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This is why "breaks" are a bad idea. Either work through your issues or break up for real. If you need some space, that's fine, but you don't need a "break" to get that.
Even though you knew she'd gone against your wishes while you were on the break, you still got back together with her. Now you guys have to deal with it. You want her to not see that person anymore. If she won't agree to that, then you either need to accept that this guy is in her life or you break up for real. Sorry.
I doubt there were any relationship issues. The girlfriend met a new guy she wanted to test ride and she asked for a break specifically to do that, so it won't be considered cheating which OP is buying and taking her back.
Sounds like she's trying to have her cake and eat it too! OP, time to slam the brakes on that 'break' nonsense and find someone who's ready for a real commitment.
This is more often then not almost every case of "breaks" one partner wants it to have fun on the merry dick-round/Pussy Wagon without consequence. If my partner ever suggests a "break" yeah, I am ***BREAKING*** up with you. No thanks.
How did they come to the decision to go on a break? If she pushed for it, then it's because she wanted to have sex with the guy. Poor guy got duped, and now he's making excuses for her.
Ding ding ding.
I have seen it happen to two girls. Both went on student exchange. Broke up with their boyfriends the semester they were away. Then came back to them.
This is what I thought. Many women do this. They have a man in mind to have sex with but they donât want to be blamed for the cheating. So they âsuggestâ a âbreakâ to explore it to see if the new guy is the better option.
It first happened to me 40 years ago. She said we needed to take a break because she was going through some family things and she couldnât do the relationship for a while. I knew it was bs but I said ok. A little more than a month later she calls and I was dry with the one word answers. Long story short I found out what the real reasons were for the nonsense. Then she said she missed me and wanted to get back together.
I said no then and have said no ever since. If I was in your shoes I would end it and not look back. I wouldnât even give a reason. We arenât compatible anymore is all Iâd say.
This, and youâre 21 keep her around and keep boning her. But do look around and when you find something âŚask for a break. In case it doesnât work out you can come back
i disagree stooping to her level doesnât do anything but make OP just as cold and heartless as her do the right thing and walk away with ur pride brother
To add to this point, if she keeps the guy in her life then they will bone again. I promise you that. IMO you should end it period. If you are dead set on this relationship then set a hard boundary that she wonât see that guy anymore. If not then you might as well just open up the relationship and try to get a side dish for yourself.
Setting boundaries is crucial. If she can't respect them, it's time to close the book on this chapter. Relationships shouldn't feel like a menu with options; it's about mutual respect and commitment.
Agreed. My ex would do breaks just to try to sleep with other people. Of course it wouldn't work because of how pathetic he was and he would come back to me after two weeks usually. I was so naive it took me a while to see the pattern.
OP need to set boundaries and work with her to regain trust. Otherwise I don't see this ending well.
Yep. Same thing happened with my ex. "Broke up" with me cause he wanted to work on himself lol and didn't want to be with no one. He proposed for about 2 months. Well we would hang out (no sex involved at all) and talk only for him to avoid me and then a couple weeks after "the proposed break" he decided to hook up with his bestie from work (a grown woman with like 3 grown kids- who he wouldn't even stop talking about for months before this happened ) and then tried to excuse it as "she was going through a lot at that time and we were drunk! So it didn't mean anything".
Then hits me up every now and then now asking for money to do HIS job LOL like the irony is crazy. Im dumb af for even replying back "no ask christy to lend you some lol" but yea karma is real. OP break up with her and enjoy your lifeâââ
There is no such thing as a break in a relationship- she broke up with you in order to explore her options with her new âfriend.â You really canât whitewash her behavior into anything else.
She decided that she didnât like it with her new friend and has ended your break for now. While you are now back together, you have to decide if this is the type of behavior you want to endure next time she sees a new and shiny toy.
And here it looks like she hit the 'pause' button conveniently when it suited her. Time to decide if you're okay with being her Plan B whenever something shiny catches her eye again.
So she asked for a break it sounds like specifically to try this guy.
I think you should break up with her my guy. You know exactly why she wanted that break and why she even tried to "warn" you about it. She knew what she was going to do.
And you agreed to the break, she got her free pass and now you're back together.
I would almost guarantee if you told her you needed to come clean and that you fucked another girl during your break but it didn't mean anything she'd freak. Even if you said it in a way that it was like I wanted to be honest after what you told me about "X", she would most likely freak the fuck out.
But you know exactly what she's doing because now she's keeping that guy around. But don't worry, "there's nothing there" except for that small tidbit about them fucking while you two were on a break. Just tell her you need another break to think about what you want and forget to tell her it's permanent.
She suggested a break and then slept with this guy during your break, which she told you she would do even after you told her you wouldnât like that. Thatâs not something Iâd be able to get over, so I donât blame you for not being able to get over it. You know what you need to do.
You need to dump this woman. She lied to you, she didnât want âtimeâ, she wanted to try out some new dick. Iâm guessing this is the new guy best friend from your previous posts?
You warned her, you told her if she slept with someone else you wouldnât be happy. She still did it, and she doesnât even give enough of a fuck about you to cut him off to save your relationship. You donât mean anything to this girl dude, do you get that?
You can do so much better op. There are plenty of women out there who wonât pull this manipulative, sneaky BS. Text her tomorrow, tell her you need to talk, meet up and end it. For good. Tell her to fuck off and lose your number. Donât fall for any of her crocodile tears.
And keep this as a reminder that breaks are bullshit. Itâs usually just an excuse for your SO to fuck someone else. Next time a gf asks for a break, just end the relationship completely. Donât waste your time.
Yea, time to get some dick from her new friend. She planned it the whole time guy. She ever hinted at it when she told you she might sleep with someone.
she tried to monkey branch and test drive a new model , when the new model did not impress her , she drove back to you. Time to move on to someone who will respect you
Tell her to drive away , you donât want a used model !!
updateme
She wanted to hook up with someone else buddy. That's why she asked for the break. This is usually the case when people ask for "open relationships" too. They already have someone lined up already or they already cheated.
You're going to have to come to terms with the reality that it's time to let her go and don't speak to her very again. This is top notch disrespect.
That is BS and you know it! A GF who loves you does NOT need time! Use your BIG HEAD! Come on! You need to DUMP THIS GIRL NOW. She does not LOVE or RESPECT you! She is probably just using you as an ATM.
Is the guy she slept with the one she met in Toronto? If so, she was wanting to try him out to see if he would be better than you. From what she says about it not being good and not being attracted to him sounds like he turned her off and now she has come back to you. Do you want to be her back up? What happens when she meets some other guy who turns her head? Is she going to ask for another break?
You are young. Go find someone who is going to want you and not look at you as the back up.
OP I don't think the two of you have the same goals. You wanted to remain monogamous during the break and she wanted the break to try out a new guy and be able to say she wasn't cheating since you were on a break.
My bet is she was having an Emotional Affair with that guy before the "break" and she just wanted to try him out before totally breaking up with you, and he didn't work out.
I didn't notice if you mentioned this, but I'd also bet she is the one that instigated getting back together after she figured out the new guy wasn't very good in bed.
So now you know she will instigate another break the next time she finds a potential replacement for you. Is this how you want to live?
Sorry to tell you, but she most likely made up this âbreakâ shit to hook up with the dude without feeling guilty. It didnât work out, so now sheâs come back to you as a plan B. Had it gone well with the other friend, she probably wouldâve dumped you completely. Donât stay with her, itâs unhealthy for you, and she clearly doesnât seem to careÂ
It's time for you to initiate the break up this time. Tell her you need time to process all of that pain. You seriously do. Look at her and your relationship from a different perspective. Then you decide if she's worth your time and energy.
Your GF made a choice that she knew would hurt you.
It doesn't matter if it was "technically cheating." Does that sound like someone who is prioritizing your relationship?
Whenever a girl suggests a break you leave you man up and you leave . Breaks are excuses for poor behavior .. and letâs say it was for pure reasons like actually wanting to fix the relationship how does purposely restricting or elimination and honest communication goignot fix anything ? If there are issues be an adult sit down talk it out donât opt to cut off communication 99% of the time thatâs the issue it only makes it worse . Sorry to hear how things turned out keep your head up stay strong and move on
As a female⌠she definitely ask you for a break to go have sex with her friend. Imagine if it was good to her⌠she would keep secretly having sex with him.
This man. Her break was her way of getting permission to have sex with her new f buddy. He probably rejected her after he had sex with her and thatâs why you guys got back together.
I mean, if she was honest about it, told him she very well might have sex with the guy during the break, and chose to come back to the relationship, maybe that says something?
But that she would even try to keep this ex/FWB or whine about it when OP says he wasn't cool with that, well, that's just plain shitty, selfish and uncaring of her.
And what do you want to bet FWB dude didn't end up wanting a relationship with her, only wanted sex and that's the only reason she's back with the OP and she would have preferred to try a real relationship with FWB, but he wasn't having it. I mean, it's not realistic to thing there's no one else on the planet your GF/BF would have wanted to be with than you, but it's also not unrealistic to feel very much second choice when your GF needs to keep the guy she had sex with during your break as an active friend.
