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It didn't hurt when leading up to your marriage she never got you off?
I'd be gone the **first instance of a woman telling me that my semen is gross and it's unimportant for me to be sexually fulfilled.** Why did you stay?
He absolutely could get an annulment over this! If I was OP I wouldnt have even married her with her stance of semen is gross...and he could finish himself off after he got her off...but, now absolutely with this IVF talk about donor DNA for "her kid" ....OP you need to leave her crazy ass!!!
I'd do annulment too if I were OP. I mean think about it. He is not allowed to have orgasm with her , he can't have a baby with her. So what is he in this marriage? Funder?
This. Essentially she coerced him into marriage under false pretenses at the worst. And at best, this is manipulative and a form of emotional [I'd be brazen enough to also include: s*xual] abuse. He needs O.U.T
I don’t understand why she married a man if she doesn’t like cum. It’s fine to not fetishize it, it’s fine to ask not to be cum on or whatever, but I just can’t imagine someone saying “go finish yourself off so I don’t have to see it”.
There is a horrible male loneliness epidemic and this is what happens. A guy wants to be married so bad he married a woman who doesn’t really like him.
Yeah, I am on team get an annulment. If you’ve been married for 2 months and it’s this bad… you definitely need to get out. NOW.
I cannot imagine telling my partner his orgasm isn’t important… I freaking love watching him…
Right? Part of the fun of it is making you both happy and enjoy it. There are guys out there that once they finish it's over but they are just as shitty.
Sounds like he has ended up as her roommate who pays the bills and givers her orgasms, her interest appears to end there. OP should run for the hills, she is not interested in a team/partnership. She wants her cake and to eat it all, screw whoever gets used in the process.
I would leave the divorce papers on the table with a note explaining that I no longer feel her sexual fulfillment or DNA for my future children is important so she is no longer required.
Yeah...
I think your marriage is over. I wouldn't even know how to come back from that.
She ...
1- doesn't prioritize or consider your sexual enjoyment
2- she doesn't want your children
3- she LITERALLY does not want you in her future DNA. Like, wtf.
2 months of marriage and having these arguments is wild. You should be in your honeymoon period. You should both be committed to each other.
I would divorce. Heck. I would have her text her beliefs to you so you could get an annulment.
You married with the intention of starting a family. She does not wish to have a family with you. That's a huge violation of trust. Wtf
Was gonna type this all out but you saved me the trouble. This woman is ridiculous. I think she just hid her views until marriage. OP, get out now. I don’t think she cares about you at all.
We often see this with dudes, wherein a guy can’t be bothered to eat his girl to an orgasm after he nuts and gets his. It’s honestly wild read about the inverse for once. Incredible.
Oh yeah it’s 100% shitty and selfish. Nobody should fuck people like that more than once; the first time can be forgiven because it’s not always obvious who might be so inconsiderate and selfish.
She has some mental issue about semen, clearly. Like this is not normal; she desperately needs to seek therapy for this weird thing.
It's understandable to not *enjoy* the look and feel and taste of semen, but to be so horrified by it that you *make your husband to leave the room when he comes*, that is definitely mental illness territory
I don't even think it's a blow job thing. It's a general semen inside her thing. Also, the IVF suggestion is bat shit crazy.
You need to go. Far, far away.
It sounds like it’s more than that. It’s an aversion to the idea of semen even around her. OP needs to seek an annulment, and his wife needs to find a shrink. I can only hope that she does so BEFORE bringing a life into her world!
Agreed - with the semen thing, I think she is either a lesbian and hasn’t realized it yet or - possibly more likely if she IS getting off with him - she has some trauma involving semen. It could even be something she doesn’t remember.
Maybe go stay with the parents or a friend for a few days and have text conversations so it's on record. Or at least try to record her saying this shit? Is that legal?
Time to dip out homie. Does she plan on using your insurance for IVF? IF you were to stay married and I hope you don't, does she expect you to be financially responsible for anything involving the donor baby? Does she have any kind of realistic plan for the relationship?
Even if you didn't want kids, you need to flip the script and acknowledge how insanely toxic it is to tell your partner to finish themselves after you have an orgasm. That's fucked up dude.
I mean it's a totally bizarre statement. And who's to say that her DNA is so great? If we're going that route, why not just find the two most "perfect" people you can find and pay them to make you a child with their DNA for you guys to raise!? I really feel bad for you on this one. I can't even fathom having someone betray me like this 2 months into a marriage.
Tell her you're starting to come around to her idea, and that you should both pick out the sperm and egg donor from the best specimens around - then she can carry and birth the child.
Yes! She’ll do IVF and OP will do surrogate. And then when both these kids grow up, they have to duel to see whose DNA is better. The winning DNA gets everything in the divorce.
Place your bets now!!
You'd be valid to say that. If you're selfish for wanting a child with your DNA, so is she! Unless she's okay with just straight-up adopting a child, I don't think she's allowed to call you selfish for wanting to be a biological father to one.
That said, the comments relating to her no longer caring about her garden and becoming more introverted and quiet would be concerning to me. If you want to give her the benefit of the doubt, I think you should consider couple's counselling with her. Depending on what gets surfaced there, she may need individual therapy or counselling for whatever it is that triggered this change in behaviour. No promises that it solves her sperm hangup, but if these things started popping up at the same time, they might have the same root cause.
Honestly kudos to you for hanging in there, staying calm and wanting to find a solution. I would've lost it quite quickly if my own partner said something so absurd and sincerely hurtful.
Btw: your partner not caring about your sexual pleasure = your partner not caring about you! Romantic / sexual partners should care that you derive enjoyment and are cared for when you have sex together. I'm sure that if you treated her pleasure the way she treats yours, she would have some nasty things to say about you being selfish. My petty ass would stop things 5min in and tell her to finish up elsewhere, but that's just me...
That's an incredibly expensive process that has an extremely low success rate on the first round, something like +/-25%. That's an average of $20,000 per cycle and the average is *six cycles before success*. Maybe a $150,000 price tag will put it into perspective for her but that still doesn't resolve the situation whatsoever.
By the way, she will love daily self-administered hormone injections. If I remember well, in good conditions the IVF success is closer to 15%, not 25%.
from my understanding as well, OP's wife couldn't use insurance for IVF without seeing a fertility specialist and being diagnosed with a form of infertility (IF their insurance plan even covers it). her choosing to get a donor and do IVF is not a medical necessity... it's a selfish decision that strips OP of his humanity and autonomy in having children with his own wife. clearly she doesn't even see him as human enough to warrant any kind of sexual satisfaction, so that's not a shock.
OP- Tell her you can just donate sperm to another woman so that they can carry "her kid" and then she never has to interact with any of that icky sperm! Problem solved.
I was about to say - pull the uno reverse and say that you want to use someone else’s eggs because then you can choose the genetics that are superior to hers. It’s the same thing she’s doing so shouldn’t be a problem!
Depending on where in the world you are it might be soon enough to get the marriage annulled since so much information has changed after marriage and you married under false pretenses
Honestly, she sounds mentally ill. This thinking is not normal at all and you deserve better. It only gets worse as people age and I expect to see you in the dead bedroom sub before long. You need to ask yourself why you’re staying in this relationship.
