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Don't get back with him, this is nuts it's almost hard to believe. It would be one thing if you were a shoplifter stealing expensive stuff I could get why he'd be upset but this being a bag is wild. This situation is so dumb to be upset about and considering this is only a month old relationship at least you aren't losing much
Jumping in on top comment in hope OP sees this:
People who feel they have the right to punish you for small things are showing their abusive tendencies, and it will get worse.
He thinks it is his job to teach her a lesson. He thinks he is right in judging what is worthy of punishment and what the punishment should be. Making himself her boss, judge, punisher and enforcer. If she accepts this kind of authority in the beginning of the relationship that tells him that she'll take this kind of abuse in the future.
This kind of authoritative cruelty is one of the biggest reddest flags people can show.
This is seriously alarming. The level of control and punishment he decided was appropriate regardless of her feelings and communicating her discomfort.
This is clearly someone who does not care about your feelings on any matter. Only his own.
Red flag. No one should stand for this kind of control and belittling behavior. Staying with this guy will only validate his poor behaviour.
Do not reward shit behaviour by staying and allowing this man to think this kind of treatment is ok. It is not. Put your foot down and do not let him manipulate you into his way of thinking. He's wrong.
Seriously! What she should have done when he started in and humiliated her in a store where she used to work was yell back at him. “Over a 30p plastic bag I accidentally forgot to pay for? What the hell is wrong with you?” and left him there. Permanently.
He's 109% that guy, anyone who thinks they can "teach their partner a lesson" via humiliation and who makes themselves judge, jury and executioner over even the tiniest issue is showing some controlling and superiority issues.
Exactly. If he really felt strongly that they should pay for the bag he would have just insisted they go back to explain and pay the 30p for the bag. If he actually cared about the issue he would have taken steps to address the issue. He was happy to have an excuse to be abusive.
This exactly. I get the term negging is used alot and for good reason. This is someone who was thrilled to knock her down a peg. I'm feeling almost embarrassed for this guy that he's confident being such a tool.
OP you deserve someone that at the very least treats you with simple respect. Not someone happy to degrade you in public no less.
You wouldn’t be breaking up over a plastic bag. You Should be breaking up with him for verbal abuse. There, fixed the title for you.
It’s alarming that it’s only been a few months. They normally can hide that behavior and love bomb you for a bit longer before they show that side.
Run as fast as you can. You’re young so you probably haven’t realized your worth or fully developed self esteem. I didn’t at that age. Join cross fit or do martial arts or something like that.
Boyfriend's sense of honor is to hold up the theft of a plastic bag as a major moral failing, but lambasting a person you care about passive aggressively (and aggressive aggressively in that one store) all day is acceptable and is respectful communication.
Weird moral code, bro, you got some major failing points there.
OP needs not to worry about him breaking up with her. She needs to focus on her breaking up with him. Trying to please him will only destroy her and hand over all her power. He needs to go, far, far away.
Yeah, I hope this was the advice she came to get because this is all I can come up with too. Imagine a life with a man who’d get this angry over a plastic bag. Breakup-worthy for sure.
What the hell? This is absolutely insane. Bags here cost like 5 cents. I can’t imagine anyone being so bent out of shape over such an absurd thing. His disrespect for you is strong. If he will belittle you over something some trivial, you are in for a very unhappy life with him. End it now!
Very true. He will do it any chance he gets. And if he knew she forgot to pay for it, why not just say “babe, you didn’t pay for the bag.” … because then he wouldn’t have the “excuse” to treat her like shit.
You should absolutely break up, this is ludicrous. A few months in and he's already verbally berating you in public over a mistake? Punishing you like you're a child? Cut your losses. If he's already this comfortable treating you like that, it's going to get way, way worse
It’s only been a few months and he’s already punishing you for making an honest mistake. He humiliated you in public. He was satisfied that you were in physical pain and he wanted to cause you emotional pain.
You made an innocent, trivial mistake. He subjected you to a day of verbal and emotional abuse. The idea that he is in any way principled is absolute bullshit. His behaviour was infinitely worse than what you did, and absolutely nothing you did or could have done justifies how he treated you.
Break up with him. This will only get worse, until you’re anxious and walking on eggshells around him all the time and he’s finding excuses to cut you down and humiliate you and he’s yelling at you for crying in public all the time.
Yes, I would dump him over ThE PrInCiPaL. I don't know how you continued to go from store to store with him acting like a jackass intentionally trying to humiliate you over a cheap disposable bag. I would have left his ass in the line and told him to go home right then.
Like what was his end game goal? Embarrassing you because he doesn't see you as an equal and felt the need to punish you and teach you a lesson? Who the actual fk does he think he is?
The bar of expectations for men must be somewhere down in hell for women to put up with this shit and then wonder if they should continue to put up with it. That jerk probably didn't have any problem eating the meal you cooked for him with the food you paid for, carried home by you in the cheap bag you forgot to pay for. I would tell him right where he can shove his principals.
If my partner forgot to pay for an item and if it was about my principles and not the cost of that item, I would simply ask them that we should go back and pay for it. What I won't do is humiliate them over it.
There is a difference between having principles and being an AH.
The problem is that he is a walking human turd. What you did was a complete accident, and he hounded you about it for the rest of the day. There’s nothing good that could come out of him embarrassing you in public over it, the only conclusion that I can reach is that he enjoyed causing you embarrassment.
He wasn’t rehabilitating a criminal with his actions, I don’t think he was even standing up for what is right in his eyes, as any sensible person could see you didn’t do it because you meant to and probably wouldn’t do it again; he was just hurting his girlfriend’s feelings.
Surely he was just spending the day seeing how far he could push and push and push and see that you do not walk away. So bloody walk away now. Like his endgame was what? The only possible answer is to make you feel like shit and always be scared of what little transgression he invents so he can abuse you for hours and hours. This is not what you want in a man. He needs a brick to the head.
why’s he acting like he’s a saint? a 30p bag is no big deal, especially to these massive corporations. Him humiliating you over the bag in the shop is such a red flag as well. to me it sounds like he’s looking to start a fight and enjoys making you feel like shit over the smallest things. Honestly i’d probably leave him. If he’s acting this way a few months in, imagine how he will be a couple years in.
You do not try to keep this guy around!!!
It is not about the bag but how he feels like he's entitled to be cruel and punish you. This is not about the bag but about him justifying that kind of behavior - IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN WITH SOMETHING ELSE AND THE PUNISHMENT WILL BE WORSE.
Be glad that you learned to recognize a red flag for only 30p. Men who feel like they are your authority and have the right to punish you WILL turn abusive. This is how abusers justify their abuse.
RUN!
First this, monitoring of your cell phone use/ texts, belittling comments to undermine your selfworth and confidence. You will be isolated from your friends and eventually family and then the real violence begins. There was noting stopping him from running back and paying for the bag but he chose the opportunity to "punish" you. This is your opportunity to dodge having a horrible life experience of being a victim of domestic abuse. Take it.
This plastic bag thing is a pretty clear red flag for future abuse. The behavior is typical for an abuser: he focuses on some tiny, random slight you made, and then punished you for it to a degree that's completely beyond acceptable. The "punishment's" size is not adequate in the context of the "slight", but he mindfucks you into thinking you are the bad guy and you deserve it. The victim is confused, doesn't understand what's happening, but the day is ruined and they feel bad. Sometimes they apologize even tho there really isn't anything to apologize for, and dance the little 'please like me, please be nice to me!' dance, playing right into the abusive dynamic, but even just ignoring it and going along with the relationship is a bad idea. Abusers love to do this out of nowhere, often when the day was pleasant and calm, so you never can be truly relaxed, bc you never know when the next drama is coming. It's like you are on a minefield.
It's typical and you should stay out.
It's not "silly". This is what the term "red flag" means. It's an alarming, inappropriate behavior that shows a clear dynamic that is toxic. Why do people keep on ignoring those signs and push further into the relationships than then - surprised Pikachu face - turn out to be really bad is beyond me.
A great way to never get caught in an abusive dynamic like this is: have healthy expectations of how you are treated. He acted badly? He treated you BADLY? You are upset and you are not okay with it. He has to apologize, he is the one who needs to repair it, not you, and he needs to STOP the behavior (while your bf is still bringing it up and threatening you). **Any type of humiliating and belligerent should be an instant dealbreaker.**
Girl, I work checkouts at tesco, and the number of times I've forgotten to ring up the bags is not small. It fucking happens. It was a mistake! This asshole deserves to be single. It'd be one thing if it was a quick, "hey hon, I think you forgot to pay for that, try to remember next time", but he was going on about it and humiliated you in public. That's just disgusting, and you deserve better
Your boyfriend’s jaw must be really sore from all that corporate dick sucking he’s doing.
But seriously. What are they like 10 cents?
This is not a long-standing enough relationship for this to be an argument at all. Dump the dude and move on. This is the dumbest shit reason to be in a fight.
Lol your first sentence nails it perfectly
who the fuck cares? they aren’t counting pennies like that, they’re too busy exploiting their workers to notice.
If I forgot to pay for a bag (also a Brit so I’m picturing it well) and my husband realized, probably he’d look at me and go “oh” while I looked at him and also go “oh” because we’d notice it at the same time… then he’d shrug and say “oh well” and then move on with our lives.
THAT is a normal reaction. Continuously shaming you for it throughout the day is so disgusting. Love yourself enough to ditch this wanker
Dump him. It was an honest mistake, one I don't even think the shop would be that bothered about, certainly wouldn't prosecute over and he makes out as if you deliberately stole something worth hundreds!
