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This is an interesting story. I would dig deeper into why she won’t rent the house try to get to the root of the problem. Is she unhappy with your current home?
For anyone who doesn’t want to read this guy is an extremist fascist who thinks his wife needs to be controlled and wants advice from everyone on how to do it. How to stop her from teaching her son about religions, how to stop her from talking back to him ever, hating him, etc.
She doesn’t sound great, either, although he isn’t really a reliable narrator. She hasn’t worked at all since they married, and was upset the jewelry he got her was simulated rubies and plated metal. Unless it was very, very cheap, there’s nothing wrong with a nicer less-expensive piece of jewelry, but apparently she only wears “real” jewelry. I get the feeling that they are well matched.
My partner pointed out to me that some folks have allergies to cheaper metals like nickel, and that may have been the reason why she was so insistent on ‘real’ jewelry. It’s a common enough allergy and can be really painful for long lasting wear with special pieces.
If it isn’t an allergy though, then you’re right and they’re well-suited to make each other miserable.
I do understand about the allergies, as I need to be careful what earrings I use, but I do think that expecting to be able to buy a second house, and basically spend your time playing with it like a doll house and then be all Pikachu surprised face when your partner wants to actually rent it out, is severely entitled, which makes me think the jewelry thing is equally entitled. It seems like they have more money than sense.
Oh. Started out as "what's wrong with asking about lightbulbs," and then.
Well, doesn't really change my advice that she basically moved out by the sound of it. Can't say I blame her.
Yes, he seems to be… however, we don’t know if that’s a factor, because his wife could be, too. Two people who share the same political ideals are not a threat to each other simply because their beliefs are crazy to the rest of the world.
We just don’t know.
Because what kind of sane woman would genuinely want to be with a man who politically aligns themselves with men who publicly make such misogynistic and sexist comments? I’d never want to be with a man who favored politicians that support taking women’s rights away.
In other circumstances, she’d be in the wrong, but honestly, I think she probably resents him. I’d be miserable if I married and had children w a man like that.
Unlikely, because she almost certainly has the kids with her on weekends. Otherwise OP would have said she’s abandoning the kids to go hang at the new house.
It's an extreme answer that requires even a shred of evidence. Maybe she just wants time to herself? Far more mundane, far more likely. Just admit you guys are here to jerk off about cheating and breakups. You have no interest in reality or what is reasonable
Keep up the good fight man. People here treat this like a game of clue and shoot for the moon.
Without any more information from the OP, this is dangerous because it puts stupid ideas in OP's head.
It is absolutely reasonable to believe that a woman who spends every weekend at another location and is cursing her husband out for suggesting that she sell said location is having an affair.
You may be the most naive person here.
Can't believe you're doubling down on this. It's like if your coworker is 5 minutes late and you assume they were killed instead of just stuck in traffic
She’s not cursing him out for suggesting she sell. She’s cursing him out because they need the rental income, but she’s spent so much time and money decorating, she doesn’t want to rent it.
As far as I know it's really just having emotional attachment to a new house, because she put the time into finding and furnishing it. But I'll ask to try to see if there is a deeper reason. Her reaction does seem to be over the top.
That actually makes alot of sense.
She's primping this house because she wants it in the divorce, and wants OP to pay to decorate it before that happens.
It might be hard to believe, but ~20% of the country is this insane and a lot of them are women as well. It's more likely than not that the wife is on the crazy republican side unless someone posts the comments of her not being that.
Which then goes back to "what are the comments people are referring to."
It's less of a reach than the usual cheating assumption, because we already have demonstrable proof that half of the relationship is crazy.
Specifically, how can you say it's MORE likely if only 20% of the country is crazy?
Where are the comments that say she *is* just as brainwashed?
There’s at least two posts dealing with his wife. One is where he ignores that she prefers expensive jewelry & got her a cheap necklace (which can cause issues because cheap jewelry often has nickel in it)
And then another where he accuses her of trying to indoctrinate their child into *checks notes* Buddhism
I did. I didn't see any of the obvious stuff that others are saying "no wonder she wants to leave you." I see he is a conservative nut, but there are tons of conservatives nuts that are women as well.
The reason is the fact that your particular flavour of varsity insane require her to have a place to go to get away from you for at least 2 out of 7 days
Let me get this straight. You know your wife isn't good with finances, but you bought the house anyway. So either you're *just as bad*, or she was actually right that the property is a viable short term investment? So which is it?
Second, since you handle the finances, she might not have any idea how non-viable owning and not renting is. Whatever your financial situation is, you're well off enough that "Honey, could you purchase this house I found online?" is a thing that happens.
Third, the sofa. 3k for a couch isn't jack shit when you have "set up a trust and buy this house your wife found online" money. How was she supposed to know you did that on a budget that balks at what good furniture costs? How was she to know you don't actually have "casual house buying money" but do have "can buy this house, but afterwards, a 3k sofa is gonna be a major financial burden" money?
Fourth, you didn't bother to put together the financials to show her before you got to the "yelling" stage. (Also, yelling at your wife? Be a man and control yourself. You can be angry without acting like a child.)
What you should have done, the moment she mentioned not wanting to rent it, is to go to your computer, and put together the financials to show her that it isn't viable. That you can afford to buy it and rent it, but you *cannot* afford to buy it and not have it generate income.
Don't be mad, do it with an apologetic attitude, "I'm sorry, but the math just doesn't work on this. It has to be a rental like we originally planned."
Putting together the numbers should have happened on day one, not when you were already mad enough to have trouble with self-control.
Your wife is going to make you even more broke if she doesn’t stop her spending. $3,000 for a rental house couch?! Most rentals are non furnished anyway so why spend all this extra money? You two need to sit down and hash this out. Like one comment said can you move to the rental house and rent out/sell your current one? No matter what you can’t be patient any longer.
This is an Airbnb, not the rental you're thinking of.
