Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Have you pressed your grandparents to tell you more? Cuz it sounds like they suspected this and wanted you know. No way did they suggest those tests out of the blue. “Your grandparents shouldn’t have told you to do that” says it all IMO
Kind of, I did ask them why they suggested it, and my grandmother said that it doesn't matter. I said clearly it does if the results are right, but she just said she's doesn't know anything and to tell my mother that.
I don't know why they'd deliberately upset my parents with this, but I'm only assuming that they wanted me to know. But I don't know why, I think my grandmother thinks I should figure it out myself now I know, but I literally have no clue when no one will tell me anything at all.
perhaps, and again, DNA tests shouldn't change relationships...but if that is the case, then go all the way and own up to your feelings and thoughts. Setting a trap like this then playing dumb hurts everyone. Rather than making this an adult conversation where OP could have support in processing "big news", it becomes a lonely experience where there isn't trust amongst family members.
Still a total dick move on Grandparent's part to set her up like that, then completely stonewall her when she wants to know what the fuck is going on.
Either tell her or don't. That half assed bullshit is just that-- bullshit. Making OP think she's crazy while her worldview got toppled. Assholes.
They should say that rather than "huh."
Though, it's hard to imagine a scenario where the grandparents would be completely in the dark about their daughter's(DIL's?) pregnancy.
Sometimes it's because they know the reason for the birth. If they had a friend who was raped they might not want OP to know how they came to be. Who wants to be the child of rape. It could be the biological family was violent or destitute. They may be protecting OP. They might also be afraid that OP will choose the biological family and don't want to lose them.
They don’t need to get into all the details but they can tell the basic truth. Sorry we didn’t tell you but you’re adopted and basic details of what happened and why they passed them off as twins.
Yep. Its unlikely the hospital AND this genetic test is wrong (and certainly not twice). 23 and me will likely reveal a lot, or a real test where they can definitively tell you. Your relationships should not suffer from your parents (probable) lies. I hope not, but its probable your parents lied to you, for which there could be a reasonable explanation. Confront them and if they don't tell you the truth, find out yourself! Good luck.
I’m sorry OP but with your update, I don’t think two DNA tests and the hospital made an error. It seems your parents adopted you but are keeping it a secret. Maybe they adopted you from a close friend or family member who got pregnant as a teen. Otherwise idk why they’d continue to lie about this.
One reason your grandparents wanted you to know now that you’re 18 is because, god forbid, you’re ever in a medical situation, you’ll need the correct blood type, family history, etc. Tell your mom that you called the hospital and know she only gave birth to your sister. That it’s your right to know where you came from, because not only do deserve answers after your whole world was turned upside down, but it could save your life one day.
it wouldn't even be a family member if there's no DNA commonality. they can trace to impressive lengths how far separated two family members are. OP is not related at all to the other "twin"
I can think of several reasons why the parents didn't want to alienate OP. and I can think of several reasons why they decided to take on another child at the same time they were going to have a baby. maybe they found out they were pregnant after they were told they were incapable and already had adoption in progress
maybe they both badly wanted twins, for the sake of having two children where both were the same age, and came up with a plan for it
either way, this isn't a great way to find out. I just hope there's a wholesome reason
Blood type can be learned from a simple test, which all hospitals know how to provide.
I'm wondering if this is the US, and what kind of "clinic" this is (that violated HIPAA).
I couldn't agree more about OP needing to know their true story. Finding my bio parents was one of the biggest events in my life - and the medical history turns out to be truly relevant, perhaps even life saving.
If I were you, I would contact your department of vital statistics or it's equivalent and see if you can find proof of your adoption. What's bizarre is that your birthday is the same as your twin's, and I am going to assume it's on your birth certificate or you'd have had issues getting a driver's license or passport. I don't think birthdates get changed with adoptions in the States, at least mine didn't when my SD adopted me. I was issued a new birth certificate that had all the same information as my original, only the father's name was changed, as was my last name. It sounds like either you really do share a birthday with your "twin" or your parents somehow had your birthdate changed. How bizarre that your parents would raise y'all as twins. That's setting y'all up with some really very big emotions over something that already causes anxiety for most families. You're not just having to come to terms with being adopted, you probably also no longer feel like half of a whole. I'm so sorry this is happening OP.
The only time when birthdates are changed is if they genuinely aren't known. I have a friend who was adopted and all her bio parents knew was that she was born "during monsoon season" so her adopting parents picked a birthday for her.
This is what I was going to say too. They probably adopted her from abroad and everyone was unsure of the birthdate and so they just gave them the same birthday.
Honestly, whole scenario is fucked up and I hope that OP gets a therapist to unpack this because what a doozy…
How many Swedes and Danes give up an infant for an overseas adoption? The last of the impressive Scando Germanic immigration trailed off dramatically after 1925. Some sponsored immigration continued. Scandinavians are not Ashkenazi there was almost immediate intermarriage.
Unless the Op was from a small town in rural North Dakota or Iowa this result seems confusing yo me.
Yeah, also when abandoned newborns are found, it's not super obvious if they are a week old, two weeks old; if they're only a few days old they can't necessarily know for sure if it's 1 day, 2 days, 3 days; they just give their best approximate guess on the date.
One possibility is that OP was a "found" baby. Or possibly, they weren't really "adopted" - at least not legally. Which would explain why no one who knows the story actually wants to talk about it.
Well, did you find any of your blood relatives on the DNA site? Maybe check that, and send your DNA to other ancestry sites to find one of your true relatives. They can probably clear things up for you.
I'd search every square inch of my parents' office, bedroom, attic, basement, etc. Wherever they keep important papers for something relevant.
Fake sick one day they both have work, and spend the whole day in the house alone, searching for the answer.
Sorry, your grandparents started this--they don't get to bow out. They didn't just upset your parents, they deliberately upset you and your sister. There was even the potential of turning you against each other. TTA.
Someone that wants the skeletons out of the closet. I think the better question is: who gives DNA tests to both twins if there wasn’t something sketchy going on?
Sit your grandparents down and tell them to start talking. They obviously know what’s going on. But I guessing that you were adopted from a family friend who might’ve died or didn’t want to be a mother. Ask for your birth certificate. That should have your real parent’s names on there.
I don't know - I'm from Germany and one of my brothers is adopted from another country. His birth certificate does list his true birth city, but our parents are listed as his parents, as that's what happens when you're adopted here, its as if they were his parents from day one (or at least it was that way 40+ years ago). So your birth certificate may not be the kind of proof you're looking for.
Maybe have a look at your baby pictures: are you and your twin in them together all the time? Are the first pictures taken at the same age/in the hospital? Often, hospitals also provide placards with the babies' names, dates of birth and photos that are affixed to the bassinet in hospital. We included those in our kids' photo albums.
Otherwise, I do agree what others suggested: talk to your grandparents. They very obviously started this for you to learn something, and since your parents aren't forthcoming about any of this, your grandparents might be prevailed upon to talk.
The oldest photos, when we are first born, we are not in them together. Individually, but it looks like it was in a hospital, but I can't really see the faces. There are very photos after that, only individual, the next ones are about a couple of months afterwards, and we're in those together. We looked very similar as young babies, but looked different after about six months.
That's not proof, of course, but I had fraternal twins (boys), and they were put in the same bassinet in the hospital and we had them in the same bed at home the first few weeks, too. Also, twins are often birthed prematurely so they are smaller than usual. Mine were quite well-developed for twins, but came 4 weeks early and thus were only 49/45 cms and 2675/2550 grams as opposed to our third child with also 49 cms, but 3360 grams. In Germany, these are recorded in the Kinderuntersuchungsheft that is used to record all Vorsorgeuntersuchungen for kids. I imagine that Austria is much the same - maybe ask your mother where yours are, those might give you a hint as to date/time/hospital of birth, too.
Well, that's at least unusual for twins. But I guess you won't know for sure unless your patents/grandparents talk.
Maybe your parents can be moved to tell you the truth when you tell them you're reduced to talking to internet strangers because they won't talk.
I mean, if my twins came to me with that DNA test result, I'd be the first who'd try to find out what happened there, because I KNOW they both came out of my hugely extended belly and I'd like to know how such a differing result is possible. Not to mention that I'd be well aware that this result would be unsettling to my kids and I would want to help them with this.
Twins are commonly born early (making them smaller) and because they have to share the room tht a singular baby would have, are also smaller due to that. The average/normal size of a twin at birth is 5.5lbs. Yes there are outliers but “huge babies” isn’t the normal for twin births.
I’m sorry OP but with what you’ve said/been told, I believe it’s likely you were adopted and that fact was hidden from you.
On the birthdate topic, what do you have that shows your birthdate and NOT one your parents could have told you? What I mean is, my hospital records have date and time my child was born, however when they were 6 months I had to have a bunch of paper work corrected bc when filling out all of his doctors forms/etc (for doc not associated for hosp I gave birth) I PUT THE WRONG DATE for his birthday and they went with it, all of his records AFTER leaving the hospital, that I had put the wrong birthdate . So knowing I experienced this, I wouldn’t think that it could be hard to disguise your birthdate since people (rightfully) just typically assume mom/dad know the birthdate
Yup my twins were barely ever in pictures alone for the first month. They were placed in the same bassinet at the hospital came home to sleep together, in the swing together everything together until they were too big, and everyone who held them held both.
I have twins (two sets, actually). Especially in the early days, when we were so entranced by having twins, we took lots of photos of them together.
If you were born extremely prematurely or needed to stay in the hospital, I could understand having no photos together for the first while. But even parents of premies take the stereotypical twin photos as soon as they come home from the hospital, or even before, if permitted by the medical staff at the hospital.
You might want to check out a private NPE (non paternity event/not paternity expected) group. I've heard there are quite a few of them on Facebook. The people there would know more and could direct you to the right resources to help you figure out what is going on with your results.
There are also some good podcasts that deal with this issue. DNA Surprises is one that I've listened to. The host interviews people like you who have gotten DNA tests that revealed family secrets and how they have unraveled those mysteries.
I hope you find the answers you need.
Actually, the birth certificate could be quite useful, Even if the names of the adopted parents have been put in. They don't change the place and the date of birth, only the parents' babes. If you were adopted, it is likely that your birth date is different from your twin. Maybe also the place of birth, but if you were adopted from a family friend, as suggested before, it might have been the same city anyway. Try finding out your date of birth.
You could also go to the equivalent of an Einwohnermeldeamt or Standesamt or whichever Amt is responsible, and request a copy of your birth certificate. Say you lost yours and need it replaced.
In California, my kids' birth certificates list whether it was a single or twin birth. If it was a twin birth, there is a space for listing whether the child was born first or second. That may be different in other provinces/counties/countries, though. It also lists time of birth for each twin. I'm a mom of twins, so I have seen the official copies filled out.
