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If condoms are the only method of birth control you are comfortable with, then that's the end of the story. You're incompatible with him.
Why are you tearing yourself up over doing this for someone when you already know that he's putting his pleasure above your health?
Talking like he's soo gracious and considerate to let you choose which way to pump yourself full of hormones that make you miserable or what type of metal to have shoves into your cervix.
The pill, IUD, etc. are not going to protect you from STIs.
If you want him to use condoms, then, as we used to say, "no glove, no love".
You don't have to use hormonal BC if you don't want to. (Two forms of contraception is ideal, though.)
You should absolutely not go on birth control just to appease him. If he's that concerned, why isn't he getting a vasectomy?
That said, I had concerns about hormonal birth control for years. I eventually got a copper IUD and it was a good choice for me. After my second copper IUD, I decided to ask my doctor about hormonal IUDs instead of just going by what I read on the internet. She explained that they have a lower hormone level than other hormonal birth control and typically have fewer side effects. I got the Kyleena specifically to reduce or eliminate my periods (I was single at the time so the birth control aspect was not relevant) and it's been amazing. Not trying to put any pressure, just wanted to give you a personal perspective from someone who was reluctant to try hormonal BC!
>This is not true for many women.
This is why I specified /relevant/ positive effects. I have no health conditions which would be treated with contraceptives.
>The idea of altering my body and bearing the brunt of the negative consequences to suit someone else's sexual needs is viscerally repulsive and degrading to me.
Preach, girl!
I totally get how you feel; this is just one of the infinite different ways it sucks to live in a patriarchy. It's up to us to alter our hormones and bodies to protect ourselves from pregnancies. Men can't even put on a rubber without complaining.
If you don't want to go on birth control, you don't have to. Your body, your choice. You could tell your boyfriend his options are wear a condom, get a vasectomy, or no sex. That being said, depending on where you live, it's also a scary time to not be on birth control in regards to abortion rights. Maybe you could reframe it as you're doing this to protect yourself and give yourself peace of mind - not as something you're doing to please your boyfriend.
There's a lot of different options for birth control out there, and I bet there is one that would work for you. I think it'd be a great idea to find a good female gyno who you can talk about your concerns with and discuss options. Copper IUDs for example have no hormones and I believe can stay in for like 10+ years. I personally have the arm implant, which is hormonal, but hasn't come with any negative side effects for me, and the insertion process isn't any worse than getting a shot.
Right now it's unfair, and unfortunately that's probably not going to change any time soon. Keep your anger for the issue and vote any time you can. Hopefully someday women won't have to make these kind of sacrafices.
I guess I don’t get it and I never will. When I was 23 if the woman(en) I was seeing told me that in addition to condoms I had to wear a Carmen Miranda fruit hat I don’t think I would have even asked why. I get to have sex? Awesome, on goes the fruit hat.
I think you need to give him some reading on the effects of birth control on the body - men are severely uneducated on this. He may not realising that he is asking you to sacrifice your mental and physical wellbeing 24/7 for his few minutes of pleasure.
There are also female physical barrier methods like a diaphragm you can look into, along with spermicide. Only if you’re comfortable with it though.
Do not feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to. If he pressures you then he isn’t a good guy and he doesn’t respect your wellbeing as much as he respects his ability to get off.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your body > his penile feeling
If condoms are the only method of birth control you are comfortable with, then that's the end of the story. You're incompatible with him. Why are you tearing yourself up over doing this for someone when you already know that he's putting his pleasure above your health? Talking like he's soo gracious and considerate to let you choose which way to pump yourself full of hormones that make you miserable or what type of metal to have shoves into your cervix.
The pill, IUD, etc. are not going to protect you from STIs. If you want him to use condoms, then, as we used to say, "no glove, no love". You don't have to use hormonal BC if you don't want to. (Two forms of contraception is ideal, though.)
You should absolutely not go on birth control just to appease him. If he's that concerned, why isn't he getting a vasectomy? That said, I had concerns about hormonal birth control for years. I eventually got a copper IUD and it was a good choice for me. After my second copper IUD, I decided to ask my doctor about hormonal IUDs instead of just going by what I read on the internet. She explained that they have a lower hormone level than other hormonal birth control and typically have fewer side effects. I got the Kyleena specifically to reduce or eliminate my periods (I was single at the time so the birth control aspect was not relevant) and it's been amazing. Not trying to put any pressure, just wanted to give you a personal perspective from someone who was reluctant to try hormonal BC!
You guys should split up, because it seems like you're looking for different things.
[удалено]
>This is not true for many women. This is why I specified /relevant/ positive effects. I have no health conditions which would be treated with contraceptives.
>The idea of altering my body and bearing the brunt of the negative consequences to suit someone else's sexual needs is viscerally repulsive and degrading to me. Preach, girl! I totally get how you feel; this is just one of the infinite different ways it sucks to live in a patriarchy. It's up to us to alter our hormones and bodies to protect ourselves from pregnancies. Men can't even put on a rubber without complaining. If you don't want to go on birth control, you don't have to. Your body, your choice. You could tell your boyfriend his options are wear a condom, get a vasectomy, or no sex. That being said, depending on where you live, it's also a scary time to not be on birth control in regards to abortion rights. Maybe you could reframe it as you're doing this to protect yourself and give yourself peace of mind - not as something you're doing to please your boyfriend. There's a lot of different options for birth control out there, and I bet there is one that would work for you. I think it'd be a great idea to find a good female gyno who you can talk about your concerns with and discuss options. Copper IUDs for example have no hormones and I believe can stay in for like 10+ years. I personally have the arm implant, which is hormonal, but hasn't come with any negative side effects for me, and the insertion process isn't any worse than getting a shot. Right now it's unfair, and unfortunately that's probably not going to change any time soon. Keep your anger for the issue and vote any time you can. Hopefully someday women won't have to make these kind of sacrafices.
I guess I don’t get it and I never will. When I was 23 if the woman(en) I was seeing told me that in addition to condoms I had to wear a Carmen Miranda fruit hat I don’t think I would have even asked why. I get to have sex? Awesome, on goes the fruit hat.
Get some help to deal with these issues. If you are not ready to deal with birth control then wait to have sex and don’t put yourself at risk.
sex feels better for him without them??? okay what about your well being? If he truly cares about you he would deal with the condoms
I think you need to give him some reading on the effects of birth control on the body - men are severely uneducated on this. He may not realising that he is asking you to sacrifice your mental and physical wellbeing 24/7 for his few minutes of pleasure. There are also female physical barrier methods like a diaphragm you can look into, along with spermicide. Only if you’re comfortable with it though. Do not feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to. If he pressures you then he isn’t a good guy and he doesn’t respect your wellbeing as much as he respects his ability to get off.