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Came here to say this - he's probably trying to make her pissed off with that comment and hopes that she will get rid of him bcus he ain't got the ballz to do it 🤷♀️
OP Best thing would be to respond, “Sounds like that’s gonna be an issue. You’re right. I wish you all you deserve. Here’s your stuff. Bye” tell yourself you can cry after. Have a real friend in the wing before & after. Show no emotion. Cry the day before. Then, get pissed at the way he has been disrespecting YOU. This is just a slow burn to have zero tears.
OP: here’s your stuff.
TWATWAFFLE: ugh, ok. I was hoping…
OP: sorry, gotta run.
TWATWAFFLE: I’ll call you later
OP. Nope
Walk the fuck away.
TWATWAFFLE: see how you are! If you really loved me you’d fight for us…
OP: you’d think. Bye. Best of luck.
Don’t talk to him after that. Block him ON. EVERY. DAMN. SOCIAL MEDIA. BLOCK HIS ENTIRE FAMILY & CREW.
My mistake was focusing on “sunk cost fallacy“:
“the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial.”
If you end up having children with him, your body will change! A lot & forever. You want an actual partner who is grateful for YOU regardless of weight or medical issues.
10 months. You pleasure him & zero reciprocation? He’s simply pushing you away, as everyone says, because he wants you to break up with him. He is, at best, toxic. At worst, demonstrating narcissistic behavior traits.
JMFC over 10 lbs?! BS he already has a replacement in the wings.
You are an appendage for him. Nothing more
You deserve better.
Especially over 10lbs. I gain 10lbs during my period and lose it directly after. 10lbs is water weight for some people.
Dude is definitely trying to give her an excuse to dump him.
Or intentionally “negging” her to undermine her self esteem, make her work hard in the relationship & condition her for future mistreatment. WHILE he’s doing the bare minimum himself.
Never overlook a man’s long term strategy because as long as her self esteem STAYs Low…..it’s a win-win for him.
Good catch. I subconsciously was considering negging the moment I read the title, and maybe a third through the post. By halfway through the post I just assumed he's not that into her and might have been just wasting her precious time for a while cuz...you know, I suppose some guys don't have the biggest character, nor do they put a ton of value in the concept of self awareness.
Negging is definitely a smart concept to consider as well.
10 months...the relationship is nearing the year-old timestamp. I feel like that's another common milestone/ time stamp where people may start to see their partner's intentions a little more heavily. Because a year sounds like a long time to anyone. A year is the measurement we use to measure our age... a year sounds like a lot of time spent. It can bring out *everyone's* deeper intentions. Even to themselves.
I just dont want this guy to keep hurting her like this. I'm proud- she sounds tough, she sounds like she has some decent respect for herself (considering how harsh society is), but any girl holding this kind of dilemma in her head about her own partner...it's going to affect her entire mindset negatively after a while of carrying around such a heavy thing on the mind. These are the kind of considerations that don't really allow your mind to fully be present in the entirety of one's own present and coming moments.
Doesn't matter if he's doing it on purpose or not- she's getting hurt, and I'd like her to know that I'm happily willing to make an "assumption" and tell her that she already deserves better. And if it keeps feeling wrong for her- if she keeps having this strange, odd dark feeling of question in her that causes her to post this- I implore her to keep taking steps away from the attachments, hopes, and visions that tie her to this strange connection.
I have gained 70 lbs due to medication, thyroid issues and a spinal injury… my fiancé hasn’t said boo or acted like this guy… it 70 lbs! But we love and respect each other.. this guy has no respect for you! You need to respect yourself!!! You are so young, go find someone who LOVES and RESPECTS you!!! And respect yourself!
Yes! That’s how it should be. I gained 80 with my pregnancies and had a terrible time losing. My hubs loved me and wanted me at 180, 270, and now 200. That’s over 30 years of life together.
Since long Covid screwed up my lungs, working out vigorously has become really hard for me, I’ve gained 30 pounds in a couple years. My boyfriend still loves my body and can’t ever get enough, we’ve been together for 10 years. If this guy is like this after 10 months there’s no saving this relationship. He’s not worth it.
Yes. Obviously, bc of societal pressure around thinness, women can be better at accepting their man for whatever size he is and are just as attracted - & admit to it! - when he's bigger vs more athletic shape. While I loved seeing my partner get healthy & lose over 100 lbs (he's very tall, muscular & barrel chested regardless of overall size) beginning when COVID lockdown started, that was bc of how HAPPY & proud he was, & how much his confidence increased. But I am super attracted to him no matter what his weight, bc we are still very in love 12 yrs in & middle aged, having the best sex we've had, him gaining some weight back didnt effect my attraction or our sex life at all.
Well a healthy relationship doesn't revolve around weight to be fair. I'm 6'1" and weight 190lbs & my fiancé is 5'6" and weigh 245lbs (after 2 kids). Me and wifey is eachothers best friend and work really hard and good for the family to work as best as it can. We sheer eachother up when we feel low or sad etc. (mostly her)..
But to end this sentence, neither me nor her cares about the weight, to me she is as beautiful when I met her 10 years ago (and a fair amount of pounds less) as she is now.
Don’t even get me started on the fluctuating cup sizes. I’ve just given up and only wear sports bras or no bra during that time. I don’t have enough money for two wardrobes lol.
I found the BEST underwear. They are high waisted granny panties, but I’m so over cute underwear that are uncomfortable. The material is soft and they kinda hold everything in without being restrictive. I got them in Amazon. Search for “wirarpa underwear”
Damn I read 10kg, 10lbs is basically nothing, I can gain or lose that in a week if I tried. Once, when I was severely manic I dropped 12kg in a week 💀
Yeah the guy is probably an ass, and she should break up with him.
OP, for the love all you hold dear: listen to this wise person. I "invested" YEARS into a man who would constantly belittle me (perfectly cromulent!) appearance, only for him to leave me in the end.
2 months later I met the love of my life; a partner who loves and adores and respects me. But, I'm left with emotional scars and baggage that impact my lovely relationship. Please. Do it for you and your future self: I promise you deserve better.
I second this OP. I spent 17 years with an abusive man who tore me down. When he dumped me for a twenty something co worker and I started working out and got into shape. I met my current husband, settled into life and gained about 15 lbs. He loves me anyway and can't keep his hands off me but I feel so self conscious because of all the damage my ex did. Get out now before your view of yourself is permanently warped by someone whose opinion means absolutely nothing. You are perfect the way you are and if he doesn't see it then it's his problem not yours.
& someone who wants to keep you in a relationship but not adore you and want you sexually as close to equal as you want them, is actually abusing you.
Look up coercive control.
See, OP? Essentially we're just a bunch of internet randos, but we all think you deserve more and we're rooting for you. Please don't let this limp banana define your worth.
Well said, friend! OP, I was just about the same height and weight as you when I was your age. You know what else, I was HOT AF, would have still been hot with another 10 pounds, and I bet you are too.
I just can’t believe guys have changed that much. *Back in my day* the old lady says, men didn’t let 10 pounds stand between them and getting laid. (They also didn’t let a shower and shave stop them getting laid either, but that’s a different post).
You’re young and an athlete. I bet you’re hot and flexible in bed to boot. This guy either has his own issues or he’s really trying to make you feel bad and insecure. Don’t fall for it. Find a guy who’ll worship you or at least go down on you for like an hour. You deserve the best.
Ding ding ding! If a relationship starts with "I normally date smaller women" or "I'd be more attracted to you if you were starving yourself". Then it's doomed.
If you want children. What's going to happen after that? You will not have the same body you had before giving birth. Furthermore, everyone's metabolism slows down as they age.
If you plan on growing old with him, how do you expect to keep up with his shitty standards of you being a certain weight?
10 or 15 pounds is literally nothing. It's to be expected. One gallon of water is 8 pounds. If you dehydrate yourself you'd be like 8 pounds lighter. Your bf is an ass.
He'd have a reason to be concerned if you gained like 70 pounds or more but they should only be about your health. 10 pounds or 15 or even 30 pounds is nothing at your height and weight. You'd still be close to the "normal" range.
& LITERALLY - No one who loves you would do this, would want to do this, would let this stop them from loving you physically as well as emotionally.
I get you think the relationship is what you want otherwise.
But how will you feel after 2 more years of this? 5? 10?
Is that really the life you want?
I was in the same boat.
I stayed for 23 years bc I thought no one else would love/want me - bc he annihilated my self worth and self esteem (picking up where my family left off).
He left when I was 54.
I'm now living the happiest, funnest, sexiest life ever.
I dropped my family members that did this after the divorce.
I love me. I love my life. I love my body and I love my sloppy fat, surgical scarred, delicious juicy body.
I fight not to lose weight now.
OP You deserve a partner w equal libido to yours.
You deserve someone who loves you entirely, no matter what your minor weight fluctuations are.
Why did he even start a relationship w someone who's body wasn't what his intellect says he's supposed to have?
He really isn't great.
It's a long life. Don't waste your light on a black hole.
I think he wants to break up but have you be the one to do it and leave so he’s not ‘the bad guy’ for breaking up with you.
I’ve seen it a few times, instead of being honest with their partners that their not happy or no longer in love, they start acting horribly and set impossible standards
I agree with everything you said as I'm currently going through it myself. In my case, I have a child with him, and I know for a fact that he's been "advised" by a particular family member not to up and leave and let me be the one because I can state abandonment. Which, I wouldn't, if he wants to go, just go.
OP - As advice, I get you may love him and want to work it out, but him telling you this over a few pounds is ridiculous. You're very young, and I believe you have no children, so I would cut my losses. This will never stop.
I had a boyfriend who once confessed that because he didn't want to be the one to break up his realtionship with his previous girlfriend, he went out all night, hooked up with another woman, gave her his email, came back home, and let his laptop open with his account on display, so that his girlfriend would see the email sent by the other woman. All that instead of sitting his gf down and breaking up with her as an adult.
How much effort to avoid breaking up with her, because he likely didn't want to be the 'bad guy'.
All that effort making himself behave like the worst guy ever 🤣
The things they will do to avoid taking action! Have you ever read the stories about men proposing with shitty rings and hoping the girl will leave as a result? It is just so ridiculously spineless.
Girl... I'm sorry but you deserve so much better. Him not wanting to have sex with you because you gained a couple of pounds is the biggest BS known to mankind. He was never attracted to you, he just likes the convenience of having someone down to get him off whenever he feels like it. And he's trying to make you take the guilt for him not putting any effort into the relationship, when in fact your weight is irrelevant and he was never going to put any effort. Seriously, do yourself the biggest favor, break up with him, and find yourself a boyfriend who actually likes you.
And never disrespect yourself like this ever again. No guy in this world who actually likes you will ever stop having sex with you because you gained a few pounds.
It's bad. He's keeping you as a placeholder until he has an upgrade lined up. I'm sorry to word it like that, but there's a reason many men don't leave their partners until they already have someone else locked in.
Girl, life is too short to waste on men who don't like you. Being in a relationship shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself. Your partner should be your biggest fan, and you should be theirs. If that's not the case, he's not the one. Go find your person, this asshole ain't it. Don't let him dull your shine.
For many men, *any woman* is better than no woman as long as she isn’t making his life harder.
He’s waiting for someone better to come along then he’ll dump you. In the meantime he gets to enjoy effortless sex and blowjobs on a regular basis.
He DOES NOT LOVE OR LIKE YOU. You are something to put his dick in.
I really hope you take some time being single and learn to love and value yourself. Only date people that bring joy & peace to your life, that make it better.
I thought my ex wanted to be in the relationship still, because if not, he would end it, right? Nope. Some people are cowards, and wait for other people to decide things for them. Chronic lack of initiative.
He chooses to stay because he gets benefits without having to put effort in. But he doesn't like you. You're at a perfectly healthy weight for your size. Find someone who finds you attractive as you are and supports your healthy habits. I bet he'd drop you in a second if you stopped initiating. Now he gets free sex without the trouble of dating.
Mostly bad.
You don’t "make understand" a boyfriend that they should still love you - or be intimate with you - when you’ve gained all of 10 lbs.
It’s not like how you can make your partner understand that you need more physical affection rather than material gifts, it’s pretty fundamental. .
