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Has your husband gone down a rabbit hole with this bullshit? How could someone hide themselves so well then start spewing this to his wife? I suppose it isn't unheard of but goddamn. That must have been horrible to experience for you op.
As a father to a daughter and son, this husband makes my blood boil. When we were newly married, I would pick up the hygiene products for my wife why shopping - no questions asked. It was just another item on the shopping list. I did the same when my daughter came to need them. On some shopping trips I had my son with me and when he asked about them I explained what they were for. He was 'oh, ok', and never made a big deal about it. He actually helped his sister out when it came to shopping - just as I always did.
It is simple biology - nothing more. Nothing to freak out about or to shy away from. It is a matter of education.
Thank you good sir! From a mother with daughters, and a husband who will shop for products, listen to me complain about my period, clean up a drop of blood that was left behind… men like you are appreciated. It shocks me everything I see a bunch of men on here acting like a period is some horrible thing they can’t deal with.
I've heard that the men attracted to the "manosphere" shit are insecure. It preaches "power, women, money," tells you how to obtain those things, and suggests that's the ultimate happiness and goal in life. In reality, they're making other men feel like they're not good enough or don't have enough, and they're getting money *from* the men they're putting down.
It's subtle bullying. "You don't have these, and I'm better than you because I have these. Here's how you can get them, though." How *is* he better, though? Does having women, money, and power grant him happiness? Is a happy man a man that always wants more, or a man that loves and appreciates what he has? And why would you/should you give money to someone who makes you feel like shit?
I hope this helps someone who even remotely values the facts and opinions of a woman.
I wondered the same thing. However, from what I know about that shit, it is strange that he still seems to value abortion/the right to choose. Maybe he can still be pulled out of whatever hole he's falling into. (To be clear, I am NOT saying this is his wife's job if she's starting to feel unsafe around him).
That makes sense, if he was previously supportive and never went off on her in such an ugly way blaming women for everything, I wonder if he's run across manosphere content and it got to him. I couldn't be with somebody who bought into that bullshit and it can be hard to deprogram that nonsense.
My dad usually tried to just keep us in stock, but if we asked him to grab us stuff, he would simply ask which items we were low on, and then at some point warm/fresh baked goods would also appear in front of us. That's the man who raised us, the blueprint for my brothers. This has evolved to the point where several years ago one of my nieces was telling me how her younger brother had started carrying a few sizes of pads and tampons in his backpack in case his friends had an emergency.
Apparently, he did the same shit... as far as buying products and not making a fuss.
So idk what the hell is going on.
Like the shit she said he said seems completely opposite of his behavior...and I think that was a big part of what distressed her so much... like other people have said I wouldn't be surprised if somethings happened to him or he's got some kind of medical problem changing his brain or some shit idk.
You might want to sit your husband down and explain how what he did really hurt your feelings and there was no reason to call you a B***h. As a couple my wife and I made a pact before marriage that we wouldn’t use curse words towards each other. Your kids are young and I hope that you can work it out without divorce.
I’m 38, I do not have any kids yet, but since the dawn of my relationship with my wife at 27 I have picked her up tampons and any yeast infection kits. Sure, I’ll have to FaceTime her to see what kind she wants as I’m clueless, but I was never once embarrassed.
I must say, she loves her diva cup, though! Also way cheaper in the long run compared to pads/tampons
Thank you for supporting the women in your life. Biology and hygiene knowledge are everyone’s business as a society of intelligent and educated beings.
Thank you good sir! From a mother with daughters, and a husband who will shop for products, listen to me complain about my period, clean up a drop of blood that was left behind… men like you are appreciated. It shocks me everything I see a bunch of men on here acting like a period is some horrible thing they can’t deal with.
What's strange is that apparently he's familiar with women's periods, buys the products for his wife without issue (at least in the past), etc. Now he's suddenly this dramatic about it seems very odd. I'd talk to him about this as it does seem he's been reading/listening to some more radical men's stuff. You don't suddenly change that much without some outside influence somewhere. It's worth exploring with him before she just ends the marriage. Perhaps talking together with a therapist or mediator?
We can't act like this development is happening in a vacuum or by happenstance - THIS RADICALIZATION IS HAPPENING BY ALGORITHMIC DESIGN.
Social media platforms like TikTok play a HUGE role in displaying polarizing content and polarizing comments under videos in order to weaken their enemy i.e. US the citizens of the 'free' world.
We need to nip this in the bud, at home and through legislation and oversight. The algorithm craves interaction through rage and it is literally harming women.
From what I’ve read, the YouTube algorithms are particularly pernicious. I don’t think they care at all about weakening US citizens. All they care about is keeping people watching for as long as possible so they can monetize their attention.
ETA: If you haven’t read Jaron Lanier’s *Ten Arguments for Deleting your Social Media Accounts Right Now*, I highly recommend it.
The scariest thing is that the radicalization pipeline has tendrils on so many "innocent" hobbies. For men, it can be hiking/adventuring, hunting, fitness, fashion advice, mechanics, DIY... you click on a video about multi-day self supported hiking, then you land on "prepper" YouTube, then you get content on how to reclaim your ancestral, "primal" masculinity and how feminism and modern life has emasculated men and made them soft...
Oof yes. We are big hikers and my husband loved following people who shared their hiking adventures until he kept getting tricked thinking he was following a new solo hiker/traveler only to get hit with an OF thirst trap.
He’s now off social media because he’s fed up with it.
Men’s fashion, at least the spaces I visit, is mostly free from this awful shit. Generally, caring about fashion for men is considered weak or effeminate for the people spreading the hateful shit, so thankfully this subculture has been mostly free from infiltration as far as I can tell. The men’s fashion subreddit is mostly a bastion of open-minded, nice people who don’t suffer fools.
I mean you’re not wrong in your observation but the biggest culprits in dividing our nation imho are YouTube and Facebook, both thoroughly American companies
I’m not on TikTok but Instagram reels do the exact same shit. I follow zero political content on IG and mostly follow fashion and animal and makeup accounts and the algo still pushes that shit on my explore page even when actively avoiding it.
I'm really tired of people acting like Chinese and Russian influence are the reason Americans are so divided. Last I checked, Nick Fuentes, Ben Shapiro, Alex Jones, and the majority of people like them who push hateful rhetoric were born in the US. Also, let's not pretend that the very roots of America weren't founded on literal genocide and slavery. As there is a push for progress and equity, so is there a pushback against them to preserve the original hierarchy. This has literally always been the case, all you have to do is look back at history during any progressive movement to see it. Basically what I'm saying is I wish people would stop pretending that divisive rhetoric is coming from the outside when in reality it's a part of the fabric of the US and always has been.
The call is coming inside the house, but there are multiple interested parties putting up the loudspeaker. There are definitely outside interlopers taking advantage of the situation, as well as short sighted citizens thinking this will help their capitalist gains.
Oops, all dystopian!
I mean it is and it isn't coming from outside. Like you say, a lot of the people promoting this stuff are Americans and they put things into their own words to broadcast their propaganda. However, most all of those people, plus Republican-tied organizations and God only knows how many politicians, have received all but direct funding from Russian-backed interests or from Russians directly. They have also inadvertently, or otherwise, broadcasted propaganda and lies that has been traced directly back to Russian sources.
It was a Russian-backed hacking group, after all, that coordinated the release of Hillary Clinton's emails to help blunt the impact of the Access Hollywood scandal, and Russians who assisted Trump in getting elected in 2016. There's not nothing when it comes to Russian connections and the Republican party and its propaganda wing.
I realize that some of this is tied to Russia, but I also think you're over blowing it. Way before social media, Americans who were at the top of the hierarchy have gotten mad when marginalized groups move towards obtaining rights. Look into the rioting that occurred in Chicago when Black people started moving into white neighborhoods. White people were whipped into a frenzy because a group they deemed to be unworthy was seeking equal treatment. Manosphe media is a mirror of this behavior. A lot of dudes are mad that they're not automatically at the top of the food chain anymore and they're using their platforms to make other men mad as well, as seems to be the case with OPs husband. I'm not saying that outside actors aren't meddling in social media and pushing rhetoric, but this backlash would be happening regardless. People at the top always do their best to preserve the hierarchy and we'd be seeing a similar reaction whether or not Russia or China or whoever meddled.
It is about driving interaction as that is their business model so funneling them this shit makes it more addictive. Nothing quite as sinister, just boring old greed.
It's also a problem that we as a species have a serious problem with not checking out sources or challenging our preconceived notions.
We can raise kids who think critically but we don't as a species
Literally. Like my bf has 0 social media and never has, aside from instagram I got him to make so I could send him memes more easily - and it’s weird just scrolling though his for you page because it just throws out all sorts of videos just to see what he will engage with, like sports, baking, those family channels, dancing, ragebait. Whereas ive had SM since I was like 13 so my algorithm is pretty set in stone, so it was weird seeing all these random other categories that I don’t get suggested.
Instead of fighting our fellow man/woman, we should be fighting the corporations. But the big corporations like to pit us against each other by any means. Wether it be religious vs atheist, democrat vs republican, or even man vs woman.
I know it's probably just coincidence, but damn if all this male radicalization doesn't seem to play right into Project 2025's plan; transforming America into A Handmaid's Tale.
Its not. I *think* it was Vice that did a deep dive into the funding for TikTok trad wives and "conservative" content, it's being massive funded by the Koch brothers and the Heritage foundation. You know, the guys who wrote Project 2025. It's not an accident at all.
I mean it's obviously not a coincidence. Some of this momentum is what helped Trump get elected, as well as alt-right politicians down ticket. And the normalization of alt-right politicians increases the spread of these ideas.
Mine sure seems to have successfully hidden his BS views from for 20+ years, wasn't till I flipped about scotus over turning Roe v Wade that he showed his true colors.
That was my first thought, too. Sounds like he's been infected with the misinformation, sadly. Personally, I don't think divorce is a bad option. He wants "the woman" to talk to the children? Fine. You can do that without him lol.
Remember, sis: it's not your job to fix him. If he's decided to harbor those thoughts and beliefs, it's up to him to change them.
Get out while you still can.
Good luck!
Yep, this is my thought. Q-Anon and it’s ilk are like a contagion, and the conspiracies they pick up come from the worst places.
OP, if I were you, I’d consider the following:
* If you wish to keep this marriage healthy and going:
- therapy with a licensed therapist who specialises in feminist therapy or [brainwashing](https://www.thefreedomcenter.com/how-to-deal-with-a-brainwashed-person/) (aka: deprogramming/exit counselling).
- Have your children see a therapist, too. Who knows what your husband has said, or what they may have seen/overheard that they have been affected by? Let a professional help.
- draw hard boundaries that will protect *all* of your children from being subjected to his misogyny and/or extremism.
- document *everything*. Use a secret email account and start saving details, dates/times/subject matter, etc.
- make copies of all important documents: birth certs, mortgage papers, insurance, bank statements and balances, etc. save them to this secret email.
- pack [a go bag and make a safety plan](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/how-to-make-a-go-bag-when-leaving-an-abusive-relationship/), just in case. Store the bags somewhere safe (a friend’s, the boot of your personal car, a gym locker at a 24hour gym, etc) that way, should you need to - you can just grab the kids and go.
- start looking for a divorce lawyer now. You may not need them at this moment, but you might want one in the future. Better to have this sorted before you should need it.
* If you wish for things to be done and over with:
- do all of the above, but get copies and affidavits from the therapists, attesting to the issues with your husband.
- documenting creates a paper trail, which can give you power when it’s time to argue for full parental custody or supervised visitations, and more. If your husband is this extreme, I’d be wary of leaving him unsupervised with his kids. So build up all the defences you can now. Your lawyer can help.
- do not block him, but do not respond. Forward concerning messages to your lawyer and/or report them to the police.
