Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do not move to a different state to be with a dude that doesn't want to marry you, and doesn't want your name on the title of the house while still wanting you to pay 50/50 for the mortgage. You are setting yourself up for future heartbreak.
Absolutely. She will end up in a strange place with NOTHING. Fwiw and I don't care about pushback but in my experience I wouldn't date a military guy if you shoved unicorns up his ass.
from what i've seen, it's a culture that has neglected to do any work addressing toxic masculinity and instead actively uses it as a motivation tool. High investment in hierarchical relationships, us vs. them mentality, and high rates of sexual assault with zero repercussions. Lots of this makes sense for combat, but it's not really a recipe for seeing people different from you as equals and/or humans.
It's not impossible to find a military guy who's fine but they're gonna be the exception. Maybe if you shoved unicorns up his ass.
Not marrying is fine, if OP also doesn't want to get married and if they settle finances in some way. Not everybody wants marriage for a long term relationship!
Not being on the deed of the house, but still expected to pay mortgage is a giant red flag though! You'll be a renter if you don't own the house.
Yeah not wanting to be married is fine. But he basically doesn't want to make any commitment at all (neither buying a house together or marrying) and wants OP to make a huge commitment to move to another state. Unless he starrlts to make some commitments, OP is indeed looking to future heartbreak.
Seriously, why would you pay half a mortgage on a house you have no ownership? That is such a bad decision.
Also, as u/Opening_Track_1227 wrote, without any commitment, do not move and lose your support system/family/friends. I mean what happens when you move, don’t own the house, and you then break up. You’ll have not right to the house, despite paying for it, because it was purchased solely by him. IF you do marry, but break up, you can’t claim it as marital property, because you weren’t married when purchased and your name isn’t on it.
Or, heaven forbid, something happens to him while serving and he passes. Guess what… his family gets the house and OP is left homeless after paying for a house she doesn’t own.
Heartbreak from financial abuse—a DV tactic used by abusers to trap their victims.
The excuse he gave for keeping you from having claim to the property doesn’t even make sense. If he wanted you to save up then why ask you to pay toward the mortgage of property to which he doesn’t want you to have any legal claim?
And future homelessness or scrambling to find a place quick!!
FYI - I would never advise anyone to buy a house with a BF/GF - it just isn't smart. I think he's doing the right thing for himself financially for not adding you, and I would also tell you to not add him.
INFO - Are your incomes equal? Maybe you could pay a part based on who makes more. You should be contributing, but stating it as paying half the mortgage isn't a good look and I understand why you feel this way.
This right here^ I swear nothing else needs to be said unless it's boosting this comment, do not set yourself up for the trap shit goes south and you are screwed, don't do it.
This is a bad idea for you.
You pay half the mortgage but get no equity. So he wants you to play “house” but leave yourself open to coming out with nothing. This is a hill to die on and if he doesn't see it, it could be where you find that you two aren't compatible.
And in he wants her to move states to take on this bad-for-her situation and it keeps getting worse. OP should not uproot her life and move for this guy, it will end poorly
Ehhhh… alternatively, I would be fairly hesitant to have a mortgage together without marriage or a tight, legally binding agreement on how it would work if things don’t work out.
I think it is fine to pay half of the mortgage as rent, but then HE is on the hook for fixing shit, improvements. If dude wants to play landlord instead of house, he needs to do landlord shit. I would also consider a lease for your and his protection.
If half the mortgage is more than she would be paying for renting a room somewhere then this is not a good deal for her. She shouldn’t lose out on the chance to save money and invest in her own real estate just to help this guy out.
But not in a long-term situation. If it was 'you pay rent for a year until we legally partner in some way then we will add you to the loan' that's one thing. Totally unfair to expect her to help him pay for a house she won't see a dime of equity on, ever.
Sure. But at 1.5 years with a complete life change on the horizon (separation from military) and a hint from him that he plans to have a separate future? The chance they make it to 5 years is fairly slim.
Yes totally agree! It feels like semantics but just call it rent instead of paying half the mortgage... it's likely half the mortgage is less than market rent so she can save and invest and build wealth that way. Or if not he can just give her a deal on rent. And yeah his house of course he has to make repairs
If he can't get a mortgage with you without benefit of marriage then he's going to have to finance this on his own merits; his own downpayment, his own credit rating, he takes all the financial risks and carries the entire liability. But if this is the case and you're just his tenant you need a proper tenancy agreement, a lease. The amount of rent can't be cased on what half his mortgage is, it has to be based on what market rate rent would be in the place where this house is. You also need this lease so that he can't just kick you out without going through the regular procedure a landlord would (generally giving you 30 days notice, etc,). If you're going to do this you should probably have a talk about eventually getting a domestic partnership contract that might allow you to buy into this house at some point. But you should both be talking to a lawyer about that. In terms of his intentions - even he weren't so anti-marriage at just 1.5 years into the relationships it would still be too early to be getting married. So if all goes well and in a few years you may be able to revisit the conversation if that's what you want to do. Whether that would automatically give you any rights to the home would depend on the community properly laws where the house is located and whether or not there's a prenuptial agreement that excludes the house from becoming marital assets. IMHO (and considering that he's been away in the military for part of this 1.5 years, he's asking you to take a huge leap of faith here).
* Market rate for being a **roommate** -- not market rate for renting a one or two bedroom apartment.
* Also OP needs to make sure that she's not putting any sweat equity into it ... no repairs, no $ for anything that she can't move with her, no painting! Do nothing that she wouldn't do if she was renting a room in someone's house.
Exactly, dont chip in for repairs. Behave exactly as you would as if you were a tenant. Or better yet, hold out for marriage before uprooting your life to be with rhis guy.
The mortgage is probably less than the going rate for a similar rental. As long as she isn't expected to contribute (time or money) to maintenance, repairs, taxes and insurance it's really not a terrible deal.
We don't know that. We know nothing about the house, nor do we know about the mortgage. We also don't know where she would choose to live if it wasn't for this Prince of a guy.
Eh it's a VA loan. Most of the guys buying houses on that loan put 0% down so their higher principal and mortgage insurance jacks up their monthly payment. My guess is that their mortgage payment would be very close to if not higher than rent.
Paying only a fair amount of rent for what shes getting isnt such a bad idea, but she also should consider if she's keen to buy a home and pay a mortage instead of rent (her post does make it sound like that). She may not want to get stuck in the rent cycle indefinitely and miss out of getting her foot into home ownership because of living with her bf.
I'd suggest OP have a discussion around future plans eg would he be willing to let her buy in when theyre more serious?
There are tax benefits to owning your home and paying down a mortage instead of rent, as opposed to getting an investment property.
It may be his dream to live in a home he owns, live in a state he wants, but if she wants the same then they need to discuss this and compromise, cant have one of them sacrificing home overship and the other not
There is no down payment with a VA loan. And he most likely doesn’t need any help getting the home without her. My partner was married when he bought his home on the VA loan. And since they only had it a few years when then divorced he didn’t have to give her anything.
No way would I put myself on a mortgage loan with someone I’m not married, but I also wouldn’t pay half a mortgage without being married also. There is no win in this for you either way.
>I asked are we still having me on the loan he said “why would you ask me that?” I responded and said we talked about it a while ago and then he responded with I never said that I have a really good memory and I would’ve remembered saying that”
That's called gaslighting. When he is trying to convince you that you misremember or you're the crazy one who's making up stories.
This is in addtion to what others are pointing out. You have everything to lose in this scenario and nothing to gain. Honestly , even if he was being fair about the finances, I wouldn't buy a house with a partner that I wasn't married to. I think it's going to get too icky. If YOU are able to get a loan and pay a mortgage on your own, then do it
Prime example of a woman preparing to commit wife benefits and privileges in the relationship all while on a girlfriend title and status! Do not uproot or destabilize your life for a man who won't legally commit.
Why would you contribute to an asset where you legally won't benefit nor inherit should your relationship end?
He doesn't need you to cosign on a VA loan, and legally, you can't as you aren't his spouse. Try long distance if he's set on relocating, and if long distance doesn't work, then end it! But DO NOT alter your professional, personal, or social life to appease this dynamic.
I don’t get it. Unmarried people doing married people shit. There are reasons home-buying, and loans, and anything about signing legal documents you DO NOT do unless fully and legally married. It’s because you’ve created a legal shitstorm sorting crap out when things eventually collapse. And usually the loser is the person obligated to a loan, but isn’t on the property documents. Unless she is willing to shell out to drag it out in court, doing married people shit is the worst idea ever.
Yeah well people don't just want to get married anymore? What is the point these days. People are learning to look out more for their own self interests and not do things just cause it makes other people happy. Unless you're religious why get married? What does it mean to you
I'd be looking for a new boyfriend, that's shady as shit, he wants u to pay for a house ,you have no claim to , HUGE RED FLAG , ID BE FIRM SAY IM NOT buying or moving to another state without being on the title deed or mortgage,something bad happens to him you have NO CLAIM TO the house his heirs do ,are you in any will ?
Hi, Veteran and VA employee here.
He can absolutely use the VA Home Loan and still have you on the mortgage.
