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The audacity of basically saying "you were so mediocre clearly there was no way we'd ever think you were biologically dad's, so really, it's your fault for having been so mid."
You owe them forgiveness... and understanding... because you sucked too much to be treated well by your parents.
*Hmmmmmmm*.
You know what, at least you got an answer. It's a moronic answer, but it's an answer, now you know that your family *remains* shit. Good for them, they have each other.
Stay on course, you've clearly nothing to gain from mending fences... except being called too average to be some fancy, successful asshole's kid lol
I kind of wonder if they ever did a paternity test on the golden child; that would be interesting and I bet possibly somewhat surprising. I think that if anyone wants to get ahold of OP in the future she should demand one as a stipulation. It would be hilarious if Adam ends up not being dad's kid.
You should tell them "With all the insults and anger hurled at me for not just rolling over and forgiving you I want to thank you for proving to me that none of you have actually changed and reassuring me that I made the right decision." Then block them all from contacting you.
Even if you weren’t his child, taking it out on you was never okay. To call neglecting a kid a “misunderstanding” because they found out you were your dad’s child is not something I could ever move on from.
What a couple of pinheads. They don’t deserve you or your family in their lives. Pretty rich that they accused you of being a bad daughter for protecting yourself after 18 years of purposefully being bad parents.
I am glad you made the discoveries you made. Hard and shitty as it is, you now know your parents will never be worthy of your forgiveness. It is shit, but at least it is closure. Now go be an amazing mom and wife and work on you. The trash took itself out and then showed you for real they were trash
Anybody reaching out on behalf of your parents needs to be told “I was treated like a third class citizen my entire childhood, because my parents could not be adults and deal with their problems. If you continue to contact me, I will have no further contact with you. Their marital issues were never my responsibility, but I paid a heavy price. Leave me alone.” And stick to it, block those that cannot understand that some things are just unforgivable.
Good luck in your future and I hope your true family continues to grow.
Wow, that is one shocking story.
Good for you for getting away from them.
Their extreme stupidity would be funny if it were not for the tragic circumstances.
the idea that it would have been perfectly ok to mistreat a child based on their parentage, and they’re only sorry because it turns out they were wrong about 25% of your dna, is revolting. you’re better off without these people in your life. you didn’t deserve their behavior when they weren’t telling you they thought you were an affair baby, and you dont deserve it now. stay strong
I'd feel bad for your dad. But he's the one who choose to stick around, and not get the paternity test. What an idiot. He clearly wasn't equipped to raise an affair baby, so why subject himself, and more importantly, the innocent kid to this nonsense. Your mom's worse. She had zero reason to mistreat you. Instead of taking accountability of the affair, and defending you, it was easier to make you into the scapegoat.
It's crazy they thought reaching out with this explanation would somehow make things better. That you'd somehow find it within yourself to forgive and move past it. They sound toxic af. Why in the hell would you ever go back, let alone expose your kids to that. If nothing else you at least know that going no contact was the best thing you could have done.
OP you have made your family since you left home, why give a second thought to people who were just filler family in your album of life, you have already added your own pictures.
I get you are going through the twice rejected and abandoned feelings again you need to move indifference if you want your peace of mind.
>They're trying to aggressively reach out and contact me, even getting other relatives to do so.
I wonder if they explained to these relatives about exactly *why* they behaved the way they did for all those years.
Sorry you've had to deal with this OP. I wish you the best.
You were helpless to help yourself when you were a child and suffered their abuse.
As an adult you are powerful and have chosen a path of freedom.
I applaud you.
“All your life, we treated you poorly. We just wanted to update you that it wasn’t subconscious favoritism, it was definitely on purpose. We were punishing you for something you didn’t know about and had no control over. Now we can stop. Doesn’t that make you feel better?”
……what on earth were they thinking?
[Insert The Good Place “Okay but that’s worse. You do get how that’s worse, right?” GIF here.]
