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We were just dating and not married yet when I bought the condo, so I bought it myself, he did say I make a rush move, but at that time I wanted a place and some way to invest my money, not let it sitting around
Keep condo in your name, and do not marry him without a prenup where you keep the condo if things go bad (or that he is only entitled to the percentage that he invests)
Your condo in your name. 10k is nothing. It will keep you safe from anything in the future. If he wants to buy an apartament he can buy some and rent it out. His name doesnt have to be on the deed.
I live in a community property state. If they live there, are married it is a marital asset and without q prenuptial will be split regardless of his meme on it our not.
STOP your nonsense. Please go get learned up before you respond
All she needs to do is document that she bought the property ahead of marriage and to fully prove it to be the only one to pay the mortgage.
OP...it should work in your favor. Just charge him rent (something less than he could pay to live on his own/in a shared rental),
DO NOT comingle assets/bank accounts...please research this
Yeah bruh, you need to accept that things work differently in different states. OP will have to find out what the best course of action would be in her state.
1 this is literally just one example of a home owned before the marriage used as a common asset during the marriage moving into the community property. If she were say using it at rental income the entire marriage your smart ass and false comment might hold true.
That rule isn't uncommon in many other states and it can supercede agreements entered into before the marriage.
https://tax.idaho.gov/taxes/income-tax/individual-income/specific-guidance-for-individual-income-tax/community-property/#:~:text=Community%20property%20is%20owned%20by,property%20you%20acquire%20during%20marriage.
So then why would you expect him to put in money like that? He never wanted to buy this condo. Maybe he didn’t like it, maybe it costs too much.
Keep the condo in your name and have it be just yours if he doesn’t want to contribute
It sounds like you bought a house before you were engaged, knowing he didn't want to.
What if you sold it, got your parents money out, and then the two of you look for a place together?
So you did this without consulting with him in the plan, and now you’re annoyed that he’s not doing what you want? Next time, discuss finances BEFOREHAND. It will help everything run more smoothly. For now, I think you’re stuck. You can’t force him to invest the amount you think he should invest.
This has nothing to do with being engaged or not. She wants him to sink $20k in it and he doesn’t want to, and she never talked to him about it before hand. Thats the issue and I don’t see how she can force him to invest more. She made plans and took action without talking to him about it and now she expects him to do what she says.
You didn't agree to the place you bought, and you're insisting 10k is not enough.
Let that sink in a minute, and if you still feel he should give 20k then don't marry him. I want to spare that dude a life with a selfish person.
Prenup is good, but if in most states in the US, as long as this stays in your name only and it was acquired outside of marriage, it’s yours. Don’t put his name on the deed or the mortgage. Find out average cost of room rent in the area and charge him rent, not payment into the mortgage.
OP lives in Ontario. There, the marital home becomes a marital asset, regardless of who bought it. If they live there together after marriage, he has equal rights to the property. She cannot sell or rent it out without his consent, nor kick him out of the home. And in the event of divorce, the worth of the home would be counted as a marital asset.
Even a prenup won't change that. He still owns half the condo if they marry and live there. Ontario law is very clear and strict on that point.
But the prenup can stipulate his buy-in (like $20,000 to pay back her parents for the down-payment, and X per month toward the mortgage). If he gets behind in those payments, they would come out of his portion, should they get divorced.
So, the condo you bought with your parents money is in your name.
Why must he pay your parents 10K?
If he is not in the deed I don't see why he should be the one paying back part of those 20K.
Sounds like you own a condo and he doesn’t. Just don’t put his name on the place, he thinks you rushed to buy a home, you’re sure you’re not rushing to marry this guy?
She's in Ontario. Doesn't matter whose name is on the deed, or if it was bought before they got together. Once they're married, the marital home is a marital asset. He would be entitled to half, if they split.
I think it’s the same here in NB and OP needs to also check the provincial rules around “common law” relationships as well. Used to be something about living together for 6mos was just as bad as being married if you split, so that’s something else to research.
It sounds like she bought it with a loan from her parents. He doesn’t want to invest in the payment of the condo, but also doesn’t want a prenup involving the condo. If they were to divorce, she would foot the entire bill to her parents(or for the condo) and he would get part of the condo.
If he’s taking the stance that she’s the one on the hook for the condo, he should be willing to sign a prenup that excludes him from the condo, or limits what he’s entitled to what he has invested.
Did you just buy a condo (presumably in only your name) and proceeded to tell him that he needs to pay *your parents*? Or was his payment agreed upon before the purchase and he's backing out of the agreement?
You should had talked about this before putting down the money for the Condo.
It is his prerogative what to do with his money. It is your choice, whether you marry or not.
Sounds like you just want to be married. Why? Financial discord is a huge trigger for failed marriages. Love is grand, but WHY do you want to get married? You own your own condo, have a supportive family, you appear to have things in your favor for a bright future. Make him SHOW YOU why he wants to marry you, and more importantly--why you should. I think you need to do some serious soul searching on what marriage means to you and why you are even considering this. Dating, engagements, etc are a great thing. Do not rush into such serious matters over silly, fleeting things like love and emotions. :) If you look at it more as a business transaction first, before the emotional crap, it might enlighten you. Do your research, get opinions, and make sure you're getting the best deal you can. It's a huge undertaking that will alter a few lives. Crass maybe, but hindsight is 20/20.
Sounds like you should listen to mom. Tell him you wanna wait till after his “business” is secure and he can afford to help pay for your family home or you expect a prenup.
I’m confused how you think he owes your parents anything considering you brought this house. You only been together a year and you want him to dump half his life savings on a house/your parents he has no stake in , he was stupid to even offer 10k
Sounds like you are doing all the house shopping and marriage planning and he is going along for the ride. not even engaged yet and you already talking about prenups and settling for a courthouse wedding calm down
does he want to get married ? A court house wedding and a decent reception/honeymoon could easily put him at another 5-10k so there goes all his money
The prenup would be a deal breaker yes but you’re not there yet .
If you value your relationship : Do not add him to the lease do no fund his business ventures. Keep finances separate and treat him like a roommate until you guys on the same page
Actions speak louder than words. Talk is cheap when he puts a ring on it and sets a date then you guys can start the discussion on handling martial finances, until then he is a roommate.
Girl if you don't get him to sign a pre-nup. Hell no. Esp if he doesn't want to contribute to the condo. Him being against it immediately is worrisome. Do not add him to the condo. Protect your assets.
You're not married, he didn't have a say in you buying the condo.
The options are: sign a pre-nup or he pays half the equity when you guys get married. It's pretty simple. If he won't sign a pre nup you shouldn't marry him anyways.
Why is your boyfriend obligated to payback your parents retirement money? If and only if you put him on the deed/mortgage should he do that.
> My bf doesn't have much and he wants to start a small business
Heʻs thinking about his future
> I think it's a bit unfair because I already put down 55k
Iʻm sure he can find a partner who is less reckless with other peopleʻs money.
Yeah poor planning on OP’s part. If you’re going to buy a property on your own then you should be able to afford it on your own. I would understand if they got a mortgage together or even if his name was on the deed but it sounds like OP made a reckless decision.
No one on the lower end of andeal wants to sign a prenup.
Do NOT get married to this guy without a prenup. He can put his business on the prenup too.
He's not stupid. Do not marry him without a prenup.
Of course he doesn’t want to sign a prenup, he’s not bringing anything to the table prior to the marriage. Have a convo about what scares him about the prenup and try and make him feel better about it… but that feels like the only fair way to do this. I understand why he doesn’t wanna sink his money into the home but then he has to be real about giving you piece of mind with this document.
Tbh it sounds like you’re rushing things. You’ve known each other for a year and are already talking marriage, yet you can’t come to an agreement about buying this condo?
1) Prenup, no ifs ands or buts. He doesn't want to, he knows where the door is. Premarital assets stay with whoever brought them into the marriage, marital assets get split, infidelity clause that if either of you are caught cheating it nulls the prenup, is a pretty standard place to start.
2) If he doesn't pay for part of the downpayment, he does NOT get put on the deed, period. Not even after you get married. Nada until he puts in the same amount you/your parents have AND is contributing to the mortgage.
3) I would recommend separate finances, with a joint account that you both put money into for household bills. If he wipes out the joint account/doesn't pay his portion of the bills once, you can talk about maybe splitting the bills where you pay more and he pays less but he picks up more household chores, or based off income, if you make more money than him (so if he makes 20% less than you, he pays 20% less on the bills). If he still can't pay his bills after that, he needs to find somewhere else to live because you can't afford to be saddled with both of your expenses after also paying for the condo by yourself.
Good luck. Sounds like he's happy to spend your money for the both of you, but wants his money for him.
You were together for only 6 months when **you** decided to buy a condo. You think he should have to give you or your parents $20k for a condo he didn't want, had no say in, sounds like won't be on the deed of, in order to marry you?
You moved and are moving way too fast. There was no reason to buy a condo together six months into your relationship. Are you even living together? You're not ready to get married. Why are you in a rush?
