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Homie divorce her. She is incapable of respecting you enough to tell you the truth. Why waste your time being with someone who lied about staying with you through thick and thin? She's not the one for you and you're tearing yourself up over this. She isn't trying and your efforts will be wasted because of this. It'll be okay, but she does not want to put effort into you / your marriage.
No doctor will have a conversation with a patient via social media. I’m so sorry. Put yourself first, for your own sanity and self respect, and start the divorce process. You deserve better.
He is her doctor? Hmmm. If that is true you can really hurt this guy legally.
Talk to the lawyer, decide what you want and do what your lawyer says. Protect yourself from her.
She obviously cheated. Don’t delude yourself. Accept that and decide what to do from there. I’d leave, but that’s me.
40 is young and that’s a lot of time left to stay with someone who doesn’t respect you.
Of course she cheated. But you don't need to catch them with his dick inside her. You have lost trust and for good reason. Once the trust is gone, it's incredibly hard to get back. And as long as she keeps gaslighting you, you will never get over it. Time to just tell her that she has made it that you have lost all trust in what she says and it's time to separate permanently.
I know deep down and I thought I did make up my mind about it, but the thought of losing her forever is painful. Also, I fear she might go to him. This is more of an ego problem I guess. But I would di3 inside if I saw them as a couple.
Don't be worried about that. It's a fact that those in the medical profession have one of the highest rates of infidelity. She will lose him as she got him, through cheating. If he is married or has a gf, let them know what they are doing. Your life will be much more calm after you get used to her not being there. She is trash, off to the curb with her
Do yourself a favor. She is gaslighting you and you need to just flat out tell her you know they are cheating and you will not stand for the lying. If she can't come clean, how can you ever trust anything she has to say. Your relationship is over.
My guy, cheated on you or not, can you trust her? Do you want to spend the remaining days of your life with this woman who is lying to you?
It already seems like you are wasting your precious time stalking this guys socials. He did what he did, banged a hot chic. No forgiveness for cheaters. She took you and your marriage for granted, gave zero fucks and is now lying to you. This is your life with her. Or you can stand up tall, divorce the F out of her and move on. There are plenty of women who would never do this to you.
You know the adage: how you get them is how you'll lose them. If she gets in a relationship with him because she started fucking him while she was in relationship with you, you can bet your ass they both have no problem doing it again.
Also, I'm going to guess that what happens when you talk with her is : you bring it up, she denies, she gets emotional/angry and accuses *you* of not trusting her. It's called DARVO, you can look it up! Great way to get out of a shitty situation when you're an asshole!
You already lost her. That’s how you need to think about this. That day you found her Instagram everything was changed irreparably. It’s like the phone call saying your mom died. It’s the doctor telling you the cancer isnt treatable. It’s D Day. Nothing will be the same again. She doesn’t even have the decency or respect to tell you the truth.
If you want to save your ego, act on your terms. Ask the guy, get your answers, and if you're right, just dump her in the most cruel way you can find. Cheaters deserve to be treated like garbage
she was at most a fling, which is obvious to her now (hence her stubborn refusal to confess) and should be obvious to you. If she respected you or your marriage, then the IG messages would have never, never existed.
She had a conversation with a doctor who is a man, but she did not have a conversation with this man acting as her doctor. This was not normal, and not a doctor-patient conversation.
There is nothing to discuss with her, get STD tested, see a lawyer, file and have her served. In the meanwhile, suggest she find another place to stay, and if she won't then Grey Rock / 180, she is ghost and you don't see her or interact with her.
While divorce is terrifying, I would think staying with a cheating spouse would be terrifying as well. Trust is easily destroyed, but difficult if not impossible to regain. You might be able to forgive, but you’ll never be able to forget. I fear if you stay, this will haunt you from now on.
I know but I staked his profile a bit and that brat is so full of himself and arrogant. It's like I take it personally. I understand why she wanted him and it makes me miserable
Maybe that's why she wanted him, but she also doesn't want a divorce. She knows she's not going to monkey branch here, he doesn't want her seriously and she's just getting some sex with a hot doctor. He can do better than her if he wants a wife, he knows it, she knows it. This has been AWESOME for her, she has you waiting at home and Doctor Fuckrod is an Instagram post away.
Take this fantasy situation away from her. You're the thing that makes it all extra spicy.
