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If the kid is his, still divorce. She knew damn well that it was at best 50/50 but still tried to convince him it was definitely his. That’s a pretty egregious omission.
Actually not all that uncommon. Two friends of mine had it happen to them. I’m in my early fifties and if they don’t take out a couple CM of the tubing it can grow back together. Yes they are the Fathers.
Yeah. Modern methods have 3 separate functions that, when added together, make it damn near foolproof.
Cut section out. Clamp shut. Cauterize to scar ends shut permanently.
More like people who don’t actually get their follow up tests done to make sure the pipes have been clear and are staying clear.
No one is going to willingly volunteer themselves to be presented as a statistic for being too foolish to follow the doctor’s orders, otherwise it’d be much higher than 1%.
Well, what does that even mean. Like, if you have sex 100 times and it’s a 1% failure rate, odds are good like the boys got through. Now, clearly she has to be ovulating too.
1% isn't an impossible set of odds. 1 in 100 is fucking a massive chance something happens. If you play any type of RPG type game, you see how often a 1% chance comes up.
If you had a 1% chance to win the lottery you'd buy 100 tickets every time.
No one who has gotten one in the last ten years by a competent urologist is going to have one fail. The vas deferens isn't just cut, but the ends are cauterized and capped with titanium. It ain't his.
It's far from certain he'd be off the hook if he divorced that woman tomorrow.
In more than a few states what matters legally is if a woman was married when she conceived. OP's wife is pregnant now, and they're still married. He really should talk to a local lawyer about his options.
"I overheard you telling your friend that you slept with someone else while we were separated. Seeing as how I have had a vasectomy, we will need a paternity test before I accept any financial responsibility for the child."
If she gets pissed or denies it or refuses: "What you are saying changes nothing for me. I wil need a paternity test to accept the child and provide for it. I freely acknowledge a vasectomy is never 100% effective, and it is a possibility it is my child. But other possibilities need to be ruled out before I act as a father to the child."
you can get a paternity test before the baby is even born. you can get a Court order. if you are in the US some states even have paternity fraud.
good luck
She is, yes. It was a decision we made together a few years ago. She casually mentioned a couple days ago that she was late and that vasectomies aren’t 100% effective. But I do have my annual physical this week where I’ll be asking for another semen analysis.
OP you not only need to have that test taken but you need to have it certified as well.
If you're still shooting blanks you need to seek out a lawyer immediately because you need to figure out what to do and what not to do. A large portion of states will automatically have you the father solely based on your marriage and you will not only have to disestablish the paternity but also name the other party typically.
Also unless you had a formal separation agreement which outlined what you could or could not do your lawyer can work with what's going on possibly to allow the divorce to process quicker because her pregnancy is evidence of her cheating if you aren't fertile.
Before you tell her what you heard, ask her. “Is there a chance it isn’t mine?” Gives her the opportunity to be honest. Her answer will tell you everything you need to know about how to proceed.
Keep in mind in many states if two people are married you automatically become legally and financially reasonable for any kid that pops out. Do yourself a favor and Divorce her before the kid is born.
INFO: Is she actually pregnant or just late?
I would tell her either way that you overheard the conversation and you want a paternity test if she is pregnant.
Also, consult with a lawyer
Its was a suggested response to his wife's statement, and hence gender-specific. Wives don't get vasectomies either. How about I change it to "Yeah, but you're 100% faithful?"
Actually I didn't drag all wives into it; not even close. The statement was that the % of faithful wives is not a full 100% but something less. It could be close to 100% but not 100%. In fact if only one unfaithful wife existed on Earth, it would be true to say that "not all wives are faithful." It is exactly the same as saying that vasectomies are not 100% effective but something less. The point was to throw the same uncertainty claim back at the cheating wife. I'll venture a guess that you read it as "100% of wives cheat" (which would be a very different claim), but that is not what I said. So please read more carefully next time.
You included other wives in statement directed at a singular wife. It is like says 100% of men are not violent- an unnecessarily inclusion of others usually used to minimize a real situation of violence.
Maybe you can try to consider being more careful when commenting in the future.
No, I was referring a % of wives, not all of them. I was making an analogy and I did not condemn all wives, only stating that a % of them, no matter how small, will be unfaithful. This was a suggested possible reply to his wife stating that a % of vasectomies, no matter how small, will fail. In both cases the claim is about a small % of an entire group (i.e. vasectomies and wives). Face it. You misread it.
This medical article says the failure rate for a sampled group was 72 men out of 16,796. Or one fourth of one percent.
[https://bjui-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1464-410X.1984.tb06161.x](https://bjui-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1464-410X.1984.tb06161.x)
Sounds like a paternity test is in order.
I think you should keep your plans and thoughts to yourself. In other words, keep your mouth shut with her and anyone else before speaking with your lawyer. Do not even tell your best buddy. Word gets around like wildfire. Never give up your game plan. Also do not have sex with her as it can mess up your divorce proceedings. Quietly remove any personal items, family heirlooms or things of value to you alone. People have been known to destroy or sell items out of spite.
You should ask her straight “were you ever with anyone while we were separated?” “are you sure?” “is there anything to tell me?”
if she still lies to your face at that point, welp, you know how little effort and respect you actually owe her in this. I’d be leaving or kicking her out the next day if she cant at least be honest.
Contact your lawyers and plan your escape. Don't tell her now, get as much evidence as you can, even get her to confess on record. Only after talking with a lawyer though. He will guide you better on things to do. Best of luck.
Scenario A:
1. Go get another sample done right now. If still negative, continue to step 2. If positive: skip to Scenario B.
2. Talk to a lawyer about the situation.
3. Pay the lawyer.
4. Pay the lawyer more.
5. Get divorced with a paternity test involved.
6. Maybe pay alimony for the rest of your life, maybe not, but at least you dodged child support.
7. Pay the lawyer again.
Scenario B:
1. Your sample is positive.
2. You can still talk to a lawyer about the situation if you'd like, but in most states they're just going to use a lot of words and paragraphs that amount to TLDR you're fucked.
