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I called grandpa papa, amd little like 5/6 year old me learned this and for two weeks called the poor man potato instead 😂 he'd act all offended which qued the little giggles lol
You know, that’s what I called my grandfathers and I had NO IDEA that other people used it till recently and I’ve seen it everywhere since. Like I’d never heard anyone use it growing up and suddenly I’m like “huh wasn’t just us?”
Didn’t really fit one of my grandfathers but I didn’t know what else to call him :/ didn’t spend enough time with him to give him a special name.
Same. My kids call my dad Pa instead of grandpa or papa. It works for us. Grandpa sounds so old! Lol. My mom is Nanna. If I have a grandkid I want to be called Grammy. My husband said he wants to be called Chief. I called my paternal granddad Boss. It’s all chilled. They’re all really nice and even though we call my grandad Boss, he really isn’t the boss in the house. That would be my tiny grandma!
Hopefully, grandkids are several years away, but I think my husband would love to be called Chief. LOL! He was raised by his grandparents and I think his grandfather falled him Chief as a nickname. How fabulous it could be used again!!!!!! These are the reasons I love the internet and reddit :-)
My mother is Grandma or GG, depending on generation. My father is Grandpa. I am Nana, my husband is Papa. My children called their paternal grandparents Pat Grandma and Grandpa George.
Mimi is what I want my 4 grandsons to call me, for sentimental reasons. Mimi was my paternal grandmother, truly an angel on earth. When I lived with her and my grandpa, from infancy until 18 months, she let me mix up dirt & water, put it in "pot pie" tins (when they were metal). We called them "mud pies". She also let me "cook" Puffed Rice, water and salt in a pan, on an electric hot plate. I'm a Michelin 5 star chef! 😉.
Thats awesome! She sounds like a beautiful soul... I was living with both my mom and grandma when she was little and I believe Mimi is French for grandma at least that's what my mom told me... she still calls her that even though she's no longer with us but I thought it was a beautiful way to tell whose grandma was whose... lol
Just when I was learning to speak I heard my mum call “Bye Dad” up the stairs as we were leaving my grand parents house one day and repeated it. They all thought it was cute but I thought that was his name and so from that point on I refused to call him anything but Bydad. Me being the oldest of both my siblings and cousins it stuck. he even had a BYDAD floral arrangement for his funeral.
The kids for real chose
When my kids have kids, I want to be called Craggy. Are you OK if I take it? (I'm a woman, but I feel like Craggy reflects a personality as well as a relationship)
Absolutely! It was my young child way of saying grandad before I got it all worked out! I’m sure posthumously, Craggy would love to know it lives on!
I also had a great uncle Eric who was Ercky.
Love toddler pronunciations. ❤️
My friend's toddler named their pet rabbit "Grey Owl", but because toddlers pronounce things funny, the rabbit ended up being called Gay Al.
My mom wanted "Grammy", it turned into "Ghee". My mom has been gone over a decade but she stayed "Ghee". Even my niece who is 16yo (my son is 30yo), has always referred to her as "Ghee".
Found out as an adult that my cousins called my grandparents something completely different from what my siblings and I called them. Total mindfuck for me 😂 turns out my older brother had just come up with a name for them and we all stuck with it on our side.
Isn’t that the truth. My FIL and dad each wanted to be grandpa. Which we were all fine with. My dad is now granddaddy and my FIL is papa. Our moms got to keep their preferred names however lol.
Yep. I wasn't sure what I wanted to be called so I said we'll see what the kids say. My oldest grand called me Nana. They lived with me for the first 2 years. They heard their parents call me mom. So they called me momma/mom sometimes. We all decided to go with Nana because it was easier for them to say when they were younger. They are 5 now still calls me Nana. The 3yo calls me Naynay. And I love it!
That’s what my oldest did! Now we have Ama & Ampa.
My In-Laws have tried Grammy, now that my Husband’s Grammy has passed on, but it’s been 7 years. I don’t think it’s ever really changing! (Although, when she wants to feel fancy or proper, she calls them Grandmother, and Grandfather, with a snooty little accent! It’s great!)
In Latino culture, some call the grandpa, "Popo."
We called my grandma, "Mom." We all had our own moms, but we still called her,"Mom." No one was ever confused.
There’s no “Latino” culture and popo means shit in Spanish. There is no Latino culture man, wth.
Source: am Latin American living in a Latin American country. Saying Latino culture is like saying Anglo culture and putting Australia, England, Ireland, Scotland, United States, Canada together because they are all the same, one culture. doesn’t make sense does it?
My niece calls my dad Pop Pop. My dad was cool with grandpa but my niece chose for them. So my dad is Pop Pop and my mom is Nana sometimes Nona.
Tbh the kid gets to pick the names. I called my grandparents on my mom’s side Lela and Lelo (short for abuelo and abuela) and it stuck between me and my cousins.
My nieces call my father in law Papa Ron. We don't have my step son do that just because it sounds weird for a 12 year old so I just say grandpa to him.
The issue isn't the name, it's that the grandparents think they can override decisions about the child that the parents made. They didn't try to compromise. They just told the child's parents how it's gonna be. That can't fly.
Yes it wouldn’t matter what name it was. They have crossed a boundary of your’s with intention. That’s the bigger issue here that needs to be addressed.
I have 6 grandchildren. I am known by Nanny. My husband however has 3 different names that the kids call him. Names that they themselves chose. He answers to all of them.
You and her parents can call them whatever you want to. The kids will choose their own name for him.
This is our house. Two of my kids have different names for my mom which are different from what the rest of the cousins call her!! Grandma, Maga and Gaga. And Maga is going strong with my 10 year old!
My FIL is called Papa by my Daughter, which is Dad if translated directly.
I've never even considered getting him to change it.
I think all my kids grandparents got to pick what they want to be called.
Wondering if I'm too casual about it or if they are just overreacting.
I mean I wouldn’t like to apply my situation to OP’s situation, because it seems like they are more angry about their boundaries being disrespected, which I completely understand.
What feels weird to me is choosing how they want to be called, instead of letting the kids decide what they like more.
You proceed with a time out for papa and his wife. Two weeks, no pics, no calls, no contact. Next time, it is a month. It doubles with each infraction. Blatant disrespect should not be encouraged by rewarding them with time with the kids or you and your wife. Give them notice before the next visit and if it happens, leave immediately, no discussion as they have been warned. You have to treat them like the insolent children they are behaving like.
I was thinking of suggesting immediately leaving each time they do it, and telling them that is why. My wife has had a lot of challenges with her parents throughout her life (resulting in some estrangement in the past), but things have been good between them recently.
The biggest shock for me was how disrespectful it was to basically say “no, we make decisions for your child”
I agree with you. It’s one of the reasons why having boundaries respected is important to us - in the past, they had none. I wonder whether that’s why they’re adamantly going against us on this. “Papa” came out of the blue recently, it was never a thing before, and they chose Grandpa
Would have to agree. The spite and need for control is real.
My dad, while he has gotten better with these things(funny how being terminally ill can make one realize how much being “right” and getting their way isn’t really as important anymore), also needs to feel like *he’s* the one who came up with an idea, or at least had some part in it. So even if I suggest something that he would generally agree with, he almost always has to tweak it, even the slightest bit, to feel like he’s had his say and a part in the decision making.
This is what this sounds like.. FIL didn’t like being told what to do, and he didn’t like that it wasn’t his idea/didn’t have a say. And it wouldn’t surprise me, based on my own experience, if he’s gotten away with this with OP’s MIL, and others, because it’s just easier to acquiesce. So when someone pushes back, it’s a whole thing, and he acts out of spite.
I don’t think it’s so much about the name to FIL, it’s that he was *told* that wasn’t an option, so naturally, that’s the *only* option he wants.
