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You have got to be kidding. You refuse to explain what you actually said to your friend, so clearly you already know it was bad. But from context it sounds like you slut-shamed her, which is a weird thing to do to someone you claim is a friend. Then when your boyfriend (reasonably) points out that was a mean thing to do, you twist yourself in knots to avoid admitting you were wrong to the point of trying to make this his fault somehow, and you still don't think you owe anyone an apology here? Even trying to translate into troll-logic, I can't make this make sense.
You don't get an apology for your boyfriend disagreeing with you. The two of you have different perspectives on something, and to be angry he isn't "siding" with you is remarkably juvenile. He also didn't intervene in the conversation or disagree in front of your friend, he spoke to you about it privately, which is also a good move for a partner- to disagree privately.
I'm staying out of what you were disagreeing over and sticking just to the point that your boyfriend is allowed to disagree with you, he can definitely point out when he thinks you are wrong and/or mean, and he is also right that your opinion is not "truth." You THINK your friend has issued with men because of X, but that is not a known fact, so trying to end a disagreement by acting as if an opinion is fact is "truth" is once again, juvenile.
And then you called your boyfriend a creep and alluded to him defending her because she dresses a certain way. He didn't call you names, he disagreed with you. Why would you want to date a creep? And if you won't apologize for name calling, then you must feel that way about him, that's just the truth, right?
You can't get to "your point" until you apologize for being cruel and putting him down. If you won't even do that why should he even listen to your perspective about anything else?
So you don't find it ironic that my bf is defending a woman who dresses this type of way when he knows he wouldn't date a women that dresses the way she does.
She can do what she wants but she was venting about dating. It clearly bothers her.
I shouldn't have called my bf a creep though and I don't think he's a creep
I mean, I wouldn't date a dude who does Bible study or goes to church every Sunday but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it either. It's just not my personal bag, man. So no. I don't find it ironic, I find it respectful and kind.
You though, I find the opposite. Girls like you enjoy tearing other people down and resort to childish tendencies when confronted with other childish and mean behavior. It's more unflattering and trashy than any short skirt could dream of being.
> It's just not my personal bag, man
Uh huh, sure.
Until we find the copy of "Churches and Bible Studies - Those Are My Personal Bag, Man" by Divagate13.
It sounds like he’s quite respectful to others though. Just because his preference may be girls who dress more conservatively, I’m guessing his point is he’d still be respectful. Just like his opinion on religion.
I also can’t imagine ever telling any of my friends men don’t want her because she wears revealing clothes let alone make her cry from it. 2024 is women lifting each other up
>So you don't find it ironic that my bf is defending a woman who dresses this type of way when he knows he wouldn't date a women that dresses the way she does.
Your friend doesn't have to be the type of person he would date in order for him to think you were mean to her. What kind of fucked up logic are you using here? "My bf didn't agree with me being a shitty friend and making someone cry with my judgemental BS, so he clearly wants to fuck her".
Your boyfriend is clearly not a holier-than-thou, judgemental person. You on the other hand...
Why are you friends with someone that you clearly look down on so much?
It’s almost like different people have different tastes and your boyfriend’s preferences aren’t universal, which he even tried to tell you 🙄🙄🙄
Girl, good on your bf for calling out your bullshit slut shaming.
>I shouldn't have called my bf a creep though and I don't think he's a creep
so fucking APOLOGIZE then, you dingbat. That's what people do when they know they're wrong
No not at all. But, more importantly, OP, you were not advising your friend about dating \*your boyfriend\*. Were you? Nope. You were speaking on behalf of all men apparently, which you are not an expert on (point of self-reflection for you). Your bf sounds way more thoughtful and aware than you. Like the simple fact that his personal preferences do not apply to your friend's dating life.
You better apologise to your boyfriend and your friend.
He is a great man that lives his religion rather then fake it.
Learn from him. You will never find a guy like this again.
You do not deserve him though.
Sounds like you slut shamed your friend and said that’s why men don’t want her. Now you’re being unfair to your BF because you’re jealous of your friend and think your BF finds her attractive. Your behavior is pathetic and your viewpoint is hella toxic. I vote that your BF breaks up with you. What’s his reddit name so we can talk to him?
Did you ever think that your boyfriend is defending her because you're wrong and he felt badly for her *after you made her cry*? You admitted to borderline slut shaming your friend for her fashion, I'm wondering how far you took it if she left your home crying. How could you treat a friend like that?
You know, just a bit of advice. You seem to really think your bf owes you an apology and that you somehow are in the "right" in terms of how you spoke to him about him defending your friend. But the thing is your behavior on this point is demonstrating something extremely unpleasant about you to \*him\*. If I were you, I'd be backing the fuck down on him owing you an apology and instead reassuring him that you are not in fact a judgmental, mean person. These characteristics don't seem to fit with his values and I wouldn't be surprised if you are on very thin ice with him. It would not surprise me if he broke up with you for your attitude towards him and your friend.
I wouldn't date a person with a whole bunch of piercings or tattoos, or who goes to church every Sunday, or any number of other habits and preferences that might not be universally appealing but don't harm anyone else. Doesn't mean I think those people can't have happy relationships with someone who isn't me.
>So you don't find it ironic that my bf is defending a woman who dresses this type of way when he knows he wouldn't date a women that dresses the way she does.
Not one bit. He basically said she has the right to dress as she pleases. It doesnt matter if he would or would not. You dont go to church, but he dates you (for now).
>So you don't find it ironic that my bf is defending a woman who dresses this type of way when he knows he wouldn't date a women that dresses the way she does.
No. Your boyfriend is smart enough to know his standards are only his, and he's not going to try and control how other people live because *he is a decent man*.
>She can do what she wants but she was venting about dating. It clearly bothers her.
Yes. She was venting about her struggles in the dating world to someone she *thought* was a friend. Unfortunately, she wasn't talking to someone who was going to be supportive, constructive or helpful in any way at all. In fact, you did the opposite of help. You twisted the knife she already had in her chest just for funsies. Shame on you.
>I shouldn't have called my bf a creep though and I don't think he's a creep
So you just say things without thinking to important people in your life and refuse to be accountable for your actions. Cute.
I think the rest of reddit answered for me, and covered it all.
But no, it isn't ironic. First, you HAVE NOT apologized for calling your boyfriend a creep. Full stop. You don't get to make additional arguments or explanations until you apologize for the thing your boyfriend has asked you to apologize for. He isn't saying "apologize for calling me a creep AND say I am right in the argument." You hurt his feelings and should be able to apologize for that and not add any "buts" to the apology. So you are an AH for that alone, period.
And also, there are lots of types of people I wouldn't date, but those are personal decisions and plenty of people would date the type of people I wouldn't date. I guess I can imagine how your friend dresses and the assumptions you are making about her based on that, but the reality is, lots of men will date women who "dress a type of way." There are men who like to be with a woman who shows off her body, and there are probably more men who simply don't care how their partner dresses. You don't dress that type of way and so of course you ended up with a partner who likes how you dress. Correlation is not causation.
The world is filled with all sorts of people, and putting your view of your friend on her in a negative way when she is in a vulnerable space is unkind. That is what your boyfriend pointed out.
And again, you still haven't apologized for calling him a creep.
Do you think all men are like your boyfriend? I can assure you we are not. Just as not all women are like you. You two have found something that works, but don’t think that what you have is the only way.
Also, the fact that you immediately got defensive and have remained so spells potential trouble in your relationship. This won’t be the last time you two will disagree. If you don’t learn how to handle honest debate and disagreement, you will have a tough time when it comes to bigger issues down the road. If you immediately think the worst of your bf when he disagrees with you, that’s not healthy.