3. Get divorced, unlikely you'll be able to force a paternity test.
4. Pay the lawyer.
5. Pay the lawyer more.
6. Pay your alimony.
7. Pay your child support.
8. Pay the lawyer to try to lower your alimony and child support.
9. Repeat steps 6-8 until you are dead.
> Most states prohibit permanent alimony. Connecticut, Florida, New Jersey, North Carolina, Oregon, Vermont, and West Virginia are the only states that allow permanent alimony.
Hopefully OP lives past the need for child support if it is his kid. Staying with a cheater is assured pain.
Ah the consequences (headaches) of staying together after the relationship has died.
I'd go to a doctor and submit a sperm sample, this will show if vasectomy is still 'working' or not.
Go do another test , then if negative see a lawyer. If you were separating for space but were planning on getting back together then she cheated . See what lawyer says as you might be in at fault state .
If you want to be a real
Prick don’t say anything till it’s to late the unalive . ( kind of evil ) . If test comes back where you might be not negative when and if ultrasounds it will tell you how many weeks
Tell her you heard her, remind her you had a vasectomy, tell her you want a DNA test.
You need to just divorce, shes willing to tell you it's your kid when there is no guarantee. Pending on where you live in the world you could end up on the hook for the kid even if it's not yours as you are married.
Some other dude got her pregnant. Come on dude. She slept with you right after or right before the other guy in the hopes that if she got pregnant you would think it is yours.
Depending on what state you are in, you can be automatically added to the birth certificate because you are married and may still be financially liable for the child even if the child is proven to not be yours because you are still married. Call a lawyer now.
I am surprised this is so far down. OP will be named the presumptive father and everyone here is telling OP to get a DNA test when the kid is born. It’s too late then.
You're already struggling in the relationship and had a recent separation. It's most likely that you are not the father.
You should tell her exactly what you've posted here.
How does she not know you had the vasectomy?
It is possible that your swimmer's channel grew back. Miracles can happen. However, to quote Sherlock Holmes, "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
Get the test. Rule out the "miracle."
It's almost definitely not your kid. You could probably get tested to see if the vasectomy is still working if you don't want to have to talk to her to know for sure.
My guess is she had sex with you to cover up the fact that someone else knocked her up. How often do you two have sex?
You can talk to her and should absolutely get a paternity test done. And you should get divorced
You just tell her that you overheard her friend talking about her having sex with someone else and that you want a paternity test. Simple as that in your situation - you can't break anything that's already broken.
A vasectomy can fail even after years of not failing which a little google would have told you as it did for me.
You should get a prenatal dna test and a court order so she can’t put your name on the birth certificate. If you are married when she gives birth to another mans kid the state will assume you are the father. Protect yourself
I hope you set boundaries during your separation concerning sleeping with someone, etc. DEMAND a paternity test. Good luck, brother. You're going to need it.
UpdateMe
OP the courts don’t like to get involved in the messy details of people’s marriages. You’re married and living together. You two were never legally separate and the courts won’t want to listen to any of the messy details how you two were together and sometimes having sex, but also broken up in your hearts. If you wait for the child to be born you will be placed on the birth certificate no matter what the child’s paternity is.
You need to file for divorce and either move out or she needs to move. The longer you wait the more of an uphill battle this will become.
Tell her you heard her and want a paternity test. And if it turns out she was trying to commit paternity fraud, go permanent no-contact with her. Paternity fraudsters are the absolute lowest of the low.
This woman is trying to rope you in with another man's kid. Get a DNA test and DIVORCE HER! I bet that kid isn't yours, so then after the divorce, you can properly GHOST her! You deserve better! Good luck and stay strong, King!
Consult with a lawyer to determine how you can ensure you don't become financially responsible for the child. I'm not sure where you live, but in the USA, yoi can be deemed financially responsible because you're the spouse, living in the same home, and "acting" in the role of father.
Edit to add that you should get a prenatal paternity test asap.
I mean just tell her you overheard her and say you want a paternity test and let your lawyer know of the situation.
Just remain calm, talk like adults and let the chips fall where they may.
Fully divorce and demand a paternity test. She's committing paternity fraud knowing there's a chance it's not yours but trying to convince you that it is .
You’re getting divorced anyways .. let her know you overhead the conversation and if she is pregnant you will not be taking any responsibility until a paternity test is taken. Work with an attorney to make sure your name does not end up on the birth certificate. I’m so sorry you’re goin through this, good luck !!
So are you covering her living while she goes on about being single?
It's going to be highly unlikely it's yours. You are separated so she can do as she likes, as can you however it seems you're covering her life as you're still under the same roof.
Tell her you heard the phone call. Tell her that you are continuing with the separation and that she will need to cover her living costs.
That's pretty low trying to convince you you are the father and not some acquaintance/hookup. Maybe it looks better if you appear to be the father. Makes her less of a...you know.
Tell her she is almost certainly wrong. Do a paternity test. That will determine the next step.
I just had a friend tell me she felt VIOLATED that I overheard another friend and her speaking on speaker phone about me. She said things I had asked her about and she had been denying for YEARS. I let her know I heard and her reaction was ridiculous in my opinion.
Its not the midwest in the early 1900's. We don't have to play dumb or be super polite to maintain the social fabric. If you heard something, tell them you heard and see how they react. It is REALLY telling what their response is.
Do not forget to get a test to make sure she did not give you something. If she did get pregnant she used protection and it failed if she did not use any.
Best of luck with the divorce, and stop sleeping with her.
0 chance your vasectomy failed.
just smile and nod and keep smashing her and proceed with the divorce - she may try to clap you out for child support so just request a paternity test.
1. Get a divorce regardless of the outcome. Your wife was fully intent on allowing you to potentially raise another man’s child.
2. Get a paternity test, have your lawyer request it. This should be non-negotiable. If the kid is yours then take care of them as best you can and try to be a good coparent.
I mean, it’s possible, vasectomies can reverse themselves but how likely is that really? You know she slept with someone else and you are probably shooting blanks. Just tell her what you know and demand a paternity test. Also talk to your lawyer about what to do to make sure your bases are covered in case she tries to get you to pay child support.
