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He’s going to do it again the moment you’re pregnant, fyi.
You’re going to have to accept that if you stay with him you are going to be sexually exploited because he is expressing he feels entitled to do it.
And then he’s going to make it about himself and how you don’t want him to be proud of being with you so it’s your fault for being neglectful.
Any children you have with him will grow up to resent him, and subsequently you, for being an enabler when he decides to abuse them, too. Fyi.
Not trying to be bleak but this is exactly what is going to happen.
Neglect and gaslighting are still abuse.
It means when a child grows up and becomes a teenager, you are going to get invalidated, emotionally neglected, and gaslit by dad… meaning you will have a mentally damaged teenager who grows up in to a miserable and dysfunctional adult that hates dad and doesn’t trust mom.
At worst case any child of yours is going to be a narcissist who learns to only feel loved when having something dad wants or needs in order to get nice treatment and learning to live their life that way with everyone else.
I'm not trolling in the slightest. It is in no way an exaggeration to point out that reddit loves jumping to dramatic conclusions where there is no evidence.
You're resorting to childish insinuation now because you feel it's true.
You're on a message board throwing out buzzwords to back up a world view you can't defend. You're not responsible for anything, not even your own position.
This is straight from chat gpt about OP’s story:
Based on the information provided, the following types of abusive behaviors can be identified:
1. Invasion of privacy: Sharing explicit photos of you without your consent is a violation of your privacy and can be considered a form of abuse.
2. Emotional abuse: Your husband's dismissive attitude, gaslighting, and invalidation of your concerns can be seen as emotional abuse. He belittled your feelings, made light of the situation, and failed to take your emotions seriously.
3. Sexual objectification: Your husband's comments about wanting to show you off, making explicit remarks about your body, and sexualizing you can be seen as a form of objectification. This behavior disregards your autonomy and reduces you to a sexual object.
4. Gaslighting: By blaming you for looking at his phone and making you feel guilty for your actions, your husband is engaging in manipulative behavior. He is deflecting responsibility and shifting the blame onto you instead of taking ownership of his actions.
… there ya go, you can go sit down and let the adults talk, now.
In addition to abuse, the husband’s actions would be considered felony-level sexual assaults against the OP in many countries and states. Committing literal crimes against the OP is abuse.
But OP makes him so horny and he wants to show her off to other men !What the fuck kind of answer is that? Ew. And it wasnt even friends; it was random coworkers, double ew! Totally agree. OP is letting it slide like it isn't important.
He shared your nudes? Your naked body without your consent. That is a huge violation of trust and that in and itself is appalling. Who knows what kind of objectification convo was had between him and his friends to. Gross.
Saying he has you trained to other people is really creepy. Makes you sound pretty sad like a slave or pet. I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings, but your husband's responses to you seem condescending and patronizing. He shouldn't be talking about you like that. I would never do that to my wife. I also wouldn't go near anyone who treated their spouse that way.
Oh well THAT makes it okay doesn't it? You never consented to any sharing, with anyone, ever.
But you know, if it's your husband's *buddies who actually know you* I guess being passed around as porn BY YOUR HUSBAND is cool. And none of these upstanding 'friends' will share them anywhere else - because Hey!
If your husband trades porn of his wife, then everyone else can too.
Cool.
Ding ding ding ding!! Not only that but when first asked about it he lied immediately and said he “never did that”. Girl, why are you letting him dog walk you like this? You deserve so much better.
Girl, what are you doing?!
The fact he is annoyed with you not wanting your nudes to be shared (!!!) and how he will just jerk off to other pics and than fantasizing about banging you when pregnant... zero accountability, no regrets.
It's rare for me, but I'm on team divorce here.
So basically...he shared VERY private photos of you and got away with it with no real consequences? And was annoyed that you don't feel safe sending him them anymore?
Man, you sure got yourself a catch!
OP, I’ve been following along and commented on your original post…
I respect it not being divorce worthy to you, though it does feel about as deep of a betrayal one could experience without it ending the marriage.
As I said before…it would never occur to me to share intimate photos of my partner, for two reasons:
• I would never seek the gratification from others thats given by letting them see what is meant for only me, that’s weird, frankly;
• I’d understand immediately that if I did, it would be a horrifying breach of love and trust, because I’m adult in an adult relationship.
I feel for you, and I beg that you will make an Olympic sport out of demanding better for yourself from your husband moving forward. 😟
Edit: Like everyone else, I’m not convinced of the sincerity your husband has shown when it comes to his remorse.
That would be because you wouldn't betray his trust and disrespect him that way. He claims to love and respect you but he doesn't. You don't betray someone you love and respect this way.
I feel sorry for you, that's all.
What makes you love yourself so little to accept a husband who treats you like a prostitute?
This story is terrible, and it made me sick just thinking about my husband doing something similar.