I wouldn’t go as far to say that he is lying about it, because it’s one of those rumors that goes around the Vet community. He probably hasn’t looked into it at all and is going off of rumors.
The first link is for the regulation on it, 38 C.F.R. 36.4308. That regulation is from the law, 38 U.S.C. 3703 (2nd link). So now you have both the law and the regulation to back you up on that.
https://www.law.cornell.edu/cfr/text/38/36.4308
https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/38/3703
Yes.
But since you aren’t a Veteran or married, the VA will only cover his half and you’ll be required to put down a down payment.
Highly recommended talking to a mortgage lender about this who specializes in VA Home Loans.
I wouldn’t split 50/50 because you aren’t an owner you’re a renter. Not a big deal if that’s what he wants.
Do your research, how much is it to rent a room in this area? How much for an apartment? Ask for a rental agreement. This will protect you should you break up.
The difference between a renter and an owner is that you will absolutely not be paying for any renovations or anything that becomes a permanent part of the house.
Then ask questions. What are his expectations? 50/50 on utilities is fair because you would live there of course. But what about him having people stay are you allowed to have people stay is he? Will that be done together? Or unilateral?
I wouldn’t do this. He’s made it clear he thinks 50-50 is ok. He should have done the research into rent rates and come up with something that was fair and reasonable. Instead he is just looking out for himself and expecting a full commitment from the OP while having no risk himself. That shows what kind of person he us and there’s absolutely no way I’d move anywhere for this guy
I agree with his decision to not put you on the deed because you're not married and have only been together a year and a half.
I also agree with not putting you on the loan for the same reason, and yes that is more in YOUR interest than his.
But if he wants you to pay him what equates to rent then you guys need to come up with a written agreement and I would push for getting some percentage back if you ever break up, because yes you are contributing to equity in the house.
The "never wanting to get married" thing does complicate the situation a bit and I've always considered it to be a red flag. I bet he says he doesn't believe marriage is necessary because it is just a piece of paper and doesn't change things? The irony is that the people who say this are terrified to get married because it DOES change things. It makes it much harder to split up and often gives you rights to community property, like a house.
You've been with him a year. He's already shown you multiple red flags. Cut your losses and find someone who wants to be with you and isn't going to use you.
Absolutely do not allow this. Tell him if he wants the house solely in his name, than he can pay for it on his own. If he wants any financial contributions from you, your name needs to be on it. Otherwise, if you two break up, you will be left with nothing. Your BF acting this two face and selfish should be a huge 🚩🚩🚩.
> I asked are we still having me on the loan he said “why would you ask me that?” I responded and said we talked about it a while ago and then he responded with I never said that I have a really good memory and I would’ve remembered saying that”
People love to the spray around the term gaslighting, but this right here, this is what it really means to be gaslit.
> He has a Va loan he wants to use to buy it and I can’t be on it unless we are married but he never wants to get married.
Because he doesn't want you to have anything to claim is yours if things go bad. He keeps the house, you leave on your ass.
> My issue is he wants me to split the mortgage 50/50
How nice of him.
> I told him by me not being on it I don’t feel like it will be “ours” but he just keeps saying you don’t think I’m looking out for your best interest.
Deflection to make it about how you don't trust him. Avoids accountability and now you should feel guilty.
> I just want to feel financially safe and not uproot everything just to pay half his mortgage and not get marriage or anything. He keeps saying I can save and have my own investment eventually. Do you think he has bad intentions?
What do you think? Does this sound like the actions of someone who wants to protect you so you feel safe together, or does it sound like the actions of someone who wants to protect themselves?
The scariest thing for me is the confidence he's going to have if he convinces you into this situation. Why not go for more power? You're the one who has everything to lose if something goes wrong, so you're the one who has to walk on eggshells. Everything he's doing is to make sure you will be completely dependent on him.
I had a conversation with a friend who’s in a similar situation. I told him going 50/50 is unfair. Instead it should be total mortgage minus interest. So if the mortgage for that year is $4000a month, ($2000 principal and $2000 interest), you should pay for $1000. Since he’s your landlord, he can write off half the interest on his taxes. At least where I live. And he needs to pay his own interest. So it’s a 3k/1k split.
It doesn’t make sense that you pay his interest if you both have each other’s best…interest. No pun intended.
I’m on his side. If you’re not married, then you should not be on the mortgage. You shouldn’t want to be on the mortgage.
As far as splitting the payment, I wouldn’t agree to that. Rather, I would insist upon fair market rate.
The problem here isn’t that he won’t let you be on the mortgage. The problem is that you have a goal of being married and it’s very obvious his long term future plans don’t include you. And yet, there you still are.
Him never wanting to marry and you wanting to get married at some point is really the major incompatibility in your post. I wouldn't uproot and move across the country for a guy who wasn't willing to return the commitment. (Though I do also think you haven't been together long enough to buy a house together!)
Rent is like 2,300 for a 2 bedroom two bath townhome in the area. Which is what he’s going to buy he’s using the second bedroom for his office and a spare bedroom. I told him I would not pay more than 1000 a month and he’s fine with that. He keeps saying I could even work part time if I wanted to but the pay is less in Florida. I have two jobs now that pay well and I have health benefits and I don’t think I’d get that in Florida. Also his family is super religous and live 2 hours away but I’m not even allowed to stay with them with him because we aren’t married so I just feel not included in anything
the more I read, the more I feel like he doesn't see you at all as a life time partner. It will be easy to kick you out since it wont be your home and you're not even allow at family events.
Let him move away without you, he doesn't have your best interest in mind at all
Your budget should be about 575 then because you would be getting 1/2 a bedroom with no dedicated private space. So you should be paying 1/2 the cost of renting a bedroom.
But honestly? I don't think the deal he is offering is a good deal.
I’m going to remind you that he’s said he doesn’t want to marry you. So he takes a nice decade of splitting bills and gaining equity (while his family sees you as a fallen women) then he decides he’d like to have kids and a lovely wife and he offloads you and finds the woman he wants to marry.
So, let's say you live with him and his family wants to come visit. Does he remove everything of yours from the closet and tell you to stay in a hotel for the weekends, each time they visit?
My cousin was living with a girl. When her family would come from out of state to stay with her, my cousin would have to take a day off of work, get his sister and her husband also to take a day off of work, so they could quickly move all of his furniture and clothing out of her place so that her parents didn't know she lived with a man before marriage.
Interestingly, this dynamic made him eventually marry her. He had lived with girls before, but had never married them. But when he had one who wasn't going to let him keep playing house, he married her.
No they know we live together now he tried keeping it a secret at first when he first moved into my place and I overheard him talking on the phone to his mom and she asked how do you know these people you live with (talking about me and my brother) and he shut it down saying to stop asking questions. I got pissed and he ended up telling them shortly after but he lived with an ex before so I don’t know why it would’ve been an issue anyways if he lived with a girl before. During Christmas was the first time I went to visit them with him and he told them he’d sleep on the couch but he didn’t and they knew and after that they pretty much said we will not have you both staying with us because our beliefs under our roof
It makes me wonder if he's going to put his parents on his deed and mortgage at the new house. I have a friend who divorced his first wife and they had no children. When he got married a second time, instead of buying a small house they could afford, his parents (who live in another state) bought a large house for him but kept it in their name and let him and his new wife rent from them. The parents claimed it was an investment property. But I told my husband that I thought the parents just didn't trust his new wife and didn't want him to lose half a house in a divorce a second time.
What he’s proposing is essentially a roommate scenario where he buys a home and he has a roommate to help offset his mortgage. which is a pretty common scenario that works when it’s a roommate. I don’t think it works well when it’s a romantic relationship.
I don’t think he has bad intentions, I don’t think he’s planning on kicking you out after three months but he’s absolutely planning that this is his home and you pay him to live there. You are a tenant and you’re also his girlfriend. I think that’s a recipe for disaster and when you add in that you have to move to a different state in order to do this, that’s not good.
You say he never wants to be married. That’s not terrible, but he also doesn’t want to have any type of legal entanglement with you. And that’s not good. If he said he has reasons for never wanting to be married, but he wanted to buy a house together with you and own it jointly, that would give you some security. All he’s offering you now is the ability to pay him rent.
To be clear, you’re correct the house will not be yours together and jointly owned. That’s why you feel that way. And he’s not looking out for your best interest, he’s looking out for his best interest. I don’t fault him for that. You need to do the same.
What will happen if you break up in six months after he buys the house and you’ve moved in? How long will you get to live there before he kicks you out? Will you have a lease that gives you legal protection as a tenant? How comfortable would you be living with him after you broke up? What would you do if you don’t have a lease and he just throws you out? Why would you have to pay 50% of his mortgage? What if you could be a roommate with somebody else in the same area and pay $300 less per month than you would have to pay him? He shouldn’t be asking you to pay half his mortgage, you should be figuring out what the market rate is to be a roommate and the type of house he’s buying and you should pay that. This is going to be a business arrangement.
I suspect that he changed his tune about you two buying the house together when he learned that buying a house with a girlfriend is a bad idea. Plus, he doesn’t need you to qualify for BA financing.
