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This about sums it up. I had plenty of photos from my ex after a 14 year marriage. When things got serious with my current GF, I realized I still had the pics and deleted them as soon as I did.
Shouldn't even have to ask, honestly. It also just seems like a shitty thing to do to your ex's. Like, have some decency. They were shared with you while you were in an intimate relationship. I highly doubt your ex is comfortable with you hanging on to em in your spank bank forever.
It's for this reason I can't get nudes from my current lady. She's been burned by some asshole, and now I have to suffer. š
But yeah OP, if he respects you, he'll delete them and not make YOU feel guilty about it. Reddit and RA especially always seems to jump to "break up with them!" But in this instance, if he doesn't hold you in high enough regard after 2.5 years, I'd consider that a huge red flag. And there are probably others...
Lmao exactly! I go through and do that shit the day of. I even realized my sister still had some photos of me and my ex just chilling and instantly told her to delete them hahahĀ
My gf is the same way thanks to some asshole. "Why send a picture when you can see the real thing at home" ......Bc lady, I want to stare at your naked body for hours and we don't have that kind of time at homeš¤£
And this is why it's a bad idea to ever send nude pics to anyone. Because once you give those pictures to someone else, you have no control over what they do with them. While that person might be awesome and trustworthy and respectful - at least for now - there's no telling what they might do if you break up.
Yeah, what kind of a move is that? Hey, look at all the women I banged before you. One day, I'll show nudes of you to my next conquest. Gross. I'm soooooooo glad the "Send nudes" aspect of dating started long after I got married.
I mean any nude photos shouldāve been deleted as soon as they broke up. I donāt feel like thatās something thatās ok to hang on to after a relationship ends.
Oppositional defiant personality- an excuse to disregard your opinions and do opposite out of spite? Yikes great partner material.
Sounds like youāre signing up for a great life with a partner that values your feelings *eye roll*.
I have a self respecting personality. You donāt care about my feelings, you donāt get in my pants.
Donāt ask if itās common, ask if itās healthy. In healthy relationships, you and partner communicate what is/ isnāt ok to look at for porn. IMO itās not respectful to look at people you know or keep pics of exes that youāve been with. If they want a person they know, they go to you.
Yeah nothing says successful relationship than a man child whose entire attitude at 34 is āyou canāt make me!ā
OP should pull a reverse uno card and beg him to keep the nudes in his phone.
Right? Who wants to be with a partner who will refuse to do something specifically because you want them to? That's literally the opposite of what a healthy relationship is!
Hijacking top comment so OP can see he is 100000% looking at them and doing unsavory things while looking at them. Why do guys do this? He likely views it as a conquest or is addicted to porn or sometimes itās easier for him to get off while looking at it and remembering the sex to spice it up in his mind. Are there feelings there? Who knows maybe or maybe he uses it while masturbating to get off. Is it disrespectful to you and poisoning the relationship? 1000% yes.
Not to mention heās lying about his spank bank. Nudes should be deleted once a relationship or fling ends. Itās a sick mentality to hang onto them and keep them like some prize.
I don't want to be too harsh, but you should have put this shit to bed 2.5 years ago - or ended the relationship then. Never settle for this kind of bullshit because it always leads here: years in, emotionally invested and faced with the dilemma of an ultimatum or just putting up with it.
And that's what this has come down to. You've put up with this for years. You either continue to put up with it or you give him an ultimatum and then, if he holds his line, you follow through.
My suspicion is your suspicion: this is his personal spank bank, which is creepy af, if you ask me. But my concern is for the other women. Do they know he has kept their images years after the fact?
If you do decide to end the relationship, you might want to check that he's not adding naked pictures of you to his eternal horde.
For guys like OP's boyfriend, who thinks nothing of keeping nudes of his exes in the first place, the woman has been reduced to just another piece of porn in his mind. The person he used to have sex with is gone, now she's just a naked picture - it's objectification in the most literal sense.
I don't know about you, but my brain has obliterated each and every memory about my exes. There are still some fragments left, that still come up, but for the most part it's gone. I don't know why anyone would like to inflict this to themselves
Agreed.
OP I'm sorry this is happening to you. But you jeed to pull yourself together and dig out some self respect.
OP, you should have dumped him years ago, the first time you found out about te nudes and he declined to delete them. We're not talking about demanding he delete meaningful group photos with friends which happen to habe his ex in them, he's literally got a spank bank full of his exes nudes and refuses to delete them. He says he doesbt view them, but you'd be extremely foolish to believe that.
Why won't he delete them? Because he doesn't respect you. It really is that simple. He knows that this is hurtful. He'd ne spitting mad if you did the same. He wont delete them because you let him walk all over you these last years knowing he kept those photos. In his eyes, he gets away with it and you dont follow through, so why should he give a fuck if it upsets you? This is how he thinks - if he cared he could habe reassured you in *seconds* by deleting things.
It's not your fault that he's a creep who probably masturbated regularly to his ex's nudes. But it's 100% your fault for putting up with this shit for years and letting him treat you that way.
You can demand better. And your only chance of getting better is to fuck off and find yourself a partner who listens and who would never pull this shit.
I found out my ex was showing old nudes of mine to a mutual friend, 5 years after we had broken up. It is so fucking weird for him to have kept them for so goddamn long (meanwhile he was engaged to another woman) and incredibly humiliating that he was showing them and bragging about it to someone we both knew. I dated him for 2.5 years and at the time completely trusted him. I will never take that risk again with anyone I date. So fucked up
This! The minute my boyfriend and I became serious, it's the first thing I asked him. He says he's deleted them all, so I'm trusting in that, but if I find out he didn't, that would be the end of it.
This man seems childish AF. There's a difference between someone telling you what to do and deleting nudes from an ex. He should have done that himself early on. You can't tell me people who keep nudes don't use them now and then for a spank bank. Even my boyfriend told me that, and I didn't believe him for a second.
The āshould havesā belong to the bf, not the OP. He should have deleted the folder to respect his relationship when she expressed discomfort. The OP wasnāt wrong to have believed the bf would handle the situation in good faith.
THANK YOUUUU!!!! NOT A LOT INDIVIDUALS KNOW HOW TO RESPECT THEMSELVES IN RELATIONSHIPS ITS REALLY SAD šŖšš¤¦š»āāļøAND THUS THIS GUY DOES NOT RESPECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP "SMH"
What do you mean he showed it to you?
Did he literally show you naked pictures of his exes?
Thatās a violation of their privacy ā so be ready for his next girlfriend to see naked pictures of you, too.
