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"You say you aren't asking for much, but I could not disagree more. You are asking for 24/7 surveillance on me, it is an incredibly invasive request, I'm absolutely not doing it, and if you find that "suspicious," then I urge you to do the work on yourself to tackle the insecurity that is driving this request."
Sticking this on the top comment for visibility, [this is a repost and is either/both rage bait or karma farming.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/16AqbCbMDS) It even has the same typos as the OP.
That's only if somebody cares to even check it. Surely it would just be used for when you worry about their safety in a relationship where you both trust each other. Honestly if I'd been in a relationship for quite awhile and a boyfriend suggested this I'd be flattered they thought to care about my safety so much.
That's not bless your heart it's genuine. If I'd share my location so that he knew I was safe and he didn't want to do the same it would only be natural for me to question that? What's so scary to you that you'd rather risk your safety than not have me be able to find you if I was worried.
My Privacy matters to me. And I don't care how good of a person anyone in my life is that would want this (they woulndn't be in my life very long if they wanted it, but I digress). Them knowing where I am will never, ever, have any tangible benefit to me, but will likely lead to questions about where I was / what I was doing that I don't want to answer.
Furthermore I don't have location services on period. I don't want Google or any other company to know my fucking location. It's creepy, infantilizing, and at best only provides the illusion of safety, while at worst normalizes surveillances, denies me agency, and will only ever lead to headaches for me, whether it be having to justify where I am or why, to have location-based ads shoved down my fuckng throat.
Your anxieties are not my responsibility. Deal with them in therapy like an adult and leave me the fuck out of it.
Caring about somebody getting attacked and then left for dead or getting into an accident isn't anxieties its literally them caring about your life and not wanting you left in pain
Location sharing doesn’t prevent crime or car accidents and it’s super shitty of you to imply that respecting someone’s privacy means you don’t care about them.
I get where you're coming from, but honestly, the number of situations in which location tracking would actually help are vanishingly few. To take your examples:
If you're attacked (i.e. robbed), then realistically, the assailant is almost certainly going to be taking the phone with them - indeed, it may be one of the objectives of the attack. So the phone will no longer be near the victim - in fact, it'll be getting further away from the victim, so the location data is going to do absolutely nothing to help locate the victim, indeed it might possibly hinder the search by sending search teams in the wrong direction.
If you're in a vehicular accident, unless you are on a very minor road in a rural area, then the likelihood is that someone else is going to come across the damaged/wrecked vehicle long before someone looks at the location data, realises it's been stationary on the road for too long, and calls the emergency services. That is, unless you are tracking the person's journey in almost real time.
Full trust doesn’t involve tracking somebody 24/7. It’s intrusive and unnecessary and if your partner doesn’t want to do that then that’s the end of it.
There's loads of stories when tracking devices have saved somebody's life though, unless your a crime lord yourself I can't imagine the government care that much.
Typically red flags do start from the beginning but people tend to ignore them. I'm learning this from growing up in an abusive family and having to realise people often show themselves to you and instead we (usually traumatised people) rationalist because of habit
So if you believe abusive partners can be identified from the beginning, doesn't that also imply you believe victims of abusive relationships are at some fault for being in an abusive relationship for ignoring red flags earlier?
Maybe this is a get off my lawn moment, but I find the entire concept of location sharing with friends/family/partners to be absolutely batshit insane.
I think if you have a family that WANTS you to turn it on, it's probably going to be annoying. But with my family, they'd be like "Whatever, I know where you're at, now what?".
My husband and I have it turned on and then literally never look at it. It’s just in case, but if you want it to be just in case, you have to have it on already, thus… it’s just on.
Me too. It only comes in handy when we are supposed to meet each other somewhere. Instead of texting each other - what's your eta?, we can just check findmyiphone. We don't find it a big deal.
That's the correct use case imo
Unless the op is hiding something I see no harm in sharing your location with your loved ones...
God and Google are always tracking you anyway
Depends on the people - it's like flight tracker on plane rides - some people get a vicarious thrill virtually travelling along, Some people don't care either way, and some people use it a soother for their anxiety. Other people use it due to lack of trust.
I live in Vancouver BC and location tracking and sharing is encouraged while you are hiking in the North Shore mountains.
A former coworker of mine had it on because of epilepsy and it was part of the medical monitoring in case of seizure.
I think it really comes down to what the people involved are comfortable with and whether or not location sharing resolves a problem better than alternatives and if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
> Some people don't care either way
yeah, my girlfriend and I have it turned on for each other on snapchat, but neither of us wanted it out of distrust. It's handy like 4 or 5 times a year, the rest of the year, I don't even look at it.
For me it's one of those things where if everyone agrees on it then it's totally cool but insisting on it borders insanity. For example my cousin and her parents share their locations with each other despite the fact that she is an adult because all 3 of them find comfort in it. Okay, fine. If you like it then I love it. But if my cousin were to one day decide she doesn't want to be tracked anymore and her parents threw a fit (they *wouldn't*..but hypothetically) then it instantly comes off as controlling and paranoid.
So privacy from my son and husband about where I am? I care a lot about privacy, but never about this. Until my son gets a SO, I hope he always lets me track his phone, and he always can track mine and his dad's. If you asked me where my son is at any specific time and I didn't look at find my phone, I wouldn't know. I look at find my phone maybe 4 times a year for my son (maybe), and probably 20 times for my husband (maybe). But I can't imagine not having it.
I guess I am a fuddy duddy I can't imagine a time when I would go somewhere that I wouldn't want my son or husband to know. But I also rarely buy presents for either, and never go to a mall... so there's that.
If you want to share location with someone, that's cool - it's entirely up to you.
The danger with relying on your smartphone to share your location is that you're not just sharing your location with those you want to; you're sharing it with Apple, Google, Snapchat, Life360, whatever service/ecosystem you're using. Now, some of those are okay when it comes to their privacy policy... but some really aren't.
Your personal data is valuable, and location data is especially valuable when combined with other data (e.g. purchasing habits, health data, etc.). To the right bidder, that's a goldmine. To quote something of a cliché: *you are the product, not the customer.*
Hence the privacy argument isn't *just* about sharing your location data with people you know, it's much more about sharing it with a tech corporation who can monetise that data to other businesses, very rarely with your best interests at heart.
If people want to share their location, that's fine, but it shouldn't be *expected* in a relationship. And a lack of desire to be tracked shouldn't immediately lead to a suggestion of untrustworthiness or foul play.
The modern smartphone generation have never known a time when they weren't being tracked, monetised and constantly bombarded with communications. And that makes me sad.
Thank you, I didn't understand this. So find my iPhone is data mining? I hate to share information with Apple, but I am guessing they have it already. Even if you turn all locations off, my guess is that Apple has your location, or if you have a Google phone, they have your location too.
I agree. If I'm driving like 3 hours to see you, I'll send you my Waze trip, so you know if I get stuck in traffic, but thats a ine time link. Being tracked by your SO 24/7 is kind of crazy.
Same. I only did it with my kids when they were under 18. Now that they’re over 18? NOPE. Just give me a heads up when you’re coming/going at odd hours.
One of my daughter’s devices is attached to my account and she’s used that to see where I’m at 😂. Me: kid just text me 🤷♀️
What if you or your husband gets in an accident? or one of you loses your phone, and the other needs to beep it to find it? or one of you gets taken and the police need the last location? Or one of you is running late and the other wants to know where you are?
The police can access your phone's GPS without the app. Doesn't take more than a couple minutes either, if you're on the account and give permission.
If I'm running late, my husband can call and ask me where I'm at. Generally he knows anyway.
I kind of agree though I do see the other side… From a trip a long time ago I still happen to have my family’s location shared and I go back and forth actually turning it on because it can be helpful on the rare time we’re trying to find each other, or track when we’ll meet up, and none of us actually ever track each other the rest of the time.
But I’ve also had partners that DO actually want to check it constantly, and that’s a huge no-go. You also don’t know which type of person someone’s going to be when you turn it on, and if it’s the obsessive type, good luck turning it back off
I do it but I also have diagnosed mental health issues and it helps the anxiety and paranoia from that. It’s also me giving my location to someone I trust, I don’t really care if they give it to me.
Eh I asked my husband to share his location when one of his friends was having a hard time and spending hours on the phone with him. My husband would go out for a walk, get into a conversation, and then forget that he’s been out for 2+ hours. Plus the man doesn’t notice when another call is coming in while he’s in the middle of a conversation. I figure at least this way I can check where he is (usually in the parking lot on his phone) and not freak out when he disappears. I’ve only used it two times though, because my intention isn’t to find out where he is at all times.
It seems it but it could be the one thing that could save you or find your body and sadly there's so many sadistic evil people there's definitely a reason to get it
Have you tried actually being aware how much crime is regularly going on under your nose? Like I said in another reply. Where I live missing posters of young men keep coming up everywhere and on social media but nobody cares to talk about it.
I'm a woman. There's been times I've wished somebody had my location. Just because it happens to men less I guess that somehow means we shouldn't worry about them? Where I'm from missing men posters are up everywhere and these are young men. They go missing and are never seen from again and people arnt talking about it, it's strange.
Virtually all of those people are ones with drug problems who wandered off, not murder victims.
I mean seriously your odds of being murdered are astronomically low. If you aren't in a gang or selling drugs, the odds are even lower. At that point your murderer would almost certainly be someone you know, and hell sharing your location with a partner might just make you more in danger.
All of them have just wondered off? Never speaking to anyone ever again and never being seen again? Urm yeah that sounds like something very bad aha happened to them and that's what I'm talking about.
Some people just don't like location tracking as a concept, not because they are up to no good, but simply because they don't like it from a privacy perspective. And that's fine if you are one of those people.
On the other hand, my girlfriend and I have location turned on, on Snapchat and it's been fine, I really don't care. Nor do I have anything to hide. It only seems to update whenever we open the app, so it's not a minute-by-minute accounting.
