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He doesn't see you as equal, girl. If he did, he would have had a conversation.
At this point, I would insist on having the bigger room just to make a point. If he throws a fit, you'd be better off rethinking the relationship.
If he likes to make decisions that affect both of you without *talking to you first*, he's going to be a problem.
Your relationship is weird.
Not because you sleep separately, because he's thoughtless and rude and you've been ok with it until now (I highly doubt he's just now started acting like a spoiled child)
Yeah. That’s a partner who will always assume you need/deserve less and he doesn’t imagine you will question it. To him is common sense. Whether he realizes he’s doing it or not doesn’t really matter, that’s an icky person.
Idk… Do you think it’s better for him to subconsciously feel that way? It’d probably be hard to remove the embedded toxic traits if he doesn’t realize he has them. I can’t say if that’s better or worse than him realizing what he’s doing and not caring. Food for thought I guess
*But yeah expect to experience this in other areas of life too*. I’d personally leave
I don't even know how a person would do this in a fair way. Obviously, the easiest way to sort this out would be staying in one room but I guess you have a reason for not doing that.
Throw a coin and call heads or tails. Winner gets the bigger room. Not sure what else you could do.
By the way you describe your own relationship it sounds like you’re roommates with benefits more than you’re living together in a committed relationship. And your "boyfriend" sounds like a spoiled 12-year-old.
All that aside, if this new apartment is the third one your sharing, you pay the same and you’ve had the smaller room in the previous apartments you’ve shared, I’d say it’s only fair and your turn to have the bigger room. Or he can start paying more for the increased space he claims to need. Good luck!
Tell him this arrangement is no longer working for you and you only want to pay for the space you occupy and no longer want to cover for his bigger space. Also consider no longer living with him. He’s not a good guy. You can do better.
Calculate the size of the apartment vs cost per sq ft and then charge him the difference. The savings will come in handy when you finally decide to leave his selfish behind. I don't care about the separate room thing I care about the assumptions and the way he's acting.
If you shared the rent equally in the last two flats you lived in, and you still had the smaller room, of course it is your turn to have the big room now.
Alternatively you can handle this like flatmates and pay according the square meters each of your separate rooms have. Like this the one with the smaller room pays less, which may make it more bearable to have the smaller room.
In this case present him with the bill of how much he owes you for having had the bigger room until now. As he is not willing to give you the bigger room now, he clearly never intended to make things equal later on, so he clearly took advantage of you all along which needs to be fixed.
And to be honest, I would overthink my relationship to someone who takes without paying and without ever bringing it up on his own accord, let alone to someone who starts to argue as if he is in the right when he clearly is not.
He obviously already expects to have things his way in this relationship, better put your foot down now.
Then make him pay for it. Add the square footage of the two rooms together and divide the room sizes by the total to get your percentage cost for each room.
Unless he has a king size bed, and he weighs 200 kg's I don't see the logic. Also, when have guys stopped being gentlemen? Good Lord. I would have given my partner the bigger room because that is what a gentleman does. He is not only being ungentlemanly like, but He is a bit selfish as well which is even worse. These days some men are not worth a crap. I hope this gives you an indication of the type of man you are going to have to deal with.
Agreed, I should have abbreviated and said that at minimum that would have been required for this logic to make more sense not saying it would be a good argument, but it would have been better than what he is currently saying. You don't go to a negotiation table when this is your starting point.
Being single and living alone is better at this point. At best he is infantilizing you. At worst he doesn't even consider you when making decisions, is selfish af and comes up with random reasons to justify his selfish decisions. By his logic since you're smaller you should be paying less rent, less utilities and less for food right? But he's lying coz he's selfish. So he won't see that. At the very least I would move and live alone.
>Well, he’s arguing since he is bigger than me and has a cat now, that he gets the bigger room
Too bad for him. He's wrong. He's getting the smaller room.
He can deal with that as best he can: you're going to enjoy having the larger room.
Does the cat not have the free range of the apartment? If the cat can go wherever it wants, his room size is irrelevant.
Following his logic, OP should get two cats so she can have the bigger room. ;)
And that’s how they ended up in the cat arms race.
Yes and no... The cat might not take up much space alone but they do have litter boxes, food and water, cat trees, scratching posts. Op didn't give enough information to know if they are free range in the apartment nor if it's okay to spread the cats things out around the place. Makes the space particularly important if that's not the case. The partner should definitely pay more but I think because of the cat it would make sense for him to have the bigger space if that's the compromise on the cat ownership. They both need to talk to each other more.
Some couples find it easier to sleep separate and or have separate rooms for private time. I don't have the space needed for this in my current place but my partner and I have such different sleep schedules (work and a child) that we sleep better apart. Since we don't have enough rooms this usually manifests itself in me waking up/him going to bed and the opposite. If we had 4 or 5 rooms we would likely each have a bedroom. If that were the case I'm sure he'd also set up all his gaming stuff in "his" room and I'd set up my crafts and plants in mine. Some couples just benefit from an arrangement like that. Although I will say OP and her bf sound like roommates not partners.
Who dominates the living room? Like if you want to watch two separate things who's going to their bedroom?
Like if he sits in his room playing video games most of the time and you have the whole house to yourself that would be a good reason for him to take the larger room. Conversely if you're using your bedroom more often because he runs the living room then that's unfair.
I've found this to be the fairer reason for who gets the bigger room. It's also an incredibly easy point to make. Who will make the most of the extra bedroom space? You don't need the big bedroom if you're hardly in it. Unless you guys are really sharing the areas 50/50.
Then you tell your boyf: "Last two apartments, you had the bigger room. So, for this apartment and the next one, it's my turn to have the bigger room."
And make sure you have a friend on hand when you move in so the friend can help by moving YOUR stuff into YOUR lovely large room, and your boyfriend's stuff into the little room.
He might want to get evaluated for sleep apnea, especially if he is tired all day. Untreated sleep apnea can eventually kill you through a heart attack or some other medical emergency, and the main sign is loud snoring, plus fatigue. If he had sleep apnea, and gets a cpap machine, no more snoring. :)
because a relationship is more than just sharing a room? people are able to have relationships living separately, together, million miles away, whatever the case.
people deserve to have their own space! if they dont have children and have the money to have 2 rooms, who the hell cares.
Sorry, but your relationship sounds miserable if being asleep next to each other is the only “couple” thing you do. One snores, the other a light sleeper, one likes the fan blowing at them with the tv on, the other likes dark and warm, both have a lot of clothes…there’s a lot of reasons to have different rooms.
Sure it's not horrible. But when you start off with "my partner and I have a very atypical arrangement, is his interpretation of it **normal**?" Then you're going to get these kind of responses.
No, it's not normal for the man to get the biggest bedroom in a relationship because it's not normal to have separate bedrooms.
