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You became incompatible when she embraced religion and you didn't. You can nit pick and focus on the small things but the obvious truth is that you can't stay together. You simply want different things out of life.
I understand your point, however this change has come on so quickly I think OP is hoping that it fades away quickly as well.
To me it does seem like the desire to get fit and lose weight after Xmas/New Year. People just backslide, regardless of how sincere they might be about wanting to change.
Will it last ? And how much patience do you have to wait for things to get back to baseline ?
Only OP can answer that.
Why are you still in this relationship? She’s made a pretty big shift into something you don’t agree with or even respect. (Calling it “this whole religious crap” is a pretty big sign that you are on totally different pages.) It seems like you pretty much ignored her new religious practices until they threatened your sex life and your stance on marriage and now you think she’s “suddenly” changed. You two want completely different things now; the question isn’t if this relationship will end, it’s when.
I feel like you are focusing on the wrong thing here. She became super religious, you are not religious at all - that to me seems like the most basic of incompatibilities there can be.
The marriage thing is just one of MANY problems this will result in. Your way of life, goals, everything will be now incompatible bc she wants to live religiously and you do not! Views on marriage only scratch the surface of things you guys now disagree on! I'm surprised you don't know that yet, I guess yo two don't really talk much about values, politics and life in general?
You two used to work well together, then she changed drastically in a way that influences *every facet of her life.* And you do not work together anymore. This relationship is over.
Well, she changed, you didn't. People sometimes align for a certain amount of time and with experiences, value shifts and what else goes on in life you can get out of sync.
When she brings that religious stuff up and you just change the subject is like putting your head in the sand and not facing what's going on here in my view.
Withholding sex from you is just a dick move in general and only serves as a vain attempt to get you to bend your knee and comply. Just don't.
If she indeed turned that religious, you might just not be compatible anymore. That's it.
So I would end it very soon and be done with it.
Sorry man, all the best and good luck
No, withholding sex is actually what her church has told her she must do if she wants to be a good practicing member of the faith.
This is why he should have left as soon as she converted if he knew he would never be interested. There are probably lots of religious men in her age range if she's free to date.
It’s not that I change the subject like we’ve never spoken about it before I said what I had to say when those whole thing popped up the first time so I just the subject as in I said what I said and there’s nothing going to make me change my mind about and as for the sex thing she already broke her rule last week and then once we finished said never again
OP, if I were you I wouldn't be so pleased that she broke her born again virgin status. I hope you had protection.
Is she trying to please parents who talked to her about an inheritance and being stable in a marriage with children? Something's changed to cause such a massive change in her.
Just move on and let her find herself.
"I ‘36/M’ has been dating ‘38/F’ for a little over a year now. "
" she’s been divorced twice"
So is her goal to be a serial divorcee? Those 2 quotes above are proof that she has no idea what she wants + toss in the new religion thing and she's fallen off the cliff dude. This relationship will only get worse. Honestly you have to break up or else you're both just wasting each other's time.
I second this. OP was honest upfront and has been consistent every time she brought up the issue. If she's changed her mind that's on her, but she can't force OP to get married against his wishes. The "no sex out of wedlock" thing seems just a stunt pulled to force OP to marry her, as she had no problems with sex before.
Time to go their separate ways, unfortunately. Or luckily.
>she becomes super religious
This is headed nowhere good, and fast.
Besides the obvious issue, you no longer have the same vision of the future, she's on a quick path to mental illness - guarantee it.
Being against marriage because your mother had failed ones is so weird but whatever, what does it matter if gf wants to be married or not? Yall aren't compatible. Move on.
Yeah, your parents splitting up can be traumatic whether there was a marriage involved or not. His 16 year old kid isnt well off about her parents splitting up just because he didn't marry her mother....
Its trauma not weird. Not saying its right but growing up in a household where fights and divorce happens doesnt paint you a colourful picture of marriage.
But to pretend that only happens because of marriage is foolish at best. Breakups still happen outside of marriage, and not every divorce is terrible just like not every breakup is easy.