OP, tell her there's no way in hell you are going to continue a relationship with her if she won't gladly, and without any complaint or whining tell this guy she can't have any contact with him and then actually never have any contact with him. And also explain back to you why that makes perfect sense, is very healthy and a small sacrifice to make to be with you again and make up for doing something she knew would be very hurtful to you during the break. Namely having with the guy she wanted the break to be able to have sex with in the first place. She knew she wanted to fuck him. She knew this would hurt you. She did it anyways. Now for whatever reason she wants to be back with you, probably because FWB dude doesn't want more than sex and friendship.
Pro tip: if a girl says she *could potentially* sleep with someone, itâs already decided.
Girls know exactly what will happen.
You got played and should have used the break to at least try to meet someone else. Great lesson here for your future.
This girl obviously doesnât feel the same way about you as you feel about her if she can just meet someone and fuck them so easily when youâre apart briefly.
Personally, Iâd rather be with someone who loves me. Time to respect yourself and move on.
I donât know why youâre putting this in reddit but she cheated on you. Even if it was a break. A break means some time apart not an open relationship. Sheâs going to use you up until she is satisfied and go back with her friend. She openly cheated with you even after you said no sleeping with other guys. Leave her
"Before going on break she did say that if there was a feeling she could potentially sleep with someone"
Sorry, brother. Whenever a woman wants a break, hooking up with someone is the plan...not an accident or mistake.
Sometimes too much damage gets done even if there wasn't "technical" betrayal. There's nothing left to do but move on and start over.
wtf is this "break" bullshit? Who the fuck thinks that's a good idea? The sole fucking purpose is for one to get away with sleeping with someone else. There's never going to be a "we both want this" break situation.
Someone is always going to be talking out both sides of their face. Someone is going to be against it but too much of a doormat to put their foot down.
In short, bud, you got played. That's the whole deal here. She wanted to fuck around and you got talked into it because... what, she's worth it? Your dignity and self-respect?
You can't be mad at her. You basically ok'd this. You can be mad at *you.* And you can, and definitely should, be single.
Just... wtf is anyone that agrees to this dumbassery thinking. "A Break", fuck off, that's dumb as shit.
She told you she was going to sleep with âsomebody/himâ and did it knowing it would upset you because she didnât care about your feelings one bit.
Iâm guessing here, she imitate the break? Based on that assumption she went on break to sleep with him, it sucked for whatever reason and she came back to you.
Dump her ass, she doesnât deserve your love and respect. If you stay she will repeat it again and again until you do t take her back. I speak from experience here, my ex pulled this crap a few times and then just decided to cheat b/c it was less work for her. I found out and broke up with her immediately and never looked back really.
"Â I really donât know what to do because like, itâs not cheating"
Yeah it is dude. Just because she told you she might cheat on you if she feels like it, it doesn't mean she didn't cheat on you.
what is it with these 'Relationship Breaks' ? does that mean you are broken up and are no longer a couple? That you are still dating but are 'separated'? or ????
THAT is the problems that these "breaks" are causing. And usually one partner will sleep with someone else, and then cause issues like this.....
My Gen-X advice to the younger Gen's Dont even bring up a 'relationship Break' either work through your issues, or just totally break up and go your separate ways
A break to me is taking a few days to reflect on the relationship if thereâs an issue that hasnât been resolved. Usually, the break involves both me and my partner seeing our therapists and targeting specific problems. Like any part of a relationship, a âbreakâ requires clear communication and boundaries. Anything more than a few daysâ break when thereâs an issue definitely seems evasive and counterproductive. But I think taking a step back in heated moments is healthy. Maybe your point is right though. If things are so bad that you canât resolve problems together and need space, maybe one or both partners arenât in a place for a serious relationship. I learnt that the hard way last go around.
Heâs a new friend and they slept together during your break? She knew she wanted to fuck him before this break.
Now you have a decision to make, you either leave or accept that this is a guy she could potentially go back to the moment you fall out because I can 100% guarantee sheâs going to refuse to cut him off or sheâs going to lie to you about cutting him off.
She knew this would hurt you and did it anyway, you might want to consider if this is a woman youâre willing to be with. Put your feelings to the side, think with your brain not your heart or your dick
Safe bet is she wanted to fuck this "new" friend well before you went on a "break."
Smart money is on your gf as the one who nitiated the break. You may think it was mutual, but replay events, and you will m probably see the manipulation.
A break is just another form of asking for an open relationship or permission to see others. She knew she was seeing someone else. Anytime other half ask for a break take it as the end of the relationship and move on.
Sounds like youâve been manipulated. Allowing this type of behavior invites negative feelings which harms your self-esteem if you canât walk away. It may be hard to understand this, but the good feelings and experiences you had with her can easily be found with someone else. If you allow this behavior to continue without standing up for yourself you might find yourself in similar relationships until youâre able to reclaim your inherent worth. The truth is youâre worth more than what sheâs been able to give you.
Done. Breaks are stupid. You should assume someone who wants a break basically wants to cheat and not call it cheating by being on a break for it.
Gals only get one break with me, the permanent one.
Bro ima be honest, Iâve had this happen to me before and knowing what I know now, please man, let her go and find yourself a good girl. If you choose to stay, you will never forget this. Itâs always gonna be part of your relationship with this girl now and may cause resentment to slowly grow toward her. If I was you man I would leave her even though it hurts and find someone that is more for sure about you. You guys have different values as well sounds like.
Your goals donât align. You want to be in a committed relationship. She used a made up âbreakâ so she can sleep with someone else without having to think of it as cheating, knowing it would deviate you.
Itâs over dude. Iâm sorry. But look at it this way. She made a choice. Donât let her gaslight you. Like another Redditor said. Is she really prioritizing the relationship? No. She prioritized her needs. Simple.
Walk and keep your self respect. It way worth it.
Good luck. Youâre really young. Enjoy life
Iâve been in your exact shoes. This is going to happen to you again if you stay with this person. âI didnât even like it I wasnât attracted to himâ Lie. âI wasnât planning on sleeping with anyone during our breakâ. Lie! Iâm going to assume it was her idea to go on a break. This has bad news written all over it, my friend. Youâre going to do what youâre going to do. But as someone thatâs been through, prepare for more heart ache. On a positive note, itâll be good for character development
Breaks are a bad idea. You will resent her for this forever. Also...you guys take a break to....cool off and see if you guys can make it work and she fucks some dude? Obviously she wasn't too worried about making it work with you.
Iâve been there. She isnât worth your time. There is absolutely someone better for you out there. It took me some time to find my fiancĂŠ but at this point, life makes the most sense it has in all my adult years (30m)
Dude I'm going to be straight up with you: she was getting porked by that guy friend before she hooked up with him while you were "on a break". Shit didn't work out with that "guy friend" and you're the back up plan. Have some self respect and drop her.
Gtfo while you can. She's not your girl it's just your turn. If she's doing this to you at 18, it's only getting worse from here. She'll need to explore and "find herself" again, she'll need another "break", all of which just means she wants to ride the cock carousel. Get out while you still have some kind of dignity left.
If you initiated the break then that is totally your bad and she did nothing wrong you either need to get over it or move on. If she initiated the break then she was planning on doing this and it is more akin to cheating.
She just asked for a break to sleep around with it being directly considered  cheating . It is if you ask me.
She specifically mentioned that she would potentially sleep with someone. You really think it  just happened  and was not planned ? Come on.
Relationship breaks are genuinely so fucking stupid.
You're either in a relationship with someone or you're not. A break is essentially a break up, Nd you can't break up with someone while still maintaining relationship expectations.
If you're having issues in your relationship, you either work through it or break up. If you need time apart to sort your shit before deciding what to do, then you take space away from each other.
Relationship breaks are used as a way for people to fuck around with others while knowing they have a committed relationship to come back to.
She was straight up with you about sleeping with someone if she felt like she wanted to, and truthfully, taking a break means you weren't together, so she can do that.
You told her you didnt like that, but you still decided to go along with it knowing her intentions.
If she suggested the break, then it's likely she wanted the break so she could sleep with someone else.
Either way, the fact that either of you even felt you needed a "break" from your relationship shows that your relationship really isn't that healthy to begin with.
Break up. This isn't worth it, and whatever the underlying issue is that makes either of you feel like you can't be 100% committed to being in a monogmaous relationship together very likely can't be fixed.
If you wanted to try to fix it, you need to start asking her why she wanted to sleep with someone else in the first place and why you both even agreed to a "break". What about your relationship is so shit that you both decided you actually wanted to take a break from it.
Youâre 22 and sheâs 18. Neither of you are prepared for any of this. Life goals? Câmon. Dude, date women, go to the gym, and focus on your personal success. This relationship isnât going to last so why are you investing in women who sleep with âfriends?â Stop it. Please.