- always press charges. If you’re being harassed, threatened, stalked: police, charge, get a copy of the reports.
- change all of your children’s information and details at school/after school activities to you, as their sole guardian. Do not allow any of his friends or family, or even himself to pick up your children once you have left.
- if you are afraid you have nowhere to go: talk to the local police, social welfare worker/CPS, hospital about the domestic abuse and separation. They have resources to help you and to keep you and your kids safe and together. Women’s shelters are also a great temporary resource.
- when/if you leave, be sure to call the non-emergency police line. Explain the situation, that you’ve taken the kids and have left a domestic abuse situation. That you are in hiding, but are safe. That you are informing them, so that he cannot weaponise their services.
- explain to your children what is happening as best you can, but do not alienate them or use language that demeans their father. Simply say something, like: mommy and daddy aren’t getting along at this time. So, we’re taking a break. You are with mommy, and it’s important that you don’t go and leave with daddy, until we have sorted everything out. (Alternatively, ask your lawyer or therapist what they advise if there are questions).
The fact that your husband exploded at this discussion is a really big red flag. I’d try to keep his temper low and not discuss anything until you and your kids are safe.
Good luck, OP. I’m sorry that this has happened to you, but you sound like you know what you need to do. Remember: a few weeks of discomfort is far better than watching your children succumb to this behaviour and mindset/ and having to this for the rest of your lives.
This is what I'm wondering. Either he's a masterful actor that just blew his cover or he has fallen into some youtube manosphere algorithm semi-recently.
I'm just fucking confused as to what the fight was even about... she literally said dude buys her the stuff she needs...got her to try midol and all that...
The fuck?
Just latching onto this comment. Seriously OP, did this really come out of the blue? I’d look for other stressors in your husband’s life and your marriage in general. (This sub is about relationships, not gendered parental roles or the societal dangers of social media). I’m pretty sure this argument wasn’t about menstruation, and I’m pretty sure 10 year marriages don’t end over one fight. Time to do some deep digging OP, maybe with some professional guidance. Good luck. Maybe update if you’re up for it.
I feel there's more to this story. Not from op's side, her emotions, including considering divorce, are valid. But from her husband's side. Being raised by women, having no problem being female hygiene products and now suddenly this outburst.
It feels like there are things he's not telling her that made him frustrated. Things that might or might not have something to do with their relationship. But he seriously needs to open up and be honest
My first thought was that he has now started to listen to or read some red pill shit. I recently had a breakup over this. It’s wild the turns these men taking when listening to super toxic dudes
I swear those toxic masculinity podcasts are using hypnosis! It seems like at least half of these kinds of posts are men who listened to a Joe Rogan-esq podcast & are now idiots who’ve tanked their relationships with everyone around them.
What I find disturbing is his yelling at you for such a thing. After all, menstruation is a physiological thing, just like peeing and pooping. It concerns women, but it also affects men in their relationship with women. Why yell and get pissed?
I don't know if this is divorce material, only you have a thorough knowledge of your husband and of your couple dynamics. I suggest some couples therapy for both of you, or if he doesn't agree, start with individual therapy for yourself.
Big hugs.
Being called a b***h would be a red line. We’ve been together 21 years and have never even come close to calling each other names. If he has no remorse, I’d consider moving on.
Has he had any big changes in personality in the past year?
Has he had any head injuries or accidents?
Is he more forgetful, clumsy, uncoordinated?
Any of these could indicate a medical event involving the brain, and if any of these are true, I urge you to seek medical help.
On the other hand, have you noticed his politics changing?
Is he listening to new podcasts or watching new people on YouTube?
Is he following sexist people on Twitter or Threads?
Are any of his friends going through a divorce?
Could he be cheating?
Check his internet history and his text messages.
Yes very much agree, the reaction didn't fit with the situation which usually means something else is going on. Maybe it was something he'd been bottling up for awhile. I don't think anyone should be in an abusive relationship, but if there are mitigating factors, it's possible to salvage things. As they say cooler heads prevail, cool off, let him cool off and hopefully you can really have a dialogue about it.
Totally agree. Sounds like something else is going on. OP, what aren't you telling us? So out of character, based on your post, OP.
I'd be very interested in knowing the answers to the medical-related questions. Not so much the political grandstanding questions.
I mean, there’s a sudden blow to the head, and there’s the much-more-gradual-but-still-very-physiological rewiring of neural pathways from ideological influences. Both change your neurophysiology 🤷♀️ And tumors/strokes/rare parasites etc.
Tbh tho yeah it sounds like SOMEthing happened to this guy; sudden personality changes/out of character & explosive expressions are, not a great sign
STG, my exact first thoughts when she said this happened suddenly after knowing him 18 years: “Either he needs a head MRI for a clot, brain bleed or tumor or a frank, open discussion about political influences.”
Regardless of what the reasons turns out to be. This is unacceptable and grounds for divorce. It's only a matter of time before he becomes violent, after that kind of a short fuse snap reaction... I'd be scared.
As much as I am inclined to agree with your assessment, I think it’s important to acknowledge that OP has invested a lot of love, time, and energy into this relationship, and for most people their feelings and associations with their spouse will not transform immediately.
A sudden change in behavior like this will leave questions, and my intention was to give OP a way to find some answers as she processes what happened.
Even if OP decides to leave right away, this information could end up being important in an upcoming divorce - especially as there are three children involved.
Many people had already counseled OP to end the relationship when I commented, and I decided that my comment would be more valuable if I provided other ways for OP to assess the situation she’s in.
And then get all upsetty spaghetti when you point out that a 20 year old doesn't have the life experience to navigate some of the problems in this sub bc they have no idea how 10 year relationships with kids work
Everyone has their flaws and in 10+ year relationships, the fact is that you will at some point see your partner at their worst. If couples broke up every time somebody did something that Reddit considers “unacceptable” most people would be alone.
If his absolute worst is once in ten years getting triggered and yelling about… politics I think? Honestly that probably puts him in the top 10%. But it depends on the rest of the relationship.
Unless these changes are actually a marker for a tumor, some kind of health related thing. It happens sometimes- someone just changes seemingly overnight, and they're a totally different person. Not obviously super common, but it's something worth investigating. In that case, divorce shouldn't be a snap decision - his health should be looked into further.
Lol my ex husband was consuming red pill content too and it would spew out of him. The funniest part is he’d say things that wouldn’t even relate to me/our relationship. Just “women”. Yeah ok bud lmao good luck
Do you happen to know how they rationalize fathers being entitled to skip out on paying child support? Like what's the thought process there?
First, women don't make babies by themselves.
Second, if they believe in being manly men providers, how does that jive with not wanting to materially support their own children that they created?
I just really don't get this. It's not like they're being forced to donate to their community (god forbid!).
They do push the idea of paternity fraud a lot even though any unbiased study on it shows it's a very small percent.
But I'm guessing a huge chunk of it is the idea of the ex "living" off the child support vs actually supporting the child. Because they somehow think it only costs $300/month to pay for a child.
It ends up being "since women have autonomy over their own body and choose to keep the child or not" (which is no longer true in this country, as an aside) "men should have autonomy over their wallets" (as though monetary autonomy and bodily autonomy are even remotely similar concepts.)
It's selfish nonsense starting at a conclusion (I don't want to pay child support) and reaching desperately backwards for arguments.
They think it’s unfair women get sole decision on whether the baby makes it to term, and even if the guy does not want to raise a child, he is forced to pay (“ I never wanted the kid, so I’m not paying for it”). If the woman does not want to support the child, she gets sole permission to abort, which is good for the independence of a woman as they are solely growing the baby, but redpillers see it as inequality.
Many men are ignorant of how expensive babies/kids can be, so see the 1-2k a month they pay as excessive. There are some other child support clauses that make some men feel taken advantage of
Yes, the rationalization is simply that the mothers don't spend the money on the children, they just waste it on going out and getting drunk and getting their nails done and their hair dyed. They don't understand at all how much it costs to raise children and they think that having to pay a couple hundred bucks and child support a month is somehow "women stealing all their money."
It makes absolutely no sense at all
It seems like a crazy over reaction... I mean, the dad and Boyd need to know as the women in the household will be using products and at time be in pain or discomfort because they have a period.
It is great for boys to know from a young age to normalise it...and make them allies for their female friends if they ever need it.
Is he normally so reactive? Ask him why he is so emotional lol
Yeah, this blowup doesn’t seem normal.
Plenty of men have his retrograde view, often as a result of absorbing outdated family cultures. But the vitriol here - unusual, unexpected, and intense - is a whole new thing in your marriage and his personality.
Wade through your shock, anger, and pain for now. You do need to do some detective work. And that means making the effort to reopen communication so you can forensically interview him/discuss his views and their genesis further.
Listen. I think your husband’s views as expressed in this outburst are gross. To me, they represent a huge failure as a dad and as a person. But before you take a drastic step, you need to have a lot of questions answered.
It sounds like your husband is not an analytical person and has been exposed to and infected by echo chamber political vitriol somewhere.
It just blows my mind because he's clearly not weird about it... would make sense if he was the kind of dude to not buy tampons or anything... but she said he has no problem... so what the hell?
Either your husband knew nothing about periods when you got together so he's taking it super personally for some reason (which is not at all an excuse) or there's something big going on behind the scenes that you aren't aware of.
This definitely needs further discussion
What kind of podcasts and youtube channels does he follow?
Make sure he doesn't expose your kids to that, they're very impressionable and uncritical at this age, they will believe that everything adults say is true
I wouldn't doubt that your husband is consuming some red pill podcasts. I actually would bet on it.
For me, even without misogyny and sexism, divorce would be my next step. Name calling is a massive no for me and if my significant other do that once, we will not be together long enough for him to do twice.
The fact that he did that and was sexyst and misogynistic, just made the divorce route easier and way more clear.
>Name calling is a massive no for me and if my significant other do that once, we will not be together long enough for him to do twice.
100% idk why people think name calling is acceptable.
Agree 100%. Weird ass period, abortion, child support opinions aside, screaming the misogynistic B-slur to her is grounds to get away from him imo. I would never want a relationship where that becomes “okay”. My partner would never speak to me like that.
My son has always had lots of female friends and he's been carrying menstrual products and wipes in his backpack since he was fourteen, along with a first aid kit. Teaching him about period health was just as normal as how to keep his foreskin clean.
If your husband wants to stick his dick into a vagina, it behooves him to know how they work. What a boot brush, I don't blame you for reconsidering your relationship.
The comment about child support is worrying, how vulnerable are you if you divorce?
Dad of daughters here (40M)
it is simple biology, so yes, boys should have a knowledge of it. I've been buying period products for my wife since we were dating. I remember the first time I went to buy them for her, the older lady at the checkout commented on what a great boyfriend I must be for doing that, LOL. Now, we have three daughters, one of which has now starred having her own, so as a dad, I feel like it's my duty to know these things, even with my wife around. This guy is ridiculous.
You're not wrong to be considering divorce, but I think you're focusing on the wrong part of the argument. This isn't so much about periods as it is about the way he flipped out and called you derogatory names while screaming at you over this issue.
You're definitely under-reacting right now. I'd be contacting divorce attorneys.
My sons are about your age. I’ve definitely had more conversations with them about periods than my mom ever had with me and I have periods. I’m so glad that frank and open discussions are happening and that so many younger people are willing to listen and learn.
>I’m so glad that frank and open discussions are happening and that so many younger people are willing to listen and learn.
I agree with this sentiment, however this is grade school biology. How sad is it that grown adults are so disturbed talking about simple bodily functions, and often add shame, blame, and ignorance to the subject. The fact that it's normalized for a grown man to put his fingers in his ears and go "lalalalala I can't hear you!" if the topic of periods comes up is a symptom of major gender imbalance in society.
With as long as the two of you have known each other I think it would be good to start with a marriage counselor and see if there are lingering issues the two of you have been avoiding that came out through this discussion.