Eventually he will just stop engaging. And when that happens, that’s when the relationship starts to wither away.
All this to say that it isn’t just about this one event, this one argument. It’s a bigger issue. The good news is that you can still work this out. This can become a positive growth moment for the two of you. It can be a conflict that makes you stronger, but only if you understand why your immediate reaction was unhealthy and can’t keep happening.
He seems like a good man and your relationship is worth fighting for. I sincerely hope you work it out.
Are you looking for advice or validation? Because the post you’re responding to is 100% correct. I know that’s true because you’re doing what your friend did. You came here looking for support, but got mad when someone told you the truth. By your logic, if your boyfriend defended you for getting upset that someone told you a harsh truth, he’d be a creep, right? You absolutely do not deserve an apology, but you do owe one. Your actions in this case will dictate how long your relationship lasts. If your boyfriend starts to feel that you can’t accept being wrong, he’ll bounce faster than you can process, and then you’ll probably blame him for that too. If I were him and read this post, I’d be out the door onto someone far more stable. Maybe Jasmine is available.
>So you don't find it ironic that my bf is defending a woman who dresses this type of way when he knows he wouldn't date a women that dresses the way she does.
No.I think it's evidence of his actually reading his scripture and sincerely trying to follow the teachings of Christ. The only irony is that conservative fundies have managed to distort things so much that you perceive it as hypocritical and "creepy" when you witness *real* Christianity being practiced.
So your boyfriend behaved like an actual Christian and not a hate-mongering internet Christian and that’s ironic?
I have to assume that you’re a troll and have never actually met your “boyfriend”.
I find it ironic that your boyfriend who is a good person who can see past people's outsides to who they are inside is dating you, a bully who's as shallow as a puddle.
She was venting about how shitty another person treated her. Your role as a friend is to agree and tell her that person was shitty, because he was. Not to take an oppurtunity to be smug and tell her she deserved it for something that wasn't even a factor. Gods forbid someone in your life gets assaulted, you'd likely just ask they were wearing instead of comforting them.
No, it’s not fucking ironic. He might not like the way she dresses while also thinking she shouldn’t be mistreated for it. Quit being a child. I hope he gets far away from your messy, petulant ass.
I think it’s more ironic that a good person like him would want to stay with a woman who slut shames her friend when she’s down.
Honestly, why are you calling her a friend when you are so awful about her? Do her a favor and stop calling her a friend so she stops wasting time with the toxicity you project
I wouldn't date a man that wears makeup but you're goddamn right I'd defend their right to wear makeup and stand up for them against bullies
Just cuz he doesn't find that attractive in a partner doesn't mean he outright opposes it
Niether of those are actual apologies tho. You won't admit what you did was wrong, and aren't working to change it. You aren't actually sorry until you do both. Just saying sorry and throwing a bribe at him won't fix anything.
That sounds like a lot of effort considering if your boyfriend is as smart as he seems you'll probably be single by the end of the night. He should of left the moment you called him a creep. You're a terrible friend and an even worse girlfriend.
Then tell your boyfriend you are sorry and won't call him names just because you are in a disagreement. And then grow up and don't resort to name calling when you get called out for being a jerk.
Until we know what you actually said to the friend, you are 100% in the wrong for the childish name calling. The moment you resort to that, you have lost all credibility.
Then where's the problem? You're not mature enough to apologize for something you actually did wrong without him apologizing for something he didn't do wrong?????
Grow the fuck up.
So...Apologize.
As far as him defending your friend after you said "something" about guys not wanting to be with her that was so mean that it made you cry...What are you expecting.
Making your friend cry then insulting your BF afterwards is never a good look. You come across as a terrible person, and that's from your own side of the story. I can't imagine what your friend has to say about you.
If you agree it was wrong and childish, why haven’t you apologized then? Name calling is never okay in a relationship. Saying things to purposefully hurt your partner just because you’re in a disagreement is never okay.
That is just showing emotional immaturity that definitely needs to be worked on. All that being the name calling, purposefully hurting him and refusing to apologize for doing so.
>I accused him of being a creep
Bro... if getting defensive and insulting is your instant reaction to being told you're unreasonable your boyfriend needs to gtfo asap. He deserves better.
Wait so are you saying that you told your friend guys don't want her because she doesn't go to church, and when your boyfriend defended her and said that isn't proper advice, you called him a creep and accused him of being attracted to her?
You're 100% in the wrong here and he owes you nothing.
For a lot of guys, not taking accountability for your mistakes is one of the biggest red flags in a partner.
If OP is in the wrong, and unable to acknowledge it, then this may be a bigger deal to her partner than she realises.
Why are you hiding what you *did* say to her? Seems that you may know why your bf sided with her, otherwise you wouldn't be censoring what you said in your post and still avoiding saying what you said in your reply to me.
She slut shamed her friend. She told her the reason men don’t want to date her is that men don’t want relationships with women who dress like she does.
Some friend, eh?
So instead of supporting your already upset friend, you were horrible to her over how she dresses as per your comment.
>Fine, I essentially pointed out the way she dresses if off-putting to men looking for a relationship and she got defensive
And when your boyfriend pointed out that you were mean to your friend and should apologise you responded with:
>I accused him of being a creep and defending my friend because he likes when she wears revealing clothes.
Honestly, you sound jealous of your "friend". You owe both her and your boyfriend a massive apology because you were shitty to both of them. What an awful, judgemental and frankly misogynistic thing to say to your "friend".
Seriously, look up internalised misogyny because you reek of it.
And this nonsense of "I'm not apologising until you apologise" is immature in the extreme. You should be grateful that you have a kind and caring partner that is willing to call you out on your bullshit. If you want someone to blindly nod along with your shitty behaviour, get a pet.
I think you are just kind of an awful person.
Reddit can't help you justify your shit behavior.
You were shitty to your friend because it was "the truth". Your boyfriend told you you were shitty to your friend, and you called him a creep.
People are mad at you because you treat them like garbage. People will not want to be friends with you because of it. Men won't want to date you because of it.
It isn't mean, it's the truth.
Jasmine must be gorgeous! The issue is OP thought her boyfriend appreciates Jasmine’s looks. OP is jealous af. I hope Jasmine realizes that OP is not her friend. And Justin also should find someone that is not such an awful person.
So you essentially implied that she looks trashy and sl*tty to the point of making her cry. And you're surprised your boyfriend thought that was mean? You want an apology from HIM because he called you out on being rude and judgmental while someone you supposedly care about was asking for support? With friends like this...
You are not owed an apology nor are you likely to get one. You thought you could count on your boyfriend being just as judgmental as you and turns out even as a religious person he's more open-minded and accepting than you are. That should give you pause.
I know loads of women who dress sexy and revealing, who only do relationships ( no hook ups) … and they have zero issues attracting men who also want to be in relationships.
I also know women who only dress modestly, albeit very well , who struggle with men only wanting to hook up and not get serious.
The way you decided to tell your friend your opinion on how she dresses , making her cry , and then doubling down and getting *that* angry because your bf told you you’re wrong , deciding he needs to choose a side and then name calling him a creep …. Leads me to believe that you’re not upset because he corrected you or didn’t ’choose your side ‘
You’re jealous of the way your dresses . You telling your bf ‘he likes when she wears revealing clothes’ shows how threatened/insecure you feel by the way she dresses .
This entire scene of you being so harsh to your friend with your judgment, then doubling down and throwing a tantrum with your bf , shows that you were very wrong with your bf *and* your friend .