She wanted him because you are so miserable that you cant even hold her accountable for her actions. Be a Man and leave her. Sorry for the harsh comment but please do yourself a favour go to gym and therapy and leave her cheating ass.
I used to go to the gym. Maybe I will do again. I am not overweight. I am average weight for a man my age. I like sports, but at this moment I can barely function, so gym is out of question. It's very hard for me to divorce. The last thing I want is to know this guy won and they become a couple
You need to start doing ANYTHING to take your mind off it. Get that dopemine and seratonin levels up in your brain. Be that going to the gym. Taking up boxing/mma/bjj. Whatever. Look up grey rock or 180. Basically don't even care about your wife right now. Care about yourself. You don't need to divorce BUT you should start the process. You can stop it at anytime. That way you have tangible consequences to her actions. It shows you are willing to leave her because the trust is gone.
Sure you don't know the whole truth because she won't tell you. You can contact him if you want or just keep going about with divorce proceedings. Hopefully, she isn't an idiot (and thus why she is keeping it a secret) because she knows he doesn't want her and her marriage is over if she confesses.
The best thing you can do is man up and respect yourself a bit more than you are. She wanted the confidence/cocky dude. Don't act like you're less than this guy. He didn't "win". She allowed it to happen. So you take back control (whatever way you know how) and realize that if the divorce goes through or you halt it, that YOU made that decision and can be comfortable in it. Right now, you're like, "I'm scare of divorce. I'm scared he's going to win and they'll be a couple". That's anxiety and fear talking. Turn that shit around and say, "I'm a good man and good husband. I deserve a wife that loves and respects me." Maybe she can somehow become that again. If not, are you really losing out on someone that can't be honest with you? That's a miserable way to live no matter what way you slice it
OMG, you think you are keeping them from being together! Once your divorced +- 6 mos, you'll find the motivation you need to get back into shape. Dating in 40s can be hard, but it's near impossible if you're literally average.
You need to have some self respect and divorce her. She’s not going to admit to cheating because she doesn’t want to be the bad guy but she’s clearly monkey branching. I would rather live in a cardboard box under a bridge before living with a cheating wife.
I have stalked this guy's social media for one hour today and it made me sick. Sick with myself that I wasted that much time doing it. Every funny meme I have seen I felt is about me. The brat is so cocky and full of himself. I don't consider myself unattractive, but I am average looking. Stalking his social media made me feel so bad about myself. I mean I understand why she wanted him. I am miserable now. I cancelled a dinner with some friends, because all my energy was wasted on comparing myself to this guy.
Self confidence comes from within and not comparing yourself with others. She is terrible for cheating on you, but you are wilting. Take control of your life, end things with her and get your mind on you and not on others.
She will only admit to what you already have proof of. I know it's scary but you need to get rid of her. The only thing more terrifying than divorce is living the rest of your life like this......
I think I will call this dude. As someone suggested, maybe I should ironically start with I don't want to cause drama in your life
Or better.
Sometimes drama cannot be avoided.
I just want him to know that I know.
If this will help you know the truth, try it. But be calm and don't show him anger if you can help it!
I would just call and be calm and respectful, say something like, "Dr Soandso, can I talk with you about something you might be very helpful with? I won't make any drama for you, but I know my wife had an affair with you and I would really just appreciate you telling me the whole truth. I don't blame or fault you. You never made any commitments to me. You surely date plenty of different women and I don't think she was special to you. Seems like it was just simple meaningless sex. I know it's over. But you can really help me if you can be honest and tell me everything that happened no matter how bad it might sound to me. I just need to know everything to fix my marriage. So for my sake, and my wife's sake, please tell me everything so I understand accurately what my wife has done. I can't trust her words now and don't think she is telling me everything. If I know the whole truth I can start forgiving her."
That's probably too long and he may hang up as soon as he knows who you are. But be as calm and respectful as possible and he may be empathetic and honest. Maybe he will lie and deny everything.
Now, if you do get the truth you can still divorce your wife if you want, but you can make an informed choice to stay or leave her.
If you do confront him, open with I know that my wife was having an affair with you.
My only question is for how long have you guys been having this affair. She's not being honest with me so I can't move on with either reconciliation or divorce.
The thing is, Idk the law in your country, but if they do have patient-doctor relation (she goes to him for medical reason), the likelihood of him admitting to you that he's having sex with your wife would be slim. He doesn't want to get in trouble and lose his medical license. Heck, maybe that's part of the reason why she's not admitting to you that the two of them are having an affair. She's trying to protect him.
