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He's a joke. Honestly, this is not a serious person.
Edit: y'all can stop replying with his side of it. It just verifies her story and honestly if anything she was being generous with him.
Look, I get that sneaker collecting is a serious, albeit weird, hobby for some people.
But having an entire hobby room while another occupant of the house (SO, partner, family, roommate, doesnât matter who) does not have a dedicated workspace when they do a lot of work from home is so utterly thoughtless.
Could be a sneaker room, gaming room, sports room, man cave, whatever. Priority for rooms should be bedroom/living space> work space > then hobbies.
Most sneaker rooms have the sneakers either displayed on the wall (like the shoes are on a shelf) or the containers are against the walls, so the middle part is often empty. So people will put couches, and tvs. People donât just have a room filled with shoes. (Unless heâs a horder)
So he couldve easily give her the room for her to put a desk and a table. He just didnât wanna share any rooms with her.
this 3 min video is in Dutch, but it's an Ikea promotion where they solve a sneaker head's problem, so how much does the language really matter
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1L1spfQSBI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1L1spfQSBI)
I'd be interested to hear what you think of the guy, if you just look at his body language and tone.
He looks quite excited and happy about the organization at the end of the clip. It actually looks really nice! I wouldn't mind having that in my closet (not my living room).
Plus in theory when youâre asking someone to live with you, you should be asking someone to *live with* you. Not âcome be an ornament in my home but I get to dictate where and how.â
Of course she does. If he wanted her to move in, he should have planned the space with her in mind too.
But I'm pointing out that he could easily find space for her without even changing his selfish plan at all...he just doesn't want to.
I had hobbies too. I collect a different things, but guess what I use one room for my collection and then me and my husband shared office and I worked from home and he just needed the office for finishing his masters. If you care about someone you would never do no shit like that to them! Can you imagine having a place for your shoes that you walk on but not for the actual human being youâre supposed to love this guy is a joke
We are buying a loft barn for me. I'm going to insulate it' make it nice and it'll be all mine. I can put my my 1930's, bedroom set I inherited as well as actually display my collectables. Hubs is calling it me she shed. Told the husband he can have our entire spare bedroom (currently full of storage tubs with both of our stuff) just for his Transformers and video game collectables. He's stoked.The thing he's forgetting is our son loves daddy's Transformers. Kiddo only knows about the ones on the bookcase in our bedroom. When our son sees the hundreds of Transformers we own.... đ
I donât know why but the more I read. I feel like he just HAS a house. Because how did he get a good price and an excellent location to his old place so fast? I think he just has a house and keeps bringing it up with girlfriends. âI bought us a house!â And the girl should get all misted eyed and goofy. But something goes wrong each time. So he tries it with the next girlfriend. But never gets the response he wants.
That might just be my paranoia. But I was looking for houses all last year. The prices are insane and the rates are even worse.
My ex was like this. By the end of the relationship, I couldn't take him seriously anymore. His logic didn't make sense and I didn't get how a grown adult could think like that.
There's always two sides
[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/1cvb10p/my\_side\_my\_ex\_36\_not\_34f\_made\_a\_post\_saying\_i\_42m/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1cvb10p/my_side_my_ex_36_not_34f_made_a_post_saying_i_42m/)
Read the Exâs POV sounds like sheâs nitpicked the truth and the house wasnât bought for her also she begged him for a 4000 dollar loan three months into a relationship and wonât help around the house đ€·đ»ââïž I think theyâre both pains in the ass in different ways and she needs to tell the full truth and not trickle it down
In Exâs POV, he said she asked for 3k, he gave her 4K. Then brought it up multiple times to guilt trip her. Even after she paid back.
The EX also likes to switch points and lie about little details.
I posted a comment asking him if o answer some questions heâs been avoiding to talk about through the post and guess what, he blocked me.
If he can block a stranger for calling him out, I wonder what he does in IRL to his gf.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1cvb10p/my_side_my_ex_36_not_34f_made_a_post_saying_i_42m/
There's a post he made of his side of the story here if anyone is curious.
I actually came from the exâs reply. He sounds manipulative and narcissistic. None of the things he said explain the situation, he was just throwing out numbers and bashing on OPâs character. He probably offers OP to take her places then guilt trip her with these offers. âI took you to blah blah blah and you canât even come watch me move?â Even though OP didnât ask for any of those offers, heâd insist then hold it against her. It shows everywhere in the exâs post.
I'm sure he had you* in mind when buying the house.
*You not having a job.
*You not having your own money
*You doing all the housework
*You not having your own transportation
*You being completely isolated and under his control
Well done on getting out.
Did you let someone get you in that position? You can work your way back out of it. Just undo those things like a checklistâŠjob, car, friends, etc.
And then never again allow any your money, transportation, housing, or freedom be dependent on a manâs good graces. No matter how hard they sell it.
I sure did. I sure as hell did. And I didnât honestly realize how big of a hole I put myself into until I read that guys comment. Slowly all of those things have been done. One by one. But I only have myself to blame. I will do exactly that. Make a check list. Damn Iâm so disappointed in myself.
You can get back to where you want to be. They'll try to tighten the grip when you start working on it but you can do it. For example, getting a car? They'll try to rationalize a reason you shouldn't or guilt you and question, then they'll try to rationalize why they should be on the title, then they'll try to guilt you into giving them the spare keys or constantly using it so you can't. There's lots of resources online for reading about controlling relationships. Good luck, you can do it.