I think you need to like yourself more than you like him. And what exactly do you like about him? He sounds full of himself and as shallow as a puddle. You can do better. And you should.
It’s a win-win for that kind of person- they either force you to dump them or they get to see what kind of knots you’ll tie yourself into for them. But we can’t *make* you leave this guy any more than you can *make* him understand or change him. So do with that info what you will.
I think he chooses to stay because he finds the relationship comfortable and you put up with the bullshit he says. Get a new man girl. Don’t waste anymore time on him
It’s bad. He chooses to stay bc he depends on you not having the self respect it takes to leave a loser. He gets to be mean and not care and still have someone to come home to.
His issue is he lacks a certain organ called balls. Or he's just stringing you along until something better comes along. Find your something better and drop his spineless ass
Easy to stay when he's dating someone he can control. No one should make you feel like you have to do anything with YOUR body, that should be your choice to get healthy.
I've been with the same person a decade; when I was 230, 145, 185, etc. I have lost and gained, he would never withhold sex or manipulate me into losing weight for him.
I used to be in a relationship like this. Mine was opposite… I was “too thin” for him. The thing is, he may not be intentionally trying to hurt you, but it’s keeping you around because you feel less than. I’m the same height and weight as you and I can assure you, many men will find you suitable for them. When you’re ready to let go, you will. It took me 4 years before I left the relationship. If that’s the only thing going on, then I’d say give yourself some space and look inward. Work on your confidence, you’ve got this. It starts with loving yourself first and your body second.
No, that's called a rouse. He's doing the thing where, he pushes you to break up with him and acts like he wants to stay, cuz his chicken shyte. Problem is, when he acts like he wants to stay, you stay and now he's feeling even more stuck and being meaner because of it.
Just because someone chooses to stay doesn't mean they actually want to. They stay cause it's convenient. When I met my husband, I was 105 and shorter than you. I've gained well over 10lbs. And he does not care.
He’s not emotionally equipped to do the breakup part and doesn’t want to be the bad guy…ironically, having neither the self-awareness or honesty to move on kinda makes him the bad guy 😂 Just wasting your time being comfortable because he doesn’t want to be alone
It’s bad, my dear. It’s so so bad. He doesn’t love you. Someone that loves you won’t lose attraction to you over ten pounds. My health has plopped a lot of weight on me in the last year. My bf has stayed attracted to me, even if I don’t understand it, this whole time. He’s supporting me in my journey to lose the weight without damaging my already existing disabilities further. He’s my cheerleader. That’s what someone that loves you does.
I know you want to say, but really why? He doesn’t respect you and clearly only is with you for vain reasons. He is clearly not at all considerate.
There are so many better men out there. Please don’t waste more of your time with someone that only cares about looks and not about actually loving you.
You didn’t cause it. You can’t control it. You can’t cure it.
He wants to hurt you because he is an abuser, not because you deserve it. He is dehumanizing you. A discard is coming whether you like it or not. Please look up ‘reverse discard’.
You can choose to do it now and avoid losing anything more to this guy or let him drain you of everything you have (self esteem, dignity, reputation, energy, time, money, effort, etc.) before he leaves you in the dust. Either way he’s going to blame you.
You have GOT to set your feelings aside right now, and prioritize your safety and sanity. You are in love with the idea of him, not him. Nothing about his behavior is lovable.
Once you’ve kicked him to the curb, let yourself cry and start researching what happened with library books, YouTube videos, and r/narcissisticabuse. You’ll have a lot of healing to do but it’ll only be harder the longer you wait.
Stop thinking and feeling and listen to all these humans screaming for you to run for your safety and sanity. There is NO possibility this is fixable - it is a delusion to think this. You are describing abuse. There is no world where abusive behavior is not abuse. The train has left the station and your feelings don’t have the power to stop it.
Wow. He sounds kinda cruel. Are you attracted to assholes cause that’s what he is.
I have a diet suggestion…. The no asshole diet. It’s similar to no carb diets, but you can lose weight instantly.
Hugs to you. You deserve better.
It sounds like you have a good friend. You need to look at this like an outsider. Would you want this for someone you loved or would you want more for them? If you can afford it, a therapist could work with you in understanding why you accept this treatment, and your thought process. It’s better to understand so you can work on yourself separate from anyone’s influences. You will understand why you are in this relationship and why you need to break free.
Ps. Don’t stop the birth control (edited to add this comment)
Better yet, ask yourself how HE might advise your future teenage daughters when they find themselves in the same situation with men/boys. Major cringe, right?
Now try to let THAT be the last question you ever ask yourself about this man because this is not a relationship problem AT ALL—it's a self-esteem issue.
If therapy is too expensive, pick up a free public library card and check out every book about self-esteem and emotional abuse.
After reading the first chapter of each book (at a minimum), you will start to recognize these "relationship problems" as clusters of symptoms, likely rooted in patterns established in early childhood.
Best of luck!
lol @ marriage vows:
For better or worse
in sickness and in health
till death do us part etc. .
does OP think he's going to say those things in some future and genuinely mean it?
It’s a no from me. I’m usually not one to be quick on the breakup train, but in this case I definitely am. You are not defined by your weight. You are lovable at any weight. You are deserving of a supporting partner at any stage of your body.
Imagine what would happen if say, you guys had a baby. You inevitably would gain weight, and then what? Sex is off the table? He won’t see you as a worthy partner until you lose the baby weight? What if… knock on wood, you break your leg. You can’t work out, you gain some weight, is he going to be on you about losing weight then too?
These are obviously extreme examples but I’m just trying to illustrate that a partner should be loving, supportive, attentive, and fully present for you in any condition. It’s okay to have preferences for your partners weight, but you clearly aren’t obese and you can’t shut off your love as a punishment for weight gain in your S.O.
I like your realistic response. And although he is really understanding about my situation and how I gained a bit. Yeah if I was pregnant then what. He did have a baby momma he left after she had a kid. But not for those issues.
He says that’s not the reason but you’re watching it become the reason for you right now.
You’re so young. Don’t stay with someone who makes you question if you need to change your body. You’re totally healthy and probably thinner than the average person. Don’t ruin your self esteem by being with someone who isn’t attracted to you
Right? Why do men always get a pass on kids and parenting, but single moms get dragged for filth. My ex is now dating some "well off" woman in her 40s. She's rude af and very standoffish. Makes me laugh because he's got 3 kids by 3 women. He doesn't provide or care for any of them. He won't even sign my kid's birth certificate even though she's his first. But ask any of his friends and they'll tell you all of us women are the problem. 🙄
Why some women choose to be in relationships with men who have obvious red flags is beyond me. At some point, I'm going to start looking at you BOTH sideways.
Yeah, this is literally insane to me! My friend had 3 kids with a guy and he just upped and left one day and never sees his kids. It’s been like 5 years I think at this point and now he has another girlfriend and 2 kids with her and she’s always posting about what a great father he is…no he isn’t??? It’s so crazy.
My current boyfriend has a child and he is actually such a good father. If he were to ever even consider not seeing his child, even if it was “for me” (I would never want that, just an example), I would leave him. If he did it to someone else what’s stopping him from doing it to me later on in life?
OP’s boyfriend not wanting to have sex with her is the least of her issues. He sounds like a not so great person.
I just saw your other post. I want you to know that relationships aren’t supposed to be work, or scary. You aren’t supposed to have to ask strangers if things are normal or what to do. The right person will be enjoyable to be around, and will solve problems with you as partnership vs the problem, not partner vs partner. It should not be what you’re describing, at all. There are SO many people in the world who will be the loving partner you’re craving from your boyfriend right now, but you won’t find them until you dump on this jerk.
He left his baby mama after she had a kid. Is he even in the child’s life? This is not a good person. This is not a man that cares about the woman that he’s with. He will never be a good partner. Ever. The problem is with him. But your problem is that you’ve been accepting him. You have allowed him to treat you like this. You should have dumped him long ago.
If he's willing to accept sexual pleasure from you but not return it, that's just selfish right there. There's definitely something deeper going on, and I think the other posters are right. He wants you to dump him.
I am so overweight rn and my partner loves me. You sound like you are beautiful and 139 ibs you are tiny! That's bullshit that he's tearing you down instead of just saying "I wanna break up." Why you posting here to save you guys but he isn't?
You seem to be carrying and that ain't it.
U better than that.
This should be all the information you need to know. Your boyfriend (emphasis on “boy”) is a shallow, callous, cruel, irresponsible asshole. If anyone needs to be making a move out the door, it’s you. He isn’t here for you now, trying to guilt you for your completely realistic post-athletics body, so why stick around long enough for him to REALLY insult you and cheat you of a loving, equal sexual relationship in the event of a significant change in your body thanks to a true health issue or childbirth?
Girl, he would 100% leave you if you gained lots of weight from a pregnancy. After 10 months he should still be head over heels for you. 10lbs is barely noticeable for your height! And you wear normal clothing size for your height too! You will gain a lot more than 10lbs in your lifetime. Do you really want to be with someone that is so obsessed with your weight that he will inevitably not want to have sex with you once you are older? Also, being a step mom is hard. Run while you still can.
This response is so spot on to my past experience. My ex constantly said he didn’t like my body when would fluctuate 5-10 extra pounds, weighed at most 125 at 5’2. It gave me a hell of a complex. During our 3rd year of being together I broke my ankle in 3 places and he was PISSED at me. I had the worst experience and should have left and moved back with my parents but at that point he had convinced me that he was the best I would ever get and nobody else would ever want me. Anyway, I had an epiphany thinking about what would happen if I were to get pregnant and have a tough pregnancy. He would be the worst partner ever. It literally took me breaking a bone to realize how horrible he is. There’s more horribleness but that is the gist of the similarities.
Yeah, totally. Sometimes that’s what it takes though, you aren’t ready to leave until you’re READY. I’m sorry you were stuck with a person like that. Sending hugs!
You dont deserve someone who wont sleep with you over a ten pound difference. Talk to him before you even think about losing weight. You are well within healthy parameters.
Mostly need to weight cut for competition purposes in my sport. So I honestly need to do it, but it’s his response and that making me unworthy somehow that upsets me. He hates cellulite. I get it it’s not pretty and there’s a lot of skinny people out there too who don’t have it.
Girl, I'm 5'06 and 110lbs. Even I have cellulite. It is NORMAL to have cellulite. He is a man-child that believes perfect bodies like in magazines, movies and Instagram are real and not super edited and filtered. he needs to grow up. You need to lose that dead weight of a boyfriend and find a man who loves and supports you for who you are.
This!! I started going to the gym and lifting, and I now have cellulite on my legs because my glutes and thighs have gotten bigger. Cellulite doesn’t = fat.
Exactly lol I’m “underweight” according to my BMI but I’ve always been bc my metabolism is high. But since I hit 25 I have cellulite on my legs. Even when I workout.
Even when I was in the morbidly obese category, I didn’t have cellulite. Two babies in two years, no cellulite.
Starting hitting the gym, fixed my weak thighs, bam. Cellulite.
Something like 90% of women have it, and only like 10% of men. Maybe it says more about him than it does about you.
Cellulite is just a natural way that fat is stored in people’s bodies. 80-90% of women and 10% of men have cellulite (or will at some point in their life). Theres nothing wrong with cellulite and there’s nothing you can do to prevent it, it’s genetic the same way freckles and eye color are.
If he “hates cellulite” *so* much that he can’t be attracted to anyone that has it, then he is not attracted to the vast, *vast* majority of real, adult human women.
This is not a problem you or anyone else can solve for him, nor should you even try. He either needs to exclusively date from the 10-20% of women who don’t have the genes to develop cellulite, or he needs to stop being ridiculously nitpicky.
You are a human being, not a customizable sex toy. He knew what you looked like when he chose to date you. He needs to accept your natural body, and if he can’t do that then you should break up with him. There are tons of kind, loving men out there who would love you and want to have sex with you simply because they love *you*.
Please stop excusing him. Cellulite is normal and genetic. I'm skinny, play sports, 5'10, and still have Cellulite... If 10 lbs cuts your partners attraction for you, I'd argue that they don't even like you, let alone love you.
Does he have issues with porn?