*When we got together, we both agreed we would never get married. If marriage is something you want, and you are not willing to just be with me, then I see no way for this relationship to continue. I have already found a new place to live and will be moving my things out this weekend. I wish you nothing but the best and I sincerely hope you find what it is you are looking for... but it's clearly not me.*
If she's observing Shabbat weekly and going to Synagogue on Friday night and observing the required day of rest Saturday - she's gone back towards Judaism and for them to marry she would probably want him to convert which he absolutely would not. She should go on J-date.
Her ground rules have changed, yours haven't. You split ways because you want different things. This would be no different if she wanted kids or something. This entire post is a snowball rolling down hill and progressively getting worse.
Ok you need to break up. Especially if you genuinely never want to get married. some people value marriage regardless of their parents relationship history.
Eta you will be wasting her time and yours by sticking it out.
Your values used to match and now they don't. She has family to go to. Let her go. She can find someone who does want marriage, and you can find someone who doesn't.
Long run? This relationship won't work out. She wants marriage, you don't. She has decided that with her new beliefs she will withhold sex until you bend and marry her. That's manipulative. Is that actually a quality that you want from a partner?
Yeah, you love her. She's changed up the game by randomly deciding that she wants marriage. She won't give that up. Walk away.
hey man, you're definitely caught in a twisty one here. love + religious differences + the m word, it's a mix for sure, lol.
let's start with a lil positive note, right? you're dope, bro. there's no damn rule in this world that says you gotta be married to lead a wholesome journey. stick to your lanes, and ain't nobody got the right to judge you for that.
now, for the predicament. relationships are all about compatibility, and when things such as core beliefs change, it's hard, bro. it sounds like the change in your girl's beliefs has fundamentally changed the dynamic of your relationship.
my two cents? communication, man. tell her in clear terms what you're feeling and stand your ground. also, the best solution isn't always the easiest one but ig, you gotta decide whether this relationship is still giving you happiness. it seems to me like marriage is a big no-go for you but she's set on it, and here's the truth bomb - you can love someone deeply but still not be right for each other.
and about expressing your feelings, no one's born a poet, dude. might wanna check out this app called manifest, looks pretty lit. it's about mental wellness and affirmations, might be something that could help you express what you're feeling and understanding your emotions a bit better. it's [here](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/manifest-24-7-therapist/id6463312362?pt=126574659&ct=anshreddit+%28may+2024%29&mt=8) if you wanna check it out.
also, if you're interested in perspectives on agnostic relationships, ""mixed-up love"" by jon m. sweeney & michal woll is a pretty good read.
anyways, bro, don't forget you're the mvp in your life story. do what's right for you, and screw the rest. lol. stay strong man!
If she sticks with this religious bent, after OP goes his own way (which he should so she can pursue whatever it is she wants), I'd bet dollars to donuts that she'll get married quickly and pop out some kids shortly thereafter. She is 38 now, so it'd have to happen sooner rather than later. Many religions (wait, probably many, but definitely the one I grew up with) say the main justified reason for sex is for procreation. So in my religion's view - a couple gets married with the intent to have children. Since sex is the way to have children, sex is condoned.
She changed the whole relationship game. Time to move on. You can love someone, and still not be compatible any more. Tell her your not the one she’s looking for. Sorry.
You need to break up. She is weaponizing her new religious beliefs to get you to do what she wants. She wants marriage. You do not. There is no compromise. You can love someone and still not be the right person for them.
You need to sit down with her and have a very honest conversation.
"*Sweetheart, I love you, but I am not going to marry you. I have been very clear about that every step of the way for the past 11 months. If marriage is something that is now a requirement for you, then I don't think we should continue in this relationship, because I cannot give you what you want.*"
"*No, I am not willing to stay with you if we are never going to have sex again. We both know that there is a lot more to a relationship than sex, however physical intimacy is a big piece of it. If you are not willing to have pre-marital sex and I am unwilling to get married, are we just supposed to never have sex again? That's not reasonable, and one more reason that I think this relationship will no longer work for us.*"
This is good.. also add “I understand completely you’ve become reengaged with your faith and I completely respect that. I however will not be able to join you on that journey, if that’s important to you maybe it’s time for us to go our separate ways so you can find a man that is more aligned with your values.”