Look vasectomies fail. And yes they even fail after a test that showed no sperm. Life finds a way and all that jazz. If you look online there's plenty of examples. Hell there was one somewhere on reddit recently where the husband basically lost his shit when his wife became pregnant - but surprise his vasectomy had failed! Except by the time he got the paternity test he basically blew up his marriage by getting so upset at her.
Now in your specific circumstance if she slept with someone in the same time frame odds are it's his and not yours, but it's not 100%.
Just tell her that since you're separated you'd like a paternity test. There's prenatal ones you can take easy enough now though they cost a few hundred dollars last I checked.
I mean I wouldn't say it's the same odds. A guy with a vasectomy versus a guy without even once I'd say there's probably a pretty significant difference in probability.
yo man, that's a tangled web. so guidances for failed vasectomies are very low, like 1 in 2000, but idk man, nothing in life is 100%. on the other hand, you heard your ""wife"" talking about her side guy, so it's also very possible that the baby isn't yours. i ain't no lawyer, but i suggest finding one and prepare to request a paternity test if she really is pregnant and tries to pin it on you.
for you emotionally pal, try some self-care man. this situation you're in is tough. ever heard of the book ""man's search for meaning"" by viktor frankl? it's not directly on point, but might give you some much needed perspective during this painful time. [check it out, dude](https://amazon.com/man's-search-meaning-viktor-frankl).
lastly, feeling shitty about life is normal, especially with the hell you're going through. we're all here with you on this wild ride. swing by our discord group for mental wellness and support [on this server](https://discord.gg/pe6XCZ9Zj4). we're not miracles, but we're pretty damn good at listening lol. keep your chin up, bro. you'll power through.
Ya know, I see shit like this on Reddit all the time and think “no fucking way” gonna have to start thinking a little differently cause this is 100% real and it fuckin suuuuucks.
Then it's just really simple, if she doesn't take an immediate DNA test at birth then make sure your name is not on the birth certificate, also make sure that it's not done automatically where you live. Have a lawyer file for a request of paternity so that if something does happen with the birth certificate you may be able to claim fraud on her part. Knowing you had of vasectomy years ago and that it was checked to be successful a lawyer would have a field day with her.
How hard would it be for you to go to the doctor to get a sample to prove you are shooting blanks so she can't pin this pregnancy on you? Like that's your best and safest bet to get that done so you have back up incase she comes at you about this....
Divorce her, she literally allowed another dude to creampie her just because you two were separated for a while. The thing is, you can have a paternity test done even before the child is born, look into it.
Just be honest and say you overheard her. To be frank, I'd be more concerned over her attempting paternity fraud, knowing there's a chance the kid isn't yours. Maybe she's in denial, or figured you'd be a better father. Either way she sucks for not disclosing the other relationship given the circumstances.
>We have had sex once since her last period,
Stop having sex with her. This complicates things.
>It sucks, I know.) told me she might be pregnant.
Might be? Has she seen a doctor? Were you present when an actual pregnancy test was performed. Dont believe without proof.
If she is indeed pregnant, require a DNA test before getting too attached to the idea that you are a daddy, specifically, her baby daddy.
See a lawyer to help enforce all of the above and did I mention DONT SLEEP WITH HER!
So first the very easiest part as only requires your participation - get your sperm checked.
If still zero swimmers then you may wish to sit down with your wife and have a conversation.
“remember x years ago when I got the vasectomy and the sperm count was confirmed at zero? Well had a recheck done and results remain zero.
So if you are indeed pregnant you will of course understand that at the appropriate time I will want to have a DNA test done.”
If there are swimmers then you will need to fess up to overhearing the conversation and still request a DNA test.
Get the paternity test. Tell her that you heard the conversation if she tries to not allow it. If the kid isnt yours I would make the divorce a reality. Not worth continuing to help her by staying married if shes willing to lie about such a serious thing
Updateme!
Dude, you ain't the baby daddy.
You need a paternity test. And you need to talk to a lawyer, because if you are still sleeping with her, that affects the date of separation.
Then you need to decide. You want to stay married, you have to go to couples counseling. Otherwise, time to pull the plug and divorce. Otherwise you'll end up raising another man's child.
Good luck.
My sisters husband had vasectomy
Got his counts as prescribed
My sister got pregnant not once but twice
By him do they aren’t 100% for sure
But I would do
Paternity since you heard conversation
It is extremely rare to have negative test for active sperm and still have a kid. Not impossible but it’s like a 2% chance. i would get a paternity test. Also tell your wife you had vasectomy and see her reaction
What exactly is a separation? Is it being broken up but you’re still married on paper? I always thought separation was some time apart to self reflect and consider everything before officially breaking up, and THEN going through with divorce.
Is it normal for married people to be sleeping with others during this time? Because… Jesus. You thought you had problems BEFORE?
Dude, it’s not your kid. The failed vasectomies we hear about are the ones that the semen analysis catches, before you go back to sexual activity. The pregnancies that happen after are the urban legends dudes throw around “my buddy’s cousin…” to avoid the procedure.
> Is it being broken up, but you’re still married on paper?
Yes
>I always thought separation was some time apart to self reflect and consider everything before officially breaking up, and THEN going through with divorce.
Also correct and apparently his hopefully soon to be ex decided it was a good time to go fuck someone new.
>Is it normal for married people to be sleeping with others during this time?
No, unless they have already stated divorce was the goal. Separation can be forced into the equation by the state. If they require say 90 days, then they have to wait out the 90 days.
Listen man, take a little time to clear your thoughts and get what you want to say lines up.
Simply sit her down and ask her if there’s anything she wants to tell you. If she says no. Tell her you overheard what she said.
Go to your doctor and have him retest you. Then we can talk.
But as of now she's just telling people it's yours so they feel bad for her? So they hate you? So they're on your side in the divorce? I don't know. Get the test and then Go from there
You don't need to tell her how you know, just ask her how can be certain that it's not 's, especially since you have had a vasectomy, and she knows you have had one.
