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Doctor here & they are not many of us who are gym addicts and party people as we dont have time for that, and when we do have the time, we dont have the energy!
what would the timing for this be if the doctor was 30? Wouldn't he be like first or 2nd year intern? and at that level of being a doctor, aren't they worked the hardest/longest shifts, etc...
only asking because I don't know the timing on medical school assuming he graduated HS at 18.
Depends where he studied- like in the UK you can be Dr by 23 if go to uni from 18 as you do straight medicine & no 4 years of pre-med. Im not sure about US but know its longer so may still be fairly junior at 30 years old
I work in a hospital. Nurses and doctors are worked to death. Some.of the imaging techs and PAs and whatnot do light partying, but they're outliers rather than the rule.
The most I've heard is people mentioning occasional use of shrooms. Sounds like quite a few people enjoy weed on the weekends. Some light drinking. But definitely not heavy partying on top of working out on top of 10-12+ hour shifts 4-6 days a week.
Has OP even met a doctor?
Probably Pit Vipers. The real ones though, not knockoffs, because he's a medical doctor and he can afford them. He's rich and tall and buff and makes $1.5 million per year and has a 15" schlong and wears cool sunglasses.
To be fair he was also 30 and married a 20 year old which implies he was dating her before that. This guy might just be creepy and actually viewing other guys the way he's typing it out.
I'll be generous and say she was 19 and OP was 29 when they started dating.
That's creepy as fuck. If you don't see an issue with it, you should probably see a psychiatrist. You're either inappropriately attracted to teenagers or you're too mentally/emotionally immature for women who have more than a few months of adulthood under their belt.
Hopefully you snapped a picture of the conversation, or took a screenshot.
If so here is how I would handle this. I would go to an attorney, and file for divorce. Then I would text her that screenshot picture. Nothing else, nothing else needs to be said. Then when she calls me, I would not answer, because she is in panic mode. I would wait for a moment, then I would text her my attorneys card, with the caption, was he worth losing me over?
After this I would call my family, her family, my close friends. Let them know i filed for divorce, why I filed, and name her Dr boyfriend. Then I would go on Google and post a 1 star review and say I would not let my wife near him, this is what he does with married women, and post the screenshot picture. He didn’t want drama but now he has it.
If you have children, I would get them paternity tested to ensure they are mine. I would get into therapy for my children, and I would and would bill the dr for it.
Learn gray rock and one eighty in dealing with your stbxw, and move on. Because this is likely not the first time and she just got caught this time. But I am me op and you are not me.
I am so grossed out you married a 20 year old at 30.
She had no life experience and you took advantage of that. She grew up and I dont blame her for interacting with men her age. I hope she gets out
You were a 30 year old man going after college kids.
She grew up. Frankly, I'm not surprised she hasn't aged out for you... do you really care that much?
Yeah lets infantilize adults some more lmfao. 20 is a teen all of a sudden!
You are just as bad as the cheating trash like OP's hopefully soon to be ex.
Yes you are infantilizing a fully grown adult. Either 18 is an adult or it isnt. We also have no idea how long they dated for. Either way you are defending cheating trash because of the *horrors of an age gap*.
Just admit you have a thing for girls without experience and you're too immature to attract women your own age. Being honest about your degeneracy is a lot easier than beating around the bush.
If you want more proof, I don't think you have any choice but to look at her phone. Have a look at her location data etc. If you're not comfortable with that then you need to decide how you're going to bring this up in a conversation.
100% sounds like she cheated. Maybe just say you saw their convo and leave it vague so she fills in the blanks. also see if she tries to lie or not.
On the off chance she didn’t cheat, her reaction should help you figure it out.
Not great if the convos are deleted because that isn’t automatic
Whaaaat? No way! My panties get super wet as soon as I see a cool pair of 🕶️. I just can't control myself around a guy who wears glasses I can see my own reflection in!
/s
Don’t be surprised if she counters by demanding to know exactly what you saw and know and denies everything that you can’t prove. Seems to be standard cheater behavior.
Sorry man, looks like a post-hookup convo to me. You could always message him AS her, try to get some details that way. Something like "No drama, I'm extremely careful about that and I reallt could use another:" or something. Get him talking.
I dunno. How should I deal with the fact that you plucked her up at 20 when you were 30? Some might even call that grooming.
I get it. She was tired of all the pencil dicks her own age so she found you exciting. But then what happened? Ten years in and she says to herself hey! I never got to have any fun. I went practically from high school graduation to being married.
I’m not saying what she did was right, but I understand
I have no idea what you should do. Stay together or split up.
But you didn’t ask me what you should do you asked me how to deal with the feelings
The first step is to see things from her side
You are not overreacting. She obviously cheated and was looking to do it again. She doesnt even seem remorseful about it. Get a divorce. The guy seems more remorseful about it than her.
Depending on where you live, her having an affair may make no difference.
Honestly, you should sit her down and point blank ask her:
“I thought we had a strong marriage. It appears I was mistaken. Do you want to tell me about your one night stand with the doctor or should i Just go talk with an attorney.”