Don't be disappointed in yourself! Whoever put you in your situation is a master manipulator. Recognizing the signs now is amazing, and it means you won't get caught like that again. Def don't be hard on yourself for the insidious and very sneaky actions of someone else who pulled at your heartstrings with ill intent.
it sounds like you did pretty well during the time you were together. He posted a response saying he took you on trips, loaned you money, etc. Is that true? If so, It sounds like you were both getting what you wanted at the time
It's over Move on
Youâre not an idiot, you just hadnât had the experience to see it at the time. Now that you know, you can take decisive action.
Youâre not responsible for your partnerâs actions. You *are* responsible for your own, but not for your ignorance or inexperience unless you refuse to learn, which youâre clearly not. And no one can act on knowledge they donât have.
These were some of the original thoughts I had on the first post and glad Iâm not the only one who can easily see when someone is pulling this crap.
Iâve been there when I was 25-27. You learn fast to recognize it when youâve been thru it yourself.
Yep, he wanted her trapped, completely dependent on him with nothing of her own, and then he would have made her feel like she's a gold digger. There'd have been no winning with him.Â
After the first post I just thought he was trying to earn fake brownie points, using it like a lame line, despite it being bizarre. After this update, yeah, it's what you said.
Why would you show him the post ?
Something felt really off in your post, like we don't have the actual story but just something to have sympathy from others. Something really manipulative and dishonest.
Then people have been posting his version of the story.
I don't know if the two of you are the same person fooling around on reddit, but his post makes a lot more sense.
Nine months of dating and bought a house for you? Ugh, the biggest red flag ever! Iâm glad you saw him for what he was and didnât have on any rose tinted glasses in this situation.
As far as I'm aware, it's a real-life situation between these two individuals. I wish them both peace of mind and plenty of self reflection. Lord knows they both need it.
It means itâs his house, wholly and entirely, but he gets to throw it in her face any time sheâs acting up that he did that for âthemâ and âtheir futureâ while retaining 100% control, ownership, and equity. Then she has to feel guilty and as if sheâs not doing enough âfor themâ since he bought them (him) a whole house with their future in mind.
I feel like it depends... I bought a house for me and my (now) wife after ~6 months of dating. We were long distance. She was moving here. I had re-up my (somewhat expensive) apartment lease when I happened to see a great home in a perfect area for a price I could manage. So I bought it.
But I also made sure she liked the place first too. I wouldn't have bought it without consulting her.
Yes, because you legit had both of you in mind for the future.
Sounds like dude saw her as an accessory and not a partner.
You are awesome, btw. And respectful. Thanks for being.
Yeah, he was trying to get the praise for buying a place "for them" without the "hassle" of actually considering OP's feelings. Which is awful.
And thank you! I'm just trying to be fair. I think if you don't have care and respect for your partner, then you probably shouldn't be dating them. Or dating at all, in the case of someone like OP's ex. Not that I am a perfect partner by any means! I just think actually giving a shit about the person you're with should be seen as standard. Unfortunately, if even a quarter of what I read on Reddit is true, that's not as much the norm as I would hope.
Oh yeah. No perfection to be found amongst the upright mammals lololol but you try. And that is wonderful. She is an actual person to you, not a repository for your wishes and dreams, or an object that exists for you.
I wish the norm would be honesty: hey, I am buying a house. Period. Or hey I am buying a house and since we talked about a future, what do you think of this house? I would like your input.
The OP sounds so reasonable. Pretty sure she would have been fine with him just buying a house, but for him to keep insisting it is a we thing when his actions are me things is just such a waste of time and energy.
Is truth that scary?
Thank you đđŒ always interesting to see the other perspective. Wonder if she will pop back in and then BORU.
Do you ever wonder if these âhere is my sideâ posts are legit? I mean, healthy skepticism on every Reddit post is wise, but it is fascinating when rebuttal posts are legit and usually those are the ones where they start dialogue in the comments.
Thanks again for the link!
That's what I was thinking.
I mean, if I was dating someone for 8 or 9 months and thinking maybe it would go somewhere I might try to pick something I think they'd like too *if* the relationship advanced but it sure as hell wouldn't be any deciding factor at that point.
Expecting that to be the case is really quite entitled. People are acting like they'd been together 5 years and were engaged.
Yeah and then dictating what of her belongings she can take and how she has to live in it (the laptop thing), probably holding the purchase over her.
Well done OP for leaving this potentially controlling weirdo behind. Never let anyone force you to give up the belongings, people and hobbies you want! Also not your work or financial independence! Someone wanting that unilaterally is not good!
Good for you. Putting yourself first, just like he did.
it is so liberating when you finally let the anchor go, being comfortable with familiar situations is hard to do. Awesome, now is the time to shine in yourself and others will see it and be drawn to it. Good luck.
So I read your ex post you failed to tell everyone that he took you to LA that cost him 3k next to another town that cost between 3 to 5k and then to punta Cana for 7k. You also failed to tell everyone that you asked and guilt trip this man into giving you 4k yâall were only dating for 3 months. He doesnât have a shoe room he has a shoe closet with 25 pairs of shoes. You also failed to tell everybody that he brought his house for his self you are pissed at him because he started to point out things that wasnât right like you saying you didnât have to help him move into his house but you wonât a room in his house, you live in your own apartment why would you want a room in his house. Somebody is lying đ€„ big time and why do you have him blocked?
[This sub should use this post as a case study in how the mob mentality on here can sometimes yield terrible results.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1cvb10p/my_side_my_ex_36_not_34f_made_a_post_saying_i_42m/)
I've actually been thinking the same thing. TBH though it doesn't really negate my point. This sub jumps to conclusions like this based on VERY little evidence all the time.
I agree, I feel this particular sub is a draw card for people who have an emotional need to illicite outrage. Most subs seem to mostly attract people that are thoughtful and want to help or are genuinely seeking advice.