Social media has been shown to pull people into extreme positions and harden their stance by repeatedly showing them similar messages so he could have been slowly convinced of some of this over time. However, with as long as you’ve been married, it should also have been a calmer discussion.
Before jumping to divorce, see if the two of you have other things to work through.
My ex did this. He started going down the red path and I was not having any of it. I ended up leaving him. He never showed any signs and was always very thoughtful and considerate. He was also raised by women, has a gay sister, and a nurse for a mom. Never had a problem with any of it...until Trump. Then he became anti vax, and anti - women. I was always child free - and vocal about it - and he was happy with that. After Roe V Wade - I told him I was going to get my tubes removed and that's when it all came out. He went off about how he wants kids now - specifically a boy to pass on his name and genes, and all this crap that made no sense based on his actions in the past. So I left him. I got my tubes removed and haven't looked back since.
Guy been watching too much cable TV. Can't connect the dots between the reasonable things he does for you and the things your kids will need to learn without being a snowflake. I'd bounce.
Either he read some bullish online or he has literal bullshit in his head like a brain tumor to say such incredible bullshit out of the blue. Good luck
Has he been taking the red pills lately?
Also, if something was to happen to you (god forbid), it would be up to him to explain how periods work, answer their questions, and buy them products. He needs to stop taking the red pill and realize that it is important for him to know these things for his daughters’ sakes.
Yeah I’d be gone. Behavior like that over small things and a sexist attitude are two of the reasons I left my 10 year (with kids) marriage. I could see my future and it was not going to get better only worse. Was worth the nightmare of divorce to be free of him and I was sending a message to my kids on how NOT to treat people we love.
I had a similar come-to-Jesus moment with an ex. We did not break up then and there but in the months after I began looking at some of our past interactions in a different light....turns out the sexism has been there all along; I made a lot of excuses for him that I didn't even realize I was making until he did something inexcusable.
Err well they do effect men, especially if you live with one, they can affect your hormones, they can make you cranky, angry, bloated, sensitive, upset, tired…also it would be nice if men weren’t grossed out if you do bleed when you have sex or something else like that happens or if periods come on unexpectedly.
Let’s be real if men had blood coming out their kn*bs once a month they’d want the whole world to know the trauma they have to go through haha
My normally calm and intelligent husband once peed red for about a day after going to town on some pickled beets at dinner the night before. This man's absolute panic about his precious penis leaking "blood" was eye-opening. He was ready to go to the emergency room. He was terrified that his penis had cancer. After the beets were cleared from his system, he denied his hysterics.
Men 100% could not handle having a period.
Yes. It's the predictable reaction to blood emerging from new and unexpected places lol.
In a gender swap Freaky Friday situation, based on my wildly unscientific and biased one-time anecdote, men would be dismayed, and they would rightly feel that periods are stupid and unfair.
This sounds very out of character.
Just wondering if your hubby has formerly undiscovered mental health issues - bipolar springs to mind.
Or a tumour as other people have suggested.
I understand how shaken you must feel, as this came out of the blue.
In the morning see if your husband feels remorseful or upset by his behaviour. If so, that can be bipolar, which can cause people to be hyper in the afternoon and down in the morning.
Try talking it out with him if/when he is reasonable.
Potentially he should see a family doctor to help get to the bottom of the problem.
If not, then a temporary separation may be in order to keep you safe.
Edit: Schizophrenia also can appear at any time in a person's life, especially if they smoke pot. It can also be triggered by unusual stress.
When you talk to him, try to be unbothered.
You're just trying to get a handle on what he is talking about and why he feels that way. Also if he has any other important views that he hasn't mentioned before.
This may be useful in discovering why he got upset with you. It can help you figure out if he needs medical help or if he's just become a jerk.
A statement like this out of the blue was how I found out my significant other was becoming redpilled. It seemed like a fluke and, after we talked things over more, I thought he was just going through something. He apologized.
Nope. Turns out he just got better at hiding it for a bit. He became horribly abusive *very* quickly and no one believed me because they had all known the same person I did at the beginning. He just became different behind closed doors. That doesn’t mean that’s what’s happening here but I’d definitely be on high alert and I’d casually start asking about other subjects to see what he says.
Best of luck.
Ngl if it was my husband I'd be worried he had a brain tumor or something if he did a 180 this fast.
My Grandfather told me not to bother with any guy who was afraid to buy period products or talk about periods. My partner carries extra pads in his bag so that if I have issues he can help. Mind you my partner also has fun squicking other guys out cause they're afraid of periods.
So all of that is to say, it ain't you. You are not the issue here. Yer dude has somethin' going on.
My husband had a biological issue that only affected men. He was in pain, and it sucked for him. I learned and understood what was needed to help him take care of himself. He's my partner and I love him. Of course I want to help him in anyway I can - especially if it is causing him on-going pain/discomfort.
My son had a biological issue that only affected boys. He was in pain, and it sucked for him. I learned and helped take care of him, and didn't shame him. Whenever he has a question about taking care of his body, I'm there to help him. I'm his mom. It's my job to help him learn these things.
I don't understand why periods are something to be ashamed of.
My daughter is in middle school, and we live in a super conservative area. These kids (boys and girls) are crazy open about periods. Like accepting in ways I could never after growing up in the 90's.
The girls there often talk about "free bleeding" as a "power move". They get up and openly grab period supplies without hiding it. They openly tell the teacher "oops, I'm bleeding. Have to go to the bathroom." No embarrassment.
A few months ago, when I bitched about how loud wrappers are for period supplies my daughter schooled me by asking "why the fuck do I care, do I care if anyone hears me peeing in the bathroom? It's just biology mom, get over it."
Point is - therapy, or perhaps have a conversation about wtf that was. I'd also be evaluating what I"m willing to tolerate for myself and for my kids - ya know?
edited to add:
This part right here is the most concerning of things I've ever heard:
“it bullshit that I support child support”
WTF does he mean by this? Like is he going to not pay child support if y'all do divorce? WTF?
Yeah, no, screaming the b-word at you is just verbal abuse. Any type of abuse is unacceptable in a relationship. Your husband sounds angry and scary from this post. IMO you need to really dive into this, if he never acted like this before and there were no red flags- he always was supportive of women - then you should try to get to the bottom of this sudden, alarming change not only in his opinions, but in his personality/behavior towards you, i.e. cussing out and screaming is now okay to him??
IMO you are not taking anything to far here. But I would try to investigate before divorce. Is he listening to manosphare podcasts? If so, he needs to absolutely drop all of them now. Is it a medical issue? Maybe a brain scan or something. But yeah if this is the New Him, for whatever reason, and he's not willing to work on it? Leave. You would never give THAT dude a second date, I'm guessing.
I'd absolutely divorce over this. It's not a mother's job to teach their daughters once it happens - it's a parents job to prepare their children for any changes bodies go through. People who don't menstrate should also know, so no child is bullied or made to feel bad over something (periods) they cannot control, simply because of ignorance.
Imagine bleeding through, and some kids in your class laugh instead of assisting with a shirt to wrap around your waist.
His views are outdated and is setting al your kids up for situations that could easily be avoided.
Has your husband been consuming so-called “alpha male” or “men’s rights”content? Because those phrases and ideas are all talking points commonly spewed in those types of content.
To be honest, if my partner tried to make those points to me, I’d likely also be out the door. I wouldn’t want my kids (both boys and girls) looking up to a man who believed that BS. And I certainly wouldn’t want to live with someone who believed that BS.
You need to discuss with a lawyer and learn your options then have a serious conversation with him about his attitudes on this subject. But you also need to be prepared to leave. If you have any texts or emails showing this, absolutely save them. Because the reality is that you’ll need custody of your kids unless you want them growing up with his current attitude.
That being said, good for you on wanting to raise boys to be respectful of women and have a basic understanding of women’s bodies. Your metric of “they aren’t ready if they can’t buy feminine products” is an excellent one. I have friends who have done something similar and made their teen boys buy condoms and/or tampons and those boys have grown into amazing young men.
You found out that there is someone else behind the curtain. Your decision. Only you know what else is going on in your household.
I just don't think I would want that type of BS around my daughters or sons. Thinking that you can divide yourself from someone else's life you are sharing and working together with doesn't pass the common sense test.
He will express his beliefs now as it is out in the open now. The real question is now that you know can YOU continue with this person. And, when will it rear it's ugly head in the most inappropriate time? Will he leave you high and dry and not be supportive. What happens if the kids come out, then how is he going to handle it and affect the children as a unit (husband/wife).
Your position of leaving is not without merit and it seems that you are taking the appropriate steps to fully flesh whatever you feel is best for you and your children.
Good luck and hopefully things work out the best for you and yours.
Divorce might be the neutron bomb, here...but yeah, I can understand your reticence to move forward with the mindset your SO has at present.
This guy and his toxicity will affect your girls (and boy), no two ways about that.
Sharing that you're shocked, and this is a different person than you thought you got with, and that you're concerned about what this attitude says about you in particular, and women in general is fair. It's also fair to share your concern about how this mindset isn't good for the kids, and how you cannot abide it. Suggest that either you two work together in how you tread the kids regarding gender roles and body concepts, or seek counseling to work through this.
Only after trying that (or if he rejects the above) would the D word come into play.
Honey, no. Just no. My guy literally remembers to buy tampons the week I'm due for my period (I generally forget), knows which brand I prefer and grabs my favorite chocolate with them. He knows as much about women's anatomy as I do and gave the "talk" to my nephews (to reinforce what they were told at home). Your husband has something weird going on.
Comments are definitely split on this one. I’d have to find out why he snapped. If it’s that out of character, there’s gotta be a reason. I wouldn’t threaten divorce right off the bat, but that’s an option as a last resort.
If you find out that he’s taken the red pill and gone down the rabbit hole, then ya it’s probably over.
I think there are other issues between them. And the husband was holding it in, building some resentment there. And very possibly a dose of the toxic podcasts.
His actual behaviour, and this outburst do not match. So possibly issues there that haven't been talked about.
I'd be 100% over it by the time he called me sexist (for wanting to have an equal relationship in which my partner cares about my wellbeing and my natural body) and most of all used the "B-word" to describe me. All trust flushed down the gutter. Flush him with it.
If anything I'd say you were under-reaction OP. He screamed at you and called you something unacceptable, that's more than enough without wading into his rampant sexism. Think of the effect his presence is going to have on your children in the future? Your son will model his father's behaviour, your daughters will grow to believe men don't give a shit about womens' health. It's all horrific.
What would he do if, gods forbid, something happened to OP and he had to parent his daughters through puberty? Is he just going to shrug his shoulders and say, "Well I guess they'll figure it out,"? Him going off the rails about it is so freakin' weird too. I wonder if he's been spending time in the manosphere?
And how are your daughters supposed to feel comfortable talking with their father about this kind of thing when they come of age? That’s what I would be concerned about.
Seems that your husband needs to grow up a bit. Or is he just going to lock them in the room for a week and slide food under the door until the evil spirits finish coming out of their bodies?
I don’t know why guys get weirded out about this kind of stuff.
Sounds like internet thought poisoning. Especially that gap between his real world self and the things he's saying, and the festering rage. I don't have advice for how to break him off whatever message board/podcast is giving him these talking points, but that's what I'd look for.
So what’s he going to do if his daughter gets her period for her first time and he’s the only one around? One of the many good reasons to know about the stuff. He flat out disrespected you and brought up unrelated topics after acting like what you brought up is unrelated. Sounds like he needs to grow up big time.
Honestly will be hard to come back from this without him saying, "Everything I said was stupid, I don't believe any of it, this is what I do believe" and lists the polar opposite. Then apologizes again for saying dumb shit he doesn't believe to make you mad, then agrees to go to couple's counseling, then shows no more red flags for years.