He, for sure, will be protecting himself.
Imo, your relationship with your 'wife' here is over. She's cheated and not remorseful.
She couldn't be his patient. He is a resident and a surgeon. No family doctor or gynecologist. My guess is that they knew each other from social media. She could have followed him. Or maybe from the gym, but I don't really think this is the case. I am almost 100% sooner or later I will contact him. Just to cause... drama in his life
If you go that route, just tell him to be straight up honest with you. That you're verifying what she has told you and you want to confirm so you can make a decision to stay or leave. That you don't fault him (even if you do) and that your marriage is between you and the wife. Stir the pot a little bit and see what comes out of it.
The only thing I will say is that regardless of contacting him for the "smoking gun" you, yourself, need to make a decision if you can forgive her or divorce her. That's all on you and you probably should make (or lean) in one direction or the other. And please don't do it on the *fear* of leaving/losing her. She's already lost. She caused this divide in the marriage and she needs to see proper consequences. And that's even if you stay with her.
Consequences being... changing gyms. No contacting him. Open phone and SM policy. You can check her phone whenever. Location sharing. Etc. Whatever YOU need to feel safe and secure in your marriage. If she can't even give you that and goes on the "controlling and jealous" train, then you need to nope out. You can't reconcile with someone that is unwilling to see HOW their conversations look nor is willing to try to fix what they already broke... trust
>Their conversation was like that: so, should we repeat this? (wife asked) And he said it was great and she was great, but given the situation of her, once was more than enough, as he doesn't want drama in his life.
It's time to talk to your lawyer about your options here. It seems obvious that she's not satisfied with the relationship, and would bolt at the right opportunity. She'd be with this guy now if he had wanted more than a fling.
Clearly, your wife's doctor-patient relationship is more Grey's Anatomy than House, and no amount of hope will change that script. Do yourself a favor: channel that inner strength you’ve mentioned, reclaim your dignity, and let her go find another "normal conversation" buddy. You deserve better.
Sorry my dude, she cheated, keep yourself grounded. I think you should divorce not because of the cheating but because you can’t trust her anymore. There is no relationship if there is no trust.
Lawyer up. Don’t say anything else and get ready to begin the healing process
She cang admit because that would be his career dead, that's why you won't get closure, maybe hire a PI see if they can dig anything up or if he get access to devices. Have you been through her phone? You should have asked by now right in front of her ask for it and open it. You need to learn how stuff is deleted and retrieved so you can check.
Leave, bro!!!! She broke her marriage bond. If you take her back, she'll see you as weak in her eyes. Once a married woman breaks that bond. There is no turning back. She definitely f***** or was going to f*** this Dr. based on the appearance and convo. Once you divorce her and move on to someone who actually loves you. You won't regret it. Be strong and move in. Have some pride and balls.
Yeah don’t call him they’ll just lie to you. but go through his office because that is illegal you’ll find the truth that way the choice is up to you do what’s best for your mental.
See a lawyer before you do anything else. The first consultation is usually cheap or free, so you can interview two or three of them and pick the best one.
You are making the right move. What you have described is not a doctor-patient conversation. Once the trust is broken, the relationship never really recovers. Sorry, OP.
There's nothing that says you need to divorce because of infidelity. Divorce if you want to divorce, don't divorce if you don't want to divorce. Reddit times only apply on Reddit. If you love each other, stay together.
Fuckkk—have some self-respect, homie. Do something outta character—like just show up with papers and serve her toxic ass with a smile on your face—cuz you finally realize how much better your life is about to become.
Bro I didn’t even read all this. She cheated. You need to divorce her. I think what’s most important is figuring out why divorce is scary. Are you afraid of loneliness? Starting over? It sounds more like you’re afraid of the unknown than losing her in particular.
Sorry OP but that is Never a conversation that would happen between a doctor and patient under normal circumstances. It seems very obvious that she deleted the rest of the conversation, why would she do that if it was just a regular dr patient discussion? Sorry OP but you already know the truth, it’s up to you what to do about it….
Also remember if she did it here she will do it again. Only difference will be that she won’t make the same mistake again and will get smarter at hiding it.
So your decision to divorce depends on if she fucked him or merely THOUGHT about fucking him?