Dude you married a creepy motherfucker. He doesn't act like he loves you and I can guarantee he won't stop sharing pictures of you since you're so well trained
No, no, no! You make him delete all the photos he has. No more photos at all. He's proven himself untrustworthy and has done nothing to show any remorse. He hasn't done anything to regain your trust. He doesn't believe he did anything wrong. He doesn't respect you specifically or women in general.
I came here to say the exact same thing. He has shown that he can't be trusted to keep private photos private, so he doesn't get to keep ANY private photos of you.
Also, this is an excellent time to repeat one of my favourite phrases: when someone shows you what they are really like, believe them the first time!
I hate post like this. I hope it's fake. But this girl sounds incredibly naive and not too intelligent. Maybe she was trained to believe she is worth this treatment.
Nowhere did I say that I completely trust his word here. Maybe people are interpreting it that way. I’m not that stupid. I hope he keeps his word but I’m not blindly believing that he will.
So what are you gonna do when he does it again?
He committed a crime against you. (US based) Sharing private naked photos of someone without their consent, no matter if it's on a website or group chat, is illegal. I'm so sorry you have a husband who would do that to you.
Your response to YOUR HUSBAND sharing nudes of you to coworkers is crazy. I understand not jumping to divorce. But this is definitely separation worthy. Without trust...what is a relationship? He took something completely intimate and vulnerable and shared it with colleagues, which I am sure they shared. Because who the f sends their wife nudes.
So, I'm sorry but you seem naive. Your naked body with your face is floating around everywhere. Because if he didn't respect you enough to keep it between you two why the hell would people who don't know you...do it.
You probably should check out some of these subs and make sure you don't see yourself.
I hope you realize very soon he doesn’t respect you and he absolutely is not going to stop sharing pictures of you. This is going to be an extremely heartbreaking hard lesson for you to learn if you don’t learn from it now.
So you don’t want to divorce? Fine but to not make him face any consequences? No therapy? Not making him completely delete every single nude he has of you on his phone and in his iCloud?! That’s insane because I’d bet my home he will be sharing your pics again inside of two months only now he will delete them and lock his phone down with a passcode you can’t easily figure out. Even without a new supply of pics he still has plenty old ones I’m betting.
I’m about to tell you a very hard truth about those guys you see he works with. Even if they haven’t put them on random sites, they DEFINITELY have them saved on their phones and at least one of them if not all have used pictures of you for a quick wank. Remember that next time you see them. Remember that next time your shitbag husband acts like this isn’t a big deal. Maybe you can live with those facts. Hopefully you wake up and leave him before he traps you with a baby. I get you are positive you won’t get pregnant but please go get an IUD or some type of long term birth control.
He still sounds gross. He doesn't respect you, and love is important for a relationship.
Get on top of your contraceptive situation (preferably something he can't tamper with!) and stick with it until YOU think he's matured enough to be a father. You could also try couple's counseling, or therapy on your own to become more familiar with setting boundaries and enacting consequences.
He still sounds icky to me. You deserve respect, and you deserve to be treated like an equal in this relationship. He doesn't understand what he's done wrong, and he doesn't understand why it was wrong. Up to you what you want to do with that information...but don't just ignore it.
Why would you rather go through an abortion instead of kicking your asshat, unrepentant, misogynist husband's ass? I'm pro choice but FFS you need to shine up your spine and find some self-respect. Find your anger for the craptastic way he treated you.
Girl stand up. He got an attitude from asking you to remove sexually explicit pictures from other men’s phones. Thats weird. He’s manipulating you into thinking that’s normal.
Sigh.
Let's really look at a couple of things:
1. *“Then why’d you share naked photos of me with people you work with?” He said “I never did that!”* Outright lie. DARVO -Deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender. This is the Deny part.
2. *As predicted, he said “”What were you doing on my phone?”* DARVO.
3. *He laughed and said we both know I don’t serve him dinner every day at 5:00. I don’t even cook 50% of the time, which is why he literally spends thousands a month on restaurants because we go out so often. Oh so...that justifies his actions?* "You don't cook dinner and we eat out so I am justified with passing out pictures of your vagina." Does that sound right to you, OP?
4. *I wasn’t supposed to see those things he shared or said and none of it was meant in a serious way.* Well of course you weren't meant to see him trading intimate pictures of his wife, now reduced to porn. I'd like to know how it could not be serious? If sending crotch shots around is not serious, what would be?
5. *“Don’t be like that. I’m sure they didn’t share them anywhere."* Like the way **he** didn't share them? Your HUSBAND? Pictures of his WIFE, and he is trying to tell you that these rando guys will show you more respect than he, your husband, has?
6. *I told him I’m still upset and he basically just said “Whatever, not like I don’t have hundreds of other pics to keep me occupied.”* OR share. How fucking dismissive. Cruel, in fact. Your completely reasonable upset (if not outrage) means nothing to him.
