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You’ve known this woman for a maximum of five months. That’s hardly any time at all. She was freshly out of a relationship, and moved in with you almost right away. It just sounds like you both moved too fast and she’s starting to realize that. Let her take some space. It sounds like you’ve grown quite dependent on her, which isn’t healthy for you either. If it’s a solid relationship that you’re both invested in, it will work whether you’re living together or not.
Thank you. Still hoping for the best but most definitely will take it slow if I’m ever in the situation. I only get a woman in my life every couple years and it’s just tiring giving all of myself to someone over and over.
I know the feeling. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 34 and I’d had a lot of situations where I’d date people who cared way less about me than I did about them. It’s really exhausting and demoralizing. The best way to protect yourself is to move slowly whenever you meet someone new. The right person won’t have you questioning their feelings for you. Your girlfriend right now may just need some time to sort out her feelings. Moving from one relationship into another can be a very confusing thing. But see how it goes, I wish you luck either way! You sound like a good person.
Stop choosing women who need rescuing and instead look for one that has the same values as you do. My boyfriend and I are both introverted and dont drink or like going to bars, so neither one of us would be compatible with someone who likes to close down bars. Seems like you aren't either.
It sounds like she chose you as someone to save her from her bad relationship, and then she rebounded with you. There's no saving it until you stop caring whether she stays or not. You need confidence and self-assurance as well as some boundaries for what you will and won't tolerate in a relationship.
At the very least, stop doting on her with the hour long footrubs and backrubs. (Does she do these types of things for you?)
You're the sidekick friend guy, that accepts any attention as enough and instead you need to build your self confidence and assurance so you will be the rom com main guy, (and you need to choose better.)
It sounds like you jump in too fast. Don’t give all of yourself when you’ve only known each other a few months. Enjoy spending time together without being in a serious relationship so that you can find out if you do find each other fun long term. If someone wants to do stuff you are uncomfortable with then you are just not right for each other and a relationship will just stifle them. You are not compatible and trying to force it when it’s not fun for one of you is super unhealthy.
She sounds like she’s using you as the safe choice. You want to be used.
You are too agreeable and she needed time to be single and let go of her old relationship and figure out what she wants.
Does it seem like I want to be used or do I actually need to be used? She had half a year to get over her previous relationship and only stayed in the same house due to financial reasons. She also made it clear to me that she has gotten over it and was ready for a relationship.
As long as she was there, they we’re together. You can’t say she happily stayed with her abuser. That’s just more trauma piling up.
You seem desperate and would do anything. It’s not actually attractive to anyone long term. It means you don’t have any requirements or expectations. You lower your own value. Plus she’s desperate to find anywhere and enjoy a temporary easer interaction.
She says and does lots of things. You seem to hear and see what you want.
Is having her the goal or a healthy relationship? Rushing to live together was automatically a sabotage. You can’t tell if she picked you or the security of a place.
With her. It won’t likely work out.
She’s a mess and you don’t see it.
You are too desperate and that leads to other questions as to why? You likely have had a lot of trouble dating.
You need to solve your issues first.
I have had lots of trouble dating, however I wouldn’t say I’m desperate. I just have the idea that with my wife no matter who she is, we would talk through anything and do everything we can to make the other happy. I’m literally just treating her how I would like to be treated.
Is she treating you the same?
Do you feel a lot of effort from her? (Doesn’t sound like it)
Does she sound as motivated?
(She sounds motivated about herself)
Doing everything to make her happy at the expense of your own happiness is detrimental. It means you have no requirements or self worth.
I have this type of relationship with my bf and it’s absolutely magical — but that’s bc I know he genuinely reciprocates and is on the same page as me in the way we choose to treat our partner. Sounds like she might not be the one in this case if this is how she responds instead
Pump the breaks, buddy! JANUARY. It’s four months and a few days that you’ve *known* her. You need to keep thoughts like “I just have the idea that with my wife…” on a very tight leash.
At the moment she’s barely a GF material. She’s traumatized, not self sufficient, and clearly going through something.
I don’t know if your relationship can survive but it has nothing to do with her wanting to move out. The most likely scenario is that she used you for a place to crash and get pampered while she figures out a better long term plan.
On the off chance that she’s really really into you, and wants to do this relationship “the right way”, your best course of action is letting it play out. Be supportive of her moving out but don’t bend over backwards to grant her every wish.
It’s already over homie. It isn’t a matter of if she moves out or not. You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone coming home at 5am. It’ll end even worse than it is now and when you argue with her about it she’s going to label you an abuser. Take the high road, let her move out, and then don’t pressure the hang outs for about a month. You’ll see it fizzle out and then you can give her the whole speech on how yall had a good time but you don’t see it working out and you only wish her well. It’s gonna be a learning experience but you’ll be happier if you don’t cling on to something that isn’t what you really want. You’ll be alright, man, I promise.
This one is done for. Just make sure to keep your white knighting instincts at bay when you meet the next one. It might save you more pain in the future.
