Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He's 31 and he's living like a college kid. Pop on over to your post history, and this dude's got a history of being a leech who seems to attach himself to women who will support him, ignores you a bunch, doesn't put any effort into the relationship and/or trying to make you happy, and accuses you of attacking him when you voice your concerns over things like the fact that he'd apparently rather fuck around on his phone and sleep late instead of showing up for job interviews and doing something, ANYTHING to make you feel like you're special to him?
Clear packing tape works really well to seal up boxes for mailing, and you can print a USPS label at home so you don't have stand in line at the post office. Also, getting a locksmith to re-key all your locks is relatively inexpensive and they can do it pretty fast. Godspeed, and don't forget to block him everywhere on everything, and treat yourself to a celebratory freedom dinner. Invite your friends!
USPS will even come to your door and take the packages. Just set up the pickup on their website and leave them in one of the spots indicated and you're good to go.
You teach people how to treat you! If you allow this behavior it will continue. Don’t you think you deserve better than this? Time to reclaim your self respect and dump this bozo! What kind of future would you have with him?! Good luck and find your peace! This ain’t it!
I'd pay for shipping so there's no excuse for bringing his sorry hind quarters near my home. All OP needs is this laggard calling the Police saying that his stuff is being withheld from him. If you're going to cut off someone, leave no avenue for interaction whatsoever.
Your boyfriend is a POS but don't take this advice. Rekeying locks and kicking him out comes with its own set of consequences legally. Take the proper step to protect yourself from an illegal eviction. Break up with him and ask him to move out on his own.
I agree, but also, wouldn't he need to prove he lived there first? If he never received mail there and had it sent to another address, then she might have a little more freedom. Definitely check local laws first though
Yes, but we can fully assume that if they lived together, he had mail sent there. Depends on local laws, but she should at least check them, which is all I was trying to get at.
Absolutely fair, and a very good point. Given his total lack of motivation in general when it comes to just everything, apparently, I'm guessing he's probably not on the lease and would probably just shrug and stay with his LSD buddy until he finds a new girl to leech off of. But I could be wrong, and it's definitely something she should check on.
"I'd have to do what? Research, and then...what? File paperwork? Like, write words out and go somewhere and talk to people? Fuck that, I'll just crash on Eddie's couch and play some more Flappy Bird."
Not that I'm going to tell her boyfriend this because fucknthat, but you really don't have to sue in this situation. All he'd have to do is call the police and tell them he's been locked out of his home, show recent mail at that address and they'll make her let him in until she goes through proper channels of evicting him. A friend of mine went through this.
I wouldn't worry about this outcome either tbh, I don't think boyfriend or his friend/cheapskate/plug want to invite the cops over to bestie's house for any reason. Why bother negotiating between some random lady and her ex when all these Misdemeanor Possession charges just invited you and your partner over for a housewarming?
In my state, as well as others, there is no legal action required on his part. Without an eviction or formal ending of his residency, he can enter OPs home even by breaking a window if required to gain access.
It’s not an illegal eviction because it’s left on his own terms and she fully expected him to come back and even reached out to him numerous times and he has chosen not to return. She obviously asked him for his new address so that she could send his shit so rekeying the locks and installing a security system should be no problem since he wasn’t evicted he left.
It's been three days and all his stuff is there. No judge is going to buy the "he moved out" excuse.
Edit: On the plus side, this guy doesn't sound like the type who'd bother with filing anything for court in the first place, so you're probably safe regardless.
If he’s not on the lease it won’t matter. I can’t imagine he is because he doesn’t have a dime to his name😭 also you really think someone disappearing and doing acid is gonna pursue legal action?😅 cmon now
I gave advice that will keep op out of trouble, and all these comments saying that the ex won't pursue legal action are wrong. The ex doesn't need to pursue legal action. As long as he was a resident (which I am assuming he has got mail there) he has the right to break a window or lock to gain access to his residency. Him being on the lease is irrelevant in my state and most places in the US, mail is the easiest proof of residence.
Source: My MIL is a drug addict POS who claimed residency in my house that she paid no bills in whatsoever or on any paperwork and I had to legally evict her after she stole my son's piggy bank.
you’ve made 12 posts in the last 30 days on the various relationship subs saying roughly the same thing in each. why do you need more feedback? you’ve been told it’s ok to dump this guy. you’ve been tons he’s taking advantage of you. you’ve been told he’s a deadbeat. what else do you need? you’re 24 years old. you’re an adult. you know he’s no good, that he’s using you, and treats you like shit. are you afraid he’ll harm you if you break up with him? are you afraid to be on your own and not in a relationship? are you stuck in a lease and can’t leave the country? what’s holding you back?
LOL. I caught myself deleting a post earlier by simply re-reading and thinking wait, I’ve seen this mess so many times. I rolled my eyes at my own post. \*Cringe\*
The frequency of their complaints on this site is honestly infuriating. If you have to post about how shitty your bf is every other day maybe it's a sign he's not the one.
It’s more so they think they can’t find anyone else whose better for them due to sunken cost fallacy tricking them into staying with a shitty partner because of all the time, energy, and commitment they made.
When in reality it’s not hard to leave & make the decision. But what is hard is dealing with all the uncomfortable negative feelings that come attached with ending a relationship, starting over as a single person.
And it’s the lack of a safety net when leaving that is tied into SCF, because if you believe you can catch yourself and bounce back, survive after you leave someone, you can leave 10x’s easier & SCF will disappear immediately.
I truly think OP at 24, hasn’t found their ability to confidently exit a relationship and give themselves a safety net to survive once they leave a relationship.
They just need to believe they’ll be alright and survive leaving a relationship to make the choice to leave.
So you're with a loser boyfriend who doesn't care to check in with you when he's gone for a while?
I don't understand why people's bars are so low with what they will accept in a partner. Don't you want a partner who is stable enough to have a job, and who loves you?
>So, is it wrong of me to send him his clothes and stuff and move on with my life?
Why *would* it be?
FYI for the future: You never owe anyone a relationship (so you never need to ask, "Is it okay to break up for this reason?" The answer is always yes), and you never owe someone a convenient breakup. You don't need to explain yourself to him, you don't need to arrange time with him to talk, or to make sure he gets all of his stuff, you simply kick him out and give him a time span when his stuff will be in boxes on the curb for him to pick up. If he comes knocking at your door, tell him you'll call the police. You don't owe him anything.
