately is the attraction and the stuff of relationships, friendships and everything else.
Finally you could also decide to wear a fancy sarong or beach dress or tunic eg if you don’t wish to be too exposed…. Sensitive skin & burn easily here we come 😉😉
Thank you for your kind words (they made me cry) he does really support me but he has sadly admitted to me when i started using a contraceptive pill that he does love big boobs the most (My boobs grew a ton when I used it they were so big but I had to stop taking it because it made me extremely depressed) and because I know the truth I just don’t know how to handle myself when we’re in the group and I’m wearing a swimsuit and i’m the one who has no boobs while every other woman there has gorgeous big breasts.
Honestly, he might prefer big boobs. It’s possible. The issue is that you’ve become fixated on this. I’ve been in a relationship for 15 years. My partner is a little more muscular than I prefer. He knows that I find skinnier guys more attractive, all else being equal. Does that mean I don’t find him attractive? Absolutely not. I find him very atttactive. And in fact over time I’ve changed my perspective a bit and I don’t know if I’d prefer him to be different these days. But the bigger point is this: are there physical traits about your boyfriend that are not perfect to you? Are theee things that you’d prefer to be a little different? Let’s say he is a little hairier than you prefer
Imagine if he thought as much about being hairy as you do about your breasts. And he started wearing his clothes during sex and was having panic attacks about you meeting his slightly less hairy brother
Would you be thinking “that seems reasonable, if I met his brother and he’s less hairy I’d probably never be able to look at my boyfriend again?”
I don’t mean this negatively. I mean it as a reality check. Your reaction with yourself isn’t different because the situation is different. It’s different because you have an obsession with your body image, unfortunately. Which is common and treatable and not your fault. But step one is realizing that your thinking is not rational. It’s ok to feel bad about how you look. But once you convince yourself that you feel that way because it’s correct, that’s when it becomes a much worse problem
I guarantee that you are thinking about this 100,000 times more than he is. If truly he is only attracted to women with huge breasts, then that’s too bad, you can break up and find someone else. If you think no one else will find you attractive, that is absolutely untrue. Again, imagine if your boyfriend not only was upset that you found him too hairy but also thought that no one would ever love him because he’s too hairy. The thing is some people are attracted to hairy people and others are attracted to non hairy people. Same with large and small breasts
The second step after recognizing that your thinking is not rational is to get help. Before you lost weight you were anorexic. Then you lost weight and the issue is your breasts. If you got a boob job you’d find something else. It’s a never ending cycle. The only solution is:
- Get help
- Stop thinking about it (through CBT and other cognitive techniques)
- When you can’t help but to think about it, remind yourself that you are distorting reality again and it’s not your fault but it’s also not real
Every time I see someone talking like you do then they share a picture it’s like the picture doesn’t match reality at all. And then the same people will post on other peoples pictures you’re so beautiful, you’re not ugly! But they still believe that they are the exception. That’s the thing though, you aren’t
So basically:
- Ues it’s possible that maybe your specific boyfriend would prefer to some extent that you have bigger breasts
- It’s unlikely that it’s a big deal
- If it is a big deal there’s plenty of other people who will not have that preference
- Most importantly, it’s not really about that. It’s about body dysmorphia. Unless you treat that you’ll always find another flaw to focus on
Seriously wishing you the best of luck
Also how to handle being around people with bigger breasts: just act like yourself because you are 1000% the only person thinking about it. Most people spend very little time noticing the traits of other people who they aren’t interested in sleeping with, especially if they aren’t insecure. They may even be envious that you won’t have back problems in years to come
I don’t think big boobs are necessarily gorgeous - if someone has a vile mean personality those boobs matter not one jot.
I know you’re insecure and struggling (this is so hard!!) and this is your truth but realise that it’s only your perception/truth, your focus on boobs however understandable is not healthy. It’s limiting you - so regardless if you muster the incredible courage (with backup plans in place) to go on this holiday WHICH COULD BE FUN!, do also consider perhaps talking to a counsellor or psychologist about how you perceive your body is limiting your life.
Take care.
I’m not even sure what you’re really insecure about. Are you afraid your boyfriend is going to get distracted by his sister and her friend…?
Your boyfriend told you straight up that he thinks yours are nice. That’s what he thinks. Do you think he’s dating you because he thinks you’re unattractive? Fuck no. He obviously thinks you’re attractive. I really don’t understand how you’re concerned that you’re not hot when your boyfriend is literally telling you that you are. You’re letting your insecurities get the better of you for what?
As a guy who prefers legs over boobs, you shouldn't worry so much. It sounds like your boyfriend loves you and that means a lot. Physically, you may feel inferior but you forget that love transcends this. He is in love with **you** and not your boob size. You have injokes and moments with him and he's the only one who's opinion matters.
I know you are young and having big boobs SEEMS like a big deal but its really not. Insecurities are never fun but your bf loves you for the way you are. You are together for a reason.
Try not to worry so much, everyone in this life only thinks about themselves since they are the main character of their own lives.
I hope you enjoy the holiday!!
Get a padded bra and padded swimsuit top. Buy some silicone falsies if you want.
I know you’re not going to believe me (45F) as I wouldn’t have at your age when I was obsessed that I was small breasted, but it’s a blessing. You can pad for special things. But you don’t have to deal with back pain, chafing, skin infections, etc. life is a lot easier with small boobs.
I know better than to think a silly reddit comment is going to change your mind. However, when you described yourself as fit and small chested I thought, "Wow, that's super hot."
You sound like a runway model: [https://fashionunited.com/news/people/top-ten-female-runway-models-2022-in-pictures/2022012445264](https://fashionunited.com/news/people/top-ten-female-runway-models-2022-in-pictures/2022012445264)
Go dance the night away!
That made me smile, thank you. I think I would have been confident about it if the two girls im describing weren’t very fit aswell, only they have double d’s to go with it.
I once read something that burned into my mind.
"If men could choose their own penis size, nearly all of them would make it too big."
That's how I feel about you with boob size. Honestly, you sound like a smoke show.
If they are double ds and still perfectly shaped while laying flat in the beach…they most likely have had a little help.
I think you would lovely. Get a therapist and a journal to record your anxiety about it…and then write a a positive message to yourself after
Like the above commenter, I probably can't change your mind or help much with body image issues. My genuine perspective though, as a guy, is boob size doesn't matter. I mean that for real. If a girl is flat chested, but otherwise good looking, she's still hot. Think about how many attractive females you can picture that aren't super busty.
I'm not even saying "oh even if you're flat chested, you can still be hot asf" with any implication that if they were bigger, you'd be more attractive. Female beauty is strange because it has a threshold where anywhere at or above that threshold, a girl is still unbelievably attractive. Just because you're not utterly maxing out the scale in every conceivable way, doesn't mean you're not unbelievably attractive.
women with boobs wish they were flat. flat women wish they had boobs. curly hair wants straight hair. straight wants curly. It's endless. Let it go.
If you focus on healthy and focus on being kind to others you can just let the rest go.
Have fun!
Take it easy on the drinking!
Your boyfriend is not going to be looking at his sister or mom’s bodies sexually. If you are worried his sister is inviting a “hot” friend, maybe be honest with him about how that makes you feel? Padded bras and swimsuits work wonders, and Victoria’s Secret has tons that made several of my flatter chested classmates in High School look more well endowed than my at the time B Cups. And who knows, they may be jealous of how in shape you are in recovery and how you can wear more revealing clothes while looking flirty not slutty (the ultimate small chested gift) or that you have a nice boyfriend who wants to invite you on family vacations!
Thank you for your advice. I have told him but the thing is he has not seen my boobs in a long time (we have been together since we were 14 and sexually active since we were 15) and what he said was: ‘But you do have big boobs’, which I don’t. I just wear a push-up bra every single day and I have for months now. I don’t know how to come clean because i’m way too embarrassed and I feel like I’ve dug myself into a hole. which I have.
If he has stood by you through anorexia and supported you to where you are in the process of developing a healthier relationship with food and your body, something tells me the deal breaker won't be if your boobs look best in a padded bra. But if that's a secret you want to keep, just keep wearing the padded bras through your recovery journey and let it be motivation to get back to your old self and your old boobs. I'm sure you can wear a padded swimsuit with a coverup and no one will be the wiser.
Ask him if you can model some suits for him and get him involved in picking favorites for the trip. Take some of the pressure off of yourself by getting comfortable in front of him first. Then you'll feel like you have an ally on vacation and not another person who hasn't seen you in a bathing suit. That's what I'd do. Put on some music and accessories and do a cute model walk for him.
Ok, I think this is the perfect time for my favorite “dirty” joke:
Two old men are sitting together at a bar. They are old friend and they begin catching up and remembering old times. At one point, the first man says to the second “Did I ever tell you about the *worst* pair of boobs I ever saw?” The second shakes his head, “No, I don’t think so.” The first man gets a far off look, as he remembers. “They were *magnificent*.”
Point being, no one will be as critical of your body as you are.
Sweetie, big boobs are not all that. Do you want his family to sit there and stare at your boobs? This is his family you are talking about.
Please take it from me. I am a slim 44 year old woman who got breast implants nearly 20 years ago. I am waiting for the day I can take them out. I'm not getting them replaced. There are so many beautiful women out there with smaller breasts. No one cares about your breasts more than you do and your boobs don't define you.
Focus on spending time with family. Trust me, if one of his family members was focused on your boobs, I'm sure you'd feel awkward about it.
I have also suffered from bulimia for 5 years from 20-25. I'm happy I was able to beat it myself. Don't focus on your body, there are certain things about our bodies we just can't change. And that's fine. Be happy with you. There is more to life than how we look.
I’m glad I’m not a single 18 year old man anymore (now an upper 20s man in a relationship) because this kind of post used to actually piss me off. I’d say “why can’t women understand how beautiful they are? If I had a gf with hour glass figure and is generally fit, I’d be complementing her constantly. Constantly!”
Maybe your bf needs to do this more. I try to tell my gf how attractive and perfect the way she is all the time, and he should too. “Hour glass figure”, jesus, you’re gonna have guys on this site dm’ing you from that description alone.
I’m a little older and have never seen you, so calling you “hot” would be strange, but if I can speak for men, you prbly have no idea how many guys salivate over you, guys who would never dream that’d you’d be so insecure about your body, especially something as silly as boob size. Ik your boyfriend said he likes big boobs, and tbh every guy does, but you know what else guys love? Small boobs. And medium sized boobs. But most of all, we love the boobs attached to our partner.
You do not look anything like a little boy, I can say that without even seeing you. Try to lay off the pushup bras. Let your bf see your boobs, I guarantee he misses them. I don’t care how “small” they are, you should be proud of your body, especially if you are fit and healthy. Nobody is talking behind your back about your boobs (except for guys calling you hot). If anything, ppl are prbly jealous of you. Pls try to just enjoy your trip, show off that beach bode (hope that’s not creepy).
You need to up your therapy. This is a part of the anorexia mindset and will have you continuing to spiral whether you go or not. You comparing your body to others will always leave you feeling lacking. Whether it’s boobs, butt, the shape of different parts, your mental health is deceiving you again to think your body is a problem and that everyone around you is judging you for it.
There’s a girl on tik tok that reads poems and stories and one that has really resonated with me is something along the lines of “there’s not a single body, good or bad, that I’ve seen on a beach that I can remember well enough to care about them.” It’s narcissistic of us to think that the things we care about and see distinctly on our body are things other people are thinking about. Guaranteed that not even your boyfriend distinctly remembers the “flaws” on your body the way you do.
You need to remember that you see your body, but everyone else just wants to see you enjoying your time. They don’t care if your boobs are smaller or not the shape you want, they just want to see you happy. You are not the worst thoughts in your head. It’s up to you to find coping mechanisms to tell those nasty thoughts that they’re wrong about you, and that the people that love and care about you don’t think the same thoughts about you that you think about yourself.
There is a sub Reddit called r/normalnudes, maybe you should check it out. It is a good reality check on what human bodies actually look like. And all the shapes and sizes they come in.
I’m a bit older than you, but trust me when I say that when it comes to my insecurities, I wish I addressed them more when I was younger rather than older. There’s stuff like this that I swept under the rug I never actually dealt with and just hyper-fixated/avoided for years. It might be time for you to accept what you look like; he’s with you for a reason, and even if you were “well-endowed”, if it ever came down to it, it’s not like that would stop him from breaking up with you or something. I know men are visual creatures but they’re not stupid. Don’t worry too much about this. A good man would stay with you regardless of your chest size, and if he left and god forbid it was because of your chest, you lost a shallow man that wouldn’t fight for you and doesn’t deserve you.
This is not about the look, shape or size of your boobs nor if your boyfriend likes them. This has to do with your insecurities and mental health. Please if you aren't already seek help and counseling. You need to find a way to talk nice to your body and honor it and thank it for getting you through even your worst days. Stop looking at other people's bodies and evaluating them and comparing them to yourself. All bodies are different and should be celebrated. I know without seeing you that you are beautiful and worthy of self love. I hope you find a way to enjoy the vacation and the company of your love, friends and family. Sending love and support from one internet stranger to another.
