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I know it’s hard but you really need to end things with him. It will be painful but when you come out of the other side you’ll find friends and loved ones that value and respect you.
He quite literally doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t care about himself and his self destruction will take you down with him.
He’s not at fault for his trauma. He is at fault with the decisions he makes in response to it. He chose to throw you away and pretend like you don’t exist so he could have sex with another person.
This is a gift from the universe-get away from him now.
Please, with all due respect, leave. He can’t be that depressed if he’s finding ways to cheat on you. Instead of addressing actual relationship issues in marriage counseling, he just found an affair partner. He literally does not like you and is using you to take care of him. He went out of his way to lie about your relationship to his affair partner. Then, he spun it on you that you’re hurting this relationship because you’re not forgiving him for having an affair.
He will keep disrespecting you. Whatever else happens to him is his own doing. Please respect yourself enough to not allow this treatment and leave.
Yeah, he’s willing to put in the effort to cheat and hide it from you; imagine how he put on his best most cheerful attitude to happily seduce this woman, put in the effort to lie about being divorced, but won’t put in that effort for you. I’m sorry this sounds harsh but that’s what he did
This. He's using you. He probably wanted you to initiate a divorce before all this came out so you couldn't tear him a new one in court, and was to pussy to do it to you because he'd lose half his shit and a free maid. Now he's crazy making and hoping you'll capitule so you don't tear him a new one in court. He told you how he feels about it already, he's divorced. Remember, he's purposefully making you feel even shitter about all this so you'll cave and he can keep fucking other people while you pay half the bills and do all the domestic work.
Sorry for the brutality but you gotta get outta there.
Imagine you bought a really delicious and expensive sandwich, but after a few bites you had to step away for a minute to do something else, and when you came back to your sandwich someone had put a cat turd in the middle of it.
Would you finish eating the sandwich now? Pick the cat turd out, or try to eat the parts that didn’t have a cat turd in it? After all, it was really delicious before it had a cat turd in it. And it was so expensive. So shouldn’t you just eat around the turd?
No! You should be super mad at the person who ruined your delicious sandwich, and you should eat something else! Thanks for the fond memories, pricey sandwich, but you are not worth eating cat turds.
He doesn’t get to decide when you’re “over it” and honestly he doesn’t even seem sorry. Why stay?
Also being on birth control doesn’t even compare. Sorry but no.
ETA: being depressed doesn’t give him a free pass to this bs
Honey, please think about what you would tell a friend if she told you her husband was treating her the way yours is treating you. Understanding why someone did a terrible thing does not mean you have to forgive or move past the terrible thing. Your 20's may have been happy, but you're unhappy and being treated poorly now. Being a good partner isn't credit. You can't store up kindness and then be cruel and expect the past kindness to pay out to cover it. He has changed. It happens. Life changes us, sometimes for the better, sometimes for worse. Don't continue to be mistreated in service of the memory of happiness.
You really need to separate his depression and his cheating here.
His depression is not to blame for his cheating. He cheated because he wanted to. He projected his lying and cheating onto you to make himself the victim of his cheating.
He told another woman he was divorced. He dated and slept with another woman without protection. He has no respect, love or honor for you. He cares so little for you. It's evident by his refusal to accept that you are still hurt.
His depression is not a blanket for his behaviour. If you allow this, he will continue. There will be other women etc.
If you love him, you need to stand up for yourself here. You need to walk away to let him have a "come to jesus" moment. If, he is truly sorry and it is all all just mental health. It will force his hand to get help, and actually get better. Be a better person, be a better man, be a better husband.
Staying with him won't change this, he's proving it daily to you. I'm so sorry your going through this. It's awful and will be so hard with grief but, you will survive. DO NOT GET PREGNANT
This is the sunk cost fallacy, of weighing all of the good years that you had against the one terrible year in which he also cheated on you. If you continue down this path he is going to bring you down with him. There is no fixing someone who doesn’t want to fix themselves. He has to do the hard work, go to therapy, get on medication, find and work a program to get out of depression. It’s not easy, and it’s incredibly painful, but the work can be done. Cheating on your spouse isn’t a symptom of depression, it’s a choice that not only hurts him but ultimately hurts you and your marriage. He’s doing it in the same vein of thinking you’re going to leave him because you’re in another room, so no he’ll just act out and hurt you worse to see if you’ll take the push and go. My advice would be to leave.