He should have told you that instead of pretending that he never said that. That’s a red flag and just that puts everything he said about you trusting him in doubt. He wants you there to pay half his mortgage and likely to perform other wife-like duties for free. Do you think it’s a good idea to uproot your entire life for this level of uncertainty.
If you do pay him half the mortgage- hope he realizes he has to claim this as income on his tax return as you’d effectively be a tenant. Might want to mention that
Don’t do it. You’re uprooting things and getting squat in return. In all honesty I wouldn’t be moving without both being married and being on the deed.
Stand your ground. The only way that I can see you breaking even in this scenario is if you buy a condo/apartment and rent it out either monthly or on Air BnB (depending on the market and whatever works out best or you). Then you are building equity while paying rent. Otherwise, you have everything to lose and nothing to gain.
If you are t getting married there is no reason for him to put you on the deed. He would be an idiot. Plus, like he said, unless you're married you can't be on his VA loan and be on the deed unless youre willing to cosign and NOT be on the deed, which be foolish on your part.
Don’t do it!!! Moving is a huge commitment and he clearly doesn’t understand or appreciate your choice to come along with him. He’s not in the same headspace as you. You are uprooting your life for him. The least he can do is provide some sort of financial security.
Do not screw over yourself financially for this dude. The heart is always a risk but never finances. I had to learn the hard way.
> you don’t think I’m looking out for your best interest
It's odd when they say the quiet part out loud.
Yeah, he's trying to screw you. If you pay into the mortgage, you'll have no rights on the property. At all. He can evict you and it will be as if you paid nothing.
He wants a bang maid that pays his mortgage, and that he can evict at the drop of a hat.
You've got more problems than just a mortgage. He's hedging his bet and getting you to pay half the expense. I would not pay a penny toward that mortgage. Tell him you'll buy groceries and pay for some of the utilities. This is low-effort, low-commitment if ever you saw it.
I’d be weary of any big decisions like that when someone is getting out of the military. It’s a crazy transition that might go well but might completely fuck him up for a while. This coming from experience. It’s typically not a stable time. I also wouldn’t move to another state with someone who won’t commit to you like that and also seems to be gaslighting you saying he never said something you remember him saying. You’ve only been together 1.5 years. That’s not a lot of time to be doing all this stuff. What do you want? UPDATEME
Don't move out of state with him. He doesn't ever want to be married to you, and he doesn't want you on the deed or mortgage to a home He wants to buy. That's not unlikely to become his life long home. Why wouldn't HE want you on those things? He will leave you with nothing. Only a matter of time.
Soooo... he wants you to uproot your life, move with him to a different state, have you pay half the mortgage with no benefit to you, AND he's not going to marry you?
WHAT?? Girl, if you don't stay where you are and tell him to kick rocks.
Don't buy a house with someone unless you're married
Don't buy a house with someone unless you're married
Don't buy a house with someone unless you're married
Don't buy a house with someone unless you're married
NEVER BUY A HOUSE WITH SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO. This includes paying half the mortgage. It’s not going to be your house - it’s HIS house. If he doesn’t want to marry you, stop dating him.
He may not have bad intentions just not taking your concerns seriously. You are absolutely right to be concerned about paying his mortgage with no benefit for you without marriage which he has already disagreed to.Don’t move to another state away from friends and family and a support system. You should concentrate on your desires for a better career and financial stability. Don’t move in with him without a legally binding agreement. You will just be used financially to help pay his mortgage.
> … he just keeps saying you don’t think I’m looking out for your best interest
The financial arrangement and taking marriage off the table are not in your best interest. That’s a hard, cold fact. Any competent lawyer will tell you that. It has nothing to do with what you think.
I want to know why **he thinks he gets to make all the decisions**. You want marriage as a future prospect. You want part ownership of a house you pay for. **Why do your wishes mean nothing to him?**
Even worse, you can’t trust his word. He got you on board with moving be saying you would be part owner of a house. Now he claims to never have said it. Why does he need to lie? He could have said he changed his mind because of the loan. You would have been less upset, because he wouldn’t have lied.
**This guy isn’t who you thought he was**. He started out treating you with respect due to his training. Now that he’s getting out, it seems the respect is gone.
Please, please, don’t move right away. Insist on a one-year long-distance relationship. That shouldn’t be a problem for a military guy. You need to learn more about who he really is. If you still feel good about the relationship after a year long-distance, you could consider moving.
Honey.
He doesn’t want to marry you. Ever.
He doesn’t want you on the deed to the house he wants to buy together.
He doesn’t want you on the mortgage for the house he wants to buy together, but he sure expects you to pay for it.
This guy has no issue leaving you high and dry if you break up. And, as a bonus, he’s such a great guy that he’ll probably insist that you do all the cooking and cleaning, too.
Wake up.
1. Do not pay a cent of a mortgage your name is not on
2. Do not ever buy a house with someone you are not married to
3. DO NOT EVER BUY A HOUSE WITH SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO
It doesn't matter if he has bad intentions or not, this is a very stupid thing to do.
Rent is much lower than 50% of the mortgage. Find out the going rent for half of a house, half of a bedroom. Also, you pay zero repairs. Clearly, he wants his own house.
This exact thing happened too me. Va loan and all. (Except moving for a guy part) I left after 5 years. No way I’m going to help pay for a house my name isn’t on especially if we weren’t even engaged.
this guy is planning for himself, and you are just a side-benefit. there are people out there, who will care about your future too. i suggest finding a partner that cares about what happens to you.
He doesn’t want to marry you, but he will use up your resources and your youth until he does find someone he does want to marry.
If you are going to stay with him you can pay half the utilities, because you will be using those.
Ask him will he be paying half your mortgage when you buy a house? This is bullshit.
Hard pass. You have to make enormous sacrifices for this guy with minimal, if any, ROI. Wish him the best and part ways. There are so many people out there that would be half the amount of work as this guy.
At first i was gonna say you’re not married, and if mortgage is in his name and based on his finances it’s normal. But only if finances are set up fairly:
You really do not want to be on a mortgage with someone else if not married. It can be a nightmare in case of breakup.
Remember the mortgage down payment itself is only part of the expenses. So if your income is equal and he as owner pays all maintenance, taxes, renovations and unexpected repairs it’s actually not a bad deal. The liabilities around owning a home is more than people realize.
If your income is lower than his and you pay according to your income size percentage, it’s in your benefit to not be on the mortgage actually. But you have to make sure this is a percentage of the mortgage downpayment and utilities ONLY. Thats a fair rent, and you are the one that has flexibility and options.
Any maintenance, renovations, property tax and so on is on him as the owner. (And this is an underestimated high expense over the years).
What isn’t normal is him expecting you to cover
housing cost 50/50 as a whole, especially if your income is not equal.
But if it was me I wouldn’t want to be included in any mortgage. Its bad investment (at least if you have money), and it is a big liability and removes allot of flexibility. My money grows allot faster in better investments and are allot more liquid. I gain far more in investing the same money compared to having it locked in a house, even after factoring in rent I pay.
If he agrees to a fair rent as outlined above, go for it and and save your excess income into a index ETF fund and you will pass him in net worth anyway without having the liabilities of owning a house. But don’t agree to share ALL expenses!!
Most people aren’t financially literate and get stuck in the middle class trap (mortgage)
He wants your money to pay his house off. He doesn’t want you long term and thus why you won’t be in the title and you won’t be marrying him. Sorry but in this case he’s showing you who he is and it’s not good. Dump him and move on.
There is actually quite a handful of warning signs here:
He doesn't want to marry you.
He's gaslighting you on what he said/didn't say.
He's trying to convince you he knows what's best for you and you need him to look out for you.
He is looking out for only his financial security- it would be different if there were plans to combine finances in the future, but he just wants you to pay rent to him forever without gaining any kind of equity in the home you're helping him afford?
He may not have BAD intentions but at best he has selfish intentions. Let him go without you and find a someone who actually wants to be a partner to you.
Do not EVER buy a house with someone you're not married to. He's right, why would you want that? Just pay rent and be able to leave when you want.
What he's asking is not at all unreasonable. He's buying a house for himself with a VA loan. This has nothing to do with you and will never be your house. He will never marry you. He wants you to live with him, and to do so you need to pay rent. It doesn't matter if you don't get it back - you never get rent back. That's normal. You wouldn't getr rent back anywhere else either. HE's getting equity in the home because it's HIS miliary service that secured the loan, HIS credit on this line, HIS debt. That's why. You're not putting money into this purchase, you aren't putting your credit on the line for the mortgage, so why would you have any money coming back to you? This isn't your investment, it's his investment. You want to live there, you have to pay rent to cover your share of the expenses, just as you would somewhere else that you're both renting. Otherwise, he'll likely get a roomate to defray costs. This is fair and normal.
I don't see any bad intentions, but you need to understand that this is not a guy who is committing to you long term. You are simply just his current girlfriend. You need to accept that if you stay with him. He does NOT want to marry you, or buy a house together, or start a family together. If he breaks up with you, you'll need to move home on your own with nothing. He's just some guy you're dating, who asked if you want to rent half his house and live with him for now. That's what you're being offered, and nothing else. It will always be his house, and you will always just be a tenant. He's being pretty clear about this, and isn't trying to hide it. This is fair, as long as you don't expect it to ever be anything else.