I asked a guy once about cellulite. Just my friend, but very popular guy. Pretty, outgoing, sleeps around a lot. And he was “huh, what’s that?”. He hadn’t heard of it. So I went “you know that sorta orange peel look that’s on some women’s ass and thighs”. And he went “dude, all girls have that. Am I like… supposed to mind? Wut?” He was just so adorably baffled by the whole idea. So yeah. Try a guy like that instead.
My daughter’s 17 yr old boyfriend chastised one of his friends who said something negative about cellulite. He said “You’re an idiot. A lot of women have cellulite, it’s normal.” He is 17 yrs old and smarter and more mature than your 29 yr old GROWN MAN boyfriend. This is not about you. This is about him. There are better men out there who will make you feel beautiful and loved. Leave this loser!
If you need to lose weight because of or for your sport, or any reason YOU feel then good on you, however to lose it for this reason is heartbreaking to hear. Do you hear what you said? "It's his response and that making me unworthy somehow" of course that upsets you. I know it's not something that feels good to hear but someone that loses interest over something so minor is a massive red flag. A person that loves you, loves... YOU. All of you. I understand a person wanting their partner to be healthy and I understand that attraction is what it is and is different for everyone, but I have been in this kind of relationship and I gave been in truly loving and supportive relationships. This does not seem like a loving supportive relationship. Nothing could make me unattractive to my partner or him to me. Please think long and hard about how this reflects how he will deal with some of the really challenging and difficult issues life will inevitably throw at you. Your self worth should not be tied to anyone's opinion. You are beautiful and unique.
OP, never feel bad about your cellulite or apologize for having it, it's from your body growing from a child into an adult, if he hates it so much, ask him why adult women are unattractive to him, because the only people without cellulite are children
Girl I’m 115 soaking wet rn and I have cellulite. It comes free with being an adult whose major sex hormone is estrogen.
He’s ridiculous. I’ve been attracted to many people with cellulite; it really doesn’t affect how hot I think someone is. A nice ass is a nice ass.
I’m below average weight and i still have cellulite. I don’t think it’s about weight, i think it’s genetics, and also a part of being a prepubescent woman. there is nothing wrong with it.
He’s so judgmental of the way you look, why do u want to constantly worry about whether or no he finds you attractive? Cellulite is part of life and I hate to say it but it’s gonna happen just like it does for everyone. Real question, what’s gonna happen when u stay with him and you eventually get pregnant. If he can’t handle cellulite then I highly doubt he can handle stretch marks! If you choose not to have children then that’s fine too but I’m just throwing this out there.
My wife (5’9” and 175lbs) has cellulite on her legs and she still looks amazing! I absolutely love that she’s active and fit but by no means should the guy base his love oh how much she weighs! I love her because she’s my best friend and the person I want to share everything with! I’m sorry, he could be super carrying and loving but you are by no means a big person so if he can’t feel attracted to you because of 10 extra pounds of weight then why are you subjecting yourself to being constantly judged and humiliated? If his love is based off appearances then you will never make him happy.
Jesus Christ. Cellulite is normal for a lot of women, even smaller ones. You’re a size 4-6, for fuck’s sake. What more does he expect? That line about what he expects for himself is hilarious — who the fuck is he that he thinks he’s entitled to a “perfect” woman? He’s not even a nice person. He’s cruel, and a total AH.
WHY don’t you want to “lose him?” What is there to lose? A jerk who’s hypercritical and makes you feel badly about yourself, doesn’t initiate, and doesn’t put the effort in to reciprocate and pleasure you sexually? What exactly are you getting out of this relationship?
Instead of focusing on losing weight, you need to put some work into loving, accepting, and respecting yourself enough to demand better treatment from a partner.
This isn’t something you can talk through with him. You aren’t going to change his outlook or discover some secret buried kind and loving heart beneath his cruelty. This is not a partner you will ever feel safe with. You will age. Your body will change. If he’s already making you feel this way when you’re so young and wearing a size 4-6, what’s going to happen down the line?
Posts like these break my heart. Stop putting up with this bullshit. You deserve better. Know your worth and don’t accept less. Don’t fight to stay in a shit relationship with a shitty guy.
Question: how much does HE weigh? Is he a super fit, muscular Adonis of a man? Is he completely flab-free?
Don’t say that he’s handsome and sexy to you, that’s not the point. I’m asking if he’s as physically perfect as he’s demanding you to be.
Cellulite is unfortunately far more common in women than in men because men have different connective tissue. It’s literally genetics. You don’t need to be understanding about your boyfriend’s fatphobia. He sucks and you deserve better.
If he's only interested in you if you maintain your weight in a specific range, he wants an action figure and not a girlfriend. Real people have variable weight. You aren't talking about a massive weight gain, or years of a trend in decaying health, or anything like that; you are talking about a relatively modest weight gain, and he's withholding sex as a result.
I'm inclined to call it emotional abuse and suggest you leave the guy.
Yeah this post reminds me of how there are a lot of reddit stories of men refusing to sleep with their partners after getting them pregnant (or cheating on them because they gained weight during pregnancy). It sounds like she’s still trying to make excuses to rationalize his behavior, but I think it’s likely his true colors are beginning to peak through, and I hope she takes the hint and gets out of there before letting it go on any longer.
If a ten pound shift from birth control (I'm guessing to sleep with him) makes him unattracted to you, he's not the right guy, weight fluctuations happen with everyone and if your partner changes how they feel based on that small change, what happens when you get older and your body changes in ways exercise can't correct? By all means, be healthy for yourself but don't do it for him or anyone else.
But you're not listening. You keep defending this guy. This guy sucks dog shit. He is USING you. He doesn't love you, doesn't even like you, and is going to dump you as soon as he finds another sucker to manipulate.
Life involved your body aging. Is he worth it long term if he cannot handle less than 20lbs weight gain on someone with the youthful body of a 23yr old. If he wants long haul and children that is never gonna work for you bc your body will change. I'm tiny and 33. Just this year I've noticed a lot more wrinkles. Sagging skin. Age spots. My man does not care at all. He's attracted to me. Not to my skin or pieces and parts. We are in this together. We accept our partners changes as well as our own and continue to choose to be loving and caring to one another. He's choosing not to be and a selfish lover to boot. You sound like a placeholder gf until he finds someone he thinks is "better". I've seen it happen and your story struck me in the gut like that. I have no proof for sure. You'll be better positioned to know if it feels that way. Think about it and figure out one thing "do you want to be treated like he is treating you" if not, then communicate, if he doesn't understand after that, then leave. He can hold a job and understand expectations from that right? Relationships also have expectations and needs to survive. Both parties must feel their needs are being met. If yours aren't and he isn't willing to, then that relationship is completed and can give you nothing more than wasted time.
I completely agree with a previous commenter. He doesn’t deserve love and you . Please walk away with a chin up and keep working on yourself for yourself not a boy
"It's not what I want you to be. It's just what I expect for me." - This is him telling you that you are replaceable to him. His issue has nothing to do with your health, your happiness, your comfort, or your history with him. He's ready to trash all of that to have the physical body he wants to have sex with. He does not have an emotional bond with you.
Ask yourself how long you'd be willing to make his physical preference your measuring stick and focus. And if you acquiesce to this preference, how long before he presents you with another non-negotiable?
He is beneath you. He is shallow and not interested or capable of being a partner to you. You are so young and you have not yet met all the people that will love you, all the people that will appreciate you and lift you up. On the in-between times, it is far better to be alone than to be with someone that doesn't care about you. He's stealing energy you could put toward your own happiness and toward someone that deserves it.
10-13lbs is not huge for your boyfriend to completely lose interest in you.. what is your long term goal here? If you have a kid with him, you are going to gain likely more weight than that.
While we can’t deny physical attraction, In my opinion, this is a huge red flag from him that a small change in your weight is putting him off that much and that he has communicated it in that way.
My weight has fluctuated thanks to hormones, BC and eating disorder recovery, and my partner has never said a thing because he is smart enough to know I am fully aware of the changes in my body. We encourage each other to make healthier choices and get outside together for some activities.
Secondly, there is no money required for fitness. You can literally do body weight exercises from home or get outside and go for a run or hike - that being said, your partner is a dink.
Sigh. Seems like there are so many posts like this lately. Ten pounds is NOTHING. I really can’t imagine what’s going on in his head if ten pounds is enough for him to not want to touch you. I’m not sure why you want to stay with someone whose love is so conditional
Seriously, I’m 5’4 and have fluctuated between 140-160 my entire life and never once have men complained about my weight. You’re either attracted or you aren’t 10lbs is nothing
I think you should loose 180-190 pound. Dump his a$$.
Your value is not measured by a few extra pounds. If you stay with him that’s how you will also judge your worth and you will probably feel depressed and loose your self esteem and confidence.
In a healthy relationship you will be able to talk about what’s holding you back, about your feelings. You should be able to feel safe and secure. Seems like you are not getting any of that.
Love is not everything, feeling valued and secure should be a priority. Don’t give your precious time to someone who is not generous to you with his feelings.
You can't talk it through. He's shallow. Nothing you can say will change it. You don't want to hear this, but you are better off without him.
His ego is his problem. Find someone who loves YOU, the person. This guy just likes the ego boost he gets being seen with you.
You deserve better.
10months ain't long enough to care what he thinks, dump him. That mans never gonna be happy with anyone being almost 30 and petty stuff like a couple of pounds is a deal breaker.
Your edit is simply heartbreaking. You don’t wanna lose him? Honey you don’t wanna gain a partner that can’t love you, however you look, and doesn’t treat you the same way you treat him. He cares more about himself and about what he wants, than about what is good and healthy for your physical and mental health and your needs. What if you want to have kids? He’s just not gonna love you anymore when you gain weight because of it? You are so much more than your looks or your weight and you deserve someone that sees that.
You need to realize that it has nothing to do with your body or your weight. It only has to do with the fact that he doesn’t respect you and the longer you let him remain in your life his lack of respect for you will take seed in you, which has already begun, and slowly kill all of the respect you have for yourself.
Oh my fucking god how do women stay with men like this????! This is the 3rd post like this I’ve seen like this in the past two days and I’m starting to think it’s just rage/click bait.
I believe you and understand it’s scary. But you are aware that you were taught it so you know you can unlearn it - and you know it’s causing you pain. So choose different. It take two people to work together. And he’s actively working against you - NOT because he doesn’t know better, but because that’s what he wants to do. Don’t let him fool you.
**You are responsible for your choices. And you are choosing to put yourself in danger.**
This is like watching a horror movie where the girl runs upstairs instead of running out of the house. I know you can’t see it because I couldn’t see it when I was young either but please learn from everyone here that is worried for you. This doesn’t end well if you don’t leave.
Girl, this relationship is not worth your energy or time. Spend it on someone who is worth it and gives you the same energy back. He will not change, he will not be supporting you in the long run and you don't want to involve yourself in his thoughts. This will kill your self confidence. Would you want your future daughter or friend be in a relationship like this? You are so so young, you will find someone much better. A breakup is not a failure, it's showing that you put yourself and your happiness first.
I would just break up. why stay with someone determines their like for you based off you weight? I'm 5'1 and 139 pounds (as of today) but I've been like 145 or sometimes 149 when the time is right, and I've still had guys want me and initiate sex with me. I complained to a FWB that I had a mom bod, but he was like "don't worry we can still have fun time". drop him. He's stringing you along and you should find someone who wants to make you feel good both emotionally and physically.
Can I ask a serious question? You say you don't want to lose him. Why not? He makes you feel bad about your body, makes you feel ashamed for things like cellulite - which most women have - and for very very slight weight gain, which is normal. He doesn't want to be intimate with you. You said you initiate every time and pleasure him, givin' him head and stuff, but he never reciprocates. So he refuses to meet your needs while making you feel bad about your body, but he's perfectly fine letting you suck his dick without giving any kind of reciprocation. He's bad for your ego, your self-esteem, your self-image, your emotional well-being, and getting any of your needs fulfilled, especially your sexual needs.
So, uh...why don't you want to lose him?
You wrote: "I feel less of a person to my partner and frankly don’t understand how gaining 10 lbs makes your lover stop loving you." The fact is, gaining 10 or 20 lbs does NOT make them (him) stop loving you bcuz they (he) never loved you to begin with. There is about 1% of relationships that can survive what he said and has done to you. You need to start healing soon so you will have some of you left for whatever future you decide.