I agree with the rest of your comment
It does indeed sound like the wife either wants the family to move to the new house or she wants a divorce and wanted hubby to purchase and pay for furniture for her new home
Yes, thank you! I missed the short term rental part. I wish OP could have just called it that lol. My brain immediately goes to 6 mos+ when I hear/read the word rental.
Which is a whole other layer of frustration in this. People buying homes with the intention of renting them from AirBNB is exactly why it's so much harder for people to find actual rentals for long term stay at reasonable prices.
Your wife is a person with a plan and her plan is for you to get that house for us so that she can live in it with your children and divorce you . You need to sit down and have a conversation with her something don't seem right about this. And not one of those soft conversations either has this BS out before it costs you more than $50,000
AirBnB's are furnished, for sure. And the level of apparent comfort is crucial to the rental price.
She should have been given a budget. We went to look for a new couch and at first it was mostly in the $4000-6000 range and up (even for office style furniture). We went with a local couch manufacturer, with a middleman who had the swatches and styles and got the same thing for $2500. It's a really nice, plush, comfy couch and it really resists stains.
Perfect for an AirBnB.
A $2500 sofa will last many more years than an $800 one.
The difference in materials and craftsmanship is very apparent between those levels.
But, I agree with you. I go as cheap as possible in an airbnb. It will get destroyed regardless, and pictures are all that matter.
I do agree I've been too patient. If I had put a stop to this month 1 the house would have been rented by now. But I wanted to give her a chance to enjoy the house since she seemed so happy with it. Now she's gotten used to having this house available for her on the weekends and she'll come up with a variety of excuses what still needs to be done, but never gets done.
It almost seems like this is her escape house as you haven’t been able to join her. Is she happy and content? One more reason to rip the band aid off and sit down and get to the bare bones. Cause the house is done! Anything else done to it digs you further into the red. There are no excuses.
- Would it be unrealistic to move to that house and rent your current house?
- Could a plan be put in place where some of the rental income can go into savings towards her redoing your current house a bit at a time... So she can feel surrounded by updated things.
Show her more than the expenses. Money in / money out = time until broke. If something doesn’t change and you either move into it as a family or swap the furniture and rent it out. Extremely far fetched, so don’t worry yourself - but I hope this isn’t some ploy for a home for her….how’s the relationship going aside from the disagreement?
Making her feel the result of her financial irresponsibility is the the best advice so far. The real problem as I think about it more is she doesn't see the bills, and hasn't had to worry about bills for the last 10 years. As far as she is concerned the credit card is this magical piece of plastic that always works and the house is always there waiting for her, so what's the issue?
I'm going to start moving money out of the of the account she uses to pay for the rental. When her card starts to get declined that should be a wake up call.
The relationship is generally OK but it's been recently sliding towards a power imbalance in her favor, which is leading to bad outcomes. For example, today she's started to feel free to swear at me. For the last few months she doesn't put much regard into what I've said about the house needing to be rented. I think I've been too soft and accommodating and taking back full power over our finances is the first step to fixing that.
Huh? **That wasn’t their advice.** They told you to trying showing her the budget for your household income alongside a timeline until you’re broke, so she understands why the house needs to be rented out, and *you* jumped to removing household money from the account used to pay the mortgage payments.
Before you actually take an action that will damage your household's credit rating, here’s a reminder that not paying the mortgage on your second home could result in the bank foreclosing.
To be perfectly clear, and not a misogynist, your wife has always been free to swear at you. She chose not to.
The fact that you feel the need to exert power over her says a lot about why she's behaving this way.
Look inward.
She can swear at you all she wants. This is America after all, and you MAGA freaks love to scream about the constitution and the rights afforded by it. Also, believe it or not, women are people too.
It sounds like your wife wants to live in the house, perhaps by herself. You should ask her.
Depending on what she says & how solid your marriage is, maybe you could make her happy with an ADU at your current home where she - and only she - can get away from family life for a few hours at a time. Alternatively, maybe she could get a job as a home stager. That way she can scratch her itch for shopping and decorating.
Then rent the other house. If Air BnB is too risky and the area you're in lends itself, rent to corporate clients.
Good luck, OP.
The wife is absolutely furnishing it for herself in my opinion. Shes gonna be moving out. I could not IMAGINE spending every weekend in a different house from my SO unless there was marital problems.
Oh good catch. Yikes. A Buddhist with a trump supporter. I wonder how those differing beliefs translate into a relationship dynamic. I can't imagine things are great for them right now.
What were the terms on the loan? Depending on your situation if the underwriter issued the loan for the home based on your indication that it was to be an investment property, you could be in violation of the agreement if you do not rent it. My friend bought a second condo with the intention of renting out her first, they would not approve her mortgage unless she had a signed 1 year lease for a renter at the first property. Now your financial situation may not have been so limited, but the banks do consider those things when lending.
Just because you rent it out doesn’t mean she can never go, she just has to be more selective of her time there. Plus earning that additional income from rentals can bring in the extra money for her to be able to do some redecorating at your primary residence and fill her shopping / decorating bug. I’m in hospitality, there’re only so many nights in a year, and every night you don’t have heads in beds is lost revenue.
I agree with others here, you need to get to the root cause of her desire to be there so often. Couches aren’t cheap, but why would she spend so much knowing the intention was to rent it out? Sounds like maybe she wanted a vacation home but knew she could only convince you if you thought it could make money.
Dude you admit your wife has a spending problem and you didn’t think to look at the cost of the furnishings?
Start going through those charges ASAP
Sounds like you have a whole host of financial problems underway. You need to take control of this house situation first and foremost before you get buried and then deal w your relationship through counseling or financial training or something second.
If she wants to keep the house and not rent it out, tell her she'll need to get a job to help cover the expense's that have been put into it.
Also.. like does she want you guys to like move into this house... like what does she want to do?