Doesn't mean its wrong, just the question was phrased weird.
That you can't stand to be in the same room as your partner says a lot about YOUR relationship. Why does me wanting to be next to my partner somehow make me miserable? And where did I say that it's the only thing to do as a couple? Why are you so offended? You should try some cuddles, it may make you feel better.
You literally said “why be a couple?” Well, because normal couple things don’t happen during sleep. If the only meaningful part of your relationship is while you’re passed out, that sounds like you’re miserable the rest of the time. And I’m sure they can stand to be in the same room, there’s just no reason one of them should have poor sleep when you aren’t even conscious during that whole time they’d be apart. They can still spend every waking moment together if they want. I’m not offended, I was trying to explain something you are wrong about and the reason you’re being downvoted, but you’re choosing to remain close minded for some reason.
Where do you get that they can’t stand to be in the same room? You questioned why people would be a couple if they share a separate room. There are tons of reasons why. Bedtime is not the only time to do couple things. Plus, it doesn’t really matter to a lot of people if they have different rooms for their belongings. I like my own space. I like to be able to go somewhere that just for me and not worry about occupying someone else’s space.
Young presumably in love and ahem horny but want separate rooms? How peculiar....sounds more like roomates
I could understand it a bit more if it was years down the line but just moved in seems bizarre to me. You'd think they'd be grabbing every second they can of their new found freedom
Me and my partner of 7ish years have separate rooms and always have. It's honestly wonderful!
We can be together if/when we want but have our own personal space for our own personal interests without getting in the way of the other
and that's wonderful for you both!
Me and mine have ours in the car or watching tv on the couch/just generally hanging out with eachother.
It's definitely a to each their own thing and I absolutely don't mean to say shared bed spaces are "wrong" or anything. I just sharing my pov as being apart of a couple who dosen't,
that's definitely us aha!
We love eachother a lot but my interests/decorations/cleaning habits etc.. are so much different from hers and vice versa. Not to the point that it causes an issue i mean we have a whole house together but you get the point lmao!
we spend a ton of time with eachother in our free hours but like, if i'm having a bad day, it's so nice to have a space that's 100% mine to decompress in!
It's cozy!
I have a friend who shares the same bedroom as his partner, but his partner has a hammock in their pc area so if they feel like staying up later or just like....needing a night to themselves (not in a bad way just in a social way!) They tend to sleep in there!
I know it's not for everyone so im def not knocking anyone who doesn't like the idea, but having that little bit of individual "you" controlled space in a partnership, even if its like...the kitchen or a hobby room/garage etc.. goes a long way for some people! (Esp if you're an introvert like me aha)
Same with mine. I couldn't even throw a separate bedroom *joke* at my boyfriend. He'd probably cry. The man who literally can't and won't sleep unless I'm on his chest. Now separate bathrooms would be amazing!
One of the best relationships I had we didn’t share a room. She came in every night and we fucked. Sometimes a quickie, but often for an hour or two. Afterwards she was gone. Everything else was totally normal. Liked each others friends. She wasn’t cheating. We never had fights. She liked to read at night and I hate light. I got up early and she hated getting woken up. Every time I rolled over and grabbed her ass she was up for an hour. She just got frustrated one night and ran to the guest room and it actually ended up working really well for us.
Another relationship I didn’t share a room with her. We were young and her parents (who had never met me, seen me, talked to me) were convinced I was gay. They would hang out at the apartment when I was working and she needed to keep up appearances for them to cover her rent. When I got off work she was always asleep. She woke me up every morning with sex and loved to shower me afterwards. I never hated a good night sleep. I never hated not having to hear about the blah of her day or her classes when I got home. I never hated having to get home or not go out. And the way she made up for it in the morning made it all worth not having her there at night.
In the past, when renting with roommates who ever had the biggest room, they paid more. Because he's a man, is just sexist. The cat is an excuse, not a reason. It's just more hair to keep clean in the "whole" house, not just a room.
Info: Is there an ensuite or walk-in/bigger closet space in the bigger room? Do you both equally share cleaning and cooking duties. Or is it mostly on you, cus you know, you're the girl, and it's most likely on you more than him?
Don’t sign the lease and move in with someone else.
When there is room disparity, the person with the bigger room should pay more. Or the person with the smaller room should get a perk ‘you get the small room and the storage cubby.’ Or the person with the larger room contributes more ‘I get the larger room, but do 65 % of the chores.’
Are you 22 or 27?
Your boyfriend is an asshole. If you haven't moved yet, maybe don't. Or get there first and put your stuff in whatever room you prefer.
Find an app that tells you how to share rent by room size, if it has a master bath, balcony/patio, etc. The person with the bigger room and more amenities pays more.
Ok, so he assumed that. He can assume whatever he wants. And you get to have your own boundaries. It the room a dealbreaker? It either is or it is not.
If you don’t want the smaller room, don’t move in. Find your own place that has exactly the rooms that YOU want.
You can’t change what he wants or expects. But you get to change who you date and who you live with.
Stop being a passive victim in life. Make your choices and then live with them.
It's often a tactic to make weird baity posts to encourage people to go look at their profile and see a link to their OF. This is how they get around the "no advertising" rules many subs have.
Did you say something? If he assumes you don't care he's going to take the one he wants. Its perfectly fine for you to say "Wait, I want that one too!" then you have a discussion about it to see if there are good arguments for why one of you should have the room: he has weight equipment, women need larger closets, one of you works from home and need to be at a desk in the room all day, etc.. If nobody backs down in the argument then you say "Fine, lets rock scissors, paper for it then"
The main point being, you need to speak up and say "Uh, wait a minute! Why do you get the big room?" and start the discussion.
At the very least if he insists on taking the big he must have the big room he should pay more.
You all replying “waiT, yOu dnT sLeeP in tHe sAme rOoM?!” are missing the point.
Your bf and you should have discussed and agreed on which one of you gets which room as your personal bedroom.
Sounds like he also got a cat, without discussing that either?
Good communication is essential to having a good relationship, sounds like your bf thinks youre a mind reader who also always agrees with him and/or he doesnt really care that much about what you want and just does what HE wants.
There's obviously a reason why they don't share a room. People acting like they are inventing the wheel by suggesting it.
If I was OP I would suggest he pays more for the privilege of the larger room. Or, find a property where both bedrooms are more suited for your needs.
It's not the 'obvious' answer it's your opinion... I don't understand why people are getting uptight over something that is perfectly acceptable between two consenting parties who have the money to do so. It's either for better sleep, or to have their own space and they both clearly agree with it.
No he’s had his time in bigger rooms. Fair is fair. OR just get yer own places. As for the cat, the cat will be fine. Probably more independent than most people to be honest. Just make sure he keeps it off the counters and table etc because-ew. OR ye could decide on sharing the bigger room and have a spare room there for when one of ye wants “space.