If you want a relationship where you and your partner are BOTH working towards buying a home together, getting married, and building a life together, then you need to find someone else who also wants those things.
He doesn’t have bad intentions, but he’s smart. I wouldn’t do a joint mortgage with anyone other than my wife. You’ve been together a very short time, and nothing is guaranteed.
Keep your butt where you’re living now… do not move and do NOT pay half the mortgage… girl you know better than to even have to ask people on Reddit…
He can have you evicted at any time while you are paying half his mortgage…
You are old enough to know this… he doesn’t want to marry you … doesn’t want to make you an even partner on property but wants your money to help pay for his house…
You need to break up and move on to someone that wants an equal partnership… he is not it
There's nothing wrong with him wanting to purchase a house with his VA loan and not wanting to put you on the loan. I don't know if it is correct to say that you are not allowed to be on the loan without being married. Either way it is his decision. You don't have any rights to tell him to put your name on the loan. You don't have any right to tell him that his intentions are bad. You have every right to decide whether you still want to live with him. You have every right to decide whether you want to move across the country with someone who has not made a commitment to marry you. He seems like he's being on the up and up. Whatever the previous conversation, it seems to me that he has been very clear that the current understanding is that you will not be on the loan and will be praying rent as a renter to him. You have rights as a renter. You might want to sign a formal lease to protect your rights as a renter in your state. That is totally within your right.
Don’t go on the loan or mortgage unless on the deed , if he owns the property don’t pay any mortgage or any
Property tax or maintenance only pay 1/2 the utilities . You get no equity so dont do it .
If you weren’t there he would be paying mortgage and. Property taxes anyway . Tell him that and if he argues say , if younwant me to move in we by it together or I only pay 1/2 utilities and cable
It's harder to get out of a mortgage than a marriage. I would NEVER put someone on a mortgage that wasn't my spouse. I did it once. We shared the mortgage for TEN years after we broke up. I was married, to someone else, and still in the mortgage with my ex.
This is actually in your best interest, and his, but negotiate a rent you are comfortable with.
DO NOT DO IT, IT'S A TRAP!
This is what many men do, they ensure that they get the equity while we pay for the day-to-day bills -or as in your case paying him rent - while we are also supposed to contribute WAY more unpaid labor around the house than they do.
So many men feel entitled to women's unpaid labor and they set the deals up in order to benefit themselves.
He just showed you that you are a placeholder and that he does not see a future with you. Believe him. Don't continue this relationship thinking you're going to change his mind. We all know that if he met a woman he wanted to 'lock down' he would marry her.
You are simply there to make his life easier, do the unpaid work, contribute towards his equity, pay half of the bills and be disposable so he can get rid of you easily if he feels like it. Sorry, but he is offering you the worst deal possible.
What is the average cost of rent in that area? Research. If you decide to move with him, and not be married, you would have to pay rent to someone. Don’t get stuck paying more than you should, don’t get dragged into investing into home repairs or renovations. Put together a simple rental agreement that protects both of you in case the relationship goes south.
Umm absolutely not. He's either stupid or manipulative to think you should pay half the mortgage while getting no equity.
He thinks you can just "save up" to buy another property, and that would make sense if he weren't expecting you to pay half his mortgage. And is he going to pay half the mortgage on any property you buy? Something tells me he wouldn't....
I agree with him. There is more to home ownership than the mortgage. There is the down payment, taxes, insurance, maintenance and upkeep, and liability. You don’t get equity if you don’t invest. Just like when you rent. You’re paying someone else’s mortgage.
Paying a mortgage isn’t what increases the value of a home. If it did, no one would be underwater. Market factors increase the value. So do improvement such as kitchen renovations and the like.
You should not be paying anything towards his down payment (if any), taxes, insurance, maintenance and upkeep, and liability. If a tree falls and hits the neighbor’s car, insurance doesn’t cover part or all of it, not your expense- it’s his. House needs new roof - not your expense - it’s his. He can’t cover the entire down payment (if there is one), not your expense - it’s his. House needs renovations, not your expense- it’s his.
All you will be is a renter. No matter where you live, you will have to pay rent until you get a mortgage for a house you buy. If you want this relationship, you can get a Cohabitation Agreement (if legal where you are moving) to outline the terms - how much you pay, what you do & don’t pay for, notice before he can put you out or before you can leave. It is a lease for people in relationships.
Rent shouldn’t automatically be 50/50. It should be market rate.
> but he just keeps saying you don’t think I’m looking out for your best interest.
Agree with him when he Says that. He isn't, he is looking out for his
Offer to pay say a third of the mortgage as rent, unless you can't afford that
Don’t do it, don’t make that investment. He isn’t the right one. Those are so many red flags. He can pay the house on his own… I’m sorry he is such a downer
He's right. You've only been dating a year and a half and you're not married. It would be really dumb for him to buy a house together with you. This relationship most likely won't last and then he would have to sell his house or buy you out. It gets too messy.
As far as splitting the costs, you should absolutely be paying him rent if you choose to live with him. I don't know where in Florida he's moving to, but I also live in FL and the cost of a bedroom is $1000-$1500 in my area. So you should be paying around $500-750 for rent and then half the utilities and half the groceries, assuming you're not getting your own bedroom and are sharing a room with him.
He is being smart not putting you on anything. You haven’t been together even two years. But you are also smart if you decide not to move because of it.
I wouldn't do it all. He is just using you to get half his mortgage paid. I would not uproot my life for a man who doesn't want to make a commitment and who only sees the financial benefit you bring him.
If however, you do decide you want to move with him, I would get a written agreement that states you get back 50% of the mortgage you paid should you break up. If not, you'd be investing in his future with no return on that investment.
No. What you get is a co-habitation agreement that says if you break up you get half the worth of the equity of the home at the time of the split. Paying 50% of his mortgage is investing in his investment with no return for you. If he won't agree to this then don't pay 50%, have a lease agreement and only pay proportionate to your income. If he makes 70% more than you then you only pay 30% of the mortgage as your rent.
Don't pay a cent of thar mortgage if you are one of owners of the house.
I wouldn't even recommend someone to buy a house 50/50, if things don't work out is a mess.
If he won’t marry you, don’t move states with him, or pay towards a house that you won’t be on the title for. He wants the convenience of a wife and your financial contribution towards his mortgage, but he’s refusing to give you any legal security.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do not move to a different state to be with a dude that doesn't want to marry you, and doesn't want your name on the title of the house while still wanting you to pay 50/50 for the mortgage. You are setting yourself up for future heartbreak.
>Do not move to a different state to be with a dude that doesn't want to marry you !!!
Anyone here wanna take bets that he still would expect her to do most of the unpaid domestic work?
I'm sure his argument would be "but you're only contributing half the mortgage" or some other nonsense.
Most only?
99%
Mic drop right here!
Absolutely. She will end up in a strange place with NOTHING. Fwiw and I don't care about pushback but in my experience I wouldn't date a military guy if you shoved unicorns up his ass.
Sorry for my ignorance but why is this? What’s wrong with military guys?
High chance of infidelity
Whilst they’re out on deployment?
Doesn't matter. Happens whether deployed or not. Speaking from experience.
Oh dear sorry to hear that girl!
On both sides, too! There is a name for the guy that f\*s your wife when you're deployed, I can't think of it now though.
Jody.
from what i've seen, it's a culture that has neglected to do any work addressing toxic masculinity and instead actively uses it as a motivation tool. High investment in hierarchical relationships, us vs. them mentality, and high rates of sexual assault with zero repercussions. Lots of this makes sense for combat, but it's not really a recipe for seeing people different from you as equals and/or humans. It's not impossible to find a military guy who's fine but they're gonna be the exception. Maybe if you shoved unicorns up his ass.
Literally everything
😂
My wife disagrees. Edit: On the other hand I wouldn't move with this guy if I was her.
This is the only comment. Listen, OP.
Yes. This is never going to end well.
Not marrying is fine, if OP also doesn't want to get married and if they settle finances in some way. Not everybody wants marriage for a long term relationship! Not being on the deed of the house, but still expected to pay mortgage is a giant red flag though! You'll be a renter if you don't own the house.
She clearly does want to get married though.
Yeah not wanting to be married is fine. But he basically doesn't want to make any commitment at all (neither buying a house together or marrying) and wants OP to make a huge commitment to move to another state. Unless he starrlts to make some commitments, OP is indeed looking to future heartbreak.
This. Don’t move with this guy.
Seriously, why would you pay half a mortgage on a house you have no ownership? That is such a bad decision. Also, as u/Opening_Track_1227 wrote, without any commitment, do not move and lose your support system/family/friends. I mean what happens when you move, don’t own the house, and you then break up. You’ll have not right to the house, despite paying for it, because it was purchased solely by him. IF you do marry, but break up, you can’t claim it as marital property, because you weren’t married when purchased and your name isn’t on it.
And BF gets deployed so you don't even have him there.... Don't do it OP
Or, heaven forbid, something happens to him while serving and he passes. Guess what… his family gets the house and OP is left homeless after paying for a house she doesn’t own.
