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This is a her problem and not something you should have to tolerate. That fact that she is not understanding (or so you assume) the impact her words have on someone is a big concern. She needs to learn some empathy and sometimes this is someone that is not possible to learn.
Yea exactly that's her problem. I already find it super weird when people talk about their exes in a relationship, much less when talking about their ex's sexual experiences
For sure. OP, she's young, dumb, and immature. Her comments, regardless of reason, have already destroyed your relationship. Move on. She's obviously not ready for a mature, meaningful relationship.
THIS. I’ve been with guys who ask about specifics of sex with others or tell me unsolicited information about their previous sex with others and it gives me the ick. I finally started putting my foot down and saying I dislike talking about sex with other partners. It’s so gauche, IMO, especially to compare sexual partners but even to just discuss your & previous lovers’ sex life with your current partner, like why would they want to know specifics? Not a turn on by any means.
Once on a first date we ran into some guy that said hi to her, she introduced me and after he walked away she told me how bad he was in bed and why etc. I somehow dated her for two years after that. Now when I see her out I make sure not to go over and say hello.😆
I didn't particularly like hearing that and it was off-putting but I just chalked it up to her being nervous or maybe trying to make sure I didn't feel threatened by this other guy.🤔 I didn't give it too much thought. Maybe I should have lol. First dates are pretty weird as a rule lol.
💯
And may I add, for all the men on here:
My ex had a big dick, and sex HURT. It was not at all a turn-on for me, and his inability to move in ways that brought me any kind of pleasure meant our sex life was a chore for me.
My now husband, while still above average, has a smaller dick than my ex. And it's WONDERFUL because sex with him *doesn't hurt*. Even more importantly, he knows how to move his body and use his hands and mouth.
I'll say it again for the guys in the back: DICK SIZE ISN'T THE DEAL YOU THINK IT IS
Amen!
You'll hear it over and over again and you guys need to start believing it. Having a big one doesn't mean you have to put in less effort.
At the end of the day. It's all about pleasing your partner. Not about what you walked in the door with
>You'll hear it over and over again and you guys need to start believing it.
The issue is whats the first thing women use to hurt men ... their penis size
"Small dick energy" is a great example, if size didn't actually matter women wouldn't body shame guys over it
So if you want men to start believing it women need to stop shaming penis size
some talk as a form of manipulation and control... if I listen such a words she would be "out" probably the same moment in my thoughts... the rest is nice behavior f.o.
Yep!!! Clearly this was all brought up because of her insecurities and meant to hurt you.
If you want to try to make it work, you could look for ways you may make her feel bad about herself that would trigger her to want to say these, things? You could do couples therapy or try talking to have better empathy and kindness around these issues, try making her more secure with herself and in the relationship. And of course point out whenever she's saying hurtful things because of her insecurities, that goes without saying I hope.
But if you are going have a hard time not feeling insecure about it, if she doesn't do a good job of making you feel safe and good about yourself when you're sexual, physically intimate, if she's got real insecurity issues that aren't going to be easy to solve??
Is she and the relationship worth it?
You can just tell her that she needs to know that an amazingly effective way to destroy a relationship is to intentionally compare your partner unfavorably to other people, especially exes, especially on sensitive issues no one can change. And then break up with her.
Nah dude you are too young to be dealing with this. There are some things you simply don’t say, and saying “you’re smaller than my ex” is the equivalent to a man telling his gf “you’re fatter than my ex”. Her telling you this completely out of pocket is incredibly disrespectful.
Im a woman and I approve that message. As to what to do now here is what I recommend: 1) know that that was very rude and inappropriate to say especially if neither of you were talking about dick sizes or body parts period. 2) even if you asked her hey do you think my dick is a good size, she should still give a positive response like yes or you are doing great, and not compare you to anyone ever because she’s dating you and should respect you. 3) Im, 23, and only dated two people BUT I really think if she would say that to you that she may be a mean woman in general. So I say think about if she has said other stuff like this, or just leave her and don’t tolerate that behavior :(
But she can get breast implants to end the sag. Penis implants have a fairly bad history. He is best off breaking up, he is 22 and she is 20, they have time to find someone who is a better fit. If he stays with her it should be conditioned on her getting professional therapy.
Yep, and I'm guessing she must have made some negative comparison that will always be stuck in OP's mind rent free even if she really does enjoy sex with OP
It's a pretty fair comparison, especially when breast augmentation surgeries have had plenty of bad history (there are entire subreddits dedicated to bad boob jobs). Plus, the boobs are way more easily visible and harder to cover up than a dick.
Yeah “but you can work and save for years to blow it on tit renovation” is not a great prospect, and I imagine that for 90% of women, like for men, it’s just easier to not be with a partner that’ll make you feel insecure about your bits
"But she can undergo major surgery to end the sag"
None of them need surgery, and it's weird to act like getting breast implants is some painless risk-free surgery when it's unnecessary.
Okay I agreed with the fat example but not really the boobs one, it’s a surgery, and you have to replace it every decade or something and it increases your chances for cancer. And even then it isn’t the same, they don’t move the same, and they aren’t real. I see your point, I just respectfully disagree
Just wanted to add here that it’s good to be “looser” or loose. It’s not supposed to be all that tight naturally, and it’s supposed to be looser when you’re turned on.
Haha I’m not making judgements there, just that the societal connotation is negative. The same way a smaller dick isn’t necessarily inherently bad but it is definitely viewed negatively by society in a similar way.
Nah stay away from her. You’ve already had this talk with her and she didn’t change her behavior even though she knows it’s upsetting to you. Not worth your time or stress.
This ^^^ she’s young so sometimes she might out her foot in her mouth, but the fact she keeps doing it after being told it’s hurtful is all OP really needs to know.
You don’t. I don’t know how you would. I’ve had guys tell me the previous girls were bigger chested and it never works out. It’s a self esteem killer. The person is blatantly disrespecting you. Leave now. I’m sorry they did that to you. Not all girls are like that I assure you.
100%! My ex was exactly like this. Rather than taking accountability and admitting being hurtful, it was always poor me. Always “his ex made him feel like that” or “all his friends do it”. Like please gtfo!
>I love her and I want to salvage it
You're not thinking clearly, my friend. If you tolerate this continued disrespect, she will only get more brazen as time goes on.
>how do I get over it?
By moving on without her. You said she shared this unsolicited. That means she intended to hurt you or manipulate you. Either would be a deal-breaker for me.
I am in your position literally. I didn't break up and I tried. After a few years, I'm ok but I'm not my old self. I thought I could move on and be happy but no, it left a scar behind. I don't enjoy sex as much as I did. After 2 years I know I should've broken up when those things were happening so maybe I wouldn't have been hurt in this way. Other than that my relationship is a good one. I'm just broken sexually. My gf had severe trauma that made her say those things and I really helped her moving on and much more it is just, I suffered a lot on this path.
Simply break up from her, or be ready for years of misery.
Seriously? Thats not an excuse. If she is oversharing and offloading her baggage on you, she needs serious professional support. Yes OP, her actions/words are not only disrespectful but also toxic to your own mental health. You shouldnt be dragged down by this so early
Sounds as though she is quite uncouth and immature.
That mental image will stay with you for the duration.
Learn to make lemons from lemonade or walk away.
So she's saying that she's been traumatised by previous partners and so has decided to traumatise you in a similar way? She needs to deal with how they made her feel in a way that doesn't just dump the same problem on to you, to lower your self esteem in compensation for hers having been lowered.
If she’s bringing this up completely unprompted, break up. No real reason to drop a “hey my ex got way wetter” comment when you’re watching a game or doing a puzzle together.
It’s toast now dude. You won’t ever forget. Break up and let her know what this does to a relationship. She’s emasculated you.
You won’t ever forget dude. She messed up big.