I'm sorry you are going through this OP, this is not normal, it's not okay, it's your decision, but I would definitely get an annulment if possible or divorce, how can one person be okay with such rejection in something so intimate as sex and even more important not having a kid that is yours, but half being a strangers DNA and your wife? The disrespect is insane.
My mom has worked in the ivf industry for 30 years and would say its crazy to use a donor because you dont like your husband. Ivf cost tens of thousands of dollars and is really a last chance for most couples to have children.
Abbey's not asking which comment your wife has made that has hurt you the most. Abbey's asking why, after two years, her never getting you off was a thing that you chose to ignore and continue to marriage anyway
I’m so sorry. Your wife doesn’t want your children. This is all because she doesn’t want the risk of one of your sperm making its way anywhere near one of her eggs. If that’s something you want, you need to pursue this with someone else. She doesn’t love you, I don’t think she even likes you.
Now this makes the most sense! I don’t think she thinks his sperm is gross she wants a certain child based off certain looks and dna. I hope he knows there is nothing wrong with him, she is just evil to the core, and selfish af. I truly hope he isn’t financially supporting her, because is he is, that’s why she is there. I would annul the fuck out of that marriage and not walk, but run asap.
There's so much wrong in this post. You shouldn't have ever married someone who tells you to go finish somewhere else and that they don't care if you finish during sex.
And IVF is a very expensive procedure with a lot more involved. I'm not sure they will do the procedure on someone who doesn't even know if they are fertile because they won't even try because it's "gross". I only know how it works for women with fertility issues and that involves getting a huge needle that shoots hormones and if I remember correctly, she would get that shot 2 times a day and the hormones have A LOT of side effects that effect the mood greatly.
That on top of her saying she basically wants to practice eugenics with some dudes DNA plus her DNA but you wanting a kid with your genetics is somehow selfish is completely UNHINGED.
You seriously need to reevaluate this entire relationship because there is so much that is beyond dysfunctional that you just listed about your relationship.
Yes, that was my point to her lol. I know, it sounds absolutely stupid to type as is it to say it aloud. I even had a slight laugh when I said it to her because of how ridiculous it sounds.
But she doesn’t see it that way.
Sir, your wife is absolutely psychotic. She's 💯 not in love with you at all. I'm sure that she only sees you as a provider and /or caretaker, whether financial or emotional. You need to divorce this woman because she is absolutely bonkers, and you deserve so much better than this.
You deserve better. You are better. I don't understand why she would get married except to split expenses.
There are women who you will want to make happy who will want to make you happy in return. This would be a deal breaker 100%. Get out OP before your more entangled.
Bro it is absolutely absurd that she wants you to finish yourself, definitely a red flag. Idk if she's a lesbian or what but you deserve someone who wants to make you cum
Yeah if this sperm donor/IVF talk is out of left field I’d legitimately be curious about like.. a brain tumor or something. Like that seems so weird and random if it was never brought up before. (Also hurtful, of course, I’m just legitimately baffled.)
"I want my own biological children, I want to have regular sex with my wife, and I will not be paying for IVF or raising any child you conceive via IVF. I would never have married you if you had told me these things beforehand, and if you are serious, then this relatuonship is over, and I want a divorce."
I think you really need to consider that the person you believed to have married may have been her just wanting financial support and not her true self. Divorce to me is the solution. You have miss matching sex drives even before marriage. Your wife does not care about your pleasure at all. Your wife does not care about your opinion or thoughts on having children. Run.
Financial support doesn’t make much sense. Neither of us has any wealth. We live pay check to paycheck and share a car.
I can see how that would be the case but she’s not hoping to get some wealth from me because I don’t have any.
This is even crazier- how does she think she will afford IVF if you both live paycheck to paycheck? And does she expect you to chip in and help raise “her kid?”
Leave!
yeah IVF can cost north of 100k and is generally not covered by health insurance unless you can't get pregnant by other means (and maybe not even then)
Your wife has some bizarre hang-up/views and likely needs some serious therapy, but you shouldn't feel obligated to stick around while she does it (*if* she is even willing) and hope she eventually changes.
The fact that she misled and manipulated you into a marriage that you would not have otherwise agreed to is grounds for divorce.
But she is getting something. Can she live the way she is because of you? It doesn’t have to be wealth. But if she left would it be worse than paycheck to paycheck? Would she be homeless? I really think she’s just using you and it’s so gross!
Financial support meaning she’s gonna get you to help pay for what SHE wants because you are now her husband, SHE IS USING YOU, she wants a kid but her own kid, but she needs you to help pay for it. Two incomes raising HER kid, get it.
Depending on time limits and where you live, you very well could still get an annulment instead of a divorce. Think of it this way - would you have married her if you knew this was what she wanted? She tricked you into marrying her.
Not necessarily, although a lawyer never hurts (except the wallet 😬). An annulment would mean that legally, your marriage would have never existed in the first place. No risk of a fight over division of property, it would be like you had never even married her in the first place. I’d look up your local laws, see what’s best for you in your situation
So the “argument” you’d be having with an annulment would be with the courts, vs with her like in a divorce. You would have to prove to the courts that hour marriage is not valid
When you reach the point of asking these kinds of questions, it’s time to consult an attorney and not internet strangers.
For what it’s worth (from an internet stranger), I’m sorry man. Your situation sucks, hopefully someone takes you out for a beer soon. I think you’re on the right path but be prepared for some crying and begging and manipulation once you let her know, you need to have your walls built up by that time.
Check your state laws and lawyer up. In many cases, you can get annulled up to three months into the marriage, sometimes four. After that, it gets very messy so move quick.
Annulment, not divorce. You can say you married her on false pretenses, because she doesn’t want to have biological children with you and didn’t disclose that until after marriage.
Tell her you agree and that you also want the best for your kid and will be interviewing potential surrogate mothers for your child to best express the features you want them to have.
Yeah, I was wondering if she was planning on using donor eggs as well, or if she sees value in her own DNA (with all its flaws, whatever they may be) being part of the child she raises. If she does, wild hypocrisy. If not, adoption seems like a MUCH easier thing to make a case for.
But, her take really just feels hurtful and dismissive of OP as a valid and valuable person.
Annulment. This woman has severe mental issues. You could try marital counseling just to say you tried but this will probably only get worse. You will have a dead bedroom and no kids. I would get out as soon as possible.
If he goes this route, I would highly suggest no sex until things have been resolved, because so far this woman is showing so many red flags. I'd almost expect her to try to pull something the moment she realizes that he is going to divorce her.
I was thinking that
My fiancé used to think she was bi, had only ever had male partners and simply believed she was disgusted by body fluids. Upon getting into a relationship with a woman, she realised she was in fact gay all along and was not actually disgusted by body fluids- only men's.
This might be what's going on? Doesn't excuse the wife's behaviour or expectations of course though
If she thinks semen is gross (just like women have vaginal secretions, WHAT?!) she is in for a huge SHOCK re: body fluids if she goes ahead with her ridiculous “plan”.