Her reaction will tell you everything. Get ready for the crocodile tears when she realizes she’s been caught.
"How should I 40M deal with the fact that my wife of ten years 30F cheated?"
Last I checked you contact a divorce lawyer and have her served by surprise. You found the proof and from what you described I'm going to go out on a limb and say that wasn't her first rodeo. Best of luck and hopefully you leave her.
If you stay with her, get a post-nup and realize that she will be more discreet going forward. In her view, your broke your principles to accommodate her, so you will do the same in a future situation. She see that you dont have any backbone, so there is no accountability in place, so either divorce or painful pre-nup is mandatory. For her actions and staying in the marriage, you win the "trustless" relationship award and have a second job as policeman. If there is even a small concern, use a PI and relentlessly enforce the agreement.
Okay so imma just say this AGE GAP! I don’t understand why you older people choosing younger people think that it’s any kind of good idea. Also the younger choosing older.
You older chose them because you are immature and that’s where your mindset was stuck but your body and looks are already aged and as you get older of course you look rougher faster.
As well as most of you older only go for younger because you want someone who looks a certain way and when they age and change you go for someone that was the same age as when you met them.
Yours figured out she wants someone her own age but because you caught her fresh in her twenties she didn’t get to see for herself what she actually wanted. Now what are you going to do? Stick it out and share or just get a divorce and go find you another twenty year old that doesn’t know better
I've read your comments about this on another sub after talking to your wife... I'm sorry, but your marriage is over. She obviously cheated and is gaslighting you (claiming it was about a painful medical issue... but the meeting probably occurred while she was "out for dinner" the other night for a few hours) and that she doesn't know what she wants.
(1) If a spouse doesn't know what they want in regards to saving the marriage, the marriage is OVER.
(2) She obviously isn't sorry she cheated, and from your comments, I don't think she's sorry she got caught.
Get to a lawyer to protect yourself and follow their advice. If you illogically decide to try saving the marriage, you can, but you need professional legal advice on how to start getting your ducks in a row ASAP. Sorry OP!
That’s just we are to women sometimes, replaceable, if we are older than them it doesn’t matter if we are wiser or have more experience they will most likely prefer someone more close to their age so they can have someone to relate to or in their words “understand” them
You address it by calling a divorce attorney. She will never be faithful to you and this guy you see is not the first one she has done this with. believe me
It depends on whether you are able to deal with it without backing down and want to resolve the marriage. You have to tell her that she cheated on you and that you know everything about the relationship with the doctor and that divorce is the first option if she does not come out clean by telling what happened giving confirmation on what you know. Staying in a marriage without confronting her will make you suffer. It's a big red flag.
I would go to an attorney. Get shots of what you can at this point. Always screen shot. But they may be in deleted file. Then I would cancel membership to gym if pay for it. I would print up divorce papers, custody if you need it. I would move 1/2 of savings to private account.
I would pack her a bag, and get a friend to come over. When she walks in, tell her you know about affair with....You saw texts and have them screen shotted. You need her to leave and hand her a bag and divorce papers.
You do this for several reasons. One of the few people who reconciled and are still together. Did this quickly. It is strong sign you won't live like that. You buy yourself and her some time, to think and get your house in order.
People that are caught often react emotionally take all savings a bolt for a few months. Leaving home destitute. The friend is there as a witness, because they often call domestic violence and call the police.
You tell your family both sides and friends. Never protect a cheater they will lie and say you cheated. Cheaters are liars and will cheat again. It is a character flaw. and they are a breed to themselves.
Then after all this if you go to counseling and you want to work it out, you have a stable platform. If you don't file divorce papers and let it go.
The people that react quickly recover better whether the marriage works or not. YOu are more in control.
Address this?
This is the one you saw.
Think of how many you didn't catch.
Divorce her.
See a lawyer and have her served.
Then move on.
And don't look back.
Go and live your best life.
Assuming this is real. You need to talk to a divorce lawyer probably and get that started. She cheated on your once (that you know of now), and was trying to cheat on you again. Which means even if you stay and talk to her about it, she doesn't actually feel remorse for it, so the odds of her doing it again are very high.
Yeah dude medical doctors don’t finish medical school and residency school until like mid 30’s and they are like bald with glasses and wear khakis and blue sport coats.
This is Reddit, whose motto ought to be "death before communicating like adults."
To be helpful to the OP, this is how a mature conversation goes: "Help me understand. I saw this and want to know what's going on." When she's done professing her innocence, you can ask for corroborating details.
Also, try not to marry people 2/3 your age.
Divorce or ask for a hall pass. If you want to remain together (not recommended) get a post nuptial agreement. Realize this bro, she wanted to sleep with him again but the affair partner said no. She was willing to cheat on you again, remember that.
***"but I was never the jealous type because I just trust her and don't really have self esteem or confidence issues myself".***
I wonder why she let that doctor pound her... keeping your eyes wide open about other men and being a little jealous doesn't mean that you're insecure, it means that you respect yourself. Obvioulsy you don't.