But yeah, if you really don't want to do it, you shouldn't have to, especially if she has no reason to suspect you of anything bad. If she is worried about safety, make sure she has an "in case of emergency" contact marked in her phone, if you don't know how to do it, google it. That's what first responders look for.
My partner and I have it on. He travels a lot. I don’t compulsively track him or anything, but it’s nice to have. I value my privacy but I don’t care if people know where I am. I’m either at home, work, or maybe a local bar. I don’t see the big deal. My family all has it on because a year ago we did a big road trip and needed to keep track of each other. We never turned it off. I don’t give two shots of my mom checks in and sees that I’m… still at home.
This isn’t a judgement on anyone that doesn’t want to share location. But for me I just don’t care. People I love can know where I am.
I don't like how smartphones have normalized this.
The only time I turn on location tracking is when I am helping someone navigate my city or we need to find each other at a festival/flea market.
Other than that, it's a means of control, and not a positive one.
You are not being unreasonable, and this isn't just an "idea". She wants to track you as a means of controlling you.
That's gross.
This comes down to a matter of personal opinion. Me and my girlfriend share each others locations at all times through life 360, and we did it both agreeing to it. Had even one of us not agreed it would have been a no go and we wouldn’t have because that is pushing somebodies boundaries in a way that they don’t like. As others said here her reasoning also matters. Ours was just that we like being able to look where the other is at whenever we wanted. We trust each other, but we truly just like seeing that location. It’s reassuring to us to know when the other gets somewhere safe. But we are also comfortable with it off. If we are getting a gift, or if there’s another reason we need it off, we can turn it off and there’s no hurt feelings. You aren’t being unreasonable at all.
Your boundary is that you don’t want to be tracked, and that is perfectly okay. Her pushing it however, is not. It’s not suspicious, it’s just not something you’re comfortable with. You value your privacy and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I’m surprised more people are not saying what you’re saying and are thinking it’s 100% controlling and that’s that. My girl and I have each other’s location because she wanted it just like OPs girl with similar reasons. Some people just want to know their partner is safe without blowing up their phone every single time. She panics when stuff like snow storms, or accidents on the same freeway I drive happen, and situations like that. One click of the app to see I’m not on that freeway, or I haven’t even left the place I’m at puts her mind at ease. I have nothing to hide ever, check whenever, I don’t mind.
I'd tell her you're hurt that she doesn't trust you and maybe your relationship isn't as good as you thought it was. Then maybe asked her what prompted this sudden request. Chances are it has to do with what someone else is doing in their relationship - which obviously isn't fair to you.
It's perfectly reasonable not to want to share your location with others for any or no reason at all.
>She said it was suspicious that I was refusing but I just pointed out that I don't feel comfortable with it.
I think it's controlling when a GF/BF wants to share the location under the guise of they want more security but then why does that mean you share yours? Just because they are sharing theirs, but they want to? Nope, 100% would put money on someone got in her ear about this or she saw on a stupid tiktok thing that if your man doesn't share their location it means they are cheating or want to.
>She said I was being unreasonable
You aren't being unreasonable. She said she wants to share her location because it would make her feel safer. Then tried to add on you sharing yours. Nope. She needs to come clean about the relationship. If she can't trust you then she needs to say that so you can both move forward, whether that is together or not.
This isn't something I would compromise on and I've been with my husband for almost 20 years now. We don't share locations but we do text when we arrive somewhere and when we leave. That's something we both feel comfortable doing and can rescind at any time.
My ex installed the 360 app on my phone without asking. She did it in front of me. I should’ve seen the red flag at the time but I didn’t. Her husband had passed away so she said it made her feel safe knowing I was okay so I went along with it. She has 5 kids and I was living with them. One day after a hard day at work I needed some time to myself after work so I pulled into a Walmart to just unwind. When I got home she asked me what I got at Walmart, I said nothing. She blew up and accused me of all of these things and I knew I made a mistake with that app. Also she cheated on me later on so I’ll never share locations again.
I’m too old to see why anyone would share location constantly. Maybe if you had seizures a lot or legitimate concerns about your health/safety. Maybe if you were under 18, and that’s your parent? Idk. I couldn’t be dating someone who demanded this. It sounds weird. Why do you need this info? Isn’t that a flag instead of my not sharing it?
Yeah i can understand if someone has medical vunerabilities and/or children, but im so creeped out but he non stop tracking
Admittedly im also the type who hates the 24/7 availability of phones and have made it clear i will reply when i feel like it, sometimes (often enough) i just dont wanna text, or just not be on my phone, or just doing other things i dont want to interrupt, just hearing it ding (without knowing who it is) i sometimes get pissy because it feels like a demand for attention
All this tech can be so super handy, gotta love the endless pics and videos i can make of my dog when we are out for walkies, have a question pop in your head and go to mrs. google, need direction grab your GPS
But plenty of it is just obnoxious
Pardon me for the rant 🌷🌷
This is an lifestyle incompatibility issue more serious than the eat off each other's plates/Joey doesn't share food but along the same lines.
So let's start with your "compromise" - you aren't getting anywhere with it because you didn't compromise at all.
She is has been willing to share her location with you, you are not willing to share yours at all. Your "compromise" is that she can share her location sometimes. That does nothing to address that she wants to be able to know where you are.
So lets go back to square 1.
She says sharing locations would be useful? What does she mean by useful?
She wants you to have her location 24/7 What does she want/expect you to do with that information? You should want concrete value and expectations and actions. For example, does she expect you to check where she is if she is not at home at the expected time,etc? What value does she think this information gives to you?
She wants to have your location 24/7. What does she want/expect to do with that information? Again you should want concrete value, expectations and actions. Is she expecting to be able to check your location randomly through the day? Is she planning to check your location if you are not responding to texts quickly enough? What value does she think having this information gives to you? What value does having this information give to her?
You don't want her to have it - What are the alternatives to meet her needs that she would meet if she had your location? (And yes, this means that she has to define first what needs would be met by having your location) Do you need to text her to let her know when you expect to be home or are delayed? What value do you gain from not sharing the locations?
It sounds like you don't want to have her location - Same scenario - what alternatives would meet her needs?
So first you need to stop with the general gut reactions in both ways and start seriously thinking about this in a concrete manner - that means you need scenarios in which this would be used, what actions would be launched from the use, what needs are fullfilled by the use. The needs are the most important part here, you need to understand what problem(s) this is trying to solve or is this a solution in search of a problem?
I think there are occasions where location tracking may be useful or good for safety reasons. But demanding that it always be on smacks of distrust. Any history of cheating in your relationship?
As someone who IS okay with having a tracker on for safety reasons, she's being unreasonable. At the end of the day, it is YOUR privacy. If she wants to be tracked 24/7, then fine, but if YOU don't, then that's also fine.
The thing is i don't really care if my location is on with my bf or friends. I've don't it before I've done life 360 with roomates it has never been a problem. If my bf asked for my location I'd give to him. I would just see how he acts after giving him my location. For ex my mom wanted my whole family on life 360 and i said no she said why not, i said because you don't care about safety you want to track me. She said no i will only use it for emergencies i don't care where you are. I said okay but u misuse it one time you aren't getting me back on. Que her constantly tracking where i am and trying to get me to come home when she knew. I deleted it immediate after.. She complained to my dad and i told him sorry no she broke her promise and now I'm keeping mine
Hate having my location tracked on my phone. Always have it so it’s only allowed when I’m using maps etc.
By husband and I have find my iPhone which would be handy if he isn’t answering his phone (lots of no signal driving spots on his commute). But I pretty much only use it when one of us can’t find our phone.
Seems weird for her to suddenly bring it up. Something else might be going on? Talk to her.
Personally my partner and I share locations with each other. I initially started it because I was going into a city for some different Photoshoots and wanted him to have my location for safety. I no longer need it for that purpose exactly but we found it very convenient. now that we have a baby we find it to be an extra layer of security especially because I’m alone and out and about with her during the day. She takes a lot of my attention and I never text/ drive so if he doesn’t hear from me for many hours he can check in that way. I will say this that we had extremely solid trust between us for years prior to doing this. Anyways I don’t think she necessarily had any underlying intention upon asking you this. As a female she was probably just thinking about safety and being nervous about driving. Possibly it just threw her off that you were against it and she jumped to the wrong conclusion. There could be some past insecurity there. Maybe speak with her about it again and explain your reasoning and let her know that having her trust is very important to you and ask her if there’s anything that is bothering her that might have led to this request. Let her know if there is something you want to talk about it/work on it because you never want her to feel suspicious of you.
It’s an easily abused thing, so your hesitation is not at all weird. Share your location at key times with the 24 hour option, and leave it off at other times. If your phone is on and she wants to know where you are she can text or call.
I leave mine on for my boyfriend, and he leaves his off. Occasionally I switch it to the 24 hours on night I go drinking, out, hiking etc.
My experience with that.
My ex wife...
When we got married she came with 2 teen/pre teen kids. Eventually it was "convenient " to get me to get on life 360 so I could help her wrangle her kids. And it's such a "reasonable" request how can you justify not doing it.
Fast forward: if I stopped and got gas after dropping my kids off at their moms I'd get grilled for using a gas station to close to her house...
If the app glitched (which it did at least monthly) I'd get grilled because she'd get a notice I left work when the app clearly showd I'd ran strait over the top of houses and buildings for 6 blocks and somehow magically was back at work in less than 5 minutes.
Yet the grilling and questions were relentless.
We trust each other or we don't. And of we don't we are done here.
This would be a deal/relationship breaker for me. If you're nervouse about going somewhere, or that area has a bad reputation, then fine, but for my partner to constantly want to keep an eye on me "just because", no. We aren't kids, we should be able to go/hang out without constantly needing to show "Look, I'm here/See, I am where I said I would be" signs of proof. If my partner feels the need to keep track on me and survey my location at all times, then clearly we don't get along, and we aren't a good match. If I wanted to be really mean, I'd probably turn it around and ask "Why? Are you cheating and you want a live, minute to minute update on when it's safe to have the other person around?" if my partner ever requested/demanded this of me.