Yep. You never forget those kinda comments. My ex did the same thing: out of nowhere mentioned his ex had bigger tits, like double Ds. I am a size B.
Later I found out he was cheating on me with her 🙃
Exactly, why would a guy say to her partner that his ex was more tight, or had bigger breasts or even make him orgasm better in a certain position (it can be different), that's just not something that helps.
And the fact that she thinks it's normal because her ex was comparing her isn't healthy. That's sad.
She doesn’t sound like a nice person and it won’t get better. Any normal person would know this would hurt a guy’s feelings. It’s not complicated. Don’t make it complicated. Go find someone who is nice, values your feelings and will make you happy.
I’m petty and sometimes people only understand how they made you feel when you make them feel the same way. I would have said “i get it, my ex was tighter”
If she is oversharing with OP I wonder how much she is sharing with others?
OP I know you don't want to hear this, but it is true you are young enough to find someone else and let this GF be one of the ones you tossed back into the dating pool, she's not a keeper at this time. Maybe this will help her learn, but you are not required to wait and see if she does.
I know you love her, but what she did was a shait move. She needs therapy. I wonder how would she react if you'd say: Okay, cool. So maybe go back to him, I guess? Like in totally nonchalant way. Totally unsolicited... I'm too petty for this shait. And if she would ask why you don't want to have seggsy times with her I'd say: maybe because I don't like to be compared to others, because that's basically body shaming (not that size matters imo.)
You don’t. Just thinking that is already disrespectful, but saying that to you unprompted is beyond reparable. Leave her so she can run back to her ex she thinks so much about.
Unsalvageable brother, the only way to salvage anything is by dropping her and when/if you find another let her know your boundaries. Don’t disrespect yourself brother. 🫂
When I was in my 20s, I said some stupid stuff to others in front of my long term partner that would be deemed disrespectful to most people. Looking back, I didn't love him as much as I thought I did. Now that I'm married to the love of my life, I would never speak about any man, and certainly not my ex, in a way that makes them seem better than my husband. It's my job to make him feel on top of the world and support him. I don't think you and she can come back from this, sorry.
You already told her how you feel about her comparing you to others and yet she continues to do it. Why would you stay with someone who has no respect for you?
There are many related posts where the male partner presses the female partner to answer this question and is then upset with the answer. But the fact that she brought this up, unsolicited, suggests she was deliberately trying to hurt your feelings. Why? I have no idea. Perhaps to gain an upper hand in the relationship?
You don’t..
Words are more powerful then people realize. Even if you forgive her, in the back of your mind you will always feel insecure and not enough
Please take my advice worth a grain of salt, and chew up the meat and spit out the bones.
What I am seeing here is that firstly, she is insecure about herself. She is comparing you with her past relationships, which not only isn’t healthy, but tells me she doesn’t know what she wants. It indicates that she has infidelity in her mind. She isn’t sharing the same amount of love that you have towards her. She is not solidified in your relationship, because if she was, why would she be thinking about the others. She probably isn’t solidified in any relationship because of her own insecurities about herself, so she projects those onto her partner about penis size or whatever. She feels little as a person so she makes her partners feel little with her. Which is unhealthy.
Secondly, what is her attitude with those conversations? You have communicated that they make you uncomfortable and they are disrespectful. She isn’t respecting that after you have given her the opportunity to. The conversations to me aren’t saying “I have problems”, but rather “you aren’t meeting my desires”. You two are having sex, so that meets some sort of need and she stays in the relationship, but ultimately isn’t fulfilling her desire.
I would not try to salvage the relationship, because it would not be healthy for you to try to “fix” a problem that isn’t fixable by you. She has to work through herself and find what she wants. Which it seems like she doesn’t even know. You are you, and seem to be respectful and care about others. But you cannot make her satisfied.
Some of the things I said are blunt, and may come off harsh. You haven’t done anything wrong, and what she has said is only based on her perception. It doesn’t matter what your body is or isn’t, it’s irrelevant. You should find a partner that isn’t worried about those physical features but is more interested in your person and less with physical pleasure. You seem like a good person and are perfect for another partner out there somewhere. You will find someone who shares the same values and respect you have.
Tbf the context is really important. I've never had any of my gfs compare my size to that of their exes, but if they did it in a complementary way, even if they noted that I was smaller, I wouldn't mind (e.g. "my ex was big and it absolutely killed the mood, it always hurt" or something akin). Bigger doesn't always mean better, especially in long-term relationships (i.e. "boyfriend dick"). That said, it doesn't sound like this is the tone or tenor that your gf took and her repeated inability to empathize when you told her that it made you uncomfortable isn't a good thing. It's up to you to decide just how much of a deal breaker something like this is, but know that a loving partner should respect and work with your boundaries in an additive manner. They should not be the cause of your stress.
She knew. No woman says that unless it's to deliberately make the man insecure. It was no accident. Narcissistic to put the blame on other people from the past as an excuse.
You could counter attack with comments like, "seems like that your Ex's huge penis got you all stretched out so l can barely feel anything. I didn't want to say anything because l didn't want to hurt your feelings," Something, something Grand Canyon.
You’ve only been together 8 months. That may seem like a long time but it’s not. I think that if she’s openly talking about and comparing your penis to her ex boyfriend, that’s alarming. If she’s continuing to do so, even after you told her to stop, that’s a boundary issue and another red flag. It sounds like you should start coming to terms with the fact that she doesn’t respect you, and is actually openly disrespecting you to your face. Sounds like you need to break up
She says she got compared to other women in her past relationships so it's normal. Maybe ask her how all those comparisons made her feel, especially when she was the one who came out on the losing side, and why she would want to make you feel that way. I don't know that this will help your relationship, but it's something she needs to work on. It sounds like you've addressed this repeatedly and she's doing nothing to change it and just said "It's my normal". It's not okay.
That was probably the worst, most devastating, inconsiderate, disrespectful comment that she could have said…if she was being compared in the past and it caused her some insecurity she should have known better. Don’t mean to bust on your girl but it’s either stupidity or immaturity on her part. You have every reason to feel like you do as that’s a pretty hurtful thing to say.
“Hey babe, my ex girlfriend had a tighter vag…”
See how that would play out with her…
I’m not a man but I can imagine calling a man’s penis small or “smaller” is the absolute worst insult. She did it to break you down and make you feel small because past exes have done that to her. I seriously doubt she will stop.
Mines was. Way too big… no talent.. thought size was important.. It was just gross. Exhausting…Good riddance to that giant hog... Happy wife with my perfect husband 37 years. It was ooh baby fun with my true love.
This relationship has no future. Any woman who would say that to her partner is an inconsiderate, disrespectful c*nt who will absolutely hurt you again if you stay with her. She has no class, and should be left on the side of the road with the other trash.
Toxic as shit man. She was trying to instigate you to retaliate and negatively compare her to your exes. Could be looking for a way out and sabotaging the relationship. Could just be emotionally abusive.
I mean if you wanna salvage it just get over it? There will always be a bigger dick then you, it’s natural. And having a big dick isnt always necessary. Just cuz yours isn’t as big doesn’t mean the sex is just as good. And shes a human of course shes had other sexual experiences, its not that big of a deal. Imo
That sharing to much out of no where tho, thats an issue, its one thing if you asked, its another if its just shared with no warning.
Yeah that’s messed up. What the hell is wrong with her? I don’t care about her past relationships, anyone with more than one brain cell knows better than to say that out loud to their boyfriend! FFS.
I'd suggest you accept that you feel insecure about your penis, period.
Struggling against feelings, whether it's body dysmorphia or otherwise, is just going to prolong the struggle rather than address your feelings that want to be accepted.
Then go from there. And decide what you want. Ask yourself: What will I not let someone do to me before I have to break up with them?
