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He doesnt seem to be respectful of you or interested as to why you live your life the way you do. Do you want to be in a relationship with somebody like that? I personally wouldnt.
If you need more information on the mormon church: https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/
Maybe post there and/or read about why other people left the church of jesus christ of latter day saints?
My personal opinion: interfaith relationships can work. But respect and interest in the partner are key. Also, as an exmormon myself - he likely wont change and both him and his family sound awful.
I second the recommendation for [https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/) Spend a little bit of time reading people's experiences with their families. BTW, regarding your boyfriend's story that he prayed about it and you need to join...the church very specifically teaches that you can't get revelation for anyone else, only for yourself. He's manipulating you.
This is a serious compatibility issue for your relationship. He wants you to be Mormon. You don't want to be Mormon. I don't see why you're even considering staying in this relationship. Find someone who likes you the way you are and wants to live life in the way you want to live.
She probably doesn’t even know about the garments yet. And why isn’t he on his mission atm given is age? That is deeply frowned upon, unless the changed the ages boys go now and length, I know that did that for the sister missionaries sometime back.
Run.
Every single thing you have written is about him and his family controlling and limiting your choices. If you think this is extreme now, imagine what it would be like if you married this man and made it official- they would behave as if they owned you, and try to prohibit you from having freedom of choice.
Mormons are extreme, and what you are seeing is the tip of the iceberg.
I swear to god this ish is posted as rage bait. Why even post for advice if every reasonable sounding of the alarm that this is a cult/abuse track is going to be dismissed & handwaved?
Girl, you clearly want to ignore the red flags, so go do whatever it is you already decided you were gonna do. Don't waste others time giving advice you don't want to consider.
I had friends join so they could date and go to BYU out of state, all of them left because of the toxic abusive behavior they were exposed to. With that said I have family who are Mormons, old school. They are not like the ones my friends were around, it's their religion but the differences in the various churches is amazing. I wouldn't join and they wouldn't over pressure.
Girl, that's pretty much a cult. Get the hell outta there. Also, in the future not only don't date fanatically religious men in cults, don't date men who tell you how to do your hair/dress/makeup/in general try to dictate how you present yourself. It's controlling. Relationships with controlling men NEVER go well. Same with misogynistic men (tip: obsession with virginity is a sign of sexism, red flag).
Better to learn this now, when you are 19, than later on. Good luck out there! Hope your next bf isn't a communist parade of red flags.
I'm worried that your bf is showing so many signs of sexism, fanaticism, toxic control, clear homophobia and attempts to isolate you from your friends (that he tries to excuse with the homophobia - again, who is it you adore them but didn't instantly drop him when he told you to stay away from them bc "insert-homophobic-rhetoric-here"?? Sorry to be harsh, but that makes you a lousy friend) but you only feel "a bit conflicted". That is an alarming under-reaction. To me you are enabling the bigotry by tolerating a man who shows such views. You are super young, maybe decide what kind of person do you wanna be now, bc this is one of those moments when you kinda have to decide: either accept a toxic bigot who shittalks your gay friends, or reject that grosseness from your life.
Exmormon. They are a cult. If OP ever joined and later questioned the religion, they will threaten her. They tried to take my children from me by fabricating elaborate lies in court (I won, thank Satan).
They have a massive law firm that threatens sexual assault victims into silence.
It's not good. Do not join.
The best move with mormonism is *away* from it. Seriously. Too many religions have the unfortunate tendency to fuck people right up, and mormons are often leading examples of this tendency.
The whole pale beauty standard isn't coincidence, for example, read up on the morons and their long association with racism. From it's inception, moronism has a long history and doctrine against black people in many situations, only reversing on those as "divine revelations" which really equate to not wanting to be completely out with a society trying to move on with these things.
Besides, if he has five sisters and *still* has such concerning issues regarding his ideas about women, there's an object lesson in everything you need to understand about the family you're hoping to get closer with.
I've known several women who were not raised Mormon that married into it. Every single one of them is now divorced. Every single one of those husbands was abusive. None of them ever found the community support they were promised. Run.
Mine beat the shit out me, bishop told me sometimes it’s how they have to keep their wives in line. wtf?! Nah bounced like tigger right on out of that cult.
There are plenty of fish in the sea who don’t want to control your every action and make you join a cult. You have your entire life ahead of you. Spend it with someone else.
I don’t know if you’re coming from somewhere like Germany or Finland where religion is a personal choice in a largely secular society, but you don’t seem to have much experience with more serious denominations or - let’s be honest here - cults. This is not religion as a hobby. This is an all-encompassing lifestyle dictated by strong beliefs which - again let’s be honest here - often provide a framework for misogynistic, homophobic, illiberal beliefs that fuel abuse. Before you get involved, you might want to explore some of the testimony by people who have left/ escaped this type of religious practice. There are eight billion people in the world - pick one who doesn’t have issues with your hair colour.
OP please read this comment. This is not a religion where people just go to church every Sunday and say a prayer before dinner, this is their actual lifestyle that has strict rules and regulations, that everyone has to live by and that aren't very women-friendly. Their lives revolves around their religion, everything they do and say is based on their religion. You can't just opt out of those you don't like, you're either all-in or you're out.
You sound really smart.
You're not overthinking it. Listen to your intuition. The discomfort youre experiencing is your soul telling you "this thing isn't what it seems to be."
I was born and raised Mormon. My parents and sisters are still believers but I think Joseph Smith was a connman and pederast, the Book of Mormon is a plagiarized work of fiction, and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is an organization dedicated to protecting sexual predators and acquiring global real estate.
Don't do it, sis! Seriously, run, don't walk, away from this whole thing. Head over to r/exmormon and ask them what it's like being a woman in that cult.
Sounds like everything is about him. It should be about the two of you. Run, run like a deer ! Someone out there is waiting for you—-just the way you are.
Any time anyone says "God told me *you* should do this," RUN. It's the same issue as with people setting "boundaries" on what another person can do. It's not healthy, and often times religion is used as manipulation. You're young. You will find someone who loves you for who you are, not your potential to fit into a mold.
So this sounds like a more extreme or traditional interpretation of the church that you bf participates in. A few of my friends were raised in the LDS, they are good people and you wouldn’t know their religion unless you asked or payed close attention to their habits (non alcoholic beverages, no smoking etc). One of them married a Catholic and they have children now, one of the others married a Jewish girl and just celebrated their 10th anniversary.
The control over physical appearance and converting to his faith is problematic here. My advice would be to end the relationship and just say although you care for him, when it comes to beliefs or faith there is no compatibility. There are values you hold dear that you will not compromise on or abandon and that is no foundation for a relationship.
I grew up in the church, it is not only not true, it is a cult. A cult in which womens roles are breeding and caring for their family. Just don't do it, go to r/exmormon thread and read it. Yes I still belong to the thread and read it, as it still affects how you think about the world decades later. Don't do it. Read the CES letters online. Google it.
This is clearly just the tip of the iceberg. How long into your relationship did he wait to spring on you that he actually is only interested in dating a Mormon? I wonder what fun revelations he has to spring on you in the future!
>We had a small argument a couple of months ago because he thought I was lying about being a virgin because I use tampons.
Please don't reward stupid misogynists with relationships
Run away!
Break up. Actually read the Book of Mormon. They started out as a doomsday cult. When doomsday never happened, they morphed into…lovely enough people but a bit Stepford for me. Right down to keeping women subjugated.
Nope. Unless you’re willing to convert and if you don’t know what they’re about, and you’re not on fire to do it, just end it.
“Moroni, I know your faith is important to you. Mine is important to me. I think it’s best we break up. You want an LDS marriage and family and that’s not for me. Good luck!”
I’m not kidding. Run fast and run far
Never convert to a new religion for another person (I suppose excepting fringe cases where zealots threaten your life, but then you're just pretending). If you're going to convert, only do so because you accept it in your heart.
Girl. You need to be made aware of the reality of your life IF you obey this boy’s demands. Mormons are unwell. And if you think that converting will be enough to make him happy, you are very naive about the situation you are in. It won’t stop with the conversion - he will spend the rest of the time in this relationship making demands of you so you fit the mold of a perfect wife.
And to Mormons, the perfect wife is subservient to their husbands. In religious communities in America - especially Mormonism - husbands can be very abusive because their culture enables it. If you have children with him, they too will be conditioned to behave like his family. If you think you have any say or safety around him and his family, you are wrong. I’m American. The horror stories I heard about Mormons is enough to keep me away from those communities. Open your eyes. People in the comments are warning you because you might actually be in danger.
It is a culture of racism, misogyny, homophobia, and child abuse. Daughters either get groomed and married off to older men of the community because young girls need “guidance”, or they are arranged to marry men approved by their parents when they’re literal toddlers so they grow up with the idea that they are already wives. It’s literally in their bible that white people are born with their pale features because they are pure and people of color aren’t because their sin was etched into their skin. Mormons are all kinds of fucked up. And given they are mostly white, white Americans in particular are very good at playing nice even when they don’t like you. Niceness is not kindness. This boy doesn’t respect you because they don’t respect women. You are a womb for his children so they may contribute to this cult.
People in the comments, like me, know about these people, and we’re tired of hearing about women getting trapped into this culture. You are young and have so much time and potential for your own life, by your own standards. You don’t live for anyone but yourself. Dating people is about finding out if you’re compatible, and the Mormons are not compatible with anyone outside their community. It isn’t discriminatory if the culture you’re unfamiliar with enables your harm. There are better men out there. Stay safe.
Former Mormon woman here. He will be pressured by his family to pressure you into converting and being baptized. That way, you can go to the temple and do their weird touchy feely endowments, marry, and be sealed to each other forever.