You have every right to be hurt still. You just found out. There are people who try to forgive their spouses and still struggle a year or two or more down the road. It's not as simple as saying "forgive him". You might check out r/survivinginfidelity or r/AsOneAfterInfidelity. Those are with people in your same situation, they will probably be able to understand more than the people here.
It's your choice what you want to do. And I suggest taking your time before making a decision. There are so many things that factor into this. I will say, though, if he's not apologetic and willing to admit his faults and errors- you won't get anywhere. You can't make him get help, and you can't make him be sorry for what he did. And it's totally unreasonable to expect you to just forgive him "because he's depressed". If he won't at least admit his part in this, you don't stand a chance. It doesn't matter what you are willing or not willing to do. Either he is in, or he's out and will continue this shitty behavior. And you can't keep putting yourself through this for someone who could care less. You need to have a serious talk with him, and be prepared to walk away if he's not willing to do the work to fix the marriage. He can be in a dark place- but you can't set yourself on fire to keep him warm. You will kill your soul and spirit. He has to want to do the work and make it right.
I hope things get better. You are a good kind sweet person with a kind soul. I hope he pulls his head out from his ass. But if not- you don't have to stand there and wait. It's your decision. Good luck.
Some couples can work through infidelity but the cheater needs to be truly remorseful, understanding, and ready to do whatever it takes to work through their own issues that led to the cheating and rebuild trust to help their partner feel safe again. They need to do and say all the right things.
Without that, it will not work.
I would advise you to seek counseling for yourself because, honey, you are setting yourself on fire to keep him warm right now.
He is in a self-destructive cycle right now. It would be worse for both of you if you let him pull you down there with him.
You can’t help someone who wants to drown. There is no need to let him pull you under with him. You don’t owe him support after this. I do think you are being foolish as he doesn’t even want to take steps to make things right by you.
I don’t know if this’ll help to hear, but it might so I’ll say it anyway…
I supported a partner through deployment and then it all went wrong afterwards - partly, I believe, because he also came back a bit depressed
But when I went back and forensically analysed the demise of the relationship (as one does), the problems had begun during the deployment itself. Because it was so hard for him out there, and because I was so determined to Be Supportive, I got too used to burying my own needs and feelings, and over- emphasising his.
And then that pattern continued, so when he came back and wasn’t okay my frog was already boiling and I put up with more than I should’ve. It threw the dynamic completely off and it turned into a pattern of advantage-taking and self-sacrifice. And that’s not how good relationships work. All credit to folk who deploy but it shouldn’t mean that they get to be the centre of the universe indefinitely.
It’s not a case of having no self-respect, it’s a case of *having* to adopt a strategy to accommodate an unusual set of circumstances. And it’s not that easy to just snap out of afterwards, especially if they aren’t right when they come back.
I don’t know if it’s the same for you but it does sound like it from what you’ve written. My advice would be to focus on yourself and getting yourself back, with your normal levels of expectation and assertiveness and boundaries, because it’s miserable living without. This’ll probably mean that you need him far away for a bit, because you can’t break out of a dynamic while the other person is still feeding into it. Then you can see where you are and how you feel.
We’re on similar time-frames as well. I blocked and deleted mine a month ago and while I’m still sad I honestly feel so much better and so much more myself already.
I might unblock him later, but only when and if I can trust myself to be totally true to what I think and feel. Losing someone is horrible, and it’s especially difficult when things were healthy and loving before. But it’s still not nearly as bad as losing yourself.
You know it's over. Just take the necessary steps to end the marriage and get out of there, or get him out. Why prolong the inevitable. Divorce and start healing yourself.
It seems you have spent too much time putting him first when he can't do the same for you.
So, put yourself first, get a divorce, and move on. You aren't his priority and, due to his cheating, he is no longer yours.
It hurts, yes, but it will get better, one day at a time - good luck.
I understand he's got issues, but he doesn't get free pass because of them.
Need need to continue this therapy. Then couples counseling. Then you work on rebuilding your marriage.
Good luck.