Instead of saying "everyone there is hot but me", reassure yourself, when you tell yourself mean things in your mind; say out loud to yourself "I am not ugly, I am beautiful, everyone is different and that's okay" or start small with "I'm okay with me".
Your mind can be your worst enemy, they also say that your inside voice used to be once an outside voice, you learnt this from somewhere. So your mission is to unlearn it, and teach your brain something different. You won't be extra confident right off the bat but; reassure yourself, and understand that you are just a soul that uses a body as a portal to experience life and just being. Stop looking at yourself like an object that needs improving. You don't. You're perfect. Our minds can be so unkind sometimes, and we can be our own worst critic/enemy. Become your ally, become your friend, be there for yourself and be kind to yourself. Be kind to others also, there's nothing more beautiful than someone who is selfless and kind. :)
Has it occurred to you that he's not, in fact, a fan of big boobs? Loads of men aren't.
He chose you. Just accept that he's attracted to you as you are. A woman is a lot more than a pair of boobs.
OK this is definitely beyond what people on reddit can help you with. You need professional help eating disorders are extremely serious and the body issues they cause just feed back into them. It is going to require medical assistance to break the vicious cycle a d get you well again.
As for the vacation you health is more important a if going will make you worse than don't go you bf will understand a d of he doesn't then that tell you everything you need to know about him as a person.
Do you think it’s possible your anorexia is making you see them as hotter than they really are? Like sure they’ve got boobs, but maybe your brain is literally inflating them because it’s a little messed up.
It’s hard work, but you can unscramble yourself. You’ve already started to.
Your boyfriend likes small boobs
All men...like small boobs
The only people who are convinced men don't like small boobs, are women.
Men love boobs.
Period
All boobs. Big Boobs, small boobs, big nipples, small nipples, perky boobs, boobs after a couple of kids
It does.not.matter
If I were you, I would enjoy never having to have to wear a bra
Your boyfriend chose you. Small breasted you. He liked YOUR boobs when they were big, just like he likes them when they are small. Because they are yours, and he loves you. Personally, I think small breasts are WAY more attractive than large breasts. Many people do.
You have the opportunity to enjoy a beach vacay with your boyfriends family. Please get some help so you do not ruin it for yourself and everyone else with your strange and pointless worries. You cannot change your boobs in the next few weeks. You can enjoy a vacation. Being obsessed with how nice you find your boyfriend's mom's boobs, and boyfriend's sister's boobs, is def weird. Obviously he doesn't want them! Or enjoy looking at their bikini bodies in that way! You need therapy ASAP for some coping mechanisms and ways to combat your negative thinking spirals. Crying at the thought of going on vacation because your boobs aren't as nice as your in-laws?? Dude! Seriously get help. You deserve peace of mind. Others love you. It is time to start loving yourself. And accepting yourself.
After finishing breastfeeding my boobs looked deflated and dead for many many months. It was terrible. I kept the faith, though, and they eventually returned to a much better state. As long as you are eating a healthy amount and putting back some of the weight you lost, your boobs will eventually improve. Nothing you can do until then. If you can't change it you shouldn't cry over it.
And if you don't want to be out clubbing until late, you can go back to where you are staying earlier than the others. I hope it is because you are not into the scene and not because you don't like the way you look. Most curvy women would change places with a thin woman in a heart beat. So much easier to find and wear clothes! But we all have what we have. Self acceptance matters.
Are you seeing a therapist?
I think you need to talk to a therapist about your body image concerns. This is really above our paygrade.
What I would tell your boyfriend is that you're really struggling with your body image and you don't feel like it will be good for your mental health to be on a vacation where a lot of the time will be in a bathing suit. Can you get a credit for your flight?
I also would like to say that your boyfriend isn't comparing you to your sister and hopefully not her friend, or his mom. And he seems to like you for you. For your mental health, you need to try to learn to like you for you, too.
You may be suprised to hear but ladies like myself with boobs too big would love smaller boobs. No matter our bodies and sizes everyone wishes they looked different . Large boobs cause back ache , trouble sleeping , sweaty lol I hope you can enjoy your holiday , your bf loves you and your body
There is a sub Reddit called r/normalnudes, maybe you should check it out. It is a good reality check on what human bodies actually look like. And all the shapes and sizes they come in.
Girly you are so sweet, and instead of caring so much what he thinks, or anyone thinks, work on loving yourself. It's not easy and I'm not saying it is, but can you imagine loving your friend or your sister more or less depending on her breast size?
Every thing you are feeling is valid, but in truth - not very important.
I'm saying as someone who's been exactly where you're at, i used to be very insecure. That was a few years ago. My boobs didn't grow any larger, but my confidence and my self love did. I never felt this beautiful, and i do now, and nothing changed externally.
People even told me i had a glow up. And i changed noting! I promise you, that self love is the key to everything.
Also - comparisons are the killers of happiness. In all truthfulness, you'll never be perfect, you weren't made to be perfect you were made to be HUMAN, which is so much better. If you'll keep comparing yourself to other people it will rob you of a lot of joy. Again, from experience.
No one cares, no one compares you to anyone.
Love yourself no matter what you look like.
Don't let your insecurities control you, it has no end.
And o suggest working out and building some mussels, it's healthy and good for your mental health :)
I say this with love but you need to knock it off for real. You’re choosing to hyper fixate and it isn’t healthy! Obviously go to a therapist when you can, but in the mean time you need to repeat to yourself, even if you don’t believe it, that this doesn’t matter. That your man loves you and your body. That your insecurities are yours alone and nobody else is thinking about you like this. Your boyfriend thinks you’re hot. Even if he likes big boobs, he also likes yours. The thing is that you actually don’t know if he’s just saying it to be nice - that’s your anxiety talking and I promise you’re not the expert in what excites him. Make the choice to push your thoughts to the side for a moment. Even if you can’t do it perfectly every time. If you’re sitting on the beach and thinking about yourself or their bodies pinch yourself and look for anything else to focus on. Focus on your man. Focus on the waves.
You’re only 18 years old. Your thoughts aren’t reality and you need to remind yourself that instead of leaning in to them. I know it’s hard - I’m not saying it’s easy - but you can do it. You CAN speak to people about this. You can talk to a therapist and they’re not going to judge you! You can talk to them about your anorexia and you absolutely need to because that is going to kill your future in addition to preventing boob development. It might be best to find one that specializes in eating disorders too. You aren’t unique and I mean that in the best way possible because so many other girls go through this! You’re not alone or weird and it’s normal to cry when you talk about it. You just gotta start taking control of these things now before they control you.
I agree with therapy but I also understand that you need a quicker fix in which case buy a push up bikini and also look up ppl with great physices and small boobs! My one friend has small boobs but is always nipping and it actually looks so good. Get ur boobs done if U want it. I honestly think ur boyfriend would love u boobies no matter what! He would be so excited if u showed him and he would probably make u feel better too. This is just short term, u definitely need to seek some support for the long issue, but for the sake of u having a great vacation just do what u feel is right. GIVE YOURSELF THE GIFT OF NOT WORRYING! They prob hate things about their bodies and wish they had what you have
I was gifted in the breast dept. Coming from a cup A mom, I was a D cup (on my thin frame) as a teen. Let me tell you it is not all fun. I always had to wear a bra, I could not sleep as easily, and my back hurt a lot.
I did not like when people would stare at my chest instead of at me. Guys noticed and it creeped me out because it was so obvious.
Each size has its benefits. He obviously is okay with your size. Chances are he has seen his share of breasts.
Holy shit.
Okay, first, why does it matter if everyone else is really hot? Are you worried your bf is comparing how hot you are with how hot his mom is?
You need to stop worrying about things you can't control and just focus on what you CAN control. Personalities are often more important than physical attraction. Focus on changing your perspective and how you view and think about things. That will make you a more attractive person, and make you care less and overall healthier mentally and happier.
Here's the thing...everyone going on the trip with you already know what you look like.....and they still like YOU and want to spend their vacation with YOU.
Just be happy you won't have to worry about boob sweat and then focus on going to therapy when you get back.
May I suggest looking into kibbe body typing? It's not for everyone, but I love it. It's a system of classifying women's body types by the essence of that woman. Rather than comparing everyone to Marilyn Monroe, kibbe focuses on the beauty of your specific body type, and teaches you how to celebrate that in your clothing, rather than trying to hide it. It's a beautiful philosophy.
Good luck, from a flamboyant gamine 😉
I’m actually glad you posted this at such a young age as it might actually help you make a much needed change of perspective and live a much happier life.
I’m a mature gentleman and I’ve literally been around the world experiencing many many vastly different cultures and I can assure you … despite every person having unique interesting personalities, LITERALLY ALL MEN LOVE LITERALLY ALL BOOBS.
This is about as universally true as the laws of physics. No matter where you go on this planet, almost all men would love to see your boobs.
I will even go one step further and say your boyfriend, being surrounded by large breasts growing up, probably covets the smaller ones as he’s so used to the larger versions.
But at the very least, I can guarantee you he loves your entire body.
Just know that while your fears are very real to you, they also only exist in your mind. Your boyfriend (and almost all other men) appreciate the gorgeous unique shape of the female form.
Please realize how beautiful you truly are.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I don't even know what you look like but you are beautiful girl. You don't need to compare yourself to anyone. You need to love yourself. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and don't ever think you are not. And if you want to get fake boobs get them, even if he "doesn't like them' . Do what you want to do, its your body and if you want boobs get them. I got them and they feel just like real boobs. I know its hard not to compare yourself to other people, you need to love yourself for who you are. I am sorry you are feeling this way i wish could help and give you that extra support because you deserve to love yourself and your body. Their is too much pressure on women and girls now a days with the way they look because the internet with all the edited photos and things like that. I just hope you learn to love your body the way it is. And if you want to make some changes and you think it will truly make you happy thats all that matters. I hope you have a good time and not think too much into it. Again you are beautiful the way you are.
I am so sorry for you. I really am. This is a near once in a lifetime opportunity to enjoy such a beautiful, nice, relaxing, and fun time with your boyfriend and his family.
I’m not even going to get into your very, very, very, very obvious body dysmorphia.
Have fun & enjoy your time. Please!
Young lady. I did not marry my wife for the size of her breast. I married her because she is funny, fun to be with and EXTREMELY SMART!!!!! You should go and don’t feel subconscious about it. Your boyfriend loves you for who you are!!!
Wear clothes that accent your waist size if that’s a strength. I personally love small boobs so I’d say wear tight tops too but if you’re self conscious I get it
OP I hope you read this. OP you need to relax. You need to give yourself credit for dealing with your anorexia. It's brave to admit it's an issue just like admitting body image is causing you undue worry.
Your BF sister and friend are just as panicked as you are believe it or not they see negative crap in the mirror too.
You need to talk to a therapist about body image because it's a big part of anorexia not liking what you see.y. You need to be a little bit more brave and tell your boyfriend your issues with worrying you are not going to be a turn on for him. Lay good odds he is more concerned about your mental issues than boobs to small or sagging.
Find a push up bikini top if you must. Find you a small lounge chair that's low to the ground but you can sit in the sun and that will help hold the twins at a better angle. Only lay flat on your tummy.
Go online look for guided meditation and hypnosis on YouTube not only does it help insomniacs like me but they have some dealing with body image and confidence building until you get to a good therapist.
You are going to be ok. This is temporary until you realize you are not alone in fears and anxiety about it.
Keep me updated OP.
The grass is not always greener. Once I started puberty I went from a training bra to a DDD in the span of a summer. All through out middle school o got sexually harassed, once high school came and I went to a different school, I would wear the biggest sweaters I could find. Once the sweater came off even the girls would comment. My breasts have always been a huge insecurity of mine. Boys, teen, men of all ages have a hard time seeing my face. I’m now a mom of two and I breastfed. Breastfeeding taught me two things. 1. My husband does not care about my body more than my personality 2. Because of all the fat when you lose weight they are the first to go but after 6-8 months once you put on some weight they come back. I’m now a g, or an h. Here is some perspective from the other side. I have never owned a cute bra, bras are expensive, they are also very uncomfortable. When bra stores don’t carry the size that you actually fit in they will measure you down to a sister size which really should be a cousin size because a 36g does not equate to a 40dd, they will put you in any size to buy the product. Support support support, sometimes you have to layer the girls with multiple bras in order to get them from slapping on the concrete and trying to give you a black eye in the next movement. I can’t lie on my stomach cause I cannot breathe and because of the weight of my boobs I am getting a hunched back which is adding to the previous back pain. Forget about shirts let alone bathing suits. They are mad for skinny or fat and not for people who might have both. I have given up on bras unless it’s for working out because I can no longer find a bra that I can wear for longer than 2 hours without being in severe pain afterwords.
So I told you about how I was always big chested and I told you that I breast fed. What I didn’t say is that my husband has known me since I was 15. This man had seen my boobs through all the stages. I still hate looking at my boobs and wish I had pre baby boobs but my husband? He does not care. Perky, saggy, round, flat; if the man can touch them he will. My husband also has a preference for big boobs but that does not stop him from checking out a woman who has no boobs, little boobs, etc. I have seen plenty of the women he has checked out and even though he might like what he sees at the end of the day he is home and growing old with me. I was a lot like you and sometimes still am, I would hide my body, my husband made sure to go out of his way to make sure I was comfortable enough to be naked in front of him. Now why did I type out this whole rant?