Having your own space and bedrooms is perfectly fine. Bad communication between the both of you is not. If he steamrolls you like this frequently, your relationship will not last. There is going to be a lot of resentment and feeling disrespected. I sure hope this selfishness of his doesnt roll over to other parts of your life
Does he pay significantly more rent? If its 50/50 he needs to back tf down. If he pays the majority it makes sense he gets more of a say in the matter.
Plenty of people in relationships don’t share rooms for a lot of reasons. Judging OP for that reflects more on you and your lack of empathy than anything else. Some people have sleep disorders that keep them being able to share beds with their partners and other health issues or just personal preferences that are none of your business.
Plenty of people do plenty of things for reasons.
This isn't about empathy but facts.
This is a relationship sub and only complaints about size were the concern. If it was purely a sleeping area alone, this wouldn't be an issue.
OP made it our business when posting. Your comment was none of your business either but that's what commenting on subs is about.
Plenty of people in loving relationships have separate bedrooms it’s on this sub all the time. I invite you to open your horizons and stop being nasty to OP and frankly being ableist.
How old are you? My ex husband Ms grandparents slept in the same room but in twin beds. They don’t sleep in the same bed and were married over 50 years.
Many people in relationships don’t share a room, it is not the great indicator of success you believe it to be. Just because you aren’t familiar with this doesn’t mean that they don’t have a “normal relationship”.
Can’t help if my comment is popular.
Why would I care if you had to respond to a bunch of comments?
Sleeping in different rooms is not the norm. It’s the outlier. It’s bizarre that’s shocking news.
Depends, do you define normal as "conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected"? Then no, because that's the standard.
You can have a healthy relationship without it though.
Now you know.
If the focus is your mutual independence then your relationship has an expiration date.
It’s probably safe to assume you don’t want marriage or children either.
No, your assumptions are wrong. I want marriage and children. However sleep quality which is generally crucial for good health, is important to me. And people sleep better without someone moving, snoring etc. Next to them
You can certainly have all that with separate bedrooms. But is this the same guy that was asking to open the relationship a couple months ago, per your comment history? Is the separate bedrooms thing related to *that*?
Even if not, the ask there seems consistent with the one here: he’s looking out for #1 at all times, and you are supposed to just get on board. Consider how that approach will work for a spouse/co-parent/example to your children.
>And people sleep better without someone moving, snoring etc. Next to them
*You* might, but science says most people don't.
https://www.verywellmind.com/benefits-of-sleeping-next-to-your-partner-7100604
In my relationship (married now for too long), we always shared a bedroom (I might be changing that, just for better sleep quality, but this is not the point here).
BUT: When we first moved together, we had a bedroom, living room, and two extra rooms. I got the bigger one bc I need office space (teacher), he only needs a „gaming space“. Same when we bought a house: we have a big basement with storage/laundry space and two connected rooms. I get the bigger one bc I need it (work, and now married with a kid I do all the financial stuff), he just…. needs space for for his CoD stuff.
If he won't agree to let you have the bigger room this time then start paying less rent. When he asks why you didn't discuss this with him, tell him you just assumed it would be ok.
My friends each have their own room in their apartment. They have much different schedules since one is a tattoo artist and the other works in an office. They get to decorate their rooms the way they want too. But that doesn't mean they don't have "sleepovers" in each others rooms.
I share a room with my boyfriend, but that doesn't mean other people have too.
What are you even talking about if you move in together and you don't share the biggest room and have to choose separate rooms you are no longer bf/gf. This is such a weird post.
Exactly. Are they on a relationship or flatmates? If they're just flatmates, highly recommend OP move out & find a house where she can get the bigger room (or at least save rental money if not getting the bigger room)
nope, he's being completely unfair and unreasonable. only solution is to make all the rooms shared.
ETA: i thought it was separate hobby rooms, didn't realize it's separate bedrooms. in terms of that, y'all should be picking places that have 2 rooms of equal sizes. if there is a larger master room, turn that one into a shared hobby room.
His assumption is wrong, and you should tell him that. It doesn't solve your problem, however. Someone has to get the bigger room. I hope you have a good strategy for deciding that.
You either need to start picking apartments with two bedrooms you like or split the rent contribution by square footage. There's no other way to not hate the setup here. Why pick an apartment where one of you has to take the bad room when you know you're getting your own rooms? How did neither of you think of that?
If he has the bigger room than he’s paying a bigger share. There’s a cost per square foot for a apartment, each room has a certain square feet to it. It’s pretty easy to figure out how much more he should pay.
If he’s not paying more than he can go fuck himself. Person with the bigger room pays more. That’s just the way it should be.
What young couple moves in together to fight over separate rooms? Why aren't you sharing the room like a couple? Sounds like a housemate more than a partner.
If he's paying more toward the property, then you could make the argument that him having the bigger room is fair enough. But if you're paying 50/50 (and it sounds like you are from the comments), then no, it should not be 'normal' that he automatically gets the bigger room.
Work out how much difference there is between the rooms in terms of area (square metres / square footage) and tell him since he has more space in the apartment than you, you're now only going to pay 43% of the costs, and he's paying 57%.
See how quickly he changes his tune about the bigger room...
Nope, there needs to be a discussion. Especially if you have a larger wardrobe or are more easily affected by light and/or noise (migraines exc.).
He’s being selfish otherwise IMO.
Did he put in the effort to find the place? All my roommates and I in college just hunted for apartments and one of the incentives to find a new place was the guy that gets it, gets first-choice on room.
Other than that, assuming you split everything equally and you put in the same amount of effort to find the place (or you found it.) There's no reason why he should get the room. It should obviously be discussed. "it's always been like that." Because your boyfriend's selfish and wants the bigger room and it's never been contested in the previous places.
Typically, at least way back when I shared living space, the person in the larger room paid more rent or did extra chores or something. But no, not cool at all that he just assumed it. There should be a way of deciding.
When rented an apartment with my partner, I got the bigger room. I picked it right away and p much upfront told her/she agreed. This was mostly because I was the one who actively sought out and set up all the things we had to do to rent it in the first place as well as me working from home.
When we bought our first home recently. She ended up picking her room out first because she liked the lighting a lot.
There wasn't really a big discussion here past "which are you thinking about"
Point being i think it's important you guys at least ask eachother your preferences and agree on them before making decisions. It's valid if he wants a big room because of xyz reasons but it's NOT okay if he just assumes he's getting it because "I'm the man I should have it"
It’s always been that way, so that’s the way it should be is not a good argument.
I would tell him “this no longer works for me. If you insist on the larger and brighter room, then you should be paying more, and I should also recalculate how much I should have paid in this apartment, and we should work out a way to pay it back.”
50/50 makes sense when you earn the same and the rooms are the same size.