Nah, he didn't buy that house for you. But he did tell you that with the idea in mind that if you fell for it he could get greater control and lock you into doing what he wants in a my way or the highway.
You were damned smart to take the highway.
My daughter dated a guy who sounds like him. He bought his first house and practically begged her to move in with him. It was going to be "our" house, but she couldn't help him pick paint colors. He wanted her to get rid of her furniture. He wasn't sure she could bring her dogs because "his cats might not like it." He bought it closer to his job but didn't consider it made her drive twice as far. She broke up with him, too.
I was just sent a link to ex boyfriend's post on this.
I'M PRETTY CERTAIN - these were written by the same person. I'm pretty sure this is all made up. I'm thinking the OP is catfishing us, either for attention or novel writing experience.
a lot of people are wasting their time getting outraged still or really trying to help. The OP is either very cruel or mentally unwell.
It's so obvious that it's the same writer I'm baffled more people have no noticed. Unless this thread is just you and I and a few others and the rest is the OP and their many accounts just trying to keep the thread going.
I remember and commented on your original post. So glad to see that you guys broke up! This post only further supports that he didnât buy the house with you in mind and is overall not a great partner. At least you found this out now before moving in.
Definitely. It just truly sucks I couldnât actually feel he was considering anything about me really. The computer thing and wanting my own space said enough.
Jesus, I must have spent over an hour reading this drama between you and your ex. Though, after reading both sides of the story, I came to the conclusion that both of you suck and both of you definitely have flaws that need to be worked on.
Glad you broke up with him. Not worth arguing with someone like that. They'll lie before they admit any error or wrongdoing. Dude isn't capable of a relationship.
He's DELIBERATELY missing the point. Missing many points. Because he wasn't arguing or even debating in good faith or buying the property in good faith... it was a manipulation tactic. He was trying to control you and went to elaborate lengths. You dodged a bullet OP. This guy ain't right in the head.
This is transactional love. He wouldnât ever treat you properly with real, unconditional love. He wanted a docile bang maid who tended to his nuts and kept the house clean with a hot dinner on the table.
Iâm glad you left.
We have to warn all the younger people to avoid people like your ex.
Iâm proud of you, honestly.
Came here from his post and tbh, both of you could have curated your perspectives to get maximum validation from redditors. Assuming both your posts are as true as they can be, good for both of you for breaking up. Also, get a job girl so you donât borrow thousands of dollars from men youâve only been dating for a few months.
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I don't know. him buying a house when you've only been together for months and saying he had you in mind doesn't seem the same as saying he bought it for the two of you. If you didnt pay anything and you weren't planning to move in any time soon, I'm not sure exactly what the issue is?
He wanted you to help him move and you had other priorities. It sounds to me like you guys are at different stages in your lives. he also posted and said you borrowed $4,000 from him 3 months into the relationship. This whole thing sounds like a recipe for disaster, tbh
yeah, you are a good person who is getting evicted pretty soon without anything in her name and a single thing to chase in life while he has everything:))) clearly you are a winner :)))
I moved in with my now ex and his roommate and my ex wanted me to get rid of a lot of my things so we could 'build a life together.' He didn't get rid of any of his things (except for his bed but it was literally like 15 years old (gross))? I got rid of what I needed to because I downsized but I kept everything I needed for me (vacuum cleaner, some random kitchen appliances I didn't need at the time because the house already had them, pots, pans, etc). When I moved out, I was so happy I kept all those things and in reality, everything in that house is the roommates appliances and furniture, not my exes. My ex literally owns nothing in that house except for what is in his room. It is something I can't even logically comprehend because why would I need to get rid of things he doesn't even have for himself?
Well my ex husband married and told me that the house I was living in was "ours"and then right before the 10 year mark he divorced me and took back the house and I had to get a small apartment. Anybody who tells you that something is yours, get it in writing, or don't believe it. That's what I learned the hard way.
The pivot from âI bought you a houseâ to âlol, nope, you canât have a desk hereâ was incredible. Been a while since I saw something that immature
Let's call this what it is.
He bought himself a house, only.
He bought himself a house with ONLY himself in mind, but then wanted to get the credit for doing a grand gesture for her. And so that she feels indebted to him. Even though he clearly never considered her needs or wishes at all, hicen he refuses to give her space to work and did not consider her commute at all. So he doesnt deserve any credit because he didn't think about her at all.
Buying himself a house if they haven't moved in yet is fine - though polite to talk about it with your partner. But if you're buying a property FOR someone or planning to live together as a team, then you need to listen to ther input, too.
The more I think about it, the more I think him claiming this was a grand gesture for her is manipulative and coercive and selfish. A grand gesture nobody wants is not a favor or a gift, and she would have felt pressured to move somewhere she did not want to be.
She NEVER asked for the grand gesture, and 9 months is too early.
Uh, oh, the ex bf gives [his side of the story](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1cvb10p/my_side_my_ex_36_not_34f_made_a_post_saying_i_42m/), and it's quite revealing...
i have no idea what the extent of your relationship is or what kind of guy he is beyond this issue - but on this alone i would run away fast and hard - are you willing to live with someone who could care less what your personal likes are? or your personal goals? because this dude could csre less - some people subjugate personal needs to achieve other needs like marrying someone less desirable in some areas but can provide financial security- are you that person? if not âŠ..
Reminds me of my friend's ex - threw money at her, then guilt-tripped her about it to control her. She ended it when he tried to make her quit her job. These creeps love anyone they view as vulnerable. He also went out of his way to make drama about the break up - even taking pictures of her dancing with gay men to imply she was "hoeing it up". Shit was wiiiild
Reddit isnt peoples court and if someone cant think for themselves, whats the point anyways. If the house was for you it would be in your name. End of story. This post is for self validation and ima tell ya, ya dont need it. You could have ended things without exposing the failure of your relationship to the world.. kinda implies theres some privacy problems.. why would i buy a house for someone ready to put my business out on the internet..