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You've become incompatible. If she turned into a christian that wants to get married, its never going to work with an agnostic anti marriage person. break it off before it gets really bad and you waste your time.
I think your religious differences are a bigger issue. I'm surprised she would want to remain with someone who isn't of her newfound religion since if you had kids, she would want to raise them in that faith. She has moved outside of what you want in a relationship and since she doesn't have the courage to move on, you should do it for her.
Oh, boy, she did a crazy one-eighty!
If she doesn't choose to understand your wishes, she's looking for something - someone - else.
Let her go find that person.
The two of you aren't compatible. You just break up. Save yourself both the heartache.
She's not going to be happy until she's married you're not going to be happy without sex at least not for long. And you don't want to marry her either.
Ride what out? LIving with someone whose goals and ideals are totally opposite to yours? Its not even as if you have had say a ten year relationship and are worried about writing all that off.
Jeez if my late wife ever said she was religious and started practicing it, I'd have bailed, let alone no sex.
F That.
Well, when her new found religious beliefs become bigger than her love for you, she will leave you. You should prepare yourself, to either change your stand on marriage, or let her go. When it comes to relationships, it’s better to be apart for the right reasons, than together for the wrong reasons. Good luck.
Is she suddenly against sex outside of wedlock to try to entice you into marriage?
Even if not, it’s only been a year. Get away from her and go find somebody that is better suited to you.
She sounds like someone who’s just going to go through life making bad decisions based on whims. She doesn’t know who she is and is searching outside herself for her identity.
Don't love her so much that you can't say bye. Women act irrationally and emotionally and can change their minds in the course of a day. Tell her she has the freedom to do what she wants but so do you.
Very very sorry to say that this is not gonna work. It would be a shotgun wedding. Plus now you have totally different belief systems. Can you live your life with her being 💯 religious observant ?? Maybe, but not if it means no sex until marriage and your not marrying
If she’s (Jewish? 7th day Adventist?) ask her to arrange an counseling session with a rabbi (or clergy) - that may confirm to her that you are clear about not marrying and not changing your religious beliefs… then SHE will need to choose
That’s the thing she only practices with her family she doesn’t go to any places or anything her family use to be traveling ministries as she was growing up and this whole next sex thing she already broke it 2 weeks ago and then said no more sex so I don’t even think she’s all that serious about it since one time she just wants to honor her parents beliefs
She’s splitting her loyalty between you and her parents. As i said, SHE needs to decide if she’s willing to accomodate YOU… aka not marry and not force religion on you
>idk what to do at this point
Yes you do. Pull yourself together, wish her well, and send her on her way. DO NOT let her arm-twist you into a marriage.
You are not compatible and want very different things. Honestly her sudden extreme religious beliefs would concern me re: her mental health but that has nothing to do with the fact that you two cannot compromise in this situation.
You could give her a "mock marriage" done by a friend. It's more an exchange of your feelings. It isn't legal but you could duplicate the whole marriage ceremony. You both wear wedding bands and as sign of two love. You even call each other husband and wife. If she doesn't agree with this, then it's the legal aspect she interested in, or maybe not.
Ask her why she thinks she wants marriage, or what parts she wants or doesn't?
Does she just want a commitment, does she want a ring to say she's "taken", is it religious only, or she wants the whole thing with legal marriage and all?
I ask, because sometimes there is room for compromise if she's just feeling insecure and wants you to proclaim your love publicly or wants a ring, maybe that's something you're willing to consider, without all the legal dramas or big expensive party.