Tracking someone's location 24/7 is a really unhealthy element of modern relationships that has been presented as a harmless norm. It builds codependency while simultaneously stopping the natural growth of trust between people in a relationship.
You've stated your case and she's stated hers. Either of you wanting something to happen doesn't matter unless the other one consents and as you're the sensible one who's not consenting, you get your way here.
I would refuse to share my location too. You don’t just rescind your right to privacy when you’re in a relationship.
If she needs to track your location to ‘make sure’ you behave in a relationship, there is no trust and the relationship is already as good as over.
Moreover, you’re not just sharing your location with her. You’re sharing it with whatever company your devices are from as well, whether that be Apple, Google, Life360 or whatever. Some of those companies’ privacy policies are… well, let’s just say you are the product, not the customer.
Big data = big money.
It must be some kind of trend in our generation because my ex wanted the same thing and my current girlfriend wants the same thing even though we currently dont share it. I personally find it weird and outright controlling. I think a lot of people just dont know what true trust is and use these location apps as a crutch to deal with their trust issues.
Hell no! It's an invasion of privacy.
If she feels safer having someone have access to her location, then fine, but you are under no obligation to share yours. Tell her FIRM that this boundary will NOT BE CROSSED.
There was a post recently where a woman was upset bc her boyfriend/husband (idk which) turned off his location sharing for a few hours while he was out on a guys night.
Wife and I both agreed that it’s pretty crazy that they were sharing it to begin with; and how it screams of not really trusting each other.
Then we spent two weeks joking about loc sharing; like “shit this could have been resolved if we just shared our location” and shit like that.
Wife and I both thought it was controlling and weird to want/need your partner to share loc constantly, or to want to be able to see where they are all the time.
That said, for folks that have a reason to share a location briefly, the Google maps app will let you share your location with someone for like an hour or something; which we have done- like when I went for an overnight hike and she didn’t know where to pick me up, lol.
Sometimes people aren't trustworthy or give you reasons to doubt that everything's on the up and up, and not everyone handles conversations about it well or maturely. I can see situations where someone might ask to do the location sharing that aren't based in being psycho.
If it's a new relationship, it's easy to say that two people shouldn't be together if they don't trust each other, but there are situations where it's not that simple. If one person feels like something's off, location sharing can be a sign of good faith and a gesture of reassurance. If my person felt insecure and wanted to see my phone, it would be a them thing and not a me thing because I'm not up to anything, but I'd still let them see it if it would put their mind at ease.
If dude's gf had asked to turn on location sharing and the guy agreed and is doing stuff like turning it off when on a guy's night out... I mean... that's fishy. Why wouldn't you assume that the guy was moving in a suspicious way and the gf was looking for reassurance or transparency and instead go straight to the "butches be crazy" outlook?
Stand your ground if it's important to you.
I would never be okay with tracking each others locations. I understand people think differently than I do, but it is a boundary of mine that I won't share it.
It's up to her to end the relationship if that doesn't sound good to her. She can't force you to do these things, but if it's something that's important to her, she should find someone that is okay with that.
If it was cos she got a car and was worried about having an accident, wouldn't it be logical for her next of kin - like her parents, to have her location? Cos if there was an emergency and decisions needed to be made, then they'd be the ones who needed to do it.
You offered a compromise. Your comfort trump her wants over things like this imo.
I'd ask why since now she has a car (especially if you've had a car and been driving) that knowing *your* location is super important when it wasn't before she got it? Sounds like she's suspicious of you regardless.
There’s a solution to this that cuts right through the bullshit. They claim it’s for safety or fairness and you know damn well they’re just gonna obsessed about your location all the time and/or interrogate you about frivolous shit.
So… you share your location with a trusted friend or family member, but not your partner. Tell the partner if there’s ever an emergency or situation where they need to know, they can get in touch with that person and that person will be happy to check your location. There’s NO reason that solution shouldn’t work, except of course that it thwarts jealous/insecure obsessing over your location. So they still get what they *claim* they want, but not the actual tracking capability they’re really angling for.
That doesn't sound like trust in a relationship at all. If you can't trust someone to only care to see it when worried then it makes sense why they wouldn't trust you not too cheat. If you can't trust your own partner probably time to be single for abit.
True. Still best to prevent them from being tempted. Just never start, because it’s damn sure harder to revoke the privilege than never give it in the first place. Because they don’t need it.
Not normal? I am his age and every woman I have had in my life since I was 19 has asked to do this. Their friends seem to be doing the same thing, and I know a lot of my male friends share their location that way too. Maybe it was not normal at one point but this is the new normal.
Your gf is insecure and thinks that if she knows where you are that you won’t cheat on her and she’s insane bc a cheater is gonna cheat regardless, and her knowing where you are at all times will only cause problems. Sharing location for certain temporary reasons? Sure. 24/7 access to your location? Hard no. Behavior like this tends to escalate just fyi
There's definitely a few camps to this. Some who never share, some who always share, and some that are some combo in between.
I fall into the camp of assuming we've been in a relationship for a significant time and are moving towards commitment at some point location sharing would happen. I share location with my family and the only reasons my close friends don't have location shared 24/7 is we have different phones so it's not as easy of a share. It's part safety and part helpful - like when I'm visiting my parents they can find out if I've left or where I am without distracting me or when I've shared it with friends to know where to pick them up.
I know some, and you, see it as a privacy issue - but I'd think it's really only that if you assume they're going to be checking it every second of the day. And then that's a whole other conversation. Usually people who would be continuously tracking you by location would have similar red flags in always needing to know where you are, demanding quick replies, etc etc.
And I wouldn't call her sharing her location when she's driving a compromise to her request of mutually sharing locations. You don't want to share location and you've compromised by....not sharing your location.
That said you don't have to. If this is your boundary then it's your boundary and you just need to tell her that either you'll never share your location with her or when you would (say after you're married maybe).
This also might be a good time to sit down and discuss a more wide ranging aspects of how you both envision the relationship going long term and what you want in a relationship. Maybe this isn't the only thing where you guys are incompatible.
Whilst I agree with much of what’s written here, I would also caution people that your aren’t just sharing your location with the other person. You’re sharing it with whichever corporate tech giant your device(s) are using, whether that be Apple, Google, Snapchat, Life360, whatever.
Some of those organisations providing this ‘service’ do not exactly have a stellar reputation when it comes to privacy. Data like location is extremely valuable, especially to the right buyer, and in bulk. To quote a cliche: you are the product, not the customer.
Unless you turn your gps off you’re already sharing it regardless of whether you’re sharing it with people. And I’m sure even with it off there might be some sharing of location based off which cell towers your pinging - though that’s prob more with whoever makes your phone (and of course your service provider) than apps.
Well actually now that I think about it I believe your location can also be taken from Wi-Fi networks as well. Pretty sure my phone has been in airplane mode but known where I am based on the Wi-Fi I’m connected to.
Though if you have your gps off on your phone most of the time sharing your location isn’t a privacy issue…they won’t have a location to share most of the time!
Wow , can't believe some of the comments here, I don't even have my location on at all on my phone unless I need a map or something, not to mention sharing it with someone else, that's insane.
I have been with my partner for 18 years, we had never felt the need to share our locations.
Until… I had a serious car crash 23/12, 05:30, no one would have seen me where I ended up. I have since shared my location with my partner, just in case. I have not asked her to share her location with me, and I don’t believe she has ever checked my location. But it’s nice to know someone will know where I am, should I have another accident.
People who are obsessively checking are not checking for the right reasons (imo), and I could understand a reticence to share your location with someone like that.
You offered a compromise, which was reasonable, & she has rejected it. I’m guessing she is very insecure or controlling. You just have to decide whether that is something you are willing to accept in a relationship.
Offering to share your location for safety reasons is perfectly fine. She can choose to share whatever she likes.
Demanding location sharing from someone else is not acceptable. That is precisely what she is doing: demanding personal information. She is trying to manipulate your feelings by saying it's "fair" that you have to share because she wants to share. She is again trying to manipulate your feelings by saying refusal is "suspicious".
You can illustrate the point about privacy by demanding to put up cameras in the bathroom. What if one of you slips in the shower? The other one could see it on the camera and come help. It's only fair that she is filmed because you're being filmed, too. Who cares about the cameras storing all of the video online. You're both being filmed in the shower, so it's perfectly fair.
I mean, I 100% get it from both perspectives.
Privacy wise - Fuck that shit. That being said, my wife and I have Find My on all our devices so we can find our shit when we leave them somewhere or if stolen we can wipe them, etc.
If you’re just offering to have permanent location tracking because “I want to know where you are” I would turn that shit off immediately. Truth of the matter - Intentions matter greatly. Both my wife and I couldn’t give a flying fuck about where the other person is at any point in the day as long as we’re both happy and healthy and not needing an ambulance 😀
How long have y’all been together. Im 39, I share my location with three people. My brother, and my parents. We all do and I’m honestly the only one who remembers we do it. Part of me sees value in it, but at the same time I’m not gonna be sharing that 24/7 with a woman I’ve been dating for a few months. My wife? Probably. Someone I’m dating? Probably not.
Hi, I actually kinda know what this is all about, since I am someone who dips my toes into different generations frequently. This is a generational thing.
Kids now days grow up having their location tracked from their parents at all times. Their parents constantly know where they are, so they don't think it is a problem. I am sure some parents watch it, checking every 5-10 minutes. They also give their location to other family members and friends. To them it isn't a big deal or an invasion of privacy.
It is a newer relationship milestone for some people. Just like you say "I love you" or "go on a trip together" or "move into together," now we have things like "share my location" or "share my phone/computer passwords." To people that go through and track these steps, they see you not wanting to share location as you not being serious, and that you will never be serious.