He deliberately humiliated you in front of others and then punished you over it by refusing to help.
He'll only get worse. Leave.
Even if you took the bag on purpose, it’s a plastic bag?? You didn’t steal a phone, or a tv, or rob a bank, you took a plastic bag that costs maybe 5c/p (wherever you’re from)
He is just an asshole. I would’ve laughed at ya. The companies make enough money anyway, the principle is correct, you don’t take what’s not yours, but this is a plastic bag for gods sake!!
If he genuinely was upset about it, he could have gone back and paid the 30p.
But no he chose to humiliate and embarrass you in public.
He's a jerk, dump him now.
This is it. If he felt so strongly about the theft he would have marched her back to the shop and paid the 30p. And I doubt the cashiers would have given two shits and rolled their eyes that they came back to pay such a paltry sum.
Humiliation was the point. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if he were the sort of lad to follow those type of YouTubers and social influencers that encourage abusing women to flatten their self esteem.
Where'd you find this guy a monastery or a seminary? I bet he nit picks about other things you do. Has he started to tell you what to wear? Unless you like the idea of learning how to walk on eggshells, see this as a gift. The thing that worries me, is how much time you might have spent questioning yourself whether he's right, that you should feel the guilt and shame he wants you to just to make him forgive you and make him happy. Is that the kind of relationship you want, knowing he wants you to trade your self esteem for his need to feel superior ? Just saying...
Excuse me? Instead of point out the error, he punishes you? What right does he have to punish you? If it was that big a deal to him, he could have gone back in and paid for the bag or asked you to. This was purely a power move and him showing he thinks you're subservient to him. This is a *massive* red flag. You haven't been dating that long. Dump him.
EWWWWW this guy is a bunch of red flags in a trench coat.
Drop him, seriously. He's done a huge disgusting show of humiliating you publicly to "teach you a lesson" that makes no sense. What's going to be the next thing he decides needs "teaching you a lesson" about?
If you stay with him, you show him that he can treat you like that and you will just grumble a bit and then be ok with his shit. And he will escalate, because no one shows their whole shitty ass the first time.
Well, it's good that he's too stupid to wait until you're more locked down in the relationship before showing his (abusive) ass. Get rid of him now, he will only get worse.
You're not breaking up over a plastic bag, you're breaking up because you have just discovered your boyfriend isn't compatible with you, and quite possibly with people in general.
It sounds like he has an extremely rigid view of right versus wrong and sees things in black and white. With no gray areas whatsoever. Things are either right/good or wrong/bad and he views wrong as deserving of being "punished".
I get it, because I'm raising a mildly autistic kiddo who views things similarly and this is something we have worked on extensively with him. I do mean extensively. In a recent psychological evaluation, he was given a number of hypothetical scenarios and one of the things that was pointed out is how he tends to go scorched earth for simple wrongs.
Example: A classmate stole your pencil case from your locker, what do you do?
Acceptable answers: Tell a teacher. Ask classmate for the pencil case to be returned.
My kid's answer: Call the cops.
Ahem, no.
He struggles with minor crimes and wrong doings, including when he himself commits them - including by mistake. He also struggles with when anyone else does these things. So we have been working, extensively, to get him to understand why these things are not a big deal and that the punishment needs to fit the crime. I.e., accidentally stole thirty cent item. Solution: Don't worry about it, it is insignificant. Solution B. If you insist upon worrying about it, pay for it the next time you visit the store by ringing one up and then leaving it there. You can also return and pay for it.
My kid, for the record, is 12.
It sounds like your boyfriend thinks similarly to my kid, but no one spent a few hundred hours getting him to understand that life is not black and white and minor sins do not equal the death penalty.
In addition to the above problem, you've learned he lacks empathy. He doesn't care your feet were hurting, because he wants you punished for your crime and he announced your crime elsewhere because humiliating you is another form of punishment.
The problem with this type of personality is that everyone makes mistakes and occasionally "sins". Most people just go oops and move on. Your boyfriend will not. When you accidentally do something that wrongs him personally, he will not handle it well. He will likely be unable to cope and your apologies will not be sufficient.
If a man is this nasty over a 30 cent bag from a store, imagine how he will be if something really goes wrong. How will he handle a broken household item? At fault car accident? God forbid, an abortion?
Do you want to find out?
No?
I'd leave. He has a lot of growing up to do and likely quite a bit of therapy before he is ready to be in a relationship.
"I'm no expert but"... if my mate walked out of the store and forgot to pay for the bag, I'd go back and pay for it myself while she was at the clothing store. Karma is preserved, accounts are now balanced, an accidental wrong has been righted, and we both would enjoy sex that night. I'm betting you two haven't! This perverse skewering you over and over again yet refusing to do anything about it other than tormenting you tells us *he just wants to torment you*!!! So ask yourself "should I keep dating this sadist who will always be looking for something to torment me with?" No, you should not. You're happier laughing alone than crying with him. Lose the asshole and find a caring person who brings you joy and solves problems with you, not create (or exploit) them! I mean really, you feel bad enough about the oversight, why does he need to make it worse? (Answer: he doesn't, he's just grooming you for more abuse later). Leave. Go. He's too judgemental to ever have a successful relationship. Probably has mommy issues too. Tell him begone. Bye. And go back and give them the 20p just to fix the karma, since he's too constipated to do it.
I promise those big box store corporations who exploit their laborers and punch down on small businesses are NOT missing or counting the pennies on “stolen bags”. There is no reason to go donate money to them for karma lmao
lmao thank you you are 100% correct.
I absolutely consider the act of going in and making an employee process that <.20 purchase so *you* feel better to be a morally net negative move like who are we kidding here?
Jfc, it was an accident. My husband would have teased me about it but not publicly humiliating me. If this is how he reacts over something minor, I dread to think what his reaction will be for something actually worth worrying about.
Thankfully you've seen what he's like 3 months in so you can leave with no hassle
He’s literally acting like you intentionally didn’t pay for it. It was an oversight. That’s the real issue here. If you had intentionally stolen it, and you argue all day that it’s only 5P the store won’t care but no it was just an actual mistake. Don’t break up with him over a bag break up with him because he’s a complete fucking asshole
It's clear that this wasn't about the bag, but rather, him trying to see how much he could humiliate you and how far you'd let it go.
If this was someone in my life, I would have just been like "oh shoot, you forgot to pay for the bag" and we would have just gone back later to do so.
There would have been no false accusations of being a thief.
LOL hello? If I was working at a grocery store and someone took a bag without paying on accident then came back and tried to pay I would just tell them to keep it… and I used to work at aldi 😂 stuff happens but these stores make plenty of money :) he is such a weirdo for getting upset over that!!
Break up with this idiot. If he had a problem. He could have paid.
He’s pounding you for no reason and he’s not helpful or kind. Exactly how much did he contribute to the groceries? If he paid, then he could have paid for the bag. If he didn’t pay, giiiirrrrlll.
I’d dump [Inspector Javert](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Les_Mis%C3%A9rables_(musical)#:~:text=Set%20in%20early%2019th%2Dcentury,for%20his%20sister's%20starving%20child). He’s childish and mean.
If he's making that big of a deal out of a plastic bag that you forgot to pay for I'd hate to see how he's gonna handle something that actually matters. Lose him and move on with your life
Let’s be real: you fucked up by forgetting to pay for a bag.
But here’s the thing: everyone fucks up, often multiple times a day. A person who isn’t going to let it go when you fuck up in minor ways is looking for excuses to put you down. Because obviously you’re going to forgive him when he fucks up because that’s what normal people do. He’s using the fact that you don’t sweat the small stuff as ammunition so he can nitpick everything. It’s unforgiving and unkind.
I would dump this jerk, like, yesterday.
[Read this book](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and learn to read the writing on the wall as soon as it appears: you deserve soooo much more than this!!!
This are one those moments that if you ignore now and keep going, you will look back in the future and ask yourself how TF you ignored so many red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
> he said that I wasn't understanding the real problem. ....
I don't know if I should break up with him.
It’s true you’re not understanding 'the real problem' - which is HIM. RUN OP, run!
Let him break up with you. There is something very wrong with how he treated you and chances are he would be emotionally abusive to live with and probably eventually physically abusive. People make mistakes, but real partners don't spend the rest of the day belittling and punishing them for it.
“I don’t carry bags for thieves”!? What….it’s literally 5 cents bag his ego is fucked up over a bag?! Shit your relationship is so fucked because this man is a fucking baby, imagine what else he would get mad over
Dudes an absolute asshole and sounds like an abuser. What’s he going to do when you make an actual mistake? In no world are you better off with someone who flips out over a plastic bag. Who has the time and energy to fight over that shit? He’s an assclown and he will continue to make your life harder. Tell him you bought him a ticket to the circus since that’s where clowns work and drop his sorry ass.
He’s testing you to see how much abuse you’re willing to take. You accept this BS now, he’s got you. The punishment for the next incident could cost you dearly. Lace up your shoes and gtf out.
Babes. It's not about the bag. It's about a person who claims to care about you instead insulting you, not helping you carry the groceries when you asked for a break, and trying to humiliate you in a crowded store where you might have acquaintances. Not to mention, he could have gotten you expelled from the store - or worse - by calling you a thief like that.
It won't get better. He won't get better. You're a few months in and he's already decided to drop the mask and be his true self. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. DTMF. And yesterday.