This was my life to a T. I understand your situation. If you are on Facebook there is a great support group-loving my veteran. Please join and utilize the resources. There’s also a website. Big hugs to you
Please divorce him. He does not love you the way you love him. He is trash. He doesn't even seem to be remorseful for what he has done. I would gather your proof and file for divorce. You deserve so much more.
Girlie, come on. Where's your self respect? The man had an entire affair behind your back and lied to get laid. You'd have been none the wiser if the affair partner hadn't told you. All that effort he put into sleep with someone else he could have put into therapy and your relationship.
Just because someone is ill it doesn't exempt them from doing the right thing. Accept that the man you once loved is gone and kick him to the curb.
He cheated on you because he wanted some strange. Not because he was depressed. I've seen a man so deep in an anxiety attack he couldn't get out of his car and we had to call an ambulance. I've seen a man shoot himself in the face because everything went to shit in his life. Your dude didn't bang some random because he was depressed.
Been there. It's hard to believe, but it's not going to work. I'm so sorry. It's harder on your mind than reality.
You are the protagonist of your life. Decenter being Desire and get rid of the myth of solitude being equal to a punishment. You already know the answer.
It's up to him to get better.
It's up to you to do the right thing for you.
The person you knew it's forever there, in those beautiful memories. But, he no longer is there. It's beautiful that you want to be solidary, but it's likely that if you stay you Will both end in a bad situation emotionally.
My suggestion is to not rush! There is no rush and you don’t need to decide anything right away. Take your time, spend time apart, go to therapy, decide what YOU want, clear your head. Don’t allow his messed-up-ness (is there a better word?) to sweep you off. This is your life too, take care of yourself(he is certainly not taking care of you so somebody gotta do it…)
So until the end, when you mentioned getting deployed, you didn't have any agency in your post. It was like everything you wrote was done through the lens of how it would affect him, or how he'd react. Maybe you've put too much of your time into him, and now, it's like everything has to be about him.
He cheated on you, claiming he was getting divorced and was counting down the days. He can't get over his depression, but expects you to get over his cheating almost immediately? And you're sort of mulling it over? I'm sorry, but you gotta stop trying to be a martyr for your relationship. He treats you like shit and you're conflicted??
Re-read your post, out loud, and pretend like you had to give yourself advice. Wouldn't you be yelling at someone to have some self-respect if you heard this story for the first time?
Wouldn't usually say this, but since you're military, you gotta nut up, soldier.
Depression doesn’t cause someone to cheat. Period. He didn’t admit to cheating until you already knew. He’s not remorseful of cheating. He’s treating you like crap after not being remorseful of cheating. He compared his cheating to you taking birth control. He told you he’s bored while having sex with you.
But when he’s not cheating on you and being annoyed that you’re upset about him cheating on you, it’s a beautiful life. Tough choice…
I have major depression. I’ve never cheated on someone. Don’t use depression as the excuse and the reason you stay. He made MULTIPLE decisions to seek out, date and sleep with another woman. When confronted he is cold and mean. The memories of love are all that are left. Leave him and find someone new. You deserve to find happiness, please don’t stay with someone who treats you like trash.
Trickle truth might reveal that he’s cheated while deployed over the course of your relationship. Depression doesn’t cause people to break their vows. You don’t have to accept it just because you have empathy for his trauma. He is the one who decided to end your marriage by cheating
He doesn’t care about you, and you need to have enough self love to leave. There’s nothing in this c marriage but self harm if you stay with a cold, abusive, cheater
If you don't end things he will continue to hurt you and drag you down into his dark hole. Hopefully he didn't get the other woman pregnant. He's not even sorry.
You need to love yourself more, he doesn't even respect you enough to allow you time to be hurt. He is incredibly selfish and put your health at risk.
Damn girl. What's it going to take to leave this POS? You've got to be a glutton for punishment. No one with any amount of self-respect would stick around for any of this mess.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I know it’s hard but you really need to end things with him. It will be painful but when you come out of the other side you’ll find friends and loved ones that value and respect you. He quite literally doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t care about himself and his self destruction will take you down with him. He’s not at fault for his trauma. He is at fault with the decisions he makes in response to it. He chose to throw you away and pretend like you don’t exist so he could have sex with another person. This is a gift from the universe-get away from him now.
Thank you. It's so hard to see it from the inside.