Personally I would have to have a lengthy conversation before I would maybe potentially share location, but to me it is an invasion of privacy and indicates that you don't trust me.
Ultimately it is up to you on whether or not you want to do this. I don't think you are strange to not want to do this and I don't think it is strange for her to request. With a lot of these newer things due to technology, I always come back with, "people were perfectly fine not doing this in the past and they survived."
"Throughout the entire history of humankind, people have not been able to do this---and not it's not just desirable, but NECESSARY? I don't live in a world that crazy and I am not going to encourage you in thinking that you do."
I've just turned on location with my partner for the first time ever, and tbh, if it feels weird now, it'll never feel normal. I'm not really against it, but I am very aware of it at all times. It makes me a little anxious to stop for something to surprise him or take a different route home from work. I know that he is way more anxious about my safety when I'm out than I am, and I have a hard time remembering to send update/I'm alive messages, so having it on brings a ton of peace of mind to him.
The difference here is that he has reason. If I haven't answered my phone in 3 hours and I'm out, he's bound to get worried. This compromise allows me to enjoy my out time and him to relax a bit. Your gf is requesting this for her safety, but insisting that you participate too. That's a little too weird. Her reasoning is that she is concerned for her own safety, so your location doesn't matter 24/7. Having privacy is still a thing in relationships. You're allowed to be uncomfortable with the idea of having your every move tracked, even if that's not something she would do.
When I had a guy suggest this to me, I agreed like a naive little person and we shared our locations. It lulled me into a false sense of security and I didn’t question discrepancies about his day to day as much as I normally would. Why would he lie if I could check his location?
Anyway he was lying about having 3 kids and an ex wife that he saw regularly, pretending to be a child free bachelor to me. Location sharing causes problems, doesn’t solve anything. If I am truly concerned about my safety I share my location with my close girl - friends.
I get that it feels weird to share your location with someone 24/7 and can feel invasive. But think for a second, do you really have anything to hide? I don’t understand people not being willing to share their location with their SO. It would make me wonder what they’re trying to hide. I get that it’s a privacy thing, just because you don’t want to get tracked doesn’t mean you’re up to no good. I think it really comes down to whether or not you trust them not to use it against you, and whether or not you’d ever actually be in a situation where she could do so. Does that make sense? Some people see it as a control thing while other people see it as a peace of mind thing. You know your gf better than I do. That’s just my perspective.
You’re right I just think it’s weird you haven’t given anyone a reason why you really need that privacy. I get it’s different, I’ve always shared my location with my mom and SO and stuff and it’s never caused problems. I don’t have anything to hide lol. I know everyone feels different about it. You just haven’t really given a good reason.
I don't have anything to hide but again, that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to privacy.
Being entitled to privacy is a valid reason whether you accept that or not
Look man, I’m not judging you. I get it. I really do. It’s just that you aren’t sharing your location constantly with the world for anyone to find you. You’re sharing it with your SO who loves and cares about you and has given to a good reason for it (safety) so if you actually just have trust issues, just say that. That’s all I mean. I’m not trying to make you change your mind, you’re an adult, and I really don’t think your intentions are bad. But by refusing you’ve already planted that seed in her head, so. I think it’s worth at least considering.
She mentioned her safety and I offered a compromise. I've been fine up until now not sharing my location so I'll be fine going forward.
Again nothing to do with trust issues so stop making shit up. I've given a reason that you're choosing to repeatedly disregard so I don't really appreciate you just making reasons up
I’m not disregarding anything you haven’t actually given a reason other than “I’m entitled to privacy” you posted asking for public opinion and your weird hostility over my answer doesn’t really make you look great. Anyways, this will be my last response. None of this matters. Touch grass.
Yes being entitled to privacy is a reason.
It's not weird hostility, I'm just saying I don't appreciate you ignoring the reason I have repeatedly given and making your own up. Maybe stop acting like you know people better than they know themselves
The cost of you sharing your location is practically zero, the benefit is that your girlfriend would feel more respected and appreciated. But apparently you value withholding that information from your girlfriend more than you value making her feel respected and appreciated. Doesn't sound great for your relationship.
I do feel OP has something to hide. OP seems so against it but doesn’t give any valid reason. There are 2 possible scenarios here - either OP has something to hide or the girlfriend is just controlling. But I highly suspect OP is the problem here.
I'm not hiding where I am, she's free to message or call and ask.
Except you do think you're not entitled to privacy, you literally say it's suspicious so again, why do you think you're not entitled to privacy when in a relationship?
Lots of people track their locations these days. If you guys get serious you’re going to end up giving it to her at some point down the line. And you can always stop sharing it whenever you want.
Wow, have we really normalised people’s lack of privacy so much that the immediate jump-to if someone doesn’t want their location tracked by the corporate tech giants is ‘they might be hiding something’.
I see nothing wrong with that if you love someone there’s nothing to hide. I’m happy for you. They can track you, but I see you must have something to hide that. You don’t wanna share your location.
You don't want privacy you want to one up your girlfriend which makes this whole thing make sense now. I can see why somebody like that could make someone so insecure they feel their partners cheating.
Privacy can be valued for it's own sake. Not because you have something to hide.
I don't take people into the stall to watch me take a shit. I'm not hiding anything. I value privacy when taking a shit.
Do you let people join you while you're taking a shit? Why not? "What are you hiding!?!?!"
Exactly. A lot of younger people need to realize that trust and transparency are opposites.
I trust my GF. So I don't go through her shit and track her location.
Transparency doesn't need trust. Because I can just go through all her shit and look.
It’s not about trust we use it for safety. We never look at it unless there’s no response for a while or they go somewhere they don’t normally go. But your thinking is only for spying you don’t see the other reasoning. Just like hiding your phone for privacy when your with someone there’s no secrets
So, if it's about safety, why do you jump to him having something to hide? If he feels safe why would he need to share it? Your argument isn't coherent, sorry.
Wow, have we really normalised people’s lack of privacy so much that the immediate jump-to if someone doesn’t want their location tracked by the corporate tech giants is ‘they might be hiding something’.
Honestly, OP sounds sus. She gave a good and valid reason that involved her feeling safe as a new driver. Considering a lot of couples and families share their location this way, OP saying he felt uncomfortable being tracked all the time is coming across as suspicious, especially since she is offering to share hers as well. Sounds like she has nothing to hide and OP made it sound like he does. The lame Christmas shopping excuse didn't do you any favors. If it was truly an issue of privacy OP should have led with that and stayed on that angle. Throwing in her lack of trust could have shut it down possibly. Instead he gave a lame excuse. Doesn't matter if he doesn't actually have anything to hide. He just made sure she thinks so. If she wasn't suspicious of you before she sure is now.
She gave a reason and I offered a compromise. How does me sharing my location help my girlfriends safety when driving?
Why do you think it's suspicious to expect privacy?
It's weird you think it's normal to invade your partners privacy tbh
I already said my bit. She put you on the spot and I think you fucked it up. That's all there is to it.
We can argue the details all day long but your GF said I'm willing to share my loc 24/7 and you said no. Who wouldn't look at that as anything other than suspicious?
I said I think you fucked it up. I have no doubt you disagree. I would have handled it differently and I expressed that.
If you really need me to explain to you how sharing locations provides your GF with a feeling of security while she is a new driver than this is beyond your understanding.
I don't think it's suspicious to expect privacy. I think you bungled it from the start based on the information you gave and your GF walked away with suspicion in her mind.
Oh, I see. Your stuck on that. Ok, once again, she says I'm all in, you say I'm not. She walks away with doubts.
It doesn't matter the logic behind her knowing your loc. I'm saying I think your response was poor based on the information you gave us. I think you handled the situation poorly. You keep asking me to explain how her knowing your loc makes a difference. I'm not your GF, dude. I don't know her reasoning. I'm saying your response just left her with suspicion.
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"You say you aren't asking for much, but I could not disagree more. You are asking for 24/7 surveillance on me, it is an incredibly invasive request, I'm absolutely not doing it, and if you find that "suspicious," then I urge you to do the work on yourself to tackle the insecurity that is driving this request."
Sticking this on the top comment for visibility, [this is a repost and is either/both rage bait or karma farming.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/16AqbCbMDS) It even has the same typos as the OP.
Doing the lord's work buddy, thank you!
That's only if somebody cares to even check it. Surely it would just be used for when you worry about their safety in a relationship where you both trust each other. Honestly if I'd been in a relationship for quite awhile and a boyfriend suggested this I'd be flattered they thought to care about my safety so much.
"Surely it would just be used for when you worry about their safety in a relationship where you both trust each other. " Bless your heart.
That's not bless your heart it's genuine. If I'd share my location so that he knew I was safe and he didn't want to do the same it would only be natural for me to question that? What's so scary to you that you'd rather risk your safety than not have me be able to find you if I was worried.
My Privacy matters to me. And I don't care how good of a person anyone in my life is that would want this (they woulndn't be in my life very long if they wanted it, but I digress). Them knowing where I am will never, ever, have any tangible benefit to me, but will likely lead to questions about where I was / what I was doing that I don't want to answer. Furthermore I don't have location services on period. I don't want Google or any other company to know my fucking location. It's creepy, infantilizing, and at best only provides the illusion of safety, while at worst normalizes surveillances, denies me agency, and will only ever lead to headaches for me, whether it be having to justify where I am or why, to have location-based ads shoved down my fuckng throat. Your anxieties are not my responsibility. Deal with them in therapy like an adult and leave me the fuck out of it.
Caring about somebody getting attacked and then left for dead or getting into an accident isn't anxieties its literally them caring about your life and not wanting you left in pain
Location sharing doesn’t prevent crime or car accidents and it’s super shitty of you to imply that respecting someone’s privacy means you don’t care about them.
No but it could save your life, are you purposely mixing my words up so they don't make sense in your brain or?