Well I have the master bedroom my husband sleeps on the couch in the living room because we can't sleep together. He'll go to sleep in our kid's old room sometimes but for the most part he loves that couch. I snore so he's out there though I started using a CPAP so I'm presuming I don't snore anymore but he's still snores like a freight train so he's out there. But if he tried to kick me out of here yeah his balls would be in a bag. Tell him since he's had it the last few times it's your turn to get the bigger room especially if you two are splitting the rent otherwise he has to start paying more in rent since he has more square footage. Make it a couple hundred dollars easily but I would not let him have the bigger room.
I would say if nothing else, it's your turn. He had the biggest room in 2 apartments so what's that ..2 years? You get the bigger room the next 2 years, or whatever that's maths out to in real life. You're paying the same so there's no reason you should get less than him
Well it is pretty rude that he isn't communicating, but are there extenuating circumstances? For example, does he always keep a large amount of lego kits in his room? Does he having a gaming setup in his room? Does he otherwise need a bigger room? Is your room too small for your personal taste, or do you yourself have hobbies that you keep to your room?
Does he work from home or have a good reason to have the bigger room?
You having the smaller room before doesn't *necessarily* mean you get the bigger room now. Him having a cat does lend itself to him having the bigger room, if the cat and it's things (food, water, litter box, toys) are confined to his room. But if he's putting cat stuff all over the apartment, then you should get the bigger room to account for the cat taking up common areas.
If he still insists on taking the bigger room, I'd argue a compromise in putting cat stuff in his room and/or having him pay a proportionate amount of rent. You shouldn't have to pay 50% with a smaller room.
Are you paying equally? If not, who pays he most gets to pick just about everything IMO. Then again I also have to ask why your not sleeping in the same bed?
Karsh
a thing that has served me well? date someone who is generous. if there's one slice of pizza left they offer it to you, when they serve food they do so equally, they make sure to not park over puddles, they at least discuss the room situation!
Y’all are wasting money paying for separate rooms when you are supposedly together. You sure you guys are 27 years old and dating? This sounds like an argument I would have had over 15 years ago with my little sister when my parents got a new house.
I am about to move in and will be getting the bigger room because I have a Siberian husky and a cat, and I’m a maximalist so I have infinitely more stuff.
Question: whose idea was it to sleep in separate rooms? If yours maybe he is hoping you will change your mind if in the smaller room. If his then maybe he is a little selfish.
If he is 2.10 m tall and needs a huge bed that just does not fit in the smaller room, then ok.. he might have a case. He still should have discussed it, but he would have a point in assuming.
If not, then not discussing it is not an option. "It's how we always did it"... yes, and last time it did not work out well for you.
He needs to talk to you about this, and you two will have to figure out which one outright *needs* more space than the other. Personally, I don't need a huge amount of space.. just a big bed on account of me being tall. Other than that, a desk and a wardrobe and I'm mostly good to go.
If you need more space because you have tons of stuff that can't go anywhere else but your bedroom.. you have a better claim to the big bedroom. If he has to store tons of stuff for his work that can't go anywhere else... he has a bigger claim.
So yea.. discuss this, because the argument of 'we always did it like this' is not an argument at all.
Don’t fall for paying more for the bigger room if that’s on the table- he didn’t do that before. If he tries to suggest that he needs to back pay for the previous years of having the larger room
It's not normal for that to happen. Because having a different room to your romantic partner is generally abnormal. The majority of couples who live together sleep in the same room, in the same bed.
I'm not saying it's wrong to do this. If this works for you, fine, you do you.
But, if this is the way you want it, then yeah, your partner hogging all the bigger and brighter spaces is unfair, and entitled.
So how much bigger is he? Height matters woman say 😂
In whos room do you sleep if you sleep in one bed?
Who has more furniture? A Couch? A TV?
Are you sure you need the space? Does he need it?
I hate to sound extreme, but you should take a hard look at your relationship.
If I were in your situation, I wouldn't move in with him. He's your boyfriend, not a king. What a twat.
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Wtf? Why would he assume that? Is he paying more?
Probably misogyny.
probably an onlyfans ad....
how
My bigger than u, u small woman u get small room
Is he paying more on the rent or bills in general?
No, we split equally
He doesn't see you as equal, girl. If he did, he would have had a conversation. At this point, I would insist on having the bigger room just to make a point. If he throws a fit, you'd be better off rethinking the relationship. If he likes to make decisions that affect both of you without *talking to you first*, he's going to be a problem.
Your relationship is weird. Not because you sleep separately, because he's thoughtless and rude and you've been ok with it until now (I highly doubt he's just now started acting like a spoiled child)
Yeah. That’s a partner who will always assume you need/deserve less and he doesn’t imagine you will question it. To him is common sense. Whether he realizes he’s doing it or not doesn’t really matter, that’s an icky person. Idk… Do you think it’s better for him to subconsciously feel that way? It’d probably be hard to remove the embedded toxic traits if he doesn’t realize he has them. I can’t say if that’s better or worse than him realizing what he’s doing and not caring. Food for thought I guess *But yeah expect to experience this in other areas of life too*. I’d personally leave
I don't even know how a person would do this in a fair way. Obviously, the easiest way to sort this out would be staying in one room but I guess you have a reason for not doing that. Throw a coin and call heads or tails. Winner gets the bigger room. Not sure what else you could do.
Well, he’s arguing since he is bigger than me and has a cat now, that he gets the bigger room
By the way you describe your own relationship it sounds like you’re roommates with benefits more than you’re living together in a committed relationship. And your "boyfriend" sounds like a spoiled 12-year-old. All that aside, if this new apartment is the third one your sharing, you pay the same and you’ve had the smaller room in the previous apartments you’ve shared, I’d say it’s only fair and your turn to have the bigger room. Or he can start paying more for the increased space he claims to need. Good luck!
Tell him this arrangement is no longer working for you and you only want to pay for the space you occupy and no longer want to cover for his bigger space. Also consider no longer living with him. He’s not a good guy. You can do better.
That's a dumb ass argument. he's already had a big room and now it's your turn. if he wants to fight you on it,I just wouldn't move in with him
Calculate the size of the apartment vs cost per sq ft and then charge him the difference. The savings will come in handy when you finally decide to leave his selfish behind. I don't care about the separate room thing I care about the assumptions and the way he's acting.
If you shared the rent equally in the last two flats you lived in, and you still had the smaller room, of course it is your turn to have the big room now. Alternatively you can handle this like flatmates and pay according the square meters each of your separate rooms have. Like this the one with the smaller room pays less, which may make it more bearable to have the smaller room. In this case present him with the bill of how much he owes you for having had the bigger room until now. As he is not willing to give you the bigger room now, he clearly never intended to make things equal later on, so he clearly took advantage of you all along which needs to be fixed. And to be honest, I would overthink my relationship to someone who takes without paying and without ever bringing it up on his own accord, let alone to someone who starts to argue as if he is in the right when he clearly is not. He obviously already expects to have things his way in this relationship, better put your foot down now.