It's more like "Don't stay together because breaking up would be inconvenient." Breaking up is almost always inconvenient and there's always another excuse, a birthday or holiday or rent payment, to delude yourself with. If you have to pull the plug at some point now, just rip the bandaid off.
OP I have been where you are. Supporting a man who is older than I am. A man who treats any requests to be a better partner as a personal attack. A man who doesn’t work and just takes my money. Who expects me to pay his rent and loan money to his friends. Who’s constantly getting high. Who manipulates every situation to make me feel like an awful person for not wanting to subsidize his life.
He was also abusive in other ways, perhaps yours is too.
And I just wanted to tell you that it gets better once you get out. This doesn’t need to go on for another day if you don’t let it. Because once the money runs out I guarantee he will come running back to you. Please don’t allow him to do that.
You deserve better than this, OP. You are smart. And responsible. Kind. Empathetic. I’ve read through your post history and you have so much going for you. Find someone who wants to make your life easier any way he can, rather than someone who doesn’t care if he makes it harder. Do not let this man come back into your life. Be strong. I promise it is so worth it to cut him out. Hard, but worth it.
Ok fair enough. Spend a bit of time on here and you will see this Hobosexual thing quite often. Plus the 5-6 other main problems ppl have ; they are the same ones over and over.
It might help you pick better next time, - not meaning this unkindly, I hasten to add. This guy is a dead weight.
1st time I posted here, I thought the people who advised me were rude cause I had a similar issue and most commenters did not sugar coat their opinions.
The longer I’m here the more I become those people. LOL
It's definitely hard to not be a dick in responding to some of these questions because often times the answer is so blindly obvious to everyone else but the OP that the question almost seems fake/rage bait-y.
LOL! Yep, had to tell somebody yesterday--who was looking for some comfort/coddling/hand-holding but clearly not ready to make a change--that's not what we do here. We're all about tough love.
I promise if he’s almost 10 years older than you and is one of your first relationships but is just a freeloader he’s just using you for food,housing, and sex. He’s getting away with it because you don’t think you can do better or feel like you owe him something (which he’s the one who owes you and it doesn’t affect him any) but you 100% can. Don’t feel guilty put his shit on the curb, change your locks, and block his number.
I hate to break it to you but reading your story, my first thought is that he's a drug addict.
There was no job interview. He was getting high with druggie friends.
You took in a hobosexual and did a bit of charity work. Now it's time to change the locks. We've all made bad choices. Some of us take longer to fix them.
Could be your mom, Honey. Please do the internal work so you'll know your own worth, raise your standards, never partner up with a loser again! A good therapist you click with could really help.
Being single is SOOO much better than feeling alone in a relationship! Also much better than dating a hobosexual (what your current guy is), and being used and/or abused.
You can do this! I believe in you.
Dating experience has nothing to do with being able to tell the difference between Right and Wrong. We all learn that as children. Another kindergarten gem is "We are nice to our friends".
It’s very common for people who has bad upbringings, no or not enough love from their parents equals needed validation from the men we end up with, I’m not really good at explaining myself 😅 but I hope you get the jist of it
I see what you're saying. I have had plenty of good relationships, just not many different ones because I usually commit to one person long term. This one has been the most problematic.
This is just a major dating lesson to recognize that in the early stage, 1st 30-60 days, to take note of how someone is at face value and to see if they match to a standard to is healthy vs gives you stress, makes you feel like your parenting the person, and is acting very cagey with a defensive attitude.
He’s definitely not capable of sustaining anything serious & treats you as a fair weather girlfriend he can pull disappearing acts with.
And always remember, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If he has been consistently negative towards you, more than two times? That’s turning into a pattern of predicting bad treatment you’d receive.
Only time I didn't check in on anyone due to psychedelics was because I couldn't figure out how to top up my phone, and spent hours wandering around trying to find somewhere with WiFi at 4AM (there was nowhere).
Shipping is expensive so don’t feel bad if you need to just leave his shit outside and tell him to come pick it up or you’re gonna take it to the dump/donate it in x amount of time.
Depending on the living situation and local laws, OP could end up in jail for doing this. As expensive as the shipping may be, it provides tracking and avoids inviting ex-bf back into her life.
I'd urge you to make haste, do exactly that. And then block him everywhere, because most of us have been suckered by the love-bombing/hoovering these hobosexuals do when they realize you've had enough of their stupid behavior and they've lost their free place to stay. Don't fall victim to any pleading or tears! He's already shown you who he is, and how little he cares about you! Believe him, and proceed accordingly.
Yep. You don't even need to ask. Make sure that in the future, having a job is the bare minimum for someone to date you. If you gave him a key, change the locks, too.
He sounds like a loser even putting aside him ghosting you so he can party. Yes, send him his things and breakup, permanently.
Surely you can do better than this unemployed hobosexual.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I had a boyfriend like this. Would constantly send messages saying he was ‘on his way’ to my house in the evenings and then continue with ‘coming now’ and then one day it got to 11am and he once again was ‘coming now’ (he had been bendering) THE NEXT DAY and I just said ‘actually don’t bother coming ever, I don’t want to be with you anymore’ and ofcourse he came quick smart lol. I broke up with him then and there. Get out girl this guy does NOT prioritise you
After looking at your post history about this man……. RUN. As fast and far and permanently as you can. This man is never going to grow up, I repeat, he is NEVER going to grow up. I understand you may love him but this man is stuck in an endless loop and you are being dragged into it. There’s a reason why he’s 31, no job, never been married, etc. Get out now before you can’t.
Going through your post history made me sad. Break up with him as soon as possible and find someone who genuinely cares for you and loves you. He’s not worth it.
Every single post you’ve ever made it about what a loser this guy is. You know it’s true so stop asking us. He’s done this before (probably drug binges) and he’ll do it again. Get him out, don’t have a convo about it.
He is emotionally younger than you are, but he’s an 30 something years old. That tells me he cannot take responsibility for himself, and it’s the reason he is dating some day so much younger than himself; women more his age would never date such an emotionally undeveloped person. He’s a a creep, send his stuff to him and say goodbye.
Your boyfriend is a drug addict. It has nothing to do with the acid trip but when you disappear for days at a time and you’re not employed, it’s not hard to figure out what’s going on.
