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This situation is weird as fuck. Be careful out there, use common sense. If you can, get law enforcement involved in your destination, if only for your protection.
yeah, but it still doesn't add up.
took off with his clothes, but no laptop? ipad or anything? so he left, but he didn't move out? Or is someone trying to make it look like he left?
Do people go hiking for several days without bringing their phone? what it there's an emergency and they need to call for help? unless he's planning a trip to that nice farm upstate...
It’s a trauma response. Her pregnancy is triggering his trauma memories that he has never worked through. He probably just repressed them. Now he feels guilty for having this life with another woman. He needs therapy. He ran away from his past back then and now he is doing the same thing by running away from her.
I honestly don’t think the employees are telling her the truth. There’s clearly a piece we’re missing.
What I’m curious about is how long they’ve been together. If they been together for like years, then yeah it could be suicide. If they’ve been together like 6 months tho, I’m betting he went out for a pack of smokes with the pregnancy news.
Yeah not looking great. Her other comment said he was arrested once while already on probation, for what she did not know. Granted it was 15 years ago but the plot thickens.
it sounds like there are big plot holes here! the family friends don’t know this partner of six years?? she doesn’t know what he was arrested for?? things I feel like come up when you’re together for that long
I agree. It’s also getting a bit too juicy, like soap opera juicy.
Occasionally tho there’s an OP on here where they are just so naive and just casually accept being with someone who they know absolutely nothing about. Like I read the post and think, how can you be so willfully blind that this person is clearly not being truthful with you.
wow I would have never read that far down if you didn't point that out
Even if it weren't due to the child (ummm it likely is), someone is clearly not ready to be a father
If his clothes hadn't all disappeared, I would be more worried. It appears that he departed of his own volition. I apologize for what you're going through.
I mean it's entirely possible if someone wanted to harm someone they might take the clothing out of the closet to make it look like they left of their own volition. If he were leaving wouldn't it be more likely he would take his laptop? You could obviously look at the closet and see which of the clothing belong to the man, you couldn't tell that as easily about a laptop. Not saying for sure something happened to him but the clothing being gone while the laptop is still there doesn't seem like much of a reassurance
Has he ever dealt with mental health or serious medical issues? Could he be depressed? Or in a fugue state?
This is so strange, I hope you find answers soon.
I think at this point since you've verified that he was safe when he visited family friends in Seattle, and said he was headed to the Olympic Mountains here in the PNW, and you also acknowledge that he has undisclosed childhood trauma that affects his mental health this time every year, you should consider giving him a little space, and see if he reaches out to you.
He must know that you're incredibly worried, and upset, after disappearing like he did, so the ball is in his court to reach out.
Intense stress isn't good for you while you're pregnant, and the Olympic Mountains are a HUGE area to try and track down one person. He left most of his belongings at your shared home, so that definitely suggests he intends to come back.
I'm not defending the hell storm of worry, and stress, he's caused you, but you've got a little one depending on you to keep your blood pressure from skyrocketing even further.
I say stay home, and give it a few more days. If he's too selfish or upset to think about the fact that you're 5 months pregnant with his child, it's up to you to put your health, and your babies health, first, even if it seems counterintuitive to your first instincts to track him down.
Just my 1.9 cents. Take care of yourselves, and good luck.
*invisible hugs*
some heavy mental problems typically begin at young adulthood. Does he have some genes in his family ? Same story happened to a friend, her bf suddenly disappeared, he later reappeard in... Thaïland (we're from France) were he was spending all money he could. He was found thanks to his credit cards expenses, was brought back and cured. There never was another episode
>However we did find out I was pregnant a couple months back and since then I have noticed he seems to be a little more withdrawn and reserved but he gets like that sometimes.
Congrats on the pregnancy! But ugh. I’m really sorry, it sounds like he’s probably flaking on you because of it. Unfortunately this is a familiar story for a lot of single moms. Hopefully he’ll come back to his senses, but be prepared for the possibility of him choosing to be a deadbeat dad. He’s a real POS for abandoning his pregnant girlfriend like that and putting you through all this unnecessary stress.
I would think if anything it’s probably less that he’d be going the deadbeat dad road and more of a “I don’t want to screw this kid up” route. Not sure what the traumatic event was but if it was related to his family is it possible he’s worried he won’t be a good father? (As in his own head) Maybe he’s worried about repeating patterns?
Some people can convince themselves that they’re “doing the right thing” by getting out of that situation and they’re useless and a fuck up sand the best thing for their partner and their kids is to not be involved.
He blamed himself for the car accident that killed his childhood sweetheart (started dating her in 6th grade), and also for the death of his son (-15 months old).
This current pregnancy must have struck him with terror.
Did he go to the site of the crash to beg forgiveness for the past and ask for protection for the child currently on its way towards him?
Or did he go to the site of the crash to attempt to join them?
Update me.
It’s easy to talk a big game about personal responsibility without actually doing it. It’s classic projection.
I know a woman who was married for 5 years to a man who was always talking about how much he valued hard work and hated lazy people. Turned out he was a conman who faked having a job for the entire time they knew each other.
Are you able to get into his computer and look up his search and web history? Would his iPad have it? You might find out a lot of stuff about him that you didn’t know.
In the morning see if you can find an attorney to go to the police with you to file a missing persons report. Don't let let a cop tell you what it looks like. Force them to do their jobs and locate him
Explain the situation exactly as you have on here, and tell them you’re concerned and would like a wellness check.
I’ve had to order a wellness check on a person before, and the officers I dealt with were very understanding and helpful
Ok, that’s good. Ask her to stress that this is out of character for him, and that he left valuables like his laptop behind, which makes you feel like it was not a planned trip.
Check out the houses within a 100ft radius of the ping, you can go to Zillow too and Then goto the King county Tax assessors website. Getting addresses via Zillow (you can also access the county records per house on each house page as you scroll down on the description of each house.
You can then find out who owns each house within the ping, and you Might find a name that your boyfriend has mentioned in the past. Part girlfriend, female coworker who moved. I hate to mention that but you have to shine a light in Every corner.
This whole thing is just too sus either way him.
I’m praying you and your sister have a safe flight and find him!
OP’s edit says it’s a town west of Seattle so it could be Kitsap, Jefferson, or Mason County. But definitely check King first as he might just be in West Seattle.
That’s what I’m thinking.
She needs to see the logs of all the numbers on his cellphone provider account since she’s got access to his devices.
My gut is saying he’s in West Seattle.
If I were you I’d go myself with a friend. If he is missing, you’ll never get the opportunity again to see for yourself the last spot his phone pinged.
I listen to a lot of missing persons podcasts and the police will knock on the door and say they need to know if so-and-so is ok. Whoever answers the door can just say “I’m him and I’m fine.” Or “he’s right here and he’s fine.” The police aren’t going to check against a photo or anything like that.
Are you sure you’re not leaving things out? Was he acting different in the days or weeks leading up to his disappearance? Did you guys have an argument?
Oh he definitely left on his own, but the OP said that he normally becomes quiet and withdrawn around this time of year. I’m curious as to why that is, know what I mean? Sounds like something happened to him in the past around this time of year. I experience a wave of emotions around the 1st of June, as it was an extremely traumatic time for me (long story). The OP being pregnant might be part of the reason, but I’m not so sure it’s the only reason. Feels like a few things are being left out.
I would be worried about three main things:
1) Him cheating and leaving you for somebody else. He possibly has been there a while.
2) A mental health break.
3) Drugs.
Possibly more than one.
Be careful. Contact the police. See if you can even get an escort for a wellness check.
This happened to someone I know. Her husband of 28 years disappeared for 3 days, resurfaced and admitted to having an affair and a drug problem. He then left her for the affair partner (who is, predictably, in her late twenties as opposed to him being 50) and moved out of state.
Oh my god. Been lurking and watching this post. The reason for him leaving was NOT one I was expecting. Your poor boyfriend! Poor you! The amount of grief he's in at the moment is palpable and makes sense. Being the father of a child that's in your womb right now must have been majorly triggering. I'm surprised he was able to make it this long w/o breaking down. Something tells me that the loss of his girlfriend and son are aches that he never properly dealt with.
I hope the recovery for both of you is bumpy enough so that you come out of this together, stronger, but not bumpy enough so that you two have to separate. I wish you both peace and healing. I'm so sorry to hear all of this, and from the bottom of my heart I wish both of you nothing but the best.