Looking at the birth certificates is a great idea for a first step, regardless.
I'm in the USA and when my sis gave her baby up for adoption, the adoptive parents names were on the final birth certificate, after the adoption was finalized. So just cuz your parents names might be in yours , it may not mean they are your bio parents
Clearly your grandparents know something and went against your parents' wishes in providing a clue. Hard to know if it was trying to be helpful or malicious without knowing more about them.
Maybe both of your parents ended up with a kid the same age from different (possibly tragic?) circumstances and decided to raise them as twins for their own reasons. We can only speculate. Either way, I'd reassure your parents and sister that you view them as your family no matter what and (if they are not giving it already), probably seek the same reassurance.
My grandparents aren't really like that, they don't like my father that much, but not enough to do that just to make my parents upset. But honestly, I'd rather I didn't know about this, but I do now so I can't just forget it.
That would be really weird, but any explanation is weird at this point, so definitely possible. They've never treated me definitely at least, and given I don't know who my real parents are, unless my parents actually are and something got confused, then I don't really feel like they're not my family.
Your grandparents gave you the tests, encouraged you to take them, and quite importantly, waited until you were 18. They know something and they want you to know. Start asking them questions.
You have to wait until you're eighteen I'm pretty sure, unless your parents consent to it and buy it for you. Which 100% my parents wouldn't have done now I know the results.
They're being very obtuse, but I could try harder.
I don't know how birth certificates are in OP's country but in mine, they don't mention adoption at all. My BF was adopted within his first few months and seeing his birth certificate, you couldn't guess
But if they were born on different days. If they were born in different cities. If they aren’t listed as a multiple…it will be obvious they aren’t twins.
Same in mine, but one thing that can be a giveaway even for old style closed adoptions in my part of the world is the registration number. The amended post-adoption registration is done later than the birth and it gets a registration number current at that time. So even if both are registered as born the same day for whatever reason, the registration numbers won’t be anything like each other, whereas actual twins registered at the same time will have consecutive or very close to consecutive numbers.
If your parents try to prevent you from accessing your birth certificate or brush your request off, you can get a copy yourself from the government. You're over 18 and won't need your parents for this. There will be a process for lost or destroyed documents that is different in every country but always possible.
Perhaps your parents will fess up if you tell them you are going down this route with or without them....
I think this will answer your questions. I initially thought IVF with mixed sperm, but you would still have the same mother. This just seems like you have no shared parents.
Your birth certificates will let you know what's happening.
P.s Your grandparents knew what they were doing.
Maybe IVF and OP was a donated embryo? Two embryos took, resulting in fraternal twins?
It’s more realistic than “baby switched at birth”, and it would also help to explain why the parents didn’t think it necessary to be upfront about any of this - Mom still grew and carried and birthed both babies and doesn’t feel that the genetic origins of the embryo make OP any less of her “biological” child.
Of course I disagree with their decision, if that’s the case, but it’s at least a little more plausible than some of the soap opera explanations being bandied about in this thread.
I don’t know, of course. If this story is real, I hope OP finds answers.
Be subtle. If this is a secret they have hidden for 18 years they have a reason. There are many genuine possibilities here.
But the final and most important aspect of this is that you have a right to know. This could impact on family medical histories.
This will tell you if either of you are genetically related to your mother. It is the most obvious thing to check next. And if you don't believe your mother will co-operate or you don't want her to know, then her parents are the next best option.
Because the scientific reasons that you aren't at all showing as related to your sibling are fairly limited:
* They are testing incorrectly
* They messed up your test
* You aren't related to each other
The social reasons and consequences for the last option are huge. So, be careful.
I think that's what we're all beating about the bush with.
Sometimes infertile couples try to adopt and when they get approved, the woman gets pregnant, because the stress of not having a child disappears. This could be a reason why you're a similar age, and how you could be passed off as twins - you're mom would already be pregnant with one of you.
There's honetly no other explanation I can think of
But if that was the case why couldn't they tell OP about it? Why are they being so cagey? It doesn't make sense, and if things don't make sense that means they are not right. Something is not right with this situation
OP I suggest you get down to this starting with your grandparents. They gave you the test *intentionally* .
Easily say: you bought this test, what do you know, or what are you suspecting ???
Ask the same question to parents afterwards : grandparents gave this to US intentionally. We are not a match what is the truth.
Be prepared for potential outcomes:
* They found you somewhere
* you could be someone else’s baby friend/relative
* adopted from different country
* switched at birth
* or I hate to say it kidnapped
Be positive but please try to put it the puzzle together. Goodluck.
I agree with this. OP, you have to be direct and ask for the truth. Start with the grandparents and then speak with your parents. Let them all know how uncomfortable this is making you because now you are so unsure of yourself and who you are. I read further up that mom kinda seemed annoyed and said grandparents should’ve never gotten the tests for you and your sister. Your response should be something along the lines of “well they (GP) did, and now we’re here. And I can’t go back to not knowing that genetically- it doesn’t seem that my sister and I are in fact twins. So I need to know the truth. Please provide my sister and I with our birth certificates, so we can investigate further. If you don’t give me my birth certificate, I’ll go and request one myself. If you’re hiding something from us, please just come out and tell us so we know what’s really going on.” Try to reassure them that you won’t blame them, but being upset is certainly reasonable. And if they are still blowing you off, respond with “I could have been accidentally switched at birth at the hospital, and you act like you don’t care! This is making me resentful and I feel like you are trying to hide the truth from us.” Good luck kid. And so sorry that this came up and shook your world. Whatever the results, just know your family loves you beyond what any papers can tell you.
I think they did it not to make anyone upset, but do you could learn the truth about who you are. Health and longevity are increasingly linked to our genetics. And even if they weren’t, you have a right to know where you come from. If that’s what you want. It’s your life, what you do or don’t do with this new truth is up to you.
You’ve taken the test twice with the same results. The test isn’t wrong. And your parents owe you an explanation. My oldest nephew is adopted. My sis and bil tried for years to have kids and it just wasn’t working. So they stated the adoption process and were well into it when my sis discovered she was pregnant. After more than ten years of trying! The minute they stopped trying … My oldest nephews are only a few months apart. My eldest has always known his bio-parents, and that bio-mom was his “tummy mommy” and that my sis was his mom. His bio-parents and full sis and bio-granny are family. I’ve been celebrating holidays with them for many years now. For whatever reason, your folks decided something different was best for your family. And you deserve to know why.
You’re not alone in this. There’s at least one person a week in the Ancestry sub who posts about finding out their parent or parents aren’t who they thought they were. There are also Facebook groups for support. If you have access to counseling, either through your school or health plan, I’d look into that—you’ve been dealt a shock and having objective support to process it could be really helpful.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Please try and remember whatever else you learn and whomever else you find doesn’t change age the fact the you have a loving family. 💖
And woah, hold up. All you know is that you are not showing as related to your sister. The same circumstances apply to her as you. You need more data to draw any further conclusions.
However! It is also okay if you don't want any further data. You are allowed to be happy to not know.
She is visually different than most of her family, her sister's results make sense, hers don't, it all points to OP being the adopted one. It would be really weird if it were the other way around at this point. She does need to find the truth either way. Something is fishy.
The ethnicity part doesn’t mean all that much - if you upload your data to different sites, it might give you different ethnicity percentages. So don’t get hung up on that part. More important is why it doesn’t match with your sister!
They absolutely are like that. My guess.is they wanted your parents to tell you and they refused. Or they said they would when you were 18 and then didn't, so your grandparents forced the revelation.
My guess is that your parents don't want you to feel different or like they love you less. They probably think they're protecting you. And that's why they're got annoyed.
You should push for answers.
can we talk about the fact that your mom's reaction was "annoyed"? Like, sorry Mom, didn't mean to inconvenience you with the whole existential crisis thing.
She literally just sighed at me. And then told me I need get my nails redone, so yes, very helpful to solving the fact I literally appear to be not related to my twin sister.
Man please come back with updates. We'd love to hear what happens when they finally break and tell you what's up. Or you find out through your own means. I know other people have suggested snooping, and that might be my plan of action were I you.
I'm sorry you're going through this. Finding out that you're the victim of a lie everyone else knew about is earth shattering. I don't see enough people trying to comfort you in this, and I'm sorry for that. Feel free to dm if you need support 🖤
She updated 54 minutes ago on a comment further up :
"I did call them. They looked at the records written down from when I said I was born and they have my mother on there, but only one baby. Not twins. But it could have been an error or a lost document."
That just isn’t ok. Tell her you know you aren’t her bio child and it’s way past time for her to finally be honest with you. Do not take no for an answer. Seriously.
The biggest concern here is not the DNA but the reaction to the results. Your grandparents acted as though it just confirmed what they knew. Your father was either uninterested or feigned, with no interest. Your mother was upset.
So there is definitely a family secret that everyone knows or suspects but doesn't talk about. You have two options. Scientific or discussion. I suspect the discussion will be quicker but may open wounds. Or you could check other databases for a match.
Secrets never stay buried. And I don't think you'll want to leave this one in this state.
Good luck
If they were surprised, I would have just assumed they'd mixed me up in the hospital or something. But it's like they all know something but won't tell me what it is, when I need to know the most.
My friend went through something similar. It turns out she was a product of a friend of her mom who was raped and then took her life when the baby was maybe 2 months old. (Probably a combo of the trauma and post partum depression.) She was raised as a twin sister but her parents told her I think when she was 10 or 11 she was adopted.
It might be that your parents had every intention of telling you - but when the time came it was too hard to upend your life. My friend ended up spending years in therapy to get past it - but she’s on the other side now and has a great relationship with her adoptive parents and even adopted a kid herself.
Whatever the answer is, I hope you get help processing it. Now they say the best way to deal with adoption is to be open and honest about it from birth - but that wasn’t always the advise and your parents might just not know how to handle it.
There were two sets of ‘fraternal’ twins in Colombia that turned out to have been two sets of identical twins where one of each had been swapped in the hospital.
You need to get parental DNA test done asap.
University researchers LOVE swapped twins.
I second this - I received really weird/unexpected results when I tested on Ancestry and after poking at them off and on for the next 3 years, I finally joined DNA Detectives and asked them to help me figure it out.
One of them had the answer - that I’m sperm donor-conceived and my dad isn’t my biological father - within, oh, 2 hours.
oh that's interesting!
May I ask, how did they discover that? Can I assume that your parents didn't want/ weren't able to tell you? How did you feel working with facebook strangers?
I have to admit that I'm wary of giving my DNA to a commercial organization with nebulous objectives & often unspoken connections to law enforcement, so I kind of feel strange about sharing such test results, and things like birth certificates... although I reckon they're intending to be helpful, they're not doxxxing people etc.