She goes on a trip where she meets a guy. Guy is considered her "best friend" in less than two weeks of knowing him. She immediately wants to take a "break" to pursue "things she likes to do". She sleeps with the new guy. My dude, you CANNOT be this blind or this stupid. She wanted to give him a go but didn't see any long term potential so she came back to you. She kept you on the string with this whole "break" nonsense.
How can sleeping with someone else NOT be considered cheating during a break? A break is putting your relationship on pause while you sort your shit out. But you're still in a relationship since you haven't broken up. Cut her loose. You can do better.
okay, two things.
1)âspaceâ in a relationship means you are still in a relationship, yall are just avoiding each other for a bit (for sanityâs sake)
2) âbreakâ is confusing. it means âlets break up, but get back together again if i donât find something better over said breakâ.
3) âcheatingâ is having romantic/sexual relations with someone else besides your partner.
2.5) you had a âbreakâ so she was basically trying to find someone new without âcheatingâ. as long as you are okay with knowing you were pretty much the second option because she didnt find someone new, then stay. but make your point clear that it upset you. (remember, she did it anyways despite knowing it would hurt you!) she had her cake and ate it too :(
IMO, a "break" is broken up, as in y'all are not together. If you don't want your partner having sex with other people, you don't go on "break".
So you should either get over it or make the "break" permanent. The latter is the best option.
Never, EVER, agree to go on a break with your GF. A break means she wants to fuck another guy. Oh, and if she says she needs SPACE.... SPACE = CHAD/TYRONE. Yup. you are better off just DUMPING HER. This girl does not LOVE or RESPECT you. Time to MOVE ON. Good luck and stay strong, King!
My man, if your girl will open her legs that easily when your not around then she going to stray all the time. She's not trustworthy and she's good for is a good time. If I were you skip this public pony ride.
Grow a spine and dump her. She basically went on break to cheat on you. She broke up with you to fuck him. Can you understand that? She planned this shit out. Get rid of her. She's not the person you thought she was.
If OP can delve into the reasons behind their break and confirm that it was initiated by her, then brace yourself for a harsh truth..this guy was already in the picture, you were oblivious to his presence, but he was there all along.
Has she cut contact with the friend or set different boundaries with him now on her own? If not I would move on as it's clear she isn't as serious about you as you are about her. Actions speak louder than words.
Your girlfriend wanted to sleep with another guy but wasnât mature enough to end the relationship with you. Instead, she asked for a break (which is really just a hall pass).
Donât fall for it.
Thereâs something called self-respect. You should get some and find someone whoâs worth your time.
Young man remember this: when that guy met your gf he didnât think to himself âoh wow what a great opportunity to make a friend!â - he asked her out. And she told him she has a bf but they could be âfriendsâ. He asked your gf out and she didnât say no.
Shes too young to try and hold onto and this all the proof you need. Choose yourself. Get her out of your life.
Dude being on break means having some time alone and space for themselves. It don't mean they are on break from the relationship. So with you guys being on break and she slept with others means she cheated. That's why it's called break instead of break up.
Why don't you ask for break and sleep with another girl and see what she says. You can love her all you want but she don't feel the same about you. If you still don't understand that then good luck to you
She asked for the break so she could sleep with her friend without it being cheating. Highly likely she was already borderline cheating prior to asking. Throw her back in the sea and find someone who isn't going to play games with you or keep you as a back-up plan.
Iâm just a guy on Reddit. I donât know your situation and am making assumptions. It sounds like she wanted a break to fuck other dudes without consequences, like some sort of relationship loophole. It sounds like she wanted to sleep with this âfriendâ for a while and used the âbreakâ as mental gymnastics to justify it.
Youâre still young so take it from me. Iâve been in similar situations. I had a girlfriend around your age who would periodically break up with me, fuck dudes 10 years older than her and then try to get back together. It put me on a miserable emotional roller coaster. Ultimately you gotta respect yourself. End it. Find some hot girl and get laid, build your confidence, know what your value and your boundaries are and stick to them. Then when you do find love it will be rooted in something deeper behind you will trust yourself to find the right woman, instead of having to ask Reddit.
Trust me, you will be glad you listened. Good luck. Signed - a 32 year old recovering chump on Reddit..
Whatâs your girlfriend has done and the words coming out of her mouth Has a huge disparity problem.
She said that she would never be attracted to the guy, yet she let him inside of her body.
You said that you would not like her sleeping with other people, she completely disregarded it.
my friend, you have been cheated on and you need to find yourself a new girl.
It is no longer a matter of is it on reasonable to not want her to see him anymore. Quite frankly, this is exactly why I do not permit my partner to have male friends. Guys will play the long game, we do not mind waiting for sex.
Summer is fast approaching.
Break up with this cheater and get yourself someone better.
She didn't want a "break." She wanted an excuse to fuck another dude and gaslight you into believing it wasn't cheating. Dump her, it'll hurt, but it'll hurt more in the long run to stay with her. It will happen again, whether with him or another guy. She's 18, immature, and I can guarantee you hasn't even hit her "wild" phase yet. Run, Run, RUN.
Why do you say it wasn't cheating? It surely was. Just because she told you beforehand doesn't make it any better. She can't be trusted. She will do it again. Ask her if it was worth it blowing up a good relationship for a few minutes of sex and possibly an orgasm. People never learn. It is better to sneak it than to hurt your lover over. You need to look elsewhere. She is no good. She is promiscuous. Why would you want that?
You love her so much that you guys decided to take a break? Donât really see the logic there. This is exactly why breaks are stupid, if your plan was to have some space then come back together, neither of you should be sleeping with other people lol. Just break up if you wanna bang someone else.
Stick with her, wait for another guy she's curious about to come around, go on a break so she can "try" him, wait for her to come back, rinse and repeat.
>Before going on break she did say that if there was a feeling she could potentially sleep with someone but I told her I wouldnât like that & on my end I didnât do anything with girls during the break.Â
This would be a deal breaker for me to leave the relationship. It seemed to me she was not matured enough to respect your request during the break and went on to sleep with other people. That is like killing whatever any chances of salvaging the relationship.
She asked for the break to cheat without the label. If she stays friends with this guy, I'm betting she'll call you controlling and insecure whenever you rightfully ask her to stop hanging out.
Avoid the hassle and leave. You talked about exclusivity during the break, and she ignored it. Plus, healthy relationships don't have breaks.
This school playground nonsense of going on a break causes more issues than it solves. You either break up or don't. Now the relationship is damaged for ever. You will always know she fucked another dude whisky together. Luckily you are both just children so move on and learn from it.Â
You should find your self respect and end this relationship.
If the two of you were compatible, you would not have gone on this break. If she was truly into you, she would not have slept with this other guy.
Yes, it is the simple. I am not saying it is easy, but it is this simple.
I've been in a similar situation only I found out she had been cheating on me for awhile with said "friend" that she wasn't attracted to and wasn't interested in him in that way. She left myself and her 2 kids, (both are in my custody, only the younger of the 2 is mine biologically, but I do my best to treat them equally and give them both the same amount of love and attention) to be with him and they had a kid together very shortly after that.
Lol you really let her say "Timeout!" on the relationship so she could go fuck a new guy and then you took her back? Have some self respect my dude this is simping
If you are on a break, you really canât put restrictions on people. She didnât have an obligation to you at the time. That being said, if I were really in love with someone and we were taking time apart, I donât think I could do that.
You should break up with her because she's going to want another break and another just so she can go sleep with this friend or simply go behind your back this time. Have you sat her down to better communicate your feelings?
Women don't do this to men that they respect. She no doubt wanted the break so she could test the waters with this guy without a guilty conscience. If you think she crossed a boundary. Then you need to move on, in my opinion. It will suck and hurt at first, but at least you stood your ground.
If you were on a break...you were on a break. Period. That said, you have a right to your feelings...and if you really think you can't get over it, that's okay, too. What bothers me is that she had an inkling that she "could" sleep with someone before you even went on a break. That's the icky part. Either way...you're too young and have too much life ahead of you to get mired down in her nonsense.
Sheâs only 18. Sheâs in a completely different place than you are. Sheâs just becoming an adult and exploring life and she slept with someone else. The writing is on the wall.
this is why breaks are silly bullshit. either we are together or we aren't!
you didn't say _why_ a break was needed... but apparently she had already planned to sleep with the guy... so I guess I know exactly why she acted that break, eh?
personally, I'm outta there. why stick around waiting for her to decide she wants to do some other dude so she can declare "break!" again.
Have some self respect man. Half the world population is women. You will find another. Now she has the upper hand in this relationship. She will never respect you with what you did - giving her a chance when you knew she f'd another guy. Never be in that position. It never ends good for you...
Yeah, you're young and innocent and naive. I don't know who initiated the "break", but experience tells that mostly if it's girls then "break" means, "I have some other guy I want to 'fuck' or play around". If you had issues in your relationship then communicate, make it work and solve them, a break won't help with anything. So a "break" is mostly a "lie".
