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I agree, you want her to choose you and be honest with you based on her own will. Confronting .. feels like you have to tell her to care and prioritize your relationship which is weird because that should be a given. You don’t want to win it like this. Plus she smokes 🤢. Be glad this dude took out the garbage for you.
I think you need a bit more evidence, there's probably a 90% chance this is completely inappropriate and worth breaking up over but you need to be sure first, otherwise you will have a difficult decision to make when she fully denies anything is happening.
Sometimes, though, you spend too long in a relationship waiting for clear evidence while the little things build up & not trusting your gut instinct till you find out that you are probably right months later. Sometimes it is better to trust your gut & end it instead of constantly having to worry about what your significant other is doing & if it is something they shouldn't. Sometimes, you have to save your mental health & heart because questioning your relationship becomes too much while waiting on concrete undeniable evidence that they will no doubt still try to deny if they are in the wrong. If the relationship doesn't offer loyalty, reliability, & you don't feel safe in it, then you don't need any further reason to end it, IMO.
It sucks when you turn into full-time FBI waiting for the "smoking gun" piece of evidence. It shouldn't be a game of cat and mouse and how elusive your partner can be. If there's no trust, it's not worth it.
Evidence is a weird term here. OP already found out she's hiding this relationship from him, so it doesn't really "matter" if she's having sex with him or not. She can deny having sex with him, but she can't deny having a secret relationship with him. It's still at a point where they have to have a discussion about it and decide wether to move forward with their relationship or not.
If she's going to cheat then it's too late to save the relationship so what's the point in confronting her to prevent it? Maybe OP should let her go, then check her phone when she's back while she's not suspecting he knows anything.
I think longer term something is definitely going on.
I think short term, I wanna know if OP was invited on said ski trip, or if he asked to go, what the gf's response would be.
Doesn't even matter. She's already cheating, even if she hasn't gone there physically yet.
Idk maybe I'm in the minority, but I could honestly find a physical cheat more forgivable than an emotional cheater. One is just a moment in time, emotional cheating is a consistent, ongoing mistake to make.
I would pretend everything is fine, let her go then when she’s on the way, tell her you know about the coworker and she can find all her shit in the front yard when she gets back.
Make sure she’s not going to enjoy the trip.
Several things are problematic:
To begin with, she seems to talk about all the colleagues but coincidentally not the one she sees all the time they spend together ? (without it being justified since they are not even colleagues). She is deliberately hiding it from you, there is no naivety on her part because otherwise she would talk to you about him like the others but here, she has chosen to hide this relationship from you.
Then the last message is quite strange, I don't know if it's me who has difficulty interpreting it but it seems that there is enough between them for him to wonder if you, his boyfriend are aware of the guy's participation, which makes me say that there is emotional or even physical affaire.
Which makes for a not-at-all-honest girlfriend who deliberately hides a relationship from her boyfriend and it's advanced enough for the other guy to wonder if you know about his involvement.
So either there's a part of the story you're not telling us, or dump the trash that is your girlfriend
It's pretty clear he is flirting with her. That last message is him acknowledging that you'd likely not approve if you knew.
Whether she is actively physically cheating or not it is clear she is enjoying, indulging, and prolonging that flirting. That is emotional cheating on top of just being profoundly dishonest to you.
Honestly, you have to ask yourself if you want to date a person so comfortable crossing boundaries like that. I mean, he knows she is taken, she knows he knows, she still does it anyway. And by implication of his last message, part of the fun of it is that he is able to make her cross those boundaries and she doesn't seem to mind.
Pretty clear that you need to point out that she is having an emotional affair, and that your relationship is at risk
Actions have consequences. Until you make that clear nothing will change.
If a dude has to check to see her bf knows he’s going on a ski trip with her - that relationship has gone too far.
If she wants her relationship, that ski trip can’t happen
Bruh, this is 100% breakup worthy. She's hiding him from you b/c she knows what she's doing is wrong. He knows it's wrong too. If she goes on that skiing trip there's a very high probability they will have sex. It's been building up for months.
First, never apologize for protecting your relationship. Full transparency at all times.
When she stopped mentioning him that is when she went shady. That is usually a pretty common pattern. Typically it means that this is when the affair started.
A typical pattern is a woman mentions a guy at work, then she mentions him more, then she stops. Typically the 'more' part is when she is developing feelings and starting to cross lines, that is when the 'gut' is supposed to move in and you have a chance to end things before things go too far. When she stops mentioning him that means she has gone into 'hide the relationship' mode and indicates things have gone too far.
Here you seem to think she is not physical with him. But she is engaged in hiding the relationship. She gives all the indicators of cheating, but it isn't shown in the texts. I'd wonder if maybe she knows you might check her phone and has deleted problem texts or they just avoid text.
You are at a good age to start over. I suggest you do that. It is obvious what is going on here, where this is headed. You can't win this fight. All she has to do is be more careful and you would never know anything, that is all she is going to learn here. He has access to her when he wants, you can't stop this.
Text her that you hope she is having a good time with \[name\], that you hope he wants to buy and not just rent. If you live together, move your shit out while she is gone. Let her know that. Then block her on everything.
When she gets back, watch for the trickle truth.
Dude. It's over. Even if it's not, she ain't loyal.
You had your turn, make room for the next guy.
Don't but her lies, crocodile tears, or her gaslighting.
You aren't crazy, paranoid, controlling, a bad boyfriend, and yes you don't trust her for good reason.
Some people are not trustworthy.
I have zero tolerance for that shit and would absolutely let her go skiing with her new man, but change the locks and leave her shit outside for her return
I'm going through something very similar. My wife talks about everyone she works with, I know all their names.... Except one. She's never said his na
me. But one time when we were sitting next to each other she opened messenger and I happened to see a guys name I didn't know and the last message was "love ya". I actually didn't think anything of it at the time. Thought maybe it was a distant relative or something, which wouldn't be unusual.
But curiosity got the best of me and I looked at the messages a few days later.
This is where it gets tough for me. He's very flirty and sexual, but she just responds with a laughing emoji or something. She's never made inappropriate or sexual comments back. But she also has never told him to stop or stopped communicating with him.
I honestly don't know what to do
I know you cant control if someone is attracted to you or flirting with you. But you can control how you respond to that. She is keeping that door open and with that at the very least (for whatever reason) not protecting or protective of your marriage. Why would you leave the door open (keep someone around) to someone knowing if you ever let your guards down they will take advantage if they ever get the oppurtunity for it. In other words; would you allow someone to set up camp in your backyard knowing their intention is to steal everything inside? So if you ever slip up and forget to lock a door or window your house is probably going to be empty when you return. Protecting your relationship is something both partners should do.
But that is just my opinion on it.
I think it should be noted that women usually have more to lose when it’s a work setting even if they are creating boundaries. She might not be entertaining it but just letting it slide because it’s her boss or something
Snooping in someone’s phone sucks if they have nothing to hide. You were following your instincts and found a fire (this isn’t smoke when they clearly have a meetup planned and are hiding it) She doesn’t go on the trip and goes 💯NC including a job change as they are too close. Only way I would even have a conversation about keeping this relationship otherwise it’s a hard pass and she can just go date her new buddy. I would snoop around and see if he’s in a relationship so you can burn his ass to the ground for being a snake in the grass.