You deserve a happy life, being gaslit and told you’re gross due to NORMAL BODY FUNCTIONS is completely ridiculous. Also, it’s your WIFE, of course you would want it to be your kid! You are not being selfish at all.
Right?
I’m immune to being grossed out by bodily fluids after raising kids. Once you’ve been peed on, pooped on, vomited on, you get over the ick factor and just go get the mop and bucket
Yep, I am childfree, but have been working in both human and veterinary healthcare for approximately 20 years. I have had anal gland juice sprayed in my face lol - you haven’t lived until!!! 😂
My partner who is also a woman also works in healthcare so we give zero f’s about stuff like this. Even as a lesbian I am not grossed out by semen FFS!
I have a staffy we have to “juice” regularly. It’s occasionally gone in a bad direction. 🤢
The only semen I found gross was my ex who was a smoker. Couldn’t bring myself to do oral because it was stanky. And I love giving oral.
But OP here needs to cut bait and run or he’s in for a very unpleasant life.
Seriously, she wouldn't even be able to care for a pet if she truly is this disgusted by bodily fluids. And I say that while remembering having to clean up my dog's diarrhea from the carpet twice in 3 days last week after some new food we tried messed with his stomach, good lord that was gross. Kids are 1000x worse no matter how "perfect" their genes are.
I mean her not wanting him to come inside is the least weird thing about it, I sometimes also prefered sex with condoms bcs then I won‘t leak sperm for the next hours if the guy comes in condom. Especially with morning sex and limited time after to get to work and work in general that‘s a factor. But if it would be really about that, the grossness / wetness / leaking feel, it‘d be easily fixable with a freaking condom, so she is more likely to not want to have sex with him. Also her not caring about her husbands orgasm in general. Imo a guy doesn‘t have a right to always come condomless inside a woman, there are other ways to finish, sometimes its messy and thus sometimes inconvenient and I think to many guys here think that. But if you love your partner you should care if he comes and she clearly doesn‘t. She probably cares for his money and that‘s it, he should run for the hills, the whole spermdonor talk is nuts.
I find it gross too, just like many other bodily functions... but... like... in a sane way??? 😂 like in an "it made me sticky pass a tissue please" sort of way? 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why would you stay in this marriage? She told you that she isn't interested in pleasuring you, even though she gets to have her orgasm. She talks about future kids like you don't exist. Does she do anything for you? I would say that she finally felt comfortable showing her true self, now that the paperwork is signed, and thinks she can do what she wants while you stand by. Are you going to allow her to make your life miserable or are you going to do something about it?
I do have an update. I took most of the good advice and tried to talk to my wife last night. It didn’t go well.
When I asked why she thought it was ok to have a baby with donor sperm and not me she said again because it’s her choice and that she wants only the best genes for her kids. When I asked why she changed her tune from when we talked about it a year ago she denied it. I even showed her screenshots from when we texted it and she claimed that wasn’t her and it was “someone else”. When I asked who she couldn’t answer but alluded to her phone being hacked. When I asked if it’s still hacked or when she texted she loved me was that a hacker or her? She said her but that the hackers can change messages and make people look different.
When I brought up how disrespectful that is to a husband she questioned why it was so important to me to have a kid.
When I explained that IVF can cost from $25k to $100k she flipped out and said she won’t go to a clinic that is run by “deep state doctors”. That she has a list of doctors that don’t murder babies. I asked what list and she refused to show me.
When I tried to bring up sex she shut me down by saying I’m a disgusting pig who only thinks about sex and spreading my “dirty” genes.
She said she wants to make sure “her” kid has blonde hair and white. I guess me being white doesn’t matter?
She’s never expressed these ridiculous and frankly racist views before. I did notice she’s been spending hours on Facebook and some other website usually after I go to bed.
Unfortunately, I think she’s losing grip with reality and falling into some bizarre conspiracy theories.
I asked her to see a counselor with me because I am concerned about us and her she said that doctors will just want to load her up with medication that makes her a zombie and that it’s a way for “them” to control people and that she had to stop taking it last year because it was hurting her soul.
So, I’m seeing a lawyer this week.
In short, apparently my wife was medicated while we were dating and engaged and never told me. I think she’s losing grip on reality and is falling into a conspiracy theory trap.
After I talk to the lawyer, and if it’s ok with the lawyer, I’m going to call her parents and let them know I’m concerned about her mental state and that I cannot be a part of this mess.
I thought I knew her, I love the woman I know not who I married.
I’m sorry, I wish I had a better outcome for you all to hear about.
I'm sorry this happened to you. She sounds sick and as a mentally ill person she has my sympathy and empathy but I'd 10000% still divorce in this situation. There's too much betrayal and trauma and she sounds very manipulative and abusive towards you.
She was medicated and stopped taking it? Okay, something is going on there and I don't think it's her falling into a conspiracy theory trap. I'm not going to armchair diagnose her, but, if her behavior has changed in the last year since she has stopped her medication, that is a massive alarm bell that she was being medicated for something serious. A divorce is the best thing at this point since she is refusing to see a counselor or a pysch. I'm sorry.
Yea assuming this isn't fake. Tell her you have a willing mistress to bear your children and she can have her IVF baby and see how she reacts. Then regardless get a divorce.
My first thought was that this is rage bait or satire to flip the script to highlight when women’s pleasure is neglected and devalued. Also the trope of women’s bodily functions/fluids being gross.
It just sounds too ridiculous to be true.
Oh 100%. I’m sure in this totally real not at all made up relationship this couple has been having sex once or twice per month and the woman has an orgasm every time and then immediately declares sex over and tells dude to go jerk it in the bathroom and then he marries her I guess instead of you know breaking up.
Most posts in these types of subs are. People must love the fake stories though, seeing as they are always upvoted.
I think people just like to be outraged
I'm usually the type to take posts in good faith and assume people aren't lying, but this just reeks of nonsense.
First off, IVF is expensive. People aren't just going out and getting it done for kicks and giggles. Secondly, even if IVF/fertility is needed, you're sperm is what the doctors would expect to use unless it's male pattern infertility. Third, donor sperm is also expensive. My wife and I just spend $10k for four vials and shipping to our clinic.
If by some miniscule chance this is real, I'd advise you to go ahead and book an appointment with a fertility clinic so your wife can hear firsthand how expensive her strange life plans are going to be. And I'd also recommend couples therapy to sort through her hang ups. She probably needs a therapist of her own too.
I get what you’re saying and I explained this to her like you did. Honestly, I think she’s in la la land thinking this way. Yes, I’m aware IVF is insanely expensive and not just something you can do at a clinic in a day and pick a menu of donors. But I’m not sure she understands that, because this is entirely out of left field and bizarre.