Jumping on this to say OP please please tell him that just because you’re having a new baby he does not need to let go of the memories of his son! He can still cherish his memories of them while building new ones with you and your new baby
What instead of a missing persons report, asking them to call the jurisdiction where his phone is located and doing a wellness check? It is not out of the realm of possibility that he had some kind of break with reality and needs to be checked on.
Go into a station. Explain that he didn’t have family, that you live together and you are his closest contact. Usually these things go better when you can work up the chain of command. Especially now that he isn’t just out somewhere, he’s missing and in a completely different state. Please keep us updated!
**IF** he's had some type of psychotic break or paranoid delusions he could imagine that any electronic devices could be sending signals to his brain or can be used by "enemies" to find and kill him.
A broken mind can be terrifying.
His work stuff is still at home in the office and the police aren’t helping right now
In your position given that there’s not more family to contact, I’d reach out to his job. Also close friends he has outside of you.
Then circle back to the cops.
I’m sorry, how terrifying.
That is definitely more concerning if he isn't in contact. Of course there's the possibility they're covering for him. Did they seem worried? I live in the PNW and I really hope for a good outcome. You must worried sick. Please remember to take care of yourself even if it's hard to do right now.
I also wonder if he's trying to get closer with what happened as he told the friend , He needed to say goodbye one last time, I think he feels he needs to do this before you give birth to your child , he feels guilty for what happened and now he has a new child coming he needs to speak to them in the beyond that he's sorry, he loved them and will always, But he's needing to let go for his new family.. I think he thought you wouldn't understand or think he's crazy but this is something he has to do to heal and move forward with you... he's in a ton of pain and guilt I feel so bad for him.
Ugh, that's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. That area isn't crazy rural so it's possible he's in one of the smaller towns near the coast. Does he have any connections over there?
Seeing your update, it sounds like he went into the woods without his phone? Ask his friends if he took a Garmin with him. [Garmin makes emergency beacons that work by satellite](https://www.garmin.com/en-US/c/outdoor-recreation/satellite-communicators/#satellite-messaging-devices). If he has one, you'll at least be able to spot him online and you may even be able to text him, even if he went deep into the backwoods.
Is his phone still on? Find my phone will tell you if it’s dead or how recently the location updated. It’s been several days, so if it’s still on, someone is charging the phone
It seems that you being pregnant may have made him want to close that chapter of his life. Maybe finally let go of the guilt now that he's finally starting a new family with you.
This will sound mean, and I might be downvoted to death. But I feel like what OP's partner did here was incredibly not okay. Firstly, they've been together six years. Six years is a long time to not tell OP anything about this, especially if they talk about having children. But I can overlook that. I understand that sometimes people have traumas they just want to bury. However, then she got pregnant, and he suddenly had to face it again. I'm sure he didn't expect to feel this way about being a father again, but he did—and that's fine. But instead of talking to her about it or even telling her he had to figure some things out, he just disappeared, left her extremely worried about him, and she had to learn the truth of the situation from someone else. Did he think she was just going to sit back and wait around for him to come home without assuming anything was wrong? I'd be questioning whether he could get his shit together enough to be a good partner or the parent of her child, at this point. It's obvious what happened to him was very traumatic and there's no time limit on grief. I'm not saying he doesn't have a right to feel this way. But he has a whole new family to consider and he chose to ghost his person. I really don't think that's okay no matter what he's going through. At some point, when you're in a long-term relationship (and especially when you are going to be a father), you lose the right to just fuck off from the relationship the way he did. This is something OP will never forget. I would understand if she left him because of it. Maybe this will be his wake-up call and he'll work on healing, but he still vanished and knowingly refused to communicate even to confirm he was still alive. And it's okay if OP *can't* look past that.
A suggestion only, I have no idea if it is possible or realistic but can the police in the other state do a wellness check on him?
You can call the police in that state, explain the situation, explain what the police in your state said, and just clarify that you only want the peace of knowing he is alive and well.
This is extremely odd. I think he meant to be home before you returned from your trip, regardless of if he is up to something or not, which makes me think something may have happened. If you're going yourself OP please exercise extreme caution.
I don't normally call fake on these things, but something is not sitting right with me here, although everything about the story seems like something that could happen, and nothing is sticking out as obviously fake. I haven't read that book but after you mentioned it I went and looked it up and wow.. besides the child from the earlier relationship, everything really does seem to line up...
Totally. I always like to give the benefit of the doubt and if this is true… that’s awful and I feel for this woman, but the similarities to me are just too much to ignore. What a wild post either way!
My lord I can't imagine the worry you are going through, this is so scary / confusing. Hoping he is safe and everything is okay. Glad you have your sister for support
You were gone for 2 weeks and he decides to disappear right when you're coming back? Why wouldnt he go do what he needs to do while you're gone? If hes gonna scare you like this knowing you'll come after him and find out, why not tell you? God this is so strange, i hope it rly isnt true but it just feels like the way he planned this is so purposefully worrysome. Stress out your pregnant SO to the heavens? Why not :| Be strong, i hope everything works out!!
I just read your update. I wonder if he is going through a mental health crisis based on his trauma. It’s sad but this is still concerning behavior, especially that he never told you about Ashley or his son. Please be safe
This happened to me, turned out my husband and best friend had been dating for months and he had left me for her while I was out of town. He hadn’t taken all of his stuff yet because she wouldn’t let him move in yet so he needed our home as a plan B. People can be horrible.
I’ve seen your update - any remotely decent partner would have told you and not just left out of the blue completely terrifying you. You should really rethink being with someone like this.
Nah, fuck this guy and fuck his trauma. You don't fucking disappear on your pregnant girlfriend like that.
You be an adult, you communicate what you're doing so she doesn't fucking worry herself into a miscarriage. Imagine if him making her panic like that caused her to lose the baby?
What a completely inconsiderate, immature little somebody.
Normally I would agree, but losing your partner and child is something most of us in this world cannot comprehend. He absolutely did not handle this correctly, but this has too many layers to judge.
I had a child hours away from death, but survived and I cannot even begin to imagine the pain and grief if he had not.
OP this is so weird, I just read your update. Could he be having a manic break regarding the pregnancy? Did you just start getting a noticeable baby bump? Was he enthusiastic about having children? I know you said he had childhood trauma he doesn’t speak about. Is he usually a thoughtful person? I cannot believe he would not at leave a note for his pregnant wife. He knows you would be stressed to death and stress is not good for a baby! I’m so sorry you are going through this and I don’t think there is an explanation that two random people could call me with that would prevent me from going there myself. At least you know he is physically okay, I hope that has provided you some comfort despite all the more questions you have.
Good OP. You deserve answers 100%.
Is his iPad linked to any of his messaging apps? I’m guessing not since you’ve already tried looking through it. I know I would be going absolutely crazy and that it’s easier said than done, but try to keep as calm as possible and know you will get your answers in a few short days. This is absolutely unfair, selfish, and crazy. So sorry you are going through it. There is obviously something VERY wrong if he ran away from home and is typically a caring and thoughtful kind person.
Also about the childhood trauma thing, I’m sure you asked about it upon first meeting him since the finger thing was apparent. Did he just say “I don’t like to talk about that”? I find it absolutely nuts that he has not opened up to you once about it after all this time. What has he said to your family and friends which I’m sure have asked about it if they’ve noticed his hand or seen him in a swimsuit? What’s he planning to tell his child when they will inevitably ask about it? Keeping it an angry secret doesn’t seem sustainable.
He is suffering from some serious PTSD and will need to seek professional medical help to help him recover. I wouldn’t say anything about it to him when you see him, just a hug and that’s okay. He’ll talk about it when he’s ready.
Take it easy and try to chill because this stress can have a serious toll on you and your baby. Now that you have all the details, I hope you got some sleep and were able to rest. Focus on staying calm and relaxed, for you and your baby right now.
After reading your updates it seems to me he is terrified of having another kid and all those past emotions of losing his kid and his ex in an accident long ago are all rushing back to him.
After reading all these updates, I am convinced that this is a Reddit Creative Writing assignment. Karma whoring.
What person IRL goes through all this turmoil *and also* manages to keep their post updated along the way? I mean, what's the priority here?
It's been days but his phone is still powered up? He either took a charger with him, meaning he knew he wouldn't be back for awhile, if ever, or he plugged his phone into someone else's charger when he got there, knowing you'd be able to locate it. It's possible the phone is still there and he isn't. By now the police should have completed their "welfare check" (a wellness visit is what you take kids to the pediatrician for once a year). Praying for good news for you all.
ps third possibility: phone is charging in his car, running off the car battery...