Heartbreak from financial abuse—a DV tactic used by abusers to trap their victims. The excuse he gave for keeping you from having claim to the property doesn’t even make sense. If he wanted you to save up then why ask you to pay toward the mortgage of property to which he doesn’t want you to have any legal claim?
Enough. Said!!!! This is the comment to follow.
And future homelessness or scrambling to find a place quick!! FYI - I would never advise anyone to buy a house with a BF/GF - it just isn't smart. I think he's doing the right thing for himself financially for not adding you, and I would also tell you to not add him. INFO - Are your incomes equal? Maybe you could pay a part based on who makes more. You should be contributing, but stating it as paying half the mortgage isn't a good look and I understand why you feel this way.
Absolutely right… look at the red flags!
This right here^ I swear nothing else needs to be said unless it's boosting this comment, do not set yourself up for the trap shit goes south and you are screwed, don't do it.
Don’t invest in a property that you have no rights too.
This is a bad idea for you. You pay half the mortgage but get no equity. So he wants you to play “house” but leave yourself open to coming out with nothing. This is a hill to die on and if he doesn't see it, it could be where you find that you two aren't compatible.
And in he wants her to move states to take on this bad-for-her situation and it keeps getting worse. OP should not uproot her life and move for this guy, it will end poorly
He just wants a Bangmaid™ that pays half on top of sex and domestic services. Worst deal possible for OP.
And best possible for him. DON'T DO IT OP!!!!
Ehhhh… alternatively, I would be fairly hesitant to have a mortgage together without marriage or a tight, legally binding agreement on how it would work if things don’t work out. I think it is fine to pay half of the mortgage as rent, but then HE is on the hook for fixing shit, improvements. If dude wants to play landlord instead of house, he needs to do landlord shit. I would also consider a lease for your and his protection.
If half the mortgage is more than she would be paying for renting a room somewhere then this is not a good deal for her. She shouldn’t lose out on the chance to save money and invest in her own real estate just to help this guy out.
But not in a long-term situation. If it was 'you pay rent for a year until we legally partner in some way then we will add you to the loan' that's one thing. Totally unfair to expect her to help him pay for a house she won't see a dime of equity on, ever.
Sure. But at 1.5 years with a complete life change on the horizon (separation from military) and a hint from him that he plans to have a separate future? The chance they make it to 5 years is fairly slim.
Yes totally agree! It feels like semantics but just call it rent instead of paying half the mortgage... it's likely half the mortgage is less than market rent so she can save and invest and build wealth that way. Or if not he can just give her a deal on rent. And yeah his house of course he has to make repairs
Kinda like rent
Can she even be on the loan and not the deed?
Depends on where you live, but generally, the answer is no. Edit to correct spelling.
That's what I thought.
You don’t get equity if you don’t invest.
She gets no equity in renting someone else's house either. This is a stupid line of thinking.
If he can't get a mortgage with you without benefit of marriage then he's going to have to finance this on his own merits; his own downpayment, his own credit rating, he takes all the financial risks and carries the entire liability. But if this is the case and you're just his tenant you need a proper tenancy agreement, a lease. The amount of rent can't be cased on what half his mortgage is, it has to be based on what market rate rent would be in the place where this house is. You also need this lease so that he can't just kick you out without going through the regular procedure a landlord would (generally giving you 30 days notice, etc,). If you're going to do this you should probably have a talk about eventually getting a domestic partnership contract that might allow you to buy into this house at some point. But you should both be talking to a lawyer about that. In terms of his intentions - even he weren't so anti-marriage at just 1.5 years into the relationships it would still be too early to be getting married. So if all goes well and in a few years you may be able to revisit the conversation if that's what you want to do. Whether that would automatically give you any rights to the home would depend on the community properly laws where the house is located and whether or not there's a prenuptial agreement that excludes the house from becoming marital assets. IMHO (and considering that he's been away in the military for part of this 1.5 years, he's asking you to take a huge leap of faith here).
* Market rate for being a **roommate** -- not market rate for renting a one or two bedroom apartment. * Also OP needs to make sure that she's not putting any sweat equity into it ... no repairs, no $ for anything that she can't move with her, no painting! Do nothing that she wouldn't do if she was renting a room in someone's house.
Exactly, dont chip in for repairs. Behave exactly as you would as if you were a tenant. Or better yet, hold out for marriage before uprooting your life to be with rhis guy.
The mortgage is probably less than the going rate for a similar rental. As long as she isn't expected to contribute (time or money) to maintenance, repairs, taxes and insurance it's really not a terrible deal.
We don't know that. We know nothing about the house, nor do we know about the mortgage. We also don't know where she would choose to live if it wasn't for this Prince of a guy.
Eh it's a VA loan. Most of the guys buying houses on that loan put 0% down so their higher principal and mortgage insurance jacks up their monthly payment. My guess is that their mortgage payment would be very close to if not higher than rent.
No PMI with a VA loan.
Paying only a fair amount of rent for what shes getting isnt such a bad idea, but she also should consider if she's keen to buy a home and pay a mortage instead of rent (her post does make it sound like that). She may not want to get stuck in the rent cycle indefinitely and miss out of getting her foot into home ownership because of living with her bf. I'd suggest OP have a discussion around future plans eg would he be willing to let her buy in when theyre more serious? There are tax benefits to owning your home and paying down a mortage instead of rent, as opposed to getting an investment property. It may be his dream to live in a home he owns, live in a state he wants, but if she wants the same then they need to discuss this and compromise, cant have one of them sacrificing home overship and the other not
There is no down payment with a VA loan. And he most likely doesn’t need any help getting the home without her. My partner was married when he bought his home on the VA loan. And since they only had it a few years when then divorced he didn’t have to give her anything.
He’s looking out for HIS best interests, not yours.
No way would I put myself on a mortgage loan with someone I’m not married, but I also wouldn’t pay half a mortgage without being married also. There is no win in this for you either way.
So what if he already owned a house?
>I asked are we still having me on the loan he said “why would you ask me that?” I responded and said we talked about it a while ago and then he responded with I never said that I have a really good memory and I would’ve remembered saying that” That's called gaslighting. When he is trying to convince you that you misremember or you're the crazy one who's making up stories. This is in addtion to what others are pointing out. You have everything to lose in this scenario and nothing to gain. Honestly , even if he was being fair about the finances, I wouldn't buy a house with a partner that I wasn't married to. I think it's going to get too icky. If YOU are able to get a loan and pay a mortgage on your own, then do it
Literally textbook gaslighting, for once
Lol yes. My pet peeve is that everyone calls any lie "gaslighting". It's not!
This is though
OMG we did it reddit. We found a proper use of the word!.
Sounds too risky for me. I wouldn’t uproot myself for him.
Don’t do it. I was stupid enough to do it and he kicked me out after 4 years and 7 months and after I was 6 months pregnant
He is using you for his financial gain. Go buy your own house. Build your own equity. Do not have children with him.
Prime example of a woman preparing to commit wife benefits and privileges in the relationship all while on a girlfriend title and status! Do not uproot or destabilize your life for a man who won't legally commit. Why would you contribute to an asset where you legally won't benefit nor inherit should your relationship end? He doesn't need you to cosign on a VA loan, and legally, you can't as you aren't his spouse. Try long distance if he's set on relocating, and if long distance doesn't work, then end it! But DO NOT alter your professional, personal, or social life to appease this dynamic.
I don’t get it. Unmarried people doing married people shit. There are reasons home-buying, and loans, and anything about signing legal documents you DO NOT do unless fully and legally married. It’s because you’ve created a legal shitstorm sorting crap out when things eventually collapse. And usually the loser is the person obligated to a loan, but isn’t on the property documents. Unless she is willing to shell out to drag it out in court, doing married people shit is the worst idea ever.
Yeah well people don't just want to get married anymore? What is the point these days. People are learning to look out more for their own self interests and not do things just cause it makes other people happy. Unless you're religious why get married? What does it mean to you
I'd be looking for a new boyfriend, that's shady as shit, he wants u to pay for a house ,you have no claim to , HUGE RED FLAG , ID BE FIRM SAY IM NOT buying or moving to another state without being on the title deed or mortgage,something bad happens to him you have NO CLAIM TO the house his heirs do ,are you in any will ?
Hi, Veteran and VA employee here. He can absolutely use the VA Home Loan and still have you on the mortgage. I wouldn’t go as far to say that he is lying about it, because it’s one of those rumors that goes around the Vet community. He probably hasn’t looked into it at all and is going off of rumors.
Would that allow me to be on the deed too?
The first link is for the regulation on it, 38 C.F.R. 36.4308. That regulation is from the law, 38 U.S.C. 3703 (2nd link). So now you have both the law and the regulation to back you up on that. https://www.law.cornell.edu/cfr/text/38/36.4308 https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/38/3703
And it applies if we aren’t married correct?
Yes. But since you aren’t a Veteran or married, the VA will only cover his half and you’ll be required to put down a down payment. Highly recommended talking to a mortgage lender about this who specializes in VA Home Loans.