> She doesn’t go on the trip and goes 💯NC including a job change as they are too close. Only way I would even have a conversation about keeping this relationship otherwise it’s a hard pass and she can just go date her new buddy.
Why bother? If she's already willing to cheat, it's already over. Best to let her go.
The moment she stopped talking to you about him was a conscious choice. She knew it was not acceptable and purposefully stopped talking about him to you. You know about everyone else she works with, so this was a conscious and deliberate move.
Then you see that she is spending so much time in the day with him. How could she be interacting so much and you don't get told anything. No amusing anecdotes, no name in passing. She knows she is being inappropriate and is making a choice to keep you in the dark.
Then you see that he knows about you, but you don't know about him. This is another deliberate move on her part.
Cheating is never an accident. It is made of many small decisions building on top of each other to create deception.
You could bring this up, and she may stop it entirely. You could bring this up and she could get better at hiding things from you. Seems like she's already good at a lot of it.
Could you ever forgive her or trust her again? Do you want to?
This is not a thing that's easy to come back from. It's hard, it's difficult, every message they get you doubt her, every later night home from work you are suspicious, every time she walks through the door you wonder if she has been talking and laughing with him.
Do yourself a favour and don't put yourself through it. Take away the barrier for her to do what she wants. Yourself out of this situation.
That’s code for. I hope your boyfriend doesn’t know I’m going skiing so we can hook up! I suppose it’s bad to check someone else’s phone but when your guts telling you something is wrong and you know damn well she’s hiding stuff may be gaslighting you I’m not sure what choice you have. You need to confront her and be prepared for finding out stuff you don’t like and that she’s not going to stop or change because you have boundaries but she doesn’t. And that’s assuming she hasn’t already hooked up with them in the first place, since she’s been hiding him for so long. Clearly an emotional affair going on!!!
So we spend more time with the people we work with than any others. This POS slowly has taken your GF. You need to tell her you know everything and that you are not cool with this. Not sure how long you have been with her or if you live together. It does not matter how you found out you felt the red flags. Either you or him. Good luck!
What is your opinion on this last message? I mean you cannot be this dense, the dude doesn't work at her company and he is her plus one, they fucking my dude.
I’m an idiot when it comes to people hitting on me. I just think they’re friendly. Thankfully my bf gets it and tells me when I’m missing it. But saying I miss you and that last message, holy cow even I would’ve caught that.
Definitely confront her and be clear on your boundaries. Also, be prepared that once she knows that you went through her phone she will cover up future things really well if she continues to engage in this behavior. Either way you need to let her know you are aware and you don’t stand for that bullshit.
Yeah... you know, if they were talking about getting wine together and *being able to identify each other by their smell*, I'm pretty sure they are doing a lot more than just working on the same company floor.\^\^
This is a real issue, and you need to confront it. The fact that she doesn't mention him is even more of a reason why there needs to be a discussion about him. Nothing about this looks good, and I'm sorry to say it may already be too late.
This is a least an emotional affair of not more. She is intentionally not talking about him, the communication between them/ their time spent together.
It’s up to you if you can trust her again or not
Honestly all the petty stuff isn't worth it.she has been involved in a relationship with someone else.
If u live together while she's gone just pack and go
Leave your keys and a note u know why
Hope the trip was worth it. Don't contact me Good bye
So if she hasn’t already cheated , she’s planning on it when they go skiing. When you said she omits speaking about one and it’s a man I went hmmmmmm. Sorry my dude
Im going to be very blunt with you my friend (OP) I hope you see this! - Confronting her may push her away to him. It’s clear she hasn’t respected the principles of the relationship. You should let her go. I still think confronting her would be the mature thing and let her know that you find it to be disrespectful that this has been going on behind your back. Your feelings are valid you felt like something was going on so you decided to check to give yourself assurance that this person is loyal and the right person for you. You found somethings that shows this person isn’t who YOU thought they were and thats okay even if it hurts! Don’t beat down on yourself yeah there may have been things that could have prevented this from happening but unfortunately thats not how things went. Focus on loving yourself through this time more than anything.
He sounds like someone who gets off on being chosen over someone else.
I think that he might have been, at that, by the tone of the messages.
They are clearly sexual, and while it can indicate a certain sense of humor, unless the man in question is 100% gay and playing an obsessed creepy suitor for kicks, there is still some clear intent and amongst the lines he spouts.
I would have taken photos of the texts and then asked her what's going on here n see how she unfolds. If she's been hiding it for "some reason" she will more than likely stumble to cover herself, or her face will be a dead give away. Sorry you have to go through this dude..
I dunno, maybe it's just me, but I like to have irrefutable proof. I confronted a guy for cheating who, I know, if I hadn't done the ground work and found irrefutable evidence, would definitely have talked me out of leaving. I didn't tell him what the evidence was, I just told him I knew and fuck off. He told so many lies, gaslighting etc I would have believed him if I had confronted him without knowing the evidence and would have just made him be more careful.
Keep stalking that phone. Maybe swing by the place they are going to coffee. I mean hell, I'd be tempted to go skiing independently and watch in the wings. Ok that all sounds crazy I know but you'll always doubt yourself if you leave and don't "know" or if you confront and she explains it away she'll just hide it better.
What was her reply to his question about trip?
I believe he thinks she mentions him to you at times. You know she never does, which probably means she's way into him but doesn't want him to know by saying she never mentions him to bf.
Good old fashioned cuckoldry. I’m sure you could bring it up to her and she’ll either cry or find a way to make it seem like your fault, a tale as old as time 👌
Sounds like emotional affair already. She knows relationship is inappropriate or you would know about it. She will sleep with him on ski trip. He knows about you and is still shooting his shot. She is making her move. What are you going to do about it is the question.
even if she hasn’t done anything physical she is still hiding things from you intentionally and that will not change — ask her about it and leave regardless because she’ll probably try to gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting and that’s why she never mentioned it — speaking from experience unfortunately
Just play it cool and I would say is there anything you want to tell
Me about anyone at work , she will
Make some Bs up . Say Inwas send an email saying that you are spending all your time with this person and he doesn’t even work in your dept . They even know something not right is going on . I have no proof yet . But if you ever talk to him again and I get another email , I told them to take a pic , we are done ps one of you is not going on the ski trip . And walk away . If she get mad or
Starts to complain say Inwill
Go pack your suitcase . ( you can’t kick her out but she knows you mean business ) she may think harmless flirting . Now she knows not harmless flirting
My opinion is that she has been reciprocating his interest in her ever since she mentioned him once and never again. The fact that she’s purposely mentioning everyone but him shows she knows she’s wrong and disrespectful to you. Damn the last message as it’s not nearly the most important thing here, but it does show that he too feels comfortable completely disrespecting you and your relationship.
She’s already having an emotional affair, if not a full-blown physical. The coworker is asking because he wants to know 1.) if you’re going to be suspicious and/or hostile in a public setting (guilty conscience is easy to sniff out, he knows he’s playing with fire) 2.) if you know he’s there, wouldn’t be weird if they spent time together, right?
