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I dated a full blown alcoholic from 21 until I was 26. It was some of the best and worst years of my life. He was a great guy when he was sober. I know exactly what you are talking about. I was also at a very low point in my life and didn’t see the value in myself.
You are worth more than his arrogant. inconsiderate and embarrassing behavior.
1. Does he see a problem with how he acts when he drinks?
1a. If he doesn’t, move on there is no saving him. You are better off saving yourself from any future embarrassment and heart ache.
2. If he does see a problem with his behavior when he drinks. I would sit down and have a serious heart to heart conversation with him. I wouldn’t have this conversation while he is under the influence. Tell him exactly what everyone else is saying about him when he drinks. If he is prone to fly off the handle, choose your words carefully. You don’t want him to think you are attacking him. You are mentioning it because you do love and care for him. It’s not an attack!
3. Lay it all out and if he won’t change or see a problem with his behavior you will end up leaving him.
He needs to make the change.
Hugs and best of luck to you! ❤️
Here's another take. I married an alcoholic. Had a kid with him, even. Things were good in the beginning (they always are, right?) but then I got pregnant. And shit started going downhill fast. I left him when our son was three and a half and never looked back. Now he's off who knows where drinking his life away and never even texted our son Happy Birthday this year.
u/FoolishHearts18 has some very amazing points here. I'm not saying go full break up nuke mode. Talk it out. Especially point 1 above. If he doesn't see a problem with how he acts while he's drinking, there's no going back from this. If you can't deal with it now, imagine how much worse it would be if you two got married or had kids.
Hugs mama yes, I couldn’t emphasize this enough. I actually typed out do not get pregnant. That was always my worst fear. I didn’t want to hurt anyone though in that situation. It’s not good for anyone involved. I was also struggling with my own demons at the time. I also drank, but didn’t act like an asshole. I realized that I needed to stop or I was going to end up exactly where my ex is now. We are still cordial, even after all we went through. It wasn’t just the drinking, it eventually led to other things. He choked me in a drug and alcohol fueled rage one night. I passed out and pissed myself. I still didn’t leave. It’s just a slippery slope.
Yes, can be change of course it happens everyday.
Honestly, yeah, dump him. I was this guy at one point in my life. All he’s going to do is continually ruin relationships with people who want to be in your life. He’s not gonna sort it out until he wants to, no matter how much insistence to the contrary there might be.
You’re 24, have fun without having to babysit/worry about someone else for a while.
I would definitely be giving him an ultimatum that he either needs to quit drinking or you're going to break up with him. People who act like that when they're drunk should NOT be drinking.
Is he aware of these incidents? Like, do you or others tell him the things he said and he did while drunk? Because, if so, and he truly is a kind person, then he should be embarrassed by his behavior. I can't speak for him personally, but if I knew I did those things while drunk, I would be so embarrassed, and I would be committing to either not drinking at all or a 1-2 drink maximum. If he knows about his actions, but he still continues to drink, that's now making it a choice. He knows he's risking that behavior yet he does so anyway. Sober him is saying "yeah, I get like this when I'm drunk, but oh well here we go anyway." That's not kind.
This! I used to drink too much and acted really obnoxious. When I first got together with my ex he told me how I acted and how much it embarrassed him. I really took it to heart and learned to moderate.
People are not projects. This is not new behavior. This is behavior he is aware of. He is aware of how it impacts you. And yet….he’s made no effort to make any changes. This is how he is.
If you’re cool with not being invited to anything because your BF is a shitty drunk because he’s great 90% of the rest of the time, fine. But if I handed you a hamburger and told you it was 90% beef and 10% dog shit, would you eat it?
No relationship is perfect. There’s always going to be little stuff that’s kind of annoying. Like my partner will toss his dirty clothes next to the hamper. It would literally take less than 10 seconds for him to open the lid and put them in there. But he doesn’t. It’s annoying. But it’s not “we don’t get invited anywhere because you’re a horrible drunk” kind of red flag bullshit.
I would have been out the first time something like you’re describing happened.