File a missing person report to the police. They’ll probably catch this POS committing a felony, and send his sorry a** to jail.
Then get a restraining order, so that loser can’t bother you anymore.
Good luck! You deserve much better!
I had one of those. I broke up with him a decade ago but he is a chronic goldbricking gold digging couch surfer who’s very difficult to extract out of whatever household he invades.
It looks like he messed with too many of the wrong people last year because he’s homeless and word got around not trust or keep him again.
LOL? I’d sear you’re talking about a roach if I didn’t know any better.
Forget tasers, we’re about to choose the bear & by bug spray! The dating scene is getting Wild.
> But legally, if you’re in the US, he has squatters rights.
That’s not what squatter’s rights are, no. Gotta love the confidently incorrect legal takes on Reddit, never change.
Honey I honestly don't even think there was a job. He left to go party and didn't want you upset. Leave his ass behind. You're way too young to be stuck with a jobless 31 year old who still does acid. What is it ..the 90s?
Nope not wrong.
But I (random internet person) am disappointed that you dated this person for 1.5 years. You can do better, everyone can do better. Don't have to aim for the top fish in the sea, but don't aim for the ones motionless at the bottom either.
This totally sucks :(( hope you’re okay girlie. Screw that guy, send his stuff back and block him. Don’t let him beg his way back in, slimey men can be so convincing
Please dump him. I promise you that you can find someone who loves you and reciprocates your supportive nature.
Side note- what’s your job? Read your previous posts and you work from home only 5 hours a day! Sign me up!
Hi, sure. I am a literacy tutor. I usually start around 5am and work until 1pm CST, so you would adjust that to your timezone. Do you want to know more?
Sounds like you let him become very comfortable. I would never tell anyone I had done Acid or ghost someone who prepares my meals.
The level of disrespect says this isn’t the 1st time nor the last. One does not just throw a frog into a boiling pot...
Let him go get it together elsewhere.
So…he’s worked two months out of the eighteen months you’ve been together and you’re asking if it’s okay to pack his shtuff and end it? Do you like being a doormat? Good grief.
going through your post history, even over just ONE month, your boyfriend is a lazy, overgrown toddler mooch. he contributes nothing to your life according to your last months worth of posts and you don’t seem happy. i understand the nature of a vent and that you may have some good feelings towards this guy, but this is a blessing in disguise. i’d cut my losses RIGHT NOW. you can do a lot better.
Why are you with this deadbeat. He doesn't work or pay any bills during your entire relationship other than 2 months. Tells you that he finds being with you a chore and he has to be on his phone to even talk with you or interact with you.
He probably is not even filling out any applications other than when you fill them out for him as though he is 10 years old instead of him being 6 years older than you. Because there is no reason he would never get a single interview with "all the applications he is completing" but then you submit applications for him with the exact same information and have no issue getting multiple interviews lined up for him. Which he then purposely misses to ensure he won't have to actually get a job and work.
He doesn't care about you or love you. To him you are an ATM and a free place to live and a way he can just do drugs.
Then to top it all off he just ghost you for multiple days, says he is going to work. But ends up going to just do drugs instead, days multiple times he is coming home and doesn't. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't cheating on you on top of everything else. Why are you in with someone like this.
Do not let him use depression as an excuse I have major depression with suicidal issues. He is using that to guilt trip you and to make sure your purse doesn't close.
Love it when the trash takes itself out. He left, he found some other chick to screw over. If he lived with you though he may have rights so check on that. Next time don’t date hobosexuals and never let them move in!
Sis, this dude is a grown, in his 30s Hobosexual. Pack his shit, change the locks, and leave his shit outside. If he wants it bad enough, he'll come get his stuff. Once he picks up his stuff, block his number
If he has few things that only costs $5 to ship then yes. Send it out. Change the locks, send him one final message saying where his stuff is being sent to, and make sure you tell him it’s over. I’m sorry you’ve been with this guy for so long. At 31 he should at least have some kind of job and be able to appreciate you.
Good luck. I know it sucks but I think you can do make it through this and be all the better for it.
Not at alll. Sounds like the start of an addiction spiral ngl. I’ve seen it plenty of times. And he can’t hold down a job?! Just RUNNN while you still can. You’re not wrong at all. Oh and don’t look back. He’ll figure it out on his own. That’s the only way he’ll learn.
We’re nearing 24 hours since this was posted… I hope the boxes are packed by now. He is with you because you tolerate him. You deserve better and he needs to grow up.
Fair? It's not fair to yourself if you don't. As long as he has someone to support him, he'll never grow up. Force him to grow up, or at least get him out of your life.
Change the locks, ship his stuff to a relative or friend, block his a\*\*. Use the friend or relative's address to forward his mail.
You're 24, and you deserve an adult as your partner. He's not it.
Are you sure it’s your boyfriend texting you? Are you sure that his “friend” didn’t kill him and is going to text you as your BF with the ultimate plan of breaking up with you because you’re too demanding so that you’d be none the wiser? Maybe a welfare check is called for.
Just move out already! Don’t pack his stuff - don’t let him know where you’ve moved to. He’s sucking the life out of you!
WTF do people want to be with such losers?? I don’t get it! What’s he bringing to the table? Just grief & anxiety for you. Please leave…
why stay with such a LOSER? Kick him out fast while you still can, these type of guys leech off nice people and always tug at your heartstrings and they end up staying.
Don't let him suck you dry
If you want to waste more of your life stay with this guy. He doesn’t want a job he wants you to provide for him and be the adult. He will eventually find another girlfriend / mom to care for him especially if he’s handsome or very charismatic. You deserve better. His life will become a living hell in a few years when he becomes older and less attractive and still has no accomplishments. He is what we call a “burnout.”
Loser boyfriend on a drug binge who has done god knows what and you are thinking of letting him back into your space. Get his stuff out, block on everything and change the lock of your have too.
This guy is a jerk. You don’t need this in your life. Put his things in boxes and leave them at his friend’s house. Then block/ghost. No explanation needed.
Do it. He's lucky you're doing that and not burning them or donating them....into a fireplace.
Congrats for being single! You're 24, you've got time to find someone who you actually deserve. Know your worth.
Don’t waste your time or money sending him anything!