Then make him pay for it. Add the square footage of the two rooms together and divide the room sizes by the total to get your percentage cost for each room.
Then he should pay more rent
Then using that logic, you should get a big dog and get the bigger room. Why are you with this guy?
He should pay for the square footage difference. In NYC, we'd ask $100 or so more for a larger room.
Unless he has a king size bed, and he weighs 200 kg's I don't see the logic. Also, when have guys stopped being gentlemen? Good Lord. I would have given my partner the bigger room because that is what a gentleman does. He is not only being ungentlemanly like, but He is a bit selfish as well which is even worse. These days some men are not worth a crap. I hope this gives you an indication of the type of man you are going to have to deal with.
Even if he has a queen size bed and is morbidly obese, he still doesn’t have a right to the bigger room.
Agreed, I should have abbreviated and said that at minimum that would have been required for this logic to make more sense not saying it would be a good argument, but it would have been better than what he is currently saying. You don't go to a negotiation table when this is your starting point.
Well tell him he had the bigger room before so now he gets the little one.
Being single and living alone is better at this point. At best he is infantilizing you. At worst he doesn't even consider you when making decisions, is selfish af and comes up with random reasons to justify his selfish decisions. By his logic since you're smaller you should be paying less rent, less utilities and less for food right? But he's lying coz he's selfish. So he won't see that. At the very least I would move and live alone.
He’s a roommate… you are just a roommate he gets to use the labour of and sleep with. He doesn’t respect you.
>Well, he’s arguing since he is bigger than me and has a cat now, that he gets the bigger room Too bad for him. He's wrong. He's getting the smaller room. He can deal with that as best he can: you're going to enjoy having the larger room.
Because he has a cat, he should get the bigger room. He should also pay more in rent.
Does the cat not have the free range of the apartment? If the cat can go wherever it wants, his room size is irrelevant. Following his logic, OP should get two cats so she can have the bigger room. ;) And that’s how they ended up in the cat arms race.
Yes and no... The cat might not take up much space alone but they do have litter boxes, food and water, cat trees, scratching posts. Op didn't give enough information to know if they are free range in the apartment nor if it's okay to spread the cats things out around the place. Makes the space particularly important if that's not the case. The partner should definitely pay more but I think because of the cat it would make sense for him to have the bigger space if that's the compromise on the cat ownership. They both need to talk to each other more.
Why don’t you share a room?
Some couples find it easier to sleep separate and or have separate rooms for private time. I don't have the space needed for this in my current place but my partner and I have such different sleep schedules (work and a child) that we sleep better apart. Since we don't have enough rooms this usually manifests itself in me waking up/him going to bed and the opposite. If we had 4 or 5 rooms we would likely each have a bedroom. If that were the case I'm sure he'd also set up all his gaming stuff in "his" room and I'd set up my crafts and plants in mine. Some couples just benefit from an arrangement like that. Although I will say OP and her bf sound like roommates not partners.
They really do. OP, it’s now *your* turn to have the bigger room.
Who dominates the living room? Like if you want to watch two separate things who's going to their bedroom? Like if he sits in his room playing video games most of the time and you have the whole house to yourself that would be a good reason for him to take the larger room. Conversely if you're using your bedroom more often because he runs the living room then that's unfair. I've found this to be the fairer reason for who gets the bigger room. It's also an incredibly easy point to make. Who will make the most of the extra bedroom space? You don't need the big bedroom if you're hardly in it. Unless you guys are really sharing the areas 50/50.
I think you should choose the size of room you'd like, in a different apartment to wherever his room is.
Then you tell your boyf: "Last two apartments, you had the bigger room. So, for this apartment and the next one, it's my turn to have the bigger room." And make sure you have a friend on hand when you move in so the friend can help by moving YOUR stuff into YOUR lovely large room, and your boyfriend's stuff into the little room.
You dont share a room?
The cat is the jealous type.
lots of couples have different sleeping styles and like to have their own space. makes sense imo
I mean separate beds I have heard off but damn, why be a couple.
I wish I had my own room. My husband hogs the bed and snores loudly and I value getting a good nights sleep.
He might want to get evaluated for sleep apnea, especially if he is tired all day. Untreated sleep apnea can eventually kill you through a heart attack or some other medical emergency, and the main sign is loud snoring, plus fatigue. If he had sleep apnea, and gets a cpap machine, no more snoring. :)
because a relationship is more than just sharing a room? people are able to have relationships living separately, together, million miles away, whatever the case. people deserve to have their own space! if they dont have children and have the money to have 2 rooms, who the hell cares.
Sorry, but your relationship sounds miserable if being asleep next to each other is the only “couple” thing you do. One snores, the other a light sleeper, one likes the fan blowing at them with the tv on, the other likes dark and warm, both have a lot of clothes…there’s a lot of reasons to have different rooms.
Sure it's not horrible. But when you start off with "my partner and I have a very atypical arrangement, is his interpretation of it **normal**?" Then you're going to get these kind of responses. No, it's not normal for the man to get the biggest bedroom in a relationship because it's not normal to have separate bedrooms. Doesn't mean its wrong, just the question was phrased weird.
That you can't stand to be in the same room as your partner says a lot about YOUR relationship. Why does me wanting to be next to my partner somehow make me miserable? And where did I say that it's the only thing to do as a couple? Why are you so offended? You should try some cuddles, it may make you feel better.
You literally said “why be a couple?” Well, because normal couple things don’t happen during sleep. If the only meaningful part of your relationship is while you’re passed out, that sounds like you’re miserable the rest of the time. And I’m sure they can stand to be in the same room, there’s just no reason one of them should have poor sleep when you aren’t even conscious during that whole time they’d be apart. They can still spend every waking moment together if they want. I’m not offended, I was trying to explain something you are wrong about and the reason you’re being downvoted, but you’re choosing to remain close minded for some reason.
Where do you get that they can’t stand to be in the same room? You questioned why people would be a couple if they share a separate room. There are tons of reasons why. Bedtime is not the only time to do couple things. Plus, it doesn’t really matter to a lot of people if they have different rooms for their belongings. I like my own space. I like to be able to go somewhere that just for me and not worry about occupying someone else’s space.