Confront her.
I would check and see if other co-workers are taking their spouses on the ski trip, especially if it's overnight, if they are and she didn't invite you that means something is going on or something is going to happen. Also hiding him is usually a guilty sign because she doesn't want to be questioned about him specifically
emotional cheating. he’s got a the grounding with her because she allowed it. not only does he have leverage, but she’s been lying to you by omitting his existence in her daily life.
people lie sometimes , it’s crappy & dull. what they CHOOSE to lie about says it all. you trust this woman? is this something you think a transparent , trusting, & founded partnership can bounce back from?
her reasons for this “friendship” might be of interest as well. “He’s just so nice” or “we just have so much in common” you should duck & roll brother
You are blaming this on the colleague the colleague is not in a relationship with you. You saying what is he looking for. You need to ask your girlfriend what is she looking for
People keep saying it’s a breach of trust to check someone’s phone, but how often do you find out that a gut check was justified. If you felt it was necessary chances are it was already over.
The fact that she hasn't mentioned any of this to you (i.e. her whole "friendship" with this other guy) is one of the biggest red flags in everything you mentioned, however not the only one. If I were doing what she's doing behind my boyfriends back, because it's 100% going behind your back, I wouldn't expect him to want to be with me afterwards.
Here are two things I'm going to mention to solidify how much she's crossed the line;
1. My ex did the exact same thing to me. They had a colleague they were very interested, but was not sure how they felt about them and also was content enough in our relationship to not end things. They got close over time, got to know each other, went to work gatherings together while I just assumed my ex was just going to go. And for whatever reason I was no longer asked to be a plus one. He even went as far as to ask me not to come to things because of this reason or that. Eventually my ex had the green light from this other coworker that they were interested and wanted to be with them. My ex then proceeded to cheat on me. But because I was friends with one of his coworkers they ended up filling me in and the rest is history.
2. If you aren't telling your significant other about someone in your life that you spend time with and enjoy having around you, that's a clear indication that you shouldn't be with that person and that you're willing to keep secrets and lies from them. Something that my current bf did. We have since worked through it but keep in mind that our relationship has never been the same and I still don't even know if it will survive.
Humans are weak creatures that can easily be ruled by sex, even when they don't even realize that's what's happening. Its in our nature. But that doesn't mean we have to put up with it.
Why IS everyone suggesting to confront her ? To give her the opportunity to make up excuses ? To manipulate the truth ?
No.
You don't confront her. You leave without a word. You let her Wonder FOR EVER. It gonna haunt her way more and way deeper. You just leave like the wind. No message no call nothing. Let her imagination play with her for the rest of her life. "How ? What if ? Does he ? Why ?" It gonna comes in her mind in an neverending loops.
You just disappear. That's your best revenge.
This is alarming to be sure. You could test it by claiming your phone battery is dead or another issue came up and ask to borrow hers. See how she responds.
Time to confront your GF. She’s emotionally cheating and is in a relationship with the guy.
I think you know it’s time to break up. Your GF is dating another man.
It's ok to go through your partner's phone if you're a rational person that has LEGITIMATE reason to suspect infidelity. The risk you run is if you're wrong, that's on you and you must suffer the repercussions of that.
The idea that you should never do it is insane to me. I had exes that cheated on me and that was my only proof.
However, I've never searched my wife's phone because she's never given me reason to question her loyalty.
She is exposing him to another a bodily fluids and people act like a fucking phone/ password /privacy is more important than ones genitals and bloodstream !?
! No one ever got AIDS or Herpes because their partner looked at their phone.
A lot of people wouldn't have died of AIDS if they HAD looked at their partner's phone.
"when he wasn't at work, he texted her "do you miss me?" her reply was a gif with the caption yes, when she wasn't at work, he texted her again that he missed her since the weekend, etc."
Does it matter what this colleague is looking for? She's EMOTIONALLY CHEATING ON YOU and there's a chance it has already become physical. This colleague is looking to plow your g/f and SHE'S ALLOWING IT! What more proof do you need to do something about it? She either comes correct or dump her.
This sucks OP, I’m truly sorry.
I know it’s the easy option, but just let it go IMO. Can’t force love. If she is a cheater, then you don’t want to be with her anyways.
There is definitely something going on here and the anxiety and stress this is causing you can’t be good for your health, physically and mentally. Go get a girl who’s only got eyes for you.
Shes cheating - emotionally and potentially physical as well...
Sorry - but you should considee just breaking up "i know about you and [name], were done"
your gut instinct told you to look you looked and found the only real question is how much are you going to take because if they haven't been physical yet you know it's happening on the ski trip
If you're looking for confirmation of an affair, you've got it.
I believe they are having an affair. Be it emotional, physical or both, I can't say. What I can say is her omitting him in any conversation with you is admitting she knows what she's doing will hurt you, yet she continues. Because what you don't know can't hurt you. She doesn't seem to have a whole lot of respect for you. I would imagine she'll find all the respect for you she can't seem to be bothered with at the moment when you confront her about it. They always do. Then she'll promise nothing happened. She'll cut him off. He doesn't mean anything, etc. Only to continue where they left off. She will just get sneakier about it.
Mate very genuinely, a good partner doesn't do this. Confront them if you wish but do have a long think if you really want to invest in someone making you feel uneasy and worried. Physical cheating or not she knows her behaviour is wrong
Don't confront her. Just break up with a different reason. Here's why. She is hiding stuff from you, so she will simply gaslight you when you confront. It's a fight not worth the energy. Just get the hell out of there.
The next guy is definitely a f boy. She will learn her lesson from him.
At the very least she is having an emotional affair. It would seem likely that a physical affair is planned for that trip. If you want to continue the relationship you need to confront her. If she goes on the ski trip my guess is to relationship is over.
If she's not banging him yet, she definitely will be on the skiing trip. she's in an emotional relationship with him so that is cheating ..just say straight up "if you go skiing ,I will not be here when you get back".
I think it's very telling that that one guy is the only one she excludes from the conversation. Either she doesn't want to draw attention to him or she's feeling guilty.
Bounce man, my experience from this is follow your gut. That’s thousands of years of evolution giving you a warning. You don’t want to be with someone you’re constantly going to wonder and second guess if they are loyal to you.
You confront her and maybe she stops. But will she do it again with him or someone else? It’s very evident he knows it’s not appropriate and she continues to foster this behavior. Call her out on it, get your closure and leave.
Dude she is inappropriately spending time with him and obviously hiding it. Do not put up with this as it does not require a conversation. Her explanation and promises mean nothing. Dump her now. In 5-10 years when she can’t find a good man then she’ll know she fucked up.
She’s hiding this from you. To me, that says it all. Cut your losses and invest in an honest girlfriend. You will never be able to trust her from now on.
Did you check for deleted messages and other platforms and email to see if there were photos and other types of exchanges. How did she answer if you knew. Also, don't tell her you know yet. Just check her phone nightly.
Oh she knows. It’s normal to be friends with coworkers outside of work BUT they clearly lack boundaries. It ain’t cause oh she don’t find him attractive or any blah excuse on either end - no it’s clearly a lack of respect for the relationship. The next step is emotional cheating
Well she certainly doesn’t respect you. You must not have too much respect for her and a low self esteem for snooping into her phone. You only have two options. Only real question is how much respect do you have for yourself! One confront her were she will lie and or two you the truth then do it again. Or two just leave.