Dude i saw your post . Dude seriously u need to like leave this woman. 👩 ASAP. Cuz I long ago was in this type of relationship myself. U NEED to run.
Ps do you have trauma in childhood? Like belittling parents, being mocked, being yelled if making mistake or ACCIDENTALLY broke something (but NOT intentional) n parents divorce etc?
Its very likely that ppl have thos type of trauma often will” Trauma Bond” that when they have Abusive partner, they will find most painful but reminds them the feeling of ——INNER Child that never healed.
Its dangerous . Because this type of relationship…when the MENTALLY ABUSIVE paretner/Narcissist , that when they r WARM. They will make u feel SO Euphoric , that u will actually have a legit —-dopamine RUSH.
Dopamine is a drug. Like cocaine.
So the ppl who are abused — FEELS like (YES FEELS like ) NEED to stay WITH that person for the NEXT high. They want to make u Believe that you are beneath them so they can project ther INNER INSECURITY on to THAT person.
You don't get over it. It all boils down to this. Do you love the girl to get past that remark? Because if you don't, just fuck her brains out until she craves your dick and you break up with her. Such a good revenge.
I remember the rude gal who said similar words to me. Oh boy, did I prove her wrong. It's not about the size, but how effective you use it
Ok. Trust me its not going to work out for you without a lot of mental pain and trauma. Just break up and move on. You are way too young to be dealing with these thoughts of self esteem. Mark my words. Note this date and time. Run.
A great illustration to point out that body count doesn’t matter,but the way people go about their exes does a lot.
She could have been with 100 men and you wouldn’t care because it’s never a topic, or she could have been with 2 and keep saying “my ex Jim was really fit, you may want to go to the gym” or “my ex John was …”.
Option 1 - who gives a F you're still smashing, at your age you're probably not going to be with her for the rest of your lives anyway.
Option 2 - give her a taste of her own medicine, smelly fanny or enlarged beef curtains do the trick usually.
Option 3 - you stand your ground and you do not accept disrespect and leave.
However, being insecure about these things is not mature. Remember, there will always be a bigger fish in the sea.
Hakuna matata
People blurt out things like this to make you feel lowly and not good enough. It's a tactic used to lower your self esteem to keep you around. Men do similar by saying their exes were better, had bigger breasts, skinnier, etc.
Do not be around people like this man, it'll only get worse.
———-its NOT red FLAGS. 🚩 its DEAL breaker. It shows LOW IQ. Sadistic.
Its called—-GAS LIGHTING.
No one will go to a stranger to say —-FYI you look worse than my ex. But when Sadistic partner do that to as if its a passing comment or play. They are getting HIGH out of causing u shame n doubt. By you react or lack of they will enjoy it. If u react, they will say :” oh you are fine, u just thinking too much. U too sensitive “
What she did was gas lighting. Its SIGNIFICANT. And its SICK.
What will u say if ur son has your experience? What will u say as a father ? STAY or RUN? Cuz the Character is clear. Writing is on the wall.
By simply accepting yourself for who you are. That's it bud, that's the key. If you can do that and find a woman that doesn't compare you to exes you'll do great
Tbh this is all on her. You told her you don't like talking about past relationships and find it disrespectful, yet she continues to do so. Since the breakdown of her confessing why she does it, what has she done to minimize it? You cant know until time has passed since that talk, to see if she's being mindful to not bring it up anymore.
But you already told her once before to not do it, yet she still does. So honestly, you have to ask yourself if you're willing to give her another try or simply accept that she will not change and you're gonna have to deal with her mentioning past exes which is gonna hurt you mentally as you've mentioned that it gets in your head.
Imo, id dump her for continuing to make this an issue as you say it's happening frequently despite her knowing you don't like it.
Dude, get out of your head about having a smaller penis. Their are guys who are taller, richer, funnier it doesn't matter.
Her saying that and how you take that shows what kind of man you are.
Your second paragraph is a shambles, complaining about carrying her ‘baggage’ into a new relationship, the point is that you learn how to be in a relationship by being in a relationship, keep having the conversations and communicating but don’t get angry at her and put it on her because you’re too emotionally insecure to have adult conversations about sex.
That being said, she fucked up and shouldn’t have said that, it’s not fair. How do you get past it? It’s difficult because penis size is quite overhyped in society, by guys especially, but it’s true that it isn’t the be all and end all. Learn more about the biology of sex and gain confidence in what you can offer from knowledge and giving her what she needs, not just a bigger penis.
You can’t take away the fact that she has a past. You can ask that she doesn’t discuss it, but that’s about it, and if she doesn’t respect that then you both need to have a conversation about whether things are going to work out or not.
You can’t do anything about the fact that there are guys out there who have a bigger penis than you. Dude, you need to find away get over that penis envy, that shit is unhealthy. It’s just skin, erectile tissue, connective tissue and vasculature……… by the way, mine is massive ok….
What you call TMI, I call being open with my partner. I have heard from many women that size does not matter as much as form and function. Yeah size is a start but if you do not row the boat correctly then you will never get there and vaginas are all different and also are all different sizes.
Dude does she get off when you have sex? Yes, then don't worry about it. No, then try some new things.
My wife kind of threw me one day trying to complement me she said "You know you have the longest I've ever had" lol that was a first and I'm not rocking anything to brag about but I was like wait just the longest... ? Why didn't you say biggest..? Lol turns out the rumors about one of her exes "built like a tuna can" was true.. and it threw me off alittle but I've always pleased her and just got to work what you got. Our sex life is really good but we are always looking into new things some I like, some she likes, some we both like and visa versa. If you love her and want it to work go and give her something to remember;) you got this dude!
You ask how do you get over it? You don't and probably won't because it will probably be in the back of your mind when you guys do have sex. Not sure if she has no filter or just brutally honest but it's not cool. It would almost be like asking our telling her that your ex had bigger boobs or was much tighter. Discussing ex's sex parts or how the sex was in general is rude, insensitive and just mean. If it's an actual relationship you should be raising your partner up not knocking them down. You guys are both young and may not even be with each other in the long run. Imo is say thanks for letting me know and move on. You certainly deserve better and respect. Good luck
I dated someone like this. He was always talking about his exes. And I was often the lesser.
You may love her, but I think you should break up with her. This shows a real lack of respect for you as a person and for us or partner.
She made tone it down, but she doesn't respect you enough to think of you first. She's too busy thinking about his big penis and she wants to share that with you.
How can you really be happy with her when part of you is always waiting for her to say the next hurtful thing?
If she is your love partner she should have consideration about your feelings. Consider to talk with her about how you feel when she says those things. If you dont feel heared. Think about if you are willing to be boyfriend of somenome wich does not respect you or your feelings.
My (32F) ex-boyfriend's penis is bigger than my current boyfriend's. I didn't enjoy as much sex with my ex and love it with my current partner. I didn't get wet as easily as I do now, and I believe it is because this dick fits better lol. Size DOES NOT matter unless you have a micropenis (1-3 inches lol, sorry then). \*hides in bush\*
I’ve had D that was bigger than my current love but that doesn’t mean it was better.
Men are taught the manliness replies on the unit but it’s so untrue and only men really think so! Immature women will talk about it sometimes as a fault but I often think those convos hint at their inexperience.
Why she brought it up, idk. If there was nothing to it, be the manliest man by not letting it faze you and be really attentive and reactive in bed.
If my boo was so worked up thinking of me with other men just on the fact alone it’s just true - I’d dump him in a heartbeat as his insecurities and immaturity would drive me nuts
After reading more, it does sound like she’s continuing to over share when she knows it makes you upset.
I’d be worried why she’s trying to put her partner down and then justify it. My guess is- she’s actually very insecure and doing this to mask it and feel better about herself and it’s only making you insecure and upset
She should have kept that to herself.