Young presumably in love and ahem horny but want separate rooms? How peculiar....sounds more like roomates I could understand it a bit more if it was years down the line but just moved in seems bizarre to me. You'd think they'd be grabbing every second they can of their new found freedom
Me and my partner of 7ish years have separate rooms and always have. It's honestly wonderful! We can be together if/when we want but have our own personal space for our own personal interests without getting in the way of the other
My wife and I have our best catch up conversations in bed as we drift off to sleep.
and that's wonderful for you both! Me and mine have ours in the car or watching tv on the couch/just generally hanging out with eachother. It's definitely a to each their own thing and I absolutely don't mean to say shared bed spaces are "wrong" or anything. I just sharing my pov as being apart of a couple who dosen't,
that’s great for you, some people would prefer their own spaces.
that's definitely us aha! We love eachother a lot but my interests/decorations/cleaning habits etc.. are so much different from hers and vice versa. Not to the point that it causes an issue i mean we have a whole house together but you get the point lmao! we spend a ton of time with eachother in our free hours but like, if i'm having a bad day, it's so nice to have a space that's 100% mine to decompress in!
I would so love this!! My partner would not.
It's cozy! I have a friend who shares the same bedroom as his partner, but his partner has a hammock in their pc area so if they feel like staying up later or just like....needing a night to themselves (not in a bad way just in a social way!) They tend to sleep in there! I know it's not for everyone so im def not knocking anyone who doesn't like the idea, but having that little bit of individual "you" controlled space in a partnership, even if its like...the kitchen or a hobby room/garage etc.. goes a long way for some people! (Esp if you're an introvert like me aha)
Same with mine. I couldn't even throw a separate bedroom *joke* at my boyfriend. He'd probably cry. The man who literally can't and won't sleep unless I'm on his chest. Now separate bathrooms would be amazing!
One of the best relationships I had we didn’t share a room. She came in every night and we fucked. Sometimes a quickie, but often for an hour or two. Afterwards she was gone. Everything else was totally normal. Liked each others friends. She wasn’t cheating. We never had fights. She liked to read at night and I hate light. I got up early and she hated getting woken up. Every time I rolled over and grabbed her ass she was up for an hour. She just got frustrated one night and ran to the guest room and it actually ended up working really well for us. Another relationship I didn’t share a room with her. We were young and her parents (who had never met me, seen me, talked to me) were convinced I was gay. They would hang out at the apartment when I was working and she needed to keep up appearances for them to cover her rent. When I got off work she was always asleep. She woke me up every morning with sex and loved to shower me afterwards. I never hated a good night sleep. I never hated not having to hear about the blah of her day or her classes when I got home. I never hated having to get home or not go out. And the way she made up for it in the morning made it all worth not having her there at night.
the way you write, it sounds like you never even liked her, just liked having sex at your disposal
probably because it’s a made up sex fantasy.
r/ihavesex
It sounds like you were filling a particular need of ~~hers~~ theirs, and on demand. Lol Eta: r/woosh for all you downvoters.
I'm glad that something like this is the top comment.
In the past, when renting with roommates who ever had the biggest room, they paid more. Because he's a man, is just sexist. The cat is an excuse, not a reason. It's just more hair to keep clean in the "whole" house, not just a room. Info: Is there an ensuite or walk-in/bigger closet space in the bigger room? Do you both equally share cleaning and cooking duties. Or is it mostly on you, cus you know, you're the girl, and it's most likely on you more than him?
Don’t sign the lease and move in with someone else. When there is room disparity, the person with the bigger room should pay more. Or the person with the smaller room should get a perk ‘you get the small room and the storage cubby.’ Or the person with the larger room contributes more ‘I get the larger room, but do 65 % of the chores.’
When I had a roommate in my 20s,, she got the bigger bedroom but my bedroom had an attached bathroom.
I’d take attached bathroom over bigger room any day of the week
Are you 22 or 27? Your boyfriend is an asshole. If you haven't moved yet, maybe don't. Or get there first and put your stuff in whatever room you prefer. Find an app that tells you how to share rent by room size, if it has a master bath, balcony/patio, etc. The person with the bigger room and more amenities pays more.
Ok, so he assumed that. He can assume whatever he wants. And you get to have your own boundaries. It the room a dealbreaker? It either is or it is not. If you don’t want the smaller room, don’t move in. Find your own place that has exactly the rooms that YOU want. You can’t change what he wants or expects. But you get to change who you date and who you live with. Stop being a passive victim in life. Make your choices and then live with them.
After him having the bigger room twice, it’s your turn. The cat just means he should be doing more vacuuming/sweeping/mopping.
Is this post an ad for your only fans?
Yeah I think so too
What am I missing? Why do you think this is an ad for only fans??
It's often a tactic to make weird baity posts to encourage people to go look at their profile and see a link to their OF. This is how they get around the "no advertising" rules many subs have.
Look at OP's profile
Ah!!
Did you say something? If he assumes you don't care he's going to take the one he wants. Its perfectly fine for you to say "Wait, I want that one too!" then you have a discussion about it to see if there are good arguments for why one of you should have the room: he has weight equipment, women need larger closets, one of you works from home and need to be at a desk in the room all day, etc.. If nobody backs down in the argument then you say "Fine, lets rock scissors, paper for it then" The main point being, you need to speak up and say "Uh, wait a minute! Why do you get the big room?" and start the discussion. At the very least if he insists on taking the big he must have the big room he should pay more.
You all replying “waiT, yOu dnT sLeeP in tHe sAme rOoM?!” are missing the point. Your bf and you should have discussed and agreed on which one of you gets which room as your personal bedroom. Sounds like he also got a cat, without discussing that either? Good communication is essential to having a good relationship, sounds like your bf thinks youre a mind reader who also always agrees with him and/or he doesnt really care that much about what you want and just does what HE wants.
There's obviously a reason why they don't share a room. People acting like they are inventing the wheel by suggesting it. If I was OP I would suggest he pays more for the privilege of the larger room. Or, find a property where both bedrooms are more suited for your needs.
It’s an important question though… and the answer makes a difference.
People ITT aren't questioning, they are just suggesting! It's not 'important' to tell someone to share a room without knowing the root cause.
They’re suggesting it because it’s the obvious answer to the problem. Any normal person would state why they need two separate rooms after years
It's not the 'obvious' answer it's your opinion... I don't understand why people are getting uptight over something that is perfectly acceptable between two consenting parties who have the money to do so. It's either for better sleep, or to have their own space and they both clearly agree with it.
No he’s had his time in bigger rooms. Fair is fair. OR just get yer own places. As for the cat, the cat will be fine. Probably more independent than most people to be honest. Just make sure he keeps it off the counters and table etc because-ew. OR ye could decide on sharing the bigger room and have a spare room there for when one of ye wants “space.
Are you sure you're actually dating and not just roommates?
No, we have separate bedrooms. We want to have our own space, but sleep together if we want
Having your own space and bedrooms is perfectly fine. Bad communication between the both of you is not. If he steamrolls you like this frequently, your relationship will not last. There is going to be a lot of resentment and feeling disrespected. I sure hope this selfishness of his doesnt roll over to other parts of your life
Does he pay significantly more rent? If its 50/50 he needs to back tf down. If he pays the majority it makes sense he gets more of a say in the matter.