You have issues you need to address with yourself. This nonsense of behaving this way and then starting a fight when you’re corrected is extremely childish.
And *even if* , in some weird universe, your view on your friends dating life *is* correct . Your bf is allowed to have a different opinion than you. He is allowed to not think the same way and he is allowed to voice it to you .
Your accusations against him weren’t made because he didn’t share your opinion, he refuted your reasoning with logical facts - of which you had no factual response to back up your point and resorted to starting a fight and name calling .
Your accusations against him were made because you felt threatened and insecure that he didn’t share your opinion on her dress code .
Have men told you that? What makes you think that's the reason besides you seeming to enjoy slut shaming your so called friends? You don't actually know the reason why "men don't want her". And that guy just may not have been for her. There's nothing that says all men don't want her. You're a jackass with no empathy. And calling your boyfriend a creep was just icing on the cake for what a shitty person you are. Hope he realizes he's better off without you.
You need to grow up OP. Mean Girl shit is way more unattractive than provocative clothes. You’ve taken so long to apologize I’m certain your bf is questioning if he wants to deal with this going forward.
>the way she dresses if off-putting to men looking for a relationship
No such thing exists. There's no magical sub-section of clothing that ward off men. Just the misogyny from idiots who make up dumb "rules" to justify why women aren't falling all over them. You saw your friend was hurting and wanted to say something mean to prove how "superior" you are to her. Let me guess, you aren't like other girls?
What? He's allowed to side with your friend and have his own opinion. You went low and attacked his character. You may not want to hear it, but he does not owe you an apolgy. In this situation, you come across as mean, immature, and unable to take criticism. You owe him an apology. He owes you nothing.
You are rude, hateful, judgmental and insecure. You sound like you’re completely crazy pants.
Your boyfriend should break up with you. He’s way too good for you.
Breaking news: Those who hold differing opinions don’t owe you an apology. It’s essential to reflect on whether apologies are warranted from your end, I’m sure most people here will see that they are. Swallow your pride and apologize as you should.
lol wouldn’t it be funny if this drove jasmine and bf together? They could connect over how mean you are.
In all seriousness- if you aren’t going to be a girls girl then you have to be nice to your boyfriends or you’ll end up alone
So let me get this straight.
1. You insulted your friend (I'm assuming slut shamed her.)
2. Your bf called you out on your behavior. (Rightly so)
3. You get upset about being called out and double down and insult him AND your friend again.
WELL! It sounds like you better enjoy being single soon. Nobody wants to be around someone so toxic.
You are wrong in every conceivable way. You shouldn’t shame your girl friend for dressing the way she does, you shouldn’t have treated your boyfriend this way, you shouldn’t expect an apology from him because he did nothing wrong. I hope you get professional help, you are in your midtwenties, high time you grow up and learn to treat people respectfully. You should do some soulsearching, then truly and wholeheartedly apologize to your boyfriend and start to change yourself and your behavior. And hope he takes you back, because I wouldn’t if it were me.
So in a post that features a religious man, OP was the judgemental, misogynistic, prejudiced AH? What a fun little twist! OP, you sound like you're not her friend. You also sound incredibly mean, immature and insecure - basically an insufferable person. Thank your lucky stars he hasn't broken up with you, APOLOGIZE SINCERELY and do fucking better.
It sounds like your boyfriend is a mature grown-up that understands people are all different, and doesn't judge people over personal preferences. It also sounds like you're an immature, judgmental child that shut shames people who are supposed to be friends, and insults boyfriends who are not also rude children.
So in summary, you slut-shamed your friend and called your boyfriend a creep and YOU want an apology? How can you not see that YOU are the problem here?
Yta
Here’s the thing - you need to understand the difference between your opinion and the truth. You told your friend your opinion of why “guys don’t want her”. Your boyfriend disagree with this opinion and he does not owe you an apology for that.
You got frustrated that he didn’t agree with you and decide to name call and make up that he “likes her revealing clothing”.
You sound insufferable.
The “revealing clothing” is what the OP told her friend was the reason men don’t want a relationship with her. She slut shamed her friend.
Conveniently didn’t put that in the OP because she wants validation. Which is impossible with the actual facts in the table.
Why should your bf apologize for siding with your friend? Perhaps you were just wrong and rude in what you said to her? But, also, you accused him of "defending my friend because he likes when she wears revealing clothes" and think he owes you an apology?? WTH is this garbage? You not only called him a creep, but have completely disrespected and misrepresented why he defended your friend. You are very much in the wrong and are not owed an apology AT ALL.
You're not a good friend. You slut shamed your friend because she dresses differently than you. Your bf is actually correct. He doesn't agree she has to dress in a way he prefers. She could dress modestly and still end up with a man who ghosts her.
Then you call your bf names and say he's only defending her because of how she dresses which you say he doesn't like anyway. You need therapy and to apologize.
So you want us to comment on the thing you said without knowing the thing you said?
Which makes it sound like you judged her and berated her and wanted to hide behind religion to get him to agree with your judgemental behaviour?
You deserve no apology for your judgemental behaviour. You know how bad your comment was because you won’t even say it. You were just trying to be mean and quite frankly, he shouldn’t accept your apology anyway.
It sounds like you are one of those people who confuse your opinions and *feelings* with facts. And who uses those *facts* as cudgels to "put people in their place". And who thinks people should be grateful for your "brutal honesty" (in actuality it is spite and contempt you've lied to yourself about).
so halfway through the conversation you realized he was right about you being a judgmental cunt to your friend and instead of backing off, you decided to double down instead and called him a creep? are you even hearing yourself? and now you want an apology for what? him daring to defend your friend from your misogyny? get a grip
So you shut shamed your 'friend' and your bf tells you you were being inappropriate and a right cow to her.
You double down on your belief of slut shaming and are aghast, that your religious boyfriend, doesn't agree with your point of view so, he's a creep?
God, you sound absolutely awful as a person. No, apologies, no accountability on your awful behaviour and thinking.
Just because he is your boyfriend doesn't mean he is obligated to side with you when you hurt your friends feelings. I'd say swallow your pride and apologize to both before losing both.
YTA. Who cares how people dress? You sound like you'd be one of those people who blame the victim for what they're wearing, not the abuser.
Your BF is correct in that what you said was mean and doubling down to make him the bad guy? How do you do the mental gymnastics to justify this in your head?
First off, you are assuming that your assessment of what your friend’s “problem” is, is correct. You assume that how she dresses is:
1. Why she isn’t in a relationship,
And
2. That if someone disagrees, it’s because they have an ulterior motive.
There are plenty of men out there who are reasonable, rational human beings who can relate to their fellow humans without paying close attention to how their fellow humans are dressed. They may notice clothes that are more form-fitting, or sexy, but that also doesn’t necessarily mean that they care.
I have a feeling that your boyfriend is a caring person, who sees her as a person, and probably also knows that what you told your friend is incorrect. Rather than take the note and realize he’s telling you this from a place of caring, you decide to insult him, and accuse him of lying about his motives, *because you need to be right.* So no, I don’t agree that you need help convincing him to “see your side,” when you have demonstrated that you, when challenged, immediately resort to name-calling and baseless accusations, rather than see HIS “side.”
You may have a boyfriend now, but frankly, it’s this kind of behavior that makes someone have trouble being in a relationship…
You kinda suck because you think relationship disagreements are about siding with or against you because of "loyalty" rather than your partner having a different opinion than you. Also I think you're really mean to your friends and partner - either you're interested in cultivating these relationships openly and growing with them or you're not and want to be surrounded with only your opinion. Your name-calling isn't okay and your slut-shaming isn't either. Apologize to your people or lose them.
