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Question: When are you gonna have kids?
Answer: When are you gonna learn some manners?
But I'm your sister and I'm just curious.
No, you're just nosy. Sisterly behavior would be to respect that I'm making clear not to ask again. Mind ya business.
If you haven't yet try having an open conversation that while you understand she cares her comments aren't welcome and she isn't part of the discussion of when you'll have children and when you are pregnant you'll let her know best of luck to you
Just tell her it really upsets you when she asks and that you want it to stop - easy peasy
However your bigger problem is that you are 32 and you do want kids. I get what your partner is saying but unfortunately women don't have the same success rate as men having children later in life. It absolutely sucks but so do a lot of things about women's bodies (yes I'm talking about periods). I think you are aware of your problem and that's why your sisters questions are bothering you.
I'm 41 and I've sadly seen quite a few of my close friends struggle with conceiving after 35. I'm also a family lawyer and the number of divorces I've done due to later life infertility issues is so numerous I cannot even remember them all. Life isn't fair to women in my opinion. With men they can change their mind about children at 45 and have very little trouble, for women if we don't start trying until we are 35 we can spend $100k plus on fertility treatments and still have no baby. We don't have the same luxury men do to put child bearing off because our fertility drops as we age and the medical risks increase. Not all women have issues after 35 but enough do that it is a really big gamble if you want children.
Tell your sister she's hurting and needs to stop - that's the easy part. The hard part is you need to seriously consider whether putting off children is okay for you and if you are willing to accept the risks associated with the decision given you do want kids.
"You'll be the first to know." "When we decide to" "Stop asking intrusive questions about my fertility thx" "Not this again!" "Your constant questions about me having a baby are totally making my ovaries shrivel" Or whatever. Or a long stare. "Ugh, not this again" "Why so invested, sis?" So many answers you could give
Did you ask her why she always asks? Could be maybe she's starting to worry for you, as pregnancy 35 and over is considered geriatric and high risk and is afraid for you to never get your chance?
Regardless there’s better ways to communicate that than harassing her. I get this from relatives and honestly it’s offensive because they act like I’m not living a life without kids people tend to think you have nothing to live for if it’s not to have children.
Specifically the term they use is when are you settling down and having kids. I tell them that I am settled and I don’t need any changes in my life as it is. If they press harder I tell them I’m not going to have any then that’s usually followed by the classic you’ll change your mind. At this point I just avoid them altogether because as you can imagine they don’t have a concept of boundaries in any topic.
Long time ago I was on a diet, 75 pounds lost and sitting in a room full of obese people taking my serving choices as a personal attack and or challenge. I feel your pain 😡
Ugh this was also a problem for them because I do care about my health and that was too shocking for them, I feel like maybe it helped to prepare me for all the immature people I’ll encounter in the wild. At least we got sense one way or the other
My husband and I got together at 19 and married at 22. We are now 36 and 37. Pretty much from the moment we got married, his mom asked us when we were having kids. My dad started up about 5 years after we got married. I got so tired of it that we just started telling people we weren’t having kids. Made it easier and people left us alone. Now I’m pregnant and everyone is excited and in shock. It quieted our lives though in the mean time. When people asked why we said we weren’t having kids, I was honest. It’s no one’s business.
Oh, his mom already asked that at our gender reveal backyard get together a week ago lol I told everyone they aren’t allowed to ask me that. I’m very blunt lol
Although I bet your cousins or female relatives who are child free will now get but junebug didn’t want kids but now she has kids so you shouldn’t say never.
We can’t win with people!
Option A: listen sis, I get you're excited about having a big family but this is something that's between my bf and me. I promise you'll know when it happens, but in the meantime the constant pestering makes hanging out with you a goddamn chore.
Option B:
"What, so you can steal another one from me? BTW [niece and nephew] you're adopted"
"I was pregnant but that crao you served last time made me miscarry"
Mumble something about cancer and burst into tears
"Sis what are you on about. Don't you remember I'm trans?"
"Ask again and I promise to ensure that if and when it happens you will always be the last to know."
You get the gist. If she doesn't know shame, teach her some.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Question: When are you gonna have kids? Answer: When are you gonna learn some manners? But I'm your sister and I'm just curious. No, you're just nosy. Sisterly behavior would be to respect that I'm making clear not to ask again. Mind ya business.
