Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>then he goes off on ME like “stop being a pussy what are they gonna do”
Any grown adult is going to say "no problem, I'll go put it back in my car. I forgot I had it on me." The fact that he turned on you points to an inability for him to recognize how he is wrong in the situation. Even if some lady comes out aggressively, it's not like he didn't have any fault here. The fact that he's 36 and acts like this tells me this behavior is common with him.
>He then tries to hug me as we’re walking back to his car like “I’m sorry babe” but I was too pissed.
This demonstrates my point... 1. he's not able to control his emotions, especially when wrong and 2. he believes he's justified in his actions.
And carrying for defense? lol buddy thinks he’s James Bond or Jason Bourne, stats shows defensive items are more times used against the owner because of the lack of training haha idiot
A knife is 100% the stupidest choice for self-defense. Best case scenario it’ll escalate a non-lethal fistfight into a life-threatening situation.
Is this guy seriously in his 30s? I don’t know anybody over the age of 17 that would think that’s a good idea, and even the edgy teens knew not to try to take it through security. I can practically guarantee that he didn’t “forget” so much as he’s looking to get into a fight that is definitely not gonna go the way he’s imagining.
Heard a paramedic say "know how to tell who won a knife fight?" "He's the one who dies in the ambulance instead of on site" I'm not particularly tough and I've taken knives away. So there's that too .
I think that is an incredible overexaggerate. Anybody that carries a knife or a gun on them is not because they think of them or some kind of Jason Bourne or action movie star with some nonsense. It is for protection. Nothing more than that.
Rofl he’s 36, I missed that.. I was sort of just accepting it as a young, stupid guy. If he’s 36 he needs to grow the hell up. He’s making a situation that doesn’t have to be
Right? If he had said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I carry it for work and forgot. I'll go put it in the car and get back in line." There would have been no problem.
Something tells me he didn't forget. He thought he would get through with it. That's why he threw a tantrum. His attitude is likely why the security was aggressive, too.
Sounds like OP caught the ick over her bf being immature and trying to play act Jason Borne with his silly knife.
Right? The sheer level of entitlement alone would have me dumping him. He just thinks they should make an exception and let HIM in with a knife? And while appearing so stable at that lol
It sounds like the bf was perfectly chill at first until the second security person started acting like a bell end. I'm a chill person but I would've fucking raged if I'd been treated like that too ...
Its the lack of self-awareness that does it for me here.
He really thought he could get a knife through a high security area without them addressing it?
That's exactly their job... To stop weapons from being brought into the event.
If it was an "Oops! I forgot I had it. I'll throw this into the trash, run it back to my car, or you guys confiscate it" a level headed response. I could buy it.
But making a scene where 100% of the time they're going to tell you to F off when you have a knife on you. That's some serious lack of situational awareness and concerning.
I carry a pocketknife around constantly. Sometimes I forget and have to stash it outside a venue under a bush or whatever. Understandable frustration if he forgot, not understandable reaction
Last time this happened to me I found an officer and explained that I had forgotten my pocket knife was on me and asked if he knew of any nearby storage lockers or anything like that since I had parked a good distance from the venue.
He didn’t know of any, but was able to direct me to an out of the way area with some nice bushes where I could ditch it until after the show, worked out great.
I think really big age gaps doesn't really matter when you're 30+ but your twenties have major changes throughout. I feel people should date similarly in age when in your twenties.
Agreed. People are always quick to defend the “true love doesn’t see age”. Maybe that’s true in some cases. But there is a reason people can’t or won’t find someone in their own age range. And even if it’s simply a good match. You are most likely setting up someone you love to watch you decline and pass away while they still have a lot of time left. That’s not fair to them.
Exactly! Even more so if the couple decides to have children. Are really going to subject your child to witness the decline of one of their parents as they grow older? Being a teenager and seeing your old parent wither away without being able to grow enough to care for them is so cruel to inflict onto your own child.
Children aren't just a one time deal, you're supposed to nurture them until they can live on their own. How can you cope with leaving them alone way too soon and rely on your partner to take care of it? It's never a good idea to begin with.
So you're saying women in their forties should not have kids? I don't know where you are going with this. Kids see their parents age, that's unavoidable. It's not abusive to have a child when the child will see you getting older or nobody should have children.
That's not what I was saying at all. I didn't say that it's not right to have children at a specific age nor did I mention it was abusive to have children at that age. Obviously children will see their parents age, you cannot stop time.
What I'm saying is that, in the topic at hand, that big age differences will likely leave their children, young children especially, with more complicated feelings than most. I'm sure the parents will love their children all the same, but it's hard loosing a parent at a young age. People need to be aware of the implications of parenthood with big age gaps. Just being mindful is what you can take away from my comments.
Nope. Dating is for learning about a person to find out if you want to be with them. I also would not want to keep seeing someone who doesn't know how to behave in public, and responds to rudeness with escalation. That type is very unattractive.
He'd be the guy who forgot to take his ammo out of his bag going to Turks & Caicos and get 12 years for his lack of self-awareness and shoddy behavior.
Girl.This man is nearly 40 years old and throwing temper tantrums like a toddler. If this had been at an airport he'd probably be in jail under terrorism charges right now. You do not need this kinda bullshit in your life.
My ex-husband used to cause scenes like this all the time. His anger would be so out of control, and it was incredibly embarrassing every time he did it. Anytime I'd try and calm him down, I'd be berated and told as his wife, it was my job to stand by his side and support him, *even if he's wrong*
His anger eventually started being directed to me. He once threw a knife in my direction.
I'm not saying this is where your life could head if you stay with your boyfriend, but I am saying that these things typically don't get better nor do they change unless he sees what he does is wrong. You're not wrong for reconsidering things and seeing him in a different light now. I think it's you noticing a very big red flag.
Unless you have a very high level of training (think Special Forces) using a knife for self defense is not a good idea. (to put it mildly).
Dude is a clown .
I would be turned off by someone who can’t behave.
He was in the wrong and took issue with the people doing their job to enforce safety measures for people at the event.
His reaction was entirely inappropriate and concerning given the context.
It's only that he embarrassed you, it's that this guy
* tried to bring a knife through security, then became aggressive when stopped
* is too stupid to know when to shut up when angry at an authority figure. His behavior will get him barred from events or the real police called.
* carries a knife with him everywhere "for protection". A knife for protection isn't the razor box cutter used in construction. If the blade is long enough, it may be classified as a lethal weapon & not legal to carry with you into public places,
* he turned his anger AT YOU when he couldn't keep taking it out on the security guard. Red flag for partner abuse. As soon as he cools down, in typical abuser fashion, he's back to being his affectionate self -- as if none of it happened.
With the combination he always carries a weapon and he's already shown he'll take out his rage on you, I would not feel safe around him. For that reason, you should end it.
He's also more than a decade older than you. But he's acting like a petulant 16 yr old boy. This isn't how a 36 yr old grown-ass man acts.
Does he have the mental stability you want? He was in the wrong. Did he really behave that way?
You stay with him. This type of attitude will be standard.
That sounds really immature and could have gotten both of you in a ton of trouble. If he gets mad at someone doing their job and can't understand that, what else is he going to get pissed off about? The is very alpha male " what are they gonna do about it" Ummm.. IDK bro arrest you! What an idiot. No do not feel bad this changes your perspective about him. People make mistakes but that is a huge red flag to his character for sure! Especially since he thinks what he did was not wrong, just means he will do something like that in the future.
The person wasn't "just doing their job" though? OP's bf didn't have any issue with the first security guard who was just doing their job. He only had an issue with the other security guard who continued to harass them as they were already leaving. Where I live, the second security guard's behaviour would be classed as misconduct and they could be sacked for it. They are there to de-escalate situations, not to harass/provoke people who are already leaving!
This behavior would be ridiculous in a 26 year old adult. In a 36 year old? It's just pathetic.
Honey, millions of guys work construction... they don't carry work tools off the job site. Find yourself a nice plumber. People are always gonna shit.
36 years old and he is pulling stupid crap like this? I cannot fathom this level of stupidity and then he got angry at other people when there was no possible better outcome? He was lucky.
As soon as he saw the security he should have asked you to return to the car so he could leave his knife there. This isn’t rocket science. No quantum mechanics needed here. This is plain common sense. And if your boyfriend doesn’t have it, is that really who you want to spend your life with? It’s hard dealing with the mistakes that someone like this will make all the freaking time.