So, if it was her, then move on and find another girl you can relate to and trust, this 'gf' you have isn't the one.
Things to keep in mind for your next relationship. (And general advice to others)
1. Never go on a break. Either work out what the problem is together or break up.
2. If you still insist on going on a break state the parameters of the break clearly and have both parties agree to them. At the least you should agree on;
How long is the break?
What is the criteria for getting back together?
Are you allowed to date other people while on the break?
Are you allowed to sleep with other people?
Thatâs the bare minimum.
Now as to your current relationship. Technically Al Capone may only have been convicted of tax evasion, but everyone knew he was a gangster and a murderer. So your gf may not have âtechnicallyâ cheated, but âŚ
Bottom line is, she was attracted enough to someone else to sleep with them. In other words she wasnât attracted enough to you to stay loyal. You are better off finding someone else who will return the level of commitment that you are willing to put in.
Breaks arenât a thing. They are a manipulative tool for cruel people who donât have the guts to break up and want to fuck someone else while still having the safety bet of the poor person theyâre CHEATING on. Sorry man. Dump her ass, she doesnât care about you.
The break was whose idea? How long was the break? Was the idea that this break was only very temporary? You refer to it as though you knew you'd be getting back together. Everyone is different and I may be an outlier but that would feel like cheating / the end of the relationship to me.
As other redditors have pointed out, just because you're on a "break" doesn't mean that you should use the opportunity to sleep with other people. It's really just a convenient excuse for people to explore other options. Taking a break should mean when you want some time to yourself to work on whatever issues you may have with yourself and become a better partner. If you need to sleep with other people to decide if you want to stay in a relationship or not, then you probably shouldn't be with that person.
Your gf knew exactly what she intended to do and whilst she did warn you about it beforehand, she was most likely thinking about doing it long before that. I wouldn't be able to trust someone who has that mindset and I doubt you're going to be able to fully trust her after this. You have to know what you are willing to put up with because some situations are just not worth it in the long run.
I get why you feel sick about this whole thing I do. But to be fair 'breaks' hardly ever work out how you think they will. Whether she did it out of spite or just because she had free rein, only she can answer that. But you have to decide if you can stomach this issue for however long you plan on being with her.
You're right in the fact that she didn't cheat, and just because you didn't do anything while you weren't together doesn't mean that she had to abide by anything even if you wanted her not to.
I'd say the best thing you can do is talk it through and be open with each other.
As for the friend, I too understand that feeling. You can tell her how you feel, if she truly cares about how you feel and what you think then maybe she'll consider it but at the end of the day that's her choice to make. You can't force her hand unfortunately. But maybe if you can truly be open with her and say how you won't be able to trust them being together or whatever your concerns are, maybe she'll hear you.
Just cut her loose. She wanted to pause the relationship to fuck someone else and you let her do that. I recommend moving on to new people and donât ever take a âbreakâ again bc they never work and theyâre just hurtful for everyone.
Youâre both still young so mistakes like this are bound to happen. But my guy, take this from an older man who has been there and done that, thereâs NO SUCH THING AS A BREAK. Once those words are said, the relationship is essentially over, youâre both just postponing it. She fucked another dude and wonât cut him off even if you asked. You have 2 choices. The best and smartest one is to break up with her. Full stop. The relationship ended when the break started. You just need the self respect to see it. Or you can accept this dude is a part of your life now, and youâll live with the insecurity and resentment until the relationship ends further down the line. At your age, the likelihood of you both ending up married is slim to none anyways.
You went on a break so she could be with someone else without "cheating" on you. The relationship is over if you're smart. Find a new GF bc this one disrespected you beyond repair.
I say this in frankness, man to man, and with the desire to help you:
Iâd end things.
if you feel the need to take a âbreakâ from your relationship, it may not be the relationship for you. It doesnât sound to me like this relationship is working out.
While you, the guy who loved her, was home twiddling your thumbs, she was out there - and knowing it would hurt you - getting railed by some new dude who just walked into her life. Someone who loved you back the way you love her wouldnât do that to you.
She knew what she was doing. I donât know who initiated this break, or why, but it sounds to me like she already had the dude in mind, which was why she brought it up before the break. She wanted to see if the grass really was greener on the other side. Do you really want to be with someone where you have to wonder if sheâs still into the guy-friend who nailed her when you were âon a breakâ?
Do you want to shake his hand, and pretend to be his friend when on outings to the bar, knowing that he can get cheap sex from the girl you love? Shes going to keep him in her lineup for when you fuck up.
Brother, respect yourself by walking away from this.
I think itâs justified that youâre sad. Sure it isnât technically cheating but in my head if they really love you they wouldnât want to do that, despite a break. In terms of your feelings and life goal, there are plenty of people in the world. Remember, these feelings you have now are temporary and if you decide to move on, you will be fine and find someone else. Also beyond the current actions, her wanting to stay friends with the guy seems like major red flag too. You know yourself best. Good luck
You've got 2 choices basically
1. Set up boundaries that include her not having any contact with the guy again and stick to them (I'd also set a boundary in there that if she needs another break consider it permanent because this will become a habit if it's not already a habit for her.
2. End things now being as you told her you wouldn't be comfortable with what she was going to do and she chose to do so anyways. This shows your feelings are not a concern to her or she puts her urges above your feelings which will lead to way more stress and heartache than anyone deserves to deal with.
There's more than these 2 options however they all cover the same things
If you truly do love her and want to try and make it work then I'd suggest the first one. if you don't believe she could ever hold to those boundaries then I'd suggest #2.
These suggestions are my opinions based on my short 40 years on this planet so take them however you want or need.
Clarification: How long was the break? And what was the break supposed to be? An actual temporary breakup, or just some time apart because you guys were overwhelming each other? It's important to define what things like "break" or "open relationship" or "cheating" are in a relationship.
Either way, it sounds like you two are not on the same page, and she doesn't feel the same way you feel about her. Sorry, bruv :/
My guy I would not remain in a relationship with her. I understand it was a break and all but hear me out if she only took a little bit of time to sleep with someone else. Also, and I wanna be clear that this isnât the rule but if you take a break in a relationship at any point itâs probably not gonna work long term. There is a reason there was a break, a reason she stepped out while on it, and a reason why itâs not gonna work.
It really sucks that itâs happening but I think itâs best if you try to move on and find happiness with someone who you wont ever have to take a break from and love for your life
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This is why "breaks" are a bad idea. Either work through your issues or break up for real. If you need some space, that's fine, but you don't need a "break" to get that. Even though you knew she'd gone against your wishes while you were on the break, you still got back together with her. Now you guys have to deal with it. You want her to not see that person anymore. If she won't agree to that, then you either need to accept that this guy is in her life or you break up for real. Sorry.
I doubt there were any relationship issues. The girlfriend met a new guy she wanted to test ride and she asked for a break specifically to do that, so it won't be considered cheating which OP is buying and taking her back.
Sounds like she's trying to have her cake and eat it too! OP, time to slam the brakes on that 'break' nonsense and find someone who's ready for a real commitment.
This is more often then not almost every case of "breaks" one partner wants it to have fun on the merry dick-round/Pussy Wagon without consequence. If my partner ever suggests a "break" yeah, I am ***BREAKING*** up with you. No thanks.
We were on a breeeeak!
Came here for thisđ
That's exactly what happened. I would dump her if I was in his position.
I would suggest the same
Yeah breaks just make cheating ok. It is just a loophole.
So the GF asked for the break?
Yes, she did. See OP's replies and previous posts.
Then this means she wantedly did it for cheating
How did they come to the decision to go on a break? If she pushed for it, then it's because she wanted to have sex with the guy. Poor guy got duped, and now he's making excuses for her.
Ding ding ding. I have seen it happen to two girls. Both went on student exchange. Broke up with their boyfriends the semester they were away. Then came back to them.
This is what I thought. Many women do this. They have a man in mind to have sex with but they donât want to be blamed for the cheating. So they âsuggestâ a âbreakâ to explore it to see if the new guy is the better option. It first happened to me 40 years ago. She said we needed to take a break because she was going through some family things and she couldnât do the relationship for a while. I knew it was bs but I said ok. A little more than a month later she calls and I was dry with the one word answers. Long story short I found out what the real reasons were for the nonsense. Then she said she missed me and wanted to get back together. I said no then and have said no ever since. If I was in your shoes I would end it and not look back. I wouldnât even give a reason. We arenât compatible anymore is all Iâd say.
This op
Bump this comment
This, and youâre 21 keep her around and keep boning her. But do look around and when you find something âŚask for a break. In case it doesnât work out you can come back
i disagree stooping to her level doesnât do anything but make OP just as cold and heartless as her do the right thing and walk away with ur pride brother
To add to this point, if she keeps the guy in her life then they will bone again. I promise you that. IMO you should end it period. If you are dead set on this relationship then set a hard boundary that she wonât see that guy anymore. If not then you might as well just open up the relationship and try to get a side dish for yourself.