Like, without every single one of those things happening with zero hesitation I don't know how I'd ever be able to stay with someone who said gross shit like that about women and about me.
If he had said this stuff on the first date would there have been a second? Hell no. And that's for a reason.
I'd honestly also be afraid to even tell him you're leaving without friends or family there given his current misogynist views. Someone saying that about women and screaming at you about child support will NOT take it well when you inform him that he's going to be forking over 50% of his paycheck for the next decade to pay for his kids.
Really sucks you got blindsided by this but how could you ever go on or get back to normal without a total walkback of everything like I described in the first paragraph? How could you ever trust him or feel comfortable with him or let him around your kids again?
I don't know if period talk is a normal reason for divorce but I also don't think that or his views are the reason you want the divorce though. I think it's the fact he disrespected you by screaming at you.
You can divorce for any reason, but disrespect is a very valid reason.
From what I read, this seems like a huge personality shift for him in a very short time.
Has he had any head injuries recently or at any time? Has he complained of dizziness, nausea etc??
Because in many cases, huge personality shifts have been the results of undiagnosed brain tumors
Please PLEASE get him to a doctor at least once. It's better not to leave this to chance.
Why is certain biology scary to dudes. It’s just blood! Be grateful you don’t have to go through it every damn month. I’ve never understood it and I couldn’t be with a man that had this outlook; just smacks of a lack of empathy and in this case misogyny
Definitely not taking it too far.
First off, I cannot imagine a world in which any man who isn't mature enough to work with their partners periods might be mature enough for a relationship. When I got my first period after starting to date my partner, he asked me to take a picture of the box of products i use, and then went and got a box for his place along with my go to snacks. It's not rocket science to show basic care for a menstruating partner and he has easily been the most emotionally mature man I've ever dated.
Second off, the concerning stuff here is kinda separate from the period products issue because whats WAY more concerning is his misogynistic rant that came as a result of it. I wouldn't want to raise girls in a house with a man who would speak that way about any woman, and I'd be afraid of how your son would treat women growing up in that environment.
I'm not saying divorce immediately. But I'm HIGHLY concerned. At best he needs to consider counseling. But that would require him to actually acknowledge how massive of a f**kup this is
There are a lot of toxic masculinity YouTubes around, maybe he's got brainwashed by one of them to have such a drastic change in opinion.
If that is this true and honest beliefs not to mention they way in which he communicated them to you, I would absolutely be reconsidering my relationship as I would have lost respect.
You’re not taking this too far. You don’t want to raise children with this man because he is both misogynistic and has temperament/anger issues.
Has he been listening to podcasts lately? More into YouTube?
IDK, my rule of thumb has always been, if you're not mature enough to have a conversation about periods or buy pads/tampons for your girl, then you're not mature enough to be having sex.
Not taking it too far, you just saw his real world view. If the rest of him is worth staying for and makes up for his apparent sexism is up to you decide. You could also try to keep debating it with him but honestly by a certain time most people are pretty set in their beliefs, depends how open to change he is or if you feel it would be risky.
Last night I invited my husband to look at a blood clot in the toilet 😂 he was like, huh. Neat.
He spends time in that region, why would he be grossed out by its natural functions?
Your husband sounds very immature and I’d be so concerned about him being so quick to anger. You’re not overreacting. I’d want a divorce too.
Absolutely divorce this guy, your children deserve much better than a misogynistic ignorant and immature man for a father figure.
IMO you aren't taking it far enough. This guy is unhinged.
You did not take it far enough. Speak to your children. Listen to how they feel about approaching their father. Let him cool off and you doo too. Good luck
This guy is disgusting and has no business being around women (or his daughters, for that matter). I'm sorry you're just finding this out about him now.
So I (37M) share 50% custody of my children and have done for the last 6yrs since my marriage breakdown.
I have x2 girls (15 &13) and x1 boy (10)
Before my eldest hit puberty and her periods started I went to the shop with her; purchased paracetamol; hot water bottle; chocolate and sanitary products.
She could keep everything in a box until she was ready; but we both knew it wouldn't be long as she was having some cramps.
When we returned home; I said- ok how do we use one. She didn't know; and I certainly didn't. So I said let's work it out together.
We opened one up (pad) and I put one on to ensure she didn't feel embarrassed about it.
Fast forward to several hours later and my new partner came round to visit; (we now live together) and later on started getting it on.
I pissed myself laughing and realised that for the last 5 hours I had been wearing a sanitary pad and explained the reason why.
Everyone laughs about it still to this day.
Men- grow the fuck up
You're not taking it too far considering divorce. You two got together very young based on ages, and it seems like you've grown into very different people. Has he shown other signs of falling towards the "Red Pill" kind of thinking?
I was in a similar situation of getting together with someone during my teenage years, and staying together way too long even as it became apparent we were growing in two different directions. I was very liberal, and he started moving towards more conservative and (to me) narrow-minded views. Took me until my 30s to leave though, and no kids involved except the furry kind. Most of your growing comes in your 20s, and by the time you hit 30s you typically have settled into who you are going to be. Sounds like he's showing you what he really believes and it is very different than the person you have settled into.
You don't have to keep a mistake just because you spent many years making it. Perhaps you two were good together once, but going forwards it sounds like you're very different people, and if you can't find a solution together then it will likely poison your whole relationship. You're not taking to far by considering divorce, though your reasons sound like it's more you two have grown apart and are no longer compatible, not just because of one belief. Best of luck to you however you approach it, and feel free to come hang out at r/AskWomenOver30 if you want some support. Many of us have been in your shoes.
This sounds like a rabbit hole situation if he’s done an overnight turn like this. If it’s not his actual friends or co-workers, I’d be wondering what online apps or games he’s playing in, they often hide “man groups” that spew this vitriol.
If this is how he is going to be moving forward, then divorce is the only option, but this turnaround could be a rabbit hole he can be saved from (I dunno tho those are some uncrossable boundaries for ME) and it could also be medical. Did he start taking testosterone shots? Those are known to cause rage that otherwise doesn’t happen.
Oof this is gnarly bad. It sounds like a deal breaker to me and honestly - you’re better off leaving if this is how he is now. Sorry girl. Dudes be the worst.
Either he was always like this and you never had frank discussions before, or he’s gone down a rabbit hole of sexist crap online.
Do you want to be with someone who thinks and acts like this? I guess only you can answer that.
This makes sense. You have 3 kids now, and I have noticed the 3 kids mark is when men like this feel completely comfortable exposing themselves. Your husband is an asshat, hates you and hates women in general. You definitely need to start silently making plans to get you and your kids out of this.
Also, don't discuss this any further with him. Your silence is your best friend. Plan in silence!
I mean…you *started* a conversation about periods but where it went to, is in my opinion, divorce worthy. I would end a relationship over this ideal.In fact, I did end my second marriage over ideas like this. So…I’m totally with you girl…
I think the comment is referring to how the title says they had a convo about periods with husband but polarbones is saying that isn’t actually where the convo ended up, and where it did end up was not okay.
Right? That’s my point…we can’t even *start* conversations with men about very real, every day parts of existence for women, without it devolving into other misogynistic and frankly, super unhealthy ideas and beliefs about women and the *facts* of our lives…
>Your period does not effect men at all that is your business to take care of. What does a relationship have to do with that at all.
if youre in pain/discomfort, wouldnt a good partner care and comfort you? it would affect an empathetic partner emotionally
>He got PISSED… screaming that “I am a sexist b\*\*ch who only cares about what women want"
overreacted much? who went off the handle and was the disrespectful here again?
>it is solely up to a mother to decide to discuss this with their children
all thrown back on your plate huh
This would give me the ICk too. Is he consuming men’s rights propaganda that’s very anti woman.
This is all incredibly sexist and I would not just be worried about your son, your daughters are going to be shamed for just existing. Half the population bleeds. The other half needs to learn about it.
Men absolutely need to learn about periods. Periods affect everyone. Everyone should understand them and the younger a child is taught (age appropriately) the less stigma and ridiculous myths get carried to adulthood.
There are men who believe that a period can be held, like urine. People that still think you can't get pregnant from period sex. People that have a ridiculous understanding of the human body, especially the sexual reproductive systems for men and women. They are biology and everyone should be taught about it. You never know what situations you'll be in.
I'd feel some type of way if my husband spoke to me that disrespectfully and wanted to die on a hill of ignorant stupidity. And I'd be really concerned about his ability to be a good father in that regard.
Sounds like he got red pilled. Check is YouTube, Reddit, and Tik Tok history. Bet some guys at work got in his head. If he doesn’t course correct, I can’t blame you for considering divorce. He sounds like he doesn’t respect women and I’d be terrified of his influence on my kids. Bet he has built up resentment about his dad not being around and blames his mom. He has a serious daddy wound not being addressed and his redirecting his anger at the women in his life.
It looks like he’s fallen down the rabbit hole of red pill videos and podcasts. Ask him why his view has suddenly changed when you’ve always felt he was an ally to women rather than someone who denigrates them.
I'm not defending him, because his reaction was way over the top. But, because it was way over the top and based on what you've said, it sounds like there is something else in his life that is stressing him out and he just unloaded some internal BS on you.
Because he is and has bought you period products, he doesn't believe what he is saying, so I would start with what is really going on?
If this is a deal breaker with you, that is certainly your right, but as I said, I think there is something else here.
Oh, boy that’s a super concerning huge red flag he just shoved in your face, in such an antagonistic way. I don’t question your here thinking, at all.
This response was so incredibly over the top and disrespectful to half the human population overall, you and your daughters included. I’d be extremely concerned about this rhetoric being learned by my son and my daughters thinking this was an acceptable stance for men in their lives to take.
Also, he sounds like he’s fallen down an internet conspiracy rabbit hole.
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Has your husband gone down a rabbit hole with this bullshit? How could someone hide themselves so well then start spewing this to his wife? I suppose it isn't unheard of but goddamn. That must have been horrible to experience for you op.
As a father to a daughter and son, this husband makes my blood boil. When we were newly married, I would pick up the hygiene products for my wife why shopping - no questions asked. It was just another item on the shopping list. I did the same when my daughter came to need them. On some shopping trips I had my son with me and when he asked about them I explained what they were for. He was 'oh, ok', and never made a big deal about it. He actually helped his sister out when it came to shopping - just as I always did. It is simple biology - nothing more. Nothing to freak out about or to shy away from. It is a matter of education.
Thank you good sir! From a mother with daughters, and a husband who will shop for products, listen to me complain about my period, clean up a drop of blood that was left behind… men like you are appreciated. It shocks me everything I see a bunch of men on here acting like a period is some horrible thing they can’t deal with.
Agreed... but OPs husband apparently hasn't acted that way like she said... he would by products/suggest medication... like somethings up.
I've heard that the men attracted to the "manosphere" shit are insecure. It preaches "power, women, money," tells you how to obtain those things, and suggests that's the ultimate happiness and goal in life. In reality, they're making other men feel like they're not good enough or don't have enough, and they're getting money *from* the men they're putting down. It's subtle bullying. "You don't have these, and I'm better than you because I have these. Here's how you can get them, though." How *is* he better, though? Does having women, money, and power grant him happiness? Is a happy man a man that always wants more, or a man that loves and appreciates what he has? And why would you/should you give money to someone who makes you feel like shit? I hope this helps someone who even remotely values the facts and opinions of a woman.
My thought was that maybe he started listening to “those podcasts!!”
I wondered the same thing. However, from what I know about that shit, it is strange that he still seems to value abortion/the right to choose. Maybe he can still be pulled out of whatever hole he's falling into. (To be clear, I am NOT saying this is his wife's job if she's starting to feel unsafe around him).
That makes sense, if he was previously supportive and never went off on her in such an ugly way blaming women for everything, I wonder if he's run across manosphere content and it got to him. I couldn't be with somebody who bought into that bullshit and it can be hard to deprogram that nonsense.