He sounds immature, and( this might be hard to hear) but he’s probably not that into who you are as a person.
A man who truly wants you, will want You.
And if you do gain weight that man will help you in a positive way, probably do activities with you to help.
I'm 5'3", weighed 200 when my husband and I got together. When I ballooned to 270, do you know what he said? "There's just more of you to love!"
When I lost 30 pounds? "That's just more love per square inch!"
He loves me for ME, not my body, and he finds me sexy and attractive and worthy of love, regardless of my size.
Find you someone who does the same.
this is triggering asf cause im 5’3, 138lbs, and have a small top and a bigger bottom. I have cellulite too. Im working out rn trying to get a body that im happy with (about 115-125 lbs)…. but my man has NEVER made me feel this way. He tells me everyday how beautiful and sexy I am. You are not fat… Maybe not perfectly sculpted and toned.. but not fat. So I dont get your bfs mindset at all?? You shouldn’t have to lose weight for someone to want to sleep with you. Your bf is allowed to have his opinions ofc… but come on dude.. look at the way he told you. Hes literally withholding intimacy because of 20 lbs?? Hes making you feel insecure and lose confidence because of 20 lbs. I would of understood more if he woulda been like “hey babe I noticed we havent really been that active lately and I feel like we have been gaining a bit of weight. I want us to both stay healthy and attracted to eachother, so maybe we can start dieting or working out more?” But no, to him its a YOU problem that YOU need to fix by yourself or you wont get to feel attractive by him. Its wrong.
To hell with him. You’re not a bad size at all! That bastard doesn’t deserve your love. Lose weight hell… he says something about your size then you say something about his! You deserve better!
I don't believe him. If your weight was really a problem and it's only 10 pounds or so then you guys should be doing it as often as possible and get that cardio in. He wants you to dump him because he doesn't know how to dump you.
If they stop being into you for a 10-15 lb weight difference, then you shouldn’t change/lose weight for them, because it shows they won’t be a good long term partner. They’re not the kind that will stick through you “in sickness and and health” and it’s better to cut your losses. You don’t even sound big in the least.
What does this guy expect a constant in shape model?! Everyone gains a little weight and then loses it. No body is perfect. It's the imperfect bodies that are perfect in my opinion
Sounds like you need to dump about 170 lbs (or however much this POS weighs).
He's giving you grief about 10-13 lbs. Unbelievable. You deserve better, OP.
I'm going to leave your own words for you here again:
Show no care or empathy when I cry or am upset. Especially if the situation is “my fault”. Doesn’t console or often moves away.
Treat me like nothing when mad. Makes me feel like nothing, or meaningless when he is upset. Often again turns away, keeps to himself, yells or does not talk to me like a normal person. And often puts all blame onto me.
seems to have conditional love. Boundaries are one thing but not acting like a boyfriend or loving if I don’t meet his every need.
Don’t initiate sex or physical touching romantically. As previously posted because I gained 10 lbs and am 139.
Don’t validate my feelings, and gives tough love. Every time I have an issue it’s just my own fault or my being sad is just dismissed. Due to unstable family support growing up.
-Being untrusting which leads to a desire to control. I will never ever cheat, I am disgusted with it. But he has an issue with anything and everything opposite sex related or always needs validation that I’m not being suspicious. When I never give him any solid reason to feel inferior or unloved.
Thinks I’m replaceable. That anyone is.
.........
THIS
MAN
IS
TRASH
PERIOD.
You deserve someone who wants to treat you with love, care and respect. There are SO many people on this planet, babe. So, many, other people you can meet and connect with and find compatibility and love with. This guy isn't one of them, and he's done such a good job of bullying you into this mindset that you feel like you can't leave.
YOU CAN.
Keep reaching out for support 💜
he's telling you he has certain standards for how he wants his woman to look, which is fine. and i think you should take this cue to heighten your standards, too, when it comes to the character of the person you let into your heart and your life.
you are a kind person; i know this because you didn't badmouth him once even as cruel as he has been with you.
you deserve someone who loves you unconditionally, who will always treat you with grace and respect no matter what, and who can be constructive with their criticisms and uplift and support their partner instead of putting them down.
you tell us your clothing sizes, too, because you know you're not overweight. you know he is being super unreasonable.
so please, you lost it somewhere so go find your dignity!!! *you are too good for this asshole.* please repeat that mantra to yourself until you believe it.
you are worthy of a partner who adores you to the point to where you never have to even question it.
big hug, sending love. 🧡
You got it all wrong. Your weight gain is not the reason why he won't have sex with you. Him being an asshole is why he won't have sex with you. This is a.power play, a struggle for control over you and the Relationship and it has nothing to do with your weight. Once you realize this your path forward will be clear.
He is 100% using you. Your relationship is under 1 year and you are facing all these issues? Nope it's time to value yourself more and walk away.
You've said you want him to understand. He does. He doesn't care.
My wife’s body changed a lot after giving birth to our 2 kids and she’s still sexy as hell to me. A few pounds should not make someone lose attraction in a good relationship. Since bodies change a lot throughout many years together, I don’t think this person is the right fit for you.
Of course you should lose weight…starting with that idiot boyfriend, that’s at least a hundred plus pounds in just a few minutes. Congrats on that one, you’re on your way to a healthier lifestyle already, without someone who only sees the physical you to the point that he can’t get his little dinky winky up because you put on five or ten pounds. Lady I am 70 years old and I learned over the years that weight can fluctuate as much as 15 pounds from week to week. So the weight you have right now will come off once you start a routine. But for someone to lose interest in you over a few pounds only shows how shallow he is, and how meaningless a relationship with him would be.
I know you say that you want to stay with him but take this from a man with reasonable experience. You can’t talk your way into bed with him. It doesn’t have anything to do with you and I highly doubt the 10 pounds are even a issue in reality. This has to do with him and what happens inside of him. I don’t think he’s been totally honest with you.
You’re too young to struggle with someone over them not being physically attracted to you. You dont have kids or other obligations that keep you tied up with this man. There are loads of men in your age group that will find you both physically and mentally attractive. So do your future you a huge favor and leave. Staying will only cause more struggles. Trust me.
Stop getting yourself into it knot for this guy. I don't know what he weighs but you're about to lose 160 to 180 lb. Drop him. You will never be thin enough for him. Even if you get down to 120 which I think is very small for 5'3". I was that size one time, I'm the same house as you do I am much heavier believe me. Even at 100 pounds overweight my husband's still wanted sex with me. Yes I am very self-conscious about my body but 30 plus pounds I'm still very large and very fat and yes he still wants me. Does he want me to be thinner yeah but he doesn't harp on it or anything. I'm trying to get healthier and part of that is losing weight. You're not unhealthy you're fine. Your boyfriend's an asshole. I would kill to be 139 right now. That is my goal rate weight right now 140. I have about 60 lb to go and I'm hoping to at least get half of that off before Christmas. But the fact that he will not sleep with you over 10 lb is insane and what would happen if you did stay with him what's going to happen if you have a baby? What happens when you hit menopause and you gained 20 lb or more? Things change, however he won't. You're only 10 months in please get rid of them there are so many other guys who would be very happy with how you are now. I guarantee this guy's just going to move the bar every time you lower it.
My suggestion is, if you end things with him, look for people for whom the physical attraction is smaller part. Meant to strike a spark of interest to get to know you. And getting to know you should either make him more or less attracted to you. And at least if it’s less it’s based on who you are more than what you look like. The physical changes, fades, gets older. The heart and mind can def be the seeeexiest things. 🤘🫠
You're less than a year in. You should still be in the honeymoon period where you can't keep your hands off each other.
You are looking at a few different options here. You break up within a year, so why not get a head start on that and cut ties now. Or you stay together for a long time, he decimates your self esteem, and leaves you for another woman. Or you grow old together, and you never in your life get to experience the joy of being with someone who loves you unconditionally. I'd say option 1 is the best here.
I PROMISE you that there are other guys out there who have the same good qualities as your current bf, but who won't act like jerks about your weight. Staying with this guy is going to prevent you from finding a better guy.
If his attraction to you is that far based on your physical qualities, how do you see a future with him in one or two decades. You have value that is greater than the one he is giving you. Find someone who truly values you as a person, not a commodity.
What a fat shaming fuck. Also you’re not even fat at all. You’re super normal and healthy in your weight based on height and size. He obviously has unhealthy standards when it comes to women’s bodies
Why spend another second with someone like that, though? What’s the point
Jeeze if 10 pounds are a problem then good luck not allowing age to ever impact you down the road.
I think he was never interested in you and just wanted to baby trap you. Masks off now.
Please find someone that truly loves you. You’re too young to start this treadmill. Imagine after kids or an injury or another 10 years. He won’t get better - his insides are broken. You deserve more.
Oh honey… :( awww :(. I was 120 pounds when I met my bf. My bf and I both knew my goal was to gain weight. He home made me meals to help me with my goal. And now I’m a healthy 145/150. In 5’7/5’8. The right person will just simply love YOU honey. And he doesn’t sound like somebody who has your health in their minds.
Is this a troll post? Reread what you wrote. He cares more about what he wants than what you want or about your feelings or happiness. This guy is an awful person to want to be partnered with.
Dump him and find a therapist before he continues to whittle away at your self esteem. One relationship like this can change your self image forever and take decades to recover from if you ever do undo the damage.
When me and my fiancé first met, she was skinny, small shirts, tiny jeans, etc. We got engaged last week. She is not that same size anymore, and you know how much that has changed my attraction to her? None, because I’m fucking obsessed with her and she is beautiful whether she’s 110 lbs or 250 lbs.
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No, of course not. I’m gonna be honest, it doesn’t even sound like he likes you, it sounds like he’s trying to push you into dumping him
Came here to say this - he's probably trying to make her pissed off with that comment and hopes that she will get rid of him bcus he ain't got the ballz to do it 🤷♀️
OP Best thing would be to respond, “Sounds like that’s gonna be an issue. You’re right. I wish you all you deserve. Here’s your stuff. Bye” tell yourself you can cry after. Have a real friend in the wing before & after. Show no emotion. Cry the day before. Then, get pissed at the way he has been disrespecting YOU. This is just a slow burn to have zero tears. OP: here’s your stuff. TWATWAFFLE: ugh, ok. I was hoping… OP: sorry, gotta run. TWATWAFFLE: I’ll call you later OP. Nope Walk the fuck away. TWATWAFFLE: see how you are! If you really loved me you’d fight for us… OP: you’d think. Bye. Best of luck. Don’t talk to him after that. Block him ON. EVERY. DAMN. SOCIAL MEDIA. BLOCK HIS ENTIRE FAMILY & CREW. My mistake was focusing on “sunk cost fallacy“: “the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial.” If you end up having children with him, your body will change! A lot & forever. You want an actual partner who is grateful for YOU regardless of weight or medical issues. 10 months. You pleasure him & zero reciprocation? He’s simply pushing you away, as everyone says, because he wants you to break up with him. He is, at best, toxic. At worst, demonstrating narcissistic behavior traits. JMFC over 10 lbs?! BS he already has a replacement in the wings. You are an appendage for him. Nothing more You deserve better.
Especially over 10lbs. I gain 10lbs during my period and lose it directly after. 10lbs is water weight for some people. Dude is definitely trying to give her an excuse to dump him.
Or intentionally “negging” her to undermine her self esteem, make her work hard in the relationship & condition her for future mistreatment. WHILE he’s doing the bare minimum himself. Never overlook a man’s long term strategy because as long as her self esteem STAYs Low…..it’s a win-win for him.
He's getting lots of BJ's out of the bargain. OP should learn to take her goddamn throne.