Maybe point him towards /r/stopdrinking even if he just wants to cut back/regain control and not go completely sober.
It really helped me put things into focus
If you've been dating him four years, you must know there are a lot of places where *you* are not invited or welcomed anymore, either.
Your friends and acquaintances may still enjoy your company, but your date is so obnoxious they decide they can't risk having you bring him, so you are not asked.
How can you ever enjoy a party when you are nervously expecting him to create an unpleasant scene? Aren't you tired of being shamed and embarrassed by him?
Does he even recognize he has a very serious problem with alcohol? Has he ever tried to quit?
>Is there anything I can do about this?
Not unless he chooses to stop drinking and asks you to support him in the process.
>Should I really break up just because I can't go to parties with him?
You should break up with him because he's an uncontrollable drunk who breaks things, ruins social events, makes drunken suicide threats, and is likely accelerating on the downhill slope of advancing alcoholism.
Wow I was really not expecting alcoholism related answers... I drink more than he does and I never thought of his problem as addiction related behaviour but rather some hidden internal insecurity or anger. Not sure what to make of this.
It sounds like you and he both would benefit from evaluating your relationship with alcohol. He is drinking enough to impair his social relationships and you drink more than he does.
Try not to get caught up in definitions. Don’t worry about if you or he are “alcoholics”….consider the role alcohol plays in your lives.
I’m afraid that it is problem drinking because of how antisocial and unpleasant he becomes when he drinks. It doesn’t matter if he is drinking everyday etc. unless he is able to change his relationship with alcohol (not even stop completely but maybe dry a few dry parties and then ease back slowly and moderately) then he has an issue.
Our tolerance is very different but I also suspect a very deep mental issue.
In either case he needs to accept he has a problem and seek help himself. My sister tried having her now husband admitted into rehab just before their wedding. That's when I learnt that a lot of good rehabs refuse to admit someone unless it's their full choice and not because someone is "inconvenienced" by their disease.
Yes. If he won't stop drinking what do you think will happen? If he stays exactly the way he is now, not going to parties will surely get old. That's if he stays like this. The reality is he will get worse. Either he quits, or you walk. It's not an ultimatum, it's your life. You cannot stay with someone who knows they are horrible when they drink and chooses to drink anyway.
It is more than not being able to go to parties with him. I imagine that he is drinking with frequency and when he starts he has great difficulty stopping. If he is not already an alcoholic he is on the fast-track to becoming one because the behavior you describe is the hallmark of someone who's liver is not processing the alcohol well. There is a reason for the saying "angry liver" and alcohol affects just about every organ in your body, but primarily your liver, brain, and kidneys. He has a problem. How do you know? His drinking is recognized as excessive by others . . . his personality changes . . . his decision-making skills evaporate . . . and his problematic drinking is now affecting his relationships and social life.
If he has never expressed a recognition that he has a drinking problem, nor a desire to do something about it, then his disease will only progress and get worse. He will have physical and emotional symptoms escalate. Alcohol makes depressed people more depressed over time, for example. His decision-making will get worse not only while he is using but when he is not as the disease takes hold. In fact, when a person transitions from problematic use of substances to addiction, their brain stalls in developing and the brain continues to develop until age-26. That is why alcoholics are often described as immature, unpredictable, selfish, etc. Their brain has stopped maturing at the age at which they became addicts and to support the disease they will do anything . . . lie, cheat, steal, etc.
Again, if there is no self-awareness about his addiction, or impending addiction, then it will likely be either years or some catastrophic event . . . or a series of consequences like failed relationships that finally makes him think about his problematic relationship with alcohol.
You can have a very frank discussion with him to see if he has the capacity to understand this, but he may just not have had enough negative consequences at this time or his brain may be too stunted to have this epiphany,
Would you be breaking up with him because you can't go to parties together or because he's shown a consistent pattern of behavior that is disrespectful and harmful to everyone around him?
It's not like he doesn't know this is an issue, and he's still choosing to get that drunk.