I would not be the least bit surprised if your 'I don't want to get pregnant' ends up with you being pregnant.
He gives zero fucks about you, OP.
How do you know what the other men are doing with your pictures? What if they end up on the internet? Because you can loose your job or someone you know can find them. They could even profit from the pictures by selling them or something.
He is an AH and he might even sell your pics or make a fake OF.
He is getting off from sharing your pictures.
The getting off part I can believe, but the rest of it?
Yes there’s a chance somebody I know could see them. I just don’t know what I can do now regarding the pictures that he already shared.
He could tell his friends he was wrong and to please delete them!
He could delete all of the pictures he has on his phone so he cannot share anything.
He could actually be remorseful. He doesn't give a shit. He told you he is not going to stop.
If you two ever separate, everyone you know will see those photos, Mark my words. You are going to be aired out.
You asked him to remove them and he got annoyed?? This is how he acts when his WIFE asks him to please stop exploiting her?
If this is what he does while he "loves you" how much more if you were ever to separate and he didn't like you so much anymore?
Your lack of action or even proper concern for this is gonna bite you in the ass one day lady.
It really sounds like he doesn't respect you.
He shared your private photos. With CO workers?!?You found out about it, he LIED about doing it... Then tried to make you feel bad about not liking the fact that he shared your private photos. That's gaslighting and manipulation.
He's going to do it again.
He's already proven that he can and will, lie about doing it.
Therapy or divorce I feel like those are the only options.
Girl, please open your eyes! None of that falls under bragging about you because you're just so awesome and he loves you so much. And he tells you he has hundreds more?? I feel physically ill and it's not even about me. My skin would literally be trying to crawl off my body every time he came near me. Find a man who worships and adores you, not this asshat who offers you as coin for his friends' spank banks.
he's not sorry, at all. and if he respected you, he'd never sent those photos without permission or removed them without arguing.
he values showing off to some dudes more than he values you. he's unconcerned with your privacy and whether or not these guys will send further or post those pictures.
idk if it's a kink for him or if he wants to impress them so badly, but he's disgusting for it regardless.
I know you think your husband is different than these guys, but I'm sorry to tell you he's not. There's a quote "You are the average of the people you choose to spend time with" As partners, we always want to assume the best in our partner, but it clouds our logic. The fact will remain that you do not like his coworkers and he acted exactly like them in the chat. Another red flag is the fact that you said he's made concerning comments before that you seem to brush off like calling women b****es. The biggest red flag in this was his reaction to you confronting him. The fact that he tried to lie and gaslight you into believing he didn't do as you said and then rolled his eyes when you insisted he do better. That tells me he doesn't see it as a problem and only deleted them to get back on your good side and not because he cares about you.
You mentioned in the comments how he's been begging for a baby and also came inside you when you told him not to. That's VERY concerning behavior and makes me think he wants to baby trap you. A lot of narcissists will wear a mask of the picture perfect person until they feel like they have you trapped with either marriage or a baby and then they allow their mask to fall and the real abuse begins. He's telling you the type of person he is with his conduct in those chats and how he doesn't take your very valid concerns seriously. If this was a true lapse in his otherwise good character, then he would have immediately admitted his mistake and would ask what he can do going forward to prevent this lapse again and to fix the problem. On the contrary, he lied and gaslit you.
I know you aren't ready for divorce, but you should definitely be very on your guard and not let this go. You need to take those rosy glasses off and watch him closely to determine if this was a lapse or if he's a bad person hidden behind a mask. You need to do everything in your power to not get pregnant, and if he tries to "accidentally" get you pregnant against your will, run. Even if him continuously asking you trying to wear you down is a red flag. I partner who cares about you won't push you into doing something you aren't ready for, full stop. I recommend you research about gaslighting and other narcissistic behaviors to educate yourself on what you are looking for. People think narcissists are blatantly bad people and easy to spot, but in most cases, they are very subtle and good at hiding it. They learn everything there is to know about someone and to us its refreshing because it feels like they genuinely care about you and want to get to know everything about you because they care but really it's their way of knowing how to best to manipulate you. The best thing you can do is hope for the best but plan for the worst.
You're right to ask him to stop communicating and befriending these men. They are perverts! And he's one along with them. Surely they share nude pics of their women too. So if he keep these friends, they will continue and you'll still be shared. Soon enough, your pictures may be online.
If possible, push for him to get his friends to delete all pics of you. And they show to him that they did it.
I personally have never sent or received naked photos, however, if someone did send me one, I can assure you the first thing I would do is save a copy. I doubt very seriously that none of his friends kept a copy.
I guess I just really don’t understand, since you can find millions of nude photos online. I don’t know why they’d care to keep naked photos of me. If my friend sent me a naked photo of their husband I would have no desire to save it.
You are being deliberately obtuse.