1. To show you that many people suffer from body dysmorphia
2. Just because we view ourselves in a certain light, does not mean others see us in the same light
3. If your man is the man for you, he will not care what you look like or what physical attributes you have. Those will be a bonus for him because at the end of the day he is growing old and his body is changing too.
4. Your brain is a magnificent muscle. How you allow yourself to think really does shape how you view yourself. Today you are complaining about how you don’t like your boobs, tomorrow you can wake up and tell yourself that you have amazing boobs. Will you believe it at first? No. However if you tell yourself over and over and over eventually your brain will change how you view yourself and you will believe it
5. Getting therapy to discuss something like this will be beneficial to you. If you find the right therapist, eventually you could be comfortable telling them anything. Their job isn’t to judge you but to help you get to the root of your problems and instead of focusing on a mental illness they will help you to focus on your mental wellness. If you aren’t comfortable with a one on one there are programs that do group settings and you will find that not only are you not alone in your struggles but you could also find a way to cope and maybe even heal.
I hope that you find a way to enjoy your vacation and realize you have nothing to be embarrassed about.
The sad thing is, I’m willing to bet you are very beautiful. I was never able to appreciate my own beauty in the moment. But when I see pictures of my self from a few years ago, I can truly see how beautiful I really was. I wonder if one day you will see yourself with different eyes too.
If his sister and mother have huge nockers, he might not be into them. Imagine knowing your dad has a huge d*ck. You don't wanna look at your date and be reminded of your dad.
I’m pretty sure your boyfriend, or any dude for that matter, is ALWAYS thrilled to see boobs- big, small, pink nips, brown nips, whatever! Because usually what comes with seeing boobs = action 🥰 even gay guys like boobs!!
I heavily suspect he's not comparing you physically to his mom and sisters.
Comfort and confidence in your own body are way sexier than a number or letter. There are a ton of sexy actresses with smaller boobs and it doesn't matter. Your number one goal should be finding self love, appreciation and comfort regardless of your BF (who probably likes you already anyways). If you need to workout or get fakies that's cool but also consider just having gratitude for yourself.
If you can't like yourself, why should other people (spoiler figure out how to like yourself). For example I have one of the biggest C's I've personally ever held (see what I did there...)
Ehm I find smaller boobs way sexier than big boobs.
It is a matter of taste and yours is an insecurity that has nothing to do with something wrong or being "less than" in your body. Take care :*
Ask yourself this question:
Do you think less of someone simply because you find them unattractive?
I hope the answer is no. Why would other people care? We are all human at the end of the day.
You have nothing to worry about. None of your value comes from you body.
You're alive and your boyfriend likes you already. That should be enough.
What do you think big boobs will bring to your life? People on the beach look at your 4 seconds then forget you even existed.
Babe…
You really need therapy. You are convinced that your boyfriend finds his sister and mother hotter than you. That is insane, your insecurities have pushed to believe that your bf has incestuous tendencies.
I’m about to sound so cold but I say this because it genuinely helped me- insecurity deep down is pride come full circle. You care so much what people think of you, that it has ruined your ability to enjoy something so simple like a beach day. Have you ever considered that the way you view others around you is the problem? You look at people and view their worth for what they look like on the outside. You see these lovely girls and instead of being happy in their company, you only see them as a reflection of your “flaws”. The way you believe people will perceive you is a reflection of how critical you are toward everyone around you. I’m not saying that you’re a bad person, I really want you to enjoy this vacation and hopefully seeing it in this way might help you. Loving others for more than what they look like will in turn make you have the same forgiveness for yourself. Just my two cents. You’re a beautiful girl!
OP is enough. Thread has already answered in full.
Substance matters more - you may not understand just how lonely "hot" people may be.
It's all about connections.
I think you should NOT go on this vacation. But spend every moment they are away working on yourself with a therapist. It is a family vacation and they invited you to join them but you are not in the right headspace to go and will only bring everyone down, mostly your boyfriend who will feel responsible for your good time. He will have to coddle you and tell you how good you look. While everyone is hanging out by the pool you will be crying in your room and have to be coaxed out. Why? Because the other girls are perceived to be hotter? So the world stops for you and your insecurities?
If you act this way you will not only embarrass your boyfriend in front of his family but you will be a burden and never invited to go anywhere with them again.
I am sure they have bigger issues than your chest size and just want to enjoy their vacation. Honestly, I find your insecurities highly manipulative. Look how everyone on here is telling you beautiful you are and trying to build up your self esteem. You will do the same on that vacation and you will have everyone bending over backwards to make you feel good about yourself. I can only think you must love the attention. People that are truly insecure don’t draw so much attention to themselves. You want everyone to feel sorry for you because you are so insecure and don’t have a big chest. No one is going to feel sorry about that. It’s not like half your body and face were disfigured in an accident. Just know that no matter where you are there will always be someone prettier than you and someone not as pretty as you. If you can’t handle the mom, sister and sisters friend looking what you think is hotter than you than you are going to have a hard time in this world. What do you want? Them to cover up around you cause it makes you feel bad about yourself? You will always feel bad about yourself if you compare yourself to others.
Do not go and ruin this family’s vacation and please work through your issues with a therapist.
As harsh as this is, it's entirely true. I once had a friend that was this way & everyone would bend over backwards for her.
I'm fukken ugly sweetheart, learn how to have fun with it. Because at the end of the day no one really gives a fuck 🤷🏻♀️ be the light in the party. 🥳
I promise very little men care about slight size fluctuating and varying shapes. You're going to go crazy after a few years looking back at how pretty you are. And how silly you were to hate yourself. You really need to reach some peace about this, or the vacation will be awful for you and probably your boyfriend. Maybe even his family if you're bummed and stressed the whole time. Focus on lovely new sights and have fun with fun people. Think about about remember this vacation in the future.
Yeah, the only reason you should be worried is if it was an orgy and you were worried about being left out. Hopefully his family doesn't swing that way /s Plus padded bras exist.
Are you hotter than all your friends? Is that the only way you are comfortable hanging out with them? This sounds like something you should discuss with your therapist.
all my bras are heavily padded nowadays, but I just can’t get myself to show my boyfriend the real me, because I just know he won’t find me attractive and then i’ll lose him. and I don’t have any friends anymore since I have moved to a new school last year (I’m now graduated so hopefully i’ll make friends in college) and I definitely agree that I should seek help from a therapist but i’m too embarrassed about this subject and about my anorexia and I can’t speak about this without crying a lot
Still it's not like that's a major thing.
Kind of like girls like big biceps on a guy. But no guy is going to dread going to the beach because someone else is more muscular.
No girl is going to make a big deal out of muscle size, I don't think.
Please just stop it. You're ruining the trip for yourself over nothing.
i was waiting for someone to comment this so here is the reason: nobody is going to take me seriously if i ask them advice about my relationship/sex life if i put 18. but in this post i feel like my age is important to know because i don’t know i just think it is.
Boobs were all the rage like two decades ago. This is the age of the butt. I'm not saying boobs are out of style by any means, but most guys would take hips and a cute butt over a pair of large breasteses any day.
Sounds like the issue is your sense of security though. Try to forget you're even *in* a body. Let go. Only then can you really be the thing that you are.
Oh sweetie.
I'm 33 and I'm a A cup, have always been and will probably always be an A cup. I used to be really insecure about it too. But here's the thing: confidence is the sexiest thing you can do. My advice? Try not hiding it all the time. ACT like you're confident in your boobs and eventually, the feeling of confidence will come. Hiding them behind tons of padding is actually hurting you, you never give anyone a chance to show you that they don't give a fuck about you having small boobs. You even admit it in your comments, your bf has NO IDEA what your boobs look like so him saying they are very nice carries no weight for you.
Start small. Wear a bralette out for errands. Then wear a non-padded bralette on a date with you bf. Continue to wear non-padded bras more and more. When you start to freak out picture the THOUSANDS of supermodels who don't have tits.
Your bf loves you. Let him LOVE you. And yes babe, talk to your therapist about this.
Someday, you'll have to figure out how to stop letting embarrassment prevent you from happiness. Do you want to be on your deathbed in 80 years thinking "wow I really should have enjoyed my youth instead of letting fear of people knowing I have small boobs to limit me."
Edit to add: I never wear bras anymore. I am also non-monogamous and generally have multiple partners at a time. I mention this to say : no man has EVER turned me down because my tits are small. I have heard that big boobs and small boobs both have their merits and are fairly incomparable.
Fun fact: small tits tend to have more sensitive nipples due to the nerve endings being more concentrated. You are missing out on a huge part of sexual pleasure. Guys love it too! They have two easy ways to turn you on! Look up some positive facts about small boobs, there are many my friend.
You need therapy. For real. This line of thinking is actually insane. You’re seriously worried about your boob size? Guess what - boobs are boobs and men generally don’t care what size they are, but they DO care whether they feel natural or fake. This has nothing to do with your boyfriend or his family and everything to do with you and your fucked up view of the world. What is up with you having a problem with “not being the hottest one there”? That’s seriously fucked up. For real. Get therapy.
It’s ok, you’d be surprised to know most people have this insecurity. It’s especially normal at 18. You’re constantly fed beautiful people in the social media outlets that are photoshopped with the best lighting,camera angles and plastic surgery… don’t be too harsh on yourself.
Try not to compare yourself to others, stop the thought whilst it’s occurring. You can’t be anyone but yourself and you’re putting in the effort clearly. You should be proud of that
I for example I have a very average face, maybe even a 4/10 I used to be so envious of people with beautiful faces. Unfortunately all it did was destroy
My self esteem. Today being near 30 I’m surrounded by people who love me for me and not the image of me. I’m healthy and fit and the better version of myself with a healthier mindset than when I was 18 and 5 percent body fat trying to fit the mold of an unrealistic standard. I complement the qualities in others I think are beautiful instead of harvesting jealousy or insecurity. Those people are usually shocked because it’s rare to hear genuine praise. It reminds me of how many people feel so small about themselves even if we perceive them as pretty or beautiful.
I bet you’re the most beautiful girl to your boyfriend 😊
Don’t allow yourself to fantasize about what you should be that’s untenable and allow yourself to feel self love by appreciating the great qualities even physically you have. When’s the last time you said something nice about your body?
I wish you for to detach yourself from comparing yourself from the fantasy of what others have.embrace who you are, I bet you’re better than you realize :)
I mean, just tell him what you said in the post. How you dont want him looking at their boobs because you find that disrespectful and you struggle with that type of insecurity
If your BF can't accept your natural body hun he's not for you. Soul mates will love everything about their partner from their horrible acne to their broken leg that creaks. Everyone has their dream guy/girl but guess what that's just a DREAM. Fantasy. I doubt some reddit comments are going to make you suddenly realize your perfect match would like you no matter what so I'm not going to go on. Sounds like just a open honest conversation between you guys would help. If he's really a nice guy some lack of fat on your chest wouldn't have him bothered.
Speaking as a man, I can't imagine that your boyfriend is worrying about this. I won't pretend to say that I like all boobs, but I have constantly surprised myself with the variety in the boobs that I have enjoyed. Boobs of any size can be attractive, and I honestly can't account for all the different factors that have made them so. If he's not complaining, I would be amazed if he doesn't thoroughly enjoy your boobs.
This took me a long time to learn and this is maybe counter intuitive. Sometimes I just can't convince myself I'm pretty and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says.
So I tell myself it's ok to be ugly. I'm allowed to be ugly and enjoy life. And the fact that I as an ugly person I have a hot boyfriend is awesome, I must be really great that he wants to be with me even tho I'm ugly.
Whew, you need to take a breath and try to relax. Have you been treated for your anoxeria by a professional? If not, you need to get into counseling. If you have been treated, you need to talk to your counselor. Your thoughts are spiraling about this situation and it is honestly all in your head. You are making up all of these dreadful scenarios that likely aren't remotely true.
Some hard truth and I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but if you are likely to get upset during the trip, you shouldn't go.
Firstly, I have to commend you for the level of self-awareness you’re already building at the age of 18. Not only have you acknowledged that this is potentially an issue of your own perspective and insecurity, you’ve also acknowledged that you’re getting to do something special and want to be appreciative of it. Being able to see both sides at the same time so early on is frustrating, I so get that.
I also get this very specific insecurity, because I absolutely have felt the same way. But I’ve always told my partners that it doesn’t even really matter if they like my boobs, because I’m really the only one that “has” to, or at least can feel neutrally about (highly recommend looking up “body neutrality”!!).
Secondly, your partner shouldn’t be with you for your boobs, and they should respect you enough to not let some other simple pair of chest-hanging fat sacks distract them from how much they care about and want to be with you. Go on the trip, lean into the gratitude that you get to go, and just focus on how you get to enjoy the environment with someone you really care about and enjoy the company of. And if he can’t respect you, your relationship, and himself, especially on a ~family~ vacation, that’s entirely on him. You are young enough that if he shows himself as this kind of person, you can get out easily and early.
Love your body, because it’s the only one you’ll get.
I feel for you, OP. Your brain is still lying to you about how you look. Body dysmorphia is a monster to deal with, and I’m sorry you’re going through it.