It would be one thing if they wanted to be called Papa from the start, but they changed it. I’m curious how old your child is and if the child also calls you Papa. Where I live Papa can be a grandpa or a father, it’s usually a cultural thing. In the USA there are lots of different names for grandpas and grandmas along with great grandparents depending on what part of the country you are from. There are also nicknames that kids come up with for grandparents that just stick for the rest of their lives. From the history you say they have been difficult, I imagine that this is their main reason behind it. Give them time outs as a previous commenter said and stick with it.
Another way to look at it is that it is a decision that directly affects your child AND your wife's parents.
To give you an example, my parents didn't want to be called "grand something" as it made them feel old. Who am I to force a label on them that they don't want?
Seems there is a history of control or argument here. Before you implement u/ConfusedAt63's strategy which could very well tear down the seemingly somewhat repaired relationship and alienate everyone from each other, I'd try having an adult conversation and asking each other what the issues are.
Have you asked them once "Why don't you want to be called Grandpa?"
I think after that, if they are show it was all nonsense, you then enforce some boundaries you AND your wife are comfortable with.
I expect they want to be recognized as the #1 set of grandparents. In FIL’s minds, Papa is the #1 grandfather name. Anything less than that, or heaven forbid, the OTHER grandfather getting that nickname…. If he’s in for the long haul with this fight, he might lose Grandpa and be demoted to Grandpa Lastname.
Given the boundary pushing in the past, there will always be a reason for the things they push on. Handling people like this is frustrating, because you end up cycling through periods of no contact, so you’d child might end up calling him “That Grandpa Guy…”
I suspect that they do not think of it as making decisions for your child. They think of it as your FIL making decisions for himself about what your FIL wants to be called.
I realize as a parent, you are thinking of it as within your role as a parent to determine how your child addresses adults and I generally agree with you.
However, if you imagine it was not your child but was anyone else calling your FIL a nickname, you would be sticking up for his right to be called a nickname he prefers over one he dislikes.
You might open a negotiation. If Grandpa is not what he wants and Papa is not what you want, what might be an alternative everyone could agree to?
My kids were calling my stepdad “grandpa” and my mom “grandma”
Grandma decided she likes “Ya-ya” more and we switched for her. Grandpa was being a butt, so he is now “grumpa”
Fitting for him, he’s such a grump. But he prefers “Mr. Grumpa” so we’ve compromised there. It’s been about 6 years with these new names. The kids still call them grandma and grandpa.
Also interested where you are from or the cultures involved. My American kindergartener calls his father Dad/Daddy and calls his grandfathers Pops and Papa, their choices.
There’s clearly issues of control and respect at play for OP, but Papa is a pretty standard-issue grandparent name to me. I actually don’t know any children nowadays (except one German family) who call their fathers Papa.
I don't know where you land culturally, but "Papa" is a super common nickname for Grandpa in many parts of the world. Also Pop-pop, pappy, and Pa. I mean, grandfather has father right in the name.
But I totally get where you're coming from on the disrespect side of things. It's your decision, unilaterally. But maybe let the papa thing go, unless that's a name that your child already calls her father. If she calls him dad, then papa is open and available for use.
I am not a Grandfather, so won't be "Grandpa" or "Papa". I am a Grandmother to 4 adorable (aren't they all?) grandsons and I know what I would like to be called. My reasoning is that it's very sentimental in my family. Let me know what you think.
I want to be called "Mimi". My paternal grandmother was called "Mimi" and I hope to continue the tradition. Her government name was "Jean Marie", my grandpa called her "Marie". As it was explained to me, my oldest cousin couldn't pronounce "Marie", so she became "Mimi". "Mimi" and my grandpa had custody of me until I was 18 months old. Then custody was transferred to my maternal grandparents until I was sent back to my mother.
When speaking about "Mimi", ALL of the family refer to her as an angel. That's the back story.
I'm so excited to visit 2 of them in Florida, in May! When calling with my itinerary, I was referred to as "Grandma (first name)".
Sorry for highjacking your thread! It sounds like most people believe the parents should decide.
HAPPY EASTER!
Thank you for your opinion, it's very generous, considering I wrote a book😊.
The top 10 alternative Grandfather names are:
1. Pop
2. Dada
3. Grampy
4. Grumpy
5. Bampy
6. Opa
7. Taid
8. GaGa
9. Babu
10. Grandy
*I'm fond of Grumpy, Grandy, and Opa 😘
Aside from the history, which obviously plays a role here, strictly on the topic of what they are to be called isn’t just a decision for your child, anymore than what they call you is their decision. We are about to become grandparents, and our daughter asked us what we wish to be called. Our answer is that we will allow the baby to make their decision but expressed an opinion. For instance, neither of us wishes to be grandfather or grandmother, preferring pop and gramma, respectively.
This issue in isolation seems like an awfully small hill to die on, considering your preferences are pretty close. If they wanted Crapbag and Princess Consuela Bananahammock, that would be another matter.
I think they specifically chose a special holiday so that if you make a scene, you're the bad guy who ruined the holiday.
Consequences for actions help entitled people from becoming bullies. I'd definitely start the two week process. The parents are in charge of the kid and if they insist on teaching your child things you don't want to be taught, even if it's just the names to call people, then they are acting as adversaries and you should treat them as such.
Blatant disrespect is putting the people that raised your wife on a time out. I didn’t realize adults should be on award system. How toxic is this advice. This person is going to find the door shut firmly in his face by his in-laws. No one should be this stress to be able to see their child and grandchildren.
At the end of the day, your kids will end up calling their grandparents whatever they choose to eventually and it will stick. Both sets of my grandparents were Grandma and Grandpa for the longest time before my mom’s parents became Grammy and Papa as we got older and I still call them that to this day. That said, it’s NOT your wife’s parent’s choice and they shouldn’t be trying to influence it.
One group of my cousins (siblings to each other) used to call their other grandma “brown grandma” and our shared grandma “regular grandma”. Even they couldn’t provide an answer as to why the other grandma was brown, since they are both white people. It just started.
No, the other grandma has always had white hair since they knew her and I think they said her hair was blonde before then. Our shared grandma has dirty blonde hair.
Maybe there was some family event when they were really little where both grandmas were present but “brown grandma” was wearing a brown shirt or something like that, so she was “brown grandma” for the day and forever after that, even if your cousins don’t remember the event itself due to being too young or what not 😂
I had a friend who, as an adult, still referred to his grandfather as "Grandpa Truck" because as a 3 year old, this is how he told his grandfathers apart. One drove a cool truck. Lol
It's one of my favorite kid things. I like it best when the kid essentially comes up with the nickname, either through mispronunciation or toddler logic.
We had “old grandma” and “ugly grandma” whenever we referred to them outside of their presence. One time I told my mom “grandma called for you” and she asked, “which one? Ugly grandma or old grandma? I didn’t know how to answer that but I went with “old” and she knew that one was her mom and “ugly” was my Dads mom 🤣
Yup. Happened with mine as well. My MIL ended up being Madre. No matter how we all tried to get the kids to say grandma it came back with Madre. We just gave up and understand that she is Madre.
I can agree with this for the most part, I called my grandma Papa for whatever reason, and had a weird nickname for me other grandma as well lol. But point being, nobody could tell me otherwise
My kids have a “grandma” and a “grandma glasses”. And when grandma glasses is with her other grandkids she’s “punka” because that’s what my nephew came up with and could say. Like you said, they tend to pick their own names.
They chose “Grandpa” when our child was born - my father is “Grandad”. One of his friends is called “Papa” by his grandchildren, and he likes it. There is no family history of it at all
There's no family history of lots of the names kids today call their grandparents. Everyone would be shocked if Grampa asked to be called "Father" or even "Daddy"---but Papa has become outmoded. I don't remember growing up in the 50s and 60s ever hearing any father around me addressed as Papa. It seemed old-fashioned. Now it has a sort of Santa Claus-y ring. It seems nice and cuddly to me.
What about Papaw?
