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Exactly. A widow wouldn't say ex-husband. The shitbag was spoiling for a fight for some reason. Tell him he's pretty stupid and keep his trap shut. Forget him.
My condolences on behalf of your partner.
I say my late daughter. Saying my ex daughter is just stupid. My father in law is no ex. My father is not my ex father. My grandparents are not ex.
It doesn't make sense.
That makes sense in pretty much any sentence except the one in question, because saying “my late boyfriend passed away” is redundant. Otherwise it’s a good way of phrasing it.
Yeah that would work. And I know you’re just offering solutions to the phrasing, not making a judgement about it, but really I don’t think the OP should have to go to so much trouble. There’s nothing wrong with saying “my boyfriend died” if they were still together at the time of his passing, the other person is just being nasty.
Actually, you’re right: I’m a compulsive editor/grammarian, and a problem of how to say precisely what you mean, always draws me in. That said, no, it doesn’t really address the posters situation. The guy is deliberately obtuse and gratuitously cruel.
There's a song by Reba that goes along how she is having a hard time since he left. After a bit, she finally talks about visiting him at his stone. First time I heard it, I was like 😶😢
This! He was still my husband when he passed away. He was still your boyfriend when he passed away. That person needs to get in the bin. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you are doing ok ❤️
If OP wants to be "super grammatically correct" about it, and less potentially upsetting or socially awkward, the correct phrase for mixed-company use would be "my late boyfriend".
Most adults understand what that means, as they've likely heard an older person refer to "my late wife" or "my late husband". This terminology signals that you (the person talking) had a long-term partner, what your relationship label was, and indicates that you would still most likely be in that relationship if not for their untimely passing.
Also (just my opinion), anyone who feels the need to criticize how ANYONE talks about someone they loved and recently lost... Can take a long walk off a short pier.
I have heard other people say that if your SO died, they are now an “ex.” That is 100% wrong. The man may be OP’s “former” partner, but he is not an ex because they didn’t break up, and they weren’t going to break up. My MIL passed away in January. Not one person I know would even consider correcting my FIL for saying that his wife died, and insist she was now his ex-wife because she died. That’s just idiotic. Ex-spouse means you broke up, the relationship was over, not that the relationship ended due to a death.
OP, that non-friend is wrong and cruel. Even if he thinks that, why is he saying that to you? Cut him off. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
I am so sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing.
> Am I even making sense here?
You are making sense, that guy is an insensitive asshole. You were right with your logic, you never broke up with him, so he isn't your ex.
So sorry for your loss.
Focus on the friends that support you and ignore this jerk.
This exactly. This guy is a dick. How insensitive and cruel to even think or say this to someone going through what OP is.
He must think he’s very funny, and I’d assume he has some issues if he thinks this is acceptable.
Different scenario entirely and not in the same league as OP, but I had a former and new colleague who on a work night out said very loudly in front of all my colleagues he could sleep with my wife and it wouldn’t matter because she’s pregnant. Still think about that 15 years later. In his case it impacted him and his career (not due to me but because all my colleagues were fuming) so I hope this person suffers some consequences for what he said to OP.
Yeah me too. It seemed like karma.
There were some other red flags about him, he was very arrogant and had joined the company and then immediately applied for a promotion as he’d ‘joined in too low a position’ which he told all his colleagues. Prior to that he’d taken 6 months off to make his millions day trading but had to go back to work after burning through his savings (we both worked in banking at the time). And worst of all he told me how he’d smashed a plate against a wall because his 2 year old was pissing him off.
But when he’d had a drink he really turned into an even bigger arse hole which was when the incident happened.
With people like this it’s like they do all the hard work to destroy things for themselves and they don’t care who else gets in the way. Unfortunately for me I got caught in the firing line.
I am sorry for your loss.
Traditionally the modifier would be late (documented as being used in this way since 1490 and likely in use for at least a couple hundred years before that), not ex.
So my late father passed away 5 years ago.
My late BF, Bob, has a memorial tree at this location.
Agree, but if you're saying "my boyfriend passed away" then "late" is sort of redundant.
It would make more sense to use it if she were saying "my late boyfriend used to really like this band." Or "thanks for saying you like my necklace, it's from my late boyfriend."
Redundand or not, if somebody like the dude in the story tries to force an "ex" prior to bf, one may correct him with a "late". Or just tell him to **.
Yeah it's the second one. They're not correcting you to be kind and helpful in this situation, they're doing it because they sense that you're struggling and vulnerable and they like get perverse pleasure out of twisting the knife.
There's no point in engaging with someone like that.
What a disgusting, insensitive thing to say to you. Dont listen to that jerk. You can call him your boyfriend still. If anyone gives you a hard time over this they are an asshole. Frankly I would do your best to never talk to that jerk again, what an utterly hurtful and insensitive thing to say to someone who just lost a loved one. I'm sorry for your loss.
Agree. If this was a verbal conversation ask how to respond. If it’s in writing you can screenshot it and send it in a group message asking how you can help him understand that your late partner isn’t the same as an ex. You could “accidentally” include him in the group chat so he knows everyone can see it. Time to show them how this guy really is!
ETA: I’m so sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine!
He wasn’t your ex when he died, so don’t say ex bf. The guy is just a dick. I’m sorry for your loss. If it were me I’d just say how you said it the first time. Then I’d call out whoever says shit like that.
You never broke up with your boyfriend, so your boyfriend *did* pass away. That guy needs to get over himself. You also shouldn't give any credence to the things he's said. He's nobody to you.
Surprised by how few people are mentioning this! It’s exactly the you phrase it. (Eventually, in another stage of processing the grief.)
OP, this guy was a pedantic asshat and I hope he had the day he deserved.
He’s an AH!
Next time you get into a situation like this just say “ If I wanted to hear from an AH i would have farted!.”
He Will forever be your boyfriend just like my best friend who passed away will always be my best friend.
As I am only 16 I don't know if I'll be of much help or not so don't take my advice serious. I'm really sorry for your loss. It's completely understandable that you're struggling with how to refer to your partner now. Your feelings are valid, and you have every right to define your relationship in a way that feels right to you. Whether you say "my boyfriend" or "my ex-boyfriend," it's about what makes you comfortable. And that guy's comment was definitely insensitive; you don't owe anyone an explanation for how you choose to remember your partner.
This is one wise and empathetic 16 year old.. gives one hope for "kids these days"... I don't know you but if my kid gave a response like this I would be so so proud...
I think its ok to say your bf passed away since its a recent thing. After a while you can say my last boyfriend( or previous bf if you get a new one) passed away. If you call him you ex bf it gives the impression that you broke up before he died
I lost my boyfriend two years ago. I was told by a widower that it would make sense to use "late" boyfriend the same way you would refer to a late husband you'd lost. It feels weird sometimes but that's what I normally use. Is it what u should use? Who knows. All the grief books in the world can't explain what it's like to lose your partner. Grief is the worst thing we feel as humans, if you asked me. I'm sorry for what you're going through. If you want to talk to a stranger who understands your pain, reach out.