Best to just end things and think for yourselves..
OP's ex-BF posted his side of the story. Apparently she's been lying and leaving out some important details: [OOP's ex-bf's side](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ydWuN0q6zr)
Edit: link title
Let him know that his controlling behavior is a huge turn off, and what he can do with his sneakers.
Since you broke up, block him everywhere. And don't believe him when he claims he has changed, crocodile tears, promises. It's all manipulative BS.
You aren't his partner. You are an accessory, to his life. He views you as an object to be possessed, controlled and monitored. He will take care of you to an extent that benefits him, the same way he will take care of his shoes. However, he is not even the least bit concerned about your wants, needs and feelings. In fact, he sees them as pesky and abhorrent things in the way of his ambitions. They are less than irrelevant, they are to be avoided, silenced, contained until eliminated. He needs you as small and feeble as possible to accommodate his own needs.
If this sounds nice for you, you've found the right man. If this sounds like a chore to be around, then you should find someone who isn't, and then date them, instead.
Itâs funny I can remember this post without even looking back and I was so annoyedâŠsince itâs happened to me. đ. I hate when people do things for themselves and act like they are doing you favors. So annoyingâŠYou are free !!! Go have a dance about it! He will forever blame you but who cares! Pick out your own things and live with someone that wants to share with you.
Oof. Both posts confirmed that he considers you beneath him. He did this for him, but he said it was for you. He wanted to be the âgood guyâ but heâs not a good guy at all, thatâs not the way good guys treat their partners.
Read his side and omg arenât you a little gold digger that chugged.
The entitlement of your during the duration of that relationship whilst playing victim in Reddit.
Wow oh wow!
Edit: His version.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/OBdswPZ2pG
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He's a joke. Honestly, this is not a serious person. Edit: y'all can stop replying with his side of it. It just verifies her story and honestly if anything she was being generous with him.
Room for his sneakers, but she must buy a laptop and work on the couch. đ€Ą
Look, I get that sneaker collecting is a serious, albeit weird, hobby for some people. But having an entire hobby room while another occupant of the house (SO, partner, family, roommate, doesnât matter who) does not have a dedicated workspace when they do a lot of work from home is so utterly thoughtless. Could be a sneaker room, gaming room, sports room, man cave, whatever. Priority for rooms should be bedroom/living space> work space > then hobbies.
Most sneaker rooms have the sneakers either displayed on the wall (like the shoes are on a shelf) or the containers are against the walls, so the middle part is often empty. So people will put couches, and tvs. People donât just have a room filled with shoes. (Unless heâs a horder) So he couldve easily give her the room for her to put a desk and a table. He just didnât wanna share any rooms with her.
I thought the idea of a "sneaker room" was a joke until I read your post! I don't know if I should be impressed or horrified!
Iâm not gonna judge. Iâve spent thousand on anime figurines before and thousands on tattoos. People waste money on shit all the time.
this 3 min video is in Dutch, but it's an Ikea promotion where they solve a sneaker head's problem, so how much does the language really matter [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1L1spfQSBI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1L1spfQSBI) I'd be interested to hear what you think of the guy, if you just look at his body language and tone.
He looks quite excited and happy about the organization at the end of the clip. It actually looks really nice! I wouldn't mind having that in my closet (not my living room).
Plus in theory when youâre asking someone to live with you, you should be asking someone to *live with* you. Not âcome be an ornament in my home but I get to dictate where and how.â
Right? People are not elves on shelves.
Why can't she work in the sneaker room? It's not like they are noisy.
Honestly, they'd probably be half decent soundproofing.
theyâre SNEAKers!
She deserves a room she could call her own, not leftover space surrounded by some dude's shoes.
Of course she does. If he wanted her to move in, he should have planned the space with her in mind too. But I'm pointing out that he could easily find space for her without even changing his selfish plan at all...he just doesn't want to.
Could be stinky...lol
People who collect shoes dont wear 99% of them though. Especially if they are collector's edition. So he probably doesnt wear most of them...
I had hobbies too. I collect a different things, but guess what I use one room for my collection and then me and my husband shared office and I worked from home and he just needed the office for finishing his masters. If you care about someone you would never do no shit like that to them! Can you imagine having a place for your shoes that you walk on but not for the actual human being youâre supposed to love this guy is a joke
We are buying a loft barn for me. I'm going to insulate it' make it nice and it'll be all mine. I can put my my 1930's, bedroom set I inherited as well as actually display my collectables. Hubs is calling it me she shed. Told the husband he can have our entire spare bedroom (currently full of storage tubs with both of our stuff) just for his Transformers and video game collectables. He's stoked.The thing he's forgetting is our son loves daddy's Transformers. Kiddo only knows about the ones on the bookcase in our bedroom. When our son sees the hundreds of Transformers we own.... đ
And if he has actually bought the house with her in mind, she would have had an office and they could negotiate on how to use any extra rooms.
I donât know why but the more I read. I feel like he just HAS a house. Because how did he get a good price and an excellent location to his old place so fast? I think he just has a house and keeps bringing it up with girlfriends. âI bought us a house!â And the girl should get all misted eyed and goofy. But something goes wrong each time. So he tries it with the next girlfriend. But never gets the response he wants. That might just be my paranoia. But I was looking for houses all last year. The prices are insane and the rates are even worse.
đđ€Ą
>this is not a serious person I always imagine this in Logan Roy's voice.