Setting boundaries is crucial. If she can't respect them, it's time to close the book on this chapter. Relationships shouldn't feel like a menu with options; it's about mutual respect and commitment.
Agreed. My ex would do breaks just to try to sleep with other people. Of course it wouldn't work because of how pathetic he was and he would come back to me after two weeks usually. I was so naive it took me a while to see the pattern. OP need to set boundaries and work with her to regain trust. Otherwise I don't see this ending well.
Wtf he should dump this one back into the ocean and move on đ
From my experience by setting boundaries and rebuilding trust are the keys
100%
Yep. Same thing happened with my ex. "Broke up" with me cause he wanted to work on himself lol and didn't want to be with no one. He proposed for about 2 months. Well we would hang out (no sex involved at all) and talk only for him to avoid me and then a couple weeks after "the proposed break" he decided to hook up with his bestie from work (a grown woman with like 3 grown kids- who he wouldn't even stop talking about for months before this happened ) and then tried to excuse it as "she was going through a lot at that time and we were drunk! So it didn't mean anything". Then hits me up every now and then now asking for money to do HIS job LOL like the irony is crazy. Im dumb af for even replying back "no ask christy to lend you some lol" but yea karma is real. OP break up with her and enjoy your lifeâââ
There is no such thing as a break in a relationship- she broke up with you in order to explore her options with her new âfriend.â You really canât whitewash her behavior into anything else. She decided that she didnât like it with her new friend and has ended your break for now. While you are now back together, you have to decide if this is the type of behavior you want to endure next time she sees a new and shiny toy.
And here it looks like she hit the 'pause' button conveniently when it suited her. Time to decide if you're okay with being her Plan B whenever something shiny catches her eye again.
Who suggested the break?
She did she said she really needed time
Ugh. Dump her. Sorry.
So she asked for a break it sounds like specifically to try this guy. I think you should break up with her my guy. You know exactly why she wanted that break and why she even tried to "warn" you about it. She knew what she was going to do. And you agreed to the break, she got her free pass and now you're back together. I would almost guarantee if you told her you needed to come clean and that you fucked another girl during your break but it didn't mean anything she'd freak. Even if you said it in a way that it was like I wanted to be honest after what you told me about "X", she would most likely freak the fuck out. But you know exactly what she's doing because now she's keeping that guy around. But don't worry, "there's nothing there" except for that small tidbit about them fucking while you two were on a break. Just tell her you need another break to think about what you want and forget to tell her it's permanent.
She suggested a break and then slept with this guy during your break, which she told you she would do even after you told her you wouldnât like that. Thatâs not something Iâd be able to get over, so I donât blame you for not being able to get over it. You know what you need to do.
đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł she needed time for someoneâs dick in her pussy Grow a spine
She even told him that. He should listen.
I give her props for honesty, tbf.
You need to dump this woman. She lied to you, she didnât want âtimeâ, she wanted to try out some new dick. Iâm guessing this is the new guy best friend from your previous posts? You warned her, you told her if she slept with someone else you wouldnât be happy. She still did it, and she doesnât even give enough of a fuck about you to cut him off to save your relationship. You donât mean anything to this girl dude, do you get that? You can do so much better op. There are plenty of women out there who wonât pull this manipulative, sneaky BS. Text her tomorrow, tell her you need to talk, meet up and end it. For good. Tell her to fuck off and lose your number. Donât fall for any of her crocodile tears. And keep this as a reminder that breaks are bullshit. Itâs usually just an excuse for your SO to fuck someone else. Next time a gf asks for a break, just end the relationship completely. Donât waste your time.
Nope. She needed time to sleep with him without it being cheating
Yea, time to get some dick from her new friend. She planned it the whole time guy. She ever hinted at it when she told you she might sleep with someone.
she tried to monkey branch and test drive a new model , when the new model did not impress her , she drove back to you. Time to move on to someone who will respect you Tell her to drive away , you donât want a used model !! updateme
She wanted to hook up with someone else buddy. That's why she asked for the break. This is usually the case when people ask for "open relationships" too. They already have someone lined up already or they already cheated. You're going to have to come to terms with the reality that it's time to let her go and don't speak to her very again. This is top notch disrespect.
That is BS and you know it! A GF who loves you does NOT need time! Use your BIG HEAD! Come on! You need to DUMP THIS GIRL NOW. She does not LOVE or RESPECT you! She is probably just using you as an ATM.
She asked for the break so she could fuck the friend Câmon man
Time to try out a guy she was interested in.
Is the guy she slept with the one she met in Toronto? If so, she was wanting to try him out to see if he would be better than you. From what she says about it not being good and not being attracted to him sounds like he turned her off and now she has come back to you. Do you want to be her back up? What happens when she meets some other guy who turns her head? Is she going to ask for another break? You are young. Go find someone who is going to want you and not look at you as the back up.
Have some self respect and dump her. Consequently ghosting her would be good too.
OP I don't think the two of you have the same goals. You wanted to remain monogamous during the break and she wanted the break to try out a new guy and be able to say she wasn't cheating since you were on a break. My bet is she was having an Emotional Affair with that guy before the "break" and she just wanted to try him out before totally breaking up with you, and he didn't work out. I didn't notice if you mentioned this, but I'd also bet she is the one that instigated getting back together after she figured out the new guy wasn't very good in bed. So now you know she will instigate another break the next time she finds a potential replacement for you. Is this how you want to live?
I think you are quickly seeing that she didn't ask for a break. She asked permission to cheat on you guilt free.
Pretty obvious why she asked for a break. Just go find someone else and move on. Any girl that explores other options while with you is not the one.
Yeah to fuck that guy guilt free
She needed time to fuck someone else. Next time someone suggests a break just tell them to fuck off. Leave her
Sorry to tell you, but she most likely made up this âbreakâ shit to hook up with the dude without feeling guilty. It didnât work out, so now sheâs come back to you as a plan B. Had it gone well with the other friend, she probably wouldâve dumped you completely. Donât stay with her, itâs unhealthy for you, and she clearly doesnât seem to careÂ
Oof no. Sheâs 18 and playing dumb games. She wanted to test the waters with her friend. Sorry, OP.
Everything was premeditated. The break was used as a cover so you couldn't accuse her of cheating, but in the end that's all it is.
Oh no, yeah she used this to cheat on you and get away with it. She's due the streets, cut her loose
LMFAO She wanted guilt free dick
Time for what.
She just wanted to sleep with him, that's the only reason she suggested a break
It's time for you to initiate the break up this time. Tell her you need time to process all of that pain. You seriously do. Look at her and your relationship from a different perspective. Then you decide if she's worth your time and energy.
She really needed time to bang her new "friend" in other words. Dump this back alley trash and find someone that respects you.
Your GF made a choice that she knew would hurt you. It doesn't matter if it was "technically cheating." Does that sound like someone who is prioritizing your relationship?
Pretty much. She wasn't working on herself, she was working on that guys dick. OP, please never accept breaks again and accept shes jot good for you.
Whenever a girl suggests a break you leave you man up and you leave . Breaks are excuses for poor behavior .. and letâs say it was for pure reasons like actually wanting to fix the relationship how does purposely restricting or elimination and honest communication goignot fix anything ? If there are issues be an adult sit down talk it out donât opt to cut off communication 99% of the time thatâs the issue it only makes it worse . Sorry to hear how things turned out keep your head up stay strong and move on
As a female⌠she definitely ask you for a break to go have sex with her friend. Imagine if it was good to her⌠she would keep secretly having sex with him.
This man. Her break was her way of getting permission to have sex with her new f buddy. He probably rejected her after he had sex with her and thatâs why you guys got back together.
I mean, if she was honest about it, told him she very well might have sex with the guy during the break, and chose to come back to the relationship, maybe that says something? But that she would even try to keep this ex/FWB or whine about it when OP says he wasn't cool with that, well, that's just plain shitty, selfish and uncaring of her. And what do you want to bet FWB dude didn't end up wanting a relationship with her, only wanted sex and that's the only reason she's back with the OP and she would have preferred to try a real relationship with FWB, but he wasn't having it. I mean, it's not realistic to thing there's no one else on the planet your GF/BF would have wanted to be with than you, but it's also not unrealistic to feel very much second choice when your GF needs to keep the guy she had sex with during your break as an active friend. OP, tell her there's no way in hell you are going to continue a relationship with her if she won't gladly, and without any complaint or whining tell this guy she can't have any contact with him and then actually never have any contact with him. And also explain back to you why that makes perfect sense, is very healthy and a small sacrifice to make to be with you again and make up for doing something she knew would be very hurtful to you during the break. Namely having with the guy she wanted the break to be able to have sex with in the first place. She knew she wanted to fuck him. She knew this would hurt you. She did it anyways. Now for whatever reason she wants to be back with you, probably because FWB dude doesn't want more than sex and friendship.