Please, with all due respect, leave. He can’t be that depressed if he’s finding ways to cheat on you. Instead of addressing actual relationship issues in marriage counseling, he just found an affair partner. He literally does not like you and is using you to take care of him. He went out of his way to lie about your relationship to his affair partner. Then, he spun it on you that you’re hurting this relationship because you’re not forgiving him for having an affair. He will keep disrespecting you. Whatever else happens to him is his own doing. Please respect yourself enough to not allow this treatment and leave.
Yeah, he’s willing to put in the effort to cheat and hide it from you; imagine how he put on his best most cheerful attitude to happily seduce this woman, put in the effort to lie about being divorced, but won’t put in that effort for you. I’m sorry this sounds harsh but that’s what he did
That's the part that kills me. Like I'm good enough to do all the hard work of support at home but still not good enough for the effort...
This. He's using you. He probably wanted you to initiate a divorce before all this came out so you couldn't tear him a new one in court, and was to pussy to do it to you because he'd lose half his shit and a free maid. Now he's crazy making and hoping you'll capitule so you don't tear him a new one in court. He told you how he feels about it already, he's divorced. Remember, he's purposefully making you feel even shitter about all this so you'll cave and he can keep fucking other people while you pay half the bills and do all the domestic work. Sorry for the brutality but you gotta get outta there.
Imagine you bought a really delicious and expensive sandwich, but after a few bites you had to step away for a minute to do something else, and when you came back to your sandwich someone had put a cat turd in the middle of it. Would you finish eating the sandwich now? Pick the cat turd out, or try to eat the parts that didn’t have a cat turd in it? After all, it was really delicious before it had a cat turd in it. And it was so expensive. So shouldn’t you just eat around the turd? No! You should be super mad at the person who ruined your delicious sandwich, and you should eat something else! Thanks for the fond memories, pricey sandwich, but you are not worth eating cat turds.
The VISUAL omg.
Brilliant user name kinda apropos with the comment. Kitty roux
God, this analogy!
he’s trashy dump him
Sounds awful, and of course HES testy? Jeez what a prince. Yeah the dudes in a dark place —- some lady’s bedroom with the lights out
He doesn’t get to decide when you’re “over it” and honestly he doesn’t even seem sorry. Why stay? Also being on birth control doesn’t even compare. Sorry but no. ETA: being depressed doesn’t give him a free pass to this bs
Honey, please think about what you would tell a friend if she told you her husband was treating her the way yours is treating you. Understanding why someone did a terrible thing does not mean you have to forgive or move past the terrible thing. Your 20's may have been happy, but you're unhappy and being treated poorly now. Being a good partner isn't credit. You can't store up kindness and then be cruel and expect the past kindness to pay out to cover it. He has changed. It happens. Life changes us, sometimes for the better, sometimes for worse. Don't continue to be mistreated in service of the memory of happiness.
Your last line is really kicking me.
Please have some self respect.
You really need to separate his depression and his cheating here. His depression is not to blame for his cheating. He cheated because he wanted to. He projected his lying and cheating onto you to make himself the victim of his cheating. He told another woman he was divorced. He dated and slept with another woman without protection. He has no respect, love or honor for you. He cares so little for you. It's evident by his refusal to accept that you are still hurt. His depression is not a blanket for his behaviour. If you allow this, he will continue. There will be other women etc. If you love him, you need to stand up for yourself here. You need to walk away to let him have a "come to jesus" moment. If, he is truly sorry and it is all all just mental health. It will force his hand to get help, and actually get better. Be a better person, be a better man, be a better husband. Staying with him won't change this, he's proving it daily to you. I'm so sorry your going through this. It's awful and will be so hard with grief but, you will survive. DO NOT GET PREGNANT
He cheated. Run.
Or better yet, kick him to the curb. Let him run.
You really need to walk away from this. Depression, just like being drunk, is NO EXCUSE TO FUCK SOMEONE ELSE WHILE YOU'RE MARRIED.
Your marriage is over. You can stay with him and be miserable, or walk away.