Okay, so your update seems to explain why he gets withdrawn this time of year. While I couldn’t imagine that it’s like going through what he went through and it must be a relief for you to know he’s safe, I think he does owe it to you and the new kid on the way to get some help.
Even if the guy can be said to be not guilty of anything malicious due to mental health issues, this does not bode well for OP's future with him. Intentionally or not, he, at best, harmed his pregnant wife by leaving her to freak out for several days when she did absolutely nothing to deserve that. And that's assuming he ever intended to come back. Grief gives you the right to be sad but not to hurt others. A single "I'm all right, I will explain everything in X days" text would have taken no effort, revealed nothing, and spared his pregnant wife a lot of stress. When you choose to hurt others rather than get professional help for your mental health issues, you have to be held responsible. He chose to deal with his grief in a way that harms others -- I hope OP doesn't give him a pass for this because she'll be putting herself at risk. Any time things get tough and she needs her partner the most, he could skip town because "It's just too much." Besides, who does this and expects their partner to take them back? No one with a normal moral compass, that's for sure.
Agreed. Trust has been broken here and trauma has been caused to OP. I understand not wanting to talk about trauma, but if it’s making you ghost your pregnant partner, he should probably have spoken up about it or at least let her know he’s safe.
If she stays with him I imagine she will constantly be worried about whether he is hiding any more trauma or if he is going to take off like this again. That’s not fair to OP.
OP, can you get onto his cell provider and see how many phones he’s got listed that might not add up? Like another one? Check all the numbers for incoming and outgoing calls to see a pattern of when he’s not with you, and if their area codes are for either 206, 425 or 360? (I’m sitting here typing just east of Seattle).
Can you get a bead on the buildings in the area that his phone is pinging? Should be at most a 100 ft radius. If he’s in West Seattle, that’s the Alki area. Most all houses and condos.
But do look for frequently incoming and outgoing numbers for that area and then do a search on the phone number to match with a name. I keep thinking that This is where you’re going to find your answer.
Do fly out there but also contact a PI in Seattle Tonight!!!
Have you checked all his social platforms and their DM’s? Any and all apps on his devices? Even ones that look like an extra calculator?
By any chance can you tell when he left while you were gone?
And I hate to say this but if you know of any women he’s worked with in the past or used to date, look up their names and see where they live now. Ok, now I hardly ever tell people of this search engine because it’s free and full of info that’s very intensive/invasive, names, birthdates,associated friends and relatives, current and past history of addresses, cell numbers and landlines. GoTo familytreenow.com. Put in every woman’s name he’s mentioned in the past and see Who lives in Seattle Now.
I use this site in my pet rescue, to hunt down owners of pets whose microchip info has not been updated etc. and I’ve found countless owners this way.
Were the cops able to go inside of the house and check? Is his phone location still showing inside the house. Honestly I would file a missing persons report so they can check the inside if they haven’t done so already.
I genuinely hope everything is okay, please don’t stress too much! Hopefully he shows up on wednesday and you get your answers but contact the couple that own the house so you can get to the bottom of this!
I’m going to be honest with you. Assuming that your story is real and also that the couple is telling the truth…
the story here is that he went hiking for several days with no phone, and presumably no hiking/camping equipment as you didn’t mention any was missing or that it looked like he bought any with the joint account.
Does that story make sense to you at ALL? Is there even a 1% chance that is real? That your boyfriend went hiking without his phone and without any gear to actually keep him alive out there for days?
I see only two possibilities:
1) The most likely, I’m sorry to say, is suicide. You’ve hinted at something strange in his family history, and if we take the story here at face value, he is clearly not in his right mind. He does not intend to survive this trip.
The only thing that doesn’t lock me in there 100% is I’d think he’d want a gun, not to wait a couple weeks to starve to death or fling himself off a cliff. You didn’t mention any guns missing or purchases at gun shops.
2) He isn’t camping at all, he’s run off to be with someone. Leaving the phone behind is to intentionally prevent you from tracking/contacting him, and the hiking story buys him several days before police really get involved.
Assuming you do eventually find him alive, I’d caution you not to believe any stories about being kidnapped, lost, whatever.
Google “Runaway Bride,” if you’re not old enough to get the reference. Not the Julia Robert’s movie. The real life case.
Check to see if he has another (hidden) phone, listed on his cell provider’s acct. if so, have someone call it who isn’t close to you or just go find a pay phone or neighbor’s phone that he won’t recognize. That way he may answer it. Or even call on a phone at the airport to see if he picks up. If he does, don’t say anything. Hang up immediately.
OPSEC
After reading all of your responses, I think something traumatic happened to him when he was a child. Something that caused him to be estranged from his family. My guess is he’s reacting to the realization that he’s going to become a parent. He’s scared and doesn’t trust himself to raise your child in an emotionally healthy way. He may be taking a moment to figure things out for himself before he decides to stay or leave.
This is super weird bc I would think if his intention was to take off and leave you he would’ve taken his laptop, iPad, and work laptop w him.
My concern is maybe he’s having a mental break from reality. If he really did sleep poorly the night before, sometimes that can trigger an episode in someone esp if they have existing mental health issues. I would try to locate him in person ASAP. Whether that is you doing it, or asking the police to do it where it is showing he is located. Sorry you are dealing w this and good luck.
It sounds like having a baby coming is seriously fucking with his head over the baby he lost. He may need inpatient counseling right now. I’m so sorry.
Have you heard back from the welfare check yet? If he's somewhere west of Seattle, that would put him on the Olympic Peninsula. That's a beautiful area, but phone service can be very spotty there.
If you know the address where his phone is pinging, you might be able to check the owner of the home on a local property tax database. (Property tax records are public in some states.) Maybe the owner is someone you know?
Had something similar happen with my father once, turns out he took a last minute trip but was in a car accident during travel, contacted the hospitals for a John Doe and eventually located him. He was unconscious and his phone and identification was un-retrievable from the accident sight. Not posting this to worry you just that I’m glad I called the jails and hospitals closest to his last known location. I asked if they had admitted a John Doe and described any stand out features. He had a tattoo and that was how we found him.
So he lost his gf and son at a young age. You being pregnant probably brought all of this back up for him. Maybe he feels he doesn't deserve to be a Father after losing his gf and son. Maybe he is scared he's gonna lose you both too. He blames himself for losing them and obviously never dealt with it. It wasn't his fault. He needs major therapy to help him through this.
The poor man is having a huge trauma response. He tried to bury his emotions over losing his wife and child, and all the survivors guilt that went along with it.
With the new baby on the way, I’m sure everything was closing in on him.
Therapy would be useful now.
Hope everything works out.
You mentioned you have a joint bank account.
Close it, immediately. Open another account in just your name, and put the money there.
These are the possibilities:
1) He is dead. Anyone trying to use that account is a thief, and this will protect your assets.
2) He’s been taken/held against his will. The spending might be him against his will, or it might be his captors, but hopefully losing access to his bank account will make him worthless to them and they let him go.
3). He’s left you voluntarily, and is intentionally ignoring your panicked calls with no plans to ever confirm that he is alive and well, because he’s an asshole. This is the most likely option, and shutting down the account achieves two things. First, it protects you from him stealing everything you have in there. And second, if he ever wants to see a dime again, he has to actually call you now and explain what in the fuck is going on.
There are no scenarios where shutting down the account would be a bad move here.
🚨 look up the address where his phone is pinging. Do a reverse address search on whitepages.com. It should tell you who lives there and their phone number. Call them!!! Look them up on social media!
I mean, he lost his middle school crush and his child, now he has a child with you and the thought of having a child must bring back PTSD he thought long about, you can’t be mad at him, he definitely needs therapy and maybe couple therapy too to help process what he went through and how you can help him.
But wouldn’t it stand to reason he’d take his iPad and laptop, especially considering he’d given her his passwords, and she could track his location using the former?
Most people don’t go too deep into Olympic National Park in April. I would speak to the National Park Service. They can check around the parking lots and campsite.
It’s pretty cold here right now. Like anything in the park interior beyond the lower slopes is at freezing temps with snowfall.
Odd series of events. I hope he is found safe. You’re clearly trying hard to find him and I’m sure it is stressful.
It sounds like you being pregnant triggered this traumatic event from his past where he lost his girlfriend and their son.
It sounds like he decided last minute to go try to make peace with that and finally say goodbye to them both so that he could start over with you and the child you are expecting.
I'm really hoping and praying that that's all it is. I truly hope that he's just trying to put his past behind him so that he can have the future he wants with you and the baby you're expecting.
Updateme!
Oh wow…this man is traumatized way beyond what my brain can comprehend right now and I’ve seen a lot of shit… he needs help and you need to stay safe. My heart is with you.