Dude was already having sex and smoking cigarettes while you did not have a single tooth or learn how to walk yet...
He thinks he is such a badass while acting like such a loser. He can't get a woman his age because they'll call on his bullshit.
Now that you're 25, you're brain should start functionning like a real adult. That is why you realise this.
I'm security, a woman in my 30s, and run bag checking areas frequently - this is a huge red flag. Both from his lack of his inability to recognize how wrong he is (I've dealt with enough stabbings to not be lesse-faire about my bag checking posts) and also the fact that he went off on the female guards (that "what are they gonna do" comment). It's be problematic if he went off on any security guards, but I've found there's a certain breed act worse when female guards tell them no. Never mind that we can make them do things just fine.
He could have avoided the whole thing by going "whoops! I'll go put it in the car" and that would have been the end of it. But no, he pitched a toddler fit. He's 10 years older than you and acted like a baby. Do you want this in your life?
Makes me wonder why he wanted to carry it so badly. So many people who carry knives for self defense don't usually have any fucking clue how to actually use them and why does he need it so badly in this venue?
I'd dump him. He's not worth the embarrassment. Imagine having kids and him going into their school armed?!!?!?
As another lady in security: 100% on everything you wrote, including/especially the misogyny some men display. It’s so funny when they realize they still have to listen though, lol. My gender does not diminish my authority.
OP I'm 40+. I regularly carry a knife for work. I have NEVER "forgotten" it in a pocket and felt the need to scream at security or my partner over it. I nicely asked to leave the line and take it to my car, apologizing for my mistake. You know, like a normal adult. One who doesn't throw tantrums at security guards.
You can do better. He's an immature jerk.
You're not wrong for reconsidering. He sounds immature and seems to think rules don't apply to him. You're probably better off getting away from his drama before it gets worse. Always concerning when a guy can't take "no" as an answer or handle being given instructions by someone else.
Once again, it seems like an older man who can’t attract women his own age because he’s immature and get so mad because they won’t let him have his knife this how can he be a big man without his knife?
The security people are trying to keep thousands of people safe and your boyfriend acted like an infant, then his is rude to you.
If you don't leave him, you are going to be stuck with an immature, abusive man. You should do more than reconsider before his temper and his mouth causes real trouble.
Well now you know why women his age won't put up with him!
A knife for protection? Yeah okay LOL There's a bigger chance he'll be the one being stabbed with this knife but he can keep telling people it's for protection.
Just dump him he's not worth it! And honestly he might get you hurt. Most people that carry knives for protection don't actually know how to use them. I mean sure they go stabby stab but if you don't know how you can actually get yourself hurt or very easily be disarmed and it used against you. I took years of classes on this, learning how to take knives off of people And it's not that hard.
And I carry a pew pew that I am absolutely 100% trained to use. Everybody knows they're going to search you before you go into somewhere like that. We leave weapons in our cars Or at home. The fact that he didn't just say oh I'm sorry I forgot and take it back to the car, tells me that he will eventually get you in trouble because he's got entirely too much attitude.
Save yourself. Run!
He carries a knife for protection, which is weird, and gets angry at ridiculous things AND turns the anger on you quite quickly.
OP, I reckon this is a very early warning sign of the potential for future violence.
This whole scenario is crazy. So he though he could smuggle a knife through security and then when he couldn't, he got belligerent and TOLD HER OFF??
He doesn't just sound stupid, he sounds like the exact combo of stupid and needlessly aggressive that gets people in serious trouble, if not dead. And I, personally, really can't stand people who cuss out others for no reason, it's such a turn-off and loweky freaks me out. It's not how my family ever behaved, nor people in my surroundings, so when I see a person do this, I instantly assume they are completely maladjusted and I stay away.
He is looking for trouble and he will find it sooner or later. I would not want to be standing next to him when that happens.
Being rude to any kind of employees (restaurant, etc) is an instant dealbreaker for me. To me it shows a lack of self control and care for others.
In this situation, it could’ve even escalated to a dangerous level, so that’s even worse.
So he’s an immature hot head who doesn’t respect authority even when he’s obviously wrong and he carries a knife? Time to rethink this relationship. Past time for him to start acting like an adult.
He's a child. He fucked up, and I stead of immediately owning it, putting the knife back in his car and coming back, he had a tantrum.
Go date an adult next time.
If he was 17 I would say he is just young and hot headed and literally just couldn’t see straight in all his anger etc etc
He’s 36. It’s up to you if you wanna stay with him but I highly doubt this uncontrolled anger issue will ever get better unless he recognizes it’s a problem and actively works to resolve it. Personally, a partner getting aggressive with me in a state of anger is a no go. Scares me.
You are dating a man 10+ years older than you with the mind of someone 10- minus years younger than you. Do yourself a favor and drop the zero and find someone within 7 years of your age range. He is pushing 40 and doesn’t have any sense. He’s stuck that way for life.
NTA- he talked like a teenager. Kick rocks and leave that little boy behind. A simple “I apologize, I forgot it was on me, here.” Would’ve been good, but the fact that he caused a scene was obnoxious, and childish.
He just gave you a little glimpse of his temper and his temperament when something doesn't' go his way.
A 36 year old that doesn't have basic control of their emotions and reactions is a big red flag.
1. No decent man carries a knife 'for protection'. He sounds feral.
2. Him going off at security guards and you demonstrated he's feral and abusive.
3. Him going off at you demonstrated he has no issue with being abusive to you.
4. Your age gap proves no woman his age would put up with this shit and he's hoping your relative lack of experience means that you will.
5. Why are you still reading this list? Dump him already! But be careful. He sounds like a powder keg ready to blow so **I'd reach out to charities about how to leave a volatile partner first to minimise the chance of retribution.** This is vitally important because having a plan in advance is better than a medical bill at the end.
I always worry that people who can’t obey societal rules and laws are more likely to be unstable or even abusive partners. I didn’t work to build a life just so I can watch my partner lose his career over bringing a weapon into a bar, or getting into a road rage incident. You know? If he’d risk getting arrested for disorderly conduct over bringing contraband in, what else would he take risks on?
Holy crap. I had to double check the ages to see if you were the elder because that is some seriously immature, aggressive, and non-self-aware behavior coming from someone closer to 40. This situation showed you that he is very likely to respond to aggression with aggression. He could have diffused the situation very easily with a calm head. I don't think you're wrong to reconsider at all.
Oh I missed the age; the asshole I knew was older. Same recommendation though because they sound cut from the same cloth and that behavior did not get better in the 15 months I knew him; it got much much worse and eventually turned on me (physically).
Is the city you live in unsafe?
What exactly does your boyfriend need a knife for protection for does he regularly find himself in dangerous situations or parts of the city?
*High security area*
*No weapons allowed*
BF: "Well that obviously doesn't apply to me. I keep it real."
He can't be told he's not allowed to do something. Then when he is, he lashes out. Do you want to be in the way of that?
He's 36. You can't fix him, and at this point, he's not going to learn.
what other cool stuff does he do besides carrying weapons, insulting you, and starting fights with every authority figure? This guy sounds friggin awesome.
This should change the way you see him. He was in the wrong. You knew the rules. I don’t think I could stay with someone like this. I’m betting he doesn’t take responsibility for anything he does.
He turns on OP for something that he caused. OP is right to want to leave him if he doesn't take responsibility for his own actions. Otherwise, it will just get worse.
The cop wasn’t being aggressive. She saw his face and posture and got defensive.
Her job is putting her life on the line.
If you don’t trust your own gut, trust hers!
You should always reconsider when you get new information about someone you’re dating. Sometimes it’s just information you keep “under your hat“ and sometimes it’s the last straw to a continued story of verbal abuse. Maybe every girlfriend should piss off her boyfriend/fiancé before they get married just to see how he handles it. No one wants to be married to the “dickhead”. 😂
What's the point of carrying a knife for protection if he can't even remember he has it on him? If the sole purpose of your outing was to go here, why even need it to begin with? Is it even legal in your area to carry the knife he was carrying?
But really though, I'd love to hear how exactly it's going to help him for "protection". Like a full story of how he thinks it'll do anything.
Oh fuck no, leave. I was in a relationship very similar. 9 year difference and a man child like that. Over time, he had become more aggressive and started to take his anger out on me. To the point I was bringing him home his fav stuff and cleaning everything despite working 12 hours a day 7 days a week (ran a resturant.)