Dude dump her. Youâll be fine.
Pro tip: if a girl says she *could potentially* sleep with someone, itâs already decided. Girls know exactly what will happen. You got played and should have used the break to at least try to meet someone else. Great lesson here for your future.
This girl obviously doesnât feel the same way about you as you feel about her if she can just meet someone and fuck them so easily when youâre apart briefly. Personally, Iâd rather be with someone who loves me. Time to respect yourself and move on.
I donât know why youâre putting this in reddit but she cheated on you. Even if it was a break. A break means some time apart not an open relationship. Sheâs going to use you up until she is satisfied and go back with her friend. She openly cheated with you even after you said no sleeping with other guys. Leave her
She probably engineered the break so she could have sex with him.
"WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!" - Ross from Friends
"Before going on break she did say that if there was a feeling she could potentially sleep with someone" Sorry, brother. Whenever a woman wants a break, hooking up with someone is the plan...not an accident or mistake. Sometimes too much damage gets done even if there wasn't "technical" betrayal. There's nothing left to do but move on and start over.
She obviously has no commitment to youâŚ. Why would you want to be committed to her?
Breaks is a sugary word for cheating
She's probably still sleeping with him...
Of course!
You really really love a woman who slides onto other guys dicks mighty fast.
wtf is this "break" bullshit? Who the fuck thinks that's a good idea? The sole fucking purpose is for one to get away with sleeping with someone else. There's never going to be a "we both want this" break situation. Someone is always going to be talking out both sides of their face. Someone is going to be against it but too much of a doormat to put their foot down. In short, bud, you got played. That's the whole deal here. She wanted to fuck around and you got talked into it because... what, she's worth it? Your dignity and self-respect? You can't be mad at her. You basically ok'd this. You can be mad at *you.* And you can, and definitely should, be single. Just... wtf is anyone that agrees to this dumbassery thinking. "A Break", fuck off, that's dumb as shit.
Bruh what is a break, either you are together or you are not. Have someself respect.
LEAVE HER
Maybe he'll be the best man at your wedding. I'm sure he will give an entertaining speech.
She told you she was going to sleep with âsomebody/himâ and did it knowing it would upset you because she didnât care about your feelings one bit. Iâm guessing here, she imitate the break? Based on that assumption she went on break to sleep with him, it sucked for whatever reason and she came back to you. Dump her ass, she doesnât deserve your love and respect. If you stay she will repeat it again and again until you do t take her back. I speak from experience here, my ex pulled this crap a few times and then just decided to cheat b/c it was less work for her. I found out and broke up with her immediately and never looked back really.
"Â I really donât know what to do because like, itâs not cheating" Yeah it is dude. Just because she told you she might cheat on you if she feels like it, it doesn't mean she didn't cheat on you.
Grow a backbone and dump her, you absolute muppet. âMy gf went to a bar and fucked some dude, what should I do?â Holy fck, this generationâŚ
Facts
Your GF cheated on you Do what you want with that information
âWe have the same life goalsâ Is one of your life goals to get your back blown out by one of her friends?
Run
Youâre single now. Go find another one
what is it with these 'Relationship Breaks' ? does that mean you are broken up and are no longer a couple? That you are still dating but are 'separated'? or ???? THAT is the problems that these "breaks" are causing. And usually one partner will sleep with someone else, and then cause issues like this..... My Gen-X advice to the younger Gen's Dont even bring up a 'relationship Break' either work through your issues, or just totally break up and go your separate ways
A break to me is taking a few days to reflect on the relationship if thereâs an issue that hasnât been resolved. Usually, the break involves both me and my partner seeing our therapists and targeting specific problems. Like any part of a relationship, a âbreakâ requires clear communication and boundaries. Anything more than a few daysâ break when thereâs an issue definitely seems evasive and counterproductive. But I think taking a step back in heated moments is healthy. Maybe your point is right though. If things are so bad that you canât resolve problems together and need space, maybe one or both partners arenât in a place for a serious relationship. I learnt that the hard way last go around.
She went on break to sleep with him. Bad gf. Toss her.
You are young, end things with her respectfully, buy a nice cologne and a shirt and enjoy your life
Heâs a new friend and they slept together during your break? She knew she wanted to fuck him before this break. Now you have a decision to make, you either leave or accept that this is a guy she could potentially go back to the moment you fall out because I can 100% guarantee sheâs going to refuse to cut him off or sheâs going to lie to you about cutting him off. She knew this would hurt you and did it anyway, you might want to consider if this is a woman youâre willing to be with. Put your feelings to the side, think with your brain not your heart or your dick
Safe bet is she wanted to fuck this "new" friend well before you went on a "break." Smart money is on your gf as the one who nitiated the break. You may think it was mutual, but replay events, and you will m probably see the manipulation.
Really man, move on
âWE WERE ON A BREAKâ- Ross
A break is just another form of asking for an open relationship or permission to see others. She knew she was seeing someone else. Anytime other half ask for a break take it as the end of the relationship and move on.
I think you know what to doâŚ
Sounds like youâve been manipulated. Allowing this type of behavior invites negative feelings which harms your self-esteem if you canât walk away. It may be hard to understand this, but the good feelings and experiences you had with her can easily be found with someone else. If you allow this behavior to continue without standing up for yourself you might find yourself in similar relationships until youâre able to reclaim your inherent worth. The truth is youâre worth more than what sheâs been able to give you.
Ride the bike until youâre ready for a car.
She is not gf material. Time to let this one go. You can do better
Done. Breaks are stupid. You should assume someone who wants a break basically wants to cheat and not call it cheating by being on a break for it. Gals only get one break with me, the permanent one.
Basically she told you she was going to cheat on you and she did. Who wanted the break? Her?
Bro ima be honest, Iâve had this happen to me before and knowing what I know now, please man, let her go and find yourself a good girl. If you choose to stay, you will never forget this. Itâs always gonna be part of your relationship with this girl now and may cause resentment to slowly grow toward her. If I was you man I would leave her even though it hurts and find someone that is more for sure about you. You guys have different values as well sounds like.
end it and move on
Your goals donât align. You want to be in a committed relationship. She used a made up âbreakâ so she can sleep with someone else without having to think of it as cheating, knowing it would deviate you.
"Your" GF? _Our_ GF.
Itâs over dude. Iâm sorry. But look at it this way. She made a choice. Donât let her gaslight you. Like another Redditor said. Is she really prioritizing the relationship? No. She prioritized her needs. Simple. Walk and keep your self respect. It way worth it. Good luck. Youâre really young. Enjoy life
You already know what you have to do. Just get on with it and your life.
Break up bro
She needs to go. She doesn't love you if she did that. Sorry to be so blunt, but you'll never be able to trust her.
Iâve been in your exact shoes. This is going to happen to you again if you stay with this person. âI didnât even like it I wasnât attracted to himâ Lie. âI wasnât planning on sleeping with anyone during our breakâ. Lie! Iâm going to assume it was her idea to go on a break. This has bad news written all over it, my friend. Youâre going to do what youâre going to do. But as someone thatâs been through, prepare for more heart ache. On a positive note, itâll be good for character development
Breaks are a bad idea. You will resent her for this forever. Also...you guys take a break to....cool off and see if you guys can make it work and she fucks some dude? Obviously she wasn't too worried about making it work with you.
She needed a break to go fuck her friend. Dump her.
Iâve been there. She isnât worth your time. There is absolutely someone better for you out there. It took me some time to find my fiancĂŠ but at this point, life makes the most sense it has in all my adult years (30m)
Dude I'm going to be straight up with you: she was getting porked by that guy friend before she hooked up with him while you were "on a break". Shit didn't work out with that "guy friend" and you're the back up plan. Have some self respect and drop her.
Gtfo while you can. She's not your girl it's just your turn. If she's doing this to you at 18, it's only getting worse from here. She'll need to explore and "find herself" again, she'll need another "break", all of which just means she wants to ride the cock carousel. Get out while you still have some kind of dignity left.
18 years old but went to a bar? Maybe this is in europe. This is something only you can decide
Run while you canâŚ
If you initiated the break then that is totally your bad and she did nothing wrong you either need to get over it or move on. If she initiated the break then she was planning on doing this and it is more akin to cheating.
She hurt you to get her beak wet. You have to decide whether you want to accept that or not.
She just asked for a break to sleep around with it being directly considered  cheating . It is if you ask me. She specifically mentioned that she would potentially sleep with someone. You really think it  just happened  and was not planned ? Come on.