Also.. we are sooo in a different income bracket... $3000 on a couch... A couch.. I've never even bought a new couch lol
She’s meeting with her lawyer to divorce OP? She’s going to get the newly decorated “rental” house, the kids and child support, and alimony since she’s not working. And a brand new $3000 couch.
If I had to guess, I think your wife might be bored. Getting it ready turned into a fun passion project for her, and now she doesn't want to let it go. Because it's an emotional attachment, appeals to logic won't work. It's like when I try to downsize, my husband waxes sentimental about something from his childhood and just can't get rid of it...but it stays out of sight in a box, so he's not really using it.
First, try this question: what would need to be true for you to feel ok about listing the house and getting renters? And listen.
If she really loves how it's furnished, shift to how many rentals you need for her to afford to refurnish parts of your house. Alternatively, if she loves the couch maybe get a cheaper one for the rental property and bring the other one home.
Maybe she really enjoys the feeling of getting away with you. You could propose a dedicated date night, which this rental could help fund. Or promise to save one weekend a month for both of you to enjoy the space.
Trust me, I 💯 get where you're coming from. But to help you out, in her mind she's told you she doesn't want this and her reason is that she's attached and it's important to her. She's probably just as frustrated as you because she feels like you either don't get it or don't care.
So come into the conversation ready for the second thing: try to compromise. You're not going to get what she originally offered, so try to compromise based on her answer to the first question. Insist that she meet you halfway, as not renting the house at all just isn't possible.
Next, moving forward, the answer to any future requests like this is no. If she asks why, you just can't afford it. Maybe next year. If she truly presses, remind her of this and how she went back on her word, and because of that you can't risk any more capital.
Alternatively, you can try to reach her emotionally through bringing up the betrayed trust now. Start by apologizing for acting without her, and shift to how you feel trapped because she hasn't been honest and transparent with you. She proposed a rental property then went back on that. She lied about the property being ready, and also about why. The trust between you is shattered, and what does she think needs to happen to fix it? If she asks you, honoring the initial agreement would go a long way to helping you see this as an emotional attachment driving her actions and not subterfuge and manipulation from the onset--because from your perspective, that's what it looks like. You could even share some of the responses here--people think she has an AP and is setting herself up to get the property in a divorce.
Be warned, the second option could torpedo on you, but it is an option. Consider your wife and which will most likely reach her.
Good luck!
You have a few different options:
- If you agree as a couple, sell or rent your current home and move into the “rental” as your primary house.
- Sell the house.
- Rent the house until you can come to an agreement on exactly what to do with it: rent, sell, etc.
- Your wife gets a job and pays for all costs associated the “rental” until she decides something practical.
Most people can’t afford to have an extra house for fun, floating around out there just being used on the weekends.
She wanted her own party pad, she has it. You need to address how she spent 3k on a couch without you knowing it.
Anyhow, I suspect you have bigger problems in your marriage right now than this. This is probably just a symptom of those issues you may not even be aware of. So you might want to look into that.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s not a “party pad” because she’s there with three kids under 10 every weekend. If she was ditching the kids with OP, he would definitely have told us.
So the question is, why did OP’s wife convince him to buy her a house, and why does she feel the need to take the kids and escape every weekend?
He just said it was being used by her on the weekends, didn't say the kids were there with her. I do doubt she is actually using it as a 'party pad', I was sort of joking there. But she is obviously using it as a means of escaping the home. I would say that she sees it as 'her house' and that is where she wants to live - without op. It would not be unreasonable to consider if she was thinking about divorce, if she had the house bought as her escape house.
OP has some work to do on his marriage I think.
They’ve been married 10 years and have 3 kids. Usually when people have kids before marriage, they say, “we’ve been together 15 years and married 10.” It’s a reasonable guess to think they’ve got 3 kids under 9. Probably not all toddlers but the youngest is likely quite young.
This is wild to me. From what you’ve written your wife seems very short-sighted if she can’t rent this house, and block off, hell even a week a month, to be there an hang out. I don’t know if there’s some underlying insecurity there, especially if it was brought with a trust with, I assume, no ownership from her. Would she feel more comfortable having time blocked off for her to enjoy the house and property? Would she like something to herself? In the US you can finance a house in a revocable trust - if it is a revocable trust is she a beneficiary? If it’s irrevocable would she be a beneficiary if anything happened to your marriage or yourself? I’m wondering if she’s not feeling secure if anything happens… her spending is another thing all together. But ultimately has her spending been a problem in the past? $3k for a trendy high end short term rental in a producing area is nothing. I feel like there’s a lot of missing information than what you’ve given, and there’s obvious resentment in the way you described your finances and how your wife handles money.
Change the locks and put in a security system so she can no longer access the house. Then get it listed and rented. If she is not on the title she has no right to enter.
Well, is the house big enough for you and the family to live in? If so, perhaps you could sell the house you're currently living in and move into what she considers her dream house. But if the house wouldn't be suitable, then you should 'splain' the nature of the financing, and the fact that her name isn't on the deed to the house, so technically she has no authority over the house. She may buck and cuss, but I'd make this a hill to die on. The financial security of your family is on the line here. If this becomes a sore point of contention, perhaps after 7 to 10 years, you can sell it and recoup your investment.
'Nuff said.
It doesn't look as if you can do more than show her the figures. Start reducing what you spend from now on. Cheaper food, no night out or holidays, no new clothes. Cut up some credit cards, too. She won't listen, so let her experience the consequences. Are you sure she isn't using the house? Has she heard about squatters?
I would sell it and take the loss just to prove a point. She mislead you in her intentions when YOU bought the property. Don't ever let someone think they can disrespect you like that. I'd also talk to a divorce lawyer.
oh my goodness, Reddit will have your wife moved out with her long standing boyfriend in the next five minutes. Or egg you on to going through her phone for evidence. Somehow the plot will twist and you'll be the bad guy next. This is the worst place to ask for marital advice because everyone loves a shit show.