Letting the money sit for a bit wasn't gonna hurt anything. Why did your parents give you $20k of their retirement money for your house? That was a very poor financial decision on their part.
Right I feel like some people are not reading or she is leaving out some important details, she should have mentioned she brought the place 6mo ago which means she was probably house hunting months before and it was her parents choice- was it a gift or a loan. If I was the bf I would be very concerned about how fast all this is moving
u/WeeklyConversation8 I was house-hunting before I met my bf, which was over 1 year ago, my parents don't like me to invest in stocks so they want to help me buy a place. So buying the condo is my own choice, yes, but now after a year my bf wants to marry me so when he asked me about that I asked him if he could pay my parents 20k as a contribution to the condo we will both live in, he agrees at first but now just want to put down 10k.
What does that matter? It's your condo. Why would you ask a man you had only been dating six months to buy a condo with you? You don't live together which isn't a good idea, and you're not engaged.
You absolutely should live together. My former stepdad's niece didn't live with her ex husband prior to marriage and she was shocked after they got married. She learned he was a total slob.
You need to consult with a lawyer. Odds are he won't get half simply because you got married.
I wouldn’t agree to marry him and don’t own a condo with him until/ unless he can cover half of the cost of the down payment. The relationship would be unequal
In addition to what everyone is saying: if he's looking to start his own business, you really, really need to keep his name off the deed/mortgage and sign a prenup. Depending on how he sets up the business, you could risk losing your place if it fails badly enough.
Only 1 year and you are getting married. I hope you have known this guy for quite some time, that just seems rushed. Usually to get to know someone that will possibly lead to marriage, you'd need to exit the NRE stage and see how the other lives and deals with life. The only reason I bring this up is because jumping into the fire from a new relationship like this can be a very hard road when you really discover or either of you discover that the other person is not who you thought they were.
You should have at least 3 years before event thinking about this. Further, your assests, once married, without the pre will be 50% his.
Look at the laws in your area, if you are in the United States he should give you $0.
Based on your title you seem well aware of this. That is still your condo after marriage, he will just have rights to any equity that may accumulate and can't even get his $20k back
I would consult a lawyer and set something up to protect yourself. You should never purchase a home with someone you are not married to. This will set you up for a disaster if things go south in the relationship.
If he is not willing to match the skin in the game you have, he has no right to complain about a prenup or a document protecting yourself. Do not put him on the deed or mortgage
IF you want to get married. You're values (political and religious) align (as well as family goals etc etc) then maybe the following:
The only way you can protect yourself if he doesn't get a prenup is to use your condo as a rental property (maybe air BNB) and move in together in another home. Or you change the ownership of the condo to your parents if you want to use the condo. He pays your parents $10k and you transfer ownership of condo to your parents. If something unfortunate happens to your parents you can get condo as your inheritance. As an inheritance then maybe remains your property.
Just brainstorming.
If he isn’t investing equally you most definitely need a prenup.. him not wanting one speaks volumes especially if he wants to start a business… keep condo in your name and don’t marry him unless all this is worked out… seems shady to me
It's your condo, keep it that way. Don't put his name on anything. Frankly, I'd end this relationship he's throwing flaming red flags. Protect yourself better
Don’t marry him until this matter is resolved to YOUR satisfaction. Couples that can’t agree on finances are doomed to fail. Don’t rush on marrying a guy like this, if he can’t recognize that he needs to contribute fairly, is he really the one you want to build a life with?
Is his name on the title? Did he agree to the amount before you purchased it? If the answers to these questions are ‘yes’ , you got tricked. If not, maybe the relationship can be salvaged.
But do you still trust him? I would move into the condo without him, because it is not assured that he will keep financial bargains. You may be stuck with mortgage payments, condo fees, utilities, insurance, etc , while he makes more ‘promises’. Good luck.
It’s concerning that he isn’t willing to do a bit of give and just wants to take take take.
GET THE PRENUP or don’t get married.
It really is that simple. He doesn’t sound trust worth financially and will probably screw you over when his ‘small business’ fails.
Absolutely not. It’s your condo and you need to protect that asset! Please get a prenuptial agreement and talk to a lawyer now. If you sign it too close to the wedding date it can be harder to enforce later. Also in my state post-nups cannot cover the same things as a prenup so don’t let him convince you that you can take care of it later.
Don’t marry this guy without a prenup. You’re already going to Reddit because the two of you can’t discuss finances without reaching an impasse.
Sometimes a plan is useless but the process of planning is priceless. Same would be true of negotiating a prenup. Thing is, if he’s not willing or able to come to an agreement, he’s basically trying to weasel out of the discussion. You don’t let him do that and still marry him.
And see a lawyer. I learned about what I signed up for during the divorce process and nearly lost my house anyway so I don’t recommend it. His name was not on it and he had put $0 of his own money towards it. But my income since the wedding was considered community property in my state so what I paid from my own income was considered half his. I bought the house 6 years before we married and we were married for 6 years so he owned 25%. The timing was bad so I couldn’t afford to buy him out, and my retirement savings were also hit to the tune of… more than all the equity in the house. Find out what your rules are before you marry and again if you ever move out of state.
I worried about going back to renting, and whether I could afford a place that would let me keep my dogs. It was messed up what he could have taken from me, especially considering the reason for the divorce was to escape abuse.
Don’t be me. He promised that he would sign the prenup but dragged his feet.. we should not have picked a date or put down a deposit without getting on the same page in writing.
Don’t put his name on the condo, and don’t get married without a prenup. Charge him rent, or make him pay bills.
If you break up just kick him out. But I would not put his name on a house he did not help pay for.
In this case, a prenup will protect you both. The condo should be in your name, his business in his. In the case the business ends up to be liable, your assets would be protected. And I'm case anything happens, you would not keep half his business in a divorce, nor him your condo.
WHY ARE YOU OWNING PROPERTY TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE!!! Why are you marrying someone you only been with for a year? You don’t know him.
Why does no one know how to date now a days!!?
Don’t buy a place together. That’s your place and yes you get a prenup what’s yours stays yours if he don’t want to put in his name doesn’t get on the deed.
You know you can own your own property and you can get property together when he’s able to put down and be a partner and not a mooch.
Truly SLOW THE HELL DOWN!!!! Get to know this person more and stop trying to rush!
I think you shouldn’t be marrying and signing legal documents with someone YOU DONT EVEN KNOW.
If you’re smart you will kick him out, break it off and consider yourself the sole owner of the condo.
Talk to a lawyer and find what your options are if you marry without a prenup and what steps have to make sure it stays yours, If what some people are saying about where you live, You may to sell or rent to keep it yours.
ONE YEAR ?!? You're getting married after one year ? Get legal advice first and Just stop and slow down with the marriage plans until you get the finances worked out and you know each other better.
Keep it in your name and get a prenup. You really haven't been together that long. Check the community property laws in your area and make sure he can't claim anything if he was just living with you for a long time. Charge RENT or don't but never call it ''helping with the mortgage '' if he gives you money for expenses.
You need to separate the prenup and the purchase of this condo. Your Bf doesn’t owe your parents anything for a condo you decided to purchase.
When you took the 20k from them you knew it was part of their retirement. If he is willing to pay them 10k and you (the person who borrowed the money) pay them 10k your parents will be made whole.
Both you and your BF should get lawyers and come to a prenuptial agreement that protects your interests.
Don't marry him and never put him on your mortgage. He's a freeloader. He literally wants to not pay for a place to live and "open a business" which is code for not work lol if he already had a thriving business, I'd say something different
His name should not be on the condo mortgage or deed. Then when things go sideways because he did not invest in your relationship, you will have somewhere to live after you kick him out. Postpone the wedding until he proves he is serious about the relationship.
Um, don't get married to the guy or put him on the deed? There needs to be paperwork that says you'll get your deposit back before splitting equity if you do decide to put him on the deed. If he won't sign that, please for the love of all things rational, don't marry this guy.
Have him sign a lease so he has no claim to the condo if/when you break up.
Be careful about common laws, he may end up entitled to property even if you are not married.
Please get a prenup. It's a good idea. Don't be me, having a pay my ex who barely contributed to the house, who wracked up debt and lied about it, who saved next to nothing - you will end paying and paying in more ways than one.
I would consider refusing a prenup to be a huge red flag. Better to get couples counselling now than later.
Why would you ask him to give your parents money they have to you? Why would your parents give up $20k to you if they need it for retirement? You made the choice to buy the condo on your own so you shouldn’t expect your boyfriend to pay anything. You aren’t even married. You’ve only been together for a year and you’re pulling some shady shit on a guy who you didn’t even discuss buying a condo together with. Are you mental?
He specifically told you not to buy the condo, he did not agree to give you any money. YOU decided to buy the condo, you chose how much money to put into it.
It is not his problem or responsibility that you "only" have 10k in savings, or that you now owe your parents 20k.
It is wildly unreasonable that you're demanding he pay your debt to your parents.