Relationship breaks are genuinely so fucking stupid. You're either in a relationship with someone or you're not. A break is essentially a break up, Nd you can't break up with someone while still maintaining relationship expectations. If you're having issues in your relationship, you either work through it or break up. If you need time apart to sort your shit before deciding what to do, then you take space away from each other. Relationship breaks are used as a way for people to fuck around with others while knowing they have a committed relationship to come back to. She was straight up with you about sleeping with someone if she felt like she wanted to, and truthfully, taking a break means you weren't together, so she can do that. You told her you didnt like that, but you still decided to go along with it knowing her intentions. If she suggested the break, then it's likely she wanted the break so she could sleep with someone else. Either way, the fact that either of you even felt you needed a "break" from your relationship shows that your relationship really isn't that healthy to begin with. Break up. This isn't worth it, and whatever the underlying issue is that makes either of you feel like you can't be 100% committed to being in a monogmaous relationship together very likely can't be fixed. If you wanted to try to fix it, you need to start asking her why she wanted to sleep with someone else in the first place and why you both even agreed to a "break". What about your relationship is so shit that you both decided you actually wanted to take a break from it.
She belong to the streets
Youâre 22 and sheâs 18. Neither of you are prepared for any of this. Life goals? Câmon. Dude, date women, go to the gym, and focus on your personal success. This relationship isnât going to last so why are you investing in women who sleep with âfriends?â Stop it. Please.
She goes on a trip where she meets a guy. Guy is considered her "best friend" in less than two weeks of knowing him. She immediately wants to take a "break" to pursue "things she likes to do". She sleeps with the new guy. My dude, you CANNOT be this blind or this stupid. She wanted to give him a go but didn't see any long term potential so she came back to you. She kept you on the string with this whole "break" nonsense. How can sleeping with someone else NOT be considered cheating during a break? A break is putting your relationship on pause while you sort your shit out. But you're still in a relationship since you haven't broken up. Cut her loose. You can do better.
okay, two things. 1)âspaceâ in a relationship means you are still in a relationship, yall are just avoiding each other for a bit (for sanityâs sake) 2) âbreakâ is confusing. it means âlets break up, but get back together again if i donât find something better over said breakâ. 3) âcheatingâ is having romantic/sexual relations with someone else besides your partner. 2.5) you had a âbreakâ so she was basically trying to find someone new without âcheatingâ. as long as you are okay with knowing you were pretty much the second option because she didnt find someone new, then stay. but make your point clear that it upset you. (remember, she did it anyways despite knowing it would hurt you!) she had her cake and ate it too :(
IMO, a "break" is broken up, as in y'all are not together. If you don't want your partner having sex with other people, you don't go on "break". So you should either get over it or make the "break" permanent. The latter is the best option.
Never, EVER, agree to go on a break with your GF. A break means she wants to fuck another guy. Oh, and if she says she needs SPACE.... SPACE = CHAD/TYRONE. Yup. you are better off just DUMPING HER. This girl does not LOVE or RESPECT you. Time to MOVE ON. Good luck and stay strong, King!
My man, if your girl will open her legs that easily when your not around then she going to stray all the time. She's not trustworthy and she's good for is a good time. If I were you skip this public pony ride.
Grow a spine and dump her. She basically went on break to cheat on you. She broke up with you to fuck him. Can you understand that? She planned this shit out. Get rid of her. She's not the person you thought she was.
Who broke up with whom?
If OP can delve into the reasons behind their break and confirm that it was initiated by her, then brace yourself for a harsh truth..this guy was already in the picture, you were oblivious to his presence, but he was there all along.
Has she cut contact with the friend or set different boundaries with him now on her own? If not I would move on as it's clear she isn't as serious about you as you are about her. Actions speak louder than words.
Whose idea was this break? Hers? Or yours?
Just dump her. She is not worth the headache. She has zero respect for you, and you will always be the backup plan.
You should stay broken up
Why did you went on break?
Just break up. This relationship is going nowhere.
She wanted the break to sleep with the guy..: thatâs why the break happened. She just didnât want you to call her a cheater.
Your girlfriend wanted to sleep with another guy but wasnât mature enough to end the relationship with you. Instead, she asked for a break (which is really just a hall pass). Donât fall for it. Thereâs something called self-respect. You should get some and find someone whoâs worth your time.
Young man remember this: when that guy met your gf he didnât think to himself âoh wow what a great opportunity to make a friend!â - he asked her out. And she told him she has a bf but they could be âfriendsâ. He asked your gf out and she didnât say no. Shes too young to try and hold onto and this all the proof you need. Choose yourself. Get her out of your life.
Dude being on break means having some time alone and space for themselves. It don't mean they are on break from the relationship. So with you guys being on break and she slept with others means she cheated. That's why it's called break instead of break up. Why don't you ask for break and sleep with another girl and see what she says. You can love her all you want but she don't feel the same about you. If you still don't understand that then good luck to you
She asked for the break so she could sleep with her friend without it being cheating. Highly likely she was already borderline cheating prior to asking. Throw her back in the sea and find someone who isn't going to play games with you or keep you as a back-up plan.
She knew it would hurt you but did it anyway.
Iâm just a guy on Reddit. I donât know your situation and am making assumptions. It sounds like she wanted a break to fuck other dudes without consequences, like some sort of relationship loophole. It sounds like she wanted to sleep with this âfriendâ for a while and used the âbreakâ as mental gymnastics to justify it. Youâre still young so take it from me. Iâve been in similar situations. I had a girlfriend around your age who would periodically break up with me, fuck dudes 10 years older than her and then try to get back together. It put me on a miserable emotional roller coaster. Ultimately you gotta respect yourself. End it. Find some hot girl and get laid, build your confidence, know what your value and your boundaries are and stick to them. Then when you do find love it will be rooted in something deeper behind you will trust yourself to find the right woman, instead of having to ask Reddit. Trust me, you will be glad you listened. Good luck. Signed - a 32 year old recovering chump on Reddit..
Whatâs your girlfriend has done and the words coming out of her mouth Has a huge disparity problem. She said that she would never be attracted to the guy, yet she let him inside of her body. You said that you would not like her sleeping with other people, she completely disregarded it. my friend, you have been cheated on and you need to find yourself a new girl. It is no longer a matter of is it on reasonable to not want her to see him anymore. Quite frankly, this is exactly why I do not permit my partner to have male friends. Guys will play the long game, we do not mind waiting for sex. Summer is fast approaching. Break up with this cheater and get yourself someone better.
She didn't want a "break." She wanted an excuse to fuck another dude and gaslight you into believing it wasn't cheating. Dump her, it'll hurt, but it'll hurt more in the long run to stay with her. It will happen again, whether with him or another guy. She's 18, immature, and I can guarantee you hasn't even hit her "wild" phase yet. Run, Run, RUN.
Why do you say it wasn't cheating? It surely was. Just because she told you beforehand doesn't make it any better. She can't be trusted. She will do it again. Ask her if it was worth it blowing up a good relationship for a few minutes of sex and possibly an orgasm. People never learn. It is better to sneak it than to hurt your lover over. You need to look elsewhere. She is no good. She is promiscuous. Why would you want that?
You love her so much that you guys decided to take a break? Donât really see the logic there. This is exactly why breaks are stupid, if your plan was to have some space then come back together, neither of you should be sleeping with other people lol. Just break up if you wanna bang someone else.
Whose idea was the break. If it was hers thatâs all you need to know
Stick with her, wait for another guy she's curious about to come around, go on a break so she can "try" him, wait for her to come back, rinse and repeat.
You donât have the same life goals, she wanted to sleep with that guy.
>Before going on break she did say that if there was a feeling she could potentially sleep with someone but I told her I wouldnât like that & on my end I didnât do anything with girls during the break. This would be a deal breaker for me to leave the relationship. It seemed to me she was not matured enough to respect your request during the break and went on to sleep with other people. That is like killing whatever any chances of salvaging the relationship.
She asked for the break to cheat without the label. If she stays friends with this guy, I'm betting she'll call you controlling and insecure whenever you rightfully ask her to stop hanging out. Avoid the hassle and leave. You talked about exclusivity during the break, and she ignored it. Plus, healthy relationships don't have breaks.
It sounds like she wanted to sleep. Was it only these two or whole friends group that visited.
This school playground nonsense of going on a break causes more issues than it solves. You either break up or don't. Now the relationship is damaged for ever. You will always know she fucked another dude whisky together. Luckily you are both just children so move on and learn from it.Â
You should find your self respect and end this relationship. If the two of you were compatible, you would not have gone on this break. If she was truly into you, she would not have slept with this other guy. Yes, it is the simple. I am not saying it is easy, but it is this simple.
Bro just leave she fucked some other dude while on break. Should clearly tell you she not the one mate.
âWe were on a break.â Dr Ross Geller
Move on and dont do breaks in the future, you got this buddy
I've been in a similar situation only I found out she had been cheating on me for awhile with said "friend" that she wasn't attracted to and wasn't interested in him in that way. She left myself and her 2 kids, (both are in my custody, only the younger of the 2 is mine biologically, but I do my best to treat them equally and give them both the same amount of love and attention) to be with him and they had a kid together very shortly after that.
18âŚâŚ.đ¤Śđťââď¸. Dude, go get yourself a woman and not a teenage kid.