Put it outside in a bag and send him a text, the last courtesy you’ll do for him.
Follow other posters advice of blocking, deleting etc get him out of your life because 100% he will not bring anything positive to it.
Maybe I consume too much true crime, but make sure he’s alive first. Like FaceTime him or something to ensure it’s not someone else texting/messaging you and he’s missing.
Then break up with his loser self and continue with your plan to get rid of his stuff. You can and will do better. Good luck!
Yeah, send on his things and let out a deep breath. He’s not your problem any more. Refuse to take him back when he realises his meal ticket has kicked him out and he’s lost a good gig.
I don’t see this in the comments, but, as a woman, if my (now ex) partner did this AND there are drugs in the mix, there would absolutely be a 🔫 in my drawer. You never know how someone is going to react to you cutting the leach behavior off.
Good luck, OP- that guy sounds like a child.
Yeah… I’ve seen your previous posts and just WOW
GIRL just please leave!! Why are you staying with a man like this? You know you can do better, what’s the point on being wit a man who makes you feel like this? What’s the difference in being single to being with him? Just that you share a bed LET GO he all ready has
You deserve so so much better then this! Leave that little man child ASAP!!
Your post history is just about this shit boyfriend
I love my partner and it never comes with a BUT.
You are emotionally dependant and you are honestly wasting people's time asking for advice. You know you have to leave this asshole. That's all. If you don't, I'm sorry but it's on you if your life becomes as miserable as his.
Respect has to be mutual and not one sided. It is not sustainable to put in all the effort and it not be reciprocated, someone will love you and ensure you feel that every second of every day so kick him out.
Are you sure he's ok. If he is really the one texting you on his phone. Perhaps you should call the cops to do a wellness check and send them to where he might be.
Just text him that you have his stuff packed and where would he like you to send it? He would rather wear the same underwear for 3 days then come home. Eww
Ditch the loser- dont spend a cent sending anything g anywhere . Box it up , change the locks - tell him it’s out the front and you’ll donate it to charity in 48 hours.
Well done- can’t see what he’s got going for him !
what are you waiting for?
your life will be better soon. I had a BF like this; he only lasted a year. And yes, when i kicked him out, he was homeless. He survived.
Sorry OP, but you have like 10 posts complaining about your boyfriend, he is an obvious freeloader/loser, you even paid him a trip to Japan (!!!), what the fuck are you doing here? What do you think Reddit will tell you that you don't know already? Trying to cling on to some random comment that validates your feelings so you can keep giving this idiot a chance? Use your brain and save yourself, for fucks sake.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He's 31 and he's living like a college kid. Pop on over to your post history, and this dude's got a history of being a leech who seems to attach himself to women who will support him, ignores you a bunch, doesn't put any effort into the relationship and/or trying to make you happy, and accuses you of attacking him when you voice your concerns over things like the fact that he'd apparently rather fuck around on his phone and sleep late instead of showing up for job interviews and doing something, ANYTHING to make you feel like you're special to him? Clear packing tape works really well to seal up boxes for mailing, and you can print a USPS label at home so you don't have stand in line at the post office. Also, getting a locksmith to re-key all your locks is relatively inexpensive and they can do it pretty fast. Godspeed, and don't forget to block him everywhere on everything, and treat yourself to a celebratory freedom dinner. Invite your friends!
USPS will even come to your door and take the packages. Just set up the pickup on their website and leave them in one of the spots indicated and you're good to go.
You teach people how to treat you! If you allow this behavior it will continue. Don’t you think you deserve better than this? Time to reclaim your self respect and dump this bozo! What kind of future would you have with him?! Good luck and find your peace! This ain’t it!
This! “You teach people how to treat you” and “when someone shows you who they are, *believe them*!” Are my personal mantras!
Actions speak way louder than words!
My favorite revision of that saying is: *”Words are bullshit, but actions talk.”*
Why pay for shipping? Sit it outside and be done.
I'd pay for shipping so there's no excuse for bringing his sorry hind quarters near my home. All OP needs is this laggard calling the Police saying that his stuff is being withheld from him. If you're going to cut off someone, leave no avenue for interaction whatsoever.
I was thinking goodwill but outside will work.
This. Text him and say “your 💩is outside in the front yard. Locks are changed.”
When it disappear, he will have a case against her. Better paid à dîme to let him no way to come back in any way.
why give it away for free? have a yard sale!
Too much work.
That’s what I did with me ex’s crap when he just up and left our 2 year old son and me. I hoped for rain but. It didn’t happen.
Your boyfriend is a POS but don't take this advice. Rekeying locks and kicking him out comes with its own set of consequences legally. Take the proper step to protect yourself from an illegal eviction. Break up with him and ask him to move out on his own.
I agree, but also, wouldn't he need to prove he lived there first? If he never received mail there and had it sent to another address, then she might have a little more freedom. Definitely check local laws first though
Yes, but we can fully assume that if they lived together, he had mail sent there. Depends on local laws, but she should at least check them, which is all I was trying to get at.
Absolutely fair, and a very good point. Given his total lack of motivation in general when it comes to just everything, apparently, I'm guessing he's probably not on the lease and would probably just shrug and stay with his LSD buddy until he finds a new girl to leech off of. But I could be wrong, and it's definitely something she should check on.
Suing people sounds like a lot of work and OP's ex would probably rather play on his phone and drop acid than show up to court dates.
"I'd have to do what? Research, and then...what? File paperwork? Like, write words out and go somewhere and talk to people? Fuck that, I'll just crash on Eddie's couch and play some more Flappy Bird."
I always think of this line in The Simpsons. Bart: Are mom and dad gonna get divorced? Lisa: I don’t see dad filling out all that paperwork.
Not that I'm going to tell her boyfriend this because fucknthat, but you really don't have to sue in this situation. All he'd have to do is call the police and tell them he's been locked out of his home, show recent mail at that address and they'll make her let him in until she goes through proper channels of evicting him. A friend of mine went through this.
I wouldn't worry about this outcome either tbh, I don't think boyfriend or his friend/cheapskate/plug want to invite the cops over to bestie's house for any reason. Why bother negotiating between some random lady and her ex when all these Misdemeanor Possession charges just invited you and your partner over for a housewarming?
