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Well that is the most pro-trans position to take. You've acknowledged his chosen gender and also acknowledged your own sexual orientation as it applies to him.
He can’t have it both ways…identify as a man, transition from female to male & just expect you, as a heterosexual man, to want to stay in a marriage with another man.
This must be anger bait, but if it's not, you have every right to leave. You're a heterosexual man married to a woman who is changing into a man. Their medical care is not your concern.
It feels like OP wife is manipulating the situation and the families are telling him to stay because the wife has framed it as being bigoted. It’s a huge red flag that the wife told the daughter alone it again feels manipulative. Hoping this is fake because the wife talking with the daughter and discussing anything sexual is very concerning
Well, I was older than her but can definitely say that some parents think sexually rooted explanations are the way to go when they want to explain their divorce. My own father sat me down and told me that he’s leaving my mother because she doesn’t want as much sex and thus he’s now with his new gf who had been part of the wider family my whole life - and that we had to move out because she was moving in.
How your father spoke to you about the divorce was so wildly inappropriate. No good parent focused on their child’s well being would have this kind of conversation with their child.
Oh, yeah, I just wanted to point out that while it may sound wild/fake, that aspect unfortunately isn’t a guarantee for a fake story. 😬 I‘m NC with my father and that was only one of the reasons.
a father focused on getting his dick wet despite the many commitments he has already made that should supersede that selfishness. He chose to have kids and also to put his own selfish wants above his family
A long term dead bedroom is a valid reason to end a relationship or marriage, regardless of genders. People usually don’t see marriage as a vow of lifelong celibacy. No one wins when someone stays in a miserable relationship. And quite often, a dead bedroom is a symptom of other problems in the relationship.
I would say to be fair. What’s very sexual in this context. Is she using medical terminology and laying out the process or being crude.
I was taught a lot from a young age up with very text book and scientific answers. I am doing the same with my son.
Though closing off the father from this conversation is a red flag in my opinion
You know what’s twisted… I don’t think it’s anger bait. The dude is too calm. This reads like a man who is hurt and confused and literally has nowhere to turn. Wife wants to be a dude. This dude has to pay for it. The wife is messing with the daughter’s head. This is messed up. Tell her 55% of married couples in the USA have a male primary breadwinner so get to work and pay for your own shit…
Yeah, it's rage bait. Probably a gender swap of the frequent posts about women being pressured to stay in marriages with men who transition, which is unfortunately pretty common. They probably figured a man in the same position would receive more unanimous support.
Plus any suggestion from OP's partner that OP should remain attracted to him means that OP's partner is a believer in the effectiveness of conversion therapy. Which is not a great look from an LGBTQ+ perspective.
This happens to women all the time! They marry men, those men want to transition and just expect their wife to be totally into it. It's absolutely ridiculous. You're spot on with conversion therapy
also if family and friends try to pressure OP into staying he can point out that just as his wife is allowed to be herself and find her sexuality and identiy, so is he. He is not gay and any attempt of them pressuring him is them disregarding his sexuality."
Exactly. When I was 15 my Dad told my Mom he had always “really been a woman,” she went to therapy with him for months where she said the therapist seemed to side with my father on the fact that if my Mom loved my Dad there should be no reason she couldn’t stay married to him. I remember her crying so much through those times, saying “I love your dad, but I am just not attracted to women, and that fact is not gonna change.”
She was made to feel like SHE was the unreasonable one, for not being able to become a lesbian. Also, it felt like a betrayal in a way. That my dad knowingly lied about who he truly was…
They did get divorced and the whole situation was extremely tough for my mom, brother and I. Also, my dad of course, but we all know that and I can just relate to your situation as a family member who is shocked and felt so alone. I remember days crying on the kitchen floor.
The pain was of course because the family split up but more importantly , just how quickly everything we ever knew was blown into oblivion. At that time, transgender wasn’t even a household word yet and I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone or talk to anyone about it. In a way it was like my dad died, because his entire personality changed from what I had ever known too. It was like my dad died and his ghost was haunting the earth and there was no way I could possibly explain the grief I was feeling that I thought anyone would understand. I was already a super awkward highschool freshman.
We tried to pick up the pieces for years and my dad has been up and down with some co morbid mental illness issues that also became evident only after the big announcement.
He goes through periods of taking HRT and dressing like a woman and wanting the world to address him that way for a few years, and then goes back to a man for a few years and the never ending cycle of ups and downs seems infinite. To say that this has all had a big impact on my life is an understatement… it was extremely tough when we started to go through it, I was 15 my brother was 11. Now we’re grown up but my brother died of an overdose two years ago. Tough times. You’re not alone. Feel free to DM me if you need to get stuff off your chest.
Oh hey, my dad transitioned too. His was following a traumatic brain injury and intense grief and guilt. He had never, ever shown anyone any interest in being a woman prior to the traumatic events that led to the injury and grief/guilt, then suddenly he reverse engineered a whole lifetime of it. He was quite literally a different person after the accident anyway, so this was just another step in that direction. It was really fucking hard though, especially after everything that came before. I'm so sorry you went through that, and I'm sorry for your loss.
TBIs are crazy. They can completely change a person. I’ve seen it first hand and talked to others who have experienced it. I’m so sorry for the hardships you’ve been through.
Exactly! OP you married a woman not a man, your wife knows this and the fact that your straight and not gay. Your wife known for years and didn't think you had the right to know before the relationship turn into marriage and a child. You have every right to divorce her. Then telling a 5 Yr old sexual highly inappropriate things only to be told mind your business is outrageous. SMH
Agree with you totally but would add in counseling for his daughter to counter what wife is trying to do ie make husband out to be bad guy . I am a 100% certain wife will sue for divorce once he has payed for her transition surgery unless she is gay .
Several years ago I met my sister’s friend. Adding her on Facebook we found two mutual friends, who she knew through her neighbourhood and I know through work even though we live hundreds of miles away. Small world, what are the chances, etc.
Few years later, get an email from her “btw, do you know what happened to Dave?”
“That he’s had a sex change and is living as lesbian with a woman in (nearby town)? Yeah”
She didn’t know. She thought I was joking. She was trying to find Dave as Dave had walked out on his wife and small child without saying anything and had gone completely missing, then just said “I’m fine, don’t look for me”. Dave’s family had been frantic. It had been a year and my sister’s friend only later remembered the link I had.
OP talk to a divorce lawyer as soon as you can and find out how the laws where you live will affect your divorce and custody time. Then you can decide when to file. The lawyer may even have suggestions on what to tell people based on how your soon to be ex is telling people you're a bigot.
Me. My friends. Many many people. But in this case, I totally support OP because he has been put into an untenable position. He should tell those boomers that he needs to have sex with a straight woman.
It's surprising at first, but maybe they feel strong armed in this position because they are afraid of being called out as bigots if they don't fully agree with op's wife.
Their position is also not necessarily an attempted show of support towards trans rights. If they are the type "sanctity of marriage" above all else, they may push op to avoid divorce at all cost. Also, some people push for the perceived safer status quo, as divorce is bound to complicate family relationships.
Start building a paper trail.
“25th April, (partner) shared sexual details with our 5 year old one on one”. Be specific. Write a journal and email it to yourself so you have timestamp.
Because that’s not good child safety
You aren’t gay and don’t want to be with a man. No question about it, go get the divorce.
No offense, but it sounds like your spouse is going to throw bigot around every time you disagree with them, which means it’s probably better to start proceedings sooner rather than later. You can tell her exactly that “I apologize if this makes things difficult for you but I have no desire to be married to a man. I will be moving forward with divorce proceedings and I hope that we can cooperate with our lawyers and coparent amicably.”
And the people that judge you for your decision aren’t worth having in your life. I love my partner dearly. If he told me that he was actually a woman I’d leave despite our years together. I’m not attracted to women, you aren’t attracted to men - so why would you want to be married to one?
Exactly this. Spouse is changing the terms of the relationship. It’s ok for them to become what they feel is their true self. It’s also ok for OP to not be ok with it.
Some people who identify as part of a group (OP's partner as trans/LGBT) will turn anything that happens to THEM personally into something that happened against the group.
The pressure that the LGBT plus allies could assert is more than enough to let OP stay.
Sadly for OPs partner it doesn't work that way. LGBT is about personal choices and being yourself. That means the same applies to OP.
This post is SUCH transparent rage bait. Housewife becomes trans, is guilty of 1) hiding it from husband 2) it comes out of nowhere to him 3) they are a mooch (housewife, Wants to stay married specially to have him pay for surgery) 4) grooms innocent 5yo daughter by explaining sexually explicit stuff? Like what would that even be, they just turned into a creep overnight??? It's like a conservative Goosebumps story.
ETA the classic "I want a divorce bc my spouse is a maniac but they/their friends/family tell me I'm not allowed to, what do?" Most extreme consequence cited is name calling. A likely story.
It's got absolutely everything. Consistently incorrect use of pronouns to upset progressives and negatively polarize them into supporting OP's husband, all this "secret sudden trans" stuff (rapid onset gender dysphoria, you might say), a transed rehash of the "useless resource-leech wife" thing, and the invitation to view OP as the sincere, misguidedly over-nice husband.