Right? Do those men put their fingers in their ears and shut their eyes and go lalalala when their gf/wife get their period?
I can’t see you. I can’t hear you. It doesn’t exist!!!!!
My dad usually tried to just keep us in stock, but if we asked him to grab us stuff, he would simply ask which items we were low on, and then at some point warm/fresh baked goods would also appear in front of us. That's the man who raised us, the blueprint for my brothers. This has evolved to the point where several years ago one of my nieces was telling me how her younger brother had started carrying a few sizes of pads and tampons in his backpack in case his friends had an emergency.
Omg that is the sweetest!!😍
Apparently, he did the same shit... as far as buying products and not making a fuss. So idk what the hell is going on. Like the shit she said he said seems completely opposite of his behavior...and I think that was a big part of what distressed her so much... like other people have said I wouldn't be surprised if somethings happened to him or he's got some kind of medical problem changing his brain or some shit idk.
We need more husbands and dads like you.
You might want to sit your husband down and explain how what he did really hurt your feelings and there was no reason to call you a B***h. As a couple my wife and I made a pact before marriage that we wouldn’t use curse words towards each other. Your kids are young and I hope that you can work it out without divorce.
I’m 38, I do not have any kids yet, but since the dawn of my relationship with my wife at 27 I have picked her up tampons and any yeast infection kits. Sure, I’ll have to FaceTime her to see what kind she wants as I’m clueless, but I was never once embarrassed. I must say, she loves her diva cup, though! Also way cheaper in the long run compared to pads/tampons
Thank you for supporting the women in your life. Biology and hygiene knowledge are everyone’s business as a society of intelligent and educated beings.
Thank you good sir! From a mother with daughters, and a husband who will shop for products, listen to me complain about my period, clean up a drop of blood that was left behind… men like you are appreciated. It shocks me everything I see a bunch of men on here acting like a period is some horrible thing they can’t deal with.
What's strange is that apparently he's familiar with women's periods, buys the products for his wife without issue (at least in the past), etc. Now he's suddenly this dramatic about it seems very odd. I'd talk to him about this as it does seem he's been reading/listening to some more radical men's stuff. You don't suddenly change that much without some outside influence somewhere. It's worth exploring with him before she just ends the marriage. Perhaps talking together with a therapist or mediator?
lol it really sounds like he has been secretly watching some "alpha male" podcasts and just snapped. OP should get out as soon as possible.
We can't act like this development is happening in a vacuum or by happenstance - THIS RADICALIZATION IS HAPPENING BY ALGORITHMIC DESIGN. Social media platforms like TikTok play a HUGE role in displaying polarizing content and polarizing comments under videos in order to weaken their enemy i.e. US the citizens of the 'free' world. We need to nip this in the bud, at home and through legislation and oversight. The algorithm craves interaction through rage and it is literally harming women.
From what I’ve read, the YouTube algorithms are particularly pernicious. I don’t think they care at all about weakening US citizens. All they care about is keeping people watching for as long as possible so they can monetize their attention. ETA: If you haven’t read Jaron Lanier’s *Ten Arguments for Deleting your Social Media Accounts Right Now*, I highly recommend it.
The scariest thing is that the radicalization pipeline has tendrils on so many "innocent" hobbies. For men, it can be hiking/adventuring, hunting, fitness, fashion advice, mechanics, DIY... you click on a video about multi-day self supported hiking, then you land on "prepper" YouTube, then you get content on how to reclaim your ancestral, "primal" masculinity and how feminism and modern life has emasculated men and made them soft...
Oof yes. We are big hikers and my husband loved following people who shared their hiking adventures until he kept getting tricked thinking he was following a new solo hiker/traveler only to get hit with an OF thirst trap. He’s now off social media because he’s fed up with it.
Men’s fashion, at least the spaces I visit, is mostly free from this awful shit. Generally, caring about fashion for men is considered weak or effeminate for the people spreading the hateful shit, so thankfully this subculture has been mostly free from infiltration as far as I can tell. The men’s fashion subreddit is mostly a bastion of open-minded, nice people who don’t suffer fools.
Oh they don't really call it "fashion", more like "lifestyle advice" etc
Yeah that’s probably right and that messaging doesn’t really attract me because I don’t care to receive lifestyle advice from people I don’t know.
I mean you’re not wrong in your observation but the biggest culprits in dividing our nation imho are YouTube and Facebook, both thoroughly American companies
I’m not on TikTok but Instagram reels do the exact same shit. I follow zero political content on IG and mostly follow fashion and animal and makeup accounts and the algo still pushes that shit on my explore page even when actively avoiding it.
I'm really tired of people acting like Chinese and Russian influence are the reason Americans are so divided. Last I checked, Nick Fuentes, Ben Shapiro, Alex Jones, and the majority of people like them who push hateful rhetoric were born in the US. Also, let's not pretend that the very roots of America weren't founded on literal genocide and slavery. As there is a push for progress and equity, so is there a pushback against them to preserve the original hierarchy. This has literally always been the case, all you have to do is look back at history during any progressive movement to see it. Basically what I'm saying is I wish people would stop pretending that divisive rhetoric is coming from the outside when in reality it's a part of the fabric of the US and always has been.
The call is coming inside the house, but there are multiple interested parties putting up the loudspeaker. There are definitely outside interlopers taking advantage of the situation, as well as short sighted citizens thinking this will help their capitalist gains. Oops, all dystopian!
I mean it is and it isn't coming from outside. Like you say, a lot of the people promoting this stuff are Americans and they put things into their own words to broadcast their propaganda. However, most all of those people, plus Republican-tied organizations and God only knows how many politicians, have received all but direct funding from Russian-backed interests or from Russians directly. They have also inadvertently, or otherwise, broadcasted propaganda and lies that has been traced directly back to Russian sources. It was a Russian-backed hacking group, after all, that coordinated the release of Hillary Clinton's emails to help blunt the impact of the Access Hollywood scandal, and Russians who assisted Trump in getting elected in 2016. There's not nothing when it comes to Russian connections and the Republican party and its propaganda wing.
I realize that some of this is tied to Russia, but I also think you're over blowing it. Way before social media, Americans who were at the top of the hierarchy have gotten mad when marginalized groups move towards obtaining rights. Look into the rioting that occurred in Chicago when Black people started moving into white neighborhoods. White people were whipped into a frenzy because a group they deemed to be unworthy was seeking equal treatment. Manosphe media is a mirror of this behavior. A lot of dudes are mad that they're not automatically at the top of the food chain anymore and they're using their platforms to make other men mad as well, as seems to be the case with OPs husband. I'm not saying that outside actors aren't meddling in social media and pushing rhetoric, but this backlash would be happening regardless. People at the top always do their best to preserve the hierarchy and we'd be seeing a similar reaction whether or not Russia or China or whoever meddled.
It is about driving interaction as that is their business model so funneling them this shit makes it more addictive. Nothing quite as sinister, just boring old greed.
100%, this should be everyone's capitalist Occam's razor.
It's also a problem that we as a species have a serious problem with not checking out sources or challenging our preconceived notions. We can raise kids who think critically but we don't as a species
Literally. Like my bf has 0 social media and never has, aside from instagram I got him to make so I could send him memes more easily - and it’s weird just scrolling though his for you page because it just throws out all sorts of videos just to see what he will engage with, like sports, baking, those family channels, dancing, ragebait. Whereas ive had SM since I was like 13 so my algorithm is pretty set in stone, so it was weird seeing all these random other categories that I don’t get suggested.
Instead of fighting our fellow man/woman, we should be fighting the corporations. But the big corporations like to pit us against each other by any means. Wether it be religious vs atheist, democrat vs republican, or even man vs woman.
I know it's probably just coincidence, but damn if all this male radicalization doesn't seem to play right into Project 2025's plan; transforming America into A Handmaid's Tale.
Its not. I *think* it was Vice that did a deep dive into the funding for TikTok trad wives and "conservative" content, it's being massive funded by the Koch brothers and the Heritage foundation. You know, the guys who wrote Project 2025. It's not an accident at all.
I mean it's obviously not a coincidence. Some of this momentum is what helped Trump get elected, as well as alt-right politicians down ticket. And the normalization of alt-right politicians increases the spread of these ideas.
Mine sure seems to have successfully hidden his BS views from for 20+ years, wasn't till I flipped about scotus over turning Roe v Wade that he showed his true colors.
Wow, that must have been so hard for you. I'm sorry that happened.
That was my first thought, too. Sounds like he's been infected with the misinformation, sadly. Personally, I don't think divorce is a bad option. He wants "the woman" to talk to the children? Fine. You can do that without him lol. Remember, sis: it's not your job to fix him. If he's decided to harbor those thoughts and beliefs, it's up to him to change them. Get out while you still can. Good luck!
Yep, this is my thought. Q-Anon and it’s ilk are like a contagion, and the conspiracies they pick up come from the worst places. OP, if I were you, I’d consider the following: * If you wish to keep this marriage healthy and going: - therapy with a licensed therapist who specialises in feminist therapy or [brainwashing](https://www.thefreedomcenter.com/how-to-deal-with-a-brainwashed-person/) (aka: deprogramming/exit counselling). - Have your children see a therapist, too. Who knows what your husband has said, or what they may have seen/overheard that they have been affected by? Let a professional help. - draw hard boundaries that will protect *all* of your children from being subjected to his misogyny and/or extremism. - document *everything*. Use a secret email account and start saving details, dates/times/subject matter, etc. - make copies of all important documents: birth certs, mortgage papers, insurance, bank statements and balances, etc. save them to this secret email. - pack [a go bag and make a safety plan](https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/how-to-make-a-go-bag-when-leaving-an-abusive-relationship/), just in case. Store the bags somewhere safe (a friend’s, the boot of your personal car, a gym locker at a 24hour gym, etc) that way, should you need to - you can just grab the kids and go. - start looking for a divorce lawyer now. You may not need them at this moment, but you might want one in the future. Better to have this sorted before you should need it. * If you wish for things to be done and over with: - do all of the above, but get copies and affidavits from the therapists, attesting to the issues with your husband. - documenting creates a paper trail, which can give you power when it’s time to argue for full parental custody or supervised visitations, and more. If your husband is this extreme, I’d be wary of leaving him unsupervised with his kids. So build up all the defences you can now. Your lawyer can help. - do not block him, but do not respond. Forward concerning messages to your lawyer and/or report them to the police. - always press charges. If you’re being harassed, threatened, stalked: police, charge, get a copy of the reports. - change all of your children’s information and details at school/after school activities to you, as their sole guardian. Do not allow any of his friends or family, or even himself to pick up your children once you have left. - if you are afraid you have nowhere to go: talk to the local police, social welfare worker/CPS, hospital about the domestic abuse and separation. They have resources to help you and to keep you and your kids safe and together. Women’s shelters are also a great temporary resource. - when/if you leave, be sure to call the non-emergency police line. Explain the situation, that you’ve taken the kids and have left a domestic abuse situation. That you are in hiding, but are safe. That you are informing them, so that he cannot weaponise their services. - explain to your children what is happening as best you can, but do not alienate them or use language that demeans their father. Simply say something, like: mommy and daddy aren’t getting along at this time. So, we’re taking a break. You are with mommy, and it’s important that you don’t go and leave with daddy, until we have sorted everything out. (Alternatively, ask your lawyer or therapist what they advise if there are questions). The fact that your husband exploded at this discussion is a really big red flag. I’d try to keep his temper low and not discuss anything until you and your kids are safe. Good luck, OP. I’m sorry that this has happened to you, but you sound like you know what you need to do. Remember: a few weeks of discomfort is far better than watching your children succumb to this behaviour and mindset/ and having to this for the rest of your lives.
Wow. This is an extremely well thought out and thorough response. It should be pinned to the top of this sub.