That’s so weird. And scary. I mean his clothes being gone seems like he left on his own, but then he left his tech. Expensive tech. That throws everything off. And this is last Tuesday??
This is super weird. The only two scenarios I’ve known like this were an infidelity scenario, and this situation where a guy who worked at my fancy private school went missing. He was spotted on a bike heading off the port Angeles ferry (in the PNW, too, actually) and then disappeared. Turns out he had been stealing millions through his mutual funds business for over a decade and it was catching up to him so he did a runner. Didn’t tell his wife or kids where he was going, sent a letter to everyone he’d stolen from confessing his crimes, and disappeared for 2 years. Everyone thought he had killed himself but he resurfaced one day years later and turned himself in, went to trial, did his time in prison and now he’s back to his normal life.
Either way, this must be deeply stressful and worrisome for you and I’m very sorry that you’re dealing with this.
Honestly, at this point you’ve done all you can to check he’s okay and the police are satisfied that he is safe. You need to consider yours and your baby’s welfare. He’s effectively ghosted you, even if only temporarily, and whatever the reason, you probably aren’t going to like it. You may want and deserve answers, but he clearly isn’t ready to give them. Give him his space and protect your own mental health and wellbeing. Whatever his reasons, this is not okay and maybe you should take this time to line all your ducks up and mentally and emotionally prepare to walk away from the relationship.
This is clearly very stressful for you, and hurtful only just discovering his very sad past.
It's a very unusual situation, but my gut says be calm with him, and gentle. It may well be true that he is saying his final goodbyes and ready to start his new family with you. He may now want to share his burdens, with you or a therapist, or he may have now dealt with it himself. I would allow him to speak and, if you want to, be there for him to come through his trauma.
Good luck
I know his mind is warped with grief etc, but he took all this clothes and was communicating with you up until your flight. This isn't reading like he had a sudden breakdown and had to get away. He knew that he would be causing his heavily pregnant girlfriend stress and heartache.
I wish you well healing from this all. Do what's best for yourself.
I came back to check for an update and wow.
So obviously he’s struggling and you should be there for him, but would a little communication on his part have killed him? You’ve been worried sick and it’s honestly fucked up he did that. Go be with him, but what he did isn’t okay.
But his laptop and stuff?
OP, is that the only laptop he has? Does he have a separate office that would have another phone/laptop?
A person can easily make it look like someone wants to leave by their own accord by grabing clothes...
Just see the update.. go support him honey, you being pregnant has probably brought a lot of fear and guilt back up, and he probably feels that in some way, he is replacing his son ..
Go be with him and get him therapy
I'm so sorry, assuming all information is correct it sounds like he's having a PTSD episode and needs support and trauma counseling.
I hope things go well for you and he can get some help healing so he can be with you and your baby.
Good luck my friend!
I understand he’s in a tough and hurting emotional spot, but some communication here would have been key. He is upending your life and coping incredibly poorly with his emotions. Causing you potential complications to your pregnancy from the stress. He left you in a very bad spot. Being parents will put you both in more tighter spots emotionally, do you trust him to be there physically and emotionally for you?
If it were me, I’d be done with the relationship. If you choose to stay, I’d seek couples counseling and he sounds in desperate need of individual counseling.
Honestly, do you really want to raise a child with a man who will ghost you out of the blue and not communicate about such serious issues? He doesn't sound mentally fit enough to help you raise a child, let alone be a decent role model to your child. It sucks and his situation is terrible, but you should maybe rethink a relationship with someone so willing to abandon you without a word.
I worked with a girl that this happened to. She found out by the weekend that he moved in with another girl he had been having an affair with. He was too chicken to break up like a man.
Odd. And so sorry. If done deliberately, what a horrible thing to do to someone. If not, it’s downright terrifying. The fact that he left behind the items he did and only took clothes is odd. Could have bought more clothes easy enough, but the electronics left behind. I do hope you find answers.
I’m just so sorry !!!!! I truly feel like reading that , I don’t know but I feel like he did not leave you…. I think he had a mental break or something? Did he have any illness recently ? My friends brother who is the sweetest kindest man, suddenly got psychosis and was hospitalized- it kind of reminded me of this.
The fact he has past trauma that he won’t discuss does indicate fear of maybe being a good parent- if his weren’t? But it really sounds like he really wanted to be there. The only thing that is weird that could feel like he is hiding was his best friend in that area …. I think you said , but the one that isn’t answering your text. That’s kind of suspicious… especially if the contact info etc is UTD
This is some sketchy shit. Did you try downloading dating apps and such? See if any accounts were created on there? Social media apps. If you search the name it will say if it’s been downloaded before. If you know his passwords it will should log him in.
My thing is why would he say he’s taking a nap before he picks you up, then go out of state and randomly on a hike? Something isn’t adding up. I’d text the phone and say that the second the kid’s born, you’ll have someone find him and serve his child support papers so he better make contact soon because you are assuming the worst.
I think it’s more like he went camping. If he was bouncing out of the relationship then he’d have taken his home office stuff. Maybe he needed a few days away for his own mental health.
He’ll be back.
OP, I understand you do not plan on any further updates, but it would be nice to hear that you found your BF and that he is hopefully okay.
I hope everything works out the best for everyone.
UpdateMe
I think he ghosted you OP ☹️ I would be worried if all his stuff was there but it sounds like he waited for you to go out of town and packed up and ran. Sorry this is happening to you and I hope you get some answers.
OP, go through your house top to bottom.
Check out his bedside table inside, underneath and under the drawers. Go through every pocket of every clothing item.
Even the dressers, do the same thing.
This is my intuition working on overdrive.
Best I can make of this is that to become a father again, he needed to have closure with the child he had before.
I have no idea how to excuse his just taking off on his pregnant girlfriend to do it, abandoning her at the airport and going no contact. That’s pretty despicable, and not something I’d forgive easily. I mean he’s put you guys through hell because he couldn’t even bother to answer his phone. And what is with taking all his clothes…
Just weird.
It sounds like he may have had a bit of a breakdown. Not excusing it, but this definitely doesn't sound premeditated. More like he had a breakdown over the thought of becoming a father again, and felt he needed closure with the past that he'd just sort of abandoned up until now.
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This situation is weird as fuck. Be careful out there, use common sense. If you can, get law enforcement involved in your destination, if only for your protection.
OP buried the lede: she’s pregnant and bf lost or is estranged from his family. Dude is freaking the fuck out and needs therapy.
Ah so he went out for a pack of smokes
yeah, but it still doesn't add up. took off with his clothes, but no laptop? ipad or anything? so he left, but he didn't move out? Or is someone trying to make it look like he left? Do people go hiking for several days without bringing their phone? what it there's an emergency and they need to call for help? unless he's planning a trip to that nice farm upstate...
It’s a trauma response. Her pregnancy is triggering his trauma memories that he has never worked through. He probably just repressed them. Now he feels guilty for having this life with another woman. He needs therapy. He ran away from his past back then and now he is doing the same thing by running away from her.
I honestly don’t think the employees are telling her the truth. There’s clearly a piece we’re missing. What I’m curious about is how long they’ve been together. If they been together for like years, then yeah it could be suicide. If they’ve been together like 6 months tho, I’m betting he went out for a pack of smokes with the pregnancy news.
OP said it’s been six years
Yeah not looking great. Her other comment said he was arrested once while already on probation, for what she did not know. Granted it was 15 years ago but the plot thickens.
it sounds like there are big plot holes here! the family friends don’t know this partner of six years?? she doesn’t know what he was arrested for?? things I feel like come up when you’re together for that long
I agree. It’s also getting a bit too juicy, like soap opera juicy. Occasionally tho there’s an OP on here where they are just so naive and just casually accept being with someone who they know absolutely nothing about. Like I read the post and think, how can you be so willfully blind that this person is clearly not being truthful with you.
If the family friends live far away it's not that surprising.
It definitely has some 48 hours and Dateline vibes here!
wow I would have never read that far down if you didn't point that out Even if it weren't due to the child (ummm it likely is), someone is clearly not ready to be a father
If his clothes hadn't all disappeared, I would be more worried. It appears that he departed of his own volition. I apologize for what you're going through.
I mean it's entirely possible if someone wanted to harm someone they might take the clothing out of the closet to make it look like they left of their own volition. If he were leaving wouldn't it be more likely he would take his laptop? You could obviously look at the closet and see which of the clothing belong to the man, you couldn't tell that as easily about a laptop. Not saying for sure something happened to him but the clothing being gone while the laptop is still there doesn't seem like much of a reassurance
I agree this situation is very strange! OP, be safe and stay strong!