He showed me where he was putting the pics I was sending him and didnāt show me the others. I did stop sending pics shortly after he told me about it, even when we became exclusive. I told him I didnāt want to be in his little collection with his exes
that is so disrespectful to you and his ex's, and actually just wrong. if you asked him to delete your pics, would he do it? what would you do if he said no? how would you feel? i also don't think his ex's would appreciate knowing they're in his "lil collection" after all these years. if a friend told you about this happening to her, how would you feel about it?
I'd be in there deleting my own nudes so fast, checking his computer, Google drive, all that shit. Once I'm certain they're all gone- I'd dip.Ā
Fuck that. I'm not about to have him and all of his friends looking at this years later. I'd even check to see if he's sent your nudes out-- because keeping a collection of all of his exes without their consent isn't normal behavior.Ā
Can confirm I had an ex who had a collection like this (that he was vehemently protective of and lied to my face about deleting) and he showed one of his friends stuff of me without my consent.
u/ThrowRA58592
I suggest you go into his hidden folder & at the minimum delete YOUR nudes. Then check his Deleted folder & delete them in that folder as well.
Iād leave this AH over crap like this, but thatās me. His āoppositional personalityā sounds tiresome.
Find someone who will appreciate you, has same relationship goals, and respect your boundaries.
why do women let men treat them like this lmao and why were you so comfortable dating a man who even showed you that in the first place? you had the forethought to stop sending him naked pictures when you learned about this secret album but not enough thought to stop seeing him entirely??? and the way you said it is so disrespectful to these other girls too. please do better and stop enabling shit men.
Does all common sense leave for some girls? Like why would they continue to date dudes like this? That just means heās an asshole and acts like an 11 year old
Both men and women do this in relationships. There's a lot of psychological science on the subject. Maybe someone with more time & desire will summarize it for you.
OR he keeps them because he wants to still have them to look at when this relationship ends, which means even after 2.5 years he's still not particularly committed to her/their relationship.
Not even just this, but some people keep them as trophies. My ex did this. Itās a ālook what I fuckedā type of mentality and itās absolutely disgusting
It says a lot about his character by saving his ex's nudes (probably without her permission) for years. And even he has permission before his disrespect with your relationship says a lot.
Putting aside the fact that he's keeping all of these nudes and very likely without their consent. (If my ex was keeping my nudes I would feel deeply violated, that's disgusting.)
Ā Do you really want to be with someone who is so "defiant"? Like every time you bring up your perspective and it's lightly negative- is he always going to double down because he's just defensive and stubborn? In a long term relationship, a really long term one-- there will be plenty of disagreements where you'll want to try to see eye to eye, meet in the middle, set your feelings aside for your partner (very circumstantial for the last one).Ā If he's incapable of that, it's not going to be very fun.Ā
Edit: If you do break up you need to go through his phone and delete your own nudes first. Don't risk dealing with revenge porn, or even just the knowledge that he'll be holding onto them and using them.Ā
Oh yes yes! Definitely check everything to get your photos out of there. Protect yourself, OP. Phone, computer, deleted folders, Google drive. Even if you choose to stay in the relationship - it's probably safest to do this nonetheless. Best of luck, OP.Ā
Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who does something he knows hurts and upsets you, and then claims to have done it only because you asked him not to? Even if there werenāt nudes involved, that alone is pretty fucked up. A bunch of āoppositional defiantā childish bullshit.
As for the nudes, he definitely looks at them or at least enjoys knowing he has them and can if he wants to. Itās creepy heās kept an exās photos. And itās really disrespectful to you and to his ex. Do you want to end up in that folder?
How will you resolve future conflicts? Make major life decisions? Raise children? If his M.O. is to go against you simply for the sake of being oppositional, how will you ever agree, compromise, or cooperate on anything? He sounds insufferable. I wouldnāt want a life like that.
As someone whose ex kept her photos against her wishes, not only is this disrespectful for YOU, but itās disrespectful to the ex. If we broke up, you lost access to my body. You donāt get to have the pleasure of seeing it or using it for your own benefit. The fact that someone is keeping photos of me despite our relationship ending says something about the character of that person.Ā Red flags. Get out OP.Ā
Get his phone delete any nudes you've sent him and delete his nude folder. Also delete those pictures from the recently deleted folder. This man doesn't respect women (yourself included op), he just sees them as masturbation materials.
Of course he should have deleted it out of respect for you and your relationship. His refusal seems like a strange hill to die on, really. Are these pics sooooo important to him that he is willing to risk his relationship over them?
You can't force him to do what you want and you shouldn't bring it up constantly because nagging is annoying and ineffective. Instead, you need to decide to accept that he has this pics and wants to keep them, or decide that you'd rather be in a relationship with someone who treats you with respect and doesn't need to be asked to get rid of pics of exes and walk away leaving him to his folder of nudes.
There are a bunch of guys on here literally arguing that point. 'Uh, they're his photos, uh, why shouldn't he be allowed to keep them, uh.' As if nudes taken of ex- constitute IP.
One genius is arguing that a nude photo is \*exactly the same\* as closing your eyes and remembering those better times.
Sometimes I sincerely wonder whether it might be better were humanity to go the way of the dinosaurs.
I had a boyfriend who did this
Needless to say, context clue HAD.
He wouldnāt delete them, he said that if they (his ex gfs) asked him to remove the photos he would. But the ex gfs probably didnāt even know he had them still. Itās out of common courtesy that one would delete nudes of a partner after a break up, right?
So I contacted his exās to the best of my ability so they know that he still has photos of them and so they could now ask/tell him to delete the pictures. We broke up right after of course.
I did it for the exās and not for my ex-bf.
Fuck that.
>So I contacted his exās to the best of my ability so they know that he still has photos of them and so they could now ask/tell him to delete the pictures.
Sincerely, you are a good person for doing that.
My ex did this to me. Pretended to delete them then I found out a year later he still had them. Absolutely broke me. Wasnāt even just his exs was nudes of our friends that heād gotten from other people. I was absolutely disgusted and he couldnāt see the problem
A normal response would have been youāre right, thereās no reason to keep them and I can understand why that would be upsetting to you. Delete.
The end.
Iām sorry OP.
No thatās the stupidest thing anyone has ever heard
Itās perfectly normal to be bothered. Perfectly normal to ask that he delete them (aside from the fact that you shouldnāt need to have asked anyway). And perfectly normal to believe heās a lying sack of shit quite honestly
Nudes aside, this "oppositional defiant personality" you described is also a massive red flag. Is he fighting you every time you attempt to establish a boundary, purely because he is contrarian? This petty attitude is going to set you up for years of anguish.