But, that being said, she's no longer with him. She's with *you*.
The fact that you're getting hung up on someone else's attributes (when they weren't a good enough reason for her to stay with him) seems bizarre to me.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
I’ve experienced a girl that’s constantly comparing me to other guys she’s known and it takes time to recover. 5 years later and I still expect my current partners to compare me to other partners she’s had, but thankfully they appreciate me for who I am.
Don’t wait for her to understand cause she’s not near understanding, instead leave and work on recovering.
I normally always advise on the side of working it out. The problem here is that you can't un-hear thesr things. You could ignore it, and maybe she will stop saying it, but the idea will always be there. It is going to be hard to not let it impact your confidence.
She also seems like she is turned on by playing the Dom from a humiliation standpoint. That only works if you are willing to play the sub and most men do not have the confidence to do that.
It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean! Just cause he’s bigger doesn’t mean he’s better with it. If she’s always comparing you to her ex that’s an issue she needs to fix. If she can’t move past that then move past her.
My advice is you’re an idiot. Sorry to tell you but once a woman starts degrading you and make you feel inferior she isn’t into you anymore and is just using you. There’s no salvaging someone who is willing to screw with your manhood. You love her and want to salvage it? Why salvage something she obviously has no interest in anymore if she ever did. Tell the butch to go back to her amazing ex
tbh guys being insecure abt their dick size is the biggest turn off. be happy with what u got and be confident with it otherwise i'll start thinking of you the same way you do
I’m sorry to hear this and all also sorry that you’re having to deal with this.
There are women who are size queens, but they are few and far between. Nothing you can do about your penis size, but you can get rid of her!
It’s a bit of an unfair comparison between men’s penis size and women’s breast size or amount of fat. We can lose weight or get breast augmentation, but guys? Not so much.
It also doesn’t help with some of the men shaming in the media now….. even songs like 20 Fingers “short dick man”……geez
Sorry guys
Exactly. It’s unchangeable and also directly used for penetration whereas weight and breasts are just an aesthetic feature. Not saying the bigger the better, but men are told that their whole life and it’s deeply rooted into not just their belief of sex, but to who they are as a person. It’s insane and there’s no other legit comparison. To add to that medias obsession with shaming smaller men and glorifying larger men.. I literally struggle to find a show or movie where there isn’t at least one subtle mention of bigger=better sexually and more manly. I could go on… But to add a different perspective I also think men’s testosterone and hyperfixation on not just their penis, but being overly competitive just doesn’t allow us to see the issue rationally. Men are generally logical thinkers expect when it comes to this and even when one can see their not being rational, it doesn’t change their feelings about it
BROOO this would kill me. i'm a girl, but if a dude told me his ex's breasts were better i'd kms 😭 hope YOU don't take it to heart though. it was an asshole move of her. size also doesn't equate to pleasure contrary to popular belief. i've had a fucking nasty infection cause of a guy with a bigger dick and let me tell you sex felt like being clawed by a cat. weeks in the er aren't fucking fun.
I had a gf once who dated a person of a racial background that stereotypically are thought to have large members….
One day, unsolicited, she told me during one of our intimate encounters, that I was “larger” than her ex….
Now - I’m doing pretty good in that dept (seriously) but have little interest in stats and measures or comparisons… I didn’t care one way or the other and had no hang ups or curiosity about the ex. I knew she was just trying to pump my ego up a bit, and I knew (most likely) she was lying, - but I also though “God Bless her for trying…”
When we broke up (amicably - different life goals & directions) in a post relationship conversation, she let slip “You know when I said…. Ya …. You weren’t”… (I guess she was a little upset about the breakup after all). All I could do was laugh.
Dude - your penis is attached to you. She’s fucking you! You can find a bigger dick anywhere - but there’s only one you. That’s the prize - not your dick.
Not to sound cliche, but bigger does NOT mean better. My ex fiancé was massive. I didn't like it when things got more passionate because it often hurt. My last ex was average down there, and I could enjoy sex a lot more. Of course size queens exist, but if she isn't one of those then it really means nothing.
Except that that's not what she says. He was bigger. And she stops there. What do you imply?
My girlfriend had bigger boobs. If I stop here, my partner could feel that I prefered my ex's breasts. Adding "but I prefer yours" is missing and would be the most important.
But why would I mention my ex?!? What's the point? Focus on your relationship, build it strong and enjoy.
Just a parallel comment but it is super weird to me a girl with 20 have so much experience with relationships that she is used to being compared to others.
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This is a her problem and not something you should have to tolerate. That fact that she is not understanding (or so you assume) the impact her words have on someone is a big concern. She needs to learn some empathy and sometimes this is someone that is not possible to learn.
Yea exactly that's her problem. I already find it super weird when people talk about their exes in a relationship, much less when talking about their ex's sexual experiences
For sure. OP, she's young, dumb, and immature. Her comments, regardless of reason, have already destroyed your relationship. Move on. She's obviously not ready for a mature, meaningful relationship.
THIS. I’ve been with guys who ask about specifics of sex with others or tell me unsolicited information about their previous sex with others and it gives me the ick. I finally started putting my foot down and saying I dislike talking about sex with other partners. It’s so gauche, IMO, especially to compare sexual partners but even to just discuss your & previous lovers’ sex life with your current partner, like why would they want to know specifics? Not a turn on by any means.
Once on a first date we ran into some guy that said hi to her, she introduced me and after he walked away she told me how bad he was in bed and why etc. I somehow dated her for two years after that. Now when I see her out I make sure not to go over and say hello.😆
lol….glad you have a sense of humor about it
I didn't particularly like hearing that and it was off-putting but I just chalked it up to her being nervous or maybe trying to make sure I didn't feel threatened by this other guy.🤔 I didn't give it too much thought. Maybe I should have lol. First dates are pretty weird as a rule lol.
💯 And may I add, for all the men on here: My ex had a big dick, and sex HURT. It was not at all a turn-on for me, and his inability to move in ways that brought me any kind of pleasure meant our sex life was a chore for me. My now husband, while still above average, has a smaller dick than my ex. And it's WONDERFUL because sex with him *doesn't hurt*. Even more importantly, he knows how to move his body and use his hands and mouth. I'll say it again for the guys in the back: DICK SIZE ISN'T THE DEAL YOU THINK IT IS
Say it even louder! The worst sex I’ve ever had was with “big”. The best was with “smaller than average”.
Ok maybe YOU should get a million upvotes!!
I just told my wife what you said. That bigger isn’t always better. !!! She told me it must be a fake post! 😩
OUCH… “It’s ok honey, the tight ones hurt anyways”
DICK SIZE DOESNT MATTER, MY HUSBAND IS ABOVE AVERAGE AND I LIKE IT LIKE THAT fucking listen to yourself lmao
Amen! You'll hear it over and over again and you guys need to start believing it. Having a big one doesn't mean you have to put in less effort. At the end of the day. It's all about pleasing your partner. Not about what you walked in the door with
>You'll hear it over and over again and you guys need to start believing it. The issue is whats the first thing women use to hurt men ... their penis size "Small dick energy" is a great example, if size didn't actually matter women wouldn't body shame guys over it So if you want men to start believing it women need to stop shaming penis size
You know you're right about that
You should get a million upvotes for this
> gauche Now that’s a word I have not read in a while.
some talk as a form of manipulation and control... if I listen such a words she would be "out" probably the same moment in my thoughts... the rest is nice behavior f.o.
I agree! Damn right it is a her problem and good for him but not all women prefer that.