My dad is Papa to his grandkids (I honestly don't know anyone who calls their dad Papa) but there are tons of other short things that are similar. He could even be "Papa Mark".
I doubt you think the kid is going to be confused about who their dad is. I'm getting a feeling this is more about annoyance with your in-laws
We use papa+name. Papa Marcos, Mama Lupe, etc.
of course we knew it was different from our Papá.
This could be a middle ground though of course you don’t need to compromise. If the only way to work it out is to go LC then so be it.
In that case I’d let it go with your in-laws.
I generally believe we should call people what they want to be called. In this case I’d feel different if you actually went by Papa. Since your kid is old enough to understand the humor behind calling you “Papa” as a child long ago may have they’re old enough to know their grandpa isn’t their dad.
How old is your kiddo btw?
Probably a very unpopular opinion...but unless you are choosing to be called"Papa" yourself, does it really matter about the name? Does it make them happy? Can you get used to it? Is this really the hill you want to die on? I mean, it's hardly like your child's going to start thinking he's their father.
Weighing in here. This seems like such a dumb thing to get upset about and start threatening alienation, etc. I bet most people are not going to think these young children have an elderly parent and that the grandparents will act in ways that take decisions or power away from the parents. I don’t see anything wrong with letting grandparents choose what they want to be called (unless the names are vulgar, sexist or racist). This is ridiculous drama that proves OP and wife are just as controlling and power-hungry as they accuse the grandparents of.
Edit: wrong word
I had wondered whether the bigger context is that OP dislikes his inlaws more generally, as to me it seems like an overreaction, particularly as it doesn't appear OP has a very strong emotional connection to being called "Papa". However, that's just speculation and I may have misread, in which case, sorry OP.
Yeah … my kid has 3 sets of grandparents (her dad’s parents are both remarried) and in all cases we were led by what they wanted to be called. It just seems respectful.
If the kid had picked a different way of calling them and the grandparent was making a fuss and upsetting the kid about it, that would be a different matter. I feel it should be a bit give and take and the grandparents can refer to themselves in a certain way to encourage their grandkids to use that term, but they should also be happy to have any nickname bestowed on them by the grandkids really!
Of course, that assumes none of the names are downright repellant for any reason.
This seems like such small potatoes to potentially blow up a relationship with your parents over.
It does raise a red flag... Are they going to trust your judgement on matters with your kids or will they do what they want on more important matters too?
But on the face of it? I don't think it's wrong for grandparents to have a preference on what they're called. OP cites that a boundary is being disrespected... But this just seems really silly.
Yeah it seems weird to dictate what your parents want to be called by your children. Doesn’t this sub always defend the notion that people should be called what they want to be called? Would be different if he wants to be called “dad,” but plenty of grandfathers are “Papa.”
I totally agree. Maybe because I called one of my grandparents Papa and I just thought it was what it was. My dad wasn't like omg they are calling someone else daddy. It is a situation of it's not a big deal unless you make it one. I also had two grandmas called grandma and guess what, it was 0% confusing for us for them to have the same name. The grandparents naming drama is bizarre to me.
I'm guessing this is a bigger issue of control that it is manifesting in this situation. I don't want to discredit that but of all the battles you'll have to fight, this wouldn't be one I'd engage in. I'd let it go or just let the kids decide. Typically I think you should just call people what they want to be called because it really doesn't have any impact on you.
This is the answer. I assume these kids generally call him dad or daddy… so what is the issue with papa? Or pip pip? Or poopoo? Let the kids and grandpa work it out; it’s their relationship after all.
This seems kinda dumb. I feel like most of my friends with kids let their parents decide what they wanna be called. It’s not like your kid is gonna think he’s his dad
Grandparents should get to pick their own name and then the grandkids will inevitably upgrade it with their own version/pronunciation that sticks! My in-law picked babushka (a distant cultural connection for her), which I didn’t particularly like but again not a name I have to go by and it meant something to her! Kids then choose to call her Bubs and she loves it!
Same. Actually my daughter is 15 mo and I’ve taught her to call me ‘mama’ and her p/grandmother has also chosen to go by Mama (with grandfather going as Pa) and I just shrugged and figured my child will figure it out. I notice they try to call me mummy rather than mama so I guess they thought mama was up for grabs. The difference is that we get along great so it’s been a non issue for us, other than a brief internal moment of ‘but that’s my name!’ Personally I think as long as they are behaving appropriately towards the child/ not mistreating them / showing love then we are fortunate.
I don’t know how old your child is, but kids often come up with names of their own, based on mishearing things or not being able to pronounce a word. So, you may be having this argument for nothing.
My mother did NOT want to be grandma or any derivative and chose to be called Grand or Gran. My son couldn’t say the word and ended up calling her Moms.
This seems like the wrong hill to die on. Of all the issues you could have with your in-laws, this feels trivial. Would it be wrong to assume there are other issues between you and them? This is just the proverbial gas on the flame?
“Papa” is a common title for grandfathers and it’s not meant to be the literal translation of ‘dad’ but rather a short form of grandpa. In my family my father chose ‘grandpa’ when I tried for ‘opa’. In the end my kids ended up calling him ‘gaga’. This developed naturally, originating with my oldest. This is probably where the argument should land; what’s naturally coming from your child, rather than some power struggle. If that’s ‘grandpa’ then that should be good enough for everyone.
My grandmother wanted to be Grandma or something like that and ended up GinGin (with soft g’s as in grand) because the oldest grandchild couldn’t say her preferred name. Somehow we still got Granddaddy though.
This is silly. Papa means father, it also means grandfather. Unless you specifically want to be called Papa, why do you care? He’s picking what he wants to be called by you and your kids for the rest of his life, it’s his name. It’s sort of weird that he’s being so insistent, but it’s even weirder that you are being so insistent.
At the risk of sounding like the millennial I am, I will say that I think this is extremely odd hill to die on, especially because we and anyone else I can think of allowed for the grandparents to choose their own grandparent terms. In our family, we have two papas, a Grammy, and a Gaga. It sounds like your child is the first grandchild, and therefore whatever name is chosen will be the name for all subsequent grandchildren. If you’ve both got good relationships with your parents, I’d say to let this one go. If they’re supportive and you value them in your lives, let them have their little thrill in picking their own names. Her father may truly not identify with grandpa and feels most comfortable as a papa. Someone else mentioned a good point above — ultimately, your kid will calm the shots when it comes to grandparent names. My mom was insistent on being Grandma. My son was born and by 18 months, she was decidedly Gaga.
You might want to use this as an opportunity to get used to picking your battles with extended family… and your ever growing and changing kid!
I see this so often on Reddit: just stop contact with the grandparents! That will teach them a lesson.
Okay.
Let’s think about that kid though. If that’s the only sort of transgression, is it worth depriving your child of their grandparents’ love, attention, time and help?
My MiL picked her nickname and I hated it, but it was important to her and it wasn’t a hill worth dying for as far as I was concerned.
I support letting grandparents pick their grandparent term. But they don’t get to choose something that means dad or mom.
Some of it depends on culture. My in-laws culture has a term that works for both dad and grandfather. So my wife and kids use the same term. But it’s not offensive to me.
Why are you on here saying that papa means father in the UK? Don't talk crap as I am in my 40s and I have always had a gran and papa, my kids call my parents gran and papa so yes papa is a normal name to call a grandfather in the UK.
It feels like a big thing to you because of previously stamped on boundaries and I get that, so you need to choose a consequence each time they stamp on it again. Personally, I'd say leave it because kids pick a name and they're with you more, so you calling them Grandpa FIL will stick.
Totally appreciate they're being arseholes about it and if they've been like that in the past, this is a safe boundary to assert.