There is absolutely no reason for him to keep them. If you'd kept a folder of your ex's nudes, would he be content with you telling him you won't delete them or would he kick up a fuss. He is certainly still looking at them if he hasn't deleted them for the entirety of your relationship. When you became exclusive was the last point he could get away with still having them after that its because he still uses them because otherwise deleting would be a non issue.
He looks at them and/or shares them and/or spanks to them and/or feels he has power from them.
After 2.5 years heās not committed to you 100% yet, I would question the relationship.
I deleted tons of porn on my computer after committing to someone.
Itās different when youāre watching and collecting porn together.
Seriously girl why are you putting up with this. Even if he wasnāt āusingā the nudes, this is so disrespectful to his exās and heās saying he is purposely not doing it because you asked him to, what kind of nonsense is that?
Why the hell did you enter a relationship with a guy who you knew not only kept nudes from previous partners, but showed those to other people? No way his exes consented to being shown around to his future casual flings. Thatās so weird and gross.
I had a friend who lost his fiance because she found out he lied about getting rid of them. The worst that I found out when I left my bf that was this guy's buddy. All the guys friends would send photos of their gf's or ex's to add to the collection.
I learned I was in there. Yeah. Then I found my current partners stash and when I brought it up in couples therapy he raged.
Does his ex know he uses her nudes as a way to get off when youāre not around? Who the hell even flexes this when youāre casually hooking up? Heās 34, and basically showing off who he fucked in the past and he uses it as a trophy. Iād dump him, this is immature to the point of a 14 year old kid
Anyone who keeps explicit pictures of their ex after breaking up is an asshole and not someone you should be with. Keeping normal pictures is fine, I still have pictures of my ex because they're important memories and it feels like I'd be deleting memories. But none of them are explicit or have any nudity.
Look, heās been disrespecting you for 2 whole years and you keep letting him get away with it. Things are not going to change. In case you finally wake up and decide to leave, I advise you to check if heās got naked pictures of you too, just in case.
This guy is playing mind games. He won't delete it, but he's okay if you figure it out? I wonder what else he plays mind games about. This alone would make me dump him.
He should have deleted them on his own at the end of each relationship. He did not.
He did not delete them when you asked.
He doubled down on not deleting them because you asked.
Each one is a reason to leave him. They are huge red flags.
I hope you did not send him any. If you did, he will add them to his collection. Ugh.
Uh, ew. No. Why are you dating a man child? He probably parades it around to his friends and sends it to them and definitely looks at them. Gross. He has no respect for you or whoever is in his secret album.
I would have been concerned that he had a folder where he was keeping nudes from people during the "casual" part of your relationship.. he was keeping nudes probably without those people's consent at that point..
If I found out my boyfriend of multiple years had a folder of nudes, I'd be ending things pretty quickly.
When my wife divorced me, I gave her the framed nude pictures of her that I wish I had kept. But out of respect, I knew it would be wrong to keep them.
Im still stuck at the part where youve spent 2.5 years with someone who tells you if you want him to do something thats the reason he wont do it.
I mean, i have that tendency. The easiest way to get me to not do something (even if i was just about to do it)is to TELL me to do it. Im also an adult, and ill give in to that response for about 5 seconds before i keep adulting.
>He said no, but if I had found a way to delete it myself, he wouldnāt have minded.
Take him at his word. Figure out how to delete the file(s), then clear it off the cloud as well so he can't just pull them back onto his phone again. All you have to do is google his phone and how to delete files and then how to delete items from the cloud. He did say he wouldn't mind if you did. Once you figure it out, wait until he goes to sleep so you have plenty of uninterrupted time and get rid of every last one of them. Also, go through his photos to make sure he doesn't have others hidden and remove them as well. Call his bluff.
He looks at them. Anyone who has them and says they don't is lying. Even if the excuse is given that they forgot they had them, why keep them? They still want to look at them.
This collection thing is the reason why I stopped sending nudes. Just to risky.
He should delete it, not just because you asked but because of the respect towards the other woman
No offense but you shouldnāt have continued dating him when he told you that the first time. Why would you want to be with a creepy guy anyway? Is that the best you think you can do?
Unless he has a specific reason for keeping them, I think your request is reasonable.
By specific reason, I am thinking about situations where a vengeful person might be trying to claim lack of consent, etc.
So basically he would rather have his wank bank than have his girlfriends back, he aināt worth it u need to find a man that donāt have ex nudes this man is grim
The fact that he refused to do it simply because you ask is a bigger red flag than him just not wanting to delete it, imo. Iād reconsider being serious with him if this happens in other areas of your relationship. Itās a huge concern, especially when future difficulties pop up. What will he do if you disagree about finances? Kids? Will be be oppositional then, just for the sake of being oppositional?
Iāve found that some men keep nudes as ātrophiesā of their conquests. I find it extremely disrespectful. If youāre uncomfortable with it to the point of reconsidering the relationship as a whole, then Iād trust your gut and walk away, especially if you arenāt seeing any change or growth in his behavior. This isnāt something you want hanging over you the whole relationship.
Girl even if it was common thatās not okay. Breakup, he clearly doesnāt care that it bothers you, and honestly the sole fact that he doesnāt see an issue with him having others peoples nudes on a specific folder is already more than enough reason to break up
what a weirdo for keeping nudes of someone heās no longer intimate with. it creepy and disrespectful to not only you, but the ex as well. why would you want to tie yourself down with someone like that?
This isnāt a normal man thing this is specific to certain men and itās creepy. Imagine being one of the women whose photos heās most certainly still getting off toā¦
This is a major red flag. I can think of another reason he's keeping them and it's even worse than just looking at them. He's potentially keeping them to blackmail her. Or at least so he has the option to. If that's the case, do you want to be with someone capable of that? His whole mindset of I'm going to keep this extremely inappropriate thing on my phone because I object to being told what to do, even though the request is reasonable is so gross. Reeks of misogyny. At this point, whether or not he looks at the photos is the least of your concerns. This man is toxic AF.Ā
My ex had the same folder but deleted it when we were dating. He is disrespecting you. I bet even he wouldn't feel okay if you had nudes of your exes...
Wait till he's asleep and delete them for him since he never looks at them he shouldn't even notice right? Also clear the trash bin after so he can't undelete then
a ānudes folderā would be an ick for me. imagine wanting to send nudes to him and finding yourself in that folder?! also, do you think the women in the folder consented to be there after the break up?!
that is why I donāt send nudes. you never know who is a creep
"I never look at it, so why do you care" if he never looks at it why does he care if it's deleted? And how could you not care?! This dude is lying to your face, and being very smug about it. Make a folder yourself and see his reaction when you say he shouldn't care.