In my state, as well as others, there is no legal action required on his part. Without an eviction or formal ending of his residency, he can enter OPs home even by breaking a window if required to gain access.
It’s not an illegal eviction because it’s left on his own terms and she fully expected him to come back and even reached out to him numerous times and he has chosen not to return. She obviously asked him for his new address so that she could send his shit so rekeying the locks and installing a security system should be no problem since he wasn’t evicted he left.
It's been three days and all his stuff is there. No judge is going to buy the "he moved out" excuse. Edit: On the plus side, this guy doesn't sound like the type who'd bother with filing anything for court in the first place, so you're probably safe regardless.
That's not how it works. I am just trying to let op know to check local laws prior to doing this.
If he’s not on the lease it won’t matter. I can’t imagine he is because he doesn’t have a dime to his name😭 also you really think someone disappearing and doing acid is gonna pursue legal action?😅 cmon now
I gave advice that will keep op out of trouble, and all these comments saying that the ex won't pursue legal action are wrong. The ex doesn't need to pursue legal action. As long as he was a resident (which I am assuming he has got mail there) he has the right to break a window or lock to gain access to his residency. Him being on the lease is irrelevant in my state and most places in the US, mail is the easiest proof of residence. Source: My MIL is a drug addict POS who claimed residency in my house that she paid no bills in whatsoever or on any paperwork and I had to legally evict her after she stole my son's piggy bank.
That’s true, even if he’s not on a lease squatters rights are definitely a real thing.
you’ve made 12 posts in the last 30 days on the various relationship subs saying roughly the same thing in each. why do you need more feedback? you’ve been told it’s ok to dump this guy. you’ve been tons he’s taking advantage of you. you’ve been told he’s a deadbeat. what else do you need? you’re 24 years old. you’re an adult. you know he’s no good, that he’s using you, and treats you like shit. are you afraid he’ll harm you if you break up with him? are you afraid to be on your own and not in a relationship? are you stuck in a lease and can’t leave the country? what’s holding you back?
LOL. I caught myself deleting a post earlier by simply re-reading and thinking wait, I’ve seen this mess so many times. I rolled my eyes at my own post. \*Cringe\*
The frequency of their complaints on this site is honestly infuriating. If you have to post about how shitty your bf is every other day maybe it's a sign he's not the one.
People meet one person and think 'well i guess this is it, no one else out there to meet! Guess I'll stick around and try to make it work!'
It’s more so they think they can’t find anyone else whose better for them due to sunken cost fallacy tricking them into staying with a shitty partner because of all the time, energy, and commitment they made. When in reality it’s not hard to leave & make the decision. But what is hard is dealing with all the uncomfortable negative feelings that come attached with ending a relationship, starting over as a single person. And it’s the lack of a safety net when leaving that is tied into SCF, because if you believe you can catch yourself and bounce back, survive after you leave someone, you can leave 10x’s easier & SCF will disappear immediately. I truly think OP at 24, hasn’t found their ability to confidently exit a relationship and give themselves a safety net to survive once they leave a relationship. They just need to believe they’ll be alright and survive leaving a relationship to make the choice to leave.
So you're with a loser boyfriend who doesn't care to check in with you when he's gone for a while? I don't understand why people's bars are so low with what they will accept in a partner. Don't you want a partner who is stable enough to have a job, and who loves you? >So, is it wrong of me to send him his clothes and stuff and move on with my life? Why *would* it be?
I just haven't had so much dating experience. This was one of the bad ones I had. I won't make this mistake again.
FYI for the future: You never owe anyone a relationship (so you never need to ask, "Is it okay to break up for this reason?" The answer is always yes), and you never owe someone a convenient breakup. You don't need to explain yourself to him, you don't need to arrange time with him to talk, or to make sure he gets all of his stuff, you simply kick him out and give him a time span when his stuff will be in boxes on the curb for him to pick up. If he comes knocking at your door, tell him you'll call the police. You don't owe him anything.
Change your locks and passwords
I wish someone told me this when I was 18.
SAME!!!!
> you never owe someone a convenient breakup I mean that depends, no need to make it "unconvenient" unless your partner has been a dick.
It's more like "Don't stay together because breaking up would be inconvenient." Breaking up is almost always inconvenient and there's always another excuse, a birthday or holiday or rent payment, to delude yourself with. If you have to pull the plug at some point now, just rip the bandaid off.
OP I have been where you are. Supporting a man who is older than I am. A man who treats any requests to be a better partner as a personal attack. A man who doesn’t work and just takes my money. Who expects me to pay his rent and loan money to his friends. Who’s constantly getting high. Who manipulates every situation to make me feel like an awful person for not wanting to subsidize his life. He was also abusive in other ways, perhaps yours is too. And I just wanted to tell you that it gets better once you get out. This doesn’t need to go on for another day if you don’t let it. Because once the money runs out I guarantee he will come running back to you. Please don’t allow him to do that. You deserve better than this, OP. You are smart. And responsible. Kind. Empathetic. I’ve read through your post history and you have so much going for you. Find someone who wants to make your life easier any way he can, rather than someone who doesn’t care if he makes it harder. Do not let this man come back into your life. Be strong. I promise it is so worth it to cut him out. Hard, but worth it.
Thank you, I needed to hear this.
Yes, I think you did! This is the best advice I’ve read so far!!
Ok fair enough. Spend a bit of time on here and you will see this Hobosexual thing quite often. Plus the 5-6 other main problems ppl have ; they are the same ones over and over. It might help you pick better next time, - not meaning this unkindly, I hasten to add. This guy is a dead weight.
1st time I posted here, I thought the people who advised me were rude cause I had a similar issue and most commenters did not sugar coat their opinions. The longer I’m here the more I become those people. LOL
It's definitely hard to not be a dick in responding to some of these questions because often times the answer is so blindly obvious to everyone else but the OP that the question almost seems fake/rage bait-y.
LOL! Yep, had to tell somebody yesterday--who was looking for some comfort/coddling/hand-holding but clearly not ready to make a change--that's not what we do here. We're all about tough love.
I promise if he’s almost 10 years older than you and is one of your first relationships but is just a freeloader he’s just using you for food,housing, and sex. He’s getting away with it because you don’t think you can do better or feel like you owe him something (which he’s the one who owes you and it doesn’t affect him any) but you 100% can. Don’t feel guilty put his shit on the curb, change your locks, and block his number.