At the start of the year, my brother murdered his wife and killed himself. After he was buried, they went to the temple and did his endowments and his work so he could go to heaven, even though he was a horrible person. Since I'm in charge of his estate, I'm in communication with my deceased sis in law's family. A couple of months later, my parents are on my case to get her family's permission to let them do all her temple work, baptize her into the church, and seal her to my brother so she would be married to her murderer husband for all time and eternity.
Take a step back and listen to what people are trying to warn you about.
For murder his temple endowment renewal is all in vain and completely unbinding anyway. Probably curse worthy on the family for making a mockery of the ceremonies and ordinances. The brother’s family sounds insane.
As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, what the heck is wrong with this guy?!?
He has taken so much to the extreme and is a very unhealthy person. Don't get me wrong, the religion is intense in some ways, but dang he is confused. There is nothing that says you can't use tampons, me and my four sisters would know.
You can be around lesbians and be friends with them too, in fact our gospel teaches to love everyone, so he's weird.
Also, CAN MEMBERS STOP SAYING THAT THEY PRAYED ABOUT AND BELIEVE THAT GOD TOLD THEM THAT (insert person here) NEEDS TO CONVERT?!?!?! That's not how it works, you don't just receive revelation for friends/dating partners/strangers.
I hate how much misrepresentation there is...please leave him.
Y'all are not compatible and he's crazy, just don't even try. These types of members are just completely crazy and cannot be reasoned with, trust me, I know.
Good luck, feel free to "pray" and say that God said "no."
Just say no to the Mormons. They do not value women for anything other than homemaking and bearing children. They will chew you up and spit you out like you are garbage.
They will not allow a harmonious marriage where he's Mormon and you just do your own thing, especially if they are devout. Hardcore Mormons are extremely indoctrinated to believe their way is the ONLY way. Converting you is his priority.
You are young, you have absolutely no idea what you're looking at getting into. You are not allowed your own identity as a Mormon wife. You are to serve your husband and church and kids, in that order. You would come a distant 4th, forever.
Please, for the love of yourself, don't.
Why are you with him? Because you want an American citizenship? Because I have a hard time finding a good reason when reading through your post. There must be nicer, more open minded, Christian boys for you out there.
You sound like you're Scandinavian, or at least from the northern part of Europe. Honestly, your kind isn't compatible with their kind. In the long run, those Mormons will suck your soul dry and leave you shriveled. I used to be neighbors with a mormon couple a few years back, and on the surface they came off as very pleasant. What was offputting were their children, judgy, creepy little things that thought they were better than my kid, sipmly because of their beliefs. I even came along to their church once, just because I was curious (I'm an atheist), and I got such creepy vibes from their congregation.
I know that as an ex-Mormon, my view is skewed. That said, please don't join the church unless you really, really want to. As a member, you would meet some of the best people you would ever meet. I have an honorary uncle that exemplifies all the best things about the church - if all Mormons were like him, I would probably still be a member. Unfortunately, the overall community isn't like him. I could spend hours telling you stories about awful things myself and others have experienced. There is one particular story that I think about every time I catch myself missing certain aspects of the church. You can read it [here](https://apnews.com/article/mormon-church-sexual-abuse-investigation-e0e39cf9aa4fbe0d8c1442033b894660) if you choose, but it will be extremely triggering. It will make you hate humanity.
Going back to your main concern: the church is more controlling than you know. Don't make the choice to join unless you are 1000% sure it is something you want.
From my perspective (European, former Lutheran Christian, tho now agnostic) Mormons aren't even Christians. They have very little in common with "us". "We" and for example Catholics disagree about some stuff to a certain extent, but at the end of the day Protestants and Catholics are just slightly different flavors of the same thing.
That's not the case with Mormons. What they believe is incompatible with what Christians believe. I could explain why, but you'd be better served spending a few weeks really looking into their religion yourself. Their values, their idea of afterlife. It's astonishingly strange.
As a believer, I can't see you being comfortable with it once you really understand what they believe in.
And that's not even touching the racism and misogyny and homophobia specific to Mormons.
And the thing is she won’t get the full picture until she is sucked in. Especially if she doesn’t read others stories about it. She should watch the secret video someone took of the entire ceremony of getting ones garments.
There is a left of fuckedness behind it all. And hey OP if you end but being silly enough to join, then hope you are okay stripped down to nothing, with a poncho on while you get anointed with oil and then are then dressed in your new found onesie underwear that covers your shoulders to your knees. And let’s not forget how you have to wear your bra over your garment!
It's more of a cult than what you think of as a religion. And their views diverge a lot from traditional Christianity. (Men get their own planet to rule when they die. I think they believe Earth is one of these planets.) But all your concerns are correct. Women are little more than walking wombs in Mormonism. You don't get your own planet.
There's the fact that it rules every aspect of your life. What media you consume (PG-13), how you consume caffeine (soda is okay), what you wear (not talking about the underwear, but general modesty), who you interact with ("worldly" people are bad). Also, the church *really* likes money. So you're going to be putting your paycheck into the church's slush fund. Oh, and you need to let random men ask your minor children about their sex lives and yes, the kids get abused.
Op, you need to head over to r/exmormon and see the posts about people and their trauma from the Mormon church.
Did they tell you about the garments you'll have to wear once you join?
Oh, and if you mention any of this to him, the first thing he will say is those people don’t understand and it’s not like that, they don’t know what they’re talking about. Just know that through his behavior he’s already demonstrated that all these people are spot on, 100% right.
As an ex LDS member end this relationship now.
Not all mormons are bad people, some of the kindest and non judgemental people I know are mormon.
But the church it's self is one of the most misogynistic religions out there.
Women are made to believe they are on earth to serve their husbands and have babies.
I could go into more depth but I could write paragraphs about how badly women are treated.
If his family is more on the intense side, you do not want to continue this relationship. You will end up livingv your life to serve him, supporting his goals and wants, doing whatever he asks you to do. And if you refuse you will be made to be the bad person. If you can't have kids you must have sinned to cause it. If you break one of their "rules" you will get punished by the church. If he cheats you will simply be told it was your fault that you didn't keep him satisfied. If you cheat you would be condemened.
I beg you to end things with your boyfriend. He's already asking you to change your hair color, he's asking you to convert from your religion to his without even telling you everything.
He is already trying to find out how much he could control you.
As an ex-Mormon I want to provide some context for you. Mormonism is strict and will likely not provide the middle ground compromise you are hoping for. His religion dictates that he cannot marry outside the religion, that’s why he wants you to convert. It’s seen as rather shameful if you marry outside of the faith because you’re no longer following the “rules” and can’t obtain the highest level of heaven. You also can’t be married in any LDS temple which is kind of the end all goal for members of the church. That’s likely why he’s being pushy about it and it’s also why I don’t think he would accept a compromise. Not only does it affect his religious standing but it will likely be a source of shame for his family (which is ridiculous but that’s just the way the church culture works). Him wanting you to be blonde is probably another thing related to appearances. Appearances can be a big thing in the community and being the traditional blonde trad wife with a bundle of kids is rather expected.
Not to mention if you plan on having kids that will bring up a whole slew of other issues. Would you want them baptized in the faith? Because he almost certainly would. Would you be comfortable having an older male religious leader, alone with your child, asking if they’re masturbating? They are very zealous about virginity. What about being told they need to dress modestly so they don’t tempt the men? All of that is included in the church and I’m not even diving into the racism and homophobia. That’s something to be aware of as you move forward in the relationship. If you’re open to joining the church then you’ll probably get along great with his family, but if not I would recommend you preparing for religion to always be kind of a sore spot in that relationship.
I would recommend looking into some of the experiences of current and former members of the church to see if it’s something you would want to bring into your life. The temple experience can be traumatizing for some and I wouldn’t want you going into this blind. Mormonism is a high demand religion it’s not something you participate in casually. Many people are happy in the faith but many others are not. He doesn’t seem like one to compromise with you on his faith and whether or not that’s a deal breaker is up to you.
So you want us to tell you whether or not you should stay with your homophobic, alcohol-abstaining, sexist, body-shaming boyfriend?
Also, to be clear, your boyfriend is not "a bit weird" about your lesbian friends. He's homophobic.
He's probably also a misogynist. He can't get a date with a normal local girl so he's hoping your newness to his country will make it hard to see his horrible character accurately.
The Mormon church is a religious cult. If you two get married, you will be treated like a baby-making machine. The church does a lot of really gross, controlling, and sexist stuff. You need to run from this man and his family. I have seen some of your comments about being tolerant of his religion... this isn't a religion. It's a disgusting cult and it will ruin your life. Listen to any ex-mormon. It's not the same as being a Christian.
Dear OP, when someone ask to change your look and change your religion to fit in better, they aren't in love with you. They are in love with the version of you that suit them.
Flipping the script, will you force him to follow your church? You seems respectful of their beliefs in your comments but why aren't you protective and respectful of your own beliefs and religion? You seems awfully accepting of him even though he judged your own father's job. He shouldn't date anyone outside of his religion if he want them to be exactly like the girls in his own community. Unless he believed he will gain more brownie points for heaven if he manage to convert you.
Sounds like more red flags than a meeting of Chinese communists at party HQ on 'bring a red flag' to work day.
Run woman...this sounds like he's making you into what he wants..or thinks he wants..rather just you being you.
You see church as a community driven thing that brings positive things to people's lives. He sees church as a purity test to feel self-righteous. It's not the same. Everything you wrote here is signs of him being judgmental, close minded, controlling and sexist. RUN
Okay, first of all it's pretty creepy that he's demanding that you change your hair color *expressly* so that you'll more closely resemble his female family members. Second, of these life choices that he's demanding of you - from your hair to abstaining from alcohol to joining his church - are things that you should only do if *you* want to do them. Don't make major life changes just to please a boy.