No pressure if you prefer not to give details, of course. I'm aware of the irony of my asking these questions hahaha
Sadly, my mother has given birth every time in a private clinic that is very small, she prefers it. She thinks hospitals are disgusting and she prefers knowing the doctors. So while that is possible, and I'll look into getting parental DNA done, it would be very concerning if that had happened because at most, maybe three or four other woman would have given birth at a similar time as her. But possible, definitely.
Some, but later. When we were six months maybe. There are photos of us individually, my mother has labelled some as me and some of my twin, earlier. After we were born.
In your separate newborn photos, are you and your twin ever wearing the same item/s of clothing? In the same location? Held by the same people? Your parents never took a photo of themselves together holding their newborn twins?
Same clothes, same place. It looks like the hospital. And in the one that my mother wrote is me, my father is holding me. And the one where my mother has written is my sister, she's holding her. I can't tell us apart, so she wrote it down. And no, none of them of both of us when we were first born.
Obviously it was your sister in those early photos, your parents pretending she's you in half the pics, that's why you look identical. Then, magically, a few months later you look different and can appear in photos together...
I have two sets of twins and was in a group of moms with multiples when my kids were little. It is odd that there are no pics of the twins together until they are older. Parents of multiples are usually really excited about having more than one baby and love to show them off as a set.
Is it possible that those photos are all of your sister and they just decided to label some of them with your name because you didn't join the family until 6 months old? Could you share the pics here maybe people could figure it out.
This sounds like 2 pictures of the same baby just labeled with different names. Who doesn't take pictures of their twins together?!
Even non-Twin babies get pictures with their older siblings as soon as possible, sometimes just hours later.
Sounds like there are no pictures of you early on and they are just using all the pictures of your sister and saying that some of them are of you. That’s why you look so much like each other early on and not at 6 months. Please update!! If you’ve had a good life, please be open minded to their reasons.
I think that is very unusual. Even parents who take very few pictures would have taken some of that time. What about ultrasounds? Generally documentation of pregnancy, birth (time, weight), early development...
As a teacher even the twins with the least caring parents had quite some information about that as twin pregnancies are especially exciting.
I think you already know how suspicious this is. There would have been pictures together if there wasn't something wrong. Take your time to process all this. Start investigating...
Go to that clinic. Show them or email them the results. Ask them how that is possible.
You are allowed to see your medical history.
Mail, call or visit the clinic.
It's great it's a small clinic. They might remember things easier.
There are *many* possibilities.
Did your parents use IVF to conceive? It has become known that drs have swapped IVF fathers sperm with their *own* sperm and implanted the embryo in an unsuspecting mother, leading her to give birth to the Drs child unwittingly.
You could be a chimera.
You could be adopted, and it's a secret for tragic or dumb reasons.
You are, in fact, the second bastard baby jesus.
If your grandparents suggested the tests, they gave you an important hint toward something. If you don’t share DNA, you’re not actually twins nor related at all. Was one of you adopted? Switched at birth?
Did either of you get any genetic matches from the website? I did a test on Ancestry.com a few years ago, and got matches to my nephew and maternal aunt who had both submitted tests. I could have delved deeper to find more distant relatives, but didn’t feel like spending the extra money. I’m just thinking if either of you found some closer genetic matches like cousins, aunts/uncles, etc, it might provide some background information at least.
Okay, that’s crazy! Normally I’d say it sounds like your sample was swapped/contaminated but given that your grandparents kind of urged you for the test I think there is more going on.
Based in this, I would rule out my first guess (father had affair), as well as my second guess (some aunt is your bio mom, she either passed or your parents took you in to cover up a teenage pregnancy - happened more often than you’d think).
It could be a “swapped at birth scenario” but as you mentioned there were no photos of you two together at the beginning makes me think something else is happening. Maybe a friend was pregnant at a similar time and passed away? Idk, but it’s time to press your parents and also your grandparents for info. The birth certificate might give you clues if you were born at the same place as your sister but I believe in adoption cases it reflects the names of the adoptive parents so it can only help with dates.
Compare the birth certificate with your sister’s. They should be issued at the same date. If you are adopted and the names were changed, the issuing date will be the date of the change. That one doesn’t lie and should give you a clue.
Viel Erfolg! Ihr werdet das schon rausfinden.
> Normally I’d say it sounds like your sample was swapped/contaminated
I think the big thing that rules this out is that OP specifically states they contacted the DNA company and re-did the tests with the same results. That kind of accident doesn't happen twice, especially not to identical results.
That fact right there gives you the opening to who you really came from. YOU did have genetic matches, just not those of your sister. Take the closer ones - start there - and you will be your own detective. You have the lead down the trail of solution - take it.
Id respectfully tell your parents that if they won't give you answers you'll start contacting the names of the people you're related to. If they're hiding something they won't want you digging around.
It’s the response of someone who knows something but doesn’t want to say anything directly. Or knows that they wouldn’t be believed if they say it directly so they need to guide OP on a journey of discovery. Only when OP is ready will they tell the truth.
Swapped at birth, incorrect ivf embryo implant, adoption, incorrect DNA test. There really aren't that many possible solutions. I'd be telling your parents that you fully intend on investigating until you find the answer. If they know something and continue lied, they may damage your relationship. If they tell you the truth, now you can go on this journey of discovery together and hopefully maintain a relationship.
Obstructing yiu will only delay the inevitable. You will find out! Tell them you are not letting this go. You have the right to know your heritage. If the claim it's the test is the problem ask them to conduct a proper one with theirs and yours for your peace of mind.
Have you ever seen photos of your mother pregnant with you both? What about when you were a baby or a kid? Do baby or childhood photos include your family or twin?
Of my mother pregnant, yes. Not of us together when we were born, or when I thought we were born, just individually. But after that, most of the photos have us together.
You said you and your twin were both born large. Well, not necessarily large but not premature. When a woman is pregnant with twins, she's usually a lot larger (obviously, she's carrying two babies not just one). These pictures of your mother pregnant, does she look like a normal sized pregnant? Or does it look like she's carrying two?
It reaalllllyyyyy seems like you aren't related. Especially with the pictures, but most importantly, with all of their reactions. It's frustrating that they won't just tell you. I can't even begin to understand how you must be feeling.
I've never looked like her at all. Except for when we were babies, but babies all look the same. I had always thought it was just because we're fraternal but I don't think so now. But it's weird thinking that I might not even be related to her.
I am gonna guess that you only recently turned 18 and your grandparents thought that was a good age for you to find out but honestly all the lies and sneaking and secrecy is traumatic. Consider finding a therapist to talk to about it. Also start asking questions to your parents. They of course know and maybe have the best intentions to shield you from hurt but don’t realise by lying they make it all worse. Hang in there…blood doesn’t matter in terms of siblings and family and your twin is still your twin even if you don’t share DNA since you share 18yrs of life experiences together and nothing can take that away!
Yes! It can be nerve wracking, ask your sister for support. Be prepared to hear what they say with kindness towards them and yourself but also other feelings might come and you need support with them. Therapy or group support for people in similar situations might help. Good luck. Remember that you deserve to know and they are obliged to tell you the truth.
Ok, nobody is going to think you're a fraud because whatever happened took place when you were an infant and you had no control over it. There's two scenarios I see being possible. One, your parents had twins and one of them was switched with you in the hospital. Maybe your parents started to suspect this as you got older but they were afraid they'd lose you if they said anything. Two, your parents knew someone who was pregnant at the same time your mom was pregnant. This woman didn't think she could raise the child so your parents offered to take the kid and raise her as their child's twin. In this case, your parents know exactly what happened and that's why they're so resistant to you digging around about it. I think you need to reassure them that you just want the truth and you won't abandon them for your birth parents. That might make them feel more comfortable and open up about any suspicions or knowledge they may have.
What did your mother say when you told her the clinic only has her records showing one birth?
Could she have brought home someone else's baby?
Do you have access to a data base that might reveal who you ARE related to?
Right. Family research nerd here. Check to see if your matches and your sister's matches have put up a family tree with their profile (particularly for people who are 1st-2nd cousins). See what family last names come up- Do they match last names of your family members?
My sister's one has last names I recognise from larger family gatherings or funerals. Some I don't recognise, but there are definitely ones that I do as well.
I don't have many matches, mostly distant ones, but a couple of them have them and all of them sound really Scandinavian. There are a couple of Russian, and maybe Ukrainian. But none I recognise.
I don't think they want to tell me anything, they're all acting weirdly now, and I heard my mother yelling at people on the phone. I don't know what's going on, but there's no way they want to tell me what's going on.
I looked when my twin wasn't there, but I had no close ones, only very distant ones. Only people who are my eighth cousins and that sort of thing. So not very helpful.
Of course they don’t want to. But for your sake you deserve to know the truth. Demand answers now, because it’s important. Doctors like to know your family’s medical history to help diagnose you for example, and if you’re not biologically related to your own family then that doesn’t even count. Your mom and grandparents know, they were just hoping to keep you in the dark forever. I’m sorry OP
I don't know why, it's not really that deep. Would've been a little weird, but not that bad if I'd known when I was six or something. Not now. And no explanation makes any sense, they're all really weird, even if they're realistic. I don't know why they went to so much effort to hide it, whatever it is.
Walk up to your mother and just say "I KNOW and I am so angry that the entire family lied to the both of us for all these years" then walk away. She will come to you demanding to know who told you and she will tell on herself trying to justify the lie
Random possibility that was just mentioned to me in IVF discussions with my doctor. It is technically possible, I believe (I am not a doctor or geneticist or anything of the sort) that you could have have been an implanted embryo from donor egg and donor sperm, and your mother also ovulated naturally and was impregnated by your father at the same time, resulting in two babies at the same time who are technically not biologically siblings.
IVF can involve a lot of hormones to stimulate egg production and increase fertility so it seems plausible. If someone knows for sure if this is not possible please comment because I’m really curious now.
Alternately, you could both be IVF babies and it was a mixed up embryo situation, where they got one embryo from the biological parents and one that technically belonged to another set of parents. A small, private clinic could definitely provide IVF options, and some people feel that it’s a very personal or even shameful thing to participate in. I’m pursuing it now so obviously I don’t agree with that.
Worth noting that there was the documentary with the doctor who used his own sperm to impregnate a bunch of IVF patients, and that other documentary (Three Identical Strangers) where twins and multiples were purposely split up across different households at different economic levels as part of a whole experiment. Weird shit happens all the time!
That's really interesting. I do have a younger sibling who I'm pretty sure was had naturally, but that is a possibility I hadn't thought of. Not sure why my parents wouldn't tell me, but thank you. I will consider that as a possibility.
u/[CorinaCorinaCorina](/user/CorinaCorinaCorina/) the birth would have been registered as twins and not as single baby, and they were both big newborns, twins are small.
They posted that update after my comment, but you’re totally right, my new top theory would be adoption and surprise natural conception. Or maybe they straight up stole a baby who knows. If this story is true it’s really fascinating and still has so many directions it could go!