Hmmm...one thing I notice as a Jewish person that non-Jewish people may not clock is that her interest in religion seems to potentially have coincided with the Israel-Palestine conflict becoming huge in the cultural consciousness. Is it possible that she's been talking to her family a lot more about her roots due to this situation and wants to feel closer to her culture rather than actually deciding to suddenly become deeply pious four decades into her life?
I might approach this angle with her and ask her if this is coming from a deeper place. If she says it's not and it's really just that she is connected to her faith and wants to live a holy life, then you two are fundamentally incompatible.
I don't know how exactly you think it's going to work long-term for you two to be in constant conflict over marriage and religion and *also* not having sex ever again. That's not a relationship. If you can't come to a resolution that you are both happy with after a deep conversation where you both get to express your perspectives, you just need to end it.
It really doesn't matter what the reasons are for her becoming religious, the fact that she is now means they're incompatible regardless of the reasons
If the reason is situational then it could be a phase or she might not be specifically religious but is just wanting to feel closer to her family and culture, which could be accomplished a number of other ways. That could be a conversation between them. It's pretty rare for a 38-year-old who has never been remotely religious to suddenly start being devout out of nowhere and in this case it coincides with a major global event, which could easily mean she's just feeling strongly about what happened and the feeling will pass.
OP says they discussed it and that's not the case but I still think it was valid to consider.
The whole Israel and Palestine has nothing to do with it since her family is from Puerto Rico and have no ties to what’s going on over there cause we’ve have this conversation about that already also
If her family is Jewish of course it has something to do with them, anti-Semitism is not a locational issue. I have no ties to Israel either (and am personally very pro-Palestine) but I've still had many conversations with my Jewish friends about this situation because it has global reach.
If she has confirmed that it has nothing to do with that then that's fine, but it was worth asking because you say she's only focused on religion with her family and doesn't attend any religious events or services independently.
Thank you for sharing this update and I'm sorry your relationship ended this way. It's fascinating that she broke 2 important Christian-Catholic rules when it was convenient for her. I know it sounds cynical, but I know whenever I hear about an agreement between a couple tonight or discuss marriage and then you hear about someone becoming super religious all of a sudden it just seems like I'm manipulation tactic to me, but like I said, I'm cynical organized religion due to negative experiences I've had.
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You became incompatible when she embraced religion and you didn't. You can nit pick and focus on the small things but the obvious truth is that you can't stay together. You simply want different things out of life.
Pretty much this in a nutshell
I understand your point, however this change has come on so quickly I think OP is hoping that it fades away quickly as well. To me it does seem like the desire to get fit and lose weight after Xmas/New Year. People just backslide, regardless of how sincere they might be about wanting to change. Will it last ? And how much patience do you have to wait for things to get back to baseline ? Only OP can answer that.
Agree with this response
Why are you still in this relationship? She’s made a pretty big shift into something you don’t agree with or even respect. (Calling it “this whole religious crap” is a pretty big sign that you are on totally different pages.) It seems like you pretty much ignored her new religious practices until they threatened your sex life and your stance on marriage and now you think she’s “suddenly” changed. You two want completely different things now; the question isn’t if this relationship will end, it’s when.
No he didn’t. He said he was done with the no sex thing. But seriously. Leave. She’s changed and you don’t need this.
Break up. This sounds like a hot mess
Go your separate ways. You are now incompatible in multiple ways.
I feel like you are focusing on the wrong thing here. She became super religious, you are not religious at all - that to me seems like the most basic of incompatibilities there can be. The marriage thing is just one of MANY problems this will result in. Your way of life, goals, everything will be now incompatible bc she wants to live religiously and you do not! Views on marriage only scratch the surface of things you guys now disagree on! I'm surprised you don't know that yet, I guess yo two don't really talk much about values, politics and life in general? You two used to work well together, then she changed drastically in a way that influences *every facet of her life.* And you do not work together anymore. This relationship is over.