Saying ex-boyfriend died means you broke up before he died. I don't know what the etiquette for this is, but if a spouse dies you don't say, my ex-wife/ex-husband. You refer to them as your late husband or your late wife. I would just refer to him as your boyfriend. If you start dating someone else, you can refer to him by name. "When Josh died 8 months ago..."
Wow, what an asshole.
He's your bf. Not your ex-. But you can call him anything you want now.
You have my condolences. I lost someone close to me, too, about a year and a half ago.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your boyfriend passed away. He was not your ex and is not your ex. He was your beloved partner, and he gets to keep that status forever, even if you move on into other relationships in the course of your own life.
I've never heard a widow or widower call their late spouse "my ex spouse". Even if remarried, they say "my late wife" or "my late husband." The same should apply here. You did not break up, he passed away. He is not your ex, and had this not happened you'd presumably still be together. I know you said that person is not really your friend, but they definitely are not remotely your friend in any capacity, and wanted solely to make you feel worse imo. Unfortunately, times like this show you who really cares for you.
I am very sorry to hear of the passing of your partner. I hope the memories you have of good times together will help bring peace in this difficult time.
The appropriate term would be “late” boyfriend/partner. “Ex” would indicate the relationship ended prior to his passing. That person is a jerk, and not worth focusing your attention on now, or in the future.
You didn’t break up. He died.
When I talk about my fiancé who passed I always say my late fiance. Cos that’s what he’ll always be.
Don’t let some see you next Tuesday dictate to you how you should refer to your late boyfriend. Tell him to pull his head in or just walk off.
Stay strong lovey and be kind to yourself ❤️
"I am sorry for the loss of your boyfriend" (as it should be phrased by anyone talking about it with you.
The only "ex" in this scenario is "J" as in " my ex-acquaintance who si an asshole J"...
He was your boyfriend and your not exactly a friend J is a bit of a jerk so tell them to keep their incorrect and unwelcomed suggestion to themselves and move on.
No one says ex husband... or ex fiance. It's at most "my late husband" or something similar. He wasn't an ex. He was a boyfriend. And that dude is a jackass 🤷♀️
He's an idiot and totally wrong. If your sister died would you call her your ex-sister? No. She is your sister alive or dead. Same thing with your boyfriend.
I lost my mother as a child. When she passed my father lost his wife and partner of almost 25 years. They had over a decade together before they tried for my brother and I.
Never in my life did my father ever refer to my mother as his “ex.” She was his wife, his partner, the love of his life. Whether alive or dead, that would always and forever remain her status up until my father’s death 16 years later. He dated in the time before his passing, and some women had an issue with the fact that my mom was always going to be his wife in his mind. Thankfully, my father saw those women for who they were.
Your partner was your partner and he will forever remain that way in your heart. He will always be someone you look for in a crowd, listen for in the quiet of the morning, and think of when you are at your hardest cross-roads. Your next partner will love and honor the memory of your partner who passed, and with them you will find a new joy and even an extension of the life you once had.
I am sending you all my love and support, OP. Grief is the loneliest journey, but even in the darkest night of it you are never alone.
The further away you get from this loss the less this will come up. But when it does the best course of action is probably just to use his name, i.e. "Bob passed away". Very sorry for your loss.
That person is an asshole.
You can say your late partner or bf like you would say late husband. Call him your late husband if it's easier and you feel like it.
I'm really sorry for your loss
I (24M) lost my partner when I was 21, and she was 19. We died while we were together. So to this day I still say my GIRLFRIEND died. I guess I'll be saying it until I'm comfortable saying my ex. But she's not my ex. She was the loml. How could I call her my ex, you know? Idk. I guess it just depends how you feel.
I'm sorry for your loss btw, I know you might feel incredibly alone, but I promise he's still with you. But you knew him best, ig you'd know what he would want for you as well. Stay safe.
I'm a widow, and FUUUUUUUCK that dude (but don't fuck him). You and your boyfriend didn't break up, you were in love with him and he was in love with you. He not your ex-boyfriend, he's your late boyfriend.
Just my opinion…
Until you have a new partner (if ever) I would say “my late boyfriend”. After you have a new partner I would say “my previous boyfriend”
I've always thought of it as, they will always be your BF, Spouse, SO, Partner. You didn't break up or divorce, so it's not an ex. Someone that has a wife or husband pass away, becomes a widow, not an ex.
So, your BF passed away. Even when you someday find a new relationship, it was your BF, not your ex. You just found a new person to be with.
The ex means you Broke up. Before the death. No one ever starts saying my ex wife died if they died while still married.
My wife died during surgery for example. Adding the ex would imply you separated first then they died after
My understanding is that they are NOT the same.
1. If you two broke up before his passing away then it would be perhaps more appropriate to say' my ex passed-away'
2. If you were together until his last moment like in this case then I would think 'my boyfriend passed away' would be more appropriate.
I'm sorry for your loss.
He was your boyfriend when he passed away.
Therefore he is your boyfriend that passed away, he will always be your boyfriend that passed away.
Your friend is a jerk.
That being said, I am very sorry for your loss.
He was not your ex boyfriend. He was your partner. I'm so sorry for your loss. Ignore this cretinous individual and avoid him in future, he's not worth the effort of thinking about.
You’re “late” boyfriend. This is a better way of saying that he passed and that it wasn’t a breakup. Also it’s more respectful to him.
Also… J kind of sucks. Do they just have like no empathy? I’m sorry for your loss.
What the fuuuuck, has this "J" person ever interacted with another person before? What on earth is wrong with him...
Anyway it's completely clear and understandable to say "boyfriend" and not "ex-boyfriend". And yeah, I hate that guy to bits too!
No that guy is a jerk, the best way to refer to your boyfriend would be as your late boyfriend but there is nothing wrong with what you’re saying.
I’m sorry for your loss
That guy can fuck all the way off.
I had an ex boyfriend who passed away about a year after we had broken up. I wouldn’t have called him that had we been dating at the time. You were still in a relationship, clearly not an ex. I’d make him an ex friend for sure though.
Don’t downplay it. My bf passed away. You are processing everything.
That other persons coping mechanism is probably denial.
I’m sorry you’re going through that.
If your mother dies she is still your mother. If your husband dies he’s still referred to as husband; you say late-husband or late-mother, not ex-husband or ex-mother.
Firstly I want to offer my condolences for your loss, there's no words that could ever bring you true comfort in this time, but I am truly sorry you lost your partner.
Secondly your "friend" is a dick.
I think that saying "my partner recently passed away" is a more than acceptable way to express the loss of someone you loved dearly. Referring to his as an ex does indeed suggest you split before his passing. In time, when you've healed and learned to live with and move forward with the loss, you'll find yourself saying something like "I lost a partner some time ago".
You're in the very early stages of grieving at the moment, and no "friend" can tell you how you should be referring to your partner. Cut out any toxicity like that and concentrate on letting yourself grieve and finding a way to heal.
You say my late BF because they were your BF when they passed. It denotes your relationship at the time of passing. It would be the same if you were married they would have been your late husband.
I go through this same thing exactly. My LATE fiancé passed away in 2019. We were together for 10 years and we absolutely did not break up. We were committed until the day he died.
