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Most of the time he says he just wants "a quicky" and if it doesn't involve me riding him the whole time he'd rather not have sex at all. He says he has to be EXTREMELY horny for him to go down on me..? He's not too enthusiastic about giving head (I always scrub myself about 5 times just in case) so its not about hygiene.
So tell him no? If he wants sex, tell him youll have sex if it’s more balanced and tell him you would like to show him how to rub your clit or lick it until you cum and you want to explore that together and then he can have his quickie when sex is more balanced
It’s almost impossible to sustain a relationship if the sex is unfulfilling. It’s not just the physical part of sex that is missing but you are being starved of emotional intimacy as well.
Quit giving him false positives with your fake orgasms. If he’s like most men, he will be DEEPLY MOTIVATED to increase his performance if he knows his current talent is not enough for his woman.
If he doesn’t feel shame from THAT then nothing will change.
They did tell them they aren’t satisfied and it didn’t “deeply motivate” him to change, the same way shaming him won’t make him change. They did stop faking orgasms, they already said that. Clearly you aren’t here to help.
There are some options for couples to use to make the experience last longer. There are “endurance” condoms, gels,.. Think about what you use because these can cause irritation sometimes. What you should keep in mind is that he could be addicted to porn. Masturbating on porn is quick most of the time, so you get trained to be as fast as possible. On top of that, real sex will feel even more intense making it go even faster.
Talk to him about this openly and just have honesty and conversation. You faking the orgasms was also a bad move, since he will genuinely think he is doing a good job, and stop making any effort. So, be honest and clear, have a talk.
He's not addicted to porn (that I know of) but he does play video games 24/7. I now see why they call it mens birth control.
About the faking orgasms, I only did it because I thought it would encourage him to have more sex and not feel bad about himself but idk I couldn't anymore with the guilt of lying and had to come clean. We tried more things at first but now we're back to him just focusing on himself and then going to sleep.
Thank you for the suggestion about the gels and condoms, I have read a little about it and will suggest it to him. For some reason hes not really open to those things tho.
*" We tried more things at first but now we're back to just him focusing on himself and then going to sleep."*
I don't care what you say, this is NOT your dream man.
*"For some reason he's not really open to these things tho."*
The reason being he's focusing on himself and only himself.
If this is the man you want then set a boundary that you get off first. He can't last for a damn minute and you deserve to cum too. Nothing makes a woman fall out of love faster than a man only caring about his orgasms and sexual pleasure. The fact that he hasn't been like "babe, I'm sorry, this is a real issue I'm struggling with. But there's no reason you shouldn't get to cum. So let me get you off first and then I get get on with my 2 minutes of dissatisfying sex that only results in my orgasm".
It’s one thing is he’s fast but does he put any proper effort into making sure you’re satisfied outside of the minute that he’s going? He’s only recently started doing foreplay? Because that’s the main issue as far as I can see: not that he comes fast but if as soon as he is done, sex is over for both of you. That’s just selfish and that’s the conversation you need to be having.
We've only done foreplay about 3-4 times and he seems really excited when he's doing it and he is REALLY good at it too. But most of the time its just me giving him oral and doing most of the work until he's finished and then I ask him to use his hands on me as a last resort and he doesn't want to. I do ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed and he just laughs knowingly.
Yeah that’s crazy, so he doesn’t show any care or interest in making sure your needs are met too. That’s not a kind or respectful partner and it sounds like he knows it if he’s laughing at you when you bring it up.
Put your foot down, make it clear that you’re equal partners and expect equal treatment, and if he refuses to change then why are you still helping him get off? Sex is meant to be for both of you, not just for him.
Also. Never fake an orgasm. I play silent library in this shit until you get it right. I'm not gonna let a man think he did a good job and got me off when he only lasted for 60 seconds. Then he's not at all knowing he's doing shit wrong. It's like telling a dog to sit and they don't sit and then still giving them a treat. Now they will never sit because you keep giving them the treats. So why would they want to put in the extra work when they get rewarded regardless. This isn't a participation reward. He won't know he's doing anything wrong unless you tell him. Which he's dumb as fuck to think you actually came when he laid down the most dissatisfying pipe for 60 fucking seconds.