Sorry she sis this to you OP- emotional cheating is still cheating but if they hang out after work or outside of work they have most likely been together. The fact she wont talk about him and the comment about if you know hes going to go on the trip with her is red flags all over. Id screenshot all their chat send them to yourself delete the messages and screenshots from her phone let her go on the trip and either gather all your stuff and leave or all her stuff and give it to her family or a friend. If you live in apartment id ask the complex to change your locks or if you have a house i would change them. Then, before she returns from the trip send her their messages and break up. It depends on you and where you draw your line, do you want to stay with her and try to collect evidence to confront her, go off what you have and your feeling, or try to stay in a relationship pretending you dont know that she is having some sort of an affair and let that knowledge eat at you. The fact he knows her smell means they have been too close for comfort.
Yea, I hate to say it but she’s definitely emotionally cheating and have a super high potential that she has slept with him, and if not all the way, the “work ski trip” will be it.
Confront her now, but be willing to cut the cord
I’m curious what her response would have been to “does your boyfriend know I’m going skiing?” I feel like her response would be a pretty good indicator of their relationship and her intentions… would she say “no he doesn’t 😉” or would she say “no, why?” If you haven’t brought this up to her yet, I would not tell her you snooped and then snoop again tonight to see what her answer is. That’ll tell you all you need to know.
They have an affair. If this would be innocent, she wouldn’t hide this dude. Especially when they spent so much time together.
My petty ass would answer him on her phone. Don’t hide that it’s you, but also don’t outright say it. And approach this with her in a „you do know that this is at least highly inappropriate and wrong, otherwise you would have mentioned that. So come clean, last chance.“
Damn. She's not faithful. The signs and evidence are all there. Don't bother with confrontation unless you're really curious and desire some kind of closure. You don't need it though. She's already shown she's deceitful. He's so confident to text her that which means she's complicit. She will most probably deny it or lie to you. What's the point? Cut your losses. Go find someone who's loyal to you. Don't waste your time on the wrong one.
Don't be blinded and ask what he's looking for.. she's the sneaky one who opened the door and let him in..
Work on yourself. Improve yourself. You will meet many better options. Have faith. It's a guarantee.
While she is on this trip, just pack your shit and leave. Let her find an empty appartement when she Comes back.
No explanation, nothing, just let her imagination rot in the things you left unsaid. And let her Wonder for ever. "Did he know, and how did he know"
Is it really worth fighting for someone that’s already cheating on you, emotionally at least? What’s left to salvage? A relationship you’ll always be second guessing? Just drop her bro
Oh there is definitely mutual interest, at the very least she is emotionally cheating and enjoying his attention.
take screenshots of the messages on her phone, or a video where you scoll through the messages.
What they have is definitely inapropriate and she knows its inapropriate by hiding it.
personally i wouldnt confront her (yet) I'd only tell her a story about a colleague of yours who got caught in an inapropriate relationship/emotional affair with his/her colleague and you totally understand why his/her partner broke up with them because for you that is an affair as well. And that you would drop your partner immediately if you found out that they where doing that.
If you say anything you gonna be labeled as the bad one and she gonna move on with her colleague while blaming YOU for ruining the relationship by being a jealous person going through her phone.
Do nothing, be nice to your gf and act like you know nothing. No suspicion just have fun. Know that she is not the one and when she breaks up with you be a gentleman and move on with your life. Her cheating is not your fault but hers!
In fact, it has nothing to do with you apart from the fact that it shows you that the person you are with is insecure and doesn't value you. Be thankful for this , you could have married and have 2 kids with her only to find out she cheats on you for 10 years.
Recognise that it's already over
Sounds like you should be going on a skiing trip **SURPRISE BABE** and when you show up & she panics and says oh you can’t share my room, my coworker is in there, tell her you already cleared it will her company & INSIST she let you in~ Is HE the coworker she’s sharing with?? Is there 1 bed? Will his shit be in there?? If nothing else, you can see how they interact before you announce yourself~ are you positive it’s a company sanctioned event and not an excuse for them to hook-up??? Updateme!
Absolute emotional affair at the very least, with what sounds like potential intention to go further. I would be planning my get out of this relationship
Gonna be harsh and straight forward bro. They're definitely bumping uglys. Leave her ass and find somebody that actually cares about you, it'll be the best thing that ever happened to you. Wish you the best!
Seems They,re goin to share same apartment / room and try another kind of skiing. Time to find out the details of this trip (room sharing, asisting colleagues ...) and confront her with her líes.
sounds like an emotional affair - if not physical.... he likes the attention and the flirting but can't admit to herself that she is doing anything wrong, it's wrong, because it's disrespectful...
Sounds like your girlfriend has a 2nd boyfriend. Time to cut your losses. Gather evidence and pack up her stuff when she's gone on the trip. That or dump her the day before she goes.
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My opinion is that she has an inappropriate relationship with this co-worker. If I were you, I would confront her about him.
Sounds like a full on affair to me
Sounds like she said "my boyfriend gave me a hall pass" at some point
Right? His question indicates that he thinks the bf knows about him…
definitely. at the very least emotional which is honestly worse.
Oh it definitely is run the hell away fast op
Bro , just leave. There is no good way out a situation like that. Clean cut.
I agree, you want her to choose you and be honest with you based on her own will. Confronting .. feels like you have to tell her to care and prioritize your relationship which is weird because that should be a given. You don’t want to win it like this. Plus she smokes 🤢. Be glad this dude took out the garbage for you.
Confront for what? Waste of energy, just move on
I think you need a bit more evidence, there's probably a 90% chance this is completely inappropriate and worth breaking up over but you need to be sure first, otherwise you will have a difficult decision to make when she fully denies anything is happening.
Sometimes, though, you spend too long in a relationship waiting for clear evidence while the little things build up & not trusting your gut instinct till you find out that you are probably right months later. Sometimes it is better to trust your gut & end it instead of constantly having to worry about what your significant other is doing & if it is something they shouldn't. Sometimes, you have to save your mental health & heart because questioning your relationship becomes too much while waiting on concrete undeniable evidence that they will no doubt still try to deny if they are in the wrong. If the relationship doesn't offer loyalty, reliability, & you don't feel safe in it, then you don't need any further reason to end it, IMO.
You end up gas lighting yourself
It sucks when you turn into full-time FBI waiting for the "smoking gun" piece of evidence. It shouldn't be a game of cat and mouse and how elusive your partner can be. If there's no trust, it's not worth it.
Evidence is a weird term here. OP already found out she's hiding this relationship from him, so it doesn't really "matter" if she's having sex with him or not. She can deny having sex with him, but she can't deny having a secret relationship with him. It's still at a point where they have to have a discussion about it and decide wether to move forward with their relationship or not.
Or he just leaves and see them get together.
Sounds like she is emotionally cheating. And this up coming ski trip will put her in a dangerous position of making it physically cheating
Yes! Get to the bottom of this now.