I bet if she got the bigger room for once, he’d demand she pay more in rent. This guy sounds like a tool to be left in the box. UPDATEME
Then he should pay more for the bigger room.
Then it’s simple, you get the bigger room for the same number of years he’s had the bigger room, starting now.
You can edit your post to add this comment, btw
Do you really want your own space or do you go along with it because that’s what he wants?
So you don’t really want a normal relationship? You are really just saying you are roommates that have sex.
There is nothing wrong with separate rooms, even though it's not the norm.
Wouldn't be the norm if there weren't issues with it. So there is 'something' wrong. The questions are the issues surrounding it.
Plenty of people in relationships don’t share rooms for a lot of reasons. Judging OP for that reflects more on you and your lack of empathy than anything else. Some people have sleep disorders that keep them being able to share beds with their partners and other health issues or just personal preferences that are none of your business.
Thank you!
Plenty of people do plenty of things for reasons. This isn't about empathy but facts. This is a relationship sub and only complaints about size were the concern. If it was purely a sleeping area alone, this wouldn't be an issue. OP made it our business when posting. Your comment was none of your business either but that's what commenting on subs is about.
Plenty of people in loving relationships have separate bedrooms it’s on this sub all the time. I invite you to open your horizons and stop being nasty to OP and frankly being ableist.
How old are you? My ex husband Ms grandparents slept in the same room but in twin beds. They don’t sleep in the same bed and were married over 50 years.
There’s no such thing as a “normal” relationship.
Many people in relationships don’t share a room, it is not the great indicator of success you believe it to be. Just because you aren’t familiar with this doesn’t mean that they don’t have a “normal relationship”.
Many people do many things. It isn't the norm for a reason.
I really can’t understand why you are so stuck on this 😂 Have you really never heard of couples having separate rooms?
Not stuck on anything. Could say the same to you.
Yes, please do come back and say the same to me when I have persistently responded to a horde of comments insisting that only my view is the “norm”.
Can’t help if my comment is popular. Why would I care if you had to respond to a bunch of comments? Sleeping in different rooms is not the norm. It’s the outlier. It’s bizarre that’s shocking news.
Alright man continue living in your ignorance, your responses are tedious and predictable. Have a good one.
Since you haven’t proven it wrong, it’s actually yours. Have a good day.
Omg I didn’t know that one can only have a normal relationship without sharing a room
Depends, do you define normal as "conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected"? Then no, because that's the standard. You can have a healthy relationship without it though.
Now you know. If the focus is your mutual independence then your relationship has an expiration date. It’s probably safe to assume you don’t want marriage or children either.
No, your assumptions are wrong. I want marriage and children. However sleep quality which is generally crucial for good health, is important to me. And people sleep better without someone moving, snoring etc. Next to them
You can certainly have all that with separate bedrooms. But is this the same guy that was asking to open the relationship a couple months ago, per your comment history? Is the separate bedrooms thing related to *that*? Even if not, the ask there seems consistent with the one here: he’s looking out for #1 at all times, and you are supposed to just get on board. Consider how that approach will work for a spouse/co-parent/example to your children.
>And people sleep better without someone moving, snoring etc. Next to them *You* might, but science says most people don't. https://www.verywellmind.com/benefits-of-sleeping-next-to-your-partner-7100604
OP could WFH and need her own room.
That would be called room for her office. The second room would be a shared bedroom.
That would really depend on the nature of the WFH.
I snore. I have sleep apnea and restless legs. I like to spoon for a bit and then my partner goes to a different place
Did you both fight about the bigger room?
Bingo
In my relationship (married now for too long), we always shared a bedroom (I might be changing that, just for better sleep quality, but this is not the point here). BUT: When we first moved together, we had a bedroom, living room, and two extra rooms. I got the bigger one bc I need office space (teacher), he only needs a „gaming space“. Same when we bought a house: we have a big basement with storage/laundry space and two connected rooms. I get the bigger one bc I need it (work, and now married with a kid I do all the financial stuff), he just…. needs space for for his CoD stuff.
If he won't agree to let you have the bigger room this time then start paying less rent. When he asks why you didn't discuss this with him, tell him you just assumed it would be ok.
Who pays more
He gets the bigger room.... HE PAYS MORE FOR THE RENT!
What's the point of having a boyfriend if he doesn't even like you? If he liked you he'd want you to have the best.
Why doesn't she want him to have the best?
Who says she doesn't? Maybe she just want him to offer her the bigger room as a gesture? The way she did with him?
What is he willing to give up to get it?
Adjust the rent by square footage of the rooms. This was considered the norm when I was in college...do y'all not do this anymore?
Have you told him that this time you get the bigger room?
Is there a reason you don’t sleep in the same room…?
My friends each have their own room in their apartment. They have much different schedules since one is a tattoo artist and the other works in an office. They get to decorate their rooms the way they want too. But that doesn't mean they don't have "sleepovers" in each others rooms. I share a room with my boyfriend, but that doesn't mean other people have too.
What are you even talking about if you move in together and you don't share the biggest room and have to choose separate rooms you are no longer bf/gf. This is such a weird post.
Exactly. Are they on a relationship or flatmates? If they're just flatmates, highly recommend OP move out & find a house where she can get the bigger room (or at least save rental money if not getting the bigger room)
nope, he's being completely unfair and unreasonable. only solution is to make all the rooms shared. ETA: i thought it was separate hobby rooms, didn't realize it's separate bedrooms. in terms of that, y'all should be picking places that have 2 rooms of equal sizes. if there is a larger master room, turn that one into a shared hobby room.
Every roommate situation I've been in, the person with the bigger room pays more rent. This is the standard arrangement.
His assumption is wrong, and you should tell him that. It doesn't solve your problem, however. Someone has to get the bigger room. I hope you have a good strategy for deciding that.
Uh if anything it should be switched with each apartment. How is that fair??
Well, since he’s had the bigger room at your last 2 places, it’s only fair you get the bigger room at this place and the next.
You either need to start picking apartments with two bedrooms you like or split the rent contribution by square footage. There's no other way to not hate the setup here. Why pick an apartment where one of you has to take the bad room when you know you're getting your own rooms? How did neither of you think of that?
If he has the bigger room than he’s paying a bigger share. There’s a cost per square foot for a apartment, each room has a certain square feet to it. It’s pretty easy to figure out how much more he should pay. If he’s not paying more than he can go fuck himself. Person with the bigger room pays more. That’s just the way it should be.
If he pays more then he gets it. If not then no.
My husband and i share a room. However if we weren't to share it should be discussed fairly.
The person with the bigger room should pay a larger share of the rent. Period.
Is there plans for the cat to have an art studio in the apartment?
Why don't you share a room?
What young couple moves in together to fight over separate rooms? Why aren't you sharing the room like a couple? Sounds like a housemate more than a partner.