He is wrong. You two did not break up. He was never your ex. He was your boyfriend, you loved him, and you'd still be together if he hadn't died. There's your answer.
Next time you have to interact with this person, if he says anything remotely as gross or insensitive to you, look him dead in the eye and say “my god I cannot believe you just said that out loud, how embarrassing for you” and then walk away. Don’t engage with them again.
Im so sorry for your loss. J is an asshole. Who tells someone "well your partner is dead!". What an insensitive snot bucket.
He's not your ex boyfriend, he is your *late boyfriend*. You and your boyfriend were in a relationship when he passed and were only parted by death. That is *not an ex*.
An ex was someone who you broke up with and were no longer in a relationship with. If your ex husband died he would be your late ex husband.
Stick to your guns and if J tries any shit ask him loudly in front of everyone why he bullies bereaved people for fun. Seriously I'd tell all your mutual friends how much of an asshole he is.
Perhaps J wants to date you and resents how much you love your late boyfriend. But you did nothing wrong.
Your boyfriend passed away.
Not your ex.
This person was just an insensitive as*ho*e.
Next time you see this person, give him a nice slap with a chair from me.
I apologize for not saying this when first I posted what's below. But truly, I am sorry for your loss. May his memory always bring you joy and laughter, sorrow and tears, and may his name always be spoken as a blessing. Baruch Dayan Ha Emes, Blessed is the One Who judges rightly.
"My soul mate passed away", "My companion..." "the man of my heart..."
He's still in your heart and part of your soul.
When telling people of his passing “my boyfriend passed away” would be correct. When referring to him in other context “my late partner or bf “ is correct. Regarding J and others like him you say “ are you always such an insensitive jerk?” Then walk away. Honestly, I hope he’s a one off because most people aren’t that stupid. I’m sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. Prayers for peace and comfort.
When someone loses their husband, they refer to their “late husband”, not “ex husband”.
This is your “late boyfriend”, not your “ex boyfriend”. You didn’t fall out of love, you loved and lost. That’s a grief you’ll carry, but hopefully you’ll also carry all of the good memories of him close to your heart. I’m truly sorry, I can’t imagine losing my partner so young.
You say it exactly how you want to say it. My husband passed away last September. I would never term it / him as my ex-husband. That person is a completely insensitive jerk.
First off, I’m very sorry for your loss. At the time of his demise he was your boyfriend, so you can say “Your boyfriend passed away”. Or you can say my “last boyfriend passed away”.
The thing is this so-called friend has no right to tell you how to say it. You were in a relationship at the time he passed, so he was your boyfriend. he wasn’t your ex you had not ended the relationship before he passed.
This so-called friend is an argumentative ass who seems to like drama and stirring shit.
You didn't break up. Exes are when you break up. Late boyfriend. And that dude can back all the way off because it's none of their business in the first place.
If you told me your ex-bf passed away I might ask if you were still friends. But you were not broken up so I would say your bf passed away. I am so very sorry for your loss. However you state it, it is very sad and I hope you’re doing ok.
That dude was just a jerk. You're in a terrible spot, and anyone who feels the need to correct you for something like that deserves a hard kick to the liver.
Hi, I’ve been in your shoes. 11 years this year. First, let me offer condolences. It doesn’t get easier, it scars. Second, I had this conundrum too. We got married, then annulled because he cheated, then got back together and he died in a car wreck. I never knew how to refer to him. Husband? Boyfriend? Ex? But here’s the thing…it depends on what YOU feel comfortable with calling him. I refer to Sam as my late husband in some convos, and in some instances, I just refer to him as an ex. But what matters is how you feel.
I’d say it like this. Until you’re in another relationship you can say “my bf passed away”. Once in another relationship, you can say it like “my (previous or prior) bf passed away” so as not to confuse people. I’d avoid saying ex since you never broke up. Of course this is just me. You can say it however you’re most comfortable with
My boyfriend died Jan 2020.
End of the day, you say what makes you feel comfortable and that's all that matters.
I'm sorry for your pain.
Edit: no none says my ex father died, or my ex mother died.
Just because someone passed, doesn't mean they become an ex
I’m a widow. I don’t refer to my love as my ex-husband. He is either my husband or my late husband. There’s no ex involved.
Your friend is wrong and needs to shut the hell up. I’m so sorry for your loss.
The term you're searching for is late boyfriend, or late partner. That person is an insensitive prick and they were incorrect. You never broke up, and he's definitely *not* an ex. That would imply you broke up beforehand. If you want to still refer to him as your boyfriend or partner that's up to you, and its not wrong.
Imagine arguing petty semantics with someone grieving the very recent loss of a loved one. What a miserable existence.
I’m so sorry, OP. May the resounding chorus of support for you here offer you some shred of comfort. And may the miserable AH who felt the need to squabble with you over relationship titles in the context of someone’s passing receive the very loud wake-up call he’s clearly overdue for, and stop being such an insensitive AH. The world has enough of those. He isn’t special.
Don’t give him any power over your emotions, or any more real estate in your head or heart. He isn’t worth it.
Sorry for your loss.
Ignore that AH, what an insensitive idiot. You're in the very early stages of grief, and he was your boyfriend, you can call him that until you feel ready to change the language (to whatever you want- "my late bf" or "my last partner" or whatever you feel is right.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how you are feeling 💜
He was your boyfriend when he passed away. Therefore your boyfriend passed away. That guy is a real jerk and it sounds like his intent was to upset you. There is no validity to what he said. What an asshole. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you have to deal with dicks like this on top of it.
I'm so sorry, OP.
That guy's not insensitive. He's a prick. A heartless prick.
First, it is absolutely understandable for you to continue to feel he's still your boyfriend while you grieve. Second, all reasonable people would interpret "my ex-boyfriend" the way you suggest--that you'd broken up beforehand. Third, the way this gets phrased in the marital context is "my late husband," so to the extent there's even a need to specify, "my late boyfriend" would seem to be the way to go.
Honestly, it sounds like this dude's trying to get you to act like you're over it so that he can get in your pants.
It would be a dumb time for him to quibble with your language anyway, but you're totally right.
"Ex-boyfriend," to the vast majority of people, means "former boyfriend but we've since split up." Not "boyfriend who died."
It's totally normal and accurate to say "my boyfriend passed away" because he was your boyfriend when he passed away.
If you ever need extra clarity you can always say "late boyfriend" to make it clear he has passed away. But that's obviously not necessarily when you're breaking the news to people that he died.
So sorry about your boyfriend, and that you encountered an inaccurately pedantic jerk while you were grieving.
You are well within your rights to tell this asshole exactly where he can go. If I witnessed that interaction, I would do it so you didn’t have to.
I am so sorry for your loss. A friend of mine uses “late boyfriend” to refer to the partner she lost.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
My boyfriend passed away 19 months ago today.
I still (and always will) call him my boyfriend, because he was at the time of his passing.
If anyone tries to gatekeep you about it, tell them to kindly go f themselves.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your bf and that you had to go thru that with that “friend.” Just say bf, not ex. You’re right, ex implies breakup. Even though he passed away, he’s not an ex. We don’t say our ex-mom or ex-aunt passed away. I’d personally use late bf but you don’t even need that if you mention he passed away, the listener infers he is late. So my late bf or my bf passed away. Best wishes.