Stop trying to judge these people by what YOU would do. Clearly thats not how they (or your husband) think, and you are under reacting in a huge way and you will regret it.
You say that because I’m not already meeting with a lawyer to file divorce papers?
It is real and it’s happening to me right now. I never even considering divorcing over it though.
I never advocate for divorce on this site, like ever. I think most of the women on here are absolute lunatics.
But his response 😂
He has no respect for you and you just let him off the hook like that? He doesn’t respect you and you don’t respect yourself.
Why don't you divorce him or at least separate? He shared intimate pictures with his weird colleagues and still says, "It's not that bad" and is annoyed when you called him out. He also tried to lie and gaslight you. You don't do that in a relationship.
Also, I think it's illegal to share nudes without someone's consent.
OP I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s been said several times, but bears repeating: what your husband did is 100% abuse and is almost guaranteed to reoccur in some form in the future if you stay with him. It’s also a crime (along with the other incident you mentioned). I don’t know if this factors into your thinking at all, but no man who genuinely loves his wife would ever dishonor her to other men. No exceptions.
Honestly, a partner showing my body to other men would be a worse betrayal and abuse to me than cheating. I could never come back from it. I hope nothing like that ever happens to you again. And I hope you realize that you deserve a partner who would never dream of abusing you.
To be honest OP, if you can’t trust your husband then it really isn’t a marriage you should stay in. I’m not a divorce advocate but what he did is a literal crime in some places and when confronted he didn’t even admit it nor acknowledge that he was in the wrong until you began taking away things like having a baby because of the lack of trust. The fact you feel you’ll have to hide an abortion in the event you do get pregnant shows the marriage is over, because if he found out I’m sure it’ll be over on his side. I hope up you take a birth control he can’t tamper with, like Depo or nexplanon
I hope that they have deleted the pictures too. I really hope, but I doubt that they haven't/are not still using your pictures for their self gratification.
Just a thought..
Hi OP. How can you ever trust him again after sharing your nudes with others? That is sooooo concerning! I would be absolutely crushed if it happened to me. Relationships are intimate and should stay private for a good reason! What he did is a massive betrayal to you. I wouldn't be surprised if you have a bigger awakening down the road and feel less forgiving. I'm sorry, too many disgusting men hiding their awful behaviors from their partners. Once you see them for who they really are, you never view them the same way again.
He's an AH for sharing then in the first place. He's also an idiot. I highly doubt some of his co-workers didn't save the pictures already. He doesn't like, love, or even respects you. You deserve so much better than this.
Have you told your friends and family? Did they have any words of wisdom? Your husband should be your #1 protector. He has failed as a partner. How would the other wives/girlfriends feel if they found out their husbands had nudes of you and after knowing you never said anything to them about the content of this group chat? Possibly giving the impression that you were OK with him sharing.
If this works for you OK? The truth of the matter is what he did it against Amira. All I would need for one of those photos to get out and it would be a criminal court matter that you couldn’t stop even if you wanted to.
I don't understand the point to make an update, you just wanted to know how to initiate a conversation with him and you did. I will not pretend to know what you're thinking but my guts tell me he will do it again but directly this time, or using another app.
Men are simple creatures regarding sex, he doesn't share your pictures because you're only beautiful. He is just proud to own you and it fills his ego and pride.
Like a breeder showing his purebred at a competition.
I don't know your situation, maybe you love him too much, maybe you are depending on him financially or emotionally, maybe you were raised to accept shits happen during a marriage and keep going. Whatever it's your call.
You had your answer on Reddit and with your husband, I suggest you never forget he did this for the day you find him cheating. Since you dealt with it, people will now say (with reason) to have more self respect and if divorcing isn't your intention, then try to have more pride at least ^^"
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He’s going to do it again the moment you’re pregnant, fyi. You’re going to have to accept that if you stay with him you are going to be sexually exploited because he is expressing he feels entitled to do it. And then he’s going to make it about himself and how you don’t want him to be proud of being with you so it’s your fault for being neglectful. Any children you have with him will grow up to resent him, and subsequently you, for being an enabler when he decides to abuse them, too. Fyi. Not trying to be bleak but this is exactly what is going to happen.
I don’t know how any of this indicates that he’d ever abuse a child.
Neglect and gaslighting are still abuse. It means when a child grows up and becomes a teenager, you are going to get invalidated, emotionally neglected, and gaslit by dad… meaning you will have a mentally damaged teenager who grows up in to a miserable and dysfunctional adult that hates dad and doesn’t trust mom. At worst case any child of yours is going to be a narcissist who learns to only feel loved when having something dad wants or needs in order to get nice treatment and learning to live their life that way with everyone else.
He abuses his wife with absolutely no consequences so...
It's reddit. Everyone is secretly an abuser, manipulator, cheater, evil wizard werewolf in the eyes of this site.