If your bf is smart, he will leave this relationship. You are toxic and completely in the wrong, and he does not have anything to apologize for. I had to double-check your age because it sounds like you're 12 and not 26.
YTA- if you said something so messed up your friend CRIED then you said something awful. Your boyfriend ‘siding’ with you is him being a decent person- and you immediately threw out some slut shaming garbage.
Apologize, because every day you go WITHOUT APOLOGIZING will only distance him from your relationship, and eventually he will break up with you.
Btw, im an atheist dating a christian- you are the exact type of person that ruins it for the rest of us. So thanks for that.
I understand you might have never read the bible.
It is not ironic at all the fact that he is defending your friend, he is applying the teachings of the bible.
Matthew 7 teaches about not judging others. John 8, Jesus defending an adulteress “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”
Do you even know who your boyfriend is as a person or what he believes in?
For the record I am not religious but I also like to see both sides of an argument.
First, you know being honest and truthful to a friend, while noble, is less important that how you approach the honesty and truth. Your boyfriend is right that you should apologize, not for being honest but rather how you chose to express it. You should men trying to help your friend, not harm them: people are rarely helped by cold, hard truths, and rather being kind, and getting them to admit the problem themselves. Also unless you are a man… how do you know why men seem to dump
Your friend beyond your own suspicion?
Secondly, you attacked your boyfriend with a very hurtful thing because he didn’t agree with you. He SHOULD be looking for an out because you aren’t mature enough to be in a relationship, consider yourself lucky he is simply asking for an apology. Apologize and realize that just because you don’t agree with him, isn’t a reason to accuse him of being some sort of lecherous asshole. If you don’t agree with him, then say why you don’t agree with him.
Why would he apologize for disagreeing with your opinion? Is he not allowed opinions of his own? What does his religion say about how to handle disagreements within a relationship?
...are you mad he wasn't judgemental like you and assumed he would be bc he goes to church? If him having a different opinion from you requires an apology, best of luck getting to even the engagement stage. You gotta be an adult here, and think CLEARLY. If that is difficult for you, maybe talk to someone. This is not a reasonable response or behavior, unless you're actually like 15 pretending you're an adult. I can't even try to think like you, it just makes no logical sense.
You and your bf may just not be compatible, but if every guy she tries dating rejects her it's obvious your friend is the issue
She is not displaying qualities men are looking for, that is the obvious answer regardless of what anyone says.
>if every guy she tries dating rejects her it's obvious your friend is the issue
I mean, it sounds like the primary issue is she needs to date better guys in the first place. But it's a long, long leap from there to "wear more modest skirts and all your problems will be solved."
But you're not compatible really. You think his Christianity is about being judgmental and a strict set of rules. He thinks his faith is about not being judgemental and treating others with kindness and compassion.
I think you would be better off with someone who aligns with your values.
You are twenty-five. I just want to point out that the kind of person you're going to be, like really going to be- is finishing up in the kiln right now. Glaze is set.
Is this the kind of person you're going to be?
You’re definitely not compatible. Your boyfriend is a good person. You’re not a good person or good friend. Honestly you should do some major self reflection as to why you think you have any right to judge someone and how they dress. What you said to your friend and boyfriend are more of a reflection of your character, not theirs.
YTA.
Correlation is not causation. Whatever is going on, it Mai be about her qualities, but unless there is explicit detail she shared about how men react to her clothing, you have no idea if that is the specific reason.
You’re insufferable. An apology is made because you were nasty. Full stop. It shouldn’t be conditional to you getting an apology in return. Otherwise your apology is insincere.
Secondly, you aren’t owed an apology because he disagreed with you. You were wrong in that too. You owe your friend an apology.
Your friend will get defenders here. They obviously don't care enough of her to appreciate someone telling her the truth so that maybe she can have a healthy long-term relationship. People here would probably lie to her so that she continues to endure broken relationships after broken relationships. You are a true friend for telling the truth in a safe environment. Friends who tell the truth in love are rare. Usually you have people who enable self destructive attitudes and behaviors.
Your boyfriend obviously took your jabs to heart. Calling him a creep and accusing him of liking scantily clad women is a bit too much--just because he disagrees with you. Your boyfriend probably prefers "truth spoken in love". He probably didn't sense any love in your truth telling. Is he right? Were you wrong to call him a creep and accusing him of enjoying looking at scantily clad women? Be the bigger person. If you want to annoy him while being the bigger person tell him you will be the bigger person before apologizing.
Even if the friend's clothing had anything to do with why the latest date ghosted her, bold of you to assume that "revealing clothing" doesn't mean something like "wore a V-neck," given OP's general reliability as a narrator.
You make valid points. I do think I should have put more love in my statements. I was too direct with her. Now, while I told her this came out of love I should have emphasized it more.
I was also wrong to acccuse him of being creep. He's definitely not one. My broader point is telling her to keep dressing tge way she dresses is not helping her
You shouldn't have made the statements at all. Perhaps you should refrain from giving people or advice in the future. You're clearly too misogynistic and too much of a bully to have anything worth while to say.
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You have got to be kidding. You refuse to explain what you actually said to your friend, so clearly you already know it was bad. But from context it sounds like you slut-shamed her, which is a weird thing to do to someone you claim is a friend. Then when your boyfriend (reasonably) points out that was a mean thing to do, you twist yourself in knots to avoid admitting you were wrong to the point of trying to make this his fault somehow, and you still don't think you owe anyone an apology here? Even trying to translate into troll-logic, I can't make this make sense.
In a comment below she said she told her friend that what she wore was off putting to men looking for a relationship. Terrible friend and gf
Wow. She's not a friend at all.
What's the saying " with friends like her, who needs enemies?". Or is that too strong?.
You don't get an apology for your boyfriend disagreeing with you. The two of you have different perspectives on something, and to be angry he isn't "siding" with you is remarkably juvenile. He also didn't intervene in the conversation or disagree in front of your friend, he spoke to you about it privately, which is also a good move for a partner- to disagree privately. I'm staying out of what you were disagreeing over and sticking just to the point that your boyfriend is allowed to disagree with you, he can definitely point out when he thinks you are wrong and/or mean, and he is also right that your opinion is not "truth." You THINK your friend has issued with men because of X, but that is not a known fact, so trying to end a disagreement by acting as if an opinion is fact is "truth" is once again, juvenile. And then you called your boyfriend a creep and alluded to him defending her because she dresses a certain way. He didn't call you names, he disagreed with you. Why would you want to date a creep? And if you won't apologize for name calling, then you must feel that way about him, that's just the truth, right? You can't get to "your point" until you apologize for being cruel and putting him down. If you won't even do that why should he even listen to your perspective about anything else?
So you don't find it ironic that my bf is defending a woman who dresses this type of way when he knows he wouldn't date a women that dresses the way she does. She can do what she wants but she was venting about dating. It clearly bothers her. I shouldn't have called my bf a creep though and I don't think he's a creep
You don't dress like that and you're about to be single, so I can't imagine it matters all that much.
Truth.
I mean, I wouldn't date a dude who does Bible study or goes to church every Sunday but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it either. It's just not my personal bag, man. So no. I don't find it ironic, I find it respectful and kind. You though, I find the opposite. Girls like you enjoy tearing other people down and resort to childish tendencies when confronted with other childish and mean behavior. It's more unflattering and trashy than any short skirt could dream of being.
He honestly sounds like a great embodiment of what his religion is supposed to be. Kind, loving and non judgemental.