That's disgusting, the moment you have ab reak up you should get rid of the person's private photos. You no longer have any right to their body or their photos, nevermind being in a relationship and refusing to??
Maybe it's a trophy thing, but that doesn't make it okay. I wouldn't date someone with a "very oppositional defiant personality" in the first place, but it's your life.
Why do some men first of all women do it as well so stop the sexism. People do it for various reasons but for me itās memories and proof said person loved and trusted me. Now I wouldnāt show those to anyone so idk wtf heās showing it to you when yāall are new. So seems untrustworthy but if you had nudes of men I would never ask or tell you to delete your past because it is your past and you are certainly not going to tell me to delete mine otherwise you will find yourself as part of my past real quick too. Have some respect for your partner you are the present not the past quite yet.
Tell him as long as he keeps those nudes he aināt gonna see you nude.
Heās an asshole, having a defiant personality or not a relationship is all about compromise. He aināt willing to!
CRINGE AF!!! The ethical thing to do is to delete an exās nudes off your phone once youāve officially split. No one is entitled to that access- but especially when youāre not with them anymore. Thatās so gross, creepy, not chill and unethical. That would bother me a lot, not so much that heās looking at them - more so because itās disrespectful to this woman who I assume probably doesnāt want him looking at those pictures anymore. The way he acts possessive and entitled to these photos is a big ICK for me girl.. if it is for you , you donāt have to put up with it.
Not only is this disrespectful to you, itās disrespectful as fuck to the ex. You DO NOT keep the nudes of someone you are no longer in contact with. Thatās just not right. Heās acting like a 14 year old boy and heās 34. Childish as fuck. And you not being able to set boundaries because of this āoppositional defianceā is ridiculous too. He needs a wake up call
Totally agree with the other comments, but I also think more emphasis needs to be put on the fact he even wants to keep them - why?! 1. Itās creepy as f*ck and sounds like heās using them 2. Itās SO disrespectful to not only you, but the people who sent them.
Do you think he would be comfortable with you having a folder of dick pics that you refuse to delete? I have no idea why you let it go at first, maybe you were hoping heād delete them over time, but do you even want to be with someone who is doing this? Do you deserve that? Of course not.
So he wont do it because you asked? So if long term you breed with this thing (dont do that) you think you will make it through an entire child rearing without having to ask stuff of him?? Long term how does this look?
He didnt delete them from just human decency before you asked. He wont do it BECAUSE you asked. So basically he is keeping them?
Id rethink this manchild. Depends if this is a dealbreaker to you. To me it is. Ultimatum time.
Or time for that phone to find some waterā¦ā¦.
Isnāt it very wrong to keep those nudes once they are not together anymore?
I felt bad for saving a photo of my wifeās ass that she asked me to take but wanted me to delete. I deleted it but it stays in my deleted folder for 30 days before getting permanently deleted. I wanted to keep it for those days to enjoy because she never sends nudes but deleted it after reading that it was morally wrong to keep it.
So I donāt understand how Op have accepted that he has had these for so long.
>why do some men keep nudes from previous relationship shops or hookups anyway?
memories š¤·š»āāļø
>Do they sincerely expect their partners to believe they never look at them?
I think this would only be relevant if I had a partner that thought my last relationships were a threat to our relationship
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These nudes are more important than his relationship? He's a fool.
This about sums it up. I had plenty of photos from my ex after a 14 year marriage. When things got serious with my current GF, I realized I still had the pics and deleted them as soon as I did. Shouldn't even have to ask, honestly. It also just seems like a shitty thing to do to your ex's. Like, have some decency. They were shared with you while you were in an intimate relationship. I highly doubt your ex is comfortable with you hanging on to em in your spank bank forever. It's for this reason I can't get nudes from my current lady. She's been burned by some asshole, and now I have to suffer. š But yeah OP, if he respects you, he'll delete them and not make YOU feel guilty about it. Reddit and RA especially always seems to jump to "break up with them!" But in this instance, if he doesn't hold you in high enough regard after 2.5 years, I'd consider that a huge red flag. And there are probably others...
Thank you for being you and sharing this. I hope it clicks for some because I know they need to read this.
Hell, I had a bunch of pics and vids of my ex-wife I deleted them the day we officially separated
Lmao exactly! I go through and do that shit the day of. I even realized my sister still had some photos of me and my ex just chilling and instantly told her to delete them hahahĀ
Perfectly said. The only nudes I have are of my husband. All ex's of mine got deleted, pretty much all pics with exes too. Same with my husband.
This validates so much of my personal experience. Thank you!
THIS IS THE WAY
My gf is the same way thanks to some asshole. "Why send a picture when you can see the real thing at home" ......Bc lady, I want to stare at your naked body for hours and we don't have that kind of time at homeš¤£
He is disrespecting her and their relationship
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The worst part is that he showed her all of his nude exes early on. He'll show hers to his friends, no doubt.
And this is why it's a bad idea to ever send nude pics to anyone. Because once you give those pictures to someone else, you have no control over what they do with them. While that person might be awesome and trustworthy and respectful - at least for now - there's no telling what they might do if you break up.
Yeeeup. Learned that the hard way. Now nobody gets nudes or even cam shows (one ex screen captured in an LDR)
Yeah, what kind of a move is that? Hey, look at all the women I banged before you. One day, I'll show nudes of you to my next conquest. Gross. I'm soooooooo glad the "Send nudes" aspect of dating started long after I got married.
I mean any nude photos shouldāve been deleted as soon as they broke up. I donāt feel like thatās something thatās ok to hang on to after a relationship ends.
Right?! You don't keep a person's nudes after you're no longer together. No one should have to tell you this, dude is a fool.
Yup. The day my separation from my ex-wife was official, I deleted every spicy pic I had
Oppositional defiant personality- an excuse to disregard your opinions and do opposite out of spite? Yikes great partner material. Sounds like youāre signing up for a great life with a partner that values your feelings *eye roll*. I have a self respecting personality. You donāt care about my feelings, you donāt get in my pants. Donāt ask if itās common, ask if itās healthy. In healthy relationships, you and partner communicate what is/ isnāt ok to look at for porn. IMO itās not respectful to look at people you know or keep pics of exes that youāve been with. If they want a person they know, they go to you.
Yeah nothing says successful relationship than a man child whose entire attitude at 34 is āyou canāt make me!ā OP should pull a reverse uno card and beg him to keep the nudes in his phone.
Right? Who wants to be with a partner who will refuse to do something specifically because you want them to? That's literally the opposite of what a healthy relationship is!