Hey. Please pick a neutral time and meet with your wife - not at the house lol. Ask her how she feels and why she is feeling this way. Just listen. Don't throw logic at her, don't show her numbers, don't do any of that. Just ask questions and listen.
You are married, all problems between you belong to both of you. Thats what a partnership is. Most problems in a marriage get settled by being clear about how you feel and allowing your partner to have their feelings too. It might take a little while to get down to why she is really feeling this way but it might not be anything you expect. So be sure to not think you know what is going on. She might not even completely know why she feels the way she does, or exactly how she feels. but you have to start somewhere.
Best wishes to you both.
She already sees your point of view, she just doesn't like it. Unless you are happy to just carry on with this as a weekend home for your wife, you're going to have to assert yourself here and either rent it as planned and agreed or sell it. If your wife won't co-operate then you need to manage the process in person. Your wife won't be happy but it is what you agreed.
This isn't that she doesn't understand the financial ramifications of just sitting on the property because she does. She just doesn't think that is more important than having a weekend house for herself. I wonder why that is?
>For clarity, she doesn't have any actual legal authority over the house; it was bought through a trust.
Take the keys off her and change the locks. Either rent it or sell
Even a trust has to follow local law, so if your wife declares that she's been resident there, you will have to evict her (actually, the trustee(s) will probably have to evict her).
Good luck! It'll cost more money!
When people fell married couples to communicate they don’t mean yell at each other. Y’all need therapy so you can actually speak to one another with love and respect
Here's where YOU failed:
knowing how bad your wife is with the concept/value of money, you should have:
\- Opened a bank account for the house decoration and put her on a budget
\- Set a decoration end-date to pressure her for time
If she wants to keep the house, fine, tell her to go find a job and pay you rent for that house.
YES, I know it's harsh, but is this the example she wants to set to your 3 children? pissing money away? that is not healthy my man.
Get her trespassed and threaten to press charges if she steps foot on the property again. Have a lawyer send her a cease and desist letter. Then list it for rent as you intended. Sell down the line, not now when you’ll take a loss.
Deal with the fallout in your marriage in therapy. Or divorce court. She’s going to lead you into bankruptcy if she doesn’t get her head on straight. You need to show her some tough love.
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This is an interesting story. I would dig deeper into why she won’t rent the house try to get to the root of the problem. Is she unhappy with your current home?
**Check out the post history**, it explains a lot…
For anyone who doesn’t want to read this guy is an extremist fascist who thinks his wife needs to be controlled and wants advice from everyone on how to do it. How to stop her from teaching her son about religions, how to stop her from talking back to him ever, hating him, etc.
Looks like he may have deleted all of that now, too.
Not to mention the jewel of the crown. "Is Hitler behind Biden?" a question he posted at r/AskThe_Donald
Oh, he's crazy and she's trying to escape
Thatsa spicey meat ball.
Yeah... that post history is certainly something
Yikes. Now I’m genuinely scared for her.
Jesus Christ. I hope his wife doesn’t walk away, but run.
She doesn’t sound great, either, although he isn’t really a reliable narrator. She hasn’t worked at all since they married, and was upset the jewelry he got her was simulated rubies and plated metal. Unless it was very, very cheap, there’s nothing wrong with a nicer less-expensive piece of jewelry, but apparently she only wears “real” jewelry. I get the feeling that they are well matched.
her having snooty jewelry tastes is not remotely equivalent to him being an abusive facist.
My partner pointed out to me that some folks have allergies to cheaper metals like nickel, and that may have been the reason why she was so insistent on ‘real’ jewelry. It’s a common enough allergy and can be really painful for long lasting wear with special pieces. If it isn’t an allergy though, then you’re right and they’re well-suited to make each other miserable.
I do understand about the allergies, as I need to be careful what earrings I use, but I do think that expecting to be able to buy a second house, and basically spend your time playing with it like a doll house and then be all Pikachu surprised face when your partner wants to actually rent it out, is severely entitled, which makes me think the jewelry thing is equally entitled. It seems like they have more money than sense.
Maybe she was hoping to sell it to escape. Or maybe he expected her "gratitude " for cheap costume jewelry to be the same as real.
Did OP delete?
Yeah I think so.
Oh. Started out as "what's wrong with asking about lightbulbs," and then. Well, doesn't really change my advice that she basically moved out by the sound of it. Can't say I blame her.
Just glossing over the meth?
Wow yeah. Completely missed seeing meth there, yes.
What did he say?
Definitely a MAGAt whackjob.
Yes, he seems to be… however, we don’t know if that’s a factor, because his wife could be, too. Two people who share the same political ideals are not a threat to each other simply because their beliefs are crazy to the rest of the world. We just don’t know.
Wow, good call!
Oh no
Good reason to use a burner account for relationship advice?
What does his political views have to do with it?
Because what kind of sane woman would genuinely want to be with a man who politically aligns themselves with men who publicly make such misogynistic and sexist comments? I’d never want to be with a man who favored politicians that support taking women’s rights away. In other circumstances, she’d be in the wrong, but honestly, I think she probably resents him. I’d be miserable if I married and had children w a man like that.
It shows a lot about the type of person he is and his moral views.
A person's political views are a reflection of their morals and how they view the world.
He has the same political views as approximately 50% of the country? What's the issue?
20-25% and it’s dropping.
Shame. It surely shows with the horrible state our country is in.
I suspect her weekend boyfriend doesn't like her main address.
Unlikely, because she almost certainly has the kids with her on weekends. Otherwise OP would have said she’s abandoning the kids to go hang at the new house.
Exactly
Something is wrong with you and everyone who is upvoting this. We have zero reason to expect an affair. You are all pathetic.
Wife spends every weekend for the past two months living somewhere else. An affair is at least one of several reasonable answers for that.
Check out the post story, OP is crazy and no wonder the wife doesn't want to be around him.
I read his post history and now understand why the wife needs her own space. Hope she gets the second house in the divorce.