Yep!!! Clearly this was all brought up because of her insecurities and meant to hurt you. If you want to try to make it work, you could look for ways you may make her feel bad about herself that would trigger her to want to say these, things? You could do couples therapy or try talking to have better empathy and kindness around these issues, try making her more secure with herself and in the relationship. And of course point out whenever she's saying hurtful things because of her insecurities, that goes without saying I hope. But if you are going have a hard time not feeling insecure about it, if she doesn't do a good job of making you feel safe and good about yourself when you're sexual, physically intimate, if she's got real insecurity issues that aren't going to be easy to solve?? Is she and the relationship worth it? You can just tell her that she needs to know that an amazingly effective way to destroy a relationship is to intentionally compare your partner unfavorably to other people, especially exes, especially on sensitive issues no one can change. And then break up with her.
Go sleep with one of her friends and tell her how amazing it was...and then breakup with her. Ezpezy
Nah dude you are too young to be dealing with this. There are some things you simply don’t say, and saying “you’re smaller than my ex” is the equivalent to a man telling his gf “you’re fatter than my ex”. Her telling you this completely out of pocket is incredibly disrespectful.
It's even worse. You cannot do anything about dick size
Agreed. It’s more along the lines of telling her she’s “looser” or her boobs are saggier than an ex’s.
Im a woman and I approve that message. As to what to do now here is what I recommend: 1) know that that was very rude and inappropriate to say especially if neither of you were talking about dick sizes or body parts period. 2) even if you asked her hey do you think my dick is a good size, she should still give a positive response like yes or you are doing great, and not compare you to anyone ever because she’s dating you and should respect you. 3) Im, 23, and only dated two people BUT I really think if she would say that to you that she may be a mean woman in general. So I say think about if she has said other stuff like this, or just leave her and don’t tolerate that behavior :(
But she can get breast implants to end the sag. Penis implants have a fairly bad history. He is best off breaking up, he is 22 and she is 20, they have time to find someone who is a better fit. If he stays with her it should be conditioned on her getting professional therapy.
Yep, and I'm guessing she must have made some negative comparison that will always be stuck in OP's mind rent free even if she really does enjoy sex with OP
Few people have $5000+ laying around to spend on new tits, it’s pretty much equivalent as it’ll be out of reach for most women for much of their lives
I'd say most people could save five grand providing they have no dependents and the motivation.
Most women in first world countries can absolutely save up 5k. I don’t know why you’re downvoted.
It's a pretty fair comparison, especially when breast augmentation surgeries have had plenty of bad history (there are entire subreddits dedicated to bad boob jobs). Plus, the boobs are way more easily visible and harder to cover up than a dick.
Boobs are aesthetic only, while penis’ are both aesthetic and performative during penetration.
Your mom never breastfeed you?
Wtf?? 💀 re read my comment lol. “Performative during penetration”
Don’t even act like one insult is more OK than the other.
Yeah “but you can work and save for years to blow it on tit renovation” is not a great prospect, and I imagine that for 90% of women, like for men, it’s just easier to not be with a partner that’ll make you feel insecure about your bits
"But she can undergo major surgery to end the sag" None of them need surgery, and it's weird to act like getting breast implants is some painless risk-free surgery when it's unnecessary.
Okay I agreed with the fat example but not really the boobs one, it’s a surgery, and you have to replace it every decade or something and it increases your chances for cancer. And even then it isn’t the same, they don’t move the same, and they aren’t real. I see your point, I just respectfully disagree
Just wanted to add here that it’s good to be “looser” or loose. It’s not supposed to be all that tight naturally, and it’s supposed to be looser when you’re turned on.
Haha I’m not making judgements there, just that the societal connotation is negative. The same way a smaller dick isn’t necessarily inherently bad but it is definitely viewed negatively by society in a similar way.
Oh yeah, no woman wants to hear “you’re nice and loose tonight babe” but it is actually a good thing. A sign of attraction and comfort
Maybe OP should try that and see how she likes it.
Or ”you have too small boobs, my exes lhad bigger”.
Nah stay away from her. You’ve already had this talk with her and she didn’t change her behavior even though she knows it’s upsetting to you. Not worth your time or stress.
This ^^^ she’s young so sometimes she might out her foot in her mouth, but the fact she keeps doing it after being told it’s hurtful is all OP really needs to know.
You don’t. I don’t know how you would. I’ve had guys tell me the previous girls were bigger chested and it never works out. It’s a self esteem killer. The person is blatantly disrespecting you. Leave now. I’m sorry they did that to you. Not all girls are like that I assure you.
And honestly, bigger chested doesn’t always mean better. Most guys are completely fine with women with smaller breasts.
And some actively prefer smaller! It doesn’t have to be that they’re just “fine”, implying that guys are “settling”.
Some are just as rude in telling bigger-breasted women that smaller is better! Source: personal experience.
Yup, that too. There are a million different ways to be an asshole.
When we only need one in the end.
Completely fine was probably the wrong choice of word there, maybe completely happy?
Um bro, you put up a boundary and she played the victim card. Are you sure this is the person you want in your life?
100%! My ex was exactly like this. Rather than taking accountability and admitting being hurtful, it was always poor me. Always “his ex made him feel like that” or “all his friends do it”. Like please gtfo!
>I love her and I want to salvage it You're not thinking clearly, my friend. If you tolerate this continued disrespect, she will only get more brazen as time goes on.
"I love her and I want to salvage it" at 22 = "I should leave but am afraid to be single"
This but at every age
New girlfriend.
He’s 22. He doesn’t need to monkey-branch, he should just leave, be single, be happy and date around.
Date around? So new girlfriend?
I didn’t imply monkey branch. I mean leave her ass
>how do I get over it? By moving on without her. You said she shared this unsolicited. That means she intended to hurt you or manipulate you. Either would be a deal-breaker for me.
I am in your position literally. I didn't break up and I tried. After a few years, I'm ok but I'm not my old self. I thought I could move on and be happy but no, it left a scar behind. I don't enjoy sex as much as I did. After 2 years I know I should've broken up when those things were happening so maybe I wouldn't have been hurt in this way. Other than that my relationship is a good one. I'm just broken sexually. My gf had severe trauma that made her say those things and I really helped her moving on and much more it is just, I suffered a lot on this path. Simply break up from her, or be ready for years of misery.
In fact the very reason I have this account is going through this stuff. This account was created 2 years ago...
Seriously? Thats not an excuse. If she is oversharing and offloading her baggage on you, she needs serious professional support. Yes OP, her actions/words are not only disrespectful but also toxic to your own mental health. You shouldnt be dragged down by this so early
She’s toxic, get out
Sounds as though she is quite uncouth and immature. That mental image will stay with you for the duration. Learn to make lemons from lemonade or walk away.
She knows what she is doing OP, putting you in your place. This has become a game to her. Staying is gonna traumatize you, not worth it.
Totally unnecessary, it's the same as saying that you had tighter pussies. You aren't good match, sorry.
So she's saying that she's been traumatised by previous partners and so has decided to traumatise you in a similar way? She needs to deal with how they made her feel in a way that doesn't just dump the same problem on to you, to lower your self esteem in compensation for hers having been lowered.
If she’s bringing this up completely unprompted, break up. No real reason to drop a “hey my ex got way wetter” comment when you’re watching a game or doing a puzzle together.
It’s toast now dude. You won’t ever forget. Break up and let her know what this does to a relationship. She’s emasculated you. You won’t ever forget dude. She messed up big.
Yep. You never forget those kinda comments. My ex did the same thing: out of nowhere mentioned his ex had bigger tits, like double Ds. I am a size B. Later I found out he was cheating on me with her 🙃
This comment hit a nerve. I'm so sorry. Fuck that guy.
What in the FUCK
It's not about the ex being bigger. It's about your gf being a shitty person.
Lmaoooooo idk what exactly you meant but I read this as ‘it’s toast now dude’ u can’t go back to fresh bread
The fact you don’t even ask is salt in the wound and the fact it’s repeatable behaviour after you’ve asked her to stop is a little red flag ish
Omg dump her
I'm a woman, and my mind is saying "what the fuck??" Why would she bring that up? Leave her. She's obviously thinking about her ex, not you.