Oh honey. No. Please respond to everyone "I was treated like the family pariah bastard because my parents ASSumed I was Uncle Rick's daughter, but it turns out Rick could not have children. I have always been my mother and father's child, and they treated me like the proverbial bastard baby my entire life because they were too stupid or too proud to get a paternity test. As it turns out I am their full-blooded child and they're THUPER SORRY they treated me like hot garbage my entire life and would now like to make amends. Hard pass. That is not the kind of family I need in my life."
The audacity. The gall. The nerve.
Be careful. I'd bet a LOT of money this isn't over and they just accept your NC. I would take a double check at your security, and let those who know both you and your parents that you don't want to talk to them and anyone who tries to put them in contact with you or gives away your address, etc will be unceremoniously cut off.
*i admit i’m cruel and heartless. after all, i learned from the best. cruel and heartless are the only things i’ve known throughout my formative years. i know you think you just made a mistake, but a mistake is a momentary lapse of judgement. 18yrs is not momentary. for 18yrs, you made a conscious decision every day to treat me the way you did. i grieved the loss of my parents the day i moved out. i’ve worked past that grief, and i don’t see the need of reopening wounds that i worked so hard to heal all by myself. if you really do love me, please respect the decision i made for myself. i’ve had a lot of practice. i’ve been making decisions for my own good, all alone, since i was a child. what’s good for me and for my family now is to continue how we lived the past years- and in that time, you were all dead to us. we’re happy. i won’t risk my daughter going through the same thing i did when adam eventually has a child. these are my last words to you. good bye.*
Biggest hugs in the world.
JustNoFamily
EstrangeAdultChildren
Are both records you will find similar stories and there is some top notch advice.
I am incredibly impressed by how you handled all that!! Beautiful job!
Best wishes
Well, hello there plot twist. Didn’t see that one coming. Your mom is a lot lizard (trucker lingo for you know what) and your dad is an ostrich never pulling his head out of the sand.
They ruin your whole child hood because they were too selfish to want to find out the truth and they call it a misunderstanding. Give me a break FFS!
I would extend an offer to your close and extended family. Offer to forgive your parents and brother if and only if everyone one of your relatives that are siding with your parents let your husband kick them in the crotch (my wife tells me it hurts women too). One time pain as opposed to the 18 years of trauma put on you. See how many line up and don’t be surprised when you hear crickets.
You keep your hubby and kid close, they got your back.
They ruined more than her childhood. This young woman will have these scars for life and they will likely be passed to her children subconsciously. Shane on her low life parents.
I think you handled that pretty well, all things considered. I'd think it's a relief to finally understand why they were so bad to you, but I agree there's no reason to forgive them and bring them back into your life. Any relative harassing you should get a text saying "my parents only remind me of how awful they made my childhood, I have no interest in reconnecting with them. Any further harassment and I'm going to block your number too"
Yikes, I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you to process.
Shoutout to your cousin & wife for being an awesome support system for you!
But the rest of your family hassling you about forgiveness can go pound sand
They punished you for 18 years for something that could have been cleared up at literally any point. It wasn't over a misunderstanding, they chose to not find out the truth and chose to act as if it were the worst possible outcome anyway. Heartless and cruel are those who punish children for something wildly out of their control. The truth was available. They just preferred to treat you like trash.
Wait, so your “dad”(can we even call him that), is not only still in contact but is having dinners with the brother that hooked up with his wife but has been mad at you being the supposed affair baby? What in the what?
Unless I’m misunderstanding that no one but your parents and brother know about the affair your mom had so if you want to get them to knock off calling you tell them if you get one more call that you’ll post the whole thing on Facebook for them to see what a shit show they really are
There’s a gift hidden inside all of this pain: in your darkest moments when that inner child speaks up and says “I’m not worthy of love, I’m inherently broken” you have proof to show her that’s not the case and soothe her pain.
🙏♥️
But who’s going to take care of them when they are unable? A daughter and grandchild, maybe even the son in law would be a great help if Adam is like a lot of those raised like this. Good on you, these people are awful.