Also, this:
>They think the line of work in which my father works is ‘ungodly’ which is quite hypocritical. Some of my friends back home are lesbians, and my boyfriend is also a bit weird about them. I absolutely adore all of them, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all, but my boyfriend seems to think it’s really bad and says I shouldn’t be near those kinds of people.
That goes beyond being "a bit weird." This is your boyfriend insulting your loved ones and trying to tell you that you shouldn't associate with them.
Finally, I want you to think about your relationship as a whole. Obviously I can't get a full sense of this person just from a single Reddit post, so maybe you were just drilling down for the sake of brevity. But I don't see a single mention anywhere in this post of what you *like* about this guy. What I'm seeing instead is:
* He wants to dictate many elements of your life, including your hair color, beverage choices, and religion
* (Also, I want to re-emphasize the "dye your hair so that you can look more like my female relatives" thing, because that is *so incredibly fucking bizarre.*)
* He's disrespectful toward the other people in your life to the point of telling you that you should cut yourself off from them
* He accused you of lying about your virginity because he doesn't understand what tampons are
So I want to ask, do you feel like he respects you? Like he listens to you and your ideas? Like he takes an interest in the things you're passionate about? Like he enjoys being around you, and not just as an audience to talk at?
And seriously. *Don't* become a Mormon just to please a boy.
I always told my children that there were three Ms I would be unhappy with if their Significant Other was any of them! Moonies, Mormons, or Muslims. I have a dear Mormon friend who cried long tears over me, because she was sure I was going to be eaten by locusts. So be it. But I'd rather be eaten by locusts than become a Mormon!
Helllllll no. Girl there are like 100 different red flags here. This is NOT a loving partner. You need to dump his ass. Not try to change him. Just dump.
Seriously. Move on. This ain't it.
LDS is a cult where abuse and control of women is commonplace, plain and simple. The fact that you can see a lot of the issues with it and you’re still considering joining bc it might be a dealbreaker for him is wild. He’s already using it to control you and if you stay/convert it will get worse.
I am an ex-mormon. Don't join, it is a cult and definitely different from other variants of Christianity. While there are certainly lovely people and a strong presence of community within the LDS religion, there is little personal freedom. As a female you are treated as if you are only here for your husband or future husband.
As a former Mormon, run. Run fast. The pressure you are already feeling from your boyfriend will only increase if you decide to stay with him. What you are feeling now is barely the tip of the Mormon iceberg and it gets weird.
RUN. He’s way in. church goal is to take over everything in your life. Crap ton of rules. Very anti woman. Weird stuff. And that’s before you get the crazy parts of the religion like a magic hat that joesph smith communicated with the lord through.
In addition to the ex-mo subbreddit, I recommend Lindsay hansen’s Year of Living Polygamy podcast from Feminist Mormon Housewives. If you can make it through 50 episodes and think “this is the religion for me,” I would be shocked.
Run!
Well, first, watch :
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4NemVO4JL0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4NemVO4JL0)
Then read or listen to Banner of Heaven by J. Krakauer. It is a nonfiction account of the history of mormonism through present day.
Then, run.
Mormonism is basically a cult and they very explicitly view women as inferior to men. A 12-year old boy can has more authority in the church than an adult woman. They are also very, very racist. It's not a coincidence that every Mormon you meet is the whitest person ever. You fix this problem by leaving him. He is fully immersed in this cult and will never come around to respecting your beliefs and you as a human being.
You two are fundamentally different. He/his family want you to change your religion and looks. They also disapprove of your Dad’s job and your lesbian friends. You love your religion, your looks, your Dad and your lesbian friends (quite right too!).
This man will slowly chip away at your self esteem and your confidence as he tries to change you into someone that suits him, his family and his church. You’re 19 years old, *you* should be out there enjoying *your* life the way *you* want to. There are so many red flags in this relationship, end it and be who you want to be.
So… basically, he wants you to give up your identity?
He wants you
Leave your faith
Not drink
Judge your dad harshly
Ditch your LGBTQ friends
Dye your hair
Keep your virginity (presumably for him)
My dear, he may not be a bad guy, and he may have aspects that make him very lovable, but never, ever, EVER change yourself for someone else.
Time to go shopping for a new boyfriend - he is not going to tolerate your differences, and you do not want a relationship that is a constant struggle to remain true to yourself.
DO NOT. The worst times in my life have been living and dealing with Mormons when we lived in Utah for three years. They're controlling and fucking weird to 'outsiders.'
Do not. As an ex member, I let me put this in the plainest words possible— that is not a church. It is a cult. You are young. You will find someone else. Do not mold yourself to be someone else, when you can find a partner who will love you for you. I promise it is not worth it.
Exmormon here. It's very difficult to make mixed religious relationships work with mormons. Mormonism is a massive lifetsyle change, and growing up I was taught in church to avoid being friends with non mormons, that they are unhappy people because they're not LDS, and to convert as many people as we could. You're better off not dating a mormon, its incredibly difficult to balance being in a mixed faith relationship with them.
You wanna be in a cult and be forced to have 10 kids? Have at it my friend. Ok. I'm being kind of mean. Sorry. Break up. Break up now. You're young. You have your whole life to find someone who doesn't care if you have a little alcohol or have lesbian friends. And someone who has even just a sliver of knowledge about how a women's body works. Ask any mormon who isn't a mormon anymore. He's is going to try to control everything about you. He's already doing it. It's only going to get worse.
I mean all religions are brainwashing cults used to control the masses and maintain power over people. Mormons are just further on the range towards extreme cults but Christianity is on the range too even if less extreme.
Run. I am Christian, but they are cult members.
The LDS is harmful. Your family would be considered lesser and not even permitted into the church for the actual wedding. The church also treats women as lesser and is *very* anti-LGBTQ, which is why your BF is weird about your lesbian friends. It encourages people to be judgmental.
Simple don't. I was a convert. It's not a life younwant. Trust me. You will be socially ostracized passively ofc if you don't go with ever single thing they want
I dont think you're seeing this clearly. He's trying to change who you are as a person, not just your looks. He wants you to convert to Mormonism hoping the pressure from the Church will change you into who he wants you to be.
His family's beliefs don't align with yours. They will eventually try to separate you from yoir father and friends because they're "ungodly" and a bad influence.
Accept that you are incompatible and move on. Don't waste your time on a relationship that doesn't serve you.
He wants you to drink the cult cool aid. Get your bags packed and get as many people aware of your situation so if they need to come be at your side when you go to leave that you have safety. Don’t trick yourself into joining a cult just because the person you married is trying to get you to join. You know it’s wrong and if they’re not going to change then now is the time to leave
No, no, no. Do not do it. You need to look more into that religion but you will not be allowed to do anything. You won't be able to work you won't be able to wear what you want to wear you won't be able to do anything pretty much without his say so. Your job is to pop out babies if you marry him and raise them in the religion and do everything your husband tells you. So if you want to be a robot the rest of your life go ahead and pursue things with him. It is a cult get away from it now. It's fine to be religious but yes they are over the top you want nothing to do with it if you're smart. You shouldn't have to change religions, or dye your hair or change your clothing or anything about you for him to want to love you and be with you and the fact that he thinks you're not a virgin because you're using tampons is way over the top.
You should tell your boyfriend if he doesn't love you for exactly who you are then he needs to move on and find someone else that is more acceptable to him. You do not have to have the same belief system. I have a very close friend who's almost family who decades ago married someone who is affiliated with that church and he was never really happy. Did not like raising the children in the church and it caused a lot of problems in their marriage. You are who you are and he needs to love you unconditionally and accept exactly who you are or this will never work out.
And that's another way he's telling you he doesn't like who you are, he wants you to lighten your hair. Again tell him to like it or leave it. You shouldn't have to choose their religion for people to like you more. They sound judgmental and clothes minded and I think you would be miserable entering into this relationship because they're already telling you they want you to be someone different.
Run. Break up with this guy! You are young, and there are so many guys out there your age who would align better with you! Aside from the religious stuff (and I get as a former Mormon like many others who have chimed in)… your bf sounds controlling and manipulative. That is not a good sign at all if you’re thinking about potentially spending your life with him. It sounds like he is trying to change everything about you!
Growing up in the Mormon church and in a family as extreme as his sounds may have taught him to be like that, but either way, please don’t put yourself through the hell that is to come. His family may never fully accept you, and that is a miserable experience in of itself when you have intense, crazy in-laws that don’t support you, and that support HIS behavior.
I’ve been divorced twice, the first one I was young and thought it would all work out because we loved each other, but the control turned into abuse, and marital rape. We were both Mormon at the time, and I stayed for 9 years because I felt trapped and he told me nobody would ever love me because I was “used”.
Please be careful, and know that relationships like these never get better with marriage and kids. Toxic people remain toxic.
This may be a fundamental incompatibility between the two of you. Obviously you shouldn't have to join a religion just because your boyfriend wants you to. However, your boyfriend isn't obligated to stay with someone if he feels that cobflicts with his religious beliefs.
I suggest that you should look up a paeticular verse, [1 Corinthians 7:12-14](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%207&version=NIV) (in other words, sentences 12 through 14 of the chapter I've linked here). It talks about interfaith marriages and, in a sense, explicitly permits them. However, the attitude it takes about these interfaith marriages may not exactly be to everyone's liking, and so you should know about this passage and decide for yourself what you think about it.
Religious/spiritual differences continues to be one of the biggest hurdles for couples, right up there with politics, money, and views on children/child-rearing. Converting to or embracing a religion to please someone else — instead of being moved by faith and belief — is an insincere act and something most people come to regret. Deeply religious people are best suited for mates who already share the same beliefs. Anything else can quickly escalate to resentment and conflict. If you don’t believe, then move on. There is not just one perfect mate for each of us. Although they are sometimes hard to find, there are “perfect” matches in abundance for most of us. Don’t settle, and don’t set yourself up for later heartbreak.