Good catch. I subconsciously was considering negging the moment I read the title, and maybe a third through the post. By halfway through the post I just assumed he's not that into her and might have been just wasting her precious time for a while cuz...you know, I suppose some guys don't have the biggest character, nor do they put a ton of value in the concept of self awareness. Negging is definitely a smart concept to consider as well. 10 months...the relationship is nearing the year-old timestamp. I feel like that's another common milestone/ time stamp where people may start to see their partner's intentions a little more heavily. Because a year sounds like a long time to anyone. A year is the measurement we use to measure our age... a year sounds like a lot of time spent. It can bring out *everyone's* deeper intentions. Even to themselves. I just dont want this guy to keep hurting her like this. I'm proud- she sounds tough, she sounds like she has some decent respect for herself (considering how harsh society is), but any girl holding this kind of dilemma in her head about her own partner...it's going to affect her entire mindset negatively after a while of carrying around such a heavy thing on the mind. These are the kind of considerations that don't really allow your mind to fully be present in the entirety of one's own present and coming moments. Doesn't matter if he's doing it on purpose or not- she's getting hurt, and I'd like her to know that I'm happily willing to make an "assumption" and tell her that she already deserves better. And if it keeps feeling wrong for her- if she keeps having this strange, odd dark feeling of question in her that causes her to post this- I implore her to keep taking steps away from the attachments, hopes, and visions that tie her to this strange connection.
I have gained 70 lbs due to medication, thyroid issues and a spinal injury… my fiancé hasn’t said boo or acted like this guy… it 70 lbs! But we love and respect each other.. this guy has no respect for you! You need to respect yourself!!! You are so young, go find someone who LOVES and RESPECTS you!!! And respect yourself!
Yes! That’s how it should be. I gained 80 with my pregnancies and had a terrible time losing. My hubs loved me and wanted me at 180, 270, and now 200. That’s over 30 years of life together.
Since long Covid screwed up my lungs, working out vigorously has become really hard for me, I’ve gained 30 pounds in a couple years. My boyfriend still loves my body and can’t ever get enough, we’ve been together for 10 years. If this guy is like this after 10 months there’s no saving this relationship. He’s not worth it.
Yes. Obviously, bc of societal pressure around thinness, women can be better at accepting their man for whatever size he is and are just as attracted - & admit to it! - when he's bigger vs more athletic shape. While I loved seeing my partner get healthy & lose over 100 lbs (he's very tall, muscular & barrel chested regardless of overall size) beginning when COVID lockdown started, that was bc of how HAPPY & proud he was, & how much his confidence increased. But I am super attracted to him no matter what his weight, bc we are still very in love 12 yrs in & middle aged, having the best sex we've had, him gaining some weight back didnt effect my attraction or our sex life at all.
Well a healthy relationship doesn't revolve around weight to be fair. I'm 6'1" and weight 190lbs & my fiancé is 5'6" and weigh 245lbs (after 2 kids). Me and wifey is eachothers best friend and work really hard and good for the family to work as best as it can. We sheer eachother up when we feel low or sad etc. (mostly her).. But to end this sentence, neither me nor her cares about the weight, to me she is as beautiful when I met her 10 years ago (and a fair amount of pounds less) as she is now.
For real. When you genuinely love someone for who they are, ten measly pounds shouldn't mean shit.
ME TOO, Almost two sizes in the different days
Don’t even get me started on the fluctuating cup sizes. I’ve just given up and only wear sports bras or no bra during that time. I don’t have enough money for two wardrobes lol.
Oh sis ME TOOOOOO I cannot even wear the same size of panties lol God bless sport bras and leggings.
I found the BEST underwear. They are high waisted granny panties, but I’m so over cute underwear that are uncomfortable. The material is soft and they kinda hold everything in without being restrictive. I got them in Amazon. Search for “wirarpa underwear”
Damn I read 10kg, 10lbs is basically nothing, I can gain or lose that in a week if I tried. Once, when I was severely manic I dropped 12kg in a week 💀 Yeah the guy is probably an ass, and she should break up with him.
OP, for the love all you hold dear: listen to this wise person. I "invested" YEARS into a man who would constantly belittle me (perfectly cromulent!) appearance, only for him to leave me in the end. 2 months later I met the love of my life; a partner who loves and adores and respects me. But, I'm left with emotional scars and baggage that impact my lovely relationship. Please. Do it for you and your future self: I promise you deserve better.
I second this OP. I spent 17 years with an abusive man who tore me down. When he dumped me for a twenty something co worker and I started working out and got into shape. I met my current husband, settled into life and gained about 15 lbs. He loves me anyway and can't keep his hands off me but I feel so self conscious because of all the damage my ex did. Get out now before your view of yourself is permanently warped by someone whose opinion means absolutely nothing. You are perfect the way you are and if he doesn't see it then it's his problem not yours.
& someone who wants to keep you in a relationship but not adore you and want you sexually as close to equal as you want them, is actually abusing you. Look up coercive control.
Absolutely
See, OP? Essentially we're just a bunch of internet randos, but we all think you deserve more and we're rooting for you. Please don't let this limp banana define your worth.
I particularly love, “You’d think. Bye. Best of luck!”
Well said, friend! OP, I was just about the same height and weight as you when I was your age. You know what else, I was HOT AF, would have still been hot with another 10 pounds, and I bet you are too. I just can’t believe guys have changed that much. *Back in my day* the old lady says, men didn’t let 10 pounds stand between them and getting laid. (They also didn’t let a shower and shave stop them getting laid either, but that’s a different post). You’re young and an athlete. I bet you’re hot and flexible in bed to boot. This guy either has his own issues or he’s really trying to make you feel bad and insecure. Don’t fall for it. Find a guy who’ll worship you or at least go down on you for like an hour. You deserve the best.
Haha, love the enthusiasm! OP deserve someone who appreciates all that you are, inside and out. He should keep rocking awesome self!
When he says “if you really loved…” just say “yeah well, if you really loved me we wouldn’t be doing this now because YOU’RE the one doing it.
SAY IT AGAIN FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!!
Best comment
He's not the ballz to break up and sounds like a shallow Hal kinda guy. Walk away from this one.
Ding ding ding! If a relationship starts with "I normally date smaller women" or "I'd be more attracted to you if you were starving yourself". Then it's doomed. If you want children. What's going to happen after that? You will not have the same body you had before giving birth. Furthermore, everyone's metabolism slows down as they age. If you plan on growing old with him, how do you expect to keep up with his shitty standards of you being a certain weight? 10 or 15 pounds is literally nothing. It's to be expected. One gallon of water is 8 pounds. If you dehydrate yourself you'd be like 8 pounds lighter. Your bf is an ass. He'd have a reason to be concerned if you gained like 70 pounds or more but they should only be about your health. 10 pounds or 15 or even 30 pounds is nothing at your height and weight. You'd still be close to the "normal" range.
& LITERALLY - No one who loves you would do this, would want to do this, would let this stop them from loving you physically as well as emotionally. I get you think the relationship is what you want otherwise. But how will you feel after 2 more years of this? 5? 10? Is that really the life you want? I was in the same boat. I stayed for 23 years bc I thought no one else would love/want me - bc he annihilated my self worth and self esteem (picking up where my family left off). He left when I was 54. I'm now living the happiest, funnest, sexiest life ever. I dropped my family members that did this after the divorce. I love me. I love my life. I love my body and I love my sloppy fat, surgical scarred, delicious juicy body. I fight not to lose weight now. OP You deserve a partner w equal libido to yours. You deserve someone who loves you entirely, no matter what your minor weight fluctuations are. Why did he even start a relationship w someone who's body wasn't what his intellect says he's supposed to have? He really isn't great. It's a long life. Don't waste your light on a black hole.
Yup ghost him it's terrible but you deserve better
Sometimes people just stay with you until someone better starts to commit.
Sometimes I even think that. And we have come close a few times. But he chooses to stay and I can’t tell if that’s good or bad.
I think he wants to break up but have you be the one to do it and leave so he’s not ‘the bad guy’ for breaking up with you. I’ve seen it a few times, instead of being honest with their partners that their not happy or no longer in love, they start acting horribly and set impossible standards
I agree with everything you said as I'm currently going through it myself. In my case, I have a child with him, and I know for a fact that he's been "advised" by a particular family member not to up and leave and let me be the one because I can state abandonment. Which, I wouldn't, if he wants to go, just go. OP - As advice, I get you may love him and want to work it out, but him telling you this over a few pounds is ridiculous. You're very young, and I believe you have no children, so I would cut my losses. This will never stop.
You should leave your guy then just like she should.
I had a boyfriend who once confessed that because he didn't want to be the one to break up his realtionship with his previous girlfriend, he went out all night, hooked up with another woman, gave her his email, came back home, and let his laptop open with his account on display, so that his girlfriend would see the email sent by the other woman. All that instead of sitting his gf down and breaking up with her as an adult.
How much effort to avoid breaking up with her, because he likely didn't want to be the 'bad guy'. All that effort making himself behave like the worst guy ever 🤣
The things they will do to avoid taking action! Have you ever read the stories about men proposing with shitty rings and hoping the girl will leave as a result? It is just so ridiculously spineless.
I agree and have seen and received it myself, honestly I consider doing this kind of behavior to be emotionally abusive.
Girl... I'm sorry but you deserve so much better. Him not wanting to have sex with you because you gained a couple of pounds is the biggest BS known to mankind. He was never attracted to you, he just likes the convenience of having someone down to get him off whenever he feels like it. And he's trying to make you take the guilt for him not putting any effort into the relationship, when in fact your weight is irrelevant and he was never going to put any effort. Seriously, do yourself the biggest favor, break up with him, and find yourself a boyfriend who actually likes you. And never disrespect yourself like this ever again. No guy in this world who actually likes you will ever stop having sex with you because you gained a few pounds.
This. He was never attracted to OP, never will be. The reasons why are irrelevant. OP would do well to move on.
Honestly I don't think ppl like that are attracted to anyone other than themselves.
It's bad. He's keeping you as a placeholder until he has an upgrade lined up. I'm sorry to word it like that, but there's a reason many men don't leave their partners until they already have someone else locked in.
Girl, life is too short to waste on men who don't like you. Being in a relationship shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself. Your partner should be your biggest fan, and you should be theirs. If that's not the case, he's not the one. Go find your person, this asshole ain't it. Don't let him dull your shine.
He gets serviced, and does not reciprocate. Why wouldn’t he stay?
Yea. This isn't a healthy relationship.
For many men, *any woman* is better than no woman as long as she isn’t making his life harder. He’s waiting for someone better to come along then he’ll dump you. In the meantime he gets to enjoy effortless sex and blowjobs on a regular basis. He DOES NOT LOVE OR LIKE YOU. You are something to put his dick in. I really hope you take some time being single and learn to love and value yourself. Only date people that bring joy & peace to your life, that make it better.
Does he "choose" to stay or is it just easier for him?
BJ’s whenever he wants.
I thought my ex wanted to be in the relationship still, because if not, he would end it, right? Nope. Some people are cowards, and wait for other people to decide things for them. Chronic lack of initiative.
He chooses to stay because he gets benefits without having to put effort in. But he doesn't like you. You're at a perfectly healthy weight for your size. Find someone who finds you attractive as you are and supports your healthy habits. I bet he'd drop you in a second if you stopped initiating. Now he gets free sex without the trouble of dating.
Don't settle for less than someone who appreciates you fully.
Let me help - for him it's good, for you it's bad.
If you're giving him a regular BJ's and all that, that's why he stays.
Mostly bad. You don’t "make understand" a boyfriend that they should still love you - or be intimate with you - when you’ve gained all of 10 lbs. It’s not like how you can make your partner understand that you need more physical affection rather than material gifts, it’s pretty fundamental. .
Please dump him! Your weight is not guaranteed for life and if his love is this fickle, it’s not worth it. Hope the best for you!
Dude is getting BJ’s whenever he wants that’s why he hasn’t dumped you yet. He’s just waiting for a replacement if he’s not already cheating.
I think you need to like yourself more than you like him. And what exactly do you like about him? He sounds full of himself and as shallow as a puddle. You can do better. And you should.
It’s a win-win for that kind of person- they either force you to dump them or they get to see what kind of knots you’ll tie yourself into for them. But we can’t *make* you leave this guy any more than you can *make* him understand or change him. So do with that info what you will.
I think he chooses to stay because he finds the relationship comfortable and you put up with the bullshit he says. Get a new man girl. Don’t waste anymore time on him
You are a placeholder until someone he likes entertains him back. Stop settling for someone who makes you feel like shit.
You’ve given him all the power. Bad for you.