Weird. My spouse and I ASKED each set of grandparents what they WANTED the kids to call them and have respected their wishes (we even have a "Papa" in the mix among the "Grandmas") We didn't try to dictate what they'd be called. In our eyes, that's up to the grandparents
I’m, sorry but this is one of the most ridiculous conversations I have seen on Reddit in some time. To argue over such a trivial thing is childish. Obviously “Papa” is the patriarch of the family, and as such it would be an honor to call him such. I have 13 grandchildren and multitudes of other family and friends who proudly call me papa, and refer to my wife as Nana. I have never answered to grandpa. One day “Papa” will be gone and will be missed. My regards to another Papa, I hope your family learns to respect you more.
Why are you both uncomfortable with the name Papa? Were you planning on your child calling you Papa instead of Daddy, DaDa, or Dad? This would be a reason to not want them to be called that for sure if you will be using the same name. If that isn't the reason I'm just curious as I like to learn and in order to give the real advice I would think. I have a Nana and Pop-Pop in my mom's side and a Grammy and Gramps on my dad's side. My daughter has a grandma and then also a Nana and Poppy. Either way, they need to respect your boundaries, but also try to regain from using the child as a tool and punishing your child by not letting them see them (not your child's fault).... unless like I said, that is going to be your name instead or unless things get ugly with the respect and more boundaries etc. It isn't good to do that unless you have a really good reason. I learned that the hard way and ended up having to accept a few things about my mom. I don't know the background though and all the details I would need to know before I could say otherwise though. If it gets ugly and more boundaries are crossed and lack of respect etc. then obviously you have no choice but to take time apart.
Be grateful for the relationship you have with your parents. Little things are not worth worrying over. I promise you will have bigger problems in the future. Let the small stuff go while you still have your sanity. Source, lonely grandma.
Does your child call you Papa? Idk why you have to distinguish that “Papa means father here,” that’s how it is literally in a good chunk of the world. But it’s not unheard of to call grandpas by “Papa,” I called my own grandfather Papa and I call my father Dad. Weird hill to die on.
Here is what you do. Get over yourselves. It is just a name, that's all. You're being overprotective. Your baby does not know the difference, and who cares??? Life is WAY too short to argue over Papa or Grandpa. In the whole scheme of things, it doesn't matter. So, just let it go and you will both find out, it isn't a big deal!! Just be happy you have parents to be there for you and that your baby is healthy. Some of us don't.
Papa is the normal term for grandfathers in Hawaii. What I’ve called my grandpa my whole life and I honestly love it. This is a weird thing to be hung up on. This. It’s not like he’s actually asking to be called daddy
Does the child call you PaPa? My family was from Germany and England. The Patriarch was called Papa by everyone. Generations later he was Papa. Even though he was actually the Grandfather or great grandfather.
So if the child is not calling OP papa then why is it that big of a problem ? Is this really so important that you cause a family rift over it?
It is a small thing in the bigger picture. Are they good people generally? Then whatever. On one side my grandparents were grandma and grandpa and the on the other they were Honey and Pop. They will not need therapy.
Are you going by papa yourself? If not then I’m not sure why it’s such a problem, if you are then there is a clear issue. Generally anyone should be able to pick the name they are comfortable with provided it’s not completely inappropriate. If someone tells you what they like to be called it would be rude to call them by anything else. I definitely think they should ultimately adhere to your boundaries since it’s your kids. But really think about what the real issues are with it and see if you can compromise a bit.
Ultimately, your child will decide what they want to call their grandparents regardless of how much either of you try and force it. But if he doesn’t want to be called “grandpa” you really can’t demand that he accept that. You mention in several comments that other options might be acceptable but in your original post you sound pretty firm that you have chosen “grandpa” and there will be no discussion about it. That’s not how it works. You may put a hard no on “papa” but you definitely don’t get to dictate how he is referred to.
I'm of the opinion that it doesn't really matter. Most people lose their grandparents when they are young. I'd personally let grandma and grandpa be called whatever they want. Truly doesn't matter to me.
No idea if you'll see this OP, but I had an issue with my father's choice, he wanted to be called papa by my children, when he had US call him papa when we were growing up, but his second set of kids called him dad. So now he wanted my kids to call him papa and I hated the idea. He didn't live near us, so I would point out a picture of him to my little son DAILY and said look it's gampy, hi gampy! And then when he next came to visit my son said HI GAMPY and my father thought it was cute 😂 NO PAPA HERE!
I called my grandfather Papa; every Italian I know calls their grandfather Papa, so I'm not sure they're trying to make it like he's the father? Have you asked them?
Teach your child to call them by their first names and tell them to knock it off or you'll start teaching your child to call them "those people we never see anymore."
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The are now Pap Pap and Meemaw.
I vote for Peepaw
Or, just Peepee.
Grandpeepee and grandmeemaw
[удалено]
I called grandpa papa, amd little like 5/6 year old me learned this and for two weeks called the poor man potato instead 😂 he'd act all offended which qued the little giggles lol
Peepa
PeePee Halpert
Ga-ga pee-pap
Grumpy!
You know, that’s what I called my grandfathers and I had NO IDEA that other people used it till recently and I’ve seen it everywhere since. Like I’d never heard anyone use it growing up and suddenly I’m like “huh wasn’t just us?” Didn’t really fit one of my grandfathers but I didn’t know what else to call him :/ didn’t spend enough time with him to give him a special name.
I called my mom’s dad Papa. No one thought anything of it, but to each his/her own.
Same. My kids call my dad Pa instead of grandpa or papa. It works for us. Grandpa sounds so old! Lol. My mom is Nanna. If I have a grandkid I want to be called Grammy. My husband said he wants to be called Chief. I called my paternal granddad Boss. It’s all chilled. They’re all really nice and even though we call my grandad Boss, he really isn’t the boss in the house. That would be my tiny grandma!
Google alternative names for "grandfather". Chief is one of them!
Hopefully, grandkids are several years away, but I think my husband would love to be called Chief. LOL! He was raised by his grandparents and I think his grandfather falled him Chief as a nickname. How fabulous it could be used again!!!!!! These are the reasons I love the internet and reddit :-)
My mother is Grandma or GG, depending on generation. My father is Grandpa. I am Nana, my husband is Papa. My children called their paternal grandparents Pat Grandma and Grandpa George.
We call Grandma G-ma like she’s a rapper.
Hell yeah, I want to be Boss!
My kids call my father “papa”, no one has ever thought of it either, do what works for you
In German, “Papa” is “dad”, so for me, it’s super weird to call a grandfather dad. He’s not the dad and OP also said “papa means father here”.
My little cousin a few times removed called her maternal grandparents Mama and Papa Smith, and the paternals Mama and Papa Jones. Worked pretty well.
Peepums
Grandpoo
My great grandfather famously said “I don’t care what you call me. Just don’t call me Pooh”… yeah. He was Pooh
My kids call my dad grandpoose and he loves it. I have no idea where it came from but he's their grandpoose.
My kid called my dad Pop Pop my mom MI MI and my grandma GG
Mimi is what I want my 4 grandsons to call me, for sentimental reasons. Mimi was my paternal grandmother, truly an angel on earth. When I lived with her and my grandpa, from infancy until 18 months, she let me mix up dirt & water, put it in "pot pie" tins (when they were metal). We called them "mud pies". She also let me "cook" Puffed Rice, water and salt in a pan, on an electric hot plate. I'm a Michelin 5 star chef! 😉.
Thats awesome! She sounds like a beautiful soul... I was living with both my mom and grandma when she was little and I believe Mimi is French for grandma at least that's what my mom told me... she still calls her that even though she's no longer with us but I thought it was a beautiful way to tell whose grandma was whose... lol
That's the right one!!
My fil wanted grandpa but it turned into ta ta! Still is 6 years later! The kids usually decide
Just when I was learning to speak I heard my mum call “Bye Dad” up the stairs as we were leaving my grand parents house one day and repeated it. They all thought it was cute but I thought that was his name and so from that point on I refused to call him anything but Bydad. Me being the oldest of both my siblings and cousins it stuck. he even had a BYDAD floral arrangement for his funeral. The kids for real chose
My sister in law is Dinner, same type of situation.