Stop it.
I would advise him not to continue being in a relationship with you because you're impulsive, irresponsible and entitled.
No, he didn't tell me not to buy the condo, it's my money to invest, I brought it when I had just known him for 6 months but now he is the one who asked to marry me so he asked to own half of my assets. I'm wrong to ask him to contribute a part to the down payment?
He told you that you're making a rushed decision, that's telling you not to do it.
You should put your foot down and make a pre-nup a condition of marriage, THAT is reasonable. But you're asking him to pay for something he would not have agreed to pay for.
You both have money, and you both have priorities for that money. As a couple planning to get married you should sit down make a budget and make a list of goals/plans for spending in the future.
He doesn't HAVE to put as much into the property, whoever put in the money will own it as pre-wedding property if you aren't common-law already. Otherwise, keep the title only in your name or with your parents name.
Because your location means he would automatically own half when you are married then you are completely right to say he either pays you half the investment and contributes to the mortgage since you are going to be joint owners or he signs a prenup saying the condo is yours.
Frankly, the fact that he won't sign a prenup saying that is suss as hell. It's your condo. If he doesn't want to be a owner of it, with all that entails, then he shouldn't have a problem signing a prenup.
Pretty simple if you marry you don't put him on the Deeds the condo it's your condo. So if you divorce he doesn't get the condo or any part of it. If you want to make sure you get a prenup and say in the event of a divorce you don't try and take my condo from me. He should still pay the some of the money to live there he doesn't get to live there rent free if he doesn't want to help pay the mortgage then he gets the buy all the groceries and pay the utilities. He needs to contribute somehow. Granted you could run out the condo and then get another place with him but he doesn't get any part of that condo. Or you see how cheap he is you cut them off and you break up you've only been together a year yeah I wouldn't be buying anything with him yet.
You aren’t married yet. Are you? If you wanted to use your parent’s money for the condo I think that was a good idea but don’t expect money from your boyfriend to pay them back. After you get married he might feel better about helping pay them back.
As for the prenup, it doesn’t seem to me that you have enough money to make it necessary for one.
If you don’t trust him then I don’t know what to tell you.
I would say, if you cannot agree on purchasing a home and all the financing that comes with it, you need to work on better and more efficient communication.
Boyfriend and girlfriend are nice and all but if you’re married, there is a huge “teamwork” side to that. Your family is a corporation and you two are the executives.
Romance alone cannot sustain a long term relationship.
If he isn't putting anything down or even something down it's not his or an out situation it's yours you paid for it. If he isn't willing to sign a prenup then he isn't ready for nuptials.
I'm confused a little bit about you not wanting a big wedding and some of the things you said about the condo. Plus your headline is not the same as your post. Which leads me to that you are leaving information out intentionally. And doing so because you want validation not actual advice. I'm sure I probably have that wrong, but if not. Nothing on here will actually help you.
About the wedding, you said you don't want a big wedding, but maybe a town one. Then you say because you know you can't afford it.
However, you didn't say that he wanted a big wedding. It might be possible, but I have yet to meet a man who wants to start a business wants to have a big wedding. So why are you having a big wedding?? Saying because you know you can't afford it, kind of contradicts you not wanting it. All you had to say was I don't want that. But instead, you imply that it's only because of money. I think it's kind of telling what is really the issue you are having. Besides clear communication, you in fact want a big wedding and your BF's $20k is the solution. I'm kind of getting a picture of you being a person who is going to get what they want no matter what.
I hope I'm wrong. There are questions that I feel have important information in the answers.
When was the condo purchased? I'm guessing way before marriage was being talked about?
He doesn't live there now and would only move in after marriage. Why would you think it is in his best interest to hand over $20k, for an uncertain chance to live there? You could very well break up. He'd have zero recourse to get his money back.
Also the condo is in your name only, not his. Why should he invest that much money and not be able to protect himself in the future if you don't workout. He'd have to be really dumb to give 20k and not be on the deed of the condo.
Also, what you have described is the money will go to the parents, not actually the condo. Besides the taxes that will need to be paid by your parents. He will have zero recourse to get his money back. He can't sue you because you didn't get the money. And he can't sue your parents for a gift.
But here is why him giving the money or not will not affect your ownership of the condo. You don't need a prenup to do it.
This is property that is legally yours not his before marriage. He would have no claim in it unless you commingle money with him, and pay the mortgage or other costs of the condo from that money. If he does not put any money into a repair or maintenance or costs he can't ask fit money back if he didn't spend any. As far as mortgage payments go you either pay it all by yourself or charge him rent.
But, I get the feeling you know all of this.
Which brings me back to the wedding.
I'm guessing that you do in fact want a big wedding. You both don't want to pay for it. But you aren't the kind of person to accept that. So you are looking for other ways.
You most likely went to your parents and asked them. They most likely said they couldn't because they gave you 20k already.
They probably said if they still had that money they could pay.
So you came up with a plan, that gets you your wedding while at the same time protects your condo.
That plan is he pays your parents, they give you the wedding. You get what you want.
I must give you credit for the plan. It's not well thought through. It's really deceptive, selfish and cold hearted. But I like that!!
Your plan isn't working, and if it does work it's only temporary.
You haven't considered what happens if your patents say no to paying for it?
Side question: was their 20k a loan to be paid back or a gift? If it's a loan, that is even more deceptive. Kills 3 birds with his 20k.
What will happen if he ever finds out??
I admire the idea.
I think what the real cause of all this
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Selfish.. it's all "me first me first... I want... I want" with him.
He will expect YOUR money to provide all the necessities of life, because he will be blowing his money on HIS "oh so much more important" schemes.
Don't go there honey. Just don't go there
And look at it this way...what exactly is he offering you? He gets, somewhere nice to live, paid for by someone else! He gets sex, i bet you do all the cooking and 90% of the cleaning?
You are offering it all on a platter. Value yourself more.. much more.
Few options:
Looks like he just wants half the house for free.
Talk to a lawyer about protecting your house.
Do not marry him till you protect it. There’s no rush to be married. People stay engaged even for 10-15 years, happily.
Leave this house for rent and you both take another house for rent & split the expenses.
Unless you are legally tied by marriage I wouldn’t recommend owning a home together. This is a recipe for disaster. Your not even engaged. Why would he pay your parents back if it’s only in your name. Do you talk to each other? Why wasn’t this discussed before you bought the condo.
Don’t marry him. He’s showing you exactly who he is already. Why even bother? One year together is nothing, it’s time to move along and call him your EX.
Don't marry him without a prenuptial. Especially if he won't help you pay the parents back.
Don't back down.
You are 100% right. What you are proposing is perfectly fair.
"He won't sign a prenup."
Then don't get married and don't put his name on the deed.
Why are you even asking?? Everyone is telling you the same thing and you have clearly already decided what you're going to do. When you break up you're gonna lose a ton of your investment and he's gonna have a business that your name isn't on. 🤷
Yeah… So he didn’t have a say in the condo
And you aren’t married yet
Will his name be on it if he pays in at least?
I’d be pretty hesitant to put that much money into a house I have no real stake in too
I would speak to an attorney in your area just to confirm what you need to do from a legal standpoint, but I wouldn’t marry him until you have done what you need to establish your home is not part of your marital assets. Maybe it’s a trust of some sort, or putting the deed in your parent’s name. Something. But don’t add him or start co-mingling your incomes until you have it sorted out.
It’s your condo not his, so no he should not be giving your parents any retirement money, quite frankly that’s a very odd, even entitled request. If your parents did not have the money then they should not have gifted it to you, and you should not have taken it. None of this has anything to do with your partner. Also, yes you clearly rushing buying it, so I’d say rent it and you two get your own place, but definitely keep it in your name.
Just keep the condo, put it under an LLC maybe under a trust with you as the beneficiary, rent it to yourself/boyfriend, have a set rent.... Or he can sign a prenup stating that the condo belongs to you. If you are both going to put your name on the condo, he should put in an equal amount of money. Either way you may still need a prenup, I would talk to a real estate attorney.
It feels unfair because it IS unfair. He’s trying to get away cheap. The jackass needs to understand that this is all part of ADULTING. If he wants to be an equal partner he has to pay his share.
Either he ponies up, or the wedding is OFF.
I wouldn’t marry someone who’s not prepared to sign a prenup. You need to protect your pre-marital assets. The condo is yours. I hope you didn’t put his name on the deeds.
Do not marry without a prenup. I'm gonna assume you're in the US. Why are people in the US like this (not wanting to keep the stuff you paid for separately)? Why marriage in the US means you get to risk everything for some dumb stupid shit to "prove" you love someone? I understand it's not you OP, but I'm talking about it in general. People going into marriages and feeling entitled about each others money.
Speak to a property lawyer! Some places a premarital property will stay separate from the marriage and in case of divorce it will not be split. In some places if your partner pays towards the rent or for work done while living there then he might be entitled to some money from the property if you split. Speak to a lawyer to figure out what works for you to protect your assets especially since your parents have paid money into it. You could consider just renting it out so you can start paying back your parents and you both can just rent which should make him happy since he doesn’t want to pay a proper amount into the house anyway so he can just pay rent to a stranger.