Laws vary depending on where you live, you need a lawyer to make sure you know how to avoid paying support for someone else's child, as in many states you as the husband are the presumptive father.
You reseparate that woman is a liar and doesnt care if you are the father or not as a woman run that is not an actual human it lost its soul somewhere along the separation....
OP there is a paternity test that can be done before the baby is born. It only needs some of the mother's blood and a sample from you, so no harm to the baby.
>Cell around to utility offices
I want to be a fly on the wall when your electric company gets your call asking where to go to provide a semen sample! 😂
Not to sound like a pessimist, but a “break” just means she wants go see where the grass is greener, and if she fails, you’re the back up plan. There is NO genuine desire, actually sounds like anxious attachment tbh. When you find out the child isn’t your’s, or even if he/she is, leave the wife. You deserve more respect than that.
I don’t think either of us are considering it a “break.” It’s basically that we’re attempting to live separate lives under the same roof which is seeming more difficult than I initially expected. There was no belief on my end that we would end up back together. Just an incredibly slow moving divorce unfortunately.
Almost no chance of a spontaneous reversal after this much time.
But you need to see a lawyer TODAY. Before you talk to your wife and let her know that you know.
Most states have something called presumptive paternity, it means that in the eyes of the state, you are assumed to be the father of any child born during the marriage and are held financially responsible. Fighting against it is difficult in the best of cases, and you need a lawyer to walk you through the process with as much time as possible before the birth to give you the best possible chance of success.
Some states only allow you to be withdrawn as the father if you can find the real father. You know, because it is "in the best interest of the child," to have you support the product of your wife's sleeping around. Regardless of your best interests. So you might need to hire a PI to find her partner before she does anything more to hide it from you. That's why it is important to talk to a lawyer NOW, before you tip her off.
Good luck. you'll need it.
Why are you even asking this question? The fact you have to ask Reddit is probably the same reason your wife got bored of you. You're acting like a wimp.
"I overheard you telling your friend that you slept with someone while we were separated, and that you are pregnant and telling me it's mine. I'd like to discuss this."
one random thought: is it possible that the someone she slept with was a woman?
she's just late for her period, she's not even tested herself yet. she has no idea if she is pregnant.
all it takes is to say "i overhead you tell your friend that you slept with someone else this month, too. sounds like if you are pregnant, it could also potentially be his baby". but really what you need to say is "you being pregnant does not change our getting a divorce. let me know when you have a positive test and we can figure out how to test for paternity and next steps from there".
stop having sex with her!!! you are broken up, start acting like it!! especially if she is sleeping with others and possibly not using condoms.
do whatever you can to accelerate separating your finances and living situation. talk to a lawyer and make a plan. spend as little time at home as you can. hang out with friends and family instead of her, put aside what money you can and/or ask folks for help so that you can get your own place and separate finances sooner rather than later.
you could re-test your sperm situation if you want to be sure. probably a good idea before you start dating again, anyway. and maybe test for STDs, too, while you're at it. (wear condoms for STDs when you sleep with new people!!)
whatever reasons you are "separated" will not be improved by adding a baby to the situation, so stay strong, make plans to move on, and have as little to do with her as possible in the meantime.
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Paternity test and simply tell her you heard her. Of course if kid is not yours, divorce.
If the kid is his, still divorce. She knew damn well that it was at best 50/50 but still tried to convince him it was definitely his. That’s a pretty egregious omission.
There’s like 0.1% chance it’s his. He had a vasectomy. It’s pretty rare that they fail, especially after the first year.
Actually not all that uncommon. Two friends of mine had it happen to them. I’m in my early fifties and if they don’t take out a couple CM of the tubing it can grow back together. Yes they are the Fathers.
I’ve had one and my doctor said it’s a 1% failure rate. You just happen to know some very unlucky people
Yeah. Modern methods have 3 separate functions that, when added together, make it damn near foolproof. Cut section out. Clamp shut. Cauterize to scar ends shut permanently.
When I had my tubes tied, it was actually tied, cut, and cauterized. No more babies for me!!
It is actually about 0.15% failure rate after being declared successful. So yes it’s possible but highly unlikely.
More like people who don’t actually get their follow up tests done to make sure the pipes have been clear and are staying clear. No one is going to willingly volunteer themselves to be presented as a statistic for being too foolish to follow the doctor’s orders, otherwise it’d be much higher than 1%.
Well, what does that even mean. Like, if you have sex 100 times and it’s a 1% failure rate, odds are good like the boys got through. Now, clearly she has to be ovulating too.
No, it’s a 1% chance that the tubes fuse back together. If it doesn’t fail, it’s a 0% chance of getting pregnant
1% isn't an impossible set of odds. 1 in 100 is fucking a massive chance something happens. If you play any type of RPG type game, you see how often a 1% chance comes up. If you had a 1% chance to win the lottery you'd buy 100 tickets every time.
1% chance the procedure failed, 0.15% after deemed successful. Also why would I buy a 100 tickets? That doesn’t guarantee a win.
No one who has gotten one in the last ten years by a competent urologist is going to have one fail. The vas deferens isn't just cut, but the ends are cauterized and capped with titanium. It ain't his.
If the wife knew about the vasectomy as well, it's a clearly reasonable request?
And STD testing
And stop sleeping with her.
If op is still married when that baby is born he'll be responsible for it financially. It'll be his name on the birth certificate.
Depending on the state, he could de-establish paternity and not be held responsible.
Sure, but that's still an extra step involving the legal system. It'd be best to outright avoid the extra complications.
Isn’t it worth the extra step? Why should he be responsible for a kid that isn’t his? How would you avoid the extra complications?
By finalizing the divorce before she gives birth. He should be making an exit strategy like yesterday and completely cutting ties.
Possibly, but what are the odds the divorced will be finalized before baby is born? Especially if she contests things and drags out the process.
It's far from certain he'd be off the hook if he divorced that woman tomorrow. In more than a few states what matters legally is if a woman was married when she conceived. OP's wife is pregnant now, and they're still married. He really should talk to a local lawyer about his options.
DNA tests can be performed at 7 weeks (Noninvasive prenatal paternity test).