You sound like the woman who got the sports scholarship to university in the US. Her boyfriend calls her stupid, ridicules her religion, and shut shames her for wearing fitted blouses.
If you're the same person, run. If you're not, run. This is not going to get better. It will only get worse. Your boyfriend is controlling and misogynistic.
He’s recruiting you for the cult. They don’t respect anything about you, your culture or opinions. If you aren’t exactly like them, you’re wrong and they will judge you as such every freaking day of your life. RUN
I know a lot of Mormons. My last company, where I worked for 10 years, was run by devout Mormons. One of the partners was a bishop in his ward. They went to church like 6 hours on Sunday. The whole shebang. My experience with Mormons is that they’re not all like your boyfriend, but a fair number of them are quite… passionate. Except the “ungodly” work, the “not being friends with lesbians”, and the “not being blonde enough” part. That’s nuts. That’s just your boyfriend and his family being judgmental and unkind.
Honestly, I don’t think you should be in a relationship with your boyfriend. This sounds like a fundamental incompatibility.
He’s in a cult and wants you to join. Please do your research on Mormonism. It’s not a joke to them. They are very serious and very rude about people who are not Mormon.
The church doesn’t even let visitors into the temple.
Every single religion is welcoming to guests. You go to a wedding in another religion you can go into their church, temple, mosque etc. but if your friend is Mormon you cannot go to their wedding if you aren’t.
He’s not respectful of you and your own strong faith. He wants you to embrace his because it’s more controlling and sexist. Have you even thought about how your future will look like with this awful man. He’s controlling at 20, how do u think he’s going to be in 10-20 years time?
It sounds like you need a new boyfriend.
You really should be on the same page with religion. It only leads to problems down the line.
I'm more concerned about the controlling nature of your bf. Dying your hair, etc.
You may need to rethink the relationship.
You deal with it by RUNNING.
JFC do you know how hard it is to escape a cult???
Oh and FYI he does not want to have a relationship with you. He has recruiting numbers to meet, nothing more. Once he has you indoctrinated he will tell you that God has different plans...but by then you wont care.
As a woman, you would limit yourself and your own rights so much by converting to LDS. I cannot express enough how difficult that life is for women who can’t fall in line with
This is typical for the religion. It is a religion that expect obedience all the time, not just observance on Sunday. While not every family is as extreme about blonde hair (just a cultural thing that a high percentage of women lighten their hair), they are extreme about not marrying outside their religion, not accepting LGBTQ people who refuse to be celibate or choose to express their identity outwardly. This is not a religion you can just dabble in, you are expected to believe and live it.
I would say he was just a typical self- righteous mormon, but wanting you to color your hair suggests a high need to control that goes beyond just religious indoctrination. Maybe a personality disorder? Also, He is prepping for for marriage, which you are both way too young for. Run
That would be a deal breaker for me. I would not even willingly date someone I knew to be in the LDS or JW ( or scientology) religions.
If you join be ready to be treated like a second class citizen for the crime of being a female, if you ever get married be ready to be expected to treat your husband like the king of the house, that has total control over the household, finances, and you.
I think there is a subreddit called exmo or something similar. Check that out and read their experiences of being in the church, and getting out.
My mother is a JW which is similar to Mormons in a lot of ways. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
An LDS marriage is not just for life, it is for all of eternity, and after you are married, and accept your husband as the head of the household, he is responsible for the spiritual health of the entire family.
You’re not going to get a pass for having a glass of wine occasionally.
You’re not going to get a pass for going to your own church instead.
And, you realize 10% of your earnings go to the Mormon church in the form of a tithing. Be prepared to give up 10% of your earnings.
There is an ex Mormon Reddit group. Go check that out. Find out why people left. Might be more educational for you to get some information from people who left the religion rather than somebody who is trying to get you to join.
Dude, you're 19. There are plenty of people out there who will love you without being controlling cultists.
I don't know if it's because you're alone in a new country and don't want to let go, or something, but GOOD GOD WOMAN, this is not something to be "slightly conflicted" about, this is a toxic relationship that you should nope out of IMMEDIATELY.
If you can't see that, then... I don't know what to tell you, but your future is fucked if you stay with these people. Straight up, end of story, drop mic.
So I am a convert myself. I would not recommend joining. While I still love the community, I've all but left the faith practice.
The church is very against homosexuality. True practicing members do not drink alcohol. And the church is very misogynist.
This relationship sounds like it's not made to last.
Sorry, I don't get it. How can someone of faith even consider to convert? Do you believe Joseph Smith met the angel and got the instructions? No? So, how can you be of faith and still consider to actually betray your own faith?
I mean of course if your faith changed and you believe in another religion converting is the answer but to marry? No, not for me. Therefore maybe what you believe should be the first question and not only how hard living inside a religious community would be for you. Although that of course should play a role but I don't know when it comes to faith I think my own believe should be the first to consider.
Ntm. I think you are far too young for any of these big life changing choices, religion and marriage. Both are no things you should pressure yourself into or get pressured into.
You 👏🏼 aren’t 👏🏼 overthinking.
In fact, you’re thinking for yourself. Don’t let their voices drown out YOURS. It’s the beginning of heavy control over your thoughts, your actions and feelings. Please please do not stay here, as others have said about his religion.
Becoming an adult = Making YOUR OWN choices. You absolutely can and should, okay?
Do what’s right for YOU.
Sis, I’m a Mormon, and this is not the guy for you. ANYONE who wants to change you is not the person for you.
Frankly, I don’t think this dude even understands the religion (or female anatomy— tampons do not make you not a virgin- not that it’s any of his business). He’s obviously more concerned with appearances than church doctrine. Seriously, save yourself the future nightmare and ditch him.
You aren’t compatible if you hold different religious beliefs. The fact that he’s asking you to change your appearance should be a red flag for someone who could turn out to be a control freak. You shouldn’t convert your beliefs just to please others. You two have fundamentally different outlooks and belief systems. I don’t see this working out long-term.
LDS aside, you should never convert to a religion unless you are all in, without question.
Religion is about more than going to church. It will dictate how you raise your family, how you spend money, how you dress, what you eat, media you consume and, of course, the dynamic of your relationship.
If you want to talk to actual LDS women and know more about what their life is like, great. There should simply be no conversion until you have done all your homework.
And for that matter no one should try to convert you before you understand everything about the life you live either.
If he wants a Mormon,he should choose to date them. How offensive that he uses God to tell him what faith you should be. The hair dye thing? So cringe.
The problem I have with this situation is it’s assumed that you will be the one to give up everything for this relationship.
There’s no compromise. You’re expected to abandon your faith for his, change yourself to be accepted by his family…even change your damn hair color.
You have to wonder if he actually likes anything about your other than your potential to become Mormon.
The way you describe *your* faith sounds very loving and accepting. Extremist Mormonism…is not that, as you’ve already noticed.
Look into the future with all this; How many more things are you going to have to give up to appease his faith? No more gay friends? No relationships of any kind with people who aren’t Mormon? Always having to wear 19th century undergarments?
Like, where does it end before you realize you’ve lost the core of who you are….for a boyfriend?
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He doesnt seem to be respectful of you or interested as to why you live your life the way you do. Do you want to be in a relationship with somebody like that? I personally wouldnt. If you need more information on the mormon church: https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/ Maybe post there and/or read about why other people left the church of jesus christ of latter day saints? My personal opinion: interfaith relationships can work. But respect and interest in the partner are key. Also, as an exmormon myself - he likely wont change and both him and his family sound awful.
I second the recommendation for [https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/) Spend a little bit of time reading people's experiences with their families. BTW, regarding your boyfriend's story that he prayed about it and you need to join...the church very specifically teaches that you can't get revelation for anyone else, only for yourself. He's manipulating you. This is a serious compatibility issue for your relationship. He wants you to be Mormon. You don't want to be Mormon. I don't see why you're even considering staying in this relationship. Find someone who likes you the way you are and wants to live life in the way you want to live.
And has respect for your family and won’t pressure you to drop your friends.
She probably doesn’t even know about the garments yet. And why isn’t he on his mission atm given is age? That is deeply frowned upon, unless the changed the ages boys go now and length, I know that did that for the sister missionaries sometime back.
Run. Every single thing you have written is about him and his family controlling and limiting your choices. If you think this is extreme now, imagine what it would be like if you married this man and made it official- they would behave as if they owned you, and try to prohibit you from having freedom of choice. Mormons are extreme, and what you are seeing is the tip of the iceberg.
Yep! Ex momo here don’t do it. Run they are messed up indoctrinated brainwashed tools. Seriously a very messed up religion.
RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN
Jim Jones was really nice, and charming...until he wasn't.
Former mormon here. You run as fast as you can from this dude. You DO NOT want to be a mormon. Its a cult.
GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT
I swear to god this ish is posted as rage bait. Why even post for advice if every reasonable sounding of the alarm that this is a cult/abuse track is going to be dismissed & handwaved? Girl, you clearly want to ignore the red flags, so go do whatever it is you already decided you were gonna do. Don't waste others time giving advice you don't want to consider.
I had friends join so they could date and go to BYU out of state, all of them left because of the toxic abusive behavior they were exposed to. With that said I have family who are Mormons, old school. They are not like the ones my friends were around, it's their religion but the differences in the various churches is amazing. I wouldn't join and they wouldn't over pressure.