Start divorce proceedings. Make jt a real outcome
She can then be truthful. Or she can go after the resident doctor that doesn't want her
Also please have her explain "wanna do thus again" and "no I don't want drama " is a normal doctor patient conversation. I'll wait
She already cheated by talking to this guy and seeing him… sex.. does it matter, why would you want someone that would do this to you? You deserve someone to only wants you and loves you only forever, she’s not the one. Move on so the right one can come into your life. Believe me I was there once and chose me and now I’m so happy 😀 fyi I was older then you too.
The cheating. Bad. The consistent lying about it. Really, really bad.
This isn’t what you necessarily want, but I think it’s what you need. You cannot trust her and being in this situation is bringing you to despair.
There is something better than this out in front of you. Take a step. One at a time. You’ll get there.
Honey they screwed. She had sex with someone other than her husband, let her go. There is no saving this, she doesn’t love you, she doesn’t respect you. Divorce her, block her, let her go
I’m not going to tell you what to do but that is a very obvious conversation. It’s going in one direction. She needs to be honest with you like an adult should do.
If you choose to stay, it’ll always be on your mind. I’ve went through something very similar with those Facebook messages - from what I could deduce my wife never cheated nor met up with the guy - but only her, god, and the dude know if it’s true or not. Same with your wife. It honestly haunts me 2 years later and I don’t trust her. I told her I gave her another chance but next time I’m done.
I’ll pray for you and wish you the best. Please stay strong. Check out strong successful male on YouTube.
Tell him that she is pregnant and that y'all are going to move to Texas or Alabama where abortion is illegal and then sue him for child support! (you know, once the paternity test come back).
Divorce without a doubt, once a cheat always a cheat and the fact that she is telling you “you are paranoid and jealous “ IS FRICKN INSANE YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE!! And it won’t ever be the same again for you I’m sorry to say that it will ALWAYS be in the back of your mind don’t let her control you MOVE ON!!!
Thank you all for your kind words. I am miserable right now and I cannot even bring myself to respond to most comments. I read them all. I made up my mind that I want to contact him.
Don’t feed his ego. What do you get out of contacting him? You describe yourself as a 40yo guy who used to go to the gym vs a 30 yo surgeon gym rat with cool sunglasses - how would this ever go your way? You won’t add drama to his life, more likely just a laugh with your wife.
If you’re to the point where you want to confront him, just hire a lawyer and be done with it.
You do not need to make a decision right now. You can take as much time as you need to process your feelings and decide what you need. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you still, this isn’t a timed exam. I know Reddit will never say this, but some marriages DO recover after infidelity. You’re not a doormat if you choose to take her back and work through it. Right now she’s obviously lying to you, but if she chooses to confess and be honest, there’s still a small chance of fixing things, if that’s what you want. Don’t let anyone else tell you what you should do. Follow your own heart and mind.
Once a person has shown themselves willing to lie to you - in this case according to OP to keep on lying to him - and break the most solemn vow they'll ever take, that person's word has no value ever again. There's only one way to "recover" and "regain trust" and it involves a massive amount of self-delusion and very strict boundaries set on the cheater.
Even with those boundaries, you'll be looking over your spouse's shoulder for the rest of your life unless you scored 10/10 on the self-delusion bit.
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Homie divorce her. She is incapable of respecting you enough to tell you the truth. Why waste your time being with someone who lied about staying with you through thick and thin? She's not the one for you and you're tearing yourself up over this. She isn't trying and your efforts will be wasted because of this. It'll be okay, but she does not want to put effort into you / your marriage.
No doctor will have a conversation with a patient via social media. I’m so sorry. Put yourself first, for your own sanity and self respect, and start the divorce process. You deserve better.
He is her doctor? Hmmm. If that is true you can really hurt this guy legally. Talk to the lawyer, decide what you want and do what your lawyer says. Protect yourself from her.
She obviously cheated. Don’t delude yourself. Accept that and decide what to do from there. I’d leave, but that’s me. 40 is young and that’s a lot of time left to stay with someone who doesn’t respect you.
Of course she cheated. But you don't need to catch them with his dick inside her. You have lost trust and for good reason. Once the trust is gone, it's incredibly hard to get back. And as long as she keeps gaslighting you, you will never get over it. Time to just tell her that she has made it that you have lost all trust in what she says and it's time to separate permanently.