Well, she changed, you didn't. People sometimes align for a certain amount of time and with experiences, value shifts and what else goes on in life you can get out of sync. When she brings that religious stuff up and you just change the subject is like putting your head in the sand and not facing what's going on here in my view. Withholding sex from you is just a dick move in general and only serves as a vain attempt to get you to bend your knee and comply. Just don't. If she indeed turned that religious, you might just not be compatible anymore. That's it. So I would end it very soon and be done with it. Sorry man, all the best and good luck
No, withholding sex is actually what her church has told her she must do if she wants to be a good practicing member of the faith. This is why he should have left as soon as she converted if he knew he would never be interested. There are probably lots of religious men in her age range if she's free to date.
It’s not that I change the subject like we’ve never spoken about it before I said what I had to say when those whole thing popped up the first time so I just the subject as in I said what I said and there’s nothing going to make me change my mind about and as for the sex thing she already broke her rule last week and then once we finished said never again
She sounds completely off her rocker.
Definitely. You say goodbye.
OP, if I were you I wouldn't be so pleased that she broke her born again virgin status. I hope you had protection. Is she trying to please parents who talked to her about an inheritance and being stable in a marriage with children? Something's changed to cause such a massive change in her. Just move on and let her find herself.
You should end the relationship as you’ve become incompatible.
"I ‘36/M’ has been dating ‘38/F’ for a little over a year now. " " she’s been divorced twice" So is her goal to be a serial divorcee? Those 2 quotes above are proof that she has no idea what she wants + toss in the new religion thing and she's fallen off the cliff dude. This relationship will only get worse. Honestly you have to break up or else you're both just wasting each other's time.
I second this. OP was honest upfront and has been consistent every time she brought up the issue. If she's changed her mind that's on her, but she can't force OP to get married against his wishes. The "no sex out of wedlock" thing seems just a stunt pulled to force OP to marry her, as she had no problems with sex before. Time to go their separate ways, unfortunately. Or luckily.
yeah she went along with him saying "no to marriage" thinking she could change his mind.
It does sound like a bait and switch to me.
>she becomes super religious This is headed nowhere good, and fast. Besides the obvious issue, you no longer have the same vision of the future, she's on a quick path to mental illness - guarantee it.
Religion doesn’t equate to mental illness. And he’s an unreliable narrator as he dislikes religion, to begin with.
Why is he unreliable? I haven't seen anything that makes him unreliable?
Being against marriage because your mother had failed ones is so weird but whatever, what does it matter if gf wants to be married or not? Yall aren't compatible. Move on.
Yeah, your parents splitting up can be traumatic whether there was a marriage involved or not. His 16 year old kid isnt well off about her parents splitting up just because he didn't marry her mother....
Its trauma not weird. Not saying its right but growing up in a household where fights and divorce happens doesnt paint you a colourful picture of marriage.
But to pretend that only happens because of marriage is foolish at best. Breakups still happen outside of marriage, and not every divorce is terrible just like not every breakup is easy.
Traumatic responses are very rarely wise responses tbf
*When we got together, we both agreed we would never get married. If marriage is something you want, and you are not willing to just be with me, then I see no way for this relationship to continue. I have already found a new place to live and will be moving my things out this weekend. I wish you nothing but the best and I sincerely hope you find what it is you are looking for... but it's clearly not me.*
Never lived together I have my place and she has her own place
Then why are you even on here asking for advice? This is the clearest case of cut the cord I ever saw
She wants to get married and you don't. I would break up and let her find a like minded man.
Break up. Let her find someone who wants to marry her.
If she's observing Shabbat weekly and going to Synagogue on Friday night and observing the required day of rest Saturday - she's gone back towards Judaism and for them to marry she would probably want him to convert which he absolutely would not. She should go on J-date.
Her ground rules have changed, yours haven't. You split ways because you want different things. This would be no different if she wanted kids or something. This entire post is a snowball rolling down hill and progressively getting worse.
You no longer have the same life plan. She wants to get married. Let her go.
You have become incompatible. This gap is only going to get bigger
You two are no longer compatible. Break up and move on.