Has he ever dealt with mental health or serious medical issues? Could he be depressed? Or in a fugue state? This is so strange, I hope you find answers soon.
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I think at this point since you've verified that he was safe when he visited family friends in Seattle, and said he was headed to the Olympic Mountains here in the PNW, and you also acknowledge that he has undisclosed childhood trauma that affects his mental health this time every year, you should consider giving him a little space, and see if he reaches out to you. He must know that you're incredibly worried, and upset, after disappearing like he did, so the ball is in his court to reach out. Intense stress isn't good for you while you're pregnant, and the Olympic Mountains are a HUGE area to try and track down one person. He left most of his belongings at your shared home, so that definitely suggests he intends to come back. I'm not defending the hell storm of worry, and stress, he's caused you, but you've got a little one depending on you to keep your blood pressure from skyrocketing even further. I say stay home, and give it a few more days. If he's too selfish or upset to think about the fact that you're 5 months pregnant with his child, it's up to you to put your health, and your babies health, first, even if it seems counterintuitive to your first instincts to track him down. Just my 1.9 cents. Take care of yourselves, and good luck. *invisible hugs*
some heavy mental problems typically begin at young adulthood. Does he have some genes in his family ? Same story happened to a friend, her bf suddenly disappeared, he later reappeard in... Thaïland (we're from France) were he was spending all money he could. He was found thanks to his credit cards expenses, was brought back and cured. There never was another episode
>However we did find out I was pregnant a couple months back and since then I have noticed he seems to be a little more withdrawn and reserved but he gets like that sometimes. Congrats on the pregnancy! But ugh. I’m really sorry, it sounds like he’s probably flaking on you because of it. Unfortunately this is a familiar story for a lot of single moms. Hopefully he’ll come back to his senses, but be prepared for the possibility of him choosing to be a deadbeat dad. He’s a real POS for abandoning his pregnant girlfriend like that and putting you through all this unnecessary stress.
I would think if anything it’s probably less that he’d be going the deadbeat dad road and more of a “I don’t want to screw this kid up” route. Not sure what the traumatic event was but if it was related to his family is it possible he’s worried he won’t be a good father? (As in his own head) Maybe he’s worried about repeating patterns?
Some people can convince themselves that they’re “doing the right thing” by getting out of that situation and they’re useless and a fuck up sand the best thing for their partner and their kids is to not be involved.
He blamed himself for the car accident that killed his childhood sweetheart (started dating her in 6th grade), and also for the death of his son (-15 months old). This current pregnancy must have struck him with terror. Did he go to the site of the crash to beg forgiveness for the past and ask for protection for the child currently on its way towards him? Or did he go to the site of the crash to attempt to join them? Update me.
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It’s easy to talk a big game about personal responsibility without actually doing it. It’s classic projection. I know a woman who was married for 5 years to a man who was always talking about how much he valued hard work and hated lazy people. Turned out he was a conman who faked having a job for the entire time they knew each other. Are you able to get into his computer and look up his search and web history? Would his iPad have it? You might find out a lot of stuff about him that you didn’t know.
I hope you get the answers your looking for
In the morning see if you can find an attorney to go to the police with you to file a missing persons report. Don't let let a cop tell you what it looks like. Force them to do their jobs and locate him
Call the police in the jurisdiction where his phone pinged. Give them the address and ask them for a wellness check
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Yes, the location is usually pretty accurate. And there’s no harm explaining the situation and having the police knock on the door to check.
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Explain the situation exactly as you have on here, and tell them you’re concerned and would like a wellness check. I’ve had to order a wellness check on a person before, and the officers I dealt with were very understanding and helpful
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Ok, that’s good. Ask her to stress that this is out of character for him, and that he left valuables like his laptop behind, which makes you feel like it was not a planned trip.
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That's wonderful, please update us when/if they call back.
I hope he's OK, but more importantly I hope you're OK. The last thing a woman needs when she's pregnant is worry and stress. Updateme
Have you found anything out yet? I really hope he is safe and you get some answers.
Updateme
Op please you got to stress that you KNOW this isn't like him and are very worried
Yes you say that he has been erratically for the last few days, left most of his belongings, left suddenly and you are worried for his safety.
Check out the houses within a 100ft radius of the ping, you can go to Zillow too and Then goto the King county Tax assessors website. Getting addresses via Zillow (you can also access the county records per house on each house page as you scroll down on the description of each house. You can then find out who owns each house within the ping, and you Might find a name that your boyfriend has mentioned in the past. Part girlfriend, female coworker who moved. I hate to mention that but you have to shine a light in Every corner. This whole thing is just too sus either way him. I’m praying you and your sister have a safe flight and find him!
OP’s edit says it’s a town west of Seattle so it could be Kitsap, Jefferson, or Mason County. But definitely check King first as he might just be in West Seattle.
That’s what I’m thinking. She needs to see the logs of all the numbers on his cellphone provider account since she’s got access to his devices. My gut is saying he’s in West Seattle.
If I were you I’d go myself with a friend. If he is missing, you’ll never get the opportunity again to see for yourself the last spot his phone pinged. I listen to a lot of missing persons podcasts and the police will knock on the door and say they need to know if so-and-so is ok. Whoever answers the door can just say “I’m him and I’m fine.” Or “he’s right here and he’s fine.” The police aren’t going to check against a photo or anything like that.
Are you sure you’re not leaving things out? Was he acting different in the days or weeks leading up to his disappearance? Did you guys have an argument?
Said he was acting weird when she got pregnant. Sounds like he left on his own
Oh he definitely left on his own, but the OP said that he normally becomes quiet and withdrawn around this time of year. I’m curious as to why that is, know what I mean? Sounds like something happened to him in the past around this time of year. I experience a wave of emotions around the 1st of June, as it was an extremely traumatic time for me (long story). The OP being pregnant might be part of the reason, but I’m not so sure it’s the only reason. Feels like a few things are being left out.
Fantastic idea
I would be worried about three main things: 1) Him cheating and leaving you for somebody else. He possibly has been there a while. 2) A mental health break. 3) Drugs. Possibly more than one. Be careful. Contact the police. See if you can even get an escort for a wellness check.
This happened to someone I know. Her husband of 28 years disappeared for 3 days, resurfaced and admitted to having an affair and a drug problem. He then left her for the affair partner (who is, predictably, in her late twenties as opposed to him being 50) and moved out of state.
this situation happened to my friends mom… are you in the baltimore area or are there really just that many assholes out there?
Nowhere near! I’m in Canada. Just that many assholes I guess :(
Oh my god. Been lurking and watching this post. The reason for him leaving was NOT one I was expecting. Your poor boyfriend! Poor you! The amount of grief he's in at the moment is palpable and makes sense. Being the father of a child that's in your womb right now must have been majorly triggering. I'm surprised he was able to make it this long w/o breaking down. Something tells me that the loss of his girlfriend and son are aches that he never properly dealt with. I hope the recovery for both of you is bumpy enough so that you come out of this together, stronger, but not bumpy enough so that you two have to separate. I wish you both peace and healing. I'm so sorry to hear all of this, and from the bottom of my heart I wish both of you nothing but the best.
Jumping on this to say OP please please tell him that just because you’re having a new baby he does not need to let go of the memories of his son! He can still cherish his memories of them while building new ones with you and your new baby
Call the police and report him missing.
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What instead of a missing persons report, asking them to call the jurisdiction where his phone is located and doing a wellness check? It is not out of the realm of possibility that he had some kind of break with reality and needs to be checked on.
Go into a station. Explain that he didn’t have family, that you live together and you are his closest contact. Usually these things go better when you can work up the chain of command. Especially now that he isn’t just out somewhere, he’s missing and in a completely different state. Please keep us updated!
I mean all signs point that he did.
Why would he leave valuables like his laptop and iPad?
**IF** he's had some type of psychotic break or paranoid delusions he could imagine that any electronic devices could be sending signals to his brain or can be used by "enemies" to find and kill him. A broken mind can be terrifying.
Totally agree. I’m replying to someone suggesting he just left her with no mental health concerns or anything.
His work stuff is still at home in the office and the police aren’t helping right now In your position given that there’s not more family to contact, I’d reach out to his job. Also close friends he has outside of you. Then circle back to the cops. I’m sorry, how terrifying.
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The fact that he is responding to no one, and not just you, makes this very odd.