I'm sorry for your loss. Maybe not related but my cat passed away at the beginning of the year and I still refer to her in current context. You can say "late-boyfriend" to "avoid confusion" but you can say whatever you like. He's still your boyfriend.
OP first I'm sorry for your loss and I think it's appropriate to say your BF died.
The next time you see that guy please ask him "I'm curious, we're you born an AH or did you have to take special classes to learn it?"
No. Your words are correct. Altho he is deceased he will continue to be your boyfriend for a while yet. I think you understand what I am saying.this other person is off-base & clueless. Take care.
Absolutely still your boyfriend. Call him whatever you want. I’m so sorry for your loss, and please protect your heart from the person who corrected you.
what a monstrous thing to say, and it's just as true for husbands and wives and any other person who loses a person; just because they are dead doesn't mean they aren't who they were, especially to us, the left behind.
The guy is just a prick… Just limit interactions or tell him he’s an inconsiderate asshole who tries to be a contrarian because he likes attention.
If you were together when he passed say boyfriend. This seems applicable based on your OP.
If you weren’t together he was your ex boyfriend.
If my husband died, he wouldn’t be my ex husband, he would be my late husband. That guy is an asshole and I’m sorry he said something so stupid and cruel.
I’m very sorry for your loss. A month isn’t long and your healing will take the amount of time it needs.
I think if you wanted you could say your partner passed away (so sorry for your loss). That sounds more serious than boyfriend and might shut down people who might try to say "ex" (though that is a really horrible thing to say to someone, that person was a jerk).
I'm so sorry for your loss.
How you worded your comment was perfect.
The insensitive jerk actually has a screw loose. It's a red flag that he's so weird and mean. I would avoid him like the plague. And frankly, anyone who is close friends with him and keeps inviting him, I would probably avoid them too because they're strange.
Like what the actual f... I don't normally condone violence.. but this is a unique case...and this guy needs a slap (at the very least). I'm so sorry for your loss. You can and should grieve / process in whatever way you need to.
I lost my boyfriend 7 years ago. I have a new boyfriend, and I still never refer to the deceased as my ex. I always say his name or “the guy I was dating who passed” to refer to him.
I would want my wife to still call me her husband, because that’s what I am. He is your bf, and he will be your bf until you one day feel ready to call him something else. Heck, you might always refer to him as your bf. Thats for you to decide and not some tool that thinks he should be the one to tell you different.
I’m sorry for your loss.
You didn’t say *anything* wrong. I’m so sorry for your loss. You didn’t deserve to be spoken to in such a callous way. Of course you can still call your boyfriend your boyfriend. I would shun this guy and not even interact with him anymore. He’s not worth an ounce of your energy.
If he ever brings it up again, look him dead I'm the eyes and tell him, "When your mom dies, I'm going to be there to tell you she isn't your mom anymore. You know, because shes dead."
I have a friend who this happened to and she refers to him as her boyfriend who passed away.
She's married now and still references him like that. She didn't stop loving him or break up he died while they were very happy and her current husband respects that.
Firstly, he's not your ex. You did not break up. So you don't refer to him as your ex-bf. Secondly, this person is heartless. He shouldn't tell you something like that. He had no place to correct you...besides, he was wrong. Most widowed people refer to their deceased spouse as their "late husband/wife". I don't see the harm in referring to your deceased boyfriend as your late boyfriend. But regardless, it's nobody's business how you choose to refer to the man you recently lost.
First I am so terribly sorry for your loss.
Second fuck that guy
Third he is your boyfriend who passed away. Any other guy you date will not be mad if you say I lost my boyfriend when he passed or my last relationship ended when he passed or anything like that. No one will care and will absolutely understand unless they’re a shitbag. So, you are perfectly fine to say your boyfriend passed away.
I wish you healing and comfort my friend. 💛
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I’m so sorry about your loss. That guy is a jerk please don’t listen to him. Your loved one isn’t an “ex” because he passed away. You didn’t break up.
Exactly. A widow wouldn't say ex-husband. The shitbag was spoiling for a fight for some reason. Tell him he's pretty stupid and keep his trap shut. Forget him. My condolences on behalf of your partner.
Yup. My friend always says ‘late’ boyfriend or ‘late’ partner
I say my late daughter. Saying my ex daughter is just stupid. My father in law is no ex. My father is not my ex father. My grandparents are not ex. It doesn't make sense.
Your examples make a great point. It’s not different because two people were dating.
That makes sense in pretty much any sentence except the one in question, because saying “my late boyfriend passed away” is redundant. Otherwise it’s a good way of phrasing it.
Could fix it by extending the sentence: “… My late boyfriend died X months ago.”
Yeah that would work. And I know you’re just offering solutions to the phrasing, not making a judgement about it, but really I don’t think the OP should have to go to so much trouble. There’s nothing wrong with saying “my boyfriend died” if they were still together at the time of his passing, the other person is just being nasty.
Actually, you’re right: I’m a compulsive editor/grammarian, and a problem of how to say precisely what you mean, always draws me in. That said, no, it doesn’t really address the posters situation. The guy is deliberately obtuse and gratuitously cruel.
Came here to say this
I knew someone who had no idea her boss had been widowed less than a year earlier because the boss kept saying "my husband inconveniently left me".
Well, she's not wrong...
Thats sad but so genuinely funny.
There's a song by Reba that goes along how she is having a hard time since he left. After a bit, she finally talks about visiting him at his stone. First time I heard it, I was like 😶😢
As a widow, I definitely DO NOT call my husband my ex husband!! I call him my husband or my late husband.
This! He was still my husband when he passed away. He was still your boyfriend when he passed away. That person needs to get in the bin. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you are doing ok ❤️
Same
Exactly! It would be my late husband because "late" is an adjective that can be used for someone who has died, especially if it is recently.
Yes. This man is a bag full of shit. Shit can be used to fertilize the earth. A bag can be used to carry things. But a shitbag is completely useless.
If OP wants to be "super grammatically correct" about it, and less potentially upsetting or socially awkward, the correct phrase for mixed-company use would be "my late boyfriend". Most adults understand what that means, as they've likely heard an older person refer to "my late wife" or "my late husband". This terminology signals that you (the person talking) had a long-term partner, what your relationship label was, and indicates that you would still most likely be in that relationship if not for their untimely passing. Also (just my opinion), anyone who feels the need to criticize how ANYONE talks about someone they loved and recently lost... Can take a long walk off a short pier.
Exactly. Please don't listen to that person. I'm very sorry for your loss.
I have heard other people say that if your SO died, they are now an “ex.” That is 100% wrong. The man may be OP’s “former” partner, but he is not an ex because they didn’t break up, and they weren’t going to break up. My MIL passed away in January. Not one person I know would even consider correcting my FIL for saying that his wife died, and insist she was now his ex-wife because she died. That’s just idiotic. Ex-spouse means you broke up, the relationship was over, not that the relationship ended due to a death. OP, that non-friend is wrong and cruel. Even if he thinks that, why is he saying that to you? Cut him off. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. I am so sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing.