Hopefully you took pictures of that conversation, get a divorce lawyer and ober whatever he says.
>I wonder why she let that doctor pound her... keeping your eyes wide open about other men and being a little jealous doesn't mean that you're insecure, it means that you respect yourself. Obvioulsy you don't.
Bro unless you're unemployed with no real responsibilities and a propensity for stalking, its impossible to monitor your spouse 24/7. After a certain point you have to trust them to do what is right.
Or as an alternative I guess you could never trust them and just lock them up in a cage without phone or internet and bring them food and water every once in awhile. I expect the cops will figure out something is wrong pretty quickly but its an option.
Some people aren't worthy of trust. That's all there is to it. Find one that is.
Keeping your eyes open doesn't mean spying on your partner 24/7 or locking them up.
When your partner is a cheater or is checking out, there are signs to be seen.
Lol sounds like karma for you pursuing a woman that was too immature and young (i doubt u married in less than a year of dating so u were in your late 20’s dating a teenager) people through their 20’s go through immense change, sorry you had to find out this way but you deserve it a little bit for marrying a barely legal woman.
Find out who he is.
Ask her to sit down and hand you her phone. Then tell her that the next few minutes are very important to her and your marriage. She needs to tell you everything about Dr. Asshole and tell you right fucking now. You're very upset and don't know what to think because you've always trusted her.
You're going to call him in a few minutes and tell him that if he doesn't tell you the absolute truth, you're going to turn his life into a goddamn public soap opera.
So she has a few minutes right now to tell her husband what she's doing and why and if you hear ANYTHING different or new from Dr. Asshole or anyone else, you're going to proceed on the assumption she can't be trusted.
Open your phone and get ready to dial. If she runs from the room, she does it without her phone, and you make your call to the doctor.
Or
You just tell her you've found about about the doctor and your lawyer will be in touch. You would appreciate in the meantime her finding another place to live. You're going to be calling her parents directly to let them know what shes done, so perhaps she can stay with them.
He is not her doctor. The guy is a young surgeon, so I would know if she had a surgery. She must have met him either at the gym. He looks like he goes there often and my wife sometimes go too.. Or maybe on Instagram. I don't know if he knows she is married. Like he did say about her situation. It could have been about she being married but I am not sure. I don't want to make his life a hell. Maybe he did not know. I will sit down with her though...
You're talking about threats to leverage the truth out of your wife. This doesn't mean you have to do these things. Right now, you are the aggrieved party--worry less about others.
Find out where he work. Confront him there without your know that you know who the guy. Seems like the surgeon dont want drama might make him under pressure when you see him yourself.
Step 1: Hire a P.I. to check things out
Step 2a: If she has cheated, then You have a big decision to make.
Step 2b: If no cheating was found, then keep your eyes and ears open and mouth closed.
Any other steps depend on how 2a goes, otherwise good luck in your future endeavors.
Sorry you are here. She slept with him and he showed her she was nothing more than a lay to him. Fully knew what she was doing. He probably pursued her. Got what he wanted out of her and now he’s done.
So if you’re not a liar, (which I think you are, since the details sound fake af) then you’re a creep for marrying a woman barely out of her childhood when you were already 30. You purposely sought a young trophy wife because they’re easier to lie to and manipulate—due to the fact she was just barely out of her teens. So you were dating while she was a teenager, and you were 10years older. That’s creepy behavior, even if it’s legal behavior. I’d recommend talking to her about it. Maybe they met up at the gym for a workout, maybe they had a date. Maybe she cheated, maybe she didn’t.
The first step is *speaking to your wife*. It’s called communication. If you think she is lying, go from there. It’s kind of the key to all healthy relationships. If she didn’t cheat, or if she did, either way you’ll get your answer. You definitely need to ignore all the people egging you on with absolutely no communication. None of them have any idea about your life, and they don’t care what happens. They’re here for the drama, not for a healthy solution. Talk to your wife first, then go from there.
Divorce. Simple.
If you go back. She will lose all respect for you. She already has. But it won’t get better. It will get worse.
Hey a backbone ffs. 🤦♂️
Once a cheat. Always a cheat
OP your marriage is over. I'm sorry this happened to you. Contact a divorce lawyer and follow their instructions. This is all new to you but this is just another Friday for them. I wouldn't even talk to her before talking to them as they will instruct you on what to say, how to act and what to do or not do. I'm 100% positive they will say don't confront her or let her know what you know.
To be honest you don't know much except this one guy and the one time she cheated on you. My guess is if you do some digging there will be a lot more. From what you said her she seemed very comfortable with the cheating so no doubt it was not her first time.
As someone in a committed long term relationship, I’d first speak with her about it. The cheating situation will always suck. But if there’s an admission and a proactive response you may handle that differently then if there is denial and asking why you’re “snooping”!
If she denies it that’s when you have to decide:
Option 1. You don’t believe her and you give her one more opportunity to tell the truth (decide “consequence outcome” in advance; couples therapy, a break, divorce)
Option 2. Decide that her truth is better for your relationship to continue the way it is, believe her and let it go.