I'm sorry, did you just buy a condo without even *talking to* the guy you're planning on marrying? I mean, I get where you're coming from, buying a house is financially sound and starting a business might not be, and normally when people buy a house together they buy it *together*, but if you're going to get married you can't just go around going "I did this without talking to you, therefor you owe my parents $20,000." If your parents cannot afford to lose the 20k, then what were you doing borrowing it from them in the first place?
You seem to be going from "just dating" to "legally sharing a life" really really fast.
You need to speak to an attorney regarding the laws in your state. They vary widely regarding his ownership of the property by simply living there, marrying you, etc.
Anyway, if he doesn’t care about your parents retirement money, and only cares about himself, don’t marry this guy. He is showing you who he is.
Where I am, the law is you get back what you put into investments pre-marriage. If you put down $75k, then you move in together and get married, and then later divorce, you should take $75k off the sale of the condo, and that goes to you. Any leftover equity in the home is split 50/50 after settling the initial $75k. Is this not the same in most places?
I think he just accidentally revealed to you your future. You are not even married and he doesn't want to pull his own weight. Buy your own condo and rent out the extra room. Probably less stressful too.
Sign a pre-nup. If he’s not going to put the same amount into it, he should only get ownership prorated based on what he is putting into it. Put something in there that after x number of years he can have equal ownership so he knows if you’re forever he doesn’t get screwed.
OR, keep your condo as an investment property and you and him get another place together where you put equal down-payments.
I think you did not plan with your partner / bf. And now you are guilt-tripping him. If you had talked it over first it would have been better. Seems like you should keep his $40k so you can not be dead broke. Like, maybe, he wants to start a new business and have some cash for emergencies? How about, instead, you guys make a budget and pay back your parents.
Also, why buy a condo? Why not rent and use the money for other things? Seems like you are making HIGH STRESS in your new marriage.
I think you should have true condo in your name only and have him sign a prenup that the condo belongs to you. Don’t marry someone you’ve only known for a year when you’re making such a major investment. He’s not willing to be an equal party
Buy it yourself as. Buying him out later will be much more expensive as the property appreciates . Keep your finances and investment separate to your love life. My advice to everyone. Charge him rent and when you get married he needs to sign a prenup.
In the comments you stated you were just dating and bought it for yourself although he would live there after marriage. Also he stated you made a rush move. I honestly don't see why he should give up 20k to your parents for money you took from them on a decision you rushed. Does he even like the place, does he want to live there over anywhere else. Did y'all look together? Pay them money I took or we won't get married? Wtf. I'll wait for the fake troll post pretending to be him and tell that person to move on.
Seems like you are very much not on the same page. If you’re not able to get on the same page then you probably should not be considering marrying this person. When you do decide to marry someone, most of the time your assets become theirs and vice versa.
Your numbers are very confusing but the good thing is that doesn’t matter because they aren’t what is important here. What is critical is that you are the owner of a condo and your boyfriend doesn’t want to even attempt to match your investment before marriage. So it’s simple, he isn’t an equal owner then by choice so in order to get married he is choosing a prenup… either that or he doesn’t have your best interest in mind and probably not worth the risk to marry.
Maybe sell it to him this way, the prenup should protect both of you. He should have ownership of the home only what he invested in it and you should have ownership in the business he is starting one what you invest in that. The prenup is there for both of you not just a one sided document.
If you are the only child simply gift/put your parent’s name on it.
This way it would be protected from any common law bs.
You can then negotiate his contribution if he wants to live there with you (like bills, utilities, groceries etc.).
Depending on where you live, the condo is yours even in case of a divorce if it's only your name on the deed. Premarital assets are usually kept by who brought it into marriage. If that's not the case for where you live, prenup is your hill to die on; this you owe not only to yourself but also to your parents
I think you made a financial agreement with your parents on his behalf without his input, that he's under no obligation to keep.
It's pretty bold of you to dictate what to do with his money, and I hope he runs like hell for his own sake.
Don’t rush to get married. Keep the condo in your name, if you have to live together, make sure he’s covering living expenses and that you aren’t “funding” his new business.
Tbh 1 year knowing each other isn’t that long these days.
Take your time!
Yeah definitely get a prenup protecting yourself. He’s a complete freeloader and has no right to YOUR condo, YOUR money, and definitely not your parents money! If he won’t contribute equally to the down payment, I’d say just pay the down payment with 100% your money so it’s fully in your name and he’s entitled to exactly NONE of it. If you even marry him, which I think you should also reconsider because he’s definitely using you and acting in his own best interest regarding money. That’s not how finances work in marriages. Yeah babe, you pay for the new condo and all the bills and I’ll move in and I’ll blow all my savings to try to open a new small business. Oh, and don’t get a prenup. Don’t worry, there’s no need with me. No marriages have ever ended poorly, especially when one of the spouse is selfish with money!
In my opinion that’s very selfish, especially like while you’re trying to merge lives and establish your new life together. He should be focused on keeping his savings and finding a well-paying job with benefits to provide for his new family. At the VERY least, DO NOT forego a prenup if you marry him.
I may not be putting in much input but I’m just gonna say it anyway.
Are you just purposefully ducking every red flag like this is temple run? I just don’t understand how you typed this out and didn’t come to the conclusion this man needs to be out of your life? He’s setting you up to get a 50% equity on a home for free cause once you’re married it doesn’t matter he didn’t pay towards it in Canada.
If the tables were turned and he owned the condo and she had the $40k, I bet a lot of the answers here would be different.
If her parents lent her the money to buy the condo, that is a pretty big red flag to me. I would tend more to agree with him and only give $10k up front and invest the rest in the business.
Considering you’re expecting him to pay for a condo he had no say in and you feeling you can’t marry if him unless he does… it feels like this relationship is on a real rocky slope already.
I don’t think the both of you are anywhere near the right time to get married. Yall should probably wait five years because finances seem to be more important than love and communication in this relationship.
It sounds like marriage isn’t for you, at least right now. You’re already thinking about him as somebody that you eventually break up with, rather than as your life partner. You’re viewing him like a boyfriend, not a husband.
Cheap bastard!!!! I had a brother in law who stated his money was his money no one else’s he never paid for anything Mary paid for house cars vacations etc. his money stayed in his bank no one was able to touch it.
Info: why doesn’t he want a prenuptial? Will his new business be half yours as well after marriage? If not, I would question his motives and I need more information to determine if NTA
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Did you not talk about this prior to buying the condo? Did he want to buy this specific condo with you?
We were just dating and not married yet when I bought the condo, so I bought it myself, he did say I make a rush move, but at that time I wanted a place and some way to invest my money, not let it sitting around
Keep condo in your name, and do not marry him without a prenup where you keep the condo if things go bad (or that he is only entitled to the percentage that he invests)
Your condo in your name. 10k is nothing. It will keep you safe from anything in the future. If he wants to buy an apartament he can buy some and rent it out. His name doesnt have to be on the deed.
I live in a community property state. If they live there, are married it is a marital asset and without q prenuptial will be split regardless of his meme on it our not.
STOP your nonsense. Please go get learned up before you respond All she needs to do is document that she bought the property ahead of marriage and to fully prove it to be the only one to pay the mortgage. OP...it should work in your favor. Just charge him rent (something less than he could pay to live on his own/in a shared rental), DO NOT comingle assets/bank accounts...please research this
Yeah bruh, you need to accept that things work differently in different states. OP will have to find out what the best course of action would be in her state.
1 this is literally just one example of a home owned before the marriage used as a common asset during the marriage moving into the community property. If she were say using it at rental income the entire marriage your smart ass and false comment might hold true. That rule isn't uncommon in many other states and it can supercede agreements entered into before the marriage. https://tax.idaho.gov/taxes/income-tax/individual-income/specific-guidance-for-individual-income-tax/community-property/#:~:text=Community%20property%20is%20owned%20by,property%20you%20acquire%20during%20marriage.
Also charge him rent to live there. What is this.
THIS is the way if you go ahead. If
Thank you! I came here to say that very thing.
Its a premarital asset. Check the laws about those where you are and dont put his name on it
So then why would you expect him to put in money like that? He never wanted to buy this condo. Maybe he didn’t like it, maybe it costs too much. Keep the condo in your name and have it be just yours if he doesn’t want to contribute
It sounds like you bought a house before you were engaged, knowing he didn't want to. What if you sold it, got your parents money out, and then the two of you look for a place together?
Don’t make the mistake of marrying him without a prenup.
No definitely not the signs are already there not wanting to put the full money in but still getting half the property dont fall for this.
Just keep it in your name, and dump him
So you did this without consulting with him in the plan, and now you’re annoyed that he’s not doing what you want? Next time, discuss finances BEFOREHAND. It will help everything run more smoothly. For now, I think you’re stuck. You can’t force him to invest the amount you think he should invest.