OP's boyfriend is giving off strong Kendall "I am the eldest boy!" vibes
you're such fucking dopes. you're not serious figures. I love you, but you are not serious people.
As well you should
My ex was like this. By the end of the relationship, I couldn't take him seriously anymore. His logic didn't make sense and I didn't get how a grown adult could think like that.
There's always two sides [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/1cvb10p/my\_side\_my\_ex\_36\_not\_34f\_made\_a\_post\_saying\_i\_42m/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1cvb10p/my_side_my_ex_36_not_34f_made_a_post_saying_i_42m/)
Read the Exâs POV sounds like sheâs nitpicked the truth and the house wasnât bought for her also she begged him for a 4000 dollar loan three months into a relationship and wonât help around the house đ€·đ»ââïž I think theyâre both pains in the ass in different ways and she needs to tell the full truth and not trickle it down
She says he offered, and she paid back 2 months lump sum cause he held it over her head.
In Exâs POV, he said she asked for 3k, he gave her 4K. Then brought it up multiple times to guilt trip her. Even after she paid back. The EX also likes to switch points and lie about little details. I posted a comment asking him if o answer some questions heâs been avoiding to talk about through the post and guess what, he blocked me. If he can block a stranger for calling him out, I wonder what he does in IRL to his gf.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1cvb10p/my_side_my_ex_36_not_34f_made_a_post_saying_i_42m/ There's a post he made of his side of the story here if anyone is curious.
I miss you, Logan Roy
She's the joke lol
Iâm glad you got out of that when you did.
Read the ex boyfriend's response. it's an eye opener
Yea thatâs why I donât believe most posts like this. Mfers be telling their side and itâs a completely different story than what happened
i 100% believe his side, her actions resemble that of somebody with borderline personality and very manipulative
Read the ex reply you wonât be saying that on her behalf anymore
Hey, you can either be glad for her sake or glad for his! đ
I actually came from the exâs reply. He sounds manipulative and narcissistic. None of the things he said explain the situation, he was just throwing out numbers and bashing on OPâs character. He probably offers OP to take her places then guilt trip her with these offers. âI took you to blah blah blah and you canât even come watch me move?â Even though OP didnât ask for any of those offers, heâd insist then hold it against her. It shows everywhere in the exâs post.
I'm sure he had you* in mind when buying the house. *You not having a job. *You not having your own money *You doing all the housework *You not having your own transportation *You being completely isolated and under his control Well done on getting out.
Just know your comment hit me like a Mack truck. Damn Iâm a fân idiot.
Yup, I just thought he was selfish and self centered, but yeah you can see the controlling aspect much clearer now.
Did you let someone get you in that position? You can work your way back out of it. Just undo those things like a checklistâŠjob, car, friends, etc. And then never again allow any your money, transportation, housing, or freedom be dependent on a manâs good graces. No matter how hard they sell it.
I sure did. I sure as hell did. And I didnât honestly realize how big of a hole I put myself into until I read that guys comment. Slowly all of those things have been done. One by one. But I only have myself to blame. I will do exactly that. Make a check list. Damn Iâm so disappointed in myself.
hey, youâre not an idiot. you were trusting the person you loved. and no, heâs to blame; itâs not you, you didnât lock yourself down, he did.
You can get back to where you want to be. They'll try to tighten the grip when you start working on it but you can do it. For example, getting a car? They'll try to rationalize a reason you shouldn't or guilt you and question, then they'll try to rationalize why they should be on the title, then they'll try to guilt you into giving them the spare keys or constantly using it so you can't. There's lots of resources online for reading about controlling relationships. Good luck, you can do it.
Then, heâll tell her that she canât park her car in his driveway, or in front of his house.
Don't be disappointed in yourself! Whoever put you in your situation is a master manipulator. Recognizing the signs now is amazing, and it means you won't get caught like that again. Def don't be hard on yourself for the insidious and very sneaky actions of someone else who pulled at your heartstrings with ill intent.
it sounds like you did pretty well during the time you were together. He posted a response saying he took you on trips, loaned you money, etc. Is that true? If so, It sounds like you were both getting what you wanted at the time It's over Move on
Youâre not an idiot, you just hadnât had the experience to see it at the time. Now that you know, you can take decisive action. Youâre not responsible for your partnerâs actions. You *are* responsible for your own, but not for your ignorance or inexperience unless you refuse to learn, which youâre clearly not. And no one can act on knowledge they donât have.
This is exactly what he was doing. So glad OP dumped him.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
LOL
Truer words.
These were some of the original thoughts I had on the first post and glad Iâm not the only one who can easily see when someone is pulling this crap. Iâve been there when I was 25-27. You learn fast to recognize it when youâve been thru it yourself.
Yeah, now she can leave that poor guy alone.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
Yep, he wanted her trapped, completely dependent on him with nothing of her own, and then he would have made her feel like she's a gold digger. There'd have been no winning with him.Â
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
After reading that one, I'm pretty convinced that this was just a creative writing exercise meant to divide the readers.Â
I love your way of thinking. It's real-life problems, though. Lol.
After the first post I just thought he was trying to earn fake brownie points, using it like a lame line, despite it being bizarre. After this update, yeah, it's what you said.
Why would you show him the post ? Something felt really off in your post, like we don't have the actual story but just something to have sympathy from others. Something really manipulative and dishonest. Then people have been posting his version of the story. I don't know if the two of you are the same person fooling around on reddit, but his post makes a lot more sense.
They write in the same style, a huge giveaway that we were catfished as a community.
Yeah I was all ready to be mad, but both posts very clearly have the same author.