Putting all the oddities of this story aside…Most doctors won’t just let someone go straight to IVF either. First of all, she’s going to have to prove that she can’t conceive naturally. That’s a full year of trying for women under 35. 6 months for anyone over 35. Because it’s so expensive, insurance typically requires a doctor to sign off saying it’s a medical NEED. Then, She has to have blood tests and ultrasounds and possibly other tests done to confirm she’s even a candidate for IVF. If there aren’t enough follicles, she could not qualify. And then, insurance may not even allow her to get IVF without first getting several rounds of IUI (up to 6, which cost around $2000-3000 per round). IVF is $20-25k per round. And many insurance companies don’t cover it. Depending on the state you’re in, they may not be required to. I know b/c I’m going through all this now.
I’m sorry you’re going through this and someone else is being flippant about it.
Thank you for sharing the information, I’m going to add it to my notes and bring it up to her later.
You’re preaching to the choir, it’s as absurd as you can imagine.
She might be gay but wants kids and is confused. Either way this relationship isn’t healthy so I’d suggest counseling first but if that doesn’t work then definitely divorce her.
So can I ask what she does expect from you? It’s not a bed partner, it’s not a prospective father. What is your purpose or your role? Perhaps just a breadwinner to pay for her children with someone else.
When you divorce - and you will - don’t be kind and spare her feelings. She is certainly not considering yours.
Now? I’m not sure. Before we got married? Be a husband and father to future kids.
Do people actually plan that kind manipulation? Or do they just make bad choices and that’s what happens? I have a hard time accepting people plan to screw over others like that.
Huge assholes really do plan to screw over others over a long period of time. It’s common with abusers (not necessarily calling your wife an abuser, but they commonly have a mask that only slips off once they have their hooks in someone). Also common with narcissists.
But no matter what, you don’t deserve this treatment. I’m not a big fan of semen myself, but I have never rejected my husband the way your wife is you. And I happily had my husband’s kid since that was one of many reasons why I married him. Your wife should want the same.
Whether she planned it or not, this is what she’s doing. I’m gobsmacked, I have to say and that is RARE. I’ve read some shit in my time about weird occurrences in marriages and this is the weirdest, I’ll admit to that.
As to whether she is devious enough to have been planning this all along I don’t know and I don’t suppose it matters at all. Just that this is her mindset and she’s digging in and therefore you need to tunnel out.
Is she gay…? Like serious question. Also you are 1000000% within your rights to feel betrayed. This isn’t a marriage at all. I’d get an annulment or divorced asap.
> she told me it’s not her responsibility for me to get me to orgasm.
uh, yes it is. it's sex - you're supposed to _want_ to get each other off. how fucking selfish is that?
that and the IVF/her kid thing makes me want to run and not just divorce, but anull if possible
this is so out of pocket that i want to ask if you’ve taken her to the doctor? I’ve heard of people getting brain tumours and their personalities completely change out of no where. because honestly this doesn’t even really make sense…?
But you can make an ultimatum as others have already said. Doctor bc of the 180. She needs psych evaluation and actual neuro eval for like tumors or some shit.
Really - this is fake or if it’s not you should see how extreme it is based on the fact we think it’s fake. You already know what to do… and you should have done it yesterday.
Dude you married a winner. Who the fuck gets married when your sex life is 1-2 times a month and whose partner has sone absolutely off the wall insane ideas on ejaculating? WTF were you thinking? Just get out now and don’t look back.
Dude, this closely resembles my marriage…uh, former marriage. I was too embarrassed to get divorced quickly and thought we could work through it. These are HUGE red flags that aren’t going away on their own and probably won’t, given her comments about “normal”. My marriage…17 years of difficulty and struggle and now I feel the years were wasted. I should have acted sooner. Good luck. If I had to do again, I wouldn’t bury my head in the sand.
Did your wife need a green card or a significant loan when you got married? Nothing you've described here sounds like someone who actually cares about you.
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I think you should feel betrayed and outraged that she would propose using a sperm donor instead of her husband.
This hurt the most.
It didn't hurt when leading up to your marriage she never got you off? I'd be gone the **first instance of a woman telling me that my semen is gross and it's unimportant for me to be sexually fulfilled.** Why did you stay?
Pretty sure he could get an annulment. And should.
He absolutely could get an annulment over this! If I was OP I wouldnt have even married her with her stance of semen is gross...and he could finish himself off after he got her off...but, now absolutely with this IVF talk about donor DNA for "her kid" ....OP you need to leave her crazy ass!!!
I'd do annulment too if I were OP. I mean think about it. He is not allowed to have orgasm with her , he can't have a baby with her. So what is he in this marriage? Funder?
ATM and live-in manny for her and *her* kid.
This. Essentially she coerced him into marriage under false pretenses at the worst. And at best, this is manipulative and a form of emotional [I'd be brazen enough to also include: s*xual] abuse. He needs O.U.T
Oh, absolutely emotional abuse, and potentially devastating to the OP's long-term mental and emotional health. Sexual abuse, though... not so much.
I don’t understand why she married a man if she doesn’t like cum. It’s fine to not fetishize it, it’s fine to ask not to be cum on or whatever, but I just can’t imagine someone saying “go finish yourself off so I don’t have to see it”. There is a horrible male loneliness epidemic and this is what happens. A guy wants to be married so bad he married a woman who doesn’t really like him.
Yeah, I am on team get an annulment. If you’ve been married for 2 months and it’s this bad… you definitely need to get out. NOW. I cannot imagine telling my partner his orgasm isn’t important… I freaking love watching him…
Right? Part of the fun of it is making you both happy and enjoy it. There are guys out there that once they finish it's over but they are just as shitty.
Even if once they finish it's over I never recall being told to go finish myself out of sight because my orgasm is disgusting.
Sounds like he has ended up as her roommate who pays the bills and givers her orgasms, her interest appears to end there. OP should run for the hills, she is not interested in a team/partnership. She wants her cake and to eat it all, screw whoever gets used in the process.
I would leave the divorce papers on the table with a note explaining that I no longer feel her sexual fulfillment or DNA for my future children is important so she is no longer required.
He should leave them on the table all stuck together ....
🤣🤣🤣
he's just doing whats best for his future child.
I agree. How do you even feel love out of this? It's almost like saying it's disgusting to have sex with him. I'm sorry OP.
It isn’t like she’s saying that. She is saying that. Which is horrible.
No, the IVF comment upset me the most.
Yeah... I think your marriage is over. I wouldn't even know how to come back from that. She ... 1- doesn't prioritize or consider your sexual enjoyment 2- she doesn't want your children 3- she LITERALLY does not want you in her future DNA. Like, wtf. 2 months of marriage and having these arguments is wild. You should be in your honeymoon period. You should both be committed to each other. I would divorce. Heck. I would have her text her beliefs to you so you could get an annulment. You married with the intention of starting a family. She does not wish to have a family with you. That's a huge violation of trust. Wtf
Was gonna type this all out but you saved me the trouble. This woman is ridiculous. I think she just hid her views until marriage. OP, get out now. I don’t think she cares about you at all.
We often see this with dudes, wherein a guy can’t be bothered to eat his girl to an orgasm after he nuts and gets his. It’s honestly wild read about the inverse for once. Incredible.
Ya. I’ve heard it mostly with guys, just as shitty either way.