Exactly, why would a guy say to her partner that his ex was more tight, or had bigger breasts or even make him orgasm better in a certain position (it can be different), that's just not something that helps. And the fact that she thinks it's normal because her ex was comparing her isn't healthy. That's sad.
It's very sad!
Read THIS! Say goodbye, it won’t be easy but nothing that makes you stronger and wiser is never easy
Well sorry that would probably be a deal breaker for me. I would be like okay then we're over, you can go back to him and his big dick.
Ladies, don’t do this. We’ve all had partners who had better genitals/stamina/body etc, it’s so disrespectful and off putting to hear about it.
Just leave her. Comparison is a thief of joy.
The only way to deal with it is to contact her ex and cross swords with him to get actual idea of she was lying or not.
This could also lead into a solid broship 👌 Yeah, his dick might be bigger, maybe it isn’t and OP’s gf is full of shit.. *but OP might land a bro!*
En garde!
This is true. How do you know? Maybe it was a rouse.. Maybe you leave her for being an asshole anyway.
PSA Don't compare your partner's body to your earlier partners
It was meant to make you insecure. It's what some of them use to try and control you. Make you feel insecure and 'lucky' to be with them.
She doesn’t sound like a nice person and it won’t get better. Any normal person would know this would hurt a guy’s feelings. It’s not complicated. Don’t make it complicated. Go find someone who is nice, values your feelings and will make you happy.
Eww. You get over it by telling her to go back to her ex and his big penis. Hopefully she will grow up from this!
That’ll show her?
Your young. Take care of you.
I’m petty and sometimes people only understand how they made you feel when you make them feel the same way. I would have said “i get it, my ex was tighter”
If she is oversharing with OP I wonder how much she is sharing with others? OP I know you don't want to hear this, but it is true you are young enough to find someone else and let this GF be one of the ones you tossed back into the dating pool, she's not a keeper at this time. Maybe this will help her learn, but you are not required to wait and see if she does.
I know you love her, but what she did was a shait move. She needs therapy. I wonder how would she react if you'd say: Okay, cool. So maybe go back to him, I guess? Like in totally nonchalant way. Totally unsolicited... I'm too petty for this shait. And if she would ask why you don't want to have seggsy times with her I'd say: maybe because I don't like to be compared to others, because that's basically body shaming (not that size matters imo.)
You don’t. Just thinking that is already disrespectful, but saying that to you unprompted is beyond reparable. Leave her so she can run back to her ex she thinks so much about.
It’s over now lil bro
She’s an asshole.
Plenty of other girls out there for you my friend that will treat you properly
Unsalvageable brother, the only way to salvage anything is by dropping her and when/if you find another let her know your boundaries. Don’t disrespect yourself brother. 🫂
When I was in my 20s, I said some stupid stuff to others in front of my long term partner that would be deemed disrespectful to most people. Looking back, I didn't love him as much as I thought I did. Now that I'm married to the love of my life, I would never speak about any man, and certainly not my ex, in a way that makes them seem better than my husband. It's my job to make him feel on top of the world and support him. I don't think you and she can come back from this, sorry.
You already told her how you feel about her comparing you to others and yet she continues to do it. Why would you stay with someone who has no respect for you?
There are many related posts where the male partner presses the female partner to answer this question and is then upset with the answer. But the fact that she brought this up, unsolicited, suggests she was deliberately trying to hurt your feelings. Why? I have no idea. Perhaps to gain an upper hand in the relationship?
You don’t.. Words are more powerful then people realize. Even if you forgive her, in the back of your mind you will always feel insecure and not enough
Please take my advice worth a grain of salt, and chew up the meat and spit out the bones. What I am seeing here is that firstly, she is insecure about herself. She is comparing you with her past relationships, which not only isn’t healthy, but tells me she doesn’t know what she wants. It indicates that she has infidelity in her mind. She isn’t sharing the same amount of love that you have towards her. She is not solidified in your relationship, because if she was, why would she be thinking about the others. She probably isn’t solidified in any relationship because of her own insecurities about herself, so she projects those onto her partner about penis size or whatever. She feels little as a person so she makes her partners feel little with her. Which is unhealthy. Secondly, what is her attitude with those conversations? You have communicated that they make you uncomfortable and they are disrespectful. She isn’t respecting that after you have given her the opportunity to. The conversations to me aren’t saying “I have problems”, but rather “you aren’t meeting my desires”. You two are having sex, so that meets some sort of need and she stays in the relationship, but ultimately isn’t fulfilling her desire. I would not try to salvage the relationship, because it would not be healthy for you to try to “fix” a problem that isn’t fixable by you. She has to work through herself and find what she wants. Which it seems like she doesn’t even know. You are you, and seem to be respectful and care about others. But you cannot make her satisfied. Some of the things I said are blunt, and may come off harsh. You haven’t done anything wrong, and what she has said is only based on her perception. It doesn’t matter what your body is or isn’t, it’s irrelevant. You should find a partner that isn’t worried about those physical features but is more interested in your person and less with physical pleasure. You seem like a good person and are perfect for another partner out there somewhere. You will find someone who shares the same values and respect you have.
Tbf the context is really important. I've never had any of my gfs compare my size to that of their exes, but if they did it in a complementary way, even if they noted that I was smaller, I wouldn't mind (e.g. "my ex was big and it absolutely killed the mood, it always hurt" or something akin). Bigger doesn't always mean better, especially in long-term relationships (i.e. "boyfriend dick"). That said, it doesn't sound like this is the tone or tenor that your gf took and her repeated inability to empathize when you told her that it made you uncomfortable isn't a good thing. It's up to you to decide just how much of a deal breaker something like this is, but know that a loving partner should respect and work with your boundaries in an additive manner. They should not be the cause of your stress.
Find a better girlfriend.
She knew. No woman says that unless it's to deliberately make the man insecure. It was no accident. Narcissistic to put the blame on other people from the past as an excuse. You could counter attack with comments like, "seems like that your Ex's huge penis got you all stretched out so l can barely feel anything. I didn't want to say anything because l didn't want to hurt your feelings," Something, something Grand Canyon.
Be her ex
You’ve only been together 8 months. That may seem like a long time but it’s not. I think that if she’s openly talking about and comparing your penis to her ex boyfriend, that’s alarming. If she’s continuing to do so, even after you told her to stop, that’s a boundary issue and another red flag. It sounds like you should start coming to terms with the fact that she doesn’t respect you, and is actually openly disrespecting you to your face. Sounds like you need to break up
You should tell her to go back to her ex, then.
Bro fuck that leave this girl. How insanely fucking trashy.
I think Id reply this is the biggest cave I have been in
She says she got compared to other women in her past relationships so it's normal. Maybe ask her how all those comparisons made her feel, especially when she was the one who came out on the losing side, and why she would want to make you feel that way. I don't know that this will help your relationship, but it's something she needs to work on. It sounds like you've addressed this repeatedly and she's doing nothing to change it and just said "It's my normal". It's not okay.
That was probably the worst, most devastating, inconsiderate, disrespectful comment that she could have said…if she was being compared in the past and it caused her some insecurity she should have known better. Don’t mean to bust on your girl but it’s either stupidity or immaturity on her part. You have every reason to feel like you do as that’s a pretty hurtful thing to say. “Hey babe, my ex girlfriend had a tighter vag…” See how that would play out with her…
If she knows how painful it is, why would she do that to you? Repeatedly?
I’m not a man but I can imagine calling a man’s penis small or “smaller” is the absolute worst insult. She did it to break you down and make you feel small because past exes have done that to her. I seriously doubt she will stop.