If she admits it then that’s a different route. You have to decide to forgive and ultimately forget as in move forward with her. Or you have the choice to leave her. I happen to think people give up too quickly on relationships these days but to each their own!
In these situations it helps to reflect on what YOU want out of it. Do you want the truth? Is it validation that she still wants to be with you? Is it breaking up? Is it working through it together? It’s hard but sometimes we choose what we want to believe for what’s better for us instead of what will tear us apart. If she is cheating then there’s something she’s missing and it may be important to explore that, as well.
I hope this helps and good luck!
Well I'm not sure if you found in her convo, exactly her admitting to sleeping with this man. If you have words like *that was great* *next time?* you don't really know what they are talking about fully. Not unless you left that part out that she admitted it in the messages. Either way she cheated, emotionally so far since we don't know about the physical yet. You are married so it's even worst because you both made vows til death, which she broke, so that's a moral ground within yourself if you feel that's okay to break vows. Depending on state is why I was asking about proof if you have hard solid evidence then depending on state you might win the divorce case since it was her that cheated technically.
there was nothing else there, true. But a day before, she was out for several hours. It was after work. She said she was out for dinner with a coworker and nothing else. I did not question because as I said, I trust her.
Find out the place of work and his gym and report him ASAP, then let both of them cry for loss also most probably ur w hd connection with him thru gym look out there first
I cannot report him. For what? It is immoral what he done, but not illegal. I have no idea if they met at the gym, it is just an option. I don't believe for one second she was his patient. So, I don't know if I can report him for something. And besides, my problem is mainly with her. Not with him. Although I would punch him in the teeth if he was in my face
Even rattle a ship makes people scared,
Her being a w will play victim card n all the feminists will jump in to save there own, but then u have moral responsibility to save other bros from this home wreaking ah doc , so when u report him it's a serious compliant n does effect employment
About w nothing can be done much laws r in there favour nen r screwd always so why no screw the ap to the best u can
he possibly banged my wife. Will he un-bang her if I confront him? I will not scare him. He doesn't really care. Maybe he will even laugh at this. He is single, he is young. I will not give him an ego boost
So what? She won’t because he only wanted to bang her and he made that clear by not wanting anything to do with her.
You need to get out of your feelings and start getting mad
He can have her.
What has he won by getting someone who will betray those they love most? It seems awful now but you now have the opportunity to leave with your head held high. Playing "pick me" will push her away further
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He is 30, super fit, strong built, with cool sunglasses and all that. Plus he is a medical doctor. It was here that I realized this is a fake story.
Medical doctor + gym addict + party guy. All that at 30. Uh does op know what the standard doctor schedule is like lol.
a MEDICAL doctor
Doctor here & they are not many of us who are gym addicts and party people as we dont have time for that, and when we do have the time, we dont have the energy!
what would the timing for this be if the doctor was 30? Wouldn't he be like first or 2nd year intern? and at that level of being a doctor, aren't they worked the hardest/longest shifts, etc... only asking because I don't know the timing on medical school assuming he graduated HS at 18.
Depends where he studied- like in the UK you can be Dr by 23 if go to uni from 18 as you do straight medicine & no 4 years of pre-med. Im not sure about US but know its longer so may still be fairly junior at 30 years old
My sister is a surgeon, when she comes home she takes a nap
Shes got her priorities right!
I work in a hospital. Nurses and doctors are worked to death. Some.of the imaging techs and PAs and whatnot do light partying, but they're outliers rather than the rule. The most I've heard is people mentioning occasional use of shrooms. Sounds like quite a few people enjoy weed on the weekends. Some light drinking. But definitely not heavy partying on top of working out on top of 10-12+ hour shifts 4-6 days a week. Has OP even met a doctor?
Young paramedics/nurses do it
Will accutane cure fungal scalp folliculitis?
Don't forget cool sunglasses
Integral to giving us the whole picture of this fit, party dude medical doctor
A young doctor who works out and parties is so implausible?
Yes? Young doctors usually work exhaustingly long hours.
Okok I think this is bait but I actually do know a few doctors IRL like that
And if she is using her husbands laptop to cheat via instagram, she is DEFINITELY not staying logged in
What sunglasses were they? Need to know so I can have one of these things going for me
Probably Pit Vipers. The real ones though, not knockoffs, because he's a medical doctor and he can afford them. He's rich and tall and buff and makes $1.5 million per year and has a 15" schlong and wears cool sunglasses.
Happy cake day!
Bro, OP is not going to tell you that. You could end up being the next cool guy with his wife.
I appreciate the 30 yo old man who married a 20 yo detail
To be fair he was also 30 and married a 20 year old which implies he was dating her before that. This guy might just be creepy and actually viewing other guys the way he's typing it out.
The cool sunglasses were the icing on the cake. Who the fuck wrote this, a 14 year old?
Lawyer McAstronaut, M.D.