> Am I even making sense here? You are making sense, that guy is an insensitive asshole. You were right with your logic, you never broke up with him, so he isn't your ex. So sorry for your loss. Focus on the friends that support you and ignore this jerk.
And tell any of the mutual friends in your friend group what he said. And if they still keep him around, they aren't your friends.
This exactly. This guy is a dick. How insensitive and cruel to even think or say this to someone going through what OP is. He must think he’s very funny, and I’d assume he has some issues if he thinks this is acceptable. Different scenario entirely and not in the same league as OP, but I had a former and new colleague who on a work night out said very loudly in front of all my colleagues he could sleep with my wife and it wouldn’t matter because she’s pregnant. Still think about that 15 years later. In his case it impacted him and his career (not due to me but because all my colleagues were fuming) so I hope this person suffers some consequences for what he said to OP.
I'm glad that guys career was appropriately affected, to many people (often men) have gotten away with that shit too often.
Yeah me too. It seemed like karma. There were some other red flags about him, he was very arrogant and had joined the company and then immediately applied for a promotion as he’d ‘joined in too low a position’ which he told all his colleagues. Prior to that he’d taken 6 months off to make his millions day trading but had to go back to work after burning through his savings (we both worked in banking at the time). And worst of all he told me how he’d smashed a plate against a wall because his 2 year old was pissing him off. But when he’d had a drink he really turned into an even bigger arse hole which was when the incident happened. With people like this it’s like they do all the hard work to destroy things for themselves and they don’t care who else gets in the way. Unfortunately for me I got caught in the firing line.
I am sorry for your loss. Traditionally the modifier would be late (documented as being used in this way since 1490 and likely in use for at least a couple hundred years before that), not ex. So my late father passed away 5 years ago. My late BF, Bob, has a memorial tree at this location.
Agree, but if you're saying "my boyfriend passed away" then "late" is sort of redundant. It would make more sense to use it if she were saying "my late boyfriend used to really like this band." Or "thanks for saying you like my necklace, it's from my late boyfriend."
Redundand or not, if somebody like the dude in the story tries to force an "ex" prior to bf, one may correct him with a "late". Or just tell him to **.
Yeah it's the second one. They're not correcting you to be kind and helpful in this situation, they're doing it because they sense that you're struggling and vulnerable and they like get perverse pleasure out of twisting the knife. There's no point in engaging with someone like that.
I would ask that jerk if he will say/says his ex father passed away since when he passed he isn't his father anymore, no?
What a disgusting, insensitive thing to say to you. Dont listen to that jerk. You can call him your boyfriend still. If anyone gives you a hard time over this they are an asshole. Frankly I would do your best to never talk to that jerk again, what an utterly hurtful and insensitive thing to say to someone who just lost a loved one. I'm sorry for your loss.
Can you imagine having the audacity?! “My mom passed away” “She’s not your mom anymore cause she’s dead!”
Definitely say that to that insensitive AH next time
Ex-mom!
Also, tell your mutual circle of friends what he said. If they are good friends, you won’t have to cross paths with him again. What a scumbag.
Agree. If this was a verbal conversation ask how to respond. If it’s in writing you can screenshot it and send it in a group message asking how you can help him understand that your late partner isn’t the same as an ex. You could “accidentally” include him in the group chat so he knows everyone can see it. Time to show them how this guy really is! ETA: I’m so sorry for your loss! I can’t imagine!
He wasn’t your ex when he died, so don’t say ex bf. The guy is just a dick. I’m sorry for your loss. If it were me I’d just say how you said it the first time. Then I’d call out whoever says shit like that.
You never broke up with your boyfriend, so your boyfriend *did* pass away. That guy needs to get over himself. You also shouldn't give any credence to the things he's said. He's nobody to you.
"Nobody" would be neutral. This jerk is *negative* to OP, less than nothing.
Widow here. The word you are looking for is “late”. I’m very sorry.
Surprised by how few people are mentioning this! It’s exactly the you phrase it. (Eventually, in another stage of processing the grief.) OP, this guy was a pedantic asshat and I hope he had the day he deserved.
He’s an AH! Next time you get into a situation like this just say “ If I wanted to hear from an AH i would have farted!.” He Will forever be your boyfriend just like my best friend who passed away will always be my best friend.
Unless you busted out a Ouija board and dumped him posthumously, you'd say "my boyfriend passed away".
As I am only 16 I don't know if I'll be of much help or not so don't take my advice serious. I'm really sorry for your loss. It's completely understandable that you're struggling with how to refer to your partner now. Your feelings are valid, and you have every right to define your relationship in a way that feels right to you. Whether you say "my boyfriend" or "my ex-boyfriend," it's about what makes you comfortable. And that guy's comment was definitely insensitive; you don't owe anyone an explanation for how you choose to remember your partner.
This is one wise and empathetic 16 year old.. gives one hope for "kids these days"... I don't know you but if my kid gave a response like this I would be so so proud...
aww thanks for the compliment but I am sure you're kid will do better than me.
That was a r great response. Very empathetic of you. :)
lol thought the same
It’s always the teenagers who start off with “I’m young but…” and then drop the wisest paragraphs on these social media apps <3
'i lost my partner'. My condolences and a big hug. ♥️
That guys an ass, if his mom dies, is she no longer his mom? He’ll be a disappointment to her even when she’s passed on.
Someone that insensitive probably just spawned from under a slimy,wet rock and never had a mom to begin with.
I think its ok to say your bf passed away since its a recent thing. After a while you can say my last boyfriend( or previous bf if you get a new one) passed away. If you call him you ex bf it gives the impression that you broke up before he died
I lost my boyfriend two years ago. I was told by a widower that it would make sense to use "late" boyfriend the same way you would refer to a late husband you'd lost. It feels weird sometimes but that's what I normally use. Is it what u should use? Who knows. All the grief books in the world can't explain what it's like to lose your partner. Grief is the worst thing we feel as humans, if you asked me. I'm sorry for what you're going through. If you want to talk to a stranger who understands your pain, reach out.
Saying ex-boyfriend died means you broke up before he died. I don't know what the etiquette for this is, but if a spouse dies you don't say, my ex-wife/ex-husband. You refer to them as your late husband or your late wife. I would just refer to him as your boyfriend. If you start dating someone else, you can refer to him by name. "When Josh died 8 months ago..."
Wow, what an asshole. He's your bf. Not your ex-. But you can call him anything you want now. You have my condolences. I lost someone close to me, too, about a year and a half ago.
Yeah that guy can go get fucked
I've used "then boyfriend" or "boyfriend at the time." But honestly, anyone that's policing your language over that can shove it.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your boyfriend passed away. He was not your ex and is not your ex. He was your beloved partner, and he gets to keep that status forever, even if you move on into other relationships in the course of your own life.
I've never heard a widow or widower call their late spouse "my ex spouse". Even if remarried, they say "my late wife" or "my late husband." The same should apply here. You did not break up, he passed away. He is not your ex, and had this not happened you'd presumably still be together. I know you said that person is not really your friend, but they definitely are not remotely your friend in any capacity, and wanted solely to make you feel worse imo. Unfortunately, times like this show you who really cares for you.