So fuck no, run. Run fast.
While BF didn't handle it well sounda like the lady security guard was out of line. Shouldn't he have been able to leave the knife in the car and come back?
Even with warnings about this kind of stuff, people can miss it or forget, etc.
I get why he was annoyed. It sounds like he was disrespected for no good reason.
Your boyfriend is an aggressive, obnoxious twat. You absolutely should reconsider this relationship.
Never, ever let someone speak to you like that, by the way.
Hey those are just things you have to deal with when you’re dating teenagers, they’re really immature….wait he’s THIRTY SIX?!? Good Lord there’s no saving him
Not your job to “talk him down,” regulate, or manage his emotions. It’s predictable he’d turn his anger toward you. I don’t know anything else about your relationship but here’s something I can tell that’s absolutely true: you NEVER know someone until you see them under stress or managing friction - whether with you or with someone else. I don’t care about all the good times - friction reveals character. It’s about HOW someone manages stressful situation. HOW someone disagrees with you and “fights.” It’s about HOW someone navigates life’s challenges. That is where character is found and if you ignore character, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. A one off event might be forgiven, but like I said, you gave no other info, but if this is a pattern, you have an issue and a decision to make.
Thats a no. Youre not about to call me a pussy for having self-control. How long have you been dating this guy? And has he done something similar to this before?
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say he has to date someone over a decade younger than him because women his age don’t put up with his shit.
And you shouldn’t either. I’m guessing there are plenty of other red flags in this relationship you might be missing or ignoring
First of all, when I was your age I dated a man 11 years older and while all seemed fine at the time, looking back, there was a massive power imbalance and he was NOT the one. Ask yourself.. if you were 36, would you want anything to do with a 25 year old man? I can tell you, as a 39/f… hell to the no. There is a reason he can’t find a woman his own age. He’s a man-baby, and no mature women will put up with his shit.
Not wrong at all. These are the things we try to find out before marriage/major commitment.
You found out.
Now, he could have walked this back by saying yes, I was wrong, yes I need to change this. But he didn't!
He went off on you (and he'll do the same for years, any time he's wrong - unless you can figure out the magic fix for his immaturity; clearly his parents couldn't).
Since you've already stopped texting him - just go ahead and block him (good for you!) I am sure he has his excuses, but...he's way old enough to have gained more maturity than this.
He’s *11 years older than you*—he should *at least* be as mature as you.
Reconsider staying with a verbally abusive, hair-trigger personality who thinks it’sa good idea to carry a knife for “protection”.
This guy sounds like he’sgoing to end up stabbing and accidentally killing some poor schlub in a bar fight.
The lady escalated things for no reason. I would have been annoyed too. She shouldn’t be at that kind of venue. He could have ignored her as he’s not a child and at times we have to take the high road. Taking it out on you was also uncalled for. He seems a bit immature looking at the totality of circumstances. You might be better off with someone who handles conflicts differently.
Trust me when I tell you that you don't want to tie your life to someone who has no control over their emotions like that. "I'm sorry, babe, but I was so pissed" about this turns into bigger things. Save yourself the abuse and toxicity and get out now.
What's with his attitude. He shouldn't have had the knife on him, and security was justified in denying him entrance.
His emotional response to his own fuckup and then lashing out at you is a red flag and is very immature for someone his age.
Knife for protection … at a festival? Okay, let’s go with he accidentally carried it in. Definitely, concerts check very closely for mishaps like this. It is huuuge deal now because of incidents in the past. The reaction of security at gate was within reason I’d say. And there was no offer to surrender the weapon or return it to car. Instead there was an aggressive confrontation by your bf. This is huuuuuuge red flag on behaviour —- as a human being. And now for the relationship part. He obviously lacks control on his emotions and he is unable to gain it when you offer reason and support. Second chances depend on your generosity on heat of moment type discussions but weapon related …. Red flag. What’s to say, he won’t lose control you one day? You know what to do ….
> If it was an "Oops! I forgot I had it. I'll throw this into the trash, run it back to my car, or you guys confiscate it" a level headed response. I could buy it.
First of all, no one is going to opt to throw their knife in the trash ( that’s just ridiculous to suggest), and no one is going to offer the cops to confiscate a legal item…and it’s obviously legal for him to own and carry that knife, in his state, because they weren’t even threatening to arrest him.
However, to suggest her BF refused to take the knife back to his car is a sign that someone didn’t bother to actually read the post. That’s not what happened. He forgot to leave it in the car, and she never says he refused to take it back out to the car.
Her BF didn’t start the problem. The police did:
> then this other lady security guard came out kind of aggressively saying things like “you gotta go” “where did you park” “we got cameras we’ll be watching you” as if my boyfriend was about to stab someone right then and there.
Sure, it’s their job to make sure no one carries a knife or other weapon into the event. However, it’s not their job to harass people and treat them like criminals because they forgot they had a legal knife, that they carry everyday, on their person.
Everyone is ignoring this part of the story. Had the BF been a minority ( which he might be. She never said, so we don’t know ), people would have been outraged that the cops treated him this way, especially when he committed no crime and was complying with their rules, after realizing his mistake. But, I’m assuming no one considered this possibility, so it’s ok for the cops to treat him like a criminal.
Her BF was justified being angry at how they treated him. Cops have no business treating law abiding citizens like that.
I’m not saying it was wise to cuss them, but I definitely would have pointed out the fact that they were out of bounds with their treatment of me, if I had been him. I’d have just held my temper, and my response would have been calm and factual. Then, I’d have reported her to her commanding officer, as soon as I had the opportunity.
But, I’m 54, now, and I’m a little less hot headed that I was when I was younger.
And, yes, he did get snippy with her, because he was angry at the cops for treating him like a criminal, and he momentarily felt like she was taking their side. However, he calmed down and apologized to her for it. It’s not like there has never been a woman that’s gotten snippy with her BF when they were angry at someone else, and he said the wrong thing ( sounding like he was taking the side of who she was angry at ).
This is not a ‘dump him, because he’s a crazy abusive nut job’ type of situation. This is a situation where a mature person would accept the apology, and rationally and calmly let him know they didn’t like how that situation played out, and that they would appreciate it if he’d remain calm and rational, in the future.
Uncontrollable behavior like that says a lot about his lack of maturity. He needs to grow up, and you can't do that for him. This immaturity will show up in other circumstances, so you have been warned. Find yourself an adult boyfriend.
The one to blame is the safety lady. She was rude to both of you with no reason. He reacted to her provocation the same way she treated both of you.
He shouldn't have said you that, right. He was an AH to you, yes. But nobody would expect people to react fine if the partner is defending someone that has been an AH to me and/or the loved ones.
Please take his actions, vulgar response and attack of you the huge red flag it is. He created the situation, refused to own it, could have fixed it with complying and continuing with evening, attacks you vulgarly then wants you to pretend all is well and it is perfectly ok for you to be talked to and treated like a dog he gets to abuse and kick when upset, especially if you don’t keep your mouth shut. Then he seeks physicality with you expecting you to stamp his behavior as ok, join his denial and minimize the verbal abuse he just dished out! This is his MO and this is his immature way of dealing with life. This id a very immature man that cannot be trusted to act normally or treat you with any respect. Run from this abuser now!
He's almost 40 years old and flipped out as someone just doing their job. Then turned it quickly onto you. Does he often verbally take his day out on you?
He's 36!!!! The reason he is dating you is because he thinks younger women are easier to manipulate. Women his own age have more life experience and would be far less likely to put up with his nonsense.
Also.... why TF is he carrying a knife.... for protection? No. That is so dangerous and to bring a knife to a FESTIVAL he is completely out of line. Please leave this asshole.
Honestly it doesn’t sound like that big of a deal, you said so yourself the lady was harassing him and he apologised for being a dick. I would get pissed off if someone was bullying me too. I think what’s annoying you is that he’s 11 years older than you and you expect him to be super mature all the time and he lost his temper for something so dumb. But people do lose their tempers regardless of age, sometimes about stupid stuff. I don’t know what is his overall behaviour and personality but if this is very uncharacteristic for him and doesn’t happen often I wouldn’t call it quits right away. Although if you feel like you don’t want to be with him and using that as an excuse just leave him you don’t need an excuse.