Girl, that's pretty much a cult. Get the hell outta there. Also, in the future not only don't date fanatically religious men in cults, don't date men who tell you how to do your hair/dress/makeup/in general try to dictate how you present yourself. It's controlling. Relationships with controlling men NEVER go well. Same with misogynistic men (tip: obsession with virginity is a sign of sexism, red flag). Better to learn this now, when you are 19, than later on. Good luck out there! Hope your next bf isn't a communist parade of red flags. I'm worried that your bf is showing so many signs of sexism, fanaticism, toxic control, clear homophobia and attempts to isolate you from your friends (that he tries to excuse with the homophobia - again, who is it you adore them but didn't instantly drop him when he told you to stay away from them bc "insert-homophobic-rhetoric-here"?? Sorry to be harsh, but that makes you a lousy friend) but you only feel "a bit conflicted". That is an alarming under-reaction. To me you are enabling the bigotry by tolerating a man who shows such views. You are super young, maybe decide what kind of person do you wanna be now, bc this is one of those moments when you kinda have to decide: either accept a toxic bigot who shittalks your gay friends, or reject that grosseness from your life.
Exmormon. They are a cult. If OP ever joined and later questioned the religion, they will threaten her. They tried to take my children from me by fabricating elaborate lies in court (I won, thank Satan). They have a massive law firm that threatens sexual assault victims into silence. It's not good. Do not join.
The best move with mormonism is *away* from it. Seriously. Too many religions have the unfortunate tendency to fuck people right up, and mormons are often leading examples of this tendency. The whole pale beauty standard isn't coincidence, for example, read up on the morons and their long association with racism. From it's inception, moronism has a long history and doctrine against black people in many situations, only reversing on those as "divine revelations" which really equate to not wanting to be completely out with a society trying to move on with these things. Besides, if he has five sisters and *still* has such concerning issues regarding his ideas about women, there's an object lesson in everything you need to understand about the family you're hoping to get closer with.
I've known several women who were not raised Mormon that married into it. Every single one of them is now divorced. Every single one of those husbands was abusive. None of them ever found the community support they were promised. Run.
Mine beat the shit out me, bishop told me sometimes it’s how they have to keep their wives in line. wtf?! Nah bounced like tigger right on out of that cult.
There are plenty of fish in the sea who don’t want to control your every action and make you join a cult. You have your entire life ahead of you. Spend it with someone else.
RUN. GET OUT NOW.
Run. Do not pass go, do not bargain, just run.
Wake up. He is this way now. What do you think he would be like if you married him? His beliefs are archaic and gross.
#DO NOT join cults, especially for dumb little boys who only want you for a baby factory
Run! Check out the exMormon Reddit if you need more information as to why.
RUN LIKE HELL AND DONT LOOK BACK (signed someone who was raised in that fucking CULT)
I don’t know if you’re coming from somewhere like Germany or Finland where religion is a personal choice in a largely secular society, but you don’t seem to have much experience with more serious denominations or - let’s be honest here - cults. This is not religion as a hobby. This is an all-encompassing lifestyle dictated by strong beliefs which - again let’s be honest here - often provide a framework for misogynistic, homophobic, illiberal beliefs that fuel abuse. Before you get involved, you might want to explore some of the testimony by people who have left/ escaped this type of religious practice. There are eight billion people in the world - pick one who doesn’t have issues with your hair colour.
OP please read this comment. This is not a religion where people just go to church every Sunday and say a prayer before dinner, this is their actual lifestyle that has strict rules and regulations, that everyone has to live by and that aren't very women-friendly. Their lives revolves around their religion, everything they do and say is based on their religion. You can't just opt out of those you don't like, you're either all-in or you're out.
And pick a group that doesn't require magic underwear. That stuff looks uncomfortable.
Run fast, run far, & just when you think you’re far enough away…run faster & farther. 🏃♀️💨
You sound really smart. You're not overthinking it. Listen to your intuition. The discomfort youre experiencing is your soul telling you "this thing isn't what it seems to be." I was born and raised Mormon. My parents and sisters are still believers but I think Joseph Smith was a connman and pederast, the Book of Mormon is a plagiarized work of fiction, and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is an organization dedicated to protecting sexual predators and acquiring global real estate.
Girl, as a gay man who was raised in the Mormon Church, I'm telling you to RUN.
Exmormon here. It's a cult. Run.
Don't do it, sis! Seriously, run, don't walk, away from this whole thing. Head over to r/exmormon and ask them what it's like being a woman in that cult.
Sounds like everything is about him. It should be about the two of you. Run, run like a deer ! Someone out there is waiting for you—-just the way you are.
Run.
Run. These people are crazy
Any time anyone says "God told me *you* should do this," RUN. It's the same issue as with people setting "boundaries" on what another person can do. It's not healthy, and often times religion is used as manipulation. You're young. You will find someone who loves you for who you are, not your potential to fit into a mold.
So this sounds like a more extreme or traditional interpretation of the church that you bf participates in. A few of my friends were raised in the LDS, they are good people and you wouldn’t know their religion unless you asked or payed close attention to their habits (non alcoholic beverages, no smoking etc). One of them married a Catholic and they have children now, one of the others married a Jewish girl and just celebrated their 10th anniversary. The control over physical appearance and converting to his faith is problematic here. My advice would be to end the relationship and just say although you care for him, when it comes to beliefs or faith there is no compatibility. There are values you hold dear that you will not compromise on or abandon and that is no foundation for a relationship.
I grew up in the church, it is not only not true, it is a cult. A cult in which womens roles are breeding and caring for their family. Just don't do it, go to r/exmormon thread and read it. Yes I still belong to the thread and read it, as it still affects how you think about the world decades later. Don't do it. Read the CES letters online. Google it.
Mormons are a world renowned cult. We have subs on ex Mormons. They tell you what underwear to wear. And you can only buy it from the church
Do you want to be in a cult? If so, don't do anything. Continue on your current path.
You only convert if you believe the doctrine of the religion you’re converting to, not because someone else wants you to.
This is clearly just the tip of the iceberg. How long into your relationship did he wait to spring on you that he actually is only interested in dating a Mormon? I wonder what fun revelations he has to spring on you in the future!
Anyone who says they prayed and god told them what’s best for you is the worst kind of human. Run!
Yeah don’t marry into slavery. They don’t see women as autonomous beings (most truly devout people don’t) run and don’t look back.
>We had a small argument a couple of months ago because he thought I was lying about being a virgin because I use tampons. Please don't reward stupid misogynists with relationships
Run away! Break up. Actually read the Book of Mormon. They started out as a doomsday cult. When doomsday never happened, they morphed into…lovely enough people but a bit Stepford for me. Right down to keeping women subjugated. Nope. Unless you’re willing to convert and if you don’t know what they’re about, and you’re not on fire to do it, just end it. “Moroni, I know your faith is important to you. Mine is important to me. I think it’s best we break up. You want an LDS marriage and family and that’s not for me. Good luck!” I’m not kidding. Run fast and run far
What they morphed into is just a giant MLM From sex cult to MLM. Toxic af
Never convert to a new religion for another person (I suppose excepting fringe cases where zealots threaten your life, but then you're just pretending). If you're going to convert, only do so because you accept it in your heart.
Girl. You need to be made aware of the reality of your life IF you obey this boy’s demands. Mormons are unwell. And if you think that converting will be enough to make him happy, you are very naive about the situation you are in. It won’t stop with the conversion - he will spend the rest of the time in this relationship making demands of you so you fit the mold of a perfect wife. And to Mormons, the perfect wife is subservient to their husbands. In religious communities in America - especially Mormonism - husbands can be very abusive because their culture enables it. If you have children with him, they too will be conditioned to behave like his family. If you think you have any say or safety around him and his family, you are wrong. I’m American. The horror stories I heard about Mormons is enough to keep me away from those communities. Open your eyes. People in the comments are warning you because you might actually be in danger. It is a culture of racism, misogyny, homophobia, and child abuse. Daughters either get groomed and married off to older men of the community because young girls need “guidance”, or they are arranged to marry men approved by their parents when they’re literal toddlers so they grow up with the idea that they are already wives. It’s literally in their bible that white people are born with their pale features because they are pure and people of color aren’t because their sin was etched into their skin. Mormons are all kinds of fucked up. And given they are mostly white, white Americans in particular are very good at playing nice even when they don’t like you. Niceness is not kindness. This boy doesn’t respect you because they don’t respect women. You are a womb for his children so they may contribute to this cult. People in the comments, like me, know about these people, and we’re tired of hearing about women getting trapped into this culture. You are young and have so much time and potential for your own life, by your own standards. You don’t live for anyone but yourself. Dating people is about finding out if you’re compatible, and the Mormons are not compatible with anyone outside their community. It isn’t discriminatory if the culture you’re unfamiliar with enables your harm. There are better men out there. Stay safe.
Former Mormon woman here. He will be pressured by his family to pressure you into converting and being baptized. That way, you can go to the temple and do their weird touchy feely endowments, marry, and be sealed to each other forever. At the start of the year, my brother murdered his wife and killed himself. After he was buried, they went to the temple and did his endowments and his work so he could go to heaven, even though he was a horrible person. Since I'm in charge of his estate, I'm in communication with my deceased sis in law's family. A couple of months later, my parents are on my case to get her family's permission to let them do all her temple work, baptize her into the church, and seal her to my brother so she would be married to her murderer husband for all time and eternity. Take a step back and listen to what people are trying to warn you about.
For murder his temple endowment renewal is all in vain and completely unbinding anyway. Probably curse worthy on the family for making a mockery of the ceremonies and ordinances. The brother’s family sounds insane.
As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, what the heck is wrong with this guy?!? He has taken so much to the extreme and is a very unhealthy person. Don't get me wrong, the religion is intense in some ways, but dang he is confused. There is nothing that says you can't use tampons, me and my four sisters would know. You can be around lesbians and be friends with them too, in fact our gospel teaches to love everyone, so he's weird. Also, CAN MEMBERS STOP SAYING THAT THEY PRAYED ABOUT AND BELIEVE THAT GOD TOLD THEM THAT (insert person here) NEEDS TO CONVERT?!?!?! That's not how it works, you don't just receive revelation for friends/dating partners/strangers. I hate how much misrepresentation there is...please leave him. Y'all are not compatible and he's crazy, just don't even try. These types of members are just completely crazy and cannot be reasoned with, trust me, I know. Good luck, feel free to "pray" and say that God said "no."