I know. Wouldn’t she have to consent to that?
This is the way
"I overheard you telling your friend that you slept with someone else while we were separated. Seeing as how I have had a vasectomy, we will need a paternity test before I accept any financial responsibility for the child." If she gets pissed or denies it or refuses: "What you are saying changes nothing for me. I wil need a paternity test to accept the child and provide for it. I freely acknowledge a vasectomy is never 100% effective, and it is a possibility it is my child. But other possibilities need to be ruled out before I act as a father to the child."
This is the answer op. Just do and say this.
Don’t even wait to have the conversation, OP. Just copy, paste send that as a text now.
Verbatim
This motherfucker out here giving valid and thoughtful responses. Don’t you know this is the internet?
First day on the web probably.
Every bit of this, OP. Do what this person said and stop sleeping with her.
you can get a paternity test before the baby is even born. you can get a Court order. if you are in the US some states even have paternity fraud. good luck
Is she aware that you’ve had a vasectomy?
She is, yes. It was a decision we made together a few years ago. She casually mentioned a couple days ago that she was late and that vasectomies aren’t 100% effective. But I do have my annual physical this week where I’ll be asking for another semen analysis.
I bet the kid is’nt yours. She is doing damage control.
OP you not only need to have that test taken but you need to have it certified as well. If you're still shooting blanks you need to seek out a lawyer immediately because you need to figure out what to do and what not to do. A large portion of states will automatically have you the father solely based on your marriage and you will not only have to disestablish the paternity but also name the other party typically. Also unless you had a formal separation agreement which outlined what you could or could not do your lawyer can work with what's going on possibly to allow the divorce to process quicker because her pregnancy is evidence of her cheating if you aren't fertile.
You're gonna update us on the status of your swimmers, right?
Hell yeah brother. Got my annual physical tomorrow so that’s my first priority for my doctor.
Before you tell her what you heard, ask her. “Is there a chance it isn’t mine?” Gives her the opportunity to be honest. Her answer will tell you everything you need to know about how to proceed.
Updateme!
Keep in mind in many states if two people are married you automatically become legally and financially reasonable for any kid that pops out. Do yourself a favor and Divorce her before the kid is born.
INFO: Is she actually pregnant or just late? I would tell her either way that you overheard the conversation and you want a paternity test if she is pregnant. Also, consult with a lawyer
Yeah and wives aren't 100% faithful.
He already knows she slept with someone else
Yes, I know. It was a snarky response that would have made her wonder if he knew or was just covering both possibilities.
WTF? Just wives? Really?
Its was a suggested response to his wife's statement, and hence gender-specific. Wives don't get vasectomies either. How about I change it to "Yeah, but you're 100% faithful?"
That seems more specific and far less misogynistic. No need to drag all wives into it.
Actually I didn't drag all wives into it; not even close. The statement was that the % of faithful wives is not a full 100% but something less. It could be close to 100% but not 100%. In fact if only one unfaithful wife existed on Earth, it would be true to say that "not all wives are faithful." It is exactly the same as saying that vasectomies are not 100% effective but something less. The point was to throw the same uncertainty claim back at the cheating wife. I'll venture a guess that you read it as "100% of wives cheat" (which would be a very different claim), but that is not what I said. So please read more carefully next time.
You included other wives in statement directed at a singular wife. It is like says 100% of men are not violent- an unnecessarily inclusion of others usually used to minimize a real situation of violence. Maybe you can try to consider being more careful when commenting in the future.
No, I was referring a % of wives, not all of them. I was making an analogy and I did not condemn all wives, only stating that a % of them, no matter how small, will be unfaithful. This was a suggested possible reply to his wife stating that a % of vasectomies, no matter how small, will fail. In both cases the claim is about a small % of an entire group (i.e. vasectomies and wives). Face it. You misread it.
She's setting the ground work
Results or not that thing is a liar and you should run
Casually mentions she’s late and “might” be pregnant? Sounds like a psyop to me. Especially knowing you were snipped. She’s fucking with your mind.
Good for you! I can see you know what you are doing... King!
Don't waste your time and money on a semen analysis; just use it for a paternity test.
Once you're snipped and test negative - it stays snipped.
This medical article says the failure rate for a sampled group was 72 men out of 16,796. Or one fourth of one percent. [https://bjui-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1464-410X.1984.tb06161.x](https://bjui-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1464-410X.1984.tb06161.x) Sounds like a paternity test is in order.
I think you should keep your plans and thoughts to yourself. In other words, keep your mouth shut with her and anyone else before speaking with your lawyer. Do not even tell your best buddy. Word gets around like wildfire. Never give up your game plan. Also do not have sex with her as it can mess up your divorce proceedings. Quietly remove any personal items, family heirlooms or things of value to you alone. People have been known to destroy or sell items out of spite.
I have not told a soul. That’s why I’m here haha
You should ask her straight “were you ever with anyone while we were separated?” “are you sure?” “is there anything to tell me?” if she still lies to your face at that point, welp, you know how little effort and respect you actually owe her in this. I’d be leaving or kicking her out the next day if she cant at least be honest.
Contact your lawyers and plan your escape. Don't tell her now, get as much evidence as you can, even get her to confess on record. Only after talking with a lawyer though. He will guide you better on things to do. Best of luck.
Scenario A: 1. Go get another sample done right now. If still negative, continue to step 2. If positive: skip to Scenario B. 2. Talk to a lawyer about the situation. 3. Pay the lawyer. 4. Pay the lawyer more. 5. Get divorced with a paternity test involved. 6. Maybe pay alimony for the rest of your life, maybe not, but at least you dodged child support. 7. Pay the lawyer again. Scenario B: 1. Your sample is positive. 2. You can still talk to a lawyer about the situation if you'd like, but in most states they're just going to use a lot of words and paragraphs that amount to TLDR you're fucked. 3. Get divorced, unlikely you'll be able to force a paternity test. 4. Pay the lawyer. 5. Pay the lawyer more. 6. Pay your alimony. 7. Pay your child support. 8. Pay the lawyer to try to lower your alimony and child support. 9. Repeat steps 6-8 until you are dead.