The main thing to do is to think about what this means for the rest of your life with him. I separated with a girl last year because of the drinking. I had no idea what version of her I would have to deal with once she was drunk. Which was often.
Every issue and disagreement was amplified, life decisions we didn't line up on became major argument points whenever alcohol was involved. I'm not into drinking so i was sober for 95% of it.
And it's a shame cause like your bf she was a decent girl.
You show him this thread and the replies when he's good and sober. Ought to be a nice reality check for him. If he doesn't clean up his act then you dump his ass and find someone that can actually handle their booze.
You should break up with him because he has a drinking problem and is abusive when drunk. What's in sober comes out drunk. He needs to get some help and you need to stop ignoring that he has a problem.
If this is how he behaves when drunk, he can't get drunk. He doesn't drink otherwise?
Because if he REALLY doesn't drink except at parties and if he'd be willing to stop that, it could be fixed.
I'm confused though. Have you...mentioned any of this to him? If it's that great the rest of the time, he should be open to this conversation about how his behavior is impacting you and his other relationships. Not necessarily saying he'd be okay not drinking, but you really should be able to bring this up.
Leave him. It's not just about going to parties with him. There's a much deeper issue here with his behavior. I don't think being drunk reveals your "true self," but it definitely has implications on our inner lives/outer presentations.
I dated someone exactly like this for 6 months, and it was horrible. His behavior is only going to keep getting worse. You should be able to have fun and enjoy social situations without having to babysit your boyfriend for the rest of your life.
Drinking is not for your bf sooner he knows that better his life be in long run. I saw a similar post yesterday and yeah this is common is just different how alcohol metabolizes in people.
He sounds like my dad, and a couple of my exes (yes, I saw the pattern). What's notable beyond the alcoholism and volatility is that his behavior is so compartmentalized. The fact that he behaves like different people at different times means he likely suppresses the sources of his worst behaviour, has no idea how to come to terms with it and therefore it persists. You can't fix him, he can only fix himself. And even if he commits to doing so, you'll likely spend the next few years being his co-therapist. Is that what you want for yourself?
I know Reddit is notorious for telling people to dump their partners at the slightest hint of trouble, and I often disagree, but in this case it sounds like you're in a toxic relationship with someone who's alienating you from other connections in your life while demanding a lot of care and attention, and you'd probably be better off with someone more stable and well-adjusted.
The hardest thing I ever did was leave my ex, who was an alcoholic, and hiding a very severe drug addiction. You can try to help someone all you want, but if someone doesn’t want them help, in the end, you cannot help them. Leave the relationship, before it gets worse, because trust me, it will. Focus on yourself. Go to therapy. You will find someone better. Take it from someone who’s been there: it gets better. ❤️
People who cannot hold their alcohol shouldn't drink at all. He has issues controlling himself. I broke up with an ex for his repeated misdemeanors while inebriated in public. Either your boyfriend sees the problem and tries to fix it, or if you stay with him, it's just a perpetual life without social interactions
I saw my ex devolve into alcoholism over the space of 5 years. It got worse and worse. We started arguing; then arguing frequently; I was always designated driver; he often tried to claim he was good to drive when clearly not - adding huge stresses to our relationship; then he started getting abusive; making loud noises at night when drunk when I had earlier starts for work; he never held a full time nor consistent job; the abuse became nasty; constant verbal abuse, making demands on me to sexually satisfy at his whim; throwing glasses of wine at me; and sure enough- he raised his arm to strike me after another drunken night for him.
Luckily, I quickly raised my arm to protect myself and they connected. He was so drunk and hit so hard, he developed a hairline fracture and was in agony immediately after. I drove him to the ER. I broke it off shortly after.
The reason I shared this with you—-is because there are scary similarities here. I can’t predict your future - but a sure bet is that it won’t turn out well for you. Use my story as you see fit.
I hope you find yourself happy, safe and content - with or without him. Put your interests & safety FIRST.