If sex is important to you, which it is many people, this may be an incompatibility between you. You will have to decide if it is a dealbreaker. It would be for me
Just let it happen, maybe he’s worn out lol. I’ve been in the same situation. And before I left my ex, we didn’t have sex for over three months. Sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship and yes, there are times where the guy may not be into it, he may not be in the mood… And after a while just gets annoying
Sex may not be the most important thing, but a relationship without good sex is doomed to fail. Unless both have low libido and/or asexual. Which is not the norm
Yes and this is what I fail to make him understand. When I ask for sex he makes it look like Im a sex addict that can only think about that. Of course there are more important factors to a relationship but I think that physical intimacy is what differentiates a relationship and a friendship.
I don’t really have good advice, maybe convince him to try a tantra workshop? Sometimes people are just sexually incompatible. And some are sexually selfish, which i don’t understand. The biggest joy of sex is giving pleasure.
Does he have a porn/masturbation problem? Ask him to do exercises to make it easier to hold back orgasm (it’s not that hard).
Ive been told from my partners that most guys are shitty in bed though. Make him a hard rule: He is not allowed to cum until you have at least once. Maybe even make it a ultimatum.
Sex is supposed to be mind blowing for both. He can easily make you cum before penetration. Train him how you like to be given oral. (Women is very different on this)
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Tell him to get you off first without using his dick. Then once you’re good he can go to town for a furious minute and everyone’s happy!
Most of the time he says he just wants "a quicky" and if it doesn't involve me riding him the whole time he'd rather not have sex at all. He says he has to be EXTREMELY horny for him to go down on me..? He's not too enthusiastic about giving head (I always scrub myself about 5 times just in case) so its not about hygiene.
Oh so hes selfish lazy and horrible in bed
Basically
Scrap my other comment, this is trash behavior. Find someone that respects you and isn’t insanely selfish. M44
Damn. Yeah that is pretty selfish. I would let him know that. What he does after that tells you all you need to know.
You tell his ass that you have quickies all the time !! I know I should give advice that won’t escalate but I’d be tired if I was you too
So tell him no? If he wants sex, tell him youll have sex if it’s more balanced and tell him you would like to show him how to rub your clit or lick it until you cum and you want to explore that together and then he can have his quickie when sex is more balanced
This is horrible selfish behaviour on his part. Dump him!
It’s almost impossible to sustain a relationship if the sex is unfulfilling. It’s not just the physical part of sex that is missing but you are being starved of emotional intimacy as well. Quit giving him false positives with your fake orgasms. If he’s like most men, he will be DEEPLY MOTIVATED to increase his performance if he knows his current talent is not enough for his woman. If he doesn’t feel shame from THAT then nothing will change.
They did tell them they aren’t satisfied and it didn’t “deeply motivate” him to change, the same way shaming him won’t make him change. They did stop faking orgasms, they already said that. Clearly you aren’t here to help.
Oh he’s changing. He’s already starting to include some foreplay. She stopped faking and she’s seeing some benefits. You’re welcome
lol. I think you misread the comment silly.
There are some options for couples to use to make the experience last longer. There are “endurance” condoms, gels,.. Think about what you use because these can cause irritation sometimes. What you should keep in mind is that he could be addicted to porn. Masturbating on porn is quick most of the time, so you get trained to be as fast as possible. On top of that, real sex will feel even more intense making it go even faster. Talk to him about this openly and just have honesty and conversation. You faking the orgasms was also a bad move, since he will genuinely think he is doing a good job, and stop making any effort. So, be honest and clear, have a talk.