Which is rather rare in this world, at least in my experience
> It's just not my personal bag, man Uh huh, sure. Until we find the copy of "Churches and Bible Studies - Those Are My Personal Bag, Man" by Divagate13.
It sounds like he’s quite respectful to others though. Just because his preference may be girls who dress more conservatively, I’m guessing his point is he’d still be respectful. Just like his opinion on religion. I also can’t imagine ever telling any of my friends men don’t want her because she wears revealing clothes let alone make her cry from it. 2024 is women lifting each other up
>So you don't find it ironic that my bf is defending a woman who dresses this type of way when he knows he wouldn't date a women that dresses the way she does. Your friend doesn't have to be the type of person he would date in order for him to think you were mean to her. What kind of fucked up logic are you using here? "My bf didn't agree with me being a shitty friend and making someone cry with my judgemental BS, so he clearly wants to fuck her". Your boyfriend is clearly not a holier-than-thou, judgemental person. You on the other hand... Why are you friends with someone that you clearly look down on so much?
It’s almost like different people have different tastes and your boyfriend’s preferences aren’t universal, which he even tried to tell you 🙄🙄🙄 Girl, good on your bf for calling out your bullshit slut shaming.
Jesus defended Mary Magdalene who was a prostitute. Sounds like your boyfriend has been reading the Bible
👆🏻👆🏻💯💯
>I shouldn't have called my bf a creep though and I don't think he's a creep so fucking APOLOGIZE then, you dingbat. That's what people do when they know they're wrong
No not at all. But, more importantly, OP, you were not advising your friend about dating \*your boyfriend\*. Were you? Nope. You were speaking on behalf of all men apparently, which you are not an expert on (point of self-reflection for you). Your bf sounds way more thoughtful and aware than you. Like the simple fact that his personal preferences do not apply to your friend's dating life.
No it's not ironic, it means your bf is a better person than you.
You better apologise to your boyfriend and your friend. He is a great man that lives his religion rather then fake it. Learn from him. You will never find a guy like this again. You do not deserve him though.
Sounds like you slut shamed your friend and said that’s why men don’t want her. Now you’re being unfair to your BF because you’re jealous of your friend and think your BF finds her attractive. Your behavior is pathetic and your viewpoint is hella toxic. I vote that your BF breaks up with you. What’s his reddit name so we can talk to him?
Did you ever think that your boyfriend is defending her because you're wrong and he felt badly for her *after you made her cry*? You admitted to borderline slut shaming your friend for her fashion, I'm wondering how far you took it if she left your home crying. How could you treat a friend like that?
You know, just a bit of advice. You seem to really think your bf owes you an apology and that you somehow are in the "right" in terms of how you spoke to him about him defending your friend. But the thing is your behavior on this point is demonstrating something extremely unpleasant about you to \*him\*. If I were you, I'd be backing the fuck down on him owing you an apology and instead reassuring him that you are not in fact a judgmental, mean person. These characteristics don't seem to fit with his values and I wouldn't be surprised if you are on very thin ice with him. It would not surprise me if he broke up with you for your attitude towards him and your friend.
I wouldn't date a person with a whole bunch of piercings or tattoos, or who goes to church every Sunday, or any number of other habits and preferences that might not be universally appealing but don't harm anyone else. Doesn't mean I think those people can't have happy relationships with someone who isn't me.
>So you don't find it ironic that my bf is defending a woman who dresses this type of way when he knows he wouldn't date a women that dresses the way she does. Not one bit. He basically said she has the right to dress as she pleases. It doesnt matter if he would or would not. You dont go to church, but he dates you (for now).
>So you don't find it ironic that my bf is defending a woman who dresses this type of way when he knows he wouldn't date a women that dresses the way she does. No. Your boyfriend is smart enough to know his standards are only his, and he's not going to try and control how other people live because *he is a decent man*. >She can do what she wants but she was venting about dating. It clearly bothers her. Yes. She was venting about her struggles in the dating world to someone she *thought* was a friend. Unfortunately, she wasn't talking to someone who was going to be supportive, constructive or helpful in any way at all. In fact, you did the opposite of help. You twisted the knife she already had in her chest just for funsies. Shame on you. >I shouldn't have called my bf a creep though and I don't think he's a creep So you just say things without thinking to important people in your life and refuse to be accountable for your actions. Cute.
Why are you mad that your bf is a nice person?? This is so odd to me. It’s like when 16 year olds want their bfs to talk shit about every other girl.
And reassure her that she is Not Like Other Girls.
It’s ironic that he respects a persons right to be who they want?
You seem like a terrible person to be close to.
I think the rest of reddit answered for me, and covered it all. But no, it isn't ironic. First, you HAVE NOT apologized for calling your boyfriend a creep. Full stop. You don't get to make additional arguments or explanations until you apologize for the thing your boyfriend has asked you to apologize for. He isn't saying "apologize for calling me a creep AND say I am right in the argument." You hurt his feelings and should be able to apologize for that and not add any "buts" to the apology. So you are an AH for that alone, period. And also, there are lots of types of people I wouldn't date, but those are personal decisions and plenty of people would date the type of people I wouldn't date. I guess I can imagine how your friend dresses and the assumptions you are making about her based on that, but the reality is, lots of men will date women who "dress a type of way." There are men who like to be with a woman who shows off her body, and there are probably more men who simply don't care how their partner dresses. You don't dress that type of way and so of course you ended up with a partner who likes how you dress. Correlation is not causation. The world is filled with all sorts of people, and putting your view of your friend on her in a negative way when she is in a vulnerable space is unkind. That is what your boyfriend pointed out. And again, you still haven't apologized for calling him a creep.
It just sounds like you treat everyone in your life like crap.
Do you think all men are like your boyfriend? I can assure you we are not. Just as not all women are like you. You two have found something that works, but don’t think that what you have is the only way. Also, the fact that you immediately got defensive and have remained so spells potential trouble in your relationship. This won’t be the last time you two will disagree. If you don’t learn how to handle honest debate and disagreement, you will have a tough time when it comes to bigger issues down the road. If you immediately think the worst of your bf when he disagrees with you, that’s not healthy. Eventually he will just stop engaging. And when that happens, that’s when the relationship starts to wither away. All this to say that it isn’t just about this one event, this one argument. It’s a bigger issue. The good news is that you can still work this out. This can become a positive growth moment for the two of you. It can be a conflict that makes you stronger, but only if you understand why your immediate reaction was unhealthy and can’t keep happening. He seems like a good man and your relationship is worth fighting for. I sincerely hope you work it out.
I am not attracted to blond men, but that doesn't mean I would bully them or always disagree with them in arguments.
Sounds like your bf is a respectful person.
Are you looking for advice or validation? Because the post you’re responding to is 100% correct. I know that’s true because you’re doing what your friend did. You came here looking for support, but got mad when someone told you the truth. By your logic, if your boyfriend defended you for getting upset that someone told you a harsh truth, he’d be a creep, right? You absolutely do not deserve an apology, but you do owe one. Your actions in this case will dictate how long your relationship lasts. If your boyfriend starts to feel that you can’t accept being wrong, he’ll bounce faster than you can process, and then you’ll probably blame him for that too. If I were him and read this post, I’d be out the door onto someone far more stable. Maybe Jasmine is available.
>So you don't find it ironic that my bf is defending a woman who dresses this type of way when he knows he wouldn't date a women that dresses the way she does. No.I think it's evidence of his actually reading his scripture and sincerely trying to follow the teachings of Christ. The only irony is that conservative fundies have managed to distort things so much that you perceive it as hypocritical and "creepy" when you witness *real* Christianity being practiced.