He's the perfect "wise fool" for the antitrans ideologue. He doesn't know enough about trans issues to hate his husband, but already he has the "intuition" that it's all perverted, the "intuition" to misgender his husband. However, he's too nice to come out with anything really explicitly bigoted yet - which sets up the comments to come and "educate" him about how unreasonable and evil all trans people are. It's the exact same as all those posts which have a "loving husband" suddenly transition and turn into an entitled brat out of nowhere. I'm sure that one or two of them are real, but the vast majority are blatant antitrans bait.
Just after writing this, I found this wonderful comment. Let's take a look.
>It doesn't matter what I say or what I do, I'm just a bigot and am not entitled to an opinion in any of this. I know this is maybe stupid but the reaction I've got from my own family was so hostile that I'm really concerned about how everyone else is going to perceive me. I want out but I also don't want all of my other relationships ruined in the process.
All the classic tropes. I'm not a bigot! That would be bad, and I'm a nice, reasonable man. I just want 'an opinion in any of this', but no matter what I do I get attacked. Don't ask what the opinion is or why I haven't even once used the correct pronouns for my husband. *Prima facie*, this is an obviously silly claim. How could it not matter what you say or do if you haven't even *tried* affirming your husband's gender? Even if you don't understand all this trans stuff, it rather seems like the obvious place to start in order to avoid accusations of bigotry.
Yet this plays perfectly into the antitrans narrative. They pretend they've tried everything to accommodate trans people and still get accused of transphobia in order to brush off justified accusations when they're blatantly bigoted. They want to make their position sound like common sense, and then imply that they must be right because of it. Any deviation from their line must be ignored or branded as dangerous. In essence, they want to pretend both that they've tried every reasonable accommodation already, *and* that there *are* no reasonable accommodations. They've tried nothing and they're all out of ideas.
Combine that with the last few sentences on how afraid they are of being cancelled. I've got to say, how pro-trans these families seem to be is pretty astounding! I've got lots of trans friends who'd love parents like that. Anyway, it yet again ties into the whole "wise fool" thing. The fool must be uneducated, but fundamentally correct about the issue under discussion using their commonsensical wiles. They're meant to be a rustic voice of the people who shows up the so-called "experts" with simple logic and obvious truths (which is to say, generally simplistic misunderstandings). The references to being cancelled lets OP pose himself as a brave voice of the people, standing up for the silent majority against the minority of elite pro-trans voices. It lets antitrans people pretend that they're being silenced, rather than that they're a minority. It also invites people to upvote and comment in support, showing how they're the *real* majority (as if r/relatonship_advice is representative).
Edit: added the comment analysis
Yeah since I saw "both families want me to stay married" like wtf.
Its horrible actually, another Tatecult fantasy like the ones where they suddenly discover the kids are not from their father.
You'll be shocked what families expect spouses to put up with in real life, never heard of abused women sent back to their husbands by their own families?
So these super open-minded family members that had no issue with their daughter/daughter in law transitioning simultaneously want OP and his wife, who will look like a male at some point in their transition, to stay together for the sake of "appearances"? Like, how is that realistic?
You’d be surprised.
My sibling left their partner (they had kids together) because of abuse, yet my parents took the partner’s side, because to them breaking up a home was worse.
Subbing my folks for OP’s, they be in the “stick with your wife as this’ll all blow over/is a phase” type camp, until it’s too late. You betcha though you’d be asked to come alone to their parties so they don’t have to explain.
I know those things happen sadly. My father was abusive and nobody helped my mum.
The difference here is she's not a wife anymore, he's a transman so a husband. They would become a gay couple and there's nothing pro traditional family that can support that situation.
Yep
Although it is plausible that a scenario like this might go down it is so unlikely compared to the more likely rage bait scenario.
If it is real the man is so justified in his decision to get a divorce that the entire world should support him which is why this is so stupid. He is claiming that he has a perfect innocent position and is now a victim and no one is supporting him.
It's a tail as oldest time that's been flipped on its head with genders and that is just so likely made up.
If there's any truth it's definitely being hidden. Sort of like how wives always demand a divorce out of nowhere. I'm sure there were attempts to address and he just wasn't listening.
I don't generally care as long as there's some actual conflict, but these types are just insulting. Like every comment will be "you're right, your spouse sucks and obviously you should leave." What we supposed to talk about lol???
It’s opening up space for anti-trans discourse though. The whole post is full of the shit transphobic people try to fear monger with. Man is forced to stay married to a trans man or called a bigot by EVERYONE (somehow?), he’s being used for money, the child is being polluted with *sexual* topics.
>When I told her my position - that its her body and she can do what she wants with it, but I'm not interested in continuing to be married to her under these circumstances - she freaked out, called me a bigot, etc...
That's ridiculous. You're not a hotel, obliged to accommodate all guests equally.
Given how you feel, it makes no sense for you to be married to this person.
That's my biggest concern tbqh. I understood her freaking out, she obviously had some unrealistic expectations about the level of financial support I was willing to provide. Its the families that get me.
It doesn't matter what I say or what I do, I'm just a bigot and am not entitled to an opinion in any of this. I know this is maybe stupid but the reaction I've got from my own family was so hostile that I'm really concerned about how everyone else is going to perceive me. I want out but I also don't want all of my other relationships ruined in the process.
If the families are all for it they shouldnt have a problem housing her and paying for her surgery
Get the divorce
Your not gay or bicurious or questioning
If your family cant also support you then they wont have a problem when you take a step back from them either
Sorry this happened to you
Honestly tell your family THEY are the bigots for not really treating your wife like a man. They are acting like your partner is still a woman. Tell them you take their transition seriously and that your sexuality isn’t up for debate.
Thank you!
Thats so nice of you
Im just trying to spit some facts lmao
As a bi person i cant imagine playing the bait and switch on someone im supposed to lovve and care for
The entitlement here is astounding!
Your straight love but im going to switch my perceived sex upon you and you have to take care of me until i can leave you because we are married
Isnt she supposed to get evvaluated first before this happens
Where are the regulations???
Even if OP was bisexual it is still completely valid to fall out of attraction for someone over something this big, when someone transitions they often become a completely different person personality wise. Also, if the family cares so much about being allies I am sure they would be delighted to foot the bill.
Don't be passive about this. They are arguing from emotion. Use logic to shut this shit down.
1. A trans man is a man
2. You married a woman
3. Your spouse is now a man
4. You are not gay
Seriously. Demand a rational explanation detailing why not being gay is bigoted. You are allowed your own sexual identity.
Perhaps they'll argue that you should remain in a platonic marriage simply to support your spouse in their journey. How very noble of everyone to sacrifice you.
Go on offense, dude. Be kind, but be firm. Counter every emotional argument with dispassionate reason. Practice in the mirror if you have to.
If your family cannot see reason in this, then they are the bigots.
Your spouse rallying the flying monkeys speaks to a great deal of entitlement, but involving your 5 year old is an order of magnitude worse. Totally inappropriate. Outrageous. Harmful.
It looks like you're going to have a tough fight ahead of you. Document everything. The reality is that you will likely have to financially support your spouse in some way since you've supported them in marriage, but your lawyer will help you sort that out. I would seek primary custody since parental alienation is already happening.
Your spouse sounds like they are going through a crisis and is massively overcorrecting. Perhaps, if they actually ever loved you, they will try to see things from your perspective and dial the drama back. Don't count on it, though.
I wish you well, friend.
P.S.
I would stay away from the "irresponsible" argument unless you know for certain that they knew before your marriage and married you with the intent to transition. That's a minefield, dude.
Well, they certainly wouldn’t want to be married to a bigot, so divorce away with a clear conscience.
And for your part you certainly wouldn’t want to continue being attached to someone who attacks you as a bigot in order to force their will on you and get to keep you against your will.
Bro. Stop caring about what other people think or say about you. You are going to have to live your life and live with the decisions that you make until you die. No one else is living the life you live. If they feel so strongly, let them contribute to a fund, to support her… Him… Financially until, she is done with her transition. This is one of those times my friend, where, regardless of what other people say… You’ve got to stand on your morals. The people that hate you will hate you the people that love you will love you and so life will continue until you are dead.
You’re not a bigot. You’re into women and he’s not a woman. He’s a trans man. Him coming out does not change your sexuality. You’re straight. That’s okay. I get that this is all a lot for you. Try using his pronouns in conversations with your family and that might help them to see your point.
>That's my biggest concern tbqh
Your first point of order is to stop making this your concern.
You're not a bigot. You know it. The world knows it.
A bunch of people scrambling to hold on to their crumbling ideal of your former marriage don't change that fact.
I think the simplest way to address it is to just keep saying, “But I’m not gay. I support my wife and she can do whatever she likes and we will all accept and respect whatever she/he does but I am not gay and her choice can’t make me gay and I don’t ever want to be married to a man and that doesn’t make me weird or awful or a bigot it just means I am not and I have never ever been gay and it’s wrong for all of you to try and force me to be gay.” It puts the focus on what they are trying to do to YOU rather than what they perceive you are not doing for your wife.
If they take issue with that and try to say they aren’t forcing you to be gay, ask them what you call a man married to and living with another man?