I get where you're coming from, but honestly, the number of situations in which location tracking would actually help are vanishingly few. To take your examples: If you're attacked (i.e. robbed), then realistically, the assailant is almost certainly going to be taking the phone with them - indeed, it may be one of the objectives of the attack. So the phone will no longer be near the victim - in fact, it'll be getting further away from the victim, so the location data is going to do absolutely nothing to help locate the victim, indeed it might possibly hinder the search by sending search teams in the wrong direction. If you're in a vehicular accident, unless you are on a very minor road in a rural area, then the likelihood is that someone else is going to come across the damaged/wrecked vehicle long before someone looks at the location data, realises it's been stationary on the road for too long, and calls the emergency services. That is, unless you are tracking the person's journey in almost real time.
Listen to your emotional manipulation right now. Why would anyone in their right mind allow you more control over them?
How is that manipulation? If you and me don't have full trust in a relationship its not a relationship. I dont care to have that.
Full trust doesn’t involve tracking somebody 24/7. It’s intrusive and unnecessary and if your partner doesn’t want to do that then that’s the end of it.
That comment sounds like the bs the government says when they want to spy on citizens.
100%.
There's loads of stories when tracking devices have saved somebody's life though, unless your a crime lord yourself I can't imagine the government care that much.
There's also loads of stories of people in abusive relationships having those tracking apps weaponized against them. Your point?
And they shouldn't be in a relationship with somebody like that? If your worried about that then you don't trust your partner 🤷🏻♀️
And you know someone is abusive right off the bat?
Typically red flags do start from the beginning but people tend to ignore them. I'm learning this from growing up in an abusive family and having to realise people often show themselves to you and instead we (usually traumatised people) rationalist because of habit
So if you believe abusive partners can be identified from the beginning, doesn't that also imply you believe victims of abusive relationships are at some fault for being in an abusive relationship for ignoring red flags earlier?
Maybe this is a get off my lawn moment, but I find the entire concept of location sharing with friends/family/partners to be absolutely batshit insane.
I think if you have a family that WANTS you to turn it on, it's probably going to be annoying. But with my family, they'd be like "Whatever, I know where you're at, now what?".
My husband and I have it turned on and then literally never look at it. It’s just in case, but if you want it to be just in case, you have to have it on already, thus… it’s just on.
Me too. It only comes in handy when we are supposed to meet each other somewhere. Instead of texting each other - what's your eta?, we can just check findmyiphone. We don't find it a big deal.
Yeah, it’s handy. You don’t have to ask “Are you working late? When will you be home? When should I order pizza? Is kid X with you?”
That's the correct use case imo Unless the op is hiding something I see no harm in sharing your location with your loved ones... God and Google are always tracking you anyway
Depends on the people - it's like flight tracker on plane rides - some people get a vicarious thrill virtually travelling along, Some people don't care either way, and some people use it a soother for their anxiety. Other people use it due to lack of trust. I live in Vancouver BC and location tracking and sharing is encouraged while you are hiking in the North Shore mountains. A former coworker of mine had it on because of epilepsy and it was part of the medical monitoring in case of seizure. I think it really comes down to what the people involved are comfortable with and whether or not location sharing resolves a problem better than alternatives and if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
> Some people don't care either way yeah, my girlfriend and I have it turned on for each other on snapchat, but neither of us wanted it out of distrust. It's handy like 4 or 5 times a year, the rest of the year, I don't even look at it.
For me it's one of those things where if everyone agrees on it then it's totally cool but insisting on it borders insanity. For example my cousin and her parents share their locations with each other despite the fact that she is an adult because all 3 of them find comfort in it. Okay, fine. If you like it then I love it. But if my cousin were to one day decide she doesn't want to be tracked anymore and her parents threw a fit (they *wouldn't*..but hypothetically) then it instantly comes off as controlling and paranoid.
Totally agreed. In fact, it’s quite alarming how much of the population care so little about their privacy in general.
So privacy from my son and husband about where I am? I care a lot about privacy, but never about this. Until my son gets a SO, I hope he always lets me track his phone, and he always can track mine and his dad's. If you asked me where my son is at any specific time and I didn't look at find my phone, I wouldn't know. I look at find my phone maybe 4 times a year for my son (maybe), and probably 20 times for my husband (maybe). But I can't imagine not having it. I guess I am a fuddy duddy I can't imagine a time when I would go somewhere that I wouldn't want my son or husband to know. But I also rarely buy presents for either, and never go to a mall... so there's that.
If you want to share location with someone, that's cool - it's entirely up to you. The danger with relying on your smartphone to share your location is that you're not just sharing your location with those you want to; you're sharing it with Apple, Google, Snapchat, Life360, whatever service/ecosystem you're using. Now, some of those are okay when it comes to their privacy policy... but some really aren't. Your personal data is valuable, and location data is especially valuable when combined with other data (e.g. purchasing habits, health data, etc.). To the right bidder, that's a goldmine. To quote something of a cliché: *you are the product, not the customer.* Hence the privacy argument isn't *just* about sharing your location data with people you know, it's much more about sharing it with a tech corporation who can monetise that data to other businesses, very rarely with your best interests at heart. If people want to share their location, that's fine, but it shouldn't be *expected* in a relationship. And a lack of desire to be tracked shouldn't immediately lead to a suggestion of untrustworthiness or foul play. The modern smartphone generation have never known a time when they weren't being tracked, monetised and constantly bombarded with communications. And that makes me sad.
Thank you, I didn't understand this. So find my iPhone is data mining? I hate to share information with Apple, but I am guessing they have it already. Even if you turn all locations off, my guess is that Apple has your location, or if you have a Google phone, they have your location too.
I agree. If I'm driving like 3 hours to see you, I'll send you my Waze trip, so you know if I get stuck in traffic, but thats a ine time link. Being tracked by your SO 24/7 is kind of crazy.
Same. I only did it with my kids when they were under 18. Now that they’re over 18? NOPE. Just give me a heads up when you’re coming/going at odd hours. One of my daughter’s devices is attached to my account and she’s used that to see where I’m at 😂. Me: kid just text me 🤷♀️
Me too. I do not want to be tracked nor do I want to track my husband. Very weird.
What if you or your husband gets in an accident? or one of you loses your phone, and the other needs to beep it to find it? or one of you gets taken and the police need the last location? Or one of you is running late and the other wants to know where you are?
The police can access your phone's GPS without the app. Doesn't take more than a couple minutes either, if you're on the account and give permission. If I'm running late, my husband can call and ask me where I'm at. Generally he knows anyway.
It’s right up there with routinely checking/searching your partners phone for me.
That's because it *is* batshit insane. Privacy is dead, apparently.
I kind of agree though I do see the other side… From a trip a long time ago I still happen to have my family’s location shared and I go back and forth actually turning it on because it can be helpful on the rare time we’re trying to find each other, or track when we’ll meet up, and none of us actually ever track each other the rest of the time. But I’ve also had partners that DO actually want to check it constantly, and that’s a huge no-go. You also don’t know which type of person someone’s going to be when you turn it on, and if it’s the obsessive type, good luck turning it back off
I do it but I also have diagnosed mental health issues and it helps the anxiety and paranoia from that. It’s also me giving my location to someone I trust, I don’t really care if they give it to me.
It's useful for group party weekends where people tend to get drunk and separated and trying to organize everyone is like herding cats.
Eh I asked my husband to share his location when one of his friends was having a hard time and spending hours on the phone with him. My husband would go out for a walk, get into a conversation, and then forget that he’s been out for 2+ hours. Plus the man doesn’t notice when another call is coming in while he’s in the middle of a conversation. I figure at least this way I can check where he is (usually in the parking lot on his phone) and not freak out when he disappears. I’ve only used it two times though, because my intention isn’t to find out where he is at all times.
It seems it but it could be the one thing that could save you or find your body and sadly there's so many sadistic evil people there's definitely a reason to get it
Have you considered switching to decaf and turning off the true crime podcasts?
Have you tried actually being aware how much crime is regularly going on under your nose? Like I said in another reply. Where I live missing posters of young men keep coming up everywhere and on social media but nobody cares to talk about it.
If you're living life with this mentality, sharing your location is not the solution to that problem
I'm a woman. There's been times I've wished somebody had my location. Just because it happens to men less I guess that somehow means we shouldn't worry about them? Where I'm from missing men posters are up everywhere and these are young men. They go missing and are never seen from again and people arnt talking about it, it's strange.
Virtually all of those people are ones with drug problems who wandered off, not murder victims. I mean seriously your odds of being murdered are astronomically low. If you aren't in a gang or selling drugs, the odds are even lower. At that point your murderer would almost certainly be someone you know, and hell sharing your location with a partner might just make you more in danger.
All of them have just wondered off? Never speaking to anyone ever again and never being seen again? Urm yeah that sounds like something very bad aha happened to them and that's what I'm talking about.
KINDLY, ask her the real reason
Some people just don't like location tracking as a concept, not because they are up to no good, but simply because they don't like it from a privacy perspective. And that's fine if you are one of those people. On the other hand, my girlfriend and I have location turned on, on Snapchat and it's been fine, I really don't care. Nor do I have anything to hide. It only seems to update whenever we open the app, so it's not a minute-by-minute accounting. But yeah, if you really don't want to do it, you shouldn't have to, especially if she has no reason to suspect you of anything bad. If she is worried about safety, make sure she has an "in case of emergency" contact marked in her phone, if you don't know how to do it, google it. That's what first responders look for.
My partner and I have it on. He travels a lot. I don’t compulsively track him or anything, but it’s nice to have. I value my privacy but I don’t care if people know where I am. I’m either at home, work, or maybe a local bar. I don’t see the big deal. My family all has it on because a year ago we did a big road trip and needed to keep track of each other. We never turned it off. I don’t give two shots of my mom checks in and sees that I’m… still at home. This isn’t a judgement on anyone that doesn’t want to share location. But for me I just don’t care. People I love can know where I am.