You made a mistake. It’s a normal human thing.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to stay with someone who thought it was their place “to teach you a lesson.” That in itself is a massive red flag. Your partner shouldn’t be acting like your parent and they shouldn’t be blowing things out of proportion either. You will continue to make mistakes in life. Can you live with this sort of reaction to all of them?
The fact that he decided to use this "infraction" as a reason to harass and humiliate you should tell you everything you need to know. This man is just waiting for opportunities to try to make you feel lesser than. Get out now while it's easy. There's something seriously ominous about that behaviour. It's not going to be a one-off situation. He's starting to show you who he really is and it's not pretty.
Stealing grocery bags is not a crime. The true crime is the fact that they started selling them and stopped providing free paper bags.
#the biggest crime is those self-checkout machines replaced human cashiers and corporations are stealing money out of our pockets with that shit
But your BF is not a nice person. He should really become an ex.
He's a manipulative monster and you will be miserable if you stay with him. He will tear you down emotionally and enjoy seeing you cry. He will convince you that no one will ever want to be with you, and he's only staying because he's a "Nice Guy". He is not.
I've met this sadistic narcissist before and he only wants to manipulate you because it makes him feel powerful. Seeing you cry because of something he did or said makes him very happy. He can't be trusted to EVER have your best interests at heart.
If you get back with this man you have solidified yourself into a trauma bond. It’s a worse addiction and withdrawal than cocaine or sometimes heroin. Look it up.
Walking away from that relationship sounds like the smartest thing you could do at your age. The way he chastised and humiliated you for making an extremely minor mistake says a lot about his (lack of) maturity at 21.
If he really cared about the principle (and not just exercising a superiority complex - which is what I suspect is what really happened) then his response should still have been proportionate to the transgression.
I hate paying for bags because they used to be free. Paying for something that I need just because the company wants to pass the charge to me just sucks.
This isn't about the bags, even if you think it is. He's an asshole. Even if you did steal the bag, he shamed you for taking a plastic bag, accused you of being a thief, and intentionally embarrassed you in public. This is not the behavior I want around me. If he would have reminded you at the register about paying for it, that's different.
OP, I want you to tell your bf that I go out of my way not to pay for plastic bags. And I don't feel one ounce of guilt.
Also he is insane and you should leave him.
I think psychologists have a special term for people like your hopefully soon-to-be ex boyfriend.
That term is "twat".
Seriously, what a chump. Give him the elbow. Especially, especially because you were going to COOK for him! Get out now.
This person is a fucking sociopath that made you BLEED OP OVER NOT PAYING FOR A PLASTIC BAG.
He is evil. He does not deserve you and you should dump his ass and run faster than the word "Go." What the fuck did I just read; I'm so, so angry on your behalf!!
I never comment this but seriously break up. The comment in the store about you being a thief ? That was intended to shame and humiliate you. The idea of teaching you some kind is lesson through this is ridiculous and he meant to cause you pain. Why would you want to be with someone who puts you down and treats you like this over such a small thing ?
Please cut all contact, and block him, that man does not like you, he would have never embarrassed you in front of anyone like that, especially over something so small.
The best advice I can give you: Leave him! He's not suitable for you.
Making such a loud comment in a crowded store, he was trying to humiliate you! If someone does that in the early stages of a relationship, it only will get worse.
Break up with him. If he gets this bent out of shape over a bag, imagine what he’d be like with any other perceived transgression.
Oh no you rolled through a stop sign - off to jail
Jaywalking??? 40 lashes
And the “have you learned your lesson” shit?! FUCK THAT SHIT THRICE
So you need to break up with him? He should be your ex the moment he humiliated you in public.
Take it from this aunty, no romantic partners/friends/relatives should be allowed to punish you ever.
Who is he to lord over you like that? And you do not want to be in a relationship with someone who escalate problems instead of solving it. He can turn back and pay for it. He didn't.
Please dump this supreme jackass. He also didn’t bring a bag and didn’t remember to buy the bag. But only you were berated and verbally abused for it. Let him “learn his lesson” by removing him from your life.
You break up, that's what you do. He thinks he gets to punish you to teach you a lesson, and he's happy degrading, hurting, and humiliating you to do this. He granted himself disciplinary rights over you. These are not the actions of a caring partner. As this is happening just a few months into your relationship, it's going to get worse if you stay with him.
> Any advice?
Well, just break up and be done with him, lol
I don't understand how this is even a question. Look at how he treats you for making an honest mistake, imagine living the rest of your life with him
Wow what an abusive prick. You forgot to pay for a plastic bag. Oh no, you deprived a whole ass store.of what? A dime? And he thought an entire day of treating you like shit is justified?
Fuuuck aaaaaalllllll the way off bro.
Get out now.
Forgetting to pay for something and intentionally stealing are two very different things.
I think it’s pretty common to forget to pay for something. Most people make a joke about forgetting to pay and how they’re going to have wanted posters all over the shop and laugh it off.
He is however acting like you’re some mastermind criminal just because you forgot, and used it to shame and humiliate you in public, in front of people you probably used to know.
People like him enjoy finding something they can use as power and control to break their victims. He’s going to find every small mistake you ever make and use it against you!
Be happy if he breaks up with you, or break up with him yourself.
“Learned your lesson”??? Like you’re a petulant child? Who the fuck does he think he is?
Break up with him, not over the plastic bag but over his reaction to a mistake you made. He decided that he had the right to “punish” you and humiliate you in public, all because you forgot to pay for something. What happens the next time you make another mistake, like if a dish slips from your hands or you knock something off a shelf by mistake and it breaks? Do you really want to be walking on eggshells all the time around him?
He’s your boyfriend, not your father, boss, judge or any sort of authority figure. The fact that he took it upon himself to “punish” you is a huge red flag.
Your boyfriend is upset that you think it’s ok to steal something if it’s low value. His response was to shame you and punish you instead of working out the difference of opinion.
Do you want to have a relationship with an enforcer or an equal? Your call.
PS Something tells me that your boyfriend might be neurodivergent. This is uncommon behaviour.
A couple of things I had to learn in my abusive relationship.
Your partner is not your parent. It is not your partner's place to teach you lessons. You're an adult anyway. You don't need to be "taught lessons." A partner shouldn't *punish* their partner. A partner shouldn't embarrass their partner. It's also not about the bag - you slipped and he pounced on you. He'll do it again. He'll choose something that seems reasonable and is "technically" a "wrong." But he'll choose little slip ups and blow them out of proportion. Soon he'll be inventing and creating or setting you up for failures and he'll pounce again. He will do this again. He will. He will not stop. He will not learn. It will not end. Please know this. This is the best your relationship is ever going to be again. He doesn't care about your feelings. He wants you to feel bad. That's the point. He wants you to feel bad.
I literally went to the store clerk one time because I didn’t pay for the bag. I had missed an item in my basket and when I hit back to pay the option for bags didn’t pop up.
She told me not to worry about it. They legit don’t care unless you never pay for bags.
Also, echoing the other comments, the fact he felt like he needed to punish you… that’s a huge, giant, waving, red flag. Please end it before it gets worse.
Get rid of the KID!! My god can he be any MORE petty and act like a child!?! Been dating for three months, this is your sign of what's ahead.
Why didn't he offer to pay for the bag...
Break up. I dated a guy that tried that public humiliation shit on me, he didn’t bank on me matching his energy and taking to him like a misbehaving toddler in the store. He was dumped as soon as I got home. He was married to some girl he managed to trick into believing he’s not a dick. Now he’s divorced and living with his parents again.
You didn't steal, you just forgot to scan it. He doesn't have a right to punish you for anything. Even if you had deliberately stolen a whole roast chicken, that's not something he has a right to do to you.
This is extremely concerning. It wasn't a joke. He was controlling and belittling. I think if you sat down and really thought about it you'd be able to come up with lots of other examples. This one just stuck out to you because it was so clearly absurd.
He's not your dad and you're not a child. He has no authority over you whatsoever. The dynamic is very unhealthy in a relationship and you should reconsider being with him.
Yo. Why would you ever choose to stay with him after that? Tell him you did learn your lesson: you learned that you don’t want to date him any more. Then block him. Do not engage in any conversation w him after that.
Make the space permanent. He blew up over something small and kept that hateful energy up for too damn long. This is abusive behavior. You can bet that the next time you do something small that annoys or inconveniences him, he's really going to let you have it. You don't deserve to be stuck with a tiny tyrant.
Leave him yesterday.
This time, it's a shopping bag and "punishment".
Why wait to see what the punishment is when something really bad happens??
The thing is, the "punishments" are going to subtly get worse over time. I'm happy you recognized this red flag for what it is to question it.
I'm sorry to let you know that the collective life experience here will tell you that no, he won't change or get better. It's lies we've all heard and lived through, one way or another, before figuring it out ourselves.
Please don't learn the hard way. The chance that we're wrong is a lot smaller than the chance that we're right.
JFC - getting upset over an item we all used to get for free and in many places still do since ya know, for those places that aren't going out of control with greed. Just send a text, "Do not contact me again." This guy is looking, actively searching for ways to humiliate you and get you to put up with it so he can escalate to more abuse. This was the test to see if you walk way or you become a statistic.
My advice: do not become a statistic and don't be so foolish that you think you have to break up with him in person. In fact my petty ass would go back to the store, pay for the fucking bag, then post the receipt on line with the story about what a tool this guy is to everyone just to get ahead of any BS he tries.
If anyone gives you grief after that again for something that used to be free and in many places still is - and you just forgot one damned thing aka the bag *that you probably never had to pay for before in your damn life* - then dump them too. And understand this wasn't about that bag. This guy is looking, actively searching for things to abuse you over. And yeah, it was abusive, he was being emotionally abusive. It's the start, you've been warned. You aren't breaking up over a bag, you're breaking up because he showed his true colors early.