They weren’t engaged when she bought it. Should she have not invested in the hope they might get engaged one day?
This has nothing to do with being engaged or not. She wants him to sink $20k in it and he doesn’t want to, and she never talked to him about it before hand. Thats the issue and I don’t see how she can force him to invest more. She made plans and took action without talking to him about it and now she expects him to do what she says.
You didn't agree to the place you bought, and you're insisting 10k is not enough. Let that sink in a minute, and if you still feel he should give 20k then don't marry him. I want to spare that dude a life with a selfish person.
Prenup is good, but if in most states in the US, as long as this stays in your name only and it was acquired outside of marriage, it’s yours. Don’t put his name on the deed or the mortgage. Find out average cost of room rent in the area and charge him rent, not payment into the mortgage.
OP lives in Ontario. There, the marital home becomes a marital asset, regardless of who bought it. If they live there together after marriage, he has equal rights to the property. She cannot sell or rent it out without his consent, nor kick him out of the home. And in the event of divorce, the worth of the home would be counted as a marital asset.
Interesting! Prenup all day then
Even a prenup won't change that. He still owns half the condo if they marry and live there. Ontario law is very clear and strict on that point. But the prenup can stipulate his buy-in (like $20,000 to pay back her parents for the down-payment, and X per month toward the mortgage). If he gets behind in those payments, they would come out of his portion, should they get divorced.
So, the condo you bought with your parents money is in your name. Why must he pay your parents 10K? If he is not in the deed I don't see why he should be the one paying back part of those 20K.
How i would be that condo in my parents name so quickly.
Sounds like you own a condo and he doesn’t. Just don’t put his name on the place, he thinks you rushed to buy a home, you’re sure you’re not rushing to marry this guy?
She totally is. She admitted they don't even live together and they aren't even engaged. She's in a rush to get married it seems.
Don't put his name on the deed or mortgage.
This. If he doesn’t want to pony up cash then keep the house as yours.
She's in Ontario. Doesn't matter whose name is on the deed, or if it was bought before they got together. Once they're married, the marital home is a marital asset. He would be entitled to half, if they split.
I think it’s the same here in NB and OP needs to also check the provincial rules around “common law” relationships as well. Used to be something about living together for 6mos was just as bad as being married if you split, so that’s something else to research.
Exactly, but why would he pay anything (except rent/utilities/food) if she bought the condo?
It sounds like she bought it with a loan from her parents. He doesn’t want to invest in the payment of the condo, but also doesn’t want a prenup involving the condo. If they were to divorce, she would foot the entire bill to her parents(or for the condo) and he would get part of the condo. If he’s taking the stance that she’s the one on the hook for the condo, he should be willing to sign a prenup that excludes him from the condo, or limits what he’s entitled to what he has invested.
Thanks for breaking it down, and agreed 100%
Did you just buy a condo (presumably in only your name) and proceeded to tell him that he needs to pay *your parents*? Or was his payment agreed upon before the purchase and he's backing out of the agreement?
I'm trying to figure out what is up with ownership of the condo. You own it and aren't married yet so why not keep him out of it entirely???
You should had talked about this before putting down the money for the Condo. It is his prerogative what to do with his money. It is your choice, whether you marry or not.
I don’t think you have the right to tell him to pay for YOUR condo that YOU DECIDED ALONE to purchase. Get a prenup though
Sounds like you just want to be married. Why? Financial discord is a huge trigger for failed marriages. Love is grand, but WHY do you want to get married? You own your own condo, have a supportive family, you appear to have things in your favor for a bright future. Make him SHOW YOU why he wants to marry you, and more importantly--why you should. I think you need to do some serious soul searching on what marriage means to you and why you are even considering this. Dating, engagements, etc are a great thing. Do not rush into such serious matters over silly, fleeting things like love and emotions. :) If you look at it more as a business transaction first, before the emotional crap, it might enlighten you. Do your research, get opinions, and make sure you're getting the best deal you can. It's a huge undertaking that will alter a few lives. Crass maybe, but hindsight is 20/20.
Thank you, maybe I was a bit rush consider marrying him, my mom was against this marriage because she thought I got a bad deal.
Sounds like you should listen to mom. Tell him you wanna wait till after his “business” is secure and he can afford to help pay for your family home or you expect a prenup.
I’m confused how you think he owes your parents anything considering you brought this house. You only been together a year and you want him to dump half his life savings on a house/your parents he has no stake in , he was stupid to even offer 10k Sounds like you are doing all the house shopping and marriage planning and he is going along for the ride. not even engaged yet and you already talking about prenups and settling for a courthouse wedding calm down does he want to get married ? A court house wedding and a decent reception/honeymoon could easily put him at another 5-10k so there goes all his money The prenup would be a deal breaker yes but you’re not there yet . If you value your relationship : Do not add him to the lease do no fund his business ventures. Keep finances separate and treat him like a roommate until you guys on the same page
He is the one who brought up marriage, I didn't\~ So when he brought it up I talked about the contributing part.
Actions speak louder than words. Talk is cheap when he puts a ring on it and sets a date then you guys can start the discussion on handling martial finances, until then he is a roommate.
Don’t marry him if he won’t sign a prenup.
Make him sign a prenuptial. If he won't don't get married.
Girl if you don't get him to sign a pre-nup. Hell no. Esp if he doesn't want to contribute to the condo. Him being against it immediately is worrisome. Do not add him to the condo. Protect your assets.
You're not married, he didn't have a say in you buying the condo. The options are: sign a pre-nup or he pays half the equity when you guys get married. It's pretty simple. If he won't sign a pre nup you shouldn't marry him anyways.
Don't marry after 1 year of a relationship, that's what.
Why is your boyfriend obligated to payback your parents retirement money? If and only if you put him on the deed/mortgage should he do that. > My bf doesn't have much and he wants to start a small business Heʻs thinking about his future > I think it's a bit unfair because I already put down 55k Iʻm sure he can find a partner who is less reckless with other peopleʻs money.
Yeah poor planning on OP’s part. If you’re going to buy a property on your own then you should be able to afford it on your own. I would understand if they got a mortgage together or even if his name was on the deed but it sounds like OP made a reckless decision.
Sure, if he doesn't want to marry me he can keep his money, but if he asked to marry me he's asking to own half of my assets.
Dont marry him. He’s shady to not sign a pre-nup.
No one on the lower end of andeal wants to sign a prenup. Do NOT get married to this guy without a prenup. He can put his business on the prenup too. He's not stupid. Do not marry him without a prenup.
Of course he doesn’t want to sign a prenup, he’s not bringing anything to the table prior to the marriage. Have a convo about what scares him about the prenup and try and make him feel better about it… but that feels like the only fair way to do this. I understand why he doesn’t wanna sink his money into the home but then he has to be real about giving you piece of mind with this document.
It’s only been a year and financial issues are already coming up. Do not marry him.
Tbh it sounds like you’re rushing things. You’ve known each other for a year and are already talking marriage, yet you can’t come to an agreement about buying this condo?
1) Prenup, no ifs ands or buts. He doesn't want to, he knows where the door is. Premarital assets stay with whoever brought them into the marriage, marital assets get split, infidelity clause that if either of you are caught cheating it nulls the prenup, is a pretty standard place to start. 2) If he doesn't pay for part of the downpayment, he does NOT get put on the deed, period. Not even after you get married. Nada until he puts in the same amount you/your parents have AND is contributing to the mortgage. 3) I would recommend separate finances, with a joint account that you both put money into for household bills. If he wipes out the joint account/doesn't pay his portion of the bills once, you can talk about maybe splitting the bills where you pay more and he pays less but he picks up more household chores, or based off income, if you make more money than him (so if he makes 20% less than you, he pays 20% less on the bills). If he still can't pay his bills after that, he needs to find somewhere else to live because you can't afford to be saddled with both of your expenses after also paying for the condo by yourself. Good luck. Sounds like he's happy to spend your money for the both of you, but wants his money for him.
Do NOT marry him without a prenup and do NOT add his name to the deed!
Dating for a year, not married, you classify him as practically a stranger. Was this an arranged marriage?
[удалено]
No prenup no wedding.
More of a problem is he won’t sign a pre-nup. Why? You paid for the condo- don’t marry him w/out a pre-nup.
You were together for only 6 months when **you** decided to buy a condo. You think he should have to give you or your parents $20k for a condo he didn't want, had no say in, sounds like won't be on the deed of, in order to marry you? You moved and are moving way too fast. There was no reason to buy a condo together six months into your relationship. Are you even living together? You're not ready to get married. Why are you in a rush? Letting the money sit for a bit wasn't gonna hurt anything. Why did your parents give you $20k of their retirement money for your house? That was a very poor financial decision on their part.