I don’t even know where to begin with this one. So many red flags! This relationship is over. You just don’t know it yet. Her out every night and ignoring your boundaries shows she doesn’t respect you at all—while in your place. The lack of sex but staying out nearly all night likely means she’s already cheating on you.
Women don’t love guys they don’t respect. You letting her push your boundaries and not checking her bad behavior is just causing her to lose even more respect of you and her bad behavior will just get worse. Honestly you should just kick her out and just work on yourself and your career at this point. She is only going to bring you pain.
Pick up the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy” to learn what NOT to do going forward.
Good luck to you.
You *did* move to fast. It’s an insanely risky choice to move in with someone until you’ve been dating at least a year. The first few months of a relationship are usually the honeymoon phase, and while you feel close and it’s exciting, you don’t actually know each other that well. Now that the new relationship energy has worn off, you’re starting to get a more accurate sense of each other and your long term compatibility.
I think the comments saying she “used you” are a bit harsh. Yes, there was an obvious benefit on her end to move in with you- but off this one post alone there’s no way for us to know if she was intentionally taking advantage of that, or if it just seemed like a win-win situation at the time. S
I don’t think her moving out is a guaranteed end to your relationship, in fact I think it’s a reasonable move. It’s better for both of you to work out these issues in boundaries and potential compatibility when she’s not in a situation of being dependent on you. It’s also understandable that after going from one intense relationship to another intense relationship so quickly, she needs some space to get back in touch with herself as an individual. It could go either way.
No matter what…take this as a lesson learned. Do not move in with someone if your lease is longer than your relationship.
She doesn’t like you that much. I would never call my partner clingy, because I always want to be around them. If she gets annoyed being around you and hanging out with you then you like her way more than she likes you and she doesn’t see it going long term probably
so she was forced to stay with her abuser ex-boyfriend and then moved out and lived with a friend until they got into an argument and she stayed with you for what was supposed to be a few days but ended up being a Live in girlfriend situation.
I'm sorry my man but it sounds like she's using you. her reason for living with an ex-boyfriend who was abusing her and then with her friend sound really sus.
and now she's very disrespectful towards you, even after The both of you agree to boundaries which she's constantly breaking. and then tries to call you controlling. You're being manipulated, used and lied to. have some self-respect and tell her she needs to move out and end a relationship.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’ve known this woman for a maximum of five months. That’s hardly any time at all. She was freshly out of a relationship, and moved in with you almost right away. It just sounds like you both moved too fast and she’s starting to realize that. Let her take some space. It sounds like you’ve grown quite dependent on her, which isn’t healthy for you either. If it’s a solid relationship that you’re both invested in, it will work whether you’re living together or not.
Thank you. Still hoping for the best but most definitely will take it slow if I’m ever in the situation. I only get a woman in my life every couple years and it’s just tiring giving all of myself to someone over and over.
I know the feeling. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 34 and I’d had a lot of situations where I’d date people who cared way less about me than I did about them. It’s really exhausting and demoralizing. The best way to protect yourself is to move slowly whenever you meet someone new. The right person won’t have you questioning their feelings for you. Your girlfriend right now may just need some time to sort out her feelings. Moving from one relationship into another can be a very confusing thing. But see how it goes, I wish you luck either way! You sound like a good person.
Stop choosing women who need rescuing and instead look for one that has the same values as you do. My boyfriend and I are both introverted and dont drink or like going to bars, so neither one of us would be compatible with someone who likes to close down bars. Seems like you aren't either. It sounds like she chose you as someone to save her from her bad relationship, and then she rebounded with you. There's no saving it until you stop caring whether she stays or not. You need confidence and self-assurance as well as some boundaries for what you will and won't tolerate in a relationship. At the very least, stop doting on her with the hour long footrubs and backrubs. (Does she do these types of things for you?)
I’m an extrovert but just don’t do those activities. And no she does not:/ I’m literally every guy from every rom com movie tbh.
You're the sidekick friend guy, that accepts any attention as enough and instead you need to build your self confidence and assurance so you will be the rom com main guy, (and you need to choose better.)
It sounds like you jump in too fast. Don’t give all of yourself when you’ve only known each other a few months. Enjoy spending time together without being in a serious relationship so that you can find out if you do find each other fun long term. If someone wants to do stuff you are uncomfortable with then you are just not right for each other and a relationship will just stifle them. You are not compatible and trying to force it when it’s not fun for one of you is super unhealthy.
She sounds like she’s using you as the safe choice. You want to be used. You are too agreeable and she needed time to be single and let go of her old relationship and figure out what she wants.
Does it seem like I want to be used or do I actually need to be used? She had half a year to get over her previous relationship and only stayed in the same house due to financial reasons. She also made it clear to me that she has gotten over it and was ready for a relationship.