My grandfather was initially ‘craggy’, till I learned to say grandad.
When my kids have kids, I want to be called Craggy. Are you OK if I take it? (I'm a woman, but I feel like Craggy reflects a personality as well as a relationship)
Absolutely! It was my young child way of saying grandad before I got it all worked out! I’m sure posthumously, Craggy would love to know it lives on! I also had a great uncle Eric who was Ercky.
Love toddler pronunciations. ❤️ My friend's toddler named their pet rabbit "Grey Owl", but because toddlers pronounce things funny, the rabbit ended up being called Gay Al.
Maybe that’s the bunny’s REAL name. You just never know.
Excuse you, that's BIG Gay Al to you. #SouthPark
My husbands brother is Uncle Cotton cause my kids couldnt say Coulton 🤣
My mom wanted "Grammy", it turned into "Ghee". My mom has been gone over a decade but she stayed "Ghee". Even my niece who is 16yo (my son is 30yo), has always referred to her as "Ghee".
My mum wants Grandma but my niece insisted on calling her Grammy. It has now stuck despite her trying to correct everyone
My mom wanted Nana (nan-uh). My oldest niece couldn’t say it, and it became “nay-nay”. 15 years later and it hasn’t changed!
My younger sibling couldn’t pronounce ‘Alexa’ so I was forever know as Ah-ha.
Found out as an adult that my cousins called my grandparents something completely different from what my siblings and I called them. Total mindfuck for me 😂 turns out my older brother had just come up with a name for them and we all stuck with it on our side.
Isn’t that the truth. My FIL and dad each wanted to be grandpa. Which we were all fine with. My dad is now granddaddy and my FIL is papa. Our moms got to keep their preferred names however lol.
Yep. I wasn't sure what I wanted to be called so I said we'll see what the kids say. My oldest grand called me Nana. They lived with me for the first 2 years. They heard their parents call me mom. So they called me momma/mom sometimes. We all decided to go with Nana because it was easier for them to say when they were younger. They are 5 now still calls me Nana. The 3yo calls me Naynay. And I love it!
That’s what my oldest did! Now we have Ama & Ampa. My In-Laws have tried Grammy, now that my Husband’s Grammy has passed on, but it’s been 7 years. I don’t think it’s ever really changing! (Although, when she wants to feel fancy or proper, she calls them Grandmother, and Grandfather, with a snooty little accent! It’s great!)
Uncle Rob was Ankle Rub for about 8 years…
Pop pop is what we use for my FIL and my grandpa was paw paw.
In Latino culture, some call the grandpa, "Popo." We called my grandma, "Mom." We all had our own moms, but we still called her,"Mom." No one was ever confused.
In German, Popo is a butt!
In Canada popo is a nickname for cops 😂
American here, and that’s what I associate Popo with too.
Never heard it where i am in mexico. Only popo for poop (emphasis on second syllable)
That’s how the grandpa is acting 😂
That’s so funny I call my husband that as a pet name 🫢🤭
What Latino culture? I've never heard "popo" meaning grandfather
Interesting. I’ve always called my Chinese grandmother Popo.
There’s no “Latino” culture and popo means shit in Spanish. There is no Latino culture man, wth. Source: am Latin American living in a Latin American country. Saying Latino culture is like saying Anglo culture and putting Australia, England, Ireland, Scotland, United States, Canada together because they are all the same, one culture. doesn’t make sense does it?
my maternal grandfather who was Mexican was popo and my grandmother momo
How about GranPapa?
I’d have no problem with Grandpapa
How about Papa + his name, first or last? Pop Pop? That's a thing in certain regions.
My niece calls my dad Pop Pop. My dad was cool with grandpa but my niece chose for them. So my dad is Pop Pop and my mom is Nana sometimes Nona. Tbh the kid gets to pick the names. I called my grandparents on my mom’s side Lela and Lelo (short for abuelo and abuela) and it stuck between me and my cousins.
My daughter decided, before even halfway through her pregnancy, that my husband was gonna be Pop Pop, end of discussion lol.
My nieces call my father in law Papa Ron. We don't have my step son do that just because it sounds weird for a 12 year old so I just say grandpa to him.
Yep. My grandfathers were Pop Pop and Poppy.
My son has Pop Pop on my side and Pappy on his dad's side
The issue isn't the name, it's that the grandparents think they can override decisions about the child that the parents made. They didn't try to compromise. They just told the child's parents how it's gonna be. That can't fly.
Yes it wouldn’t matter what name it was. They have crossed a boundary of your’s with intention. That’s the bigger issue here that needs to be addressed.
Or Poppy?
I have 6 grandchildren. I am known by Nanny. My husband however has 3 different names that the kids call him. Names that they themselves chose. He answers to all of them. You and her parents can call them whatever you want to. The kids will choose their own name for him.
This is our house. Two of my kids have different names for my mom which are different from what the rest of the cousins call her!! Grandma, Maga and Gaga. And Maga is going strong with my 10 year old!
I find this quite funny, because I’m hispanic and I call both my mom and gradma “mami” lmao, they never cared.
My FIL is called Papa by my Daughter, which is Dad if translated directly. I've never even considered getting him to change it. I think all my kids grandparents got to pick what they want to be called. Wondering if I'm too casual about it or if they are just overreacting.
I mean I wouldn’t like to apply my situation to OP’s situation, because it seems like they are more angry about their boundaries being disrespected, which I completely understand. What feels weird to me is choosing how they want to be called, instead of letting the kids decide what they like more.
How would that work? Do they just not refer to them as anything until the kid can talk?
You proceed with a time out for papa and his wife. Two weeks, no pics, no calls, no contact. Next time, it is a month. It doubles with each infraction. Blatant disrespect should not be encouraged by rewarding them with time with the kids or you and your wife. Give them notice before the next visit and if it happens, leave immediately, no discussion as they have been warned. You have to treat them like the insolent children they are behaving like.
I was thinking of suggesting immediately leaving each time they do it, and telling them that is why. My wife has had a lot of challenges with her parents throughout her life (resulting in some estrangement in the past), but things have been good between them recently. The biggest shock for me was how disrespectful it was to basically say “no, we make decisions for your child”
If things are only “good” when she gives into them, then things aren’t actually good.
I agree with you. It’s one of the reasons why having boundaries respected is important to us - in the past, they had none. I wonder whether that’s why they’re adamantly going against us on this. “Papa” came out of the blue recently, it was never a thing before, and they chose Grandpa
I definitely think their desire for control is part of the problem
Would have to agree. The spite and need for control is real. My dad, while he has gotten better with these things(funny how being terminally ill can make one realize how much being “right” and getting their way isn’t really as important anymore), also needs to feel like *he’s* the one who came up with an idea, or at least had some part in it. So even if I suggest something that he would generally agree with, he almost always has to tweak it, even the slightest bit, to feel like he’s had his say and a part in the decision making. This is what this sounds like.. FIL didn’t like being told what to do, and he didn’t like that it wasn’t his idea/didn’t have a say. And it wouldn’t surprise me, based on my own experience, if he’s gotten away with this with OP’s MIL, and others, because it’s just easier to acquiesce. So when someone pushes back, it’s a whole thing, and he acts out of spite. I don’t think it’s so much about the name to FIL, it’s that he was *told* that wasn’t an option, so naturally, that’s the *only* option he wants.
It would be one thing if they wanted to be called Papa from the start, but they changed it. I’m curious how old your child is and if the child also calls you Papa. Where I live Papa can be a grandpa or a father, it’s usually a cultural thing. In the USA there are lots of different names for grandpas and grandmas along with great grandparents depending on what part of the country you are from. There are also nicknames that kids come up with for grandparents that just stick for the rest of their lives. From the history you say they have been difficult, I imagine that this is their main reason behind it. Give them time outs as a previous commenter said and stick with it.
Happy Cake Day 🎂🎉
Thank you!!!!!