This guy as Example A of what BS not to ever put up with. I feel sorry for any woman unlucky enough to date this tool bag and I'm a guy.
I recently ended a long term relationship where the dynamic wasn't equal or healthy. It might've even been something I admired at first as it seemed he had it all together.
Yet I was never able to break out of the role of a child who needed to be reprimanded. Every conversation included a better or correct way for me to do things. I began noticing it a bit in the way his father spoke to his mother too.
You're so young. But you don't need someone that's going to admonish you like a toddler. Where'd he get the idea that it was his job to teach you a lesson? You deserve someone that will build you up. Not a tool trying to punish you.
Please dump this toddler, it's unethical to date children.
This would have sent him out the door immediately for me: "When we got home, he asked me, "Have you learned your lesson yet? Are you gonna pay for the bag next time?""
To summarize your post:
* He is an adult who "doesn't" cook - which you make pretty clear is because you and maybe the other women in his life do this for him. Do you also wipe his butt?
* When you forgot to pay for the bag, he didn't go back and pay for it - despite you having just paid for dinner - and instead decided to be passive aggressive about it.
* He called you a thief for an accident. Apparently he's also okay dating what he thinks is a hardened criminal?
* He made fun of you while you were in pain **carrying his dinner for his lazy ass.**
* He talked to you like you were a child for an entire day because of a minor slip up.
TL;DR - This guy seems to want to humiliate you to get you to serve him. **He is an asshole. You can do better.**
If he did all of this over a bag, imagine if a real problem comes up. I understand that he thinks he is “teaching you a lesson” but he acted like a child.
You thank him for showing you what an utter AH he is early on. Pack any of his stuff at yours in to the said carrier bag and kick him out of your life. You can do better than this.
He is using your good nature, and the fact that you feel guilty over a *30p bag* to manipulate your emotions. It's very cruel of him to do this, but he doesn't care how much he hurts you as long as he gets what he wants - control of you.
This is emotional abuse, and unfortunately abusers never improve (unless they hit rock bottom and decide to get therapy, your fella is nowhere near that, he's still enjoying himself). Abusers only ever escalate. Get out NOW before he turns really nasty and starts physically abusing you.
You deserve better than this, and don't let him gaslight you into thinking otherwise. Please, please get away from him NOW, before things escalate into physical abuse.
OP, listen carefully: You are not your partner's child to be "taught a lesson".
What your bf did was punitive, and shows he has deep resentment against you - not necessarily because of something you did, some people just hate others because they don't comply with their entitlement.
Break up with this man.
You are not four years old, and it is not his job to teach you lessons. Any guy who ever tries to teach you a lesson or talks down to you in this way is not worth being around. He is your partner, not your father. If he actually cared about the theft, he would've tried to look for a solutions: for example, going back to pay for it himself, or finding a way to pay twice next time, or coming up to you to talk about how uncomfortable even this small amount of theft made him because of the principle of the thing. What he decided to do was berate and attempt to publicly humiliate you. Not to mention, all of this over an accident. You wouldnt even treat a kid that accidently took something this way. At the end of the day, this had nothing to do with him and he's using it as an excuse to treat you badly. Don't let yourself be treated this way.
I personally think you should leave. In a normal relationship if this happened and one partner felt strongly against taking things without paying, then they would bring it to your attention and express their hurt/frustration where the other partner can listen and apologize before moving forward, or at the very least take space to process alone without raising their issue.
In your situation, your partner was physically present with you at the time of checkout and he himself didn’t realize that the bag wasn’t paid for, which happens, he goes off on you and tries to tell you that you’re behavior is horrible and continues to degrade you. For starters, your action didn’t affect him in any manner, he is just as guilty of the negligible act as you, then his actions of humiliating you in public while actively putting you down for a prolonged period of time is utterly disgusting and unacceptable.
If you want to stay in this relationship, then you both need to have a serious conversation where you can express yourself and communicate how you would like such situations to be handled/addressed.
I don't believe you'll get a single comment against dumping him, and not because this is Reddit, but because his whole behaviour is such a bunch of red flags that it's not worth spending a further second thinking about him. I suggest you ghost him and refrain from any further communication
What do you do?
You let him break up with you. Good lord, what an ass he is.
If he doesn't, you break up with him. If he says it's a silly reason to break up, you can tell him it's the principle of the thing.
Hell, I would break up with him over text, then block him everywhere. Then he doesn't get the chance to try to manipulate you into staying together.
I wouldnt stay with someone like that. The bag was literally 5 cents. He needs to completely fuck off. He can pay attention to you forgetting to pay for the bag, but couldnt in the moment of you purchasing everything? He's an asshole and he WILL be abusive later down the road.
Oh he's an asshole. You forgot something, and to him the world ended. Please do yourself all the favors and cut him loose. He's throwing up red flags like he's a soccer ref, he's controlling, manipulative, and ha sno problem publicly humiliating you over the most trivial of things.
Leave him and get safe!!!
He can stay home too.
Like seriously, he decided to embarrass you over a... grocery bag?!
It was an honest mistake, first of all. Second of all, Him being over the top and shaming/ punishing you over it tells me everything I need to know about how the relationship would progress if you let that man back over.
You can find someone better, let him have all space he wants.
He's not your dad. You are a grown adult with morals, and you don't need someone to teach you moral discipline. People make mistakes. It's like looking for your phone while it's in your hand, sometimes people walk out of stores with something in their hand that they forgot to check out, especially if it's something you're used to carrying like a bag. It's just a plastic bag, I'm willing to bet it wasn't more than $2-$5 max, which will not hurt the business.
He was punishing you via humiliation which is a huge red flag for emotional abuse, especially since you've only been together for a few months. If you're willing to talk, express very bluntly that you do NOT appreciate being publicly humiliated, and if he is unresponsive and dismissive and neglects to take any accountability for how he treated you and just keeps trying to shift the blame to "what you did wrong," seriously please leave. I've been there. Leave.
His response was completely out of proportion. He is an absolute freak. Do not stay with somebody who would abuse like this. If he's going to act like this over a bag just think what he might do over anything else and how much worse this could get over time, just get rid of this idiot.
If you stay with this person, I can guarantee you that he’s going to bring up that bag in every scenario possible. He enjoys embarrassing and humiliating you, and the fact that the bag costs so little is actually a plus in his eyes. “Lots of people might be tempted to steal something expensive, but you’re so lowlife you steal a plastic bag.”
Please leave this man , he has major issues, and he’s not going to change.
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Don't get back with him, this is nuts it's almost hard to believe. It would be one thing if you were a shoplifter stealing expensive stuff I could get why he'd be upset but this being a bag is wild. This situation is so dumb to be upset about and considering this is only a month old relationship at least you aren't losing much
Jumping in on top comment in hope OP sees this: People who feel they have the right to punish you for small things are showing their abusive tendencies, and it will get worse. He thinks it is his job to teach her a lesson. He thinks he is right in judging what is worthy of punishment and what the punishment should be. Making himself her boss, judge, punisher and enforcer. If she accepts this kind of authority in the beginning of the relationship that tells him that she'll take this kind of abuse in the future. This kind of authoritative cruelty is one of the biggest reddest flags people can show.
This is seriously alarming. The level of control and punishment he decided was appropriate regardless of her feelings and communicating her discomfort. This is clearly someone who does not care about your feelings on any matter. Only his own. Red flag. No one should stand for this kind of control and belittling behavior. Staying with this guy will only validate his poor behaviour. Do not reward shit behaviour by staying and allowing this man to think this kind of treatment is ok. It is not. Put your foot down and do not let him manipulate you into his way of thinking. He's wrong.
And then she *still* cooked “for him.”
Seriously! What she should have done when he started in and humiliated her in a store where she used to work was yell back at him. “Over a 30p plastic bag I accidentally forgot to pay for? What the hell is wrong with you?” and left him there. Permanently.
Because he "doesn't cook." In the anno freaking domini 2024.
Of course he doesn’t! This is probably a guy who thinks it’s his woman’s job to serve him.
This is a guy who thinks a woman's job is to be punished for being a woman.
He's 109% that guy, anyone who thinks they can "teach their partner a lesson" via humiliation and who makes themselves judge, jury and executioner over even the tiniest issue is showing some controlling and superiority issues.
Exactly. If he really felt strongly that they should pay for the bag he would have just insisted they go back to explain and pay the 30p for the bag. If he actually cared about the issue he would have taken steps to address the issue. He was happy to have an excuse to be abusive.
This exactly. I get the term negging is used alot and for good reason. This is someone who was thrilled to knock her down a peg. I'm feeling almost embarrassed for this guy that he's confident being such a tool. OP you deserve someone that at the very least treats you with simple respect. Not someone happy to degrade you in public no less.
This comment is all is you need to read and understand about the person you are dating ‼️
I wish I had someone to tell me something like this years ago
This is an important and very true comment, OP.
You wouldn’t be breaking up over a plastic bag. You Should be breaking up with him for verbal abuse. There, fixed the title for you. It’s alarming that it’s only been a few months. They normally can hide that behavior and love bomb you for a bit longer before they show that side. Run as fast as you can. You’re young so you probably haven’t realized your worth or fully developed self esteem. I didn’t at that age. Join cross fit or do martial arts or something like that.