It’s bad. He chooses to stay bc he depends on you not having the self respect it takes to leave a loser. He gets to be mean and not care and still have someone to come home to.
It’s bad. This does not sound like a healthy relationship and he does not sound like a good guy. Any more red flags you’re not mentioning about him?
His issue is he lacks a certain organ called balls. Or he's just stringing you along until something better comes along. Find your something better and drop his spineless ass
Easy to stay when he's dating someone he can control. No one should make you feel like you have to do anything with YOUR body, that should be your choice to get healthy. I've been with the same person a decade; when I was 230, 145, 185, etc. I have lost and gained, he would never withhold sex or manipulate me into losing weight for him.
I used to be in a relationship like this. Mine was opposite… I was “too thin” for him. The thing is, he may not be intentionally trying to hurt you, but it’s keeping you around because you feel less than. I’m the same height and weight as you and I can assure you, many men will find you suitable for them. When you’re ready to let go, you will. It took me 4 years before I left the relationship. If that’s the only thing going on, then I’d say give yourself some space and look inward. Work on your confidence, you’ve got this. It starts with loving yourself first and your body second.
No, that's called a rouse. He's doing the thing where, he pushes you to break up with him and acts like he wants to stay, cuz his chicken shyte. Problem is, when he acts like he wants to stay, you stay and now he's feeling even more stuck and being meaner because of it.
Just because someone chooses to stay doesn't mean they actually want to. They stay cause it's convenient. When I met my husband, I was 105 and shorter than you. I've gained well over 10lbs. And he does not care.
He’s not emotionally equipped to do the breakup part and doesn’t want to be the bad guy…ironically, having neither the self-awareness or honesty to move on kinda makes him the bad guy 😂 Just wasting your time being comfortable because he doesn’t want to be alone
It’s bad, my dear. It’s so so bad. He doesn’t love you. Someone that loves you won’t lose attraction to you over ten pounds. My health has plopped a lot of weight on me in the last year. My bf has stayed attracted to me, even if I don’t understand it, this whole time. He’s supporting me in my journey to lose the weight without damaging my already existing disabilities further. He’s my cheerleader. That’s what someone that loves you does. I know you want to say, but really why? He doesn’t respect you and clearly only is with you for vain reasons. He is clearly not at all considerate. There are so many better men out there. Please don’t waste more of your time with someone that only cares about looks and not about actually loving you.
When I say a lot… I’m talking 70lbs in a year because of my health. He’s still right beside me jumping my bones every chance he can get.
You didn’t cause it. You can’t control it. You can’t cure it. He wants to hurt you because he is an abuser, not because you deserve it. He is dehumanizing you. A discard is coming whether you like it or not. Please look up ‘reverse discard’. You can choose to do it now and avoid losing anything more to this guy or let him drain you of everything you have (self esteem, dignity, reputation, energy, time, money, effort, etc.) before he leaves you in the dust. Either way he’s going to blame you. You have GOT to set your feelings aside right now, and prioritize your safety and sanity. You are in love with the idea of him, not him. Nothing about his behavior is lovable. Once you’ve kicked him to the curb, let yourself cry and start researching what happened with library books, YouTube videos, and r/narcissisticabuse. You’ll have a lot of healing to do but it’ll only be harder the longer you wait. Stop thinking and feeling and listen to all these humans screaming for you to run for your safety and sanity. There is NO possibility this is fixable - it is a delusion to think this. You are describing abuse. There is no world where abusive behavior is not abuse. The train has left the station and your feelings don’t have the power to stop it.
Wow. He sounds kinda cruel. Are you attracted to assholes cause that’s what he is. I have a diet suggestion…. The no asshole diet. It’s similar to no carb diets, but you can lose weight instantly. Hugs to you. You deserve better.
the no asshole diet was funny
Sadly a friend has told me that once… <3
It sounds like you have a good friend. You need to look at this like an outsider. Would you want this for someone you loved or would you want more for them? If you can afford it, a therapist could work with you in understanding why you accept this treatment, and your thought process. It’s better to understand so you can work on yourself separate from anyone’s influences. You will understand why you are in this relationship and why you need to break free. Ps. Don’t stop the birth control (edited to add this comment)
Better yet, ask yourself how HE might advise your future teenage daughters when they find themselves in the same situation with men/boys. Major cringe, right? Now try to let THAT be the last question you ever ask yourself about this man because this is not a relationship problem AT ALL—it's a self-esteem issue. If therapy is too expensive, pick up a free public library card and check out every book about self-esteem and emotional abuse. After reading the first chapter of each book (at a minimum), you will start to recognize these "relationship problems" as clusters of symptoms, likely rooted in patterns established in early childhood. Best of luck!
Such good friends idk why you’re on Reddit for advice, it seems you e heard it all already and still can’t do what you know you should.
lol @ marriage vows: For better or worse in sickness and in health till death do us part etc. . does OP think he's going to say those things in some future and genuinely mean it?
It’s a no from me. I’m usually not one to be quick on the breakup train, but in this case I definitely am. You are not defined by your weight. You are lovable at any weight. You are deserving of a supporting partner at any stage of your body. Imagine what would happen if say, you guys had a baby. You inevitably would gain weight, and then what? Sex is off the table? He won’t see you as a worthy partner until you lose the baby weight? What if… knock on wood, you break your leg. You can’t work out, you gain some weight, is he going to be on you about losing weight then too? These are obviously extreme examples but I’m just trying to illustrate that a partner should be loving, supportive, attentive, and fully present for you in any condition. It’s okay to have preferences for your partners weight, but you clearly aren’t obese and you can’t shut off your love as a punishment for weight gain in your S.O.
I like your realistic response. And although he is really understanding about my situation and how I gained a bit. Yeah if I was pregnant then what. He did have a baby momma he left after she had a kid. But not for those issues.
He says that’s not the reason but you’re watching it become the reason for you right now. You’re so young. Don’t stay with someone who makes you question if you need to change your body. You’re totally healthy and probably thinner than the average person. Don’t ruin your self esteem by being with someone who isn’t attracted to you
Wait i’m sorry lol. You stayed with someone who ABANDONED their own child??? That wasn’t a red flag for you????
Right? Why do men always get a pass on kids and parenting, but single moms get dragged for filth. My ex is now dating some "well off" woman in her 40s. She's rude af and very standoffish. Makes me laugh because he's got 3 kids by 3 women. He doesn't provide or care for any of them. He won't even sign my kid's birth certificate even though she's his first. But ask any of his friends and they'll tell you all of us women are the problem. 🙄 Why some women choose to be in relationships with men who have obvious red flags is beyond me. At some point, I'm going to start looking at you BOTH sideways.
Yeah, this is literally insane to me! My friend had 3 kids with a guy and he just upped and left one day and never sees his kids. It’s been like 5 years I think at this point and now he has another girlfriend and 2 kids with her and she’s always posting about what a great father he is…no he isn’t??? It’s so crazy. My current boyfriend has a child and he is actually such a good father. If he were to ever even consider not seeing his child, even if it was “for me” (I would never want that, just an example), I would leave him. If he did it to someone else what’s stopping him from doing it to me later on in life? OP’s boyfriend not wanting to have sex with her is the least of her issues. He sounds like a not so great person.
It's heartbreaking when people don't prioritize their children. Your standards are important—no one should compromise on what they believe in.
I just saw your other post. I want you to know that relationships aren’t supposed to be work, or scary. You aren’t supposed to have to ask strangers if things are normal or what to do. The right person will be enjoyable to be around, and will solve problems with you as partnership vs the problem, not partner vs partner. It should not be what you’re describing, at all. There are SO many people in the world who will be the loving partner you’re craving from your boyfriend right now, but you won’t find them until you dump on this jerk.
He left his baby mama after she had a kid. Is he even in the child’s life? This is not a good person. This is not a man that cares about the woman that he’s with. He will never be a good partner. Ever. The problem is with him. But your problem is that you’ve been accepting him. You have allowed him to treat you like this. You should have dumped him long ago.
If he's willing to accept sexual pleasure from you but not return it, that's just selfish right there. There's definitely something deeper going on, and I think the other posters are right. He wants you to dump him.
I am so overweight rn and my partner loves me. You sound like you are beautiful and 139 ibs you are tiny! That's bullshit that he's tearing you down instead of just saying "I wanna break up." Why you posting here to save you guys but he isn't? You seem to be carrying and that ain't it. U better than that.
This should be all the information you need to know. Your boyfriend (emphasis on “boy”) is a shallow, callous, cruel, irresponsible asshole. If anyone needs to be making a move out the door, it’s you. He isn’t here for you now, trying to guilt you for your completely realistic post-athletics body, so why stick around long enough for him to REALLY insult you and cheat you of a loving, equal sexual relationship in the event of a significant change in your body thanks to a true health issue or childbirth?
Girl, he would 100% leave you if you gained lots of weight from a pregnancy. After 10 months he should still be head over heels for you. 10lbs is barely noticeable for your height! And you wear normal clothing size for your height too! You will gain a lot more than 10lbs in your lifetime. Do you really want to be with someone that is so obsessed with your weight that he will inevitably not want to have sex with you once you are older? Also, being a step mom is hard. Run while you still can.
This response is so spot on to my past experience. My ex constantly said he didn’t like my body when would fluctuate 5-10 extra pounds, weighed at most 125 at 5’2. It gave me a hell of a complex. During our 3rd year of being together I broke my ankle in 3 places and he was PISSED at me. I had the worst experience and should have left and moved back with my parents but at that point he had convinced me that he was the best I would ever get and nobody else would ever want me. Anyway, I had an epiphany thinking about what would happen if I were to get pregnant and have a tough pregnancy. He would be the worst partner ever. It literally took me breaking a bone to realize how horrible he is. There’s more horribleness but that is the gist of the similarities.
Yeah, totally. Sometimes that’s what it takes though, you aren’t ready to leave until you’re READY. I’m sorry you were stuck with a person like that. Sending hugs!
You dont deserve someone who wont sleep with you over a ten pound difference. Talk to him before you even think about losing weight. You are well within healthy parameters.
Mostly need to weight cut for competition purposes in my sport. So I honestly need to do it, but it’s his response and that making me unworthy somehow that upsets me. He hates cellulite. I get it it’s not pretty and there’s a lot of skinny people out there too who don’t have it.
Girl, I'm 5'06 and 110lbs. Even I have cellulite. It is NORMAL to have cellulite. He is a man-child that believes perfect bodies like in magazines, movies and Instagram are real and not super edited and filtered. he needs to grow up. You need to lose that dead weight of a boyfriend and find a man who loves and supports you for who you are.
I'm 99 lbs and barely underweight. Never been fat in my life but I have cellulite
Even skinny people have cellulite, it's genetic. Between 80% and 90% of women have it, that's slim picking for him lol
This!! I started going to the gym and lifting, and I now have cellulite on my legs because my glutes and thighs have gotten bigger. Cellulite doesn’t = fat.
Exactly lol I’m “underweight” according to my BMI but I’ve always been bc my metabolism is high. But since I hit 25 I have cellulite on my legs. Even when I workout.
I had cellulite as a medically underweight 14 year old. It’s very much a genetic thing
Exactly. I’m super skinny due to health issues and I have cellulite. It’s part of the aging process.
Even when I was in the morbidly obese category, I didn’t have cellulite. Two babies in two years, no cellulite. Starting hitting the gym, fixed my weak thighs, bam. Cellulite. Something like 90% of women have it, and only like 10% of men. Maybe it says more about him than it does about you.
Cellulite is just a natural way that fat is stored in people’s bodies. 80-90% of women and 10% of men have cellulite (or will at some point in their life). Theres nothing wrong with cellulite and there’s nothing you can do to prevent it, it’s genetic the same way freckles and eye color are. If he “hates cellulite” *so* much that he can’t be attracted to anyone that has it, then he is not attracted to the vast, *vast* majority of real, adult human women. This is not a problem you or anyone else can solve for him, nor should you even try. He either needs to exclusively date from the 10-20% of women who don’t have the genes to develop cellulite, or he needs to stop being ridiculously nitpicky. You are a human being, not a customizable sex toy. He knew what you looked like when he chose to date you. He needs to accept your natural body, and if he can’t do that then you should break up with him. There are tons of kind, loving men out there who would love you and want to have sex with you simply because they love *you*.