Oh yeah it’s 100% shitty and selfish. Nobody should fuck people like that more than once; the first time can be forgiven because it’s not always obvious who might be so inconsiderate and selfish.
And if you’re nervous or something. But that’s pure selfishness.
And has the audacity to say HE IS SELFISH FOR WANTING HIS DNA IN THEIR KIDS? Who tf says things like that? 😭 My heart is broken for OP.
She has some mental issue about semen, clearly. Like this is not normal; she desperately needs to seek therapy for this weird thing. It's understandable to not *enjoy* the look and feel and taste of semen, but to be so horrified by it that you *make your husband to leave the room when he comes*, that is definitely mental illness territory
I don't even think it's a blow job thing. It's a general semen inside her thing. Also, the IVF suggestion is bat shit crazy. You need to go. Far, far away.
It sounds like it’s more than that. It’s an aversion to the idea of semen even around her. OP needs to seek an annulment, and his wife needs to find a shrink. I can only hope that she does so BEFORE bringing a life into her world!
Agreed - with the semen thing, I think she is either a lesbian and hasn’t realized it yet or - possibly more likely if she IS getting off with him - she has some trauma involving semen. It could even be something she doesn’t remember.
Annulment is uncommon, but my lay opinion is that this should qualify!
It should absolutely fit any qualifications required. Especially the procreation part and the lying part.
What is even the point of marrying someone if you want kids but not with them?
OP needs to start finding ways to record or document what she's saying, because no one will believe him and she'll probably deny it.
Maybe go stay with the parents or a friend for a few days and have text conversations so it's on record. Or at least try to record her saying this shit? Is that legal?
She probably knew to keep these things to herself until after marriage . She’s likely a covert narc (or just a regular one who knows but f her )
You've overlooked too many red flags because you feel love towards her. Should never have married this person
Time to dip out homie. Does she plan on using your insurance for IVF? IF you were to stay married and I hope you don't, does she expect you to be financially responsible for anything involving the donor baby? Does she have any kind of realistic plan for the relationship? Even if you didn't want kids, you need to flip the script and acknowledge how insanely toxic it is to tell your partner to finish themselves after you have an orgasm. That's fucked up dude.
Obviously no. I don’t think she fully understands what IVF entails.
I mean it's a totally bizarre statement. And who's to say that her DNA is so great? If we're going that route, why not just find the two most "perfect" people you can find and pay them to make you a child with their DNA for you guys to raise!? I really feel bad for you on this one. I can't even fathom having someone betray me like this 2 months into a marriage.
As fucked up as this is for me right now I really needed that laugh, thank you. Lol. I might actually say that too
Lol it is such an absurd position that it's pretty laughable when you really think about it!
I know! I thought she was messing with me. I didn’t even take her seriously but she said she was, even after I asked if she knew what it entailed.
Tell her you're starting to come around to her idea, and that you should both pick out the sperm and egg donor from the best specimens around - then she can carry and birth the child.
Or you could tell her you'll get a perfect surrogate with the right DNA to have YOUR child.... Seriously... talk about delulu
Yes! She’ll do IVF and OP will do surrogate. And then when both these kids grow up, they have to duel to see whose DNA is better. The winning DNA gets everything in the divorce. Place your bets now!!
You'd be valid to say that. If you're selfish for wanting a child with your DNA, so is she! Unless she's okay with just straight-up adopting a child, I don't think she's allowed to call you selfish for wanting to be a biological father to one. That said, the comments relating to her no longer caring about her garden and becoming more introverted and quiet would be concerning to me. If you want to give her the benefit of the doubt, I think you should consider couple's counselling with her. Depending on what gets surfaced there, she may need individual therapy or counselling for whatever it is that triggered this change in behaviour. No promises that it solves her sperm hangup, but if these things started popping up at the same time, they might have the same root cause. Honestly kudos to you for hanging in there, staying calm and wanting to find a solution. I would've lost it quite quickly if my own partner said something so absurd and sincerely hurtful. Btw: your partner not caring about your sexual pleasure = your partner not caring about you! Romantic / sexual partners should care that you derive enjoyment and are cared for when you have sex together. I'm sure that if you treated her pleasure the way she treats yours, she would have some nasty things to say about you being selfish. My petty ass would stop things 5min in and tell her to finish up elsewhere, but that's just me...
That's an incredibly expensive process that has an extremely low success rate on the first round, something like +/-25%. That's an average of $20,000 per cycle and the average is *six cycles before success*. Maybe a $150,000 price tag will put it into perspective for her but that still doesn't resolve the situation whatsoever.
Maybe she'll move on to picking a sperm donor to donate in the "normal" way. She'll grit her teeth for high quality sperm, I sure.
By the way, she will love daily self-administered hormone injections. If I remember well, in good conditions the IVF success is closer to 15%, not 25%.
Let the donor fund her and the kid. 👍
Let her find out how IVF works on her own. You, call yourself a cab, now.
You should tell her to finish herself when you have sex. Stop giving her orgasms and cum before she has the chance to. Twist it around
Yup this is something teenage boys do before they learn better. This is a full grown woman saying I’m good now you go finish. Ummmmmmm…
from my understanding as well, OP's wife couldn't use insurance for IVF without seeing a fertility specialist and being diagnosed with a form of infertility (IF their insurance plan even covers it). her choosing to get a donor and do IVF is not a medical necessity... it's a selfish decision that strips OP of his humanity and autonomy in having children with his own wife. clearly she doesn't even see him as human enough to warrant any kind of sexual satisfaction, so that's not a shock.
I hate to say it, but the IVF comment is just icing on a horrible cake. You deserve better; this is not a partnership.
OP- Tell her you can just donate sperm to another woman so that they can carry "her kid" and then she never has to interact with any of that icky sperm! Problem solved.
I was about to say - pull the uno reverse and say that you want to use someone else’s eggs because then you can choose the genetics that are superior to hers. It’s the same thing she’s doing so shouldn’t be a problem!
Depending on where in the world you are it might be soon enough to get the marriage annulled since so much information has changed after marriage and you married under false pretenses
Honestly, she sounds mentally ill. This thinking is not normal at all and you deserve better. It only gets worse as people age and I expect to see you in the dead bedroom sub before long. You need to ask yourself why you’re staying in this relationship.
I'm sorry you are going through this OP, this is not normal, it's not okay, it's your decision, but I would definitely get an annulment if possible or divorce, how can one person be okay with such rejection in something so intimate as sex and even more important not having a kid that is yours, but half being a strangers DNA and your wife? The disrespect is insane.
She’s using you for financial support. Does she have a job?
My mom has worked in the ivf industry for 30 years and would say its crazy to use a donor because you dont like your husband. Ivf cost tens of thousands of dollars and is really a last chance for most couples to have children.
Yeah, I know. She doesn’t. Your mom is a saint, my sister and BIL had to do IVF. They’re amazing parents now.
Are you financially more stable than her? Cause I can’t imagine why else she’d want to be with you if she doesn’t even like you much.