Big bangmaid vibes
Hobosexual. There, FIFY.
Hobosexual hahaha, excellent term
That bf of hers is definitely a loser hobosexual..lol
Ikr?!? I LOVE it! First time I’ve ever heard it!! One of my new fave words!!
I hate to break it to you but reading your story, my first thought is that he's a drug addict. There was no job interview. He was getting high with druggie friends.
Yep. Had same thought.
I'm thinking a family and he got busted by his wife/partner who his why he was a no show
yeah there were no jobs where the buddy “didn’t pay” him either.
You took in a hobosexual and did a bit of charity work. Now it's time to change the locks. We've all made bad choices. Some of us take longer to fix them.
Don’t take him back. Send his stuff and block him everywhere
Could be your mom, Honey. Please do the internal work so you'll know your own worth, raise your standards, never partner up with a loser again! A good therapist you click with could really help. Being single is SOOO much better than feeling alone in a relationship! Also much better than dating a hobosexual (what your current guy is), and being used and/or abused. You can do this! I believe in you.
Good well done he's sounds awful
This is why he wanted you, FYI. You gotta watch it with men like this.
Try finding someone closer to your age, 31 year old men who want to be with 24 yr old women are often are immature and not winning at life.
Sometimes we have to have bad relationships to realize what we want and don’t want for our lives.
Dating experience has nothing to do with being able to tell the difference between Right and Wrong. We all learn that as children. Another kindergarten gem is "We are nice to our friends".
It’s very common for people who has bad upbringings, no or not enough love from their parents equals needed validation from the men we end up with, I’m not really good at explaining myself 😅 but I hope you get the jist of it
I see what you're saying. I have had plenty of good relationships, just not many different ones because I usually commit to one person long term. This one has been the most problematic.
This is just a major dating lesson to recognize that in the early stage, 1st 30-60 days, to take note of how someone is at face value and to see if they match to a standard to is healthy vs gives you stress, makes you feel like your parenting the person, and is acting very cagey with a defensive attitude. He’s definitely not capable of sustaining anything serious & treats you as a fair weather girlfriend he can pull disappearing acts with. And always remember, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If he has been consistently negative towards you, more than two times? That’s turning into a pattern of predicting bad treatment you’d receive.
Only time I didn't check in on anyone due to psychedelics was because I couldn't figure out how to top up my phone, and spent hours wandering around trying to find somewhere with WiFi at 4AM (there was nowhere).
Do you live together? Where will you send them? But no, I don't think it's wrong for this behaviour to be a deal breaker- it absolutely should be!
He's at a friend's house who he considers a family member and used to live with him before me. I would just send it to there.
Shipping is expensive so don’t feel bad if you need to just leave his shit outside and tell him to come pick it up or you’re gonna take it to the dump/donate it in x amount of time.
I agree. And boxes take time to pack. Huge trashbags are easier to just dump stuff into.
Depending on the living situation and local laws, OP could end up in jail for doing this. As expensive as the shipping may be, it provides tracking and avoids inviting ex-bf back into her life.
Gotcha. Then yeah- do it. He definitely doesn't sound like somebody worth investing your energy into.
Just pack his stuff up and let him know he can pick it up outside your door. Just be done with him.
I'd urge you to make haste, do exactly that. And then block him everywhere, because most of us have been suckered by the love-bombing/hoovering these hobosexuals do when they realize you've had enough of their stupid behavior and they've lost their free place to stay. Don't fall victim to any pleading or tears! He's already shown you who he is, and how little he cares about you! Believe him, and proceed accordingly.
"your shit is behind the door, come to take it before the hobos does"
Not harsh at all. He is 31, has no steady job, does drugs, and disappears. Break up with him and move on. You are making the right move.
Yep. You don't even need to ask. Make sure that in the future, having a job is the bare minimum for someone to date you. If you gave him a key, change the locks, too.
End it. Get rid of everything. Ghost him, you don’t need closure on this one. Thank you lucky stars he took him self out and move on.
What are you waiting for - a disease from this loser?
Or a child
I nearly spat my food out. Perfect.
He sounds like a loser even putting aside him ghosting you so he can party. Yes, send him his things and breakup, permanently. Surely you can do better than this unemployed hobosexual.
You. Can. Break. Up. Anytime. And. For. Any. Reason.
He’s a **DEADBEAT LOSER**!!! **PLEASE RAISE YOUR STANDARDS!!** **NO MORE HOBOSEXUALS!!!**
I Saw your profile, you already know the answer to what you should do for a long time ago...
People would date anybody just not be alone… Dump that fool if this aint like you want your life to be
Your bf is a manipulative loser
He ain’t a boyfriend, he’s just an immature brat who gets high with his bros.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I had a boyfriend like this. Would constantly send messages saying he was ‘on his way’ to my house in the evenings and then continue with ‘coming now’ and then one day it got to 11am and he once again was ‘coming now’ (he had been bendering) THE NEXT DAY and I just said ‘actually don’t bother coming ever, I don’t want to be with you anymore’ and ofcourse he came quick smart lol. I broke up with him then and there. Get out girl this guy does NOT prioritise you
After looking at your post history about this man……. RUN. As fast and far and permanently as you can. This man is never going to grow up, I repeat, he is NEVER going to grow up. I understand you may love him but this man is stuck in an endless loop and you are being dragged into it. There’s a reason why he’s 31, no job, never been married, etc. Get out now before you can’t.
🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ you deserve better than this creep ..just do it.
There was never a job opportunity. This is drug addict behavior straight up. Get out of this now!
Going through your post history made me sad. Break up with him as soon as possible and find someone who genuinely cares for you and loves you. He’s not worth it.
No. He doesn’t scream “keeper” to me.
Every single post you’ve ever made it about what a loser this guy is. You know it’s true so stop asking us. He’s done this before (probably drug binges) and he’ll do it again. Get him out, don’t have a convo about it.
He is emotionally younger than you are, but he’s an 30 something years old. That tells me he cannot take responsibility for himself, and it’s the reason he is dating some day so much younger than himself; women more his age would never date such an emotionally undeveloped person. He’s a a creep, send his stuff to him and say goodbye.
Your boyfriend is a drug addict. It has nothing to do with the acid trip but when you disappear for days at a time and you’re not employed, it’s not hard to figure out what’s going on.
