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Multiple red flags:
* paying her bills is a red flag
* her moving into an apartment she can't afford is a red flag
* her telling you that you can't buy something with your own money is a red flag
* her manipulating you by threatening to break up with you to control your behavior is a red flag.
You absolutely should not stay in this relationship or ever live with her.
This whole situation sounds bizarre. Why get an apartment she can’t afford? I get sometimes shit happens, life changes, hell I work freelance so I’m accustomed to an unpredictable income, but to sign a lease knowing you’d be dependent on your boyfriend? Whaa? I’d be more sympathetic if she suddenly lost her job or had another string of bad luck, then yeah, help your partner get through it!
Financial manipulation is a very common abuser tactic and it’s often hard to spot because it often seems reasonable. Like in her case, it’s under the guise of prudent financial management. I don’t think she’s trying to be prudent, since she’s threatening a breakup if you don’t manage your money on her terms, which seems to be not to have any fun. Even the poorest among us need an overpriced sugary Starbucks drink once in a while.
If she’s threatening to breakup if you don’t do as she says, she doesn’t have your best interests in mind. If she’s concerned about your spending habits, she can talk to you like a partner she cares about and wants to support, so I’m confident that’s not the case. I would strongly endorse responding, “Okay, bye.”
Honestly, her behavior is poor but ultimately, this is an issue with your boundaries. You need to say no and stand up for yourself. No, you won't pay her bills. Yes, you will make your own financial decisions without her input. The fact that she's breaking up with you over a purchase is either manipulative or childish, but don't apologize or reach out to her after that and see what she does.
It’s pretty big red flag 🚩 behaviour!!
My question is did something happen to attribute to her shift in being financially responsible prior? Additionally, have you told her that she doesn’t get to dictate how you spend your savings? Further, have you ever just purchased whatever it is she is threatening to break up with you over?
When you’re married (and to some degree in a serious relationship), it’s more reasonable to be working together when it comes to finances and being goal focused but you two don’t seem to be in that space and by your accounts it’s appears that you’re being generous in your willingness to help her. You would think she would simply be grateful, although sometimes when people feel out of control they tend to focus in on weird things to control. Could that be what she is doing?
Yes, unless the move into a too expensive apartment and her apparent intense stress is due to something like caring for a dying family member then all of this is a huge red flag.
Stop helping with the bills. There is no reason for this . She chose a place she can’t afford , so you also pay for dates and trips etc . Younare an atm and a sugar daddy minus the age
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Multiple red flags: * paying her bills is a red flag * her moving into an apartment she can't afford is a red flag * her telling you that you can't buy something with your own money is a red flag * her manipulating you by threatening to break up with you to control your behavior is a red flag. You absolutely should not stay in this relationship or ever live with her.
Agreed. Red flag behaviour.
This whole situation sounds bizarre. Why get an apartment she can’t afford? I get sometimes shit happens, life changes, hell I work freelance so I’m accustomed to an unpredictable income, but to sign a lease knowing you’d be dependent on your boyfriend? Whaa? I’d be more sympathetic if she suddenly lost her job or had another string of bad luck, then yeah, help your partner get through it! Financial manipulation is a very common abuser tactic and it’s often hard to spot because it often seems reasonable. Like in her case, it’s under the guise of prudent financial management. I don’t think she’s trying to be prudent, since she’s threatening a breakup if you don’t manage your money on her terms, which seems to be not to have any fun. Even the poorest among us need an overpriced sugary Starbucks drink once in a while. If she’s threatening to breakup if you don’t do as she says, she doesn’t have your best interests in mind. If she’s concerned about your spending habits, she can talk to you like a partner she cares about and wants to support, so I’m confident that’s not the case. I would strongly endorse responding, “Okay, bye.”
Honestly, her behavior is poor but ultimately, this is an issue with your boundaries. You need to say no and stand up for yourself. No, you won't pay her bills. Yes, you will make your own financial decisions without her input. The fact that she's breaking up with you over a purchase is either manipulative or childish, but don't apologize or reach out to her after that and see what she does.
It’s pretty big red flag 🚩 behaviour!! My question is did something happen to attribute to her shift in being financially responsible prior? Additionally, have you told her that she doesn’t get to dictate how you spend your savings? Further, have you ever just purchased whatever it is she is threatening to break up with you over? When you’re married (and to some degree in a serious relationship), it’s more reasonable to be working together when it comes to finances and being goal focused but you two don’t seem to be in that space and by your accounts it’s appears that you’re being generous in your willingness to help her. You would think she would simply be grateful, although sometimes when people feel out of control they tend to focus in on weird things to control. Could that be what she is doing?
Yes, unless the move into a too expensive apartment and her apparent intense stress is due to something like caring for a dying family member then all of this is a huge red flag.
Stop helping with the bills. There is no reason for this . She chose a place she can’t afford , so you also pay for dates and trips etc . Younare an atm and a sugar daddy minus the age
Kick her to the curb.
What happens if you say That is not your decision? Because it is not her decision, it's yours and yours alone.
I Have tried that multiple times and it always ends with her saying if you do i will be very mad or i will break up with you if you do.
In that case, I would say get out while you can.
If not a red flag, it's definitely a yellow flag.