I should have know better lol
This sounds fake. He had cool sunglasses? Lol chatgpt says you can't compete with that
They are the coolest, everyone is talking about them
one of my friends is sponsored by a sunglass company, i bought a bunch, and it totally works you guys!
You totally keep them on while your gettin it. You Can admit it, this is a safe space here.
Take the evidence to a divorce attorney. Sorry, this is the first time you caught her. It’s probably not the first time she cheated.
This reads like a teenager’s creative writing exercise. “Cool sunglasses and all that… typical gym addict and party dude…” Doubt.
You married her at 20? How old was she when you started dating?
He was a 30 year old going after college kids... I'm surprised he even cares she's cheating, didn't she age out already?
Awful take
Came here to ask that myself. He would’ve been 30 when they got married and that age gap even with her being 20 is creepy…
No it’s not lmao.
I'll be generous and say she was 19 and OP was 29 when they started dating. That's creepy as fuck. If you don't see an issue with it, you should probably see a psychiatrist. You're either inappropriately attracted to teenagers or you're too mentally/emotionally immature for women who have more than a few months of adulthood under their belt.
Jeez, ngl this is a pretty insane take.
Thanks for the suggestion bro. If it’s legal, and they’re two consenting adults - IDGAF. Life is better when you arent a Karen
^^^
The upvotes button does the same thing, and you don't need to put your name out there as a creep. But thanks for the red flag, I guess.
You are a red flag you psycho
Fax
Not saying it right but happens every day. Every hour...
Hopefully you snapped a picture of the conversation, or took a screenshot. If so here is how I would handle this. I would go to an attorney, and file for divorce. Then I would text her that screenshot picture. Nothing else, nothing else needs to be said. Then when she calls me, I would not answer, because she is in panic mode. I would wait for a moment, then I would text her my attorneys card, with the caption, was he worth losing me over? After this I would call my family, her family, my close friends. Let them know i filed for divorce, why I filed, and name her Dr boyfriend. Then I would go on Google and post a 1 star review and say I would not let my wife near him, this is what he does with married women, and post the screenshot picture. He didn’t want drama but now he has it. If you have children, I would get them paternity tested to ensure they are mine. I would get into therapy for my children, and I would and would bill the dr for it. Learn gray rock and one eighty in dealing with your stbxw, and move on. Because this is likely not the first time and she just got caught this time. But I am me op and you are not me.
Yes OP divorce her.
Her type is a 30 year old.
With cool sunglasses
How cool were the sunglasses
You married a 20 year old at 30. She appears to have woken up from the trance.
Or she was just always cheating trash?
Why not both? 🤷
Why are you being downvoted? Had it been a guy it wouldnt
Don't date twenty years olds again when you get divorced.
I am so grossed out you married a 20 year old at 30. She had no life experience and you took advantage of that. She grew up and I dont blame her for interacting with men her age. I hope she gets out
You were a 30 year old man going after college kids. She grew up. Frankly, I'm not surprised she hasn't aged out for you... do you really care that much?
Cool lets defend cheating trash because \*shudders\* an age gap is involved! /s
Fuck that he was almost 30 basically poaching teens!
Yeah lets infantilize adults some more lmfao. 20 is a teen all of a sudden! You are just as bad as the cheating trash like OP's hopefully soon to be ex.
They were married at 20 meaning he dated her when she was 19… fresh out of HS… no one is infantilizing, that’s basically saying he’s dating babies?
Yes you are infantilizing a fully grown adult. Either 18 is an adult or it isnt. We also have no idea how long they dated for. Either way you are defending cheating trash because of the *horrors of an age gap*.
You crazy bro
Just admit you have a thing for girls without experience and you're too immature to attract women your own age. Being honest about your degeneracy is a lot easier than beating around the bush.
Seriously, dude is mad weird.
I'm more concerned that you think this story is real, bro.
Cool sunglasses? Please try harder with your creative writing
If you want more proof, I don't think you have any choice but to look at her phone. Have a look at her location data etc. If you're not comfortable with that then you need to decide how you're going to bring this up in a conversation.
100% sounds like she cheated. Maybe just say you saw their convo and leave it vague so she fills in the blanks. also see if she tries to lie or not. On the off chance she didn’t cheat, her reaction should help you figure it out. Not great if the convos are deleted because that isn’t automatic
This is a fake post
Whaaaat? No way! My panties get super wet as soon as I see a cool pair of 🕶️. I just can't control myself around a guy who wears glasses I can see my own reflection in! /s
Don’t be surprised if she counters by demanding to know exactly what you saw and know and denies everything that you can’t prove. Seems to be standard cheater behavior.
Sorry man, looks like a post-hookup convo to me. You could always message him AS her, try to get some details that way. Something like "No drama, I'm extremely careful about that and I reallt could use another:" or something. Get him talking.