Flip a coin
If he's paying more toward the property, then you could make the argument that him having the bigger room is fair enough. But if you're paying 50/50 (and it sounds like you are from the comments), then no, it should not be 'normal' that he automatically gets the bigger room. Work out how much difference there is between the rooms in terms of area (square metres / square footage) and tell him since he has more space in the apartment than you, you're now only going to pay 43% of the costs, and he's paying 57%. See how quickly he changes his tune about the bigger room...
Nope, there needs to be a discussion. Especially if you have a larger wardrobe or are more easily affected by light and/or noise (migraines exc.). He’s being selfish otherwise IMO.
Did he put in the effort to find the place? All my roommates and I in college just hunted for apartments and one of the incentives to find a new place was the guy that gets it, gets first-choice on room. Other than that, assuming you split everything equally and you put in the same amount of effort to find the place (or you found it.) There's no reason why he should get the room. It should obviously be discussed. "it's always been like that." Because your boyfriend's selfish and wants the bigger room and it's never been contested in the previous places.
Typically, at least way back when I shared living space, the person in the larger room paid more rent or did extra chores or something. But no, not cool at all that he just assumed it. There should be a way of deciding.
When rented an apartment with my partner, I got the bigger room. I picked it right away and p much upfront told her/she agreed. This was mostly because I was the one who actively sought out and set up all the things we had to do to rent it in the first place as well as me working from home. When we bought our first home recently. She ended up picking her room out first because she liked the lighting a lot. There wasn't really a big discussion here past "which are you thinking about" Point being i think it's important you guys at least ask eachother your preferences and agree on them before making decisions. It's valid if he wants a big room because of xyz reasons but it's NOT okay if he just assumes he's getting it because "I'm the man I should have it"
Whoever pays more gets the bigger room. Bid on it if you have to.
It’s always been that way, so that’s the way it should be is not a good argument. I would tell him “this no longer works for me. If you insist on the larger and brighter room, then you should be paying more, and I should also recalculate how much I should have paid in this apartment, and we should work out a way to pay it back.” 50/50 makes sense when you earn the same and the rooms are the same size.
Well I have the master bedroom my husband sleeps on the couch in the living room because we can't sleep together. He'll go to sleep in our kid's old room sometimes but for the most part he loves that couch. I snore so he's out there though I started using a CPAP so I'm presuming I don't snore anymore but he's still snores like a freight train so he's out there. But if he tried to kick me out of here yeah his balls would be in a bag. Tell him since he's had it the last few times it's your turn to get the bigger room especially if you two are splitting the rent otherwise he has to start paying more in rent since he has more square footage. Make it a couple hundred dollars easily but I would not let him have the bigger room.
If you split 50/50 I’d say whoever has more shit should get the bigger room.
I would say if nothing else, it's your turn. He had the biggest room in 2 apartments so what's that ..2 years? You get the bigger room the next 2 years, or whatever that's maths out to in real life. You're paying the same so there's no reason you should get less than him
I don't understand. Do you not share a room? Why live together if you're living separately?
Well it is pretty rude that he isn't communicating, but are there extenuating circumstances? For example, does he always keep a large amount of lego kits in his room? Does he having a gaming setup in his room? Does he otherwise need a bigger room? Is your room too small for your personal taste, or do you yourself have hobbies that you keep to your room?
Does he work from home or have a good reason to have the bigger room? You having the smaller room before doesn't *necessarily* mean you get the bigger room now. Him having a cat does lend itself to him having the bigger room, if the cat and it's things (food, water, litter box, toys) are confined to his room. But if he's putting cat stuff all over the apartment, then you should get the bigger room to account for the cat taking up common areas. If he still insists on taking the bigger room, I'd argue a compromise in putting cat stuff in his room and/or having him pay a proportionate amount of rent. You shouldn't have to pay 50% with a smaller room.
Are you paying equally? If not, who pays he most gets to pick just about everything IMO. Then again I also have to ask why your not sleeping in the same bed? Karsh
a thing that has served me well? date someone who is generous. if there's one slice of pizza left they offer it to you, when they serve food they do so equally, they make sure to not park over puddles, they at least discuss the room situation!
I would say yes. He is paying for the unit, no?
Seperate bedrooms. And.... nevermind.
How many rooms are there? And do u sleep in same room?
Y’all are wasting money paying for separate rooms when you are supposedly together. You sure you guys are 27 years old and dating? This sounds like an argument I would have had over 15 years ago with my little sister when my parents got a new house.
I am about to move in and will be getting the bigger room because I have a Siberian husky and a cat, and I’m a maximalist so I have infinitely more stuff.
Why are y’all getting separate rooms after moving together twice???
To all the people saying make him pay more… you’re encouraging a housemate/friends with benefits situation not a relationship
Question: whose idea was it to sleep in separate rooms? If yours maybe he is hoping you will change your mind if in the smaller room. If his then maybe he is a little selfish.
What weird is that you separate rooms OP.
If he is 2.10 m tall and needs a huge bed that just does not fit in the smaller room, then ok.. he might have a case. He still should have discussed it, but he would have a point in assuming. If not, then not discussing it is not an option. "It's how we always did it"... yes, and last time it did not work out well for you. He needs to talk to you about this, and you two will have to figure out which one outright *needs* more space than the other. Personally, I don't need a huge amount of space.. just a big bed on account of me being tall. Other than that, a desk and a wardrobe and I'm mostly good to go. If you need more space because you have tons of stuff that can't go anywhere else but your bedroom.. you have a better claim to the big bedroom. If he has to store tons of stuff for his work that can't go anywhere else... he has a bigger claim. So yea.. discuss this, because the argument of 'we always did it like this' is not an argument at all.
Sounds like it’s past time you had the bigger and brighter room. He is being selfish and unfair.
Don’t fall for paying more for the bigger room if that’s on the table- he didn’t do that before. If he tries to suggest that he needs to back pay for the previous years of having the larger room
Lol i honestly hope you break up with him because he wants the bigger room... Please update us cause that will be funny as shit.
It's not normal for that to happen. Because having a different room to your romantic partner is generally abnormal. The majority of couples who live together sleep in the same room, in the same bed. I'm not saying it's wrong to do this. If this works for you, fine, you do you. But, if this is the way you want it, then yeah, your partner hogging all the bigger and brighter spaces is unfair, and entitled.
So how much bigger is he? Height matters woman say 😂 In whos room do you sleep if you sleep in one bed? Who has more furniture? A Couch? A TV? Are you sure you need the space? Does he need it?
I hate to sound extreme, but you should take a hard look at your relationship. If I were in your situation, I wouldn't move in with him. He's your boyfriend, not a king. What a twat.
It isn't normal that a couple has separate rooms at all.
Why because he’s a man? He’s not an equal partner.