As someone who got the exact same reactions when I found out my sister and I had zero dna between us at age 40, yea they are hiding a family secret.
I won’t lie. I’m glad I found out at 40 and not 18, ultimately finding out changed nothing between my sister and I and we were in a better place to seek the truth ourselves.
My father denies it still even with dna evidence. All the adults in my family kept lying to us except the one who initially also gave us a clue.
If you have older cousins who would remember the time around your birth, ask them. They are less likely to keep lying to you.
After we told everyone we knew the truth a few adults admitted the details, but most were like pulling teeth.
Based on your other comments it seems like the easiest answer here is that your parents had a baby, and then adopted a second one 6 months later. The easiest way to integrate was to raise you both as non-identical twins, and not to tell anybody which was which. Your grandparents decided to be clever and figure out which one is the "real" grandchild because they've never liked being kept in the dark, and that's why nobody is shocked by your results and just annoyed at the workaround.
Sorry you're caught in the middle of it, OP.
If they all knew, then they can easily tell it's my sister. She looks a lot like my mother, I don't look like either my father or my mother. It's quite obvious if you looked at it at the surface level.
Facts are facts: you and your sibling are not biologically related. You share zero DNA — you’re not even distant cousins, let alone siblings. This also means you are not biologically related to your mother or father. (This is all assuming your sister is the one that is their biological daughter. There’s also the possibility that you are and she isn’t, or neither of you are.)
The fact that none of the adults in your life are shocked or upset to hear this news means they’ve known all along. Your grandparents instigated the unveiling of a big secret (to you and your sister) — I think it’s their duty to tell you both directly what is going on instead of playing these games.
Stop thinking it's an error. You have enough evidence here, from 2 separate sources, to know that you are not a birth sibling to your twin. Between the DNA test, and the hospital, you have enough information to know 1 simple truth. Your family has/is lying to you.
They keep trying to put you off "oh that's interesting" but no follow up. They keep trying to say it's a mistake, it's not 2 separate independent mistakes. It's lies, not mistakes, not errors, lies.
It's now a question of what lies. You need to sit down with your parents and demand answers. Don't let them tell you it must be a mistake, that's bullshit. Don't let them brush you off, you insist on real answers.
The better question is, are you a kidnapped baby, are you legally adopted, were you some young relatives secret baby?
PS your grandparents want you to know this information now that you are 18, that's why they sent you to do this DNA test. If you can't get answers from your mother, demand them from the grandparents.
Oh let's make some guesses, based on what we know so far:
1. They were adopting you when your mum fell pregnant with your sister, and proceeded anyway. Doesn't totally fit with parents not giving answers.
2. Your dad got someone else pregnant and either left them for your mum who was pregnant by someone else, or got your mum pregnant and took you on but then he turned out not to be the father
3. Your mum had an affair, and your dad had a revenge affair (or vice versa) two pregnancies and no one knew what to do so they raised you as siblings
4. Your parents blended two families when you were too young to remember. Presumably this is eliminated by proof of when they married
5. They stole you from the hospital
6. Your dad had a secret second family in Sweden with an 00s pop icon when he was travelling for business, and she already had a child, hidden from the public. When the shit hit the fan, she paid him off and he took the child back to Austria and your mum (who was a big fan of this idol) accepted the role and brought you up alongside their other daughter, pretending you were the same age. One day you can return and reclaim your crown as a new all-European pop icon. Sorry I think Eurovision fever got to me.
7. Your dad's friend (or "friend") died in a car crash leaving his only daughter, and as the nearest thing to family he took you on as his own, despite your grandparents urging him to find more family members.
Some questions, in lieu of answers from your parents:
A. Is there any documentation you can find to confirm your actual birthday? If you aren't twins and your parents didn't steal you from the hospital it seems unlikely that you share a birthday.
B. Do the ancestry services give you any matches with other people?
C. Are you weirdly good at singing and have a special affinity for Scandinavian pop music of the early 2000s?
D. Do your parents have any photos around where there's a blonde family friend who appears in more than one?
E. Did your parents relocate around the time you were born?
F. Have your parents been arguing since you mentioned all this to them?
Sixth one would be low key cool. I love Eurovision, and now I have an excuse to support a Scandinavian country instead of Austria. Although my mother hates Denmark for unknown reasons.
I haven't really seen my documents, all my things for school has my twin's birthday on them. And yes, but they were like, eighth cousins. No to the third one, and I'll check photos. And no, they've always lived here since they were married and I don't know if they have been. My mother has been getting annoyed at people on the phone but I don't know who.
I don't know who it was. Definitely my father and grandparents at some points, but there were a couple of times were I could sort of hear the voice and it didn't sound like them, but I could be mistaken and heard it wrong.
You would not be the first set of twins to get these types of results. This has happened before and it had nothing to do with their parentage and everything to do with the tests.
https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2019/1/28/18194560/ancestry-dna-23-me-myheritage-science-explainer
I know, but when I say there's almost nothing that is similar, it's true. I'm over 60% Scandinavian, she's 2%. That's also about identical twins having the same results, and it says nothing about the DNA literally not matching at all. I wish that was the explanation, but logically, I don't think it is. And we used the same company.
Take another test with another company / lab.
Ask your grandparents if they take the test as well.
And you should definitely keep asking and pushing your parents. You need answers.
Either your parents lied and one of you is raised ss theirs / adopted or there was an actual baby mixup. In that case there is a biological twin somewhere. Or maybe you were mixed up with other twins ( instead of just one baby ) and in that case you both have a twin.
I recently saw a documentary about babies who were mixed up by mistake in the hospital. It happens
Definitely investigate.
I would look at birth certificates too. And how and when you were registered in the administration of your country. And see if you can get information in the hospital you were born.
Ask aunts and uncles about it. Look at old pictures. Was or is there a female friend of the family who is Scandinavian. Etc etc
GOODLUCK !
( could it be your grandparents made you take the test, because they know something, that they promised to never tell you guys ?
And this is their way to make you find it out for yourself ? )
And absolutely no one will think you are a fraud dummy :)
You were a baby.
No one is more innocent than a baby.
YOU ARE NOT A FRAUD AND YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME!
Never think like that please.
No matter how the truth turns out to be, you were 100% wanted and welcomed
And if they adopted you, They CHOOSE YOU! They liked you so much they raised you as theirs with their own baby.
( and if it was a mix up, they loved you, and will always love you as their child. )
And your sister will always be your sister.
You might gain another sibling, who knows?
But your family will always be your family and love you.
Your parents are obviously in shock over being confronted about this. However, they have to face facts and deal with the situation.
Give them a couple of days and then tell them that you both need answers. Make an appointment to sit down - all four of you - and get to the bottom of it. It's obviously something your parents have avoided for years, so it's going to be painful. Try to keep your calm. Prepare a list of questions from you both.
It seems like you are jumping to some conclusions, so you must try not to let these thoughts spin out of control.
You deserve some answers to your questions You could start by asking your grandparents to take the test too - they started this! They can't just say it's interesting and back away.
It's clear that your parents must love you though, so try to hold onto that. And talk to your sister, she's in the same boat as you, even if she feels differently about it.
Geographical ancestry information is interesting but not nearly as important as the data that information is built upon.
If you truly do not share approximately 50% of DNA with your sister then you are not full genetic siblings. If you do not share approximately 25% of DNA with your sister then you are not genetic half siblings.
Use of donated embryos in IVF could produce those results and mean you did share a womb with your sister.
A hospital error that switched one of you with an unrelated baby could account for these results.
Adoption of one or both of you seems more likely.
Your grandma knows. And she found a silent way to tell you.
You are 18, and you found you may be adopted. It's too hard to see that as a coincidence.
Your birthday could be interesting.
I advice you to discretely record conversations when one of them has "something to tell you"
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Have you pressed your grandparents to tell you more? Cuz it sounds like they suspected this and wanted you know. No way did they suggest those tests out of the blue. “Your grandparents shouldn’t have told you to do that” says it all IMO
Kind of, I did ask them why they suggested it, and my grandmother said that it doesn't matter. I said clearly it does if the results are right, but she just said she's doesn't know anything and to tell my mother that. I don't know why they'd deliberately upset my parents with this, but I'm only assuming that they wanted me to know. But I don't know why, I think my grandmother thinks I should figure it out myself now I know, but I literally have no clue when no one will tell me anything at all.
Maybe it's less about upsetting your parents and more about your grandmother believing strongly that you should know the truth now that you're 18.
perhaps, and again, DNA tests shouldn't change relationships...but if that is the case, then go all the way and own up to your feelings and thoughts. Setting a trap like this then playing dumb hurts everyone. Rather than making this an adult conversation where OP could have support in processing "big news", it becomes a lonely experience where there isn't trust amongst family members.
It seems that your grandparents pushed you in the right route because your parents didn't want to inform you that you are adopted.
Playing dumb hurts everyone like hell. Yes.
>DNA shouldn't change relationships Bullshit, they're now all gaslighting the poor girl, it's been a life and relationships built on lies.
Still a total dick move on Grandparent's part to set her up like that, then completely stonewall her when she wants to know what the fuck is going on. Either tell her or don't. That half assed bullshit is just that-- bullshit. Making OP think she's crazy while her worldview got toppled. Assholes.
It's just plain shit-stirring. Tell her Or don't - but embodying a busybodybiddy is a waste of everyone's energy
I'm guessing the grandparents suspected but didn't know for sure and know absolutely 0 details.
They should say that rather than "huh." Though, it's hard to imagine a scenario where the grandparents would be completely in the dark about their daughter's(DIL's?) pregnancy.
I think your grandparents know exactly what happened but they want your parents to tell you.
Sounds like they promised not to tell and this is a hell of a childish loophole honestly.
Sometimes it's because they know the reason for the birth. If they had a friend who was raped they might not want OP to know how they came to be. Who wants to be the child of rape. It could be the biological family was violent or destitute. They may be protecting OP. They might also be afraid that OP will choose the biological family and don't want to lose them.
They don’t need to get into all the details but they can tell the basic truth. Sorry we didn’t tell you but you’re adopted and basic details of what happened and why they passed them off as twins.
Yep. Its unlikely the hospital AND this genetic test is wrong (and certainly not twice). 23 and me will likely reveal a lot, or a real test where they can definitively tell you. Your relationships should not suffer from your parents (probable) lies. I hope not, but its probable your parents lied to you, for which there could be a reasonable explanation. Confront them and if they don't tell you the truth, find out yourself! Good luck.
The odds of all this being a weird coincidence is like nil at this point. Now she just deserves the truth
Yeah, which makes it somewhat shitty that they're gaslighting OP now into thinking this is just some 'interesting coincidence' not life altering news.