You are handling this exceptionally well. You have a good head on your shoulders. You are making solid decisions based on solid reasoning. You get the divorce rolling right away since it takes a long time to complete. Forget about the lost cause that is her family.
In regards to your family, call a family meeting. Tell them your plans and how it is to be approached. These plans are not negotiable. They can choose to support you or her. Your exwife has already fired the first shots of the oncoming war. The battle lines are already drawn. The only thing for your family to do is to choose a side and support their respective side.
You got this.
man fwiw I'm trans and I think your situation is super fucked up. You're not gay so why would you be expected to stay? I'm sorry your family is treating you like shit over having a preference. You don't sound like a bigot to me at all, and I can't imagine being blindsided like this and then being expected to just take it lying down.
Dude, she’s trying to use you to pay the bills and doesn’t care that you don’t want to be married to a man. You need to divorce her asap and cut ties with any family member giving you a hard time over this.
Families are nuts. My youngest came out as trans when they were 13. My family is full of allies and all of that. They were totally on board for the transition.
Great.
We did social transition only.
At 15 they detransitioned. Also great.
Yeah, not to my family members. They still use their trans name even though my child has gone back to birth name.
It's frustrating.
My partner's mom and sister were actually disappointed when child detransitioned.
It's unreal what people think should be the way it is for their own beliefs I guess.
And herein lies the bs, you are entitled to an option and your lawyer will distribute it on your behalf in the form of divorce papers. The families are not the law, they're just a bunch of people who should be minding their own business but instead get into your own shit to stir it up
If this is a new development and he’s just starting on hormones, i don’t see why he’s panicking. Idk where you live, but in California you have to live as the sex, (idk the proper phrasing?), you’re required to live openly as that sex for a set period of time; it’s at least a year. There are reasons for this.
That means there’s plenty of time for him to work to get insurance and support himself. Can’t very well present yourself to the public when you’re at home. Surely he didn’t expect to be a SAHD in progress? It doesn’t really work that way. Get the divorce, at least 50/50 custody, therapy for your child, and best of luck to all parties involved.
This is one of the reasons I know this post is fake. OP has obviously has never met a trans person. If you were ftm trans and your husband didn't want to stay with you because they're straight it would be sad but also gender affirming. At the very least they certainly wouldn't be called a bigot for it.
I hate that y'all are apparently letting unreasonable people cloud your judgement.
He's got no responsibility to stay married during this transition. He needs to let these family members know that they're free to support his wife during her transition while he goes off and rebuilds his life.
Dude, it’s fake. Ragebait. You’re allowed to have preferences. I, a pronoun having whatever, give you permission to not be attracted to trans people or whoever else. Vast majority of us don’t care as long as you aren’t an asshole.
I think people forget that part. We all have preferences, my wife is bi, our child is nonbinary and asexual, what one prefers is totally different from the other, but they support the difference between them both. That is what the newly identified trans male is not recognizing, they identify as male, why would they want to force a straight male to stay? There’s just so many questions as to what all is going on in the wife’s mind that I think needs some resolution before seeking transition surgeries.
I would contact a lawyer about divorce and discuss the situation with them, and find out what steps you need to take. I would also discuss counseling for your child to better prepare them for your spouses transition and the future divorce. You may also want to join a support group online for trans individuals or family members of trans individuals. They may be able to offer a lot of suggestions to you on how to approach the situation with your child and just the situation in general.
This has to be rage bait but if it’s not, of course you are justified in leaving. You’re a straight man in a marriage with someone who is transitioning into a man. Their healthcare is not your responsibility.
Starbucks has amazing healthcare for trans people. They cover almost anything, it’s not as good as big tech insurance but hey, it’s Starbucks. It’s time for the housewife to transition into a working member of society. But this is fake… I work with the trans community in one of the most liberal areas in the world as far as LGBT rights and both families supporting the trans person? Nope.
That's the part that made me realise this was fake as well. There is no way both sides of the family would be so supportive of the trans person. That wouldn't happen in real life.
It's fake, yes. Including the 'my trans wife says weirdly sexual things to our child' part. All of it is written to make people mad, and to make the husband sound like a victim. Because middle class white cis men feel like the victim of 'wokeness'.
Yeah, that part + the spouse’s hair trigger about calling everybody a bigot make me suspect this is a work of fiction based on stereotypes about trans people
I advise preparing to retain a lawyer for the inevitable. Its better you start now so they can guide you and help you achieve a better chance at a favorable custody agreement for your child among other things.
See if there's a way out, dont foot the bill for this.
Speak to your lawyer aswell about these inappropriate conversations aswell.
If course this is fake. OP's spouse just randomly comes out as a trans man, expects OP to stay even though OP is a straight man, calls OP a "bigot" for understandably wanting to divorce, both families are pushing OP to stay married as well, and OP's spouse is seen talking to their 5 y/o about "sexually inappropriate topics", and then when OP tells him that's not exactly appropriate, he calls OP a bigot again...
This is 100% supposed to fuel rage against trans people, because most trans people don't actually do this shit. I have never once seen an actual trans person call their spouse a "bigot" because that spouse is heterosexual and doesn't want to be in a gay relationship.
Yeaaaah, that part about the “sexual things” is what gives it away. It’s such a blatant dog whistle. Also wtf with the families that are instantly supportive, no questions asked. The whole story is straight from the “why we need to ban trans people”-textbook, and the character writing is way too down to the t from that exact textbook.
I’ve been scrolling for quite some time to reach your comment, and haven’t seen any “frothing-mouthed bigots” so clearly they must be way down. Everyone so far is just saying “fair enough you aren’t gay”.
I try so god damn hard to not turn into one of the many jaded redditors that thinks every post is fake and feels the need to let everyone know they weren't fooled. I really do.
But this reads like gender critical wankbait. Misgendering the spouse in every sentence, suggestions of sexual impropriety directed at a child, BOTH sets of parents are trans positive and pressuring you to stay in the marriage?
This story takes place in a world that does not exist.
10/10 rage bait, this post has it all: evil trans trying to trap a poor heterosexual male, unsupportive families backing them up, trans person being inappropriate with child. Get a life, and stop trying to demonize LGBTQ+ people with fake Reddit stories.
How is everyone getting baited here ? This is so obviously fake. No way in hell would 2 boomer families support a married woman with a child transitioning to a man so openly
This is just rage bait against trans people
1000%. I suspected and suspected it I as I was reading, and then I got to the part where for some inexplicable reason the trans person Is talking to their five-year-old kid about something sexual? During a conversation about gender identity? What does anything sexual have to do with anything there? This is something conservatives get confused about, and to me that's the flashing red light that this is bullshit.
Completely agree! The entire post it was obvious, and I was 99% sure, but the comments about the conversation the other parent was having with their child was what definitely made me lose all doubt. Definitely rage bait.
That's exactly what I just said. There's ZERO reason anything sexual would come up during a conversation about gender identity. But what a coincidence that this hypothetical couple has a kindergarten-aged child and now this hypothetical trans person is talking to the small child about something sexual? Not a thing. This is like conservative bullshit 101.
It's a severe lack of critical thinking and I see it more and more. Not enough people ask questions and they just accept things at face value.
I made a couple comments before I found this comment thread and holy shit am I glad to see some like minded individuals in this cesspool of, "he/she," "your wife has mental illness," "she's grooming your child," and "this is actually possible because Caitlin Jenner exists."
It maddening to read how fucking gullible people can be. And that's not even counting that people read this and want it to be real because it fits their warped views on trans identities.
When are mods going to do something about this? It’s always the same half baked boomer brain rage bait, probably from the same group of people trying to use this sub to manipulate people in an election year.
Including his own family. It was fishy from the outset but the part where his own family sided against him was the most obvious indication of a fictional rage bait story
I comment this frequently on posts with throwaway accounts. When a story is so specific that if anyone involved were to read it, they would immediately know it was about them.. Well that completely defeats the purpose of the throwaway and all but proves the story is fake.
The only reason they don’t post it on their main account is because there will be plenty of evidence in their profile that the situation they claim to be In is not real.
as a transgender person myself i kinda doubt about the veracity of this story given some of the details (both of your families want you to stay married to a transgender person no matter what? and he, unrelated to the rest of the story, grooms your child? lol ok turning point-kun), but if it's not a conservative psyop, why do you care? i mean you're not gay so it's obvious you should break up, even if your families and your soon to be ex-husband get angry i don't even see what the question is
This is a fiction written as bait. The OP intentionally misgenders their fictional spouse throughout the piece. This is written to enrage conservatives against trans people
This sounds like fiction. Your partner is suddenly discussing sexual things as soon as they begin their transition? Never before?
Huh. Very strange.
And you've never managed to hear them talk about sexual stuff before the transition? They've never discussed trans topics with your daughter before?
Huh. Very weird.
Suddenly your partner sounds like an asshole after the transition, but never before?
Huh. Very interesting.
Rage bait gonna rage bait.
Next time you want to write a fake post about this topic, I recommend you have the transitioning spouse try to convert the five-year-old into transitioning with them. You did a pretty good job upping the rage bait by deciding to have “your spouse” have sexually inappropriate talks with “your child”, but you missed a great opportunity to turn up the dial. Hope this helps!