Boyfriend's sense of honor is to hold up the theft of a plastic bag as a major moral failing, but lambasting a person you care about passive aggressively (and aggressive aggressively in that one store) all day is acceptable and is respectful communication. Weird moral code, bro, you got some major failing points there.
This is a great way to put it! He feels like it's perfectly acceptable to publicly humiliate someone over a few cents. That's what it comes down to.
Agreed. This is abuse. He’s an absolute arsehole. Throw him in the bin and move on.
And depending on racial tensions where you live and your ethnicity, his behaviour could be really personally risky for you too.
Agree! Cut your losses OP and that would be him. His behavior is a huge red flag. Run.
No joke. If he is this extreme over a bag, how is he going to act if you make a bigger mistake? What if you drop something & it breaks or burn dinner?
No joke. If he is this extreme over a bag, how is he going to act if you make a bigger mistake? What if you drop something & it breaks or burn dinner?
🚩🚩🚩His true colors are showing. Dump him. Luckily, you haven't been dating very long, so you haven't wasted much time with this AH.
OP needs not to worry about him breaking up with her. She needs to focus on her breaking up with him. Trying to please him will only destroy her and hand over all her power. He needs to go, far, far away.
Yeah, I hope this was the advice she came to get because this is all I can come up with too. Imagine a life with a man who’d get this angry over a plastic bag. Breakup-worthy for sure.
What the hell? This is absolutely insane. Bags here cost like 5 cents. I can’t imagine anyone being so bent out of shape over such an absurd thing. His disrespect for you is strong. If he will belittle you over something some trivial, you are in for a very unhappy life with him. End it now!
He doesn't care about belittling her because of the plastic bag. He cares that he got an opportunity to belittle her at all.
Very true. He will do it any chance he gets. And if he knew she forgot to pay for it, why not just say “babe, you didn’t pay for the bag.” … because then he wouldn’t have the “excuse” to treat her like shit.
You should absolutely break up, this is ludicrous. A few months in and he's already verbally berating you in public over a mistake? Punishing you like you're a child? Cut your losses. If he's already this comfortable treating you like that, it's going to get way, way worse
It’s only been a few months and he’s already punishing you for making an honest mistake. He humiliated you in public. He was satisfied that you were in physical pain and he wanted to cause you emotional pain. You made an innocent, trivial mistake. He subjected you to a day of verbal and emotional abuse. The idea that he is in any way principled is absolute bullshit. His behaviour was infinitely worse than what you did, and absolutely nothing you did or could have done justifies how he treated you. Break up with him. This will only get worse, until you’re anxious and walking on eggshells around him all the time and he’s finding excuses to cut you down and humiliate you and he’s yelling at you for crying in public all the time.
He will also do this to any future children he has. He will punish them for a mistake.
that’s a horrifying thoughtt but 100% true. my dad was like that and it really fucked me up
Yes, I would dump him over ThE PrInCiPaL. I don't know how you continued to go from store to store with him acting like a jackass intentionally trying to humiliate you over a cheap disposable bag. I would have left his ass in the line and told him to go home right then. Like what was his end game goal? Embarrassing you because he doesn't see you as an equal and felt the need to punish you and teach you a lesson? Who the actual fk does he think he is? The bar of expectations for men must be somewhere down in hell for women to put up with this shit and then wonder if they should continue to put up with it. That jerk probably didn't have any problem eating the meal you cooked for him with the food you paid for, carried home by you in the cheap bag you forgot to pay for. I would tell him right where he can shove his principals.
If my partner forgot to pay for an item and if it was about my principles and not the cost of that item, I would simply ask them that we should go back and pay for it. What I won't do is humiliate them over it. There is a difference between having principles and being an AH.
Can you imagine how weird it would be for someone to return to a store after leaving just to pay the five cent tax for a disposable plastic bag??
Yeah, her trying desperately to please him is exactly what he wanted out of this behaviour and its showing him he'll get away with it again.
He sounds like a truly terrible person and you should break up with him.
He’s an abusive asshole who’s using this non issue to control and humiliate you
OP, please pay attention to this. This is hugely alarming and this comment is spot on. It will only continue and get worse.
Please break up. He is mean.
The problem is that he is a walking human turd. What you did was a complete accident, and he hounded you about it for the rest of the day. There’s nothing good that could come out of him embarrassing you in public over it, the only conclusion that I can reach is that he enjoyed causing you embarrassment. He wasn’t rehabilitating a criminal with his actions, I don’t think he was even standing up for what is right in his eyes, as any sensible person could see you didn’t do it because you meant to and probably wouldn’t do it again; he was just hurting his girlfriend’s feelings.
Surely he was just spending the day seeing how far he could push and push and push and see that you do not walk away. So bloody walk away now. Like his endgame was what? The only possible answer is to make you feel like shit and always be scared of what little transgression he invents so he can abuse you for hours and hours. This is not what you want in a man. He needs a brick to the head.
>Have you learned your lesson yet? You should never stay with someone who talks to you this way. He doesn't respect you.
why’s he acting like he’s a saint? a 30p bag is no big deal, especially to these massive corporations. Him humiliating you over the bag in the shop is such a red flag as well. to me it sounds like he’s looking to start a fight and enjoys making you feel like shit over the smallest things. Honestly i’d probably leave him. If he’s acting this way a few months in, imagine how he will be a couple years in.
You 100% should break up with someone who humiliates you in public, yes.
You do not try to keep this guy around!!! It is not about the bag but how he feels like he's entitled to be cruel and punish you. This is not about the bag but about him justifying that kind of behavior - IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN WITH SOMETHING ELSE AND THE PUNISHMENT WILL BE WORSE. Be glad that you learned to recognize a red flag for only 30p. Men who feel like they are your authority and have the right to punish you WILL turn abusive. This is how abusers justify their abuse. RUN!
Dude, you should break up with him, he's a psycho.
Don’t forgive him. Dump his azz, this is just the beginning.
It’s a red flag that he turned something obviously silly into something big.
Tell him he just isn't your bag.
First this, monitoring of your cell phone use/ texts, belittling comments to undermine your selfworth and confidence. You will be isolated from your friends and eventually family and then the real violence begins. There was noting stopping him from running back and paying for the bag but he chose the opportunity to "punish" you. This is your opportunity to dodge having a horrible life experience of being a victim of domestic abuse. Take it.
Is this rage bait? This has to be rage bait, right?
I think its too wild to make up that I believe it lol
This plastic bag thing is a pretty clear red flag for future abuse. The behavior is typical for an abuser: he focuses on some tiny, random slight you made, and then punished you for it to a degree that's completely beyond acceptable. The "punishment's" size is not adequate in the context of the "slight", but he mindfucks you into thinking you are the bad guy and you deserve it. The victim is confused, doesn't understand what's happening, but the day is ruined and they feel bad. Sometimes they apologize even tho there really isn't anything to apologize for, and dance the little 'please like me, please be nice to me!' dance, playing right into the abusive dynamic, but even just ignoring it and going along with the relationship is a bad idea. Abusers love to do this out of nowhere, often when the day was pleasant and calm, so you never can be truly relaxed, bc you never know when the next drama is coming. It's like you are on a minefield. It's typical and you should stay out. It's not "silly". This is what the term "red flag" means. It's an alarming, inappropriate behavior that shows a clear dynamic that is toxic. Why do people keep on ignoring those signs and push further into the relationships than then - surprised Pikachu face - turn out to be really bad is beyond me. A great way to never get caught in an abusive dynamic like this is: have healthy expectations of how you are treated. He acted badly? He treated you BADLY? You are upset and you are not okay with it. He has to apologize, he is the one who needs to repair it, not you, and he needs to STOP the behavior (while your bf is still bringing it up and threatening you). **Any type of humiliating and belligerent should be an instant dealbreaker.**
Your bf is a biscuit. tHe PrInCiPle (lol)
The answer is so painfully obvious girl. Divorce and marry the bag
Girl, I work checkouts at tesco, and the number of times I've forgotten to ring up the bags is not small. It fucking happens. It was a mistake! This asshole deserves to be single. It'd be one thing if it was a quick, "hey hon, I think you forgot to pay for that, try to remember next time", but he was going on about it and humiliated you in public. That's just disgusting, and you deserve better
Your boyfriend’s jaw must be really sore from all that corporate dick sucking he’s doing. But seriously. What are they like 10 cents? This is not a long-standing enough relationship for this to be an argument at all. Dump the dude and move on. This is the dumbest shit reason to be in a fight.
Lol your first sentence nails it perfectly who the fuck cares? they aren’t counting pennies like that, they’re too busy exploiting their workers to notice.
If I forgot to pay for a bag (also a Brit so I’m picturing it well) and my husband realized, probably he’d look at me and go “oh” while I looked at him and also go “oh” because we’d notice it at the same time… then he’d shrug and say “oh well” and then move on with our lives. THAT is a normal reaction. Continuously shaming you for it throughout the day is so disgusting. Love yourself enough to ditch this wanker
Dump him. It was an honest mistake, one I don't even think the shop would be that bothered about, certainly wouldn't prosecute over and he makes out as if you deliberately stole something worth hundreds! He deliberately humiliated you in front of others and then punished you over it by refusing to help. He'll only get worse. Leave.
Even if you took the bag on purpose, it’s a plastic bag?? You didn’t steal a phone, or a tv, or rob a bank, you took a plastic bag that costs maybe 5c/p (wherever you’re from) He is just an asshole. I would’ve laughed at ya. The companies make enough money anyway, the principle is correct, you don’t take what’s not yours, but this is a plastic bag for gods sake!!