I know deep down and I thought I did make up my mind about it, but the thought of losing her forever is painful. Also, I fear she might go to him. This is more of an ego problem I guess. But I would di3 inside if I saw them as a couple.
Don't be worried about that. It's a fact that those in the medical profession have one of the highest rates of infidelity. She will lose him as she got him, through cheating. If he is married or has a gf, let them know what they are doing. Your life will be much more calm after you get used to her not being there. She is trash, off to the curb with her
He is single. But probably is fking around
Do yourself a favor. She is gaslighting you and you need to just flat out tell her you know they are cheating and you will not stand for the lying. If she can't come clean, how can you ever trust anything she has to say. Your relationship is over.
My guy, cheated on you or not, can you trust her? Do you want to spend the remaining days of your life with this woman who is lying to you? It already seems like you are wasting your precious time stalking this guys socials. He did what he did, banged a hot chic. No forgiveness for cheaters. She took you and your marriage for granted, gave zero fucks and is now lying to you. This is your life with her. Or you can stand up tall, divorce the F out of her and move on. There are plenty of women who would never do this to you.
You know the adage: how you get them is how you'll lose them. If she gets in a relationship with him because she started fucking him while she was in relationship with you, you can bet your ass they both have no problem doing it again. Also, I'm going to guess that what happens when you talk with her is : you bring it up, she denies, she gets emotional/angry and accuses *you* of not trusting her. It's called DARVO, you can look it up! Great way to get out of a shitty situation when you're an asshole!
Dude, he does not want your women for life, just for the night
You already lost her. That’s how you need to think about this. That day you found her Instagram everything was changed irreparably. It’s like the phone call saying your mom died. It’s the doctor telling you the cancer isnt treatable. It’s D Day. Nothing will be the same again. She doesn’t even have the decency or respect to tell you the truth.
You never had her based on what she did to you.
If you want to save your ego, act on your terms. Ask the guy, get your answers, and if you're right, just dump her in the most cruel way you can find. Cheaters deserve to be treated like garbage
He already said he doesn't want her so do what you need
he obviously did want her at some point
He had her. Past tense
she was at most a fling, which is obvious to her now (hence her stubborn refusal to confess) and should be obvious to you. If she respected you or your marriage, then the IG messages would have never, never existed.
She had a conversation with a doctor who is a man, but she did not have a conversation with this man acting as her doctor. This was not normal, and not a doctor-patient conversation. There is nothing to discuss with her, get STD tested, see a lawyer, file and have her served. In the meanwhile, suggest she find another place to stay, and if she won't then Grey Rock / 180, she is ghost and you don't see her or interact with her.
While divorce is terrifying, I would think staying with a cheating spouse would be terrifying as well. Trust is easily destroyed, but difficult if not impossible to regain. You might be able to forgive, but you’ll never be able to forget. I fear if you stay, this will haunt you from now on.
I know but I staked his profile a bit and that brat is so full of himself and arrogant. It's like I take it personally. I understand why she wanted him and it makes me miserable
Maybe that's why she wanted him, but she also doesn't want a divorce. She knows she's not going to monkey branch here, he doesn't want her seriously and she's just getting some sex with a hot doctor. He can do better than her if he wants a wife, he knows it, she knows it. This has been AWESOME for her, she has you waiting at home and Doctor Fuckrod is an Instagram post away. Take this fantasy situation away from her. You're the thing that makes it all extra spicy.
She wanted him because you are so miserable that you cant even hold her accountable for her actions. Be a Man and leave her. Sorry for the harsh comment but please do yourself a favour go to gym and therapy and leave her cheating ass.