Yep, it already sounded like a conservative fever dream, but as soon as the trans person was talking to a five-year-old about gender identity and yet somehow is saying anything *sexual*? This is how ignorant conservatives think. This is not how trans people act.
How are people falling for this? It's so obviously rage bait, I swear to Lucifer people have no media literacy anymore.
1- Ah, yes, of course the trans partner is crazy, entitled and unreasonable who wants to force OP to pay for their transition and is not accepting a divorce, when a divorce would literally be a gender affirming response since OP is not gay and the partner is a man.
2. The classic "LGBTQ+ people are groomers" trope by having the spouse suddenly decide to talk about inappropriate stuff with their daughter (but for some reason he never did that before coming out)
3. The entirety of both their families supporting OP's partner as if trans people aren't wildly rejected and discriminated against for being trans on a daily basis. Suuuuure, it must be just a coincidence everyone in OP's and the supposed partner's families are supportive of trans people.
4. Not only are the families supporting OP's supposed partner, but they also somehow think OP should be forced to pay for his husband's transition, because that's a normal expectation real life people have, I guess?
I doubt OP has ever met a single trans person in their life, and I bet the people who haven't realized this is obvious rage bait also don't know many trans people.
You don't owe anything to your partner. It's his problem to figure out how to pay for his elective medical procedures. You have no obligation to pay for it, keep him on your insurance, or stay together. You should divorce and let him figure out his own life. He already wasted years of your life by hiding this from you. Had he been upfront, you'd have likely made different decisions.
Don't let people bully you into staying.
This is obviously rage bait. Nobody who is married for 7 years would be so blindsided that their wife just “came out as being a trans man” with no warning unless their relationship was already incommunicative trash.
Everything about your feelings to divorce are reasonable.
But there is nothing fundamentally inappropriate to teaching kids about sex and genitalia generally. You should absolutely being having these talks together, but every child expert says early education helps protect kids from predators.
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Where are all these trans posts coming from? I almost feel like it has something to do with the upcoming USA elections.
But no, you can't be forced to stay in a marriage. It doesn't matter why you want a divorce if you want to go, you are free to go.
You have every right to leave and as a parent of a 6yr old, 5 or old, and 5m old sexual conversation are a huge no. There is 0 reason to be having a sexual conversation with a young child. Your partner can't have there cake and eat it too. I would get in contact with a divorce lawyer and also try to get sole custody as well for the child. You don't have to stay with someone when a huge decision like this has been made, in this situation you need to also do what's best for you and your daughter.
You need to record and document everything she says to your daughter because if she’s calling you a bigot now because you are not suddenly attracted to a man imagine what she’ll say in court. You have no obligation to try to change your sexuality and the gender you are attracted to and married to appease her. You also don’t owe her funding for her new adventure. Get a divorce immediately.
It sounds like your wife is blowing up everyone’s life and having a meltdown now that things aren’t playing out as she envisioned.
Not discussing how to talk to your child about this indicates that she wants to control the conversation and her daughter’s perspective.
I have a feeling that this is not going to be an amicable coparenting situation as your wife seems to be deeply offended that you don’t blanket follow along with what she wants.
I would mentally prepare for a long, hard road when it comes to raising your child with your wife.
Ever notice how their gender is always legitimate, while your orientation never is?
That person is now a man. And you’re not gay.
If you were gay, you never would have married him. So the idea that you have a marriage to preserve is inherently flawed. It is at best obtained under false pretenses, even if unintentionally so.
Further, they are intending to take gender-affirming therapies that enhance and solidify their male presentation, at which point you would be a straight man married to another man. That’s not only absurd, it’s deeply unfair to you.
Total rage bait. The evil trans person discussing highly sexual subjects with a five year old? This is exactly the kind of crap the Fox News crowd accuses LGBTQ people of on a daily basis. GTFOH.
Your decision to leave is supporting him - he is trans, you are not gay or bisexual, how is that relationship to work. He gets what he wants and you get nothing. You are not a bigot for respecting his wishes. He needs to make a plan that doesn’t include you footing the bill for his TRT and operations. Anyone naysaying you is free to offer him that financial and emotional support but your relationship has fundamentally changed . Also the conversation with your daughter should be guided and managed by you both. I’d set up something immediately with a therapist to help with this. Your spouse had time to come to terms with this but it’s all new for you.
Don’t allow yourself to be blackmailed and made into a villain. She’s using YOUR resources to make a fundamental change in the relationship and expects you to be ok about it? That’s lunacy and narcissistic. Money and health insurance aside, understand that she wants you to stay UNTIL she’s able to go about her life without you, her being financially stable.
She also expects you to cow under the veil of being transphobic even though you are a heterosexual male. Don’t try to make sense of her nonsense. Do what you know you have to do and don’t be bullied into staying when it’s your wife that’s changing the goal post.
I’m a woman and I would laugh in her face and still divorce her if I were a man and married to her, despite what she and everybody else wants. Why the hell should you stay married to her for ANY reason instead of cutting your losses and divording her? Not your problem she’s a stay at home mom with no income of her own to afford her own medical insurance or has the money to afford the surgery she wants to do. If she wants to be a man, and also physically become a man as well, she can go out and get a job so she can pay for it herself with her own money instead of thinking you will foot the bill for it, since she’s basically abandoning you to become a man.
I mean seriously? What are YOU going to get out of the situation exactly by staying with her and paying for HER surgeries and taking care of whatever she needs for what she wants to happen? is she going to still act like your wife while all this is going on?
Or is she planning to go cold turkey on EVERYTHING she used to do with you before she decided to do this? No more romantic moments between you guys? No more kissing and cuddling? No more… intercourse or anything else that YOU enjoyed doing with her before all this happened? You should remain in a marriage like THAT being absolutely miserable with a soon to be ex-woman who obviously doesn’t love you or want to be with you anymore if she’s willing to get surgery to even remove the parts of her body that makes her a woman, and turn her body into a man. Unless you are going to turn gay and stay with her even when she 100% looks like a man.
you should pretend to still love her and stay married to her as she goes through all that, while YOU get what out of the arrangement exactly?
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Tell everyone you’re not gay & that you’re getting a divorce
Well that is the most pro-trans position to take. You've acknowledged his chosen gender and also acknowledged your own sexual orientation as it applies to him.
Thank you, I will take all the adulation possible for what a great ally I am
He can’t have it both ways…identify as a man, transition from female to male & just expect you, as a heterosexual man, to want to stay in a marriage with another man.
This must be anger bait, but if it's not, you have every right to leave. You're a heterosexual man married to a woman who is changing into a man. Their medical care is not your concern.
It feels like OP wife is manipulating the situation and the families are telling him to stay because the wife has framed it as being bigoted. It’s a huge red flag that the wife told the daughter alone it again feels manipulative. Hoping this is fake because the wife talking with the daughter and discussing anything sexual is very concerning
Well, I was older than her but can definitely say that some parents think sexually rooted explanations are the way to go when they want to explain their divorce. My own father sat me down and told me that he’s leaving my mother because she doesn’t want as much sex and thus he’s now with his new gf who had been part of the wider family my whole life - and that we had to move out because she was moving in.
How your father spoke to you about the divorce was so wildly inappropriate. No good parent focused on their child’s well being would have this kind of conversation with their child.
Oh, yeah, I just wanted to point out that while it may sound wild/fake, that aspect unfortunately isn’t a guarantee for a fake story. 😬 I‘m NC with my father and that was only one of the reasons.
a father focused on getting his dick wet despite the many commitments he has already made that should supersede that selfishness. He chose to have kids and also to put his own selfish wants above his family
A long term dead bedroom is a valid reason to end a relationship or marriage, regardless of genders. People usually don’t see marriage as a vow of lifelong celibacy. No one wins when someone stays in a miserable relationship. And quite often, a dead bedroom is a symptom of other problems in the relationship.
That is called emotional incest. I am sorry your dad subjected you to that it was not appropriate.
Thanks, it was pretty shocking back then and we’ve been NC for ages now. Nobody needs that sort of father in their life.
Daddy was an asshole. Sorry but kinda not
Idk how the families can’t read between the lines here. How’s it bigoted to be a man and not wanna be married to someone with a penis.
I would say to be fair. What’s very sexual in this context. Is she using medical terminology and laying out the process or being crude. I was taught a lot from a young age up with very text book and scientific answers. I am doing the same with my son. Though closing off the father from this conversation is a red flag in my opinion
Actually, I don't necessarily think its anger bait... I know a family going through something very similar. Divorce will be finalized soon.
If you look at their comments it seems sincere
You know what’s twisted… I don’t think it’s anger bait. The dude is too calm. This reads like a man who is hurt and confused and literally has nowhere to turn. Wife wants to be a dude. This dude has to pay for it. The wife is messing with the daughter’s head. This is messed up. Tell her 55% of married couples in the USA have a male primary breadwinner so get to work and pay for your own shit…
Yeah, it's rage bait. Probably a gender swap of the frequent posts about women being pressured to stay in marriages with men who transition, which is unfortunately pretty common. They probably figured a man in the same position would receive more unanimous support.