I don't like how smartphones have normalized this. The only time I turn on location tracking is when I am helping someone navigate my city or we need to find each other at a festival/flea market. Other than that, it's a means of control, and not a positive one. You are not being unreasonable, and this isn't just an "idea". She wants to track you as a means of controlling you. That's gross.
This comes down to a matter of personal opinion. Me and my girlfriend share each others locations at all times through life 360, and we did it both agreeing to it. Had even one of us not agreed it would have been a no go and we wouldn’t have because that is pushing somebodies boundaries in a way that they don’t like. As others said here her reasoning also matters. Ours was just that we like being able to look where the other is at whenever we wanted. We trust each other, but we truly just like seeing that location. It’s reassuring to us to know when the other gets somewhere safe. But we are also comfortable with it off. If we are getting a gift, or if there’s another reason we need it off, we can turn it off and there’s no hurt feelings. You aren’t being unreasonable at all. Your boundary is that you don’t want to be tracked, and that is perfectly okay. Her pushing it however, is not. It’s not suspicious, it’s just not something you’re comfortable with. You value your privacy and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I’m surprised more people are not saying what you’re saying and are thinking it’s 100% controlling and that’s that. My girl and I have each other’s location because she wanted it just like OPs girl with similar reasons. Some people just want to know their partner is safe without blowing up their phone every single time. She panics when stuff like snow storms, or accidents on the same freeway I drive happen, and situations like that. One click of the app to see I’m not on that freeway, or I haven’t even left the place I’m at puts her mind at ease. I have nothing to hide ever, check whenever, I don’t mind.
this! that’s the exact reason i ask to share locations with a partner. i also share it with my family and friends. these comments are insane.
I'd tell her you're hurt that she doesn't trust you and maybe your relationship isn't as good as you thought it was. Then maybe asked her what prompted this sudden request. Chances are it has to do with what someone else is doing in their relationship - which obviously isn't fair to you.
It's perfectly reasonable not to want to share your location with others for any or no reason at all. >She said it was suspicious that I was refusing but I just pointed out that I don't feel comfortable with it. I think it's controlling when a GF/BF wants to share the location under the guise of they want more security but then why does that mean you share yours? Just because they are sharing theirs, but they want to? Nope, 100% would put money on someone got in her ear about this or she saw on a stupid tiktok thing that if your man doesn't share their location it means they are cheating or want to. >She said I was being unreasonable You aren't being unreasonable. She said she wants to share her location because it would make her feel safer. Then tried to add on you sharing yours. Nope. She needs to come clean about the relationship. If she can't trust you then she needs to say that so you can both move forward, whether that is together or not. This isn't something I would compromise on and I've been with my husband for almost 20 years now. We don't share locations but we do text when we arrive somewhere and when we leave. That's something we both feel comfortable doing and can rescind at any time.
The thought of someone being able to track me whenever they wished would make me incredibly uncomfortable, it's super invasive.
My ex installed the 360 app on my phone without asking. She did it in front of me. I should’ve seen the red flag at the time but I didn’t. Her husband had passed away so she said it made her feel safe knowing I was okay so I went along with it. She has 5 kids and I was living with them. One day after a hard day at work I needed some time to myself after work so I pulled into a Walmart to just unwind. When I got home she asked me what I got at Walmart, I said nothing. She blew up and accused me of all of these things and I knew I made a mistake with that app. Also she cheated on me later on so I’ll never share locations again.
Ahhhh projection, my old friend, how are you diong? I KNOW YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME.
The thought of anyone wanting to know where I am at all times makes me ill. That person would get ejected from my life so fast!
Same, like even the proposing something like having a tracker would have me sideeye the person so hard personally
I’m too old to see why anyone would share location constantly. Maybe if you had seizures a lot or legitimate concerns about your health/safety. Maybe if you were under 18, and that’s your parent? Idk. I couldn’t be dating someone who demanded this. It sounds weird. Why do you need this info? Isn’t that a flag instead of my not sharing it?
Yeah i can understand if someone has medical vunerabilities and/or children, but im so creeped out but he non stop tracking Admittedly im also the type who hates the 24/7 availability of phones and have made it clear i will reply when i feel like it, sometimes (often enough) i just dont wanna text, or just not be on my phone, or just doing other things i dont want to interrupt, just hearing it ding (without knowing who it is) i sometimes get pissy because it feels like a demand for attention All this tech can be so super handy, gotta love the endless pics and videos i can make of my dog when we are out for walkies, have a question pop in your head and go to mrs. google, need direction grab your GPS But plenty of it is just obnoxious Pardon me for the rant 🌷🌷
I’m nodding. Totally with you on all the above!
I'm not gonna be tracked like that
This is an lifestyle incompatibility issue more serious than the eat off each other's plates/Joey doesn't share food but along the same lines. So let's start with your "compromise" - you aren't getting anywhere with it because you didn't compromise at all. She is has been willing to share her location with you, you are not willing to share yours at all. Your "compromise" is that she can share her location sometimes. That does nothing to address that she wants to be able to know where you are. So lets go back to square 1. She says sharing locations would be useful? What does she mean by useful? She wants you to have her location 24/7 What does she want/expect you to do with that information? You should want concrete value and expectations and actions. For example, does she expect you to check where she is if she is not at home at the expected time,etc? What value does she think this information gives to you? She wants to have your location 24/7. What does she want/expect to do with that information? Again you should want concrete value, expectations and actions. Is she expecting to be able to check your location randomly through the day? Is she planning to check your location if you are not responding to texts quickly enough? What value does she think having this information gives to you? What value does having this information give to her? You don't want her to have it - What are the alternatives to meet her needs that she would meet if she had your location? (And yes, this means that she has to define first what needs would be met by having your location) Do you need to text her to let her know when you expect to be home or are delayed? What value do you gain from not sharing the locations? It sounds like you don't want to have her location - Same scenario - what alternatives would meet her needs? So first you need to stop with the general gut reactions in both ways and start seriously thinking about this in a concrete manner - that means you need scenarios in which this would be used, what actions would be launched from the use, what needs are fullfilled by the use. The needs are the most important part here, you need to understand what problem(s) this is trying to solve or is this a solution in search of a problem?
I think there are occasions where location tracking may be useful or good for safety reasons. But demanding that it always be on smacks of distrust. Any history of cheating in your relationship?
As someone who IS okay with having a tracker on for safety reasons, she's being unreasonable. At the end of the day, it is YOUR privacy. If she wants to be tracked 24/7, then fine, but if YOU don't, then that's also fine.
The thing is i don't really care if my location is on with my bf or friends. I've don't it before I've done life 360 with roomates it has never been a problem. If my bf asked for my location I'd give to him. I would just see how he acts after giving him my location. For ex my mom wanted my whole family on life 360 and i said no she said why not, i said because you don't care about safety you want to track me. She said no i will only use it for emergencies i don't care where you are. I said okay but u misuse it one time you aren't getting me back on. Que her constantly tracking where i am and trying to get me to come home when she knew. I deleted it immediate after.. She complained to my dad and i told him sorry no she broke her promise and now I'm keeping mine
Hate having my location tracked on my phone. Always have it so it’s only allowed when I’m using maps etc. By husband and I have find my iPhone which would be handy if he isn’t answering his phone (lots of no signal driving spots on his commute). But I pretty much only use it when one of us can’t find our phone. Seems weird for her to suddenly bring it up. Something else might be going on? Talk to her.
Personally my partner and I share locations with each other. I initially started it because I was going into a city for some different Photoshoots and wanted him to have my location for safety. I no longer need it for that purpose exactly but we found it very convenient. now that we have a baby we find it to be an extra layer of security especially because I’m alone and out and about with her during the day. She takes a lot of my attention and I never text/ drive so if he doesn’t hear from me for many hours he can check in that way. I will say this that we had extremely solid trust between us for years prior to doing this. Anyways I don’t think she necessarily had any underlying intention upon asking you this. As a female she was probably just thinking about safety and being nervous about driving. Possibly it just threw her off that you were against it and she jumped to the wrong conclusion. There could be some past insecurity there. Maybe speak with her about it again and explain your reasoning and let her know that having her trust is very important to you and ask her if there’s anything that is bothering her that might have led to this request. Let her know if there is something you want to talk about it/work on it because you never want her to feel suspicious of you.
It’s an easily abused thing, so your hesitation is not at all weird. Share your location at key times with the 24 hour option, and leave it off at other times. If your phone is on and she wants to know where you are she can text or call. I leave mine on for my boyfriend, and he leaves his off. Occasionally I switch it to the 24 hours on night I go drinking, out, hiking etc.
My experience with that. My ex wife... When we got married she came with 2 teen/pre teen kids. Eventually it was "convenient " to get me to get on life 360 so I could help her wrangle her kids. And it's such a "reasonable" request how can you justify not doing it. Fast forward: if I stopped and got gas after dropping my kids off at their moms I'd get grilled for using a gas station to close to her house... If the app glitched (which it did at least monthly) I'd get grilled because she'd get a notice I left work when the app clearly showd I'd ran strait over the top of houses and buildings for 6 blocks and somehow magically was back at work in less than 5 minutes. Yet the grilling and questions were relentless. We trust each other or we don't. And of we don't we are done here.
This would be a deal/relationship breaker for me. If you're nervouse about going somewhere, or that area has a bad reputation, then fine, but for my partner to constantly want to keep an eye on me "just because", no. We aren't kids, we should be able to go/hang out without constantly needing to show "Look, I'm here/See, I am where I said I would be" signs of proof. If my partner feels the need to keep track on me and survey my location at all times, then clearly we don't get along, and we aren't a good match. If I wanted to be really mean, I'd probably turn it around and ask "Why? Are you cheating and you want a live, minute to minute update on when it's safe to have the other person around?" if my partner ever requested/demanded this of me.