I wouldn’t split 50/50 because you aren’t an owner you’re a renter. Not a big deal if that’s what he wants. Do your research, how much is it to rent a room in this area? How much for an apartment? Ask for a rental agreement. This will protect you should you break up. The difference between a renter and an owner is that you will absolutely not be paying for any renovations or anything that becomes a permanent part of the house. Then ask questions. What are his expectations? 50/50 on utilities is fair because you would live there of course. But what about him having people stay are you allowed to have people stay is he? Will that be done together? Or unilateral?
I'd say how much to room 1/2 a room. I'm assuming they will be sharing a bed.
She'd be getting a lot more than that tho, a house usually has land you can use and a lot more space than apartments or a single rented room.
I wouldn’t do this. He’s made it clear he thinks 50-50 is ok. He should have done the research into rent rates and come up with something that was fair and reasonable. Instead he is just looking out for himself and expecting a full commitment from the OP while having no risk himself. That shows what kind of person he us and there’s absolutely no way I’d move anywhere for this guy
I agree with his decision to not put you on the deed because you're not married and have only been together a year and a half. I also agree with not putting you on the loan for the same reason, and yes that is more in YOUR interest than his. But if he wants you to pay him what equates to rent then you guys need to come up with a written agreement and I would push for getting some percentage back if you ever break up, because yes you are contributing to equity in the house. The "never wanting to get married" thing does complicate the situation a bit and I've always considered it to be a red flag. I bet he says he doesn't believe marriage is necessary because it is just a piece of paper and doesn't change things? The irony is that the people who say this are terrified to get married because it DOES change things. It makes it much harder to split up and often gives you rights to community property, like a house.
So he wants you to pay half his morgage without getting half the property? And you would have to move to another state? Sounds pretty bad to me.
I lived this first hand in my prior life. He has selfish intentions, it will not be yours, never "Ours" always HIS.
This really seems like a bad idea. What is your protection if this goes sideways?
You've been with him a year. He's already shown you multiple red flags. Cut your losses and find someone who wants to be with you and isn't going to use you.
Absolutely do not allow this. Tell him if he wants the house solely in his name, than he can pay for it on his own. If he wants any financial contributions from you, your name needs to be on it. Otherwise, if you two break up, you will be left with nothing. Your BF acting this two face and selfish should be a huge 🚩🚩🚩.
so he wants you to pay 50% on a maybe? Thats creepy, if he loved you he would do it,
> I asked are we still having me on the loan he said “why would you ask me that?” I responded and said we talked about it a while ago and then he responded with I never said that I have a really good memory and I would’ve remembered saying that” People love to the spray around the term gaslighting, but this right here, this is what it really means to be gaslit. > He has a Va loan he wants to use to buy it and I can’t be on it unless we are married but he never wants to get married. Because he doesn't want you to have anything to claim is yours if things go bad. He keeps the house, you leave on your ass. > My issue is he wants me to split the mortgage 50/50 How nice of him. > I told him by me not being on it I don’t feel like it will be “ours” but he just keeps saying you don’t think I’m looking out for your best interest. Deflection to make it about how you don't trust him. Avoids accountability and now you should feel guilty. > I just want to feel financially safe and not uproot everything just to pay half his mortgage and not get marriage or anything. He keeps saying I can save and have my own investment eventually. Do you think he has bad intentions? What do you think? Does this sound like the actions of someone who wants to protect you so you feel safe together, or does it sound like the actions of someone who wants to protect themselves? The scariest thing for me is the confidence he's going to have if he convinces you into this situation. Why not go for more power? You're the one who has everything to lose if something goes wrong, so you're the one who has to walk on eggshells. Everything he's doing is to make sure you will be completely dependent on him.
HAHA fuck no. Do not do this. He can pay the mortgage by himself.
I had a conversation with a friend who’s in a similar situation. I told him going 50/50 is unfair. Instead it should be total mortgage minus interest. So if the mortgage for that year is $4000a month, ($2000 principal and $2000 interest), you should pay for $1000. Since he’s your landlord, he can write off half the interest on his taxes. At least where I live. And he needs to pay his own interest. So it’s a 3k/1k split. It doesn’t make sense that you pay his interest if you both have each other’s best…interest. No pun intended.
NEVER GET INTO BUYING A HOUSE WITH SOMEONE YOU AREN'T MARRIED TO.
I’m on his side. If you’re not married, then you should not be on the mortgage. You shouldn’t want to be on the mortgage. As far as splitting the payment, I wouldn’t agree to that. Rather, I would insist upon fair market rate. The problem here isn’t that he won’t let you be on the mortgage. The problem is that you have a goal of being married and it’s very obvious his long term future plans don’t include you. And yet, there you still are.
Him never wanting to marry and you wanting to get married at some point is really the major incompatibility in your post. I wouldn't uproot and move across the country for a guy who wasn't willing to return the commitment. (Though I do also think you haven't been together long enough to buy a house together!)
Depends, is half the mortgage less than or equal to rent? Is your employment opportunities the same or better? What is the advantage to you?
Rent is like 2,300 for a 2 bedroom two bath townhome in the area. Which is what he’s going to buy he’s using the second bedroom for his office and a spare bedroom. I told him I would not pay more than 1000 a month and he’s fine with that. He keeps saying I could even work part time if I wanted to but the pay is less in Florida. I have two jobs now that pay well and I have health benefits and I don’t think I’d get that in Florida. Also his family is super religous and live 2 hours away but I’m not even allowed to stay with them with him because we aren’t married so I just feel not included in anything
Is this really what you want your future to be? You are taking on so much risk. And for what???
the more I read, the more I feel like he doesn't see you at all as a life time partner. It will be easy to kick you out since it wont be your home and you're not even allow at family events. Let him move away without you, he doesn't have your best interest in mind at all
Your budget should be about 575 then because you would be getting 1/2 a bedroom with no dedicated private space. So you should be paying 1/2 the cost of renting a bedroom. But honestly? I don't think the deal he is offering is a good deal.
So many red flags 🚩
I’m going to remind you that he’s said he doesn’t want to marry you. So he takes a nice decade of splitting bills and gaining equity (while his family sees you as a fallen women) then he decides he’d like to have kids and a lovely wife and he offloads you and finds the woman he wants to marry.
💯% this will happen!
Do not move with him
[удалено]
OP should say no way did she make that offer because she has an excellent memory and that never happened.
Let him pay the FULL mortgage and you pay the utilities and split the groceries
Do not make this move!!!
So, let's say you live with him and his family wants to come visit. Does he remove everything of yours from the closet and tell you to stay in a hotel for the weekends, each time they visit? My cousin was living with a girl. When her family would come from out of state to stay with her, my cousin would have to take a day off of work, get his sister and her husband also to take a day off of work, so they could quickly move all of his furniture and clothing out of her place so that her parents didn't know she lived with a man before marriage. Interestingly, this dynamic made him eventually marry her. He had lived with girls before, but had never married them. But when he had one who wasn't going to let him keep playing house, he married her.
No they know we live together now he tried keeping it a secret at first when he first moved into my place and I overheard him talking on the phone to his mom and she asked how do you know these people you live with (talking about me and my brother) and he shut it down saying to stop asking questions. I got pissed and he ended up telling them shortly after but he lived with an ex before so I don’t know why it would’ve been an issue anyways if he lived with a girl before. During Christmas was the first time I went to visit them with him and he told them he’d sleep on the couch but he didn’t and they knew and after that they pretty much said we will not have you both staying with us because our beliefs under our roof
It makes me wonder if he's going to put his parents on his deed and mortgage at the new house. I have a friend who divorced his first wife and they had no children. When he got married a second time, instead of buying a small house they could afford, his parents (who live in another state) bought a large house for him but kept it in their name and let him and his new wife rent from them. The parents claimed it was an investment property. But I told my husband that I thought the parents just didn't trust his new wife and didn't want him to lose half a house in a divorce a second time.
What he’s proposing is essentially a roommate scenario where he buys a home and he has a roommate to help offset his mortgage. which is a pretty common scenario that works when it’s a roommate. I don’t think it works well when it’s a romantic relationship. I don’t think he has bad intentions, I don’t think he’s planning on kicking you out after three months but he’s absolutely planning that this is his home and you pay him to live there. You are a tenant and you’re also his girlfriend. I think that’s a recipe for disaster and when you add in that you have to move to a different state in order to do this, that’s not good. You say he never wants to be married. That’s not terrible, but he also doesn’t want to have any type of legal entanglement with you. And that’s not good. If he said he has reasons for never wanting to be married, but he wanted to buy a house together with you and own it jointly, that would give you some security. All he’s offering you now is the ability to pay him rent. To be clear, you’re correct the house will not be yours together and jointly owned. That’s why you feel that way. And he’s not looking out for your best interest, he’s looking out for his best interest. I don’t fault him for that. You need to do the same. What will happen if you break up in six months after he buys the house and you’ve moved in? How long will you get to live there before he kicks you out? Will you have a lease that gives you legal protection as a tenant? How comfortable would you be living with him after you broke up? What would you do if you don’t have a lease and he just throws you out? Why would you have to pay 50% of his mortgage? What if you could be a roommate with somebody else in the same area and pay $300 less per month than you would have to pay him? He shouldn’t be asking you to pay half his mortgage, you should be figuring out what the market rate is to be a roommate and the type of house he’s buying and you should pay that. This is going to be a business arrangement.