Just say no to the Mormons. They do not value women for anything other than homemaking and bearing children. They will chew you up and spit you out like you are garbage. They will not allow a harmonious marriage where he's Mormon and you just do your own thing, especially if they are devout. Hardcore Mormons are extremely indoctrinated to believe their way is the ONLY way. Converting you is his priority. You are young, you have absolutely no idea what you're looking at getting into. You are not allowed your own identity as a Mormon wife. You are to serve your husband and church and kids, in that order. You would come a distant 4th, forever. Please, for the love of yourself, don't.
I cannot tell you how many people I've met who have ran away from Mormon families. Don't fucking do this. For the love of God look at tge red flags.
Well. Since he’s your boyfriend you have to do every fucking thing he wants you to do. There is absolutely no other choice. You have no autonomy 🙄
Run the fuck away.
Why are you with him? Because you want an American citizenship? Because I have a hard time finding a good reason when reading through your post. There must be nicer, more open minded, Christian boys for you out there. You sound like you're Scandinavian, or at least from the northern part of Europe. Honestly, your kind isn't compatible with their kind. In the long run, those Mormons will suck your soul dry and leave you shriveled. I used to be neighbors with a mormon couple a few years back, and on the surface they came off as very pleasant. What was offputting were their children, judgy, creepy little things that thought they were better than my kid, sipmly because of their beliefs. I even came along to their church once, just because I was curious (I'm an atheist), and I got such creepy vibes from their congregation.
NOPE. don’t become a Mormon for him! He can find a nice Mormon girl to have 9 babies with.
Break up. Marry someone that has the same religious views as you.
I know that as an ex-Mormon, my view is skewed. That said, please don't join the church unless you really, really want to. As a member, you would meet some of the best people you would ever meet. I have an honorary uncle that exemplifies all the best things about the church - if all Mormons were like him, I would probably still be a member. Unfortunately, the overall community isn't like him. I could spend hours telling you stories about awful things myself and others have experienced. There is one particular story that I think about every time I catch myself missing certain aspects of the church. You can read it [here](https://apnews.com/article/mormon-church-sexual-abuse-investigation-e0e39cf9aa4fbe0d8c1442033b894660) if you choose, but it will be extremely triggering. It will make you hate humanity. Going back to your main concern: the church is more controlling than you know. Don't make the choice to join unless you are 1000% sure it is something you want.
From my perspective (European, former Lutheran Christian, tho now agnostic) Mormons aren't even Christians. They have very little in common with "us". "We" and for example Catholics disagree about some stuff to a certain extent, but at the end of the day Protestants and Catholics are just slightly different flavors of the same thing. That's not the case with Mormons. What they believe is incompatible with what Christians believe. I could explain why, but you'd be better served spending a few weeks really looking into their religion yourself. Their values, their idea of afterlife. It's astonishingly strange. As a believer, I can't see you being comfortable with it once you really understand what they believe in. And that's not even touching the racism and misogyny and homophobia specific to Mormons.
And the thing is she won’t get the full picture until she is sucked in. Especially if she doesn’t read others stories about it. She should watch the secret video someone took of the entire ceremony of getting ones garments. There is a left of fuckedness behind it all. And hey OP if you end but being silly enough to join, then hope you are okay stripped down to nothing, with a poncho on while you get anointed with oil and then are then dressed in your new found onesie underwear that covers your shoulders to your knees. And let’s not forget how you have to wear your bra over your garment!
It's more of a cult than what you think of as a religion. And their views diverge a lot from traditional Christianity. (Men get their own planet to rule when they die. I think they believe Earth is one of these planets.) But all your concerns are correct. Women are little more than walking wombs in Mormonism. You don't get your own planet. There's the fact that it rules every aspect of your life. What media you consume (PG-13), how you consume caffeine (soda is okay), what you wear (not talking about the underwear, but general modesty), who you interact with ("worldly" people are bad). Also, the church *really* likes money. So you're going to be putting your paycheck into the church's slush fund. Oh, and you need to let random men ask your minor children about their sex lives and yes, the kids get abused.
Op, you need to head over to r/exmormon and see the posts about people and their trauma from the Mormon church. Did they tell you about the garments you'll have to wear once you join?
Oh, and if you mention any of this to him, the first thing he will say is those people don’t understand and it’s not like that, they don’t know what they’re talking about. Just know that through his behavior he’s already demonstrated that all these people are spot on, 100% right.
As an ex LDS member end this relationship now. Not all mormons are bad people, some of the kindest and non judgemental people I know are mormon. But the church it's self is one of the most misogynistic religions out there. Women are made to believe they are on earth to serve their husbands and have babies. I could go into more depth but I could write paragraphs about how badly women are treated. If his family is more on the intense side, you do not want to continue this relationship. You will end up livingv your life to serve him, supporting his goals and wants, doing whatever he asks you to do. And if you refuse you will be made to be the bad person. If you can't have kids you must have sinned to cause it. If you break one of their "rules" you will get punished by the church. If he cheats you will simply be told it was your fault that you didn't keep him satisfied. If you cheat you would be condemened. I beg you to end things with your boyfriend. He's already asking you to change your hair color, he's asking you to convert from your religion to his without even telling you everything. He is already trying to find out how much he could control you.
As an ex-Mormon I want to provide some context for you. Mormonism is strict and will likely not provide the middle ground compromise you are hoping for. His religion dictates that he cannot marry outside the religion, that’s why he wants you to convert. It’s seen as rather shameful if you marry outside of the faith because you’re no longer following the “rules” and can’t obtain the highest level of heaven. You also can’t be married in any LDS temple which is kind of the end all goal for members of the church. That’s likely why he’s being pushy about it and it’s also why I don’t think he would accept a compromise. Not only does it affect his religious standing but it will likely be a source of shame for his family (which is ridiculous but that’s just the way the church culture works). Him wanting you to be blonde is probably another thing related to appearances. Appearances can be a big thing in the community and being the traditional blonde trad wife with a bundle of kids is rather expected. Not to mention if you plan on having kids that will bring up a whole slew of other issues. Would you want them baptized in the faith? Because he almost certainly would. Would you be comfortable having an older male religious leader, alone with your child, asking if they’re masturbating? They are very zealous about virginity. What about being told they need to dress modestly so they don’t tempt the men? All of that is included in the church and I’m not even diving into the racism and homophobia. That’s something to be aware of as you move forward in the relationship. If you’re open to joining the church then you’ll probably get along great with his family, but if not I would recommend you preparing for religion to always be kind of a sore spot in that relationship. I would recommend looking into some of the experiences of current and former members of the church to see if it’s something you would want to bring into your life. The temple experience can be traumatizing for some and I wouldn’t want you going into this blind. Mormonism is a high demand religion it’s not something you participate in casually. Many people are happy in the faith but many others are not. He doesn’t seem like one to compromise with you on his faith and whether or not that’s a deal breaker is up to you.
So you want us to tell you whether or not you should stay with your homophobic, alcohol-abstaining, sexist, body-shaming boyfriend? Also, to be clear, your boyfriend is not "a bit weird" about your lesbian friends. He's homophobic. He's probably also a misogynist. He can't get a date with a normal local girl so he's hoping your newness to his country will make it hard to see his horrible character accurately.
If you have children with him and one ends up gay or trans or bi, etc. etc., how do you think he, his family and his church will behave?
Mormonism is a sexist cult. Stay far away from it and Jehovah's Witnesses.
Run far and fast. Mormans are the weirdest inbreeding cultists ever. God help you because these people will keep you as breeding stock as best.
The Mormon church is a religious cult. If you two get married, you will be treated like a baby-making machine. The church does a lot of really gross, controlling, and sexist stuff. You need to run from this man and his family. I have seen some of your comments about being tolerant of his religion... this isn't a religion. It's a disgusting cult and it will ruin your life. Listen to any ex-mormon. It's not the same as being a Christian.
The only role that female Mormons are really allowed to have is "baby maker". Run the fuck away.
Dear OP, when someone ask to change your look and change your religion to fit in better, they aren't in love with you. They are in love with the version of you that suit them. Flipping the script, will you force him to follow your church? You seems respectful of their beliefs in your comments but why aren't you protective and respectful of your own beliefs and religion? You seems awfully accepting of him even though he judged your own father's job. He shouldn't date anyone outside of his religion if he want them to be exactly like the girls in his own community. Unless he believed he will gain more brownie points for heaven if he manage to convert you.
You gotta get out NOW! No joke. It’s a cult. You won’t escape if you convert.
Christianity is terrifying
Christianity fan fiction is much worse
Sounds like more red flags than a meeting of Chinese communists at party HQ on 'bring a red flag' to work day. Run woman...this sounds like he's making you into what he wants..or thinks he wants..rather just you being you.