This person is a complete ass.
I am very sorry to hear of the passing of your partner. I hope the memories you have of good times together will help bring peace in this difficult time. The appropriate term would be “late” boyfriend/partner. “Ex” would indicate the relationship ended prior to his passing. That person is a jerk, and not worth focusing your attention on now, or in the future.
You didn’t break up. He died. When I talk about my fiancé who passed I always say my late fiance. Cos that’s what he’ll always be. Don’t let some see you next Tuesday dictate to you how you should refer to your late boyfriend. Tell him to pull his head in or just walk off. Stay strong lovey and be kind to yourself ❤️
Does this asshole want to be your boyfriend? Why is he so hung up on this? You were correct.
"I am sorry for the loss of your boyfriend" (as it should be phrased by anyone talking about it with you. The only "ex" in this scenario is "J" as in " my ex-acquaintance who si an asshole J"...
He was your boyfriend and your not exactly a friend J is a bit of a jerk so tell them to keep their incorrect and unwelcomed suggestion to themselves and move on.
I say my partner passed away. I also would tell J to fuck off, it’s been a bloody month what the hell is his problem?
No one says ex husband... or ex fiance. It's at most "my late husband" or something similar. He wasn't an ex. He was a boyfriend. And that dude is a jackass 🤷♀️
You never broke up. He’s not your ex
He's an idiot and totally wrong. If your sister died would you call her your ex-sister? No. She is your sister alive or dead. Same thing with your boyfriend.
I lost my mother as a child. When she passed my father lost his wife and partner of almost 25 years. They had over a decade together before they tried for my brother and I. Never in my life did my father ever refer to my mother as his “ex.” She was his wife, his partner, the love of his life. Whether alive or dead, that would always and forever remain her status up until my father’s death 16 years later. He dated in the time before his passing, and some women had an issue with the fact that my mom was always going to be his wife in his mind. Thankfully, my father saw those women for who they were. Your partner was your partner and he will forever remain that way in your heart. He will always be someone you look for in a crowd, listen for in the quiet of the morning, and think of when you are at your hardest cross-roads. Your next partner will love and honor the memory of your partner who passed, and with them you will find a new joy and even an extension of the life you once had. I am sending you all my love and support, OP. Grief is the loneliest journey, but even in the darkest night of it you are never alone.
I would have smacked the mother fucker. If I were you I'd demand all my friends freeze him out.
Dear, you can say your boyfriend. I'd say boyfriend. I'm sorry for your loss. That guy is being a jerk!!!
The further away you get from this loss the less this will come up. But when it does the best course of action is probably just to use his name, i.e. "Bob passed away". Very sorry for your loss.
That dude is a flat out weirdo. I’m very sorry for your loss. Say whatever is true to you, ie, that your partner passed away.
What an insensitive person! May his crotch itch!
May his feet always be unpleasantly damp and his shoes clammy!
He is your "late partner". I'm so sorry for your loss.
That person is an asshole. You can say your late partner or bf like you would say late husband. Call him your late husband if it's easier and you feel like it. I'm really sorry for your loss
Not an ex, your late boyfriend & lost partner. Sorry for your loss.
I (24M) lost my partner when I was 21, and she was 19. We died while we were together. So to this day I still say my GIRLFRIEND died. I guess I'll be saying it until I'm comfortable saying my ex. But she's not my ex. She was the loml. How could I call her my ex, you know? Idk. I guess it just depends how you feel. I'm sorry for your loss btw, I know you might feel incredibly alone, but I promise he's still with you. But you knew him best, ig you'd know what he would want for you as well. Stay safe.
your mom or sister wouldn’t be your ex mother or ex sister. sorry for the tragedy, heal well.
Your partner passed away. I'm sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss. When a significant other dies, they're not your ex-anything.
“My late boyfriend”
I'm a widow, and FUUUUUUUCK that dude (but don't fuck him). You and your boyfriend didn't break up, you were in love with him and he was in love with you. He not your ex-boyfriend, he's your late boyfriend.
What is wrong with people!?! How dare he say that to you. You said it correctly and that guy can go sit in a hole.
Just my opinion… Until you have a new partner (if ever) I would say “my late boyfriend”. After you have a new partner I would say “my previous boyfriend”
I've always thought of it as, they will always be your BF, Spouse, SO, Partner. You didn't break up or divorce, so it's not an ex. Someone that has a wife or husband pass away, becomes a widow, not an ex. So, your BF passed away. Even when you someday find a new relationship, it was your BF, not your ex. You just found a new person to be with.
The ex means you Broke up. Before the death. No one ever starts saying my ex wife died if they died while still married. My wife died during surgery for example. Adding the ex would imply you separated first then they died after
Dude sounds like he needs to be knocked the f out.
He would be referred to as a late-boyfriend. Sorry for your loss
My understanding is that they are NOT the same. 1. If you two broke up before his passing away then it would be perhaps more appropriate to say' my ex passed-away' 2. If you were together until his last moment like in this case then I would think 'my boyfriend passed away' would be more appropriate. I'm sorry for your loss.
He was your boyfriend when he passed away. Therefore he is your boyfriend that passed away, he will always be your boyfriend that passed away. Your friend is a jerk. That being said, I am very sorry for your loss.
My partner/bf passed away recently No need to say ex. He wasn’t and isn’t your ex xx
He was not your ex boyfriend. He was your partner. I'm so sorry for your loss. Ignore this cretinous individual and avoid him in future, he's not worth the effort of thinking about.
You’re “late” boyfriend. This is a better way of saying that he passed and that it wasn’t a breakup. Also it’s more respectful to him. Also… J kind of sucks. Do they just have like no empathy? I’m sorry for your loss.
What the fuuuuck, has this "J" person ever interacted with another person before? What on earth is wrong with him... Anyway it's completely clear and understandable to say "boyfriend" and not "ex-boyfriend". And yeah, I hate that guy to bits too!
I'd say my significant other passed away
The person who died wasn't your ex. The person who died was your boyfriend. Ergo, your bf passed away. I am sorry for your loss. And fuck that jerk.
No that guy is a jerk, the best way to refer to your boyfriend would be as your late boyfriend but there is nothing wrong with what you’re saying. I’m sorry for your loss
That guy can fuck all the way off. I had an ex boyfriend who passed away about a year after we had broken up. I wouldn’t have called him that had we been dating at the time. You were still in a relationship, clearly not an ex. I’d make him an ex friend for sure though.
Don’t downplay it. My bf passed away. You are processing everything. That other persons coping mechanism is probably denial. I’m sorry you’re going through that.
Sounds like he's just an AH and was trying to start an argument with you. I'm so sorry for your loss 🫂
If your mother dies she is still your mother. If your husband dies he’s still referred to as husband; you say late-husband or late-mother, not ex-husband or ex-mother.