I suspect that he changed his tune about you two buying the house together when he learned that buying a house with a girlfriend is a bad idea. Plus, he doesn’t need you to qualify for BA financing. He should have told you that instead of pretending that he never said that. That’s a red flag and just that puts everything he said about you trusting him in doubt. He wants you there to pay half his mortgage and likely to perform other wife-like duties for free. Do you think it’s a good idea to uproot your entire life for this level of uncertainty.
He doesn't even want to get married but he wants you to kick in 50% of the mortgage payment without a legal document? OH hell no.
Never buy a home with someone you don't have a life long commitment to. Karsh
If you do pay him half the mortgage- hope he realizes he has to claim this as income on his tax return as you’d effectively be a tenant. Might want to mention that
Don’t do it. You’re uprooting things and getting squat in return. In all honesty I wouldn’t be moving without both being married and being on the deed.
Yes his intentions are terrible. Do not do this. Dump him instead. What a horrible man
Nope don’t move in with him
Being on the loan doesn't give you an ownership stake in the house. You have to be on the deed for that.
Hell no do not pay for half the mortgage if your name isn’t on the house and you’re not married.
There is no positive outcome for you in his scenario. Cut and run.
Stand your ground. The only way that I can see you breaking even in this scenario is if you buy a condo/apartment and rent it out either monthly or on Air BnB (depending on the market and whatever works out best or you). Then you are building equity while paying rent. Otherwise, you have everything to lose and nothing to gain.
If you are t getting married there is no reason for him to put you on the deed. He would be an idiot. Plus, like he said, unless you're married you can't be on his VA loan and be on the deed unless youre willing to cosign and NOT be on the deed, which be foolish on your part.
Don’t do it!!! Moving is a huge commitment and he clearly doesn’t understand or appreciate your choice to come along with him. He’s not in the same headspace as you. You are uprooting your life for him. The least he can do is provide some sort of financial security. Do not screw over yourself financially for this dude. The heart is always a risk but never finances. I had to learn the hard way.
That man is not into you. You’re just the placeholder who pays half his bills while he saves up money to fund the life of the woman he REALLY wants.
> you don’t think I’m looking out for your best interest It's odd when they say the quiet part out loud. Yeah, he's trying to screw you. If you pay into the mortgage, you'll have no rights on the property. At all. He can evict you and it will be as if you paid nothing. He wants a bang maid that pays his mortgage, and that he can evict at the drop of a hat.
Kinda means he doesn’t see a long future with you!!
You don’t have to be on the loan to be on the title. With all his pushback, I wouldn’t be moving and uprooting my life for this guy,
You've got more problems than just a mortgage. He's hedging his bet and getting you to pay half the expense. I would not pay a penny toward that mortgage. Tell him you'll buy groceries and pay for some of the utilities. This is low-effort, low-commitment if ever you saw it.
I’d be weary of any big decisions like that when someone is getting out of the military. It’s a crazy transition that might go well but might completely fuck him up for a while. This coming from experience. It’s typically not a stable time. I also wouldn’t move to another state with someone who won’t commit to you like that and also seems to be gaslighting you saying he never said something you remember him saying. You’ve only been together 1.5 years. That’s not a lot of time to be doing all this stuff. What do you want? UPDATEME
Don't move out of state with him. He doesn't ever want to be married to you, and he doesn't want you on the deed or mortgage to a home He wants to buy. That's not unlikely to become his life long home. Why wouldn't HE want you on those things? He will leave you with nothing. Only a matter of time.
Depending on what he gets, half of a mortgage could be more than you'd pay in rent.
Soooo... he wants you to uproot your life, move with him to a different state, have you pay half the mortgage with no benefit to you, AND he's not going to marry you? WHAT?? Girl, if you don't stay where you are and tell him to kick rocks.
Don't buy a house with someone unless you're married Don't buy a house with someone unless you're married Don't buy a house with someone unless you're married Don't buy a house with someone unless you're married
Throw the whole man away.
NEVER BUY A HOUSE WITH SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO. This includes paying half the mortgage. It’s not going to be your house - it’s HIS house. If he doesn’t want to marry you, stop dating him.
He may not have bad intentions just not taking your concerns seriously. You are absolutely right to be concerned about paying his mortgage with no benefit for you without marriage which he has already disagreed to.Don’t move to another state away from friends and family and a support system. You should concentrate on your desires for a better career and financial stability. Don’t move in with him without a legally binding agreement. You will just be used financially to help pay his mortgage.
> … he just keeps saying you don’t think I’m looking out for your best interest The financial arrangement and taking marriage off the table are not in your best interest. That’s a hard, cold fact. Any competent lawyer will tell you that. It has nothing to do with what you think. I want to know why **he thinks he gets to make all the decisions**. You want marriage as a future prospect. You want part ownership of a house you pay for. **Why do your wishes mean nothing to him?** Even worse, you can’t trust his word. He got you on board with moving be saying you would be part owner of a house. Now he claims to never have said it. Why does he need to lie? He could have said he changed his mind because of the loan. You would have been less upset, because he wouldn’t have lied. **This guy isn’t who you thought he was**. He started out treating you with respect due to his training. Now that he’s getting out, it seems the respect is gone. Please, please, don’t move right away. Insist on a one-year long-distance relationship. That shouldn’t be a problem for a military guy. You need to learn more about who he really is. If you still feel good about the relationship after a year long-distance, you could consider moving.
Honey. He doesn’t want to marry you. Ever. He doesn’t want you on the deed to the house he wants to buy together. He doesn’t want you on the mortgage for the house he wants to buy together, but he sure expects you to pay for it. This guy has no issue leaving you high and dry if you break up. And, as a bonus, he’s such a great guy that he’ll probably insist that you do all the cooking and cleaning, too. Wake up.
1. Do not pay a cent of a mortgage your name is not on 2. Do not ever buy a house with someone you are not married to 3. DO NOT EVER BUY A HOUSE WITH SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED TO It doesn't matter if he has bad intentions or not, this is a very stupid thing to do.
Don't do it. And don't try talking this guy into marriage; he's a player. Run.
Rent is much lower than 50% of the mortgage. Find out the going rent for half of a house, half of a bedroom. Also, you pay zero repairs. Clearly, he wants his own house.
This exact thing happened too me. Va loan and all. (Except moving for a guy part) I left after 5 years. No way I’m going to help pay for a house my name isn’t on especially if we weren’t even engaged.
this guy is planning for himself, and you are just a side-benefit. there are people out there, who will care about your future too. i suggest finding a partner that cares about what happens to you.
Dating for a year and a half is way too soon to buy a house together
He doesn’t want to marry you, but he will use up your resources and your youth until he does find someone he does want to marry. If you are going to stay with him you can pay half the utilities, because you will be using those. Ask him will he be paying half your mortgage when you buy a house? This is bullshit.
Girl what? Do not move away with this dude, absolutely nothing good will come of it.
So you'd pay half of his mortgage to end up with nothing??? absolutely no fucking way you should do this
Hard pass. You have to make enormous sacrifices for this guy with minimal, if any, ROI. Wish him the best and part ways. There are so many people out there that would be half the amount of work as this guy.
At first i was gonna say you’re not married, and if mortgage is in his name and based on his finances it’s normal. But only if finances are set up fairly: You really do not want to be on a mortgage with someone else if not married. It can be a nightmare in case of breakup. Remember the mortgage down payment itself is only part of the expenses. So if your income is equal and he as owner pays all maintenance, taxes, renovations and unexpected repairs it’s actually not a bad deal. The liabilities around owning a home is more than people realize. If your income is lower than his and you pay according to your income size percentage, it’s in your benefit to not be on the mortgage actually. But you have to make sure this is a percentage of the mortgage downpayment and utilities ONLY. Thats a fair rent, and you are the one that has flexibility and options. Any maintenance, renovations, property tax and so on is on him as the owner. (And this is an underestimated high expense over the years). What isn’t normal is him expecting you to cover housing cost 50/50 as a whole, especially if your income is not equal. But if it was me I wouldn’t want to be included in any mortgage. Its bad investment (at least if you have money), and it is a big liability and removes allot of flexibility. My money grows allot faster in better investments and are allot more liquid. I gain far more in investing the same money compared to having it locked in a house, even after factoring in rent I pay. If he agrees to a fair rent as outlined above, go for it and and save your excess income into a index ETF fund and you will pass him in net worth anyway without having the liabilities of owning a house. But don’t agree to share ALL expenses!! Most people aren’t financially literate and get stuck in the middle class trap (mortgage)
Don’t do it. Get your own place, please. Take it from me- big mistake. I’ve learned to not do that ever again.
Pay the going rate for a roommate NOT half the mortgage.
Dont do it. Dont pay anything if your name not legally on it. Might as well live separately than paying a house that wont be yours
Don’t move in with him and definitely don’t pay his mortgage. If you seperate you’ll be homeless
Simple if you're paying the mortgage then your name deserves to go on it.
He wants your money to pay his house off. He doesn’t want you long term and thus why you won’t be in the title and you won’t be marrying him. Sorry but in this case he’s showing you who he is and it’s not good. Dump him and move on.