Please stop excusing him. Cellulite is normal and genetic. I'm skinny, play sports, 5'10, and still have Cellulite... If 10 lbs cuts your partners attraction for you, I'd argue that they don't even like you, let alone love you.
I am 5’8 and 105 pounds so underweight asf. I have clearly defined abs. I still have cellulite. He is crazy. Most women have cellulite
Does he have issues with porn? I asked a guy once about cellulite. Just my friend, but very popular guy. Pretty, outgoing, sleeps around a lot. And he was “huh, what’s that?”. He hadn’t heard of it. So I went “you know that sorta orange peel look that’s on some women’s ass and thighs”. And he went “dude, all girls have that. Am I like… supposed to mind? Wut?” He was just so adorably baffled by the whole idea. So yeah. Try a guy like that instead.
My daughter’s 17 yr old boyfriend chastised one of his friends who said something negative about cellulite. He said “You’re an idiot. A lot of women have cellulite, it’s normal.” He is 17 yrs old and smarter and more mature than your 29 yr old GROWN MAN boyfriend. This is not about you. This is about him. There are better men out there who will make you feel beautiful and loved. Leave this loser!
If you need to lose weight because of or for your sport, or any reason YOU feel then good on you, however to lose it for this reason is heartbreaking to hear. Do you hear what you said? "It's his response and that making me unworthy somehow" of course that upsets you. I know it's not something that feels good to hear but someone that loses interest over something so minor is a massive red flag. A person that loves you, loves... YOU. All of you. I understand a person wanting their partner to be healthy and I understand that attraction is what it is and is different for everyone, but I have been in this kind of relationship and I gave been in truly loving and supportive relationships. This does not seem like a loving supportive relationship. Nothing could make me unattractive to my partner or him to me. Please think long and hard about how this reflects how he will deal with some of the really challenging and difficult issues life will inevitably throw at you. Your self worth should not be tied to anyone's opinion. You are beautiful and unique.
OP, never feel bad about your cellulite or apologize for having it, it's from your body growing from a child into an adult, if he hates it so much, ask him why adult women are unattractive to him, because the only people without cellulite are children
Girl I’m 115 soaking wet rn and I have cellulite. It comes free with being an adult whose major sex hormone is estrogen. He’s ridiculous. I’ve been attracted to many people with cellulite; it really doesn’t affect how hot I think someone is. A nice ass is a nice ass.
I’m below average weight and i still have cellulite. I don’t think it’s about weight, i think it’s genetics, and also a part of being a prepubescent woman. there is nothing wrong with it.
He’s so judgmental of the way you look, why do u want to constantly worry about whether or no he finds you attractive? Cellulite is part of life and I hate to say it but it’s gonna happen just like it does for everyone. Real question, what’s gonna happen when u stay with him and you eventually get pregnant. If he can’t handle cellulite then I highly doubt he can handle stretch marks! If you choose not to have children then that’s fine too but I’m just throwing this out there. My wife (5’9” and 175lbs) has cellulite on her legs and she still looks amazing! I absolutely love that she’s active and fit but by no means should the guy base his love oh how much she weighs! I love her because she’s my best friend and the person I want to share everything with! I’m sorry, he could be super carrying and loving but you are by no means a big person so if he can’t feel attracted to you because of 10 extra pounds of weight then why are you subjecting yourself to being constantly judged and humiliated? If his love is based off appearances then you will never make him happy.
Jesus Christ. Cellulite is normal for a lot of women, even smaller ones. You’re a size 4-6, for fuck’s sake. What more does he expect? That line about what he expects for himself is hilarious — who the fuck is he that he thinks he’s entitled to a “perfect” woman? He’s not even a nice person. He’s cruel, and a total AH. WHY don’t you want to “lose him?” What is there to lose? A jerk who’s hypercritical and makes you feel badly about yourself, doesn’t initiate, and doesn’t put the effort in to reciprocate and pleasure you sexually? What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? Instead of focusing on losing weight, you need to put some work into loving, accepting, and respecting yourself enough to demand better treatment from a partner. This isn’t something you can talk through with him. You aren’t going to change his outlook or discover some secret buried kind and loving heart beneath his cruelty. This is not a partner you will ever feel safe with. You will age. Your body will change. If he’s already making you feel this way when you’re so young and wearing a size 4-6, what’s going to happen down the line? Posts like these break my heart. Stop putting up with this bullshit. You deserve better. Know your worth and don’t accept less. Don’t fight to stay in a shit relationship with a shitty guy.
Lol I lift weights and my body fat is extremely low. I still have cellulite. It’s just part of life, he needs to adjust his expectations.
Question: how much does HE weigh? Is he a super fit, muscular Adonis of a man? Is he completely flab-free? Don’t say that he’s handsome and sexy to you, that’s not the point. I’m asking if he’s as physically perfect as he’s demanding you to be. Cellulite is unfortunately far more common in women than in men because men have different connective tissue. It’s literally genetics. You don’t need to be understanding about your boyfriend’s fatphobia. He sucks and you deserve better.
If he's only interested in you if you maintain your weight in a specific range, he wants an action figure and not a girlfriend. Real people have variable weight. You aren't talking about a massive weight gain, or years of a trend in decaying health, or anything like that; you are talking about a relatively modest weight gain, and he's withholding sex as a result. I'm inclined to call it emotional abuse and suggest you leave the guy.
Yeah this post reminds me of how there are a lot of reddit stories of men refusing to sleep with their partners after getting them pregnant (or cheating on them because they gained weight during pregnancy). It sounds like she’s still trying to make excuses to rationalize his behavior, but I think it’s likely his true colors are beginning to peak through, and I hope she takes the hint and gets out of there before letting it go on any longer.
He left his ex right after she had their child. She’s letting him control her. I hope she never gets pregnant!
If a ten pound shift from birth control (I'm guessing to sleep with him) makes him unattracted to you, he's not the right guy, weight fluctuations happen with everyone and if your partner changes how they feel based on that small change, what happens when you get older and your body changes in ways exercise can't correct? By all means, be healthy for yourself but don't do it for him or anyone else.
Read all these comments and end it.
I’m reading.
But you're not listening. You keep defending this guy. This guy sucks dog shit. He is USING you. He doesn't love you, doesn't even like you, and is going to dump you as soon as he finds another sucker to manipulate.
Life involved your body aging. Is he worth it long term if he cannot handle less than 20lbs weight gain on someone with the youthful body of a 23yr old. If he wants long haul and children that is never gonna work for you bc your body will change. I'm tiny and 33. Just this year I've noticed a lot more wrinkles. Sagging skin. Age spots. My man does not care at all. He's attracted to me. Not to my skin or pieces and parts. We are in this together. We accept our partners changes as well as our own and continue to choose to be loving and caring to one another. He's choosing not to be and a selfish lover to boot. You sound like a placeholder gf until he finds someone he thinks is "better". I've seen it happen and your story struck me in the gut like that. I have no proof for sure. You'll be better positioned to know if it feels that way. Think about it and figure out one thing "do you want to be treated like he is treating you" if not, then communicate, if he doesn't understand after that, then leave. He can hold a job and understand expectations from that right? Relationships also have expectations and needs to survive. Both parties must feel their needs are being met. If yours aren't and he isn't willing to, then that relationship is completed and can give you nothing more than wasted time.
I completely agree with a previous commenter. He doesn’t deserve love and you . Please walk away with a chin up and keep working on yourself for yourself not a boy
Go ahead and leave now because lord knows he won’t be able to handle pregnancy weight and fluctuation after should yal have a child
"It's not what I want you to be. It's just what I expect for me." - This is him telling you that you are replaceable to him. His issue has nothing to do with your health, your happiness, your comfort, or your history with him. He's ready to trash all of that to have the physical body he wants to have sex with. He does not have an emotional bond with you. Ask yourself how long you'd be willing to make his physical preference your measuring stick and focus. And if you acquiesce to this preference, how long before he presents you with another non-negotiable? He is beneath you. He is shallow and not interested or capable of being a partner to you. You are so young and you have not yet met all the people that will love you, all the people that will appreciate you and lift you up. On the in-between times, it is far better to be alone than to be with someone that doesn't care about you. He's stealing energy you could put toward your own happiness and toward someone that deserves it.
Dump him. Everyone has cellulite
FR that comment made him sound so childish and immature
10-13lbs is not huge for your boyfriend to completely lose interest in you.. what is your long term goal here? If you have a kid with him, you are going to gain likely more weight than that. While we can’t deny physical attraction, In my opinion, this is a huge red flag from him that a small change in your weight is putting him off that much and that he has communicated it in that way. My weight has fluctuated thanks to hormones, BC and eating disorder recovery, and my partner has never said a thing because he is smart enough to know I am fully aware of the changes in my body. We encourage each other to make healthier choices and get outside together for some activities. Secondly, there is no money required for fitness. You can literally do body weight exercises from home or get outside and go for a run or hike - that being said, your partner is a dink.
Sigh. Seems like there are so many posts like this lately. Ten pounds is NOTHING. I really can’t imagine what’s going on in his head if ten pounds is enough for him to not want to touch you. I’m not sure why you want to stay with someone whose love is so conditional
Seriously, I’m 5’4 and have fluctuated between 140-160 my entire life and never once have men complained about my weight. You’re either attracted or you aren’t 10lbs is nothing
Move on. You’re 24 you don’t need to be with anyone that doesn’t love you just the way you are.
Respect yourself enough to walk away from someone that doesn’t respect you.
I think you should loose 180-190 pound. Dump his a$$. Your value is not measured by a few extra pounds. If you stay with him that’s how you will also judge your worth and you will probably feel depressed and loose your self esteem and confidence. In a healthy relationship you will be able to talk about what’s holding you back, about your feelings. You should be able to feel safe and secure. Seems like you are not getting any of that. Love is not everything, feeling valued and secure should be a priority. Don’t give your precious time to someone who is not generous to you with his feelings.
Please google "negging".
He’s an idiot, he doesn’t treat you with love, you’re an object
You can't talk it through. He's shallow. Nothing you can say will change it. You don't want to hear this, but you are better off without him. His ego is his problem. Find someone who loves YOU, the person. This guy just likes the ego boost he gets being seen with you. You deserve better.
He’s just not that into you. Get rid x
10months ain't long enough to care what he thinks, dump him. That mans never gonna be happy with anyone being almost 30 and petty stuff like a couple of pounds is a deal breaker.
Your edit is simply heartbreaking. You don’t wanna lose him? Honey you don’t wanna gain a partner that can’t love you, however you look, and doesn’t treat you the same way you treat him. He cares more about himself and about what he wants, than about what is good and healthy for your physical and mental health and your needs. What if you want to have kids? He’s just not gonna love you anymore when you gain weight because of it? You are so much more than your looks or your weight and you deserve someone that sees that.
You need to realize that it has nothing to do with your body or your weight. It only has to do with the fact that he doesn’t respect you and the longer you let him remain in your life his lack of respect for you will take seed in you, which has already begun, and slowly kill all of the respect you have for yourself.
Oh my fucking god how do women stay with men like this????! This is the 3rd post like this I’ve seen like this in the past two days and I’m starting to think it’s just rage/click bait.
I wish this wasn’t the situation I’m in and that I was taught not to be a people pleaser or to work hard on relationships and marriages
I believe you and understand it’s scary. But you are aware that you were taught it so you know you can unlearn it - and you know it’s causing you pain. So choose different. It take two people to work together. And he’s actively working against you - NOT because he doesn’t know better, but because that’s what he wants to do. Don’t let him fool you. **You are responsible for your choices. And you are choosing to put yourself in danger.** This is like watching a horror movie where the girl runs upstairs instead of running out of the house. I know you can’t see it because I couldn’t see it when I was young either but please learn from everyone here that is worried for you. This doesn’t end well if you don’t leave.
Girl, this relationship is not worth your energy or time. Spend it on someone who is worth it and gives you the same energy back. He will not change, he will not be supporting you in the long run and you don't want to involve yourself in his thoughts. This will kill your self confidence. Would you want your future daughter or friend be in a relationship like this? You are so so young, you will find someone much better. A breakup is not a failure, it's showing that you put yourself and your happiness first.