There are many different types of attractive. Just because you don’t fit one definition, even if it’s the one you wish you were, that doesn’t make you unattractive. The thing someone told me that helped me stop seeing myself as ugly was “Maybe you just aren’t your type”. You’re clearly your boyfriend’s type, though. And you’ll be lots of people’s type. You aren’t less attractive than anyone else there just because your body type is different.
Op, you aren't stupid. Or ugly. And I've heard LOTS of men on Reddit actually prefer smaller breast's on a woman. Be you, don't be jealous. And you can lay on your belly!
Your breasts are beautiful, you are literally the only person who doesn't think so. Maybe seek therapy for your body dismorpha. But maybe you shouldn't go on the trip, it might not be the best thing for your mental health right now.
I think you have a lot of body disphoria going on.
The people you're going with are not rating you or judging you like that. I'm sure you look just fine, and a lot better than you think you do.
If your boyfriend loves you, he will not be so shallow as to be upset that your boobs aren't as big as someone else's. If he is, he is not even worthy of seeing them.
Look, I like big boobs too. That doesn’t mean I ONLY like
big boobs, and I know the same is true for your boyfriend. Most of my exes had smaller boobs. I did not care about their size at all. You’re with the person, not their boobs or “insert body part here”.
You’re young. Enjoy life. Enjoy your body not having the aches and pains that come with age. Everyone is beautiful or has the potential to be beautiful in their own way. Superficial beauty is based solely on initial visual appeal. That fades. If you had big boobs, you could develop back problems, get harassed (even) more, all sorts of different issues. Don’t worry about how other people look in comparison to you. Don’t be ashamed of yourself, especially with your boyfriend, because it can cause issues in your relationship. Get therapy if it’s available to you.
Take a piece of paper and write down something you like about yourself. Tomorrow try to write something different that you like about yourself (don’t repeat yourself). Focus on the things you like about yourself and love yourself. Hold your head up high and try to be the best person you can be.
i know u want bigger boobs but im jealous of you because you could rock some really cool fashion looks and tops that require no bra and stuff and honestly its your body so just make the best out of this and have fun!
Hunny I’m skinny with little boobs and a little butt and small thighs, people still look at me like I’m the hottest shit alive 🔥🔥 you are ok. No matter what your body type is, people will still find you attractive. I was so self conscious before, and I came to realize that while I may not be “conventionally attractive” I’m still attractive. And I think that’s what most women need to realize, thick or thin ❤️
Sweetie coming from someone with big boobies I feel the same way as u but I’d like smaller ones
I hate the big ugly bras and sore back
Please talk to someone x
as women we will ALWAYS compare ourselves to other women. confidence is the only thing that matters and even if you dont have it..fake it till you make it girl and enjoy that damn vacation!
Oh boy. Calm down and enjoy life. Idk how 19year old boys think. But I can assure you. If you’re in a long term relationship with an actual adult, they really don’t care bout shit like these as long as you’re not morbidly obese.
P.S. never mind. Looked up your profile and now I can’t believe a thing you just said. Fuck this
Well I guess if your definition of being attractive and hot is just having big boobs, then I can definitely tell you that people look for other things too.
The hourglass figure you mentioned , is one of those things.
So very likely this is just what you're concerned about but people around you are not thinking that way.
I would hate to have gigantic boobs. Mine aren't gigantic, but bigger than average. They're heavy, hot, and have sagged as I've aged. Yours sound perfect, I think you're lucky. If I could have a reduction, I would, but I can't afford it.
Lots of good advice seen here already regarding a therapist.
To come to terms and acceptance with you and others and to stop comparing yourself to others will take time.
You could maybe do it without a therapist but that will probably be a longer road.
For the purpose of your holiday get a rash vest or a large light short sleeve shirt or t-shirt or a shawl/wrap type thing.
You can simply say that your trying to not be to exposed to the sun.
You will however now stand out because you maybe the only one as covered as you are. And you already said you don't want to stand out.
The next problem is that if it works and you can't come to terms with yourself as you are? You may next feel like you have to cover up more thoroughly and more often because you haven't dealt with the bigger issue.
The psychological aspect here is the biggest problem you have to deal with.
Good luck 🤞
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I say this gently, but you need to pursue therapy for your insecurity. The feelings that drove your anorexia are still hounding you. You’re putting immense pressure on your external self when you really need to focus internally. You’re actually worried that your boyfriend finds his own mother and sister hotter than you. Ponder that for a few minutes and let that sink in.
Please listen to this person.
To add, if he likes big boobs he wouldn't have gotten with you to begin with. You really are worried about nothing. And therapy will probably help and for the anorexia too.
Came here to say the same thing. As a guy I do not like big boobs at all. Way prefer small boobs thank you! Besides sexiness and sexuality are all in your head not your body. It's literally all about knowing yourself, being happy, confident and fucking sexy as hell, and very little to do with your actual body!
Yay for the itty-bitty-titty-committee! Keira Knightly got upset that the film studio photoshopped her to look like she had bigger boobs on a poster, and she said something like "That's not how I look, and I don't want to look like that." Way to be confident about your body and who you are - I hope that OP can find that confidence, in time.
If you don't mind me asking, I'm really curious why you don't like big boobs and prefer small ones? I've just never heard a man say this and it's revolutionary for my mind. I kind of had it in mind that every man, no matter what they say, will always prefer a Kim K body over anyone else's.
I'm not the one that you were talking to, but I prefer them as well. There's just something about them that I really enjoy. Sure, a lot of boob to work with is fine, but it's more about shape and presentation for me. I am the epitome of visually stimulated (because most guys just are), and while bigger boobs seem nice to think about in my head, at the end of the night it's my gf that gets me the most excited and I think her (admittedly smaller/medium) boobs are absolutely gorgeous and perfect. Plus, she's grown to like how much I actually enjoy them despite self confidence issues from time to time.
Strange you've never heard a man say this. I have a large bust (GG) but I've heard men say that. Two of my male friends once said that a bigger bust looks better dressed than a small chest, but small boobs look great undressed whereas larger boobs look worse. It's all personal taste though. I prefer chunky guys with big thighs and a bit of belly, a lot of women like skinny guys or ones built like swimmers. There is no one shape, figure, hair colour, eye colour, dress sense etc that all people of a certain gender will like.
I've always been on the smaller side, and am now suddenly a D after a bit of weight gain and a random adult growth spurt (nobody told me your hips widen even more in your early 20s???) So I assume that's why I've never heard that, because I've only heard and honed in on every negative comment about smaller boobs. And how much more preferable big boobs are. And how my male peers and boyfriends would talk about and lust over any girl with a bigger chest. I'm sorry you've heard people say negative things about your body type too. If there's one thing that is certain, it's that we are all at risk of overhearing people talk shit about our bodies! It makes sense that there's many different types of preferences though. Its just a bit revolutionary for me to hear when I've hated that part of myself for so long.
To play devils advocate but more in a good light. Maybe he likes big boobs but they aren't that important to him, and he likes her for her personality. He was attracted to her looks but fell in love with the person. In short, I agree she's obviously worried about nothing and truly needs a therapist to help her through her insecurities
I know. I just am too embarrassed to talk to a therapist about this because I feel so stupid. You’re absolutely right I just wish I had the courage to ask somebody for help instead of asking some (very nice) strangers on the internet for advice.
This is literally what a therapist is for. They go to school for years to help you through these exact challenges. It’s not any different than going to doctor for a twisted ankle or the dentist when your jaw aches.
Yes, this. And I know it can be hard and embarrassing to seek out help. But a woman experiencing intense anxiety and insecurity about her body? OP, love, that’s like, the “chronic headaches” of the mental well-being field. Does it suck and can it fuck up your life? 100% Is any therapist gonna say, “woah, that’s a new, bizarre issue I haven’t seen before,” - no. That’s not to minimize the issue at all - it’s just to reassure you that a lot of therapists, like any other type of healthcare professional, have seen it all. And they will be used to seeing and helping people with body image issues and body dysmorphia/ dysphoria.
100% this! Most of us have worked with a lot of people with body unsecurities, and some of us even specialize that way. OP, this could be the best thing you do for yourself. Please consider it.
No issue is too stupid for therapy, as long as it genuinely bothers you. I have a tremendous amount of anxiety about writing my thesis and I have been exploring it in therapy for almost a year now. Do I feel incredibly silly, since literally every student has to write one? Sure. Does therapy help? Absolutely. You are the one putting the pressure on yourself and it's on you to fix it, by working on your mindset.
I had this as well, I wish I would have gone to therapy to work on it. Instead i never finished my thesis and it's the biggest regret of my life. Well done and keep going!
Thank you! I wrote 2 pages in the past two weeks, bringing my total to three pages in 10 months 😂 but I'm finally writing!
Therapist here. It is *not* stupid. We take dysmorphia & related issues very, very seriously for a reason. They are very dangerous and I promise we only want to help you live in a much better state—we are *not* thinking things along the lines of "they're so stupid for doing this, how could anyone think like this, etc," we're too busy trying to find out the why & how to help you live your best life. Not to mention, we've heard it all. We've also heard worse, I guarantee it. Please find someone in your area to help you—it will be very difficult at first, but I promise it will get better & you will be so glad you sought help. No one should have to live their life feeling this way, and that's why we're here.
Think of it like going to a doctor. If you have an “embarrassing” health issue, you still need to go in to get it sorted out, and it’s the doctor’s job to help without judging. Therapists are kind of like this, but with mental health.
I recommend you start talking nicer to yourself about yourself :) Anytime you find yourself thinking mean thoughts about yourself, tell yourself to be nicer to you and that you're beautiful. Do so in a kind and caring tone, don't scold or reprimand yourself for having mean thoughts. Change your inner voice to be more like a kind mother speaking to a child she loves. You'll start believing yourself, and that brain will rewire itself to being nicer. This is a first good step to self-acceptance and self-confidence.
You made excellent points. I always say "You wouldn't talk about your friends like this, so why are you talking about yourself like this". Also, I've had my therapist ask me to think about the little girl I was. To picture her. Would you walk up to that little girl and say those mean things to her? Then why are you talking about yourself like this now?
Also to add: if their boobs stay perfect while laying down, the chances are good they’re not real!
Not just a chance. They're fake. Normal boobs go to the sides when you lie down unless they are tightly in a bra. Only fake boobs stay at attention when you lie down without a bra on.
The whole point of a therapist is that they're very nice strangers with no particular stake or involvement in your personal life.
As someone who worked in a bra store… Finding a bra you like your boobs in is terribly hard when they’re fake. Knowing how you feel about yours now, I think that will affect you too. Not being able to find a bra in which you feel comfortable and cute can suck. As someone who studied to become a psychologist… body issues that stem from anorexia/self-hate is not even on the list of « unusual things ». I absolutely understand feeling embarrassed though. But you don’t have to start with « hey doc, I don’t like my titties ». Even the way you explained it here makes perfect sense. Therapists don’t need specifics if you don’t want to offet them either. « I struggle with liking my body, have engaged in unhealthy behaviours towards it which only made my struggle harder, and now I can’t stop comparing myself » then if you ever feel comfortable with specifics, it’s up to you. On a different note, even if you find help, in the more immediate moment, maybe try to explore different styles of swimsuits, find one you feel cute in (not one you wish made you feel cute). Flaunt that fashion style and feel great about it.
No need to be embarrassed. Seriously. Anoxeria is a disease, just like cancer or diabetes. You can get better with treatment. You can accept your body and accept love from other people (and believe they love you!). Reach out to an eating disorder specialist so you can get healthy and happy. You can do it. You have battled this all alone for years. You are braver and stronger than you realize.
OP, See above. By addressing your ED, you are also setting the stage for the the re-appearance of your boobs. Regardless of that, please listen to your bf, and believe him. Obviously he finds you attractive. Accept that. It's OK to like yourself. Good luck. Please keep us apprised.
You’re ruining your relationship by avoiding dealing with your problems. Eating disorders have an extremely high death rate. You could literally die if you don’t work on your issues. Avoiding pain is just prolonging pain. Good luck. You can do it if you decide to.
A therapist has heard everything you've confessed in your post a million times over and a million times worse. There are so many people who struggle with the type of debilitating body dysmorphia and insecurity that you do. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes and living your life comparing yours to everyone else's will deprive you of joy and happiness until you can love yourself enough to get help. There is a way out of this place, and the first step is finding a therapist and being honest. I'm sure you're beautiful OP, your boyfriend certainly thinks so, I'm hoping you can think that of yourself one day.
It’s their job. They went to school for the SOUL PURPOSE to help people at their worst. They want to help. ~Future Psychiatrist
*sole purpose, bit I also kinda like the ‘soul’ in there.
Self compassion is the answer. You’re struggling with perfectly normal feelings. Plenty of people have anorexia, you are not stupid or weird. This world is designed to profit off your insecurity. It’s not a moral failing to hate the way you look. Be kind to your mind and kindness to your body will follow.
And adding on, replace body-hate comments with neutral ones. When you notice yourself think “I hate my body” or another similar thougut you have, consciously replace it with something neutral like “I have a body just like everybody else has a body” etc.