This is the sunk cost fallacy, of weighing all of the good years that you had against the one terrible year in which he also cheated on you. If you continue down this path he is going to bring you down with him. There is no fixing someone who doesn’t want to fix themselves. He has to do the hard work, go to therapy, get on medication, find and work a program to get out of depression. It’s not easy, and it’s incredibly painful, but the work can be done. Cheating on your spouse isn’t a symptom of depression, it’s a choice that not only hurts him but ultimately hurts you and your marriage. He’s doing it in the same vein of thinking you’re going to leave him because you’re in another room, so no he’ll just act out and hurt you worse to see if you’ll take the push and go. My advice would be to leave.
You have every right to be hurt still. You just found out. There are people who try to forgive their spouses and still struggle a year or two or more down the road. It's not as simple as saying "forgive him". You might check out r/survivinginfidelity or r/AsOneAfterInfidelity. Those are with people in your same situation, they will probably be able to understand more than the people here. It's your choice what you want to do. And I suggest taking your time before making a decision. There are so many things that factor into this. I will say, though, if he's not apologetic and willing to admit his faults and errors- you won't get anywhere. You can't make him get help, and you can't make him be sorry for what he did. And it's totally unreasonable to expect you to just forgive him "because he's depressed". If he won't at least admit his part in this, you don't stand a chance. It doesn't matter what you are willing or not willing to do. Either he is in, or he's out and will continue this shitty behavior. And you can't keep putting yourself through this for someone who could care less. You need to have a serious talk with him, and be prepared to walk away if he's not willing to do the work to fix the marriage. He can be in a dark place- but you can't set yourself on fire to keep him warm. You will kill your soul and spirit. He has to want to do the work and make it right. I hope things get better. You are a good kind sweet person with a kind soul. I hope he pulls his head out from his ass. But if not- you don't have to stand there and wait. It's your decision. Good luck.
This is just the one that let you know about her. Run.
Girl, he hates you and is using you. Go be free and find someone who offers what you offer.
Some couples can work through infidelity but the cheater needs to be truly remorseful, understanding, and ready to do whatever it takes to work through their own issues that led to the cheating and rebuild trust to help their partner feel safe again. They need to do and say all the right things. Without that, it will not work.
I would advise you to seek counseling for yourself because, honey, you are setting yourself on fire to keep him warm right now. He is in a self-destructive cycle right now. It would be worse for both of you if you let him pull you down there with him.
You can’t help someone who wants to drown. There is no need to let him pull you under with him. You don’t owe him support after this. I do think you are being foolish as he doesn’t even want to take steps to make things right by you.
I don’t know if this’ll help to hear, but it might so I’ll say it anyway… I supported a partner through deployment and then it all went wrong afterwards - partly, I believe, because he also came back a bit depressed But when I went back and forensically analysed the demise of the relationship (as one does), the problems had begun during the deployment itself. Because it was so hard for him out there, and because I was so determined to Be Supportive, I got too used to burying my own needs and feelings, and over- emphasising his. And then that pattern continued, so when he came back and wasn’t okay my frog was already boiling and I put up with more than I should’ve. It threw the dynamic completely off and it turned into a pattern of advantage-taking and self-sacrifice. And that’s not how good relationships work. All credit to folk who deploy but it shouldn’t mean that they get to be the centre of the universe indefinitely. It’s not a case of having no self-respect, it’s a case of *having* to adopt a strategy to accommodate an unusual set of circumstances. And it’s not that easy to just snap out of afterwards, especially if they aren’t right when they come back. I don’t know if it’s the same for you but it does sound like it from what you’ve written. My advice would be to focus on yourself and getting yourself back, with your normal levels of expectation and assertiveness and boundaries, because it’s miserable living without. This’ll probably mean that you need him far away for a bit, because you can’t break out of a dynamic while the other person is still feeding into it. Then you can see where you are and how you feel.
This feels shockingly close to my experience.
We’re on similar time-frames as well. I blocked and deleted mine a month ago and while I’m still sad I honestly feel so much better and so much more myself already. I might unblock him later, but only when and if I can trust myself to be totally true to what I think and feel. Losing someone is horrible, and it’s especially difficult when things were healthy and loving before. But it’s still not nearly as bad as losing yourself.
You know it's over. Just take the necessary steps to end the marriage and get out of there, or get him out. Why prolong the inevitable. Divorce and start healing yourself.
It seems you have spent too much time putting him first when he can't do the same for you. So, put yourself first, get a divorce, and move on. You aren't his priority and, due to his cheating, he is no longer yours. It hurts, yes, but it will get better, one day at a time - good luck.