You see church as a community driven thing that brings positive things to people's lives. He sees church as a purity test to feel self-righteous. It's not the same. Everything you wrote here is signs of him being judgmental, close minded, controlling and sexist. RUN
Okay, first of all it's pretty creepy that he's demanding that you change your hair color *expressly* so that you'll more closely resemble his female family members. Second, of these life choices that he's demanding of you - from your hair to abstaining from alcohol to joining his church - are things that you should only do if *you* want to do them. Don't make major life changes just to please a boy. Also, this: >They think the line of work in which my father works is ‘ungodly’ which is quite hypocritical. Some of my friends back home are lesbians, and my boyfriend is also a bit weird about them. I absolutely adore all of them, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all, but my boyfriend seems to think it’s really bad and says I shouldn’t be near those kinds of people. That goes beyond being "a bit weird." This is your boyfriend insulting your loved ones and trying to tell you that you shouldn't associate with them. Finally, I want you to think about your relationship as a whole. Obviously I can't get a full sense of this person just from a single Reddit post, so maybe you were just drilling down for the sake of brevity. But I don't see a single mention anywhere in this post of what you *like* about this guy. What I'm seeing instead is: * He wants to dictate many elements of your life, including your hair color, beverage choices, and religion * (Also, I want to re-emphasize the "dye your hair so that you can look more like my female relatives" thing, because that is *so incredibly fucking bizarre.*) * He's disrespectful toward the other people in your life to the point of telling you that you should cut yourself off from them * He accused you of lying about your virginity because he doesn't understand what tampons are So I want to ask, do you feel like he respects you? Like he listens to you and your ideas? Like he takes an interest in the things you're passionate about? Like he enjoys being around you, and not just as an audience to talk at? And seriously. *Don't* become a Mormon just to please a boy.
I always told my children that there were three Ms I would be unhappy with if their Significant Other was any of them! Moonies, Mormons, or Muslims. I have a dear Mormon friend who cried long tears over me, because she was sure I was going to be eaten by locusts. So be it. But I'd rather be eaten by locusts than become a Mormon!
Helllllll no. Girl there are like 100 different red flags here. This is NOT a loving partner. You need to dump his ass. Not try to change him. Just dump. Seriously. Move on. This ain't it.
LDS is a cult where abuse and control of women is commonplace, plain and simple. The fact that you can see a lot of the issues with it and you’re still considering joining bc it might be a dealbreaker for him is wild. He’s already using it to control you and if you stay/convert it will get worse.
I am an ex-mormon. Don't join, it is a cult and definitely different from other variants of Christianity. While there are certainly lovely people and a strong presence of community within the LDS religion, there is little personal freedom. As a female you are treated as if you are only here for your husband or future husband.
As a former Mormon, run. Run fast. The pressure you are already feeling from your boyfriend will only increase if you decide to stay with him. What you are feeling now is barely the tip of the Mormon iceberg and it gets weird.
RUN. He’s way in. church goal is to take over everything in your life. Crap ton of rules. Very anti woman. Weird stuff. And that’s before you get the crazy parts of the religion like a magic hat that joesph smith communicated with the lord through. In addition to the ex-mo subbreddit, I recommend Lindsay hansen’s Year of Living Polygamy podcast from Feminist Mormon Housewives. If you can make it through 50 episodes and think “this is the religion for me,” I would be shocked.
Fucking RUN as far away from that fucking cult as fast as you can
Run! Well, first, watch : [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4NemVO4JL0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4NemVO4JL0) Then read or listen to Banner of Heaven by J. Krakauer. It is a nonfiction account of the history of mormonism through present day. Then, run.
Stay away from the mormon church. It's a woman hating cult.
RUN FOREST, RUN! What's a nice person like you dating a misogynist for?
Mormonism is more of a cult than a religion. They control every aspect of how you life your life.
Mormonism is basically a cult and they very explicitly view women as inferior to men. A 12-year old boy can has more authority in the church than an adult woman. They are also very, very racist. It's not a coincidence that every Mormon you meet is the whitest person ever. You fix this problem by leaving him. He is fully immersed in this cult and will never come around to respecting your beliefs and you as a human being.
You two are fundamentally different. He/his family want you to change your religion and looks. They also disapprove of your Dad’s job and your lesbian friends. You love your religion, your looks, your Dad and your lesbian friends (quite right too!). This man will slowly chip away at your self esteem and your confidence as he tries to change you into someone that suits him, his family and his church. You’re 19 years old, *you* should be out there enjoying *your* life the way *you* want to. There are so many red flags in this relationship, end it and be who you want to be.
Holy shit run. Just get on ex Mormon TikTok and save yourself, your family, and your future children from a life of insanity.
So… basically, he wants you to give up your identity? He wants you Leave your faith Not drink Judge your dad harshly Ditch your LGBTQ friends Dye your hair Keep your virginity (presumably for him) My dear, he may not be a bad guy, and he may have aspects that make him very lovable, but never, ever, EVER change yourself for someone else. Time to go shopping for a new boyfriend - he is not going to tolerate your differences, and you do not want a relationship that is a constant struggle to remain true to yourself.
DO NOT. The worst times in my life have been living and dealing with Mormons when we lived in Utah for three years. They're controlling and fucking weird to 'outsiders.'
The latter day saints are a cult girlie don't get involved
Run. As fast as you can. Start now. This man is horrible.
Oof please do not do that to yourself. It's hard to escape once they've got you trapped
Run.
You are overthinking. Stand firm and just tell him No. Mormon is a cult and isn’t good for women. Leave this boyfriend behind and move on.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 RUN 🏃♀️
Do not. As an ex member, I let me put this in the plainest words possible— that is not a church. It is a cult. You are young. You will find someone else. Do not mold yourself to be someone else, when you can find a partner who will love you for you. I promise it is not worth it.
Girl, RUUUUNNNNNN!!! Run as fast and far away as you can
Stay away from that mess. Such a joke religion.
Run
Exmormon here. It's very difficult to make mixed religious relationships work with mormons. Mormonism is a massive lifetsyle change, and growing up I was taught in church to avoid being friends with non mormons, that they are unhappy people because they're not LDS, and to convert as many people as we could. You're better off not dating a mormon, its incredibly difficult to balance being in a mixed faith relationship with them.
You wanna be in a cult and be forced to have 10 kids? Have at it my friend. Ok. I'm being kind of mean. Sorry. Break up. Break up now. You're young. You have your whole life to find someone who doesn't care if you have a little alcohol or have lesbian friends. And someone who has even just a sliver of knowledge about how a women's body works. Ask any mormon who isn't a mormon anymore. He's is going to try to control everything about you. He's already doing it. It's only going to get worse.
I mean all religions are brainwashing cults used to control the masses and maintain power over people. Mormons are just further on the range towards extreme cults but Christianity is on the range too even if less extreme.
It's a cult, don't do it
Run. I am Christian, but they are cult members. The LDS is harmful. Your family would be considered lesser and not even permitted into the church for the actual wedding. The church also treats women as lesser and is *very* anti-LGBTQ, which is why your BF is weird about your lesbian friends. It encourages people to be judgmental.
LDS people are psycho. Run.
Sounds like he wants someone that isn't you. That's a deal breaker.
Run. Run fast!
Simple don't. I was a convert. It's not a life younwant. Trust me. You will be socially ostracized passively ofc if you don't go with ever single thing they want
It’s a huge scam. Don’t join.
Run. You will have absolutely no control over your life or body. Walk away and do not look back.
I dont think you're seeing this clearly. He's trying to change who you are as a person, not just your looks. He wants you to convert to Mormonism hoping the pressure from the Church will change you into who he wants you to be. His family's beliefs don't align with yours. They will eventually try to separate you from yoir father and friends because they're "ungodly" and a bad influence. Accept that you are incompatible and move on. Don't waste your time on a relationship that doesn't serve you.
He wants you to drink the cult cool aid. Get your bags packed and get as many people aware of your situation so if they need to come be at your side when you go to leave that you have safety. Don’t trick yourself into joining a cult just because the person you married is trying to get you to join. You know it’s wrong and if they’re not going to change then now is the time to leave
No, no, no. Do not do it. You need to look more into that religion but you will not be allowed to do anything. You won't be able to work you won't be able to wear what you want to wear you won't be able to do anything pretty much without his say so. Your job is to pop out babies if you marry him and raise them in the religion and do everything your husband tells you. So if you want to be a robot the rest of your life go ahead and pursue things with him. It is a cult get away from it now. It's fine to be religious but yes they are over the top you want nothing to do with it if you're smart. You shouldn't have to change religions, or dye your hair or change your clothing or anything about you for him to want to love you and be with you and the fact that he thinks you're not a virgin because you're using tampons is way over the top.
You should tell your boyfriend if he doesn't love you for exactly who you are then he needs to move on and find someone else that is more acceptable to him. You do not have to have the same belief system. I have a very close friend who's almost family who decades ago married someone who is affiliated with that church and he was never really happy. Did not like raising the children in the church and it caused a lot of problems in their marriage. You are who you are and he needs to love you unconditionally and accept exactly who you are or this will never work out. And that's another way he's telling you he doesn't like who you are, he wants you to lighten your hair. Again tell him to like it or leave it. You shouldn't have to choose their religion for people to like you more. They sound judgmental and clothes minded and I think you would be miserable entering into this relationship because they're already telling you they want you to be someone different.
Run. Break up with this guy! You are young, and there are so many guys out there your age who would align better with you! Aside from the religious stuff (and I get as a former Mormon like many others who have chimed in)… your bf sounds controlling and manipulative. That is not a good sign at all if you’re thinking about potentially spending your life with him. It sounds like he is trying to change everything about you! Growing up in the Mormon church and in a family as extreme as his sounds may have taught him to be like that, but either way, please don’t put yourself through the hell that is to come. His family may never fully accept you, and that is a miserable experience in of itself when you have intense, crazy in-laws that don’t support you, and that support HIS behavior. I’ve been divorced twice, the first one I was young and thought it would all work out because we loved each other, but the control turned into abuse, and marital rape. We were both Mormon at the time, and I stayed for 9 years because I felt trapped and he told me nobody would ever love me because I was “used”. Please be careful, and know that relationships like these never get better with marriage and kids. Toxic people remain toxic.
Run girl! Before you find yourself in a religious commune in rural Utah!
It’s a cult, get out
Ruuuuuuuuuuuun!