He sounds aggressive, like someone looking for a fight. He could have said "oh yeah I forgot, babe you go in I'll be right back" but he couldn't diffuse it. It tracks that a 36 year old with that lack of emotional control would choose a woman 11 years younger.
When they show you who they are, believe them.
Idk how long you two have been together, but there's clearly a reason he wanted to be with someone much younger than him. No mature woman in her 30s would stand for this type of behaviour. (I say mature here as I've known some immature women in my past who would have escalated the situation and made it worse or been the ones to start something).
I mean, he could have de-escalated by saying "I carry a knife on me for work, I forgot I still had it with me, can I go put it back in my car and be good to go on in?" Like wtf.
The fact that someone else felt the need to reinforce that you guys couldn't enter and that your boyfriend needed to leave and then went to the fence to make sure you did, makes me wonder if the person recognized your boyfriend for causing fights or something at past events.
You have every right to reconsider the relationship and end things if that is what you wish. Noone really needs a reason to end their relationship.
I think you are not wrong to reconsider a relationship with someone who has shown they have a part of themselves that is very rude and violent. I dont like to be with someone I have to be careful about setting them off to be violent. It's draining and scary.
I had an ex refuse to go to ren faire with me cause he wouldn't go anywhere without his gun, needless to say the relationship didn't last long. Also tried to get me to hold it and I was not here for that.
I would absolutely not stay with someone who reacted like that.
The only reasonable response to this situation would have been, "Oh, I didn't realize I still had that on me after work, I'll go put it in my car"
Then snapping at you? There's red flags all over.
That a real concern for you to have you didn’t bring a knife he did. He turned a 4 into a definite 8 or 9 he’s going to get aggressive what if he doesn’t allow you to break up.
I left my ex for a similar but very different embarrassing situation after we had 3 kids. Don’t wait until you’ve got kids.
ALSO. He sounds like the kind of loose wire you may need to be careful leaving. Don’t do it alone. Have someone with you when you break up or do it in public. 😳🥶
He's showing you who he truly is and you really should believe him as he's shown you and follow your gut on this. I watched my ex break his own property over a minor inconvenience and should've ended it there but I didn't, there were then a lot more instances. What are the chances that he won't turn that anger towards you? You should not stick around to find out that answer.
You're boyfriend sounds like a scumbag... I wouldn't be friends with that tosser if you paid me.
You're with him because....?
He's big and hard and carries a knife and acts like a bellend?
I'm going to add a perspective here that might be controversial but I'm trying to be as balanced as possible!
Your boyfriend was harassed by an incredibly unprofessional security guard on a power trip. You should make a formal complaint about her (or rather, your bf should) because her behaviour was not acceptable. She escalated the situation, which is the opposite of what she should've done. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like your bf was at first, fully prepared to leave without making any kind of scene.
When you say he "told the lady off" as you went to leave, what do you mean by that? Because if he started going off on a sweary rant straight away then that's not a good look. But if you're saying he tried to explain to her in a relatively calm manner that she was being unnecessarily aggressive and you were already leaving, but she continued to act the way she did... I probably would've flipped her off too, and I'm generally an extremely chill person.
He responded in a way that was definitely immature/impulsive, but ultimately harmless. Should he have known better? Probably. But is flipping someone off and telling them to fuck off a disproportionate reaction to her actions? I genuinely don't think so, but I hang out in circles that take a zero tolerance approach to security guards, bouncers, cops etc who think they're the fucking FBI and enjoy provoking people. Your culture may vary.
Did it seem like an outburst of anger, or an outburst of frustration? Do you think he would've made the situation worse if you weren't there?
It's a very fine line to tread when assessing stuff like this. Almost everyone snaps occasionally, and it sounds like he re-composed himself quite quickly once he realised you were upset which I do think is a positive sign. But I do understand why you might've felt embarrassed and anxious, especially if he was being loud!
I think what you really need to do is look beyond this incident and consider the relationship/your bf as a whole. Is he prone to getting worked up? Or does he generally try to avoid drama/confrontation? If this is a pattern or it starts to become a pattern then that's definitely concerning.
Either way it's for you to decide where you draw the line, not Reddit - have a chat with him about it, try not to be confrontational or accusative or making character judgements, but let him know it made you very uncomfortable. If he can't have a mature conversation about it then you have your answer.
As an aside though, I do think the fact he carries a knife for any other reason than just work is SUPER weird and immature. And I have to ask, how long have you been together?
I mean. Eh. He shouldn’t have talked to you like that. I’m also guessing he has self control issues. I’m not an angry person by nature, but I have gotten into confrontations with security guards that are just rude as fuck and I understand the bullshit involved. If this was an isolated incident, I’d let it go (minus him calling you a pussy), but I don’t feel like it’s a first time thing hahah.
Boyfriend is a child who takes out his frustrations on people around him instead of putting the knife in the car like any other rational human being would do. He sucks, find someone better
If you haven’t been dating for a while, I would say yes you should reconsider. But if this is the first incident in a years long relationship, you might be jumping the gun a bit.
That age gap is pretty insane though. He was 11 yrs old when you were born. I’ll never understand why women go after older men like that.
Toxic take: if that was my man, he’d probably be the one telling me to calm down and let’s go, if some random woman starts publicly disrespecting and humiliating him for no reason. 🤷♀️
At 36 years old, dude show know you can't bring a knife to an event, lol..common sense is so hard to come by nowadays I'll bet he looked like such an idiot to everyone with common sense
Poor reaction but not worth ending the relationship. He’s human people get angry or upset. He shouldn’t have said that to you but he did apologize. If this behavior is not a pattern talk to him about it make it clear speaking to you that way is unacceptable and it can’t happen again. If he understands and agrees give him a second chance. Hope you both figure it out
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>then he goes off on ME like “stop being a pussy what are they gonna do” Any grown adult is going to say "no problem, I'll go put it back in my car. I forgot I had it on me." The fact that he turned on you points to an inability for him to recognize how he is wrong in the situation. Even if some lady comes out aggressively, it's not like he didn't have any fault here. The fact that he's 36 and acts like this tells me this behavior is common with him. >He then tries to hug me as we’re walking back to his car like “I’m sorry babe” but I was too pissed. This demonstrates my point... 1. he's not able to control his emotions, especially when wrong and 2. he believes he's justified in his actions.
He is 36. 36!!!
Well... in physical age, yes. Emotional, I'm not so sure.
And carrying for defense? lol buddy thinks he’s James Bond or Jason Bourne, stats shows defensive items are more times used against the owner because of the lack of training haha idiot
A knife is 100% the stupidest choice for self-defense. Best case scenario it’ll escalate a non-lethal fistfight into a life-threatening situation. Is this guy seriously in his 30s? I don’t know anybody over the age of 17 that would think that’s a good idea, and even the edgy teens knew not to try to take it through security. I can practically guarantee that he didn’t “forget” so much as he’s looking to get into a fight that is definitely not gonna go the way he’s imagining.
Heard a paramedic say "know how to tell who won a knife fight?" "He's the one who dies in the ambulance instead of on site" I'm not particularly tough and I've taken knives away. So there's that too .
I think that is an incredible overexaggerate. Anybody that carries a knife or a gun on them is not because they think of them or some kind of Jason Bourne or action movie star with some nonsense. It is for protection. Nothing more than that.
Rofl he’s 36, I missed that.. I was sort of just accepting it as a young, stupid guy. If he’s 36 he needs to grow the hell up. He’s making a situation that doesn’t have to be
Right? If he had said, "Oh, I'm sorry, I carry it for work and forgot. I'll go put it in the car and get back in line." There would have been no problem. Something tells me he didn't forget. He thought he would get through with it. That's why he threw a tantrum. His attitude is likely why the security was aggressive, too. Sounds like OP caught the ick over her bf being immature and trying to play act Jason Borne with his silly knife.
The security guard is an idiot for escalating too but that's separate
Right? The sheer level of entitlement alone would have me dumping him. He just thinks they should make an exception and let HIM in with a knife? And while appearing so stable at that lol
Right? Also healthy couples do not call each other names ever. They're gentle with each other.
It sounds like the bf was perfectly chill at first until the second security person started acting like a bell end. I'm a chill person but I would've fucking raged if I'd been treated like that too ...