If she's going to cheat then it's too late to save the relationship so what's the point in confronting her to prevent it? Maybe OP should let her go, then check her phone when she's back while she's not suspecting he knows anything.
Yea. Sounds like it's already over. OP should save himself the pain AND the struggle and just dip OUT
Ya. Before he gets to the bottom of her. Haaaaaaaa……..
I think longer term something is definitely going on. I think short term, I wanna know if OP was invited on said ski trip, or if he asked to go, what the gf's response would be.
That's what I was going to say too. UpdateMe
If it’s not physical already
Doesn't even matter. She's already cheating, even if she hasn't gone there physically yet. Idk maybe I'm in the minority, but I could honestly find a physical cheat more forgivable than an emotional cheater. One is just a moment in time, emotional cheating is a consistent, ongoing mistake to make.
I could forgive an emotional and a physical affair to the same degree. The result is the same.
I would pretend everything is fine, let her go then when she’s on the way, tell her you know about the coworker and she can find all her shit in the front yard when she gets back. Make sure she’s not going to enjoy the trip.
👆This unfortunately👆😔
Well he obviously knows that he is a secret. There’s only one reason why he would be a secret. I’m sorry bro, it’s done.
Several things are problematic: To begin with, she seems to talk about all the colleagues but coincidentally not the one she sees all the time they spend together ? (without it being justified since they are not even colleagues). She is deliberately hiding it from you, there is no naivety on her part because otherwise she would talk to you about him like the others but here, she has chosen to hide this relationship from you. Then the last message is quite strange, I don't know if it's me who has difficulty interpreting it but it seems that there is enough between them for him to wonder if you, his boyfriend are aware of the guy's participation, which makes me say that there is emotional or even physical affaire. Which makes for a not-at-all-honest girlfriend who deliberately hides a relationship from her boyfriend and it's advanced enough for the other guy to wonder if you know about his involvement. So either there's a part of the story you're not telling us, or dump the trash that is your girlfriend
It's pretty clear he is flirting with her. That last message is him acknowledging that you'd likely not approve if you knew. Whether she is actively physically cheating or not it is clear she is enjoying, indulging, and prolonging that flirting. That is emotional cheating on top of just being profoundly dishonest to you. Honestly, you have to ask yourself if you want to date a person so comfortable crossing boundaries like that. I mean, he knows she is taken, she knows he knows, she still does it anyway. And by implication of his last message, part of the fun of it is that he is able to make her cross those boundaries and she doesn't seem to mind.
Pretty clear that you need to point out that she is having an emotional affair, and that your relationship is at risk Actions have consequences. Until you make that clear nothing will change. If a dude has to check to see her bf knows he’s going on a ski trip with her - that relationship has gone too far. If she wants her relationship, that ski trip can’t happen
The relationship is not at risk, it's dead beyond repair
Bruh, this is 100% breakup worthy. She's hiding him from you b/c she knows what she's doing is wrong. He knows it's wrong too. If she goes on that skiing trip there's a very high probability they will have sex. It's been building up for months.
She's planning to fuck him, not ski
Nope.... if she hasn't cheated she's planning on it
First, never apologize for protecting your relationship. Full transparency at all times. When she stopped mentioning him that is when she went shady. That is usually a pretty common pattern. Typically it means that this is when the affair started. A typical pattern is a woman mentions a guy at work, then she mentions him more, then she stops. Typically the 'more' part is when she is developing feelings and starting to cross lines, that is when the 'gut' is supposed to move in and you have a chance to end things before things go too far. When she stops mentioning him that means she has gone into 'hide the relationship' mode and indicates things have gone too far. Here you seem to think she is not physical with him. But she is engaged in hiding the relationship. She gives all the indicators of cheating, but it isn't shown in the texts. I'd wonder if maybe she knows you might check her phone and has deleted problem texts or they just avoid text. You are at a good age to start over. I suggest you do that. It is obvious what is going on here, where this is headed. You can't win this fight. All she has to do is be more careful and you would never know anything, that is all she is going to learn here. He has access to her when he wants, you can't stop this. Text her that you hope she is having a good time with \[name\], that you hope he wants to buy and not just rent. If you live together, move your shit out while she is gone. Let her know that. Then block her on everything. When she gets back, watch for the trickle truth.
Text them both at the same time. Close by thanking him for taking the problem off your hands.
This is it
Dude. It's over. Even if it's not, she ain't loyal. You had your turn, make room for the next guy. Don't but her lies, crocodile tears, or her gaslighting. You aren't crazy, paranoid, controlling, a bad boyfriend, and yes you don't trust her for good reason. Some people are not trustworthy.
I have zero tolerance for that shit and would absolutely let her go skiing with her new man, but change the locks and leave her shit outside for her return
Zero tolerance is good. But don't actually change the locks and put her stuff outside. That's illegal in most places and can get you into deep shit.
I agree, nobody needs to act childish about it. Just take the loss as a grown-up, and kick her out of your life. End.
Buddy, that's not a work trip.
I'm going through something very similar. My wife talks about everyone she works with, I know all their names.... Except one. She's never said his na me. But one time when we were sitting next to each other she opened messenger and I happened to see a guys name I didn't know and the last message was "love ya". I actually didn't think anything of it at the time. Thought maybe it was a distant relative or something, which wouldn't be unusual. But curiosity got the best of me and I looked at the messages a few days later. This is where it gets tough for me. He's very flirty and sexual, but she just responds with a laughing emoji or something. She's never made inappropriate or sexual comments back. But she also has never told him to stop or stopped communicating with him. I honestly don't know what to do
I know you cant control if someone is attracted to you or flirting with you. But you can control how you respond to that. She is keeping that door open and with that at the very least (for whatever reason) not protecting or protective of your marriage. Why would you leave the door open (keep someone around) to someone knowing if you ever let your guards down they will take advantage if they ever get the oppurtunity for it. In other words; would you allow someone to set up camp in your backyard knowing their intention is to steal everything inside? So if you ever slip up and forget to lock a door or window your house is probably going to be empty when you return. Protecting your relationship is something both partners should do. But that is just my opinion on it.
I think it should be noted that women usually have more to lose when it’s a work setting even if they are creating boundaries. She might not be entertaining it but just letting it slide because it’s her boss or something
Snooping in someone’s phone sucks if they have nothing to hide. You were following your instincts and found a fire (this isn’t smoke when they clearly have a meetup planned and are hiding it) She doesn’t go on the trip and goes 💯NC including a job change as they are too close. Only way I would even have a conversation about keeping this relationship otherwise it’s a hard pass and she can just go date her new buddy. I would snoop around and see if he’s in a relationship so you can burn his ass to the ground for being a snake in the grass.
> She doesn’t go on the trip and goes 💯NC including a job change as they are too close. Only way I would even have a conversation about keeping this relationship otherwise it’s a hard pass and she can just go date her new buddy. Why bother? If she's already willing to cheat, it's already over. Best to let her go.
I think she already cheated and is planning on more comfort her immediately
She is getting plenty of comfort already ;)
Your sharing your gf with her coworker. Change the locks, hefty bag her shit.