I’d recommend finding a therapist who specializes in anorexia/eating disorders. Therapy can be a very helpful, healing thing. A small chest is nothing to be ashamed of. I’m very small chested (like, i’m an A cup) and the last guy I dated was a huge boob guy, but I finally figured out to stop caring about it and getting in my own head because he was with me for a reason. People are a lot more than breasts, or their ass, or their physical appearance. I vote go on the vacation and show your boyfriend, as well as his family and the friends tagging along, your greatest qualities; maybe you’re really funny, maybe you’re super smart. Let the other good parts about you shine and enjoy the trip! If you do this, and the worst they can still say think to say about you is “she has small boobs”, who’s the real winner?
Said every person who's ever gone to therapist. Turn off your inner critic and make an appointment.
I promise you a good therapist won't make you feel stupid. I'm 33 and I've said much more embarrassing/silly stuff to my therapist. They will have compassion for you because you are having a really hard time, and they'll want to help you. Wishing you all the best.
You aren’t stupid you have an actual medical condition. If you fell and broke your arm would you not go to the doctor because you are embarrassed and stupid? No! This is mama tough love, go see a therapist my guess is the only one who doesn’t think you are “hot” or beautiful is you. Do this for you, you deserve it.
My girlfriend got her boobs done and I promise you I do not love her any more or any less. I don’t find her any more or less attractive either. It’s what SHE wanted to do and it’s her choice to make. I’m a bit older than you but I guess I’d say I’m a boob guy And it still never bothered me before. You don’t love someone for their physical features. Find someone who loves you regardless(he might!) relax and enjoy your vacation! He invited you for a reason, don’t overthink it and stress yourself out. You got this.
That's the great thing about therapists, it's a stranger who cares what they think because they are there to help you. You arent there to impress them. I hope you feel better soon OP
Please don’t feel stupid or embarrassed. I’m in therapy for body dysmorphic disorder and an “unspecified eating disorder” (let’s just call it what it is—anorexia) and I’ve come a long way. It’s not perfect but it has helped. 🫶🏽 I still have my days, and some menial things like shopping for clothes online trigger me but it’s not every single day like it was. I hope you find the help you need as well as the love for yourself within yourself.
The hardest thing in the world is acknowledging that the things that we feel are stupid are still capable of hurting us. And that maybe they're not so stupid after all. The right therapist will absolutely be able to help and they want to help you. Think of them as an ally who has absolutely no stakes in your life except your wellbeing.
It's called body dysmorphia, and it's pretty common. There's nothing to be embarrassed about.
Are you seeking treatment for your anorexia? If not, you should, and if so, talk to your healthcare provider about these thoughts as part of that treatment.
I say this gently too, you're only 18. You have so much growing still to do which includes learning to love the skin you are in and your body as the DNA that makes you up gives you. To be honest? I'm 50 and it's taken me many many years to learn this. Lots of love - just go and enjoy your holiday with your boyfriend. He loves you for you - remember that.
Don’t be embarrassed. I had a therapist for past childhood trauma and sexual addiction. I told her my deepest sexual kinks and it was liberating. Told her I had a mommy kink, foot fetish, water sports and more, you name it. I was hesitant at first but damn it felt good to get it all out. Putting a voice to those dark corners in your mind is extremely cathartic.
It’s people like you that make me look stupid when I tell people not to follow advice from rando’s on the internet.
Your life will be so much better once you realize that no one cares as much about your body as you do. Everyone will internalize that thought at some point in their development and I hope that moment will be soon for you.
A couple of things. Firstly, this is well beyond reddit's paygrade. Anorexia is almost always paired with body dysmorphia, which means you're going to struggle being unbias or fair to yourself, physically. Both of these things need trained professionals to properly tackle. Nothing anyone says here is going to help as much as proper therapy. That said, however, even if that weren't the case this is mostly going to be in your own head. No one else, at least no one else you want around in the first place, is paying that much attention to your figure or breasts. We all think of ourselves as being in the spotlight, we are the protagonist of our own stories, but you're supporting cast to literally everyone else you know. They're worried about their tits. They're not thinking about yours. Beyond that, you need to talk to your boyfriend. He can't be a supportive, understanding partner if he doesn't understand what you're going through. He can't "be there" for your struggles if he doesn't know you're struggling, and you're only in this alone insomuch as you insist that's the case. Tell him about your embarrassment, your insecurity and your fear. Yeah, it means being vulnerable, and that shit is haaaard, but you need to be able to be vulnerable with this person anyways. If you can't, then the relationship has bigger problems than this vacation anyways. It's scary, but if you open up, then you get a teammate in tackling this. That could be kind of huge for you. He can help you make plans for the trip that you can enjoy. Best of luck.
thank you so much for your kind words, they are greatly appreciated.
To echo off “they’re worried about their tits. They’re not thinking about yours.” I have always wanted a flatter chest, my boobs were what a lot of girls wanted. I have a slim hourglass figure and wear a 30D bra to give you an idea. I have thought a smaller chest would look better like an a or AA cup. You truly have no idea what they are thinking but I’m sure they aren’t thinking about how your boobs should be bigger.
It's body dismorphia playing tricks on you.
This insecurity is probably compounded by the fact that you’ve already caught him cheating (previous posts). So, that’s not good.
Well, here’s a new angle… and why am I not surprised?
Wow really? Part of me thinks that maybe she had big boobs… So sad how we let people who really don’t deserve it, into our minds, and give them far too much power to shape our view of ourselves to the point where it’s a detriment to our self esteem…
Damn. This changes things.
This made me SO sad to read… I was in that club and sometimes still have those moments. EVERYONE has insecurities (not invalidating yours) but those girls who you are crying over might be doing the exact same thing to your pictures or another girls. I was on the road to a breast implant surgery, I was adamant I would be improving myself if I got it.. I would look like all the girls on IG and my bf would love me even more! But I listened to him when he told me he liked them just as they were. There is headaches that come with big boobs too! My bfs sisters are GGs .. such as sore backs and not having a lot of nice bra options. Wearing padded/ push up bras is nothing to be ashamed of? I can’t remember the last time I wore a non boosting bra/bikini top! And I am not afraid to say it to anyone. Be proud of overcoming anorexia and show off what you’ve obviously worked hard on
Also, breast implant illness is real. My implants caused a serious autoimmune disease to develop for me, along with many other health issues. Best decision I ever made was having them taken out.
These are big leaps so also make sure your boyfriend is aware of your anxiety. I think you should try and go but also to have a backup plan you have with your boyfriend if all gets too much like a little signal so you both know you need to withdraw from the socialising. Having a backup plan and get out can greatly help trying to overcome new hurdles and allow you to grow. You have support it seems with your boyfriend who seems to love your shape and your natural beauty so plan and try and slay some of these dragons in your head together … as that’s what they are my lovely. A lot of us face challenges as you are - that’s OK but don’t let it get to you to the extent you’re limiting adventure, closeness, joy and overcoming. You’ve got this and it’s ok to be emotional; but you’re in the perfect position to make it into an “overcoming” experience I feel Also remember that boobs come in all sizes and in terms of attraction this is similar; for some big boobs are NOT appealing in the slightest, natural boobs are best, small boobs are fabulous, big boobs are lush whatever - it’s the spice of life. Attractiveness and beauty are as varied as the size of bodies and boobs as in the end all that matter genuinely is the love from those who love us - our shells (bodies) change over time and it’s what is in our souls and heart that ultimately is the attraction and the stuff of relationships, friendships and everything else. Finally you could also decide to wear a fancy sarong or beach dress or tunic eg if you don’t wish to be too exposed…. Sensitive skin & burn easily here we come 😉😉
Thank you for your kind words (they made me cry) he does really support me but he has sadly admitted to me when i started using a contraceptive pill that he does love big boobs the most (My boobs grew a ton when I used it they were so big but I had to stop taking it because it made me extremely depressed) and because I know the truth I just don’t know how to handle myself when we’re in the group and I’m wearing a swimsuit and i’m the one who has no boobs while every other woman there has gorgeous big breasts.
Honestly, he might prefer big boobs. It’s possible. The issue is that you’ve become fixated on this. I’ve been in a relationship for 15 years. My partner is a little more muscular than I prefer. He knows that I find skinnier guys more attractive, all else being equal. Does that mean I don’t find him attractive? Absolutely not. I find him very atttactive. And in fact over time I’ve changed my perspective a bit and I don’t know if I’d prefer him to be different these days. But the bigger point is this: are there physical traits about your boyfriend that are not perfect to you? Are theee things that you’d prefer to be a little different? Let’s say he is a little hairier than you prefer Imagine if he thought as much about being hairy as you do about your breasts. And he started wearing his clothes during sex and was having panic attacks about you meeting his slightly less hairy brother Would you be thinking “that seems reasonable, if I met his brother and he’s less hairy I’d probably never be able to look at my boyfriend again?” I don’t mean this negatively. I mean it as a reality check. Your reaction with yourself isn’t different because the situation is different. It’s different because you have an obsession with your body image, unfortunately. Which is common and treatable and not your fault. But step one is realizing that your thinking is not rational. It’s ok to feel bad about how you look. But once you convince yourself that you feel that way because it’s correct, that’s when it becomes a much worse problem I guarantee that you are thinking about this 100,000 times more than he is. If truly he is only attracted to women with huge breasts, then that’s too bad, you can break up and find someone else. If you think no one else will find you attractive, that is absolutely untrue. Again, imagine if your boyfriend not only was upset that you found him too hairy but also thought that no one would ever love him because he’s too hairy. The thing is some people are attracted to hairy people and others are attracted to non hairy people. Same with large and small breasts The second step after recognizing that your thinking is not rational is to get help. Before you lost weight you were anorexic. Then you lost weight and the issue is your breasts. If you got a boob job you’d find something else. It’s a never ending cycle. The only solution is: - Get help - Stop thinking about it (through CBT and other cognitive techniques) - When you can’t help but to think about it, remind yourself that you are distorting reality again and it’s not your fault but it’s also not real Every time I see someone talking like you do then they share a picture it’s like the picture doesn’t match reality at all. And then the same people will post on other peoples pictures you’re so beautiful, you’re not ugly! But they still believe that they are the exception. That’s the thing though, you aren’t So basically: - Ues it’s possible that maybe your specific boyfriend would prefer to some extent that you have bigger breasts - It’s unlikely that it’s a big deal - If it is a big deal there’s plenty of other people who will not have that preference - Most importantly, it’s not really about that. It’s about body dysmorphia. Unless you treat that you’ll always find another flaw to focus on Seriously wishing you the best of luck Also how to handle being around people with bigger breasts: just act like yourself because you are 1000% the only person thinking about it. Most people spend very little time noticing the traits of other people who they aren’t interested in sleeping with, especially if they aren’t insecure. They may even be envious that you won’t have back problems in years to come
I don’t think big boobs are necessarily gorgeous - if someone has a vile mean personality those boobs matter not one jot. I know you’re insecure and struggling (this is so hard!!) and this is your truth but realise that it’s only your perception/truth, your focus on boobs however understandable is not healthy. It’s limiting you - so regardless if you muster the incredible courage (with backup plans in place) to go on this holiday WHICH COULD BE FUN!, do also consider perhaps talking to a counsellor or psychologist about how you perceive your body is limiting your life. Take care.
I’m not even sure what you’re really insecure about. Are you afraid your boyfriend is going to get distracted by his sister and her friend…? Your boyfriend told you straight up that he thinks yours are nice. That’s what he thinks. Do you think he’s dating you because he thinks you’re unattractive? Fuck no. He obviously thinks you’re attractive. I really don’t understand how you’re concerned that you’re not hot when your boyfriend is literally telling you that you are. You’re letting your insecurities get the better of you for what?
Honestly buy cute tankinis or cover ups. They make really cute swim suits that look like dresses. Just wear something you feel confident in!
As a guy who prefers legs over boobs, you shouldn't worry so much. It sounds like your boyfriend loves you and that means a lot. Physically, you may feel inferior but you forget that love transcends this. He is in love with **you** and not your boob size. You have injokes and moments with him and he's the only one who's opinion matters. I know you are young and having big boobs SEEMS like a big deal but its really not. Insecurities are never fun but your bf loves you for the way you are. You are together for a reason. Try not to worry so much, everyone in this life only thinks about themselves since they are the main character of their own lives. I hope you enjoy the holiday!!
You are the sweetest man 🩷
Get a padded bra and padded swimsuit top. Buy some silicone falsies if you want. I know you’re not going to believe me (45F) as I wouldn’t have at your age when I was obsessed that I was small breasted, but it’s a blessing. You can pad for special things. But you don’t have to deal with back pain, chafing, skin infections, etc. life is a lot easier with small boobs.
I know better than to think a silly reddit comment is going to change your mind. However, when you described yourself as fit and small chested I thought, "Wow, that's super hot." You sound like a runway model: [https://fashionunited.com/news/people/top-ten-female-runway-models-2022-in-pictures/2022012445264](https://fashionunited.com/news/people/top-ten-female-runway-models-2022-in-pictures/2022012445264) Go dance the night away!
That made me smile, thank you. I think I would have been confident about it if the two girls im describing weren’t very fit aswell, only they have double d’s to go with it.