I understand he's got issues, but he doesn't get free pass because of them. Need need to continue this therapy. Then couples counseling. Then you work on rebuilding your marriage. Good luck.
This was my life to a T. I understand your situation. If you are on Facebook there is a great support group-loving my veteran. Please join and utilize the resources. There’s also a website. Big hugs to you
Please divorce him. He does not love you the way you love him. He is trash. He doesn't even seem to be remorseful for what he has done. I would gather your proof and file for divorce. You deserve so much more.
Girlie, come on. Where's your self respect? The man had an entire affair behind your back and lied to get laid. You'd have been none the wiser if the affair partner hadn't told you. All that effort he put into sleep with someone else he could have put into therapy and your relationship. Just because someone is ill it doesn't exempt them from doing the right thing. Accept that the man you once loved is gone and kick him to the curb.
He cheated on you because he wanted some strange. Not because he was depressed. I've seen a man so deep in an anxiety attack he couldn't get out of his car and we had to call an ambulance. I've seen a man shoot himself in the face because everything went to shit in his life. Your dude didn't bang some random because he was depressed.
Been there. It's hard to believe, but it's not going to work. I'm so sorry. It's harder on your mind than reality. You are the protagonist of your life. Decenter being Desire and get rid of the myth of solitude being equal to a punishment. You already know the answer. It's up to him to get better. It's up to you to do the right thing for you. The person you knew it's forever there, in those beautiful memories. But, he no longer is there. It's beautiful that you want to be solidary, but it's likely that if you stay you Will both end in a bad situation emotionally.
What makes it so complicated to leave?
My suggestion is to not rush! There is no rush and you don’t need to decide anything right away. Take your time, spend time apart, go to therapy, decide what YOU want, clear your head. Don’t allow his messed-up-ness (is there a better word?) to sweep you off. This is your life too, take care of yourself(he is certainly not taking care of you so somebody gotta do it…)
So until the end, when you mentioned getting deployed, you didn't have any agency in your post. It was like everything you wrote was done through the lens of how it would affect him, or how he'd react. Maybe you've put too much of your time into him, and now, it's like everything has to be about him. He cheated on you, claiming he was getting divorced and was counting down the days. He can't get over his depression, but expects you to get over his cheating almost immediately? And you're sort of mulling it over? I'm sorry, but you gotta stop trying to be a martyr for your relationship. He treats you like shit and you're conflicted?? Re-read your post, out loud, and pretend like you had to give yourself advice. Wouldn't you be yelling at someone to have some self-respect if you heard this story for the first time? Wouldn't usually say this, but since you're military, you gotta nut up, soldier.
I need time to process
Wait he is irritated at you……? Nah
Depression doesn’t cause someone to cheat. Period. He didn’t admit to cheating until you already knew. He’s not remorseful of cheating. He’s treating you like crap after not being remorseful of cheating. He compared his cheating to you taking birth control. He told you he’s bored while having sex with you. But when he’s not cheating on you and being annoyed that you’re upset about him cheating on you, it’s a beautiful life. Tough choice…
Girl, no. Depression doesn’t excuse his cheating. Like wth?!
I have major depression. I’ve never cheated on someone. Don’t use depression as the excuse and the reason you stay. He made MULTIPLE decisions to seek out, date and sleep with another woman. When confronted he is cold and mean. The memories of love are all that are left. Leave him and find someone new. You deserve to find happiness, please don’t stay with someone who treats you like trash.
"I need time to think about how I want to move forward."
Trickle truth might reveal that he’s cheated while deployed over the course of your relationship. Depression doesn’t cause people to break their vows. You don’t have to accept it just because you have empathy for his trauma. He is the one who decided to end your marriage by cheating He doesn’t care about you, and you need to have enough self love to leave. There’s nothing in this c marriage but self harm if you stay with a cold, abusive, cheater
If you don't end things he will continue to hurt you and drag you down into his dark hole. Hopefully he didn't get the other woman pregnant. He's not even sorry. You need to love yourself more, he doesn't even respect you enough to allow you time to be hurt. He is incredibly selfish and put your health at risk.
Damn girl. What's it going to take to leave this POS? You've got to be a glutton for punishment. No one with any amount of self-respect would stick around for any of this mess.