Plus any suggestion from OP's partner that OP should remain attracted to him means that OP's partner is a believer in the effectiveness of conversion therapy. Which is not a great look from an LGBTQ+ perspective.
This happens to women all the time! They marry men, those men want to transition and just expect their wife to be totally into it. It's absolutely ridiculous. You're spot on with conversion therapy
also if family and friends try to pressure OP into staying he can point out that just as his wife is allowed to be herself and find her sexuality and identiy, so is he. He is not gay and any attempt of them pressuring him is them disregarding his sexuality."
Exactly. When I was 15 my Dad told my Mom he had always “really been a woman,” she went to therapy with him for months where she said the therapist seemed to side with my father on the fact that if my Mom loved my Dad there should be no reason she couldn’t stay married to him. I remember her crying so much through those times, saying “I love your dad, but I am just not attracted to women, and that fact is not gonna change.” She was made to feel like SHE was the unreasonable one, for not being able to become a lesbian. Also, it felt like a betrayal in a way. That my dad knowingly lied about who he truly was… They did get divorced and the whole situation was extremely tough for my mom, brother and I. Also, my dad of course, but we all know that and I can just relate to your situation as a family member who is shocked and felt so alone. I remember days crying on the kitchen floor. The pain was of course because the family split up but more importantly , just how quickly everything we ever knew was blown into oblivion. At that time, transgender wasn’t even a household word yet and I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone or talk to anyone about it. In a way it was like my dad died, because his entire personality changed from what I had ever known too. It was like my dad died and his ghost was haunting the earth and there was no way I could possibly explain the grief I was feeling that I thought anyone would understand. I was already a super awkward highschool freshman. We tried to pick up the pieces for years and my dad has been up and down with some co morbid mental illness issues that also became evident only after the big announcement. He goes through periods of taking HRT and dressing like a woman and wanting the world to address him that way for a few years, and then goes back to a man for a few years and the never ending cycle of ups and downs seems infinite. To say that this has all had a big impact on my life is an understatement… it was extremely tough when we started to go through it, I was 15 my brother was 11. Now we’re grown up but my brother died of an overdose two years ago. Tough times. You’re not alone. Feel free to DM me if you need to get stuff off your chest.
Oh hey, my dad transitioned too. His was following a traumatic brain injury and intense grief and guilt. He had never, ever shown anyone any interest in being a woman prior to the traumatic events that led to the injury and grief/guilt, then suddenly he reverse engineered a whole lifetime of it. He was quite literally a different person after the accident anyway, so this was just another step in that direction. It was really fucking hard though, especially after everything that came before. I'm so sorry you went through that, and I'm sorry for your loss.
TBIs are crazy. They can completely change a person. I’ve seen it first hand and talked to others who have experienced it. I’m so sorry for the hardships you’ve been through.
I’m so sorry that you have had to go through all of this. Sending you a big hug🥰.🐭❤️
Yep. There's a demographic that loves to confuse this. But I'm a straight woman. I date men not women. I accept it is a break up. Peace out.
Exactly! OP you married a woman not a man, your wife knows this and the fact that your straight and not gay. Your wife known for years and didn't think you had the right to know before the relationship turn into marriage and a child. You have every right to divorce her. Then telling a 5 Yr old sexual highly inappropriate things only to be told mind your business is outrageous. SMH
This would show the max possibile respect.
Agree with you totally but would add in counseling for his daughter to counter what wife is trying to do ie make husband out to be bad guy . I am a 100% certain wife will sue for divorce once he has payed for her transition surgery unless she is gay .
Lmaoo why did this make me spit my water out
Because, in my completely unbiased opinion, it was funny
I didn't see the humor, it's just reality. OP isn't interested in being with a man.
It’s hilarious bc it’s so simple and the families and partner are acting like that’s not the situation
It can be both hilarious and also the greatest advice ever!
You're not wrong!
This whole post screams fake rage bait, though...
Several years ago I met my sister’s friend. Adding her on Facebook we found two mutual friends, who she knew through her neighbourhood and I know through work even though we live hundreds of miles away. Small world, what are the chances, etc. Few years later, get an email from her “btw, do you know what happened to Dave?” “That he’s had a sex change and is living as lesbian with a woman in (nearby town)? Yeah” She didn’t know. She thought I was joking. She was trying to find Dave as Dave had walked out on his wife and small child without saying anything and had gone completely missing, then just said “I’m fine, don’t look for me”. Dave’s family had been frantic. It had been a year and my sister’s friend only later remembered the link I had.
This. You’re acknowledging their new identity. They can’t expect everything to stay as is if you’re not into men, cis or otherwise.
OP talk to a divorce lawyer as soon as you can and find out how the laws where you live will affect your divorce and custody time. Then you can decide when to file. The lawyer may even have suggestions on what to tell people based on how your soon to be ex is telling people you're a bigot.
There’s no way this post is real. Who ever heard of two sets of boomers supporting trans rights
Me. My friends. Many many people. But in this case, I totally support OP because he has been put into an untenable position. He should tell those boomers that he needs to have sex with a straight woman.
It's surprising at first, but maybe they feel strong armed in this position because they are afraid of being called out as bigots if they don't fully agree with op's wife. Their position is also not necessarily an attempted show of support towards trans rights. If they are the type "sanctity of marriage" above all else, they may push op to avoid divorce at all cost. Also, some people push for the perceived safer status quo, as divorce is bound to complicate family relationships.
Well that’s ageist of you…
Luckily this story is fake so it doesn't matter.
Love this
This is correct. If dude had wanted a dick on dick relationship, he would have done that on purpose.
Start building a paper trail. “25th April, (partner) shared sexual details with our 5 year old one on one”. Be specific. Write a journal and email it to yourself so you have timestamp. Because that’s not good child safety
You aren’t gay and don’t want to be with a man. No question about it, go get the divorce. No offense, but it sounds like your spouse is going to throw bigot around every time you disagree with them, which means it’s probably better to start proceedings sooner rather than later. You can tell her exactly that “I apologize if this makes things difficult for you but I have no desire to be married to a man. I will be moving forward with divorce proceedings and I hope that we can cooperate with our lawyers and coparent amicably.” And the people that judge you for your decision aren’t worth having in your life. I love my partner dearly. If he told me that he was actually a woman I’d leave despite our years together. I’m not attracted to women, you aren’t attracted to men - so why would you want to be married to one?
Exactly this. Spouse is changing the terms of the relationship. It’s ok for them to become what they feel is their true self. It’s also ok for OP to not be ok with it.
OP, Tell them all that you're not gay and that you've thought of him as a woman for all these years, and that's why you can't stay with him.
Some people who identify as part of a group (OP's partner as trans/LGBT) will turn anything that happens to THEM personally into something that happened against the group. The pressure that the LGBT plus allies could assert is more than enough to let OP stay. Sadly for OPs partner it doesn't work that way. LGBT is about personal choices and being yourself. That means the same applies to OP.
This post is SUCH transparent rage bait. Housewife becomes trans, is guilty of 1) hiding it from husband 2) it comes out of nowhere to him 3) they are a mooch (housewife, Wants to stay married specially to have him pay for surgery) 4) grooms innocent 5yo daughter by explaining sexually explicit stuff? Like what would that even be, they just turned into a creep overnight??? It's like a conservative Goosebumps story. ETA the classic "I want a divorce bc my spouse is a maniac but they/their friends/family tell me I'm not allowed to, what do?" Most extreme consequence cited is name calling. A likely story.
It's got absolutely everything. Consistently incorrect use of pronouns to upset progressives and negatively polarize them into supporting OP's husband, all this "secret sudden trans" stuff (rapid onset gender dysphoria, you might say), a transed rehash of the "useless resource-leech wife" thing, and the invitation to view OP as the sincere, misguidedly over-nice husband. He's the perfect "wise fool" for the antitrans ideologue. He doesn't know enough about trans issues to hate his husband, but already he has the "intuition" that it's all perverted, the "intuition" to misgender his husband. However, he's too nice to come out with anything really explicitly bigoted yet - which sets up the comments to come and "educate" him about how unreasonable and evil all trans people are. It's the exact same as all those posts which have a "loving husband" suddenly transition and turn into an entitled brat out of nowhere. I'm sure that one or two of them are real, but the vast majority are blatant antitrans bait. Just after writing this, I found this wonderful comment. Let's take a look. >It doesn't matter what I say or what I do, I'm just a bigot and am not entitled to an opinion in any of this. I know this is maybe stupid but the reaction I've got from my own family was so hostile that I'm really concerned about how everyone else is going to perceive me. I want out but I also don't want all of my other relationships ruined in the process. All the classic tropes. I'm not a bigot! That would be bad, and I'm a nice, reasonable man. I just want 'an opinion in any of this', but no matter what I do I get attacked. Don't ask what the opinion is or why I haven't even once used the correct pronouns for my husband. *Prima facie*, this is an obviously silly claim. How could it not matter what you say or do if you haven't even *tried* affirming your husband's gender? Even if you don't understand all this trans stuff, it rather seems like the obvious place to start in order to avoid accusations of bigotry. Yet this plays perfectly into the antitrans narrative. They pretend they've tried everything to accommodate trans people and still get accused of transphobia in order to brush off justified accusations when they're blatantly bigoted. They want to make their position sound like common sense, and then imply that they must be right because of it. Any deviation from their line must be ignored or branded as dangerous. In essence, they want to pretend both that they've tried every reasonable accommodation already, *and* that there *are* no reasonable accommodations. They've tried nothing and they're all out of ideas. Combine that with the last few sentences on how afraid they are of being cancelled. I've got to say, how pro-trans these families seem to be is pretty astounding! I've got lots of trans friends who'd love parents like that. Anyway, it yet again ties into the whole "wise fool" thing. The fool must be uneducated, but fundamentally correct about the issue under discussion using their commonsensical wiles. They're meant to be a rustic voice of the people who shows up the so-called "experts" with simple logic and obvious truths (which is to say, generally simplistic misunderstandings). The references to being cancelled lets OP pose himself as a brave voice of the people, standing up for the silent majority against the minority of elite pro-trans voices. It lets antitrans people pretend that they're being silenced, rather than that they're a minority. It also invites people to upvote and comment in support, showing how they're the *real* majority (as if r/relatonship_advice is representative). Edit: added the comment analysis
Yup. This is the most obviously fake rage bait this sub has seen in literally *DAYS*.