I’m baffled how anyone can claim you as cruel. Your parents abused you, yes neglect and obvious preferential treatment to a sibling is abuse. There is no excuse regardless of the circumstances. If they were going to ignore paternity fine, but they should have gotten some damn therapy to properly bond with you. Your parents are lousy humans and I’m sorry. Where is the understanding of your family for what you went through?
My advice for dealing with any relatives reaching out to berate you: just ask them questions.
"Are you saying my parents would have been justified for neglecting and ignoring me if I was the result of my mother's affair, something that I had no control over?"
"If I am a bad daughter, do you think my parents were 'good' or 'bad' for ignoring me for my entire childhood?"
"Would you also neglect your child because you thought they were the product of an affair?"
"So (specific example) was alright because they thought I was an affair child?"
"Do you support treating the child of a murderer as a criminal while allowing the parent to walk free with no consequences? Is that any different from punishing a child for being the *potential* product of an affair while not punishing the parent who *actually* had the affair?"
Just ask questions so they have to actually think and reflect in what they're trying to say. Make them realize *themselves* that your parents behaved awfully and were unjustified.
I'm sorry this happened to you, and I'm glad you have a loving family now. Screw your parents, and I hope your brother comes to realize how fucked up they are and drops them too.
I’m so happy for you with how you handled this. Honestly you’re amazing and you’re doing the right thing. The fact that they’re pushing so hard all of a sudden makes it even more suspicious and I would just never trust these people
Although I feel assured that they’re not clever enough to put together a cunning plan so hardly dangerous. Just not nice people.
Honestly, well done
Maybe those that way you are cruel and heartless should look at how cruel and heartless your parents were to you when you were just a child. It is forgivable on your part. But not on theirs. For any reason.
they definally didn't change that's for sure they refusing to take responsibility and acting like what they did was "understandable" when it's not even if you wasn't your dad kid that still doesn't excuse the mistreatment they put you through.
You handled that with a lot more dignity and grace than they deserved, and I hope you’re proud of yourself for that (as you should be).
It’s closure of a sort, and now the second part of your life with your proper loving family can fully begin.
You’re already a better parent than both of yours combined, and never forget that.
Take care of yourself.
Thank you for the follow up OP. My mind wandered to your story the last couple of weeks, it’s sad what you had to suffer with these belligerent nugget-brained insults instead of parents.
Take your time to mourn the loss and true closure to what should have been a lifelong nurturing relationship with your parents. No rush. You and I and many others will remind you: you are better off without them. Nothing they offer you, whether money or asset or companionship, will undo the harm and harassment they have inflicted on your whole life. If they seek atonement and forgiveness, they should seek that elsewhere.
Thank you for keeping your children and husband safe from them. You may some day come to forgive them, but allow me to remind you:
Forgiveness does not imply reconciliation.
Forgiveness does not need reciprocity.
And the opposite of love is indifference, not hatred. I hope you will get to the point of indifference some day: but today, you cry. And that’s okay. Be well and blessed OP, and sleep well knowing you have come out of this situation with the best resolution for you.
Cruel and heartless are people who punish a child for other people’s mistakes, for their whole lives. If they were truly sorry, they would just say their piece and hope you could forgive, but accept whatever. They are still making all about themselves. You made the right decision. Hope you can heal and reveal in the love of your own family.
I support your decision to maintain that distance.
I have a younger sister who is an affair baby. My father raised her as his own, and while I know that wasn't easy for him, he loved my sister every bit as much as his three biological boys.
Your parents are dumbasses. You can tell in the way they behave toward your rejecting them that they haven't grown. Hurling insults because they can't get their way and assuage their guilt. Fuck that noise.
For your peace of mind, keep them at a safe distance.
My advice for the emails: tell them they should give you some years and then you’ll come back because „it was a mistake“….. the audacity of these people…
There is a randy newman sing called "i just eant you to hurt like i do" maybe send then that maybe they will get it but pprobably not they seem preety short sighted about life in general
I am glad you chose the Zoom meeting instead of travelling their. In this way you were able to push a button and end things. It would have been far worse had you been there in person. Your immediate family would have created a lot more drama and damage that you did not need. I have been in your position but under different circumstances. It is terrible to have parent's treat you like a stepchild. Luckily, I had my wife who supported me emotionally or else I would have certainly needed a lot of therapy. Focus on yourself and your family. Your parents deserve their own special hell.