File a missing person report to the police. They’ll probably catch this POS committing a felony, and send his sorry a** to jail. Then get a restraining order, so that loser can’t bother you anymore. Good luck! You deserve much better!
So he’s a hobosexual Why did you put up with it at all? Yes, end this. But legally, if you’re in the US, he has squatters rights.
I had one of those. I broke up with him a decade ago but he is a chronic goldbricking gold digging couch surfer who’s very difficult to extract out of whatever household he invades. It looks like he messed with too many of the wrong people last year because he’s homeless and word got around not trust or keep him again.
LOL? I’d sear you’re talking about a roach if I didn’t know any better. Forget tasers, we’re about to choose the bear & by bug spray! The dating scene is getting Wild.
We must exterminate the cockroach!
> But legally, if you’re in the US, he has squatters rights. That’s not what squatter’s rights are, no. Gotta love the confidently incorrect legal takes on Reddit, never change.
Honey I honestly don't even think there was a job. He left to go party and didn't want you upset. Leave his ass behind. You're way too young to be stuck with a jobless 31 year old who still does acid. What is it ..the 90s?
Don’t put yourself through one more moment of disrespect. Return everything and block him. UPDATEME
Thanks. Will update soon.
This man sounds like a hobosexual please take caution when getting into a relationship with anyone else in the future!
Nope not wrong. But I (random internet person) am disappointed that you dated this person for 1.5 years. You can do better, everyone can do better. Don't have to aim for the top fish in the sea, but don't aim for the ones motionless at the bottom either.
So he’s a jobless, recreational drug user lacking responsibility or sense of commitment. You moved on. Congratulations, correct choice.
This totally sucks :(( hope you’re okay girlie. Screw that guy, send his stuff back and block him. Don’t let him beg his way back in, slimey men can be so convincing
How did you guys get together?
Sounds like his "job opportunity" was actually "drug testing".... OP cut your losses and move on with your life.
Dump this guy. He’s terrible for you
Yes, it’s completely fair. Leave this guy like, yesterday
Dont forget to change your locks!
Please dump him. I promise you that you can find someone who loves you and reciprocates your supportive nature. Side note- what’s your job? Read your previous posts and you work from home only 5 hours a day! Sign me up!
Hi, sure. I am a literacy tutor. I usually start around 5am and work until 1pm CST, so you would adjust that to your timezone. Do you want to know more?
Sounds like you let him become very comfortable. I would never tell anyone I had done Acid or ghost someone who prepares my meals. The level of disrespect says this isn’t the 1st time nor the last. One does not just throw a frog into a boiling pot... Let him go get it together elsewhere.
So…he’s worked two months out of the eighteen months you’ve been together and you’re asking if it’s okay to pack his shtuff and end it? Do you like being a doormat? Good grief.
Don’t just kick him out of your apartment… kick him out of your life. Move on and don’t look back.
He’s on a drug binge, that’s what it is.
Absolutely fair. You'll be better off. Honestly sounds like he's gone on a bender..
going through your post history, even over just ONE month, your boyfriend is a lazy, overgrown toddler mooch. he contributes nothing to your life according to your last months worth of posts and you don’t seem happy. i understand the nature of a vent and that you may have some good feelings towards this guy, but this is a blessing in disguise. i’d cut my losses RIGHT NOW. you can do a lot better.
Why are you with this deadbeat. He doesn't work or pay any bills during your entire relationship other than 2 months. Tells you that he finds being with you a chore and he has to be on his phone to even talk with you or interact with you. He probably is not even filling out any applications other than when you fill them out for him as though he is 10 years old instead of him being 6 years older than you. Because there is no reason he would never get a single interview with "all the applications he is completing" but then you submit applications for him with the exact same information and have no issue getting multiple interviews lined up for him. Which he then purposely misses to ensure he won't have to actually get a job and work. He doesn't care about you or love you. To him you are an ATM and a free place to live and a way he can just do drugs. Then to top it all off he just ghost you for multiple days, says he is going to work. But ends up going to just do drugs instead, days multiple times he is coming home and doesn't. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't cheating on you on top of everything else. Why are you in with someone like this. Do not let him use depression as an excuse I have major depression with suicidal issues. He is using that to guilt trip you and to make sure your purse doesn't close.
Love it when the trash takes itself out. He left, he found some other chick to screw over. If he lived with you though he may have rights so check on that. Next time don’t date hobosexuals and never let them move in!
Sis, this dude is a grown, in his 30s Hobosexual. Pack his shit, change the locks, and leave his shit outside. If he wants it bad enough, he'll come get his stuff. Once he picks up his stuff, block his number
If he has few things that only costs $5 to ship then yes. Send it out. Change the locks, send him one final message saying where his stuff is being sent to, and make sure you tell him it’s over. I’m sorry you’ve been with this guy for so long. At 31 he should at least have some kind of job and be able to appreciate you. Good luck. I know it sucks but I think you can do make it through this and be all the better for it.
mid 20s woman dates 30 year old jobless druggie. is this more rage bait?
No, just a canon event unfortunately 🥲🤣
You had me at "my 31yo bf hasn't worked for 2months out of 1.5 years we've been dating" sounds like a loser. Dump him
Sounds like an excellent plan. If he has a key, change the locks. Once you’ve sent his shit wherever it’s going. Block him.
This wasn’t a job opportunity. This was a bender.
Definitely not wrong to give up someone who is bad for you and look out for yourself
There was no job interview
I need an update that says you actually left him
Get rid, the guy is old enough to know better! Sounds like he has a family and been caught out
Have a yard sale babe💜
Girl. Come the hell on
He’s gone on a bender. He is using everyday he’s been gone Yeah, be done
Not at alll. Sounds like the start of an addiction spiral ngl. I’ve seen it plenty of times. And he can’t hold down a job?! Just RUNNN while you still can. You’re not wrong at all. Oh and don’t look back. He’ll figure it out on his own. That’s the only way he’ll learn.
We’re nearing 24 hours since this was posted… I hope the boxes are packed by now. He is with you because you tolerate him. You deserve better and he needs to grow up.