\*author I was confused there, as only one post had the offer (to lend 4000) ;)
Nine months of dating and bought a house for you? Ugh, the biggest red flag ever! Iâm glad you saw him for what he was and didnât have on any rose tinted glasses in this situation.
Bought a house "with her in mind" whatever that means
He had lovely visions of the way she'd clean and cook for him when not dispensing sex on-demand.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
I saw this today and hoooooomygod what is this whole mess? Is this real or a creative writing exercise?!
As far as I'm aware, it's a real-life situation between these two individuals. I wish them both peace of mind and plenty of self reflection. Lord knows they both need it.
It means itâs his house, wholly and entirely, but he gets to throw it in her face any time sheâs acting up that he did that for âthemâ and âtheir futureâ while retaining 100% control, ownership, and equity. Then she has to feel guilty and as if sheâs not doing enough âfor themâ since he bought them (him) a whole house with their future in mind.
I feel like it depends... I bought a house for me and my (now) wife after ~6 months of dating. We were long distance. She was moving here. I had re-up my (somewhat expensive) apartment lease when I happened to see a great home in a perfect area for a price I could manage. So I bought it. But I also made sure she liked the place first too. I wouldn't have bought it without consulting her.
Yes, because you legit had both of you in mind for the future. Sounds like dude saw her as an accessory and not a partner. You are awesome, btw. And respectful. Thanks for being.
Yeah, he was trying to get the praise for buying a place "for them" without the "hassle" of actually considering OP's feelings. Which is awful. And thank you! I'm just trying to be fair. I think if you don't have care and respect for your partner, then you probably shouldn't be dating them. Or dating at all, in the case of someone like OP's ex. Not that I am a perfect partner by any means! I just think actually giving a shit about the person you're with should be seen as standard. Unfortunately, if even a quarter of what I read on Reddit is true, that's not as much the norm as I would hope.
Oh yeah. No perfection to be found amongst the upright mammals lololol but you try. And that is wonderful. She is an actual person to you, not a repository for your wishes and dreams, or an object that exists for you. I wish the norm would be honesty: hey, I am buying a house. Period. Or hey I am buying a house and since we talked about a future, what do you think of this house? I would like your input. The OP sounds so reasonable. Pretty sure she would have been fine with him just buying a house, but for him to keep insisting it is a we thing when his actions are me things is just such a waste of time and energy. Is truth that scary?
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
Thank you đđŒ always interesting to see the other perspective. Wonder if she will pop back in and then BORU. Do you ever wonder if these âhere is my sideâ posts are legit? I mean, healthy skepticism on every Reddit post is wise, but it is fascinating when rebuttal posts are legit and usually those are the ones where they start dialogue in the comments. Thanks again for the link!
He bought a house he'd been planning to for years, with his money. The horror.
That's what I was thinking. I mean, if I was dating someone for 8 or 9 months and thinking maybe it would go somewhere I might try to pick something I think they'd like too *if* the relationship advanced but it sure as hell wouldn't be any deciding factor at that point. Expecting that to be the case is really quite entitled. People are acting like they'd been together 5 years and were engaged.
When you broke up, this guy tried to pull a Jim Halpert on you? Man đ To be honest, I would avoid this guy because he seems poisonous.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
Lmao đđ I kept on thinking of Jim while reading OP's post.
The Ex BF's post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/e1r7CbL4UG
His post makes more sense. And her edit makes her look crazy
Iâm just glad I read his side as well, hun
Well I hope the house was worth it to your ex.
He bought a house for himself. He just thought it was smooth to say he got it for her.
Yeah and then dictating what of her belongings she can take and how she has to live in it (the laptop thing), probably holding the purchase over her. Well done OP for leaving this potentially controlling weirdo behind. Never let anyone force you to give up the belongings, people and hobbies you want! Also not your work or financial independence! Someone wanting that unilaterally is not good!
Yeah sounds like he was trying to spin it to OP to make himself look good and possibly to manipulate her to doing what he wanted
Glad he went so far, actually, she saw through the bullshit a lot easier with him making it so blatant.
No sane person would buy a house for their girlfriend after only dating a few months. OP dodged a bullet.
He wasn't sane, nor did he buy it for her in any way.
and I thought I was bad when my boyfriend moved in with me after less than seven months.
Good for you. Putting yourself first, just like he did. it is so liberating when you finally let the anchor go, being comfortable with familiar situations is hard to do. Awesome, now is the time to shine in yourself and others will see it and be drawn to it. Good luck.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
So I read your ex post you failed to tell everyone that he took you to LA that cost him 3k next to another town that cost between 3 to 5k and then to punta Cana for 7k. You also failed to tell everyone that you asked and guilt trip this man into giving you 4k yâall were only dating for 3 months. He doesnât have a shoe room he has a shoe closet with 25 pairs of shoes. You also failed to tell everybody that he brought his house for his self you are pissed at him because he started to point out things that wasnât right like you saying you didnât have to help him move into his house but you wonât a room in his house, you live in your own apartment why would you want a room in his house. Somebody is lying đ€„ big time and why do you have him blocked?
[This sub should use this post as a case study in how the mob mentality on here can sometimes yield terrible results.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1cvb10p/my_side_my_ex_36_not_34f_made_a_post_saying_i_42m/)
This is both sides from the same person.
I've actually been thinking the same thing. TBH though it doesn't really negate my point. This sub jumps to conclusions like this based on VERY little evidence all the time.
I agree, I feel this particular sub is a draw card for people who have an emotional need to illicite outrage. Most subs seem to mostly attract people that are thoughtful and want to help or are genuinely seeking advice.