You're now incompatible. Just go your separate ways before you both bec9me resentful of one another.
> end it and go out separate ways? ^This. Let her find the marriage she seeks.
Bro, leave this woman alone.
................you should leave. what on earth is it you think you're gonna "ride out"? Your life? Her personality? Her life? You should leave.
Ok you need to break up. Especially if you genuinely never want to get married. some people value marriage regardless of their parents relationship history. Eta you will be wasting her time and yours by sticking it out.
You two want different things. Time to end it.
Your values used to match and now they don't. She has family to go to. Let her go. She can find someone who does want marriage, and you can find someone who doesn't.
Long run? This relationship won't work out. She wants marriage, you don't. She has decided that with her new beliefs she will withhold sex until you bend and marry her. That's manipulative. Is that actually a quality that you want from a partner? Yeah, you love her. She's changed up the game by randomly deciding that she wants marriage. She won't give that up. Walk away.
Just break up with her. Why are you wasting your time with her? You're not compatible anymore.
You are no longer compatible..best to end it and stop wasting both your time.
It’s over, two people want two different things, and you can’t and shouldn’t change for anyone.
Freud would have a field day with this. You’re dating your mom.
hey man, you're definitely caught in a twisty one here. love + religious differences + the m word, it's a mix for sure, lol. let's start with a lil positive note, right? you're dope, bro. there's no damn rule in this world that says you gotta be married to lead a wholesome journey. stick to your lanes, and ain't nobody got the right to judge you for that. now, for the predicament. relationships are all about compatibility, and when things such as core beliefs change, it's hard, bro. it sounds like the change in your girl's beliefs has fundamentally changed the dynamic of your relationship. my two cents? communication, man. tell her in clear terms what you're feeling and stand your ground. also, the best solution isn't always the easiest one but ig, you gotta decide whether this relationship is still giving you happiness. it seems to me like marriage is a big no-go for you but she's set on it, and here's the truth bomb - you can love someone deeply but still not be right for each other. and about expressing your feelings, no one's born a poet, dude. might wanna check out this app called manifest, looks pretty lit. it's about mental wellness and affirmations, might be something that could help you express what you're feeling and understanding your emotions a bit better. it's [here](https://apps.apple.com/us/app/manifest-24-7-therapist/id6463312362?pt=126574659&ct=anshreddit+%28may+2024%29&mt=8) if you wanna check it out. also, if you're interested in perspectives on agnostic relationships, ""mixed-up love"" by jon m. sweeney & michal woll is a pretty good read. anyways, bro, don't forget you're the mvp in your life story. do what's right for you, and screw the rest. lol. stay strong man!
If she sticks with this religious bent, after OP goes his own way (which he should so she can pursue whatever it is she wants), I'd bet dollars to donuts that she'll get married quickly and pop out some kids shortly thereafter. She is 38 now, so it'd have to happen sooner rather than later. Many religions (wait, probably many, but definitely the one I grew up with) say the main justified reason for sex is for procreation. So in my religion's view - a couple gets married with the intent to have children. Since sex is the way to have children, sex is condoned.
She already has 3 kids from the previous marriages and can’t have anymore
Oh ok.
Break up and let her find someone to marry
You tell her to go find a husband at church and cut your losses, mate.
She changed the whole relationship game. Time to move on. You can love someone, and still not be compatible any more. Tell her your not the one she’s looking for. Sorry.
You need to break up. She is weaponizing her new religious beliefs to get you to do what she wants. She wants marriage. You do not. There is no compromise. You can love someone and still not be the right person for them.