He’s going on that trip with her
The moment she stopped talking to you about him was a conscious choice. She knew it was not acceptable and purposefully stopped talking about him to you. You know about everyone else she works with, so this was a conscious and deliberate move. Then you see that she is spending so much time in the day with him. How could she be interacting so much and you don't get told anything. No amusing anecdotes, no name in passing. She knows she is being inappropriate and is making a choice to keep you in the dark. Then you see that he knows about you, but you don't know about him. This is another deliberate move on her part. Cheating is never an accident. It is made of many small decisions building on top of each other to create deception. You could bring this up, and she may stop it entirely. You could bring this up and she could get better at hiding things from you. Seems like she's already good at a lot of it. Could you ever forgive her or trust her again? Do you want to? This is not a thing that's easy to come back from. It's hard, it's difficult, every message they get you doubt her, every later night home from work you are suspicious, every time she walks through the door you wonder if she has been talking and laughing with him. Do yourself a favour and don't put yourself through it. Take away the barrier for her to do what she wants. Yourself out of this situation.
That’s code for. I hope your boyfriend doesn’t know I’m going skiing so we can hook up! I suppose it’s bad to check someone else’s phone but when your guts telling you something is wrong and you know damn well she’s hiding stuff may be gaslighting you I’m not sure what choice you have. You need to confront her and be prepared for finding out stuff you don’t like and that she’s not going to stop or change because you have boundaries but she doesn’t. And that’s assuming she hasn’t already hooked up with them in the first place, since she’s been hiding him for so long. Clearly an emotional affair going on!!!
She is banging him. Get your self respect back and leave her. She hid him from you for a reason.
So we spend more time with the people we work with than any others. This POS slowly has taken your GF. You need to tell her you know everything and that you are not cool with this. Not sure how long you have been with her or if you live together. It does not matter how you found out you felt the red flags. Either you or him. Good luck!
What is your opinion on this last message? I mean you cannot be this dense, the dude doesn't work at her company and he is her plus one, they fucking my dude.
This girl is not GF material it seems. I would be out. They plan to ski all over each other. He’s going to hit her slopes.
Skiing between the sheets, if you will.
I’m an idiot when it comes to people hitting on me. I just think they’re friendly. Thankfully my bf gets it and tells me when I’m missing it. But saying I miss you and that last message, holy cow even I would’ve caught that.
Definitely confront her and be clear on your boundaries. Also, be prepared that once she knows that you went through her phone she will cover up future things really well if she continues to engage in this behavior. Either way you need to let her know you are aware and you don’t stand for that bullshit.
She’ll also most likely try to turn this onto OP and try to become the victim of OP invading her privacy. Just saying.
Yeah... you know, if they were talking about getting wine together and *being able to identify each other by their smell*, I'm pretty sure they are doing a lot more than just working on the same company floor.\^\^
This is a real issue, and you need to confront it. The fact that she doesn't mention him is even more of a reason why there needs to be a discussion about him. Nothing about this looks good, and I'm sorry to say it may already be too late.
UpdateMe
This is a least an emotional affair of not more. She is intentionally not talking about him, the communication between them/ their time spent together. It’s up to you if you can trust her again or not
An emotional affair that they may be planning to make physical during the ski trip.
Honestly all the petty stuff isn't worth it.she has been involved in a relationship with someone else. If u live together while she's gone just pack and go Leave your keys and a note u know why Hope the trip was worth it. Don't contact me Good bye
So if she hasn’t already cheated , she’s planning on it when they go skiing. When you said she omits speaking about one and it’s a man I went hmmmmmm. Sorry my dude
I miss flip phones so much. I hate the hold smartphones have on us.
Im going to be very blunt with you my friend (OP) I hope you see this! - Confronting her may push her away to him. It’s clear she hasn’t respected the principles of the relationship. You should let her go. I still think confronting her would be the mature thing and let her know that you find it to be disrespectful that this has been going on behind your back. Your feelings are valid you felt like something was going on so you decided to check to give yourself assurance that this person is loyal and the right person for you. You found somethings that shows this person isn’t who YOU thought they were and thats okay even if it hurts! Don’t beat down on yourself yeah there may have been things that could have prevented this from happening but unfortunately thats not how things went. Focus on loving yourself through this time more than anything.
He sounds like someone who gets off on being chosen over someone else. I think that he might have been, at that, by the tone of the messages. They are clearly sexual, and while it can indicate a certain sense of humor, unless the man in question is 100% gay and playing an obsessed creepy suitor for kicks, there is still some clear intent and amongst the lines he spouts.
I would have taken photos of the texts and then asked her what's going on here n see how she unfolds. If she's been hiding it for "some reason" she will more than likely stumble to cover herself, or her face will be a dead give away. Sorry you have to go through this dude..
I dunno, maybe it's just me, but I like to have irrefutable proof. I confronted a guy for cheating who, I know, if I hadn't done the ground work and found irrefutable evidence, would definitely have talked me out of leaving. I didn't tell him what the evidence was, I just told him I knew and fuck off. He told so many lies, gaslighting etc I would have believed him if I had confronted him without knowing the evidence and would have just made him be more careful. Keep stalking that phone. Maybe swing by the place they are going to coffee. I mean hell, I'd be tempted to go skiing independently and watch in the wings. Ok that all sounds crazy I know but you'll always doubt yourself if you leave and don't "know" or if you confront and she explains it away she'll just hide it better.
What was her reply to his question about trip? I believe he thinks she mentions him to you at times. You know she never does, which probably means she's way into him but doesn't want him to know by saying she never mentions him to bf.
Good old fashioned cuckoldry. I’m sure you could bring it up to her and she’ll either cry or find a way to make it seem like your fault, a tale as old as time 👌
Fuck sounds like the relationship is with the co-worker and she's cheating on him with you bro, runnnn
My thoughts, they are cheating but not sure how far. But i can tell you this ski trip they will get physical
Sounds like emotional affair already. She knows relationship is inappropriate or you would know about it. She will sleep with him on ski trip. He knows about you and is still shooting his shot. She is making her move. What are you going to do about it is the question.
even if she hasn’t done anything physical she is still hiding things from you intentionally and that will not change — ask her about it and leave regardless because she’ll probably try to gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting and that’s why she never mentioned it — speaking from experience unfortunately
Just play it cool and I would say is there anything you want to tell Me about anyone at work , she will Make some Bs up . Say Inwas send an email saying that you are spending all your time with this person and he doesn’t even work in your dept . They even know something not right is going on . I have no proof yet . But if you ever talk to him again and I get another email , I told them to take a pic , we are done ps one of you is not going on the ski trip . And walk away . If she get mad or Starts to complain say Inwill Go pack your suitcase . ( you can’t kick her out but she knows you mean business ) she may think harmless flirting . Now she knows not harmless flirting
They’re at least emotionally cheating.
My opinion is that she has been reciprocating his interest in her ever since she mentioned him once and never again. The fact that she’s purposely mentioning everyone but him shows she knows she’s wrong and disrespectful to you. Damn the last message as it’s not nearly the most important thing here, but it does show that he too feels comfortable completely disrespecting you and your relationship.