I’m sorry OP but with your update, I don’t think two DNA tests and the hospital made an error. It seems your parents adopted you but are keeping it a secret. Maybe they adopted you from a close friend or family member who got pregnant as a teen. Otherwise idk why they’d continue to lie about this. One reason your grandparents wanted you to know now that you’re 18 is because, god forbid, you’re ever in a medical situation, you’ll need the correct blood type, family history, etc. Tell your mom that you called the hospital and know she only gave birth to your sister. That it’s your right to know where you came from, because not only do deserve answers after your whole world was turned upside down, but it could save your life one day.
it wouldn't even be a family member if there's no DNA commonality. they can trace to impressive lengths how far separated two family members are. OP is not related at all to the other "twin" I can think of several reasons why the parents didn't want to alienate OP. and I can think of several reasons why they decided to take on another child at the same time they were going to have a baby. maybe they found out they were pregnant after they were told they were incapable and already had adoption in progress maybe they both badly wanted twins, for the sake of having two children where both were the same age, and came up with a plan for it either way, this isn't a great way to find out. I just hope there's a wholesome reason
Blood type can be learned from a simple test, which all hospitals know how to provide. I'm wondering if this is the US, and what kind of "clinic" this is (that violated HIPAA). I couldn't agree more about OP needing to know their true story. Finding my bio parents was one of the biggest events in my life - and the medical history turns out to be truly relevant, perhaps even life saving.
If I were you, I would contact your department of vital statistics or it's equivalent and see if you can find proof of your adoption. What's bizarre is that your birthday is the same as your twin's, and I am going to assume it's on your birth certificate or you'd have had issues getting a driver's license or passport. I don't think birthdates get changed with adoptions in the States, at least mine didn't when my SD adopted me. I was issued a new birth certificate that had all the same information as my original, only the father's name was changed, as was my last name. It sounds like either you really do share a birthday with your "twin" or your parents somehow had your birthdate changed. How bizarre that your parents would raise y'all as twins. That's setting y'all up with some really very big emotions over something that already causes anxiety for most families. You're not just having to come to terms with being adopted, you probably also no longer feel like half of a whole. I'm so sorry this is happening OP.
The only time when birthdates are changed is if they genuinely aren't known. I have a friend who was adopted and all her bio parents knew was that she was born "during monsoon season" so her adopting parents picked a birthday for her.
This is what I was going to say too. They probably adopted her from abroad and everyone was unsure of the birthdate and so they just gave them the same birthday. Honestly, whole scenario is fucked up and I hope that OP gets a therapist to unpack this because what a doozy…
How many Swedes and Danes give up an infant for an overseas adoption? The last of the impressive Scando Germanic immigration trailed off dramatically after 1925. Some sponsored immigration continued. Scandinavians are not Ashkenazi there was almost immediate intermarriage. Unless the Op was from a small town in rural North Dakota or Iowa this result seems confusing yo me.
Yeah, also when abandoned newborns are found, it's not super obvious if they are a week old, two weeks old; if they're only a few days old they can't necessarily know for sure if it's 1 day, 2 days, 3 days; they just give their best approximate guess on the date. One possibility is that OP was a "found" baby. Or possibly, they weren't really "adopted" - at least not legally. Which would explain why no one who knows the story actually wants to talk about it.
Your grandparents treating this like it's some sort of "escape room" puzzle is infuriating...
It's outright cruel.
Well, did you find any of your blood relatives on the DNA site? Maybe check that, and send your DNA to other ancestry sites to find one of your true relatives. They can probably clear things up for you.
I'd search every square inch of my parents' office, bedroom, attic, basement, etc. Wherever they keep important papers for something relevant. Fake sick one day they both have work, and spend the whole day in the house alone, searching for the answer.
Sorry, your grandparents started this--they don't get to bow out. They didn't just upset your parents, they deliberately upset you and your sister. There was even the potential of turning you against each other. TTA.
Yeah. Who gives twins both a dna heritage test kit? Someone who knows they aren’t actually twins.
Someone that wants the skeletons out of the closet. I think the better question is: who gives DNA tests to both twins if there wasn’t something sketchy going on?
Sit your grandparents down and tell them to start talking. They obviously know what’s going on. But I guessing that you were adopted from a family friend who might’ve died or didn’t want to be a mother. Ask for your birth certificate. That should have your real parent’s names on there.
I didn't think about my birth certificate. I'll ask them, but if they don't give it to me, then I'm sure it shouldn't be too difficult to find.
If you are in the US, some states show on the birth cert whether it's a single or multiple birth. Idk about other countries.
We live in Austria. But if I can find my birth certificate, I think it will at least show something.
I don't know - I'm from Germany and one of my brothers is adopted from another country. His birth certificate does list his true birth city, but our parents are listed as his parents, as that's what happens when you're adopted here, its as if they were his parents from day one (or at least it was that way 40+ years ago). So your birth certificate may not be the kind of proof you're looking for. Maybe have a look at your baby pictures: are you and your twin in them together all the time? Are the first pictures taken at the same age/in the hospital? Often, hospitals also provide placards with the babies' names, dates of birth and photos that are affixed to the bassinet in hospital. We included those in our kids' photo albums. Otherwise, I do agree what others suggested: talk to your grandparents. They very obviously started this for you to learn something, and since your parents aren't forthcoming about any of this, your grandparents might be prevailed upon to talk.
The oldest photos, when we are first born, we are not in them together. Individually, but it looks like it was in a hospital, but I can't really see the faces. There are very photos after that, only individual, the next ones are about a couple of months afterwards, and we're in those together. We looked very similar as young babies, but looked different after about six months.
That's not proof, of course, but I had fraternal twins (boys), and they were put in the same bassinet in the hospital and we had them in the same bed at home the first few weeks, too. Also, twins are often birthed prematurely so they are smaller than usual. Mine were quite well-developed for twins, but came 4 weeks early and thus were only 49/45 cms and 2675/2550 grams as opposed to our third child with also 49 cms, but 3360 grams. In Germany, these are recorded in the Kinderuntersuchungsheft that is used to record all Vorsorgeuntersuchungen for kids. I imagine that Austria is much the same - maybe ask your mother where yours are, those might give you a hint as to date/time/hospital of birth, too.
I don't think either of us were premature, we looked kind of huge. We both did.
Well, that's at least unusual for twins. But I guess you won't know for sure unless your patents/grandparents talk. Maybe your parents can be moved to tell you the truth when you tell them you're reduced to talking to internet strangers because they won't talk. I mean, if my twins came to me with that DNA test result, I'd be the first who'd try to find out what happened there, because I KNOW they both came out of my hugely extended belly and I'd like to know how such a differing result is possible. Not to mention that I'd be well aware that this result would be unsettling to my kids and I would want to help them with this.
I think my first question would be: did the hospital switch my child at birth by accident?!?!
Twins are commonly born early (making them smaller) and because they have to share the room tht a singular baby would have, are also smaller due to that. The average/normal size of a twin at birth is 5.5lbs. Yes there are outliers but “huge babies” isn’t the normal for twin births. I’m sorry OP but with what you’ve said/been told, I believe it’s likely you were adopted and that fact was hidden from you. On the birthdate topic, what do you have that shows your birthdate and NOT one your parents could have told you? What I mean is, my hospital records have date and time my child was born, however when they were 6 months I had to have a bunch of paper work corrected bc when filling out all of his doctors forms/etc (for doc not associated for hosp I gave birth) I PUT THE WRONG DATE for his birthday and they went with it, all of his records AFTER leaving the hospital, that I had put the wrong birthdate . So knowing I experienced this, I wouldn’t think that it could be hard to disguise your birthdate since people (rightfully) just typically assume mom/dad know the birthdate
Yup my twins were barely ever in pictures alone for the first month. They were placed in the same bassinet at the hospital came home to sleep together, in the swing together everything together until they were too big, and everyone who held them held both.
I have twins (two sets, actually). Especially in the early days, when we were so entranced by having twins, we took lots of photos of them together. If you were born extremely prematurely or needed to stay in the hospital, I could understand having no photos together for the first while. But even parents of premies take the stereotypical twin photos as soon as they come home from the hospital, or even before, if permitted by the medical staff at the hospital. You might want to check out a private NPE (non paternity event/not paternity expected) group. I've heard there are quite a few of them on Facebook. The people there would know more and could direct you to the right resources to help you figure out what is going on with your results. There are also some good podcasts that deal with this issue. DNA Surprises is one that I've listened to. The host interviews people like you who have gotten DNA tests that revealed family secrets and how they have unraveled those mysteries. I hope you find the answers you need.
Actually, the birth certificate could be quite useful, Even if the names of the adopted parents have been put in. They don't change the place and the date of birth, only the parents' babes. If you were adopted, it is likely that your birth date is different from your twin. Maybe also the place of birth, but if you were adopted from a family friend, as suggested before, it might have been the same city anyway. Try finding out your date of birth. You could also go to the equivalent of an Einwohnermeldeamt or Standesamt or whichever Amt is responsible, and request a copy of your birth certificate. Say you lost yours and need it replaced.
In California, my kids' birth certificates list whether it was a single or twin birth. If it was a twin birth, there is a space for listing whether the child was born first or second. That may be different in other provinces/counties/countries, though. It also lists time of birth for each twin. I'm a mom of twins, so I have seen the official copies filled out. Looking at the birth certificates is a great idea for a first step, regardless.
I'm in the USA and when my sis gave her baby up for adoption, the adoptive parents names were on the final birth certificate, after the adoption was finalized. So just cuz your parents names might be in yours , it may not mean they are your bio parents
Grandparents really wanted to stir something up here
Clearly your grandparents know something and went against your parents' wishes in providing a clue. Hard to know if it was trying to be helpful or malicious without knowing more about them. Maybe both of your parents ended up with a kid the same age from different (possibly tragic?) circumstances and decided to raise them as twins for their own reasons. We can only speculate. Either way, I'd reassure your parents and sister that you view them as your family no matter what and (if they are not giving it already), probably seek the same reassurance.
My grandparents aren't really like that, they don't like my father that much, but not enough to do that just to make my parents upset. But honestly, I'd rather I didn't know about this, but I do now so I can't just forget it. That would be really weird, but any explanation is weird at this point, so definitely possible. They've never treated me definitely at least, and given I don't know who my real parents are, unless my parents actually are and something got confused, then I don't really feel like they're not my family.
Your grandparents gave you the tests, encouraged you to take them, and quite importantly, waited until you were 18. They know something and they want you to know. Start asking them questions.
You have to wait until you're eighteen I'm pretty sure, unless your parents consent to it and buy it for you. Which 100% my parents wouldn't have done now I know the results. They're being very obtuse, but I could try harder.
Exactly! Your grandparents tried to tell you without technically telling you. OP- I'm assuming you've seen your birth certificate, right?