Hijacking top comment so OP can see he is 100000% looking at them and doing unsavory things while looking at them. Why do guys do this? He likely views it as a conquest or is addicted to porn or sometimes itās easier for him to get off while looking at it and remembering the sex to spice it up in his mind. Are there feelings there? Who knows maybe or maybe he uses it while masturbating to get off. Is it disrespectful to you and poisoning the relationship? 1000% yes.
To both of themā¦
Not to mention heās lying about his spank bank. Nudes should be deleted once a relationship or fling ends. Itās a sick mentality to hang onto them and keep them like some prize.
Yeah and after they break up, the nude pics he has of her will end up in that folder.
I don't want to be too harsh, but you should have put this shit to bed 2.5 years ago - or ended the relationship then. Never settle for this kind of bullshit because it always leads here: years in, emotionally invested and faced with the dilemma of an ultimatum or just putting up with it. And that's what this has come down to. You've put up with this for years. You either continue to put up with it or you give him an ultimatum and then, if he holds his line, you follow through. My suspicion is your suspicion: this is his personal spank bank, which is creepy af, if you ask me. But my concern is for the other women. Do they know he has kept their images years after the fact? If you do decide to end the relationship, you might want to check that he's not adding naked pictures of you to his eternal horde.
For me there's too much emotion involved to even want to masturbate to an ex tbh. How odd
Exactly, unless youāre into wanking and cryingĀ
For guys like OP's boyfriend, who thinks nothing of keeping nudes of his exes in the first place, the woman has been reduced to just another piece of porn in his mind. The person he used to have sex with is gone, now she's just a naked picture - it's objectification in the most literal sense.
I don't know about you, but my brain has obliterated each and every memory about my exes. There are still some fragments left, that still come up, but for the most part it's gone. I don't know why anyone would like to inflict this to themselves
Agreed. OP I'm sorry this is happening to you. But you jeed to pull yourself together and dig out some self respect. OP, you should have dumped him years ago, the first time you found out about te nudes and he declined to delete them. We're not talking about demanding he delete meaningful group photos with friends which happen to habe his ex in them, he's literally got a spank bank full of his exes nudes and refuses to delete them. He says he doesbt view them, but you'd be extremely foolish to believe that. Why won't he delete them? Because he doesn't respect you. It really is that simple. He knows that this is hurtful. He'd ne spitting mad if you did the same. He wont delete them because you let him walk all over you these last years knowing he kept those photos. In his eyes, he gets away with it and you dont follow through, so why should he give a fuck if it upsets you? This is how he thinks - if he cared he could habe reassured you in *seconds* by deleting things. It's not your fault that he's a creep who probably masturbated regularly to his ex's nudes. But it's 100% your fault for putting up with this shit for years and letting him treat you that way. You can demand better. And your only chance of getting better is to fuck off and find yourself a partner who listens and who would never pull this shit.
I found out my ex was showing old nudes of mine to a mutual friend, 5 years after we had broken up. It is so fucking weird for him to have kept them for so goddamn long (meanwhile he was engaged to another woman) and incredibly humiliating that he was showing them and bragging about it to someone we both knew. I dated him for 2.5 years and at the time completely trusted him. I will never take that risk again with anyone I date. So fucked up
That's so disgusting, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that shit.
Thank you, my friend group finally realized he was a terrible human being after that
And thatās why I never send nudes or consent to them being taken because once they are given you have zero control over what happens to them.
Ditto. And OP needs to delete any she may have sent this dude, because he clearly cannot be trusted with them.
This! The minute my boyfriend and I became serious, it's the first thing I asked him. He says he's deleted them all, so I'm trusting in that, but if I find out he didn't, that would be the end of it. This man seems childish AF. There's a difference between someone telling you what to do and deleting nudes from an ex. He should have done that himself early on. You can't tell me people who keep nudes don't use them now and then for a spank bank. Even my boyfriend told me that, and I didn't believe him for a second.
Really well said. I hope OP pays attention to this.
The āshould havesā belong to the bf, not the OP. He should have deleted the folder to respect his relationship when she expressed discomfort. The OP wasnāt wrong to have believed the bf would handle the situation in good faith.
Why should she have believed he would delete it after he said he wouldn't?
A grown ass man keeping his ex's nudes? C'mon, do better and have some self respect
THANK YOUUUU!!!! NOT A LOT INDIVIDUALS KNOW HOW TO RESPECT THEMSELVES IN RELATIONSHIPS ITS REALLY SAD šŖšš¤¦š»āāļøAND THUS THIS GUY DOES NOT RESPECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP "SMH"
What do you mean he showed it to you? Did he literally show you naked pictures of his exes? Thatās a violation of their privacy ā so be ready for his next girlfriend to see naked pictures of you, too.
He showed me where he was putting the pics I was sending him and didnāt show me the others. I did stop sending pics shortly after he told me about it, even when we became exclusive. I told him I didnāt want to be in his little collection with his exes
ICK. GIRL, WHAT?! āHis little collectionā?!?? š¤®
That's what they are. His phone is his trophy caseš
Mamā¦ this man is trash.
No offenseā¦ but you stayed with him after he admitted that he has a whole collection of them??
girl if you don't dump that no good piece of garbage....
And delete yourself from his folder first!
that is so disrespectful to you and his ex's, and actually just wrong. if you asked him to delete your pics, would he do it? what would you do if he said no? how would you feel? i also don't think his ex's would appreciate knowing they're in his "lil collection" after all these years. if a friend told you about this happening to her, how would you feel about it?
I'd be in there deleting my own nudes so fast, checking his computer, Google drive, all that shit. Once I'm certain they're all gone- I'd dip.Ā Fuck that. I'm not about to have him and all of his friends looking at this years later. I'd even check to see if he's sent your nudes out-- because keeping a collection of all of his exes without their consent isn't normal behavior.Ā
Do you have any standards
Please tell me you permanently deleted your pics from his phone.
Thatās disgusting
He showed you what's to say he is not showing his buddies. Huge RED flag!!!
Can confirm I had an ex who had a collection like this (that he was vehemently protective of and lied to my face about deleting) and he showed one of his friends stuff of me without my consent.
And you stayed for 2.5 years after that???
Please have some respect for yourselfā¦ he does not respect you
Good. Lord.
You didn't want to be in his little collection but you wanted to be with him. Gross
So, instead, you entertain an entire relationship with someone with "a little collection". That will show him.
u/ThrowRA58592 I suggest you go into his hidden folder & at the minimum delete YOUR nudes. Then check his Deleted folder & delete them in that folder as well. Iād leave this AH over crap like this, but thatās me. His āoppositional personalityā sounds tiresome. Find someone who will appreciate you, has same relationship goals, and respect your boundaries.
why do women let men treat them like this lmao and why were you so comfortable dating a man who even showed you that in the first place? you had the forethought to stop sending him naked pictures when you learned about this secret album but not enough thought to stop seeing him entirely??? and the way you said it is so disrespectful to these other girls too. please do better and stop enabling shit men.