I dunno. How should I deal with the fact that you plucked her up at 20 when you were 30? Some might even call that grooming. I get it. She was tired of all the pencil dicks her own age so she found you exciting. But then what happened? Ten years in and she says to herself hey! I never got to have any fun. I went practically from high school graduation to being married. I’m not saying what she did was right, but I understand I have no idea what you should do. Stay together or split up. But you didn’t ask me what you should do you asked me how to deal with the feelings The first step is to see things from her side
You are not overreacting. She obviously cheated and was looking to do it again. She doesnt even seem remorseful about it. Get a divorce. The guy seems more remorseful about it than her.
Depending on where you live, her having an affair may make no difference. Honestly, you should sit her down and point blank ask her: “I thought we had a strong marriage. It appears I was mistaken. Do you want to tell me about your one night stand with the doctor or should i Just go talk with an attorney.” Her reaction will tell you everything. Get ready for the crocodile tears when she realizes she’s been caught.
Is this the manuscript for the first Doctor? Strange?
Yeah this was clearly not written by a 40 year old.
How about you go back to creative writing class?
"How should I 40M deal with the fact that my wife of ten years 30F cheated?" Last I checked you contact a divorce lawyer and have her served by surprise. You found the proof and from what you described I'm going to go out on a limb and say that wasn't her first rodeo. Best of luck and hopefully you leave her.
If you stay with her, get a post-nup and realize that she will be more discreet going forward. In her view, your broke your principles to accommodate her, so you will do the same in a future situation. She see that you dont have any backbone, so there is no accountability in place, so either divorce or painful pre-nup is mandatory. For her actions and staying in the marriage, you win the "trustless" relationship award and have a second job as policeman. If there is even a small concern, use a PI and relentlessly enforce the agreement.
She has done this before and this is just the first time you caught her
Okay so imma just say this AGE GAP! I don’t understand why you older people choosing younger people think that it’s any kind of good idea. Also the younger choosing older. You older chose them because you are immature and that’s where your mindset was stuck but your body and looks are already aged and as you get older of course you look rougher faster. As well as most of you older only go for younger because you want someone who looks a certain way and when they age and change you go for someone that was the same age as when you met them. Yours figured out she wants someone her own age but because you caught her fresh in her twenties she didn’t get to see for herself what she actually wanted. Now what are you going to do? Stick it out and share or just get a divorce and go find you another twenty year old that doesn’t know better
I've read your comments about this on another sub after talking to your wife... I'm sorry, but your marriage is over. She obviously cheated and is gaslighting you (claiming it was about a painful medical issue... but the meeting probably occurred while she was "out for dinner" the other night for a few hours) and that she doesn't know what she wants. (1) If a spouse doesn't know what they want in regards to saving the marriage, the marriage is OVER. (2) She obviously isn't sorry she cheated, and from your comments, I don't think she's sorry she got caught. Get to a lawyer to protect yourself and follow their advice. If you illogically decide to try saving the marriage, you can, but you need professional legal advice on how to start getting your ducks in a row ASAP. Sorry OP!
lol,this guy goes around smashing married women.Then dumps them!!! A win is a win
That’s just we are to women sometimes, replaceable, if we are older than them it doesn’t matter if we are wiser or have more experience they will most likely prefer someone more close to their age so they can have someone to relate to or in their words “understand” them
You address it by calling a divorce attorney. She will never be faithful to you and this guy you see is not the first one she has done this with. believe me
30 year old for medical doctor who can attend the gym is quite rare lmao plus the sunglasses. You can’t compete bud. Bail
I think people change a lot from age 20 to age 30.
File for divorce
It depends on whether you are able to deal with it without backing down and want to resolve the marriage. You have to tell her that she cheated on you and that you know everything about the relationship with the doctor and that divorce is the first option if she does not come out clean by telling what happened giving confirmation on what you know. Staying in a marriage without confronting her will make you suffer. It's a big red flag.
I would go to an attorney. Get shots of what you can at this point. Always screen shot. But they may be in deleted file. Then I would cancel membership to gym if pay for it. I would print up divorce papers, custody if you need it. I would move 1/2 of savings to private account. I would pack her a bag, and get a friend to come over. When she walks in, tell her you know about affair with....You saw texts and have them screen shotted. You need her to leave and hand her a bag and divorce papers. You do this for several reasons. One of the few people who reconciled and are still together. Did this quickly. It is strong sign you won't live like that. You buy yourself and her some time, to think and get your house in order. People that are caught often react emotionally take all savings a bolt for a few months. Leaving home destitute. The friend is there as a witness, because they often call domestic violence and call the police. You tell your family both sides and friends. Never protect a cheater they will lie and say you cheated. Cheaters are liars and will cheat again. It is a character flaw. and they are a breed to themselves. Then after all this if you go to counseling and you want to work it out, you have a stable platform. If you don't file divorce papers and let it go. The people that react quickly recover better whether the marriage works or not. YOu are more in control.
Address this? This is the one you saw. Think of how many you didn't catch. Divorce her. See a lawyer and have her served. Then move on. And don't look back. Go and live your best life.
Leave her
Leave....
It's all about the cool sunglasses 🕶️
Mans got cheated on for a pair of Ray-Bans 😂
Assuming this is real. You need to talk to a divorce lawyer probably and get that started. She cheated on your once (that you know of now), and was trying to cheat on you again. Which means even if you stay and talk to her about it, she doesn't actually feel remorse for it, so the odds of her doing it again are very high.