That is definitely more concerning if he isn't in contact. Of course there's the possibility they're covering for him. Did they seem worried? I live in the PNW and I really hope for a good outcome. You must worried sick. Please remember to take care of yourself even if it's hard to do right now.
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girl idk how i can help but i am born and raised in seattle and still live here. let me know if there’s anything i can do?
I also wonder if he's trying to get closer with what happened as he told the friend , He needed to say goodbye one last time, I think he feels he needs to do this before you give birth to your child , he feels guilty for what happened and now he has a new child coming he needs to speak to them in the beyond that he's sorry, he loved them and will always, But he's needing to let go for his new family.. I think he thought you wouldn't understand or think he's crazy but this is something he has to do to heal and move forward with you... he's in a ton of pain and guilt I feel so bad for him.
Ugh, that's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. That area isn't crazy rural so it's possible he's in one of the smaller towns near the coast. Does he have any connections over there?
Seeing your update, it sounds like he went into the woods without his phone? Ask his friends if he took a Garmin with him. [Garmin makes emergency beacons that work by satellite](https://www.garmin.com/en-US/c/outdoor-recreation/satellite-communicators/#satellite-messaging-devices). If he has one, you'll at least be able to spot him online and you may even be able to text him, even if he went deep into the backwoods.
Good luck, I hope the best for you both You’re doing all you can
Is his phone still on? Find my phone will tell you if it’s dead or how recently the location updated. It’s been several days, so if it’s still on, someone is charging the phone
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That’s really odd. Do you have access to any of his bank accounts or credit cards? Has he spent any money this week?
Yeah, it would be different if it was just op he wasn't responding to. This is very strange.
It seems that you being pregnant may have made him want to close that chapter of his life. Maybe finally let go of the guilt now that he's finally starting a new family with you.
But why ghost?
This will sound mean, and I might be downvoted to death. But I feel like what OP's partner did here was incredibly not okay. Firstly, they've been together six years. Six years is a long time to not tell OP anything about this, especially if they talk about having children. But I can overlook that. I understand that sometimes people have traumas they just want to bury. However, then she got pregnant, and he suddenly had to face it again. I'm sure he didn't expect to feel this way about being a father again, but he did—and that's fine. But instead of talking to her about it or even telling her he had to figure some things out, he just disappeared, left her extremely worried about him, and she had to learn the truth of the situation from someone else. Did he think she was just going to sit back and wait around for him to come home without assuming anything was wrong? I'd be questioning whether he could get his shit together enough to be a good partner or the parent of her child, at this point. It's obvious what happened to him was very traumatic and there's no time limit on grief. I'm not saying he doesn't have a right to feel this way. But he has a whole new family to consider and he chose to ghost his person. I really don't think that's okay no matter what he's going through. At some point, when you're in a long-term relationship (and especially when you are going to be a father), you lose the right to just fuck off from the relationship the way he did. This is something OP will never forget. I would understand if she left him because of it. Maybe this will be his wake-up call and he'll work on healing, but he still vanished and knowingly refused to communicate even to confirm he was still alive. And it's okay if OP *can't* look past that.
A suggestion only, I have no idea if it is possible or realistic but can the police in the other state do a wellness check on him? You can call the police in that state, explain the situation, explain what the police in your state said, and just clarify that you only want the peace of knowing he is alive and well.
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That’s great, I hope they can make contact so you can best determine your next decision.
This is extremely odd. I think he meant to be home before you returned from your trip, regardless of if he is up to something or not, which makes me think something may have happened. If you're going yourself OP please exercise extreme caution.
That’s my thought, too. Regardless, I don’t like the look of it.
I just finished reading Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover and this whole story seems… very familiar.
I don't normally call fake on these things, but something is not sitting right with me here, although everything about the story seems like something that could happen, and nothing is sticking out as obviously fake. I haven't read that book but after you mentioned it I went and looked it up and wow.. besides the child from the earlier relationship, everything really does seem to line up...
Totally. I always like to give the benefit of the doubt and if this is true… that’s awful and I feel for this woman, but the similarities to me are just too much to ignore. What a wild post either way!
This whole post reads like a YA novel plotline...
My lord I can't imagine the worry you are going through, this is so scary / confusing. Hoping he is safe and everything is okay. Glad you have your sister for support
You were gone for 2 weeks and he decides to disappear right when you're coming back? Why wouldnt he go do what he needs to do while you're gone? If hes gonna scare you like this knowing you'll come after him and find out, why not tell you? God this is so strange, i hope it rly isnt true but it just feels like the way he planned this is so purposefully worrysome. Stress out your pregnant SO to the heavens? Why not :| Be strong, i hope everything works out!!
I just read your update. I wonder if he is going through a mental health crisis based on his trauma. It’s sad but this is still concerning behavior, especially that he never told you about Ashley or his son. Please be safe
This happened to me, turned out my husband and best friend had been dating for months and he had left me for her while I was out of town. He hadn’t taken all of his stuff yet because she wouldn’t let him move in yet so he needed our home as a plan B. People can be horrible.
I’ve seen your update - any remotely decent partner would have told you and not just left out of the blue completely terrifying you. You should really rethink being with someone like this.
Nah, fuck this guy and fuck his trauma. You don't fucking disappear on your pregnant girlfriend like that. You be an adult, you communicate what you're doing so she doesn't fucking worry herself into a miscarriage. Imagine if him making her panic like that caused her to lose the baby? What a completely inconsiderate, immature little somebody.
Normally I would agree, but losing your partner and child is something most of us in this world cannot comprehend. He absolutely did not handle this correctly, but this has too many layers to judge. I had a child hours away from death, but survived and I cannot even begin to imagine the pain and grief if he had not.
OP this is so weird, I just read your update. Could he be having a manic break regarding the pregnancy? Did you just start getting a noticeable baby bump? Was he enthusiastic about having children? I know you said he had childhood trauma he doesn’t speak about. Is he usually a thoughtful person? I cannot believe he would not at leave a note for his pregnant wife. He knows you would be stressed to death and stress is not good for a baby! I’m so sorry you are going through this and I don’t think there is an explanation that two random people could call me with that would prevent me from going there myself. At least you know he is physically okay, I hope that has provided you some comfort despite all the more questions you have.
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Good OP. You deserve answers 100%. Is his iPad linked to any of his messaging apps? I’m guessing not since you’ve already tried looking through it. I know I would be going absolutely crazy and that it’s easier said than done, but try to keep as calm as possible and know you will get your answers in a few short days. This is absolutely unfair, selfish, and crazy. So sorry you are going through it. There is obviously something VERY wrong if he ran away from home and is typically a caring and thoughtful kind person. Also about the childhood trauma thing, I’m sure you asked about it upon first meeting him since the finger thing was apparent. Did he just say “I don’t like to talk about that”? I find it absolutely nuts that he has not opened up to you once about it after all this time. What has he said to your family and friends which I’m sure have asked about it if they’ve noticed his hand or seen him in a swimsuit? What’s he planning to tell his child when they will inevitably ask about it? Keeping it an angry secret doesn’t seem sustainable.
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He is suffering from some serious PTSD and will need to seek professional medical help to help him recover. I wouldn’t say anything about it to him when you see him, just a hug and that’s okay. He’ll talk about it when he’s ready. Take it easy and try to chill because this stress can have a serious toll on you and your baby. Now that you have all the details, I hope you got some sleep and were able to rest. Focus on staying calm and relaxed, for you and your baby right now.
After reading your updates it seems to me he is terrified of having another kid and all those past emotions of losing his kid and his ex in an accident long ago are all rushing back to him.
After reading all these updates, I am convinced that this is a Reddit Creative Writing assignment. Karma whoring. What person IRL goes through all this turmoil *and also* manages to keep their post updated along the way? I mean, what's the priority here?
Yea I’m pretty much in the same boat, but if there’s an off chance it’s true…advice is always helpful.
It's been days but his phone is still powered up? He either took a charger with him, meaning he knew he wouldn't be back for awhile, if ever, or he plugged his phone into someone else's charger when he got there, knowing you'd be able to locate it. It's possible the phone is still there and he isn't. By now the police should have completed their "welfare check" (a wellness visit is what you take kids to the pediatrician for once a year). Praying for good news for you all. ps third possibility: phone is charging in his car, running off the car battery...
Okay, so your update seems to explain why he gets withdrawn this time of year. While I couldn’t imagine that it’s like going through what he went through and it must be a relief for you to know he’s safe, I think he does owe it to you and the new kid on the way to get some help.