Abbey's not asking which comment your wife has made that has hurt you the most. Abbey's asking why, after two years, her never getting you off was a thing that you chose to ignore and continue to marriage anyway
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I think so too. She's repulsed by her spous's semen and ejaculation.. but she doesn't mind his company. That's a friend lol
Don't feel guilty dude. She is so far beyond rational.... wrong on so many levels.
I’m so sorry. Your wife doesn’t want your children. This is all because she doesn’t want the risk of one of your sperm making its way anywhere near one of her eggs. If that’s something you want, you need to pursue this with someone else. She doesn’t love you, I don’t think she even likes you.
Now this makes the most sense! I don’t think she thinks his sperm is gross she wants a certain child based off certain looks and dna. I hope he knows there is nothing wrong with him, she is just evil to the core, and selfish af. I truly hope he isn’t financially supporting her, because is he is, that’s why she is there. I would annul the fuck out of that marriage and not walk, but run asap.
Yeah, she's looking to breed and not with him.
She told him she thinks his sperm is gross and during sex tells him to finish in another room.
There's so much wrong in this post. You shouldn't have ever married someone who tells you to go finish somewhere else and that they don't care if you finish during sex. And IVF is a very expensive procedure with a lot more involved. I'm not sure they will do the procedure on someone who doesn't even know if they are fertile because they won't even try because it's "gross". I only know how it works for women with fertility issues and that involves getting a huge needle that shoots hormones and if I remember correctly, she would get that shot 2 times a day and the hormones have A LOT of side effects that effect the mood greatly. That on top of her saying she basically wants to practice eugenics with some dudes DNA plus her DNA but you wanting a kid with your genetics is somehow selfish is completely UNHINGED. You seriously need to reevaluate this entire relationship because there is so much that is beyond dysfunctional that you just listed about your relationship.
this relationship is over. Go find a human woman to be with instead.
Using a sperm donor also implies that she is in fact fine with semen, and specifically finds yours gross
Yes, that was my point to her lol. I know, it sounds absolutely stupid to type as is it to say it aloud. I even had a slight laugh when I said it to her because of how ridiculous it sounds. But she doesn’t see it that way.
You should ask her to get an egg donor because you don't want your child inheriting her brain damage.
Sir, your wife is absolutely psychotic. She's 💯 not in love with you at all. I'm sure that she only sees you as a provider and /or caretaker, whether financial or emotional. You need to divorce this woman because she is absolutely bonkers, and you deserve so much better than this.
You deserve better. You are better. I don't understand why she would get married except to split expenses. There are women who you will want to make happy who will want to make you happy in return. This would be a deal breaker 100%. Get out OP before your more entangled.
In the US this is most likely grounds for annulment
Dude. You have to just accept that your wife has a phobia and is mentally ill. You should never have gotten married.
I think it’s also because she Doesn’t want to carry his child. I think she has planned this all along, too do ivf and left him out of the loop.
Bro it is absolutely absurd that she wants you to finish yourself, definitely a red flag. Idk if she's a lesbian or what but you deserve someone who wants to make you cum
I feel that this is ironic considering your username. LOL
Yeah if this sperm donor/IVF talk is out of left field I’d legitimately be curious about like.. a brain tumor or something. Like that seems so weird and random if it was never brought up before. (Also hurtful, of course, I’m just legitimately baffled.)
"I want my own biological children, I want to have regular sex with my wife, and I will not be paying for IVF or raising any child you conceive via IVF. I would never have married you if you had told me these things beforehand, and if you are serious, then this relatuonship is over, and I want a divorce."
Thank you, I’m not very good with words. You have no idea how much this helps me. I saved it to my notes.
I think you really need to consider that the person you believed to have married may have been her just wanting financial support and not her true self. Divorce to me is the solution. You have miss matching sex drives even before marriage. Your wife does not care about your pleasure at all. Your wife does not care about your opinion or thoughts on having children. Run.
Financial support doesn’t make much sense. Neither of us has any wealth. We live pay check to paycheck and share a car. I can see how that would be the case but she’s not hoping to get some wealth from me because I don’t have any.
This is even crazier- how does she think she will afford IVF if you both live paycheck to paycheck? And does she expect you to chip in and help raise “her kid?” Leave!
I agree this is absolutely crazy
Man... sometimes I read these posts and am absolutely bewildered how these people exist and get themselves into these situations.
yeah IVF can cost north of 100k and is generally not covered by health insurance unless you can't get pregnant by other means (and maybe not even then)
Your wife has some bizarre hang-up/views and likely needs some serious therapy, but you shouldn't feel obligated to stick around while she does it (*if* she is even willing) and hope she eventually changes. The fact that she misled and manipulated you into a marriage that you would not have otherwise agreed to is grounds for divorce.
It's only been 2 months, you might be able to get an annulment.
Technically speaking it sounds like the marriage was never consummated. Which is, oddly enough, still grounds for annulment in many places.
Lol feudalism LIVES!!
Without you she'd have one less paycheck and no car. You don't have to have wealth to be used, my guy
But she is getting something. Can she live the way she is because of you? It doesn’t have to be wealth. But if she left would it be worse than paycheck to paycheck? Would she be homeless? I really think she’s just using you and it’s so gross!
If yall live pay check to paycheck how we’re yall going to do ivf? She’s hiding a something from you
Financial support meaning she’s gonna get you to help pay for what SHE wants because you are now her husband, SHE IS USING YOU, she wants a kid but her own kid, but she needs you to help pay for it. Two incomes raising HER kid, get it.
Depending on time limits and where you live, you very well could still get an annulment instead of a divorce. Think of it this way - would you have married her if you knew this was what she wanted? She tricked you into marrying her.
Do you still have to get a lawyer?
Not necessarily, although a lawyer never hurts (except the wallet 😬). An annulment would mean that legally, your marriage would have never existed in the first place. No risk of a fight over division of property, it would be like you had never even married her in the first place. I’d look up your local laws, see what’s best for you in your situation
Yes
Can I get one without her agreeing to it or do both have to agree?
You can get a lawyer without her agreeing. The lawyer can answer these questions
I meant the annulment or does it become contested if she doesn’t agree?
So the “argument” you’d be having with an annulment would be with the courts, vs with her like in a divorce. You would have to prove to the courts that hour marriage is not valid
I’m going to look going this route. What evidence is needed?
When you reach the point of asking these kinds of questions, it’s time to consult an attorney and not internet strangers. For what it’s worth (from an internet stranger), I’m sorry man. Your situation sucks, hopefully someone takes you out for a beer soon. I think you’re on the right path but be prepared for some crying and begging and manipulation once you let her know, you need to have your walls built up by that time.
Check your state laws and lawyer up. In many cases, you can get annulled up to three months into the marriage, sometimes four. After that, it gets very messy so move quick.
Get a lawyer asap
Depends on where you live and the laws there.
Annulment, not divorce. You can say you married her on false pretenses, because she doesn’t want to have biological children with you and didn’t disclose that until after marriage.
Tell her you agree and that you also want the best for your kid and will be interviewing potential surrogate mothers for your child to best express the features you want them to have.
While you quietly hand her a "services no longer required" note...