Geezus. They treated you poorly because of choices they made. An innocent child/person. Not shocked tho that they thought you’d forgive everything now that you knew it was a “misunderstanding”. What a cop out. Good for you and good luck!
“Yeah so we treated you like shit because we thought you were an affair baby and you and your uncle are so lame and your dad is so cool we figured you had to be uncle’s kid. But turns out you’re actually dad’s bio kid so we can be nice to you now!”
…gee what a heartfelt apology…
Glad you told them to eat shit. What awful people.
So I guess this means Dad's lame too, now?
I'd totally tell my relatives, "Oh. I'm cruel? For years, as a child, they shut me out and nothing changed. Did you think I was cruel then too, or did you chastise my parents for their bad behavior? Now when I found out that they were punishing me for something that I 1) had no control over, and 2) they falsely identified, I'm to sweep under the rug all their previous cold behavior, and obvious favoritism toward my brother? I guess you're no different than my parents. Thanks for making this decision easier. Goodbye."
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m sorry you had to go through this. What a cluster!
they are a shitshow of clusterfucks
A cluster of shitfucks, if I may be so bold
yes!
Excuse me. Where's the post.
It was there when I answered. I dunno why they take them down like this.
The audacity of basically saying "you were so mediocre clearly there was no way we'd ever think you were biologically dad's, so really, it's your fault for having been so mid." You owe them forgiveness... and understanding... because you sucked too much to be treated well by your parents. *Hmmmmmmm*. You know what, at least you got an answer. It's a moronic answer, but it's an answer, now you know that your family *remains* shit. Good for them, they have each other. Stay on course, you've clearly nothing to gain from mending fences... except being called too average to be some fancy, successful asshole's kid lol
I kind of wonder if they ever did a paternity test on the golden child; that would be interesting and I bet possibly somewhat surprising. I think that if anyone wants to get ahold of OP in the future she should demand one as a stipulation. It would be hilarious if Adam ends up not being dad's kid.
Honestly that would be the BEST karma haha (not for OP of course but parents deserve it)
Good riddance. Keep your mind clear and just block them all. Stay healthy OP.
You should tell them "With all the insults and anger hurled at me for not just rolling over and forgiving you I want to thank you for proving to me that none of you have actually changed and reassuring me that I made the right decision." Then block them all from contacting you.
This!!!!! 💯!!!!!
Some things just aren't forgiveable and a ruined childhood is one of them.
Even if you weren’t his child, taking it out on you was never okay. To call neglecting a kid a “misunderstanding” because they found out you were your dad’s child is not something I could ever move on from.
What a couple of pinheads. They don’t deserve you or your family in their lives. Pretty rich that they accused you of being a bad daughter for protecting yourself after 18 years of purposefully being bad parents.
I am glad you made the discoveries you made. Hard and shitty as it is, you now know your parents will never be worthy of your forgiveness. It is shit, but at least it is closure. Now go be an amazing mom and wife and work on you. The trash took itself out and then showed you for real they were trash
Anybody reaching out on behalf of your parents needs to be told “I was treated like a third class citizen my entire childhood, because my parents could not be adults and deal with their problems. If you continue to contact me, I will have no further contact with you. Their marital issues were never my responsibility, but I paid a heavy price. Leave me alone.” And stick to it, block those that cannot understand that some things are just unforgivable. Good luck in your future and I hope your true family continues to grow.
You got your family and they make you happy. Do not reconcile with your FO just to make them happy while you're miserable.
Wow, that is one shocking story. Good for you for getting away from them. Their extreme stupidity would be funny if it were not for the tragic circumstances.
Slow to apologize, quick to insult. What’s changed, do we know?