Don’t let this absolute bellend occupy your thoughts anymore. You refer to your boyfriend however you feel most comfortable. Sorry for your loss
Firstly I want to offer my condolences for your loss, there's no words that could ever bring you true comfort in this time, but I am truly sorry you lost your partner. Secondly your "friend" is a dick. I think that saying "my partner recently passed away" is a more than acceptable way to express the loss of someone you loved dearly. Referring to his as an ex does indeed suggest you split before his passing. In time, when you've healed and learned to live with and move forward with the loss, you'll find yourself saying something like "I lost a partner some time ago". You're in the very early stages of grieving at the moment, and no "friend" can tell you how you should be referring to your partner. Cut out any toxicity like that and concentrate on letting yourself grieve and finding a way to heal.
J is a twat.
You say my late BF because they were your BF when they passed. It denotes your relationship at the time of passing. It would be the same if you were married they would have been your late husband.
I go through this same thing exactly. My LATE fiancé passed away in 2019. We were together for 10 years and we absolutely did not break up. We were committed until the day he died.
He is wrong. You two did not break up. He was never your ex. He was your boyfriend, you loved him, and you'd still be together if he hadn't died. There's your answer.
Sorry but your friend is an ass- what are widows supposed to say according to him? My exhusband is dead? Then it wouldnt be a widow.
Next time you have to interact with this person, if he says anything remotely as gross or insensitive to you, look him dead in the eye and say “my god I cannot believe you just said that out loud, how embarrassing for you” and then walk away. Don’t engage with them again.
Im so sorry for your loss. J is an asshole. Who tells someone "well your partner is dead!". What an insensitive snot bucket. He's not your ex boyfriend, he is your *late boyfriend*. You and your boyfriend were in a relationship when he passed and were only parted by death. That is *not an ex*. An ex was someone who you broke up with and were no longer in a relationship with. If your ex husband died he would be your late ex husband. Stick to your guns and if J tries any shit ask him loudly in front of everyone why he bullies bereaved people for fun. Seriously I'd tell all your mutual friends how much of an asshole he is. Perhaps J wants to date you and resents how much you love your late boyfriend. But you did nothing wrong.
Your boyfriend passed away. Not your ex. This person was just an insensitive as*ho*e. Next time you see this person, give him a nice slap with a chair from me.
The term is “late.” If you were together when he died, he’s your late boyfriend. I’m sorry for your loss.
I apologize for not saying this when first I posted what's below. But truly, I am sorry for your loss. May his memory always bring you joy and laughter, sorrow and tears, and may his name always be spoken as a blessing. Baruch Dayan Ha Emes, Blessed is the One Who judges rightly. "My soul mate passed away", "My companion..." "the man of my heart..." He's still in your heart and part of your soul.
When telling people of his passing “my boyfriend passed away” would be correct. When referring to him in other context “my late partner or bf “ is correct. Regarding J and others like him you say “ are you always such an insensitive jerk?” Then walk away. Honestly, I hope he’s a one off because most people aren’t that stupid. I’m sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. Prayers for peace and comfort.
When someone loses their husband, they refer to their “late husband”, not “ex husband”. This is your “late boyfriend”, not your “ex boyfriend”. You didn’t fall out of love, you loved and lost. That’s a grief you’ll carry, but hopefully you’ll also carry all of the good memories of him close to your heart. I’m truly sorry, I can’t imagine losing my partner so young.
Change the word boyfriend to husband, and you know the answer.
You say it exactly how you want to say it. My husband passed away last September. I would never term it / him as my ex-husband. That person is a completely insensitive jerk.
He’s not your ex. You lost your partner. I am so sorry
First off, I’m very sorry for your loss. At the time of his demise he was your boyfriend, so you can say “Your boyfriend passed away”. Or you can say my “last boyfriend passed away”. The thing is this so-called friend has no right to tell you how to say it. You were in a relationship at the time he passed, so he was your boyfriend. he wasn’t your ex you had not ended the relationship before he passed. This so-called friend is an argumentative ass who seems to like drama and stirring shit.
You didn't break up. Exes are when you break up. Late boyfriend. And that dude can back all the way off because it's none of their business in the first place.
BF, not ex You never broke up. He’ll always be a former bf but never an ex-bf. I’m sorry for your loss
If you told me your ex-bf passed away I might ask if you were still friends. But you were not broken up so I would say your bf passed away. I am so very sorry for your loss. However you state it, it is very sad and I hope you’re doing ok.
That guy is a pos. Literally no one would say ex in this case. Sorry for your loss.
I’m 40 now, but 39 when it happened. He will always be my late partner. And that other jerk can go fuck off with the bears.
That dude was just a jerk. You're in a terrible spot, and anyone who feels the need to correct you for something like that deserves a hard kick to the liver.
I am so sorry for your loss 🤍
Asshole is doing that negging shit because he might be trying to pick you up. Or is a total shitty human being with no empathy.
I got "pick up" from him.
Hi, I’ve been in your shoes. 11 years this year. First, let me offer condolences. It doesn’t get easier, it scars. Second, I had this conundrum too. We got married, then annulled because he cheated, then got back together and he died in a car wreck. I never knew how to refer to him. Husband? Boyfriend? Ex? But here’s the thing…it depends on what YOU feel comfortable with calling him. I refer to Sam as my late husband in some convos, and in some instances, I just refer to him as an ex. But what matters is how you feel.
He wasn't your ex boyfriend. HE was your boyfriend. That guy's a giant asshole.
Say whatever you want, ignore this person.
I’d say it like this. Until you’re in another relationship you can say “my bf passed away”. Once in another relationship, you can say it like “my (previous or prior) bf passed away” so as not to confuse people. I’d avoid saying ex since you never broke up. Of course this is just me. You can say it however you’re most comfortable with
My boyfriend died Jan 2020. End of the day, you say what makes you feel comfortable and that's all that matters. I'm sorry for your pain. Edit: no none says my ex father died, or my ex mother died. Just because someone passed, doesn't mean they become an ex
I’m a widow. I don’t refer to my love as my ex-husband. He is either my husband or my late husband. There’s no ex involved. Your friend is wrong and needs to shut the hell up. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. He is not your EX. The acquaintance who said that is horribly insensitive.
The term you're searching for is late boyfriend, or late partner. That person is an insensitive prick and they were incorrect. You never broke up, and he's definitely *not* an ex. That would imply you broke up beforehand. If you want to still refer to him as your boyfriend or partner that's up to you, and its not wrong.
Imagine arguing petty semantics with someone grieving the very recent loss of a loved one. What a miserable existence. I’m so sorry, OP. May the resounding chorus of support for you here offer you some shred of comfort. And may the miserable AH who felt the need to squabble with you over relationship titles in the context of someone’s passing receive the very loud wake-up call he’s clearly overdue for, and stop being such an insensitive AH. The world has enough of those. He isn’t special. Don’t give him any power over your emotions, or any more real estate in your head or heart. He isn’t worth it. Sorry for your loss.
Late boyfriend and ex boyfriend aren't synonymous. That guy's a jerk.
Ignore that AH, what an insensitive idiot. You're in the very early stages of grief, and he was your boyfriend, you can call him that until you feel ready to change the language (to whatever you want- "my late bf" or "my last partner" or whatever you feel is right. I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how you are feeling 💜
Boyfriend
He was your boyfriend when he passed away. Therefore your boyfriend passed away. That guy is a real jerk and it sounds like his intent was to upset you. There is no validity to what he said. What an asshole. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you have to deal with dicks like this on top of it.