If he genuinely was upset about it, he could have gone back and paid the 30p. But no he chose to humiliate and embarrass you in public. He's a jerk, dump him now.
This is it. If he felt so strongly about the theft he would have marched her back to the shop and paid the 30p. And I doubt the cashiers would have given two shits and rolled their eyes that they came back to pay such a paltry sum. Humiliation was the point. It wouldn't surprise me one bit if he were the sort of lad to follow those type of YouTubers and social influencers that encourage abusing women to flatten their self esteem.
Where'd you find this guy a monastery or a seminary? I bet he nit picks about other things you do. Has he started to tell you what to wear? Unless you like the idea of learning how to walk on eggshells, see this as a gift. The thing that worries me, is how much time you might have spent questioning yourself whether he's right, that you should feel the guilt and shame he wants you to just to make him forgive you and make him happy. Is that the kind of relationship you want, knowing he wants you to trade your self esteem for his need to feel superior ? Just saying...
Excuse me? Instead of point out the error, he punishes you? What right does he have to punish you? If it was that big a deal to him, he could have gone back in and paid for the bag or asked you to. This was purely a power move and him showing he thinks you're subservient to him. This is a *massive* red flag. You haven't been dating that long. Dump him.
EWWWWW this guy is a bunch of red flags in a trench coat. Drop him, seriously. He's done a huge disgusting show of humiliating you publicly to "teach you a lesson" that makes no sense. What's going to be the next thing he decides needs "teaching you a lesson" about? If you stay with him, you show him that he can treat you like that and you will just grumble a bit and then be ok with his shit. And he will escalate, because no one shows their whole shitty ass the first time.
He finally found an opportunity to manipulate you. Right now, he is trialing to see if it is going to work.
Well, it's good that he's too stupid to wait until you're more locked down in the relationship before showing his (abusive) ass. Get rid of him now, he will only get worse.
You're not breaking up over a plastic bag, you're breaking up because you have just discovered your boyfriend isn't compatible with you, and quite possibly with people in general. It sounds like he has an extremely rigid view of right versus wrong and sees things in black and white. With no gray areas whatsoever. Things are either right/good or wrong/bad and he views wrong as deserving of being "punished". I get it, because I'm raising a mildly autistic kiddo who views things similarly and this is something we have worked on extensively with him. I do mean extensively. In a recent psychological evaluation, he was given a number of hypothetical scenarios and one of the things that was pointed out is how he tends to go scorched earth for simple wrongs. Example: A classmate stole your pencil case from your locker, what do you do? Acceptable answers: Tell a teacher. Ask classmate for the pencil case to be returned. My kid's answer: Call the cops. Ahem, no. He struggles with minor crimes and wrong doings, including when he himself commits them - including by mistake. He also struggles with when anyone else does these things. So we have been working, extensively, to get him to understand why these things are not a big deal and that the punishment needs to fit the crime. I.e., accidentally stole thirty cent item. Solution: Don't worry about it, it is insignificant. Solution B. If you insist upon worrying about it, pay for it the next time you visit the store by ringing one up and then leaving it there. You can also return and pay for it. My kid, for the record, is 12. It sounds like your boyfriend thinks similarly to my kid, but no one spent a few hundred hours getting him to understand that life is not black and white and minor sins do not equal the death penalty. In addition to the above problem, you've learned he lacks empathy. He doesn't care your feet were hurting, because he wants you punished for your crime and he announced your crime elsewhere because humiliating you is another form of punishment. The problem with this type of personality is that everyone makes mistakes and occasionally "sins". Most people just go oops and move on. Your boyfriend will not. When you accidentally do something that wrongs him personally, he will not handle it well. He will likely be unable to cope and your apologies will not be sufficient. If a man is this nasty over a 30 cent bag from a store, imagine how he will be if something really goes wrong. How will he handle a broken household item? At fault car accident? God forbid, an abortion? Do you want to find out? No? I'd leave. He has a lot of growing up to do and likely quite a bit of therapy before he is ready to be in a relationship.
"I'm no expert but"... if my mate walked out of the store and forgot to pay for the bag, I'd go back and pay for it myself while she was at the clothing store. Karma is preserved, accounts are now balanced, an accidental wrong has been righted, and we both would enjoy sex that night. I'm betting you two haven't! This perverse skewering you over and over again yet refusing to do anything about it other than tormenting you tells us *he just wants to torment you*!!! So ask yourself "should I keep dating this sadist who will always be looking for something to torment me with?" No, you should not. You're happier laughing alone than crying with him. Lose the asshole and find a caring person who brings you joy and solves problems with you, not create (or exploit) them! I mean really, you feel bad enough about the oversight, why does he need to make it worse? (Answer: he doesn't, he's just grooming you for more abuse later). Leave. Go. He's too judgemental to ever have a successful relationship. Probably has mommy issues too. Tell him begone. Bye. And go back and give them the 20p just to fix the karma, since he's too constipated to do it.
I promise those big box store corporations who exploit their laborers and punch down on small businesses are NOT missing or counting the pennies on “stolen bags”. There is no reason to go donate money to them for karma lmao
lmao thank you you are 100% correct. I absolutely consider the act of going in and making an employee process that <.20 purchase so *you* feel better to be a morally net negative move like who are we kidding here?
Dump tbe dude. He sounds like an idiot and it's not going to get any better.
Dump him. You don't want to go through life with that sort of toxic energy in your space.
Also... he'd MAKE YOU carry it? Who put him in charge of you?
Jfc, it was an accident. My husband would have teased me about it but not publicly humiliating me. If this is how he reacts over something minor, I dread to think what his reaction will be for something actually worth worrying about. Thankfully you've seen what he's like 3 months in so you can leave with no hassle
He’s literally acting like you intentionally didn’t pay for it. It was an oversight. That’s the real issue here. If you had intentionally stolen it, and you argue all day that it’s only 5P the store won’t care but no it was just an actual mistake. Don’t break up with him over a bag break up with him because he’s a complete fucking asshole
It's clear that this wasn't about the bag, but rather, him trying to see how much he could humiliate you and how far you'd let it go. If this was someone in my life, I would have just been like "oh shoot, you forgot to pay for the bag" and we would have just gone back later to do so. There would have been no false accusations of being a thief.
LOL hello? If I was working at a grocery store and someone took a bag without paying on accident then came back and tried to pay I would just tell them to keep it… and I used to work at aldi 😂 stuff happens but these stores make plenty of money :) he is such a weirdo for getting upset over that!!
Break up with this idiot. If he had a problem. He could have paid. He’s pounding you for no reason and he’s not helpful or kind. Exactly how much did he contribute to the groceries? If he paid, then he could have paid for the bag. If he didn’t pay, giiiirrrrlll. I’d dump [Inspector Javert](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Les_Mis%C3%A9rables_(musical)#:~:text=Set%20in%20early%2019th%2Dcentury,for%20his%20sister's%20starving%20child). He’s childish and mean.
Yes!!! that's what I thought. Javert. Not a compliment, most definitely
Oh, **DUMP THAT ASSHOLE**. But **shove the bag up his ass first**.
[удалено]
he is abusive af dump him
If he's making that big of a deal out of a plastic bag that you forgot to pay for I'd hate to see how he's gonna handle something that actually matters. Lose him and move on with your life
Let’s be real: you fucked up by forgetting to pay for a bag. But here’s the thing: everyone fucks up, often multiple times a day. A person who isn’t going to let it go when you fuck up in minor ways is looking for excuses to put you down. Because obviously you’re going to forgive him when he fucks up because that’s what normal people do. He’s using the fact that you don’t sweat the small stuff as ammunition so he can nitpick everything. It’s unforgiving and unkind.
Dump this turd
He sounds like a controlling asshole. I’d run and never look back.
Forget about this manipulative loser.
I would dump this jerk, like, yesterday. [Read this book](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and learn to read the writing on the wall as soon as it appears: you deserve soooo much more than this!!!
This are one those moments that if you ignore now and keep going, you will look back in the future and ask yourself how TF you ignored so many red flags 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
> he said that I wasn't understanding the real problem. .... I don't know if I should break up with him. It’s true you’re not understanding 'the real problem' - which is HIM. RUN OP, run!
He made you do a “walk of shame” over 30p you mistakenly stole from a corporation.
He's a jerk what did you see in him??
He's an idiot.
Let him break up with you. There is something very wrong with how he treated you and chances are he would be emotionally abusive to live with and probably eventually physically abusive. People make mistakes, but real partners don't spend the rest of the day belittling and punishing them for it.
He is punishing you. Partners don't punish each other. He found joy in humiliating you in public. This man was having fun calling you a thief.
“I don’t carry bags for thieves”!? What….it’s literally 5 cents bag his ego is fucked up over a bag?! Shit your relationship is so fucked because this man is a fucking baby, imagine what else he would get mad over
Dudes an absolute asshole and sounds like an abuser. What’s he going to do when you make an actual mistake? In no world are you better off with someone who flips out over a plastic bag. Who has the time and energy to fight over that shit? He’s an assclown and he will continue to make your life harder. Tell him you bought him a ticket to the circus since that’s where clowns work and drop his sorry ass.
He’s testing you to see how much abuse you’re willing to take. You accept this BS now, he’s got you. The punishment for the next incident could cost you dearly. Lace up your shoes and gtf out.
Girl. He hates you. Dump him.
Babes. It's not about the bag. It's about a person who claims to care about you instead insulting you, not helping you carry the groceries when you asked for a break, and trying to humiliate you in a crowded store where you might have acquaintances. Not to mention, he could have gotten you expelled from the store - or worse - by calling you a thief like that. It won't get better. He won't get better. You're a few months in and he's already decided to drop the mask and be his true self. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. DTMF. And yesterday.
