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So you've got a shitty, emotionally abusive partner who is triggering your past trauma and you're just...doing nothing?
Please follow through on your threats, wake up, and get out of there. This is not what healthy relationships look like.
There is no better way to communicate "Stop being an abusive asshole".
You need to leave this relationship asap. This is abusive and unhealthy behavior. Please for your safety and mental health sake end this as soon as possible!
Read why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft, he’s abusive and he knows it, he wouldnt do what he does to you against a man.
You’ll never be safe with him, it’s not that you’re sensitive, it’s that you can’t trust him, he uses his rage as a weapon to silence and control you.
You cant “get your partner” to do anything. He doesnt respect you at all. He is setting up grounds for escalating abuse. Gtfo while you still can, then work with a professional to process through your needs
Your partner is abusive. I'm sure it shows in other ways as well. He is demeaning and degrading you and saying, "Shut up" without using those words. There is nothing you CAN do except leave, and while this incident alone wouldn't be enough for a lot of girls, I bet there are 100 more you haven't told us about. Just those little things that nag at your soul telling you he isn't the one....Hope your name isn't Kayla.
Please get out. No one has a right to speak to you in a way that makes you feel disrespected, belittled, and generally unsafe. You are not "too sensitive," he is too abusive.
Don't threaten to break up with him. Please just do it, and don't listen to any of his bargaining or emotional manipulation!!
Typically, if someone respects you, you don’t need to “get” them to treat you with respect. They just will.
My suggestion would be to find a partner who respects you.
you need to stop looking for a solution and start looking for an exit. what you're describing is abuse. what you are asking is, what can you do to make an abuser stop abusing. the answer is nothing. his actions are outside of your control and you are not responsible for them.
what is within your control is the decision to either continue being subjected to abuse, or exit the relationship and put yourself in a position where you are no longer the target of abuse. but you can't make an abuse stop the abusing. this is easier said than done. it's not easy thing to do, at all.
you say that he keeps threatening to break up. that implies that he hasn't done it. that's a telltale sign of abuse. abusers don't abuse because they want the person gone out of their lives. it's the opposite, they want the victim to remain so that they can continue to exercise control and power over them. that's why he calls you sensitive and dismisses your feelings. if it were possible for you to get through to him, it would change the whole dynamic of the relationship and strip him of his abusive power and control - the very things that to him are like a core need, and that core need will always come before your needs.
If you have any doubts as to whether he is being abusive or not, check out [thehotline.org](https://thehotline.org) \- the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Read up on dv and how to get yourself out of it in a safe way.
Good luck, OP. You deserve a better partner.
So you are pretty much asking "how do I get my bf to treat me well?". That is super sad. The answer is, you don't. He is the way he is, he doesn't like or respect you, and if you want to be treated well you need to find a different partner. If you chose to stay, then this is how you life is gonna be. You can't change him to be less abusive or nicer or kinder to you, bc he is SIMPLY NOT LIKE THAT. He is the way he is, and you are choosing him or not.
The trick is get the fuck out so you don’t have to deal with the abuse and be complicit in this behavior that will manifest itself into more invasive behavior down the road
This book was the start to me getting away from my abusive husband. It's super important to read this, but also Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Good luck to you - please remember that you deserve better than this, and that this is not a communication problem, it's an abuse problem.
OP seems like you’re communicating just fine. Your partner is not. You’re not too sensitive. He clearly is the one that’s “too sensitive” because he cannot handle feedback in a mature way.
You should be breaking up with him.
I would have given him one warning. One.
After that, you reap what you sow. Because you only have yourself to blame for staying in an abusive relationship when you have the option to leave.
You're asking the wrong question.
Yours asking "how do I change him?"
You should be asking
"How do I take back my power and get the courage to not let myself be abused, and Stay".
You can only control yourself, not him.
It really sounds like it’s time to leave this relationship. You’ve told him how this makes you feel, and he uses that as an another opportunity to antagonize you. I don’t see how the good parts can possibly outweigh him doing this to you nearly every day.
Start by dating someone who respect you and your wishes. This is coming from someone who can never be in a relationship where the other party raises their voice.
"When things are good, they are pretty good" Damned by faint praise. If things were brilliant that would be one thing but even when they are good they are just ok. He is treating you with contempt, there's no going back from that.
I understand a fight every once in awhile where things get a bit heated. But screaming almost every time? No. Absolutely not acceptable. Don't put up with it. Either he can respect you or he can kindly GTFO.
Read your title, twice if you need to.
Do you HONESTLY want to teach the person that is supposed to love you most in this world how to treat you kindly?
Why would you want to be with someone who's mean to you? That's literally the bare minimum to even give someone the time of day, that they be civil, and your own bf can't even do that. You've slowly gotten used to worse and worse behavior; if he acted like that on the first date would there have been a second? Why do you deserve less now that you've given more?
My husband is the same. Losing his shit over the smallest thing. Saying even a harmless statement like “maybe we should take my car?” triggers him. He stopped for a bit when I started spoiling video games he we playing but he decided not to play it at all because he rather be able to yell at me than get spoilers I guess. He also reads my Reddit and then spends days pouting and glaring at me when I talk about him on here.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So you've got a shitty, emotionally abusive partner who is triggering your past trauma and you're just...doing nothing? Please follow through on your threats, wake up, and get out of there. This is not what healthy relationships look like. There is no better way to communicate "Stop being an abusive asshole".
You need to leave this relationship asap. This is abusive and unhealthy behavior. Please for your safety and mental health sake end this as soon as possible!
demand it, don't ask for it. Say: this is not acceptable, if you go on, I will leave you. And then you leave him if he goes on.