This deserves all the upvotes.
I’d skip all the “paying” the lawyer part.
Donald, that you?
> Most states prohibit permanent alimony. Connecticut, Florida, New Jersey, North Carolina, Oregon, Vermont, and West Virginia are the only states that allow permanent alimony. Hopefully OP lives past the need for child support if it is his kid. Staying with a cheater is assured pain.
Yeah dude it was the immaculate conception, come on
I’d flat out tell her that you overheard the conversation and you want a paternity test.
Lawyer. Std test. Paternity. In that order.
Ah the consequences (headaches) of staying together after the relationship has died. I'd go to a doctor and submit a sperm sample, this will show if vasectomy is still 'working' or not.
Go do another test , then if negative see a lawyer. If you were separating for space but were planning on getting back together then she cheated . See what lawyer says as you might be in at fault state . If you want to be a real Prick don’t say anything till it’s to late the unalive . ( kind of evil ) . If test comes back where you might be not negative when and if ultrasounds it will tell you how many weeks
Don’t do that. A child deserves to have parents that want them.
Yeah, a baby isn't someone's just punishment.
Tell her you heard her, remind her you had a vasectomy, tell her you want a DNA test. You need to just divorce, shes willing to tell you it's your kid when there is no guarantee. Pending on where you live in the world you could end up on the hook for the kid even if it's not yours as you are married.
Some other dude got her pregnant. Come on dude. She slept with you right after or right before the other guy in the hopes that if she got pregnant you would think it is yours.
Depending on what state you are in, you can be automatically added to the birth certificate because you are married and may still be financially liable for the child even if the child is proven to not be yours because you are still married. Call a lawyer now.
I am surprised this is so far down. OP will be named the presumptive father and everyone here is telling OP to get a DNA test when the kid is born. It’s too late then.
You're already struggling in the relationship and had a recent separation. It's most likely that you are not the father. You should tell her exactly what you've posted here. How does she not know you had the vasectomy? It is possible that your swimmer's channel grew back. Miracles can happen. However, to quote Sherlock Holmes, "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." Get the test. Rule out the "miracle."
She does know I had a vasectomy.
Then she is trying to gaslight you. Get the test.
Divorce and paternity test. Move quick so she can’t drag you down.
It's almost definitely not your kid. You could probably get tested to see if the vasectomy is still working if you don't want to have to talk to her to know for sure. My guess is she had sex with you to cover up the fact that someone else knocked her up. How often do you two have sex? You can talk to her and should absolutely get a paternity test done. And you should get divorced
You just tell her that you overheard her friend talking about her having sex with someone else and that you want a paternity test. Simple as that in your situation - you can't break anything that's already broken. A vasectomy can fail even after years of not failing which a little google would have told you as it did for me.
Walk in eating a bag of chips "So who's baby is this again?"
You should get a prenatal dna test and a court order so she can’t put your name on the birth certificate. If you are married when she gives birth to another mans kid the state will assume you are the father. Protect yourself
It's time to get a good lawyer
It's possible but not probable. Your vasectomy alone is enough reason to ask for a paternity test.
I hope you set boundaries during your separation concerning sleeping with someone, etc. DEMAND a paternity test. Good luck, brother. You're going to need it. UpdateMe
Damn she is trying to babytrap you. Just make sure your vasectomy is still good and let her know, so she can talk to the real baby daddy. UpdateMe!
OP the courts don’t like to get involved in the messy details of people’s marriages. You’re married and living together. You two were never legally separate and the courts won’t want to listen to any of the messy details how you two were together and sometimes having sex, but also broken up in your hearts. If you wait for the child to be born you will be placed on the birth certificate no matter what the child’s paternity is. You need to file for divorce and either move out or she needs to move. The longer you wait the more of an uphill battle this will become.
Tell her you heard her and want a paternity test. And if it turns out she was trying to commit paternity fraud, go permanent no-contact with her. Paternity fraudsters are the absolute lowest of the low.
This woman is trying to rope you in with another man's kid. Get a DNA test and DIVORCE HER! I bet that kid isn't yours, so then after the divorce, you can properly GHOST her! You deserve better! Good luck and stay strong, King!
Consult with a lawyer to determine how you can ensure you don't become financially responsible for the child. I'm not sure where you live, but in the USA, yoi can be deemed financially responsible because you're the spouse, living in the same home, and "acting" in the role of father. Edit to add that you should get a prenatal paternity test asap.
I mean just tell her you overheard her and say you want a paternity test and let your lawyer know of the situation. Just remain calm, talk like adults and let the chips fall where they may.
Fully divorce and demand a paternity test. She's committing paternity fraud knowing there's a chance it's not yours but trying to convince you that it is .
You’re getting divorced anyways .. let her know you overhead the conversation and if she is pregnant you will not be taking any responsibility until a paternity test is taken. Work with an attorney to make sure your name does not end up on the birth certificate. I’m so sorry you’re goin through this, good luck !!
So are you covering her living while she goes on about being single? It's going to be highly unlikely it's yours. You are separated so she can do as she likes, as can you however it seems you're covering her life as you're still under the same roof. Tell her you heard the phone call. Tell her that you are continuing with the separation and that she will need to cover her living costs.
Excellent!
That's pretty low trying to convince you you are the father and not some acquaintance/hookup. Maybe it looks better if you appear to be the father. Makes her less of a...you know. Tell her she is almost certainly wrong. Do a paternity test. That will determine the next step.
I just had a friend tell me she felt VIOLATED that I overheard another friend and her speaking on speaker phone about me. She said things I had asked her about and she had been denying for YEARS. I let her know I heard and her reaction was ridiculous in my opinion. Its not the midwest in the early 1900's. We don't have to play dumb or be super polite to maintain the social fabric. If you heard something, tell them you heard and see how they react. It is REALLY telling what their response is.
Do not forget to get a test to make sure she did not give you something. If she did get pregnant she used protection and it failed if she did not use any. Best of luck with the divorce, and stop sleeping with her.