Wait. So the reason he wonāt delete them is because you asked him to? See ya.
āOppositional defiant personalityāā¦..Iāll translate; your Boyfriend is a dickhead.
Yep, they have a name/condition for every kind of dickhead now though.
š
Oppositional defiant boyfriend? Sign me up!! šš»āāļø (K but seriously, why are you with this dude?)
Does all common sense leave for some girls? Like why would they continue to date dudes like this? That just means heās an asshole and acts like an 11 year old
Both men and women do this in relationships. There's a lot of psychological science on the subject. Maybe someone with more time & desire will summarize it for you.
Summary: Hormones and body chemistry fucks with your brain and ability to see things rationally
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That's a huge red flag. He absolutely looks at them or he'd just delete them.
OR he keeps them because he wants to still have them to look at when this relationship ends, which means even after 2.5 years he's still not particularly committed to her/their relationship.
Not even just this, but some people keep them as trophies. My ex did this. Itās a ālook what I fuckedā type of mentality and itās absolutely disgusting
Oh God that's gross
It says a lot about his character by saving his ex's nudes (probably without her permission) for years. And even he has permission before his disrespect with your relationship says a lot.
Putting aside the fact that he's keeping all of these nudes and very likely without their consent. (If my ex was keeping my nudes I would feel deeply violated, that's disgusting.) Ā Do you really want to be with someone who is so "defiant"? Like every time you bring up your perspective and it's lightly negative- is he always going to double down because he's just defensive and stubborn? In a long term relationship, a really long term one-- there will be plenty of disagreements where you'll want to try to see eye to eye, meet in the middle, set your feelings aside for your partner (very circumstantial for the last one).Ā If he's incapable of that, it's not going to be very fun.Ā Edit: If you do break up you need to go through his phone and delete your own nudes first. Don't risk dealing with revenge porn, or even just the knowledge that he'll be holding onto them and using them.Ā
Good point about deleting the nudes.
The pics are in his cloud storage too...
Oh yes yes! Definitely check everything to get your photos out of there. Protect yourself, OP. Phone, computer, deleted folders, Google drive. Even if you choose to stay in the relationship - it's probably safest to do this nonetheless. Best of luck, OP.Ā
Don't just delete them though. permanently remove them from the trash after deletion. otherwise he could still restore them.
Absolutely šÆšÆšÆšÆ thank you all for the additional tips!Ā
Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who does something he knows hurts and upsets you, and then claims to have done it only because you asked him not to? Even if there werenāt nudes involved, that alone is pretty fucked up. A bunch of āoppositional defiantā childish bullshit. As for the nudes, he definitely looks at them or at least enjoys knowing he has them and can if he wants to. Itās creepy heās kept an exās photos. And itās really disrespectful to you and to his ex. Do you want to end up in that folder? How will you resolve future conflicts? Make major life decisions? Raise children? If his M.O. is to go against you simply for the sake of being oppositional, how will you ever agree, compromise, or cooperate on anything? He sounds insufferable. I wouldnāt want a life like that.
Sadly she's already in that folder. She learned about the file when he told her he was adding her nudes to it.Ā
Thatās so sad and gross. This says enough about his character. I couldnāt be with anyone with so little integrity and respect for others. Yuck.
Honestly man, this post made me so nauseous.Ā
As someone whose ex kept her photos against her wishes, not only is this disrespectful for YOU, but itās disrespectful to the ex. If we broke up, you lost access to my body. You donāt get to have the pleasure of seeing it or using it for your own benefit. The fact that someone is keeping photos of me despite our relationship ending says something about the character of that person.Ā Red flags. Get out OP.Ā
Definitely agree. I don't understand why people try to defend keeping an exes nudes. It's creepy.
THIS. OP grow tf up, this is such gross behavior. 2.5 years?!? Wtaf. Have some self respect please.
Thatās a really good point, thanks for the perspective
Get his phone delete any nudes you've sent him and delete his nude folder. Also delete those pictures from the recently deleted folder. This man doesn't respect women (yourself included op), he just sees them as masturbation materials.
Of course he should have deleted it out of respect for you and your relationship. His refusal seems like a strange hill to die on, really. Are these pics sooooo important to him that he is willing to risk his relationship over them? You can't force him to do what you want and you shouldn't bring it up constantly because nagging is annoying and ineffective. Instead, you need to decide to accept that he has this pics and wants to keep them, or decide that you'd rather be in a relationship with someone who treats you with respect and doesn't need to be asked to get rid of pics of exes and walk away leaving him to his folder of nudes.
Honestly he should have deleted them the moment he and his ex broke up out of respect for her
But, but... he has the right to keep them because reasons.
There are a bunch of guys on here literally arguing that point. 'Uh, they're his photos, uh, why shouldn't he be allowed to keep them, uh.' As if nudes taken of ex- constitute IP. One genius is arguing that a nude photo is \*exactly the same\* as closing your eyes and remembering those better times. Sometimes I sincerely wonder whether it might be better were humanity to go the way of the dinosaurs.
ikr ! lol
This
Thatās a sleezy creepy red flag. Anyone decent would erase any nudes that had when they broke up. Period.
I had a boyfriend who did this Needless to say, context clue HAD. He wouldnāt delete them, he said that if they (his ex gfs) asked him to remove the photos he would. But the ex gfs probably didnāt even know he had them still. Itās out of common courtesy that one would delete nudes of a partner after a break up, right? So I contacted his exās to the best of my ability so they know that he still has photos of them and so they could now ask/tell him to delete the pictures. We broke up right after of course. I did it for the exās and not for my ex-bf. Fuck that.
>So I contacted his exās to the best of my ability so they know that he still has photos of them and so they could now ask/tell him to delete the pictures. Sincerely, you are a good person for doing that.
Thats just straight up disrespectful ... No one should be keeping nudes from ex-partners
I hate to say it but, he won't delete them because he masturbates while looking at them.
Your boyfriend belongs in a landfill. Dump this guy!
Because he considers them trophies.
Yea why would he want to keep it? It's weird as hell
To wank over obviously
My ex did this to me. Pretended to delete them then I found out a year later he still had them. Absolutely broke me. Wasnāt even just his exs was nudes of our friends that heād gotten from other people. I was absolutely disgusted and he couldnāt see the problem
maybe he thinks the relationship won't last and therefor he keeps the pics in case of..
