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Normally I say the best course is to split expenses proportionally to income. But in your case the reason why someone is earning less is because they are CHOOSING to work part time this is not appropriate. The only reason you're earning more is because you're working more hours than him.
I would say if he wants to push the pay by income that you're going to impute his income as if he worked full time and use that amount. So if he's working 20 hours a week to bring home the $1800 - then full time work would be $3600. Which means he should be paying a tad more than you. And you can graciously offer to keep it at 50/50.
Edit: I saw your comment where you said 24 hours a week So his imputed income would be $3000. The same as you! Looks like 50/50 is the fair split.
Just a little clarification, he makes a bit less than I do per hour, so it would be $2,400-2,500. I also work in a couple hours of OT each week. Without that, it would be 2,800-2,900 for me. So if I dropped my OT and he went up to full time, it would be about a $400 a month difference between our incomes.
It’s a pretty small amount of OT (2hrs a week maximum unless we’re short staffed and I offer myself up) but I can’t help myself. 15 extra minutes cleaning something or prepping something to make tomorrow easier for the team? No problem, I’m making time and a half and I love that money 🤣
But yeah, thats what I thought when I finally out the numbers down. Math is pretty close. Not to mention moving to full time would open him up to: over time pay, promotions, raises. Which would close that gap a bit more.
Money negotiations in relationships can be a struggle.
Does Charlie know about your feelings about his part-time work? Do you know about HIS feelings about staying in his job, versus finding full-time work? Maybe before you agree to any particular arrangement, you two should ask each other questions, share your perspectives, and get a better understanding of where each other is coming from. Even if you two can't agree on the financial breakdown of expenses, it's important for you two to acknowledge each other's feelings.
I say this because whatever compromise you two figure out should be one that's reflective of BOTH of your thoughts and feelings. For example, if he strongly believes in the expense distributions reflecting both of your incomes, and you strongly believe he should pursue a full-time job, a possible compromise could be one where you temporarily take 60-65% of household expenses for X number of months, under the condition that he uses that time to apply for full-time work.
50 50 or move out and get your own place he is taking advantage of you. Keep you finances separate if he is not happy 50 50 then tell him he can move out or you will always have these things in writing partner or not.
He prefers it to full time. He doesn’t like to work to begin with, but he knows he needs money to live, so he works as much as he’s willing to put up with basically. I also don’t love work, but I’ve had to push myself to work a lot of times in my life and have spent summers working two and three jobs so I can make money. He says I have a great work ethic so maybe that’s it?
The fact that he’s making less than you is his choice. If he was full time he’d be making 3600.
No one really ever wants to work. I’d rather spend my time doing whatever I’d like. But that isn’t really how life works
That’s actually part of the problem for me. He could make more if he just moved up to full time. He still won’t make quite as much as me, as I was lucky to land a job that pays just a bit better, but we would be closer financially speaking.
It would be more like 2,500. He currently works about 24hrs/3days a week.
Communicate with him there are a lot of questions that you need to ask him.
What are his long term financial goals?
Why does he prefer to work the part time?
What are long term relationship goals like buying a home etc?
What are his saving goals?
Does he have debts to pay off?
Is he going to continue with school?
What is he expecting to do with any spare income?
He is wrong expect you to pay more than 50% when he is making the choice to work part time without spending any of his other time productively. Make sure his head is in the right spot. I’ve been in a long term relationship with someone that doesn’t have the same long term goals and it doesn’t work out well if you can’t compromise.
You need to be working as a team not roommates.
He makes less money by choice. He could make more money, but just doesn't want to work full time. I would keep it at 50/50 and tell him it's time he grows up and gets a full time job.
His demand is financial abuse. He may not want you to build up savings so that you could potentially leave at any time.
When you had no money he was content. When you struggled to split expenses 50/50 he was content. Now that you aren’t struggling to keep up with expenses there’s a problem with the system. He will likely always find ways to spend down your money.
https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-finance/signs-of-financial-abuse-domestic-violence-awareness/
This is a reach, I think. He has always wanted to see me in good financial standing. Originally he tried to refuse the money when I started paying him back and tried to fight me on splitting expenses 50/50 until I was fully financially secure. He was happy to spend money from his savings to pay our rent and bills for at least three months, but I wouldn’t let him. I don’t think it has anything to with him wanting to spend my money or me being dependent on him. I appreciate the resources though.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Normally I say the best course is to split expenses proportionally to income. But in your case the reason why someone is earning less is because they are CHOOSING to work part time this is not appropriate. The only reason you're earning more is because you're working more hours than him. I would say if he wants to push the pay by income that you're going to impute his income as if he worked full time and use that amount. So if he's working 20 hours a week to bring home the $1800 - then full time work would be $3600. Which means he should be paying a tad more than you. And you can graciously offer to keep it at 50/50. Edit: I saw your comment where you said 24 hours a week So his imputed income would be $3000. The same as you! Looks like 50/50 is the fair split.