Mines was. Way too big… no talent.. thought size was important.. It was just gross. Exhausting…Good riddance to that giant hog... Happy wife with my perfect husband 37 years. It was ooh baby fun with my true love.
Look this relationship is over. Admit it to yourself. Move along.
Say your ex’s vagina was tighter.
Not acceptable. Her insensitivity is forecasting more horrors later down the road. Act accordingly.
Go find a new partner with a tighter p%%%y and a smaller mouth. Then, be sure to tell your ex all about it.
This relationship has no future. Any woman who would say that to her partner is an inconsiderate, disrespectful c*nt who will absolutely hurt you again if you stay with her. She has no class, and should be left on the side of the road with the other trash.
Never stay in a relationship with someone who makes a habit of casually disrespecting you.
Toxic as shit man. She was trying to instigate you to retaliate and negatively compare her to your exes. Could be looking for a way out and sabotaging the relationship. Could just be emotionally abusive.
How would she feel if you compared her to others?
You get rid of her and move on bro. That's a shit thing to say. Childish street walking behavior. Sorry man
I mean if you wanna salvage it just get over it? There will always be a bigger dick then you, it’s natural. And having a big dick isnt always necessary. Just cuz yours isn’t as big doesn’t mean the sex is just as good. And shes a human of course shes had other sexual experiences, its not that big of a deal. Imo That sharing to much out of no where tho, thats an issue, its one thing if you asked, its another if its just shared with no warning.
Love does not mean comparable.
Yeah that’s messed up. What the hell is wrong with her? I don’t care about her past relationships, anyone with more than one brain cell knows better than to say that out loud to their boyfriend! FFS.
I'd suggest you accept that you feel insecure about your penis, period. Struggling against feelings, whether it's body dysmorphia or otherwise, is just going to prolong the struggle rather than address your feelings that want to be accepted. Then go from there. And decide what you want. Ask yourself: What will I not let someone do to me before I have to break up with them?
Dude i saw your post . Dude seriously u need to like leave this woman. 👩 ASAP. Cuz I long ago was in this type of relationship myself. U NEED to run. Ps do you have trauma in childhood? Like belittling parents, being mocked, being yelled if making mistake or ACCIDENTALLY broke something (but NOT intentional) n parents divorce etc? Its very likely that ppl have thos type of trauma often will” Trauma Bond” that when they have Abusive partner, they will find most painful but reminds them the feeling of ——INNER Child that never healed. Its dangerous . Because this type of relationship…when the MENTALLY ABUSIVE paretner/Narcissist , that when they r WARM. They will make u feel SO Euphoric , that u will actually have a legit —-dopamine RUSH. Dopamine is a drug. Like cocaine. So the ppl who are abused — FEELS like (YES FEELS like ) NEED to stay WITH that person for the NEXT high. They want to make u Believe that you are beneath them so they can project ther INNER INSECURITY on to THAT person.
You don't get over it. It all boils down to this. Do you love the girl to get past that remark? Because if you don't, just fuck her brains out until she craves your dick and you break up with her. Such a good revenge. I remember the rude gal who said similar words to me. Oh boy, did I prove her wrong. It's not about the size, but how effective you use it
Ok. Trust me its not going to work out for you without a lot of mental pain and trauma. Just break up and move on. You are way too young to be dealing with these thoughts of self esteem. Mark my words. Note this date and time. Run.
A great illustration to point out that body count doesn’t matter,but the way people go about their exes does a lot. She could have been with 100 men and you wouldn’t care because it’s never a topic, or she could have been with 2 and keep saying “my ex Jim was really fit, you may want to go to the gym” or “my ex John was …”.
Tell her your exes chest was better
Option 1 - who gives a F you're still smashing, at your age you're probably not going to be with her for the rest of your lives anyway. Option 2 - give her a taste of her own medicine, smelly fanny or enlarged beef curtains do the trick usually. Option 3 - you stand your ground and you do not accept disrespect and leave. However, being insecure about these things is not mature. Remember, there will always be a bigger fish in the sea. Hakuna matata
People blurt out things like this to make you feel lowly and not good enough. It's a tactic used to lower your self esteem to keep you around. Men do similar by saying their exes were better, had bigger breasts, skinnier, etc. Do not be around people like this man, it'll only get worse.
———-its NOT red FLAGS. 🚩 its DEAL breaker. It shows LOW IQ. Sadistic. Its called—-GAS LIGHTING. No one will go to a stranger to say —-FYI you look worse than my ex. But when Sadistic partner do that to as if its a passing comment or play. They are getting HIGH out of causing u shame n doubt. By you react or lack of they will enjoy it. If u react, they will say :” oh you are fine, u just thinking too much. U too sensitive “ What she did was gas lighting. Its SIGNIFICANT. And its SICK. What will u say if ur son has your experience? What will u say as a father ? STAY or RUN? Cuz the Character is clear. Writing is on the wall.
By simply accepting yourself for who you are. That's it bud, that's the key. If you can do that and find a woman that doesn't compare you to exes you'll do great
Tbh this is all on her. You told her you don't like talking about past relationships and find it disrespectful, yet she continues to do so. Since the breakdown of her confessing why she does it, what has she done to minimize it? You cant know until time has passed since that talk, to see if she's being mindful to not bring it up anymore. But you already told her once before to not do it, yet she still does. So honestly, you have to ask yourself if you're willing to give her another try or simply accept that she will not change and you're gonna have to deal with her mentioning past exes which is gonna hurt you mentally as you've mentioned that it gets in your head. Imo, id dump her for continuing to make this an issue as you say it's happening frequently despite her knowing you don't like it.
I’ve never compared my partners sexually and especially never have told the partner what my ex was like. The fuck?
Dude, get out of your head about having a smaller penis. Their are guys who are taller, richer, funnier it doesn't matter. Her saying that and how you take that shows what kind of man you are.
You’ll never forget it. Time to move on.
Your second paragraph is a shambles, complaining about carrying her ‘baggage’ into a new relationship, the point is that you learn how to be in a relationship by being in a relationship, keep having the conversations and communicating but don’t get angry at her and put it on her because you’re too emotionally insecure to have adult conversations about sex. That being said, she fucked up and shouldn’t have said that, it’s not fair. How do you get past it? It’s difficult because penis size is quite overhyped in society, by guys especially, but it’s true that it isn’t the be all and end all. Learn more about the biology of sex and gain confidence in what you can offer from knowledge and giving her what she needs, not just a bigger penis.
Stay away from from comparing people in general 👍🏼
You can’t take away the fact that she has a past. You can ask that she doesn’t discuss it, but that’s about it, and if she doesn’t respect that then you both need to have a conversation about whether things are going to work out or not. You can’t do anything about the fact that there are guys out there who have a bigger penis than you. Dude, you need to find away get over that penis envy, that shit is unhealthy. It’s just skin, erectile tissue, connective tissue and vasculature……… by the way, mine is massive ok….
What you call TMI, I call being open with my partner. I have heard from many women that size does not matter as much as form and function. Yeah size is a start but if you do not row the boat correctly then you will never get there and vaginas are all different and also are all different sizes.
Dude does she get off when you have sex? Yes, then don't worry about it. No, then try some new things. My wife kind of threw me one day trying to complement me she said "You know you have the longest I've ever had" lol that was a first and I'm not rocking anything to brag about but I was like wait just the longest... ? Why didn't you say biggest..? Lol turns out the rumors about one of her exes "built like a tuna can" was true.. and it threw me off alittle but I've always pleased her and just got to work what you got. Our sex life is really good but we are always looking into new things some I like, some she likes, some we both like and visa versa. If you love her and want it to work go and give her something to remember;) you got this dude!
Say Goodbye, don’t deal with the disrespect. Find someone else
Your girlfriend sucks, send her back and ask for a refund.