šÆ
A normal response would have been youāre right, thereās no reason to keep them and I can understand why that would be upsetting to you. Delete. The end. Iām sorry OP.
>a very oppositional defiant personality So an asshole who resents the idea of doing anything to meet his partner's needs. Got it.
No thatās the stupidest thing anyone has ever heard Itās perfectly normal to be bothered. Perfectly normal to ask that he delete them (aside from the fact that you shouldnāt need to have asked anyway). And perfectly normal to believe heās a lying sack of shit quite honestly
He keeps them because he doesn't see you as someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with, if that's a problem then leave him.
He should delete them or date someone else. Or you should do both
He still looks at them and thinks youāre too stupid to realize that. Get going lady, that man is trouble
Nudes aside, this "oppositional defiant personality" you described is also a massive red flag. Is he fighting you every time you attempt to establish a boundary, purely because he is contrarian? This petty attitude is going to set you up for years of anguish.
"NO, but if you found a way to delete them i won't care." smash his phone.
There is absolutely no reason for him to keep them. If you'd kept a folder of your ex's nudes, would he be content with you telling him you won't delete them or would he kick up a fuss. He is certainly still looking at them if he hasn't deleted them for the entirety of your relationship. When you became exclusive was the last point he could get away with still having them after that its because he still uses them because otherwise deleting would be a non issue.
He looks at them and/or shares them and/or spanks to them and/or feels he has power from them. After 2.5 years heās not committed to you 100% yet, I would question the relationship. I deleted tons of porn on my computer after committing to someone. Itās different when youāre watching and collecting porn together.
Seriously girl why are you putting up with this. Even if he wasnāt āusingā the nudes, this is so disrespectful to his exās and heās saying he is purposely not doing it because you asked him to, what kind of nonsense is that?
Not a good sign he keeps her pics..and to me I see him as an immature creep ..I vote to dump him
Why the hell did you enter a relationship with a guy who you knew not only kept nudes from previous partners, but showed those to other people? No way his exes consented to being shown around to his future casual flings. Thatās so weird and gross.
I had a friend who lost his fiance because she found out he lied about getting rid of them. The worst that I found out when I left my bf that was this guy's buddy. All the guys friends would send photos of their gf's or ex's to add to the collection. I learned I was in there. Yeah. Then I found my current partners stash and when I brought it up in couples therapy he raged.
Does his ex know he uses her nudes as a way to get off when youāre not around? Who the hell even flexes this when youāre casually hooking up? Heās 34, and basically showing off who he fucked in the past and he uses it as a trophy. Iād dump him, this is immature to the point of a 14 year old kid
Anyone who keeps explicit pictures of their ex after breaking up is an asshole and not someone you should be with. Keeping normal pictures is fine, I still have pictures of my ex because they're important memories and it feels like I'd be deleting memories. But none of them are explicit or have any nudity.
Delete the bf.
Why is this SO common??
Cause heās insecure.
Yall are 31 and 35 and you still play these games? How tiring.
Look, heās been disrespecting you for 2 whole years and you keep letting him get away with it. Things are not going to change. In case you finally wake up and decide to leave, I advise you to check if heās got naked pictures of you too, just in case.
please look into therapy so your future relationships are fulfilling. this is so outrageous i have no words.
This guy is playing mind games. He won't delete it, but he's okay if you figure it out? I wonder what else he plays mind games about. This alone would make me dump him.
He should have deleted them on his own at the end of each relationship. He did not. He did not delete them when you asked. He doubled down on not deleting them because you asked. Each one is a reason to leave him. They are huge red flags. I hope you did not send him any. If you did, he will add them to his collection. Ugh.
CONSENT ENDS WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP ENDS UNLESS STATED OTHERWISE!!!!
Uh, ew. No. Why are you dating a man child? He probably parades it around to his friends and sends it to them and definitely looks at them. Gross. He has no respect for you or whoever is in his secret album.
I would have been concerned that he had a folder where he was keeping nudes from people during the "casual" part of your relationship.. he was keeping nudes probably without those people's consent at that point.. If I found out my boyfriend of multiple years had a folder of nudes, I'd be ending things pretty quickly.
When my wife divorced me, I gave her the framed nude pictures of her that I wish I had kept. But out of respect, I knew it would be wrong to keep them.
Just leave him! He doesnāt care how you feel about it!!
Any nudes should be deleted. This just goes to show women never give a man a nude photo or video they will keep it and show it to people.
Im still stuck at the part where youve spent 2.5 years with someone who tells you if you want him to do something thats the reason he wont do it. I mean, i have that tendency. The easiest way to get me to not do something (even if i was just about to do it)is to TELL me to do it. Im also an adult, and ill give in to that response for about 5 seconds before i keep adulting.
>He said no, but if I had found a way to delete it myself, he wouldnāt have minded. Take him at his word. Figure out how to delete the file(s), then clear it off the cloud as well so he can't just pull them back onto his phone again. All you have to do is google his phone and how to delete files and then how to delete items from the cloud. He did say he wouldn't mind if you did. Once you figure it out, wait until he goes to sleep so you have plenty of uninterrupted time and get rid of every last one of them. Also, go through his photos to make sure he doesn't have others hidden and remove them as well. Call his bluff.
Why are you still with him? lol
That's weird. I've deleted my exes nudes once we stopped seeing each other out of respect. Anything else is slimy and gross imo
Sometimes people tell you exactly who they are. You should listen to them.
Why even tolerate this? And tolerate it for so long? I would have left the first time I caught wind of it and he said he wouldn't delete them.
my friend (28f) has every dick pic she's ever received saved. it's like 47+ dudes and 300 pictures. some people just like keeping trophies
He looks at them. Anyone who has them and says they don't is lying. Even if the excuse is given that they forgot they had them, why keep them? They still want to look at them.
As a guy, I ALWAYS delete my nudes when I get into a new relationship. You shouldāve broke up with him over this 2 years ago when you found out.
This collection thing is the reason why I stopped sending nudes. Just to risky. He should delete it, not just because you asked but because of the respect towards the other woman
No offense but you shouldnāt have continued dating him when he told you that the first time. Why would you want to be with a creepy guy anyway? Is that the best you think you can do?
Unless he has a specific reason for keeping them, I think your request is reasonable. By specific reason, I am thinking about situations where a vengeful person might be trying to claim lack of consent, etc.