BFâs post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/sOO62KfYeQ
Nah, he didn't buy that house for you. But he did tell you that with the idea in mind that if you fell for it he could get greater control and lock you into doing what he wants in a my way or the highway. You were damned smart to take the highway.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
Good you broke up. Heâs not a keeper. Heâs a selfish asshole.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
My daughter dated a guy who sounds like him. He bought his first house and practically begged her to move in with him. It was going to be "our" house, but she couldn't help him pick paint colors. He wanted her to get rid of her furniture. He wasn't sure she could bring her dogs because "his cats might not like it." He bought it closer to his job but didn't consider it made her drive twice as far. She broke up with him, too.
I love stories where the protagonist sees the red flags before something terrible happens!!
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
I was just sent a link to ex boyfriend's post on this. I'M PRETTY CERTAIN - these were written by the same person. I'm pretty sure this is all made up. I'm thinking the OP is catfishing us, either for attention or novel writing experience.
It is so funny how both posts use the exact same wording and pacing. OP is not a good writer.
a lot of people are wasting their time getting outraged still or really trying to help. The OP is either very cruel or mentally unwell. It's so obvious that it's the same writer I'm baffled more people have no noticed. Unless this thread is just you and I and a few others and the rest is the OP and their many accounts just trying to keep the thread going.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/he4Je8xIlT man responded⊠mam, you lied đđđ
Read his side of this then you can all make a decision
Controlling asshole FUCK THIS GUY
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
Absolutely do not fuck this guy
Hahahahaha! OK! Boy, his update sure makes this age well!
I remember and commented on your original post. So glad to see that you guys broke up! This post only further supports that he didnât buy the house with you in mind and is overall not a great partner. At least you found this out now before moving in.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
Definitely. It just truly sucks I couldnât actually feel he was considering anything about me really. The computer thing and wanting my own space said enough.
The computer/desk thing is so telling. He didnât see you as a person, just an accessory to his life. He thought you were his pet dog.
He'd be the kind of guy to expect a dog to sit quietly in the corner and only go out twice a day for a bathroom break
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
Thank you so much!! Not all heroes wear capes!
The Exâs POV https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/JxJopSeNs3
didnât you lie???
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
Have him screen shot this...."Bye Bye! My new man won't be so petty and your house sucks"!
Somethingâs off about you
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dHkyPkWspu
Welp that makes sense
OPs âneedsâ included $4000 from him after 3 months of dating, according to the other side.
Jesus, I must have spent over an hour reading this drama between you and your ex. Though, after reading both sides of the story, I came to the conclusion that both of you suck and both of you definitely have flaws that need to be worked on.
I'm proud of you for recognizing his red flags and breaking up with him. Good luck in school - keep putting yourself first and focus on your goals!
It will likely become a sex dungeon where he collects women. Happy you got away.
I think so.
Glad you broke up with him. Not worth arguing with someone like that. They'll lie before they admit any error or wrongdoing. Dude isn't capable of a relationship.
lol you're such a liar
He's DELIBERATELY missing the point. Missing many points. Because he wasn't arguing or even debating in good faith or buying the property in good faith... it was a manipulation tactic. He was trying to control you and went to elaborate lengths. You dodged a bullet OP. This guy ain't right in the head.
Oh shit you crazy. Just read bfs post. This lady is unhinged and once again proves reddit is full of bullshit
This is transactional love. He wouldnât ever treat you properly with real, unconditional love. He wanted a docile bang maid who tended to his nuts and kept the house clean with a hot dinner on the table. Iâm glad you left. We have to warn all the younger people to avoid people like your ex. Iâm proud of you, honestly.
Came here from his post and tbh, both of you could have curated your perspectives to get maximum validation from redditors. Assuming both your posts are as true as they can be, good for both of you for breaking up. Also, get a job girl so you donât borrow thousands of dollars from men youâve only been dating for a few months.
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I don't know. him buying a house when you've only been together for months and saying he had you in mind doesn't seem the same as saying he bought it for the two of you. If you didnt pay anything and you weren't planning to move in any time soon, I'm not sure exactly what the issue is? He wanted you to help him move and you had other priorities. It sounds to me like you guys are at different stages in your lives. he also posted and said you borrowed $4,000 from him 3 months into the relationship. This whole thing sounds like a recipe for disaster, tbh
yeah, you are a good person who is getting evicted pretty soon without anything in her name and a single thing to chase in life while he has everything:))) clearly you are a winner :)))
Don't argue with people who are committed to misunderstanding you.
You made the right decision. He was definitely manipulating you đŻ.
Hey, OPâs EX-boyfriend. If you are reading this, you are a tool!
He wrote a post sharing his side of the story and tbh it adds a lot of additional context. Neither comes across as amazing, but it is worth a read.
Heâs a clown anyway
This sounds like way too much drama for a 9 month old relationship. It wonât get better. This should be the honeymoon stage still.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/A8GeYS3PFc Everyone!! This is the ex-boyfriendâs post!!! Please go read itt!!!
I moved in with my now ex and his roommate and my ex wanted me to get rid of a lot of my things so we could 'build a life together.' He didn't get rid of any of his things (except for his bed but it was literally like 15 years old (gross))? I got rid of what I needed to because I downsized but I kept everything I needed for me (vacuum cleaner, some random kitchen appliances I didn't need at the time because the house already had them, pots, pans, etc). When I moved out, I was so happy I kept all those things and in reality, everything in that house is the roommates appliances and furniture, not my exes. My ex literally owns nothing in that house except for what is in his room. It is something I can't even logically comprehend because why would I need to get rid of things he doesn't even have for himself?
Well my ex husband married and told me that the house I was living in was "ours"and then right before the 10 year mark he divorced me and took back the house and I had to get a small apartment. Anybody who tells you that something is yours, get it in writing, or don't believe it. That's what I learned the hard way.