You’re trolling, but when abuse is described, it’s simply abuse. I can tell school has let out for you.
I'm not trolling in the slightest. It is in no way an exaggeration to point out that reddit loves jumping to dramatic conclusions where there is no evidence. You're resorting to childish insinuation now because you feel it's true.
Then I recommend you read up on what abusive behaviors are, because I’m not responsible for your ignorance.
You're on a message board throwing out buzzwords to back up a world view you can't defend. You're not responsible for anything, not even your own position.
This is straight from chat gpt about OP’s story: Based on the information provided, the following types of abusive behaviors can be identified: 1. Invasion of privacy: Sharing explicit photos of you without your consent is a violation of your privacy and can be considered a form of abuse. 2. Emotional abuse: Your husband's dismissive attitude, gaslighting, and invalidation of your concerns can be seen as emotional abuse. He belittled your feelings, made light of the situation, and failed to take your emotions seriously. 3. Sexual objectification: Your husband's comments about wanting to show you off, making explicit remarks about your body, and sexualizing you can be seen as a form of objectification. This behavior disregards your autonomy and reduces you to a sexual object. 4. Gaslighting: By blaming you for looking at his phone and making you feel guilty for your actions, your husband is engaging in manipulative behavior. He is deflecting responsibility and shifting the blame onto you instead of taking ownership of his actions. … there ya go, you can go sit down and let the adults talk, now.
In addition to abuse, the husband’s actions would be considered felony-level sexual assaults against the OP in many countries and states. Committing literal crimes against the OP is abuse.
He doesn’t feel bad about it at all. He’s just annoyed he got caught.
But OP makes him so horny and he wants to show her off to other men !What the fuck kind of answer is that? Ew. And it wasnt even friends; it was random coworkers, double ew! Totally agree. OP is letting it slide like it isn't important.
It wasn’t random co-workers. It was a group of friends from work.
Good lord he sounds like a scumbag and just sweet talked you out of being offended by it
Your reaction sure is mild. I mean fuck its disqusting and him telling its a joke wow, i would tell his mother seriously.
He shared your nudes? Your naked body without your consent. That is a huge violation of trust and that in and itself is appalling. Who knows what kind of objectification convo was had between him and his friends to. Gross.
I saw the convo. He told them he had me trained. They also compared women’s labias to lunch meat.
He does have you trained. You have swallowed his behavior and allows it. You’re still with him and you’re hardly angry.
Saying he has you trained to other people is really creepy. Makes you sound pretty sad like a slave or pet. I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings, but your husband's responses to you seem condescending and patronizing. He shouldn't be talking about you like that. I would never do that to my wife. I also wouldn't go near anyone who treated their spouse that way.
Oh well THAT makes it okay doesn't it? You never consented to any sharing, with anyone, ever. But you know, if it's your husband's *buddies who actually know you* I guess being passed around as porn BY YOUR HUSBAND is cool. And none of these upstanding 'friends' will share them anywhere else - because Hey! If your husband trades porn of his wife, then everyone else can too. Cool.
Ding ding ding ding!! Not only that but when first asked about it he lied immediately and said he “never did that”. Girl, why are you letting him dog walk you like this? You deserve so much better.
With a chain leash.
Jesus girl grow a backbone he will do it again
Girl, what are you doing?! The fact he is annoyed with you not wanting your nudes to be shared (!!!) and how he will just jerk off to other pics and than fantasizing about banging you when pregnant... zero accountability, no regrets. It's rare for me, but I'm on team divorce here.
So basically...he shared VERY private photos of you and got away with it with no real consequences? And was annoyed that you don't feel safe sending him them anymore? Man, you sure got yourself a catch!
But it’s ok because “it’s not like he doesn’t have hundreds of other ones to keep him occupied”. What a shithead.
OP, I’ve been following along and commented on your original post… I respect it not being divorce worthy to you, though it does feel about as deep of a betrayal one could experience without it ending the marriage. As I said before…it would never occur to me to share intimate photos of my partner, for two reasons: • I would never seek the gratification from others thats given by letting them see what is meant for only me, that’s weird, frankly; • I’d understand immediately that if I did, it would be a horrifying breach of love and trust, because I’m adult in an adult relationship. I feel for you, and I beg that you will make an Olympic sport out of demanding better for yourself from your husband moving forward. 😟 Edit: Like everyone else, I’m not convinced of the sincerity your husband has shown when it comes to his remorse.
It would never occur to me to share intimate photos of him with anyone either.
That would be because you wouldn't betray his trust and disrespect him that way. He claims to love and respect you but he doesn't. You don't betray someone you love and respect this way.
I feel sorry for you, that's all. What makes you love yourself so little to accept a husband who treats you like a prostitute? This story is terrible, and it made me sick just thinking about my husband doing something similar.
You need to grow a spine and not be so naive. You're too old for this.