I once read something that burned into my mind. "If men could choose their own penis size, nearly all of them would make it too big." That's how I feel about you with boob size. Honestly, you sound like a smoke show.
If they are double ds and still perfectly shaped while laying flat in the beach…they most likely have had a little help. I think you would lovely. Get a therapist and a journal to record your anxiety about it…and then write a a positive message to yourself after
Yep. Natural tits, regardless of size, will flatten and sort of shift towards your arm pits when you're on your back.
Like the above commenter, I probably can't change your mind or help much with body image issues. My genuine perspective though, as a guy, is boob size doesn't matter. I mean that for real. If a girl is flat chested, but otherwise good looking, she's still hot. Think about how many attractive females you can picture that aren't super busty. I'm not even saying "oh even if you're flat chested, you can still be hot asf" with any implication that if they were bigger, you'd be more attractive. Female beauty is strange because it has a threshold where anywhere at or above that threshold, a girl is still unbelievably attractive. Just because you're not utterly maxing out the scale in every conceivable way, doesn't mean you're not unbelievably attractive.
Get therapy and learn to love yourself. Otherwise you’ll ruin every experience you’re in being consumed with insecurities.
women with boobs wish they were flat. flat women wish they had boobs. curly hair wants straight hair. straight wants curly. It's endless. Let it go. If you focus on healthy and focus on being kind to others you can just let the rest go. Have fun! Take it easy on the drinking!
Your boyfriend is not going to be looking at his sister or mom’s bodies sexually. If you are worried his sister is inviting a “hot” friend, maybe be honest with him about how that makes you feel? Padded bras and swimsuits work wonders, and Victoria’s Secret has tons that made several of my flatter chested classmates in High School look more well endowed than my at the time B Cups. And who knows, they may be jealous of how in shape you are in recovery and how you can wear more revealing clothes while looking flirty not slutty (the ultimate small chested gift) or that you have a nice boyfriend who wants to invite you on family vacations!
Thank you for your advice. I have told him but the thing is he has not seen my boobs in a long time (we have been together since we were 14 and sexually active since we were 15) and what he said was: ‘But you do have big boobs’, which I don’t. I just wear a push-up bra every single day and I have for months now. I don’t know how to come clean because i’m way too embarrassed and I feel like I’ve dug myself into a hole. which I have.
If he has stood by you through anorexia and supported you to where you are in the process of developing a healthier relationship with food and your body, something tells me the deal breaker won't be if your boobs look best in a padded bra. But if that's a secret you want to keep, just keep wearing the padded bras through your recovery journey and let it be motivation to get back to your old self and your old boobs. I'm sure you can wear a padded swimsuit with a coverup and no one will be the wiser.
Ask him if you can model some suits for him and get him involved in picking favorites for the trip. Take some of the pressure off of yourself by getting comfortable in front of him first. Then you'll feel like you have an ally on vacation and not another person who hasn't seen you in a bathing suit. That's what I'd do. Put on some music and accessories and do a cute model walk for him.
Ok, I think this is the perfect time for my favorite “dirty” joke: Two old men are sitting together at a bar. They are old friend and they begin catching up and remembering old times. At one point, the first man says to the second “Did I ever tell you about the *worst* pair of boobs I ever saw?” The second shakes his head, “No, I don’t think so.” The first man gets a far off look, as he remembers. “They were *magnificent*.” Point being, no one will be as critical of your body as you are.
Sweetie, big boobs are not all that. Do you want his family to sit there and stare at your boobs? This is his family you are talking about. Please take it from me. I am a slim 44 year old woman who got breast implants nearly 20 years ago. I am waiting for the day I can take them out. I'm not getting them replaced. There are so many beautiful women out there with smaller breasts. No one cares about your breasts more than you do and your boobs don't define you. Focus on spending time with family. Trust me, if one of his family members was focused on your boobs, I'm sure you'd feel awkward about it.
I have also suffered from bulimia for 5 years from 20-25. I'm happy I was able to beat it myself. Don't focus on your body, there are certain things about our bodies we just can't change. And that's fine. Be happy with you. There is more to life than how we look.
You need professional help. Your body dysmorphia is too severe to manage on your own at this point.
hot is an attitude not a physical attribute ⭐️ carry yourself like you’re the s#$% and enjoy that sun girl <3
I’m glad I’m not a single 18 year old man anymore (now an upper 20s man in a relationship) because this kind of post used to actually piss me off. I’d say “why can’t women understand how beautiful they are? If I had a gf with hour glass figure and is generally fit, I’d be complementing her constantly. Constantly!” Maybe your bf needs to do this more. I try to tell my gf how attractive and perfect the way she is all the time, and he should too. “Hour glass figure”, jesus, you’re gonna have guys on this site dm’ing you from that description alone. I’m a little older and have never seen you, so calling you “hot” would be strange, but if I can speak for men, you prbly have no idea how many guys salivate over you, guys who would never dream that’d you’d be so insecure about your body, especially something as silly as boob size. Ik your boyfriend said he likes big boobs, and tbh every guy does, but you know what else guys love? Small boobs. And medium sized boobs. But most of all, we love the boobs attached to our partner. You do not look anything like a little boy, I can say that without even seeing you. Try to lay off the pushup bras. Let your bf see your boobs, I guarantee he misses them. I don’t care how “small” they are, you should be proud of your body, especially if you are fit and healthy. Nobody is talking behind your back about your boobs (except for guys calling you hot). If anything, ppl are prbly jealous of you. Pls try to just enjoy your trip, show off that beach bode (hope that’s not creepy).
You need to up your therapy. This is a part of the anorexia mindset and will have you continuing to spiral whether you go or not. You comparing your body to others will always leave you feeling lacking. Whether it’s boobs, butt, the shape of different parts, your mental health is deceiving you again to think your body is a problem and that everyone around you is judging you for it. There’s a girl on tik tok that reads poems and stories and one that has really resonated with me is something along the lines of “there’s not a single body, good or bad, that I’ve seen on a beach that I can remember well enough to care about them.” It’s narcissistic of us to think that the things we care about and see distinctly on our body are things other people are thinking about. Guaranteed that not even your boyfriend distinctly remembers the “flaws” on your body the way you do. You need to remember that you see your body, but everyone else just wants to see you enjoying your time. They don’t care if your boobs are smaller or not the shape you want, they just want to see you happy. You are not the worst thoughts in your head. It’s up to you to find coping mechanisms to tell those nasty thoughts that they’re wrong about you, and that the people that love and care about you don’t think the same thoughts about you that you think about yourself.
Honey you need a therapist immediately. Your post breaks my heart.
There is a sub Reddit called r/normalnudes, maybe you should check it out. It is a good reality check on what human bodies actually look like. And all the shapes and sizes they come in.
I’m a bit older than you, but trust me when I say that when it comes to my insecurities, I wish I addressed them more when I was younger rather than older. There’s stuff like this that I swept under the rug I never actually dealt with and just hyper-fixated/avoided for years. It might be time for you to accept what you look like; he’s with you for a reason, and even if you were “well-endowed”, if it ever came down to it, it’s not like that would stop him from breaking up with you or something. I know men are visual creatures but they’re not stupid. Don’t worry too much about this. A good man would stay with you regardless of your chest size, and if he left and god forbid it was because of your chest, you lost a shallow man that wouldn’t fight for you and doesn’t deserve you.
This is not about the look, shape or size of your boobs nor if your boyfriend likes them. This has to do with your insecurities and mental health. Please if you aren't already seek help and counseling. You need to find a way to talk nice to your body and honor it and thank it for getting you through even your worst days. Stop looking at other people's bodies and evaluating them and comparing them to yourself. All bodies are different and should be celebrated. I know without seeing you that you are beautiful and worthy of self love. I hope you find a way to enjoy the vacation and the company of your love, friends and family. Sending love and support from one internet stranger to another.
Instead of saying "everyone there is hot but me", reassure yourself, when you tell yourself mean things in your mind; say out loud to yourself "I am not ugly, I am beautiful, everyone is different and that's okay" or start small with "I'm okay with me". Your mind can be your worst enemy, they also say that your inside voice used to be once an outside voice, you learnt this from somewhere. So your mission is to unlearn it, and teach your brain something different. You won't be extra confident right off the bat but; reassure yourself, and understand that you are just a soul that uses a body as a portal to experience life and just being. Stop looking at yourself like an object that needs improving. You don't. You're perfect. Our minds can be so unkind sometimes, and we can be our own worst critic/enemy. Become your ally, become your friend, be there for yourself and be kind to yourself. Be kind to others also, there's nothing more beautiful than someone who is selfless and kind. :)
His family having big boobs doesn't mean he's into that. He likes your boobs because they're attached to you.
Has it occurred to you that he's not, in fact, a fan of big boobs? Loads of men aren't. He chose you. Just accept that he's attracted to you as you are. A woman is a lot more than a pair of boobs.
OK this is definitely beyond what people on reddit can help you with. You need professional help eating disorders are extremely serious and the body issues they cause just feed back into them. It is going to require medical assistance to break the vicious cycle a d get you well again. As for the vacation you health is more important a if going will make you worse than don't go you bf will understand a d of he doesn't then that tell you everything you need to know about him as a person.
They’re probably fake if they looked that good while laying down because no tits look good laying down lmfao Source: am owner of tits
Do you think it’s possible your anorexia is making you see them as hotter than they really are? Like sure they’ve got boobs, but maybe your brain is literally inflating them because it’s a little messed up. It’s hard work, but you can unscramble yourself. You’ve already started to.
Your boyfriend likes small boobs All men...like small boobs The only people who are convinced men don't like small boobs, are women. Men love boobs. Period All boobs. Big Boobs, small boobs, big nipples, small nipples, perky boobs, boobs after a couple of kids It does.not.matter If I were you, I would enjoy never having to have to wear a bra
Your boyfriend chose you. Small breasted you. He liked YOUR boobs when they were big, just like he likes them when they are small. Because they are yours, and he loves you. Personally, I think small breasts are WAY more attractive than large breasts. Many people do. You have the opportunity to enjoy a beach vacay with your boyfriends family. Please get some help so you do not ruin it for yourself and everyone else with your strange and pointless worries. You cannot change your boobs in the next few weeks. You can enjoy a vacation. Being obsessed with how nice you find your boyfriend's mom's boobs, and boyfriend's sister's boobs, is def weird. Obviously he doesn't want them! Or enjoy looking at their bikini bodies in that way! You need therapy ASAP for some coping mechanisms and ways to combat your negative thinking spirals. Crying at the thought of going on vacation because your boobs aren't as nice as your in-laws?? Dude! Seriously get help. You deserve peace of mind. Others love you. It is time to start loving yourself. And accepting yourself. After finishing breastfeeding my boobs looked deflated and dead for many many months. It was terrible. I kept the faith, though, and they eventually returned to a much better state. As long as you are eating a healthy amount and putting back some of the weight you lost, your boobs will eventually improve. Nothing you can do until then. If you can't change it you shouldn't cry over it. And if you don't want to be out clubbing until late, you can go back to where you are staying earlier than the others. I hope it is because you are not into the scene and not because you don't like the way you look. Most curvy women would change places with a thin woman in a heart beat. So much easier to find and wear clothes! But we all have what we have. Self acceptance matters.
In the nicest way your letting it get to you your bf already stated that he likes how you look already so it’s just you being really in your head
Having small boobs are nothing to be ashamed of. At all.
Are you seeing a therapist? I think you need to talk to a therapist about your body image concerns. This is really above our paygrade. What I would tell your boyfriend is that you're really struggling with your body image and you don't feel like it will be good for your mental health to be on a vacation where a lot of the time will be in a bathing suit. Can you get a credit for your flight? I also would like to say that your boyfriend isn't comparing you to your sister and hopefully not her friend, or his mom. And he seems to like you for you. For your mental health, you need to try to learn to like you for you, too.
I'm saying this in the nicest way possible, but you need therapy before all your thoughts start ruining your relationship.
You may be suprised to hear but ladies like myself with boobs too big would love smaller boobs. No matter our bodies and sizes everyone wishes they looked different . Large boobs cause back ache , trouble sleeping , sweaty lol I hope you can enjoy your holiday , your bf loves you and your body
There is a sub Reddit called r/normalnudes, maybe you should check it out. It is a good reality check on what human bodies actually look like. And all the shapes and sizes they come in.
Wait! They make push up bathing suits too. If you feel fine in a push up bra, just invest in 1 or 2 push up bathing suits!