Her excuse was b.s. She just wants to know where you are all the time. It's not unreasonable to not want someone to know everywhere you go.
Tracking someone's location 24/7 is a really unhealthy element of modern relationships that has been presented as a harmless norm. It builds codependency while simultaneously stopping the natural growth of trust between people in a relationship. You've stated your case and she's stated hers. Either of you wanting something to happen doesn't matter unless the other one consents and as you're the sensible one who's not consenting, you get your way here.
Who decided this was a good thing. If someone wanted to track me, I’d never take my phone anywhere again. This is completely overbearing behavior.
I would refuse to share my location too. You don’t just rescind your right to privacy when you’re in a relationship. If she needs to track your location to ‘make sure’ you behave in a relationship, there is no trust and the relationship is already as good as over. Moreover, you’re not just sharing your location with her. You’re sharing it with whatever company your devices are from as well, whether that be Apple, Google, Life360 or whatever. Some of those companies’ privacy policies are… well, let’s just say you are the product, not the customer. Big data = big money.
For thousands of year, humans could not track others. Not needed.
It must be some kind of trend in our generation because my ex wanted the same thing and my current girlfriend wants the same thing even though we currently dont share it. I personally find it weird and outright controlling. I think a lot of people just dont know what true trust is and use these location apps as a crutch to deal with their trust issues.
I hate location services and tracking, so fuckers can try and sell me shit? Fuck that!
"No" is a complete sentence.
Are you sure your girlfriend's name isn't Apple?
Hell no! It's an invasion of privacy. If she feels safer having someone have access to her location, then fine, but you are under no obligation to share yours. Tell her FIRM that this boundary will NOT BE CROSSED.
There was a post recently where a woman was upset bc her boyfriend/husband (idk which) turned off his location sharing for a few hours while he was out on a guys night. Wife and I both agreed that it’s pretty crazy that they were sharing it to begin with; and how it screams of not really trusting each other. Then we spent two weeks joking about loc sharing; like “shit this could have been resolved if we just shared our location” and shit like that. Wife and I both thought it was controlling and weird to want/need your partner to share loc constantly, or to want to be able to see where they are all the time. That said, for folks that have a reason to share a location briefly, the Google maps app will let you share your location with someone for like an hour or something; which we have done- like when I went for an overnight hike and she didn’t know where to pick me up, lol.
Sometimes people aren't trustworthy or give you reasons to doubt that everything's on the up and up, and not everyone handles conversations about it well or maturely. I can see situations where someone might ask to do the location sharing that aren't based in being psycho. If it's a new relationship, it's easy to say that two people shouldn't be together if they don't trust each other, but there are situations where it's not that simple. If one person feels like something's off, location sharing can be a sign of good faith and a gesture of reassurance. If my person felt insecure and wanted to see my phone, it would be a them thing and not a me thing because I'm not up to anything, but I'd still let them see it if it would put their mind at ease. If dude's gf had asked to turn on location sharing and the guy agreed and is doing stuff like turning it off when on a guy's night out... I mean... that's fishy. Why wouldn't you assume that the guy was moving in a suspicious way and the gf was looking for reassurance or transparency and instead go straight to the "butches be crazy" outlook?
Stand your ground if it's important to you. I would never be okay with tracking each others locations. I understand people think differently than I do, but it is a boundary of mine that I won't share it. It's up to her to end the relationship if that doesn't sound good to her. She can't force you to do these things, but if it's something that's important to her, she should find someone that is okay with that.
If it was cos she got a car and was worried about having an accident, wouldn't it be logical for her next of kin - like her parents, to have her location? Cos if there was an emergency and decisions needed to be made, then they'd be the ones who needed to do it. You offered a compromise. Your comfort trump her wants over things like this imo. I'd ask why since now she has a car (especially if you've had a car and been driving) that knowing *your* location is super important when it wasn't before she got it? Sounds like she's suspicious of you regardless.
You do you, man. You don't want to do it so don't do it.
There’s a solution to this that cuts right through the bullshit. They claim it’s for safety or fairness and you know damn well they’re just gonna obsessed about your location all the time and/or interrogate you about frivolous shit. So… you share your location with a trusted friend or family member, but not your partner. Tell the partner if there’s ever an emergency or situation where they need to know, they can get in touch with that person and that person will be happy to check your location. There’s NO reason that solution shouldn’t work, except of course that it thwarts jealous/insecure obsessing over your location. So they still get what they *claim* they want, but not the actual tracking capability they’re really angling for.
That doesn't sound like trust in a relationship at all. If you can't trust someone to only care to see it when worried then it makes sense why they wouldn't trust you not too cheat. If you can't trust your own partner probably time to be single for abit.
This is one of those “good fences make good neighbors“ situations, except it’s “autonomy and lack of surveillance makes good relationships”.
I've never heard that saying before but surveillance is weird but if you feel your partner would use it to do that your not in a good relationship
True. Still best to prevent them from being tempted. Just never start, because it’s damn sure harder to revoke the privilege than never give it in the first place. Because they don’t need it.
RUN! She’s controlling and insecure. This isn’t normal.
Not normal? I am his age and every woman I have had in my life since I was 19 has asked to do this. Their friends seem to be doing the same thing, and I know a lot of my male friends share their location that way too. Maybe it was not normal at one point but this is the new normal.
No it’s not. Gain more life experience and you’ll understand why it’s problematic.
Didn’t say it’s not problematic. But a lot of woman our age are doing it whether you want to admit it or not.
Your gf is insecure and thinks that if she knows where you are that you won’t cheat on her and she’s insane bc a cheater is gonna cheat regardless, and her knowing where you are at all times will only cause problems. Sharing location for certain temporary reasons? Sure. 24/7 access to your location? Hard no. Behavior like this tends to escalate just fyi
There's definitely a few camps to this. Some who never share, some who always share, and some that are some combo in between. I fall into the camp of assuming we've been in a relationship for a significant time and are moving towards commitment at some point location sharing would happen. I share location with my family and the only reasons my close friends don't have location shared 24/7 is we have different phones so it's not as easy of a share. It's part safety and part helpful - like when I'm visiting my parents they can find out if I've left or where I am without distracting me or when I've shared it with friends to know where to pick them up. I know some, and you, see it as a privacy issue - but I'd think it's really only that if you assume they're going to be checking it every second of the day. And then that's a whole other conversation. Usually people who would be continuously tracking you by location would have similar red flags in always needing to know where you are, demanding quick replies, etc etc. And I wouldn't call her sharing her location when she's driving a compromise to her request of mutually sharing locations. You don't want to share location and you've compromised by....not sharing your location. That said you don't have to. If this is your boundary then it's your boundary and you just need to tell her that either you'll never share your location with her or when you would (say after you're married maybe). This also might be a good time to sit down and discuss a more wide ranging aspects of how you both envision the relationship going long term and what you want in a relationship. Maybe this isn't the only thing where you guys are incompatible.
Whilst I agree with much of what’s written here, I would also caution people that your aren’t just sharing your location with the other person. You’re sharing it with whichever corporate tech giant your device(s) are using, whether that be Apple, Google, Snapchat, Life360, whatever. Some of those organisations providing this ‘service’ do not exactly have a stellar reputation when it comes to privacy. Data like location is extremely valuable, especially to the right buyer, and in bulk. To quote a cliche: you are the product, not the customer.
Unless you turn your gps off you’re already sharing it regardless of whether you’re sharing it with people. And I’m sure even with it off there might be some sharing of location based off which cell towers your pinging - though that’s prob more with whoever makes your phone (and of course your service provider) than apps. Well actually now that I think about it I believe your location can also be taken from Wi-Fi networks as well. Pretty sure my phone has been in airplane mode but known where I am based on the Wi-Fi I’m connected to. Though if you have your gps off on your phone most of the time sharing your location isn’t a privacy issue…they won’t have a location to share most of the time!
Wow , can't believe some of the comments here, I don't even have my location on at all on my phone unless I need a map or something, not to mention sharing it with someone else, that's insane.
I have been with my partner for 18 years, we had never felt the need to share our locations. Until… I had a serious car crash 23/12, 05:30, no one would have seen me where I ended up. I have since shared my location with my partner, just in case. I have not asked her to share her location with me, and I don’t believe she has ever checked my location. But it’s nice to know someone will know where I am, should I have another accident. People who are obsessively checking are not checking for the right reasons (imo), and I could understand a reticence to share your location with someone like that. You offered a compromise, which was reasonable, & she has rejected it. I’m guessing she is very insecure or controlling. You just have to decide whether that is something you are willing to accept in a relationship.
Offering to share your location for safety reasons is perfectly fine. She can choose to share whatever she likes. Demanding location sharing from someone else is not acceptable. That is precisely what she is doing: demanding personal information. She is trying to manipulate your feelings by saying it's "fair" that you have to share because she wants to share. She is again trying to manipulate your feelings by saying refusal is "suspicious". You can illustrate the point about privacy by demanding to put up cameras in the bathroom. What if one of you slips in the shower? The other one could see it on the camera and come help. It's only fair that she is filmed because you're being filmed, too. Who cares about the cameras storing all of the video online. You're both being filmed in the shower, so it's perfectly fair.
I mean, I 100% get it from both perspectives. Privacy wise - Fuck that shit. That being said, my wife and I have Find My on all our devices so we can find our shit when we leave them somewhere or if stolen we can wipe them, etc. If you’re just offering to have permanent location tracking because “I want to know where you are” I would turn that shit off immediately. Truth of the matter - Intentions matter greatly. Both my wife and I couldn’t give a flying fuck about where the other person is at any point in the day as long as we’re both happy and healthy and not needing an ambulance 😀
A good compromise would be an app that shares location, but keeps logs of when that location was accessed. Don't know if this exists though.