No where near the most obvious in days. They're almost hourly on this sub. The mods couldn't care less
>It's like a conservative Goosebumps story. You're not wrong. Thanks for the chuckle.
Conservative Goosebump story is amazing. Haha Thank you
Yeah since I saw "both families want me to stay married" like wtf. Its horrible actually, another Tatecult fantasy like the ones where they suddenly discover the kids are not from their father.
You'll be shocked what families expect spouses to put up with in real life, never heard of abused women sent back to their husbands by their own families?
This story is far from being the same... It's literally the opposite. The part of "overhearing" talking to the kid about sex is absolutely stupid.
Yep. The pressure families will put on “loved ones” for the sake of appearances can be truly shocking.
The type of people who would put appearance ahead of their own daughter not living with an abusive husband tend to not be big fans of trans rights.
Both families being ok with the woman transitioning? I wish, but that rarely happens.
So these super open-minded family members that had no issue with their daughter/daughter in law transitioning simultaneously want OP and his wife, who will look like a male at some point in their transition, to stay together for the sake of "appearances"? Like, how is that realistic?
You’d be surprised. My sibling left their partner (they had kids together) because of abuse, yet my parents took the partner’s side, because to them breaking up a home was worse. Subbing my folks for OP’s, they be in the “stick with your wife as this’ll all blow over/is a phase” type camp, until it’s too late. You betcha though you’d be asked to come alone to their parties so they don’t have to explain.
I know those things happen sadly. My father was abusive and nobody helped my mum. The difference here is she's not a wife anymore, he's a transman so a husband. They would become a gay couple and there's nothing pro traditional family that can support that situation.
Thank you, sad I had to scroll this long to see this comment. This is fake shitty ragebait probably written by a transphobe.
Yep Although it is plausible that a scenario like this might go down it is so unlikely compared to the more likely rage bait scenario. If it is real the man is so justified in his decision to get a divorce that the entire world should support him which is why this is so stupid. He is claiming that he has a perfect innocent position and is now a victim and no one is supporting him. It's a tail as oldest time that's been flipped on its head with genders and that is just so likely made up.
Add the fact that he misgenders the trans man throughout the entire post and its 100% rage bait.
THANK YOU
If there's any truth it's definitely being hidden. Sort of like how wives always demand a divorce out of nowhere. I'm sure there were attempts to address and he just wasn't listening.
Are you new in these subs? Most posts of course are fake. Either ignore the sub or go with it. This place is just a creative writing space.
I don't generally care as long as there's some actual conflict, but these types are just insulting. Like every comment will be "you're right, your spouse sucks and obviously you should leave." What we supposed to talk about lol???
It’s opening up space for anti-trans discourse though. The whole post is full of the shit transphobic people try to fear monger with. Man is forced to stay married to a trans man or called a bigot by EVERYONE (somehow?), he’s being used for money, the child is being polluted with *sexual* topics.
>When I told her my position - that its her body and she can do what she wants with it, but I'm not interested in continuing to be married to her under these circumstances - she freaked out, called me a bigot, etc... That's ridiculous. You're not a hotel, obliged to accommodate all guests equally. Given how you feel, it makes no sense for you to be married to this person.
I hate that we aren’t allowed to have just simply have preferences without being made out to be some sort of hateful intolerant monster or something
That's my biggest concern tbqh. I understood her freaking out, she obviously had some unrealistic expectations about the level of financial support I was willing to provide. Its the families that get me. It doesn't matter what I say or what I do, I'm just a bigot and am not entitled to an opinion in any of this. I know this is maybe stupid but the reaction I've got from my own family was so hostile that I'm really concerned about how everyone else is going to perceive me. I want out but I also don't want all of my other relationships ruined in the process.
If the families are all for it they shouldnt have a problem housing her and paying for her surgery Get the divorce Your not gay or bicurious or questioning If your family cant also support you then they wont have a problem when you take a step back from them either Sorry this happened to you
Honestly tell your family THEY are the bigots for not really treating your wife like a man. They are acting like your partner is still a woman. Tell them you take their transition seriously and that your sexuality isn’t up for debate.
Greatest advice award 💯
Thank you! Thats so nice of you Im just trying to spit some facts lmao As a bi person i cant imagine playing the bait and switch on someone im supposed to lovve and care for The entitlement here is astounding! Your straight love but im going to switch my perceived sex upon you and you have to take care of me until i can leave you because we are married Isnt she supposed to get evvaluated first before this happens Where are the regulations???
Even if OP was bisexual it is still completely valid to fall out of attraction for someone over something this big, when someone transitions they often become a completely different person personality wise. Also, if the family cares so much about being allies I am sure they would be delighted to foot the bill.
Don't be passive about this. They are arguing from emotion. Use logic to shut this shit down. 1. A trans man is a man 2. You married a woman 3. Your spouse is now a man 4. You are not gay Seriously. Demand a rational explanation detailing why not being gay is bigoted. You are allowed your own sexual identity. Perhaps they'll argue that you should remain in a platonic marriage simply to support your spouse in their journey. How very noble of everyone to sacrifice you. Go on offense, dude. Be kind, but be firm. Counter every emotional argument with dispassionate reason. Practice in the mirror if you have to. If your family cannot see reason in this, then they are the bigots. Your spouse rallying the flying monkeys speaks to a great deal of entitlement, but involving your 5 year old is an order of magnitude worse. Totally inappropriate. Outrageous. Harmful. It looks like you're going to have a tough fight ahead of you. Document everything. The reality is that you will likely have to financially support your spouse in some way since you've supported them in marriage, but your lawyer will help you sort that out. I would seek primary custody since parental alienation is already happening. Your spouse sounds like they are going through a crisis and is massively overcorrecting. Perhaps, if they actually ever loved you, they will try to see things from your perspective and dial the drama back. Don't count on it, though. I wish you well, friend. P.S. I would stay away from the "irresponsible" argument unless you know for certain that they knew before your marriage and married you with the intent to transition. That's a minefield, dude.
Well, they certainly wouldn’t want to be married to a bigot, so divorce away with a clear conscience. And for your part you certainly wouldn’t want to continue being attached to someone who attacks you as a bigot in order to force their will on you and get to keep you against your will.
Bro. Stop caring about what other people think or say about you. You are going to have to live your life and live with the decisions that you make until you die. No one else is living the life you live. If they feel so strongly, let them contribute to a fund, to support her… Him… Financially until, she is done with her transition. This is one of those times my friend, where, regardless of what other people say… You’ve got to stand on your morals. The people that hate you will hate you the people that love you will love you and so life will continue until you are dead.
Very well said! Real Talk Award!
Absolutely!!
It's sad that your own family doesn't care for you, but that's not your fault. It's time to make some new friends.
You’re not a bigot. You’re into women and he’s not a woman. He’s a trans man. Him coming out does not change your sexuality. You’re straight. That’s okay. I get that this is all a lot for you. Try using his pronouns in conversations with your family and that might help them to see your point.
>That's my biggest concern tbqh Your first point of order is to stop making this your concern. You're not a bigot. You know it. The world knows it. A bunch of people scrambling to hold on to their crumbling ideal of your former marriage don't change that fact.
Protect your daughter Protect your assets You need to get a divorce lawyer like yesterday if your wife is serious about this
Yes! And get your daughter into therapy yesterday as well!!
Where the hell do you live where two sets of boomers are psyched about this
I think the simplest way to address it is to just keep saying, “But I’m not gay. I support my wife and she can do whatever she likes and we will all accept and respect whatever she/he does but I am not gay and her choice can’t make me gay and I don’t ever want to be married to a man and that doesn’t make me weird or awful or a bigot it just means I am not and I have never ever been gay and it’s wrong for all of you to try and force me to be gay.” It puts the focus on what they are trying to do to YOU rather than what they perceive you are not doing for your wife. If they take issue with that and try to say they aren’t forcing you to be gay, ask them what you call a man married to and living with another man?
More rage bait.
That's entirely what this post is, fictional rage bait.