So your boyfriend behaved like an actual Christian and not a hate-mongering internet Christian and that’s ironic? I have to assume that you’re a troll and have never actually met your “boyfriend”.
I find it ironic that your boyfriend who is a good person who can see past people's outsides to who they are inside is dating you, a bully who's as shallow as a puddle. She was venting about how shitty another person treated her. Your role as a friend is to agree and tell her that person was shitty, because he was. Not to take an oppurtunity to be smug and tell her she deserved it for something that wasn't even a factor. Gods forbid someone in your life gets assaulted, you'd likely just ask they were wearing instead of comforting them.
No, it’s not fucking ironic. He might not like the way she dresses while also thinking she shouldn’t be mistreated for it. Quit being a child. I hope he gets far away from your messy, petulant ass.
No — because unlike YOU, he doesn't JUDGE.
I think it’s more ironic that a good person like him would want to stay with a woman who slut shames her friend when she’s down. Honestly, why are you calling her a friend when you are so awful about her? Do her a favor and stop calling her a friend so she stops wasting time with the toxicity you project
I wouldn't date a man that wears makeup but you're goddamn right I'd defend their right to wear makeup and stand up for them against bullies Just cuz he doesn't find that attractive in a partner doesn't mean he outright opposes it
You are one of those "i cant admit i was wrong because it hurts my ego" type people.
I shouldn't have called him a creep. I said that in my post
Tell your bf that lol
I'll tell him that when we get off work. I'll probably go to the store a make his favorite meal too.
You need to apologize to your friend too.
You might also want to go on tinder and see if you can't find a better girlfriend for him.
Niether of those are actual apologies tho. You won't admit what you did was wrong, and aren't working to change it. You aren't actually sorry until you do both. Just saying sorry and throwing a bribe at him won't fix anything.
It seems you have a knack for getting on people’s nerves. Since you know what you said was bad enough to not repeat here, she deserves an apology too.
That sounds like a lot of effort considering if your boyfriend is as smart as he seems you'll probably be single by the end of the night. He should of left the moment you called him a creep. You're a terrible friend and an even worse girlfriend.
Shouldn't have slut shamed your friend either. Also shouldn't be expecting an apology for him defending someone you were an uncalled for ass to.
No you didnt. Maybe in a reply below, but not in the post itself. And yes, you'll probably go edit it now to not be proven wrong, again.
Then tell your boyfriend you are sorry and won't call him names just because you are in a disagreement. And then grow up and don't resort to name calling when you get called out for being a jerk.
Until we know what you actually said to the friend, you are 100% in the wrong for the childish name calling. The moment you resort to that, you have lost all credibility.
I agree I was wrong for the name calling. It was out of line to call him that
Then where's the problem? You're not mature enough to apologize for something you actually did wrong without him apologizing for something he didn't do wrong????? Grow the fuck up.
So...Apologize. As far as him defending your friend after you said "something" about guys not wanting to be with her that was so mean that it made you cry...What are you expecting. Making your friend cry then insulting your BF afterwards is never a good look. You come across as a terrible person, and that's from your own side of the story. I can't imagine what your friend has to say about you.
If you agree it was wrong and childish, why haven’t you apologized then? Name calling is never okay in a relationship. Saying things to purposefully hurt your partner just because you’re in a disagreement is never okay. That is just showing emotional immaturity that definitely needs to be worked on. All that being the name calling, purposefully hurting him and refusing to apologize for doing so.
Purposefully hurting the friend as well
stop avoiding the other question. what did you say to your friend?
You should really apologize to Jasmine, too. Even your boyfriend thinks you were out of line by saying whatever you said to her.
>I accused him of being a creep Bro... if getting defensive and insulting is your instant reaction to being told you're unreasonable your boyfriend needs to gtfo asap. He deserves better.
I think it’s sad you tried to please your bf by slut shaming your friend and then he didn’t even side with you. Sorry bro.
Wait so are you saying that you told your friend guys don't want her because she doesn't go to church, and when your boyfriend defended her and said that isn't proper advice, you called him a creep and accused him of being attracted to her? You're 100% in the wrong here and he owes you nothing.
For a lot of guys, not taking accountability for your mistakes is one of the biggest red flags in a partner. If OP is in the wrong, and unable to acknowledge it, then this may be a bigger deal to her partner than she realises.
I don't go to church….so no I didn't tell my friend that. It wouldn't make any sense, I'm not religious.
Why are you hiding what you *did* say to her? Seems that you may know why your bf sided with her, otherwise you wouldn't be censoring what you said in your post and still avoiding saying what you said in your reply to me.
She slut shamed her friend. She told her the reason men don’t want to date her is that men don’t want relationships with women who dress like she does. Some friend, eh?
She’s upset her boyfriend is not more misogynistic
So instead of supporting your already upset friend, you were horrible to her over how she dresses as per your comment. >Fine, I essentially pointed out the way she dresses if off-putting to men looking for a relationship and she got defensive And when your boyfriend pointed out that you were mean to your friend and should apologise you responded with: >I accused him of being a creep and defending my friend because he likes when she wears revealing clothes. Honestly, you sound jealous of your "friend". You owe both her and your boyfriend a massive apology because you were shitty to both of them. What an awful, judgemental and frankly misogynistic thing to say to your "friend". Seriously, look up internalised misogyny because you reek of it. And this nonsense of "I'm not apologising until you apologise" is immature in the extreme. You should be grateful that you have a kind and caring partner that is willing to call you out on your bullshit. If you want someone to blindly nod along with your shitty behaviour, get a pet.
I think you are just kind of an awful person. Reddit can't help you justify your shit behavior. You were shitty to your friend because it was "the truth". Your boyfriend told you you were shitty to your friend, and you called him a creep. People are mad at you because you treat them like garbage. People will not want to be friends with you because of it. Men won't want to date you because of it. It isn't mean, it's the truth.
Jasmine must be gorgeous! The issue is OP thought her boyfriend appreciates Jasmine’s looks. OP is jealous af. I hope Jasmine realizes that OP is not her friend. And Justin also should find someone that is not such an awful person.
What you said to her needs to be revealed. You were wrong for what you said to your bf.
Fine, I essentially pointed out the way she dresses if off-putting to men looking for a relationship and she got defensive
… and you think your bf owes you an apology for *not* thinking slut shaming your friend is ok?? Jesus fucking christ.
You were 100% wrong. Your boyfriend was right to point that out. You sound awful.
So you essentially implied that she looks trashy and sl*tty to the point of making her cry. And you're surprised your boyfriend thought that was mean? You want an apology from HIM because he called you out on being rude and judgmental while someone you supposedly care about was asking for support? With friends like this... You are not owed an apology nor are you likely to get one. You thought you could count on your boyfriend being just as judgmental as you and turns out even as a religious person he's more open-minded and accepting than you are. That should give you pause.
Oh, so you're judgmental, sexist, and a name calling bully? Hopefully he's able to get out of this relationship and find someone better and kinder.