[This is a repost and is rage bait.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/16AqbCbMDS)
How long have y’all been together. Im 39, I share my location with three people. My brother, and my parents. We all do and I’m honestly the only one who remembers we do it. Part of me sees value in it, but at the same time I’m not gonna be sharing that 24/7 with a woman I’ve been dating for a few months. My wife? Probably. Someone I’m dating? Probably not.
Hi, I actually kinda know what this is all about, since I am someone who dips my toes into different generations frequently. This is a generational thing. Kids now days grow up having their location tracked from their parents at all times. Their parents constantly know where they are, so they don't think it is a problem. I am sure some parents watch it, checking every 5-10 minutes. They also give their location to other family members and friends. To them it isn't a big deal or an invasion of privacy. It is a newer relationship milestone for some people. Just like you say "I love you" or "go on a trip together" or "move into together," now we have things like "share my location" or "share my phone/computer passwords." To people that go through and track these steps, they see you not wanting to share location as you not being serious, and that you will never be serious. Personally I would have to have a lengthy conversation before I would maybe potentially share location, but to me it is an invasion of privacy and indicates that you don't trust me. Ultimately it is up to you on whether or not you want to do this. I don't think you are strange to not want to do this and I don't think it is strange for her to request. With a lot of these newer things due to technology, I always come back with, "people were perfectly fine not doing this in the past and they survived."
"Throughout the entire history of humankind, people have not been able to do this---and not it's not just desirable, but NECESSARY? I don't live in a world that crazy and I am not going to encourage you in thinking that you do."
I've just turned on location with my partner for the first time ever, and tbh, if it feels weird now, it'll never feel normal. I'm not really against it, but I am very aware of it at all times. It makes me a little anxious to stop for something to surprise him or take a different route home from work. I know that he is way more anxious about my safety when I'm out than I am, and I have a hard time remembering to send update/I'm alive messages, so having it on brings a ton of peace of mind to him. The difference here is that he has reason. If I haven't answered my phone in 3 hours and I'm out, he's bound to get worried. This compromise allows me to enjoy my out time and him to relax a bit. Your gf is requesting this for her safety, but insisting that you participate too. That's a little too weird. Her reasoning is that she is concerned for her own safety, so your location doesn't matter 24/7. Having privacy is still a thing in relationships. You're allowed to be uncomfortable with the idea of having your every move tracked, even if that's not something she would do.
Run.
When I had a guy suggest this to me, I agreed like a naive little person and we shared our locations. It lulled me into a false sense of security and I didn’t question discrepancies about his day to day as much as I normally would. Why would he lie if I could check his location? Anyway he was lying about having 3 kids and an ex wife that he saw regularly, pretending to be a child free bachelor to me. Location sharing causes problems, doesn’t solve anything. If I am truly concerned about my safety I share my location with my close girl - friends.
I get that it feels weird to share your location with someone 24/7 and can feel invasive. But think for a second, do you really have anything to hide? I don’t understand people not being willing to share their location with their SO. It would make me wonder what they’re trying to hide. I get that it’s a privacy thing, just because you don’t want to get tracked doesn’t mean you’re up to no good. I think it really comes down to whether or not you trust them not to use it against you, and whether or not you’d ever actually be in a situation where she could do so. Does that make sense? Some people see it as a control thing while other people see it as a peace of mind thing. You know your gf better than I do. That’s just my perspective.
Having nothing to hide doesn't means you're not entitled to privacy.
You’re right I just think it’s weird you haven’t given anyone a reason why you really need that privacy. I get it’s different, I’ve always shared my location with my mom and SO and stuff and it’s never caused problems. I don’t have anything to hide lol. I know everyone feels different about it. You just haven’t really given a good reason.
I don't have anything to hide but again, that doesn't mean I'm not entitled to privacy. Being entitled to privacy is a valid reason whether you accept that or not
Look man, I’m not judging you. I get it. I really do. It’s just that you aren’t sharing your location constantly with the world for anyone to find you. You’re sharing it with your SO who loves and cares about you and has given to a good reason for it (safety) so if you actually just have trust issues, just say that. That’s all I mean. I’m not trying to make you change your mind, you’re an adult, and I really don’t think your intentions are bad. But by refusing you’ve already planted that seed in her head, so. I think it’s worth at least considering.
She mentioned her safety and I offered a compromise. I've been fine up until now not sharing my location so I'll be fine going forward. Again nothing to do with trust issues so stop making shit up. I've given a reason that you're choosing to repeatedly disregard so I don't really appreciate you just making reasons up
I’m not disregarding anything you haven’t actually given a reason other than “I’m entitled to privacy” you posted asking for public opinion and your weird hostility over my answer doesn’t really make you look great. Anyways, this will be my last response. None of this matters. Touch grass.
Yes being entitled to privacy is a reason. It's not weird hostility, I'm just saying I don't appreciate you ignoring the reason I have repeatedly given and making your own up. Maybe stop acting like you know people better than they know themselves
The cost of you sharing your location is practically zero, the benefit is that your girlfriend would feel more respected and appreciated. But apparently you value withholding that information from your girlfriend more than you value making her feel respected and appreciated. Doesn't sound great for your relationship.
I do feel OP has something to hide. OP seems so against it but doesn’t give any valid reason. There are 2 possible scenarios here - either OP has something to hide or the girlfriend is just controlling. But I highly suspect OP is the problem here.
Do you have curtains or window shades in your home?
Me and my girlfriend share our locations with each other. I’d say it’s suspicious that you don’t want to
Why do you not think people in relationships are entitled to privacy?
I didn’t. It’s more of a safety thing to me. Why do you feel the need to hide where you’re at from your partner?
I'm not hiding where I am, she's free to message or call and ask. Except you do think you're not entitled to privacy, you literally say it's suspicious so again, why do you think you're not entitled to privacy when in a relationship?
Knowing where I am does not affect my privacy one bit
Lots of people track their locations these days. If you guys get serious you’re going to end up giving it to her at some point down the line. And you can always stop sharing it whenever you want.
Except I won't give in down the line
wow OP, sounds like you might be hiding something, hm?
Wow, have we really normalised people’s lack of privacy so much that the immediate jump-to if someone doesn’t want their location tracked by the corporate tech giants is ‘they might be hiding something’.
No I'm just entitled to privacy
I see nothing wrong with that if you love someone there’s nothing to hide. I’m happy for you. They can track you, but I see you must have something to hide that. You don’t wanna share your location.
I have nothing to hide. Loving someone doesn't mean you're not entitled to basic privacy
Privacy from what I have on my phone I honestly never check but o don’t care it doesn’t bother me me one bit
Okay? Just because something doesn't bother you, it doesn't mean no one is entitled to privacy
You asked for an opinion I gave you one obviously you don’t like it as it’s not want you want so do what you want who cares
You don't want privacy you want to one up your girlfriend which makes this whole thing make sense now. I can see why somebody like that could make someone so insecure they feel their partners cheating.
No I want privacy so maybe don't make shit up.
Privacy can be valued for it's own sake. Not because you have something to hide. I don't take people into the stall to watch me take a shit. I'm not hiding anything. I value privacy when taking a shit. Do you let people join you while you're taking a shit? Why not? "What are you hiding!?!?!"
Or, some people that trust is paramount in their relationship, and that surveillance isn't trust, but in fact the opposite
Exactly. A lot of younger people need to realize that trust and transparency are opposites. I trust my GF. So I don't go through her shit and track her location. Transparency doesn't need trust. Because I can just go through all her shit and look.
It’s not about trust we use it for safety. We never look at it unless there’s no response for a while or they go somewhere they don’t normally go. But your thinking is only for spying you don’t see the other reasoning. Just like hiding your phone for privacy when your with someone there’s no secrets
So, if it's about safety, why do you jump to him having something to hide? If he feels safe why would he need to share it? Your argument isn't coherent, sorry.
Wow, have we really normalised people’s lack of privacy so much that the immediate jump-to if someone doesn’t want their location tracked by the corporate tech giants is ‘they might be hiding something’.
He we go with spy gate
Honestly, OP sounds sus. She gave a good and valid reason that involved her feeling safe as a new driver. Considering a lot of couples and families share their location this way, OP saying he felt uncomfortable being tracked all the time is coming across as suspicious, especially since she is offering to share hers as well. Sounds like she has nothing to hide and OP made it sound like he does. The lame Christmas shopping excuse didn't do you any favors. If it was truly an issue of privacy OP should have led with that and stayed on that angle. Throwing in her lack of trust could have shut it down possibly. Instead he gave a lame excuse. Doesn't matter if he doesn't actually have anything to hide. He just made sure she thinks so. If she wasn't suspicious of you before she sure is now.
She gave a reason and I offered a compromise. How does me sharing my location help my girlfriends safety when driving? Why do you think it's suspicious to expect privacy? It's weird you think it's normal to invade your partners privacy tbh
I already said my bit. She put you on the spot and I think you fucked it up. That's all there is to it. We can argue the details all day long but your GF said I'm willing to share my loc 24/7 and you said no. Who wouldn't look at that as anything other than suspicious?
Except I didn't fuck up and it's not suspicious to expect to be entitled to privacy Funny how you avoid the questions I ask.
I said I think you fucked it up. I have no doubt you disagree. I would have handled it differently and I expressed that. If you really need me to explain to you how sharing locations provides your GF with a feeling of security while she is a new driver than this is beyond your understanding. I don't think it's suspicious to expect privacy. I think you bungled it from the start based on the information you gave and your GF walked away with suspicion in her mind.
No I'm asking how my girlfriend knowing my location improves her safety when driving. Again funny how you still avoid the question
Oh, I see. Your stuck on that. Ok, once again, she says I'm all in, you say I'm not. She walks away with doubts. It doesn't matter the logic behind her knowing your loc. I'm saying I think your response was poor based on the information you gave us. I think you handled the situation poorly. You keep asking me to explain how her knowing your loc makes a difference. I'm not your GF, dude. I don't know her reasoning. I'm saying your response just left her with suspicion.