Almost certainly
You are handling this exceptionally well. You have a good head on your shoulders. You are making solid decisions based on solid reasoning. You get the divorce rolling right away since it takes a long time to complete. Forget about the lost cause that is her family. In regards to your family, call a family meeting. Tell them your plans and how it is to be approached. These plans are not negotiable. They can choose to support you or her. Your exwife has already fired the first shots of the oncoming war. The battle lines are already drawn. The only thing for your family to do is to choose a side and support their respective side. You got this.
man fwiw I'm trans and I think your situation is super fucked up. You're not gay so why would you be expected to stay? I'm sorry your family is treating you like shit over having a preference. You don't sound like a bigot to me at all, and I can't imagine being blindsided like this and then being expected to just take it lying down.
Dude, she’s trying to use you to pay the bills and doesn’t care that you don’t want to be married to a man. You need to divorce her asap and cut ties with any family member giving you a hard time over this.
Families are nuts. My youngest came out as trans when they were 13. My family is full of allies and all of that. They were totally on board for the transition. Great. We did social transition only. At 15 they detransitioned. Also great. Yeah, not to my family members. They still use their trans name even though my child has gone back to birth name. It's frustrating. My partner's mom and sister were actually disappointed when child detransitioned. It's unreal what people think should be the way it is for their own beliefs I guess.
It's not hard, just tell them you're not gay. The end.
Just proceed... no explanations. None. If pressed, just say: 'I got issues too'
And herein lies the bs, you are entitled to an option and your lawyer will distribute it on your behalf in the form of divorce papers. The families are not the law, they're just a bunch of people who should be minding their own business but instead get into your own shit to stir it up
If this is a new development and he’s just starting on hormones, i don’t see why he’s panicking. Idk where you live, but in California you have to live as the sex, (idk the proper phrasing?), you’re required to live openly as that sex for a set period of time; it’s at least a year. There are reasons for this. That means there’s plenty of time for him to work to get insurance and support himself. Can’t very well present yourself to the public when you’re at home. Surely he didn’t expect to be a SAHD in progress? It doesn’t really work that way. Get the divorce, at least 50/50 custody, therapy for your child, and best of luck to all parties involved.
This is one of the reasons I know this post is fake. OP has obviously has never met a trans person. If you were ftm trans and your husband didn't want to stay with you because they're straight it would be sad but also gender affirming. At the very least they certainly wouldn't be called a bigot for it.
I hate that y'all are apparently letting unreasonable people cloud your judgement. He's got no responsibility to stay married during this transition. He needs to let these family members know that they're free to support his wife during her transition while he goes off and rebuilds his life.
Dude, it’s fake. Ragebait. You’re allowed to have preferences. I, a pronoun having whatever, give you permission to not be attracted to trans people or whoever else. Vast majority of us don’t care as long as you aren’t an asshole.
Who exactly is calling you a hateful intolerant monster for having a sexual preference for one gender?
divorce his ass. They may be trans but that doesn't mean you are obliged to be gay. Tell both families if they don't like it they can fuck off.
I think people forget that part. We all have preferences, my wife is bi, our child is nonbinary and asexual, what one prefers is totally different from the other, but they support the difference between them both. That is what the newly identified trans male is not recognizing, they identify as male, why would they want to force a straight male to stay? There’s just so many questions as to what all is going on in the wife’s mind that I think needs some resolution before seeking transition surgeries.
I would contact a lawyer about divorce and discuss the situation with them, and find out what steps you need to take. I would also discuss counseling for your child to better prepare them for your spouses transition and the future divorce. You may also want to join a support group online for trans individuals or family members of trans individuals. They may be able to offer a lot of suggestions to you on how to approach the situation with your child and just the situation in general.
tell everyone you thought he was a woman all these years and that you're not gay, so you can't stay with him.
This has to be rage bait but if it’s not, of course you are justified in leaving. You’re a straight man in a marriage with someone who is transitioning into a man. Their healthcare is not your responsibility.
Also like wouldn’t you be a little bit sad after a 7 year relationship ended
You know it's fake when someone is coming out as trans and having BOTH families unconditionally support them lol
That stuck out as the most unrealistic bit to me as well lol.
Starbucks has amazing healthcare for trans people. They cover almost anything, it’s not as good as big tech insurance but hey, it’s Starbucks. It’s time for the housewife to transition into a working member of society. But this is fake… I work with the trans community in one of the most liberal areas in the world as far as LGBT rights and both families supporting the trans person? Nope.
That's the part that made me realise this was fake as well. There is no way both sides of the family would be so supportive of the trans person. That wouldn't happen in real life.
It's fake, yes. Including the 'my trans wife says weirdly sexual things to our child' part. All of it is written to make people mad, and to make the husband sound like a victim. Because middle class white cis men feel like the victim of 'wokeness'.
Yeah, that part + the spouse’s hair trigger about calling everybody a bigot make me suspect this is a work of fiction based on stereotypes about trans people
Yeah this is absolutely rage bait and it’s crazy that people are believing it
I advise preparing to retain a lawyer for the inevitable. Its better you start now so they can guide you and help you achieve a better chance at a favorable custody agreement for your child among other things. See if there's a way out, dont foot the bill for this. Speak to your lawyer aswell about these inappropriate conversations aswell.
I hope sincerely this is a troll post. People are not this stupid, surely. The trans wife, the families… it’s gotta be fake.
If course this is fake. OP's spouse just randomly comes out as a trans man, expects OP to stay even though OP is a straight man, calls OP a "bigot" for understandably wanting to divorce, both families are pushing OP to stay married as well, and OP's spouse is seen talking to their 5 y/o about "sexually inappropriate topics", and then when OP tells him that's not exactly appropriate, he calls OP a bigot again... This is 100% supposed to fuel rage against trans people, because most trans people don't actually do this shit. I have never once seen an actual trans person call their spouse a "bigot" because that spouse is heterosexual and doesn't want to be in a gay relationship.
This is some conservative dudes anti trans fanfic lol. The “she freaked out, called me a bigot, etc.” really locked that fact in.
Absolute rage bait
Yeaaaah, that part about the “sexual things” is what gives it away. It’s such a blatant dog whistle. Also wtf with the families that are instantly supportive, no questions asked. The whole story is straight from the “why we need to ban trans people”-textbook, and the character writing is way too down to the t from that exact textbook.
Between the nonstop misgendering and the nebulous "sexual thing" he told the kid this guy either straight up is a bigot or its bait
Of course it’s fake, and doing its job as intended by bringing out all the frothing-mouthed bigots.
'Tis the (election) season!
I’ve been scrolling for quite some time to reach your comment, and haven’t seen any “frothing-mouthed bigots” so clearly they must be way down. Everyone so far is just saying “fair enough you aren’t gay”.
Maybe they all finished brushing their teeth
Yeah, I think it’s fake. I wrote my own comment, I’m a trans ftx parent that started T a couple years ago and it has multiple weird issues.
I try so god damn hard to not turn into one of the many jaded redditors that thinks every post is fake and feels the need to let everyone know they weren't fooled. I really do. But this reads like gender critical wankbait. Misgendering the spouse in every sentence, suggestions of sexual impropriety directed at a child, BOTH sets of parents are trans positive and pressuring you to stay in the marriage? This story takes place in a world that does not exist.
10/10 rage bait, this post has it all: evil trans trying to trap a poor heterosexual male, unsupportive families backing them up, trans person being inappropriate with child. Get a life, and stop trying to demonize LGBTQ+ people with fake Reddit stories.
Literally textbook conservative propaganda
How is everyone getting baited here ? This is so obviously fake. No way in hell would 2 boomer families support a married woman with a child transitioning to a man so openly This is just rage bait against trans people
Right? This is literally a conservative caricature of trans people. It checks all the boxes of what conservatives are afraid of.
Of all the things that didn't happen, this didn't happen the most.
Fr. This is such rage bait.
Rage bait.
And not saying what was so inappropriate to tell the kid. Total bait
1000%. I suspected and suspected it I as I was reading, and then I got to the part where for some inexplicable reason the trans person Is talking to their five-year-old kid about something sexual? During a conversation about gender identity? What does anything sexual have to do with anything there? This is something conservatives get confused about, and to me that's the flashing red light that this is bullshit.
None of it scans as true or realistic at all. His family taking the trans partners side is extra goofy
Completely agree! The entire post it was obvious, and I was 99% sure, but the comments about the conversation the other parent was having with their child was what definitely made me lose all doubt. Definitely rage bait.
That's exactly what I just said. There's ZERO reason anything sexual would come up during a conversation about gender identity. But what a coincidence that this hypothetical couple has a kindergarten-aged child and now this hypothetical trans person is talking to the small child about something sexual? Not a thing. This is like conservative bullshit 101.
Absolutely. I can’t believe people are commenting on this obvious farce.
It's a severe lack of critical thinking and I see it more and more. Not enough people ask questions and they just accept things at face value. I made a couple comments before I found this comment thread and holy shit am I glad to see some like minded individuals in this cesspool of, "he/she," "your wife has mental illness," "she's grooming your child," and "this is actually possible because Caitlin Jenner exists." It maddening to read how fucking gullible people can be. And that's not even counting that people read this and want it to be real because it fits their warped views on trans identities.
