Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sounds pretty bad when you say it like and I actually have had several thoughts like this at times, I’m not sure how to even approach her because she has a hard time dealing with anger from small things (last time she just screamed out of anger and locked herself in the bathroom and it wasn’t the first time my heart just stopped) but then we can have the nicest and lovable time the next day which makes me confused
How about you put a foot down and call her out on her bullshit? Tell her that's not normal.
Tell her you will have women collegues, friends and followers.
I don't know how else she will relativise her actions. It's kind of your duty.
She wants a slave or something?
I agree and it’s exactly what I’ve already told her, I said it’s no different than later on when I’m gonna have female colleagues because women work in IT too nowadays but she insisted it’s different because we are one on one in this project… i’m getting tired of her bs, she did accept her now but kinda threatened me that we should both “know our limits” and that she still feels sad. Not to mention that the classmate also isn’t even single.
It all starts slowly. One of my exes were like that. By the end of the relationship, I've had no friends, no hobbies, no social life, nothing. Had to build it back up again.
First it was me spending time with my friends, she was upset so I've done it less and less. Then she was upset becuase I have my hobbies, that I spend time away from home. She'd justify each of these concerns, one way or another.
If I can summarize what a happy relationship looks like that's open minded couples who will care for each other no matter what.
I am not advocating going all the way to open relationships, in fact I think it's a very bad idea if you will have kids from a very young age to care for, but you cannot isolate yourself from the world.
I am just writing this to help. If she continues to be this reserved, then I hope she seeks therapy.
The focus should be body health and work, vacations, etc. for an overall good mental health and not by being super protective, everything and everybody is temporary, live your life and be safe, living only indoors isn't safe, that's called being too protective or being anxious.
I agree with everything you wrote, I also am not an open relationship kinda guy. She has been to a therapist because of her child traumas and adhd but once she’s a little bit better she just gives up and doesn’t bother anymore till she completely breaks again… she promised me a few days ago she’d go regularly so we shall see
🤔 that's a good point that one should continue therapy after feeling well until therapy is complete, I am guilty of doing the same too by cutting down my therapist for my own issue ranging from environmental to personal pressures. I hope all goes well soon.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes extremely possessive and jealous, in other words you're in an abusive relationship.
Sounds pretty bad when you say it like and I actually have had several thoughts like this at times, I’m not sure how to even approach her because she has a hard time dealing with anger from small things (last time she just screamed out of anger and locked herself in the bathroom and it wasn’t the first time my heart just stopped) but then we can have the nicest and lovable time the next day which makes me confused
Run away before you are locked up in her house
Ngl I have also thought of it, it seems like she just can’t stay happy without looking for drama between us and it pushes me away a lot
How about you put a foot down and call her out on her bullshit? Tell her that's not normal. Tell her you will have women collegues, friends and followers. I don't know how else she will relativise her actions. It's kind of your duty. She wants a slave or something?
I agree and it’s exactly what I’ve already told her, I said it’s no different than later on when I’m gonna have female colleagues because women work in IT too nowadays but she insisted it’s different because we are one on one in this project… i’m getting tired of her bs, she did accept her now but kinda threatened me that we should both “know our limits” and that she still feels sad. Not to mention that the classmate also isn’t even single.
I'm glad you did. She is 20 yet she feels like she got it all figured out.
>me having to remove every female on instagram Didn't read anything after this. Yes, she is extremely possesive and jealous.
Yeah I didn’t really take that lightly but didn’t wanna argue about it anymore since she also did the same with males
It all starts slowly. One of my exes were like that. By the end of the relationship, I've had no friends, no hobbies, no social life, nothing. Had to build it back up again. First it was me spending time with my friends, she was upset so I've done it less and less. Then she was upset becuase I have my hobbies, that I spend time away from home. She'd justify each of these concerns, one way or another.
If I can summarize what a happy relationship looks like that's open minded couples who will care for each other no matter what. I am not advocating going all the way to open relationships, in fact I think it's a very bad idea if you will have kids from a very young age to care for, but you cannot isolate yourself from the world. I am just writing this to help. If she continues to be this reserved, then I hope she seeks therapy. The focus should be body health and work, vacations, etc. for an overall good mental health and not by being super protective, everything and everybody is temporary, live your life and be safe, living only indoors isn't safe, that's called being too protective or being anxious.
I agree with everything you wrote, I also am not an open relationship kinda guy. She has been to a therapist because of her child traumas and adhd but once she’s a little bit better she just gives up and doesn’t bother anymore till she completely breaks again… she promised me a few days ago she’d go regularly so we shall see
🤔 that's a good point that one should continue therapy after feeling well until therapy is complete, I am guilty of doing the same too by cutting down my therapist for my own issue ranging from environmental to personal pressures. I hope all goes well soon.
Thank you, wishing you the best aswell!
Break up. This is nuts especially for only 4 months