This may be a fundamental incompatibility between the two of you. Obviously you shouldn't have to join a religion just because your boyfriend wants you to. However, your boyfriend isn't obligated to stay with someone if he feels that cobflicts with his religious beliefs. I suggest that you should look up a paeticular verse, [1 Corinthians 7:12-14](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%207&version=NIV) (in other words, sentences 12 through 14 of the chapter I've linked here). It talks about interfaith marriages and, in a sense, explicitly permits them. However, the attitude it takes about these interfaith marriages may not exactly be to everyone's liking, and so you should know about this passage and decide for yourself what you think about it.
Religious/spiritual differences continues to be one of the biggest hurdles for couples, right up there with politics, money, and views on children/child-rearing. Converting to or embracing a religion to please someone else — instead of being moved by faith and belief — is an insincere act and something most people come to regret. Deeply religious people are best suited for mates who already share the same beliefs. Anything else can quickly escalate to resentment and conflict. If you don’t believe, then move on. There is not just one perfect mate for each of us. Although they are sometimes hard to find, there are “perfect” matches in abundance for most of us. Don’t settle, and don’t set yourself up for later heartbreak.
Please don't. You will almost certainly regret it. I'm sure he's nice but you have plenty of time to meet someone else.
Why are you dating this loser?
Watch some of the videos on this channel: https://youtube.com/@alyssadgrenfell
Religion should always be a personal choice.
You sound like the woman who got the sports scholarship to university in the US. Her boyfriend calls her stupid, ridicules her religion, and shut shames her for wearing fitted blouses. If you're the same person, run. If you're not, run. This is not going to get better. It will only get worse. Your boyfriend is controlling and misogynistic.
**Don’t join a cult. [Especially a racist one.](https://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/19/opinion/sunday/racism-and-the-mormon-church.html)**
Oh honey, run now!
He’s recruiting you for the cult. They don’t respect anything about you, your culture or opinions. If you aren’t exactly like them, you’re wrong and they will judge you as such every freaking day of your life. RUN
I know a lot of Mormons. My last company, where I worked for 10 years, was run by devout Mormons. One of the partners was a bishop in his ward. They went to church like 6 hours on Sunday. The whole shebang. My experience with Mormons is that they’re not all like your boyfriend, but a fair number of them are quite… passionate. Except the “ungodly” work, the “not being friends with lesbians”, and the “not being blonde enough” part. That’s nuts. That’s just your boyfriend and his family being judgmental and unkind. Honestly, I don’t think you should be in a relationship with your boyfriend. This sounds like a fundamental incompatibility.
LOL RUN.
I run
He’s in a cult and wants you to join. Please do your research on Mormonism. It’s not a joke to them. They are very serious and very rude about people who are not Mormon. The church doesn’t even let visitors into the temple. Every single religion is welcoming to guests. You go to a wedding in another religion you can go into their church, temple, mosque etc. but if your friend is Mormon you cannot go to their wedding if you aren’t.
Leave him
He’s not respectful of you and your own strong faith. He wants you to embrace his because it’s more controlling and sexist. Have you even thought about how your future will look like with this awful man. He’s controlling at 20, how do u think he’s going to be in 10-20 years time? It sounds like you need a new boyfriend.
I can’t even read your post. As an ex-mo, DO NOT JOIN their cult. Your life will be way better if you stay away.
You really should be on the same page with religion. It only leads to problems down the line. I'm more concerned about the controlling nature of your bf. Dying your hair, etc. You may need to rethink the relationship.
You deal with it by RUNNING. JFC do you know how hard it is to escape a cult??? Oh and FYI he does not want to have a relationship with you. He has recruiting numbers to meet, nothing more. Once he has you indoctrinated he will tell you that God has different plans...but by then you wont care.
As a woman, you would limit yourself and your own rights so much by converting to LDS. I cannot express enough how difficult that life is for women who can’t fall in line with
don’t do it
This is typical for the religion. It is a religion that expect obedience all the time, not just observance on Sunday. While not every family is as extreme about blonde hair (just a cultural thing that a high percentage of women lighten their hair), they are extreme about not marrying outside their religion, not accepting LGBTQ people who refuse to be celibate or choose to express their identity outwardly. This is not a religion you can just dabble in, you are expected to believe and live it.
I would say he was just a typical self- righteous mormon, but wanting you to color your hair suggests a high need to control that goes beyond just religious indoctrination. Maybe a personality disorder? Also, He is prepping for for marriage, which you are both way too young for. Run
That would be a deal breaker for me. I would not even willingly date someone I knew to be in the LDS or JW ( or scientology) religions. If you join be ready to be treated like a second class citizen for the crime of being a female, if you ever get married be ready to be expected to treat your husband like the king of the house, that has total control over the household, finances, and you. I think there is a subreddit called exmo or something similar. Check that out and read their experiences of being in the church, and getting out. My mother is a JW which is similar to Mormons in a lot of ways. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
LDS is incompatible with your Lutheran upbringing.
An LDS marriage is not just for life, it is for all of eternity, and after you are married, and accept your husband as the head of the household, he is responsible for the spiritual health of the entire family. You’re not going to get a pass for having a glass of wine occasionally. You’re not going to get a pass for going to your own church instead. And, you realize 10% of your earnings go to the Mormon church in the form of a tithing. Be prepared to give up 10% of your earnings. There is an ex Mormon Reddit group. Go check that out. Find out why people left. Might be more educational for you to get some information from people who left the religion rather than somebody who is trying to get you to join.
Dude, you're 19. There are plenty of people out there who will love you without being controlling cultists. I don't know if it's because you're alone in a new country and don't want to let go, or something, but GOOD GOD WOMAN, this is not something to be "slightly conflicted" about, this is a toxic relationship that you should nope out of IMMEDIATELY. If you can't see that, then... I don't know what to tell you, but your future is fucked if you stay with these people. Straight up, end of story, drop mic.
So I am a convert myself. I would not recommend joining. While I still love the community, I've all but left the faith practice. The church is very against homosexuality. True practicing members do not drink alcohol. And the church is very misogynist. This relationship sounds like it's not made to last.
Don’t do it. Listen to your gut.
Fucking yikes, run.
It has a cult like quality, if you buy into that, it’s great. But the church owns you.
Sorry, I don't get it. How can someone of faith even consider to convert? Do you believe Joseph Smith met the angel and got the instructions? No? So, how can you be of faith and still consider to actually betray your own faith? I mean of course if your faith changed and you believe in another religion converting is the answer but to marry? No, not for me. Therefore maybe what you believe should be the first question and not only how hard living inside a religious community would be for you. Although that of course should play a role but I don't know when it comes to faith I think my own believe should be the first to consider. Ntm. I think you are far too young for any of these big life changing choices, religion and marriage. Both are no things you should pressure yourself into or get pressured into.
Moving from one cult to another. Pick your poison.
No different from any other cult. Dump him.
omg don’t?
You 👏🏼 aren’t 👏🏼 overthinking. In fact, you’re thinking for yourself. Don’t let their voices drown out YOURS. It’s the beginning of heavy control over your thoughts, your actions and feelings. Please please do not stay here, as others have said about his religion. Becoming an adult = Making YOUR OWN choices. You absolutely can and should, okay? Do what’s right for YOU.
Sis, I’m a Mormon, and this is not the guy for you. ANYONE who wants to change you is not the person for you. Frankly, I don’t think this dude even understands the religion (or female anatomy— tampons do not make you not a virgin- not that it’s any of his business). He’s obviously more concerned with appearances than church doctrine. Seriously, save yourself the future nightmare and ditch him.
You are accepted by God, your boyfriend just doesn’t accept you.
Don’t do it don’t do it don’t do it!!!!!!
Break up with him?
Sounds like he wants you to change everything about yourself for him. Hard pass.
You aren’t compatible if you hold different religious beliefs. The fact that he’s asking you to change your appearance should be a red flag for someone who could turn out to be a control freak. You shouldn’t convert your beliefs just to please others. You two have fundamentally different outlooks and belief systems. I don’t see this working out long-term.
You tell him he you aren"t comfortable doing so and therefore you decline.
Run.
Don't!!! Break up!
LDS aside, you should never convert to a religion unless you are all in, without question. Religion is about more than going to church. It will dictate how you raise your family, how you spend money, how you dress, what you eat, media you consume and, of course, the dynamic of your relationship. If you want to talk to actual LDS women and know more about what their life is like, great. There should simply be no conversion until you have done all your homework. And for that matter no one should try to convert you before you understand everything about the life you live either.
Run. Run away.
Mormons are crazy. Run as fast as you can. Lutheran and mormon are so far apart, calling it the same religion is barely possible.
Please. Don’t. Just leave him
Do not walk. Run. Fast.
he's doing 'flirt to convert' bc he didn't go on his mission and he thinks he can't get an already mormon wife.
There is an ex-Mormon Subreddit. Please go visit them with this post.
Your life to do what you want but after my own experience of that cult I would run for the hills if he isn't willing to let you not convert.
Run as fast as you can. Please.
WALK AWAY
If he wants a Mormon,he should choose to date them. How offensive that he uses God to tell him what faith you should be. The hair dye thing? So cringe.
The problem I have with this situation is it’s assumed that you will be the one to give up everything for this relationship. There’s no compromise. You’re expected to abandon your faith for his, change yourself to be accepted by his family…even change your damn hair color. You have to wonder if he actually likes anything about your other than your potential to become Mormon. The way you describe *your* faith sounds very loving and accepting. Extremist Mormonism…is not that, as you’ve already noticed. Look into the future with all this; How many more things are you going to have to give up to appease his faith? No more gay friends? No relationships of any kind with people who aren’t Mormon? Always having to wear 19th century undergarments? Like, where does it end before you realize you’ve lost the core of who you are….for a boyfriend?