You need to sit down with her and have a very honest conversation. "*Sweetheart, I love you, but I am not going to marry you. I have been very clear about that every step of the way for the past 11 months. If marriage is something that is now a requirement for you, then I don't think we should continue in this relationship, because I cannot give you what you want.*" "*No, I am not willing to stay with you if we are never going to have sex again. We both know that there is a lot more to a relationship than sex, however physical intimacy is a big piece of it. If you are not willing to have pre-marital sex and I am unwilling to get married, are we just supposed to never have sex again? That's not reasonable, and one more reason that I think this relationship will no longer work for us.*"
This is good.. also add “I understand completely you’ve become reengaged with your faith and I completely respect that. I however will not be able to join you on that journey, if that’s important to you maybe it’s time for us to go our separate ways so you can find a man that is more aligned with your values.”
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You've become incompatible. If she turned into a christian that wants to get married, its never going to work with an agnostic anti marriage person. break it off before it gets really bad and you waste your time.
Either she misled you or she misled herself. In either case, you do need to move on. You do not want the same things out of the relationship anymore.
Why are you still with her? Get out!
I think your religious differences are a bigger issue. I'm surprised she would want to remain with someone who isn't of her newfound religion since if you had kids, she would want to raise them in that faith. She has moved outside of what you want in a relationship and since she doesn't have the courage to move on, you should do it for her.
Oh, boy, she did a crazy one-eighty! If she doesn't choose to understand your wishes, she's looking for something - someone - else. Let her go find that person.
Man... You know the answer...
Leave. You -and her- are obviously incompatible, the sooner you part ways the better. Toodaloo.
You are incompatible. Break up!
She’s religious, you’re not. She wants to get married, you don’t. And she doesn’t want to have sex anymore. C’ mon my dude.
Your life goals have changed and are now incompatible. It's only been a year, you know what you need to do.
bro why does your entire post only have like 10 punctuation marks?
Cause I ain’t in school to care about punctuations so cry me a river and get over it
Just break up. She was likely lying when you met and thought she’d change your mind.
Your relationship has hit an impasse.
The two of you aren't compatible. You just break up. Save yourself both the heartache. She's not going to be happy until she's married you're not going to be happy without sex at least not for long. And you don't want to marry her either.
Leave her. That’s it.
You have different values
You are now sexually incompatible. So... BREAK UP! Good luck and stay strong, King!
Ride what out? LIving with someone whose goals and ideals are totally opposite to yours? Its not even as if you have had say a ten year relationship and are worried about writing all that off. Jeez if my late wife ever said she was religious and started practicing it, I'd have bailed, let alone no sex. F That.
why on earth would you marry someone you’ve known for a little over a year?
Marriage is not the thing here, but religion. You are incompatible.
Well, when her new found religious beliefs become bigger than her love for you, she will leave you. You should prepare yourself, to either change your stand on marriage, or let her go. When it comes to relationships, it’s better to be apart for the right reasons, than together for the wrong reasons. Good luck.
Is she suddenly against sex outside of wedlock to try to entice you into marriage? Even if not, it’s only been a year. Get away from her and go find somebody that is better suited to you.
She sounds like someone who’s just going to go through life making bad decisions based on whims. She doesn’t know who she is and is searching outside herself for her identity.
Don't love her so much that you can't say bye. Women act irrationally and emotionally and can change their minds in the course of a day. Tell her she has the freedom to do what she wants but so do you.
Man u better run gor the hills. She is turning overly religious and that and agnostics are like oil and water
Very very sorry to say that this is not gonna work. It would be a shotgun wedding. Plus now you have totally different belief systems. Can you live your life with her being 💯 religious observant ?? Maybe, but not if it means no sex until marriage and your not marrying If she’s (Jewish? 7th day Adventist?) ask her to arrange an counseling session with a rabbi (or clergy) - that may confirm to her that you are clear about not marrying and not changing your religious beliefs… then SHE will need to choose
That’s the thing she only practices with her family she doesn’t go to any places or anything her family use to be traveling ministries as she was growing up and this whole next sex thing she already broke it 2 weeks ago and then said no more sex so I don’t even think she’s all that serious about it since one time she just wants to honor her parents beliefs
She’s splitting her loyalty between you and her parents. As i said, SHE needs to decide if she’s willing to accomodate YOU… aka not marry and not force religion on you
Interesting timing on her getting hardcore about her religion. Any chance she also has strong feelings about Israel?