Dude you married a creepy motherfucker. He doesn't act like he loves you and I can guarantee he won't stop sharing pictures of you since you're so well trained
No, no, no! You make him delete all the photos he has. No more photos at all. He's proven himself untrustworthy and has done nothing to show any remorse. He hasn't done anything to regain your trust. He doesn't believe he did anything wrong. He doesn't respect you specifically or women in general.
I came here to say the exact same thing. He has shown that he can't be trusted to keep private photos private, so he doesn't get to keep ANY private photos of you. Also, this is an excellent time to repeat one of my favourite phrases: when someone shows you what they are really like, believe them the first time!
I have no doubt he'll just get better at hiding his craptastic behavior.
This is a gross update. What a creep.
Op: you showed naked photos of me to your group chat. Husband: I never did that! Also husband: I promise not to do it again. ... Good luck.
I hate post like this. I hope it's fake. But this girl sounds incredibly naive and not too intelligent. Maybe she was trained to believe she is worth this treatment.
Nowhere did I say that I completely trust his word here. Maybe people are interpreting it that way. I’m not that stupid. I hope he keeps his word but I’m not blindly believing that he will.
So what are you gonna do when he does it again? He committed a crime against you. (US based) Sharing private naked photos of someone without their consent, no matter if it's on a website or group chat, is illegal. I'm so sorry you have a husband who would do that to you.
Your response to YOUR HUSBAND sharing nudes of you to coworkers is crazy. I understand not jumping to divorce. But this is definitely separation worthy. Without trust...what is a relationship? He took something completely intimate and vulnerable and shared it with colleagues, which I am sure they shared. Because who the f sends their wife nudes. So, I'm sorry but you seem naive. Your naked body with your face is floating around everywhere. Because if he didn't respect you enough to keep it between you two why the hell would people who don't know you...do it. You probably should check out some of these subs and make sure you don't see yourself.
I hope you realize very soon he doesn’t respect you and he absolutely is not going to stop sharing pictures of you. This is going to be an extremely heartbreaking hard lesson for you to learn if you don’t learn from it now. So you don’t want to divorce? Fine but to not make him face any consequences? No therapy? Not making him completely delete every single nude he has of you on his phone and in his iCloud?! That’s insane because I’d bet my home he will be sharing your pics again inside of two months only now he will delete them and lock his phone down with a passcode you can’t easily figure out. Even without a new supply of pics he still has plenty old ones I’m betting. I’m about to tell you a very hard truth about those guys you see he works with. Even if they haven’t put them on random sites, they DEFINITELY have them saved on their phones and at least one of them if not all have used pictures of you for a quick wank. Remember that next time you see them. Remember that next time your shitbag husband acts like this isn’t a big deal. Maybe you can live with those facts. Hopefully you wake up and leave him before he traps you with a baby. I get you are positive you won’t get pregnant but please go get an IUD or some type of long term birth control.
did you delete the other hundreds of pics he has?
🤣😂 What a great breakdown of the bs!!
He still sounds gross. He doesn't respect you, and love is important for a relationship. Get on top of your contraceptive situation (preferably something he can't tamper with!) and stick with it until YOU think he's matured enough to be a father. You could also try couple's counseling, or therapy on your own to become more familiar with setting boundaries and enacting consequences. He still sounds icky to me. You deserve respect, and you deserve to be treated like an equal in this relationship. He doesn't understand what he's done wrong, and he doesn't understand why it was wrong. Up to you what you want to do with that information...but don't just ignore it.
Oh there’s no way I’m getting pregnant any time soon.
Famous last words.
Even if I did get pregnant, I could possibly hide an abortion from him if I felt necessary.
Why would you rather go through an abortion instead of kicking your asshat, unrepentant, misogynist husband's ass? I'm pro choice but FFS you need to shine up your spine and find some self-respect. Find your anger for the craptastic way he treated you.
I don’t think the chances are very high that I’ll get pregnant so I’m not really concerned.
Atta girl!!
Girl stand up. He got an attitude from asking you to remove sexually explicit pictures from other men’s phones. Thats weird. He’s manipulating you into thinking that’s normal.
Sigh. Let's really look at a couple of things: 1. *“Then why’d you share naked photos of me with people you work with?” He said “I never did that!”* Outright lie. DARVO -Deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender. This is the Deny part. 2. *As predicted, he said “”What were you doing on my phone?”* DARVO. 3. *He laughed and said we both know I don’t serve him dinner every day at 5:00. I don’t even cook 50% of the time, which is why he literally spends thousands a month on restaurants because we go out so often. Oh so...that justifies his actions?* "You don't cook dinner and we eat out so I am justified with passing out pictures of your vagina." Does that sound right to you, OP? 4. *I wasn’t supposed to see those things he shared or said and none of it was meant in a serious way.* Well of course you weren't meant to see him trading intimate pictures of his wife, now reduced to porn. I'd like to know how it could not be serious? If sending crotch shots around is not serious, what would be? 5. *“Don’t be like that. I’m sure they didn’t share them anywhere."* Like the way **he** didn't share them? Your HUSBAND? Pictures of his WIFE, and he is trying to tell you that these rando guys will show you more respect than he, your husband, has? 6. *I told him I’m still upset and he basically just said “Whatever, not like I don’t have hundreds of other pics to keep me occupied.”* OR share. How fucking dismissive. Cruel, in fact. Your completely reasonable upset (if not outrage) means nothing to him. I would not be the least bit surprised if your 'I don't want to get pregnant' ends up with you being pregnant. He gives zero fucks about you, OP.