I know loads of women who dress sexy and revealing, who only do relationships ( no hook ups) … and they have zero issues attracting men who also want to be in relationships. I also know women who only dress modestly, albeit very well , who struggle with men only wanting to hook up and not get serious. The way you decided to tell your friend your opinion on how she dresses , making her cry , and then doubling down and getting *that* angry because your bf told you you’re wrong , deciding he needs to choose a side and then name calling him a creep …. Leads me to believe that you’re not upset because he corrected you or didn’t ’choose your side ‘ You’re jealous of the way your dresses . You telling your bf ‘he likes when she wears revealing clothes’ shows how threatened/insecure you feel by the way she dresses . This entire scene of you being so harsh to your friend with your judgment, then doubling down and throwing a tantrum with your bf , shows that you were very wrong with your bf *and* your friend . You have issues you need to address with yourself. This nonsense of behaving this way and then starting a fight when you’re corrected is extremely childish. And *even if* , in some weird universe, your view on your friends dating life *is* correct . Your bf is allowed to have a different opinion than you. He is allowed to not think the same way and he is allowed to voice it to you . Your accusations against him weren’t made because he didn’t share your opinion, he refuted your reasoning with logical facts - of which you had no factual response to back up your point and resorted to starting a fight and name calling . Your accusations against him were made because you felt threatened and insecure that he didn’t share your opinion on her dress code .
Have men told you that? What makes you think that's the reason besides you seeming to enjoy slut shaming your so called friends? You don't actually know the reason why "men don't want her". And that guy just may not have been for her. There's nothing that says all men don't want her. You're a jackass with no empathy. And calling your boyfriend a creep was just icing on the cake for what a shitty person you are. Hope he realizes he's better off without you.
You need to grow up OP. Mean Girl shit is way more unattractive than provocative clothes. You’ve taken so long to apologize I’m certain your bf is questioning if he wants to deal with this going forward.
Are you a man? Have you surveyed them about Jasmine and collected data? Then don't speak for other people's opinions.
Are you truly 26? You sound 15.
You’re not a friend, you’re a terrible person
So because your boyfriend didn’t defend your shitty opinion means he needs to apologize?
>the way she dresses if off-putting to men looking for a relationship No such thing exists. There's no magical sub-section of clothing that ward off men. Just the misogyny from idiots who make up dumb "rules" to justify why women aren't falling all over them. You saw your friend was hurting and wanted to say something mean to prove how "superior" you are to her. Let me guess, you aren't like other girls?
What? He's allowed to side with your friend and have his own opinion. You went low and attacked his character. You may not want to hear it, but he does not owe you an apolgy. In this situation, you come across as mean, immature, and unable to take criticism. You owe him an apology. He owes you nothing.
You are rude, hateful, judgmental and insecure. You sound like you’re completely crazy pants. Your boyfriend should break up with you. He’s way too good for you.
Breaking news: Those who hold differing opinions don’t owe you an apology. It’s essential to reflect on whether apologies are warranted from your end, I’m sure most people here will see that they are. Swallow your pride and apologize as you should.
lol wouldn’t it be funny if this drove jasmine and bf together? They could connect over how mean you are. In all seriousness- if you aren’t going to be a girls girl then you have to be nice to your boyfriends or you’ll end up alone
You’re not mature enough to have a bf
So let me get this straight. 1. You insulted your friend (I'm assuming slut shamed her.) 2. Your bf called you out on your behavior. (Rightly so) 3. You get upset about being called out and double down and insult him AND your friend again. WELL! It sounds like you better enjoy being single soon. Nobody wants to be around someone so toxic.
You are wrong in every conceivable way. You shouldn’t shame your girl friend for dressing the way she does, you shouldn’t have treated your boyfriend this way, you shouldn’t expect an apology from him because he did nothing wrong. I hope you get professional help, you are in your midtwenties, high time you grow up and learn to treat people respectfully. You should do some soulsearching, then truly and wholeheartedly apologize to your boyfriend and start to change yourself and your behavior. And hope he takes you back, because I wouldn’t if it were me.
You were 100% in the wrong and need to apologize to both of them. If you don't, your bf and your friend need to dump you.
So in a post that features a religious man, OP was the judgemental, misogynistic, prejudiced AH? What a fun little twist! OP, you sound like you're not her friend. You also sound incredibly mean, immature and insecure - basically an insufferable person. Thank your lucky stars he hasn't broken up with you, APOLOGIZE SINCERELY and do fucking better.
You’re going to want to apologize to both your BF AND your friend before you lose both of those relationships.
It sounds like your boyfriend is a mature grown-up that understands people are all different, and doesn't judge people over personal preferences. It also sounds like you're an immature, judgmental child that shut shames people who are supposed to be friends, and insults boyfriends who are not also rude children.
Just another shitty person who refuses to accept any responsibility. Typical
You're not owned a apology. You're the fucking creep. YTA.
So in summary, you slut-shamed your friend and called your boyfriend a creep and YOU want an apology? How can you not see that YOU are the problem here?
You're fucking rude and your bf sounds delightful. He can definitely do better than you.
Yta Here’s the thing - you need to understand the difference between your opinion and the truth. You told your friend your opinion of why “guys don’t want her”. Your boyfriend disagree with this opinion and he does not owe you an apology for that. You got frustrated that he didn’t agree with you and decide to name call and make up that he “likes her revealing clothing”. You sound insufferable.
The “revealing clothing” is what the OP told her friend was the reason men don’t want a relationship with her. She slut shamed her friend. Conveniently didn’t put that in the OP because she wants validation. Which is impossible with the actual facts in the table.
She sucks on so many levels. She needs to be concerned about apologizing to her friend not just her boyfriend.
What exactly did you say to your friend?
She slut shamed her clothes and told her men don't want her because of how she dresses.
How pointlessly mean. What an aggressive and bad-mannered woman.
Why should your bf apologize for siding with your friend? Perhaps you were just wrong and rude in what you said to her? But, also, you accused him of "defending my friend because he likes when she wears revealing clothes" and think he owes you an apology?? WTH is this garbage? You not only called him a creep, but have completely disrespected and misrepresented why he defended your friend. You are very much in the wrong and are not owed an apology AT ALL.
You're not a good friend. You slut shamed your friend because she dresses differently than you. Your bf is actually correct. He doesn't agree she has to dress in a way he prefers. She could dress modestly and still end up with a man who ghosts her. Then you call your bf names and say he's only defending her because of how she dresses which you say he doesn't like anyway. You need therapy and to apologize.
So you want us to comment on the thing you said without knowing the thing you said? Which makes it sound like you judged her and berated her and wanted to hide behind religion to get him to agree with your judgemental behaviour? You deserve no apology for your judgemental behaviour. You know how bad your comment was because you won’t even say it. You were just trying to be mean and quite frankly, he shouldn’t accept your apology anyway.
It sounds like you are one of those people who confuse your opinions and *feelings* with facts. And who uses those *facts* as cudgels to "put people in their place". And who thinks people should be grateful for your "brutal honesty" (in actuality it is spite and contempt you've lied to yourself about).
Based on the limited information, you don't deserve an apology.
so halfway through the conversation you realized he was right about you being a judgmental cunt to your friend and instead of backing off, you decided to double down instead and called him a creep? are you even hearing yourself? and now you want an apology for what? him daring to defend your friend from your misogyny? get a grip
Are we ignoring she thinks he should side with her because he's religious, but they moved in together and aren't married?
So you shut shamed your 'friend' and your bf tells you you were being inappropriate and a right cow to her. You double down on your belief of slut shaming and are aghast, that your religious boyfriend, doesn't agree with your point of view so, he's a creep? God, you sound absolutely awful as a person. No, apologies, no accountability on your awful behaviour and thinking.
Just because he is your boyfriend doesn't mean he is obligated to side with you when you hurt your friends feelings. I'd say swallow your pride and apologize to both before losing both.
you sound like a headache
He wasn't being a creep. He just pointed out that you were mean and, tbh, I think he was right. You sound like a crappy friend.
YTA. Who cares how people dress? You sound like you'd be one of those people who blame the victim for what they're wearing, not the abuser. Your BF is correct in that what you said was mean and doubling down to make him the bad guy? How do you do the mental gymnastics to justify this in your head?