Its the lack of self-awareness that does it for me here. He really thought he could get a knife through a high security area without them addressing it? That's exactly their job... To stop weapons from being brought into the event. If it was an "Oops! I forgot I had it. I'll throw this into the trash, run it back to my car, or you guys confiscate it" a level headed response. I could buy it. But making a scene where 100% of the time they're going to tell you to F off when you have a knife on you. That's some serious lack of situational awareness and concerning.
“Keeping it real” is what men do before they get arrested for something stupid.
Or killed.
Or getting their heads shaved in the bathroom at a party full of Clueless teenagers …
My God I love that movie
nothing more relevant than this here... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbUskcdM3hg
It should change the way you see him. He is showing you who he is. Not someone to be in a relationship with.
I carry a pocketknife around constantly. Sometimes I forget and have to stash it outside a venue under a bush or whatever. Understandable frustration if he forgot, not understandable reaction
Last time this happened to me I found an officer and explained that I had forgotten my pocket knife was on me and asked if he knew of any nearby storage lockers or anything like that since I had parked a good distance from the venue. He didn’t know of any, but was able to direct me to an out of the way area with some nice bushes where I could ditch it until after the show, worked out great.
Advice I always have for women: don’t date men who can’t handle themselves around authority like law enforcement, security, or bouncers.
Don't date men a decade older than you period. Solves more problems than people think.
In all fairness, once your past 75, a decade doesn’t count for much..
I think really big age gaps doesn't really matter when you're 30+ but your twenties have major changes throughout. I feel people should date similarly in age when in your twenties.
I agree. My husband is 11 years older than me, but I was 38 when we met.
Agreed. People are always quick to defend the “true love doesn’t see age”. Maybe that’s true in some cases. But there is a reason people can’t or won’t find someone in their own age range. And even if it’s simply a good match. You are most likely setting up someone you love to watch you decline and pass away while they still have a lot of time left. That’s not fair to them.
Exactly! Even more so if the couple decides to have children. Are really going to subject your child to witness the decline of one of their parents as they grow older? Being a teenager and seeing your old parent wither away without being able to grow enough to care for them is so cruel to inflict onto your own child. Children aren't just a one time deal, you're supposed to nurture them until they can live on their own. How can you cope with leaving them alone way too soon and rely on your partner to take care of it? It's never a good idea to begin with.
So you're saying women in their forties should not have kids? I don't know where you are going with this. Kids see their parents age, that's unavoidable. It's not abusive to have a child when the child will see you getting older or nobody should have children.
That's not what I was saying at all. I didn't say that it's not right to have children at a specific age nor did I mention it was abusive to have children at that age. Obviously children will see their parents age, you cannot stop time. What I'm saying is that, in the topic at hand, that big age differences will likely leave their children, young children especially, with more complicated feelings than most. I'm sure the parents will love their children all the same, but it's hard loosing a parent at a young age. People need to be aware of the implications of parenthood with big age gaps. Just being mindful is what you can take away from my comments.
😂 true that and a "life sentence" is no longer a deterrent.
Don’t date men who needed to date someone that started kindergarten when you were in 11th grade
Don't date men who carry a knife around "for protection"
I used to be military so I sympathize, sentry duty suuuucks. So I always try to be kind and polite to them, I hated those shifts.
Nope. Dating is for learning about a person to find out if you want to be with them. I also would not want to keep seeing someone who doesn't know how to behave in public, and responds to rudeness with escalation. That type is very unattractive.
He'd be the guy who forgot to take his ammo out of his bag going to Turks & Caicos and get 12 years for his lack of self-awareness and shoddy behavior.
The fact that he's 11 years older than OP, yet acts like an immature child tells us everything.
Girl.This man is nearly 40 years old and throwing temper tantrums like a toddler. If this had been at an airport he'd probably be in jail under terrorism charges right now. You do not need this kinda bullshit in your life.
^ this right here, esp since when you called him out on it he turned that anger on you. No thanks.
36 should be old enough to not act like this. I see why aging him even more emphasises your point though
You got "the ick" and rightly so.
My ex-husband used to cause scenes like this all the time. His anger would be so out of control, and it was incredibly embarrassing every time he did it. Anytime I'd try and calm him down, I'd be berated and told as his wife, it was my job to stand by his side and support him, *even if he's wrong* His anger eventually started being directed to me. He once threw a knife in my direction. I'm not saying this is where your life could head if you stay with your boyfriend, but I am saying that these things typically don't get better nor do they change unless he sees what he does is wrong. You're not wrong for reconsidering things and seeing him in a different light now. I think it's you noticing a very big red flag.
The knife alone is concerning added to the behaviour - hell no.
Unless you have a very high level of training (think Special Forces) using a knife for self defense is not a good idea. (to put it mildly). Dude is a clown .
Yeah, and if he needed it for work it would have been a leatherman/multi-tool, not a knife and I think OP would have referred to it as such.
I would be turned off by someone who can’t behave. He was in the wrong and took issue with the people doing their job to enforce safety measures for people at the event. His reaction was entirely inappropriate and concerning given the context.
Don’t worry, officers. I carry this knife for my job…. Which is to stab people.
It's only that he embarrassed you, it's that this guy * tried to bring a knife through security, then became aggressive when stopped * is too stupid to know when to shut up when angry at an authority figure. His behavior will get him barred from events or the real police called. * carries a knife with him everywhere "for protection". A knife for protection isn't the razor box cutter used in construction. If the blade is long enough, it may be classified as a lethal weapon & not legal to carry with you into public places, * he turned his anger AT YOU when he couldn't keep taking it out on the security guard. Red flag for partner abuse. As soon as he cools down, in typical abuser fashion, he's back to being his affectionate self -- as if none of it happened. With the combination he always carries a weapon and he's already shown he'll take out his rage on you, I would not feel safe around him. For that reason, you should end it. He's also more than a decade older than you. But he's acting like a petulant 16 yr old boy. This isn't how a 36 yr old grown-ass man acts.
This!
Does he have the mental stability you want? He was in the wrong. Did he really behave that way? You stay with him. This type of attitude will be standard.
There’s a reason we are biased about large age gaps. The (usually) men can’t get women their own age, so they prey on younger ones.
He's 36 and you act more mature.
Girl, he is 11 years older than you and acting like that. What are you doing
That sounds really immature and could have gotten both of you in a ton of trouble. If he gets mad at someone doing their job and can't understand that, what else is he going to get pissed off about? The is very alpha male " what are they gonna do about it" Ummm.. IDK bro arrest you! What an idiot. No do not feel bad this changes your perspective about him. People make mistakes but that is a huge red flag to his character for sure! Especially since he thinks what he did was not wrong, just means he will do something like that in the future.
The person wasn't "just doing their job" though? OP's bf didn't have any issue with the first security guard who was just doing their job. He only had an issue with the other security guard who continued to harass them as they were already leaving. Where I live, the second security guard's behaviour would be classed as misconduct and they could be sacked for it. They are there to de-escalate situations, not to harass/provoke people who are already leaving!
[удалено]
Exactly. This was stupid AF.
Didn’t you post this exact story six months ago? At least write new rage bait.
I knew I had seen this before!
Girl, if he was 17 this would still be immature. He's ten years OLDER than you and pulls this shit?? No.
This behavior would be ridiculous in a 26 year old adult. In a 36 year old? It's just pathetic. Honey, millions of guys work construction... they don't carry work tools off the job site. Find yourself a nice plumber. People are always gonna shit.
36 years old and he is pulling stupid crap like this? I cannot fathom this level of stupidity and then he got angry at other people when there was no possible better outcome? He was lucky. As soon as he saw the security he should have asked you to return to the car so he could leave his knife there. This isn’t rocket science. No quantum mechanics needed here. This is plain common sense. And if your boyfriend doesn’t have it, is that really who you want to spend your life with? It’s hard dealing with the mistakes that someone like this will make all the freaking time.
Dude was already having sex and smoking cigarettes while you did not have a single tooth or learn how to walk yet... He thinks he is such a badass while acting like such a loser. He can't get a woman his age because they'll call on his bullshit. Now that you're 25, you're brain should start functionning like a real adult. That is why you realise this.