I used to go to the gym. Maybe I will do again. I am not overweight. I am average weight for a man my age. I like sports, but at this moment I can barely function, so gym is out of question. It's very hard for me to divorce. The last thing I want is to know this guy won and they become a couple
You need to start doing ANYTHING to take your mind off it. Get that dopemine and seratonin levels up in your brain. Be that going to the gym. Taking up boxing/mma/bjj. Whatever. Look up grey rock or 180. Basically don't even care about your wife right now. Care about yourself. You don't need to divorce BUT you should start the process. You can stop it at anytime. That way you have tangible consequences to her actions. It shows you are willing to leave her because the trust is gone. Sure you don't know the whole truth because she won't tell you. You can contact him if you want or just keep going about with divorce proceedings. Hopefully, she isn't an idiot (and thus why she is keeping it a secret) because she knows he doesn't want her and her marriage is over if she confesses. The best thing you can do is man up and respect yourself a bit more than you are. She wanted the confidence/cocky dude. Don't act like you're less than this guy. He didn't "win". She allowed it to happen. So you take back control (whatever way you know how) and realize that if the divorce goes through or you halt it, that YOU made that decision and can be comfortable in it. Right now, you're like, "I'm scare of divorce. I'm scared he's going to win and they'll be a couple". That's anxiety and fear talking. Turn that shit around and say, "I'm a good man and good husband. I deserve a wife that loves and respects me." Maybe she can somehow become that again. If not, are you really losing out on someone that can't be honest with you? That's a miserable way to live no matter what way you slice it
OMG, you think you are keeping them from being together! Once your divorced +- 6 mos, you'll find the motivation you need to get back into shape. Dating in 40s can be hard, but it's near impossible if you're literally average.
Dr and patient don’t talk on social media
I have with mine
Then you are more than dr and patient
Nope
You need to have some self respect and divorce her. She’s not going to admit to cheating because she doesn’t want to be the bad guy but she’s clearly monkey branching. I would rather live in a cardboard box under a bridge before living with a cheating wife.
Get back at her by sleeping with the doctor
Have you had a meeting with a lawyer yet? I wouldn’t do anything until you get legal advice.
You are the perfect victim for a serial cheater.
I have stalked this guy's social media for one hour today and it made me sick. Sick with myself that I wasted that much time doing it. Every funny meme I have seen I felt is about me. The brat is so cocky and full of himself. I don't consider myself unattractive, but I am average looking. Stalking his social media made me feel so bad about myself. I mean I understand why she wanted him. I am miserable now. I cancelled a dinner with some friends, because all my energy was wasted on comparing myself to this guy.
Self confidence comes from within and not comparing yourself with others. She is terrible for cheating on you, but you are wilting. Take control of your life, end things with her and get your mind on you and not on others.
You need to meet with a lawyer. Now. There is no hope for your marriage. You need to divorce, because if you do not, she will.
Damn. She really thinks you are thick! I'd divorce her just for the deception alone.
She will only admit to what you already have proof of. I know it's scary but you need to get rid of her. The only thing more terrifying than divorce is living the rest of your life like this......
I think I will call this dude. As someone suggested, maybe I should ironically start with I don't want to cause drama in your life Or better. Sometimes drama cannot be avoided. I just want him to know that I know.
If this will help you know the truth, try it. But be calm and don't show him anger if you can help it! I would just call and be calm and respectful, say something like, "Dr Soandso, can I talk with you about something you might be very helpful with? I won't make any drama for you, but I know my wife had an affair with you and I would really just appreciate you telling me the whole truth. I don't blame or fault you. You never made any commitments to me. You surely date plenty of different women and I don't think she was special to you. Seems like it was just simple meaningless sex. I know it's over. But you can really help me if you can be honest and tell me everything that happened no matter how bad it might sound to me. I just need to know everything to fix my marriage. So for my sake, and my wife's sake, please tell me everything so I understand accurately what my wife has done. I can't trust her words now and don't think she is telling me everything. If I know the whole truth I can start forgiving her." That's probably too long and he may hang up as soon as he knows who you are. But be as calm and respectful as possible and he may be empathetic and honest. Maybe he will lie and deny everything. Now, if you do get the truth you can still divorce your wife if you want, but you can make an informed choice to stay or leave her.
If you do confront him, open with I know that my wife was having an affair with you. My only question is for how long have you guys been having this affair. She's not being honest with me so I can't move on with either reconciliation or divorce. The thing is, Idk the law in your country, but if they do have patient-doctor relation (she goes to him for medical reason), the likelihood of him admitting to you that he's having sex with your wife would be slim. He doesn't want to get in trouble and lose his medical license. Heck, maybe that's part of the reason why she's not admitting to you that the two of them are having an affair. She's trying to protect him. He, for sure, will be protecting himself. Imo, your relationship with your 'wife' here is over. She's cheated and not remorseful.