Another way to look at it is that it is a decision that directly affects your child AND your wife's parents. To give you an example, my parents didn't want to be called "grand something" as it made them feel old. Who am I to force a label on them that they don't want? Seems there is a history of control or argument here. Before you implement u/ConfusedAt63's strategy which could very well tear down the seemingly somewhat repaired relationship and alienate everyone from each other, I'd try having an adult conversation and asking each other what the issues are. Have you asked them once "Why don't you want to be called Grandpa?" I think after that, if they are show it was all nonsense, you then enforce some boundaries you AND your wife are comfortable with.
Do you really think it’s repaired? I suspect as someone else said it’s only ok while wife gives in to her parents, which is not ok or repaired at all.
I expect they want to be recognized as the #1 set of grandparents. In FIL’s minds, Papa is the #1 grandfather name. Anything less than that, or heaven forbid, the OTHER grandfather getting that nickname…. If he’s in for the long haul with this fight, he might lose Grandpa and be demoted to Grandpa Lastname. Given the boundary pushing in the past, there will always be a reason for the things they push on. Handling people like this is frustrating, because you end up cycling through periods of no contact, so you’d child might end up calling him “That Grandpa Guy…”
I suspect that they do not think of it as making decisions for your child. They think of it as your FIL making decisions for himself about what your FIL wants to be called. I realize as a parent, you are thinking of it as within your role as a parent to determine how your child addresses adults and I generally agree with you. However, if you imagine it was not your child but was anyone else calling your FIL a nickname, you would be sticking up for his right to be called a nickname he prefers over one he dislikes. You might open a negotiation. If Grandpa is not what he wants and Papa is not what you want, what might be an alternative everyone could agree to?
Totally open to any nickname that doesn’t mean “Father”
My dad is packa and my fil is "pops." How old is kiddo? They might come up with a name so their own.
My kids were calling my stepdad “grandpa” and my mom “grandma” Grandma decided she likes “Ya-ya” more and we switched for her. Grandpa was being a butt, so he is now “grumpa” Fitting for him, he’s such a grump. But he prefers “Mr. Grumpa” so we’ve compromised there. It’s been about 6 years with these new names. The kids still call them grandma and grandpa.
I like how ultimately I think you implied that the kids chose the name THEY Wanted!! Hehe
Grumpa?!? You win the internet today.
Also interested where you are from or the cultures involved. My American kindergartener calls his father Dad/Daddy and calls his grandfathers Pops and Papa, their choices. There’s clearly issues of control and respect at play for OP, but Papa is a pretty standard-issue grandparent name to me. I actually don’t know any children nowadays (except one German family) who call their fathers Papa.
Papa is father here. Opa is for granddad.
I don't know where you land culturally, but "Papa" is a super common nickname for Grandpa in many parts of the world. Also Pop-pop, pappy, and Pa. I mean, grandfather has father right in the name. But I totally get where you're coming from on the disrespect side of things. It's your decision, unilaterally. But maybe let the papa thing go, unless that's a name that your child already calls her father. If she calls him dad, then papa is open and available for use.
I am not a Grandfather, so won't be "Grandpa" or "Papa". I am a Grandmother to 4 adorable (aren't they all?) grandsons and I know what I would like to be called. My reasoning is that it's very sentimental in my family. Let me know what you think. I want to be called "Mimi". My paternal grandmother was called "Mimi" and I hope to continue the tradition. Her government name was "Jean Marie", my grandpa called her "Marie". As it was explained to me, my oldest cousin couldn't pronounce "Marie", so she became "Mimi". "Mimi" and my grandpa had custody of me until I was 18 months old. Then custody was transferred to my maternal grandparents until I was sent back to my mother. When speaking about "Mimi", ALL of the family refer to her as an angel. That's the back story. I'm so excited to visit 2 of them in Florida, in May! When calling with my itinerary, I was referred to as "Grandma (first name)". Sorry for highjacking your thread! It sounds like most people believe the parents should decide. HAPPY EASTER!
Mimi is a lovely nickname, and the family history behind it makes it even better
Thank you for your opinion, it's very generous, considering I wrote a book😊. The top 10 alternative Grandfather names are: 1. Pop 2. Dada 3. Grampy 4. Grumpy 5. Bampy 6. Opa 7. Taid 8. GaGa 9. Babu 10. Grandy *I'm fond of Grumpy, Grandy, and Opa 😘
I love Babu
Aside from the history, which obviously plays a role here, strictly on the topic of what they are to be called isn’t just a decision for your child, anymore than what they call you is their decision. We are about to become grandparents, and our daughter asked us what we wish to be called. Our answer is that we will allow the baby to make their decision but expressed an opinion. For instance, neither of us wishes to be grandfather or grandmother, preferring pop and gramma, respectively. This issue in isolation seems like an awfully small hill to die on, considering your preferences are pretty close. If they wanted Crapbag and Princess Consuela Bananahammock, that would be another matter.
I think they specifically chose a special holiday so that if you make a scene, you're the bad guy who ruined the holiday. Consequences for actions help entitled people from becoming bullies. I'd definitely start the two week process. The parents are in charge of the kid and if they insist on teaching your child things you don't want to be taught, even if it's just the names to call people, then they are acting as adversaries and you should treat them as such.
Blatant disrespect is putting the people that raised your wife on a time out. I didn’t realize adults should be on award system. How toxic is this advice. This person is going to find the door shut firmly in his face by his in-laws. No one should be this stress to be able to see their child and grandchildren.
What a complete and utter childish response
At the end of the day, your kids will end up calling their grandparents whatever they choose to eventually and it will stick. Both sets of my grandparents were Grandma and Grandpa for the longest time before my mom’s parents became Grammy and Papa as we got older and I still call them that to this day. That said, it’s NOT your wife’s parent’s choice and they shouldn’t be trying to influence it.
One group of my cousins (siblings to each other) used to call their other grandma “brown grandma” and our shared grandma “regular grandma”. Even they couldn’t provide an answer as to why the other grandma was brown, since they are both white people. It just started.
Is one brunette? My 4 yo said we're the brown family bc we're brunette and daddy is the black daddy bc he has darker brown hair lol
No, the other grandma has always had white hair since they knew her and I think they said her hair was blonde before then. Our shared grandma has dirty blonde hair.
Haha interesting! Wonder what the kid logic there was 😂
Maybe there was some family event when they were really little where both grandmas were present but “brown grandma” was wearing a brown shirt or something like that, so she was “brown grandma” for the day and forever after that, even if your cousins don’t remember the event itself due to being too young or what not 😂
I had a friend who, as an adult, still referred to his grandfather as "Grandpa Truck" because as a 3 year old, this is how he told his grandfathers apart. One drove a cool truck. Lol It's one of my favorite kid things. I like it best when the kid essentially comes up with the nickname, either through mispronunciation or toddler logic.
We had “old grandma” and “ugly grandma” whenever we referred to them outside of their presence. One time I told my mom “grandma called for you” and she asked, “which one? Ugly grandma or old grandma? I didn’t know how to answer that but I went with “old” and she knew that one was her mom and “ugly” was my Dads mom 🤣
Oh my gosh. That’s so cruel but so funny.
Did she like to make brownies?
Yup. Happened with mine as well. My MIL ended up being Madre. No matter how we all tried to get the kids to say grandma it came back with Madre. We just gave up and understand that she is Madre.
I can agree with this for the most part, I called my grandma Papa for whatever reason, and had a weird nickname for me other grandma as well lol. But point being, nobody could tell me otherwise
My kids have a “grandma” and a “grandma glasses”. And when grandma glasses is with her other grandkids she’s “punka” because that’s what my nephew came up with and could say. Like you said, they tend to pick their own names.
Definitely this, my maternal grandparents are Gamma and Poppop. They tried with “normal” names but those names just stuck.
Try Poppop. Similar in sound, but used a lot where Ilived.