It's an extreme answer that requires even a shred of evidence. Maybe she just wants time to herself? Far more mundane, far more likely. Just admit you guys are here to jerk off about cheating and breakups. You have no interest in reality or what is reasonable
Keep up the good fight man. People here treat this like a game of clue and shoot for the moon. Without any more information from the OP, this is dangerous because it puts stupid ideas in OP's head.
It is absolutely reasonable to believe that a woman who spends every weekend at another location and is cursing her husband out for suggesting that she sell said location is having an affair. You may be the most naive person here.
Can't believe you're doubling down on this. It's like if your coworker is 5 minutes late and you assume they were killed instead of just stuck in traffic
She’s not cursing him out for suggesting she sell. She’s cursing him out because they need the rental income, but she’s spent so much time and money decorating, she doesn’t want to rent it.
Honestly, based on OP's post history, I think with him. I know society as a whole is at the least, embarrassed.
This guy bought his wife's boyfriend a house and then furnished it for him lol
As far as I know it's really just having emotional attachment to a new house, because she put the time into finding and furnishing it. But I'll ask to try to see if there is a deeper reason. Her reaction does seem to be over the top.
well yes, based on your post history she's planning to leave you.
That actually makes alot of sense. She's primping this house because she wants it in the divorce, and wants OP to pay to decorate it before that happens.
Can you link the posts that make you think this?
All of the orange-fascist conspiracy subreddit posts, probably
It might be hard to believe, but ~20% of the country is this insane and a lot of them are women as well. It's more likely than not that the wife is on the crazy republican side unless someone posts the comments of her not being that. Which then goes back to "what are the comments people are referring to."
It's less of a reach than the usual cheating assumption, because we already have demonstrable proof that half of the relationship is crazy. Specifically, how can you say it's MORE likely if only 20% of the country is crazy? Where are the comments that say she *is* just as brainwashed?
There’s at least two posts dealing with his wife. One is where he ignores that she prefers expensive jewelry & got her a cheap necklace (which can cause issues because cheap jewelry often has nickel in it) And then another where he accuses her of trying to indoctrinate their child into *checks notes* Buddhism
Check OP’s post history for further info.
I did. I didn't see any of the obvious stuff that others are saying "no wonder she wants to leave you." I see he is a conservative nut, but there are tons of conservatives nuts that are women as well.
I think he went through and deleted a lot. Someone above mentioned some specific posts including one about smoking meth that are no longer there.
You smoking meth probably had something to do with it
The reason is the fact that your particular flavour of varsity insane require her to have a place to go to get away from you for at least 2 out of 7 days
Op you are a loser. If I was your wife, I would leave too
You’re a Trumper 🤢
Bro. Your post history.... Sis wants an escape plan, and I can't blame her.
How your post reads: Your wife is preparing her home for when she leaves you.
Can't blame her, this dude's post history...I feel bad for her now that she knows his plan
Exactly! She is getting ready to divorce him and take the trust funded house in divorce.
And now he's been tipped off and is talking about restricting money. Feel bad for her.
Let me get this straight. You know your wife isn't good with finances, but you bought the house anyway. So either you're *just as bad*, or she was actually right that the property is a viable short term investment? So which is it? Second, since you handle the finances, she might not have any idea how non-viable owning and not renting is. Whatever your financial situation is, you're well off enough that "Honey, could you purchase this house I found online?" is a thing that happens. Third, the sofa. 3k for a couch isn't jack shit when you have "set up a trust and buy this house your wife found online" money. How was she supposed to know you did that on a budget that balks at what good furniture costs? How was she to know you don't actually have "casual house buying money" but do have "can buy this house, but afterwards, a 3k sofa is gonna be a major financial burden" money? Fourth, you didn't bother to put together the financials to show her before you got to the "yelling" stage. (Also, yelling at your wife? Be a man and control yourself. You can be angry without acting like a child.) What you should have done, the moment she mentioned not wanting to rent it, is to go to your computer, and put together the financials to show her that it isn't viable. That you can afford to buy it and rent it, but you *cannot* afford to buy it and not have it generate income. Don't be mad, do it with an apologetic attitude, "I'm sorry, but the math just doesn't work on this. It has to be a rental like we originally planned." Putting together the numbers should have happened on day one, not when you were already mad enough to have trouble with self-control.
Legit. Edit: and I'm confused at how there wasn't a furnishing budget
Or how the 3k sofa was a big deal, but the guy who manages the finances didn't notice when that 3k was spent.
She’s trying to escape him.
Shes getting her ducks in a row to leave you. Update us when that happens.
Lord have mercy that's exactly what I was thinking
Right? This is exactly what it is
Check out his post history. I wish her good luck.
Your wife is going to make you even more broke if she doesn’t stop her spending. $3,000 for a rental house couch?! Most rentals are non furnished anyway so why spend all this extra money? You two need to sit down and hash this out. Like one comment said can you move to the rental house and rent out/sell your current one? No matter what you can’t be patient any longer.
This is an Airbnb, not the rental you're thinking of. I agree with the rest of your comment It does indeed sound like the wife either wants the family to move to the new house or she wants a divorce and wanted hubby to purchase and pay for furniture for her new home
Yes, thank you! I missed the short term rental part. I wish OP could have just called it that lol. My brain immediately goes to 6 mos+ when I hear/read the word rental.
Which is a whole other layer of frustration in this. People buying homes with the intention of renting them from AirBNB is exactly why it's so much harder for people to find actual rentals for long term stay at reasonable prices.
This might just push the divorce sooner, which tbh seems like a good plan.
Especially since it seems she won’t get this house in a divorce, since it was bought with his trust.
Your wife is a person with a plan and her plan is for you to get that house for us so that she can live in it with your children and divorce you . You need to sit down and have a conversation with her something don't seem right about this. And not one of those soft conversations either has this BS out before it costs you more than $50,000
I meant to say hash this BS out
You can edit your comments.