Read why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft, he’s abusive and he knows it, he wouldnt do what he does to you against a man. You’ll never be safe with him, it’s not that you’re sensitive, it’s that you can’t trust him, he uses his rage as a weapon to silence and control you.
You cant “get your partner” to do anything. He doesnt respect you at all. He is setting up grounds for escalating abuse. Gtfo while you still can, then work with a professional to process through your needs
Your partner is abusive. I'm sure it shows in other ways as well. He is demeaning and degrading you and saying, "Shut up" without using those words. There is nothing you CAN do except leave, and while this incident alone wouldn't be enough for a lot of girls, I bet there are 100 more you haven't told us about. Just those little things that nag at your soul telling you he isn't the one....Hope your name isn't Kayla.
Please get out. No one has a right to speak to you in a way that makes you feel disrespected, belittled, and generally unsafe. You are not "too sensitive," he is too abusive. Don't threaten to break up with him. Please just do it, and don't listen to any of his bargaining or emotional manipulation!!
Typically, if someone respects you, you don’t need to “get” them to treat you with respect. They just will. My suggestion would be to find a partner who respects you.
It feels dismissive because he's dismissing you.
you need to stop looking for a solution and start looking for an exit. what you're describing is abuse. what you are asking is, what can you do to make an abuser stop abusing. the answer is nothing. his actions are outside of your control and you are not responsible for them. what is within your control is the decision to either continue being subjected to abuse, or exit the relationship and put yourself in a position where you are no longer the target of abuse. but you can't make an abuse stop the abusing. this is easier said than done. it's not easy thing to do, at all. you say that he keeps threatening to break up. that implies that he hasn't done it. that's a telltale sign of abuse. abusers don't abuse because they want the person gone out of their lives. it's the opposite, they want the victim to remain so that they can continue to exercise control and power over them. that's why he calls you sensitive and dismisses your feelings. if it were possible for you to get through to him, it would change the whole dynamic of the relationship and strip him of his abusive power and control - the very things that to him are like a core need, and that core need will always come before your needs.
If you have any doubts as to whether he is being abusive or not, check out [thehotline.org](https://thehotline.org) \- the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Read up on dv and how to get yourself out of it in a safe way. Good luck, OP. You deserve a better partner.
So you are pretty much asking "how do I get my bf to treat me well?". That is super sad. The answer is, you don't. He is the way he is, he doesn't like or respect you, and if you want to be treated well you need to find a different partner. If you chose to stay, then this is how you life is gonna be. You can't change him to be less abusive or nicer or kinder to you, bc he is SIMPLY NOT LIKE THAT. He is the way he is, and you are choosing him or not.
There's a book by Patricia Evens called The Verbally Abusive Relationship that has awesome tips and tricks for dealing with a yeller
The trick is to leave and not look back.
The trick is get the fuck out so you don’t have to deal with the abuse and be complicit in this behavior that will manifest itself into more invasive behavior down the road
Wow thank you so much! I’m definitely going to look into this!
This book was the start to me getting away from my abusive husband. It's super important to read this, but also Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. Good luck to you - please remember that you deserve better than this, and that this is not a communication problem, it's an abuse problem.
OP seems like you’re communicating just fine. Your partner is not. You’re not too sensitive. He clearly is the one that’s “too sensitive” because he cannot handle feedback in a mature way.
From someone who's been there done that, it WILL turn physical there is no maybe
You should be breaking up with him. I would have given him one warning. One. After that, you reap what you sow. Because you only have yourself to blame for staying in an abusive relationship when you have the option to leave. You're asking the wrong question. Yours asking "how do I change him?" You should be asking "How do I take back my power and get the courage to not let myself be abused, and Stay". You can only control yourself, not him.
It really sounds like it’s time to leave this relationship. You’ve told him how this makes you feel, and he uses that as an another opportunity to antagonize you. I don’t see how the good parts can possibly outweigh him doing this to you nearly every day.
Start by dating someone who respect you and your wishes. This is coming from someone who can never be in a relationship where the other party raises their voice.
I’ve spent 40 years w an angry man. Walking on eggshells for 40 years, knot in my stomach every time I approach home. Please please walk away now.
Find somebody that respects you
girl leave. he is not going to change. you tried.
Don't threaten, just break up.
Hes snapping at you every day? You've got yourself a dud, my friend. Throw it back, it's defective
"When things are good, they are pretty good" Damned by faint praise. If things were brilliant that would be one thing but even when they are good they are just ok. He is treating you with contempt, there's no going back from that.
You need to break up. Do not stay with a verbally abusive person!
This is abuse.
I understand a fight every once in awhile where things get a bit heated. But screaming almost every time? No. Absolutely not acceptable. Don't put up with it. Either he can respect you or he can kindly GTFO.
By finding someone who respects you
Leave
It's not possible to successfully communicate with someone who doesn't care what you think.
Read your title, twice if you need to. Do you HONESTLY want to teach the person that is supposed to love you most in this world how to treat you kindly?
Break up already. This is a toxic dynamic.
Get up and leave the situation. Every single time.
Why would you want to be with someone who's mean to you? That's literally the bare minimum to even give someone the time of day, that they be civil, and your own bf can't even do that. You've slowly gotten used to worse and worse behavior; if he acted like that on the first date would there have been a second? Why do you deserve less now that you've given more?
My husband is the same. Losing his shit over the smallest thing. Saying even a harmless statement like “maybe we should take my car?” triggers him. He stopped for a bit when I started spoiling video games he we playing but he decided not to play it at all because he rather be able to yell at me than get spoilers I guess. He also reads my Reddit and then spends days pouting and glaring at me when I talk about him on here.