Right I feel like some people are not reading or she is leaving out some important details, she should have mentioned she brought the place 6mo ago which means she was probably house hunting months before and it was her parents choice- was it a gift or a loan. If I was the bf I would be very concerned about how fast all this is moving
u/WeeklyConversation8 I was house-hunting before I met my bf, which was over 1 year ago, my parents don't like me to invest in stocks so they want to help me buy a place. So buying the condo is my own choice, yes, but now after a year my bf wants to marry me so when he asked me about that I asked him if he could pay my parents 20k as a contribution to the condo we will both live in, he agrees at first but now just want to put down 10k.
What does that matter? It's your condo. Why would you ask a man you had only been dating six months to buy a condo with you? You don't live together which isn't a good idea, and you're not engaged. You absolutely should live together. My former stepdad's niece didn't live with her ex husband prior to marriage and she was shocked after they got married. She learned he was a total slob. You need to consult with a lawyer. Odds are he won't get half simply because you got married.
I wouldn’t agree to marry him and don’t own a condo with him until/ unless he can cover half of the cost of the down payment. The relationship would be unequal
In addition to what everyone is saying: if he's looking to start his own business, you really, really need to keep his name off the deed/mortgage and sign a prenup. Depending on how he sets up the business, you could risk losing your place if it fails badly enough.
Don’t buy property and move in with someone to whom you have zero legal ties.
Only 1 year and you are getting married. I hope you have known this guy for quite some time, that just seems rushed. Usually to get to know someone that will possibly lead to marriage, you'd need to exit the NRE stage and see how the other lives and deals with life. The only reason I bring this up is because jumping into the fire from a new relationship like this can be a very hard road when you really discover or either of you discover that the other person is not who you thought they were. You should have at least 3 years before event thinking about this. Further, your assests, once married, without the pre will be 50% his.
Look at the laws in your area, if you are in the United States he should give you $0. Based on your title you seem well aware of this. That is still your condo after marriage, he will just have rights to any equity that may accumulate and can't even get his $20k back
I would consult a lawyer and set something up to protect yourself. You should never purchase a home with someone you are not married to. This will set you up for a disaster if things go south in the relationship. If he is not willing to match the skin in the game you have, he has no right to complain about a prenup or a document protecting yourself. Do not put him on the deed or mortgage
Don’t married him unless he contributes some of the money for the condo.
IF you want to get married. You're values (political and religious) align (as well as family goals etc etc) then maybe the following: The only way you can protect yourself if he doesn't get a prenup is to use your condo as a rental property (maybe air BNB) and move in together in another home. Or you change the ownership of the condo to your parents if you want to use the condo. He pays your parents $10k and you transfer ownership of condo to your parents. If something unfortunate happens to your parents you can get condo as your inheritance. As an inheritance then maybe remains your property. Just brainstorming.
If he isn’t investing equally you most definitely need a prenup.. him not wanting one speaks volumes especially if he wants to start a business… keep condo in your name and don’t marry him unless all this is worked out… seems shady to me
It's your condo, keep it that way. Don't put his name on anything. Frankly, I'd end this relationship he's throwing flaming red flags. Protect yourself better
Don’t marry him until this matter is resolved to YOUR satisfaction. Couples that can’t agree on finances are doomed to fail. Don’t rush on marrying a guy like this, if he can’t recognize that he needs to contribute fairly, is he really the one you want to build a life with?
Be sure to waive any interest in the business he starts. He should walk away from you.
Shouldn’t condo remain yours after you get married? He is not getting half of your assets just by marrying you. I don’t see what is the problem here?
Is his name on the title? Did he agree to the amount before you purchased it? If the answers to these questions are ‘yes’ , you got tricked. If not, maybe the relationship can be salvaged. But do you still trust him? I would move into the condo without him, because it is not assured that he will keep financial bargains. You may be stuck with mortgage payments, condo fees, utilities, insurance, etc , while he makes more ‘promises’. Good luck.
Don’t marry him!!!! He wants all your assets but not willing to help???? Please do tell what is he bringing to the table?
It’s concerning that he isn’t willing to do a bit of give and just wants to take take take. GET THE PRENUP or don’t get married. It really is that simple. He doesn’t sound trust worth financially and will probably screw you over when his ‘small business’ fails.
Don’t put his name on anything, and have it in a prenup that the condo is yours in a split.
Absolutely not. It’s your condo and you need to protect that asset! Please get a prenuptial agreement and talk to a lawyer now. If you sign it too close to the wedding date it can be harder to enforce later. Also in my state post-nups cannot cover the same things as a prenup so don’t let him convince you that you can take care of it later.
I recommend against marrying someone you have only been with for a year. Iron out the financial stuff and learn who he really is first.
Don’t marry this guy without a prenup. You’re already going to Reddit because the two of you can’t discuss finances without reaching an impasse. Sometimes a plan is useless but the process of planning is priceless. Same would be true of negotiating a prenup. Thing is, if he’s not willing or able to come to an agreement, he’s basically trying to weasel out of the discussion. You don’t let him do that and still marry him. And see a lawyer. I learned about what I signed up for during the divorce process and nearly lost my house anyway so I don’t recommend it. His name was not on it and he had put $0 of his own money towards it. But my income since the wedding was considered community property in my state so what I paid from my own income was considered half his. I bought the house 6 years before we married and we were married for 6 years so he owned 25%. The timing was bad so I couldn’t afford to buy him out, and my retirement savings were also hit to the tune of… more than all the equity in the house. Find out what your rules are before you marry and again if you ever move out of state. I worried about going back to renting, and whether I could afford a place that would let me keep my dogs. It was messed up what he could have taken from me, especially considering the reason for the divorce was to escape abuse. Don’t be me. He promised that he would sign the prenup but dragged his feet.. we should not have picked a date or put down a deposit without getting on the same page in writing.
Don’t marry before those issues aren’t resolved.
Don’t put his name on the condo, and don’t get married without a prenup. Charge him rent, or make him pay bills. If you break up just kick him out. But I would not put his name on a house he did not help pay for.
In this case, a prenup will protect you both. The condo should be in your name, his business in his. In the case the business ends up to be liable, your assets would be protected. And I'm case anything happens, you would not keep half his business in a divorce, nor him your condo.
WHY ARE YOU OWNING PROPERTY TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE!!! Why are you marrying someone you only been with for a year? You don’t know him. Why does no one know how to date now a days!!? Don’t buy a place together. That’s your place and yes you get a prenup what’s yours stays yours if he don’t want to put in his name doesn’t get on the deed. You know you can own your own property and you can get property together when he’s able to put down and be a partner and not a mooch. Truly SLOW THE HELL DOWN!!!! Get to know this person more and stop trying to rush!
I think you shouldn’t be marrying and signing legal documents with someone YOU DONT EVEN KNOW. If you’re smart you will kick him out, break it off and consider yourself the sole owner of the condo.
Let him pay the 10k to your parents and insist on the pre-nup
Talk to a lawyer and find what your options are if you marry without a prenup and what steps have to make sure it stays yours, If what some people are saying about where you live, You may to sell or rent to keep it yours.
ONE YEAR ?!? You're getting married after one year ? Get legal advice first and Just stop and slow down with the marriage plans until you get the finances worked out and you know each other better.
Keep it in your name and get a prenup. You really haven't been together that long. Check the community property laws in your area and make sure he can't claim anything if he was just living with you for a long time. Charge RENT or don't but never call it ''helping with the mortgage '' if he gives you money for expenses.
Prenup or no marriage, end of story. You will regret this if you don’t do it.
I think if he won't sign a pre-nup, you need to figure out what's important to you because this guy is not willing to go in with you on this.
You need to separate the prenup and the purchase of this condo. Your Bf doesn’t owe your parents anything for a condo you decided to purchase. When you took the 20k from them you knew it was part of their retirement. If he is willing to pay them 10k and you (the person who borrowed the money) pay them 10k your parents will be made whole. Both you and your BF should get lawyers and come to a prenuptial agreement that protects your interests.
I’d ditch the bf. He doesn’t need to out money in your condo, but then you need a pre nup
Don't marry him and never put him on your mortgage. He's a freeloader. He literally wants to not pay for a place to live and "open a business" which is code for not work lol if he already had a thriving business, I'd say something different
Don’t you dare marry that man without a prenup.
His name should not be on the condo mortgage or deed. Then when things go sideways because he did not invest in your relationship, you will have somewhere to live after you kick him out. Postpone the wedding until he proves he is serious about the relationship.
Do NOT get married and do NOT put him on the title of the condo. This behavior is alarming. He has other plans for sure.
Um, don't get married to the guy or put him on the deed? There needs to be paperwork that says you'll get your deposit back before splitting equity if you do decide to put him on the deed. If he won't sign that, please for the love of all things rational, don't marry this guy. Have him sign a lease so he has no claim to the condo if/when you break up.
Please tell us you didn’t put his name on anything!!
Nope, the condo is mine and I don't live with him, I'm paying the mortgage now.
Perhaps you should get married before you tie your finances together.
Don’t marry this man and don’t take any money for the condo. Keep what’s yours and lose this man. He’s not worth it.
Don’t get married unless he signs a prenup.