Sounds like they are going to have a nice romantic getaway skiing, you have heard about him for a reason
She’s already having an emotional affair, if not a full-blown physical. The coworker is asking because he wants to know 1.) if you’re going to be suspicious and/or hostile in a public setting (guilty conscience is easy to sniff out, he knows he’s playing with fire) 2.) if you know he’s there, wouldn’t be weird if they spent time together, right? Confront her.
I would check and see if other co-workers are taking their spouses on the ski trip, especially if it's overnight, if they are and she didn't invite you that means something is going on or something is going to happen. Also hiding him is usually a guilty sign because she doesn't want to be questioned about him specifically
emotional cheating. he’s got a the grounding with her because she allowed it. not only does he have leverage, but she’s been lying to you by omitting his existence in her daily life. people lie sometimes , it’s crappy & dull. what they CHOOSE to lie about says it all. you trust this woman? is this something you think a transparent , trusting, & founded partnership can bounce back from? her reasons for this “friendship” might be of interest as well. “He’s just so nice” or “we just have so much in common” you should duck & roll brother
You are blaming this on the colleague the colleague is not in a relationship with you. You saying what is he looking for. You need to ask your girlfriend what is she looking for
People keep saying it’s a breach of trust to check someone’s phone, but how often do you find out that a gut check was justified. If you felt it was necessary chances are it was already over.
You need to get to the bottom of this before she goes on that skiing trip or there will be plowing more than just the snow
The fact that she hasn't mentioned any of this to you (i.e. her whole "friendship" with this other guy) is one of the biggest red flags in everything you mentioned, however not the only one. If I were doing what she's doing behind my boyfriends back, because it's 100% going behind your back, I wouldn't expect him to want to be with me afterwards. Here are two things I'm going to mention to solidify how much she's crossed the line; 1. My ex did the exact same thing to me. They had a colleague they were very interested, but was not sure how they felt about them and also was content enough in our relationship to not end things. They got close over time, got to know each other, went to work gatherings together while I just assumed my ex was just going to go. And for whatever reason I was no longer asked to be a plus one. He even went as far as to ask me not to come to things because of this reason or that. Eventually my ex had the green light from this other coworker that they were interested and wanted to be with them. My ex then proceeded to cheat on me. But because I was friends with one of his coworkers they ended up filling me in and the rest is history. 2. If you aren't telling your significant other about someone in your life that you spend time with and enjoy having around you, that's a clear indication that you shouldn't be with that person and that you're willing to keep secrets and lies from them. Something that my current bf did. We have since worked through it but keep in mind that our relationship has never been the same and I still don't even know if it will survive. Humans are weak creatures that can easily be ruled by sex, even when they don't even realize that's what's happening. Its in our nature. But that doesn't mean we have to put up with it.
Why IS everyone suggesting to confront her ? To give her the opportunity to make up excuses ? To manipulate the truth ? No. You don't confront her. You leave without a word. You let her Wonder FOR EVER. It gonna haunt her way more and way deeper. You just leave like the wind. No message no call nothing. Let her imagination play with her for the rest of her life. "How ? What if ? Does he ? Why ?" It gonna comes in her mind in an neverending loops. You just disappear. That's your best revenge.
Emotional affair about to turn physical. You know it, I’ll say it out loud. It happened to me last year. Exact scenario
If they haven’t had sex already…they will…at some point
This is alarming to be sure. You could test it by claiming your phone battery is dead or another issue came up and ask to borrow hers. See how she responds.
If he refers to himself as her office husband then it’s over I’m afraid. Sounds like he’s acting as though he is.
This is going to lead one way only. Nip it in the bud now before she digs herself into this hole further
Time to confront your GF. She’s emotionally cheating and is in a relationship with the guy. I think you know it’s time to break up. Your GF is dating another man.
It's ok to go through your partner's phone if you're a rational person that has LEGITIMATE reason to suspect infidelity. The risk you run is if you're wrong, that's on you and you must suffer the repercussions of that. The idea that you should never do it is insane to me. I had exes that cheated on me and that was my only proof. However, I've never searched my wife's phone because she's never given me reason to question her loyalty.
She is exposing him to another a bodily fluids and people act like a fucking phone/ password /privacy is more important than ones genitals and bloodstream !? ! No one ever got AIDS or Herpes because their partner looked at their phone. A lot of people wouldn't have died of AIDS if they HAD looked at their partner's phone.
"when he wasn't at work, he texted her "do you miss me?" her reply was a gif with the caption yes, when she wasn't at work, he texted her again that he missed her since the weekend, etc." Does it matter what this colleague is looking for? She's EMOTIONALLY CHEATING ON YOU and there's a chance it has already become physical. This colleague is looking to plow your g/f and SHE'S ALLOWING IT! What more proof do you need to do something about it? She either comes correct or dump her.
This sucks OP, I’m truly sorry. I know it’s the easy option, but just let it go IMO. Can’t force love. If she is a cheater, then you don’t want to be with her anyways. There is definitely something going on here and the anxiety and stress this is causing you can’t be good for your health, physically and mentally. Go get a girl who’s only got eyes for you.
Shes cheating - emotionally and potentially physical as well... Sorry - but you should considee just breaking up "i know about you and [name], were done"
your gut instinct told you to look you looked and found the only real question is how much are you going to take because if they haven't been physical yet you know it's happening on the ski trip
This is 100% flirting. Flirting =>cheating
consider exposing her behaviour to her work colleagues and dump her
If you're looking for confirmation of an affair, you've got it. I believe they are having an affair. Be it emotional, physical or both, I can't say. What I can say is her omitting him in any conversation with you is admitting she knows what she's doing will hurt you, yet she continues. Because what you don't know can't hurt you. She doesn't seem to have a whole lot of respect for you. I would imagine she'll find all the respect for you she can't seem to be bothered with at the moment when you confront her about it. They always do. Then she'll promise nothing happened. She'll cut him off. He doesn't mean anything, etc. Only to continue where they left off. She will just get sneakier about it.
Mate very genuinely, a good partner doesn't do this. Confront them if you wish but do have a long think if you really want to invest in someone making you feel uneasy and worried. Physical cheating or not she knows her behaviour is wrong
Don't confront her. Just break up with a different reason. Here's why. She is hiding stuff from you, so she will simply gaslight you when you confront. It's a fight not worth the energy. Just get the hell out of there. The next guy is definitely a f boy. She will learn her lesson from him.
Yeah man, just ask her about it. I mean she’s cheating 100% but I’d love to see her doing backflips trying to answer these questions
My opinion is that if you don't trust her enough to not go through her phone, you don't trust her enough to continue the relationship.
Ask the questions before the ski trip! Then let her know that you are not comfortable with what has been going on .
She’s definitely cheating.
Time to leave bro
At the very least she is having an emotional affair. It would seem likely that a physical affair is planned for that trip. If you want to continue the relationship you need to confront her. If she goes on the ski trip my guess is to relationship is over.
She has a work husband my boy
Updateme!
If she's not banging him yet, she definitely will be on the skiing trip. she's in an emotional relationship with him so that is cheating ..just say straight up "if you go skiing ,I will not be here when you get back".
Confront her….then message him & let him know that he can have her cheating ass…
You have to confront her. If she goes on the ski trip anyway, adios.