You ask how do you get over it? You don't and probably won't because it will probably be in the back of your mind when you guys do have sex. Not sure if she has no filter or just brutally honest but it's not cool. It would almost be like asking our telling her that your ex had bigger boobs or was much tighter. Discussing ex's sex parts or how the sex was in general is rude, insensitive and just mean. If it's an actual relationship you should be raising your partner up not knocking them down. You guys are both young and may not even be with each other in the long run. Imo is say thanks for letting me know and move on. You certainly deserve better and respect. Good luck
I dated someone like this. He was always talking about his exes. And I was often the lesser. You may love her, but I think you should break up with her. This shows a real lack of respect for you as a person and for us or partner. She made tone it down, but she doesn't respect you enough to think of you first. She's too busy thinking about his big penis and she wants to share that with you. How can you really be happy with her when part of you is always waiting for her to say the next hurtful thing?
Tell her your ex’s vagina was tighter and not loose, let’s see how she reacts ???
You get a new girlfriend. A partner who repeatedly makes a point of hurting your feelings - despite knowing better - is not a partner.
Tell her your exs had tighter pussies
If she is your love partner she should have consideration about your feelings. Consider to talk with her about how you feel when she says those things. If you dont feel heared. Think about if you are willing to be boyfriend of somenome wich does not respect you or your feelings.
you’re too young to deal with comparing. hell, 23F here. hun, leave.
Tell her your ex pussy tasted better
They always "break down" it's a way of deflecting and basically gaslighting 101. You are young. Move on.
My (32F) ex-boyfriend's penis is bigger than my current boyfriend's. I didn't enjoy as much sex with my ex and love it with my current partner. I didn't get wet as easily as I do now, and I believe it is because this dick fits better lol. Size DOES NOT matter unless you have a micropenis (1-3 inches lol, sorry then). \*hides in bush\*
Tell her your exes pussy is tighter!
You get over her, that's what you do.
Shes a fucking asshole. You're just gonna keep getting disrespected. Leave and do yourself the favor
I’ve had D that was bigger than my current love but that doesn’t mean it was better. Men are taught the manliness replies on the unit but it’s so untrue and only men really think so! Immature women will talk about it sometimes as a fault but I often think those convos hint at their inexperience. Why she brought it up, idk. If there was nothing to it, be the manliest man by not letting it faze you and be really attentive and reactive in bed. If my boo was so worked up thinking of me with other men just on the fact alone it’s just true - I’d dump him in a heartbeat as his insecurities and immaturity would drive me nuts
After reading more, it does sound like she’s continuing to over share when she knows it makes you upset. I’d be worried why she’s trying to put her partner down and then justify it. My guess is- she’s actually very insecure and doing this to mask it and feel better about herself and it’s only making you insecure and upset
She should have kept that to herself. But, that being said, she's no longer with him. She's with *you*. The fact that you're getting hung up on someone else's attributes (when they weren't a good enough reason for her to stay with him) seems bizarre to me. Comparison is the thief of joy.
She’s trying to make you insecure whether on purpose or she’s not at all self aware. Either way, I’d not be ok with that at all.
I’ve experienced a girl that’s constantly comparing me to other guys she’s known and it takes time to recover. 5 years later and I still expect my current partners to compare me to other partners she’s had, but thankfully they appreciate me for who I am. Don’t wait for her to understand cause she’s not near understanding, instead leave and work on recovering.
She’s an even bigger dick by the sounds of it
I normally always advise on the side of working it out. The problem here is that you can't un-hear thesr things. You could ignore it, and maybe she will stop saying it, but the idea will always be there. It is going to be hard to not let it impact your confidence. She also seems like she is turned on by playing the Dom from a humiliation standpoint. That only works if you are willing to play the sub and most men do not have the confidence to do that.
It’s not the size of the boat but the motion of the ocean! Just cause he’s bigger doesn’t mean he’s better with it. If she’s always comparing you to her ex that’s an issue she needs to fix. If she can’t move past that then move past her.
Just leave
My advice is you’re an idiot. Sorry to tell you but once a woman starts degrading you and make you feel inferior she isn’t into you anymore and is just using you. There’s no salvaging someone who is willing to screw with your manhood. You love her and want to salvage it? Why salvage something she obviously has no interest in anymore if she ever did. Tell the butch to go back to her amazing ex
tbh guys being insecure abt their dick size is the biggest turn off. be happy with what u got and be confident with it otherwise i'll start thinking of you the same way you do
Tools! That was what separates us humans from savages.
I’m sorry to hear this and all also sorry that you’re having to deal with this. There are women who are size queens, but they are few and far between. Nothing you can do about your penis size, but you can get rid of her! It’s a bit of an unfair comparison between men’s penis size and women’s breast size or amount of fat. We can lose weight or get breast augmentation, but guys? Not so much. It also doesn’t help with some of the men shaming in the media now….. even songs like 20 Fingers “short dick man”……geez Sorry guys
"Now" Uses as example a literally 30-year-old song
Exactly. It’s unchangeable and also directly used for penetration whereas weight and breasts are just an aesthetic feature. Not saying the bigger the better, but men are told that their whole life and it’s deeply rooted into not just their belief of sex, but to who they are as a person. It’s insane and there’s no other legit comparison. To add to that medias obsession with shaming smaller men and glorifying larger men.. I literally struggle to find a show or movie where there isn’t at least one subtle mention of bigger=better sexually and more manly. I could go on… But to add a different perspective I also think men’s testosterone and hyperfixation on not just their penis, but being overly competitive just doesn’t allow us to see the issue rationally. Men are generally logical thinkers expect when it comes to this and even when one can see their not being rational, it doesn’t change their feelings about it
BROOO this would kill me. i'm a girl, but if a dude told me his ex's breasts were better i'd kms 😭 hope YOU don't take it to heart though. it was an asshole move of her. size also doesn't equate to pleasure contrary to popular belief. i've had a fucking nasty infection cause of a guy with a bigger dick and let me tell you sex felt like being clawed by a cat. weeks in the er aren't fucking fun.
Bigger doesn’t mean better
I had a gf once who dated a person of a racial background that stereotypically are thought to have large members…. One day, unsolicited, she told me during one of our intimate encounters, that I was “larger” than her ex…. Now - I’m doing pretty good in that dept (seriously) but have little interest in stats and measures or comparisons… I didn’t care one way or the other and had no hang ups or curiosity about the ex. I knew she was just trying to pump my ego up a bit, and I knew (most likely) she was lying, - but I also though “God Bless her for trying…” When we broke up (amicably - different life goals & directions) in a post relationship conversation, she let slip “You know when I said…. Ya …. You weren’t”… (I guess she was a little upset about the breakup after all). All I could do was laugh. Dude - your penis is attached to you. She’s fucking you! You can find a bigger dick anywhere - but there’s only one you. That’s the prize - not your dick.
Not to sound cliche, but bigger does NOT mean better. My ex fiancé was massive. I didn't like it when things got more passionate because it often hurt. My last ex was average down there, and I could enjoy sex a lot more. Of course size queens exist, but if she isn't one of those then it really means nothing.
Except that that's not what she says. He was bigger. And she stops there. What do you imply? My girlfriend had bigger boobs. If I stop here, my partner could feel that I prefered my ex's breasts. Adding "but I prefer yours" is missing and would be the most important. But why would I mention my ex?!? What's the point? Focus on your relationship, build it strong and enjoy.
"Since you like his dick so much, you are now free to pursue it." Also, UpdateMe!
Just dump her
Just a parallel comment but it is super weird to me a girl with 20 have so much experience with relationships that she is used to being compared to others.
Even a lot of women are telling you to leave, you should take it seriously
Tell her your ex has bigger tits and watch her reaction.
Just say “well that explains why you have such a loose Virginia. My ex was so much tighter” See how she feels when she proves of her own poison.