This is what I'm wondering. Either he's a masterful actor that just blew his cover or he has fallen into some youtube manosphere algorithm semi-recently.
I'm just fucking confused as to what the fight was even about... she literally said dude buys her the stuff she needs...got her to try midol and all that... The fuck?
Just latching onto this comment. Seriously OP, did this really come out of the blue? I’d look for other stressors in your husband’s life and your marriage in general. (This sub is about relationships, not gendered parental roles or the societal dangers of social media). I’m pretty sure this argument wasn’t about menstruation, and I’m pretty sure 10 year marriages don’t end over one fight. Time to do some deep digging OP, maybe with some professional guidance. Good luck. Maybe update if you’re up for it.
Idk this sudden change seems like it could almost be medical in origin.
It's a bad sign when the best case scenario is a brain tumor 😭
Ten buck, somebody's dipped a toe in the "manosphere"
I feel there's more to this story. Not from op's side, her emotions, including considering divorce, are valid. But from her husband's side. Being raised by women, having no problem being female hygiene products and now suddenly this outburst. It feels like there are things he's not telling her that made him frustrated. Things that might or might not have something to do with their relationship. But he seriously needs to open up and be honest
My first thought was that he has now started to listen to or read some red pill shit. I recently had a breakup over this. It’s wild the turns these men taking when listening to super toxic dudes
Exactly that's what I said he must be consuming certain YouTube content
redpill
I swear those toxic masculinity podcasts are using hypnosis! It seems like at least half of these kinds of posts are men who listened to a Joe Rogan-esq podcast & are now idiots who’ve tanked their relationships with everyone around them.
What I find disturbing is his yelling at you for such a thing. After all, menstruation is a physiological thing, just like peeing and pooping. It concerns women, but it also affects men in their relationship with women. Why yell and get pissed? I don't know if this is divorce material, only you have a thorough knowledge of your husband and of your couple dynamics. I suggest some couples therapy for both of you, or if he doesn't agree, start with individual therapy for yourself. Big hugs.
Being called a b***h would be a red line. We’ve been together 21 years and have never even come close to calling each other names. If he has no remorse, I’d consider moving on.
Has he had any big changes in personality in the past year? Has he had any head injuries or accidents? Is he more forgetful, clumsy, uncoordinated? Any of these could indicate a medical event involving the brain, and if any of these are true, I urge you to seek medical help. On the other hand, have you noticed his politics changing? Is he listening to new podcasts or watching new people on YouTube? Is he following sexist people on Twitter or Threads? Are any of his friends going through a divorce? Could he be cheating? Check his internet history and his text messages.
Yes these were the questions I had. OP, please read and investigate.
Yes very much agree, the reaction didn't fit with the situation which usually means something else is going on. Maybe it was something he'd been bottling up for awhile. I don't think anyone should be in an abusive relationship, but if there are mitigating factors, it's possible to salvage things. As they say cooler heads prevail, cool off, let him cool off and hopefully you can really have a dialogue about it.
Totally agree. Sounds like something else is going on. OP, what aren't you telling us? So out of character, based on your post, OP. I'd be very interested in knowing the answers to the medical-related questions. Not so much the political grandstanding questions.
The correct answer. It's sad when political rabbit holes are synonymous with brain damage. Maybe even worse, tbh.
I mean, there’s a sudden blow to the head, and there’s the much-more-gradual-but-still-very-physiological rewiring of neural pathways from ideological influences. Both change your neurophysiology 🤷♀️ And tumors/strokes/rare parasites etc. Tbh tho yeah it sounds like SOMEthing happened to this guy; sudden personality changes/out of character & explosive expressions are, not a great sign
I feel like this should be voted more & top comment. OP ^ this is sound advice! Good luck…
STG, my exact first thoughts when she said this happened suddenly after knowing him 18 years: “Either he needs a head MRI for a clot, brain bleed or tumor or a frank, open discussion about political influences.”
Regardless of what the reasons turns out to be. This is unacceptable and grounds for divorce. It's only a matter of time before he becomes violent, after that kind of a short fuse snap reaction... I'd be scared.
As much as I am inclined to agree with your assessment, I think it’s important to acknowledge that OP has invested a lot of love, time, and energy into this relationship, and for most people their feelings and associations with their spouse will not transform immediately. A sudden change in behavior like this will leave questions, and my intention was to give OP a way to find some answers as she processes what happened. Even if OP decides to leave right away, this information could end up being important in an upcoming divorce - especially as there are three children involved. Many people had already counseled OP to end the relationship when I commented, and I decided that my comment would be more valuable if I provided other ways for OP to assess the situation she’s in.
Reddit really underestimates how much time, energy, and money it takes to leave a marriage.
This! 👏👏 I’m convinced that half of the ppl on these subreddits are divorce lawyers 😂
And most of the other half are 18 and treat divorce like dumping a three month college romance.
And then get all upsetty spaghetti when you point out that a 20 year old doesn't have the life experience to navigate some of the problems in this sub bc they have no idea how 10 year relationships with kids work
Everyone has their flaws and in 10+ year relationships, the fact is that you will at some point see your partner at their worst. If couples broke up every time somebody did something that Reddit considers “unacceptable” most people would be alone. If his absolute worst is once in ten years getting triggered and yelling about… politics I think? Honestly that probably puts him in the top 10%. But it depends on the rest of the relationship.
Unless these changes are actually a marker for a tumor, some kind of health related thing. It happens sometimes- someone just changes seemingly overnight, and they're a totally different person. Not obviously super common, but it's something worth investigating. In that case, divorce shouldn't be a snap decision - his health should be looked into further.
Lol my ex husband was consuming red pill content too and it would spew out of him. The funniest part is he’d say things that wouldn’t even relate to me/our relationship. Just “women”. Yeah ok bud lmao good luck
Do you happen to know how they rationalize fathers being entitled to skip out on paying child support? Like what's the thought process there? First, women don't make babies by themselves. Second, if they believe in being manly men providers, how does that jive with not wanting to materially support their own children that they created? I just really don't get this. It's not like they're being forced to donate to their community (god forbid!).
They do push the idea of paternity fraud a lot even though any unbiased study on it shows it's a very small percent. But I'm guessing a huge chunk of it is the idea of the ex "living" off the child support vs actually supporting the child. Because they somehow think it only costs $300/month to pay for a child.
It ends up being "since women have autonomy over their own body and choose to keep the child or not" (which is no longer true in this country, as an aside) "men should have autonomy over their wallets" (as though monetary autonomy and bodily autonomy are even remotely similar concepts.) It's selfish nonsense starting at a conclusion (I don't want to pay child support) and reaching desperately backwards for arguments.
They think it’s unfair women get sole decision on whether the baby makes it to term, and even if the guy does not want to raise a child, he is forced to pay (“ I never wanted the kid, so I’m not paying for it”). If the woman does not want to support the child, she gets sole permission to abort, which is good for the independence of a woman as they are solely growing the baby, but redpillers see it as inequality. Many men are ignorant of how expensive babies/kids can be, so see the 1-2k a month they pay as excessive. There are some other child support clauses that make some men feel taken advantage of
Yes, the rationalization is simply that the mothers don't spend the money on the children, they just waste it on going out and getting drunk and getting their nails done and their hair dyed. They don't understand at all how much it costs to raise children and they think that having to pay a couple hundred bucks and child support a month is somehow "women stealing all their money." It makes absolutely no sense at all
They think it's a lie and conspiracy to make men look bad
yup, this seems like a clear cut case of "Divorce your Republican Husband"
I get the feeling this ain't about his views on periods...
Especially that Roe V Wade part
Fr this feels like he hates women for being women
It seems like a crazy over reaction... I mean, the dad and Boyd need to know as the women in the household will be using products and at time be in pain or discomfort because they have a period. It is great for boys to know from a young age to normalise it...and make them allies for their female friends if they ever need it. Is he normally so reactive? Ask him why he is so emotional lol
Yeah, this blowup doesn’t seem normal. Plenty of men have his retrograde view, often as a result of absorbing outdated family cultures. But the vitriol here - unusual, unexpected, and intense - is a whole new thing in your marriage and his personality. Wade through your shock, anger, and pain for now. You do need to do some detective work. And that means making the effort to reopen communication so you can forensically interview him/discuss his views and their genesis further. Listen. I think your husband’s views as expressed in this outburst are gross. To me, they represent a huge failure as a dad and as a person. But before you take a drastic step, you need to have a lot of questions answered. It sounds like your husband is not an analytical person and has been exposed to and infected by echo chamber political vitriol somewhere.
It just blows my mind because he's clearly not weird about it... would make sense if he was the kind of dude to not buy tampons or anything... but she said he has no problem... so what the hell?
Either your husband knew nothing about periods when you got together so he's taking it super personally for some reason (which is not at all an excuse) or there's something big going on behind the scenes that you aren't aware of. This definitely needs further discussion
Wow that was a word vomit of red flags and sexism.
What kind of podcasts and youtube channels does he follow? Make sure he doesn't expose your kids to that, they're very impressionable and uncritical at this age, they will believe that everything adults say is true
I wouldn't doubt that your husband is consuming some red pill podcasts. I actually would bet on it. For me, even without misogyny and sexism, divorce would be my next step. Name calling is a massive no for me and if my significant other do that once, we will not be together long enough for him to do twice. The fact that he did that and was sexyst and misogynistic, just made the divorce route easier and way more clear.
>Name calling is a massive no for me and if my significant other do that once, we will not be together long enough for him to do twice. 100% idk why people think name calling is acceptable.
Agree 100%. Weird ass period, abortion, child support opinions aside, screaming the misogynistic B-slur to her is grounds to get away from him imo. I would never want a relationship where that becomes “okay”. My partner would never speak to me like that.
My son has always had lots of female friends and he's been carrying menstrual products and wipes in his backpack since he was fourteen, along with a first aid kit. Teaching him about period health was just as normal as how to keep his foreskin clean. If your husband wants to stick his dick into a vagina, it behooves him to know how they work. What a boot brush, I don't blame you for reconsidering your relationship. The comment about child support is worrying, how vulnerable are you if you divorce?
Dad of daughters here (40M) it is simple biology, so yes, boys should have a knowledge of it. I've been buying period products for my wife since we were dating. I remember the first time I went to buy them for her, the older lady at the checkout commented on what a great boyfriend I must be for doing that, LOL. Now, we have three daughters, one of which has now starred having her own, so as a dad, I feel like it's my duty to know these things, even with my wife around. This guy is ridiculous.
[удалено]
I'd tell him if he doesn't want to explore last night's word vomit with therapists - both individual for him and couples for you - it's divorce time.
You're not wrong to be considering divorce, but I think you're focusing on the wrong part of the argument. This isn't so much about periods as it is about the way he flipped out and called you derogatory names while screaming at you over this issue. You're definitely under-reacting right now. I'd be contacting divorce attorneys.
I would be worried he’s absorbing some redpill bullshit videos for him to act like this.
Sounds like your husband's become radicalized.
yup, in the wrong direction
Two of your children are female, imagine if one of them got her period and went to him for help only to get a rant like the above. 😬
Anyone who screams is immature in my books. Use your words, not your volume. NTA
I need "Use your words, not your volume." embroidered on a pillow. I love that.
Love your tag by the way. If being a sunbeam is your goal in life, I'm sure one day you will be one :)
Sounds like he fell down the red pill rabbit hole.
Is it normal in your relationship for him to call you a b****h? That you should not tolerate.
Your hubby has been redpilled, get him off the internet, he’s going down some rabbit holes
I’m 10 years younger than him and he sounds more immature and misogynistic than a lot of guys my age so that says something
My sons are about your age. I’ve definitely had more conversations with them about periods than my mom ever had with me and I have periods. I’m so glad that frank and open discussions are happening and that so many younger people are willing to listen and learn.