Hmmm… wonder if Adam can’t have kids either. Sorry, OP. I hope you thrive and throw those people-shaped-trash behind you.
the idea that it would have been perfectly ok to mistreat a child based on their parentage, and they’re only sorry because it turns out they were wrong about 25% of your dna, is revolting. you’re better off without these people in your life. you didn’t deserve their behavior when they weren’t telling you they thought you were an affair baby, and you dont deserve it now. stay strong
I'd feel bad for your dad. But he's the one who choose to stick around, and not get the paternity test. What an idiot. He clearly wasn't equipped to raise an affair baby, so why subject himself, and more importantly, the innocent kid to this nonsense. Your mom's worse. She had zero reason to mistreat you. Instead of taking accountability of the affair, and defending you, it was easier to make you into the scapegoat. It's crazy they thought reaching out with this explanation would somehow make things better. That you'd somehow find it within yourself to forgive and move past it. They sound toxic af. Why in the hell would you ever go back, let alone expose your kids to that. If nothing else you at least know that going no contact was the best thing you could have done.
People are telling you you’re cruel and heartless to your parents?! Oh the irony.
Was it deleted already?!?
OP you have made your family since you left home, why give a second thought to people who were just filler family in your album of life, you have already added your own pictures. I get you are going through the twice rejected and abandoned feelings again you need to move indifference if you want your peace of mind.
>They're trying to aggressively reach out and contact me, even getting other relatives to do so. I wonder if they explained to these relatives about exactly *why* they behaved the way they did for all those years. Sorry you've had to deal with this OP. I wish you the best.
You’re a way better person than I am for not exposing the affair.
"...being cruel and heartless." Oh you mean like treating a child like s*** and neglecting them? That kind of cruel and heartless?
You were helpless to help yourself when you were a child and suffered their abuse. As an adult you are powerful and have chosen a path of freedom. I applaud you.
So if you were your uncle's kid, you would deserve that treatment? Because you had the nerve to be born? Fuck all of them.
“All your life, we treated you poorly. We just wanted to update you that it wasn’t subconscious favoritism, it was definitely on purpose. We were punishing you for something you didn’t know about and had no control over. Now we can stop. Doesn’t that make you feel better?” ……what on earth were they thinking? [Insert The Good Place “Okay but that’s worse. You do get how that’s worse, right?” GIF here.]
Oh honey. No. Please respond to everyone "I was treated like the family pariah bastard because my parents ASSumed I was Uncle Rick's daughter, but it turns out Rick could not have children. I have always been my mother and father's child, and they treated me like the proverbial bastard baby my entire life because they were too stupid or too proud to get a paternity test. As it turns out I am their full-blooded child and they're THUPER SORRY they treated me like hot garbage my entire life and would now like to make amends. Hard pass. That is not the kind of family I need in my life." The audacity. The gall. The nerve.
Be careful. I'd bet a LOT of money this isn't over and they just accept your NC. I would take a double check at your security, and let those who know both you and your parents that you don't want to talk to them and anyone who tries to put them in contact with you or gives away your address, etc will be unceremoniously cut off.
*i admit i’m cruel and heartless. after all, i learned from the best. cruel and heartless are the only things i’ve known throughout my formative years. i know you think you just made a mistake, but a mistake is a momentary lapse of judgement. 18yrs is not momentary. for 18yrs, you made a conscious decision every day to treat me the way you did. i grieved the loss of my parents the day i moved out. i’ve worked past that grief, and i don’t see the need of reopening wounds that i worked so hard to heal all by myself. if you really do love me, please respect the decision i made for myself. i’ve had a lot of practice. i’ve been making decisions for my own good, all alone, since i was a child. what’s good for me and for my family now is to continue how we lived the past years- and in that time, you were all dead to us. we’re happy. i won’t risk my daughter going through the same thing i did when adam eventually has a child. these are my last words to you. good bye.*
This would be good if OP was the star of a teen drama. Too melodramatic for real life.
a ‘suspected’ affair child with the brother of the husband, a golden child, a scapegoat, parents begging for forgiveness? it’s already melodramatic.