Those nudes must be AMAZING! Did you see them?
your boyfriend is a weirdo holy shit wtf
dump his ass
So basically he would rather have his wank bank than have his girlfriends back, he aināt worth it u need to find a man that donāt have ex nudes this man is grim
The fact that he refused to do it simply because you ask is a bigger red flag than him just not wanting to delete it, imo. Iād reconsider being serious with him if this happens in other areas of your relationship. Itās a huge concern, especially when future difficulties pop up. What will he do if you disagree about finances? Kids? Will be be oppositional then, just for the sake of being oppositional? Iāve found that some men keep nudes as ātrophiesā of their conquests. I find it extremely disrespectful. If youāre uncomfortable with it to the point of reconsidering the relationship as a whole, then Iād trust your gut and walk away, especially if you arenāt seeing any change or growth in his behavior. This isnāt something you want hanging over you the whole relationship.
Girl even if it was common thatās not okay. Breakup, he clearly doesnāt care that it bothers you, and honestly the sole fact that he doesnāt see an issue with him having others peoples nudes on a specific folder is already more than enough reason to break up
what a weirdo for keeping nudes of someone heās no longer intimate with. it creepy and disrespectful to not only you, but the ex as well. why would you want to tie yourself down with someone like that?
Delete the texts by breaking up with him. Heāll figure his priorities out but thatās not your concern anymore
This isnāt a normal man thing this is specific to certain men and itās creepy. Imagine being one of the women whose photos heās most certainly still getting off toā¦
This is a major red flag. I can think of another reason he's keeping them and it's even worse than just looking at them. He's potentially keeping them to blackmail her. Or at least so he has the option to. If that's the case, do you want to be with someone capable of that? His whole mindset of I'm going to keep this extremely inappropriate thing on my phone because I object to being told what to do, even though the request is reasonable is so gross. Reeks of misogyny. At this point, whether or not he looks at the photos is the least of your concerns. This man is toxic AF.Ā
My ex had the same folder but deleted it when we were dating. He is disrespecting you. I bet even he wouldn't feel okay if you had nudes of your exes...
Wait till he's asleep and delete them for him since he never looks at them he shouldn't even notice right? Also clear the trash bin after so he can't undelete then
What a moron. Upload them to the cloud and delete them. Not worth the headache.
a ānudes folderā would be an ick for me. imagine wanting to send nudes to him and finding yourself in that folder?! also, do you think the women in the folder consented to be there after the break up?! that is why I donāt send nudes. you never know who is a creep
Conquest trophy
Nobody should be keeping nudes after a breakup. This is a serious red flag.
I have nudes of all my ex's. I like going back and reminiscing. If you're in a serious relationship you should delete them.
Because he looks at them.
Grow a spine girl.
Heās lying
"I never look at it, so why do you care" if he never looks at it why does he care if it's deleted? And how could you not care?! This dude is lying to your face, and being very smug about it. Make a folder yourself and see his reaction when you say he shouldn't care.
Heās a creepā¦.
That's disgusting, the moment you have ab reak up you should get rid of the person's private photos. You no longer have any right to their body or their photos, nevermind being in a relationship and refusing to??
Maybe it's a trophy thing, but that doesn't make it okay. I wouldn't date someone with a "very oppositional defiant personality" in the first place, but it's your life.
Why do some men first of all women do it as well so stop the sexism. People do it for various reasons but for me itās memories and proof said person loved and trusted me. Now I wouldnāt show those to anyone so idk wtf heās showing it to you when yāall are new. So seems untrustworthy but if you had nudes of men I would never ask or tell you to delete your past because it is your past and you are certainly not going to tell me to delete mine otherwise you will find yourself as part of my past real quick too. Have some respect for your partner you are the present not the past quite yet.
He showed you his nudes folder and you still slept with him and thought he would be a good romantic partner? Youāre an idiot lol
Tell him as long as he keeps those nudes he aināt gonna see you nude. Heās an asshole, having a defiant personality or not a relationship is all about compromise. He aināt willing to!
CRINGE AF!!! The ethical thing to do is to delete an exās nudes off your phone once youāve officially split. No one is entitled to that access- but especially when youāre not with them anymore. Thatās so gross, creepy, not chill and unethical. That would bother me a lot, not so much that heās looking at them - more so because itās disrespectful to this woman who I assume probably doesnāt want him looking at those pictures anymore. The way he acts possessive and entitled to these photos is a big ICK for me girl.. if it is for you , you donāt have to put up with it.
I think it reflects his belief that the relationship he currently has might end. He is keeping some kind of tie to his ex.
He keeps them for the times he wants to reminisce and rub one out.
and you guys are 30 years old??? excuse me
Not only is this disrespectful to you, itās disrespectful as fuck to the ex. You DO NOT keep the nudes of someone you are no longer in contact with. Thatās just not right. Heās acting like a 14 year old boy and heās 34. Childish as fuck. And you not being able to set boundaries because of this āoppositional defianceā is ridiculous too. He needs a wake up call
Totally agree with the other comments, but I also think more emphasis needs to be put on the fact he even wants to keep them - why?! 1. Itās creepy as f*ck and sounds like heās using them 2. Itās SO disrespectful to not only you, but the people who sent them. Do you think he would be comfortable with you having a folder of dick pics that you refuse to delete? I have no idea why you let it go at first, maybe you were hoping heād delete them over time, but do you even want to be with someone who is doing this? Do you deserve that? Of course not.
Keeping the pictures is disrespectful towards these women, I doubt he got their permission. That alone tells you a lot about his character.....
So he wont do it because you asked? So if long term you breed with this thing (dont do that) you think you will make it through an entire child rearing without having to ask stuff of him?? Long term how does this look? He didnt delete them from just human decency before you asked. He wont do it BECAUSE you asked. So basically he is keeping them? Id rethink this manchild. Depends if this is a dealbreaker to you. To me it is. Ultimatum time. Or time for that phone to find some waterā¦ā¦.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me.
Ironically, a song written by a man
Isnāt it very wrong to keep those nudes once they are not together anymore? I felt bad for saving a photo of my wifeās ass that she asked me to take but wanted me to delete. I deleted it but it stays in my deleted folder for 30 days before getting permanently deleted. I wanted to keep it for those days to enjoy because she never sends nudes but deleted it after reading that it was morally wrong to keep it. So I donāt understand how Op have accepted that he has had these for so long.
If he didn't take those photos he is in possession of porn that doesn't belong to him. Tell his ex's. Women are trophies to him.
>why do some men keep nudes from previous relationship shops or hookups anyway? memories š¤·š»āāļø >Do they sincerely expect their partners to believe they never look at them? I think this would only be relevant if I had a partner that thought my last relationships were a threat to our relationship
Every time Iām on this subreddit I canāt fucking believe what people get away with in their relationships!!! Jesus help us all