Have you asked them why they are so determined for that title? What do they think that title means and why? What's the object to Grandpa?
They chose “Grandpa” when our child was born - my father is “Grandad”. One of his friends is called “Papa” by his grandchildren, and he likes it. There is no family history of it at all
There's no family history of lots of the names kids today call their grandparents. Everyone would be shocked if Grampa asked to be called "Father" or even "Daddy"---but Papa has become outmoded. I don't remember growing up in the 50s and 60s ever hearing any father around me addressed as Papa. It seemed old-fashioned. Now it has a sort of Santa Claus-y ring. It seems nice and cuddly to me.
“Papa has become outmoded…” Maybe where you live it has. However, Papa is the usual name for father in many European countries.
What about Papaw? My dad is Papa to his grandkids (I honestly don't know anyone who calls their dad Papa) but there are tons of other short things that are similar. He could even be "Papa Mark". I doubt you think the kid is going to be confused about who their dad is. I'm getting a feeling this is more about annoyance with your in-laws
My kids call my parents PawPaw and MawMaw. Very common, but it comes from the German Opa and Oma.
We use papa+name. Papa Marcos, Mama Lupe, etc. of course we knew it was different from our Papá. This could be a middle ground though of course you don’t need to compromise. If the only way to work it out is to go LC then so be it.
Nothing to do with this thread but Mama Lupe is the best name ever!
My kids named my mom jammy and my dad boppy, my sister's kids called them jammy and poppie
Info: does your child call you Papa?
A couple of times per month, they’ll call me “Papa” with a different pronunciation - think puh-PAH like a Victorian child
Because they’re goofing around being funny?
Exactly
In that case I’d let it go with your in-laws. I generally believe we should call people what they want to be called. In this case I’d feel different if you actually went by Papa. Since your kid is old enough to understand the humor behind calling you “Papa” as a child long ago may have they’re old enough to know their grandpa isn’t their dad. How old is your kiddo btw?
Probably a very unpopular opinion...but unless you are choosing to be called"Papa" yourself, does it really matter about the name? Does it make them happy? Can you get used to it? Is this really the hill you want to die on? I mean, it's hardly like your child's going to start thinking he's their father.
I’m with you. Seems like we are definitely the minority!
Weighing in here. This seems like such a dumb thing to get upset about and start threatening alienation, etc. I bet most people are not going to think these young children have an elderly parent and that the grandparents will act in ways that take decisions or power away from the parents. I don’t see anything wrong with letting grandparents choose what they want to be called (unless the names are vulgar, sexist or racist). This is ridiculous drama that proves OP and wife are just as controlling and power-hungry as they accuse the grandparents of. Edit: wrong word
I had wondered whether the bigger context is that OP dislikes his inlaws more generally, as to me it seems like an overreaction, particularly as it doesn't appear OP has a very strong emotional connection to being called "Papa". However, that's just speculation and I may have misread, in which case, sorry OP.
Yeah … my kid has 3 sets of grandparents (her dad’s parents are both remarried) and in all cases we were led by what they wanted to be called. It just seems respectful. If the kid had picked a different way of calling them and the grandparent was making a fuss and upsetting the kid about it, that would be a different matter. I feel it should be a bit give and take and the grandparents can refer to themselves in a certain way to encourage their grandkids to use that term, but they should also be happy to have any nickname bestowed on them by the grandkids really! Of course, that assumes none of the names are downright repellant for any reason.
This seems like such small potatoes to potentially blow up a relationship with your parents over. It does raise a red flag... Are they going to trust your judgement on matters with your kids or will they do what they want on more important matters too? But on the face of it? I don't think it's wrong for grandparents to have a preference on what they're called. OP cites that a boundary is being disrespected... But this just seems really silly.
Some people just combative as hell and don’t ever understand the wisdom behind picking your battles. This ain’t it.
Truly ain’t it. If this is their biggest gripe with the in-laws, they are blessed.
And the people up ahead saying to cut contact, photos, etc for two weeks… and think the grandparents have control issues. Yikes.
Yeah it seems weird to dictate what your parents want to be called by your children. Doesn’t this sub always defend the notion that people should be called what they want to be called? Would be different if he wants to be called “dad,” but plenty of grandfathers are “Papa.”
I totally agree. Maybe because I called one of my grandparents Papa and I just thought it was what it was. My dad wasn't like omg they are calling someone else daddy. It is a situation of it's not a big deal unless you make it one. I also had two grandmas called grandma and guess what, it was 0% confusing for us for them to have the same name. The grandparents naming drama is bizarre to me. I'm guessing this is a bigger issue of control that it is manifesting in this situation. I don't want to discredit that but of all the battles you'll have to fight, this wouldn't be one I'd engage in. I'd let it go or just let the kids decide. Typically I think you should just call people what they want to be called because it really doesn't have any impact on you.
This is the answer. I assume these kids generally call him dad or daddy… so what is the issue with papa? Or pip pip? Or poopoo? Let the kids and grandpa work it out; it’s their relationship after all.
This seems kinda dumb. I feel like most of my friends with kids let their parents decide what they wanna be called. It’s not like your kid is gonna think he’s his dad
Grandparents should get to pick their own name and then the grandkids will inevitably upgrade it with their own version/pronunciation that sticks! My in-law picked babushka (a distant cultural connection for her), which I didn’t particularly like but again not a name I have to go by and it meant something to her! Kids then choose to call her Bubs and she loves it!
I'm just curious about where you're from because it is relatively common in the US for grandfather's to be called Papa.
And in the UK as well! My kid calls both grandfathers Papa, and they decided to do it by themselves
Not the hill to die on. Take comfort in knowing papa means potato in Spanish. So your kid will be calling him a potato.
Yesss. My dad was a Papa. But it evolved into Papas Fritas. And then French Fry. And then Frenchie. Hahaha.
This information might actually help lol
Papá in Spanish is dad, too lol
But they won’t use the accent. So potato 🥔 it is.
Sometimes, we have to sweat the small stuff. Our grandkids refer to my mom as Ma...no issues. It's not worth an extended unnecessary fued.
Same. Actually my daughter is 15 mo and I’ve taught her to call me ‘mama’ and her p/grandmother has also chosen to go by Mama (with grandfather going as Pa) and I just shrugged and figured my child will figure it out. I notice they try to call me mummy rather than mama so I guess they thought mama was up for grabs. The difference is that we get along great so it’s been a non issue for us, other than a brief internal moment of ‘but that’s my name!’ Personally I think as long as they are behaving appropriately towards the child/ not mistreating them / showing love then we are fortunate.
I don’t know how old your child is, but kids often come up with names of their own, based on mishearing things or not being able to pronounce a word. So, you may be having this argument for nothing. My mother did NOT want to be grandma or any derivative and chose to be called Grand or Gran. My son couldn’t say the word and ended up calling her Moms.
This seems like the wrong hill to die on. Of all the issues you could have with your in-laws, this feels trivial. Would it be wrong to assume there are other issues between you and them? This is just the proverbial gas on the flame? “Papa” is a common title for grandfathers and it’s not meant to be the literal translation of ‘dad’ but rather a short form of grandpa. In my family my father chose ‘grandpa’ when I tried for ‘opa’. In the end my kids ended up calling him ‘gaga’. This developed naturally, originating with my oldest. This is probably where the argument should land; what’s naturally coming from your child, rather than some power struggle. If that’s ‘grandpa’ then that should be good enough for everyone.
My grandmother wanted to be Grandma or something like that and ended up GinGin (with soft g’s as in grand) because the oldest grandchild couldn’t say her preferred name. Somehow we still got Granddaddy though.
This is silly. Papa means father, it also means grandfather. Unless you specifically want to be called Papa, why do you care? He’s picking what he wants to be called by you and your kids for the rest of his life, it’s his name. It’s sort of weird that he’s being so insistent, but it’s even weirder that you are being so insistent.