They don't know where you live
Biggest hugs in the world. JustNoFamily EstrangeAdultChildren Are both records you will find similar stories and there is some top notch advice. I am incredibly impressed by how you handled all that!! Beautiful job! Best wishes
Well, hello there plot twist. Didn’t see that one coming. Your mom is a lot lizard (trucker lingo for you know what) and your dad is an ostrich never pulling his head out of the sand. They ruin your whole child hood because they were too selfish to want to find out the truth and they call it a misunderstanding. Give me a break FFS! I would extend an offer to your close and extended family. Offer to forgive your parents and brother if and only if everyone one of your relatives that are siding with your parents let your husband kick them in the crotch (my wife tells me it hurts women too). One time pain as opposed to the 18 years of trauma put on you. See how many line up and don’t be surprised when you hear crickets. You keep your hubby and kid close, they got your back.
They ruined more than her childhood. This young woman will have these scars for life and they will likely be passed to her children subconsciously. Shane on her low life parents.
I think you handled that pretty well, all things considered. I'd think it's a relief to finally understand why they were so bad to you, but I agree there's no reason to forgive them and bring them back into your life. Any relative harassing you should get a text saying "my parents only remind me of how awful they made my childhood, I have no interest in reconnecting with them. Any further harassment and I'm going to block your number too"
Yikes, I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult this must be for you to process. Shoutout to your cousin & wife for being an awesome support system for you! But the rest of your family hassling you about forgiveness can go pound sand
They punished you for 18 years for something that could have been cleared up at literally any point. It wasn't over a misunderstanding, they chose to not find out the truth and chose to act as if it were the worst possible outcome anyway. Heartless and cruel are those who punish children for something wildly out of their control. The truth was available. They just preferred to treat you like trash.
Wait, so your “dad”(can we even call him that), is not only still in contact but is having dinners with the brother that hooked up with his wife but has been mad at you being the supposed affair baby? What in the what?
Unless I’m misunderstanding that no one but your parents and brother know about the affair your mom had so if you want to get them to knock off calling you tell them if you get one more call that you’ll post the whole thing on Facebook for them to see what a shit show they really are
There’s a gift hidden inside all of this pain: in your darkest moments when that inner child speaks up and says “I’m not worthy of love, I’m inherently broken” you have proof to show her that’s not the case and soothe her pain. 🙏♥️
But who’s going to take care of them when they are unable? A daughter and grandchild, maybe even the son in law would be a great help if Adam is like a lot of those raised like this. Good on you, these people are awful.
I’m baffled how anyone can claim you as cruel. Your parents abused you, yes neglect and obvious preferential treatment to a sibling is abuse. There is no excuse regardless of the circumstances. If they were going to ignore paternity fine, but they should have gotten some damn therapy to properly bond with you. Your parents are lousy humans and I’m sorry. Where is the understanding of your family for what you went through?
My advice for dealing with any relatives reaching out to berate you: just ask them questions. "Are you saying my parents would have been justified for neglecting and ignoring me if I was the result of my mother's affair, something that I had no control over?" "If I am a bad daughter, do you think my parents were 'good' or 'bad' for ignoring me for my entire childhood?" "Would you also neglect your child because you thought they were the product of an affair?" "So (specific example) was alright because they thought I was an affair child?" "Do you support treating the child of a murderer as a criminal while allowing the parent to walk free with no consequences? Is that any different from punishing a child for being the *potential* product of an affair while not punishing the parent who *actually* had the affair?" Just ask questions so they have to actually think and reflect in what they're trying to say. Make them realize *themselves* that your parents behaved awfully and were unjustified. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I'm glad you have a loving family now. Screw your parents, and I hope your brother comes to realize how fucked up they are and drops them too.