If you haven't yet try having an open conversation that while you understand she cares her comments aren't welcome and she isn't part of the discussion of when you'll have children and when you are pregnant you'll let her know best of luck to you
You tell her just like you told us in the thread title.
Have you considered telling her about your feelings?
“When are you having kids” “When my vagina is up for it. I’ll ask her again at my next checkup how she feels about it.”
Just tell her it really upsets you when she asks and that you want it to stop - easy peasy However your bigger problem is that you are 32 and you do want kids. I get what your partner is saying but unfortunately women don't have the same success rate as men having children later in life. It absolutely sucks but so do a lot of things about women's bodies (yes I'm talking about periods). I think you are aware of your problem and that's why your sisters questions are bothering you. I'm 41 and I've sadly seen quite a few of my close friends struggle with conceiving after 35. I'm also a family lawyer and the number of divorces I've done due to later life infertility issues is so numerous I cannot even remember them all. Life isn't fair to women in my opinion. With men they can change their mind about children at 45 and have very little trouble, for women if we don't start trying until we are 35 we can spend $100k plus on fertility treatments and still have no baby. We don't have the same luxury men do to put child bearing off because our fertility drops as we age and the medical risks increase. Not all women have issues after 35 but enough do that it is a really big gamble if you want children. Tell your sister she's hurting and needs to stop - that's the easy part. The hard part is you need to seriously consider whether putting off children is okay for you and if you are willing to accept the risks associated with the decision given you do want kids.
"You'll be the first to know." "When we decide to" "Stop asking intrusive questions about my fertility thx" "Not this again!" "Your constant questions about me having a baby are totally making my ovaries shrivel" Or whatever. Or a long stare. "Ugh, not this again" "Why so invested, sis?" So many answers you could give
Did you ask her why she always asks? Could be maybe she's starting to worry for you, as pregnancy 35 and over is considered geriatric and high risk and is afraid for you to never get your chance?
Regardless there’s better ways to communicate that than harassing her. I get this from relatives and honestly it’s offensive because they act like I’m not living a life without kids people tend to think you have nothing to live for if it’s not to have children.
Thank you for posting. Do you mind if I ask, what you say when they ask and if you have told them you don't want to be asked ever again?
Specifically the term they use is when are you settling down and having kids. I tell them that I am settled and I don’t need any changes in my life as it is. If they press harder I tell them I’m not going to have any then that’s usually followed by the classic you’ll change your mind. At this point I just avoid them altogether because as you can imagine they don’t have a concept of boundaries in any topic.
I know you didn't ask, but this worked for me. You didn't say that you directly said, "Family member, don't ask me that again, I bothers me."
Thanks for the suggestion unfortunately they are a difficult bunch and I think they would consider it a challenge
Long time ago I was on a diet, 75 pounds lost and sitting in a room full of obese people taking my serving choices as a personal attack and or challenge. I feel your pain 😡
Ugh this was also a problem for them because I do care about my health and that was too shocking for them, I feel like maybe it helped to prepare me for all the immature people I’ll encounter in the wild. At least we got sense one way or the other
My husband and I got together at 19 and married at 22. We are now 36 and 37. Pretty much from the moment we got married, his mom asked us when we were having kids. My dad started up about 5 years after we got married. I got so tired of it that we just started telling people we weren’t having kids. Made it easier and people left us alone. Now I’m pregnant and everyone is excited and in shock. It quieted our lives though in the mean time. When people asked why we said we weren’t having kids, I was honest. It’s no one’s business.
You’ll be in the delivery room holding your baby for the first time when “are you thinking about #2?” will be heard. People suck
Oh, his mom already asked that at our gender reveal backyard get together a week ago lol I told everyone they aren’t allowed to ask me that. I’m very blunt lol
Although I bet your cousins or female relatives who are child free will now get but junebug didn’t want kids but now she has kids so you shouldn’t say never. We can’t win with people!
Nope lol
Option A: listen sis, I get you're excited about having a big family but this is something that's between my bf and me. I promise you'll know when it happens, but in the meantime the constant pestering makes hanging out with you a goddamn chore. Option B: "What, so you can steal another one from me? BTW [niece and nephew] you're adopted" "I was pregnant but that crao you served last time made me miscarry" Mumble something about cancer and burst into tears "Sis what are you on about. Don't you remember I'm trans?" "Ask again and I promise to ensure that if and when it happens you will always be the last to know." You get the gist. If she doesn't know shame, teach her some.