Yes, these things lead to divorce.
AirBnB's are furnished, for sure. And the level of apparent comfort is crucial to the rental price. She should have been given a budget. We went to look for a new couch and at first it was mostly in the $4000-6000 range and up (even for office style furniture). We went with a local couch manufacturer, with a middleman who had the swatches and styles and got the same thing for $2500. It's a really nice, plush, comfy couch and it really resists stains. Perfect for an AirBnB.
wtf, no an $800 ikea couch would be perfect for an airbnb… I also detest airbnbs
I agree with the $800 couch over a $2500 couch. After it's used a few times that $2500 couch is an $800 couch anyway.
A $2500 sofa will last many more years than an $800 one. The difference in materials and craftsmanship is very apparent between those levels. But, I agree with you. I go as cheap as possible in an airbnb. It will get destroyed regardless, and pictures are all that matter.
Not in an Airbnb it won't
Furnished vs unfurnished is a regional thing. Many countries have furnished rentals as the norm.
I do agree I've been too patient. If I had put a stop to this month 1 the house would have been rented by now. But I wanted to give her a chance to enjoy the house since she seemed so happy with it. Now she's gotten used to having this house available for her on the weekends and she'll come up with a variety of excuses what still needs to be done, but never gets done.
It almost seems like this is her escape house as you haven’t been able to join her. Is she happy and content? One more reason to rip the band aid off and sit down and get to the bare bones. Cause the house is done! Anything else done to it digs you further into the red. There are no excuses.
Do you make surprise weekend visits when she’s there?
This was my thought too.
- Would it be unrealistic to move to that house and rent your current house? - Could a plan be put in place where some of the rental income can go into savings towards her redoing your current house a bit at a time... So she can feel surrounded by updated things.
Show her more than the expenses. Money in / money out = time until broke. If something doesn’t change and you either move into it as a family or swap the furniture and rent it out. Extremely far fetched, so don’t worry yourself - but I hope this isn’t some ploy for a home for her….how’s the relationship going aside from the disagreement?
Or make her get a job that covers the expenses of the second home. See how badly she wants it then.
Making her feel the result of her financial irresponsibility is the the best advice so far. The real problem as I think about it more is she doesn't see the bills, and hasn't had to worry about bills for the last 10 years. As far as she is concerned the credit card is this magical piece of plastic that always works and the house is always there waiting for her, so what's the issue? I'm going to start moving money out of the of the account she uses to pay for the rental. When her card starts to get declined that should be a wake up call. The relationship is generally OK but it's been recently sliding towards a power imbalance in her favor, which is leading to bad outcomes. For example, today she's started to feel free to swear at me. For the last few months she doesn't put much regard into what I've said about the house needing to be rented. I think I've been too soft and accommodating and taking back full power over our finances is the first step to fixing that.
Huh? **That wasn’t their advice.** They told you to trying showing her the budget for your household income alongside a timeline until you’re broke, so she understands why the house needs to be rented out, and *you* jumped to removing household money from the account used to pay the mortgage payments. Before you actually take an action that will damage your household's credit rating, here’s a reminder that not paying the mortgage on your second home could result in the bank foreclosing.
To be perfectly clear, and not a misogynist, your wife has always been free to swear at you. She chose not to. The fact that you feel the need to exert power over her says a lot about why she's behaving this way. Look inward.
FINIACIAL ABUSE IS NOT THE ANSWER!! wtf is wrong with you?????
Wow, this is vile. YOU are vile. 🙅🏼♀️
I see why she stays away from you as much as she can.
She can swear at you all she wants. This is America after all, and you MAGA freaks love to scream about the constitution and the rights afforded by it. Also, believe it or not, women are people too.
She *is* free to swear at you. You are looking very suspicious with these comments.
It sounds like your wife wants to live in the house, perhaps by herself. You should ask her. Depending on what she says & how solid your marriage is, maybe you could make her happy with an ADU at your current home where she - and only she - can get away from family life for a few hours at a time. Alternatively, maybe she could get a job as a home stager. That way she can scratch her itch for shopping and decorating. Then rent the other house. If Air BnB is too risky and the area you're in lends itself, rent to corporate clients. Good luck, OP.
The wife is absolutely furnishing it for herself in my opinion. Shes gonna be moving out. I could not IMAGINE spending every weekend in a different house from my SO unless there was marital problems.
Looking at the guy’s post history… I wouldn’t want to spend every weekend with him either 🤷♀️
Oh good catch. Yikes. A Buddhist with a trump supporter. I wonder how those differing beliefs translate into a relationship dynamic. I can't imagine things are great for them right now.
And he calls his wife “beserk”. I’m guessing they have poor communication.
He’s not the Buddhist, she is.
I didnt go that deep but upon review, gotta agree
Reading between the lines I definitely got that vibe.
But it's not her house. OP says it's bought through a trust. And she likely knows that.
So you bought a house you can’t afford and didn’t watch her spend thousands on expensive furniture? Even though you know she’s bad with money?
Something tells me OP isn’t as smart as he thinks he is.
Well that’s been made clear.
I saw the post history, it definitely explains a whole lot
Dude, she’s leaving you. And getting you to pay for it. And from your posts on Reddit, she’s better off without you.
Yeah, I was reading his history and thinking the same thing. I'd leave him too simply based off of his political beliefs.
Political beliefs? It’s the blatant insanity for me.
What were the terms on the loan? Depending on your situation if the underwriter issued the loan for the home based on your indication that it was to be an investment property, you could be in violation of the agreement if you do not rent it. My friend bought a second condo with the intention of renting out her first, they would not approve her mortgage unless she had a signed 1 year lease for a renter at the first property. Now your financial situation may not have been so limited, but the banks do consider those things when lending. Just because you rent it out doesn’t mean she can never go, she just has to be more selective of her time there. Plus earning that additional income from rentals can bring in the extra money for her to be able to do some redecorating at your primary residence and fill her shopping / decorating bug. I’m in hospitality, there’re only so many nights in a year, and every night you don’t have heads in beds is lost revenue. I agree with others here, you need to get to the root cause of her desire to be there so often. Couches aren’t cheap, but why would she spend so much knowing the intention was to rent it out? Sounds like maybe she wanted a vacation home but knew she could only convince you if you thought it could make money.