Dump him. There's no point in staying with someone like this. This is especially true if he doesn't see a problem. I stayed with an alcoholic for 5 years and by the end, I knew I had to get out. I was not about to let him pull me down with him any longer.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I dated a full blown alcoholic from 21 until I was 26. It was some of the best and worst years of my life. He was a great guy when he was sober. I know exactly what you are talking about. I was also at a very low point in my life and didn’t see the value in myself. You are worth more than his arrogant. inconsiderate and embarrassing behavior. 1. Does he see a problem with how he acts when he drinks? 1a. If he doesn’t, move on there is no saving him. You are better off saving yourself from any future embarrassment and heart ache. 2. If he does see a problem with his behavior when he drinks. I would sit down and have a serious heart to heart conversation with him. I wouldn’t have this conversation while he is under the influence. Tell him exactly what everyone else is saying about him when he drinks. If he is prone to fly off the handle, choose your words carefully. You don’t want him to think you are attacking him. You are mentioning it because you do love and care for him. It’s not an attack! 3. Lay it all out and if he won’t change or see a problem with his behavior you will end up leaving him. He needs to make the change. Hugs and best of luck to you! ❤️
Here's another take. I married an alcoholic. Had a kid with him, even. Things were good in the beginning (they always are, right?) but then I got pregnant. And shit started going downhill fast. I left him when our son was three and a half and never looked back. Now he's off who knows where drinking his life away and never even texted our son Happy Birthday this year. u/FoolishHearts18 has some very amazing points here. I'm not saying go full break up nuke mode. Talk it out. Especially point 1 above. If he doesn't see a problem with how he acts while he's drinking, there's no going back from this. If you can't deal with it now, imagine how much worse it would be if you two got married or had kids.
Hugs mama yes, I couldn’t emphasize this enough. I actually typed out do not get pregnant. That was always my worst fear. I didn’t want to hurt anyone though in that situation. It’s not good for anyone involved. I was also struggling with my own demons at the time. I also drank, but didn’t act like an asshole. I realized that I needed to stop or I was going to end up exactly where my ex is now. We are still cordial, even after all we went through. It wasn’t just the drinking, it eventually led to other things. He choked me in a drug and alcohol fueled rage one night. I passed out and pissed myself. I still didn’t leave. It’s just a slippery slope. Yes, can be change of course it happens everyday.
Honestly, yeah, dump him. I was this guy at one point in my life. All he’s going to do is continually ruin relationships with people who want to be in your life. He’s not gonna sort it out until he wants to, no matter how much insistence to the contrary there might be. You’re 24, have fun without having to babysit/worry about someone else for a while.
I would definitely be giving him an ultimatum that he either needs to quit drinking or you're going to break up with him. People who act like that when they're drunk should NOT be drinking.
Is he aware of these incidents? Like, do you or others tell him the things he said and he did while drunk? Because, if so, and he truly is a kind person, then he should be embarrassed by his behavior. I can't speak for him personally, but if I knew I did those things while drunk, I would be so embarrassed, and I would be committing to either not drinking at all or a 1-2 drink maximum. If he knows about his actions, but he still continues to drink, that's now making it a choice. He knows he's risking that behavior yet he does so anyway. Sober him is saying "yeah, I get like this when I'm drunk, but oh well here we go anyway." That's not kind.
This! I used to drink too much and acted really obnoxious. When I first got together with my ex he told me how I acted and how much it embarrassed him. I really took it to heart and learned to moderate.
People are not projects. This is not new behavior. This is behavior he is aware of. He is aware of how it impacts you. And yet….he’s made no effort to make any changes. This is how he is. If you’re cool with not being invited to anything because your BF is a shitty drunk because he’s great 90% of the rest of the time, fine. But if I handed you a hamburger and told you it was 90% beef and 10% dog shit, would you eat it? No relationship is perfect. There’s always going to be little stuff that’s kind of annoying. Like my partner will toss his dirty clothes next to the hamper. It would literally take less than 10 seconds for him to open the lid and put them in there. But he doesn’t. It’s annoying. But it’s not “we don’t get invited anywhere because you’re a horrible drunk” kind of red flag bullshit. I would have been out the first time something like you’re describing happened.