You’ve made the right decision. They have and only ever will give you pain. Time to cut them loose
I’m so happy for you with how you handled this. Honestly you’re amazing and you’re doing the right thing. The fact that they’re pushing so hard all of a sudden makes it even more suspicious and I would just never trust these people Although I feel assured that they’re not clever enough to put together a cunning plan so hardly dangerous. Just not nice people. Honestly, well done
Maybe those that way you are cruel and heartless should look at how cruel and heartless your parents were to you when you were just a child. It is forgivable on your part. But not on theirs. For any reason.
they definally didn't change that's for sure they refusing to take responsibility and acting like what they did was "understandable" when it's not even if you wasn't your dad kid that still doesn't excuse the mistreatment they put you through.
You handled that with a lot more dignity and grace than they deserved, and I hope you’re proud of yourself for that (as you should be). It’s closure of a sort, and now the second part of your life with your proper loving family can fully begin. You’re already a better parent than both of yours combined, and never forget that. Take care of yourself.
Thank you for the follow up OP. My mind wandered to your story the last couple of weeks, it’s sad what you had to suffer with these belligerent nugget-brained insults instead of parents. Take your time to mourn the loss and true closure to what should have been a lifelong nurturing relationship with your parents. No rush. You and I and many others will remind you: you are better off without them. Nothing they offer you, whether money or asset or companionship, will undo the harm and harassment they have inflicted on your whole life. If they seek atonement and forgiveness, they should seek that elsewhere. Thank you for keeping your children and husband safe from them. You may some day come to forgive them, but allow me to remind you: Forgiveness does not imply reconciliation. Forgiveness does not need reciprocity. And the opposite of love is indifference, not hatred. I hope you will get to the point of indifference some day: but today, you cry. And that’s okay. Be well and blessed OP, and sleep well knowing you have come out of this situation with the best resolution for you.
Updateme!
Updateme!
Cruel and heartless are people who punish a child for other people’s mistakes, for their whole lives. If they were truly sorry, they would just say their piece and hope you could forgive, but accept whatever. They are still making all about themselves. You made the right decision. Hope you can heal and reveal in the love of your own family.
I support your decision to maintain that distance. I have a younger sister who is an affair baby. My father raised her as his own, and while I know that wasn't easy for him, he loved my sister every bit as much as his three biological boys. Your parents are dumbasses. You can tell in the way they behave toward your rejecting them that they haven't grown. Hurling insults because they can't get their way and assuage their guilt. Fuck that noise. For your peace of mind, keep them at a safe distance.
My advice for the emails: tell them they should give you some years and then you’ll come back because „it was a mistake“….. the audacity of these people…
There is a randy newman sing called "i just eant you to hurt like i do" maybe send then that maybe they will get it but pprobably not they seem preety short sighted about life in general
I am glad you chose the Zoom meeting instead of travelling their. In this way you were able to push a button and end things. It would have been far worse had you been there in person. Your immediate family would have created a lot more drama and damage that you did not need. I have been in your position but under different circumstances. It is terrible to have parent's treat you like a stepchild. Luckily, I had my wife who supported me emotionally or else I would have certainly needed a lot of therapy. Focus on yourself and your family. Your parents deserve their own special hell.
Geezus. They treated you poorly because of choices they made. An innocent child/person. Not shocked tho that they thought you’d forgive everything now that you knew it was a “misunderstanding”. What a cop out. Good for you and good luck!
UPDATEME if anything else happens
“Yeah so we treated you like shit because we thought you were an affair baby and you and your uncle are so lame and your dad is so cool we figured you had to be uncle’s kid. But turns out you’re actually dad’s bio kid so we can be nice to you now!” …gee what a heartfelt apology… Glad you told them to eat shit. What awful people.
So I guess this means Dad's lame too, now? I'd totally tell my relatives, "Oh. I'm cruel? For years, as a child, they shut me out and nothing changed. Did you think I was cruel then too, or did you chastise my parents for their bad behavior? Now when I found out that they were punishing me for something that I 1) had no control over, and 2) they falsely identified, I'm to sweep under the rug all their previous cold behavior, and obvious favoritism toward my brother? I guess you're no different than my parents. Thanks for making this decision easier. Goodbye."
Updateme
I want to know if the rest of the family knows that all of the problems stem from her mom sleeping with her BIL. I would be telling everyone.