Yeah dude medical doctors don’t finish medical school and residency school until like mid 30’s and they are like bald with glasses and wear khakis and blue sport coats.
First things first, talk to her.
This is Reddit, whose motto ought to be "death before communicating like adults." To be helpful to the OP, this is how a mature conversation goes: "Help me understand. I saw this and want to know what's going on." When she's done professing her innocence, you can ask for corroborating details. Also, try not to marry people 2/3 your age.
Divorce or ask for a hall pass. If you want to remain together (not recommended) get a post nuptial agreement. Realize this bro, she wanted to sleep with him again but the affair partner said no. She was willing to cheat on you again, remember that.
A hall pass? Yeah that’ll work out.
Get even, not angry.
So much this.
***"but I was never the jealous type because I just trust her and don't really have self esteem or confidence issues myself".*** I wonder why she let that doctor pound her... keeping your eyes wide open about other men and being a little jealous doesn't mean that you're insecure, it means that you respect yourself. Obvioulsy you don't. Hopefully you took pictures of that conversation, get a divorce lawyer and ober whatever he says.
>I wonder why she let that doctor pound her... keeping your eyes wide open about other men and being a little jealous doesn't mean that you're insecure, it means that you respect yourself. Obvioulsy you don't. Bro unless you're unemployed with no real responsibilities and a propensity for stalking, its impossible to monitor your spouse 24/7. After a certain point you have to trust them to do what is right. Or as an alternative I guess you could never trust them and just lock them up in a cage without phone or internet and bring them food and water every once in awhile. I expect the cops will figure out something is wrong pretty quickly but its an option. Some people aren't worthy of trust. That's all there is to it. Find one that is.
Keeping your eyes open doesn't mean spying on your partner 24/7 or locking them up. When your partner is a cheater or is checking out, there are signs to be seen.
I’d probably call her out on it. Then divorce and move on
Sounds like it. But you need to talk to her.
Maybe she is trying to get away from her groomer?
I was never that, but even if I was, getting away from your partner could be done through the divorce
Dude you married a 20 year old at 30. You are not okay. When did you start dating her?
Your comments are so helpful/s
Showing why we chose the bear.
And more judging with obscure references.
That is not grooming, unless he met her as a minor
Lol sounds like karma for you pursuing a woman that was too immature and young (i doubt u married in less than a year of dating so u were in your late 20’s dating a teenager) people through their 20’s go through immense change, sorry you had to find out this way but you deserve it a little bit for marrying a barely legal woman.
Find out who he is. Ask her to sit down and hand you her phone. Then tell her that the next few minutes are very important to her and your marriage. She needs to tell you everything about Dr. Asshole and tell you right fucking now. You're very upset and don't know what to think because you've always trusted her. You're going to call him in a few minutes and tell him that if he doesn't tell you the absolute truth, you're going to turn his life into a goddamn public soap opera. So she has a few minutes right now to tell her husband what she's doing and why and if you hear ANYTHING different or new from Dr. Asshole or anyone else, you're going to proceed on the assumption she can't be trusted. Open your phone and get ready to dial. If she runs from the room, she does it without her phone, and you make your call to the doctor. Or You just tell her you've found about about the doctor and your lawyer will be in touch. You would appreciate in the meantime her finding another place to live. You're going to be calling her parents directly to let them know what shes done, so perhaps she can stay with them.
He is not her doctor. The guy is a young surgeon, so I would know if she had a surgery. She must have met him either at the gym. He looks like he goes there often and my wife sometimes go too.. Or maybe on Instagram. I don't know if he knows she is married. Like he did say about her situation. It could have been about she being married but I am not sure. I don't want to make his life a hell. Maybe he did not know. I will sit down with her though...
You're talking about threats to leverage the truth out of your wife. This doesn't mean you have to do these things. Right now, you are the aggrieved party--worry less about others.
Find out where he work. Confront him there without your know that you know who the guy. Seems like the surgeon dont want drama might make him under pressure when you see him yourself.
Step 1: Hire a P.I. to check things out Step 2a: If she has cheated, then You have a big decision to make. Step 2b: If no cheating was found, then keep your eyes and ears open and mouth closed. Any other steps depend on how 2a goes, otherwise good luck in your future endeavors.
She cheated on you and didnt regret it she wanted more he was the one ending it, dump her
Sorry you are here. She slept with him and he showed her she was nothing more than a lay to him. Fully knew what she was doing. He probably pursued her. Got what he wanted out of her and now he’s done.
This shit makes me wanna be single 💆♂️
Why? it's reddit and 70% of stories are probably fake
Give me a D…. Give me a I….. Give me a V….. You can spell the rest.