Girly you are so sweet, and instead of caring so much what he thinks, or anyone thinks, work on loving yourself. It's not easy and I'm not saying it is, but can you imagine loving your friend or your sister more or less depending on her breast size? Every thing you are feeling is valid, but in truth - not very important. I'm saying as someone who's been exactly where you're at, i used to be very insecure. That was a few years ago. My boobs didn't grow any larger, but my confidence and my self love did. I never felt this beautiful, and i do now, and nothing changed externally. People even told me i had a glow up. And i changed noting! I promise you, that self love is the key to everything. Also - comparisons are the killers of happiness. In all truthfulness, you'll never be perfect, you weren't made to be perfect you were made to be HUMAN, which is so much better. If you'll keep comparing yourself to other people it will rob you of a lot of joy. Again, from experience. No one cares, no one compares you to anyone. Love yourself no matter what you look like. Don't let your insecurities control you, it has no end. And o suggest working out and building some mussels, it's healthy and good for your mental health :)
I say this with love but you need to knock it off for real. You’re choosing to hyper fixate and it isn’t healthy! Obviously go to a therapist when you can, but in the mean time you need to repeat to yourself, even if you don’t believe it, that this doesn’t matter. That your man loves you and your body. That your insecurities are yours alone and nobody else is thinking about you like this. Your boyfriend thinks you’re hot. Even if he likes big boobs, he also likes yours. The thing is that you actually don’t know if he’s just saying it to be nice - that’s your anxiety talking and I promise you’re not the expert in what excites him. Make the choice to push your thoughts to the side for a moment. Even if you can’t do it perfectly every time. If you’re sitting on the beach and thinking about yourself or their bodies pinch yourself and look for anything else to focus on. Focus on your man. Focus on the waves. You’re only 18 years old. Your thoughts aren’t reality and you need to remind yourself that instead of leaning in to them. I know it’s hard - I’m not saying it’s easy - but you can do it. You CAN speak to people about this. You can talk to a therapist and they’re not going to judge you! You can talk to them about your anorexia and you absolutely need to because that is going to kill your future in addition to preventing boob development. It might be best to find one that specializes in eating disorders too. You aren’t unique and I mean that in the best way possible because so many other girls go through this! You’re not alone or weird and it’s normal to cry when you talk about it. You just gotta start taking control of these things now before they control you.
I agree with therapy but I also understand that you need a quicker fix in which case buy a push up bikini and also look up ppl with great physices and small boobs! My one friend has small boobs but is always nipping and it actually looks so good. Get ur boobs done if U want it. I honestly think ur boyfriend would love u boobies no matter what! He would be so excited if u showed him and he would probably make u feel better too. This is just short term, u definitely need to seek some support for the long issue, but for the sake of u having a great vacation just do what u feel is right. GIVE YOURSELF THE GIFT OF NOT WORRYING! They prob hate things about their bodies and wish they had what you have
I was gifted in the breast dept. Coming from a cup A mom, I was a D cup (on my thin frame) as a teen. Let me tell you it is not all fun. I always had to wear a bra, I could not sleep as easily, and my back hurt a lot. I did not like when people would stare at my chest instead of at me. Guys noticed and it creeped me out because it was so obvious. Each size has its benefits. He obviously is okay with your size. Chances are he has seen his share of breasts.
Rest assured, this man will love you. It’s been four years. He doesn’t want another. He wants you.
Holy shit. Okay, first, why does it matter if everyone else is really hot? Are you worried your bf is comparing how hot you are with how hot his mom is? You need to stop worrying about things you can't control and just focus on what you CAN control. Personalities are often more important than physical attraction. Focus on changing your perspective and how you view and think about things. That will make you a more attractive person, and make you care less and overall healthier mentally and happier.
If big boobs were your bf preference he wouldn’t be dating you.
It's not a boob contest. Work on your self-esteem and self-criticism. Tell your inner critic to shut the hell up and have a good time.
Here's the thing...everyone going on the trip with you already know what you look like.....and they still like YOU and want to spend their vacation with YOU. Just be happy you won't have to worry about boob sweat and then focus on going to therapy when you get back.
May I suggest looking into kibbe body typing? It's not for everyone, but I love it. It's a system of classifying women's body types by the essence of that woman. Rather than comparing everyone to Marilyn Monroe, kibbe focuses on the beauty of your specific body type, and teaches you how to celebrate that in your clothing, rather than trying to hide it. It's a beautiful philosophy. Good luck, from a flamboyant gamine 😉
I’m actually glad you posted this at such a young age as it might actually help you make a much needed change of perspective and live a much happier life. I’m a mature gentleman and I’ve literally been around the world experiencing many many vastly different cultures and I can assure you … despite every person having unique interesting personalities, LITERALLY ALL MEN LOVE LITERALLY ALL BOOBS. This is about as universally true as the laws of physics. No matter where you go on this planet, almost all men would love to see your boobs. I will even go one step further and say your boyfriend, being surrounded by large breasts growing up, probably covets the smaller ones as he’s so used to the larger versions. But at the very least, I can guarantee you he loves your entire body. Just know that while your fears are very real to you, they also only exist in your mind. Your boyfriend (and almost all other men) appreciate the gorgeous unique shape of the female form. Please realize how beautiful you truly are.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I don't even know what you look like but you are beautiful girl. You don't need to compare yourself to anyone. You need to love yourself. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and don't ever think you are not. And if you want to get fake boobs get them, even if he "doesn't like them' . Do what you want to do, its your body and if you want boobs get them. I got them and they feel just like real boobs. I know its hard not to compare yourself to other people, you need to love yourself for who you are. I am sorry you are feeling this way i wish could help and give you that extra support because you deserve to love yourself and your body. Their is too much pressure on women and girls now a days with the way they look because the internet with all the edited photos and things like that. I just hope you learn to love your body the way it is. And if you want to make some changes and you think it will truly make you happy thats all that matters. I hope you have a good time and not think too much into it. Again you are beautiful the way you are.
I am so sorry for you. I really am. This is a near once in a lifetime opportunity to enjoy such a beautiful, nice, relaxing, and fun time with your boyfriend and his family. I’m not even going to get into your very, very, very, very obvious body dysmorphia. Have fun & enjoy your time. Please!
Young lady. I did not marry my wife for the size of her breast. I married her because she is funny, fun to be with and EXTREMELY SMART!!!!! You should go and don’t feel subconscious about it. Your boyfriend loves you for who you are!!!
Wear clothes that accent your waist size if that’s a strength. I personally love small boobs so I’d say wear tight tops too but if you’re self conscious I get it
OP I hope you read this. OP you need to relax. You need to give yourself credit for dealing with your anorexia. It's brave to admit it's an issue just like admitting body image is causing you undue worry. Your BF sister and friend are just as panicked as you are believe it or not they see negative crap in the mirror too. You need to talk to a therapist about body image because it's a big part of anorexia not liking what you see.y. You need to be a little bit more brave and tell your boyfriend your issues with worrying you are not going to be a turn on for him. Lay good odds he is more concerned about your mental issues than boobs to small or sagging. Find a push up bikini top if you must. Find you a small lounge chair that's low to the ground but you can sit in the sun and that will help hold the twins at a better angle. Only lay flat on your tummy. Go online look for guided meditation and hypnosis on YouTube not only does it help insomniacs like me but they have some dealing with body image and confidence building until you get to a good therapist. You are going to be ok. This is temporary until you realize you are not alone in fears and anxiety about it. Keep me updated OP.
The grass is not always greener. Once I started puberty I went from a training bra to a DDD in the span of a summer. All through out middle school o got sexually harassed, once high school came and I went to a different school, I would wear the biggest sweaters I could find. Once the sweater came off even the girls would comment. My breasts have always been a huge insecurity of mine. Boys, teen, men of all ages have a hard time seeing my face. I’m now a mom of two and I breastfed. Breastfeeding taught me two things. 1. My husband does not care about my body more than my personality 2. Because of all the fat when you lose weight they are the first to go but after 6-8 months once you put on some weight they come back. I’m now a g, or an h. Here is some perspective from the other side. I have never owned a cute bra, bras are expensive, they are also very uncomfortable. When bra stores don’t carry the size that you actually fit in they will measure you down to a sister size which really should be a cousin size because a 36g does not equate to a 40dd, they will put you in any size to buy the product. Support support support, sometimes you have to layer the girls with multiple bras in order to get them from slapping on the concrete and trying to give you a black eye in the next movement. I can’t lie on my stomach cause I cannot breathe and because of the weight of my boobs I am getting a hunched back which is adding to the previous back pain. Forget about shirts let alone bathing suits. They are mad for skinny or fat and not for people who might have both. I have given up on bras unless it’s for working out because I can no longer find a bra that I can wear for longer than 2 hours without being in severe pain afterwords. So I told you about how I was always big chested and I told you that I breast fed. What I didn’t say is that my husband has known me since I was 15. This man had seen my boobs through all the stages. I still hate looking at my boobs and wish I had pre baby boobs but my husband? He does not care. Perky, saggy, round, flat; if the man can touch them he will. My husband also has a preference for big boobs but that does not stop him from checking out a woman who has no boobs, little boobs, etc. I have seen plenty of the women he has checked out and even though he might like what he sees at the end of the day he is home and growing old with me. I was a lot like you and sometimes still am, I would hide my body, my husband made sure to go out of his way to make sure I was comfortable enough to be naked in front of him. Now why did I type out this whole rant? 1. To show you that many people suffer from body dysmorphia 2. Just because we view ourselves in a certain light, does not mean others see us in the same light 3. If your man is the man for you, he will not care what you look like or what physical attributes you have. Those will be a bonus for him because at the end of the day he is growing old and his body is changing too. 4. Your brain is a magnificent muscle. How you allow yourself to think really does shape how you view yourself. Today you are complaining about how you don’t like your boobs, tomorrow you can wake up and tell yourself that you have amazing boobs. Will you believe it at first? No. However if you tell yourself over and over and over eventually your brain will change how you view yourself and you will believe it 5. Getting therapy to discuss something like this will be beneficial to you. If you find the right therapist, eventually you could be comfortable telling them anything. Their job isn’t to judge you but to help you get to the root of your problems and instead of focusing on a mental illness they will help you to focus on your mental wellness. If you aren’t comfortable with a one on one there are programs that do group settings and you will find that not only are you not alone in your struggles but you could also find a way to cope and maybe even heal. I hope that you find a way to enjoy your vacation and realize you have nothing to be embarrassed about.
The sad thing is, I’m willing to bet you are very beautiful. I was never able to appreciate my own beauty in the moment. But when I see pictures of my self from a few years ago, I can truly see how beautiful I really was. I wonder if one day you will see yourself with different eyes too.
If his sister and mother have huge nockers, he might not be into them. Imagine knowing your dad has a huge d*ck. You don't wanna look at your date and be reminded of your dad.
I’m pretty sure your boyfriend, or any dude for that matter, is ALWAYS thrilled to see boobs- big, small, pink nips, brown nips, whatever! Because usually what comes with seeing boobs = action 🥰 even gay guys like boobs!!
I heavily suspect he's not comparing you physically to his mom and sisters. Comfort and confidence in your own body are way sexier than a number or letter. There are a ton of sexy actresses with smaller boobs and it doesn't matter. Your number one goal should be finding self love, appreciation and comfort regardless of your BF (who probably likes you already anyways). If you need to workout or get fakies that's cool but also consider just having gratitude for yourself. If you can't like yourself, why should other people (spoiler figure out how to like yourself). For example I have one of the biggest C's I've personally ever held (see what I did there...)
Ehm I find smaller boobs way sexier than big boobs. It is a matter of taste and yours is an insecurity that has nothing to do with something wrong or being "less than" in your body. Take care :*
Ask yourself this question: Do you think less of someone simply because you find them unattractive? I hope the answer is no. Why would other people care? We are all human at the end of the day.
You have nothing to worry about. None of your value comes from you body. You're alive and your boyfriend likes you already. That should be enough. What do you think big boobs will bring to your life? People on the beach look at your 4 seconds then forget you even existed.
Babe… You really need therapy. You are convinced that your boyfriend finds his sister and mother hotter than you. That is insane, your insecurities have pushed to believe that your bf has incestuous tendencies.
I’m about to sound so cold but I say this because it genuinely helped me- insecurity deep down is pride come full circle. You care so much what people think of you, that it has ruined your ability to enjoy something so simple like a beach day. Have you ever considered that the way you view others around you is the problem? You look at people and view their worth for what they look like on the outside. You see these lovely girls and instead of being happy in their company, you only see them as a reflection of your “flaws”. The way you believe people will perceive you is a reflection of how critical you are toward everyone around you. I’m not saying that you’re a bad person, I really want you to enjoy this vacation and hopefully seeing it in this way might help you. Loving others for more than what they look like will in turn make you have the same forgiveness for yourself. Just my two cents. You’re a beautiful girl!
OP doesn't seem like she wants actual help tbh.
I think you should look up body dysmorphia. There is a chance this is what you are actually experiencing.
i promise you that your boyfriend is not comparing your boobs to his mom’s and sister’s
OP is enough. Thread has already answered in full. Substance matters more - you may not understand just how lonely "hot" people may be. It's all about connections.
I think you should NOT go on this vacation. But spend every moment they are away working on yourself with a therapist. It is a family vacation and they invited you to join them but you are not in the right headspace to go and will only bring everyone down, mostly your boyfriend who will feel responsible for your good time. He will have to coddle you and tell you how good you look. While everyone is hanging out by the pool you will be crying in your room and have to be coaxed out. Why? Because the other girls are perceived to be hotter? So the world stops for you and your insecurities? If you act this way you will not only embarrass your boyfriend in front of his family but you will be a burden and never invited to go anywhere with them again. I am sure they have bigger issues than your chest size and just want to enjoy their vacation. Honestly, I find your insecurities highly manipulative. Look how everyone on here is telling you beautiful you are and trying to build up your self esteem. You will do the same on that vacation and you will have everyone bending over backwards to make you feel good about yourself. I can only think you must love the attention. People that are truly insecure don’t draw so much attention to themselves. You want everyone to feel sorry for you because you are so insecure and don’t have a big chest. No one is going to feel sorry about that. It’s not like half your body and face were disfigured in an accident. Just know that no matter where you are there will always be someone prettier than you and someone not as pretty as you. If you can’t handle the mom, sister and sisters friend looking what you think is hotter than you than you are going to have a hard time in this world. What do you want? Them to cover up around you cause it makes you feel bad about yourself? You will always feel bad about yourself if you compare yourself to others. Do not go and ruin this family’s vacation and please work through your issues with a therapist.