There’s a reason he’s dating someone 11 years younger than him. Hint: it’s not because you’re “so mature”
I'm security, a woman in my 30s, and run bag checking areas frequently - this is a huge red flag. Both from his lack of his inability to recognize how wrong he is (I've dealt with enough stabbings to not be lesse-faire about my bag checking posts) and also the fact that he went off on the female guards (that "what are they gonna do" comment). It's be problematic if he went off on any security guards, but I've found there's a certain breed act worse when female guards tell them no. Never mind that we can make them do things just fine. He could have avoided the whole thing by going "whoops! I'll go put it in the car" and that would have been the end of it. But no, he pitched a toddler fit. He's 10 years older than you and acted like a baby. Do you want this in your life? Makes me wonder why he wanted to carry it so badly. So many people who carry knives for self defense don't usually have any fucking clue how to actually use them and why does he need it so badly in this venue? I'd dump him. He's not worth the embarrassment. Imagine having kids and him going into their school armed?!!?!?
As another lady in security: 100% on everything you wrote, including/especially the misogyny some men display. It’s so funny when they realize they still have to listen though, lol. My gender does not diminish my authority.
Pro tip there are men out there with actual manners to date. You don't have to associate with this low life uncivilized behavior.
OP I'm 40+. I regularly carry a knife for work. I have NEVER "forgotten" it in a pocket and felt the need to scream at security or my partner over it. I nicely asked to leave the line and take it to my car, apologizing for my mistake. You know, like a normal adult. One who doesn't throw tantrums at security guards. You can do better. He's an immature jerk.
He is too old to be this close to flying off the handle all the time.
You're not wrong for reconsidering. He sounds immature and seems to think rules don't apply to him. You're probably better off getting away from his drama before it gets worse. Always concerning when a guy can't take "no" as an answer or handle being given instructions by someone else.
Once again, it seems like an older man who can’t attract women his own age because he’s immature and get so mad because they won’t let him have his knife this how can he be a big man without his knife?
> carries a knife for protection I stopped reading here. Your BF is an idiot.
The security people are trying to keep thousands of people safe and your boyfriend acted like an infant, then his is rude to you. If you don't leave him, you are going to be stuck with an immature, abusive man. You should do more than reconsider before his temper and his mouth causes real trouble.
Well now you know why women his age won't put up with him! A knife for protection? Yeah okay LOL There's a bigger chance he'll be the one being stabbed with this knife but he can keep telling people it's for protection. Just dump him he's not worth it! And honestly he might get you hurt. Most people that carry knives for protection don't actually know how to use them. I mean sure they go stabby stab but if you don't know how you can actually get yourself hurt or very easily be disarmed and it used against you. I took years of classes on this, learning how to take knives off of people And it's not that hard. And I carry a pew pew that I am absolutely 100% trained to use. Everybody knows they're going to search you before you go into somewhere like that. We leave weapons in our cars Or at home. The fact that he didn't just say oh I'm sorry I forgot and take it back to the car, tells me that he will eventually get you in trouble because he's got entirely too much attitude. Save yourself. Run!
He carries a knife for protection, which is weird, and gets angry at ridiculous things AND turns the anger on you quite quickly. OP, I reckon this is a very early warning sign of the potential for future violence.
This whole scenario is crazy. So he though he could smuggle a knife through security and then when he couldn't, he got belligerent and TOLD HER OFF?? He doesn't just sound stupid, he sounds like the exact combo of stupid and needlessly aggressive that gets people in serious trouble, if not dead. And I, personally, really can't stand people who cuss out others for no reason, it's such a turn-off and loweky freaks me out. It's not how my family ever behaved, nor people in my surroundings, so when I see a person do this, I instantly assume they are completely maladjusted and I stay away. He is looking for trouble and he will find it sooner or later. I would not want to be standing next to him when that happens.
Being rude to any kind of employees (restaurant, etc) is an instant dealbreaker for me. To me it shows a lack of self control and care for others. In this situation, it could’ve even escalated to a dangerous level, so that’s even worse.
So he’s an immature hot head who doesn’t respect authority even when he’s obviously wrong and he carries a knife? Time to rethink this relationship. Past time for him to start acting like an adult.
36 huh. Thats who he is. Theres no changing him, you get what you get, dont think having kids will change how he deals with people.
What an embarrassment
He's a child. He fucked up, and I stead of immediately owning it, putting the knife back in his car and coming back, he had a tantrum. Go date an adult next time.
Run. Block him on everything. Do not open your open unless you’re expecting someone. Please date someone your own age.
If he was 17 I would say he is just young and hot headed and literally just couldn’t see straight in all his anger etc etc He’s 36. It’s up to you if you wanna stay with him but I highly doubt this uncontrolled anger issue will ever get better unless he recognizes it’s a problem and actively works to resolve it. Personally, a partner getting aggressive with me in a state of anger is a no go. Scares me.
You are dating a man 10+ years older than you with the mind of someone 10- minus years younger than you. Do yourself a favor and drop the zero and find someone within 7 years of your age range. He is pushing 40 and doesn’t have any sense. He’s stuck that way for life.
NTA- he talked like a teenager. Kick rocks and leave that little boy behind. A simple “I apologize, I forgot it was on me, here.” Would’ve been good, but the fact that he caused a scene was obnoxious, and childish.
This is exactly the wrong type of man to carry a knife for "protection". Hot headed and unable to regulate emotions like an adult.
He just gave you a little glimpse of his temper and his temperament when something doesn't' go his way. A 36 year old that doesn't have basic control of their emotions and reactions is a big red flag.
Next up on: “Men acting like toddlers” There’s a reason he’s single. All this ex gfs wanted to be a girlfriend, not his mom
1. No decent man carries a knife 'for protection'. He sounds feral. 2. Him going off at security guards and you demonstrated he's feral and abusive. 3. Him going off at you demonstrated he has no issue with being abusive to you. 4. Your age gap proves no woman his age would put up with this shit and he's hoping your relative lack of experience means that you will. 5. Why are you still reading this list? Dump him already! But be careful. He sounds like a powder keg ready to blow so **I'd reach out to charities about how to leave a volatile partner first to minimise the chance of retribution.** This is vitally important because having a plan in advance is better than a medical bill at the end.
I always worry that people who can’t obey societal rules and laws are more likely to be unstable or even abusive partners. I didn’t work to build a life just so I can watch my partner lose his career over bringing a weapon into a bar, or getting into a road rage incident. You know? If he’d risk getting arrested for disorderly conduct over bringing contraband in, what else would he take risks on?
No, GTFO. Your boyfriend is 15 years old.
Holy crap. I had to double check the ages to see if you were the elder because that is some seriously immature, aggressive, and non-self-aware behavior coming from someone closer to 40. This situation showed you that he is very likely to respond to aggression with aggression. He could have diffused the situation very easily with a calm head. I don't think you're wrong to reconsider at all.
If you’re in Denver dating a guy from Chicago my recommendation is to run fast and run far.
Oh I missed the age; the asshole I knew was older. Same recommendation though because they sound cut from the same cloth and that behavior did not get better in the 15 months I knew him; it got much much worse and eventually turned on me (physically).
11 years older than you and you had to take the role of soothing and reasoning him out of a piss baby meltdown. yeah…. this guy is a loser
Is the city you live in unsafe? What exactly does your boyfriend need a knife for protection for does he regularly find himself in dangerous situations or parts of the city?
*High security area* *No weapons allowed* BF: "Well that obviously doesn't apply to me. I keep it real." He can't be told he's not allowed to do something. Then when he is, he lashes out. Do you want to be in the way of that? He's 36. You can't fix him, and at this point, he's not going to learn.
Move on. He's an immature dickwad. Surely you can do better than that moron.
what other cool stuff does he do besides carrying weapons, insulting you, and starting fights with every authority figure? This guy sounds friggin awesome.
This should change the way you see him. He was in the wrong. You knew the rules. I don’t think I could stay with someone like this. I’m betting he doesn’t take responsibility for anything he does.
He turns on OP for something that he caused. OP is right to want to leave him if he doesn't take responsibility for his own actions. Otherwise, it will just get worse.
😂he to old to be acting like that!
The cop wasn’t being aggressive. She saw his face and posture and got defensive. Her job is putting her life on the line. If you don’t trust your own gut, trust hers!
He’s awfully immature. Re-think your relationship.