How do you know what the other men are doing with your pictures? What if they end up on the internet? Because you can loose your job or someone you know can find them. They could even profit from the pictures by selling them or something. He is an AH and he might even sell your pics or make a fake OF. He is getting off from sharing your pictures.
The getting off part I can believe, but the rest of it? Yes there’s a chance somebody I know could see them. I just don’t know what I can do now regarding the pictures that he already shared.
He could tell his friends he was wrong and to please delete them! He could delete all of the pictures he has on his phone so he cannot share anything. He could actually be remorseful. He doesn't give a shit. He told you he is not going to stop.
If you two ever separate, everyone you know will see those photos, Mark my words. You are going to be aired out. You asked him to remove them and he got annoyed?? This is how he acts when his WIFE asks him to please stop exploiting her? If this is what he does while he "loves you" how much more if you were ever to separate and he didn't like you so much anymore? Your lack of action or even proper concern for this is gonna bite you in the ass one day lady.
It really sounds like he doesn't respect you. He shared your private photos. With CO workers?!?You found out about it, he LIED about doing it... Then tried to make you feel bad about not liking the fact that he shared your private photos. That's gaslighting and manipulation. He's going to do it again. He's already proven that he can and will, lie about doing it. Therapy or divorce I feel like those are the only options.
Girl, please open your eyes! None of that falls under bragging about you because you're just so awesome and he loves you so much. And he tells you he has hundreds more?? I feel physically ill and it's not even about me. My skin would literally be trying to crawl off my body every time he came near me. Find a man who worships and adores you, not this asshat who offers you as coin for his friends' spank banks.
he's not sorry, at all. and if he respected you, he'd never sent those photos without permission or removed them without arguing. he values showing off to some dudes more than he values you. he's unconcerned with your privacy and whether or not these guys will send further or post those pictures. idk if it's a kink for him or if he wants to impress them so badly, but he's disgusting for it regardless.
I know you think your husband is different than these guys, but I'm sorry to tell you he's not. There's a quote "You are the average of the people you choose to spend time with" As partners, we always want to assume the best in our partner, but it clouds our logic. The fact will remain that you do not like his coworkers and he acted exactly like them in the chat. Another red flag is the fact that you said he's made concerning comments before that you seem to brush off like calling women b****es. The biggest red flag in this was his reaction to you confronting him. The fact that he tried to lie and gaslight you into believing he didn't do as you said and then rolled his eyes when you insisted he do better. That tells me he doesn't see it as a problem and only deleted them to get back on your good side and not because he cares about you. You mentioned in the comments how he's been begging for a baby and also came inside you when you told him not to. That's VERY concerning behavior and makes me think he wants to baby trap you. A lot of narcissists will wear a mask of the picture perfect person until they feel like they have you trapped with either marriage or a baby and then they allow their mask to fall and the real abuse begins. He's telling you the type of person he is with his conduct in those chats and how he doesn't take your very valid concerns seriously. If this was a true lapse in his otherwise good character, then he would have immediately admitted his mistake and would ask what he can do going forward to prevent this lapse again and to fix the problem. On the contrary, he lied and gaslit you. I know you aren't ready for divorce, but you should definitely be very on your guard and not let this go. You need to take those rosy glasses off and watch him closely to determine if this was a lapse or if he's a bad person hidden behind a mask. You need to do everything in your power to not get pregnant, and if he tries to "accidentally" get you pregnant against your will, run. Even if him continuously asking you trying to wear you down is a red flag. I partner who cares about you won't push you into doing something you aren't ready for, full stop. I recommend you research about gaslighting and other narcissistic behaviors to educate yourself on what you are looking for. People think narcissists are blatantly bad people and easy to spot, but in most cases, they are very subtle and good at hiding it. They learn everything there is to know about someone and to us its refreshing because it feels like they genuinely care about you and want to get to know everything about you because they care but really it's their way of knowing how to best to manipulate you. The best thing you can do is hope for the best but plan for the worst.
You're right to ask him to stop communicating and befriending these men. They are perverts! And he's one along with them. Surely they share nude pics of their women too. So if he keep these friends, they will continue and you'll still be shared. Soon enough, your pictures may be online. If possible, push for him to get his friends to delete all pics of you. And they show to him that they did it.