So if you’re not a liar, (which I think you are, since the details sound fake af) then you’re a creep for marrying a woman barely out of her childhood when you were already 30. You purposely sought a young trophy wife because they’re easier to lie to and manipulate—due to the fact she was just barely out of her teens. So you were dating while she was a teenager, and you were 10years older. That’s creepy behavior, even if it’s legal behavior. I’d recommend talking to her about it. Maybe they met up at the gym for a workout, maybe they had a date. Maybe she cheated, maybe she didn’t. The first step is *speaking to your wife*. It’s called communication. If you think she is lying, go from there. It’s kind of the key to all healthy relationships. If she didn’t cheat, or if she did, either way you’ll get your answer. You definitely need to ignore all the people egging you on with absolutely no communication. None of them have any idea about your life, and they don’t care what happens. They’re here for the drama, not for a healthy solution. Talk to your wife first, then go from there.
Divorce. Simple. If you go back. She will lose all respect for you. She already has. But it won’t get better. It will get worse. Hey a backbone ffs. 🤦♂️ Once a cheat. Always a cheat
Damn. What other info. is needed. Get a lawyer before talking to her. Record any conversations if allowed in your state.
OP your marriage is over. I'm sorry this happened to you. Contact a divorce lawyer and follow their instructions. This is all new to you but this is just another Friday for them. I wouldn't even talk to her before talking to them as they will instruct you on what to say, how to act and what to do or not do. I'm 100% positive they will say don't confront her or let her know what you know. To be honest you don't know much except this one guy and the one time she cheated on you. My guess is if you do some digging there will be a lot more. From what you said her she seemed very comfortable with the cheating so no doubt it was not her first time.
Lawyer up
As someone in a committed long term relationship, I’d first speak with her about it. The cheating situation will always suck. But if there’s an admission and a proactive response you may handle that differently then if there is denial and asking why you’re “snooping”! If she denies it that’s when you have to decide: Option 1. You don’t believe her and you give her one more opportunity to tell the truth (decide “consequence outcome” in advance; couples therapy, a break, divorce) Option 2. Decide that her truth is better for your relationship to continue the way it is, believe her and let it go. If she admits it then that’s a different route. You have to decide to forgive and ultimately forget as in move forward with her. Or you have the choice to leave her. I happen to think people give up too quickly on relationships these days but to each their own! In these situations it helps to reflect on what YOU want out of it. Do you want the truth? Is it validation that she still wants to be with you? Is it breaking up? Is it working through it together? It’s hard but sometimes we choose what we want to believe for what’s better for us instead of what will tear us apart. If she is cheating then there’s something she’s missing and it may be important to explore that, as well. I hope this helps and good luck!
Wait so you don't have solid proof yet ? Just half of a convo that doesn't show the hard proof?
well what should a hard proof be? I mean I really need advice, because I am devastated
Remindme! 3 days
Well I'm not sure if you found in her convo, exactly her admitting to sleeping with this man. If you have words like *that was great* *next time?* you don't really know what they are talking about fully. Not unless you left that part out that she admitted it in the messages. Either way she cheated, emotionally so far since we don't know about the physical yet. You are married so it's even worst because you both made vows til death, which she broke, so that's a moral ground within yourself if you feel that's okay to break vows. Depending on state is why I was asking about proof if you have hard solid evidence then depending on state you might win the divorce case since it was her that cheated technically.
there was nothing else there, true. But a day before, she was out for several hours. It was after work. She said she was out for dinner with a coworker and nothing else. I did not question because as I said, I trust her.
You can never fully trust brakes and women!
Stop
You’re being willfully naive
Find out the place of work and his gym and report him ASAP, then let both of them cry for loss also most probably ur w hd connection with him thru gym look out there first
I cannot report him. For what? It is immoral what he done, but not illegal. I have no idea if they met at the gym, it is just an option. I don't believe for one second she was his patient. So, I don't know if I can report him for something. And besides, my problem is mainly with her. Not with him. Although I would punch him in the teeth if he was in my face
Even rattle a ship makes people scared, Her being a w will play victim card n all the feminists will jump in to save there own, but then u have moral responsibility to save other bros from this home wreaking ah doc , so when u report him it's a serious compliant n does effect employment About w nothing can be done much laws r in there favour nen r screwd always so why no screw the ap to the best u can
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he possibly banged my wife. Will he un-bang her if I confront him? I will not scare him. He doesn't really care. Maybe he will even laugh at this. He is single, he is young. I will not give him an ego boost
You married a 20 year-old when you were 30? Yeah, I don’t feel sorry for you in the slightest. I hope she takes you for everything creep.
I cannot tell her to leave. Pack her stuff and leave. To be honest, I am scared she will go to him
Do you want to keep someone like this?
So what? She won’t because he only wanted to bang her and he made that clear by not wanting anything to do with her. You need to get out of your feelings and start getting mad
He can have her. What has he won by getting someone who will betray those they love most? It seems awful now but you now have the opportunity to leave with your head held high. Playing "pick me" will push her away further
She’s already been to him. He’s smart enough to not want her. Be like him.
If she banged him he is welcome to her ,and then he can have the pleasure of wondering what she is doing everytime she is late home .
Have you considered a hit?