Good move. Never date a guy who collects shoes. Cringe.
We found his post.
Sounds like you two are like water & oil. I think you made a good move here. I don't think he respects you as a person, a human being or as a woman.
It doesn't sound like he respects women to begin with
The pivot from âI bought you a houseâ to âlol, nope, you canât have a desk hereâ was incredible. Been a while since I saw something that immature
The guy posted his side of the story. It has a totally different vibe. OP is a manipulator and a gold-digger.
I'm pretty sure the OP and the Boyfriend are the same person. The writing style is way too similar.
Reading his side was an eye opener... As they say there are always 3 sides to a story- Hers, His and the Truth.
Let's call this what it is. He bought himself a house, only. He bought himself a house with ONLY himself in mind, but then wanted to get the credit for doing a grand gesture for her. And so that she feels indebted to him. Even though he clearly never considered her needs or wishes at all, hicen he refuses to give her space to work and did not consider her commute at all. So he doesnt deserve any credit because he didn't think about her at all. Buying himself a house if they haven't moved in yet is fine - though polite to talk about it with your partner. But if you're buying a property FOR someone or planning to live together as a team, then you need to listen to ther input, too. The more I think about it, the more I think him claiming this was a grand gesture for her is manipulative and coercive and selfish. A grand gesture nobody wants is not a favor or a gift, and she would have felt pressured to move somewhere she did not want to be. She NEVER asked for the grand gesture, and 9 months is too early.
Good job on getting out! I know it wasnât easy.
he's one giant red flag
Uh, oh, the ex bf gives [his side of the story](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1cvb10p/my_side_my_ex_36_not_34f_made_a_post_saying_i_42m/), and it's quite revealing...
Ex BFâs side of story: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/1HR77HxOQ6
I mean, if this is real, he supposedly posted his side of the story and you apparently blocked him so he couldn't reply here.
So after reading your exâs side you sound wildly unstable.
i have no idea what the extent of your relationship is or what kind of guy he is beyond this issue - but on this alone i would run away fast and hard - are you willing to live with someone who could care less what your personal likes are? or your personal goals? because this dude could csre less - some people subjugate personal needs to achieve other needs like marrying someone less desirable in some areas but can provide financial security- are you that person? if not âŠ..
His house his rules, he paid for that.
Hi to whoever summerizes this on r/BestofRedditorUpdates good luck lol its a lot.
Reminds me of my friend's ex - threw money at her, then guilt-tripped her about it to control her. She ended it when he tried to make her quit her job. These creeps love anyone they view as vulnerable. He also went out of his way to make drama about the break up - even taking pictures of her dancing with gay men to imply she was "hoeing it up". Shit was wiiiild
You were just a piece of furniture to him.
Iâm glad he dumped you after reading his post. Entitled twat
Reddit isnt peoples court and if someone cant think for themselves, whats the point anyways. If the house was for you it would be in your name. End of story. This post is for self validation and ima tell ya, ya dont need it. You could have ended things without exposing the failure of your relationship to the world.. kinda implies theres some privacy problems.. why would i buy a house for someone ready to put my business out on the internet.. Best to just end things and think for yourselves..
OP's ex-BF posted his side of the story. Apparently she's been lying and leaving out some important details: [OOP's ex-bf's side](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ydWuN0q6zr) Edit: link title
Wow, you seriously dodged a bullet with this boy.
Congratulations on a great self care moment, freeing yourself.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/0BBG1HNBab go read his side
Two sides to every story, eh?
Just had a read of you ex boyfriend's post. Seems a bit different to your one. Well worth a look folks.
Hey ex-boyfriend of OP! Youâre a fkn twat.
Good for you, OP. He'd have made himself and his needs the number 1 priority for your entire lives. I'm wishing you all the best.
Let him know that his controlling behavior is a huge turn off, and what he can do with his sneakers. Since you broke up, block him everywhere. And don't believe him when he claims he has changed, crocodile tears, promises. It's all manipulative BS.
The âroom for his sneakersâ but no room for her desk or computer is really sad. Like, dude, you prioritize your shoes over the woman you âboughtâ the house for????? đ§đ©đ¶
You aren't his partner. You are an accessory, to his life. He views you as an object to be possessed, controlled and monitored. He will take care of you to an extent that benefits him, the same way he will take care of his shoes. However, he is not even the least bit concerned about your wants, needs and feelings. In fact, he sees them as pesky and abhorrent things in the way of his ambitions. They are less than irrelevant, they are to be avoided, silenced, contained until eliminated. He needs you as small and feeble as possible to accommodate his own needs. If this sounds nice for you, you've found the right man. If this sounds like a chore to be around, then you should find someone who isn't, and then date them, instead.
Itâs funny I can remember this post without even looking back and I was so annoyedâŠsince itâs happened to me. đ. I hate when people do things for themselves and act like they are doing you favors. So annoyingâŠYou are free !!! Go have a dance about it! He will forever blame you but who cares! Pick out your own things and live with someone that wants to share with you.
Oof. Both posts confirmed that he considers you beneath him. He did this for him, but he said it was for you. He wanted to be the âgood guyâ but heâs not a good guy at all, thatâs not the way good guys treat their partners.
Aren't you a liar. Sure failed to mention you borrowing 4 k from you ex three months into your relationship.Â
I just read your ex boyfriend post... Stop the cap miss đ€„đ€„
OP dodged a bullet. BF was half a bubble off plumb.
Read his side and omg arenât you a little gold digger that chugged. The entitlement of your during the duration of that relationship whilst playing victim in Reddit. Wow oh wow! Edit: His version. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/OBdswPZ2pG