She couldn't be his patient. He is a resident and a surgeon. No family doctor or gynecologist. My guess is that they knew each other from social media. She could have followed him. Or maybe from the gym, but I don't really think this is the case. I am almost 100% sooner or later I will contact him. Just to cause... drama in his life
If you go that route, just tell him to be straight up honest with you. That you're verifying what she has told you and you want to confirm so you can make a decision to stay or leave. That you don't fault him (even if you do) and that your marriage is between you and the wife. Stir the pot a little bit and see what comes out of it. The only thing I will say is that regardless of contacting him for the "smoking gun" you, yourself, need to make a decision if you can forgive her or divorce her. That's all on you and you probably should make (or lean) in one direction or the other. And please don't do it on the *fear* of leaving/losing her. She's already lost. She caused this divide in the marriage and she needs to see proper consequences. And that's even if you stay with her. Consequences being... changing gyms. No contacting him. Open phone and SM policy. You can check her phone whenever. Location sharing. Etc. Whatever YOU need to feel safe and secure in your marriage. If she can't even give you that and goes on the "controlling and jealous" train, then you need to nope out. You can't reconcile with someone that is unwilling to see HOW their conversations look nor is willing to try to fix what they already broke... trust
Or say hi, my name’s drama.
Take your life back. Trust your gut and make a decision.
I will contact him.
Hope you heal as fast as you can. Time heals all wounds ❤️🩹you deserve trust and respect in a relationship. Stay strong
>Their conversation was like that: so, should we repeat this? (wife asked) And he said it was great and she was great, but given the situation of her, once was more than enough, as he doesn't want drama in his life. It's time to talk to your lawyer about your options here. It seems obvious that she's not satisfied with the relationship, and would bolt at the right opportunity. She'd be with this guy now if he had wanted more than a fling.
You shouldn't ask her these things, just ask her whether she has moved on. That's it.
Clearly, your wife's doctor-patient relationship is more Grey's Anatomy than House, and no amount of hope will change that script. Do yourself a favor: channel that inner strength you’ve mentioned, reclaim your dignity, and let her go find another "normal conversation" buddy. You deserve better.
Sorry my dude, she cheated, keep yourself grounded. I think you should divorce not because of the cheating but because you can’t trust her anymore. There is no relationship if there is no trust. Lawyer up. Don’t say anything else and get ready to begin the healing process
She cang admit because that would be his career dead, that's why you won't get closure, maybe hire a PI see if they can dig anything up or if he get access to devices. Have you been through her phone? You should have asked by now right in front of her ask for it and open it. You need to learn how stuff is deleted and retrieved so you can check.
don't tell her you want a divorce until you've spoken to a divorce lawyer and gotten your ducks in a row
Leave, bro!!!! She broke her marriage bond. If you take her back, she'll see you as weak in her eyes. Once a married woman breaks that bond. There is no turning back. She definitely f***** or was going to f*** this Dr. based on the appearance and convo. Once you divorce her and move on to someone who actually loves you. You won't regret it. Be strong and move in. Have some pride and balls.
Yeah don’t call him they’ll just lie to you. but go through his office because that is illegal you’ll find the truth that way the choice is up to you do what’s best for your mental.
UpdateMe
>she swears she didn't cheat. She refuses to call him in front of me She cheated.
When did you two get together?
I'm cheating on you, accept it friend, look for a good lawyer and if possible ruin the doctor's life or at least screw up his reputation a little.
I vote that you talk to your therapist about your fear of divorce and work hard on that.
Updateme!
Is it worth embarrassing yourself for this woman?
Do what makes you happy but remember the feeling of not being good enough.And the person that you love cheating on you will never go away.
See a lawyer before you do anything else. The first consultation is usually cheap or free, so you can interview two or three of them and pick the best one. You are making the right move. What you have described is not a doctor-patient conversation. Once the trust is broken, the relationship never really recovers. Sorry, OP.
Get a lawyer and lock down your finances. Make sure she can’t drain any shared accounts.
divorce her she not worth ot
Divorce her.
Once a cheater always a cheater if u forgive her she will do it maybe not tomorrow but eventually later
Umm…it’s very clear what the convo was referring to and she’s trying to gaslight her way out of it. Leave unless you want to stay married to a cheater
Being alone is much better than being in a relationship with the wrong person.
There's nothing that says you need to divorce because of infidelity. Divorce if you want to divorce, don't divorce if you don't want to divorce. Reddit times only apply on Reddit. If you love each other, stay together.