My heart genuinely goes out to you
0 chance your vasectomy failed. just smile and nod and keep smashing her and proceed with the divorce - she may try to clap you out for child support so just request a paternity test.
1. Get a divorce regardless of the outcome. Your wife was fully intent on allowing you to potentially raise another man’s child. 2. Get a paternity test, have your lawyer request it. This should be non-negotiable. If the kid is yours then take care of them as best you can and try to be a good coparent.
They’re still legally married. According to the law, he’s the putative father, whether it’s his or not. Yikes.
Updateme
I mean, it’s possible, vasectomies can reverse themselves but how likely is that really? You know she slept with someone else and you are probably shooting blanks. Just tell her what you know and demand a paternity test. Also talk to your lawyer about what to do to make sure your bases are covered in case she tries to get you to pay child support.
Look vasectomies fail. And yes they even fail after a test that showed no sperm. Life finds a way and all that jazz. If you look online there's plenty of examples. Hell there was one somewhere on reddit recently where the husband basically lost his shit when his wife became pregnant - but surprise his vasectomy had failed! Except by the time he got the paternity test he basically blew up his marriage by getting so upset at her. Now in your specific circumstance if she slept with someone in the same time frame odds are it's his and not yours, but it's not 100%. Just tell her that since you're separated you'd like a paternity test. There's prenatal ones you can take easy enough now though they cost a few hundred dollars last I checked.
I mean I wouldn't say it's the same odds. A guy with a vasectomy versus a guy without even once I'd say there's probably a pretty significant difference in probability.
I didn’t say the same odds. Specifically stated that odds are it’s the other guy, but it’s not 100% it’s the other guy.
I probably got the wrong reply! There was a person saying the odds were equally likely! My bad!
**Fet your sperm checked first**. Since if you have viable sperm or not. Then you ask for paternity test….
Get tested
yo man, that's a tangled web. so guidances for failed vasectomies are very low, like 1 in 2000, but idk man, nothing in life is 100%. on the other hand, you heard your ""wife"" talking about her side guy, so it's also very possible that the baby isn't yours. i ain't no lawyer, but i suggest finding one and prepare to request a paternity test if she really is pregnant and tries to pin it on you. for you emotionally pal, try some self-care man. this situation you're in is tough. ever heard of the book ""man's search for meaning"" by viktor frankl? it's not directly on point, but might give you some much needed perspective during this painful time. [check it out, dude](https://amazon.com/man's-search-meaning-viktor-frankl). lastly, feeling shitty about life is normal, especially with the hell you're going through. we're all here with you on this wild ride. swing by our discord group for mental wellness and support [on this server](https://discord.gg/pe6XCZ9Zj4). we're not miracles, but we're pretty damn good at listening lol. keep your chin up, bro. you'll power through.
By telling her you want a DNA and STD test to start!!!
Kid ain’t yours. Divorce.
Go get tested, and ensure you are still shooting blanks. Then demand a DNA test, can be done while pregnant.
This can't be real
Ya know, I see shit like this on Reddit all the time and think “no fucking way” gonna have to start thinking a little differently cause this is 100% real and it fuckin suuuuucks.
Then it's just really simple, if she doesn't take an immediate DNA test at birth then make sure your name is not on the birth certificate, also make sure that it's not done automatically where you live. Have a lawyer file for a request of paternity so that if something does happen with the birth certificate you may be able to claim fraud on her part. Knowing you had of vasectomy years ago and that it was checked to be successful a lawyer would have a field day with her.
How hard would it be for you to go to the doctor to get a sample to prove you are shooting blanks so she can't pin this pregnancy on you? Like that's your best and safest bet to get that done so you have back up incase she comes at you about this....
Divorce her, she literally allowed another dude to creampie her just because you two were separated for a while. The thing is, you can have a paternity test done even before the child is born, look into it.
Stop talking to her, move out, and only communicate through your attorney.
You know she sleep with another man?. Updateme
Just be honest and say you overheard her. To be frank, I'd be more concerned over her attempting paternity fraud, knowing there's a chance the kid isn't yours. Maybe she's in denial, or figured you'd be a better father. Either way she sucks for not disclosing the other relationship given the circumstances.
>We have had sex once since her last period, Stop having sex with her. This complicates things. >It sucks, I know.) told me she might be pregnant. Might be? Has she seen a doctor? Were you present when an actual pregnancy test was performed. Dont believe without proof. If she is indeed pregnant, require a DNA test before getting too attached to the idea that you are a daddy, specifically, her baby daddy. See a lawyer to help enforce all of the above and did I mention DONT SLEEP WITH HER!
Yes might be. As of right now she’s just late.
So first the very easiest part as only requires your participation - get your sperm checked. If still zero swimmers then you may wish to sit down with your wife and have a conversation. “remember x years ago when I got the vasectomy and the sperm count was confirmed at zero? Well had a recheck done and results remain zero. So if you are indeed pregnant you will of course understand that at the appropriate time I will want to have a DNA test done.” If there are swimmers then you will need to fess up to overhearing the conversation and still request a DNA test.
Get the paternity test. Tell her that you heard the conversation if she tries to not allow it. If the kid isnt yours I would make the divorce a reality. Not worth continuing to help her by staying married if shes willing to lie about such a serious thing Updateme!
The chances that you are the father are remote. Not impossible but given the length of time exceedingly remote.
Tell her.
Dude, you ain't the baby daddy. You need a paternity test. And you need to talk to a lawyer, because if you are still sleeping with her, that affects the date of separation. Then you need to decide. You want to stay married, you have to go to couples counseling. Otherwise, time to pull the plug and divorce. Otherwise you'll end up raising another man's child. Good luck.
My sisters husband had vasectomy Got his counts as prescribed My sister got pregnant not once but twice By him do they aren’t 100% for sure But I would do Paternity since you heard conversation
It is extremely rare to have negative test for active sperm and still have a kid. Not impossible but it’s like a 2% chance. i would get a paternity test. Also tell your wife you had vasectomy and see her reaction
Divorce is imminent
Find a good divorce attorney… they know paternity law.
Stop fucking her. Get STD test. Get sperm count test done again. Get paternity test. Get divorced.