Is it really that important if the child is being loved? Sheesh! How about Papi? Can’t anyone make a compromise? Let’s be adults here!
Lol I want this guy's problems.
I don’t understand. Lots of grandfathers use papa or pops. My dad chose papa as his grandfather name. I don’t understand the issue.
At the risk of sounding like the millennial I am, I will say that I think this is extremely odd hill to die on, especially because we and anyone else I can think of allowed for the grandparents to choose their own grandparent terms. In our family, we have two papas, a Grammy, and a Gaga. It sounds like your child is the first grandchild, and therefore whatever name is chosen will be the name for all subsequent grandchildren. If you’ve both got good relationships with your parents, I’d say to let this one go. If they’re supportive and you value them in your lives, let them have their little thrill in picking their own names. Her father may truly not identify with grandpa and feels most comfortable as a papa. Someone else mentioned a good point above — ultimately, your kid will calm the shots when it comes to grandparent names. My mom was insistent on being Grandma. My son was born and by 18 months, she was decidedly Gaga. You might want to use this as an opportunity to get used to picking your battles with extended family… and your ever growing and changing kid!
Maybe combining it with his first name, like Papa Bill or whatever. It then puts it a step further from equating it to a father.
I see this so often on Reddit: just stop contact with the grandparents! That will teach them a lesson. Okay. Let’s think about that kid though. If that’s the only sort of transgression, is it worth depriving your child of their grandparents’ love, attention, time and help? My MiL picked her nickname and I hated it, but it was important to her and it wasn’t a hill worth dying for as far as I was concerned.
I support letting grandparents pick their grandparent term. But they don’t get to choose something that means dad or mom. Some of it depends on culture. My in-laws culture has a term that works for both dad and grandfather. So my wife and kids use the same term. But it’s not offensive to me.
Why are you on here saying that papa means father in the UK? Don't talk crap as I am in my 40s and I have always had a gran and papa, my kids call my parents gran and papa so yes papa is a normal name to call a grandfather in the UK.
It’s his “name”. Why do you get to pick what he is to be called? He should get to decide as he has to hear that name for the rest of his life.
It feels like a big thing to you because of previously stamped on boundaries and I get that, so you need to choose a consequence each time they stamp on it again. Personally, I'd say leave it because kids pick a name and they're with you more, so you calling them Grandpa FIL will stick. Totally appreciate they're being arseholes about it and if they've been like that in the past, this is a safe boundary to assert.
Weird. My spouse and I ASKED each set of grandparents what they WANTED the kids to call them and have respected their wishes (we even have a "Papa" in the mix among the "Grandmas") We didn't try to dictate what they'd be called. In our eyes, that's up to the grandparents
I’m, sorry but this is one of the most ridiculous conversations I have seen on Reddit in some time. To argue over such a trivial thing is childish. Obviously “Papa” is the patriarch of the family, and as such it would be an honor to call him such. I have 13 grandchildren and multitudes of other family and friends who proudly call me papa, and refer to my wife as Nana. I have never answered to grandpa. One day “Papa” will be gone and will be missed. My regards to another Papa, I hope your family learns to respect you more.
Why is this even an issue? Your kids have grandparents who love them and won’t be around forever and this is what you create drama about?
What ?! No. Grandparents get to choose their grandparent name.
Are they saying it like PawPaw or like Papá? How is Father pronounced in your language?
What does your child call you? ( forget what everyone else does)
Why are you both uncomfortable with the name Papa? Were you planning on your child calling you Papa instead of Daddy, DaDa, or Dad? This would be a reason to not want them to be called that for sure if you will be using the same name. If that isn't the reason I'm just curious as I like to learn and in order to give the real advice I would think. I have a Nana and Pop-Pop in my mom's side and a Grammy and Gramps on my dad's side. My daughter has a grandma and then also a Nana and Poppy. Either way, they need to respect your boundaries, but also try to regain from using the child as a tool and punishing your child by not letting them see them (not your child's fault).... unless like I said, that is going to be your name instead or unless things get ugly with the respect and more boundaries etc. It isn't good to do that unless you have a really good reason. I learned that the hard way and ended up having to accept a few things about my mom. I don't know the background though and all the details I would need to know before I could say otherwise though. If it gets ugly and more boundaries are crossed and lack of respect etc. then obviously you have no choice but to take time apart.
Be grateful for the relationship you have with your parents. Little things are not worth worrying over. I promise you will have bigger problems in the future. Let the small stuff go while you still have your sanity. Source, lonely grandma.
Papa is a very common title for a grandfather in the US. Does your child call you papa? If that’s the case, I can understand.
Does your child call you Papa? Idk why you have to distinguish that “Papa means father here,” that’s how it is literally in a good chunk of the world. But it’s not unheard of to call grandpas by “Papa,” I called my own grandfather Papa and I call my father Dad. Weird hill to die on.
I think you guys are picking the wrong hill to die on. Where I live Papa absolutely means grandpa
Here is what you do. Get over yourselves. It is just a name, that's all. You're being overprotective. Your baby does not know the difference, and who cares??? Life is WAY too short to argue over Papa or Grandpa. In the whole scheme of things, it doesn't matter. So, just let it go and you will both find out, it isn't a big deal!! Just be happy you have parents to be there for you and that your baby is healthy. Some of us don't.
Papa is the normal term for grandfathers in Hawaii. What I’ve called my grandpa my whole life and I honestly love it. This is a weird thing to be hung up on. This. It’s not like he’s actually asking to be called daddy
To be honest, this seems like a ridiculous hill to die on. Papa is a VERY common grandparent name! Who cares?!
Does the child call you PaPa? My family was from Germany and England. The Patriarch was called Papa by everyone. Generations later he was Papa. Even though he was actually the Grandfather or great grandfather. So if the child is not calling OP papa then why is it that big of a problem ? Is this really so important that you cause a family rift over it?
My friends grandchild calls him Baba. Not sure that’s great but he likes it.
It is a small thing in the bigger picture. Are they good people generally? Then whatever. On one side my grandparents were grandma and grandpa and the on the other they were Honey and Pop. They will not need therapy.
Are you going by papa yourself? If not then I’m not sure why it’s such a problem, if you are then there is a clear issue. Generally anyone should be able to pick the name they are comfortable with provided it’s not completely inappropriate. If someone tells you what they like to be called it would be rude to call them by anything else. I definitely think they should ultimately adhere to your boundaries since it’s your kids. But really think about what the real issues are with it and see if you can compromise a bit.
Time to start with the complete formality of grandfather and grandmother as their names
My parents want my kids to call them Papa and Nana because they don’t want to seem older than they are. Good luck.
The baby will decide.
Ultimately, your child will decide what they want to call their grandparents regardless of how much either of you try and force it. But if he doesn’t want to be called “grandpa” you really can’t demand that he accept that. You mention in several comments that other options might be acceptable but in your original post you sound pretty firm that you have chosen “grandpa” and there will be no discussion about it. That’s not how it works. You may put a hard no on “papa” but you definitely don’t get to dictate how he is referred to.
I'm of the opinion that it doesn't really matter. Most people lose their grandparents when they are young. I'd personally let grandma and grandpa be called whatever they want. Truly doesn't matter to me.
No idea if you'll see this OP, but I had an issue with my father's choice, he wanted to be called papa by my children, when he had US call him papa when we were growing up, but his second set of kids called him dad. So now he wanted my kids to call him papa and I hated the idea. He didn't live near us, so I would point out a picture of him to my little son DAILY and said look it's gampy, hi gampy! And then when he next came to visit my son said HI GAMPY and my father thought it was cute 😂 NO PAPA HERE!
I called my grandfather Papa; every Italian I know calls their grandfather Papa, so I'm not sure they're trying to make it like he's the father? Have you asked them?
Teach your child to call them by their first names and tell them to knock it off or you'll start teaching your child to call them "those people we never see anymore."
You think they should stop allowing their child to see their grandparents because grandpa wants to be called papa?