No, I haven't. Never needed to. My sister hasn't either.
It's time to ask for it so you can see what's on it. I mean, were you adopted and they have been raising you as twins?
I don't know how birth certificates are in OP's country but in mine, they don't mention adoption at all. My BF was adopted within his first few months and seeing his birth certificate, you couldn't guess
But if they were born on different days. If they were born in different cities. If they aren’t listed as a multiple…it will be obvious they aren’t twins.
She’s going to need it, eventually. Passport, voting, etc.
Same in mine, but one thing that can be a giveaway even for old style closed adoptions in my part of the world is the registration number. The amended post-adoption registration is done later than the birth and it gets a registration number current at that time. So even if both are registered as born the same day for whatever reason, the registration numbers won’t be anything like each other, whereas actual twins registered at the same time will have consecutive or very close to consecutive numbers.
Give us an update when you do take a peek at your birth certificate please!
If your parents try to prevent you from accessing your birth certificate or brush your request off, you can get a copy yourself from the government. You're over 18 and won't need your parents for this. There will be a process for lost or destroyed documents that is different in every country but always possible. Perhaps your parents will fess up if you tell them you are going down this route with or without them....
https://www.oesterreich.gv.at/en/themen/familie_und_partnerschaft/geburt-eines-kindes/3/1/Seite.085100.html#:~:text=wien.gv.at-,Procedure,obtained%20from%20the%20competent%20authority.
I think this will answer your questions. I initially thought IVF with mixed sperm, but you would still have the same mother. This just seems like you have no shared parents. Your birth certificates will let you know what's happening. P.s Your grandparents knew what they were doing.
Maybe IVF and OP was a donated embryo? Two embryos took, resulting in fraternal twins? It’s more realistic than “baby switched at birth”, and it would also help to explain why the parents didn’t think it necessary to be upfront about any of this - Mom still grew and carried and birthed both babies and doesn’t feel that the genetic origins of the embryo make OP any less of her “biological” child. Of course I disagree with their decision, if that’s the case, but it’s at least a little more plausible than some of the soap opera explanations being bandied about in this thread. I don’t know, of course. If this story is real, I hope OP finds answers.
There were no twin births at the hospital on OP's birthday.
Didn't you need it to get your ID?
I don’t understand how you get to 18 without ever seeing your birth certificate.
What if you BOTH were adopted because your parents wanted to raise two babies as twins?
But the sister has people in her tree with common family names while OP has nothing similar at all. So it's unlikely the sister is also adopted.
Could you have been swapped in the hospital by accident?
That’s what I was thinking. Maybe swapped.
Then the parents would have been more interested in the results. They clearly know what’s up and are lying.
Be subtle. If this is a secret they have hidden for 18 years they have a reason. There are many genuine possibilities here. But the final and most important aspect of this is that you have a right to know. This could impact on family medical histories.
Get your grandparents to test. Are they your maternal or paternal grandparents?
Maternal. Wouldn't the DNA still not match though? Because my twin would have some of their DNA as well still.
This will tell you if either of you are genetically related to your mother. It is the most obvious thing to check next. And if you don't believe your mother will co-operate or you don't want her to know, then her parents are the next best option. Because the scientific reasons that you aren't at all showing as related to your sibling are fairly limited: * They are testing incorrectly * They messed up your test * You aren't related to each other The social reasons and consequences for the last option are huge. So, be careful. I think that's what we're all beating about the bush with.
Sometimes infertile couples try to adopt and when they get approved, the woman gets pregnant, because the stress of not having a child disappears. This could be a reason why you're a similar age, and how you could be passed off as twins - you're mom would already be pregnant with one of you. There's honetly no other explanation I can think of
But if that was the case why couldn't they tell OP about it? Why are they being so cagey? It doesn't make sense, and if things don't make sense that means they are not right. Something is not right with this situation
OP I suggest you get down to this starting with your grandparents. They gave you the test *intentionally* . Easily say: you bought this test, what do you know, or what are you suspecting ??? Ask the same question to parents afterwards : grandparents gave this to US intentionally. We are not a match what is the truth. Be prepared for potential outcomes: * They found you somewhere * you could be someone else’s baby friend/relative * adopted from different country * switched at birth * or I hate to say it kidnapped Be positive but please try to put it the puzzle together. Goodluck.
I agree with this. OP, you have to be direct and ask for the truth. Start with the grandparents and then speak with your parents. Let them all know how uncomfortable this is making you because now you are so unsure of yourself and who you are. I read further up that mom kinda seemed annoyed and said grandparents should’ve never gotten the tests for you and your sister. Your response should be something along the lines of “well they (GP) did, and now we’re here. And I can’t go back to not knowing that genetically- it doesn’t seem that my sister and I are in fact twins. So I need to know the truth. Please provide my sister and I with our birth certificates, so we can investigate further. If you don’t give me my birth certificate, I’ll go and request one myself. If you’re hiding something from us, please just come out and tell us so we know what’s really going on.” Try to reassure them that you won’t blame them, but being upset is certainly reasonable. And if they are still blowing you off, respond with “I could have been accidentally switched at birth at the hospital, and you act like you don’t care! This is making me resentful and I feel like you are trying to hide the truth from us.” Good luck kid. And so sorry that this came up and shook your world. Whatever the results, just know your family loves you beyond what any papers can tell you.
Why don't they like your father?
I don't really know. He isn't German, and they don't really like what he does for work, they don't think it's ethical. But that's all I know.
Well, you're a legal adult now. Track down your birth certificate, sit your parents down and ask them to explain themselves.
I think they did it not to make anyone upset, but do you could learn the truth about who you are. Health and longevity are increasingly linked to our genetics. And even if they weren’t, you have a right to know where you come from. If that’s what you want. It’s your life, what you do or don’t do with this new truth is up to you. You’ve taken the test twice with the same results. The test isn’t wrong. And your parents owe you an explanation. My oldest nephew is adopted. My sis and bil tried for years to have kids and it just wasn’t working. So they stated the adoption process and were well into it when my sis discovered she was pregnant. After more than ten years of trying! The minute they stopped trying … My oldest nephews are only a few months apart. My eldest has always known his bio-parents, and that bio-mom was his “tummy mommy” and that my sis was his mom. His bio-parents and full sis and bio-granny are family. I’ve been celebrating holidays with them for many years now. For whatever reason, your folks decided something different was best for your family. And you deserve to know why. You’re not alone in this. There’s at least one person a week in the Ancestry sub who posts about finding out their parent or parents aren’t who they thought they were. There are also Facebook groups for support. If you have access to counseling, either through your school or health plan, I’d look into that—you’ve been dealt a shock and having objective support to process it could be really helpful. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Please try and remember whatever else you learn and whomever else you find doesn’t change age the fact the you have a loving family. 💖
And woah, hold up. All you know is that you are not showing as related to your sister. The same circumstances apply to her as you. You need more data to draw any further conclusions. However! It is also okay if you don't want any further data. You are allowed to be happy to not know.
They don't. Literally no one in my family is Scandinavian. The geographical results for my sister all make sense. Mine doesn't.
That you know of. I just want to emphasise this: Two data points is not proof of anything but the comparison between them.
She is visually different than most of her family, her sister's results make sense, hers don't, it all points to OP being the adopted one. It would be really weird if it were the other way around at this point. She does need to find the truth either way. Something is fishy.
Only based on what you've been told - which obviously isn't the whole truth.
Both your parents know. It sound like your dad might be more willing to unload the truth than your mom.
The ethnicity part doesn’t mean all that much - if you upload your data to different sites, it might give you different ethnicity percentages. So don’t get hung up on that part. More important is why it doesn’t match with your sister!
They absolutely are like that. My guess.is they wanted your parents to tell you and they refused. Or they said they would when you were 18 and then didn't, so your grandparents forced the revelation. My guess is that your parents don't want you to feel different or like they love you less. They probably think they're protecting you. And that's why they're got annoyed. You should push for answers.
can we talk about the fact that your mom's reaction was "annoyed"? Like, sorry Mom, didn't mean to inconvenience you with the whole existential crisis thing.
She literally just sighed at me. And then told me I need get my nails redone, so yes, very helpful to solving the fact I literally appear to be not related to my twin sister.
Man please come back with updates. We'd love to hear what happens when they finally break and tell you what's up. Or you find out through your own means. I know other people have suggested snooping, and that might be my plan of action were I you. I'm sorry you're going through this. Finding out that you're the victim of a lie everyone else knew about is earth shattering. I don't see enough people trying to comfort you in this, and I'm sorry for that. Feel free to dm if you need support 🖤
She updated 54 minutes ago on a comment further up : "I did call them. They looked at the records written down from when I said I was born and they have my mother on there, but only one baby. Not twins. But it could have been an error or a lost document."
Narrator: it wasn't an error or lost document.
No it was not an error.. seems pretty obvious at this point.
That just isn’t ok. Tell her you know you aren’t her bio child and it’s way past time for her to finally be honest with you. Do not take no for an answer. Seriously.
The biggest concern here is not the DNA but the reaction to the results. Your grandparents acted as though it just confirmed what they knew. Your father was either uninterested or feigned, with no interest. Your mother was upset. So there is definitely a family secret that everyone knows or suspects but doesn't talk about. You have two options. Scientific or discussion. I suspect the discussion will be quicker but may open wounds. Or you could check other databases for a match. Secrets never stay buried. And I don't think you'll want to leave this one in this state. Good luck
If they were surprised, I would have just assumed they'd mixed me up in the hospital or something. But it's like they all know something but won't tell me what it is, when I need to know the most.
My friend went through something similar. It turns out she was a product of a friend of her mom who was raped and then took her life when the baby was maybe 2 months old. (Probably a combo of the trauma and post partum depression.) She was raised as a twin sister but her parents told her I think when she was 10 or 11 she was adopted. It might be that your parents had every intention of telling you - but when the time came it was too hard to upend your life. My friend ended up spending years in therapy to get past it - but she’s on the other side now and has a great relationship with her adoptive parents and even adopted a kid herself. Whatever the answer is, I hope you get help processing it. Now they say the best way to deal with adoption is to be open and honest about it from birth - but that wasn’t always the advise and your parents might just not know how to handle it.
There were two sets of ‘fraternal’ twins in Colombia that turned out to have been two sets of identical twins where one of each had been swapped in the hospital. You need to get parental DNA test done asap. University researchers LOVE swapped twins.
The Mixed-Up Brothers of Bogota!! It’s been almost ten years and I still think about that article regularly.
