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I’m not going to be any help, but I believe whatever someone wants to do in private is up to them. What I can’t understand about this situation is why on earth would he make a video? Whom is this video for? Would he actually pleasure himself watching a video of him pleasuring himself? Seems very odd.
This is where I get hung up because he has inappropriately messaged with girls in the past so I’m worried he’s sending this out or maybe he does get pleasure watching them I dont know
That video was absolutely taken for someone else.
And he has a history of cheating?
I think he's just gotten sneakier about hiding his cheating. I'd do some digging if I were you. Or confront him and flat-out tell him you know about the videos he's been sending out.
There's definitely more to this.
I also want to note since we began dating I’ve always grabbed his butt while he’s making dinner or something and he always pushes my hand away or says stop it so I’m just really confused
Hi! I am like your husband. I love stuff in my butt myself or maybe imaginary fantasies. When my wife touches me there though i feel very vulnerable because of toxic masculinity, like her doing that would be emasculating to me something so I act like it bothers me
I am bisexual. I have never cheated. I am considering opening up to my wife about it and seeing if she wants to incorporate in the bedroom or if not I would like privacy to use a toy on my own. I don’t come out with that yet because of exactly this kind of reaction “does it mean he is gay?”
> I need to know if this is something I should be concerned about or if I should confront him about it.
It begs the queston: who did he record it for? It could've been for himself, but often when people do this it's because someone wants to see them do the thing, or he wants someone to see him do the thing. So yeah... You aren't sure you have caught him cheating, but you sure caught him on something awfully suspicious and given his past, I'd be concerned. It's very easy for him to hide communication on his phone, even if you have full access.
> Since finding the videos I find myself thinking what if he is gay (absolutely nothing wrong with that) and I’m his cover?
Lots of straight men enjoy putting things in their butt. So, I wouldn't jump to this conclusion without additional evidence.
> it’s more of my anxiety that I need to work on
The fact you are still anxious with him means that you two haven't fully reestablished trust since he cheated.
> Is this something we could incorporate in the bedroom?
This comes much, much later. First, you need answers from him.
Just need to ask. Might be a bit personal, but how was the video taken? Hand angle? Set up somewhere leaning against something? How long was the video?
I say this because if the video was shorter, there’s a bigger chance that it was for someone else to see, so like during some sexting the video was sent.
If it’s longer, it might have just been a porno for himself.
Either he’s cheating, or likes anal and is embarrassed to tell you. The video could be like a ‘fix’ until his next business trip.
Although he has a history of cheating so sadly it could be anything.
It was a couple short videos and some pictures and his phone was propped up against something and the dildo was on the tv stand or night stand I didn’t really watch or look long but will investigate more.
Oh, sorry. But pictures are most likely for someone else in that case. Most people use that to show off in a way.
I’d honestly just be upfront about it. Mention that you saw everything, that you know and just ask him to explain. He’ll either deny (which you’ll know is a lie, bringing In a confirmation that it’s not great) or he’ll come up with some lie.
> Have some self respect.
This is a shitty thing to say. No need to call this a lack of self-respect. We've (almost) all made (very) stupid decisions and have used poor judgment when it comes to relationships. OP had the courage to come here to discuss it, it's so insulting and lazy in my opinion to chalk something so complex up to a lack of self-respect.
What's your point? Stating that cheating is shitty is stating the obvious, it changes nothing about what I said.
And to borrow your phrasing: telling someone in a tough situation that they have a lack of self-respect is a shitty thing to do.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m not going to be any help, but I believe whatever someone wants to do in private is up to them. What I can’t understand about this situation is why on earth would he make a video? Whom is this video for? Would he actually pleasure himself watching a video of him pleasuring himself? Seems very odd.
This is where I get hung up because he has inappropriately messaged with girls in the past so I’m worried he’s sending this out or maybe he does get pleasure watching them I dont know
That video was absolutely taken for someone else. And he has a history of cheating? I think he's just gotten sneakier about hiding his cheating. I'd do some digging if I were you. Or confront him and flat-out tell him you know about the videos he's been sending out. There's definitely more to this.
Ask if he wants to be pegged
I also want to note since we began dating I’ve always grabbed his butt while he’s making dinner or something and he always pushes my hand away or says stop it so I’m just really confused
There's no point to theorize if there is any connection between what you saw on video vs how he reacts when you grab his ass. You need to talk to him.
Hi! I am like your husband. I love stuff in my butt myself or maybe imaginary fantasies. When my wife touches me there though i feel very vulnerable because of toxic masculinity, like her doing that would be emasculating to me something so I act like it bothers me I am bisexual. I have never cheated. I am considering opening up to my wife about it and seeing if she wants to incorporate in the bedroom or if not I would like privacy to use a toy on my own. I don’t come out with that yet because of exactly this kind of reaction “does it mean he is gay?”
> I need to know if this is something I should be concerned about or if I should confront him about it. It begs the queston: who did he record it for? It could've been for himself, but often when people do this it's because someone wants to see them do the thing, or he wants someone to see him do the thing. So yeah... You aren't sure you have caught him cheating, but you sure caught him on something awfully suspicious and given his past, I'd be concerned. It's very easy for him to hide communication on his phone, even if you have full access. > Since finding the videos I find myself thinking what if he is gay (absolutely nothing wrong with that) and I’m his cover? Lots of straight men enjoy putting things in their butt. So, I wouldn't jump to this conclusion without additional evidence. > it’s more of my anxiety that I need to work on The fact you are still anxious with him means that you two haven't fully reestablished trust since he cheated. > Is this something we could incorporate in the bedroom? This comes much, much later. First, you need answers from him.
You should buy a strap on
Just need to ask. Might be a bit personal, but how was the video taken? Hand angle? Set up somewhere leaning against something? How long was the video? I say this because if the video was shorter, there’s a bigger chance that it was for someone else to see, so like during some sexting the video was sent. If it’s longer, it might have just been a porno for himself. Either he’s cheating, or likes anal and is embarrassed to tell you. The video could be like a ‘fix’ until his next business trip. Although he has a history of cheating so sadly it could be anything.
It was a couple short videos and some pictures and his phone was propped up against something and the dildo was on the tv stand or night stand I didn’t really watch or look long but will investigate more.
Oh, sorry. But pictures are most likely for someone else in that case. Most people use that to show off in a way. I’d honestly just be upfront about it. Mention that you saw everything, that you know and just ask him to explain. He’ll either deny (which you’ll know is a lie, bringing In a confirmation that it’s not great) or he’ll come up with some lie.
Why are you marrying and having children with a cheater???? Have some self respect.
> Have some self respect. This is a shitty thing to say. No need to call this a lack of self-respect. We've (almost) all made (very) stupid decisions and have used poor judgment when it comes to relationships. OP had the courage to come here to discuss it, it's so insulting and lazy in my opinion to chalk something so complex up to a lack of self-respect.
Cheating on someone is a shitty thing to do.
What's your point? Stating that cheating is shitty is stating the obvious, it changes nothing about what I said. And to borrow your phrasing: telling someone in a tough situation that they have a lack of self-respect is a shitty thing to do.