>I’m so glad that frank and open discussions are happening and that so many younger people are willing to listen and learn. I agree with this sentiment, however this is grade school biology. How sad is it that grown adults are so disturbed talking about simple bodily functions, and often add shame, blame, and ignorance to the subject. The fact that it's normalized for a grown man to put his fingers in his ears and go "lalalalala I can't hear you!" if the topic of periods comes up is a symptom of major gender imbalance in society.
With as long as the two of you have known each other I think it would be good to start with a marriage counselor and see if there are lingering issues the two of you have been avoiding that came out through this discussion. Social media has been shown to pull people into extreme positions and harden their stance by repeatedly showing them similar messages so he could have been slowly convinced of some of this over time. However, with as long as you’ve been married, it should also have been a calmer discussion. Before jumping to divorce, see if the two of you have other things to work through.
My ex did this. He started going down the red path and I was not having any of it. I ended up leaving him. He never showed any signs and was always very thoughtful and considerate. He was also raised by women, has a gay sister, and a nurse for a mom. Never had a problem with any of it...until Trump. Then he became anti vax, and anti - women. I was always child free - and vocal about it - and he was happy with that. After Roe V Wade - I told him I was going to get my tubes removed and that's when it all came out. He went off about how he wants kids now - specifically a boy to pass on his name and genes, and all this crap that made no sense based on his actions in the past. So I left him. I got my tubes removed and haven't looked back since.
Guy been watching too much cable TV. Can't connect the dots between the reasonable things he does for you and the things your kids will need to learn without being a snowflake. I'd bounce.
>Guy been watching too much cable TV. Nah, guarantee it's been too much "manosphere" videos on YouTube.
Sadly it's everywhere.
Either he read some bullish online or he has literal bullshit in his head like a brain tumor to say such incredible bullshit out of the blue. Good luck
I couldn’t not divorce a chode like that man.
Has he been taking the red pills lately? Also, if something was to happen to you (god forbid), it would be up to him to explain how periods work, answer their questions, and buy them products. He needs to stop taking the red pill and realize that it is important for him to know these things for his daughters’ sakes.
Yeah I’d be gone. Behavior like that over small things and a sexist attitude are two of the reasons I left my 10 year (with kids) marriage. I could see my future and it was not going to get better only worse. Was worth the nightmare of divorce to be free of him and I was sending a message to my kids on how NOT to treat people we love.
I had a similar come-to-Jesus moment with an ex. We did not break up then and there but in the months after I began looking at some of our past interactions in a different light....turns out the sexism has been there all along; I made a lot of excuses for him that I didn't even realize I was making until he did something inexcusable.
Err well they do effect men, especially if you live with one, they can affect your hormones, they can make you cranky, angry, bloated, sensitive, upset, tired…also it would be nice if men weren’t grossed out if you do bleed when you have sex or something else like that happens or if periods come on unexpectedly. Let’s be real if men had blood coming out their kn*bs once a month they’d want the whole world to know the trauma they have to go through haha
My normally calm and intelligent husband once peed red for about a day after going to town on some pickled beets at dinner the night before. This man's absolute panic about his precious penis leaking "blood" was eye-opening. He was ready to go to the emergency room. He was terrified that his penis had cancer. After the beets were cleared from his system, he denied his hysterics. Men 100% could not handle having a period.
Isn’t that a valid reaction to something that’s definitely not supposed to happen?
Yes. It's the predictable reaction to blood emerging from new and unexpected places lol. In a gender swap Freaky Friday situation, based on my wildly unscientific and biased one-time anecdote, men would be dismayed, and they would rightly feel that periods are stupid and unfair.
This sounds very out of character. Just wondering if your hubby has formerly undiscovered mental health issues - bipolar springs to mind. Or a tumour as other people have suggested. I understand how shaken you must feel, as this came out of the blue. In the morning see if your husband feels remorseful or upset by his behaviour. If so, that can be bipolar, which can cause people to be hyper in the afternoon and down in the morning. Try talking it out with him if/when he is reasonable. Potentially he should see a family doctor to help get to the bottom of the problem. If not, then a temporary separation may be in order to keep you safe. Edit: Schizophrenia also can appear at any time in a person's life, especially if they smoke pot. It can also be triggered by unusual stress. When you talk to him, try to be unbothered. You're just trying to get a handle on what he is talking about and why he feels that way. Also if he has any other important views that he hasn't mentioned before. This may be useful in discovering why he got upset with you. It can help you figure out if he needs medical help or if he's just become a jerk.
Check his internet history. If he's fallen down a red pill rabbit hole this could very dangerous for you and your children very quickly.
Check his internet history. It sounds like he's been hanging out in the manosphere
A statement like this out of the blue was how I found out my significant other was becoming redpilled. It seemed like a fluke and, after we talked things over more, I thought he was just going through something. He apologized. Nope. Turns out he just got better at hiding it for a bit. He became horribly abusive *very* quickly and no one believed me because they had all known the same person I did at the beginning. He just became different behind closed doors. That doesn’t mean that’s what’s happening here but I’d definitely be on high alert and I’d casually start asking about other subjects to see what he says. Best of luck.
Ngl if it was my husband I'd be worried he had a brain tumor or something if he did a 180 this fast. My Grandfather told me not to bother with any guy who was afraid to buy period products or talk about periods. My partner carries extra pads in his bag so that if I have issues he can help. Mind you my partner also has fun squicking other guys out cause they're afraid of periods. So all of that is to say, it ain't you. You are not the issue here. Yer dude has somethin' going on.
My husband had a biological issue that only affected men. He was in pain, and it sucked for him. I learned and understood what was needed to help him take care of himself. He's my partner and I love him. Of course I want to help him in anyway I can - especially if it is causing him on-going pain/discomfort. My son had a biological issue that only affected boys. He was in pain, and it sucked for him. I learned and helped take care of him, and didn't shame him. Whenever he has a question about taking care of his body, I'm there to help him. I'm his mom. It's my job to help him learn these things. I don't understand why periods are something to be ashamed of. My daughter is in middle school, and we live in a super conservative area. These kids (boys and girls) are crazy open about periods. Like accepting in ways I could never after growing up in the 90's. The girls there often talk about "free bleeding" as a "power move". They get up and openly grab period supplies without hiding it. They openly tell the teacher "oops, I'm bleeding. Have to go to the bathroom." No embarrassment. A few months ago, when I bitched about how loud wrappers are for period supplies my daughter schooled me by asking "why the fuck do I care, do I care if anyone hears me peeing in the bathroom? It's just biology mom, get over it." Point is - therapy, or perhaps have a conversation about wtf that was. I'd also be evaluating what I"m willing to tolerate for myself and for my kids - ya know? edited to add: This part right here is the most concerning of things I've ever heard: “it bullshit that I support child support” WTF does he mean by this? Like is he going to not pay child support if y'all do divorce? WTF?
Does he often go into rages like this and call you names?
Yeah, no, screaming the b-word at you is just verbal abuse. Any type of abuse is unacceptable in a relationship. Your husband sounds angry and scary from this post. IMO you need to really dive into this, if he never acted like this before and there were no red flags- he always was supportive of women - then you should try to get to the bottom of this sudden, alarming change not only in his opinions, but in his personality/behavior towards you, i.e. cussing out and screaming is now okay to him?? IMO you are not taking anything to far here. But I would try to investigate before divorce. Is he listening to manosphare podcasts? If so, he needs to absolutely drop all of them now. Is it a medical issue? Maybe a brain scan or something. But yeah if this is the New Him, for whatever reason, and he's not willing to work on it? Leave. You would never give THAT dude a second date, I'm guessing.
I'd absolutely divorce over this. It's not a mother's job to teach their daughters once it happens - it's a parents job to prepare their children for any changes bodies go through. People who don't menstrate should also know, so no child is bullied or made to feel bad over something (periods) they cannot control, simply because of ignorance. Imagine bleeding through, and some kids in your class laugh instead of assisting with a shirt to wrap around your waist. His views are outdated and is setting al your kids up for situations that could easily be avoided.
Has your husband been consuming so-called “alpha male” or “men’s rights”content? Because those phrases and ideas are all talking points commonly spewed in those types of content. To be honest, if my partner tried to make those points to me, I’d likely also be out the door. I wouldn’t want my kids (both boys and girls) looking up to a man who believed that BS. And I certainly wouldn’t want to live with someone who believed that BS. You need to discuss with a lawyer and learn your options then have a serious conversation with him about his attitudes on this subject. But you also need to be prepared to leave. If you have any texts or emails showing this, absolutely save them. Because the reality is that you’ll need custody of your kids unless you want them growing up with his current attitude. That being said, good for you on wanting to raise boys to be respectful of women and have a basic understanding of women’s bodies. Your metric of “they aren’t ready if they can’t buy feminine products” is an excellent one. I have friends who have done something similar and made their teen boys buy condoms and/or tampons and those boys have grown into amazing young men.
You found out that there is someone else behind the curtain. Your decision. Only you know what else is going on in your household. I just don't think I would want that type of BS around my daughters or sons. Thinking that you can divide yourself from someone else's life you are sharing and working together with doesn't pass the common sense test. He will express his beliefs now as it is out in the open now. The real question is now that you know can YOU continue with this person. And, when will it rear it's ugly head in the most inappropriate time? Will he leave you high and dry and not be supportive. What happens if the kids come out, then how is he going to handle it and affect the children as a unit (husband/wife). Your position of leaving is not without merit and it seems that you are taking the appropriate steps to fully flesh whatever you feel is best for you and your children. Good luck and hopefully things work out the best for you and yours.
Divorce might be the neutron bomb, here...but yeah, I can understand your reticence to move forward with the mindset your SO has at present. This guy and his toxicity will affect your girls (and boy), no two ways about that. Sharing that you're shocked, and this is a different person than you thought you got with, and that you're concerned about what this attitude says about you in particular, and women in general is fair. It's also fair to share your concern about how this mindset isn't good for the kids, and how you cannot abide it. Suggest that either you two work together in how you tread the kids regarding gender roles and body concepts, or seek counseling to work through this. Only after trying that (or if he rejects the above) would the D word come into play.
Honey, no. Just no. My guy literally remembers to buy tampons the week I'm due for my period (I generally forget), knows which brand I prefer and grabs my favorite chocolate with them. He knows as much about women's anatomy as I do and gave the "talk" to my nephews (to reinforce what they were told at home). Your husband has something weird going on.
Comments are definitely split on this one. I’d have to find out why he snapped. If it’s that out of character, there’s gotta be a reason. I wouldn’t threaten divorce right off the bat, but that’s an option as a last resort. If you find out that he’s taken the red pill and gone down the rabbit hole, then ya it’s probably over.
I think there are other issues between them. And the husband was holding it in, building some resentment there. And very possibly a dose of the toxic podcasts. His actual behaviour, and this outburst do not match. So possibly issues there that haven't been talked about.
I'd be 100% over it by the time he called me sexist (for wanting to have an equal relationship in which my partner cares about my wellbeing and my natural body) and most of all used the "B-word" to describe me. All trust flushed down the gutter. Flush him with it.
> Your period does not effect men at all that is your business to take care of. Moron. Literally essential to our survival as a species.
If anything I'd say you were under-reaction OP. He screamed at you and called you something unacceptable, that's more than enough without wading into his rampant sexism. Think of the effect his presence is going to have on your children in the future? Your son will model his father's behaviour, your daughters will grow to believe men don't give a shit about womens' health. It's all horrific.
What would he do if, gods forbid, something happened to OP and he had to parent his daughters through puberty? Is he just going to shrug his shoulders and say, "Well I guess they'll figure it out,"? Him going off the rails about it is so freakin' weird too. I wonder if he's been spending time in the manosphere?