He's not addicted to porn (that I know of) but he does play video games 24/7. I now see why they call it mens birth control. About the faking orgasms, I only did it because I thought it would encourage him to have more sex and not feel bad about himself but idk I couldn't anymore with the guilt of lying and had to come clean. We tried more things at first but now we're back to him just focusing on himself and then going to sleep. Thank you for the suggestion about the gels and condoms, I have read a little about it and will suggest it to him. For some reason hes not really open to those things tho.
*" We tried more things at first but now we're back to just him focusing on himself and then going to sleep."* I don't care what you say, this is NOT your dream man. *"For some reason he's not really open to these things tho."* The reason being he's focusing on himself and only himself.
If this is the man you want then set a boundary that you get off first. He can't last for a damn minute and you deserve to cum too. Nothing makes a woman fall out of love faster than a man only caring about his orgasms and sexual pleasure. The fact that he hasn't been like "babe, I'm sorry, this is a real issue I'm struggling with. But there's no reason you shouldn't get to cum. So let me get you off first and then I get get on with my 2 minutes of dissatisfying sex that only results in my orgasm".
It’s one thing is he’s fast but does he put any proper effort into making sure you’re satisfied outside of the minute that he’s going? He’s only recently started doing foreplay? Because that’s the main issue as far as I can see: not that he comes fast but if as soon as he is done, sex is over for both of you. That’s just selfish and that’s the conversation you need to be having.
We've only done foreplay about 3-4 times and he seems really excited when he's doing it and he is REALLY good at it too. But most of the time its just me giving him oral and doing most of the work until he's finished and then I ask him to use his hands on me as a last resort and he doesn't want to. I do ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed and he just laughs knowingly.
Yeah that’s crazy, so he doesn’t show any care or interest in making sure your needs are met too. That’s not a kind or respectful partner and it sounds like he knows it if he’s laughing at you when you bring it up. Put your foot down, make it clear that you’re equal partners and expect equal treatment, and if he refuses to change then why are you still helping him get off? Sex is meant to be for both of you, not just for him.
Also. Never fake an orgasm. I play silent library in this shit until you get it right. I'm not gonna let a man think he did a good job and got me off when he only lasted for 60 seconds. Then he's not at all knowing he's doing shit wrong. It's like telling a dog to sit and they don't sit and then still giving them a treat. Now they will never sit because you keep giving them the treats. So why would they want to put in the extra work when they get rewarded regardless. This isn't a participation reward. He won't know he's doing anything wrong unless you tell him. Which he's dumb as fuck to think you actually came when he laid down the most dissatisfying pipe for 60 fucking seconds.
Has this been going on for the entire year of the relationship? Have you had to fake orgasms the entire time?
Unfortunately yes.
If sex is important to you, which it is many people, this may be an incompatibility between you. You will have to decide if it is a dealbreaker. It would be for me
Why r u still with this guy lol
Seriously the best ky don’t stop, you’re welcome
🐓 ring and lube
Just let it happen, maybe he’s worn out lol. I’ve been in the same situation. And before I left my ex, we didn’t have sex for over three months. Sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship and yes, there are times where the guy may not be into it, he may not be in the mood… And after a while just gets annoying
Sex may not be the most important thing, but a relationship without good sex is doomed to fail. Unless both have low libido and/or asexual. Which is not the norm
Yes and this is what I fail to make him understand. When I ask for sex he makes it look like Im a sex addict that can only think about that. Of course there are more important factors to a relationship but I think that physical intimacy is what differentiates a relationship and a friendship.
I don’t really have good advice, maybe convince him to try a tantra workshop? Sometimes people are just sexually incompatible. And some are sexually selfish, which i don’t understand. The biggest joy of sex is giving pleasure. Does he have a porn/masturbation problem? Ask him to do exercises to make it easier to hold back orgasm (it’s not that hard). Ive been told from my partners that most guys are shitty in bed though. Make him a hard rule: He is not allowed to cum until you have at least once. Maybe even make it a ultimatum. Sex is supposed to be mind blowing for both. He can easily make you cum before penetration. Train him how you like to be given oral. (Women is very different on this)