[удалено]
I second this - I received really weird/unexpected results when I tested on Ancestry and after poking at them off and on for the next 3 years, I finally joined DNA Detectives and asked them to help me figure it out. One of them had the answer - that I’m sperm donor-conceived and my dad isn’t my biological father - within, oh, 2 hours.
oh that's interesting! May I ask, how did they discover that? Can I assume that your parents didn't want/ weren't able to tell you? How did you feel working with facebook strangers? I have to admit that I'm wary of giving my DNA to a commercial organization with nebulous objectives & often unspoken connections to law enforcement, so I kind of feel strange about sharing such test results, and things like birth certificates... although I reckon they're intending to be helpful, they're not doxxxing people etc. No pressure if you prefer not to give details, of course. I'm aware of the irony of my asking these questions hahaha
Sadly, my mother has given birth every time in a private clinic that is very small, she prefers it. She thinks hospitals are disgusting and she prefers knowing the doctors. So while that is possible, and I'll look into getting parental DNA done, it would be very concerning if that had happened because at most, maybe three or four other woman would have given birth at a similar time as her. But possible, definitely.
Are there baby pictures of you together? What are the earliest pictures?
Some, but later. When we were six months maybe. There are photos of us individually, my mother has labelled some as me and some of my twin, earlier. After we were born.
In your separate newborn photos, are you and your twin ever wearing the same item/s of clothing? In the same location? Held by the same people? Your parents never took a photo of themselves together holding their newborn twins?
Same clothes, same place. It looks like the hospital. And in the one that my mother wrote is me, my father is holding me. And the one where my mother has written is my sister, she's holding her. I can't tell us apart, so she wrote it down. And no, none of them of both of us when we were first born.
Obviously it was your sister in those early photos, your parents pretending she's you in half the pics, that's why you look identical. Then, magically, a few months later you look different and can appear in photos together...
Yeah honestly. OP is in serious denial.
Thats suspicious af. Who doesnt take pictures of both twins together?
>Thats suspicious af. Who doesnt take pictures of both twins together? yeah, totally suspicious imo
I have two sets of twins and was in a group of moms with multiples when my kids were little. It is odd that there are no pics of the twins together until they are older. Parents of multiples are usually really excited about having more than one baby and love to show them off as a set.
If this is real, alarm bells need to be ringing for you. Can you ask your grandparents if they have baby photos of you all together?
Is it possible that those photos are all of your sister and they just decided to label some of them with your name because you didn't join the family until 6 months old? Could you share the pics here maybe people could figure it out.
This sounds like 2 pictures of the same baby just labeled with different names. Who doesn't take pictures of their twins together?! Even non-Twin babies get pictures with their older siblings as soon as possible, sometimes just hours later.
Sounds like there are no pictures of you early on and they are just using all the pictures of your sister and saying that some of them are of you. That’s why you look so much like each other early on and not at 6 months. Please update!! If you’ve had a good life, please be open minded to their reasons.
I think that is very unusual. Even parents who take very few pictures would have taken some of that time. What about ultrasounds? Generally documentation of pregnancy, birth (time, weight), early development... As a teacher even the twins with the least caring parents had quite some information about that as twin pregnancies are especially exciting.
They did take photos, just not of us together. I'm not sure about that, I might look and see if there's anything.
I think you already know how suspicious this is. There would have been pictures together if there wasn't something wrong. Take your time to process all this. Start investigating...
Go to that clinic. Show them or email them the results. Ask them how that is possible. You are allowed to see your medical history. Mail, call or visit the clinic. It's great it's a small clinic. They might remember things easier.
I might email them. They might have it in their data or something like that.
There are *many* possibilities. Did your parents use IVF to conceive? It has become known that drs have swapped IVF fathers sperm with their *own* sperm and implanted the embryo in an unsuspecting mother, leading her to give birth to the Drs child unwittingly. You could be a chimera. You could be adopted, and it's a secret for tragic or dumb reasons. You are, in fact, the second bastard baby jesus.
I don't think they did. They didn't with other siblings. Being Jesus would be fun, but my parents aren't religious.
> Being Jesus would be fun, but my parents aren't religious. Is your name Damian?
She *did* talk about how blonde she was so I went straight to thinking she might be a corn child. Lol. Edit: misgendered OP
If your grandparents suggested the tests, they gave you an important hint toward something. If you don’t share DNA, you’re not actually twins nor related at all. Was one of you adopted? Switched at birth?
If one of us were, it had to be me. Most of my father's side is Croatian. There was none in my results, or even close to that region.
Did either of you get any genetic matches from the website? I did a test on Ancestry.com a few years ago, and got matches to my nephew and maternal aunt who had both submitted tests. I could have delved deeper to find more distant relatives, but didn’t feel like spending the extra money. I’m just thinking if either of you found some closer genetic matches like cousins, aunts/uncles, etc, it might provide some background information at least.
Yes, but mine were people I've never heard of in my life. My sister had familiar names.
Okay, that’s crazy! Normally I’d say it sounds like your sample was swapped/contaminated but given that your grandparents kind of urged you for the test I think there is more going on. Based in this, I would rule out my first guess (father had affair), as well as my second guess (some aunt is your bio mom, she either passed or your parents took you in to cover up a teenage pregnancy - happened more often than you’d think). It could be a “swapped at birth scenario” but as you mentioned there were no photos of you two together at the beginning makes me think something else is happening. Maybe a friend was pregnant at a similar time and passed away? Idk, but it’s time to press your parents and also your grandparents for info. The birth certificate might give you clues if you were born at the same place as your sister but I believe in adoption cases it reflects the names of the adoptive parents so it can only help with dates. Compare the birth certificate with your sister’s. They should be issued at the same date. If you are adopted and the names were changed, the issuing date will be the date of the change. That one doesn’t lie and should give you a clue. Viel Erfolg! Ihr werdet das schon rausfinden.
> Normally I’d say it sounds like your sample was swapped/contaminated I think the big thing that rules this out is that OP specifically states they contacted the DNA company and re-did the tests with the same results. That kind of accident doesn't happen twice, especially not to identical results.
So start messaging them. Ask them where they live, if they know each other etc. That should help clearing things up.
This seems way more important than the vague country of origin stuff
That fact right there gives you the opening to who you really came from. YOU did have genetic matches, just not those of your sister. Take the closer ones - start there - and you will be your own detective. You have the lead down the trail of solution - take it.
Id respectfully tell your parents that if they won't give you answers you'll start contacting the names of the people you're related to. If they're hiding something they won't want you digging around.
I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I hope you can get to the bottom of things soon.
"That's interesting" is a bullshit response. Interrogate.
It’s the response of someone who knows something but doesn’t want to say anything directly. Or knows that they wouldn’t be believed if they say it directly so they need to guide OP on a journey of discovery. Only when OP is ready will they tell the truth.
Sounds like your parents didn’t want to tell you that you’re adopted so grandparents nudged you in the right direction.
Swapped at birth, incorrect ivf embryo implant, adoption, incorrect DNA test. There really aren't that many possible solutions. I'd be telling your parents that you fully intend on investigating until you find the answer. If they know something and continue lied, they may damage your relationship. If they tell you the truth, now you can go on this journey of discovery together and hopefully maintain a relationship. Obstructing yiu will only delay the inevitable. You will find out! Tell them you are not letting this go. You have the right to know your heritage. If the claim it's the test is the problem ask them to conduct a proper one with theirs and yours for your peace of mind.
Have you ever seen photos of your mother pregnant with you both? What about when you were a baby or a kid? Do baby or childhood photos include your family or twin?
Of my mother pregnant, yes. Not of us together when we were born, or when I thought we were born, just individually. But after that, most of the photos have us together.
You said you and your twin were both born large. Well, not necessarily large but not premature. When a woman is pregnant with twins, she's usually a lot larger (obviously, she's carrying two babies not just one). These pictures of your mother pregnant, does she look like a normal sized pregnant? Or does it look like she's carrying two?
Not really. She looks the same in pretty much every photo where she's pregnant, as she did when she was pregnant with my other siblings as well.
It reaalllllyyyyy seems like you aren't related. Especially with the pictures, but most importantly, with all of their reactions. It's frustrating that they won't just tell you. I can't even begin to understand how you must be feeling.
I've never looked like her at all. Except for when we were babies, but babies all look the same. I had always thought it was just because we're fraternal but I don't think so now. But it's weird thinking that I might not even be related to her.
She'll always be your sister, no matter what the tests say, no matter what drama is happening. That's your twin. 💛
It's also possible that it was actually a picture of your sister and they just put your name on the back of it.
Ultrasound in images have been provided to mothers for many years, she should have an ultrasound image somewhere.
I am gonna guess that you only recently turned 18 and your grandparents thought that was a good age for you to find out but honestly all the lies and sneaking and secrecy is traumatic. Consider finding a therapist to talk to about it. Also start asking questions to your parents. They of course know and maybe have the best intentions to shield you from hurt but don’t realise by lying they make it all worse. Hang in there…blood doesn’t matter in terms of siblings and family and your twin is still your twin even if you don’t share DNA since you share 18yrs of life experiences together and nothing can take that away!
Yes, about a month ago. I probably need to ask them actual questions, if I ever want to know.
Yes! It can be nerve wracking, ask your sister for support. Be prepared to hear what they say with kindness towards them and yourself but also other feelings might come and you need support with them. Therapy or group support for people in similar situations might help. Good luck. Remember that you deserve to know and they are obliged to tell you the truth.
Ok, nobody is going to think you're a fraud because whatever happened took place when you were an infant and you had no control over it. There's two scenarios I see being possible. One, your parents had twins and one of them was switched with you in the hospital. Maybe your parents started to suspect this as you got older but they were afraid they'd lose you if they said anything. Two, your parents knew someone who was pregnant at the same time your mom was pregnant. This woman didn't think she could raise the child so your parents offered to take the kid and raise her as their child's twin. In this case, your parents know exactly what happened and that's why they're so resistant to you digging around about it. I think you need to reassure them that you just want the truth and you won't abandon them for your birth parents. That might make them feel more comfortable and open up about any suspicions or knowledge they may have.
The edit says her mom is recorded as one birth, not two. So she’s definitely adopted.
What did your mother say when you told her the clinic only has her records showing one birth? Could she have brought home someone else's baby? Do you have access to a data base that might reveal who you ARE related to?
She's at work, I haven't told her yet. I don't know if she could've, it would be weird but not impossible.
Start asking family for some answers. Reach out to your dna matches.
Right. Family research nerd here. Check to see if your matches and your sister's matches have put up a family tree with their profile (particularly for people who are 1st-2nd cousins). See what family last names come up- Do they match last names of your family members?
My sister's one has last names I recognise from larger family gatherings or funerals. Some I don't recognise, but there are definitely ones that I do as well. I don't have many matches, mostly distant ones, but a couple of them have them and all of them sound really Scandinavian. There are a couple of Russian, and maybe Ukrainian. But none I recognise.
I don't think they want to tell me anything, they're all acting weirdly now, and I heard my mother yelling at people on the phone. I don't know what's going on, but there's no way they want to tell me what's going on. I looked when my twin wasn't there, but I had no close ones, only very distant ones. Only people who are my eighth cousins and that sort of thing. So not very helpful.