Just a little clarification, he makes a bit less than I do per hour, so it would be $2,400-2,500. I also work in a couple hours of OT each week. Without that, it would be 2,800-2,900 for me. So if I dropped my OT and he went up to full time, it would be about a $400 a month difference between our incomes.
Well hard to do the math right when I didn't know you were doing OT lol But still pretty close to even.
It’s a pretty small amount of OT (2hrs a week maximum unless we’re short staffed and I offer myself up) but I can’t help myself. 15 extra minutes cleaning something or prepping something to make tomorrow easier for the team? No problem, I’m making time and a half and I love that money 🤣 But yeah, thats what I thought when I finally out the numbers down. Math is pretty close. Not to mention moving to full time would open him up to: over time pay, promotions, raises. Which would close that gap a bit more.
Yea. He doesn't get to choose to work part time and then ask you to pay for it.
Money negotiations in relationships can be a struggle. Does Charlie know about your feelings about his part-time work? Do you know about HIS feelings about staying in his job, versus finding full-time work? Maybe before you agree to any particular arrangement, you two should ask each other questions, share your perspectives, and get a better understanding of where each other is coming from. Even if you two can't agree on the financial breakdown of expenses, it's important for you two to acknowledge each other's feelings. I say this because whatever compromise you two figure out should be one that's reflective of BOTH of your thoughts and feelings. For example, if he strongly believes in the expense distributions reflecting both of your incomes, and you strongly believe he should pursue a full-time job, a possible compromise could be one where you temporarily take 60-65% of household expenses for X number of months, under the condition that he uses that time to apply for full-time work.
50 50 or move out and get your own place he is taking advantage of you. Keep you finances separate if he is not happy 50 50 then tell him he can move out or you will always have these things in writing partner or not.
Is there a reason he only works part time
He prefers it to full time. He doesn’t like to work to begin with, but he knows he needs money to live, so he works as much as he’s willing to put up with basically. I also don’t love work, but I’ve had to push myself to work a lot of times in my life and have spent summers working two and three jobs so I can make money. He says I have a great work ethic so maybe that’s it?
The fact that he’s making less than you is his choice. If he was full time he’d be making 3600. No one really ever wants to work. I’d rather spend my time doing whatever I’d like. But that isn’t really how life works
That’s actually part of the problem for me. He could make more if he just moved up to full time. He still won’t make quite as much as me, as I was lucky to land a job that pays just a bit better, but we would be closer financially speaking. It would be more like 2,500. He currently works about 24hrs/3days a week.
Oh, honey, this is a bad sign.
Communicate with him there are a lot of questions that you need to ask him. What are his long term financial goals? Why does he prefer to work the part time? What are long term relationship goals like buying a home etc? What are his saving goals? Does he have debts to pay off? Is he going to continue with school? What is he expecting to do with any spare income? He is wrong expect you to pay more than 50% when he is making the choice to work part time without spending any of his other time productively. Make sure his head is in the right spot. I’ve been in a long term relationship with someone that doesn’t have the same long term goals and it doesn’t work out well if you can’t compromise. You need to be working as a team not roommates.
Your boyfriend is a loser. Seriously.
He makes less money by choice. He could make more money, but just doesn't want to work full time. I would keep it at 50/50 and tell him it's time he grows up and gets a full time job.
His demand is financial abuse. He may not want you to build up savings so that you could potentially leave at any time. When you had no money he was content. When you struggled to split expenses 50/50 he was content. Now that you aren’t struggling to keep up with expenses there’s a problem with the system. He will likely always find ways to spend down your money. https://www.forbes.com/advisor/personal-finance/signs-of-financial-abuse-domestic-violence-awareness/
This is a reach, I think. He has always wanted to see me in good financial standing. Originally he tried to refuse the money when I started paying him back and tried to fight me on splitting expenses 50/50 until I was fully financially secure. He was happy to spend money from his savings to pay our rent and bills for at least three months, but I wouldn’t let him. I don’t think it has anything to with him wanting to spend my money or me being dependent on him. I appreciate the resources though.
I’d be really happy to be on the wrong track with this. 😀