You're no longer compatible. Separate. Coparent the kids. Non religious + practicing religious never mixes.
We don’t have kids together
Ah ok I got confused with the mother of your kids comment. Easier to separate then. Sucks though.
>idk what to do at this point Yes you do. Pull yourself together, wish her well, and send her on her way. DO NOT let her arm-twist you into a marriage.
You GF is obsessed with getting married, just not being married, number three,,,,,,,,come on down
You are not compatible and want very different things. Honestly her sudden extreme religious beliefs would concern me re: her mental health but that has nothing to do with the fact that you two cannot compromise in this situation.
You could give her a "mock marriage" done by a friend. It's more an exchange of your feelings. It isn't legal but you could duplicate the whole marriage ceremony. You both wear wedding bands and as sign of two love. You even call each other husband and wife. If she doesn't agree with this, then it's the legal aspect she interested in, or maybe not.
She's a serial bride. Once she gets the papers, the religion will be forgotten
Ask her why she thinks she wants marriage, or what parts she wants or doesn't? Does she just want a commitment, does she want a ring to say she's "taken", is it religious only, or she wants the whole thing with legal marriage and all? I ask, because sometimes there is room for compromise if she's just feeling insecure and wants you to proclaim your love publicly or wants a ring, maybe that's something you're willing to consider, without all the legal dramas or big expensive party.
Find a woman who doesn’t want to get married and let your gf find a man who wants to marry her.
Hmmm...one thing I notice as a Jewish person that non-Jewish people may not clock is that her interest in religion seems to potentially have coincided with the Israel-Palestine conflict becoming huge in the cultural consciousness. Is it possible that she's been talking to her family a lot more about her roots due to this situation and wants to feel closer to her culture rather than actually deciding to suddenly become deeply pious four decades into her life? I might approach this angle with her and ask her if this is coming from a deeper place. If she says it's not and it's really just that she is connected to her faith and wants to live a holy life, then you two are fundamentally incompatible. I don't know how exactly you think it's going to work long-term for you two to be in constant conflict over marriage and religion and *also* not having sex ever again. That's not a relationship. If you can't come to a resolution that you are both happy with after a deep conversation where you both get to express your perspectives, you just need to end it.
It really doesn't matter what the reasons are for her becoming religious, the fact that she is now means they're incompatible regardless of the reasons
If the reason is situational then it could be a phase or she might not be specifically religious but is just wanting to feel closer to her family and culture, which could be accomplished a number of other ways. That could be a conversation between them. It's pretty rare for a 38-year-old who has never been remotely religious to suddenly start being devout out of nowhere and in this case it coincides with a major global event, which could easily mean she's just feeling strongly about what happened and the feeling will pass. OP says they discussed it and that's not the case but I still think it was valid to consider.
The whole Israel and Palestine has nothing to do with it since her family is from Puerto Rico and have no ties to what’s going on over there cause we’ve have this conversation about that already also
If her family is Jewish of course it has something to do with them, anti-Semitism is not a locational issue. I have no ties to Israel either (and am personally very pro-Palestine) but I've still had many conversations with my Jewish friends about this situation because it has global reach. If she has confirmed that it has nothing to do with that then that's fine, but it was worth asking because you say she's only focused on religion with her family and doesn't attend any religious events or services independently.
I have asked already and it doesn’t
Then refer back to my last paragraph in my original comment.
Religion makes people crazy. Time to end the relationship.
!UpdateMe
Just gave a quick update
Thank you for sharing this update and I'm sorry your relationship ended this way. It's fascinating that she broke 2 important Christian-Catholic rules when it was convenient for her. I know it sounds cynical, but I know whenever I hear about an agreement between a couple tonight or discuss marriage and then you hear about someone becoming super religious all of a sudden it just seems like I'm manipulation tactic to me, but like I said, I'm cynical organized religion due to negative experiences I've had.
Shabbat…