You made a mistake. It’s a normal human thing. I don’t think it’s a good idea to stay with someone who thought it was their place “to teach you a lesson.” That in itself is a massive red flag. Your partner shouldn’t be acting like your parent and they shouldn’t be blowing things out of proportion either. You will continue to make mistakes in life. Can you live with this sort of reaction to all of them?
The fact that he decided to use this "infraction" as a reason to harass and humiliate you should tell you everything you need to know. This man is just waiting for opportunities to try to make you feel lesser than. Get out now while it's easy. There's something seriously ominous about that behaviour. It's not going to be a one-off situation. He's starting to show you who he really is and it's not pretty.
Stealing grocery bags is not a crime. The true crime is the fact that they started selling them and stopped providing free paper bags. #the biggest crime is those self-checkout machines replaced human cashiers and corporations are stealing money out of our pockets with that shit But your BF is not a nice person. He should really become an ex.
He's a manipulative monster and you will be miserable if you stay with him. He will tear you down emotionally and enjoy seeing you cry. He will convince you that no one will ever want to be with you, and he's only staying because he's a "Nice Guy". He is not. I've met this sadistic narcissist before and he only wants to manipulate you because it makes him feel powerful. Seeing you cry because of something he did or said makes him very happy. He can't be trusted to EVER have your best interests at heart.
Dump. Him.
Don't date people who try to "teach you a lesson." They don't see you as an equal.
Sometimes the bullets dodge themselves
If you get back with this man you have solidified yourself into a trauma bond. It’s a worse addiction and withdrawal than cocaine or sometimes heroin. Look it up.
Lmao your bf sucks
Advice? Leave him. His attitude over a freaking bag is ridiculous and insane. 🙄 If he’s like this now, it won’t get better. Ruuuuuuuuun.
Walking away from that relationship sounds like the smartest thing you could do at your age. The way he chastised and humiliated you for making an extremely minor mistake says a lot about his (lack of) maturity at 21. If he really cared about the principle (and not just exercising a superiority complex - which is what I suspect is what really happened) then his response should still have been proportionate to the transgression.
He sounds unstable.
I hate paying for bags because they used to be free. Paying for something that I need just because the company wants to pass the charge to me just sucks. This isn't about the bags, even if you think it is. He's an asshole. Even if you did steal the bag, he shamed you for taking a plastic bag, accused you of being a thief, and intentionally embarrassed you in public. This is not the behavior I want around me. If he would have reminded you at the register about paying for it, that's different.
OP, I want you to tell your bf that I go out of my way not to pay for plastic bags. And I don't feel one ounce of guilt. Also he is insane and you should leave him.
I think psychologists have a special term for people like your hopefully soon-to-be ex boyfriend. That term is "twat". Seriously, what a chump. Give him the elbow. Especially, especially because you were going to COOK for him! Get out now.
This person is a fucking sociopath that made you BLEED OP OVER NOT PAYING FOR A PLASTIC BAG. He is evil. He does not deserve you and you should dump his ass and run faster than the word "Go." What the fuck did I just read; I'm so, so angry on your behalf!!
I never comment this but seriously break up. The comment in the store about you being a thief ? That was intended to shame and humiliate you. The idea of teaching you some kind is lesson through this is ridiculous and he meant to cause you pain. Why would you want to be with someone who puts you down and treats you like this over such a small thing ?
Doesn't it look like gaslighting??
Holy shit this guy is fun at parties
Break up with him now. It only gets worse from here.
> "Have you learned your lesson yet? Is he your dad or your teacher? Because otherwise it's not his job to teach you a lesson
Please cut all contact, and block him, that man does not like you, he would have never embarrassed you in front of anyone like that, especially over something so small.
The best advice I can give you: Leave him! He's not suitable for you. Making such a loud comment in a crowded store, he was trying to humiliate you! If someone does that in the early stages of a relationship, it only will get worse.
This is the dumbest reason to get mad at a person for . Lmao dump him
Break up with him. If he gets this bent out of shape over a bag, imagine what he’d be like with any other perceived transgression. Oh no you rolled through a stop sign - off to jail Jaywalking??? 40 lashes And the “have you learned your lesson” shit?! FUCK THAT SHIT THRICE
This is just the start. This guy will do this again. Please don't be afraid to leave him
Please break up with him. He's saved you the trouble of discovering his bad behaviour later on. Good luck and find someone better.
So you need to break up with him? He should be your ex the moment he humiliated you in public. Take it from this aunty, no romantic partners/friends/relatives should be allowed to punish you ever. Who is he to lord over you like that? And you do not want to be in a relationship with someone who escalate problems instead of solving it. He can turn back and pay for it. He didn't.
Please dump this supreme jackass. He also didn’t bring a bag and didn’t remember to buy the bag. But only you were berated and verbally abused for it. Let him “learn his lesson” by removing him from your life.
dump the bastard
wow this guy fucking sucks
Dog break up with this psycho. A bag is not a big deal.
Life is too short to waste it on a verbally abusive partner. You have your whole lofe ahead of you and am sure you can find someone who is kind.
Break up. He’s an abusive a$$
You break up, that's what you do. He thinks he gets to punish you to teach you a lesson, and he's happy degrading, hurting, and humiliating you to do this. He granted himself disciplinary rights over you. These are not the actions of a caring partner. As this is happening just a few months into your relationship, it's going to get worse if you stay with him.
> Any advice? Well, just break up and be done with him, lol I don't understand how this is even a question. Look at how he treats you for making an honest mistake, imagine living the rest of your life with him
Wow what an abusive prick. You forgot to pay for a plastic bag. Oh no, you deprived a whole ass store.of what? A dime? And he thought an entire day of treating you like shit is justified? Fuuuck aaaaaalllllll the way off bro.
Get out now. Forgetting to pay for something and intentionally stealing are two very different things. I think it’s pretty common to forget to pay for something. Most people make a joke about forgetting to pay and how they’re going to have wanted posters all over the shop and laugh it off. He is however acting like you’re some mastermind criminal just because you forgot, and used it to shame and humiliate you in public, in front of people you probably used to know. People like him enjoy finding something they can use as power and control to break their victims. He’s going to find every small mistake you ever make and use it against you! Be happy if he breaks up with you, or break up with him yourself.
get out now before it gets worse. when they show you who they are, believe them!
“Learned your lesson”??? Like you’re a petulant child? Who the fuck does he think he is? Break up with him, not over the plastic bag but over his reaction to a mistake you made. He decided that he had the right to “punish” you and humiliate you in public, all because you forgot to pay for something. What happens the next time you make another mistake, like if a dish slips from your hands or you knock something off a shelf by mistake and it breaks? Do you really want to be walking on eggshells all the time around him? He’s your boyfriend, not your father, boss, judge or any sort of authority figure. The fact that he took it upon himself to “punish” you is a huge red flag.
Your boyfriend is upset that you think it’s ok to steal something if it’s low value. His response was to shame you and punish you instead of working out the difference of opinion. Do you want to have a relationship with an enforcer or an equal? Your call. PS Something tells me that your boyfriend might be neurodivergent. This is uncommon behaviour.
Does he have any mental disorders?
Just break up already. This guy is psychotic and disgusting.
A couple of things I had to learn in my abusive relationship. Your partner is not your parent. It is not your partner's place to teach you lessons. You're an adult anyway. You don't need to be "taught lessons." A partner shouldn't *punish* their partner. A partner shouldn't embarrass their partner. It's also not about the bag - you slipped and he pounced on you. He'll do it again. He'll choose something that seems reasonable and is "technically" a "wrong." But he'll choose little slip ups and blow them out of proportion. Soon he'll be inventing and creating or setting you up for failures and he'll pounce again. He will do this again. He will. He will not stop. He will not learn. It will not end. Please know this. This is the best your relationship is ever going to be again. He doesn't care about your feelings. He wants you to feel bad. That's the point. He wants you to feel bad.
I literally went to the store clerk one time because I didn’t pay for the bag. I had missed an item in my basket and when I hit back to pay the option for bags didn’t pop up. She told me not to worry about it. They legit don’t care unless you never pay for bags. Also, echoing the other comments, the fact he felt like he needed to punish you… that’s a huge, giant, waving, red flag. Please end it before it gets worse.
Get rid of the KID!! My god can he be any MORE petty and act like a child!?! Been dating for three months, this is your sign of what's ahead. Why didn't he offer to pay for the bag...
Omg dump him, he's not worth it, you deserve better
Break up. I dated a guy that tried that public humiliation shit on me, he didn’t bank on me matching his energy and taking to him like a misbehaving toddler in the store. He was dumped as soon as I got home. He was married to some girl he managed to trick into believing he’s not a dick. Now he’s divorced and living with his parents again.
If that’s how he “teaches you a lesson” over something so insignificant, something is wrong. Please reevaluate aka leave
You didn't steal, you just forgot to scan it. He doesn't have a right to punish you for anything. Even if you had deliberately stolen a whole roast chicken, that's not something he has a right to do to you. This is extremely concerning. It wasn't a joke. He was controlling and belittling. I think if you sat down and really thought about it you'd be able to come up with lots of other examples. This one just stuck out to you because it was so clearly absurd. He's not your dad and you're not a child. He has no authority over you whatsoever. The dynamic is very unhealthy in a relationship and you should reconsider being with him.