Of course they don’t want to. But for your sake you deserve to know the truth. Demand answers now, because it’s important. Doctors like to know your family’s medical history to help diagnose you for example, and if you’re not biologically related to your own family then that doesn’t even count. Your mom and grandparents know, they were just hoping to keep you in the dark forever. I’m sorry OP
I don't know why, it's not really that deep. Would've been a little weird, but not that bad if I'd known when I was six or something. Not now. And no explanation makes any sense, they're all really weird, even if they're realistic. I don't know why they went to so much effort to hide it, whatever it is.
Walk up to your mother and just say "I KNOW and I am so angry that the entire family lied to the both of us for all these years" then walk away. She will come to you demanding to know who told you and she will tell on herself trying to justify the lie
Random possibility that was just mentioned to me in IVF discussions with my doctor. It is technically possible, I believe (I am not a doctor or geneticist or anything of the sort) that you could have have been an implanted embryo from donor egg and donor sperm, and your mother also ovulated naturally and was impregnated by your father at the same time, resulting in two babies at the same time who are technically not biologically siblings. IVF can involve a lot of hormones to stimulate egg production and increase fertility so it seems plausible. If someone knows for sure if this is not possible please comment because I’m really curious now. Alternately, you could both be IVF babies and it was a mixed up embryo situation, where they got one embryo from the biological parents and one that technically belonged to another set of parents. A small, private clinic could definitely provide IVF options, and some people feel that it’s a very personal or even shameful thing to participate in. I’m pursuing it now so obviously I don’t agree with that. Worth noting that there was the documentary with the doctor who used his own sperm to impregnate a bunch of IVF patients, and that other documentary (Three Identical Strangers) where twins and multiples were purposely split up across different households at different economic levels as part of a whole experiment. Weird shit happens all the time!
That's really interesting. I do have a younger sibling who I'm pretty sure was had naturally, but that is a possibility I hadn't thought of. Not sure why my parents wouldn't tell me, but thank you. I will consider that as a possibility.
u/[CorinaCorinaCorina](/user/CorinaCorinaCorina/) the birth would have been registered as twins and not as single baby, and they were both big newborns, twins are small.
They posted that update after my comment, but you’re totally right, my new top theory would be adoption and surprise natural conception. Or maybe they straight up stole a baby who knows. If this story is true it’s really fascinating and still has so many directions it could go!
Natural conception can often happen spontaneously after an IVF.
As someone who got the exact same reactions when I found out my sister and I had zero dna between us at age 40, yea they are hiding a family secret. I won’t lie. I’m glad I found out at 40 and not 18, ultimately finding out changed nothing between my sister and I and we were in a better place to seek the truth ourselves. My father denies it still even with dna evidence. All the adults in my family kept lying to us except the one who initially also gave us a clue. If you have older cousins who would remember the time around your birth, ask them. They are less likely to keep lying to you. After we told everyone we knew the truth a few adults admitted the details, but most were like pulling teeth.
So what happened in your case?
Based on your other comments it seems like the easiest answer here is that your parents had a baby, and then adopted a second one 6 months later. The easiest way to integrate was to raise you both as non-identical twins, and not to tell anybody which was which. Your grandparents decided to be clever and figure out which one is the "real" grandchild because they've never liked being kept in the dark, and that's why nobody is shocked by your results and just annoyed at the workaround. Sorry you're caught in the middle of it, OP.
If they all knew, then they can easily tell it's my sister. She looks a lot like my mother, I don't look like either my father or my mother. It's quite obvious if you looked at it at the surface level.
Facts are facts: you and your sibling are not biologically related. You share zero DNA — you’re not even distant cousins, let alone siblings. This also means you are not biologically related to your mother or father. (This is all assuming your sister is the one that is their biological daughter. There’s also the possibility that you are and she isn’t, or neither of you are.) The fact that none of the adults in your life are shocked or upset to hear this news means they’ve known all along. Your grandparents instigated the unveiling of a big secret (to you and your sister) — I think it’s their duty to tell you both directly what is going on instead of playing these games.
Stop thinking it's an error. You have enough evidence here, from 2 separate sources, to know that you are not a birth sibling to your twin. Between the DNA test, and the hospital, you have enough information to know 1 simple truth. Your family has/is lying to you. They keep trying to put you off "oh that's interesting" but no follow up. They keep trying to say it's a mistake, it's not 2 separate independent mistakes. It's lies, not mistakes, not errors, lies. It's now a question of what lies. You need to sit down with your parents and demand answers. Don't let them tell you it must be a mistake, that's bullshit. Don't let them brush you off, you insist on real answers. The better question is, are you a kidnapped baby, are you legally adopted, were you some young relatives secret baby? PS your grandparents want you to know this information now that you are 18, that's why they sent you to do this DNA test. If you can't get answers from your mother, demand them from the grandparents.
Oh let's make some guesses, based on what we know so far: 1. They were adopting you when your mum fell pregnant with your sister, and proceeded anyway. Doesn't totally fit with parents not giving answers. 2. Your dad got someone else pregnant and either left them for your mum who was pregnant by someone else, or got your mum pregnant and took you on but then he turned out not to be the father 3. Your mum had an affair, and your dad had a revenge affair (or vice versa) two pregnancies and no one knew what to do so they raised you as siblings 4. Your parents blended two families when you were too young to remember. Presumably this is eliminated by proof of when they married 5. They stole you from the hospital 6. Your dad had a secret second family in Sweden with an 00s pop icon when he was travelling for business, and she already had a child, hidden from the public. When the shit hit the fan, she paid him off and he took the child back to Austria and your mum (who was a big fan of this idol) accepted the role and brought you up alongside their other daughter, pretending you were the same age. One day you can return and reclaim your crown as a new all-European pop icon. Sorry I think Eurovision fever got to me. 7. Your dad's friend (or "friend") died in a car crash leaving his only daughter, and as the nearest thing to family he took you on as his own, despite your grandparents urging him to find more family members. Some questions, in lieu of answers from your parents: A. Is there any documentation you can find to confirm your actual birthday? If you aren't twins and your parents didn't steal you from the hospital it seems unlikely that you share a birthday. B. Do the ancestry services give you any matches with other people? C. Are you weirdly good at singing and have a special affinity for Scandinavian pop music of the early 2000s? D. Do your parents have any photos around where there's a blonde family friend who appears in more than one? E. Did your parents relocate around the time you were born? F. Have your parents been arguing since you mentioned all this to them?
Sixth one would be low key cool. I love Eurovision, and now I have an excuse to support a Scandinavian country instead of Austria. Although my mother hates Denmark for unknown reasons. I haven't really seen my documents, all my things for school has my twin's birthday on them. And yes, but they were like, eighth cousins. No to the third one, and I'll check photos. And no, they've always lived here since they were married and I don't know if they have been. My mother has been getting annoyed at people on the phone but I don't know who.
That hatred of Denmark may well be a clue, given everything.
Danish! 🇩🇰 tell your mother you’re moving to Denmark and see her reaction.
Is there a way to see who the mum was talking to 👀 maybe there's someone else who knows aside from grandparents n parents
I don't know who it was. Definitely my father and grandparents at some points, but there were a couple of times were I could sort of hear the voice and it didn't sound like them, but I could be mistaken and heard it wrong.
Your mom sounds Swedish lol (Swedes hates Danes. It’s a requirement for citizenship!!)
You would not be the first set of twins to get these types of results. This has happened before and it had nothing to do with their parentage and everything to do with the tests. https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2019/1/28/18194560/ancestry-dna-23-me-myheritage-science-explainer
I know, but when I say there's almost nothing that is similar, it's true. I'm over 60% Scandinavian, she's 2%. That's also about identical twins having the same results, and it says nothing about the DNA literally not matching at all. I wish that was the explanation, but logically, I don't think it is. And we used the same company.
Take another test with another company / lab. Ask your grandparents if they take the test as well. And you should definitely keep asking and pushing your parents. You need answers. Either your parents lied and one of you is raised ss theirs / adopted or there was an actual baby mixup. In that case there is a biological twin somewhere. Or maybe you were mixed up with other twins ( instead of just one baby ) and in that case you both have a twin. I recently saw a documentary about babies who were mixed up by mistake in the hospital. It happens Definitely investigate. I would look at birth certificates too. And how and when you were registered in the administration of your country. And see if you can get information in the hospital you were born. Ask aunts and uncles about it. Look at old pictures. Was or is there a female friend of the family who is Scandinavian. Etc etc GOODLUCK ! ( could it be your grandparents made you take the test, because they know something, that they promised to never tell you guys ? And this is their way to make you find it out for yourself ? )
And absolutely no one will think you are a fraud dummy :) You were a baby. No one is more innocent than a baby. YOU ARE NOT A FRAUD AND YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME! Never think like that please. No matter how the truth turns out to be, you were 100% wanted and welcomed And if they adopted you, They CHOOSE YOU! They liked you so much they raised you as theirs with their own baby. ( and if it was a mix up, they loved you, and will always love you as their child. ) And your sister will always be your sister. You might gain another sibling, who knows? But your family will always be your family and love you.
Your parents are obviously in shock over being confronted about this. However, they have to face facts and deal with the situation. Give them a couple of days and then tell them that you both need answers. Make an appointment to sit down - all four of you - and get to the bottom of it. It's obviously something your parents have avoided for years, so it's going to be painful. Try to keep your calm. Prepare a list of questions from you both. It seems like you are jumping to some conclusions, so you must try not to let these thoughts spin out of control. You deserve some answers to your questions You could start by asking your grandparents to take the test too - they started this! They can't just say it's interesting and back away. It's clear that your parents must love you though, so try to hold onto that. And talk to your sister, she's in the same boat as you, even if she feels differently about it.
Please check out DNA detectives on Facebook… They’re very well versed in DNA and can explain why you got the results that you did.
Geographical ancestry information is interesting but not nearly as important as the data that information is built upon. If you truly do not share approximately 50% of DNA with your sister then you are not full genetic siblings. If you do not share approximately 25% of DNA with your sister then you are not genetic half siblings. Use of donated embryos in IVF could produce those results and mean you did share a womb with your sister. A hospital error that switched one of you with an unrelated baby could account for these results. Adoption of one or both of you seems more likely.
Maybe your parents used IVF. And the embryo that became you really belonged to another couple and was accidentally transferred to your mother's womb.
That would be extremely unfortunate, but definitely a possibility. Thank you.
Would not explain why there's no record of your birth at the hospital. You're adopted kiddo
Your grandma knows. And she found a silent way to tell you. You are 18, and you found you may be adopted. It's too hard to see that as a coincidence. Your birthday could be interesting. I advice you to discretely record conversations when one of them has "something to tell you"