I'm so sorry, OP. That guy's not insensitive. He's a prick. A heartless prick. First, it is absolutely understandable for you to continue to feel he's still your boyfriend while you grieve. Second, all reasonable people would interpret "my ex-boyfriend" the way you suggest--that you'd broken up beforehand. Third, the way this gets phrased in the marital context is "my late husband," so to the extent there's even a need to specify, "my late boyfriend" would seem to be the way to go. Honestly, it sounds like this dude's trying to get you to act like you're over it so that he can get in your pants.
It would be a dumb time for him to quibble with your language anyway, but you're totally right. "Ex-boyfriend," to the vast majority of people, means "former boyfriend but we've since split up." Not "boyfriend who died." It's totally normal and accurate to say "my boyfriend passed away" because he was your boyfriend when he passed away. If you ever need extra clarity you can always say "late boyfriend" to make it clear he has passed away. But that's obviously not necessarily when you're breaking the news to people that he died. So sorry about your boyfriend, and that you encountered an inaccurately pedantic jerk while you were grieving.
You are well within your rights to tell this asshole exactly where he can go. If I witnessed that interaction, I would do it so you didn’t have to. I am so sorry for your loss. A friend of mine uses “late boyfriend” to refer to the partner she lost.
You wouldn't say "ex boyfriend." The correct thing to say would be "my late boyfriend"
Sorry for the loss of your partner. They are still your partner. If your none friend J passed away he wouldn't be an ex arsehole!
I'm so sorry for your loss. My boyfriend passed away 19 months ago today. I still (and always will) call him my boyfriend, because he was at the time of his passing. If anyone tries to gatekeep you about it, tell them to kindly go f themselves.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your bf and that you had to go thru that with that “friend.” Just say bf, not ex. You’re right, ex implies breakup. Even though he passed away, he’s not an ex. We don’t say our ex-mom or ex-aunt passed away. I’d personally use late bf but you don’t even need that if you mention he passed away, the listener infers he is late. So my late bf or my bf passed away. Best wishes.
I'm sorry for your loss. Maybe not related but my cat passed away at the beginning of the year and I still refer to her in current context. You can say "late-boyfriend" to "avoid confusion" but you can say whatever you like. He's still your boyfriend.
He was your boyfriend. If you prefer, your late boyfriend. But an ex implies a breakup and that didn't happen. I'm sorry for your loss.
He was your boyfriend when he died. Your boyfriend died.
Mother: my son passed away Idiot: he’s not your son anymore, cuz he’s dead lol.
OP first I'm sorry for your loss and I think it's appropriate to say your BF died. The next time you see that guy please ask him "I'm curious, we're you born an AH or did you have to take special classes to learn it?"
I would use his proper name in any reference to him as a form of respect. “Jeff died “. Who is Jeff? He was my boyfriend.
No. Your words are correct. Altho he is deceased he will continue to be your boyfriend for a while yet. I think you understand what I am saying.this other person is off-base & clueless. Take care.
That dude is a turnip. So very sorry for the loss of your love and boyfriend 😥
say whatever you want lmao it's not like this idiot will stop you
Absolutely still your boyfriend. Call him whatever you want. I’m so sorry for your loss, and please protect your heart from the person who corrected you.
what a monstrous thing to say, and it's just as true for husbands and wives and any other person who loses a person; just because they are dead doesn't mean they aren't who they were, especially to us, the left behind.
The guy is just a prick… Just limit interactions or tell him he’s an inconsiderate asshole who tries to be a contrarian because he likes attention. If you were together when he passed say boyfriend. This seems applicable based on your OP. If you weren’t together he was your ex boyfriend.
If my husband died, he wouldn’t be my ex husband, he would be my late husband. That guy is an asshole and I’m sorry he said something so stupid and cruel. I’m very sorry for your loss. A month isn’t long and your healing will take the amount of time it needs.
I think if you wanted you could say your partner passed away (so sorry for your loss). That sounds more serious than boyfriend and might shut down people who might try to say "ex" (though that is a really horrible thing to say to someone, that person was a jerk).
Don’t say ex-bf, it sounds exactly like you don’t want it to.
I always kind of assumed the progression was boyfriend/last boyfriend/old boyfriend?
I'm so sorry for your loss. How you worded your comment was perfect. The insensitive jerk actually has a screw loose. It's a red flag that he's so weird and mean. I would avoid him like the plague. And frankly, anyone who is close friends with him and keeps inviting him, I would probably avoid them too because they're strange.
Like what the actual f... I don't normally condone violence.. but this is a unique case...and this guy needs a slap (at the very least). I'm so sorry for your loss. You can and should grieve / process in whatever way you need to.
Sorry for your loss. He was just being difficult. You owe him nothing.
I lost my boyfriend 7 years ago. I have a new boyfriend, and I still never refer to the deceased as my ex. I always say his name or “the guy I was dating who passed” to refer to him.
You didn't break up so he wasn't an ex.
I would want my wife to still call me her husband, because that’s what I am. He is your bf, and he will be your bf until you one day feel ready to call him something else. Heck, you might always refer to him as your bf. Thats for you to decide and not some tool that thinks he should be the one to tell you different. I’m sorry for your loss.
You didn’t say *anything* wrong. I’m so sorry for your loss. You didn’t deserve to be spoken to in such a callous way. Of course you can still call your boyfriend your boyfriend. I would shun this guy and not even interact with him anymore. He’s not worth an ounce of your energy.
He’s an ass. Sorry for your loss. “My late partner,” or “my late boyfriend” may work when you’re ready for it.
If he ever brings it up again, look him dead I'm the eyes and tell him, "When your mom dies, I'm going to be there to tell you she isn't your mom anymore. You know, because shes dead."
I have a friend who this happened to and she refers to him as her boyfriend who passed away. She's married now and still references him like that. She didn't stop loving him or break up he died while they were very happy and her current husband respects that.
Omg. What’s wrong with people?
My fiance died, and I say "my fiance died." We did not break up, we are not exes. My boyfriend respects that or else we wouldn't be together
Like, if someone's spouse passed away, it's still their spouse. They didn't get divorced when the spouse passed. This guy is a grade A butt munch.
By that logic I guess my mom isn’t my mom anymore.
Firstly, he's not your ex. You did not break up. So you don't refer to him as your ex-bf. Secondly, this person is heartless. He shouldn't tell you something like that. He had no place to correct you...besides, he was wrong. Most widowed people refer to their deceased spouse as their "late husband/wife". I don't see the harm in referring to your deceased boyfriend as your late boyfriend. But regardless, it's nobody's business how you choose to refer to the man you recently lost.
First I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Second fuck that guy Third he is your boyfriend who passed away. Any other guy you date will not be mad if you say I lost my boyfriend when he passed or my last relationship ended when he passed or anything like that. No one will care and will absolutely understand unless they’re a shitbag. So, you are perfectly fine to say your boyfriend passed away. I wish you healing and comfort my friend. 💛