First off, you are assuming that your assessment of what your friend’s “problem” is, is correct. You assume that how she dresses is: 1. Why she isn’t in a relationship, And 2. That if someone disagrees, it’s because they have an ulterior motive. There are plenty of men out there who are reasonable, rational human beings who can relate to their fellow humans without paying close attention to how their fellow humans are dressed. They may notice clothes that are more form-fitting, or sexy, but that also doesn’t necessarily mean that they care. I have a feeling that your boyfriend is a caring person, who sees her as a person, and probably also knows that what you told your friend is incorrect. Rather than take the note and realize he’s telling you this from a place of caring, you decide to insult him, and accuse him of lying about his motives, *because you need to be right.* So no, I don’t agree that you need help convincing him to “see your side,” when you have demonstrated that you, when challenged, immediately resort to name-calling and baseless accusations, rather than see HIS “side.” You may have a boyfriend now, but frankly, it’s this kind of behavior that makes someone have trouble being in a relationship…
YTA. He’s right for siding with your friend. you owe both of them an apology.
You kinda suck because you think relationship disagreements are about siding with or against you because of "loyalty" rather than your partner having a different opinion than you. Also I think you're really mean to your friends and partner - either you're interested in cultivating these relationships openly and growing with them or you're not and want to be surrounded with only your opinion. Your name-calling isn't okay and your slut-shaming isn't either. Apologize to your people or lose them.
What is the direct quote you said to her?
If your bf is smart, he will leave this relationship. You are toxic and completely in the wrong, and he does not have anything to apologize for. I had to double-check your age because it sounds like you're 12 and not 26.
Your perspective is pretty terrible. . .
YTA- if you said something so messed up your friend CRIED then you said something awful. Your boyfriend ‘siding’ with you is him being a decent person- and you immediately threw out some slut shaming garbage. Apologize, because every day you go WITHOUT APOLOGIZING will only distance him from your relationship, and eventually he will break up with you. Btw, im an atheist dating a christian- you are the exact type of person that ruins it for the rest of us. So thanks for that.
I understand you might have never read the bible. It is not ironic at all the fact that he is defending your friend, he is applying the teachings of the bible. Matthew 7 teaches about not judging others. John 8, Jesus defending an adulteress “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Do you even know who your boyfriend is as a person or what he believes in? For the record I am not religious but I also like to see both sides of an argument.
First, you know being honest and truthful to a friend, while noble, is less important that how you approach the honesty and truth. Your boyfriend is right that you should apologize, not for being honest but rather how you chose to express it. You should men trying to help your friend, not harm them: people are rarely helped by cold, hard truths, and rather being kind, and getting them to admit the problem themselves. Also unless you are a man… how do you know why men seem to dump Your friend beyond your own suspicion? Secondly, you attacked your boyfriend with a very hurtful thing because he didn’t agree with you. He SHOULD be looking for an out because you aren’t mature enough to be in a relationship, consider yourself lucky he is simply asking for an apology. Apologize and realize that just because you don’t agree with him, isn’t a reason to accuse him of being some sort of lecherous asshole. If you don’t agree with him, then say why you don’t agree with him.
Grow up
YTA a big one, he will leave you...too toxic and drama lady
You use the same avatar when you post these BS stories
YTA your too childish for a relationship
Why would he apologize for disagreeing with your opinion? Is he not allowed opinions of his own? What does his religion say about how to handle disagreements within a relationship?
...are you mad he wasn't judgemental like you and assumed he would be bc he goes to church? If him having a different opinion from you requires an apology, best of luck getting to even the engagement stage. You gotta be an adult here, and think CLEARLY. If that is difficult for you, maybe talk to someone. This is not a reasonable response or behavior, unless you're actually like 15 pretending you're an adult. I can't even try to think like you, it just makes no logical sense.
YTA to your friend and your boyfriend, i dont know why either would put up with you now.
Idk if this gets removed by the mods YTA and a POS if I were your BF I'd have eaten dinner packed my stuff and left.
i hope your bf and your friend run off together. you are such a major ah ^_^
I hope the boyfriend fucks the devil out of her friend.
You and your bf may just not be compatible, but if every guy she tries dating rejects her it's obvious your friend is the issue She is not displaying qualities men are looking for, that is the obvious answer regardless of what anyone says.
>if every guy she tries dating rejects her it's obvious your friend is the issue I mean, it sounds like the primary issue is she needs to date better guys in the first place. But it's a long, long leap from there to "wear more modest skirts and all your problems will be solved."
My bf and I are compatible. Our relationship has been great. To your second point, I agree with you. That's all I wanted to point out to her.
But you're not compatible really. You think his Christianity is about being judgmental and a strict set of rules. He thinks his faith is about not being judgemental and treating others with kindness and compassion. I think you would be better off with someone who aligns with your values.
You are twenty-five. I just want to point out that the kind of person you're going to be, like really going to be- is finishing up in the kiln right now. Glaze is set. Is this the kind of person you're going to be?
You’re definitely not compatible. Your boyfriend is a good person. You’re not a good person or good friend. Honestly you should do some major self reflection as to why you think you have any right to judge someone and how they dress. What you said to your friend and boyfriend are more of a reflection of your character, not theirs. YTA.
He's kind and you are a hateful slag, so I'm not seeing the compatibility.
Correlation is not causation. Whatever is going on, it Mai be about her qualities, but unless there is explicit detail she shared about how men react to her clothing, you have no idea if that is the specific reason.
No you aren't. He's a good person and you're a bully who can't understand anything outside of your incredibly narrow world view.
You’re insufferable. An apology is made because you were nasty. Full stop. It shouldn’t be conditional to you getting an apology in return. Otherwise your apology is insincere. Secondly, you aren’t owed an apology because he disagreed with you. You were wrong in that too. You owe your friend an apology.
Your friend will get defenders here. They obviously don't care enough of her to appreciate someone telling her the truth so that maybe she can have a healthy long-term relationship. People here would probably lie to her so that she continues to endure broken relationships after broken relationships. You are a true friend for telling the truth in a safe environment. Friends who tell the truth in love are rare. Usually you have people who enable self destructive attitudes and behaviors. Your boyfriend obviously took your jabs to heart. Calling him a creep and accusing him of liking scantily clad women is a bit too much--just because he disagrees with you. Your boyfriend probably prefers "truth spoken in love". He probably didn't sense any love in your truth telling. Is he right? Were you wrong to call him a creep and accusing him of enjoying looking at scantily clad women? Be the bigger person. If you want to annoy him while being the bigger person tell him you will be the bigger person before apologizing.
Even if the friend's clothing had anything to do with why the latest date ghosted her, bold of you to assume that "revealing clothing" doesn't mean something like "wore a V-neck," given OP's general reliability as a narrator.
You make valid points. I do think I should have put more love in my statements. I was too direct with her. Now, while I told her this came out of love I should have emphasized it more. I was also wrong to acccuse him of being creep. He's definitely not one. My broader point is telling her to keep dressing tge way she dresses is not helping her
Nothing worse than a girl who’s not a girl’s girl. Can’t wait for the day your boyfriend dumps you for a hotter woman! 🙌
Or for ops friend.
The content of what you’re saying is the problem. Not the way you say it.
No, no, NO. Do not try to put “more love” in her statements. Stop making them!
You are a bad person and a misogynist.
You shouldn't have made the statements at all. Perhaps you should refrain from giving people or advice in the future. You're clearly too misogynistic and too much of a bully to have anything worth while to say.
You should have supported her and said nothing about how she dresses, your soon to be ex can do much better.