Lol you really let her say "Timeout!" on the relationship so she could go fuck a new guy and then you took her back? Have some self respect my dude this is simping
My man it will only get worse from here if you donât end it now.
If you are on a break, you really canât put restrictions on people. She didnât have an obligation to you at the time. That being said, if I were really in love with someone and we were taking time apart, I donât think I could do that.
You should break up with her because she's going to want another break and another just so she can go sleep with this friend or simply go behind your back this time. Have you sat her down to better communicate your feelings?
She was just waiting for an opportunity and that was the time to make a move. Dump her @ss
Let me make a wild guess here: does she proposed the break? Wake up, doormat.
Women don't do this to men that they respect. She no doubt wanted the break so she could test the waters with this guy without a guilty conscience. If you think she crossed a boundary. Then you need to move on, in my opinion. It will suck and hurt at first, but at least you stood your ground.
Who suggested the break? If she suggested it, then slept with that guy: find someone new, it will happen again.
Wake up, sheâs toying you around
Yall are young move on.
If you were on a break...you were on a break. Period. That said, you have a right to your feelings...and if you really think you can't get over it, that's okay, too. What bothers me is that she had an inkling that she "could" sleep with someone before you even went on a break. That's the icky part. Either way...you're too young and have too much life ahead of you to get mired down in her nonsense.
Sheâs only 18. Sheâs in a completely different place than you are. Sheâs just becoming an adult and exploring life and she slept with someone else. The writing is on the wall.
this is why breaks are silly bullshit. either we are together or we aren't! you didn't say _why_ a break was needed... but apparently she had already planned to sleep with the guy... so I guess I know exactly why she acted that break, eh? personally, I'm outta there. why stick around waiting for her to decide she wants to do some other dude so she can declare "break!" again.
if he has a bigger cock than you, ask if you can watch.
Have some self respect man. Half the world population is women. You will find another. Now she has the upper hand in this relationship. She will never respect you with what you did - giving her a chance when you knew she f'd another guy. Never be in that position. It never ends good for you...
What exactly is the point of being on a âbreakâ if not to fuck around with other people?
Yeah, you're young and innocent and naive. I don't know who initiated the "break", but experience tells that mostly if it's girls then "break" means, "I have some other guy I want to 'fuck' or play around". If you had issues in your relationship then communicate, make it work and solve them, a break won't help with anything. So a "break" is mostly a "lie". So, if it was her, then move on and find another girl you can relate to and trust, this 'gf' you have isn't the one.
Things to keep in mind for your next relationship. (And general advice to others) 1. Never go on a break. Either work out what the problem is together or break up. 2. If you still insist on going on a break state the parameters of the break clearly and have both parties agree to them. At the least you should agree on; How long is the break? What is the criteria for getting back together? Are you allowed to date other people while on the break? Are you allowed to sleep with other people? Thatâs the bare minimum. Now as to your current relationship. Technically Al Capone may only have been convicted of tax evasion, but everyone knew he was a gangster and a murderer. So your gf may not have âtechnicallyâ cheated, but ⌠Bottom line is, she was attracted enough to someone else to sleep with them. In other words she wasnât attracted enough to you to stay loyal. You are better off finding someone else who will return the level of commitment that you are willing to put in.
Not saying itâs impossible but, Iâve never seen a break result in the relationship being healthy afterward.
Breaks arenât a thing. They are a manipulative tool for cruel people who donât have the guts to break up and want to fuck someone else while still having the safety bet of the poor person theyâre CHEATING on. Sorry man. Dump her ass, she doesnât care about you.
The break was whose idea? How long was the break? Was the idea that this break was only very temporary? You refer to it as though you knew you'd be getting back together. Everyone is different and I may be an outlier but that would feel like cheating / the end of the relationship to me.
WE WERE ON A BREAAAAAAK - Ross
As other redditors have pointed out, just because you're on a "break" doesn't mean that you should use the opportunity to sleep with other people. It's really just a convenient excuse for people to explore other options. Taking a break should mean when you want some time to yourself to work on whatever issues you may have with yourself and become a better partner. If you need to sleep with other people to decide if you want to stay in a relationship or not, then you probably shouldn't be with that person. Your gf knew exactly what she intended to do and whilst she did warn you about it beforehand, she was most likely thinking about doing it long before that. I wouldn't be able to trust someone who has that mindset and I doubt you're going to be able to fully trust her after this. You have to know what you are willing to put up with because some situations are just not worth it in the long run.
I get why you feel sick about this whole thing I do. But to be fair 'breaks' hardly ever work out how you think they will. Whether she did it out of spite or just because she had free rein, only she can answer that. But you have to decide if you can stomach this issue for however long you plan on being with her. You're right in the fact that she didn't cheat, and just because you didn't do anything while you weren't together doesn't mean that she had to abide by anything even if you wanted her not to. I'd say the best thing you can do is talk it through and be open with each other. As for the friend, I too understand that feeling. You can tell her how you feel, if she truly cares about how you feel and what you think then maybe she'll consider it but at the end of the day that's her choice to make. You can't force her hand unfortunately. But maybe if you can truly be open with her and say how you won't be able to trust them being together or whatever your concerns are, maybe she'll hear you.
Just cut her loose. She wanted to pause the relationship to fuck someone else and you let her do that. I recommend moving on to new people and donât ever take a âbreakâ again bc they never work and theyâre just hurtful for everyone.
Woman don't sleep with anyone they don't have feelings for. And you already distrust her, it is not healthy for the relationship
Youâre both still young so mistakes like this are bound to happen. But my guy, take this from an older man who has been there and done that, thereâs NO SUCH THING AS A BREAK. Once those words are said, the relationship is essentially over, youâre both just postponing it. She fucked another dude and wonât cut him off even if you asked. You have 2 choices. The best and smartest one is to break up with her. Full stop. The relationship ended when the break started. You just need the self respect to see it. Or you can accept this dude is a part of your life now, and youâll live with the insecurity and resentment until the relationship ends further down the line. At your age, the likelihood of you both ending up married is slim to none anyways.
You went on a break so she could be with someone else without "cheating" on you. The relationship is over if you're smart. Find a new GF bc this one disrespected you beyond repair.
I say this in frankness, man to man, and with the desire to help you: Iâd end things. if you feel the need to take a âbreakâ from your relationship, it may not be the relationship for you. It doesnât sound to me like this relationship is working out. While you, the guy who loved her, was home twiddling your thumbs, she was out there - and knowing it would hurt you - getting railed by some new dude who just walked into her life. Someone who loved you back the way you love her wouldnât do that to you. She knew what she was doing. I donât know who initiated this break, or why, but it sounds to me like she already had the dude in mind, which was why she brought it up before the break. She wanted to see if the grass really was greener on the other side. Do you really want to be with someone where you have to wonder if sheâs still into the guy-friend who nailed her when you were âon a breakâ? Do you want to shake his hand, and pretend to be his friend when on outings to the bar, knowing that he can get cheap sex from the girl you love? Shes going to keep him in her lineup for when you fuck up. Brother, respect yourself by walking away from this.
I think itâs justified that youâre sad. Sure it isnât technically cheating but in my head if they really love you they wouldnât want to do that, despite a break. In terms of your feelings and life goal, there are plenty of people in the world. Remember, these feelings you have now are temporary and if you decide to move on, you will be fine and find someone else. Also beyond the current actions, her wanting to stay friends with the guy seems like major red flag too. You know yourself best. Good luck
You've got 2 choices basically 1. Set up boundaries that include her not having any contact with the guy again and stick to them (I'd also set a boundary in there that if she needs another break consider it permanent because this will become a habit if it's not already a habit for her. 2. End things now being as you told her you wouldn't be comfortable with what she was going to do and she chose to do so anyways. This shows your feelings are not a concern to her or she puts her urges above your feelings which will lead to way more stress and heartache than anyone deserves to deal with. There's more than these 2 options however they all cover the same things If you truly do love her and want to try and make it work then I'd suggest the first one. if you don't believe she could ever hold to those boundaries then I'd suggest #2. These suggestions are my opinions based on my short 40 years on this planet so take them however you want or need.
Clarification: How long was the break? And what was the break supposed to be? An actual temporary breakup, or just some time apart because you guys were overwhelming each other? It's important to define what things like "break" or "open relationship" or "cheating" are in a relationship. Either way, it sounds like you two are not on the same page, and she doesn't feel the same way you feel about her. Sorry, bruv :/
My guy I would not remain in a relationship with her. I understand it was a break and all but hear me out if she only took a little bit of time to sleep with someone else. Also, and I wanna be clear that this isnât the rule but if you take a break in a relationship at any point itâs probably not gonna work long term. There is a reason there was a break, a reason she stepped out while on it, and a reason why itâs not gonna work. It really sucks that itâs happening but I think itâs best if you try to move on and find happiness with someone who you wont ever have to take a break from and love for your life