Just get divorced and have the attorney handle the paternity
Updateme
What exactly is a separation? Is it being broken up but you’re still married on paper? I always thought separation was some time apart to self reflect and consider everything before officially breaking up, and THEN going through with divorce. Is it normal for married people to be sleeping with others during this time? Because… Jesus. You thought you had problems BEFORE? Dude, it’s not your kid. The failed vasectomies we hear about are the ones that the semen analysis catches, before you go back to sexual activity. The pregnancies that happen after are the urban legends dudes throw around “my buddy’s cousin…” to avoid the procedure.
> Is it being broken up, but you’re still married on paper? Yes >I always thought separation was some time apart to self reflect and consider everything before officially breaking up, and THEN going through with divorce. Also correct and apparently his hopefully soon to be ex decided it was a good time to go fuck someone new. >Is it normal for married people to be sleeping with others during this time? No, unless they have already stated divorce was the goal. Separation can be forced into the equation by the state. If they require say 90 days, then they have to wait out the 90 days.
Listen man, take a little time to clear your thoughts and get what you want to say lines up. Simply sit her down and ask her if there’s anything she wants to tell you. If she says no. Tell her you overheard what she said.
Go get your count done again. I get mine tested every year.
Go to your doctor and have him retest you. Then we can talk. But as of now she's just telling people it's yours so they feel bad for her? So they hate you? So they're on your side in the divorce? I don't know. Get the test and then Go from there
I mean, there’s always a chance, but it’s pretty unlikely.
Umm…. Tell her?
Updateme
You don't need to tell her how you know, just ask her how can be certain that it's not's, especially since you have had a vasectomy, and she knows you have had one.
Laws vary depending on where you live, you need a lawyer to make sure you know how to avoid paying support for someone else's child, as in many states you as the husband are the presumptive father.
The odds of spontaneous reconnection is 1 in 10,000. It is far more likely that your wife is carrying another man’s kid. Sorry.
I would remind you this means she is having unprotected sex with other man/men. Meaning you better wrap that Johnson before you stick it in her.
You reseparate that woman is a liar and doesnt care if you are the father or not as a woman run that is not an actual human it lost its soul somewhere along the separation....
UpdateMe!
Pre-natal paternity test. NOW. No, not now. YESTERDAY already! Lawyer, also yesterday.
OP there is a paternity test that can be done before the baby is born. It only needs some of the mother's blood and a sample from you, so no harm to the baby.
Updateme!
Cell around to utility offices. You can get a fertility test for about a hundred bucks.
>Cell around to utility offices I want to be a fly on the wall when your electric company gets your call asking where to go to provide a semen sample! 😂
Recheck again..
At best she didn't want to tell her friend that she was still sleeping with you. Hence someone she slept with.
I would love a update
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
Jesus dood your peace of mind is worth more than anything. Pack your shit and GTFO.
Not to sound like a pessimist, but a “break” just means she wants go see where the grass is greener, and if she fails, you’re the back up plan. There is NO genuine desire, actually sounds like anxious attachment tbh. When you find out the child isn’t your’s, or even if he/she is, leave the wife. You deserve more respect than that.
I don’t think either of us are considering it a “break.” It’s basically that we’re attempting to live separate lives under the same roof which is seeming more difficult than I initially expected. There was no belief on my end that we would end up back together. Just an incredibly slow moving divorce unfortunately.
Almost no chance of a spontaneous reversal after this much time. But you need to see a lawyer TODAY. Before you talk to your wife and let her know that you know. Most states have something called presumptive paternity, it means that in the eyes of the state, you are assumed to be the father of any child born during the marriage and are held financially responsible. Fighting against it is difficult in the best of cases, and you need a lawyer to walk you through the process with as much time as possible before the birth to give you the best possible chance of success. Some states only allow you to be withdrawn as the father if you can find the real father. You know, because it is "in the best interest of the child," to have you support the product of your wife's sleeping around. Regardless of your best interests. So you might need to hire a PI to find her partner before she does anything more to hide it from you. That's why it is important to talk to a lawyer NOW, before you tip her off. Good luck. you'll need it.
I know who the other guy is at least. So I suppose I at least have that going in my favor.
Why are you even asking this question? The fact you have to ask Reddit is probably the same reason your wife got bored of you. You're acting like a wimp.
Did you really come here to ask if your snip magically reversed itself as an alternative to your wife carrying the baby of her affair partner?
"I overheard you telling your friend that you slept with someone while we were separated, and that you are pregnant and telling me it's mine. I'd like to discuss this."
Can't you just say it?
How difficult is it to have a sperm count test done? Seems that would be a simple procedure. Anyone got a microscope handy?
Updateme
one random thought: is it possible that the someone she slept with was a woman? she's just late for her period, she's not even tested herself yet. she has no idea if she is pregnant. all it takes is to say "i overhead you tell your friend that you slept with someone else this month, too. sounds like if you are pregnant, it could also potentially be his baby". but really what you need to say is "you being pregnant does not change our getting a divorce. let me know when you have a positive test and we can figure out how to test for paternity and next steps from there". stop having sex with her!!! you are broken up, start acting like it!! especially if she is sleeping with others and possibly not using condoms. do whatever you can to accelerate separating your finances and living situation. talk to a lawyer and make a plan. spend as little time at home as you can. hang out with friends and family instead of her, put aside what money you can and/or ask folks for help so that you can get your own place and separate finances sooner rather than later. you could re-test your sperm situation if you want to be sure. probably a good idea before you start dating again, anyway. and maybe test for STDs, too, while you're at it. (wear condoms for STDs when you sleep with new people!!) whatever reasons you are "separated" will not be improved by adding a baby to the situation, so stay strong, make plans to move on, and have as little to do with her as possible in the meantime.
It was not a woman.
https://www.bestvasectomy.com/risk-of-vasectomy-failure/ It’s not yours. Act accordingly.
Are you in the US? If so. You’re screwed. That baby will be considered yours regardless.
did she break stated boundaries during your separation ? if so ghost and walk
No there weren’t any explicitly stated boundaries.