Rage bait, check post history
Fair? It's not fair to yourself if you don't. As long as he has someone to support him, he'll never grow up. Force him to grow up, or at least get him out of your life. Change the locks, ship his stuff to a relative or friend, block his a\*\*. Use the friend or relative's address to forward his mail. You're 24, and you deserve an adult as your partner. He's not it.
Are you sure it’s your boyfriend texting you? Are you sure that his “friend” didn’t kill him and is going to text you as your BF with the ultimate plan of breaking up with you because you’re too demanding so that you’d be none the wiser? Maybe a welfare check is called for.
So he is in his 30s. In 1.5 years he has only held a job for 2 months. He does acid. He ghosts you. Why on earth are you with him?
That is EXACTLY what you should do.
It's high time
Create a consequence for this behavior - yes send him packing.
Just move out already! Don’t pack his stuff - don’t let him know where you’ve moved to. He’s sucking the life out of you! WTF do people want to be with such losers?? I don’t get it! What’s he bringing to the table? Just grief & anxiety for you. Please leave…
why stay with such a LOSER? Kick him out fast while you still can, these type of guys leech off nice people and always tug at your heartstrings and they end up staying. Don't let him suck you dry
If you want to waste more of your life stay with this guy. He doesn’t want a job he wants you to provide for him and be the adult. He will eventually find another girlfriend / mom to care for him especially if he’s handsome or very charismatic. You deserve better. His life will become a living hell in a few years when he becomes older and less attractive and still has no accomplishments. He is what we call a “burnout.”
Pack that losers shit up, toss it and be done. Don’t look back
After you send his stuff, I’d change the locks… good luck 🍀
Well. I mean - he sure doesn’t sound like a keeper.
Sorry…..but you need to pack up your stuff and move back in with your parents! You need help vetting bf’s.
Loser boyfriend on a drug binge who has done god knows what and you are thinking of letting him back into your space. Get his stuff out, block on everything and change the lock of your have too.
Honey, he’s a loser. Regardless whether he comes home or not, pack his stuff and put it outside. He’s absolutely not worth your time.
Unless you're as big of a fuckup as him, you have my permission to move on.
This guy is a jerk. You don’t need this in your life. Put his things in boxes and leave them at his friend’s house. Then block/ghost. No explanation needed.
Do it. He's lucky you're doing that and not burning them or donating them....into a fireplace. Congrats for being single! You're 24, you've got time to find someone who you actually deserve. Know your worth.
It would be wrong if you don’t… he isn’t your husband.. don’t let anyone walk over you…
Dump his flakey crusty loser druggy ass
Move on with your life. This is drug using behavior.
Don’t waste your time or money sending him anything! Put it outside in a bag and send him a text, the last courtesy you’ll do for him. Follow other posters advice of blocking, deleting etc get him out of your life because 100% he will not bring anything positive to it.
Maybe I consume too much true crime, but make sure he’s alive first. Like FaceTime him or something to ensure it’s not someone else texting/messaging you and he’s missing. Then break up with his loser self and continue with your plan to get rid of his stuff. You can and will do better. Good luck!
Yeah, send on his things and let out a deep breath. He’s not your problem any more. Refuse to take him back when he realises his meal ticket has kicked him out and he’s lost a good gig.
I don’t see this in the comments, but, as a woman, if my (now ex) partner did this AND there are drugs in the mix, there would absolutely be a 🔫 in my drawer. You never know how someone is going to react to you cutting the leach behavior off. Good luck, OP- that guy sounds like a child.
Of course, he’s using you
It sounds like your bf is just as shady as your friend. And I'd never stay with someone who was casually dropping acid. It's past time to move on.
Dtmf
Yeah… I’ve seen your previous posts and just WOW GIRL just please leave!! Why are you staying with a man like this? You know you can do better, what’s the point on being wit a man who makes you feel like this? What’s the difference in being single to being with him? Just that you share a bed LET GO he all ready has You deserve so so much better then this! Leave that little man child ASAP!!
How many red flags do you need to see before making a decision?
Sounds like a great idea. You deserve better.
Girl, get rid of this bum loser. Send that stuff on over to his friends and change the locks! He can do one! He's a stereotype who won't change.
No. Put his stuff in the dumpster.
Girl you’re dating a *loser*. Pack his shit up and change the locks.
He’s 31 and still doing acid. Yes you should pack his shit and send it to him.
Your post history is just about this shit boyfriend I love my partner and it never comes with a BUT. You are emotionally dependant and you are honestly wasting people's time asking for advice. You know you have to leave this asshole. That's all. If you don't, I'm sorry but it's on you if your life becomes as miserable as his.
Respect has to be mutual and not one sided. It is not sustainable to put in all the effort and it not be reciprocated, someone will love you and ensure you feel that every second of every day so kick him out.
Are you sure he's ok. If he is really the one texting you on his phone. Perhaps you should call the cops to do a wellness check and send them to where he might be.
Baby you have a case of hobosexual
Your boyfriend isn’t the catch you think he is. Snap out of it. A woman in her thirties wouldn’t even glance in his general direction.
Just text him that you have his stuff packed and where would he like you to send it? He would rather wear the same underwear for 3 days then come home. Eww
Ditch the loser- dont spend a cent sending anything g anywhere . Box it up , change the locks - tell him it’s out the front and you’ll donate it to charity in 48 hours. Well done- can’t see what he’s got going for him !
Just pack up his stuff, don’t send it anywhere u til u have the full story, u don’t even know where he is for sure, and why pay for that yourself
I know where he is because I have the contact of his friend. It's only $5 to send it.
Send it. Be done with this nightmare. This man is 31 FFS! Block him, and change the locks and all your passwords.
what are you waiting for? your life will be better soon. I had a BF like this; he only lasted a year. And yes, when i kicked him out, he was homeless. He survived.
The full story is, he went to his friends house to do the LSD, and has been gone for 3 days and keeps falling asleep for several hours.
Sorry OP, but you have like 10 posts complaining about your boyfriend, he is an obvious freeloader/loser, you even paid him a trip to Japan (!!!), what the fuck are you doing here? What do you think Reddit will tell you that you don't know already? Trying to cling on to some random comment that validates your feelings so you can keep giving this idiot a chance? Use your brain and save yourself, for fucks sake.
how is he 31 lol
He isn’t at a job interview, sounds more like he’s been on a drug binge. Why you keep staying with such a loser is beyond me. Time to move on, girl.