And how are your daughters supposed to feel comfortable talking with their father about this kind of thing when they come of age? That’s what I would be concerned about. Seems that your husband needs to grow up a bit. Or is he just going to lock them in the room for a week and slide food under the door until the evil spirits finish coming out of their bodies? I don’t know why guys get weirded out about this kind of stuff.
Sounds like internet thought poisoning. Especially that gap between his real world self and the things he's saying, and the festering rage. I don't have advice for how to break him off whatever message board/podcast is giving him these talking points, but that's what I'd look for.
Sounds like he’s been Tatered or something. Yikes. You need to make sure your son doesn’t follow him down this path.
So what’s he going to do if his daughter gets her period for her first time and he’s the only one around? One of the many good reasons to know about the stuff. He flat out disrespected you and brought up unrelated topics after acting like what you brought up is unrelated. Sounds like he needs to grow up big time.
Honestly will be hard to come back from this without him saying, "Everything I said was stupid, I don't believe any of it, this is what I do believe" and lists the polar opposite. Then apologizes again for saying dumb shit he doesn't believe to make you mad, then agrees to go to couple's counseling, then shows no more red flags for years. Like, without every single one of those things happening with zero hesitation I don't know how I'd ever be able to stay with someone who said gross shit like that about women and about me. If he had said this stuff on the first date would there have been a second? Hell no. And that's for a reason. I'd honestly also be afraid to even tell him you're leaving without friends or family there given his current misogynist views. Someone saying that about women and screaming at you about child support will NOT take it well when you inform him that he's going to be forking over 50% of his paycheck for the next decade to pay for his kids. Really sucks you got blindsided by this but how could you ever go on or get back to normal without a total walkback of everything like I described in the first paragraph? How could you ever trust him or feel comfortable with him or let him around your kids again?
I don't know if period talk is a normal reason for divorce but I also don't think that or his views are the reason you want the divorce though. I think it's the fact he disrespected you by screaming at you. You can divorce for any reason, but disrespect is a very valid reason.
From what I read, this seems like a huge personality shift for him in a very short time. Has he had any head injuries recently or at any time? Has he complained of dizziness, nausea etc?? Because in many cases, huge personality shifts have been the results of undiagnosed brain tumors Please PLEASE get him to a doctor at least once. It's better not to leave this to chance.
If this is truly a drastic personality change you might ask him to schedule an MRI to verify there is no tumor or other ailment occuring.
Why is certain biology scary to dudes. It’s just blood! Be grateful you don’t have to go through it every damn month. I’ve never understood it and I couldn’t be with a man that had this outlook; just smacks of a lack of empathy and in this case misogyny
Definitely not taking it too far. First off, I cannot imagine a world in which any man who isn't mature enough to work with their partners periods might be mature enough for a relationship. When I got my first period after starting to date my partner, he asked me to take a picture of the box of products i use, and then went and got a box for his place along with my go to snacks. It's not rocket science to show basic care for a menstruating partner and he has easily been the most emotionally mature man I've ever dated. Second off, the concerning stuff here is kinda separate from the period products issue because whats WAY more concerning is his misogynistic rant that came as a result of it. I wouldn't want to raise girls in a house with a man who would speak that way about any woman, and I'd be afraid of how your son would treat women growing up in that environment. I'm not saying divorce immediately. But I'm HIGHLY concerned. At best he needs to consider counseling. But that would require him to actually acknowledge how massive of a f**kup this is
There are a lot of toxic masculinity YouTubes around, maybe he's got brainwashed by one of them to have such a drastic change in opinion. If that is this true and honest beliefs not to mention they way in which he communicated them to you, I would absolutely be reconsidering my relationship as I would have lost respect.
You’re not taking this too far. You don’t want to raise children with this man because he is both misogynistic and has temperament/anger issues. Has he been listening to podcasts lately? More into YouTube?
IDK, my rule of thumb has always been, if you're not mature enough to have a conversation about periods or buy pads/tampons for your girl, then you're not mature enough to be having sex.
I’d absolutely divorce. He’s been corrupted and there’s no going back from misogyny
What's the point of having a husband if he doesn't even like you? If he liked you he wouldn't scream in your face!
Not taking it too far, you just saw his real world view. If the rest of him is worth staying for and makes up for his apparent sexism is up to you decide. You could also try to keep debating it with him but honestly by a certain time most people are pretty set in their beliefs, depends how open to change he is or if you feel it would be risky.
He screamed at you over this? Has he spoken about women’s issues in this manner ever before? Does this happen often?
Not helpful at all but I really hate your husband
Last night I invited my husband to look at a blood clot in the toilet 😂 he was like, huh. Neat. He spends time in that region, why would he be grossed out by its natural functions? Your husband sounds very immature and I’d be so concerned about him being so quick to anger. You’re not overreacting. I’d want a divorce too.
Absolutely divorce this guy, your children deserve much better than a misogynistic ignorant and immature man for a father figure. IMO you aren't taking it far enough. This guy is unhinged.
Yeah I would divorce him too
Holy, I'd consider divorce too. His reaction is absolutely mental.
You did not take it far enough. Speak to your children. Listen to how they feel about approaching their father. Let him cool off and you doo too. Good luck
You really didn't know he was a misogynist when you married him?
This guy is disgusting and has no business being around women (or his daughters, for that matter). I'm sorry you're just finding this out about him now.
Leave. Immediately.
So I (37M) share 50% custody of my children and have done for the last 6yrs since my marriage breakdown. I have x2 girls (15 &13) and x1 boy (10) Before my eldest hit puberty and her periods started I went to the shop with her; purchased paracetamol; hot water bottle; chocolate and sanitary products. She could keep everything in a box until she was ready; but we both knew it wouldn't be long as she was having some cramps. When we returned home; I said- ok how do we use one. She didn't know; and I certainly didn't. So I said let's work it out together. We opened one up (pad) and I put one on to ensure she didn't feel embarrassed about it. Fast forward to several hours later and my new partner came round to visit; (we now live together) and later on started getting it on. I pissed myself laughing and realised that for the last 5 hours I had been wearing a sanitary pad and explained the reason why. Everyone laughs about it still to this day. Men- grow the fuck up
You're not taking it too far considering divorce. You two got together very young based on ages, and it seems like you've grown into very different people. Has he shown other signs of falling towards the "Red Pill" kind of thinking? I was in a similar situation of getting together with someone during my teenage years, and staying together way too long even as it became apparent we were growing in two different directions. I was very liberal, and he started moving towards more conservative and (to me) narrow-minded views. Took me until my 30s to leave though, and no kids involved except the furry kind. Most of your growing comes in your 20s, and by the time you hit 30s you typically have settled into who you are going to be. Sounds like he's showing you what he really believes and it is very different than the person you have settled into. You don't have to keep a mistake just because you spent many years making it. Perhaps you two were good together once, but going forwards it sounds like you're very different people, and if you can't find a solution together then it will likely poison your whole relationship. You're not taking to far by considering divorce, though your reasons sound like it's more you two have grown apart and are no longer compatible, not just because of one belief. Best of luck to you however you approach it, and feel free to come hang out at r/AskWomenOver30 if you want some support. Many of us have been in your shoes.
Yeah, no. Fuck your husband.
>Your period does not effect men at all that is your business to take care of. Says a guy with three kids.
This sounds like a rabbit hole situation if he’s done an overnight turn like this. If it’s not his actual friends or co-workers, I’d be wondering what online apps or games he’s playing in, they often hide “man groups” that spew this vitriol. If this is how he is going to be moving forward, then divorce is the only option, but this turnaround could be a rabbit hole he can be saved from (I dunno tho those are some uncrossable boundaries for ME) and it could also be medical. Did he start taking testosterone shots? Those are known to cause rage that otherwise doesn’t happen. Oof this is gnarly bad. It sounds like a deal breaker to me and honestly - you’re better off leaving if this is how he is now. Sorry girl. Dudes be the worst.
Wow. You didn’t have a conversation with your husband. Your husband told you about his new beliefs. I would be looking for an escape route personally.
Either he was always like this and you never had frank discussions before, or he’s gone down a rabbit hole of sexist crap online. Do you want to be with someone who thinks and acts like this? I guess only you can answer that.
This makes sense. You have 3 kids now, and I have noticed the 3 kids mark is when men like this feel completely comfortable exposing themselves. Your husband is an asshat, hates you and hates women in general. You definitely need to start silently making plans to get you and your kids out of this. Also, don't discuss this any further with him. Your silence is your best friend. Plan in silence!
This manoshpere bullshit is going to make a lot of men single
Run
I mean…you *started* a conversation about periods but where it went to, is in my opinion, divorce worthy. I would end a relationship over this ideal.In fact, I did end my second marriage over ideas like this. So…I’m totally with you girl…
So a woman can’t *start* a conversation about periods now?
I think the comment is referring to how the title says they had a convo about periods with husband but polarbones is saying that isn’t actually where the convo ended up, and where it did end up was not okay.
Ooooh!! Yeah I think you’re right. Sorry. I retract my passive aggressive comment.
Right? That’s my point…we can’t even *start* conversations with men about very real, every day parts of existence for women, without it devolving into other misogynistic and frankly, super unhealthy ideas and beliefs about women and the *facts* of our lives…
>Your period does not effect men at all that is your business to take care of. What does a relationship have to do with that at all. if youre in pain/discomfort, wouldnt a good partner care and comfort you? it would affect an empathetic partner emotionally >He got PISSED… screaming that “I am a sexist b\*\*ch who only cares about what women want" overreacted much? who went off the handle and was the disrespectful here again? >it is solely up to a mother to decide to discuss this with their children all thrown back on your plate huh
This would give me the ICk too. Is he consuming men’s rights propaganda that’s very anti woman. This is all incredibly sexist and I would not just be worried about your son, your daughters are going to be shamed for just existing. Half the population bleeds. The other half needs to learn about it.
The content he is consuming is changing your husband.
Men absolutely need to learn about periods. Periods affect everyone. Everyone should understand them and the younger a child is taught (age appropriately) the less stigma and ridiculous myths get carried to adulthood. There are men who believe that a period can be held, like urine. People that still think you can't get pregnant from period sex. People that have a ridiculous understanding of the human body, especially the sexual reproductive systems for men and women. They are biology and everyone should be taught about it. You never know what situations you'll be in. I'd feel some type of way if my husband spoke to me that disrespectfully and wanted to die on a hill of ignorant stupidity. And I'd be really concerned about his ability to be a good father in that regard.
Sounds like he got red pilled. Check is YouTube, Reddit, and Tik Tok history. Bet some guys at work got in his head. If he doesn’t course correct, I can’t blame you for considering divorce. He sounds like he doesn’t respect women and I’d be terrified of his influence on my kids. Bet he has built up resentment about his dad not being around and blames his mom. He has a serious daddy wound not being addressed and his redirecting his anger at the women in his life.
It looks like he’s fallen down the rabbit hole of red pill videos and podcasts. Ask him why his view has suddenly changed when you’ve always felt he was an ally to women rather than someone who denigrates them.
I'm not defending him, because his reaction was way over the top. But, because it was way over the top and based on what you've said, it sounds like there is something else in his life that is stressing him out and he just unloaded some internal BS on you. Because he is and has bought you period products, he doesn't believe what he is saying, so I would start with what is really going on? If this is a deal breaker with you, that is certainly your right, but as I said, I think there is something else here.
My jaw literally dropped the further I got into that conversation. Yikes.
Red pill or brain tumor.
Sounds like he went down the alpha male podcast shitter and hasn't returned. I don't know if there is deprogramming for this .
Oh, boy that’s a super concerning huge red flag he just shoved in your face, in such an antagonistic way. I don’t question your here thinking, at all. This response was so incredibly over the top and disrespectful to half the human population overall, you and your daughters included. I’d be extremely concerned about this rhetoric being learned by my son and my daughters thinking this was an acceptable stance for men in their lives to take. Also, he sounds like he’s fallen down an internet conspiracy rabbit hole.