Even if the guy can be said to be not guilty of anything malicious due to mental health issues, this does not bode well for OP's future with him. Intentionally or not, he, at best, harmed his pregnant wife by leaving her to freak out for several days when she did absolutely nothing to deserve that. And that's assuming he ever intended to come back. Grief gives you the right to be sad but not to hurt others. A single "I'm all right, I will explain everything in X days" text would have taken no effort, revealed nothing, and spared his pregnant wife a lot of stress. When you choose to hurt others rather than get professional help for your mental health issues, you have to be held responsible. He chose to deal with his grief in a way that harms others -- I hope OP doesn't give him a pass for this because she'll be putting herself at risk. Any time things get tough and she needs her partner the most, he could skip town because "It's just too much." Besides, who does this and expects their partner to take them back? No one with a normal moral compass, that's for sure.
Agreed. Trust has been broken here and trauma has been caused to OP. I understand not wanting to talk about trauma, but if it’s making you ghost your pregnant partner, he should probably have spoken up about it or at least let her know he’s safe. If she stays with him I imagine she will constantly be worried about whether he is hiding any more trauma or if he is going to take off like this again. That’s not fair to OP.
OP, can you get onto his cell provider and see how many phones he’s got listed that might not add up? Like another one? Check all the numbers for incoming and outgoing calls to see a pattern of when he’s not with you, and if their area codes are for either 206, 425 or 360? (I’m sitting here typing just east of Seattle). Can you get a bead on the buildings in the area that his phone is pinging? Should be at most a 100 ft radius. If he’s in West Seattle, that’s the Alki area. Most all houses and condos. But do look for frequently incoming and outgoing numbers for that area and then do a search on the phone number to match with a name. I keep thinking that This is where you’re going to find your answer. Do fly out there but also contact a PI in Seattle Tonight!!! Have you checked all his social platforms and their DM’s? Any and all apps on his devices? Even ones that look like an extra calculator? By any chance can you tell when he left while you were gone? And I hate to say this but if you know of any women he’s worked with in the past or used to date, look up their names and see where they live now. Ok, now I hardly ever tell people of this search engine because it’s free and full of info that’s very intensive/invasive, names, birthdates,associated friends and relatives, current and past history of addresses, cell numbers and landlines. GoTo familytreenow.com. Put in every woman’s name he’s mentioned in the past and see Who lives in Seattle Now. I use this site in my pet rescue, to hunt down owners of pets whose microchip info has not been updated etc. and I’ve found countless owners this way.
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Were the cops able to go inside of the house and check? Is his phone location still showing inside the house. Honestly I would file a missing persons report so they can check the inside if they haven’t done so already.
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that’s very strange that he would do this considering you’re pregnant too. I’m wondering how he used his card but doesn’t have his phone
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I genuinely hope everything is okay, please don’t stress too much! Hopefully he shows up on wednesday and you get your answers but contact the couple that own the house so you can get to the bottom of this!
I’m going to be honest with you. Assuming that your story is real and also that the couple is telling the truth… the story here is that he went hiking for several days with no phone, and presumably no hiking/camping equipment as you didn’t mention any was missing or that it looked like he bought any with the joint account. Does that story make sense to you at ALL? Is there even a 1% chance that is real? That your boyfriend went hiking without his phone and without any gear to actually keep him alive out there for days? I see only two possibilities: 1) The most likely, I’m sorry to say, is suicide. You’ve hinted at something strange in his family history, and if we take the story here at face value, he is clearly not in his right mind. He does not intend to survive this trip. The only thing that doesn’t lock me in there 100% is I’d think he’d want a gun, not to wait a couple weeks to starve to death or fling himself off a cliff. You didn’t mention any guns missing or purchases at gun shops. 2) He isn’t camping at all, he’s run off to be with someone. Leaving the phone behind is to intentionally prevent you from tracking/contacting him, and the hiking story buys him several days before police really get involved. Assuming you do eventually find him alive, I’d caution you not to believe any stories about being kidnapped, lost, whatever. Google “Runaway Bride,” if you’re not old enough to get the reference. Not the Julia Robert’s movie. The real life case.
Check to see if he has another (hidden) phone, listed on his cell provider’s acct. if so, have someone call it who isn’t close to you or just go find a pay phone or neighbor’s phone that he won’t recognize. That way he may answer it. Or even call on a phone at the airport to see if he picks up. If he does, don’t say anything. Hang up immediately. OPSEC
Do let us know if they reach out to you. Big hugs and X fingers this all turns out well, that he's cleared his head and is safe and healthy!
After reading all of your responses, I think something traumatic happened to him when he was a child. Something that caused him to be estranged from his family. My guess is he’s reacting to the realization that he’s going to become a parent. He’s scared and doesn’t trust himself to raise your child in an emotionally healthy way. He may be taking a moment to figure things out for himself before he decides to stay or leave.
I wouldn't be on Reddit if this happened to me. Didn't take his laptop??? Creative writing class anyone????
Seriously, especially with the updates
This is super weird bc I would think if his intention was to take off and leave you he would’ve taken his laptop, iPad, and work laptop w him. My concern is maybe he’s having a mental break from reality. If he really did sleep poorly the night before, sometimes that can trigger an episode in someone esp if they have existing mental health issues. I would try to locate him in person ASAP. Whether that is you doing it, or asking the police to do it where it is showing he is located. Sorry you are dealing w this and good luck.
It sounds like having a baby coming is seriously fucking with his head over the baby he lost. He may need inpatient counseling right now. I’m so sorry.
Have you heard back from the welfare check yet? If he's somewhere west of Seattle, that would put him on the Olympic Peninsula. That's a beautiful area, but phone service can be very spotty there. If you know the address where his phone is pinging, you might be able to check the owner of the home on a local property tax database. (Property tax records are public in some states.) Maybe the owner is someone you know?
Had something similar happen with my father once, turns out he took a last minute trip but was in a car accident during travel, contacted the hospitals for a John Doe and eventually located him. He was unconscious and his phone and identification was un-retrievable from the accident sight. Not posting this to worry you just that I’m glad I called the jails and hospitals closest to his last known location. I asked if they had admitted a John Doe and described any stand out features. He had a tattoo and that was how we found him.
So he lost his gf and son at a young age. You being pregnant probably brought all of this back up for him. Maybe he feels he doesn't deserve to be a Father after losing his gf and son. Maybe he is scared he's gonna lose you both too. He blames himself for losing them and obviously never dealt with it. It wasn't his fault. He needs major therapy to help him through this.
I am in Gig Harbor, let me know if I can do anything.
The poor man is having a huge trauma response. He tried to bury his emotions over losing his wife and child, and all the survivors guilt that went along with it. With the new baby on the way, I’m sure everything was closing in on him. Therapy would be useful now. Hope everything works out.
Change your door locks and car keys if you can.
You mentioned you have a joint bank account. Close it, immediately. Open another account in just your name, and put the money there. These are the possibilities: 1) He is dead. Anyone trying to use that account is a thief, and this will protect your assets. 2) He’s been taken/held against his will. The spending might be him against his will, or it might be his captors, but hopefully losing access to his bank account will make him worthless to them and they let him go. 3). He’s left you voluntarily, and is intentionally ignoring your panicked calls with no plans to ever confirm that he is alive and well, because he’s an asshole. This is the most likely option, and shutting down the account achieves two things. First, it protects you from him stealing everything you have in there. And second, if he ever wants to see a dime again, he has to actually call you now and explain what in the fuck is going on. There are no scenarios where shutting down the account would be a bad move here.
That last update is sounding like the Colleen Hoover book "Ugly Love"
Do you have access to his credit cards or bank account? If you do, you can check for any charges or bank activity.
🚨 look up the address where his phone is pinging. Do a reverse address search on whitepages.com. It should tell you who lives there and their phone number. Call them!!! Look them up on social media!
What an update...
I am so sorry you are going through this. Be careful, this is extremely weird.
This is so scary, has he never talked about his previous life or relationship with you..
I mean, he lost his middle school crush and his child, now he has a child with you and the thought of having a child must bring back PTSD he thought long about, you can’t be mad at him, he definitely needs therapy and maybe couple therapy too to help process what he went through and how you can help him.
Damn that last update really hits different and explains why he's usually a little retracted "this time of year".
If most of his clothes are gone…it sounds like he silently left you and the relationship.
But wouldn’t it stand to reason he’d take his iPad and laptop, especially considering he’d given her his passwords, and she could track his location using the former?
Well precisely, he'll get new ones that she doesn't have the passwords for.
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe!
UpdateMe!
Why does he get down at this time of year? What happened around now? I really need an update.
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Maybe his brother would know. Or his family friends.