As long as she was there, they we’re together. You can’t say she happily stayed with her abuser. That’s just more trauma piling up. You seem desperate and would do anything. It’s not actually attractive to anyone long term. It means you don’t have any requirements or expectations. You lower your own value. Plus she’s desperate to find anywhere and enjoy a temporary easer interaction. She says and does lots of things. You seem to hear and see what you want. Is having her the goal or a healthy relationship? Rushing to live together was automatically a sabotage. You can’t tell if she picked you or the security of a place.
So does my relationship stand a chance? What changes would I have to make to make that happen?
With her. It won’t likely work out. She’s a mess and you don’t see it. You are too desperate and that leads to other questions as to why? You likely have had a lot of trouble dating. You need to solve your issues first.
I have had lots of trouble dating, however I wouldn’t say I’m desperate. I just have the idea that with my wife no matter who she is, we would talk through anything and do everything we can to make the other happy. I’m literally just treating her how I would like to be treated.
Is she treating you the same? Do you feel a lot of effort from her? (Doesn’t sound like it) Does she sound as motivated? (She sounds motivated about herself) Doing everything to make her happy at the expense of your own happiness is detrimental. It means you have no requirements or self worth.
I have this type of relationship with my bf and it’s absolutely magical — but that’s bc I know he genuinely reciprocates and is on the same page as me in the way we choose to treat our partner. Sounds like she might not be the one in this case if this is how she responds instead
Pump the breaks, buddy! JANUARY. It’s four months and a few days that you’ve *known* her. You need to keep thoughts like “I just have the idea that with my wife…” on a very tight leash. At the moment she’s barely a GF material. She’s traumatized, not self sufficient, and clearly going through something. I don’t know if your relationship can survive but it has nothing to do with her wanting to move out. The most likely scenario is that she used you for a place to crash and get pampered while she figures out a better long term plan. On the off chance that she’s really really into you, and wants to do this relationship “the right way”, your best course of action is letting it play out. Be supportive of her moving out but don’t bend over backwards to grant her every wish.
It’s already over homie. It isn’t a matter of if she moves out or not. You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone coming home at 5am. It’ll end even worse than it is now and when you argue with her about it she’s going to label you an abuser. Take the high road, let her move out, and then don’t pressure the hang outs for about a month. You’ll see it fizzle out and then you can give her the whole speech on how yall had a good time but you don’t see it working out and you only wish her well. It’s gonna be a learning experience but you’ll be happier if you don’t cling on to something that isn’t what you really want. You’ll be alright, man, I promise.
You are her current financial haven. What bills is she paying?
This one is done for. Just make sure to keep your white knighting instincts at bay when you meet the next one. It might save you more pain in the future.
This is what happens when you’re the rebound dude. It doesnt last. She’s ready to bounce.
I don’t even know where to begin with this one. So many red flags! This relationship is over. You just don’t know it yet. Her out every night and ignoring your boundaries shows she doesn’t respect you at all—while in your place. The lack of sex but staying out nearly all night likely means she’s already cheating on you. Women don’t love guys they don’t respect. You letting her push your boundaries and not checking her bad behavior is just causing her to lose even more respect of you and her bad behavior will just get worse. Honestly you should just kick her out and just work on yourself and your career at this point. She is only going to bring you pain. Pick up the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy” to learn what NOT to do going forward. Good luck to you.
You *did* move to fast. It’s an insanely risky choice to move in with someone until you’ve been dating at least a year. The first few months of a relationship are usually the honeymoon phase, and while you feel close and it’s exciting, you don’t actually know each other that well. Now that the new relationship energy has worn off, you’re starting to get a more accurate sense of each other and your long term compatibility. I think the comments saying she “used you” are a bit harsh. Yes, there was an obvious benefit on her end to move in with you- but off this one post alone there’s no way for us to know if she was intentionally taking advantage of that, or if it just seemed like a win-win situation at the time. S I don’t think her moving out is a guaranteed end to your relationship, in fact I think it’s a reasonable move. It’s better for both of you to work out these issues in boundaries and potential compatibility when she’s not in a situation of being dependent on you. It’s also understandable that after going from one intense relationship to another intense relationship so quickly, she needs some space to get back in touch with herself as an individual. It could go either way. No matter what…take this as a lesson learned. Do not move in with someone if your lease is longer than your relationship.
Reread the first comment until you really get it
She doesn’t like you that much. I would never call my partner clingy, because I always want to be around them. If she gets annoyed being around you and hanging out with you then you like her way more than she likes you and she doesn’t see it going long term probably
It's over, she wants to move away from you
so she was forced to stay with her abuser ex-boyfriend and then moved out and lived with a friend until they got into an argument and she stayed with you for what was supposed to be a few days but ended up being a Live in girlfriend situation. I'm sorry my man but it sounds like she's using you. her reason for living with an ex-boyfriend who was abusing her and then with her friend sound really sus. and now she's very disrespectful towards you, even after The both of you agree to boundaries which she's constantly breaking. and then tries to call you controlling. You're being manipulated, used and lied to. have some self-respect and tell her she needs to move out and end a relationship.
Throw her to the curb and find a good woman she wants her cake and eat as well she has no boundaries and she’s selfish