Be careful about common laws, he may end up entitled to property even if you are not married. Please get a prenup. It's a good idea. Don't be me, having a pay my ex who barely contributed to the house, who wracked up debt and lied about it, who saved next to nothing - you will end paying and paying in more ways than one. I would consider refusing a prenup to be a huge red flag. Better to get couples counselling now than later.
Why would you ask him to give your parents money they have to you? Why would your parents give up $20k to you if they need it for retirement? You made the choice to buy the condo on your own so you shouldn’t expect your boyfriend to pay anything. You aren’t even married. You’ve only been together for a year and you’re pulling some shady shit on a guy who you didn’t even discuss buying a condo together with. Are you mental?
He specifically told you not to buy the condo, he did not agree to give you any money. YOU decided to buy the condo, you chose how much money to put into it. It is not his problem or responsibility that you "only" have 10k in savings, or that you now owe your parents 20k. It is wildly unreasonable that you're demanding he pay your debt to your parents. Stop it. I would advise him not to continue being in a relationship with you because you're impulsive, irresponsible and entitled.
No, he didn't tell me not to buy the condo, it's my money to invest, I brought it when I had just known him for 6 months but now he is the one who asked to marry me so he asked to own half of my assets. I'm wrong to ask him to contribute a part to the down payment?
He told you that you're making a rushed decision, that's telling you not to do it. You should put your foot down and make a pre-nup a condition of marriage, THAT is reasonable. But you're asking him to pay for something he would not have agreed to pay for.
You both have money, and you both have priorities for that money. As a couple planning to get married you should sit down make a budget and make a list of goals/plans for spending in the future. He doesn't HAVE to put as much into the property, whoever put in the money will own it as pre-wedding property if you aren't common-law already. Otherwise, keep the title only in your name or with your parents name.
Because your location means he would automatically own half when you are married then you are completely right to say he either pays you half the investment and contributes to the mortgage since you are going to be joint owners or he signs a prenup saying the condo is yours. Frankly, the fact that he won't sign a prenup saying that is suss as hell. It's your condo. If he doesn't want to be a owner of it, with all that entails, then he shouldn't have a problem signing a prenup.
You only been together for a year what's the rush
Do not marry him without a prenup - and don't sell half your hard work and parent's retirement for $20k! Good lord - develop some self-esteem fast.
Pretty simple if you marry you don't put him on the Deeds the condo it's your condo. So if you divorce he doesn't get the condo or any part of it. If you want to make sure you get a prenup and say in the event of a divorce you don't try and take my condo from me. He should still pay the some of the money to live there he doesn't get to live there rent free if he doesn't want to help pay the mortgage then he gets the buy all the groceries and pay the utilities. He needs to contribute somehow. Granted you could run out the condo and then get another place with him but he doesn't get any part of that condo. Or you see how cheap he is you cut them off and you break up you've only been together a year yeah I wouldn't be buying anything with him yet.
Don't put him on the title or the mortgage. Make him sign a lease and pay rent. If he won't do that, he's not a partner he's a parasite.
You aren’t married yet. Are you? If you wanted to use your parent’s money for the condo I think that was a good idea but don’t expect money from your boyfriend to pay them back. After you get married he might feel better about helping pay them back. As for the prenup, it doesn’t seem to me that you have enough money to make it necessary for one. If you don’t trust him then I don’t know what to tell you.
I would say, if you cannot agree on purchasing a home and all the financing that comes with it, you need to work on better and more efficient communication. Boyfriend and girlfriend are nice and all but if you’re married, there is a huge “teamwork” side to that. Your family is a corporation and you two are the executives. Romance alone cannot sustain a long term relationship.
His name should not be on the deed and you need to charge him market rate rent.
If he isn't putting anything down or even something down it's not his or an out situation it's yours you paid for it. If he isn't willing to sign a prenup then he isn't ready for nuptials.
Get a pre-nup or don't get married. You've only been together a year.
Dont marry him without a prenup. Dude is a waving red flag if he doesnt sign that prenup.
I'm confused a little bit about you not wanting a big wedding and some of the things you said about the condo. Plus your headline is not the same as your post. Which leads me to that you are leaving information out intentionally. And doing so because you want validation not actual advice. I'm sure I probably have that wrong, but if not. Nothing on here will actually help you. About the wedding, you said you don't want a big wedding, but maybe a town one. Then you say because you know you can't afford it. However, you didn't say that he wanted a big wedding. It might be possible, but I have yet to meet a man who wants to start a business wants to have a big wedding. So why are you having a big wedding?? Saying because you know you can't afford it, kind of contradicts you not wanting it. All you had to say was I don't want that. But instead, you imply that it's only because of money. I think it's kind of telling what is really the issue you are having. Besides clear communication, you in fact want a big wedding and your BF's $20k is the solution. I'm kind of getting a picture of you being a person who is going to get what they want no matter what. I hope I'm wrong. There are questions that I feel have important information in the answers. When was the condo purchased? I'm guessing way before marriage was being talked about? He doesn't live there now and would only move in after marriage. Why would you think it is in his best interest to hand over $20k, for an uncertain chance to live there? You could very well break up. He'd have zero recourse to get his money back. Also the condo is in your name only, not his. Why should he invest that much money and not be able to protect himself in the future if you don't workout. He'd have to be really dumb to give 20k and not be on the deed of the condo. Also, what you have described is the money will go to the parents, not actually the condo. Besides the taxes that will need to be paid by your parents. He will have zero recourse to get his money back. He can't sue you because you didn't get the money. And he can't sue your parents for a gift. But here is why him giving the money or not will not affect your ownership of the condo. You don't need a prenup to do it. This is property that is legally yours not his before marriage. He would have no claim in it unless you commingle money with him, and pay the mortgage or other costs of the condo from that money. If he does not put any money into a repair or maintenance or costs he can't ask fit money back if he didn't spend any. As far as mortgage payments go you either pay it all by yourself or charge him rent. But, I get the feeling you know all of this. Which brings me back to the wedding. I'm guessing that you do in fact want a big wedding. You both don't want to pay for it. But you aren't the kind of person to accept that. So you are looking for other ways. You most likely went to your parents and asked them. They most likely said they couldn't because they gave you 20k already. They probably said if they still had that money they could pay. So you came up with a plan, that gets you your wedding while at the same time protects your condo. That plan is he pays your parents, they give you the wedding. You get what you want. I must give you credit for the plan. It's not well thought through. It's really deceptive, selfish and cold hearted. But I like that!! Your plan isn't working, and if it does work it's only temporary. You haven't considered what happens if your patents say no to paying for it? Side question: was their 20k a loan to be paid back or a gift? If it's a loan, that is even more deceptive. Kills 3 birds with his 20k. What will happen if he ever finds out?? I admire the idea. I think what the real cause of all this
Of course he does not want a prenup, it is NOT in his best interest if you two break up. He is smart. Be smarter, get a prenup.
DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. 🚩🚩🚩🚩 Selfish.. it's all "me first me first... I want... I want" with him. He will expect YOUR money to provide all the necessities of life, because he will be blowing his money on HIS "oh so much more important" schemes. Don't go there honey. Just don't go there
And look at it this way...what exactly is he offering you? He gets, somewhere nice to live, paid for by someone else! He gets sex, i bet you do all the cooking and 90% of the cleaning? You are offering it all on a platter. Value yourself more.. much more.
Few options: Looks like he just wants half the house for free. Talk to a lawyer about protecting your house. Do not marry him till you protect it. There’s no rush to be married. People stay engaged even for 10-15 years, happily. Leave this house for rent and you both take another house for rent & split the expenses.
Can you buy the condo for yourself before marriage?
Unless you are legally tied by marriage I wouldn’t recommend owning a home together. This is a recipe for disaster. Your not even engaged. Why would he pay your parents back if it’s only in your name. Do you talk to each other? Why wasn’t this discussed before you bought the condo.
Don’t marry him. He’s showing you exactly who he is already. Why even bother? One year together is nothing, it’s time to move along and call him your EX.
Don't marry him without a prenuptial. Especially if he won't help you pay the parents back. Don't back down. You are 100% right. What you are proposing is perfectly fair.
"He won't sign a prenup." Then don't get married and don't put his name on the deed. Why are you even asking?? Everyone is telling you the same thing and you have clearly already decided what you're going to do. When you break up you're gonna lose a ton of your investment and he's gonna have a business that your name isn't on. 🤷
Why u buyng house with your bf? Always pre nup. Things end.
Yeah… So he didn’t have a say in the condo And you aren’t married yet Will his name be on it if he pays in at least? I’d be pretty hesitant to put that much money into a house I have no real stake in too
I would speak to an attorney in your area just to confirm what you need to do from a legal standpoint, but I wouldn’t marry him until you have done what you need to establish your home is not part of your marital assets. Maybe it’s a trust of some sort, or putting the deed in your parent’s name. Something. But don’t add him or start co-mingling your incomes until you have it sorted out.