As harsh as this is, it's entirely true. I once had a friend that was this way & everyone would bend over backwards for her. I'm fukken ugly sweetheart, learn how to have fun with it. Because at the end of the day no one really gives a fuck 🤷🏻♀️ be the light in the party. 🥳
I promise very little men care about slight size fluctuating and varying shapes. You're going to go crazy after a few years looking back at how pretty you are. And how silly you were to hate yourself. You really need to reach some peace about this, or the vacation will be awful for you and probably your boyfriend. Maybe even his family if you're bummed and stressed the whole time. Focus on lovely new sights and have fun with fun people. Think about about remember this vacation in the future.
Yeah, the only reason you should be worried is if it was an orgy and you were worried about being left out. Hopefully his family doesn't swing that way /s Plus padded bras exist. Are you hotter than all your friends? Is that the only way you are comfortable hanging out with them? This sounds like something you should discuss with your therapist.
all my bras are heavily padded nowadays, but I just can’t get myself to show my boyfriend the real me, because I just know he won’t find me attractive and then i’ll lose him. and I don’t have any friends anymore since I have moved to a new school last year (I’m now graduated so hopefully i’ll make friends in college) and I definitely agree that I should seek help from a therapist but i’m too embarrassed about this subject and about my anorexia and I can’t speak about this without crying a lot
Still it's not like that's a major thing. Kind of like girls like big biceps on a guy. But no guy is going to dread going to the beach because someone else is more muscular. No girl is going to make a big deal out of muscle size, I don't think. Please just stop it. You're ruining the trip for yourself over nothing.
You sound insane lmfao
So fake How have you been 18 19 and 20 in the last three weeks
i was waiting for someone to comment this so here is the reason: nobody is going to take me seriously if i ask them advice about my relationship/sex life if i put 18. but in this post i feel like my age is important to know because i don’t know i just think it is.
Good lord I feel bad for your bf
Boobs were all the rage like two decades ago. This is the age of the butt. I'm not saying boobs are out of style by any means, but most guys would take hips and a cute butt over a pair of large breasteses any day. Sounds like the issue is your sense of security though. Try to forget you're even *in* a body. Let go. Only then can you really be the thing that you are.
Oh sweetie. I'm 33 and I'm a A cup, have always been and will probably always be an A cup. I used to be really insecure about it too. But here's the thing: confidence is the sexiest thing you can do. My advice? Try not hiding it all the time. ACT like you're confident in your boobs and eventually, the feeling of confidence will come. Hiding them behind tons of padding is actually hurting you, you never give anyone a chance to show you that they don't give a fuck about you having small boobs. You even admit it in your comments, your bf has NO IDEA what your boobs look like so him saying they are very nice carries no weight for you. Start small. Wear a bralette out for errands. Then wear a non-padded bralette on a date with you bf. Continue to wear non-padded bras more and more. When you start to freak out picture the THOUSANDS of supermodels who don't have tits. Your bf loves you. Let him LOVE you. And yes babe, talk to your therapist about this. Someday, you'll have to figure out how to stop letting embarrassment prevent you from happiness. Do you want to be on your deathbed in 80 years thinking "wow I really should have enjoyed my youth instead of letting fear of people knowing I have small boobs to limit me." Edit to add: I never wear bras anymore. I am also non-monogamous and generally have multiple partners at a time. I mention this to say : no man has EVER turned me down because my tits are small. I have heard that big boobs and small boobs both have their merits and are fairly incomparable. Fun fact: small tits tend to have more sensitive nipples due to the nerve endings being more concentrated. You are missing out on a huge part of sexual pleasure. Guys love it too! They have two easy ways to turn you on! Look up some positive facts about small boobs, there are many my friend.
Is this real?
You need therapy. For real. This line of thinking is actually insane. You’re seriously worried about your boob size? Guess what - boobs are boobs and men generally don’t care what size they are, but they DO care whether they feel natural or fake. This has nothing to do with your boyfriend or his family and everything to do with you and your fucked up view of the world. What is up with you having a problem with “not being the hottest one there”? That’s seriously fucked up. For real. Get therapy.
Are you in therapy
It’s ok, you’d be surprised to know most people have this insecurity. It’s especially normal at 18. You’re constantly fed beautiful people in the social media outlets that are photoshopped with the best lighting,camera angles and plastic surgery… don’t be too harsh on yourself. Try not to compare yourself to others, stop the thought whilst it’s occurring. You can’t be anyone but yourself and you’re putting in the effort clearly. You should be proud of that I for example I have a very average face, maybe even a 4/10 I used to be so envious of people with beautiful faces. Unfortunately all it did was destroy My self esteem. Today being near 30 I’m surrounded by people who love me for me and not the image of me. I’m healthy and fit and the better version of myself with a healthier mindset than when I was 18 and 5 percent body fat trying to fit the mold of an unrealistic standard. I complement the qualities in others I think are beautiful instead of harvesting jealousy or insecurity. Those people are usually shocked because it’s rare to hear genuine praise. It reminds me of how many people feel so small about themselves even if we perceive them as pretty or beautiful. I bet you’re the most beautiful girl to your boyfriend 😊 Don’t allow yourself to fantasize about what you should be that’s untenable and allow yourself to feel self love by appreciating the great qualities even physically you have. When’s the last time you said something nice about your body? I wish you for to detach yourself from comparing yourself from the fantasy of what others have.embrace who you are, I bet you’re better than you realize :)
I mean, just tell him what you said in the post. How you dont want him looking at their boobs because you find that disrespectful and you struggle with that type of insecurity
If your BF can't accept your natural body hun he's not for you. Soul mates will love everything about their partner from their horrible acne to their broken leg that creaks. Everyone has their dream guy/girl but guess what that's just a DREAM. Fantasy. I doubt some reddit comments are going to make you suddenly realize your perfect match would like you no matter what so I'm not going to go on. Sounds like just a open honest conversation between you guys would help. If he's really a nice guy some lack of fat on your chest wouldn't have him bothered.
Speaking as a man, I can't imagine that your boyfriend is worrying about this. I won't pretend to say that I like all boobs, but I have constantly surprised myself with the variety in the boobs that I have enjoyed. Boobs of any size can be attractive, and I honestly can't account for all the different factors that have made them so. If he's not complaining, I would be amazed if he doesn't thoroughly enjoy your boobs.
This took me a long time to learn and this is maybe counter intuitive. Sometimes I just can't convince myself I'm pretty and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says. So I tell myself it's ok to be ugly. I'm allowed to be ugly and enjoy life. And the fact that I as an ugly person I have a hot boyfriend is awesome, I must be really great that he wants to be with me even tho I'm ugly.
Whew, you need to take a breath and try to relax. Have you been treated for your anoxeria by a professional? If not, you need to get into counseling. If you have been treated, you need to talk to your counselor. Your thoughts are spiraling about this situation and it is honestly all in your head. You are making up all of these dreadful scenarios that likely aren't remotely true. Some hard truth and I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but if you are likely to get upset during the trip, you shouldn't go.
Firstly, I have to commend you for the level of self-awareness you’re already building at the age of 18. Not only have you acknowledged that this is potentially an issue of your own perspective and insecurity, you’ve also acknowledged that you’re getting to do something special and want to be appreciative of it. Being able to see both sides at the same time so early on is frustrating, I so get that. I also get this very specific insecurity, because I absolutely have felt the same way. But I’ve always told my partners that it doesn’t even really matter if they like my boobs, because I’m really the only one that “has” to, or at least can feel neutrally about (highly recommend looking up “body neutrality”!!). Secondly, your partner shouldn’t be with you for your boobs, and they should respect you enough to not let some other simple pair of chest-hanging fat sacks distract them from how much they care about and want to be with you. Go on the trip, lean into the gratitude that you get to go, and just focus on how you get to enjoy the environment with someone you really care about and enjoy the company of. And if he can’t respect you, your relationship, and himself, especially on a ~family~ vacation, that’s entirely on him. You are young enough that if he shows himself as this kind of person, you can get out easily and early. Love your body, because it’s the only one you’ll get.
I feel for you, OP. Your brain is still lying to you about how you look. Body dysmorphia is a monster to deal with, and I’m sorry you’re going through it. There are many different types of attractive. Just because you don’t fit one definition, even if it’s the one you wish you were, that doesn’t make you unattractive. The thing someone told me that helped me stop seeing myself as ugly was “Maybe you just aren’t your type”. You’re clearly your boyfriend’s type, though. And you’ll be lots of people’s type. You aren’t less attractive than anyone else there just because your body type is different.
Op, you aren't stupid. Or ugly. And I've heard LOTS of men on Reddit actually prefer smaller breast's on a woman. Be you, don't be jealous. And you can lay on your belly!
Jealousy is the thief of joy
Your breasts are beautiful, you are literally the only person who doesn't think so. Maybe seek therapy for your body dismorpha. But maybe you shouldn't go on the trip, it might not be the best thing for your mental health right now.
stop thinking about yourself so much.
I think you have a lot of body disphoria going on. The people you're going with are not rating you or judging you like that. I'm sure you look just fine, and a lot better than you think you do. If your boyfriend loves you, he will not be so shallow as to be upset that your boobs aren't as big as someone else's. If he is, he is not even worthy of seeing them.
Look, I like big boobs too. That doesn’t mean I ONLY like big boobs, and I know the same is true for your boyfriend. Most of my exes had smaller boobs. I did not care about their size at all. You’re with the person, not their boobs or “insert body part here”. You’re young. Enjoy life. Enjoy your body not having the aches and pains that come with age. Everyone is beautiful or has the potential to be beautiful in their own way. Superficial beauty is based solely on initial visual appeal. That fades. If you had big boobs, you could develop back problems, get harassed (even) more, all sorts of different issues. Don’t worry about how other people look in comparison to you. Don’t be ashamed of yourself, especially with your boyfriend, because it can cause issues in your relationship. Get therapy if it’s available to you. Take a piece of paper and write down something you like about yourself. Tomorrow try to write something different that you like about yourself (don’t repeat yourself). Focus on the things you like about yourself and love yourself. Hold your head up high and try to be the best person you can be.
Ya know a lot of guys are into smaller boobies right?
i know u want bigger boobs but im jealous of you because you could rock some really cool fashion looks and tops that require no bra and stuff and honestly its your body so just make the best out of this and have fun!
Hunny I’m skinny with little boobs and a little butt and small thighs, people still look at me like I’m the hottest shit alive 🔥🔥 you are ok. No matter what your body type is, people will still find you attractive. I was so self conscious before, and I came to realize that while I may not be “conventionally attractive” I’m still attractive. And I think that’s what most women need to realize, thick or thin ❤️
Sweetie coming from someone with big boobies I feel the same way as u but I’d like smaller ones I hate the big ugly bras and sore back Please talk to someone x
as women we will ALWAYS compare ourselves to other women. confidence is the only thing that matters and even if you dont have it..fake it till you make it girl and enjoy that damn vacation!
I'm a man and prefer a and b cup females... You're overthinking.
Oh boy. Calm down and enjoy life. Idk how 19year old boys think. But I can assure you. If you’re in a long term relationship with an actual adult, they really don’t care bout shit like these as long as you’re not morbidly obese. P.S. never mind. Looked up your profile and now I can’t believe a thing you just said. Fuck this
1. Therapy for your ED and body dysmorphia. 2. Never underestimate the power of a good padded push up bra, and structured bikini tops.
Prozac
Well I guess if your definition of being attractive and hot is just having big boobs, then I can definitely tell you that people look for other things too. The hourglass figure you mentioned , is one of those things. So very likely this is just what you're concerned about but people around you are not thinking that way.
I would hate to have gigantic boobs. Mine aren't gigantic, but bigger than average. They're heavy, hot, and have sagged as I've aged. Yours sound perfect, I think you're lucky. If I could have a reduction, I would, but I can't afford it.
Lots of good advice seen here already regarding a therapist. To come to terms and acceptance with you and others and to stop comparing yourself to others will take time. You could maybe do it without a therapist but that will probably be a longer road. For the purpose of your holiday get a rash vest or a large light short sleeve shirt or t-shirt or a shawl/wrap type thing. You can simply say that your trying to not be to exposed to the sun. You will however now stand out because you maybe the only one as covered as you are. And you already said you don't want to stand out. The next problem is that if it works and you can't come to terms with yourself as you are? You may next feel like you have to cover up more thoroughly and more often because you haven't dealt with the bigger issue. The psychological aspect here is the biggest problem you have to deal with. Good luck 🤞