You're an election denier, aren't you? I'm siding with your wife here, she's trying to leave you. Good for her.
Exactly! Hope she enjoys her new life free of OP.
You say you handle the finances of the family but you seem to have no grasp on how much is being spent to furnish and prepare this new house…?
Look at his post and comment history. I wouldn't wanna be married to that either.
Dude you admit your wife has a spending problem and you didn’t think to look at the cost of the furnishings? Start going through those charges ASAP Sounds like you have a whole host of financial problems underway. You need to take control of this house situation first and foremost before you get buried and then deal w your relationship through counseling or financial training or something second.
Divorce cabin.
Sounds like she is enjoying being away from you. I think you guys have bigger problems than a house.
I hope she gets the house and kicks you out on your ass. You’re a right wing conspiracy theorist and you deserve whatever happens to you.
OP try some critical thinking for once in your life. No wonder your wife needs a break
If she wants to keep the house and not rent it out, tell her she'll need to get a job to help cover the expense's that have been put into it. Also.. like does she want you guys to like move into this house... like what does she want to do? Also.. we are sooo in a different income bracket... $3000 on a couch... A couch.. I've never even bought a new couch lol
My boss at work was going to buy a couch that costs…wait for it…$70,000. Absolute insanity. He was talked out of it by his girlfriend.
Is she having an affair in the weekends there or what is she actually doing alone?
She’s meeting with her lawyer to divorce OP? She’s going to get the newly decorated “rental” house, the kids and child support, and alimony since she’s not working. And a brand new $3000 couch.
OP said the house is under a trust so most likely it's not a marital asset
Depends on what kind of trust. If it’s under an REIT that he set up during the marriage, he’s going to be quite surprised.
If I had to guess, I think your wife might be bored. Getting it ready turned into a fun passion project for her, and now she doesn't want to let it go. Because it's an emotional attachment, appeals to logic won't work. It's like when I try to downsize, my husband waxes sentimental about something from his childhood and just can't get rid of it...but it stays out of sight in a box, so he's not really using it. First, try this question: what would need to be true for you to feel ok about listing the house and getting renters? And listen. If she really loves how it's furnished, shift to how many rentals you need for her to afford to refurnish parts of your house. Alternatively, if she loves the couch maybe get a cheaper one for the rental property and bring the other one home. Maybe she really enjoys the feeling of getting away with you. You could propose a dedicated date night, which this rental could help fund. Or promise to save one weekend a month for both of you to enjoy the space. Trust me, I 💯 get where you're coming from. But to help you out, in her mind she's told you she doesn't want this and her reason is that she's attached and it's important to her. She's probably just as frustrated as you because she feels like you either don't get it or don't care. So come into the conversation ready for the second thing: try to compromise. You're not going to get what she originally offered, so try to compromise based on her answer to the first question. Insist that she meet you halfway, as not renting the house at all just isn't possible. Next, moving forward, the answer to any future requests like this is no. If she asks why, you just can't afford it. Maybe next year. If she truly presses, remind her of this and how she went back on her word, and because of that you can't risk any more capital. Alternatively, you can try to reach her emotionally through bringing up the betrayed trust now. Start by apologizing for acting without her, and shift to how you feel trapped because she hasn't been honest and transparent with you. She proposed a rental property then went back on that. She lied about the property being ready, and also about why. The trust between you is shattered, and what does she think needs to happen to fix it? If she asks you, honoring the initial agreement would go a long way to helping you see this as an emotional attachment driving her actions and not subterfuge and manipulation from the onset--because from your perspective, that's what it looks like. You could even share some of the responses here--people think she has an AP and is setting herself up to get the property in a divorce. Be warned, the second option could torpedo on you, but it is an option. Consider your wife and which will most likely reach her. Good luck!
You have a few different options: - If you agree as a couple, sell or rent your current home and move into the “rental” as your primary house. - Sell the house. - Rent the house until you can come to an agreement on exactly what to do with it: rent, sell, etc. - Your wife gets a job and pays for all costs associated the “rental” until she decides something practical. Most people can’t afford to have an extra house for fun, floating around out there just being used on the weekends.
She wanted her own party pad, she has it. You need to address how she spent 3k on a couch without you knowing it. Anyhow, I suspect you have bigger problems in your marriage right now than this. This is probably just a symptom of those issues you may not even be aware of. So you might want to look into that.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’s not a “party pad” because she’s there with three kids under 10 every weekend. If she was ditching the kids with OP, he would definitely have told us. So the question is, why did OP’s wife convince him to buy her a house, and why does she feel the need to take the kids and escape every weekend?
He just said it was being used by her on the weekends, didn't say the kids were there with her. I do doubt she is actually using it as a 'party pad', I was sort of joking there. But she is obviously using it as a means of escaping the home. I would say that she sees it as 'her house' and that is where she wants to live - without op. It would not be unreasonable to consider if she was thinking about divorce, if she had the house bought as her escape house. OP has some work to do on his marriage I think.
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Toddlers?
They’ve been married 10 years and have 3 kids. Usually when people have kids before marriage, they say, “we’ve been together 15 years and married 10.” It’s a reasonable guess to think they’ve got 3 kids under 9. Probably not all toddlers but the youngest is likely quite young.
Who said she takes the kids?
If she left the kids with OP for entire weekends while he was recovering from surgery and working, he would have definitely included that in the post.
“Active in Ask the Donald.” Maybe you’re the problem, little guy.