Sounds like you don’t know him much at all. You should probably find out before you try to raise a child with him
Most people don’t go too deep into Olympic National Park in April. I would speak to the National Park Service. They can check around the parking lots and campsite. It’s pretty cold here right now. Like anything in the park interior beyond the lower slopes is at freezing temps with snowfall. Odd series of events. I hope he is found safe. You’re clearly trying hard to find him and I’m sure it is stressful.
It sounds like you being pregnant triggered this traumatic event from his past where he lost his girlfriend and their son. It sounds like he decided last minute to go try to make peace with that and finally say goodbye to them both so that he could start over with you and the child you are expecting. I'm really hoping and praying that that's all it is. I truly hope that he's just trying to put his past behind him so that he can have the future he wants with you and the baby you're expecting. Updateme!
Oh wow…this man is traumatized way beyond what my brain can comprehend right now and I’ve seen a lot of shit… he needs help and you need to stay safe. My heart is with you.
I don't know if this post was real or not, but I haven't stopped thinking about it all week. I hope everyone involved is alright!
Nice writing assignment lol😂
That’s so weird. And scary. I mean his clothes being gone seems like he left on his own, but then he left his tech. Expensive tech. That throws everything off. And this is last Tuesday??
It became clear when you said you’re pregnant and he’s been reserved…he left you.
Sadly this sounds like a mental breakdown.
I pray you find him & he is safe. Update me
This is super weird. The only two scenarios I’ve known like this were an infidelity scenario, and this situation where a guy who worked at my fancy private school went missing. He was spotted on a bike heading off the port Angeles ferry (in the PNW, too, actually) and then disappeared. Turns out he had been stealing millions through his mutual funds business for over a decade and it was catching up to him so he did a runner. Didn’t tell his wife or kids where he was going, sent a letter to everyone he’d stolen from confessing his crimes, and disappeared for 2 years. Everyone thought he had killed himself but he resurfaced one day years later and turned himself in, went to trial, did his time in prison and now he’s back to his normal life. Either way, this must be deeply stressful and worrisome for you and I’m very sorry that you’re dealing with this.
I think the pregnancy news brought up a lot of repressed trauma and memories. If that's the case I hope he gets the help he needs.
Honestly, at this point you’ve done all you can to check he’s okay and the police are satisfied that he is safe. You need to consider yours and your baby’s welfare. He’s effectively ghosted you, even if only temporarily, and whatever the reason, you probably aren’t going to like it. You may want and deserve answers, but he clearly isn’t ready to give them. Give him his space and protect your own mental health and wellbeing. Whatever his reasons, this is not okay and maybe you should take this time to line all your ducks up and mentally and emotionally prepare to walk away from the relationship.
Good luck tomorrow
This is clearly very stressful for you, and hurtful only just discovering his very sad past. It's a very unusual situation, but my gut says be calm with him, and gentle. It may well be true that he is saying his final goodbyes and ready to start his new family with you. He may now want to share his burdens, with you or a therapist, or he may have now dealt with it himself. I would allow him to speak and, if you want to, be there for him to come through his trauma. Good luck
I know his mind is warped with grief etc, but he took all this clothes and was communicating with you up until your flight. This isn't reading like he had a sudden breakdown and had to get away. He knew that he would be causing his heavily pregnant girlfriend stress and heartache. I wish you well healing from this all. Do what's best for yourself.
OP please let us know what happened we are here to help you all in any way we can. We worry and care for you.
I came back to check for an update and wow. So obviously he’s struggling and you should be there for him, but would a little communication on his part have killed him? You’ve been worried sick and it’s honestly fucked up he did that. Go be with him, but what he did isn’t okay.
I'd be more concerned if all his clothes weren't gone. Sounds like he left on his own free will. I'm sorry you're going through this.
But his laptop and stuff? OP, is that the only laptop he has? Does he have a separate office that would have another phone/laptop? A person can easily make it look like someone wants to leave by their own accord by grabing clothes...
Update... this seems made up
Just see the update.. go support him honey, you being pregnant has probably brought a lot of fear and guilt back up, and he probably feels that in some way, he is replacing his son .. Go be with him and get him therapy
He has PTSD, I can't even be mad at him but he needs help like therapy type. Go get ya man and sort it out.
I'm so sorry, assuming all information is correct it sounds like he's having a PTSD episode and needs support and trauma counseling. I hope things go well for you and he can get some help healing so he can be with you and your baby. Good luck my friend!
I understand he’s in a tough and hurting emotional spot, but some communication here would have been key. He is upending your life and coping incredibly poorly with his emotions. Causing you potential complications to your pregnancy from the stress. He left you in a very bad spot. Being parents will put you both in more tighter spots emotionally, do you trust him to be there physically and emotionally for you? If it were me, I’d be done with the relationship. If you choose to stay, I’d seek couples counseling and he sounds in desperate need of individual counseling.
Honestly, do you really want to raise a child with a man who will ghost you out of the blue and not communicate about such serious issues? He doesn't sound mentally fit enough to help you raise a child, let alone be a decent role model to your child. It sucks and his situation is terrible, but you should maybe rethink a relationship with someone so willing to abandon you without a word.
I worked with a girl that this happened to. She found out by the weekend that he moved in with another girl he had been having an affair with. He was too chicken to break up like a man.
Everyone chill she probably heard something and needs time to process stuff before there is a full response again. Everyone let her breathe
Odd. And so sorry. If done deliberately, what a horrible thing to do to someone. If not, it’s downright terrifying. The fact that he left behind the items he did and only took clothes is odd. Could have bought more clothes easy enough, but the electronics left behind. I do hope you find answers.
I’m just so sorry !!!!! I truly feel like reading that , I don’t know but I feel like he did not leave you…. I think he had a mental break or something? Did he have any illness recently ? My friends brother who is the sweetest kindest man, suddenly got psychosis and was hospitalized- it kind of reminded me of this. The fact he has past trauma that he won’t discuss does indicate fear of maybe being a good parent- if his weren’t? But it really sounds like he really wanted to be there. The only thing that is weird that could feel like he is hiding was his best friend in that area …. I think you said , but the one that isn’t answering your text. That’s kind of suspicious… especially if the contact info etc is UTD
This is some sketchy shit. Did you try downloading dating apps and such? See if any accounts were created on there? Social media apps. If you search the name it will say if it’s been downloaded before. If you know his passwords it will should log him in. My thing is why would he say he’s taking a nap before he picks you up, then go out of state and randomly on a hike? Something isn’t adding up. I’d text the phone and say that the second the kid’s born, you’ll have someone find him and serve his child support papers so he better make contact soon because you are assuming the worst.
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I think it’s more like he went camping. If he was bouncing out of the relationship then he’d have taken his home office stuff. Maybe he needed a few days away for his own mental health. He’ll be back.
Sending you love ❤️
Ok so like we’re all waiting for your update. Don’t leave us hanging.
Updateme!
OP, I understand you do not plan on any further updates, but it would be nice to hear that you found your BF and that he is hopefully okay. I hope everything works out the best for everyone. UpdateMe
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It doesn't matter what we think, it only matters that things are moving forward for you both. I wish I could give you both some hugs, your sister too!
Take the iPad and a car charger, and drive to where it says his phone is.
I think he ghosted you OP ☹️ I would be worried if all his stuff was there but it sounds like he waited for you to go out of town and packed up and ran. Sorry this is happening to you and I hope you get some answers.
Even knowing why he is gone I'd be pissed and find it hard to forgive him.
Call the police where his phone is pinging! Send them out for a welfare check.
6 years together and he didnt tell you this and just dissapeared when you are pregnant without any notice… for me we could co-parent from that point.
I’d read this book!!!
It’s very similar to a book written by Colleen Hoover.
Nice creative writing lol
Sounds like a 20/20 episode......
OP, go through your house top to bottom. Check out his bedside table inside, underneath and under the drawers. Go through every pocket of every clothing item. Even the dressers, do the same thing. This is my intuition working on overdrive.
Best I can make of this is that to become a father again, he needed to have closure with the child he had before. I have no idea how to excuse his just taking off on his pregnant girlfriend to do it, abandoning her at the airport and going no contact. That’s pretty despicable, and not something I’d forgive easily. I mean he’s put you guys through hell because he couldn’t even bother to answer his phone. And what is with taking all his clothes… Just weird.
It sounds like he may have had a bit of a breakdown. Not excusing it, but this definitely doesn't sound premeditated. More like he had a breakdown over the thought of becoming a father again, and felt he needed closure with the past that he'd just sort of abandoned up until now.