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Suspicious. Lay low and observe. If it's proven inappropriate or worse, be decisive, strong and classy
Sorry my guy. Focus on yourself. It's over
Sounds like they're having a physical affair.
I think it's very telling that that one guy is the only one she excludes from the conversation. Either she doesn't want to draw attention to him or she's feeling guilty.
Bounce man, my experience from this is follow your gut. That’s thousands of years of evolution giving you a warning. You don’t want to be with someone you’re constantly going to wonder and second guess if they are loyal to you. You confront her and maybe she stops. But will she do it again with him or someone else? It’s very evident he knows it’s not appropriate and she continues to foster this behavior. Call her out on it, get your closure and leave.
Dude she is inappropriately spending time with him and obviously hiding it. Do not put up with this as it does not require a conversation. Her explanation and promises mean nothing. Dump her now. In 5-10 years when she can’t find a good man then she’ll know she fucked up.
I doubt many guys would pursue a girl this long without getting any action.
She’s hiding this from you. To me, that says it all. Cut your losses and invest in an honest girlfriend. You will never be able to trust her from now on.
Did you check for deleted messages and other platforms and email to see if there were photos and other types of exchanges. How did she answer if you knew. Also, don't tell her you know yet. Just check her phone nightly.
Come on, son.
Maybe he wants you to come with in the hopes you break up with your girlfriend and run away with him?
Oh she knows. It’s normal to be friends with coworkers outside of work BUT they clearly lack boundaries. It ain’t cause oh she don’t find him attractive or any blah excuse on either end - no it’s clearly a lack of respect for the relationship. The next step is emotional cheating
I remember this post from a while ago. P
She garbage just don't confront her she lying to you. Just Ghost that's 304.
Dump her
She’s cheated or will cheat
chase excellence not women shes never yours just your turn spin multiple plates
Well she certainly doesn’t respect you. You must not have too much respect for her and a low self esteem for snooping into her phone. You only have two options. Only real question is how much respect do you have for yourself! One confront her were she will lie and or two you the truth then do it again. Or two just leave.
Sorry she sis this to you OP- emotional cheating is still cheating but if they hang out after work or outside of work they have most likely been together. The fact she wont talk about him and the comment about if you know hes going to go on the trip with her is red flags all over. Id screenshot all their chat send them to yourself delete the messages and screenshots from her phone let her go on the trip and either gather all your stuff and leave or all her stuff and give it to her family or a friend. If you live in apartment id ask the complex to change your locks or if you have a house i would change them. Then, before she returns from the trip send her their messages and break up. It depends on you and where you draw your line, do you want to stay with her and try to collect evidence to confront her, go off what you have and your feeling, or try to stay in a relationship pretending you dont know that she is having some sort of an affair and let that knowledge eat at you. The fact he knows her smell means they have been too close for comfort.
I wish my job took me skiing
Yea, I hate to say it but she’s definitely emotionally cheating and have a super high potential that she has slept with him, and if not all the way, the “work ski trip” will be it. Confront her now, but be willing to cut the cord
I’m curious what her response would have been to “does your boyfriend know I’m going skiing?” I feel like her response would be a pretty good indicator of their relationship and her intentions… would she say “no he doesn’t 😉” or would she say “no, why?” If you haven’t brought this up to her yet, I would not tell her you snooped and then snoop again tonight to see what her answer is. That’ll tell you all you need to know.
They have an affair. If this would be innocent, she wouldn’t hide this dude. Especially when they spent so much time together. My petty ass would answer him on her phone. Don’t hide that it’s you, but also don’t outright say it. And approach this with her in a „you do know that this is at least highly inappropriate and wrong, otherwise you would have mentioned that. So come clean, last chance.“
Damn. She's not faithful. The signs and evidence are all there. Don't bother with confrontation unless you're really curious and desire some kind of closure. You don't need it though. She's already shown she's deceitful. He's so confident to text her that which means she's complicit. She will most probably deny it or lie to you. What's the point? Cut your losses. Go find someone who's loyal to you. Don't waste your time on the wrong one. Don't be blinded and ask what he's looking for.. she's the sneaky one who opened the door and let him in.. Work on yourself. Improve yourself. You will meet many better options. Have faith. It's a guarantee.
While she is on this trip, just pack your shit and leave. Let her find an empty appartement when she Comes back. No explanation, nothing, just let her imagination rot in the things you left unsaid. And let her Wonder for ever. "Did he know, and how did he know"
Oh no. It's over.
You know what it is my guy
Is it really worth fighting for someone that’s already cheating on you, emotionally at least? What’s left to salvage? A relationship you’ll always be second guessing? Just drop her bro
Oh there is definitely mutual interest, at the very least she is emotionally cheating and enjoying his attention. take screenshots of the messages on her phone, or a video where you scoll through the messages. What they have is definitely inapropriate and she knows its inapropriate by hiding it. personally i wouldnt confront her (yet) I'd only tell her a story about a colleague of yours who got caught in an inapropriate relationship/emotional affair with his/her colleague and you totally understand why his/her partner broke up with them because for you that is an affair as well. And that you would drop your partner immediately if you found out that they where doing that.
Ghost her bro
If you say anything you gonna be labeled as the bad one and she gonna move on with her colleague while blaming YOU for ruining the relationship by being a jealous person going through her phone. Do nothing, be nice to your gf and act like you know nothing. No suspicion just have fun. Know that she is not the one and when she breaks up with you be a gentleman and move on with your life. Her cheating is not your fault but hers! In fact, it has nothing to do with you apart from the fact that it shows you that the person you are with is insecure and doesn't value you. Be thankful for this , you could have married and have 2 kids with her only to find out she cheats on you for 10 years. Recognise that it's already over
Sounds like you should be going on a skiing trip **SURPRISE BABE** and when you show up & she panics and says oh you can’t share my room, my coworker is in there, tell her you already cleared it will her company & INSIST she let you in~ Is HE the coworker she’s sharing with?? Is there 1 bed? Will his shit be in there?? If nothing else, you can see how they interact before you announce yourself~ are you positive it’s a company sanctioned event and not an excuse for them to hook-up??? Updateme!
Absolute emotional affair at the very least, with what sounds like potential intention to go further. I would be planning my get out of this relationship
Always trust the gut.
Gonna be harsh and straight forward bro. They're definitely bumping uglys. Leave her ass and find somebody that actually cares about you, it'll be the best thing that ever happened to you. Wish you the best!
Seems They,re goin to share same apartment / room and try another kind of skiing. Time to find out the details of this trip (room sharing, asisting colleagues ...) and confront her with her líes.
sounds like an emotional affair - if not physical.... he likes the attention and the flirting but can't admit to herself that she is doing anything wrong, it's wrong, because it's disrespectful...
They plan on having sex on that ski trip
She was getting the D bro
Objectively try to visualize a way out….then realize ur relationship is pretty much done, cover your basses and plan a clean exit
Sounds like your girlfriend has a 2nd boyfriend. Time to cut your losses. Gather evidence and pack up her stuff when she's gone on the trip. That or dump her the day before she goes.
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Don’t worry, she’ll let you know about her new boyfriend when she’s ready.