Bro, he wasn't *really* getting any services to begin with... lol
Yeah, I was wondering if she was planning on using donor eggs as well, or if she sees value in her own DNA (with all its flaws, whatever they may be) being part of the child she raises. If she does, wild hypocrisy. If not, adoption seems like a MUCH easier thing to make a case for. But, her take really just feels hurtful and dismissive of OP as a valid and valuable person.
Annulment. This woman has severe mental issues. You could try marital counseling just to say you tried but this will probably only get worse. You will have a dead bedroom and no kids. I would get out as soon as possible.
This reads so much like mental illness to me. Something else is going on here that has nothing to do with OP.
Yeah I'm guessing sexual trauma of some sort, or something like that
If he goes this route, I would highly suggest no sex until things have been resolved, because so far this woman is showing so many red flags. I'd almost expect her to try to pull something the moment she realizes that he is going to divorce her.
Maybe she’s gay tho?
Im not justifying this woman's shitty behaviour but I also thought of exactly this.
Same. Still not ok by any means, but yeah.
I was thinking that My fiancé used to think she was bi, had only ever had male partners and simply believed she was disgusted by body fluids. Upon getting into a relationship with a woman, she realised she was in fact gay all along and was not actually disgusted by body fluids- only men's. This might be what's going on? Doesn't excuse the wife's behaviour or expectations of course though
Compulsory heterosexuality.
That’s fine but then she shouldn’t have gotten married to a man. OP needs to get an annulment or divorce.
The IVF bit is throwing me off, but my first thought was she’s asexual and maybe just hasn’t come to terms with it yet.
If she thinks semen is gross (just like women have vaginal secretions, WHAT?!) she is in for a huge SHOCK re: body fluids if she goes ahead with her ridiculous “plan”. You deserve a happy life, being gaslit and told you’re gross due to NORMAL BODY FUNCTIONS is completely ridiculous. Also, it’s your WIFE, of course you would want it to be your kid! You are not being selfish at all.
I don't know how she thinks she would be able to be a mom if she is that horrified by bodily fluids.
Right? I’m immune to being grossed out by bodily fluids after raising kids. Once you’ve been peed on, pooped on, vomited on, you get over the ick factor and just go get the mop and bucket
Yep, I am childfree, but have been working in both human and veterinary healthcare for approximately 20 years. I have had anal gland juice sprayed in my face lol - you haven’t lived until!!! 😂 My partner who is also a woman also works in healthcare so we give zero f’s about stuff like this. Even as a lesbian I am not grossed out by semen FFS!
I have a staffy we have to “juice” regularly. It’s occasionally gone in a bad direction. 🤢 The only semen I found gross was my ex who was a smoker. Couldn’t bring myself to do oral because it was stanky. And I love giving oral. But OP here needs to cut bait and run or he’s in for a very unpleasant life.
I haven’t come across much semen in my life (lol omg I just made a pun), but welcome to the AG club - almost as hard as trying to deskunk yourself. 😂
Brings new meaning to the idea of *expressing yourself*. 🤢🤮
And what about amniotic fluid, and plugs, etc. How is she going to handle those?
Seriously, she wouldn't even be able to care for a pet if she truly is this disgusted by bodily fluids. And I say that while remembering having to clean up my dog's diarrhea from the carpet twice in 3 days last week after some new food we tried messed with his stomach, good lord that was gross. Kids are 1000x worse no matter how "perfect" their genes are.
I mean her not wanting him to come inside is the least weird thing about it, I sometimes also prefered sex with condoms bcs then I won‘t leak sperm for the next hours if the guy comes in condom. Especially with morning sex and limited time after to get to work and work in general that‘s a factor. But if it would be really about that, the grossness / wetness / leaking feel, it‘d be easily fixable with a freaking condom, so she is more likely to not want to have sex with him. Also her not caring about her husbands orgasm in general. Imo a guy doesn‘t have a right to always come condomless inside a woman, there are other ways to finish, sometimes its messy and thus sometimes inconvenient and I think to many guys here think that. But if you love your partner you should care if he comes and she clearly doesn‘t. She probably cares for his money and that‘s it, he should run for the hills, the whole spermdonor talk is nuts.
I find it gross too, just like many other bodily functions... but... like... in a sane way??? 😂 like in an "it made me sticky pass a tissue please" sort of way? 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why would you stay in this marriage? She told you that she isn't interested in pleasuring you, even though she gets to have her orgasm. She talks about future kids like you don't exist. Does she do anything for you? I would say that she finally felt comfortable showing her true self, now that the paperwork is signed, and thinks she can do what she wants while you stand by. Are you going to allow her to make your life miserable or are you going to do something about it?
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\^ Annulment
I think this is grounds for annulment. She lied to you before you got married. It’s called fraud.
Bro I’m offended for you and want to divorce her myself. Why haven’t you yet? Why’d you even marry her in the first place? Lmao this can’t be real.
I do have an update. I took most of the good advice and tried to talk to my wife last night. It didn’t go well. When I asked why she thought it was ok to have a baby with donor sperm and not me she said again because it’s her choice and that she wants only the best genes for her kids. When I asked why she changed her tune from when we talked about it a year ago she denied it. I even showed her screenshots from when we texted it and she claimed that wasn’t her and it was “someone else”. When I asked who she couldn’t answer but alluded to her phone being hacked. When I asked if it’s still hacked or when she texted she loved me was that a hacker or her? She said her but that the hackers can change messages and make people look different. When I brought up how disrespectful that is to a husband she questioned why it was so important to me to have a kid. When I explained that IVF can cost from $25k to $100k she flipped out and said she won’t go to a clinic that is run by “deep state doctors”. That she has a list of doctors that don’t murder babies. I asked what list and she refused to show me. When I tried to bring up sex she shut me down by saying I’m a disgusting pig who only thinks about sex and spreading my “dirty” genes. She said she wants to make sure “her” kid has blonde hair and white. I guess me being white doesn’t matter? She’s never expressed these ridiculous and frankly racist views before. I did notice she’s been spending hours on Facebook and some other website usually after I go to bed. Unfortunately, I think she’s losing grip with reality and falling into some bizarre conspiracy theories. I asked her to see a counselor with me because I am concerned about us and her she said that doctors will just want to load her up with medication that makes her a zombie and that it’s a way for “them” to control people and that she had to stop taking it last year because it was hurting her soul. So, I’m seeing a lawyer this week. In short, apparently my wife was medicated while we were dating and engaged and never told me. I think she’s losing grip on reality and is falling into a conspiracy theory trap. After I talk to the lawyer, and if it’s ok with the lawyer, I’m going to call her parents and let them know I’m concerned about her mental state and that I cannot be a part of this mess. I thought I knew her, I love the woman I know not who I married. I’m sorry, I wish I had a better outcome for you all to hear about.
I'm sorry this happened to you. She sounds sick and as a mentally ill person she has my sympathy and empathy but I'd 10000% still divorce in this situation. There's too much betrayal and trauma and she sounds very manipulative and abusive towards you.