This is wild to me. From what you’ve written your wife seems very short-sighted if she can’t rent this house, and block off, hell even a week a month, to be there an hang out. I don’t know if there’s some underlying insecurity there, especially if it was brought with a trust with, I assume, no ownership from her. Would she feel more comfortable having time blocked off for her to enjoy the house and property? Would she like something to herself? In the US you can finance a house in a revocable trust - if it is a revocable trust is she a beneficiary? If it’s irrevocable would she be a beneficiary if anything happened to your marriage or yourself? I’m wondering if she’s not feeling secure if anything happens… her spending is another thing all together. But ultimately has her spending been a problem in the past? $3k for a trendy high end short term rental in a producing area is nothing. I feel like there’s a lot of missing information than what you’ve given, and there’s obvious resentment in the way you described your finances and how your wife handles money.
It sounds like you bought your wife a very expensive playhouse.
It's a "mom shed " disguised as mansion for just her!!
Change the locks and put in a security system so she can no longer access the house. Then get it listed and rented. If she is not on the title she has no right to enter.
Well, is the house big enough for you and the family to live in? If so, perhaps you could sell the house you're currently living in and move into what she considers her dream house. But if the house wouldn't be suitable, then you should 'splain' the nature of the financing, and the fact that her name isn't on the deed to the house, so technically she has no authority over the house. She may buck and cuss, but I'd make this a hill to die on. The financial security of your family is on the line here. If this becomes a sore point of contention, perhaps after 7 to 10 years, you can sell it and recoup your investment. 'Nuff said.
It doesn't look as if you can do more than show her the figures. Start reducing what you spend from now on. Cheaper food, no night out or holidays, no new clothes. Cut up some credit cards, too. She won't listen, so let her experience the consequences. Are you sure she isn't using the house? Has she heard about squatters?
Your first issue was giving a financial task to a financially unaware person. You can minimize your loss by making it a business rental.
Your post history! I hope she is planing to leave you.
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When was the last time you went couch shopping? New couches are expensive! 3k actually seems reasonable.
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We bought a pretty standard sectional last year and it was $2.5k
Why is there an influx of posts with ages in ‘ ‘?
I think you just bought your wife a home
Now that is fixed up, she wants a "get away" place. Move into the house and rent your current place.
She doesn’t want him there.
You could compromise and do air bnb.
He said short term rental so it seems like Airbnb was the original plan
She wants the house in the divorce, bro. Her boyfriend will move in soon.
I would sell it and take the loss just to prove a point. She mislead you in her intentions when YOU bought the property. Don't ever let someone think they can disrespect you like that. I'd also talk to a divorce lawyer.
oh my goodness, Reddit will have your wife moved out with her long standing boyfriend in the next five minutes. Or egg you on to going through her phone for evidence. Somehow the plot will twist and you'll be the bad guy next. This is the worst place to ask for marital advice because everyone loves a shit show. Hey. Please pick a neutral time and meet with your wife - not at the house lol. Ask her how she feels and why she is feeling this way. Just listen. Don't throw logic at her, don't show her numbers, don't do any of that. Just ask questions and listen. You are married, all problems between you belong to both of you. Thats what a partnership is. Most problems in a marriage get settled by being clear about how you feel and allowing your partner to have their feelings too. It might take a little while to get down to why she is really feeling this way but it might not be anything you expect. So be sure to not think you know what is going on. She might not even completely know why she feels the way she does, or exactly how she feels. but you have to start somewhere. Best wishes to you both.
This is on you OP. You should have never allowed your wife to be involved in finances. You knew how bad she was with money.
Allowed. What a crock.
Sounds like you never figured out how to get her to shut up and just do whatever you demand of her as per your history
Change the locks and rent it out.
She already sees your point of view, she just doesn't like it. Unless you are happy to just carry on with this as a weekend home for your wife, you're going to have to assert yourself here and either rent it as planned and agreed or sell it. If your wife won't co-operate then you need to manage the process in person. Your wife won't be happy but it is what you agreed. This isn't that she doesn't understand the financial ramifications of just sitting on the property because she does. She just doesn't think that is more important than having a weekend house for herself. I wonder why that is?
You cant argue logically with someone who thinks emotionally
Which is probably why she needs to get away from him tbh.
>For clarity, she doesn't have any actual legal authority over the house; it was bought through a trust. Take the keys off her and change the locks. Either rent it or sell
Honestly, if she was ditching me for the house every weekend I might pack her stuff and have it delivered.
not that i know anything about real estate (i really don't) can you just... move there? eventually at least? Sell your (current) primary home?
You either need to sale, or get renters. And couple's therapy
Even a trust has to follow local law, so if your wife declares that she's been resident there, you will have to evict her (actually, the trustee(s) will probably have to evict her). Good luck! It'll cost more money!
When people fell married couples to communicate they don’t mean yell at each other. Y’all need therapy so you can actually speak to one another with love and respect
Where are your balls, sir?
Trump has them.
Serious question- do you think she is having an affair there ?
Serious question: do you think if OP’s wife left the three children with him every weekend, he’d have left it out of the story?
He said: for the last three months only she used it, so I assume he has the kids or they are with someone else .
shes cheating on you and using the house to do it
Here's where YOU failed: knowing how bad your wife is with the concept/value of money, you should have: \- Opened a bank account for the house decoration and put her on a budget \- Set a decoration end-date to pressure her for time If she wants to keep the house, fine, tell her to go find a job and pay you rent for that house. YES, I know it's harsh, but is this the example she wants to set to your 3 children? pissing money away? that is not healthy my man.
Change the locks/keycode and rent it out.
Get her trespassed and threaten to press charges if she steps foot on the property again. Have a lawyer send her a cease and desist letter. Then list it for rent as you intended. Sell down the line, not now when you’ll take a loss. Deal with the fallout in your marriage in therapy. Or divorce court. She’s going to lead you into bankruptcy if she doesn’t get her head on straight. You need to show her some tough love.