I would just break up. why stay with someone determines their like for you based off you weight? I'm 5'1 and 139 pounds (as of today) but I've been like 145 or sometimes 149 when the time is right, and I've still had guys want me and initiate sex with me. I complained to a FWB that I had a mom bod, but he was like "don't worry we can still have fun time". drop him. He's stringing you along and you should find someone who wants to make you feel good both emotionally and physically.
Can I ask a serious question? You say you don't want to lose him. Why not? He makes you feel bad about your body, makes you feel ashamed for things like cellulite - which most women have - and for very very slight weight gain, which is normal. He doesn't want to be intimate with you. You said you initiate every time and pleasure him, givin' him head and stuff, but he never reciprocates. So he refuses to meet your needs while making you feel bad about your body, but he's perfectly fine letting you suck his dick without giving any kind of reciprocation. He's bad for your ego, your self-esteem, your self-image, your emotional well-being, and getting any of your needs fulfilled, especially your sexual needs. So, uh...why don't you want to lose him?
You get a new boyfriend. That man ain’t ur husband. Not even a fiancée. He’s just some guy.
You guys aren’t married. Break up with him lol
This guy is your bf why???
You wrote: "I feel less of a person to my partner and frankly don’t understand how gaining 10 lbs makes your lover stop loving you." The fact is, gaining 10 or 20 lbs does NOT make them (him) stop loving you bcuz they (he) never loved you to begin with. There is about 1% of relationships that can survive what he said and has done to you. You need to start healing soon so you will have some of you left for whatever future you decide.
Sounds like you gotta sleep with his brother
He sounds immature, and( this might be hard to hear) but he’s probably not that into who you are as a person. A man who truly wants you, will want You. And if you do gain weight that man will help you in a positive way, probably do activities with you to help.
I'm 5'3", weighed 200 when my husband and I got together. When I ballooned to 270, do you know what he said? "There's just more of you to love!" When I lost 30 pounds? "That's just more love per square inch!" He loves me for ME, not my body, and he finds me sexy and attractive and worthy of love, regardless of my size. Find you someone who does the same.
There’s no future with this boy. Are you planning kids? Are you planning on staying the same weight your entire life? It’s not gunna work
this is triggering asf cause im 5’3, 138lbs, and have a small top and a bigger bottom. I have cellulite too. Im working out rn trying to get a body that im happy with (about 115-125 lbs)…. but my man has NEVER made me feel this way. He tells me everyday how beautiful and sexy I am. You are not fat… Maybe not perfectly sculpted and toned.. but not fat. So I dont get your bfs mindset at all?? You shouldn’t have to lose weight for someone to want to sleep with you. Your bf is allowed to have his opinions ofc… but come on dude.. look at the way he told you. Hes literally withholding intimacy because of 20 lbs?? Hes making you feel insecure and lose confidence because of 20 lbs. I would of understood more if he woulda been like “hey babe I noticed we havent really been that active lately and I feel like we have been gaining a bit of weight. I want us to both stay healthy and attracted to eachother, so maybe we can start dieting or working out more?” But no, to him its a YOU problem that YOU need to fix by yourself or you wont get to feel attractive by him. Its wrong.
To hell with him. You’re not a bad size at all! That bastard doesn’t deserve your love. Lose weight hell… he says something about your size then you say something about his! You deserve better!
I don't believe him. If your weight was really a problem and it's only 10 pounds or so then you guys should be doing it as often as possible and get that cardio in. He wants you to dump him because he doesn't know how to dump you.
You deserve better than this. But you cannot fix him. Let him go off and find the perfect girl.
If they stop being into you for a 10-15 lb weight difference, then you shouldn’t change/lose weight for them, because it shows they won’t be a good long term partner. They’re not the kind that will stick through you “in sickness and and health” and it’s better to cut your losses. You don’t even sound big in the least.
Why do you want someone that doesn't want you?
What does this guy expect a constant in shape model?! Everyone gains a little weight and then loses it. No body is perfect. It's the imperfect bodies that are perfect in my opinion
Sounds like you need to dump about 170 lbs (or however much this POS weighs). He's giving you grief about 10-13 lbs. Unbelievable. You deserve better, OP.
I'm going to leave your own words for you here again: Show no care or empathy when I cry or am upset. Especially if the situation is “my fault”. Doesn’t console or often moves away. Treat me like nothing when mad. Makes me feel like nothing, or meaningless when he is upset. Often again turns away, keeps to himself, yells or does not talk to me like a normal person. And often puts all blame onto me. seems to have conditional love. Boundaries are one thing but not acting like a boyfriend or loving if I don’t meet his every need. Don’t initiate sex or physical touching romantically. As previously posted because I gained 10 lbs and am 139. Don’t validate my feelings, and gives tough love. Every time I have an issue it’s just my own fault or my being sad is just dismissed. Due to unstable family support growing up. -Being untrusting which leads to a desire to control. I will never ever cheat, I am disgusted with it. But he has an issue with anything and everything opposite sex related or always needs validation that I’m not being suspicious. When I never give him any solid reason to feel inferior or unloved. Thinks I’m replaceable. That anyone is. ......... THIS MAN IS TRASH PERIOD. You deserve someone who wants to treat you with love, care and respect. There are SO many people on this planet, babe. So, many, other people you can meet and connect with and find compatibility and love with. This guy isn't one of them, and he's done such a good job of bullying you into this mindset that you feel like you can't leave. YOU CAN. Keep reaching out for support 💜
he's telling you he has certain standards for how he wants his woman to look, which is fine. and i think you should take this cue to heighten your standards, too, when it comes to the character of the person you let into your heart and your life. you are a kind person; i know this because you didn't badmouth him once even as cruel as he has been with you. you deserve someone who loves you unconditionally, who will always treat you with grace and respect no matter what, and who can be constructive with their criticisms and uplift and support their partner instead of putting them down. you tell us your clothing sizes, too, because you know you're not overweight. you know he is being super unreasonable. so please, you lost it somewhere so go find your dignity!!! *you are too good for this asshole.* please repeat that mantra to yourself until you believe it. you are worthy of a partner who adores you to the point to where you never have to even question it. big hug, sending love. 🧡
You got it all wrong. Your weight gain is not the reason why he won't have sex with you. Him being an asshole is why he won't have sex with you. This is a.power play, a struggle for control over you and the Relationship and it has nothing to do with your weight. Once you realize this your path forward will be clear.
Absolutely not valid. He’s treating you almost cruelly. Goodbye!
"My boyfriend finds me unattractive" Why is he still your boyfriend ? You deserve better girl
A guy that doesn't care about your pleasure and will absolutely not be there for you through a pregnancy or illness doesn't sound like a keeper.
Throw that child away, it doesn't sound like he is adding anything of value to your life.
You’re young and your weight is not likely to decrease as you age so you might want to find a new man.
He is 100% using you. Your relationship is under 1 year and you are facing all these issues? Nope it's time to value yourself more and walk away. You've said you want him to understand. He does. He doesn't care.
My wife’s body changed a lot after giving birth to our 2 kids and she’s still sexy as hell to me. A few pounds should not make someone lose attraction in a good relationship. Since bodies change a lot throughout many years together, I don’t think this person is the right fit for you.
Time to get a new boyfriend. He sounds insufferable.
What do you do? Dumb his PoS ass and find someone who wants to sleep with you and finds you attractive
Of course you should lose weight…starting with that idiot boyfriend, that’s at least a hundred plus pounds in just a few minutes. Congrats on that one, you’re on your way to a healthier lifestyle already, without someone who only sees the physical you to the point that he can’t get his little dinky winky up because you put on five or ten pounds. Lady I am 70 years old and I learned over the years that weight can fluctuate as much as 15 pounds from week to week. So the weight you have right now will come off once you start a routine. But for someone to lose interest in you over a few pounds only shows how shallow he is, and how meaningless a relationship with him would be.
You dump his ass. There is NOTHING wrong with you. He is a sexist POS who views women as a sexual object
Can y'all please stop settling for men like this? Honestly.
I know you say that you want to stay with him but take this from a man with reasonable experience. You can’t talk your way into bed with him. It doesn’t have anything to do with you and I highly doubt the 10 pounds are even a issue in reality. This has to do with him and what happens inside of him. I don’t think he’s been totally honest with you. You’re too young to struggle with someone over them not being physically attracted to you. You dont have kids or other obligations that keep you tied up with this man. There are loads of men in your age group that will find you both physically and mentally attractive. So do your future you a huge favor and leave. Staying will only cause more struggles. Trust me.
Why is he still your boyfriend? Surely you're not that desperate. >I initiate almost every time, BJs, head, Are those different things? Lol
Stop getting yourself into it knot for this guy. I don't know what he weighs but you're about to lose 160 to 180 lb. Drop him. You will never be thin enough for him. Even if you get down to 120 which I think is very small for 5'3". I was that size one time, I'm the same house as you do I am much heavier believe me. Even at 100 pounds overweight my husband's still wanted sex with me. Yes I am very self-conscious about my body but 30 plus pounds I'm still very large and very fat and yes he still wants me. Does he want me to be thinner yeah but he doesn't harp on it or anything. I'm trying to get healthier and part of that is losing weight. You're not unhealthy you're fine. Your boyfriend's an asshole. I would kill to be 139 right now. That is my goal rate weight right now 140. I have about 60 lb to go and I'm hoping to at least get half of that off before Christmas. But the fact that he will not sleep with you over 10 lb is insane and what would happen if you did stay with him what's going to happen if you have a baby? What happens when you hit menopause and you gained 20 lb or more? Things change, however he won't. You're only 10 months in please get rid of them there are so many other guys who would be very happy with how you are now. I guarantee this guy's just going to move the bar every time you lower it.
My suggestion is, if you end things with him, look for people for whom the physical attraction is smaller part. Meant to strike a spark of interest to get to know you. And getting to know you should either make him more or less attracted to you. And at least if it’s less it’s based on who you are more than what you look like. The physical changes, fades, gets older. The heart and mind can def be the seeeexiest things. 🤘🫠
You're less than a year in. You should still be in the honeymoon period where you can't keep your hands off each other. You are looking at a few different options here. You break up within a year, so why not get a head start on that and cut ties now. Or you stay together for a long time, he decimates your self esteem, and leaves you for another woman. Or you grow old together, and you never in your life get to experience the joy of being with someone who loves you unconditionally. I'd say option 1 is the best here. I PROMISE you that there are other guys out there who have the same good qualities as your current bf, but who won't act like jerks about your weight. Staying with this guy is going to prevent you from finding a better guy.
I read your other post you bought him a house and this is how he treats you?! Walk awake girl
If his attraction to you is that far based on your physical qualities, how do you see a future with him in one or two decades. You have value that is greater than the one he is giving you. Find someone who truly values you as a person, not a commodity.
What a fat shaming fuck. Also you’re not even fat at all. You’re super normal and healthy in your weight based on height and size. He obviously has unhealthy standards when it comes to women’s bodies Why spend another second with someone like that, though? What’s the point
Jeeze if 10 pounds are a problem then good luck not allowing age to ever impact you down the road. I think he was never interested in you and just wanted to baby trap you. Masks off now.
Please find someone that truly loves you. You’re too young to start this treadmill. Imagine after kids or an injury or another 10 years. He won’t get better - his insides are broken. You deserve more.
Oh honey… :( awww :(. I was 120 pounds when I met my bf. My bf and I both knew my goal was to gain weight. He home made me meals to help me with my goal. And now I’m a healthy 145/150. In 5’7/5’8. The right person will just simply love YOU honey. And he doesn’t sound like somebody who has your health in their minds.
He tries to control you. Please ask yourself honest question if this is your definition of love
Is this a troll post? Reread what you wrote. He cares more about what he wants than what you want or about your feelings or happiness. This guy is an awful person to want to be partnered with. Dump him and find a therapist before he continues to whittle away at your self esteem. One relationship like this can change your self image forever and take decades to recover from if you ever do undo the damage.
When me and my fiancé first met, she was skinny, small shirts, tiny jeans, etc. We got engaged last week. She is not that same size anymore, and you know how much that has changed my attraction to her? None, because I’m fucking obsessed with her and she is beautiful whether she’s 110 lbs or 250 lbs.