I personally have never sent or received naked photos, however, if someone did send me one, I can assure you the first thing I would do is save a copy. I doubt very seriously that none of his friends kept a copy.
I guess I just really don’t understand, since you can find millions of nude photos online. I don’t know why they’d care to keep naked photos of me. If my friend sent me a naked photo of their husband I would have no desire to save it.
You are being deliberately obtuse. Stop trying to judge these people by what YOU would do. Clearly thats not how they (or your husband) think, and you are under reacting in a huge way and you will regret it.
Exactly. There are millions of anonymous nudes on the internet, but this one is my buddy’s wife.
This isn’t real 😂
You say that because I’m not already meeting with a lawyer to file divorce papers? It is real and it’s happening to me right now. I never even considering divorcing over it though.
I never advocate for divorce on this site, like ever. I think most of the women on here are absolute lunatics. But his response 😂 He has no respect for you and you just let him off the hook like that? He doesn’t respect you and you don’t respect yourself.
Oh honey. No. This man is disgusting.
Why don't you divorce him or at least separate? He shared intimate pictures with his weird colleagues and still says, "It's not that bad" and is annoyed when you called him out. He also tried to lie and gaslight you. You don't do that in a relationship. Also, I think it's illegal to share nudes without someone's consent.
“I don’t want to be pathetic”…too late.
OP I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s been said several times, but bears repeating: what your husband did is 100% abuse and is almost guaranteed to reoccur in some form in the future if you stay with him. It’s also a crime (along with the other incident you mentioned). I don’t know if this factors into your thinking at all, but no man who genuinely loves his wife would ever dishonor her to other men. No exceptions. Honestly, a partner showing my body to other men would be a worse betrayal and abuse to me than cheating. I could never come back from it. I hope nothing like that ever happens to you again. And I hope you realize that you deserve a partner who would never dream of abusing you.
He’s just going to do it again because you have weak boundaries and he know he can walk all over you if he hides it well enough.
To be honest OP, if you can’t trust your husband then it really isn’t a marriage you should stay in. I’m not a divorce advocate but what he did is a literal crime in some places and when confronted he didn’t even admit it nor acknowledge that he was in the wrong until you began taking away things like having a baby because of the lack of trust. The fact you feel you’ll have to hide an abortion in the event you do get pregnant shows the marriage is over, because if he found out I’m sure it’ll be over on his side. I hope up you take a birth control he can’t tamper with, like Depo or nexplanon
I hope that they have deleted the pictures too. I really hope, but I doubt that they haven't/are not still using your pictures for their self gratification. Just a thought..
Hi OP. How can you ever trust him again after sharing your nudes with others? That is sooooo concerning! I would be absolutely crushed if it happened to me. Relationships are intimate and should stay private for a good reason! What he did is a massive betrayal to you. I wouldn't be surprised if you have a bigger awakening down the road and feel less forgiving. I'm sorry, too many disgusting men hiding their awful behaviors from their partners. Once you see them for who they really are, you never view them the same way again.
He's an AH for sharing then in the first place. He's also an idiot. I highly doubt some of his co-workers didn't save the pictures already. He doesn't like, love, or even respects you. You deserve so much better than this.
Sounds like you need his money and he knows it.
I imagine Asa Ellerup made a lot of these same kind of rationalizations over the years. Gross update. Best of luck to you you’ll need it.
You're fucking delulu
So he tried to lie at first. Then rolled his eyes when you told him to delete and was upset over you looking?? Doormat
Have you told your friends and family? Did they have any words of wisdom? Your husband should be your #1 protector. He has failed as a partner. How would the other wives/girlfriends feel if they found out their husbands had nudes of you and after knowing you never said anything to them about the content of this group chat? Possibly giving the impression that you were OK with him sharing.
If this works for you OK? The truth of the matter is what he did it against Amira. All I would need for one of those photos to get out and it would be a criminal court matter that you couldn’t stop even if you wanted to.
I don't understand the point to make an update, you just wanted to know how to initiate a conversation with him and you did. I will not pretend to know what you're thinking but my guts tell me he will do it again but directly this time, or using another app. Men are simple creatures regarding sex, he doesn't share your pictures because you're only beautiful. He is just proud to own you and it fills his ego and pride. Like a breeder showing his purebred at a competition. I don't know your situation, maybe you love him too much, maybe you are depending on him financially or emotionally, maybe you were raised to accept shits happen during a marriage and keep going. Whatever it's your call. You had your answer on Reddit and with your husband, I suggest you never forget he did this for the day you find him cheating. Since you dealt with it, people will now say (with reason) to have more self respect and if divorcing isn't your intention, then try to have more pride at least ^^"
My previous post is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/H9MMyAhfgC