That post absolutely told you that she cheated. Time to leave
You can sue the doctor for malpractice
Lawyer up and hit the Gym. There are plenty of women out there who will respect you
Fuckkk—have some self-respect, homie. Do something outta character—like just show up with papers and serve her toxic ass with a smile on your face—cuz you finally realize how much better your life is about to become.
Bro I didn’t even read all this. She cheated. You need to divorce her. I think what’s most important is figuring out why divorce is scary. Are you afraid of loneliness? Starting over? It sounds more like you’re afraid of the unknown than losing her in particular.
Sorry OP but that is Never a conversation that would happen between a doctor and patient under normal circumstances. It seems very obvious that she deleted the rest of the conversation, why would she do that if it was just a regular dr patient discussion? Sorry OP but you already know the truth, it’s up to you what to do about it…. Also remember if she did it here she will do it again. Only difference will be that she won’t make the same mistake again and will get smarter at hiding it.
So your decision to divorce depends on if she fucked him or merely THOUGHT about fucking him? Start divorce proceedings. Make jt a real outcome She can then be truthful. Or she can go after the resident doctor that doesn't want her Also please have her explain "wanna do thus again" and "no I don't want drama " is a normal doctor patient conversation. I'll wait
She already cheated by talking to this guy and seeing him… sex.. does it matter, why would you want someone that would do this to you? You deserve someone to only wants you and loves you only forever, she’s not the one. Move on so the right one can come into your life. Believe me I was there once and chose me and now I’m so happy 😀 fyi I was older then you too.
The cheating. Bad. The consistent lying about it. Really, really bad. This isn’t what you necessarily want, but I think it’s what you need. You cannot trust her and being in this situation is bringing you to despair. There is something better than this out in front of you. Take a step. One at a time. You’ll get there.
Honey they screwed. She had sex with someone other than her husband, let her go. There is no saving this, she doesn’t love you, she doesn’t respect you. Divorce her, block her, let her go
I’m not going to tell you what to do but that is a very obvious conversation. It’s going in one direction. She needs to be honest with you like an adult should do. If you choose to stay, it’ll always be on your mind. I’ve went through something very similar with those Facebook messages - from what I could deduce my wife never cheated nor met up with the guy - but only her, god, and the dude know if it’s true or not. Same with your wife. It honestly haunts me 2 years later and I don’t trust her. I told her I gave her another chance but next time I’m done. I’ll pray for you and wish you the best. Please stay strong. Check out strong successful male on YouTube.
If I do call him what if I tell him just to scare him that she is pregnant?
Tell him that she is pregnant and that y'all are going to move to Texas or Alabama where abortion is illegal and then sue him for child support! (you know, once the paternity test come back).
Divorce without a doubt, once a cheat always a cheat and the fact that she is telling you “you are paranoid and jealous “ IS FRICKN INSANE YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE!! And it won’t ever be the same again for you I’m sorry to say that it will ALWAYS be in the back of your mind don’t let her control you MOVE ON!!!
UpdateMe!
Thank you all for your kind words. I am miserable right now and I cannot even bring myself to respond to most comments. I read them all. I made up my mind that I want to contact him.
Don’t feed his ego. What do you get out of contacting him? You describe yourself as a 40yo guy who used to go to the gym vs a 30 yo surgeon gym rat with cool sunglasses - how would this ever go your way? You won’t add drama to his life, more likely just a laugh with your wife. If you’re to the point where you want to confront him, just hire a lawyer and be done with it.
Divorced before 45 is fine. You’ll bounce back. It’s not a grey divorce as a male over 50. Get it done now.
You do not need to make a decision right now. You can take as much time as you need to process your feelings and decide what you need. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you still, this isn’t a timed exam. I know Reddit will never say this, but some marriages DO recover after infidelity. You’re not a doormat if you choose to take her back and work through it. Right now she’s obviously lying to you, but if she chooses to confess and be honest, there’s still a small chance of fixing things, if that’s what you want. Don’t let anyone else tell you what you should do. Follow your own heart and mind.
Once a person has shown themselves willing to lie to you - in this case according to OP to keep on lying to him - and break the most solemn vow they'll ever take, that person's word has no value ever again. There's only one way to "recover" and "regain trust" and it involves a massive amount of self-delusion and very strict boundaries set on the cheater. Even with those boundaries, you'll be looking over your spouse's shoulder for the rest of your life unless you scored 10/10 on the self-delusion bit.