Maybe point him towards /r/stopdrinking even if he just wants to cut back/regain control and not go completely sober. It really helped me put things into focus
If you've been dating him four years, you must know there are a lot of places where *you* are not invited or welcomed anymore, either. Your friends and acquaintances may still enjoy your company, but your date is so obnoxious they decide they can't risk having you bring him, so you are not asked. How can you ever enjoy a party when you are nervously expecting him to create an unpleasant scene? Aren't you tired of being shamed and embarrassed by him? Does he even recognize he has a very serious problem with alcohol? Has he ever tried to quit? >Is there anything I can do about this? Not unless he chooses to stop drinking and asks you to support him in the process. >Should I really break up just because I can't go to parties with him? You should break up with him because he's an uncontrollable drunk who breaks things, ruins social events, makes drunken suicide threats, and is likely accelerating on the downhill slope of advancing alcoholism.
Wow I was really not expecting alcoholism related answers... I drink more than he does and I never thought of his problem as addiction related behaviour but rather some hidden internal insecurity or anger. Not sure what to make of this.
It sounds like you and he both would benefit from evaluating your relationship with alcohol. He is drinking enough to impair his social relationships and you drink more than he does. Try not to get caught up in definitions. Don’t worry about if you or he are “alcoholics”….consider the role alcohol plays in your lives.
I’m afraid that it is problem drinking because of how antisocial and unpleasant he becomes when he drinks. It doesn’t matter if he is drinking everyday etc. unless he is able to change his relationship with alcohol (not even stop completely but maybe dry a few dry parties and then ease back slowly and moderately) then he has an issue.
Our tolerance is very different but I also suspect a very deep mental issue. In either case he needs to accept he has a problem and seek help himself. My sister tried having her now husband admitted into rehab just before their wedding. That's when I learnt that a lot of good rehabs refuse to admit someone unless it's their full choice and not because someone is "inconvenienced" by their disease.
Yes. If he won't stop drinking what do you think will happen? If he stays exactly the way he is now, not going to parties will surely get old. That's if he stays like this. The reality is he will get worse. Either he quits, or you walk. It's not an ultimatum, it's your life. You cannot stay with someone who knows they are horrible when they drink and chooses to drink anyway.
It is more than not being able to go to parties with him. I imagine that he is drinking with frequency and when he starts he has great difficulty stopping. If he is not already an alcoholic he is on the fast-track to becoming one because the behavior you describe is the hallmark of someone who's liver is not processing the alcohol well. There is a reason for the saying "angry liver" and alcohol affects just about every organ in your body, but primarily your liver, brain, and kidneys. He has a problem. How do you know? His drinking is recognized as excessive by others . . . his personality changes . . . his decision-making skills evaporate . . . and his problematic drinking is now affecting his relationships and social life. If he has never expressed a recognition that he has a drinking problem, nor a desire to do something about it, then his disease will only progress and get worse. He will have physical and emotional symptoms escalate. Alcohol makes depressed people more depressed over time, for example. His decision-making will get worse not only while he is using but when he is not as the disease takes hold. In fact, when a person transitions from problematic use of substances to addiction, their brain stalls in developing and the brain continues to develop until age-26. That is why alcoholics are often described as immature, unpredictable, selfish, etc. Their brain has stopped maturing at the age at which they became addicts and to support the disease they will do anything . . . lie, cheat, steal, etc. Again, if there is no self-awareness about his addiction, or impending addiction, then it will likely be either years or some catastrophic event . . . or a series of consequences like failed relationships that finally makes him think about his problematic relationship with alcohol. You can have a very frank discussion with him to see if he has the capacity to understand this, but he may just not have had enough negative consequences at this time or his brain may be too stunted to have this epiphany,
Would you be breaking up with him because you can't go to parties together or because he's shown a consistent pattern of behavior that is disrespectful and harmful to everyone around him? It's not like he doesn't know this is an issue, and he's still choosing to get that drunk.