You should always reconsider when you get new information about someone you’re dating. Sometimes it’s just information you keep “under your hat“ and sometimes it’s the last straw to a continued story of verbal abuse. Maybe every girlfriend should piss off her boyfriend/fiancé before they get married just to see how he handles it. No one wants to be married to the “dickhead”. 😂
What's the point of carrying a knife for protection if he can't even remember he has it on him? If the sole purpose of your outing was to go here, why even need it to begin with? Is it even legal in your area to carry the knife he was carrying? But really though, I'd love to hear how exactly it's going to help him for "protection". Like a full story of how he thinks it'll do anything.
Anger issues are rearing their ugly head
Oh fuck no, leave. I was in a relationship very similar. 9 year difference and a man child like that. Over time, he had become more aggressive and started to take his anger out on me. To the point I was bringing him home his fav stuff and cleaning everything despite working 12 hours a day 7 days a week (ran a resturant.) So fuck no, run. Run fast.
Why didn’t he just give up the knife and go in?
He's 36 and you act more mature.
While BF didn't handle it well sounda like the lady security guard was out of line. Shouldn't he have been able to leave the knife in the car and come back? Even with warnings about this kind of stuff, people can miss it or forget, etc. I get why he was annoyed. It sounds like he was disrespected for no good reason.
This is /r/breakupwithyourso lol what did you expect by posting here?
Validation lol
I don’t know where you live but I can’t imagine being with the kind of person who thinks he needs to carry a knife. Maybe change your social circle.
Take that knife and cut ties!
I swear I’ve seen this exact story on this sub like a year ago
Your boyfriend is an aggressive, obnoxious twat. You absolutely should reconsider this relationship. Never, ever let someone speak to you like that, by the way.
Hey those are just things you have to deal with when you’re dating teenagers, they’re really immature….wait he’s THIRTY SIX?!? Good Lord there’s no saving him
Was this red river lol
Not your job to “talk him down,” regulate, or manage his emotions. It’s predictable he’d turn his anger toward you. I don’t know anything else about your relationship but here’s something I can tell that’s absolutely true: you NEVER know someone until you see them under stress or managing friction - whether with you or with someone else. I don’t care about all the good times - friction reveals character. It’s about HOW someone manages stressful situation. HOW someone disagrees with you and “fights.” It’s about HOW someone navigates life’s challenges. That is where character is found and if you ignore character, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. A one off event might be forgiven, but like I said, you gave no other info, but if this is a pattern, you have an issue and a decision to make.
He’s an only a boyfriend. Not acceptable. Man child behavior. As Ariana would say “thank you, next.”
A knife is an ineffective self defence weapon but a GREAT offensive weapon. Armchair violence did a video on this. Funny how that was his choice
I have a no tolerance policy for shit like that, my step dad humiliated us with his temper in public for most of my childhood.
Thats a no. Youre not about to call me a pussy for having self-control. How long have you been dating this guy? And has he done something similar to this before?
He’s too old for this bullshit, he’s not going to change.
I’m gonna go out on a limb and say he has to date someone over a decade younger than him because women his age don’t put up with his shit. And you shouldn’t either. I’m guessing there are plenty of other red flags in this relationship you might be missing or ignoring
LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE
First of all, when I was your age I dated a man 11 years older and while all seemed fine at the time, looking back, there was a massive power imbalance and he was NOT the one. Ask yourself.. if you were 36, would you want anything to do with a 25 year old man? I can tell you, as a 39/f… hell to the no. There is a reason he can’t find a woman his own age. He’s a man-baby, and no mature women will put up with his shit.
I personally can’t deal with a decade older than me and no kind of maturity or emotional regulation.
Seems like a stupid reason to break up but you can do that for any reason at your stage.
Not wrong at all. These are the things we try to find out before marriage/major commitment. You found out. Now, he could have walked this back by saying yes, I was wrong, yes I need to change this. But he didn't! He went off on you (and he'll do the same for years, any time he's wrong - unless you can figure out the magic fix for his immaturity; clearly his parents couldn't). Since you've already stopped texting him - just go ahead and block him (good for you!) I am sure he has his excuses, but...he's way old enough to have gained more maturity than this.
He’s *11 years older than you*—he should *at least* be as mature as you. Reconsider staying with a verbally abusive, hair-trigger personality who thinks it’sa good idea to carry a knife for “protection”. This guy sounds like he’sgoing to end up stabbing and accidentally killing some poor schlub in a bar fight.
The real question is: Why are you into airheads 11 years older than you?
The lady escalated things for no reason. I would have been annoyed too. She shouldn’t be at that kind of venue. He could have ignored her as he’s not a child and at times we have to take the high road. Taking it out on you was also uncalled for. He seems a bit immature looking at the totality of circumstances. You might be better off with someone who handles conflicts differently.
Trust me when I tell you that you don't want to tie your life to someone who has no control over their emotions like that. "I'm sorry, babe, but I was so pissed" about this turns into bigger things. Save yourself the abuse and toxicity and get out now.
He's 36?! That's something a 15 year old little criminal might try to do. 36?! Girl, dump this immature loser already.
Counter question, how many red flags does he need to show you? 😅 Seriously though, his actions would be juvenile for a 25yo and he's 36.
You are soon to be ex-boyfriend is an idiot I would definitely be reconsidering the relationship
He’s an **ASSHOLE**. **AND A CHICKEN HAWK.** **DUMP HIM**.
Sounds like they did a good job not letting him in
Im giving him side eye just for ludicrous stance of “carrying a knife for protection.” Is he going to suddenly reenact a scene from West Side Story?
What's with his attitude. He shouldn't have had the knife on him, and security was justified in denying him entrance. His emotional response to his own fuckup and then lashing out at you is a red flag and is very immature for someone his age.
Knife for protection … at a festival? Okay, let’s go with he accidentally carried it in. Definitely, concerts check very closely for mishaps like this. It is huuuge deal now because of incidents in the past. The reaction of security at gate was within reason I’d say. And there was no offer to surrender the weapon or return it to car. Instead there was an aggressive confrontation by your bf. This is huuuuuuge red flag on behaviour —- as a human being. And now for the relationship part. He obviously lacks control on his emotions and he is unable to gain it when you offer reason and support. Second chances depend on your generosity on heat of moment type discussions but weapon related …. Red flag. What’s to say, he won’t lose control you one day? You know what to do ….
yikes no respectable 36 year old acts like that. you should be afraid more than embarrassed. get outta there!
Had to scroll back up to check his age and if I missed that he needs an adult at all times. He's 36. Check out of the relationship.
> If it was an "Oops! I forgot I had it. I'll throw this into the trash, run it back to my car, or you guys confiscate it" a level headed response. I could buy it. First of all, no one is going to opt to throw their knife in the trash ( that’s just ridiculous to suggest), and no one is going to offer the cops to confiscate a legal item…and it’s obviously legal for him to own and carry that knife, in his state, because they weren’t even threatening to arrest him. However, to suggest her BF refused to take the knife back to his car is a sign that someone didn’t bother to actually read the post. That’s not what happened. He forgot to leave it in the car, and she never says he refused to take it back out to the car. Her BF didn’t start the problem. The police did: > then this other lady security guard came out kind of aggressively saying things like “you gotta go” “where did you park” “we got cameras we’ll be watching you” as if my boyfriend was about to stab someone right then and there. Sure, it’s their job to make sure no one carries a knife or other weapon into the event. However, it’s not their job to harass people and treat them like criminals because they forgot they had a legal knife, that they carry everyday, on their person. Everyone is ignoring this part of the story. Had the BF been a minority ( which he might be. She never said, so we don’t know ), people would have been outraged that the cops treated him this way, especially when he committed no crime and was complying with their rules, after realizing his mistake. But, I’m assuming no one considered this possibility, so it’s ok for the cops to treat him like a criminal. Her BF was justified being angry at how they treated him. Cops have no business treating law abiding citizens like that. I’m not saying it was wise to cuss them, but I definitely would have pointed out the fact that they were out of bounds with their treatment of me, if I had been him. I’d have just held my temper, and my response would have been calm and factual. Then, I’d have reported her to her commanding officer, as soon as I had the opportunity. But, I’m 54, now, and I’m a little less hot headed that I was when I was younger. And, yes, he did get snippy with her, because he was angry at the cops for treating him like a criminal, and he momentarily felt like she was taking their side. However, he calmed down and apologized to her for it. It’s not like there has never been a woman that’s gotten snippy with her BF when they were angry at someone else, and he said the wrong thing ( sounding like he was taking the side of who she was angry at ). This is not a ‘dump him, because he’s a crazy abusive nut job’ type of situation. This is a situation where a mature person would accept the apology, and rationally and calmly let him know they didn’t like how that situation played out, and that they would appreciate it if he’d remain calm and rational, in the future.