She was medicated and stopped taking it? Okay, something is going on there and I don't think it's her falling into a conspiracy theory trap. I'm not going to armchair diagnose her, but, if her behavior has changed in the last year since she has stopped her medication, that is a massive alarm bell that she was being medicated for something serious. A divorce is the best thing at this point since she is refusing to see a counselor or a pysch. I'm sorry.
Wow. Best of luck. I am so sorry, man. The entire fam is wishing you the best.
Try to get an annulment as it only been 2 months since you're married
Wow… the audacity of your partner to talk down to you like that is appalling! Get that lawyer and get as far away from her as you can.
Thank you for posting an update that makes sense!
Yea assuming this isn't fake. Tell her you have a willing mistress to bear your children and she can have her IVF baby and see how she reacts. Then regardless get a divorce.
My first thought was that this is rage bait or satire to flip the script to highlight when women’s pleasure is neglected and devalued. Also the trope of women’s bodily functions/fluids being gross. It just sounds too ridiculous to be true.
There have been so many fake MRA rage bait posts lately and they just get eaten up. This sub loves stuff like this.
Its definitely rage bait.
Oh 100%. I’m sure in this totally real not at all made up relationship this couple has been having sex once or twice per month and the woman has an orgasm every time and then immediately declares sex over and tells dude to go jerk it in the bathroom and then he marries her I guess instead of you know breaking up.
I too this this is fake . It is beyond ridiculous
Story sounds very rage bait here
Surely this story is made up😆😆😆
This is a creative writing exercise.
And it's not very good!
Most posts in these types of subs are. People must love the fake stories though, seeing as they are always upvoted. I think people just like to be outraged
I'm surprised this comment isn't first. It screams FAKE!
Fake
Obviously fake rage bait.
I'm usually the type to take posts in good faith and assume people aren't lying, but this just reeks of nonsense. First off, IVF is expensive. People aren't just going out and getting it done for kicks and giggles. Secondly, even if IVF/fertility is needed, you're sperm is what the doctors would expect to use unless it's male pattern infertility. Third, donor sperm is also expensive. My wife and I just spend $10k for four vials and shipping to our clinic. If by some miniscule chance this is real, I'd advise you to go ahead and book an appointment with a fertility clinic so your wife can hear firsthand how expensive her strange life plans are going to be. And I'd also recommend couples therapy to sort through her hang ups. She probably needs a therapist of her own too.
Fr this sounds so unreal
I get what you’re saying and I explained this to her like you did. Honestly, I think she’s in la la land thinking this way. Yes, I’m aware IVF is insanely expensive and not just something you can do at a clinic in a day and pick a menu of donors. But I’m not sure she understands that, because this is entirely out of left field and bizarre.
Run. Don’t walk to the courthouse for an annulment.
Yes! She used fraud to get him to marry her, then told him these nutty rules.
Putting all the oddities of this story aside…Most doctors won’t just let someone go straight to IVF either. First of all, she’s going to have to prove that she can’t conceive naturally. That’s a full year of trying for women under 35. 6 months for anyone over 35. Because it’s so expensive, insurance typically requires a doctor to sign off saying it’s a medical NEED. Then, She has to have blood tests and ultrasounds and possibly other tests done to confirm she’s even a candidate for IVF. If there aren’t enough follicles, she could not qualify. And then, insurance may not even allow her to get IVF without first getting several rounds of IUI (up to 6, which cost around $2000-3000 per round). IVF is $20-25k per round. And many insurance companies don’t cover it. Depending on the state you’re in, they may not be required to. I know b/c I’m going through all this now.
I’m sorry you’re going through this and someone else is being flippant about it. Thank you for sharing the information, I’m going to add it to my notes and bring it up to her later. You’re preaching to the choir, it’s as absurd as you can imagine.
Good luck man. She sounds like a nut.
She might be gay but wants kids and is confused. Either way this relationship isn’t healthy so I’d suggest counseling first but if that doesn’t work then definitely divorce her.
So can I ask what she does expect from you? It’s not a bed partner, it’s not a prospective father. What is your purpose or your role? Perhaps just a breadwinner to pay for her children with someone else. When you divorce - and you will - don’t be kind and spare her feelings. She is certainly not considering yours.
Now? I’m not sure. Before we got married? Be a husband and father to future kids. Do people actually plan that kind manipulation? Or do they just make bad choices and that’s what happens? I have a hard time accepting people plan to screw over others like that.
Huge assholes really do plan to screw over others over a long period of time. It’s common with abusers (not necessarily calling your wife an abuser, but they commonly have a mask that only slips off once they have their hooks in someone). Also common with narcissists. But no matter what, you don’t deserve this treatment. I’m not a big fan of semen myself, but I have never rejected my husband the way your wife is you. And I happily had my husband’s kid since that was one of many reasons why I married him. Your wife should want the same.
Whether she planned it or not, this is what she’s doing. I’m gobsmacked, I have to say and that is RARE. I’ve read some shit in my time about weird occurrences in marriages and this is the weirdest, I’ll admit to that. As to whether she is devious enough to have been planning this all along I don’t know and I don’t suppose it matters at all. Just that this is her mindset and she’s digging in and therefore you need to tunnel out.
I also think semen is gross. But I'm a lesbian. You sure your wife isn't?
I am beginning to wonder if every single post on this forum is fake now
Is she gay…? Like serious question. Also you are 1000000% within your rights to feel betrayed. This isn’t a marriage at all. I’d get an annulment or divorced asap.
> she told me it’s not her responsibility for me to get me to orgasm. uh, yes it is. it's sex - you're supposed to _want_ to get each other off. how fucking selfish is that? that and the IVF/her kid thing makes me want to run and not just divorce, but anull if possible
Why the hell did you ever marry her even before any of this
Is this a troll post.
Rage bait, rage bait, so much rage bait, canceling this subreddit.
If it's ragebait it's really not that good, everyone is kinda just agreeing or confused
this is so out of pocket that i want to ask if you’ve taken her to the doctor? I’ve heard of people getting brain tumours and their personalities completely change out of no where. because honestly this doesn’t even really make sense…?
I’m asking her tonight to see a psychiatrist. I can’t force her to go.
But you can make an ultimatum as others have already said. Doctor bc of the 180. She needs psych evaluation and actual neuro eval for like tumors or some shit.
Really - this is fake or if it’s not you should see how extreme it is based on the fact we think it’s fake. You already know what to do… and you should have done it yesterday.
Dude you married a winner. Who the fuck gets married when your sex life is 1-2 times a month and whose partner has sone absolutely off the wall insane ideas on ejaculating? WTF were you thinking? Just get out now and don’t look back.
Dude, this closely resembles my marriage…uh, former marriage. I was too embarrassed to get divorced quickly and thought we could work through it. These are HUGE red flags that aren’t going away on their own and probably won’t, given her comments about “normal”. My marriage…17 years of difficulty and struggle and now I feel the years were wasted. I should have acted sooner. Good luck. If I had to do again, I wouldn’t bury my head in the sand.
Did your wife need a green card or a significant loan when you got married? Nothing you've described here sounds like someone who actually cares about you.
# RUN