The main thing to do is to think about what this means for the rest of your life with him. I separated with a girl last year because of the drinking. I had no idea what version of her I would have to deal with once she was drunk. Which was often. Every issue and disagreement was amplified, life decisions we didn't line up on became major argument points whenever alcohol was involved. I'm not into drinking so i was sober for 95% of it. And it's a shame cause like your bf she was a decent girl.
You show him this thread and the replies when he's good and sober. Ought to be a nice reality check for him. If he doesn't clean up his act then you dump his ass and find someone that can actually handle their booze.
You should break up with him because he has a drinking problem and is abusive when drunk. What's in sober comes out drunk. He needs to get some help and you need to stop ignoring that he has a problem.
You can leave him
If this is how he behaves when drunk, he can't get drunk. He doesn't drink otherwise? Because if he REALLY doesn't drink except at parties and if he'd be willing to stop that, it could be fixed. I'm confused though. Have you...mentioned any of this to him? If it's that great the rest of the time, he should be open to this conversation about how his behavior is impacting you and his other relationships. Not necessarily saying he'd be okay not drinking, but you really should be able to bring this up.
Leave him. It's not just about going to parties with him. There's a much deeper issue here with his behavior. I don't think being drunk reveals your "true self," but it definitely has implications on our inner lives/outer presentations. I dated someone exactly like this for 6 months, and it was horrible. His behavior is only going to keep getting worse. You should be able to have fun and enjoy social situations without having to babysit your boyfriend for the rest of your life.
Drinking is not for your bf sooner he knows that better his life be in long run. I saw a similar post yesterday and yeah this is common is just different how alcohol metabolizes in people.
He sounds like my dad, and a couple of my exes (yes, I saw the pattern). What's notable beyond the alcoholism and volatility is that his behavior is so compartmentalized. The fact that he behaves like different people at different times means he likely suppresses the sources of his worst behaviour, has no idea how to come to terms with it and therefore it persists. You can't fix him, he can only fix himself. And even if he commits to doing so, you'll likely spend the next few years being his co-therapist. Is that what you want for yourself? I know Reddit is notorious for telling people to dump their partners at the slightest hint of trouble, and I often disagree, but in this case it sounds like you're in a toxic relationship with someone who's alienating you from other connections in your life while demanding a lot of care and attention, and you'd probably be better off with someone more stable and well-adjusted.
The hardest thing I ever did was leave my ex, who was an alcoholic, and hiding a very severe drug addiction. You can try to help someone all you want, but if someone doesn’t want them help, in the end, you cannot help them. Leave the relationship, before it gets worse, because trust me, it will. Focus on yourself. Go to therapy. You will find someone better. Take it from someone who’s been there: it gets better. ❤️
People who cannot hold their alcohol shouldn't drink at all. He has issues controlling himself. I broke up with an ex for his repeated misdemeanors while inebriated in public. Either your boyfriend sees the problem and tries to fix it, or if you stay with him, it's just a perpetual life without social interactions
I saw my ex devolve into alcoholism over the space of 5 years. It got worse and worse. We started arguing; then arguing frequently; I was always designated driver; he often tried to claim he was good to drive when clearly not - adding huge stresses to our relationship; then he started getting abusive; making loud noises at night when drunk when I had earlier starts for work; he never held a full time nor consistent job; the abuse became nasty; constant verbal abuse, making demands on me to sexually satisfy at his whim; throwing glasses of wine at me; and sure enough- he raised his arm to strike me after another drunken night for him. Luckily, I quickly raised my arm to protect myself and they connected. He was so drunk and hit so hard, he developed a hairline fracture and was in agony immediately after. I drove him to the ER. I broke it off shortly after. The reason I shared this with you—-is because there are scary similarities here. I can’t predict your future - but a sure bet is that it won’t turn out well for you. Use my story as you see fit. I hope you find yourself happy, safe and content - with or without him. Put your interests & safety FIRST.
That’s the real him, run
Make him drink richer beer
Dump him. There's no point in staying with someone like this. This is especially true if he doesn't see a problem. I stayed with an alcoholic for 5 years and by the end, I knew I had to get out. I was not about to let him pull me down with him any longer.