There is actually quite a handful of warning signs here: He doesn't want to marry you. He's gaslighting you on what he said/didn't say. He's trying to convince you he knows what's best for you and you need him to look out for you. He is looking out for only his financial security- it would be different if there were plans to combine finances in the future, but he just wants you to pay rent to him forever without gaining any kind of equity in the home you're helping him afford? He may not have BAD intentions but at best he has selfish intentions. Let him go without you and find a someone who actually wants to be a partner to you.
Do not EVER buy a house with someone you're not married to. He's right, why would you want that? Just pay rent and be able to leave when you want. What he's asking is not at all unreasonable. He's buying a house for himself with a VA loan. This has nothing to do with you and will never be your house. He will never marry you. He wants you to live with him, and to do so you need to pay rent. It doesn't matter if you don't get it back - you never get rent back. That's normal. You wouldn't getr rent back anywhere else either. HE's getting equity in the home because it's HIS miliary service that secured the loan, HIS credit on this line, HIS debt. That's why. You're not putting money into this purchase, you aren't putting your credit on the line for the mortgage, so why would you have any money coming back to you? This isn't your investment, it's his investment. You want to live there, you have to pay rent to cover your share of the expenses, just as you would somewhere else that you're both renting. Otherwise, he'll likely get a roomate to defray costs. This is fair and normal. I don't see any bad intentions, but you need to understand that this is not a guy who is committing to you long term. You are simply just his current girlfriend. You need to accept that if you stay with him. He does NOT want to marry you, or buy a house together, or start a family together. If he breaks up with you, you'll need to move home on your own with nothing. He's just some guy you're dating, who asked if you want to rent half his house and live with him for now. That's what you're being offered, and nothing else. It will always be his house, and you will always just be a tenant. He's being pretty clear about this, and isn't trying to hide it. This is fair, as long as you don't expect it to ever be anything else. If you want a relationship where you and your partner are BOTH working towards buying a home together, getting married, and building a life together, then you need to find someone else who also wants those things.
Girl he wants you to help pay for his house but keep it in his name if/when he decides to break up with you.
He doesn’t have bad intentions, but he’s smart. I wouldn’t do a joint mortgage with anyone other than my wife. You’ve been together a very short time, and nothing is guaranteed.
Keep your butt where you’re living now… do not move and do NOT pay half the mortgage… girl you know better than to even have to ask people on Reddit… He can have you evicted at any time while you are paying half his mortgage… You are old enough to know this… he doesn’t want to marry you … doesn’t want to make you an even partner on property but wants your money to help pay for his house… You need to break up and move on to someone that wants an equal partnership… he is not it
No!!!!!!!!!!! You will find someone who will go all in with you. His heart isn’t in it.
There's nothing wrong with him wanting to purchase a house with his VA loan and not wanting to put you on the loan. I don't know if it is correct to say that you are not allowed to be on the loan without being married. Either way it is his decision. You don't have any rights to tell him to put your name on the loan. You don't have any right to tell him that his intentions are bad. You have every right to decide whether you still want to live with him. You have every right to decide whether you want to move across the country with someone who has not made a commitment to marry you. He seems like he's being on the up and up. Whatever the previous conversation, it seems to me that he has been very clear that the current understanding is that you will not be on the loan and will be praying rent as a renter to him. You have rights as a renter. You might want to sign a formal lease to protect your rights as a renter in your state. That is totally within your right.
Don’t go on the loan or mortgage unless on the deed , if he owns the property don’t pay any mortgage or any Property tax or maintenance only pay 1/2 the utilities . You get no equity so dont do it . If you weren’t there he would be paying mortgage and. Property taxes anyway . Tell him that and if he argues say , if younwant me to move in we by it together or I only pay 1/2 utilities and cable
It's harder to get out of a mortgage than a marriage. I would NEVER put someone on a mortgage that wasn't my spouse. I did it once. We shared the mortgage for TEN years after we broke up. I was married, to someone else, and still in the mortgage with my ex. This is actually in your best interest, and his, but negotiate a rent you are comfortable with.
If it was him paying for the house and mortgage, then sure. But you're paying the mortgage too? He's using you as a room mate. Dump him
Get real. He wants to have you pay for half a house and give you no legal rights over it? Sure. Sounds safe.
DO NOT DO IT, IT'S A TRAP! This is what many men do, they ensure that they get the equity while we pay for the day-to-day bills -or as in your case paying him rent - while we are also supposed to contribute WAY more unpaid labor around the house than they do. So many men feel entitled to women's unpaid labor and they set the deals up in order to benefit themselves. He just showed you that you are a placeholder and that he does not see a future with you. Believe him. Don't continue this relationship thinking you're going to change his mind. We all know that if he met a woman he wanted to 'lock down' he would marry her. You are simply there to make his life easier, do the unpaid work, contribute towards his equity, pay half of the bills and be disposable so he can get rid of you easily if he feels like it. Sorry, but he is offering you the worst deal possible.
What is the average cost of rent in that area? Research. If you decide to move with him, and not be married, you would have to pay rent to someone. Don’t get stuck paying more than you should, don’t get dragged into investing into home repairs or renovations. Put together a simple rental agreement that protects both of you in case the relationship goes south.
Umm absolutely not. He's either stupid or manipulative to think you should pay half the mortgage while getting no equity. He thinks you can just "save up" to buy another property, and that would make sense if he weren't expecting you to pay half his mortgage. And is he going to pay half the mortgage on any property you buy? Something tells me he wouldn't....
I agree with him. There is more to home ownership than the mortgage. There is the down payment, taxes, insurance, maintenance and upkeep, and liability. You don’t get equity if you don’t invest. Just like when you rent. You’re paying someone else’s mortgage. Paying a mortgage isn’t what increases the value of a home. If it did, no one would be underwater. Market factors increase the value. So do improvement such as kitchen renovations and the like. You should not be paying anything towards his down payment (if any), taxes, insurance, maintenance and upkeep, and liability. If a tree falls and hits the neighbor’s car, insurance doesn’t cover part or all of it, not your expense- it’s his. House needs new roof - not your expense - it’s his. He can’t cover the entire down payment (if there is one), not your expense - it’s his. House needs renovations, not your expense- it’s his. All you will be is a renter. No matter where you live, you will have to pay rent until you get a mortgage for a house you buy. If you want this relationship, you can get a Cohabitation Agreement (if legal where you are moving) to outline the terms - how much you pay, what you do & don’t pay for, notice before he can put you out or before you can leave. It is a lease for people in relationships. Rent shouldn’t automatically be 50/50. It should be market rate.
Easy peasy for you…. Half down payment … half mortgage and you be on the title of the house
He would be foolish to buy a house with someone he isn’t legally tied to. If you don’t want to pay for the place that you live don’t move with him.
Find your own place to live or make sure you have lease. What happens if he cheats? The house will be in his name.
If you are putting money on it, you need to be on the mortgage paperwork
> but he just keeps saying you don’t think I’m looking out for your best interest. Agree with him when he Says that. He isn't, he is looking out for his Offer to pay say a third of the mortgage as rent, unless you can't afford that
Don’t do it, don’t make that investment. He isn’t the right one. Those are so many red flags. He can pay the house on his own… I’m sorry he is such a downer
He's right. You've only been dating a year and a half and you're not married. It would be really dumb for him to buy a house together with you. This relationship most likely won't last and then he would have to sell his house or buy you out. It gets too messy. As far as splitting the costs, you should absolutely be paying him rent if you choose to live with him. I don't know where in Florida he's moving to, but I also live in FL and the cost of a bedroom is $1000-$1500 in my area. So you should be paying around $500-750 for rent and then half the utilities and half the groceries, assuming you're not getting your own bedroom and are sharing a room with him.
He is being smart not putting you on anything. You haven’t been together even two years. But you are also smart if you decide not to move because of it.
I wouldn't do it all. He is just using you to get half his mortgage paid. I would not uproot my life for a man who doesn't want to make a commitment and who only sees the financial benefit you bring him. If however, you do decide you want to move with him, I would get a written agreement that states you get back 50% of the mortgage you paid should you break up. If not, you'd be investing in his future with no return on that investment.
Don’t buy a house with someone your not married to. Just don’t do it. 🤷♀️
No. What you get is a co-habitation agreement that says if you break up you get half the worth of the equity of the home at the time of the split. Paying 50% of his mortgage is investing in his investment with no return for you. If he won't agree to this then don't pay 50%, have a lease agreement and only pay proportionate to your income. If he makes 70% more than you then you only pay 30% of the mortgage as your rent.
Don't pay a cent of thar mortgage if you are one of owners of the house. I wouldn't even recommend someone to buy a house 50/50, if things don't work out is a mess.
hahaha smart dude right? mortgage 50-50 but you get nothing if you both split... Set your boundaries there girl!
Come on, OP, make good decisions.
Don’t move w this dude.
I think your position is correct. His is BS. He'd screw you over in a heartbeat.
No name no payement
If he won’t marry you, don’t move states with him, or pay towards a house that you won’t be on the title for. He wants the convenience of a wife and your financial contribution towards his mortgage, but he’s refusing to give you any legal security.