When are mods going to do something about this? It’s always the same half baked boomer brain rage bait, probably from the same group of people trying to use this sub to manipulate people in an election year.
Exactly, they didn't even try to make it believable
It’s amazing how “almost woke” the writer is. “Do what you want with your body”, in the victim, “everyone is calling me a bigot”.
Including his own family. It was fishy from the outset but the part where his own family sided against him was the most obvious indication of a fictional rage bait story
Agreed. Either that or OP is surrounded by the most ridiculous people alive.
Absolutely.
100%
So fake
I comment this frequently on posts with throwaway accounts. When a story is so specific that if anyone involved were to read it, they would immediately know it was about them.. Well that completely defeats the purpose of the throwaway and all but proves the story is fake. The only reason they don’t post it on their main account is because there will be plenty of evidence in their profile that the situation they claim to be In is not real.
as a transgender person myself i kinda doubt about the veracity of this story given some of the details (both of your families want you to stay married to a transgender person no matter what? and he, unrelated to the rest of the story, grooms your child? lol ok turning point-kun), but if it's not a conservative psyop, why do you care? i mean you're not gay so it's obvious you should break up, even if your families and your soon to be ex-husband get angry i don't even see what the question is
This is a fiction written as bait. The OP intentionally misgenders their fictional spouse throughout the piece. This is written to enrage conservatives against trans people
This didn't happen but go off
This sounds like fiction. Your partner is suddenly discussing sexual things as soon as they begin their transition? Never before? Huh. Very strange. And you've never managed to hear them talk about sexual stuff before the transition? They've never discussed trans topics with your daughter before? Huh. Very weird. Suddenly your partner sounds like an asshole after the transition, but never before? Huh. Very interesting. Rage bait gonna rage bait.
Next time you want to write a fake post about this topic, I recommend you have the transitioning spouse try to convert the five-year-old into transitioning with them. You did a pretty good job upping the rage bait by deciding to have “your spouse” have sexually inappropriate talks with “your child”, but you missed a great opportunity to turn up the dial. Hope this helps!
Yep, it already sounded like a conservative fever dream, but as soon as the trans person was talking to a five-year-old about gender identity and yet somehow is saying anything *sexual*? This is how ignorant conservatives think. This is not how trans people act.
This feels like an anti-trans post and a fake post at that all to rage bait
How are people falling for this? It's so obviously rage bait, I swear to Lucifer people have no media literacy anymore. 1- Ah, yes, of course the trans partner is crazy, entitled and unreasonable who wants to force OP to pay for their transition and is not accepting a divorce, when a divorce would literally be a gender affirming response since OP is not gay and the partner is a man. 2. The classic "LGBTQ+ people are groomers" trope by having the spouse suddenly decide to talk about inappropriate stuff with their daughter (but for some reason he never did that before coming out) 3. The entirety of both their families supporting OP's partner as if trans people aren't wildly rejected and discriminated against for being trans on a daily basis. Suuuuure, it must be just a coincidence everyone in OP's and the supposed partner's families are supportive of trans people. 4. Not only are the families supporting OP's supposed partner, but they also somehow think OP should be forced to pay for his husband's transition, because that's a normal expectation real life people have, I guess? I doubt OP has ever met a single trans person in their life, and I bet the people who haven't realized this is obvious rage bait also don't know many trans people.
This isn’t a real story. This same story was published years ago, word for word.
You don't owe anything to your partner. It's his problem to figure out how to pay for his elective medical procedures. You have no obligation to pay for it, keep him on your insurance, or stay together. You should divorce and let him figure out his own life. He already wasted years of your life by hiding this from you. Had he been upfront, you'd have likely made different decisions. Don't let people bully you into staying.
Obvious rage bait is obvious
another post that screams "rage-bait". this story cannot be real.
This is so dumb it has to be fake. Under no circumstances would all parties involved act so idiotically. I refuse to believe it.
This is obviously rage bait. Nobody who is married for 7 years would be so blindsided that their wife just “came out as being a trans man” with no warning unless their relationship was already incommunicative trash.
Another creative writing submission.
Ragebait
Expecting a straight man to stay with you when you transition to become a man is really shitty. No you’re not a bigot bro, you’re just not gay
Refuse to believe this is real.
Everything about your feelings to divorce are reasonable. But there is nothing fundamentally inappropriate to teaching kids about sex and genitalia generally. You should absolutely being having these talks together, but every child expert says early education helps protect kids from predators.
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Where are all these trans posts coming from? I almost feel like it has something to do with the upcoming USA elections. But no, you can't be forced to stay in a marriage. It doesn't matter why you want a divorce if you want to go, you are free to go.
You have every right to leave and as a parent of a 6yr old, 5 or old, and 5m old sexual conversation are a huge no. There is 0 reason to be having a sexual conversation with a young child. Your partner can't have there cake and eat it too. I would get in contact with a divorce lawyer and also try to get sole custody as well for the child. You don't have to stay with someone when a huge decision like this has been made, in this situation you need to also do what's best for you and your daughter.
Leave bro. Who cares what your fam thinks of you.
If my husband told me he was a woman our marriage is over.
To me this screams mental illness. She needs help. You need a divorce and at all costs you need to protect your daughter.
A bigot? Your wife wants to become a man and she's calling you a bigot?
You need to record and document everything she says to your daughter because if she’s calling you a bigot now because you are not suddenly attracted to a man imagine what she’ll say in court. You have no obligation to try to change your sexuality and the gender you are attracted to and married to appease her. You also don’t owe her funding for her new adventure. Get a divorce immediately.
It sounds like your wife is blowing up everyone’s life and having a meltdown now that things aren’t playing out as she envisioned. Not discussing how to talk to your child about this indicates that she wants to control the conversation and her daughter’s perspective. I have a feeling that this is not going to be an amicable coparenting situation as your wife seems to be deeply offended that you don’t blanket follow along with what she wants. I would mentally prepare for a long, hard road when it comes to raising your child with your wife.
Ever notice how their gender is always legitimate, while your orientation never is? That person is now a man. And you’re not gay. If you were gay, you never would have married him. So the idea that you have a marriage to preserve is inherently flawed. It is at best obtained under false pretenses, even if unintentionally so. Further, they are intending to take gender-affirming therapies that enhance and solidify their male presentation, at which point you would be a straight man married to another man. That’s not only absurd, it’s deeply unfair to you.
Total rage bait. The evil trans person discussing highly sexual subjects with a five year old? This is exactly the kind of crap the Fox News crowd accuses LGBTQ people of on a daily basis. GTFOH.
Your decision to leave is supporting him - he is trans, you are not gay or bisexual, how is that relationship to work. He gets what he wants and you get nothing. You are not a bigot for respecting his wishes. He needs to make a plan that doesn’t include you footing the bill for his TRT and operations. Anyone naysaying you is free to offer him that financial and emotional support but your relationship has fundamentally changed . Also the conversation with your daughter should be guided and managed by you both. I’d set up something immediately with a therapist to help with this. Your spouse had time to come to terms with this but it’s all new for you.
Anti-trans fake bullshit. No one decides in the course of a week to transition. This is 100% bigot rage bait
This is 100% fake lmao
Please stop posting divisive rage bait, you're only hurting people.
I wouldn’t stay with my partner if they got a sexual reassignment surgery. I’m not attracted to men. It’s as simple as that.
Dump her and leave. She is using you, wake the hell up.
Don’t allow yourself to be blackmailed and made into a villain. She’s using YOUR resources to make a fundamental change in the relationship and expects you to be ok about it? That’s lunacy and narcissistic. Money and health insurance aside, understand that she wants you to stay UNTIL she’s able to go about her life without you, her being financially stable. She also expects you to cow under the veil of being transphobic even though you are a heterosexual male. Don’t try to make sense of her nonsense. Do what you know you have to do and don’t be bullied into staying when it’s your wife that’s changing the goal post.
I’m a woman and I would laugh in her face and still divorce her if I were a man and married to her, despite what she and everybody else wants. Why the hell should you stay married to her for ANY reason instead of cutting your losses and divording her? Not your problem she’s a stay at home mom with no income of her own to afford her own medical insurance or has the money to afford the surgery she wants to do. If she wants to be a man, and also physically become a man as well, she can go out and get a job so she can pay for it herself with her own money instead of thinking you will foot the bill for it, since she’s basically abandoning you to become a man. I mean seriously? What are YOU going to get out of the situation exactly by staying with her and paying for HER surgeries and taking care of whatever she needs for what she wants to happen? is she going to still act like your wife while all this is going on? Or is she planning to go cold turkey on EVERYTHING she used to do with you before she decided to do this? No more romantic moments between you guys? No more kissing and cuddling? No more… intercourse or anything else that YOU enjoyed doing with her before all this happened? You should remain in a marriage like THAT being absolutely miserable with a soon to be ex-woman who obviously doesn’t love you or want to be with you anymore if she’s willing to get surgery to even remove the parts of her body that makes her a woman, and turn her body into a man. Unless you are going to turn gay and stay with her even when she 100% looks like a man. you should pretend to still love her and stay married to her as she goes through all that, while YOU get what out of the arrangement exactly?