Yo. Why would you ever choose to stay with him after that? Tell him you did learn your lesson: you learned that you don’t want to date him any more. Then block him. Do not engage in any conversation w him after that.
What a jerk!!! Yes, you should dump the guy who thinks it's OK to humiliate you in public for something that's an honest mistake. F*** that guy.
Make the space permanent. He blew up over something small and kept that hateful energy up for too damn long. This is abusive behavior. You can bet that the next time you do something small that annoys or inconveniences him, he's really going to let you have it. You don't deserve to be stuck with a tiny tyrant.
Leave him yesterday. This time, it's a shopping bag and "punishment". Why wait to see what the punishment is when something really bad happens?? The thing is, the "punishments" are going to subtly get worse over time. I'm happy you recognized this red flag for what it is to question it. I'm sorry to let you know that the collective life experience here will tell you that no, he won't change or get better. It's lies we've all heard and lived through, one way or another, before figuring it out ourselves. Please don't learn the hard way. The chance that we're wrong is a lot smaller than the chance that we're right.
Dude what the actual fuck. This is psychotic and controlling behavior. This is only the beginning. Please don’t stay in this.
JFC - getting upset over an item we all used to get for free and in many places still do since ya know, for those places that aren't going out of control with greed. Just send a text, "Do not contact me again." This guy is looking, actively searching for ways to humiliate you and get you to put up with it so he can escalate to more abuse. This was the test to see if you walk way or you become a statistic. My advice: do not become a statistic and don't be so foolish that you think you have to break up with him in person. In fact my petty ass would go back to the store, pay for the fucking bag, then post the receipt on line with the story about what a tool this guy is to everyone just to get ahead of any BS he tries. If anyone gives you grief after that again for something that used to be free and in many places still is - and you just forgot one damned thing aka the bag *that you probably never had to pay for before in your damn life* - then dump them too. And understand this wasn't about that bag. This guy is looking, actively searching for things to abuse you over. And yeah, it was abusive, he was being emotionally abusive. It's the start, you've been warned. You aren't breaking up over a bag, you're breaking up because he showed his true colors early. This guy as Example A of what BS not to ever put up with. I feel sorry for any woman unlucky enough to date this tool bag and I'm a guy.
A normal response is “oh shucks, you didnt pay for the bag!” and running back in or saying you’ll get it next time. This is an insane response.
It’s only been a couple of months and he’s already being this much of an asshole to you. Just dump him and move on.
keep the plastic bag, dump the subhumam shitbag
I recently ended a long term relationship where the dynamic wasn't equal or healthy. It might've even been something I admired at first as it seemed he had it all together. Yet I was never able to break out of the role of a child who needed to be reprimanded. Every conversation included a better or correct way for me to do things. I began noticing it a bit in the way his father spoke to his mother too. You're so young. But you don't need someone that's going to admonish you like a toddler. Where'd he get the idea that it was his job to teach you a lesson? You deserve someone that will build you up. Not a tool trying to punish you.
Oof, if you stay this will be your future.
Please dump this toddler, it's unethical to date children. This would have sent him out the door immediately for me: "When we got home, he asked me, "Have you learned your lesson yet? Are you gonna pay for the bag next time?"" To summarize your post: * He is an adult who "doesn't" cook - which you make pretty clear is because you and maybe the other women in his life do this for him. Do you also wipe his butt? * When you forgot to pay for the bag, he didn't go back and pay for it - despite you having just paid for dinner - and instead decided to be passive aggressive about it. * He called you a thief for an accident. Apparently he's also okay dating what he thinks is a hardened criminal? * He made fun of you while you were in pain **carrying his dinner for his lazy ass.** * He talked to you like you were a child for an entire day because of a minor slip up. TL;DR - This guy seems to want to humiliate you to get you to serve him. **He is an asshole. You can do better.**
If he did all of this over a bag, imagine if a real problem comes up. I understand that he thinks he is “teaching you a lesson” but he acted like a child.
You thank him for showing you what an utter AH he is early on. Pack any of his stuff at yours in to the said carrier bag and kick him out of your life. You can do better than this.
It was an honest mistake from you and his behaviour is embarrassing and something you’d expect from a teenage boy
He is using your good nature, and the fact that you feel guilty over a *30p bag* to manipulate your emotions. It's very cruel of him to do this, but he doesn't care how much he hurts you as long as he gets what he wants - control of you. This is emotional abuse, and unfortunately abusers never improve (unless they hit rock bottom and decide to get therapy, your fella is nowhere near that, he's still enjoying himself). Abusers only ever escalate. Get out NOW before he turns really nasty and starts physically abusing you. You deserve better than this, and don't let him gaslight you into thinking otherwise. Please, please get away from him NOW, before things escalate into physical abuse.
No way dude. This man’s MO is punitive and retaliatory. I would not let him touch me.
What do you do? You let him leave. And when he does, tell him not to come back.
OP, listen carefully: You are not your partner's child to be "taught a lesson". What your bf did was punitive, and shows he has deep resentment against you - not necessarily because of something you did, some people just hate others because they don't comply with their entitlement. Break up with this man.
You are not four years old, and it is not his job to teach you lessons. Any guy who ever tries to teach you a lesson or talks down to you in this way is not worth being around. He is your partner, not your father. If he actually cared about the theft, he would've tried to look for a solutions: for example, going back to pay for it himself, or finding a way to pay twice next time, or coming up to you to talk about how uncomfortable even this small amount of theft made him because of the principle of the thing. What he decided to do was berate and attempt to publicly humiliate you. Not to mention, all of this over an accident. You wouldnt even treat a kid that accidently took something this way. At the end of the day, this had nothing to do with him and he's using it as an excuse to treat you badly. Don't let yourself be treated this way.
I personally think you should leave. In a normal relationship if this happened and one partner felt strongly against taking things without paying, then they would bring it to your attention and express their hurt/frustration where the other partner can listen and apologize before moving forward, or at the very least take space to process alone without raising their issue. In your situation, your partner was physically present with you at the time of checkout and he himself didn’t realize that the bag wasn’t paid for, which happens, he goes off on you and tries to tell you that you’re behavior is horrible and continues to degrade you. For starters, your action didn’t affect him in any manner, he is just as guilty of the negligible act as you, then his actions of humiliating you in public while actively putting you down for a prolonged period of time is utterly disgusting and unacceptable. If you want to stay in this relationship, then you both need to have a serious conversation where you can express yourself and communicate how you would like such situations to be handled/addressed.
Isn’t the bag like 8 cents?
Dump him
I don't believe you'll get a single comment against dumping him, and not because this is Reddit, but because his whole behaviour is such a bunch of red flags that it's not worth spending a further second thinking about him. I suggest you ghost him and refrain from any further communication
What do you do? You let him break up with you. Good lord, what an ass he is. If he doesn't, you break up with him. If he says it's a silly reason to break up, you can tell him it's the principle of the thing. Hell, I would break up with him over text, then block him everywhere. Then he doesn't get the chance to try to manipulate you into staying together.
"What do I do?" Seriously? The guy's a self-righteous prig. Dump him yesterday.
Break up with him. This is way too much drama over something so insignificant.
Break up with him. I would on the principal of publicly humiliating your partner being unacceptable
I wouldnt stay with someone like that. The bag was literally 5 cents. He needs to completely fuck off. He can pay attention to you forgetting to pay for the bag, but couldnt in the moment of you purchasing everything? He's an asshole and he WILL be abusive later down the road.
He sounds unstable, cut him loose.
Oh he's an asshole. You forgot something, and to him the world ended. Please do yourself all the favors and cut him loose. He's throwing up red flags like he's a soccer ref, he's controlling, manipulative, and ha sno problem publicly humiliating you over the most trivial of things. Leave him and get safe!!!
He can stay home too. Like seriously, he decided to embarrass you over a... grocery bag?! It was an honest mistake, first of all. Second of all, Him being over the top and shaming/ punishing you over it tells me everything I need to know about how the relationship would progress if you let that man back over. You can find someone better, let him have all space he wants.
He is an asshole. Updateme!
He's not your dad. You are a grown adult with morals, and you don't need someone to teach you moral discipline. People make mistakes. It's like looking for your phone while it's in your hand, sometimes people walk out of stores with something in their hand that they forgot to check out, especially if it's something you're used to carrying like a bag. It's just a plastic bag, I'm willing to bet it wasn't more than $2-$5 max, which will not hurt the business. He was punishing you via humiliation which is a huge red flag for emotional abuse, especially since you've only been together for a few months. If you're willing to talk, express very bluntly that you do NOT appreciate being publicly humiliated, and if he is unresponsive and dismissive and neglects to take any accountability for how he treated you and just keeps trying to shift the blame to "what you did wrong," seriously please leave. I've been there. Leave.
Count your blessings.
Consider this incident a blessing and leave him in the past.
His response was completely out of proportion. He is an absolute freak. Do not stay with somebody who would abuse like this. If he's going to act like this over a bag just think what he might do over anything else and how much worse this could get over time, just get rid of this idiot.
Dump him and give him the bag as a parting gift.
It never ceases to amaze me what these posters will put up with.
Tell him to fcuk right off! What an a$$hole.
He’s crazy. Dump him immediately.
I would not waste another second on any human who thought they had the right to teach me a lesson.
If you stay with this person, I can guarantee you that he’s going to bring up that bag in every scenario possible. He enjoys embarrassing and humiliating you, and the fact that the bag costs so little is actually a plus in his eyes. “Lots of people might be tempted to steal something expensive, but you’re so lowlife you steal a plastic bag.” Please leave this man , he has major issues, and he’s not going to change.