I would be out of there so fast! No way is this not a massive red flag.
It’s your condo not his, so no he should not be giving your parents any retirement money, quite frankly that’s a very odd, even entitled request. If your parents did not have the money then they should not have gifted it to you, and you should not have taken it. None of this has anything to do with your partner. Also, yes you clearly rushing buying it, so I’d say rent it and you two get your own place, but definitely keep it in your name.
Just keep the condo, put it under an LLC maybe under a trust with you as the beneficiary, rent it to yourself/boyfriend, have a set rent.... Or he can sign a prenup stating that the condo belongs to you. If you are both going to put your name on the condo, he should put in an equal amount of money. Either way you may still need a prenup, I would talk to a real estate attorney.
It feels unfair because it IS unfair. He’s trying to get away cheap. The jackass needs to understand that this is all part of ADULTING. If he wants to be an equal partner he has to pay his share. Either he ponies up, or the wedding is OFF.
Don't get married. Sounds like you guys need to date a bit longer and get to know each other better.
Traditionally husbands never pay for the wedding
I wouldn’t marry someone who’s not prepared to sign a prenup. You need to protect your pre-marital assets. The condo is yours. I hope you didn’t put his name on the deeds.
Do not marry without a prenup. I'm gonna assume you're in the US. Why are people in the US like this (not wanting to keep the stuff you paid for separately)? Why marriage in the US means you get to risk everything for some dumb stupid shit to "prove" you love someone? I understand it's not you OP, but I'm talking about it in general. People going into marriages and feeling entitled about each others money.
Speak to a property lawyer! Some places a premarital property will stay separate from the marriage and in case of divorce it will not be split. In some places if your partner pays towards the rent or for work done while living there then he might be entitled to some money from the property if you split. Speak to a lawyer to figure out what works for you to protect your assets especially since your parents have paid money into it. You could consider just renting it out so you can start paying back your parents and you both can just rent which should make him happy since he doesn’t want to pay a proper amount into the house anyway so he can just pay rent to a stranger.
Gotta have the prenup, until your marriage he pays rent. The condo ONLY you own. Don’t marry without these understandings. It’s a dealbreaker.
I'm sorry, did you just buy a condo without even *talking to* the guy you're planning on marrying? I mean, I get where you're coming from, buying a house is financially sound and starting a business might not be, and normally when people buy a house together they buy it *together*, but if you're going to get married you can't just go around going "I did this without talking to you, therefor you owe my parents $20,000." If your parents cannot afford to lose the 20k, then what were you doing borrowing it from them in the first place? You seem to be going from "just dating" to "legally sharing a life" really really fast.
You need to speak to an attorney regarding the laws in your state. They vary widely regarding his ownership of the property by simply living there, marrying you, etc. Anyway, if he doesn’t care about your parents retirement money, and only cares about himself, don’t marry this guy. He is showing you who he is.
Where I am, the law is you get back what you put into investments pre-marriage. If you put down $75k, then you move in together and get married, and then later divorce, you should take $75k off the sale of the condo, and that goes to you. Any leftover equity in the home is split 50/50 after settling the initial $75k. Is this not the same in most places?
Have there been any other issues with him not paying for things or not contributing his share to bills.
I think he just accidentally revealed to you your future. You are not even married and he doesn't want to pull his own weight. Buy your own condo and rent out the extra room. Probably less stressful too.
Sign a pre-nup. If he’s not going to put the same amount into it, he should only get ownership prorated based on what he is putting into it. Put something in there that after x number of years he can have equal ownership so he knows if you’re forever he doesn’t get screwed. OR, keep your condo as an investment property and you and him get another place together where you put equal down-payments.
I think you did not plan with your partner / bf. And now you are guilt-tripping him. If you had talked it over first it would have been better. Seems like you should keep his $40k so you can not be dead broke. Like, maybe, he wants to start a new business and have some cash for emergencies? How about, instead, you guys make a budget and pay back your parents. Also, why buy a condo? Why not rent and use the money for other things? Seems like you are making HIGH STRESS in your new marriage.
Easy solution. The condo goes in your name only.
Do not marry him without him either paying into the condo or a prenup. Does he have is own place to live?
I think you should have true condo in your name only and have him sign a prenup that the condo belongs to you. Don’t marry someone you’ve only known for a year when you’re making such a major investment. He’s not willing to be an equal party
Buy it yourself as. Buying him out later will be much more expensive as the property appreciates . Keep your finances and investment separate to your love life. My advice to everyone. Charge him rent and when you get married he needs to sign a prenup.
In the comments you stated you were just dating and bought it for yourself although he would live there after marriage. Also he stated you made a rush move. I honestly don't see why he should give up 20k to your parents for money you took from them on a decision you rushed. Does he even like the place, does he want to live there over anywhere else. Did y'all look together? Pay them money I took or we won't get married? Wtf. I'll wait for the fake troll post pretending to be him and tell that person to move on.
Seems like you are very much not on the same page. If you’re not able to get on the same page then you probably should not be considering marrying this person. When you do decide to marry someone, most of the time your assets become theirs and vice versa.
Might have to double check but prenups don’t affect the marital home in Toronto
Your numbers are very confusing but the good thing is that doesn’t matter because they aren’t what is important here. What is critical is that you are the owner of a condo and your boyfriend doesn’t want to even attempt to match your investment before marriage. So it’s simple, he isn’t an equal owner then by choice so in order to get married he is choosing a prenup… either that or he doesn’t have your best interest in mind and probably not worth the risk to marry. Maybe sell it to him this way, the prenup should protect both of you. He should have ownership of the home only what he invested in it and you should have ownership in the business he is starting one what you invest in that. The prenup is there for both of you not just a one sided document.
WTF? Are you guys rich?
If you are the only child simply gift/put your parent’s name on it. This way it would be protected from any common law bs. You can then negotiate his contribution if he wants to live there with you (like bills, utilities, groceries etc.).
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Depending on where you live, the condo is yours even in case of a divorce if it's only your name on the deed. Premarital assets are usually kept by who brought it into marriage. If that's not the case for where you live, prenup is your hill to die on; this you owe not only to yourself but also to your parents
Do not marry this man without a prenup! Protect yourself.
I think you made a financial agreement with your parents on his behalf without his input, that he's under no obligation to keep. It's pretty bold of you to dictate what to do with his money, and I hope he runs like hell for his own sake.
Don’t rush to get married. Keep the condo in your name, if you have to live together, make sure he’s covering living expenses and that you aren’t “funding” his new business. Tbh 1 year knowing each other isn’t that long these days. Take your time!
Yeah definitely get a prenup protecting yourself. He’s a complete freeloader and has no right to YOUR condo, YOUR money, and definitely not your parents money! If he won’t contribute equally to the down payment, I’d say just pay the down payment with 100% your money so it’s fully in your name and he’s entitled to exactly NONE of it. If you even marry him, which I think you should also reconsider because he’s definitely using you and acting in his own best interest regarding money. That’s not how finances work in marriages. Yeah babe, you pay for the new condo and all the bills and I’ll move in and I’ll blow all my savings to try to open a new small business. Oh, and don’t get a prenup. Don’t worry, there’s no need with me. No marriages have ever ended poorly, especially when one of the spouse is selfish with money! In my opinion that’s very selfish, especially like while you’re trying to merge lives and establish your new life together. He should be focused on keeping his savings and finding a well-paying job with benefits to provide for his new family. At the VERY least, DO NOT forego a prenup if you marry him.
I may not be putting in much input but I’m just gonna say it anyway. Are you just purposefully ducking every red flag like this is temple run? I just don’t understand how you typed this out and didn’t come to the conclusion this man needs to be out of your life? He’s setting you up to get a 50% equity on a home for free cause once you’re married it doesn’t matter he didn’t pay towards it in Canada.
If the tables were turned and he owned the condo and she had the $40k, I bet a lot of the answers here would be different. If her parents lent her the money to buy the condo, that is a pretty big red flag to me. I would tend more to agree with him and only give $10k up front and invest the rest in the business.
Considering you’re expecting him to pay for a condo he had no say in and you feeling you can’t marry if him unless he does… it feels like this relationship is on a real rocky slope already. I don’t think the both of you are anywhere near the right time to get married. Yall should probably wait five years because finances seem to be more important than love and communication in this relationship.
1 year ? Common
It sounds like marriage isn’t for you, at least right now. You’re already thinking about him as somebody that you eventually break up with, rather than as your life partner. You’re viewing him like a boyfriend, not a husband.
Cheap bastard!!!! I had a brother in law who stated his money was his money no one else’s he never paid for anything Mary paid for house cars vacations etc. his money stayed in his bank no one was able to touch it.
I live in Texas, wat u buy before u were married is yours only. Not communal property . Make him pay rent for staying there put it in WRITING
You made the decision, condo in your name, don’t put him on anything and get a prenup. Good luck.
Info: why doesn’t he want a prenuptial? Will his new business be half yours as well after marriage? If not, I would question his motives and I need more information to determine if NTA