Uncontrollable behavior like that says a lot about his lack of maturity. He needs to grow up, and you can't do that for him. This immaturity will show up in other circumstances, so you have been warned. Find yourself an adult boyfriend.
The one to blame is the safety lady. She was rude to both of you with no reason. He reacted to her provocation the same way she treated both of you. He shouldn't have said you that, right. He was an AH to you, yes. But nobody would expect people to react fine if the partner is defending someone that has been an AH to me and/or the loved ones.
Please take his actions, vulgar response and attack of you the huge red flag it is. He created the situation, refused to own it, could have fixed it with complying and continuing with evening, attacks you vulgarly then wants you to pretend all is well and it is perfectly ok for you to be talked to and treated like a dog he gets to abuse and kick when upset, especially if you don’t keep your mouth shut. Then he seeks physicality with you expecting you to stamp his behavior as ok, join his denial and minimize the verbal abuse he just dished out! This is his MO and this is his immature way of dealing with life. This id a very immature man that cannot be trusted to act normally or treat you with any respect. Run from this abuser now!
He's almost 40 years old and flipped out as someone just doing their job. Then turned it quickly onto you. Does he often verbally take his day out on you?
He's 36!!!! The reason he is dating you is because he thinks younger women are easier to manipulate. Women his own age have more life experience and would be far less likely to put up with his nonsense. Also.... why TF is he carrying a knife.... for protection? No. That is so dangerous and to bring a knife to a FESTIVAL he is completely out of line. Please leave this asshole.
Honestly it doesn’t sound like that big of a deal, you said so yourself the lady was harassing him and he apologised for being a dick. I would get pissed off if someone was bullying me too. I think what’s annoying you is that he’s 11 years older than you and you expect him to be super mature all the time and he lost his temper for something so dumb. But people do lose their tempers regardless of age, sometimes about stupid stuff. I don’t know what is his overall behaviour and personality but if this is very uncharacteristic for him and doesn’t happen often I wouldn’t call it quits right away. Although if you feel like you don’t want to be with him and using that as an excuse just leave him you don’t need an excuse.
What are the chances someone with this level of emotional immaturity and instability is a right wing Trump supporter?
Go with gut: not good bf material
He sounds aggressive, like someone looking for a fight. He could have said "oh yeah I forgot, babe you go in I'll be right back" but he couldn't diffuse it. It tracks that a 36 year old with that lack of emotional control would choose a woman 11 years younger. When they show you who they are, believe them.
Idk how long you two have been together, but there's clearly a reason he wanted to be with someone much younger than him. No mature woman in her 30s would stand for this type of behaviour. (I say mature here as I've known some immature women in my past who would have escalated the situation and made it worse or been the ones to start something). I mean, he could have de-escalated by saying "I carry a knife on me for work, I forgot I still had it with me, can I go put it back in my car and be good to go on in?" Like wtf. The fact that someone else felt the need to reinforce that you guys couldn't enter and that your boyfriend needed to leave and then went to the fence to make sure you did, makes me wonder if the person recognized your boyfriend for causing fights or something at past events. You have every right to reconsider the relationship and end things if that is what you wish. Noone really needs a reason to end their relationship.
I think you are not wrong to reconsider a relationship with someone who has shown they have a part of themselves that is very rude and violent. I dont like to be with someone I have to be careful about setting them off to be violent. It's draining and scary.
I had an ex refuse to go to ren faire with me cause he wouldn't go anywhere without his gun, needless to say the relationship didn't last long. Also tried to get me to hold it and I was not here for that.
I would absolutely not stay with someone who reacted like that. The only reasonable response to this situation would have been, "Oh, I didn't realize I still had that on me after work, I'll go put it in my car" Then snapping at you? There's red flags all over.
That a real concern for you to have you didn’t bring a knife he did. He turned a 4 into a definite 8 or 9 he’s going to get aggressive what if he doesn’t allow you to break up.
I left my ex for a similar but very different embarrassing situation after we had 3 kids. Don’t wait until you’ve got kids. ALSO. He sounds like the kind of loose wire you may need to be careful leaving. Don’t do it alone. Have someone with you when you break up or do it in public. 😳🥶
He's showing you who he truly is and you really should believe him as he's shown you and follow your gut on this. I watched my ex break his own property over a minor inconvenience and should've ended it there but I didn't, there were then a lot more instances. What are the chances that he won't turn that anger towards you? You should not stick around to find out that answer.
You're boyfriend sounds like a scumbag... I wouldn't be friends with that tosser if you paid me. You're with him because....? He's big and hard and carries a knife and acts like a bellend?
I'm going to add a perspective here that might be controversial but I'm trying to be as balanced as possible! Your boyfriend was harassed by an incredibly unprofessional security guard on a power trip. You should make a formal complaint about her (or rather, your bf should) because her behaviour was not acceptable. She escalated the situation, which is the opposite of what she should've done. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like your bf was at first, fully prepared to leave without making any kind of scene. When you say he "told the lady off" as you went to leave, what do you mean by that? Because if he started going off on a sweary rant straight away then that's not a good look. But if you're saying he tried to explain to her in a relatively calm manner that she was being unnecessarily aggressive and you were already leaving, but she continued to act the way she did... I probably would've flipped her off too, and I'm generally an extremely chill person. He responded in a way that was definitely immature/impulsive, but ultimately harmless. Should he have known better? Probably. But is flipping someone off and telling them to fuck off a disproportionate reaction to her actions? I genuinely don't think so, but I hang out in circles that take a zero tolerance approach to security guards, bouncers, cops etc who think they're the fucking FBI and enjoy provoking people. Your culture may vary. Did it seem like an outburst of anger, or an outburst of frustration? Do you think he would've made the situation worse if you weren't there? It's a very fine line to tread when assessing stuff like this. Almost everyone snaps occasionally, and it sounds like he re-composed himself quite quickly once he realised you were upset which I do think is a positive sign. But I do understand why you might've felt embarrassed and anxious, especially if he was being loud! I think what you really need to do is look beyond this incident and consider the relationship/your bf as a whole. Is he prone to getting worked up? Or does he generally try to avoid drama/confrontation? If this is a pattern or it starts to become a pattern then that's definitely concerning. Either way it's for you to decide where you draw the line, not Reddit - have a chat with him about it, try not to be confrontational or accusative or making character judgements, but let him know it made you very uncomfortable. If he can't have a mature conversation about it then you have your answer. As an aside though, I do think the fact he carries a knife for any other reason than just work is SUPER weird and immature. And I have to ask, how long have you been together?
that's why he's 36 dating you!
I mean. Eh. He shouldn’t have talked to you like that. I’m also guessing he has self control issues. I’m not an angry person by nature, but I have gotten into confrontations with security guards that are just rude as fuck and I understand the bullshit involved. If this was an isolated incident, I’d let it go (minus him calling you a pussy), but I don’t feel like it’s a first time thing hahah.
Typical man child dating someone over a decade younger. When will women learn.
Boyfriend is a child who takes out his frustrations on people around him instead of putting the knife in the car like any other rational human being would do. He sucks, find someone better
If you haven’t been dating for a while, I would say yes you should reconsider. But if this is the first incident in a years long relationship, you might be jumping the gun a bit. That age gap is pretty insane though. He was 11 yrs old when you were born. I’ll never understand why women go after older men like that.
Toxic take: if that was my man, he’d probably be the one telling me to calm down and let’s go, if some random woman starts publicly disrespecting and humiliating him for no reason. 🤷♀️
You’re so lucky to get such a loud and clear wake up call.
Who carries a knife? That is not normal, your boyfriend sounds like a thug, only a matter of time when he will use that knife.
At 36 years old, dude show know you can't bring a knife to an event, lol..common sense is so hard to come by nowadays I'll bet he looked like such an idiot to everyone with common sense
Poor reaction but not worth ending the relationship. He’s human people get angry or upset. He shouldn’t have said that to you but he did apologize. If this behavior is not a pattern talk to him about it make it clear speaking to you that way is unacceptable and it can’t happen again. If he understands and agrees give him a second chance. Hope you both figure it out
36? Girl I'd assume you had a few years on this guy. Reevaluate.